The Student 31/01/2012

Tuesday January 31 2012 | Week 2

COMMISSION

» P19

MUSIC» P18

S I N C E 1887

C U LT U R E

» P22-23

T H E U K ' S O LD E S T S T U D EN T N EW S PA P ER

S cott ish S t udent Ne wspaper of the Year 2010

Occupy Edinburgh relocates to the Meadows

Zoe Blah and Katie Cunningham OCCUPY EDINBURGH has ended its three month occupation of St Andrew Square and relocated to a site on the Meadows.

The move is in response both to threats of eviction and because of the difficulty in maintaining the camp in the square, where protesters have been living for the last three months.

The protesters have said that they wanted to leave voluntarily in order to avoid having public money spent on an eviction, and announced their decision to the Edinburgh Sheriff Court on Tuesday January 24, narrowly avoiding their court hearing scheduled for January 25.

A spokesperson for Essential Edinburgh, the organisation which manages the city’s central commercial district, said that the push for legal action was to ensure that any homeless people who had joined protestors would leave and that the site would be properly

cleaned.

William Black, a representative of Occupy Edinburgh, stated that the homeless residents of the St. Andrew Square camp have now been offered shelter by charities.

“

The Meadows is common land and we have the right to use it” Peter Nicholson, Occupy Edinburgh

On January 29, five members of the Occupy Edinburgh movement pitched their tents on the Meadows, intending to uphold the site as their new permanent occupation.

Peter Nicholson, a member of the Occupy Edinburgh movement, stated that "after learning from some of the mistakes made at St Andrew Square, we will enforce a strict no-alcohol policy on site".

Black also insisted that the campaign was not over yet, “We will continue the protest. It is a worldwide movement against corruption and corporate greed."

The Occupy protesters have been trying to win the support of those who disapproved of the camp, in particular local business owners and press, whose approval would make future action easier.

Occupy Edinburgh supporter Patrick Stevenson said of the original camp, “We are trying to get the message out that the people that didn’t want us here are the owners of the square, which are the owners of the businesses which contribute to the financial crisis that is really costing people now.”

Martin Connell who also supported the occupation in Edinburgh stated that the square would still be used for raising awareness and other promotions, in particular handing out flyers and flash mobbing.

He said, “We are not allowed to live in the square, but we can do other

Alasdair Drennan

FLICKR: THE POKER BIRD

FRESH START: Protesters have moved from their original site and have plans for a continued occupation of the Meadows

New rector plans action on accommodation

things.”

Several protesters have gone on to say that the move will give them an opportunity to use new techniques, with particular emphasis on exploiting their “online presence” to expand the campaign.

“

The root causes of inequality in this country have not changed...we will continue to campaign” Patrick Stevenson, Occupy Edinburgh Supporter Chris Sharp suggested this could be the start of a new stage in the Occupy movement, saying, “We are now occupying everywhere.”

The City of Edinburgh Council had placed security teams at the Meadows and George Square in anticipation of the movement's relocation.

RECTOR ELECT Peter McColl has made improving student accommodation at the University of Edinburgh the first campaign of his term in office.

McColl said, “I have spoken to many students who see this as a huge issue. I want to make this my top priority as the new Rector.”

His primary goal is to ensure that students are put ahead of external customers in student accommodation.

It was reported in The Student in September 2011 that almost 100 first year students were told that the university could only accommodate them at halls of residence at Queen Margaret University, 40 minutes from the university’s main campuses.

This happened in the same year that Masson House was closed to students and became a hotel. McColl suggested that had Masson House been open to students, no first year students would have been forced to live outside of Edinburgh.

His second demand of the university is to ensure that all university owned student accommodation has adequate recycling facilities and bicycle racks.

The final demand is that students are not placed in accommodation that costs more than the three that they apply for.

James McAsh, a University of Edinburgh Student who supported McColl’s rectorial nomination, said, “When I was in first year some of my classmates were put in a youth hostel by Accommodation Services. Now students have been pushed out to live four and a half miles away in Musselburgh.

“Meanwhile, Accommodation Services reserve a whole house in Pollock for businesspeople attending conferences.

I’m looking forward to campaigning with Peter to end this situation.”

Camilla Born, a student involved in designing McColl’s strategy said, “The accommodation strategy will provide access for every student to the tools that help us live in a sustainable and environmentally responsible way.

“Many of our day-to-day habits are set when we began living away from home and we hope that these measures will help foster a sense of stewardship, not only within halls but throughout the university experience.”

The university has already committed to avoiding a repeat of the accommodation debacle this year, as senior staff will be closely monitoring student intake next year.

Comment: Peter McColl discusses university accommodation p10

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

2 News

What’s in this issue

»

News » p 1-7

"NEEDLESSLY AGGRESSIVE AND DRACONIAN" p5 Birmingham University's ban on occupation-style protests

Comment » p 10-11 A DEADLY MIX OF POLITICS & RELIGION p11 In response to the threats made to author Salman Rushdie, Yasmin Morgan-Griffiths argues against this fatal combination

features »p12-14

IT AIN'T OVER TILL THE FAT LADY SINGS p12

Zoe Tautz-Davis

Edinburgh joined the rest of Britain and the world in hosting events to mark Holocaust Memorial Day last week, remembering not only those that died in the Holocaust, but also other genocides since then.

January 27 1945 was the day when the notorious Nazi death camp Auschwitz-Birkenau was liberated and the day has been commemorated since 2001.

Around the world on this day, ceremonies take place, including at the UN headquarters in New York and Israel, and in Oświęcim (formally Auschwitz), Poland.

In Edinburgh Central Library, an exhibition of photos, music and texts from the Ernest Levy Archive commemorate not only Holocaust Memorial Day but also Levy's life as a survivor of seven Nazi concentration camps. After the liberation and the end of the war, Levy settled in Scotland.

Councillor Deidre Brock, Culture and Leisure Convenor for the City of Edinburgh Council, said, “Ernest

Levy used the horrors of his own experience as a force for good to encourage tolerance and respect of others.

Telling the story of his life through the collection will be a fitting way to commemorate Holocaust Memorial Day.” The theme for Holocaust Memorial Day this year is ‘Speak Up, Speak Out’, encouraging people to speak up against prejudices to ensure that nothing like the Holocaust can happen again.

Ollie Barbieri, famous for his role in Skins and Anuvahood has spoken out on behalf of student ambassadors for the Holocaust Educational Trust saying, “it is a chance to remember and reflect on the stories of Holocaust survivors who speak up about their experiences so that others can learn from them.”

Edinburgh MP Mark Lazarowicz is also encouraging people to take part in Holocaust Memorial Day, saying, “as every year I will be supporting Holocaust Memorial Day by signing the Book of Commitment at the House of Commons and reaffirming my determination to fight discrimination and bigotry in our own society today.”

“Ramp” at Auschwitz

Olga Bloeman on why we haven't seen the last of the Occupy movement

EDINBURGH TO NEW ZEALAND...BY FOOT p14

You heard us, there's a man brilliant/mad enough to do it, and we've got a feature on him

LIFESTYLE »p16-17

DON'T ASSUME, IT MAKES AN ASS OF U AND ME p17 Katie Macpherson on why there's more to healthy eating than

TECH »p18

THEY'RE CLIMBIN' IN YOUR WINDOWS p18 Did you know that the FBI use Facebook to stalk suspected terrorists? More on this with Sean Douglass

CULTURE »p20-22

TURNER ROUND, BRIGHT EYES p22 Such a brilliant headline we thought we'd use it twice (to introduce Catherine Johnson's review of the Turner exhibition)

FILM »p24-25

     

"YEAH IT WAS GOOD... I LIKED THE DOG." p24 Tess Malone on the furry heroes of the Oscar nominations

TV » p 28-29

EEEEVVIILL DASTARDLY DO-BADDERS p29 The TV section put their heads together to compile the definitive list of ultimate TV villains

    www.ed.ac.uk/careers

Alasdair drennan

The Student Newspaper | 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ Email: editors@studentnewspaper.org

Holocaust Memorial Day commemorated in Edinburgh

news@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

News 3

Rebecca Chan

Student Council meets to debate Israel, accountability and democracy

Zoe Blah and Alasdair Drennan A motion to censure vice president of societies and activities Emma Meehan for her recent trip to Israel/ Palestine failed at the Student Council meeting on Tuesday January 24.

The visit caused consternation amongst university students after it was revealed that the trip was paid for by the Union of Jewish Students (UJS).

At the meeting Liam O’Hare proposed the motion, arguing that Meehan had brought disrepute to Edinbugh University Students' Association (EUSA) and the university.

He stated, “This is a big issue in terms of democracy and transparency in our student unions”, arguing that the trip was imbalanced and Meehan should be held accountable for it.

Although Meehan went on the trip during her holidays and in a “private capacity”, the motion stated, “It is clear that she was invited due to her involvement in student union politics”.

However, Meehan responded to this by claiming the right to engage with all sides of the debate. She said that “it is right that we engage in all sides of the robust debate about the

Middle East”.

She argued the need for dialogue and discussion in order to resolve the conflict in Israel and Palestine, highlighting those aspects of the trip where she met people across the political spectrum.

The supporters of the motion raised concerns about how the University of Edinburgh’s relationship with Birzeit University had been affected. EUSA passed a motion in 2005 which means it has since been twinned with Birzeit University Student’s Council.

The motion stated that Birzeit Student Council had been in contact with EUSA, calling for the university’s student body to “distance themselves from this shameful trip”. O’Hare also stated that every students’ association in the West Bank has condemned the trip.

The debate raised tensions, with a number of council members giving emotional statements both for and against the motion to censure.

Liam O’Hare stated “I have not spoken to anyone, on all sides of the political spectrum, who have said they would go on the trip”.

Meehan urged those voting to “analyse information based on the

facts”, saying that “if this motion passes it will not merely be a comment on my visit. It will be a comment upon the work I’ve done over the last seven months”.

After the motion failed, clapping erupted in the room, which is against the rules of EUSA’s “safe space” policy and had happened twice earlier. This prompted a number of council members to call for EUSA President Matt McPherson to resign his position as chair of the meeting.

McPherson apologised for the infringement of the policy. The motion failed and McPherson resumed as chair for the rest of the meeting.

Several motions intending to make EUSA more democratic and accountable were also discussed.

Three motions were proposed by undergraduate representative James McAsh that aimed to make EUSA more transparent and representative which recognised that those elected to EUSA had a duty to represent the student population and should be more answerable to them.

The first sought to make voting records from Student Council Executive, Welfare Council and the External Council meetings public to make

elected officers “accountable for their decisions.”

The motion narrowly fell following a short debate after it was decided that officers had the right to change their mind over issues over time and keeping a record would possibly create ammunition to be used against those standing for election in future.

The second motion proposed by McAsh sought to require members of the Student Council Executive to declare when they are seeking election to an external political organisation. The motion fell with those opposing citing issues of privacy.

The final “Accountability and Democracy” motion noted that elected representatives could sometimes receive gifts as a consequence of their elected position and proposed that high value gifts from external political organisations should be declared and approved by the Student Council Executive.

Andrew Burnie argued that this would introduce another layer of “pointless bureaucracy” to the students’ association but it was also argued that given the controversy over EUSA vice president of societies and activities Emma Meehan’s recent trip to Israel,

Rebecca Chan comments on the climate of debate at the meeting With spectators overflowing onto the stage of the Teviot Debating Hall for the Students’ Representative Council meeting, it came as no surprise that proceedings began last Tuesday evening under the weight of considerable tension. The first motion up for debate would be the censuring of Emma Meehan, following her controversial trip to Israel.

Perhaps one of the reasons for the presence of such a tangible sense of apprehension was the uncertainty about what the actual outcome of the motion to censure would be, if it was to pass. While the actual penalty would have been a mandatory, official apology from Meehan, talk in non-rep circles implied that resignation was expected in the case of a vote of no confidence, a measure which seemed far harsher than its crime warranted.

However substantial the tension in the room may have been, the level of polite conduct, on the whole, was admirable. Proposers of the motion repeatedly reaffirmed that the motion was not a personal attack on Meehan, but was a necessary measure to uphold the democratic ethos of the SRC. As an elected sabbatical officer, the argument held, the council needed to hold her to account, in order to avoid EUSA’s democratic structure being left redundant.

The reasons given in opposition to the motion seemed largely based around the defence of open, informed debate, which, Meehan claims, was the motivation behind her controversial trip. There was further concern about use of the word ‘condemn’ in the motion, which, referencing Meehan’s actions, was considered a possible ‘permanent mark’ on her professional record. With general feeling seeming to be that such a mark would be too harsh a penalty for a sabbatical officer who had, for the most part, served well in her position as VPSA, the motion as a whole fell.

A complaint that seems to be surfacing with increasing frequency is EUSA becoming too internal in its affairs, dealing more with factional squabbles than with the duties its representatives have been elected to deal with.

The, frankly, ridiculous motion submitted for President Matt McPherson to step down as chair for ‘failing to uphold the Safe Space Policy’ was one example of such factional squabbles.

McPherson, having allowed three incidents of illegal applause, yet apologising profusely for the mistake afterwards and otherwise facilitating the debate courteously and fairly, was quite rightly granted the right to retain his position as chair. Indeed, the petty act seemed only to

reflect negatively on those who proposed it, coming across as clutching at straws at best, and plain sore losing at worst.

As the meeting proceeded onto other matters, with a series of motions proposed by James McAsh, an emphasis on internal affairs and transparency seemed to emerge – an emphasis which would characterise the evening as a whole.

Assuring transparency is, of course, of the utmost importance to any democratic institution. However, the time devoted to it in the Student Council meeting seemed to illustrate the claims that such meetings have deviated from discussing the issues they are designed to address, issues that matter to students, and have become more about the differences of individuals within the council.

There are undoubtedly those who feel that the council’s failure to censure Meehan is indicative of a miscarriage of justice. They needn’t. The motion was brought to the table and discussed at length, with all representatives wishing to speak being given equal opportunity to do so. Having been dealt with in a manner appropriate to the democratic nature of the student council, its eventual falling was, also, a democratic decision.

this highlighted the need for greater openness over high value offerings.

Another close round of voting saw the motion pass.

Undergraduate representative and National Union of Students delegate Stephen Donnelly proposed the final motion discussed at the meeting surrounding the rectorial election.

It noted that the new rector, Peter McColl, had been unchallenged and that pressure should be put on the university to make the position of rector more attractive.

It was also proposed that there should be an option to reopen nominations in future rectorial elections to ensure that even if there is only one candidate the election takes place.

This motion passed but some at the meeting including EUSA vice president of academic affairs were concerned that it did not go far enough to make the presently unpaid position more attractive.

The meeting also saw the approval of two new student societies. Both the Baking Society for “students who appreciate good cake” and the cheese society will be the latest to join the universities list of almost 300 societies.

Academic services convenor Hugh Murdoch explains the role of the Student Council The University of Edinburgh’s Student Council was founded to campaign on behalf of students on issues that students care about. It does this through discussing motions which, if passed, become policy of the Student Council and through running campaigns (such as to get more study space in the library or extend the exam diet). 108 elected representatives sit on Student Council and the vast majority of these are school reps who are elected to represent their specific school.

The remaining reps are elected by cross-campus ballot and tend to hold roles with specific remits (such as external, academic services, etc.)

There is also a President and three Vice-Presidents who take a year out of their studies to work full-time representing students.

Comment: Hugh Murdoch argues Student Council has lost its way p11

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

4 News

EUSA appeal for signatures for online referendum Hannah Dowe Standring

THE DEADLINE set by the Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA) for submitting questions to be considered for an online referendum has now passed, as the process enters its second stage.

The initiative attempted to encourage students to be at the forefront of change and innovation within the University of Edinburgh, and EUSA has been working hard to promote the new process of submitting questions online via the EUSA website as a unique opportunity for students to bring “burning issues” to a vote within the student body.

16 potential questions are now required to collect 100 valid student signatures by 1 February, as those hoping to have a question put to an online University referendum were asked to do so by noon on 25 January.

Those questions which successfully gather the support of 100 students by February 1st will go to a university wide vote on 7th and 8th February, following two Referenda Debates, which are to be held in George Square Lecture Theatre at 7pm on 7th and 8th February and are open to students.

The questions submitted give much attention to the way student representatives are selected, with six of the 16 questions relating to student elections and similar issues, with some addressing problems encountered by students on a day-to-day basis.

One question suggests a complete reorganisation of EUSA to a system of

councils, in order to “give the greatest number of students direct democratic control and meaningful participation” while another called for EUSA representatives to resign their positions if they fail to show “significant signs of achieving at least forty per cent of their campaign promises” within six months of taking up their post.

One question promising to generate both support and disagreement deals with the reoccurring issue of “reserving” library space, with the question challenging students to pass judgement once and for all on the previously entertained idea that library staff should be able to remove possessions left at desks or computers for more than half an hour.

Other questions highlight more controversial topics among activists at the university, particularly one which suggests that links with Birzeit University in Palestine should be strengthened by a EUSA organised annual visit to Edinburgh of a delegation of Palestinian students from Birzeit.

Financial worries among students appear to have manifested themselves in more than one proposed question, with one requesting that the University be obliged to “make students aware of any additional costs they are going to face on their course” and to “minimise these additional costs”, as well as one question which highlight’s EUSA’s current failure to pay its staff a “living wage of £7.20 an hour” and asks that this is rectified in EUSA policy.

The full list of questions is available to view on the EUSA website.

US Government Proposed says haggis is referendum questions: 1. Should EUSA retain both of the current two Un'inedible' dergraduate School Representative positions for each

9. Should EUSA support the Edinburgh Rector, Peter McColl, in his strategy for improving accommodation?

2. Should all EUSA representatives have to resign their position if they have not, after six months, demonstrated significant signs of achieving at least 40% of their campaign promises?

10. EUSA should work with the Vet School Council (VSC) and staff to campaign for the University of Edinburgh to provide a free shuttle bus to the Easter Bush Vet School, because all students have a right to fair and free access to their campus. Yes or No.

School?

3. Should EUSA be reorganised so as to give the greatest number of students direct democratic control and meaningful participation, through a system of nested councils?

4. Should EUSA ban all SABMiller products sold from Union outlets within the university due to the unethical tax practices of this brewer, until the company incorporates tax justice principles into its corporate responsibility policy?

5. Should the elections for Undergraduate School Representatives be held in the main election during the second semester?

6. Should candidates in EUSA elections be banned from running in a group, under a common name with collective publicity designs and shared funding?

7. Should EUSA pay all of its staff a Living Wage of £7.20 an hour?

8. Volunteering as a special constable creates a conflict of interest as a sabbatical officer. Yes or No.

11. Should EUSA reserve at least 40 per cent of places for women when electing delegates to NUS UK and NUS Scotland Conferences?

12. Should library security be allowed to prevent people from ‘reserving’ spaces in the library by removing possessions left at a space for more than half an hour?

13. Should the university make students aware of any additional costs they are going to face on their course (textbooks, travel, lab equipment, etc.) and should they minimise these additional costs?

14. In the interests of strengthening our twinning, should EUSA organise an annual visit from a delegation of students from Birzeit University?

15. Should EUSA stand against the Anti-counterfitting Trade Agreement?

16. Should all University Libraries provide student study space in which they are permitted to drink coffee?

Race begins for Scottish independence Nina Seale ALEX SALMOND has defied the wishes of the UK Government and released a consultation paper on the Scottish Referendum.

The paper details the practicalities of a potential referendum and accuses the UK Government of believing “that legislation providing for a referendum on independence, even an advisory one, would be outside the existing powers of the Scottish Parliament.”

A draft of the ballot paper has also been revealed, with the proposed referendum question being, “Do you believe that Scotland should be an independent country?”

The paper, launched as part of a media event at Edinburgh Castle last Wednesday outlines the timetable for the referendum, provisionally to be held in 2014, and asserts the powers of the Scottish government to issue their own referendum.

It also discusses the possibility of having an extra question offering ‘devolution max’, the complete control of the Scottish government over Scottish taxation.

The question of Scottish independence was raised at the annual Hugo Young lecture in London last week, where the Scottish First Minister described enthusiasm for change amongst Scottish people and said that the election result which brought him to power was proof that Scotland wanted the referendum

he promised in his Holyrood election campaign last year.

At the lecture, Salmond also dismissed the concerns of his political opponents that “Scotland would be weaker or more impoverished if it were independent”, saying they were just “scare stories”.

“On current figures, we would have the 6th highest per capita GDP in the OECD as an independent nation - the UK currently ranks 15th, and, incidentally, would still rank 15th without Scotland.”

Salmond also celebrated Scotland’s continued ability “to provide certain core universal services, rights or benefits, some of which are no longer prioritized by political leaders elsewhere- such as free university tuition, free prescriptions, free personal care for the elderly and a guarantee of no compulsory redundancies across the public sector.

“We do this because we believe that such services benefit the common weal.

They provide a sense of security, wellbeing and equity within communities.

“Such a sense of security is essential to a sense of confidence – and as we have seen over the last three years, confidence is essential to economic growth.”

Salmond went on to insist that there was not as much opposition to Scottish independence in England as was being suggested, saying, “the vast bulk of the people of England freely recognize Scotland’s right to determine its own future”.

FLAG WAVING: The political race for and against independence begins He closed his speech by quoting Robert Burns, saying, “Ae fond kiss, and then we sever … it is a line from one of Burns’ great egalitarian poems that best sums up the likelihood of

independence.”

The consultation paper can be found on the Scottish Parliament website and is open to responses and suggestions for the ballot paper and plans for the

MATT DALE

Alex Salmond uses Burns’ Day to launch referendum plans in Edinburgh Castle

referendum.

Over the weekend, a poll revealed that 51 per cent of the Scottish electorate would vote ‘yes’ if a referendum were to be held.

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

News 5

Bill that would bring private universities to the UK shelved

Effects of tuition fee hike to be investigated

Sam Bradley

Hannah Dowe Standring

I'LL DO MY DISMAYED FACE: The Higher Education Minister is said to be disappointed at the bill's stalling would have allowed American private colleges and education firms to set up their own universities. The Higher Education Minister David Willets had hoped for the legislature to be a flagship reform, and is reported to be disappointed by the discarding of the bill.

The NUS said that, “The government must come clean now on what changes they have planned for higher education and not leave it until after the next election to clean up the mess their car crash policy making has made.

“Having lost the battle of public opinion over the trebling of tuition fees, the government is clearly not up for another public battle on its plans to sell off our education and will look to do it in private and under the radar instead.”

Matt McPherson, President of Edinburgh University Students’ Association (EUSA), agreed with Burns, telling The Student, “I am extremely suspicious of the government’s decision to drop the HE Bill. I think people would be wrong to assume that this government is back-peddling - on

tactic, maybe - but certainly not on principle and policy.

“This is in fact a worse position for us as students to be in, as dropping the bill allows for universities to become privatised, and for student power to be sucked out, without it ever going through a properly democratic process.

“We should be deeply concerned by the situation we are now in, and I will be working closely with the NUS President Liam Burns to make sure we remain informed and active about what the next few weeks could bring.”

Sarah Mitchell AN INJUNCTION banning student occupation protests in Birmingham is being challenged by a leading law firm.

The protest began last November when students from the University of Birmingham moved into an abandoned university building to protest against increased tuition fees.

In response, the university obtained a High Court injunction that

prevents students from staging protests involving occupation.

The injunction was granted by Judge David Grant on November 25, and states that students are banned from assembling in any occupationstyle protests on campus for one year.

Any student in breach of the ban could be punished with a fine or even imprisonment.

However, leading law firm Public Interest Lawyers is representing students trying to overturn the ban, and has written to the University of

FLICKR: ORANGEJON

Birmingham Uni's ban on occupations comes under fire

CRIMINAL OCCUPATION?: An occupation last year called on the university's vice-chancellor to step down

FLICKR: BISGOVUK

A CONTROVERSIAL higher education bill, which would have allowed private firms from other countries to set up their own universities in the UK, has been dropped by Westminster.

Last week the government decided not to include the unnamed bill in this year’s Queen’s Speech - which includes all the scheduled bills the government wishes to introduce in parliament for the coming year - apparently shelving the legislation indefinitely.

Despite appearances to the contrary, the move indicates that pressure from student activists upon the government to slow down reforms of the higher education sector may be working.

Whilst claiming the move as a victory for his organisation, Liam Burns, the President of the National Union of Students (NUS) warned that, “many of the most damaging proposals contained in the government’s white paper can now happen under the radar… the platform that would have allowed us to defeat these moves where we can, and secure protections where we can’t has been denied to us”. In a comment piece for The Guardian newspaper, Burns said the bill represented “essentially a legislative hit and run”.

Designed to increase competition in the higher education sector, it

Birmingham’s vice-chancellor, Professor David Eastwood, to contest the injunction.

The firm fears that the court order could potentially criminalise any protest that sees participants remaining in a location for any length of time.

They have requested that the vicechancellor revoke the injunction immediately, which a solicitor at the firm, Tessa Gregory, deemed as “needlessly aggressive”, “draconian” and “completely at odds with the university’s duty to respect and protect students’

right to freedom of expression and association”.

She said, “universities should be at the forefront of ensuring the right to protest is protected, not responsible for the criminalisation of its students, who wish to raise serious concerns of public importance”.

Those in favour of the injunction insist that the university had an obligation to protect the safety and wellbeing of students, staff and the wider community.

A spokeswoman from the University of Birmingham told The Guardian that going to court was a last resort, but that the protestors’ occupation of a small residential building was illegal and raised concerns over safety.

She said, “[the injunction] followed repeated requests to the unlawful occupiers to leave the building, and followed safety advice that suggested that the protestors were at risk”.

In a similar case, the University of Sheffield dropped its High Court order banning protests after the claim was contested by the university's students' union.

Buoyed by this news, and as peaceful protests continue to take place on campus, protestors remain optimistic that the revocation of the injunction will succeed.

THE EFFECTS of increased tuition fees are set to come under scrutiny from an independent commission, it was announced on Friday.

The panel, which will be headed by University of Oxford principal and author Will Hutton, aims to provide an objective analysis of applications to UCAS as well as offers made by universities and the rate of acceptances amongst students.

The analysis is set to focus particularly around the impact the rise in fees may have on the application rate among those from middle and lowerincome families; the new cap for fees has been set at £9,000 and it is widely expected that this will have an adverse effect on the aspirations of those from underprivileged backgrounds. The panel aims to assess any changes in the number of admissions to highly selective universities of non-privileged applicants.

Mr Hutton has stressed the importance of keeping an “open mind” on the issue of fees and is confident that the panel will be able to “produce a dispassionate and authoritative analysis of the data as it emerges”.

The National Union of Students (NUS) has expressed its support for the commission and its aims to pass an impartial and independent judgement on the effects of the new fees.

Liam Burns, the President of NUS, has stated his anxieties over “worrying signs that there are fewer university applicants” than in previous years, and that barriers to prospective students’ ambitions are financial concerns as well as competition for places. Burns praised the setting up of the commission as a “vital” initiative needed to “ensure vulnerable students do not have to abandon their ambitions in higher education”.

Recent data regarding applications to UK universities shows that applications from UK students was down 7.6% on 2010 figures, with applications from prospective mature students seeing the sharpest drop.

The rise in fees has proved a particularly contentious issue in Scotland, where Scottish students will continue to have their tuition paid for by the Student Awards Agency for Scotland (SAAS) while students from the rest of the UK face fees of up to £9,000.

Concerns have been expressed that universities such as Edinburgh will become the exclusive domain of Scottish students and those from wealthier backgrounds.

The four-person commission, that also includes Sir Peter Lampl, chairman of the Sutton Trust education charity and the Education Endowment Foundation; Stephen Machin, a University College London professor; and the broadcaster Libby Purves, will focus primarily on the effects of the fees in England but it is likely that the conclusions it comes to will reflect a UK-wide trend.

The panel aims to produce three reports each year for a period of three years, with the first report expected within the next six weeks.

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

6 News

Lewis Macdonald

STUDENTS STUDYING at Scottish universities paid £3.8 million in library fines over the past five years, new figures show.

The figures, provided via a Freedom of Information request, have the University of Edinburgh at the top of the list with students paying almost £600,000 in fines over the same period.

One student was shown to have paid a total of £1,050 during their time studying at the university.

Other institutions whose student body was revealed to have paid fines in the hundreds of thousands were the University of Glasgow, the University of Strathclyde, Glasgow Caledonian University and the University of Aberdeen. The top five universities in the list accounted for 70 per cent of the total.

In addition, the figures revealed that 1,800 students had unpaid fines which left them either not graduating or having their graduation delayed.

Furthermore, half a million books have been lost or stolen across Scottish university libraries in the last five years.

Eben Wilson, the Director of Taxpayer Scotland - an organisation that campaigns for lower tax rates - told The Scotsman, “Students need to take a bit more care of the money being provided

to them by Scottish taxpayers before they ask for more.

“Racking up thousands of pounds on fines due to their own tardiness isn’t helping themselves or their universities in times of austerity.

“In fact, it’s likely that the money wasted in fines will not be recoverable, and in the end it will be paid by other more disciplined students in lower bursaries and higher costs for their universities.”

The Scottish Conservatives’ education spokeswoman, Liz Smith, MSP, also told The Scotsman, “The loss of revenue from so many unpaid fines puts into sharp focus how much extra money could be in the system if people acted responsibly.”

“Although library fines are not large they are intended to provide an incentive to return books and borrowers should always be publicspirited and adhere to them.”

Regarding its policy on library fines, a University of Edinburgh spokesman said, “We feel that our fines are fair and set at a level that encourages students to return books on time for the benefit of all library users. We always send notices to warn students books are overdue prior to charges being incurred.”

A quick survey of The Student office revealed that the average amount of fines paid to the university library was just over £12, with the highest being £40.

COST-EFFECTIVE BUILDING MATERIAL?: If you can make forts out of your overdue books, paying back your student loan may not be your biggest issue

FLICKR: CALLUMSCOTT2

Scotland's students' seven-figure library fines

Stephen Maugham

TWITTER USERS have been submitting questions to be put to the Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, in his meeting with the House of Commons Select Committee for Education today.

Speaking to the BBC, an unnamed spokeswoman for the select committee said they wished to reflect the public’s “most pressing concerns in the world of education” by launching a twitter appeal for questions to ask Mr Gove in an oral evidence session held today.

“

[The response] shows that there's a real appetite from the public to help us hold the government to account.”

Graham Stuart , MP Simply by ‘tweeting’ a question using the hashtag #AskGove, the public were able to convey their questions and concerns directly. The issues that the committee deems most appropriate will now be put to the education secretary.

While a cross-party education committee regularly meets with Gove in its role of scrutinising the government’s education policy, this is the first time a social networking site has been used to allow the public to pose questions directly to the government.

The move was met with resounding enthusiasm from the public in a flurry of activity on Twitter, with as many as 4,000 questions per day being submitted.

Chair of the Select Committee, Graham Stuart MP, came out in support the idea. He said, “This is a good way of breaking down the seemingly vast gap between the governed and the governing.

“The response has been amazing.

It’s been quite remarkable and shows there’s a real appetite from the public to help us hold the government to account.

“We are always looking at ways of reaching out and making sure people can use our services to help us hold the government to account.”

When the time allotted for the public to submit questions ended at 11:00 GMT, January 27, a wide range of educational issues had been raised, with Mr Gove’s contentious free school policy provoking a large number of questions.

The conversion of some schools to academies also proved to be a popular point for discussion with one Twitter user stating, “Forcing “sponsored” academies on schools against parents’ wishes: how is this consistent with the rhetoric re-empowering parents?” @ConsultantHead asked: “Why was £5 million spent upgrading Clare Middle School with 415 pupils into a free school for 180 pupils?

Value for money?”

The education secretary will be questioned by the select committee on Tuesday January 31.

SELECTED TWEETS: Yes, when will teachers be allowed to slam children's fingers in car boots? The nation is waiting, Mr Gove

TWITTER

Questions tweeted to Gove on the future of British education in parliamentary committee

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

news@studentnewspaper.org

News 7

Criticism mounts as UK government announces further university cuts Leo Michelmore

COALITION GOVERNMENT plans to cut university places by 15,000 from next year has drawn widespread condemnation.

The proposals will remove the 10,000 places introduced in 2010 to help institutions cope with a sudden increase in applications, as well as cutting 5,000 places usually reserved for universities who have given out too many offers.

Coalition ministers insist the changes will give universities more flexibility in the admission process,

pointing to the additional places reserved for universities charging less than £7,500 per year, as well as the potential benefits of increased competition for the brightest applicants.

However, some critics have slammed the cut as the latest in a line of government policies discouraging potential students from applying to university.

Pam Tatlow, chief executive of university think-tank Million Plus, expressed her concerns over cut.

She said, “The reduction in the total number of student places available in 2012-13 is likely to dash the aspirations and ambitions of many well-

qualified applicants”.

Similarly Liam Burns, president of the National Union of Students, condemned the proposal. He said, “As the country stands on the brink of recession and youth unemployment reaches record levels, ministers have effectively cut places by 15,000 and extinguished hope for many prospective students and set back economic recovery in the process.”

The reduction was detailed in a letter to the Higher Education Funding Council for England from Business Secretary Vince Cable and Universities minister David Willetts.

Despite the reduction in places,

overall university funding will actually increase next year, rising to £9.46 billion from this year’s £9.31 billion.

David Willetts defended the changes, saying, “We are increasing the total funding available to the sector… and our reforms will enable successful universities to expand if they wish to do so.

“However it is also essential that the sector works collaboratively to lower their costs.”

Labour shadow higher education minister Shabana Mahmood was less supportive, saying, “On the day we learn the economy is shrinking, choked off by the Government cutting

too far and too fast, ministers should recognise the crucial importance of investing in our universities to secure our long term economic competitiveness.

“They are…cutting student places by 15,000 and will deny yet more people the opportunity to go to university and develop skills to make them more employable and to make our businesses more productive.”

Universities will also incur a £3,800 fine for every student admitted above the permitted amount.

Last year 386,000 UK and EU students were admitted to English universities.

Edinburgh targets low-carbon future

Anna Brand

THE EUROPEAN Investment Bank has granted a £50 million loan to the University of Edinburgh that will partly be used to contribute to the development of the new Edinburgh Centre for Carbon Innovation.

In association with Napier University and Heriot Watt University, the University of Edinburgh is taking on the creation of the centre, which will provide research and innovation in areas relating to climate change.

The Edinburgh Centre for Carbon Innovation outlines three main purposes for its work: Enterprise and Innovation, Skills and Learning, and a Low-Carbon Hub. The new centre is to be located in the High School Yards area on Drummond Street, and the main refurbishment is set to commence early this year.

ECCI director, Dr. Andy Kerr expressed his excitement over the funding, saying, “This will help realise our aim of equipping the next generation of industry leaders and opinion form-

PROMISING DEVELOPMENTS: Drummond Street will soon be home to carbon innovation ers with innovative solutions and the skills to deliver a low-carbon future.”

Edinburgh University Principal Timothy O’Shea praised the loan, saying, “It will help fund a range of new build and refurbishment projects that will enhance the quality of the research and teaching infrastructure at Edinburgh.

“It will also make a significant contribution to our commitment to energy efficient facilities for students and staff.”

The centre will provide professional skills training in Executive Education and Continuing Professional Development, as well as Masters courses, while the enterprise side

will encourage businesses in Scotland and beyond to adopt innovative ways to reduce carbon emissions.

It is also hoped that the initiatives will bring together businesses, academics and leaders to create viable solutions for the future.

The Edinburgh Centre for Carbon Innovation website outlines the

Centre’s function as a low-carbon hub, “bring[ing] together academics, policy makers, industry leaders, entrepreneurs and investors; facilitating knowledge-exchange, co-operation and joint action towards delivering a low carbon future.”

On 11 January this year, the centre hosted a showcase at the University of Edinburgh Informatics Forum, bringing together a wide range of Scottish innovation within the field.

Stewart Stevenson, MSP, Minister for the Environment and Climate Change said: “The need for Scotland and the rest of the world to move to a low carbon economy is more urgent than ever before. This showcase event provides an excellent marker of how the opportunities offered by a low carbon economy are already being seized in Scotland. I look forward to seeing how Scotland’s businesses continue to rise to this challenge over the coming months and years.”

The loan will complement the £1.6 million that the project received from the Scottish government in June 2011.

Leo Michelmore THE UNIVERSITY of Edinburgh has announced plans to spend four million pounds to develop its student support system.

A series of reforms will gradually be introduced from the 2012/2013 academic session aimed at helping students “make the most of their time at Edinburgh”, including the creation of a “personal tutor” for each student and a “buddy system”, which will allow new students to receive help and advice from those who are older and more experienced.

University representatives say that the changing needs of students have prompted the investment, which will be introduced in the same year as tuition fees are increased to nine thousand pounds per year for Rest of UK students.

Dai Hounsell, Vice Principal for Academic Enhancement at the University of Edinburgh, said, “The steps we’re taking will enable us not just to maintain but to enhance the quality of the student experience.

“

The steps we’re taking will enable us not just to maintain but to enhance the quality of the student experience."

Dai Hounsell, Vice Principal for Academic Enhancement at the University of Edinburgh

“There is a wider range of students at the University all with different needs, and we need to ensure that the support we’re providing them with makes good use of the most up-todate strategies and technologies.

“We are aiming to foster even greater interaction between academic staff and students and to help students focus on their future careers.”

The reforms are part of a broader effort to reverse the recent trend of poor student satisfaction results, which in last year’s Complete University Guide saw the University of Edinburgh receive the joint lowest score for student satisfaction in the Russell Group, which represents 20 of the UK’s leading universities.

Personal tutors will focus on helping students “review their academic progress”, use their studies to “pursue their future development”, and “foster in them a sense of belonging to a community of learners”.

Additionally, the University will create the position of “Dean of Students”, and will appoint a “Senior Tutor” for each of the University’s three colleges.

HELP NEEDED: Steve just realised he missed Desperate Scousewives

EMILY JARRETT

University puts premium on student satisfaction

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Send your letters to: editors@studentnewspaper.org

08 Editorial

Editorial

Join us!

The Student is always looking for budding reporters, reviewers, illustrators and photographers to join our team. We're also hunting for recruits for our marketing and events teams.

No experience necessary!

Track us down: » In person: Meetings every Tuesday in Teviot Dining Hall at 1.15pm. Socials: Tuesdays in The Counting House at 8.30pm. » By email: editors@studentnewspaper.org » On Facebook: tinyurl.com/StudentFacebook » On Twitter: twitter.com/TheStudentPaper » On Tumblr: thestudentpaper.tumblr.com A quick history lesson...

The Student was launched by Scottish novelist and poet Robert Louis Stevenson in 1887 as an independent voice for Edinburgh's literati. It is Britain's oldest student newspaper and is an independent publication, reaching more than 10,000 University of Edinburgh students every week.

Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, Lord Kitchener, David Lloyd George and Winston Churchill are a few of the famous people who have been associated with the paper. In the early 1970s, Gordon Brown worked as a news editor and diary columnist, working alongside Robin Cook who at the time was in charge of film and concert reviews.

Disclaimer

The Student welcomes letters for publication. The editors, however, reserve the right to edit or modify letters for clarity. Anonymous letters will not be printed but names will be witheld on request. The letters printed are the opinions of individuals outwith The Student and do not represent the views of the editors or the paper as a whole.

The Student discusses childbirth and a kick in the balls HOW DO you write a good editorial?

By definition it is inevitably doomed to a fate of predictable cheese and preachiness. An editorial should, in 700 words or fewer, identify a relevant current affairs issue of significant weight (Arab Spring, RBS bonuses), find a parallel, however tenuous, in the lives of the readership (revolutionised exam schedule, shortage of nachos in the Library Bar) and satisfactorily resolve the issue, both globally and locally, by the end of the article.

The alternative approach is to reject any pretence of serious journalism and instead fill the page with cutouts of Ryan Gosling, but having already exhausted this option, we decided to base this week’s editorial on a stellar quote from Zoe. Poor Zoe has been suffering all week with some kind of sick-making disease, causing her to state, unprovoked, that

“The absolute best feeling ever is... right after you’ve been sick.

Like, immediately after, when all the pain is suddenly gone”.

perience pain differently. The appropriately-titled Journal of Pain released a paper showing that women are more sensitive to sinusitis and neck pain (what does this mean for man flu?), but really is there any way of telling? Some people certainly have higher pain thresholds than others – but maybe that’s because some people are just less mopey and whiney about it.

Really, it all comes back to that ever-present question: childbirth or a kick in the balls? Which would you rather? Even this seemingly simple question is wrought with unconsidered mines. What kind of childbirth are we talking about? A hideous 26 hour ordeal? What kind of ball-kicking shoes are we talking about? Steel-caps? (Are you crossing your legs yet, reader?)

We did a quick survey of the office, and found that out of 10 men and 5 women, none of the men would even consider the slight possibility that child-

“Sometimes we go into these things, knowing that it’s going to hurt, and we’re like... fuck it”.

Love, Zoe and Becky

Discussing the uncontested ‘best feeling ever’, those sacred few moments after successfully throwing up, we started talking about health and pain, and thought that, as we all have experience with these aspects of life, they would make a reasonable 'issue of weight’ to centre our editorial around.

This led us to thinking about how much pain we endure and, curiously, seek out in our everyday life. We play with fire, wax our legs, and suffer allencompassing hangovers, deciding that the pain is worth the result (adrenaline rush, smooth pins, druuunken times).

This masochism is curious, but perhaps it makes sense in a roundabout way.

The time when we feel most appreciative of our health is once we’ve just experienced pain and illness. Everyday reminders that pain exists and should be avoided mean that we can appreciate the fact that for most of us, the majority of our time is spent pain-free.

Interestingly, research has emerged suggesting that men and women ex-

Letter to the Editors Dear Editors, Regarding the horoscope Libra [The Student, January 24];

Editors Zoe Blah/Rebecca Chan

I’m writing with regard to your most recently published horoscope section, specifically that published under Libra.

As a dutch student of the university I don’t think it’s acceptable for a paper that I in part help fund, to be publishing derogatory stereotypes of nationalities represented on campus.

News Sam Bradley/Alasdair Drennan/Lewis MacDonald/Leo Michelmore Comment Daniel Kraemer/Tess Malone/Joel Sharples Features Nina Bicket/Cameron Taylor/Alice McGurran Lifestyle Sophie Craik/Lilidh Kendrick Tech Tom Hasler Horoscopes Max Johnson/Guy Rughani/Ben Scally Crosswords John Wakely Culture Thom Louis/Michael Mackenzie Music Joshua Angrave/Anna Feintuck/Tom Kinney Film Kirsty Wareing/Ali Quaile TV Daniel Swain/ Alistair Grant Commission Kathryn Lloyd Sport Davie Heaton/Chris Waugh Copy editors Sophia Cosby/Melissa Geere

Photo editor Emily Jarrett Multimedia Luke Healey/Anna Feintuck Web editor Lewis Dunne/ Mayumi Ihara-Quinones Illustration Commissioner Cat O'Neil President Lewis Dunne Secretary Varvara Bashkirova Treasurer Helen Stride

Yours faithfully,

 Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh, EH8 9TJ

Max Crema

HERRING BOYS: They don't mean no harm

REBECCA CHAN

 editors@studentnewspaper.org

Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Tel: 0131 650 9189. The Student lists links to third party websites, but does not endorse them or guarantee their authenticity or accuracy. © Student Newspaper Society. All rights reserved. No section in whole or part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmited in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise without prior permission of the publisher. The Student is published by the Student Newspaper Society, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh EH8 9TJ. Distributed by Lothian Couriers, 3 John Muir Place, Dunbar EH42 1GD. Tel: 01368 860115. Printed by Cumbrian Newsprint (part of the CN Group), Carlisle Print Centre, Newspaper House, Dalston Road, Cumbria CA2 5UA, on Monday January 21 2012. Tel: 01228 612600. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office.

birth is worse. Madness. Although, one comment aptly summed up the fact that “at least you get something good out of having a baby. A kick in the balls is just…. a kick in the balls”.

So, here comes the mandatory editorial resolution: perhaps casual masochism and pain are acceptable when compared to their results – we make these choices, deciding that it’s worth it. Or, as Zoe summed up,

The editors apologise for any offence caused in last week's horoscopes. It is never in the spirit of the newspaper to publish material designed to offend.

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Feeling opinionated? Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper comment@studentnewspaper.org

10 Comment

Reptilian Republicans IMAGINE a scenario when the president of the United States has an affair and is impeached for lying about it. Next, imagine that the man leading the charge against him later admits to having an affair at the same time.

Now, imagine that this twice divorced former Speaker of the House is running for the presidential nomination as the conservative anti-Washington family-values candidate, and might actually win. Finally, heave a deep sigh of relief that you’re 3000 miles away from this sad reality.

“

Voters do not belong in a politician's bedroom...but this changes when a candidate makes the sanctity of marriage a pillar of their campaign."

Newt Gingrich’s recent victory in the bellwether state of South Carolina has quashed the widely held belief that Mitt Romney is the inevitable nominee. Republicans are divided between the moderate Romney and a succession of bizarre right-wing candidates, of whom only Gingrich and Rick Santorum remain. The fourth candidate is Ron Paul, a congressman who seems at once both eminently sensible and dangerously extreme. He attracts a strong youth following to his

Libertarian agenda, but represents, and surely knows it, little more than an omnipresent splinter group. The real fight is between the establishment and the Tea Party, and at the moment the latter faction is being led by Gingrich.

So how can Gingrich, a ten-term congressman who held the third highest office in American politics for four years, be anti-establishment? Surely, he is the very definition of Washington insider. Nevertheless, he has succeeded by adopting Palin-esque rhetoric in polished debate performances, even blaming the media elite for his problems. When the first question in a recent debate addressed the issue of his ex-wife claiming he wanted an open-marriage, his response was to lambast the moderator and all those who ran the story.

Voters do not belong in a politician’s bedroom; after all, it is their political actions that really matter, but this changes when a candidate makes the sanctity of marriage a pillar of their campaign. When a candidate argues that marriage is “worth protecting and upholding,” you would expect them to be a perfect spouse. But then, of course, it is faithful homosexual couples who represent the real evil here.

Given Gingrichs’ flaws, how can he be giving Romney such a hard fight? It seems hard to believe that in the 21st century, a candidate could lose simply because of their Mormon faith. It is even more incredible that conservative America would be prepared to elect a serial adulterer over a monogamous

GINGRICH : Out with the old and in with the Newt businessman with a nauseatingly allAmerican family, because they had doubts about whether a Mormon president would truly hold their same Christian values. The American elec-

Where the heart is

WILLIAM S. SATURN

Hypocrisy among the Republican Party candidates is American as apple pie, argues Nick Green

torate often make dubious decisions, but there is a more likely reason for Romney’s lukewarm support.

Hailing from Massachusetts, land of the Kennedys, Romney had to work

hard to portray himself as truly rightwing. He has flip-flopped on key issues, whilst his Massachusetts health reforms are too close to Obama’s for many conservatives. Many see him as standing for nothing except himself.

Gingrich and Romney are not alone; indeed, the essence of the modern Republican Party is intrinsically hypocritical. They purport to loathe deficits, yet refuse to raise taxes on those who could afford them. They advocate small government and minimal intervention in the lives of US citizens, but detest the idea of downsizing an expensive military and are all too ready for global interventions where America has no business. They promote the American Dream, whilst defending policies and institutions which make it harder for those of limited means to advance. Campaign slogans talk of rebuilding America’s greatness, but candidates deny that America ever ceased to be great.

“We hold these truths to be selfevident, that all men are created equal...” wrote slave-owner, Thomas Jefferson in the Declaration of Independence. Were slaves therefore equal? No, indeed the Constitution rules that each slave be counted as only three-fifths of a person. So it would seem that political hypocrisy is as American as the proverbial apple pie. Perhaps, the Grand Old Party, in seeking to emulate the Founding Fathers, the sacred cows of American society, really should nominate Newt Gingrich. Self-righteous, selfish, hypocritical, he is, in many ways, the perfect Republican.

Newly appointed University of Edinburgh Rector Peter McColl discusses the issue of student accommodation I BELIEVE Edinburgh is a great university and a fantastic place to study. But there are lots of ways in which it could be better. There are a range of important issues that need to be addressed, from the transport links to Easter Bush, which just aren’t good enough, to the array of problems international students face with the gold-plating of Home Office ‘check-in’ regulations and rapidly rising fees. People are worried about the impact of the £36,000 fees set to be charged to students from the rest of the UK. But the most common concern students have raised with me is that of accommodation.

Accommodation is important because of the impact it has on all of the student experience. Good university halls can get your stay in Edinburgh off to a great start– living in a shared flat is a brilliant learning experience. Too often, though, this is spoiled by cynical landlords and a shortage of accommodation provided by the university.

The Rector of the University of Edinburgh enjoys a special privilege. He or she gets to chair the highest decision making body in the university: the Court. The Rector is elected by staff and students to ensure that their views are heard at the highest levels of the university. As part of that, I’ve been going to meetings, doing some door-knocking and I’ve got an online survey on accommodation. There will also be a question in the coming EUSA referendum to address these important issues.

I’ve heard about private landlords who are taking deposits, despite there being no damage to the flat they’ve let out. Some landlords seem to see this extra money as a perk, when in fact it’s a dishonest practice that often deprives students of hundreds of vital pounds. I’m hoping to work with others to create a tenancy deposit guarantee scheme. This will ensure that students get their deposits back unless there is a genuine need for the landlord to repair

damage done by tenants. By working with organisations like Edinburgh Council, NUS and Shelter we can make sure that students don’t lose vital cash.

“

The revelation that Masson House is being used as a hotel for businesspeople while students are being housed five miles away in Musselburgh is extraordinary."

Some of the things I’ve heard have been really surprising. These include students being forced to share rooms in Pollock with a stranger, despite not wanting to. Similarly, finding out that students had

been placed in youth hostel accommodation was really disappointing, when it is so vital that students get the best possible experience in their first year.

The revelation that Masson House is being used as a hotel for businesspeople while students are being housed at the Queen Margaret University Halls in Musselburgh is extraordinary. These halls are over five miles from the University, and so the students living there will inevitably be isolated from student life at the University of Edinburgh. Businesspeople can be housed anywhere, students should be given priority at University of Edinburgh halls.

It’s important that students in university accommodation are housed in affordable accommodation. I’m keen that students are not placed in accommodation that’s more expensive than that for which they’ve applied. This will reduce the number of students forced out of university accommodation in first year.

I’ve also heard that students want better recycling facilities in university accommodation. This is both better for our world, and will save the university money.

It should be easy for students to recycle, and I’ve found a level of frustration about the complexity of recycling facilities. Similarly, students need better cycle facilities across the university. It should be safe and easy to lock your bike up both where you live and at your place of study. It would be great if there were more covered bike storage. You can vote for action on these issues in the upcoming EUSA referendum.

It’s been great to meet students and to be able to hear their concerns. I’m sure there are lots of other things that could be done to improve accommodation for students, and I’m very keen to hear what those are.

You can contact the Rector at: rector@ ed.ac.uk, and can fill in the online survey on accommodation at: http://bit. ly/y3M27c

Tell us what you think! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper comment@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Comment 11

Immobilising Motions

A ROYAL PAIN: All is not well at the Teviot court I’VE BEEN involved in student politics since I started at Edinburgh, initially as a first year rep, and then as a member of Student Council’s Executive. I’ve enjoyed being a part of an organisation that does good things, making concrete gains for students – sometimes big things, but a lot of the time little things that will make students’ lives just a bit easier. I know we don’t do a good enough job of communicating what we do, and that’s something that needs to be worked on, though I’m truly impressed by what EUSA has achieved while I’ve been a student at Edinburgh.

We have Student Council meetings once every three weeks or so. They’re a

FLICKR: JWU

Hugh Murdoch argues that Student Council is becoming distracted from its purpose

forum for discussion on a whole host of issues that matter to students: from a lack of study space in the library to tuition fees, from holding the university to account when it makes unethical investments to ensuring that students have enough money in their pockets to make their way through the academic year. Often, there have been passionate debates and strong differences of opinion; though Student Council has always been a place where ideas are nourished and collaboration is valued. The environment has been one of co-operation – working together to win for students.

However, this air of collaboration has taken a hit over the last semester with

a number of motions being discussed that have little bearing on students’ lives. Though at first glance suggesting openness, these motions actually serve to make EUSA a harder organisation for students to get involved in to effect the change they want to see. A bundle of motions that were discussed at last week’s Student Council fit into this category. Under the shared title “Accountability and Democracy” these motions offered nothing of the sort. They will create unnecessary bureaucracy and breed an unhealthy attitude of suspicion that will put people off from getting involved in EUSA’s democracy.

The first motion proposed the recording of votes made by representatives on Student Council and goes against everything that we’re all at university for. University is a different place to Parliament: when you go to university you’re expected and encouraged to change your mind on issues. University is about expanding your understanding of the world, engaging in debates and being won over by good arguments made in those debates. You don’t make it through your time at Edinburgh without changing your mind on ideas and issues hundreds of times. Keeping a record of how student reps vote implies that changing your mind is something to be ashamed of, not embraced.

The second motion in this bundle focused on external political affiliations, saying that student reps who stand for election to positions in external organisations should declare this to student council. The sentiments of this motion seem harmless enough, though again it is a motion that makes a suggestion that something which is so integral to many people’s enjoyment of university should be treated with suspicion. It suggests that involvement in another organisation means that a rep votes according to that organisation’s line, not their conscience. The reason people get involved in external organisations is the same

reason they get involved with EUSA – because they want to make the world a better place and view those organisations as a good way to do it.

Third was a motion that makes sabbatical officers seek approval before receiving gifts from organisations that may be seen as seeking to lobby them.

There already exists a register of interests where such gifts are declared and this is the right place for that to happen.

This again asserts that reps are unable to make individual decisions of conscience, needing to rely on Student Council to act as a moral arbiter. It’s right that Student Council and the wider student body know about gifts that EUSA’s officers receive, but to suggest that they need to be approved is a bureaucratic intrusion into people’s lives and their consciences.

“

The air of collaboration has taken a hit over the last semester with a number of motions being discussed that have little bearing on students' lives."

These motions do nothing to open up EUSA and make it more accessible to the 27,000 students at Edinburgh. They make it a less attractive organisation to be involved in, steeping it in bureaucracy and bringing an uncomfortable level of intrusion into student reps’ lives.

EUSA should be aspiring to provide a stronger voice for students, rather than making it harder for those who seek to get involved.

Hugh Murdoch is Academic Services Convenor for EUSA

Banning Intolerance

Yasmin Morgan-Griffiths condemns the recent threats made to controversial author Salman Rushdie

ANOTHER BLOW was struck to the fight for freedom of speech in India when Salman Rushdie was intimidated into stepping down from attending the 2012 Jaipur Literary Festival. Last week, the influential author was informed by the Rajasthan authorities that assassins would be lying in wait at Asia’s most prestigious literary event in order to “eliminate” him. After further investigation, it transpired that the threats were no more than malicious lies intended to prevent Rushdie from making a public appearance in a region strongly influenced by Islam. The controversy coincides with the run up to state election campaigns in Uttar Pradesh, which strongly suggests that the incident was an underhand political stunt in order to gain popularity amongst Muslim voters, who constitute around 18% of the electorate.

Rushdie’s case is an example of censorship in the extreme, a sad reminder of the fact that the expression of ideas which deviate from conservative Islamism is likely to be met with violence and intolerance. Rushdie has been a target for extremists since the release of The Satanic Verses in 1989; an allegorical text which

takes inspiration from a set of supposedly removed verses in the Koran and the life of the prophet Muhammad. The Supreme leader of Iran famously issued a fatwa against Rushdie shortly after its release, forcing him into hiding for many years.

“

The ban on the book is incongruous with the progessive ideals of a secular nation."

It seems that many people with fragile sensibilities choose to ignore the most foolproof method of avoiding ‘offensive’ literature, which is simply to stop reading.

As long as the right to express individual and creative interpretations of texts like the Koran is restricted, the fight against militant, negative practices linked to Islamism, and the real enemies of the faith can never be won. While Rushdie does not hesitate to speak out vehemently

against religious fundamentalism, his work also explores highly relevant and secular themes such as alienation from society, immigration and the birth of modern India. By endorsing the repression of ideas fundamental to India’s historical and cultural identity, its politicians are revealing themselves to be irresponsible, intolerant, and encouraging violence and hate amongst its people.

Following the exposure of the authorities’ misconduct, India’s reputation has been severely damaged as a country which, in recent years, has professed to uphold the values of secularism and a liberal approach to both politics and art.

The ban on the book is incongruous with the progressive ideals of a secular nation, and furthermore, such an irrelevant issue should not be focused on as a central incident within an election campaign.

If this is the best the authorities can come up with to secure their positions in power, then it seems that they should never be granted the responsibility of leading a democratic nation. If anything, their attempt to win more votes through this act of cowardice has revealed them to be incompetent, willing to cheat to get

ahead, not to mention content to focus on petty differences of opinion as opposed to focusing on resolving the major socio-economic issues that India faces today.

It needs to be emphasised that this particular incident seems to be the work of a minority of fanatics, as opposed to the vast majority of the Indian population and those who practice Islam peacefully.

Ironically, the issues that truly matter in a country that is becoming increasingly culturally diverse are addressed only by those who are courageous enough to speak out in the face of years of tyranny and intimidation by those who retaliate to mere differences in opinion with mindless violence.

Such overblown reactions to a book would be laughable was the threat of bloodshed not so real. It brings to mind the scene in The Life of Brian where the outraged populace of Judea sentence a man to stoning for uttering the sacred name of Jehovah in praise of his wife’s cooking. Monty Python’s satirical representation was not far from the truth, yet it doesn’t seem as though things have made much progress decades down the line.

Waugh of the Words UNIVERSITIES THAT have first cast at the academic sea, and consistently pick proportionally more white, male, public schooled students than other universities, should be prepared to catch flak for such unfettered Old Boy boosterism from time to time. Evidently, that time has come around again, courtesy of Elly Nowell.

A synopsis of her rejection letter to Oxford can be found on all the websites of all of the national papers. She eventually wrote a rebuttal to the growing condemnation it attracted, which explained that her refusal of Oxford was simply meant as a stand against snobbery and a way to get some chuckles from her friends. One of them subsequently put it on Facebook and the rest was, as they say, socially networked history.

All of the major papers vetted, quoted and critiqued Nowell’s statements. Few dared to laugh with her, fewer still took the opportunity to actually criticise the prestigious institution. Some went so far as to call her a reject. All startlingly similar to the kind of smug snobbery her letter was meant to rebuff. But perhaps worst of all, the reactions betrayed the lack of the one thing the late Oxford alumnus Christopher Hitchens held as the most unforgivable of sins: the lack of a sense of humour.

Which leads us to the published works of another successful and funny Oxford graduate, Evelyn Waugh.

Those up in arms over Elly having a laugh at the university’s expense are probably not fond of the mockery masterpiece Decline and Fall, which goes to great comical lengths describing the debased debauchery and hooliganism of his alma matter. If you think Nowell's letter was iconoclastic, get a load of Paul Pennyweather’s fast times with the Bollinger Club, a tell-all tale based on Waugh's heady years at Hertford College. It's surprising that the infamous email in question caused such a stir, when right under their noses is a wildly popular, uproariously funny, satirical novel written by one of their own. Perhaps, they subscribe to the Old Boy’s view in Decline and Fall, that is, “we class schools, you see into four grades: Leading School, First-rate School, Good School and School.” The reputation of the first of which is not to be impugned.

So to Elly, you’re in good company. And, a piece of advice: you might have done well to start the letter with a quote from Waugh himself. For as he boldly stated in the Author’s Note to Decline and Fall’s first edition, thinking of the type of comically impoverished critic you’ve clearly encountered, “please bear in mind throughout that IT IS MEANT TO BE FUNNY.” Travis Paterson

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Let's hear it!: features@studennewspaper.org

12 Features

A change of occupation IN THE midst of Burns Night festivities, Occupy Edinburgh packed up their tents at St. Andrews square after more than 3 months of occupation. Despite Edinburgh City Council being the first governmental body in the world to grant the movement official recognition, businesses in the area nonetheless took them to court. As the proceedings went on, a decision was made by the Occupiers to leave voluntarily to avoid forced eviction.

However, a pair of shoes and some other various camper necessities accidentally left behind meant that the court issued an official eviction notice after all. The day after their departure, a cleaner team armed with high pressure sprayers could be observed hastily removing some remaining chalk slogans from the walls. From a distance, on the trampled grass, a crew of unrecognisable Occupiers observed the operation, dressed smartly as the 1% rich and powerful for the occasion. They, in turn, were watched suspiciously by a police team.

There were mixed feelings all around, as the square had housed a temporary but close-knit community.

But, as the Occupy Edinburgh blog states, “you can’t evict an idea". Public brainstorming meetings are already underway, planning and preparing to roll out ‘Phase Two’.

“

Occupy is a 'movement' in the very sense of the word: a reflexive experiment in communication, decision-making and collaboration" But how did the sight of tent camps in the middle of the city stop surprising us? First there was the Arab Spring, followed swiftly by the ‘Spanish Spring’ of the Indignados (the outraged) who took their tents to the squares in the midst of pending local and regional elections in May. Then came the online call-out from Adbusters, an international anticonsumerist magazine and network, to occupy Wall Street on the 17th of September, 2011. The ‘Global Day of Action’ occurred on the 15th of October; protests were staged and occupations began in almost 1000 cities in 82 countries. As the weeks unfolded many of these camps became places of dialogue between people from many different (albeit unfortunately not all) social backgrounds.

But Occupy movement became more than just a camp. Occupy Wall Street set up a People’s Kitchen feeding

THE REVOLUTION WILL BE MASKED: Protesters show off the latest in Anonymous-chic thousands of the homeless and its own campers, opened a People’s Library, provided free bedding, shelter and medical care to anyone who needed it, organised public talks, workshops and cultural events, inspiring Occupy groupings globally.

The global reach of the movement, its buzzing and connecting virtual extension on Facebook, Tumblr, Flickr, blogs and forums, is perhaps the most fascinating aspect of it. But equally interesting is the consensus decisionmaking process the movement practices, striving to include everyone’s voice in daily General Assemblies. Usually, smaller working groups bring proposals to these assemblies and take action when everyone approves.

Characterised as a “democratic awakening”, the movement has challenged the narrative spun by the financial sector and governments that presented the economic crisis as the result of some mysterious mathematical failure in the financial market, a couple of greedy individuals and/or some irresponsible governments. Occupy, in turn, recast the crisis as the result of a system that persistently allows a few to accumulate wealth on the back of many. Rather than asking “how can we manage this system better in order to continue Business As Usual?”, they ask “how can we change social relations and tackle existing inequalities?’”

Finding answers to this question is at the core of the movement and its priorities for 2012. But of course there are as many answers as people involved: engaging a bigger percentage of ‘the 99%’; scrutinising current social problems and possible alternatives through

educational activities; articulating demands against the powerful few in politics and business; creating autonomous institutions, like social centres, activist collectives, alternative media, credit unions and co-operatives in which different values and lifestyles can take shape. As the movement seeks to represent the diversity of 99%, it tries to accommodate all these views.

At Occupy meetings in Toronto, New York and Edinburgh, it became clear that Occupy is a ‘movement’ in the very sense of the word: a reflexive experiment in communication, decision-making and collaboration in which new ideas, plans and solutions are continuously generated. This process is not a means to an end but an end in itself. With this, Occupy aims to prefigure the world they would like to see.

Many separate groups and struggles have gathered in this buzz of possibility. Their mission statement is a simple one: you don’t have to read the newspaper, frown, sigh and go to work. You can occupy Wall Street. In fact, you can occupy everything. I was surprised by how many times I heard people expressing the word ‘hope’ when I celebrated New Year’s Eve with OWS. That night, people tore down the police fences put up around Zucotti Park after the eviction on the 14th of November. As people danced on the fences piled up in centre of the square, the night felt epic and revolutionary. At 2am this came to a sudden end when the police decided to assert their authority and evacuate the square with a force of hundreds.

It is partly under pressure of authorities, that OWS, Occupy Edinburgh and

others are currently reinventing themselves. Within Occupy Edinburgh, ideas are floating around for flashmobs and ‘roaming occupations’ around the city focused on public engagement and education. OWS is taking a similar path by occupying Zucotti Park every day with ‘Culture and Ideas’.

Eric Light, involved with organising these events told me on New Year’s Eve: “It is with food, music, humor, games, political theatre, creative activities, think tanks and so on that we can continue to inspire and involve others”. OWS is simultaneously working on ‘pop-up’ occupations on squares all over New York. Occupy Glasgow, as well, decided to disband their camps in December and focus on outreach and direct action. The same course has been chosen by many Occupy’s globally.

“

Through strikes, Occupy seeks to lift the exonomic crisis from an issue dealt with only in closedoff international summits to a streetlevel emergency" But in London, Occupy LSX is still camping at St. Paul’s cathedral while fighting eviction before court.

Their ‘Tent City University’ outside of St. Pauls is a hub of activity, as is the ‘Bank of Ideas’, an abandoned office

STANJOURDAN

Faced with increasing pressure from authorities, Olga Bloemen investigates Occupy's plans for the coming year

block in Hackney opened to the public “for the non-monetary trade of ideas to help solve the pressing economic, social and environmental problems of our time”.

But the movement is running the risk of fragmentation, so global action is in the pipeline too. On the 25th of January, Adbusters called out for a ‘showdown’ this May in Chicago where the G8 and the NATO are holding a simultaneous summit. “With a bit of luck”, they wish to pull together the “biggest multinational occupation of a summit meeting the world has ever seen”. Here, the movement is set to depart from its current course and make more explicit political demands: a ‘Robin Hood Tax’ (on the financial sector), a binding climate change accord and a three-strikes-and-you’reout-law for ‘corporate criminals’ are suggested in the Adbusters’ call-out.

Other demands will be proposed through General Assemblies and a “global internet brainstorm’. If these demands are not met, Adbusters writes that together they “...will shut down stock exchanges, campuses, corporate headquarters and cities across the globe.’”

This implies that Occupy is planning to resort to more drastic tactics in 2012 so that they can no longer be ignored by ‘the 1%’. American Politics professor Jason Adams has argued that occupying time would indeed be a better strategy than occupying space, since our economic system is foremost a matter of time, of delivering goods and services ‘in time’ and of ever-increasing production speed for lower labour costs and higher profits. Instead of a “disruption of space”, as the occupations were, a general strike is a “barricade in time”, Adams writes. On an individual level, another proposed strategy is moving accounts from commercial banks to credit unions or co-operative banks.

On the 1st of February, Adbusters is organising a ‘Move Your Money’ day in Canada and global actions might follow. Through these kinds of (preemptive) strikes, Occupy seeks to lift the economic crisis from an issue dealt with only in closed-off international summits to a street-level emergency.

An emergency demanding responses far more democratic than the current wave of austerity measures put into place in Europe, the US and other countries.

Wikipedia still lists 2818 Occupy groupings on all multiple continents, while some wither away and others spring up as you’re reading. Whether Occupy will indeed occupy 2012, we’ll have to wait and see. Or, perhaps, we could join the dialogue, the decisionmaking and the action and take part in moving this movement towards its open ends through our shared status as the 99%.

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper features@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Features 13

Paws for thought

Nina Seale looks at the debate which asks whether the cost of Edinburgh's pandas is too much to bear

THERE IS perhaps no other animal that better represents the plight of endangered animals worldwide as the panda. These monochrome fluff balls preen themselves on many a successful conservation poster, most famously the WWF logo, but the glamorous image associated with their conservation is quite far removed from the bears that eat shoots and leaves in Chinese forests.

Despite their cuteness factor being astronomical, pandas’ attempt at survival in the wild is quite pathetic. They survive off one food source, bamboo, they live in a country struggling to sustain their crowded human population, they reproduce very slowly in the wild and their beauty and meat makes them a target for poachers.

The Royal Zoological Society of Scotland is spending around £640,000 a year for a decade so that Scotland can boast about Yang Guang and Tian Tian’s presence in Edinburgh Zoo. Additionally, the enclosure cost £250,000 and importing most of the bamboo from a special plantation in Amsterdam will cost about £70,000 a year.

Is all this money being spent on real conservation? In 2008, Salmond wrote to the UK foreign secretary, David Milliband, urging him to lobby the Chinese ministers to send the pandas to Edinburgh using the line “this is primarily a commercial transaction.”

The pandas also represent how Scotland is sowing seeds while the British-alliance sun is still shining, so that Salmond can reap the benefits if the independence referendum goes his way. The Chief Executive of Edinburgh Zoo, Hugh Roberts, said the pandas are “a highly visible statement

of the growing momentum to improve international relations between the UK and China.”

The pandas are a breeding pair, and having baby pandas in the UK would bring in enormous revenue. A video of a baby panda merely sneezing on Youtube has alone garnered 140 million views.

“

Because the male pandas have very short penises, pandas must mate in a very specific position for the female panda to get pregnant.

Unfortunately, captive pandas seem to be oblivious to this position" The Zoo refused to comment on the plans on breeding the pandas, though it is believed that they will follow the research done by the Chengdu Panda Base in China, who increased their panda cub survival rate from 30% in 2001 to 67% in 2007 and developed artificial insemination techniques.

Female pandas are only in a receptive ‘oestrus’ state for mating for 72 hours, with a ‘fertility window’ of 24-48 hours. Also, because the male pandas have short penises, pandas must mate in a very specific position for the female panda to get pregnant. Unfortunately,

less than a year in the wild, despite being trained for three years to build his own den, forage for food and mark his territory.

He was ‘rejected’ by wild pandas and the broken ribs and defensive wounds found on his body led officials to suggest that he fell from a high place after a fight with his aggressive wild relatives.

The Chengdu Panda Base is ready to try reintroduction again. Dr. Qi Dunwu, Giant Panda Specialist, told CCTV news, “We spent nearly one year monitoring and assessing these 108 pandas. They are around four years old, relative to 10 to 12 in human years. We selected them based on their genetic background, sex ratio, health condition, and many other strict factors. The six pandas chosen are very healthy and ready to move to the China Panda Valley.”

The pandas walked into China Panda Valley on January 11. However, voices such as Chris Packham, a British conservationist and BBC wildlife documentary presenter, have criticised the amount of money being spent on flagship conservation animals such as the panda when he considers their long-term existence in the wild as a lost cause.

“

Luckily, pandas are polygamous, but if they are not a compatible match for each other, the Zoo will have to resort to artificial insemination" “I would eat the last panda if I could have all the money we have spent on panda conservation put back on the table for me to do more sensible things with.” Packham pleads the case that the money which the glamorous ‘big’ species such as the tiger, rhino and whale bring in for specific conservation movements distracts funding from projects that affect the wildlife people can see and enjoy locally.

He does have a point. The WWF website shows a panda with big eyes and

a confused expression staring woefully at the user, followed by a slideshow of other beautiful photos of polar bears, orangutans and big cats. Realistically, the majority of people who click ‘Adopt Now’ will never see these animals in the wild.

Packham’s conservation efforts focus on the more attainable wildlife that we could actually enjoy, as president of The Hawk Conservancy Trust and the Bat Conservation Trust, vice-president of the RSPB and The Brent Lodge Bird & Wildlife Trust.

Although his opinions on the pandas are rather unorthodox, the issue that a lot of beautiful lesser-known species are losing money to the ‘cuter’ species is very valid.

It’s a strange kind of natural selection, with the most beautiful animals having the greatest chance of survival.

Biodiversity and the roles of smaller animals such as birds, fish, beavers, bats and especially insects is essential for the long-term preservation of wildlife on earth, but most people don’t share any enthusiasm for the smaller animals like spiders and swallows. Sadly, the only way to raise money for the conservation of smaller species is for them to get small shares of the donations given for the animals featured in programmes like Frozen Planet.

This is the best role in conservation that Yang Guang and Tian Tian will have. It is very unlikely that panda cubs born in Edinburgh will ever set foot in China Panda Valley, and it is difficult enough for them to be born in the first place. The millions of people who will flock through the zoo and fall in love with these eastern treasures will be the ones who donate money to conservation projects, but they will also be the ones who choose to adopt an animal instead of donating to the thousands of other worthwhile charities competing for their attention.

Although caged animals in zoos may not directly help their estranged family in the wild, the money they bring in to research programs and reserves that preserve wild habitats from the people who fall for the pacing tiger or bamboo-munching panda, is crucial in saving wild species from going extinct.

EMBARRASSED: The pandas weren't excited about the bespoke tartan created in their honour, branding it 'too plain''

JON-PAUL ORSI

NONCHALANT:Tian Tian doesn't look concerned about his species' plight

captive pandas seem to be oblivious to this position.

Edinburgh Zoo is confident that they have the skills and expertise to add their names to the worldwide list of zoos that have successfully bred pandas. Both Yang Guang and Tian Tian have been parents before, but never with each other. Luckily, pandas are polygamous, but if they are not a compatible match for each other, the Zoo will have to resort to artificial insemination.

The Chinese government have been loaning pandas since the 1980s. These first loans were purely commercial, with the World Wildlife Fund protesting that the two to four month loans had no gain for the pandas.

Richard Block, the WWF director of public programs at the time said “Short-term loans focus attention on commercial gain. The zoos are using pandas to bring visitors through the gate without any real education or conservation programs attached. They are carting a highly endangered animal halfway around the world.”

They have since rethought their loaning policy and now whenever a panda boards the FedEx Panda Express (yes, there is a special plane for chauffeuring pandas) the media hype surrounding them scrutinises the conservation intentions of those involved.

The money the zoo is spending on loaning the pandas is funding panda conservation projects in China, but the question is whether research done in ex-situ captive panda projects has any relationship to the problems the wild pandas are facing with deforestation, poaching and a low reproduction rate due to a sparse population and a slow ‘oestrus’ cycle.

2012 is a very important year for pandas, not just because two of them are shivering in Scotland, but also two weeks ago six carefully selected pandas were released into a semi-wild environment called China Panda Valley.

There has only been one previous attempt to release a panda into the wild, at the Wolong Breeding Centre.

The five year old Xiang Xiang was selected because a strong young male was thought to be the best choice for a pioneer panda. Unfortunately he survived

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper features@studentnewspaper.org

14 Features

A walk to remember

Ali Quale talks to James Thomas as he prepares to embark on an epic “stroll” from Edinburgh to New Zealand a countdown.

As they reach zero, a faint cheer is heard and a bearded figure emerges wheeling a buggy piled high with equipment. The man’s name is James Thomas and he has just begun a walk from Edinburgh to New Zealand.

On a trip that will cover 12,500 miles, through 15 countries and take him two years to complete, he will be crossing hostile territories, Indonesian rainforests and the Australian desert to reach the antipodal point of Edinburgh, Dunedin. With no support team, he is carrying all the equipment he needs himself and intends to spend his long nights camping, couch surfing and staying with friends where possible.

“ UNCONVENTIONAL BAGGAGE: James Thomas about to set off ON A cold January morning in Edinburgh, when most people are tucked up in bed, the sun begins to rise, illuminat-

MELANIE SANGWINE

He is on a trip that will cover 12,500 miles, through 15 continents and take him two years to complete"

ing the castle and gently melting the frost. Towards the esplanade, a small group huddled around one man begin

Originally from West Cork in Ireland, Thomas has been living in Edinburgh for the last five years whilst studying film and photography at Edinburgh Napier University. Having graduated last year, he notes, “I was struggling to find work in film and photography so I decided to fulfil this thing I’ve always wanted to do.”

Aiming to walk 130 miles a week- a distance which equates to roughly five marathons- it is undeniable that this will be a very demanding challenge.

“

Aiming to walk 130 miles a weeka distance which equates to roughly five marathons- it is undeniable that this will be a challenge" However, Thomas remains admirably optimistic, he comments, “I don’t think it is going to be too bad physically. There are people who do physical labour, working on building sites every day and doing much harder things than what I’m doing. I’m just walking.” Already a keen rambler, he has experience trekking in the Annapurna and a couple of months ago made the trip from Inverness to Fort William in preparation for his expedition.

Ultimately, this is not simply a personal endeavour but an effort to raise funds for children’s charity UNICEF. On choosing the organisation, he says, “It’s a very international challenge so I wanted to support an international charity. I wanted a charity that no matter where I went people knew what it was for.”

He has high hopes, with aims of raising £1,000,000 over the course of the trip. But, as he rightly points out, “If David Walliams can get it for swimming the channel, surely I can get it for walking around the world.”

The motivation behind his adventure appears ambiguous. “It changes every day. Most recent is I just turned 30 so I’m saying to myself this is the last chance I can go out and do something as I’m not getting any younger. I’ve always wanted to do this. Travelling to the antipodal point has always been the thing.”

With a keen desire to have something to show for himself, it is apparent that for Thomas this is a very personal ordeal. When asked how he thinks it will affect him as a person, he contemplates for a second before answering, “It is inevitable that it will change me somewhat but I don’t know yet whether it will change me for the better or for the worse.”

As the interview draws to a close, we come to a stop and I thank him for his time, already glad that in a few minutes I will be inside and beginning to get warm after what was a bitterly cold morning. However, for Thomas, this is only the beginning, and as I bid him farewell, he turns and begins to walk the long road, alone.

For more information, or to sponsor James, go to www.justgoingforastroll.com

Know before you go VOLUNTEERING ABROAD can be rewarding but preparation is essential to limit the chance of anything going wrong. Although nothing can fully insulate you from risk, an appreciation of local customs, awareness of medical and political risks and travel insurance go some way to reducing the chance of an ideal trip turning into a horror story.

Many of Edinburgh University’s societies have charitable goals. The Christian Union is committed to issues at home and abroad. “We’re not looking to convert anyone,” explained the EUCU’s International Coordinator Kat Heron, “We are student focused but also help the homeless and work overseas.” Strong moral convictions drive the movement to help the world’s most vulnerable people. The EUCU reached out to 2,500 prisoners, 560 orphans and 1,600 school children on a recent trip to Malawi.

Heron said finances limit their overseas work, but the risks of working in dangerous places did not. Olivia Faulkner, Co-President of ADE Tanzania Society, agreed that much “depends on money, but you have to be fearless.” After raising £5000, ADE Tanzania built a nursery school and set up a sponsorship program for those who can’t afford to send their children to school.

The project received mixed support from locals which unfortunately led to active interference. Collusion between a local contact and the staff of the house they stayed in resulted in property theft.

Fortunately all the volunteers were insured and Faulkner explained that it was important for volunteers to know they would be reimbursed for anything.

“

It's impossible to predict what situations are going to present themselves but there are things you can do to minimise risk" An awareness of social and cultural difference is vital. Faulkner forgave the thefts because, in her words, "it is Africa, and life there can be less predictable.”

Perhaps the temptation to steal is harder to resist in a less developed country where the likelihood of being caught is slim and a camera is worth a year’s wages.

Sam Abrahams is the CEO of an

organisation called First Aid Africa, which trains local people in first aid so that the knowledge can be passed on once volunteers leave. He counselled against telling horror stories. “I would never dissuade people from travelling to some of the most remarkable places in the world.” He does however assert the importance of preparation, warning that “you don’t just put yourself in danger when you don’t prepare, you put other people in danger.” Each expedition led

by First Aid Africa has a western and a local leader. This encourages local integration, vital for security. The expedition leaders are trained in risk assessment and visit everywhere the volunteers are going before they arrive.

Whilst EUCU volunteers were treated kindly by locals in Malawi and First Aid Africa hasn’t had a single serious incident in the past five years, ADE Tanzania has had some problems. Abrahams suggested a possible explanation: “The communities we work with have requested our volunteers to come in, which provides a certain level of security.

The more you can say there’s an active partnership, the better.’”ADE Tanzania might have had more trouble because it was not as locally integrated as the other organizations, recalling Robert Louis

VOLUNTEERING: Keep your adventure from turning into a horror story Stephenson’s famous remark that “there are no foreign lands. It is the traveller only who is foreign.”

Arguably, it’s a question of chance.

One cannot predict what situations are going to present themselves, but you can minimize risk. This article is meant to highlight the risks and encourage people to prepare themselves, not dissuade anyone from volunteering in developing

MATT FOX

Greg Lass encourages prospective volunteers to keep safe while doing good

countries. Such experiences can be exciting and even life changing. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office provides detailed advice on ways to prepare for going overseas, and promotes awareness of the potential risks through the ‘Know Before You Go’ campaign. Anyone considering an overseas adventure should visit www.fco.gov.uk as an important part of preparation.

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Dual Crossword No. 4 CRYPTIC CLUES

Down 1 Impressionist could be 99 at the end of 1999 (5) 2 Clubs have hols cut short by age and sickness (7) 3 When ancient city holds the record for predictive ‘science’ (9) 4 HM got foreword translated immediately (4, 3, 4, 2) 5 007 turned up briefly - as a rich man (3) 6 Either way it’s part of the creed (5) 7 Patrons have no hesitation defining duty (7) 11 Try again with girl in practice session (9) 12 Many-headed monster’s New Testament connection to water (7) 13 Drug that gives emotional peak (7) 15 Go really fast in desolate area round centre of Luton (5) 17 ‘Goodness gracious me’ - a racial slur’s disguised here (5) 19 ‘…. in the sky’ (3)

* = anagram of the preceding material (rev) = reverse the preceding material

RO O H Anagogic Aladdin works

most of the time in the bazaars of Leith selling lamps, magical carpets and rip-off copies of his mid-nineties DVDs (which he never watched because he foresaw the endings). In his free time, he works with his pet monkey Abu, making T-shirts for Primark.

Aries

CONCISE CLUES Across 1 Islamic place of pilgrimage (5) 4 Over-enthusiastic follower (7) 8 Former Chairman of China (3) 9 Brass instruments (9) 10 Square-cut cigar (7) 11 Proportion (5) 12 Base over apex (4, 4, 5) 14 Short and thick (5) 16 Aristotle (Greek tycoon) (7) 18 Oz and NZ (9) 20 Large primate (3) 21 Underwater weapon (7) 22 It should provide eggs (5)

Down 1 Imitate (5) 2 Epidemic disease (7) 3 It tells you what’s in the stars (9) 4 Right from the start (4, 3, 4, 2) 5 Toff (3) 6 Item of belief (5) 7 Traditions (7) 11 Formal practice session (9) 12 Connection to the water mains (7) 13 Emotional peak (7) 15 Cockney’s car (5) 17 A malicious rumour (5) 19 Pastry and contents (3)

Solutions to Dual Crossword No. 3

Across 1 SHEBANG she + bang 5 SALAD Sal + ad 8 SET UP set + up 9 INMATES in + mates 10 BUCCANEER [Bruce + (d)ance(d)]* 11 EAR contained clue some Service Areas 12 RADIOACTIVITY radio activity (wireless programming?)

15 IMP I + MP 17 YOUNGSTER (‘Enry + gusto)* 19 TRUMPET (S)trumpet 20 MOUTH 2 definitions (less of your) lip / mouth 22 ROPES Ros round PE 23 REACHED each in (the) red (in debt?)

Down 1 SOS contained clue Tess O’Sullivan 2 ENTICED tend* round ice 3 ALPHA a + LP + ha(s) 4 GEIGER COUNTER Reggie* + counter (disc) 5 SAMURAI I + a rum + as (all rev) 6 LITRE lit + re 7 DESTROYER 2 definitions 10 BARRISTER (r + is) inside barter 13 OLYMPUS ‘oly + MP + us 14 IN TOUCH 2 definitions 16 PLUMP pp round lum (‘sit’ is transitive) 18 GAMMA (a + m) within GM + a 21 HOD initial letters

S E P

O C S

BY PICUS

Across 1 It attracts pilgrims, with me and Charlie about (5) 4 Zealot followed any nutter at first, with a twitch (7) 8 Ex-Chairman from Massachussets, and Ohio (3) 9 Doctor hiding in Scottish golf course, ’e’s after some of the brass (9) 10 Smoke appears when old Hector gets drunk (7) 11 A relation from Ballarat I overlooked (5) 12 This in love is completely (4, 4, 5) 14 Unload the Yen, going short (and stocky) (5) 16 Old shipping magnate is finally seen on a ship (7) 18 Spode ain’t manufactured in these parts (9) 20 A form of exercise to copy (3) 21 It may be fired to upset Pedro (7) 22 A hen in a bed (5)

Crossword 17

This week, you are voted rector. You are simultaneously overwhelmed with both joy and the vagueness of what your new position entails. You decide to e-rect things, rect-ify stuff, cor-rect ppl, make rect-angle shapes with your elbows, and di-rect traffic. These are all things the rector does. End of.

Taurus

We’d like to apologise for last week’s horoscopes, which only received a single letter of complaint. The lunar bodies (whose bowels we cannot be held responsible for) have obviously not been insulting enough; so MAN UP bitches as from now on horoscopes are going to be more offensive than Jan Moir snorting coke though a Hitler moustache. - I'mma let you finish but we got Beyonce on Scorpio.

You realise that you are spending the final semester of your university life studying, eating, and falling stupidly in love with people with whom you have no chance of ever getting anywhere due to your flaccid social life. Thankfully, though, the next few days will bring a cultural revolution proclaiming dissertations and paleness to be sexy again: You spend the next four months fighting off requests from girls who want to fuck you while you try to read something.

Scorpio

Gemini

-Jelly. Is all you can think of this week.

You make a metric tonne of the shit laced with rohypnol and use it to entice small children. Go straight to jail.

Do not pass go.

As forewarned by the Zen teacher Daibai (Big Plum) the bamboo of time will this week become entwined with the bowels of destiny. For that reason both of your pandas will be struck down with painful colic.

Cancer

You are thrown out of The God Squad this week. Apparently no one else at the Christian Union is amused that you’ve had “more threesomes than a triceratops.” It’s not your sexual promiscuity though that annoys them it’s when you let it slip that you believe in dinosaurs.

Leo

This week, you go to see The Iron Lady and by the end of it you feel demented.

But when you come out the cinema you realise that is was actually a re-run of The Mummy Returns. Then you are swarmed by a crowd of munchkins singing 'Ding Dong! The witch is dead!'

Virgo The Chambers Dictionary (2008) is recommended

Libra

You get a new smart card from the library. Your photo makes you look like a horny badger mid epileptic convulsion. Bring on two more years of mocking from Big Cheese bouncers.

You retreat to live in the woodlands.

In a family game of Trivial Pursuits, your grandpa’s winning streak comes to an awkward halt when he puts his clothes back on and you read his next question: finish the following lyric from Destinys Child: I don’t think your ready for this...

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Mercury and Mars are in alignment this week. That can only mean one thing. For further details, send a S.A.O.with £5 enclosed to: Horoscopes, Student Newspaper, 60 Pleasance, Edinburgh.

Aquarius

To improve your luck with the ladies, your friend advises you to try a Dirty Dancing chat up line - all girls find it really romantic. But you mess up, telling her that her ass looks like Patrick Swayze. Surprisingly, though, she is flattered, unbuttoning her trouser flap to reveal the aforementioned star’s youthful fizzog. You swear never to attempt chat uppery again.

Pisces

You fall over, accidentally sitting on a squirrel, which promptly shoots right up your asshole. He proceeds to live there all week like a vestibular appendix for the digestion of nuts, chittering away like Graham Norton. People frown in disbelief until the squirrel, swollen with faeces, crawls out during lectures and waddles off towards the Meadows.

Oliver ninnis

Contact: editors.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper lifestyle.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

16 Lifestyle

JOANNA LISIOVEC

Tuesday December January 3162012 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Should I stay or should I go?

BFFs: best friends for life, or bad flatmates forever? Kathryn Macphail discusses the ups and downs of flatmates gienic. Having been molly-coddled for most of their lives, they have little clue as to how to fend for themselves, although I must confess even I didn’t know how to cook pasta before I moved into my own flat. Most people will have their annoying habits that drive you up the wall, but is it any reason to suffer heart palpitations over?

Maybe some people just cannot live together, full stop.

It is more than likely that your flatmate is not going to change, but there’s no harm in trying a few solutions. Try acting even more disgusting than them, however revolting the lengths you may have to go. Go mad.

Don’t do the dishes, if you don’t feel like it. Maybe you should eat their food. That’s right, everything and anything. Go for it. They probably owe you several loaves of bread - at least - and there’s always the possibility of paying them back, when you get round to it that is.

Perhaps if this insanitary, germ-infested flatmate was a stranger, it could be easier to give them the heave-ho.

When the foul flatmate is a best friend, it gets a bit more complicated.

As loveable as they are, there might be a murder rap soon.

Another horrible situation that can arise is exclusion. The flat is meant to be your home for the next few years, presumably, and your friends are now family, but for some unfathomable reason they start point blank ignoring

Stitch up

you; unfortunately bullying or ‘cliques’ don’t end in high school.

So what to do? There is always the option of staying; fair enough, it is just a flat and there are no rules to say that your flatmates have to be your best friends. It may not be the Friends situation everyone deluded themselves it would be, but it has allowed you to socialise more, as you might want to be anywhere else but your flat.

“

We never question this in first year but in all honesty, how much do we truly know the people we befriend in halls?"

If your roommate survival guide tips were all completely ineffective and you’re actually considering an escape to living with the parents for the rest of your life, then it could be worth taking the chance and ditching those flatmates. Yes, the fun of flat hunting begins again, with the added bonus and likelihood of your flatmates accusing you of betrayal. Should you care? No. If you’re unhappy, you’re better off without them. Move on to pastures new. Through trial and error you’ll find that right flat eventually.

Your second family.

SPILT MILK: They say not to cry, but what if this was your last drop?

TONX

ESCAPING FIRST year halls is always a blessing, especially when it’s to share a flat just like those ones you saw in the 2nd year parties you were amazed by. Perhaps when imagining sharing a flat with friends you picture, well, Friends. Don’t fall for it. This American show, as endearing as it is, is brainwashing you. At times, there seems to be a thin line between being friends and flatmates.

In most cases there is always that one ‘bad’ flatmate. You know the one; they star in all the infamous roommate rants. They seldom do the dishes. They seldom tidy the flat. By the way, have you seen where all your milk has gone?

Oh, they’ll pay you back. Maybe.

You could have been moving into somewhere completely ideal, and in your mind the next university year is going to be fantastic. Then, sadly, that fantasy fades. It turns out your ‘friends’ from first year aren’t who you thought they were, and maybe you’re not who they thought you were. They can be spiteful, difficult, and even rather repulsive to live with.

We never question this in first year but in all honesty, how much do we truly know the people we befriend in halls? How true are friendships based on a certain level of superficiality, or partying? The phrase “if you want to know me, come and live with me” certainly springs to mind.

Sometimes we just have to accept that some people are simply unhy-

Lia Sanders shares some thoughts on the common syndrome of having a full wardrobe but nothing to wear IT IS said that one can’t be considered truly dedicated to fashion until one has been late for a lecture after spending too long in one’s undies in front of an open wardrobe moaning, “I’ve nothing to wear!” No, let’s face it, this is a complete lie because the idea of not having anything to wear is something that exists entirely in the mind of the beholder.

Everyone’s wardrobe bulges with unwise impulse purchases which resurface whenever you’re looking for something that you would actually like to wear. The obvious solution to such a predicament is to go back to bed. After all it’s February and the only proper attire should be a nice cosy duvet. Alternatively, you can decide to face the world, make do, and mend like in days of yore.

Reassess your wardrobe Wardrobe consultants may charge hundreds of pounds just for putting a few things on scented hangers and detangling some tights but they are correct in the key idea that knowing where to start is examining what you

already have. While it’s unlikely that you’ll discover a Marc Jacobs dress that you completely forgot about, it is likely that you may have some hidden gems.

sionals – you’ll be pretty upset when your favourite pair of jeans lies in eight pieces on your bedroom floor.

Use what you have differently

This can remind you of the worse tendencies of the ‘80s and/or childhood. But it can be tempting, when you learn that a major trend of S/S ’12 is going to be crop tops, to whip out the scissors. Just remember some important things like measuring all the way round and being sober when you engage on such projects.

Many people throw away perfectly good clothes (the UK average is 30kg per person per year). Why not adopt a more sustainable approach by rehabbing some of your old clothes?

That maxi dress you optimistically bought before summer could make a perfectly respectable showing as a mini-dress or silky pj bottoms can be re-imagined as evening trousers.

Alter ill-fitting clothes Long gone are the days when it was believed that sewing was more of a priority for girls than science.

While this is hurray for equality and society it means that you’ll probably be unable to go about darning a sock or hemming a skirt. Aside from sewing on buttons it may be best to leave the proper alterations to the profes-

Customise?

Be unconventional There’s no need to conform to certain ways of wearing clothes.

Who says you need to spend money on a handbag? Jane Birkin – the inspiration for the Hermès Birkin bag – carried her possessions around in Red Riding Hood style basket for years.

Make your own Crafts like knitting, sewing and

crochet have had a revival over recent years. If you start now you can have a lovely, wobbly, holey scarf done in time for summer.

Convincing people to give you their clothes because you look better in them than they do This one will generally only work on mothers, sisters and other family members. You’re probably better off wrangling for the few seasons old Hobbs’ skirt rather than the ‘70s pinstrip trousers.

Swapping what you have Clothes swapping parties have grown in popularity since the recession. If you don’t want to risk sacrificing your pristine, one-season old clothes for someone else’s smelly cast-offs in might be worthwhile seeing if your friends have any garments that they have tired of.

Go vintage Not technically a money saving device but in terms of sustainable fashion it scores some serious brownie points. Fi Mackay of ‘Godiva Boutique’ recommends looking for quality when buying second hand, in particular checking the zips and the wear of the fabric.

Go home Going back to your old wardrobe can sometimes be better than buying a whole new one - you might discover something that you never liked before that has suddenly come back into style.

Buy some washing powder Can’t be bothered with all the hassle? Don’t wait until you’re down to that ‘edgy’ top with batwing sleeves and a beetle print.

A change is as good as a rest, so instead of giving up on your unloved belongings, try shaking up your views on them instead.

Love lm?

Letstories us know!

Send fius your on fashion, beauty and health lifestyle.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

Tuesday January 31 2011 studentnewspaper.org

Lifestyle 17 17

Net-a-romance

Grumpy Old Students Hopped up on lattes

Surf and turf? One of our writers tests the waters of online dating

UNIVERSITY SHOULD be the perfect environment for dating. I came to the city excited, not only about the academic and social opportunities that awaited me, but about a student population stretching into the tens of thousands. It should be easy to find attractive, funny, likeminded people in such a huge dating pool, right?

It’s safe to say that the student dating scene was not at all what I expected. In fact, it seemed to be non-existent to me. I was befuddled as to how anyone found someone they liked and who wanted to be in a relationship, and after a year and a half of fruitless flirting in stickyfloored clubs, I decided to take the plunge and be proactive in my search for actual dates.

The world of online dating terrified me. I either thought of middleaged men looking for young women like myself to take advantage of or desperate people with no chance of finding a date in real life. But the truth was that I had nothing to lose

by making an online profile and maybe going for a drink with someone.

What shocked me more than anything when I signed up to Plenty of Fish (POF), a free service which allows you to view other members profiles and contact those you are interested in, was how normal the vast majority of the users seemed to be. Men, who were my age, who had university degrees, good jobs and social lives seemed to be having exactly the same problem I was having – they couldn’t find anyone who they liked and who wanted to do more than just sleep with them.

Could this be the modern solution to the dating quandary? There’s no denying that the student experi ence has changed beyond all recognition in the last few decades. When my parents were young, alcohol was extortionately expensive compared with the student deals on offer today and club culture was yet to become as popular as it is now. While I love going out, it’s not exactly the best

environment to meet someone whose company you might really enjoy, and other social outlets seem thinner on the ground.

and another with a guy closer to my age who made me laugh out loud.

As a relative newbie to this way of dating, I hadn’t realised quite how surprising the actual dates can be. The second date, who I thought I would get on really well with, was completely awkward and I could see him wince whenever my laugh made me snort. The postgraduate, however, turned out to be laidback, and to have a great sense of humour.

I certainly hadn’t expected to want to go on a second date with anyone I met online, but I suppose if this experience has been anything, it has been full of surprises.

And so to anyone who’s looking for something more than a cheeky pull on a club dance floor, I’d advise them to not overlook less conventional ways of meeting people. There is a huge student population in Edinburgh and that’s what sometimes makes it so hard to find what you’re looking for, so why not narrow down you options? Get online and get dating!

“

It's like being in a big supermarket, and getting to pick out out whatever you like and give it a go" Moreover, online dating was just fun. It’s like being in a big supermarket, and getting to pick out whatever you like and give it a go, with no pressure and no judgement. That’s not even mentioning some of the hilarious chat up lines that I had thrown at me – my personal favourite being ‘Is your last name Gilette? Because you’re the best a man can get.’

My ego boosted, I put myself out there and arranged two dates. One with a postgraduate who seemed a little formal but nice nonetheless

Don't count on it

Are you really what you eat? Katie Macpherson looks into our culture of quantity over quality never been one for calorie counting but it is worrying to think that food we assume is healthy may have a hidden risk. The law makes the access to calories in food a legal requirement for most establishments that provide food and drinks. The website for Starbucks has some of the calorie information but on other items it sells it attaches an ‘ask in store for nutritional details’. At the beginning of the year, however, some Starbucks began to openly display their calorie numbers next to their food and coffee. The bleed over from American law, wherein the calories must be openly displayed next to the item, has only been instilled in a few of the stores around Edinburgh. The

eventual transition could be seen as complete digression and honesty when it comes to food.

So does this runaround for information mean that cafes and restaurants are purposefully making it hard to access information on the fear that sales will fall? Or is it genuinely just bad website design? The blame for the unhealthy choice in panini surely falls on my shoulders and not the establishments, because I didn’t take the time to check the packaging. Yes I do feel that restaurants have an obligation to their customers to be upfront about the health of their meals but it is ultimately us who hold the final choice.

The fact is calorie counting,

CALORIE COUNTING: Why can't we just have our cake and eat it too?

IRISHTYPEPAD

PICKING HEALTHY options in cafes always seems so straightforward. You pick the sandwich or the panini with the most vegetables in it and surely that means it is a healthy option, right?

While out to lunch with a friend at Starbucks recently I opted for a mozzarella and tomato panini.

I thought I was being relatively healthy, but when I got home and looked it up online the total calorie content for that one item of food was 903, almost half of the daily recommended intake for adult women. On top of that I had grabbed a vanilla frappuccino as a treat which in itself added a further 330 calories onto my total – you do the maths. Now, I’ve

while it is a very useful tool when we are looking to watch our weight, can also become dangerous. With new smart phone applications doing the maths and working out daily intakes it’s very easy to cross the line between caution and abuse. Many eating disorders are now associated with the use of calorie counting. Harvard University even went so far as to remove the nutritional information on their student dining package because of the associations it has with making eating disorders worse. The removal of this access to information in some cases may be a good thing.

However, as some food is deceptive in its appearance of health, there must be a happy medium. While I don’t expect food companies to start putting large labels on the front of products saying ‘CALORIFIC!’, I am now going to take the time to look at and scrutinise foods I assume are healthy.

Another problem with calorie counting is the assumption that if something is low in calories it must be a better option for your body.

Or worse, the understanding that a product with a low calorie count is bad for you and the subsequent consumption of it anyway. In this regard my vice is Diet Coke. I already know that while the average can only contain 1.3 calories it is horrific for dental health due to the high levels of acid and some of its ingredients are associated with specific types of cancer. Am I willing to give it up for the sake of health? No, because I love the taste and for me drinking it is not about weight loss. When it comes down to it we have the ultimate power, the power to abuse ourselves, either by eating badly or restrictively but also the power to make ourselves better.

HABITUATION IS the compulsion to experience something as an anchor point in our daily lives from which we are unable to escape. To us students, while seemingly cliché, coffee is our universal drug of choice. Without this 'black gold' we convince ourselves we cannot function; we are truly habituated.

The 'pushers' of this universal stimulant are clearly the numerous branches of Starbucks, which now seem as common and sterile as McDonalds. Every day, we are presented with a wide array of different cafes, delis and even restaurants around campus serving affordable hot food and very good coffee, yet most still opt for Starbucks, which is truly puzzling.

As Edinburgh students, we are even lucky enough to have two separate branches within a matter of metres of each other, in case the distance between them is too unbearable to change the course of our journey.

From the moment you step in, the aroma of coffee granules plunder your sinuses while your ears endure the screech of the coffee machine.

You scan the room for a free seat, settling for one cluttered with the prior customer's coffee remains. As you shift the empty cups onto the nearest vacant table to make room for yourself, you’re already aware of a small group of people hovering around your table, intending to invade at the slightest indication that you 're leaving.

As you stand in line gazing at the range of mediocre, overpriced food, you become paralysed when the barista demands your coffee order.

The skinny-jean clad hipster with an oversized tacky holiday sweater before you orders a tall skinny caramel macchiato with an extra shot of sugar free caramel syrup and no whipped cream. Evidently, the ordering of a simple cup of hot coffee has become a mental challenge. Then there’s the classic range of ridiculously overpriced thermoses and mugs, which represent nothing of particular value or character yet somehow have you contemplating parting with the remains of your desperate student budget to buy one.

However, you eventually reject this idea upon the arrival of your customised coffee, the details of which you can’t remember. As you sip your coffee you realise that you would never be able to distinguish it from any other ‘blend’ on offer. At least it’s Fair-trade!

As you leave Starbucks, discontent, you pass the artisanal cafes and restaurants you could have visited, each possessing infinite amounts of character and memorable qualities.

Looking at their menus, you notice they serve freshly made food and their own selection of Fair-trade products being sold at a fraction of what you just sacrificed from your wallet. You then cannot help but wonder why you hadn’t tried somewhere new, somewhere that would offer you an atmosphere, the WiFi you so desperately need and a more affordable cup of coffee. That's when you know a pusher has you in their grasp.

Marissa Trew

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper tech.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

DO YOU watch TV series online?

Perhaps you download music, lend a friend a CD? Unwittingly, you have got yourself caught up in the copyright war that has been ongoing for the last twenty years.

We like a program, we share it with our friends. People have been doing this since analogue technology made it possible for people to tape TV or films and give them to their friends, long before the internet made it as simple as copying a link.

However, the media industry has been fighting against this free exchange of their precious, expensive products, trying to make copyright laws ban people from producing their own copies to give or sell to others.

Piracy, they called it.

What has this got to do with the Megaupload crash last week? As part of the campaign behind the Stop Online Piracy Act (SOPA) the US government dropped a cyber bomb on the $175 million website, seizing the domain names, taking $50 million in assets and arresting four major employees, including the founder Kim Dotcom.

The SOPA bill is the last attack in a series of plays by the media companies in the world who wish to stop people from sharing free copies of their videos. The prosecutors of Megaupload are accusing them of hiding copyright breaches behind a veneer of legitimacy. They also say that the lack of a site-wide search engine and a false list of popular downloads is how Megaupload hides its illegal content, saying some of this content is seen by employees processing payments for the ‘uploader rewards’ program and not taken down.

The Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) are certain of Megaupload’s guilt, stating “By all estimates, Megaupload.com is the largest and most active criminally operated website targeting creative content in the world... This criminal case, more than two years in development, shows that law enforcement can take strong action to protect American intellectual property stolen through sites housed in the United States.”

The movement of SOPA has slowed after major websites like Wikipedia darkened their websites to protest the bill that would make a ‘World Without Free Knowledge’.

Rep. Lamar Smith, who introduced SOPA, has said “I have heard from the critics, and I take seriously their concerns regarding proposed legislation to address the problem of online piracy. It is clear that we need to revisit the approach on how best to address the problem of foreign thieves that steal and sell American inventions and products.”

Nina Seale

It's definitely not for girls

Tom Hasler takes a a look at the obscure world of the Katawa Shoujo phenomenon The typical reaction I get when I tell people about Katawa Shoujo is, understandably, confusion and distress. A western homage to the Japanese visual novel, Katawa Shoujo puts you in the shoes of a young man at a school for the disabled who is surrounded by a harem of girls with various disabilities.

It would be misleading to say that your goal is to date one of these girls, because KS, like most visual novels, doesn’t really set out any explicit goal and doesn’t really offer the player the freedom to carry out those goals anyway. Instead, players (or readers, audiences?) are relatively passive and are simply presented with a prearranged narrative told mostly through text, but also featuring music, photographs, drawings and animations. The experience is not completely free of interaction however – occasionally KS presents the player with a choice that will determine the course of the narrative. It’s not too dissimilar from ‘choose your own adventure’ novels read by children.

“

the integration of various types of art, media and interaction into the traditional novel is a natural step" This of course makes it difficult to define KS as a video game, it really depends on how broad your definition of video game goes. Regardless, with the rising popularity of ebooks and devices like the iPad, the integration of various types of art and media and interaction

IRONY: People will likely be asking this question a lot when 'playing' Katawa Shoujo into the traditional novel is a natural step. And regardless of how strange you find KS’s premise or style, the Japanese visual novel will likely form a basis for this evolution.

Despite it’s eccentricities, KS has garnered a substantial cult following online. In some ways this is perplexing – the writing is frustratingly slow and overly melodramatic at times and until now the visual novel medium has remained fairly obscure in the west. It seems however that the novel’s primary appeal is in its escapism. The character arcs and writing gives KS the vibe of Twilight for boys. It’s a disturbing notion that the male answer to the female

vampire fantasy is disability – fortunately that isn’t the exact parallel to be drawn, but rather that KS is romantic fiction targeted at young men. There is a much stronger emphasis on the personalities of the various girls the protagonist can court rather than their disability, and the game’s overall message seems to be a demonstration of how ordinary people with these disabilities actually are. The various potential partners seem to follow tradition girlfriend archetypes and the various choices you make act as personality tests that guide players to their ideal partner.

Although KS’s approach to disability is relatively rounded and

mature for the most part, the overall writing and style isn’t really that great, and is certainly a little juvenile.

Regardless of Katawa Shoujo’s actual merits, its success may actually pave the way for some genuinely innovative storytelling and as a result, should be considered something of a pioneering endeavour. To many it will be weird, but it’s certainly got its own identity, and given that it’s widely available for free I would definitely recommend checking this ‘game’ out, if only to see for yourself what all the fuss is about.

Who knows? maybe you may find yourself secretly dreaming of your imaginary disabled girlfriend.

Not exactly big brother Sean Douglass takes a light hearted look at the FBI's latest surveillance program

THE FBI is in the process of developing a new application for social media outlets such as Facebook and Twitter, drawing criticism from privacy campaigners fearful for its impact on free speech online. What’s the big deal, though? All that this means is that one of the biggest spy organisations in the world has finally caught up with half the people online and wants to start Facebook stalking.

This is not the first time social media has been used for legal purposes; there have been number of ridiculous examples such as when police tracked a criminal across borders using World of Warcraft and when an Italian mobster was tracked down using Facebook, but this project is on a much wider scale, processing an almost absurd amount of information.

Some of the features requested from this project are that the Bureau

will be able to be map information directly onto Google Maps, access traffic cameras and, most notably, ‘scrape’ social networking sites. What is the plan – hope to spot the next Osama Bin Laden on Street View? Maybe they want to emulate Seth Green’s role in the remake of The Italian Job, who knows, but it seems that the only thing they’re scraping is the bottom of the barrel.

The amount of information this app will pick up could be mind-blowing: how can it distinguish talk about another 9/11 from some moronic 12 year old saying “Justin Bieber is da bomb!!!!11!!1!Shift+1!”? There could well be a way to separate terrorist chatter from, well, the rest of the internet – computer programmers are very talented people. However, we have to consider the fact if there is even the slightest chance it’s go-

ing to take computer programmers away from creating the new Football Manager, maybe the terrorists have already won.

Speaking of those pesky world wreckers, what kind of terrorist posts their destructive plans on Facebook and Twitter? Have they never seen any James Bond film or Four Lions?

If you give anyone even the slightest idea of what you’re going to do, Sean Connery or Jack Bauer will track you down and murder you. Of all the places to post a terrorist message, has anyone stopped to think – why Facebook? Are criminals hoping someone will “like” their devious schemes and hateful messages? Okay, bad example – sarcastic and hateful comments are what keep some people (i.e. me) still using Facebook – but you get the idea.

While this app seems like an inter-

FOUR LEAF STUDIOS

OLIVER NINNIS

OLIVER NINNIS

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

esting idea and may very well help in the war on terror; who would take a job like that? Yes, you get sit around on Twitter and Facebook all day but think about that – so many inane Facebook statuses and Tweets, it would wrinkle your brain how stupid people are.

If you were Abu Hamza or someone, would you not make a conscious effort to write things like “I heart Ready Brek!” or “Why do ITV still put Loose Women on telly?”, just to annoy the FBI? The bottom line is while Facebook, Twitter, etc. can be useful sources of information, that information is usually about finding out who is going to Glastonbury - but to use it to protect against global terrorism? Maybe we should just prepare for the Thunderdome now if that is the best the FBI can do.

rEVIEW

COMMISSION #15: lucinda cook

Lucinda Cook is a 5th Year MA Fine Art student, whose work is primarily informed by her experiences as a Christian. Her piece Still Small Voice, shown here in a static form, is supposed to move: each of the discs spin, blurring the colours, and then stop moving when the viewer stands in front of it, revealing the individual colours. In her own words Cook states that: “As a Christian, the work communicates the kind of experience I have when 'hearing' God’s voice. While this might not be an audible voice, I share this experience with many Christians: an impression, a sense or an image that communicates something of God’s character and his love for people. In these moments life comes into bright focus. The piece responds to the viewer: the colours become clear when we move towards it.”

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper culture.thestudent@gmail.com

Are you watching closely?

HOLLY JAMESON

20 Culture 20

Thom Louis notices the wires behind the wonder at The Infamous Brothers Davenport

L

ady Noyes-Woodhull has lost her geographer-cum-medical scientist-cum-explorer husband. In her grief, she has summoned a symposium centring on the spectacular stage séance of the eponymous brothers Davenport at the Lyceum. These American siblings reportedly can channel the dead using their imposing spirit cabinet.

His grand, booming voice and massive gestures not only provide comic relief but give the show the feel of a genuine Victorian illusion performance.

“

“

Every trick, from table turning to violins playing themselves to contacting dead relatives of random audience members, is captivating."

NARNIA?: The Brothers Davenport summon spirits forth

PHOTOGRAPHER TOMMY GA – KEN WA

The sides of the play are so divided that it feels like there were two writers at work."

Even before the show starts its mystery is clear. The cabinet dominates the centre stage, while some audience members are invited to check the authenticity of the props and certain ner-

vous others, garbed in Victorian finery, are chosen to witness the brothers’ wonders from the stage. And boy are they wonders. Every trick, from table turning to violins playing themselves

to contacting dead relatives of random audience members, is captivating. This sense of enigma is augmented by the presence of Mr Fay, the boys’ manager, portrayed by Gavin Mitchell.

FULL STOP

and pastel soft landscape, but remains something of an anomaly.

Still, some other pieces do impress.

Jessica Harrison’s Sophia strips away the ceramic flesh of a female figurine to reveal her interior being. Undoubtedly it’s more complex than Mclean, but just as arresting. By humanising the porcelain we don’t see an ornament as much as a painful truth subsisting in everyone.

It’s pleasing to note that the quality of execution lives up to the drama of the idea.

Stuart McMorris’ untitled print carefully marries geometry and colour to make a thrilling work of art, but like its neighbours it feels wasted in the setting. The impending closure of the gallery forces one to consider the space in which the work inhabits. Sandwiched between a takeaway and a shop, the room is overwhelmingly small. I’m not diametrically opposed to these intimate spaces, nor am I infatuated with their high rent alternatives, but I think in this case a sense of purpose is lost. This space is barely larger than the back of a Transit van, and journalistic hyperbole though it may seem, I’ve probably had more fun in one.

Daniel Regan

A DAY IN THE DEATH OF JOE EGG

Such and Such Run Ended



N

ot that I can speak with any authority on the matter, but dying from a cobra bite must really hurt. Just imagine being trapped in a forest without any medical amenities to extract the poison – it’s pretty grim. What’s worse is that these things tend to take their time: thirty minutes, Wikipedia reliably states, before one’s death. Not the nicest of thoughts perhaps, but it struck me while examining a photograph by Ross Fraser Mclean that death, in this instance by a venomous snake, is the final full stop.

Morbidity is an overriding theme in Full Stop, but one that’s artistically underrepresented in the exhibition as a whole. The collection brings an end to eighteen months of the Such and Such gallery and Full Stop is a final retrospective of some of its best contributors. It’s an interesting idea, but sadly Mclean is one of the few who approach it with an engaging message. His snapshot of Indian snake charmers provides a tranquil combination of candid existence

HALF-LIGHT AND OTHER SHORT STORIES DANIELLE MALINEN

Whittles Publishing £16.99



I

f ever there was a genre we could call Scots Zen, Neil M Gunn was at its forefront. Dipping in and out of the Scots language and philosophical ponderings, the novelist uses this set of short stories to reflect on the many facets of his highland home and bend language to his every whim. The majority of Gunn’s works appeared during the 1920s and ‘30s, seeing the writer through recession and into the aftermath of a world war. In this political

Bedlam Theatre Run Ended



W

e’re all crippled in some way. It might not show, it might not prevent us from moving, or talking, or thinking, but we are all limited. There are things we can’t do; it’s not in our power to change that.

“

Their struggle with their child's condition, which makes her an inanimate object of frustrated fantasies, waves of guilt and imagined dialoges, is human all along."

A day in the death of Joe Egg shows you these limits, and that they can be accepted, fought, and maybe crossed, but not ignored. Brian (Ben Thomson) landscape he wrote extensively, picking up the James Tait Black Memorial Prize along the way.

Early in his career, Gunn, who later made his name in novels and philosophical essays, published a number of short stories in literary magazines.

These have now been collected together in Half Light, a volume made up of near-autobiographical tales touched by the sea and land which shaped the writer’s early life. Beautifully painted, Gunn’s highland home is ever-present in the stories, and often seems like it has a personality all of its own. But at times, and certainly if a reader wishes to read straight through the stories without a healthy pause now and then, this becomes a little too bleak and the meaning is obscured. Where narratives

The play, however, changes its tone rapidly when it reaches its first flashback. The box opens up to show the family drama that led the brothers to their stage success. Here we see a broken home containing every cliché in the book; everything is here, the drug crazed evangelical mother, the abusive alcoholic father and most importantly, the sister driven to suicide by her “pa’s” advances.

Despite certainly having merit, this story seems to bear little relevance to the performance that comes before. and Sheila (Molly Shevlin) half-jokingly drag you into their tragedy: having a “spastic parsnip” for a daughter.

Their struggle with their child’s condition, which makes her an inanimate object of frustrated fantasies, waves of guilt, and imagined dialogues, is human all along. Unspeakable wishes and concealed resentments are bared on stage. Virtuously or despicably, everyone must cope with the cumbersome presence of Joe, stuck irreversibly in her wheelchair.

The actors lead the audience on a sympathetic tour: you touch Brian’s despair, masked by raw jokes and impatience to live, and you worry every bit as much as loving Sheila, admiring her faith but pitying her for her illusions at the same time. It is hideous but you are as uncomfortable as snobbish Pam when vegetable Joe is motionless on stage. You feel what the actors want you to feel and their performances admirably cover the distance between the audience and the characters.

I didn’t quite know how to take the show’s comic side. Was I allowed to laugh about misery? It felt like violating a taboo. But the laughter was needed for its distressing property, and are contained within dreams or other stories, we get lost in between, and the zen of the highlands can turn to a desperation close to suicidal.

“

This high philosphical awareness means Gunn's characters are constantly searching for a deeper meaning in the bleak landscape that surrounds them."

This high philosophical awareness means Gunn’s characters are constantly

The sides of the play are so divided that it feels like there were two writers at work, separated by a concrete wall made of rabid Alsatians; one wanted to create a kooky period magic show and the other a claustrophobic, Tennessee Williams-inspired, American high-drama. Fitting them together is like combining Lego and K’nex – they are just too different to work without forcing them together.

However, the production is so solid that it makes up for the script’s schizophrenia. Every character is well performed and intricate; the scene changes are slick, impossible and indeed supernatural; the effects are brilliant and diverse, ranging from the burning down of a house to the appearance and vanishing of ghosts. You know the whole thing is smoke and mirrors, literally so at points, but it is almost impossible to detect them and that is what makes this show fascinating, but that isn’t enough to give it the impact that it wanted. the script preserved it without disturbing the calamity.

The tragedy is not Joe, but those

“

This tension is constantly simmering and the light and sound designs as well as sharp timing, adds to its build up." around her. The invisible but tangible barriers to communication, only crossed when the actors address the audience and pour their heart out, keep happiness out of reach. This tension is constantly simmering and the light and sound designs, as well as sharp timing, add to its build up.

One of Brian’s sick jokes seizes the core of it: “Wouldn’t you be relieved if it was over? If Joe died?” In the guilty silence that follows we wonder what our answer would be were we “spastic parents.” This play leaves no room for indifference.

Paola Tamma

searching for a deeper meaning in the bleak landscape that surrounds them.

Whether a pair of academics brought together by a lost pair of black gloves or a child who has just discovered atomic theory, the population of these stories is always looking for more in their dimly-lit world, their inner workings laid bare for us to see as they wait for dawn.

Jenni Ajderian Our next Book Club read will be The Angel Esmerelda: Nine Stories,

by Don DeLillo.

If you have any thoughts on it, or Half-Light and Other Short Stories, email culture.thestudent@gmail. com and let us know!

Theatre buff? Review it! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper culture.thestudent@gmail.com

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Culture 21

A landscape of portraits

Michael Mackenzie discovers the National Portrait Gallery has more to offer than old, dusty paintings y grandfather recently admitted to me that he never much liked the National Portrait Gallery because “it’s full of portraits of old rich people” he’s barely heard of. In many ways, I can see his point: a lot of the grand, finely painted portraits portray their subjects proudly, imposing a presence onto the belittled viewer that can leave you wondering why you came along; was it only to be made to feel inferior to these ostensibly larger-than-life figures? Walking through one of the larger gallery halls you might sometimes feel like Elizabeth Bennet wandering

through the gallery at Pemberley; only landing upon the recognisable faces of Mary, Queen of Scots, David Hume, or Robert Burns after a lot of indifferent wandering.

However, after what their website describes as a “dramatic renovation,” the gallery has attempted to open its doors to as many people as possible, notably with its inclusion of the small exhibition Hot Scots: a series of small, clear and humanising photographs of Scottish celebrities like David Tennant, Karen Gillan, James McAvoy and of course, Sir Sean Connery. Those

like my grandfather can have little to complain of here. These portraits are not imposing, nor are they esoteric, and they are even pretty to look at.

“

Walking through one of the larger gallery halls you might sometimes feel like Elizabeth Bennet wandering through the gallery at Pemberley."

IT'S JUST LIKE HOGWARTS, RIGHT?: The Grand Hall of the National Portrait Gallery

NEW WORK SCOTLAND PROGRAMME Collective Galley Until 19 February



I

t’s hard to make a gallery as small as Cockburn Street’s Collective feel empty, but this round of the New Work Scotland exhibition manages it. There is a lot of whitewashed wall here, and a lot of concrete floor, which past exhibitors have used to their advantage, but which only serves to make the first collection, from Jack McConville, look dwarfed.

It’s a shame, since the work itself is interesting, taking classical nude poses and putting them in Matisse’s bright, blocky colours. The addition of a black bar across the eyes of each figure is reminiscent of a shamed defendant in a newspaper article, which draws our attention to the changing attitude towards nude images in the public eye.

Further in, Ash Reid’s handful of works have us turning between two low-quality television screens as whispered memories and disconnected statements sustain the feeling of being in a huge space with someone standing just behind your shoulder.

Reid is interested in hypnosis and the stage between sleeping and wakefulness; certainly this kind of fluid reality is present in her videos, while digital prints on the walls are lifeless and hesitant. The body of work itself holds together well, with nice interlinking domestic articles featured on walls, floor and on tape; but the overall feel is one of a strange emptiness.

A third room-turned-cinema has works from Amelia Bywater and Christian Newby, which have to be looked at together, difficult as this may be. In the darkened room it is easy to watch Historic Plays Dissolving Songbook, a 34-minute-long silent video of a selection of short scenes.

It is less easy to view the other work, entitled Rebecca, which appears to be the script of the film we are watching.

The words absent from the video are here written on the page in the second person, describing not what the character or actor should do, but what you should do.

The missing links between script and play, and the act of trying to fill in the blanks, is absorbing, making this little room by far the most rewarding place in the gallery.

Jenni Ajderian

CANDLEWASTERS BedlamTheatre Run ended



T

his showcase of the original writing that Bedlam has to offer is a great opportunity for new voices to be heard and for onstage experimentation. Setting an admirably serious tone, the show, consisting of four short works, dealt with challenging topics ranging from divorce to animal rights activism.

“

A Pollock-HallsJMCC-style dinnertime experience that had moments of real humour, capturing the banal aspects of student social life."

Subtle movement was used innovatively throughout to achieve comic and dramatic moments, particularly apparent with the opening of Suppertime. This was a Pollock-HallsJMCC-style dinnertime experience that had moments of real humour,

CHRIS WATT PHOTOGRAPHY

M

The beauty of these photographic portraits, and those that are not of celebrities elsewhere in the gallery, is quite different to the beauty of a grand painting. David Tennant, for example, is not looking particularly bonny in his portrait, but there is beauty in photographs like this just as there is beauty in a painting by Lucien Freud. The subject may challenge the viewer with a bold stare back, but however they look at us they offer their face up for examination. You can lose yourself in the intricacies of a photographed face as you may have stared and stared at the layers of fat in Naked Man, Back View.

That’s not to say the old paintings aren’t beautiful too; though you appreciate these for the differences in style, the changing conventions of presenting portraits, and the realism of representation. When staring into these faces, the emphasis inevitably falls on history. You can look at the several portraits of Bonnie Prince Charlie and imagine what he really looked like.

Some portraits you can imagine as people on the street; a bizarre thought for people hundreds of years old. There is even the opportunity to see from-life face casts of the infamous Burke and Hare, alongside the faces of Coleridge, Keats, Mendelssohn and Haydn.

As the gallery stands now, it attempts to represent Scotland and its people throughout history. It is striking how romantic this portrayal is.

Perhaps this is most fitting in a gallery that urges us to remember a past we did not experience. Even in Alexander Moffat’s Poets’ Pub, a representation of the Edinburgh literary scene in the mid twentieth century, there is an extremely romantic depiction of Edinburgh’s bohemian world. Poets and novelists sit around Hugh Macdiarmid just as they do James Hogg in William Allan’s The Celebration of the Birthday of James Hogg. Scotland is famous for its romantic attachment to history, but

to compare the literary scene of the twentieth century to that of the Scottish enlightenment is incredibly naive.

Thankfully, with the more recent work of Calum Colvin and his contemporaries, Scotland is portrayed as infected with consumerism, feeding from the remnants of a dead culture.

As pessimistic as it may seem, these often more experimental works are refreshing amongst walls and walls of nostalgia.

Regardless of the overall portrayal of Scotland, there are incredibly famous portraits in the gallery. That one of Robert Burns, those ones of Walter Scott, Henry Raeburn, and David Wilkie. You can even have a closer look at the more famous paintings in the Touchscreen Gallery where you can admire the tiny detail of James VI/I's face.

capturing the banal aspects of student social life whilst having a jab at Simon Cowell in the process.

polar disorder instead created the aura of a middle-class group therapy session, culminating with what appeared to be the trivialisation of attempted suicide. A sudden allusion to lesbian adoption in the second scene simply felt like box ticking; as if the writer was trying to break as many taboos as possible.

Candlewasters did end on a note of high-intensity, however, with Transfusion, a comi-tragic examination of medical ethics in the aftermath of a bomb attack on a hospital. There’s only enough blood for one of the patients to survive, and two doctors prevaricate over who has the more deserving case.

There were truly hair-raising moments, heightened by some brilliantly hysterical female acting from Kay Singh. Particularly thoughtful was the use of theatre-within-theatre, as the actors rose out of the bodies on stage, drawing the audience into the sphere of the extra-corporeal experience.

Side-by-side with the darkness were some delightfully farcical moments, notably Richard Davies’ repeated screech of “I am well aware of that!”

“

Tackling the issues surrounding depression through drama is a daunting task, requiring real sensitivity and slight of hand from the playwright."

Victoria Linström’s short drama For Sale: Baby Shoes took inspiration from Ernest Hemingway’s infamous six-word story For Sale: Baby Shoes – Never Worn. Tension between the characters onstage was created successfully, portraying discord between wife and ex-husband effectively, making for an emotive exploration of marriage, break-up and fatherhood.

The show did, however, have a weak link. Tackling the issues surrounding depression through drama is a daunting task, requiring real sensitivity and slight of hand from the playwright.

Unfortunately, Cheer Up Frowny Face didn’t achieve this. What could have been a provocative exploration of bi-

“

You can have a calming rest in the Grand Hall admiring the walls and ceiling, in a space that seems far, far away from Queen Street."

Equally as stunning is the architecture itself. The Grand Hall, with its massive murals and arches, is mesmerising. There is even a Hogwartslike ceiling of astrological symbols and golden stars. You can have a calming rest in the Grand Hall admiring the walls and ceiling, in a space that seems far, far away from Queen Street.

For those who share the views of my grandfather, the re-opened gallery will be a stunning surprise. Even while it tries to encapsulate Scottish culture, it proves itself to be a fantastic and beautiful place in Edinburgh’s cultural scene. It provides an exciting new look at the very, very old.

John Hewitt-Jones

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Theatre buff? Review it! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper culture.thestudent@gmail.com

22 Culture STAR RATING Spellbinding Wand-erful Brooming with mediocrity Bottom of the cauldron Conjure me up an exit

Turner round, bright eyes

ROYGBIV This week's cultural spectrum.

Catherine Johnson takes an enlightening look at the National Gallery's well preserved Turners ealising that in my four years here in Edinburgh I had never been to see the annual Turner in January exhibition and that this may be my last chance before departing after graduation, I promptly headed for the National Gallery.

This wonderful collection of watercolours, by Britain’s celebrated landscape painter Joseph Mallord William Turner, was donated to the National Galleries of Scotland by the art collector Henry Vaughn in an act of great generosity. Aware of the delicate nature of watercolours, and their easy damage at over-exposure to light, Vaughn specified that they only be displayed during January; a wish that has been respected, and has come to form a ritual exhibition, even though the pieces are now entirely lit artificially.

The collection is small, in a way that allows careful meditation on each work. Displaying Turner’s passion for travel as well as that for landscape and topography, the works show a variety of Turner’s favoured European painting hotspots, from the wild winds of rural Scotland and Wales to the smouldering air of Venetian summers.

Stand-out works are the more expressive pieces, such as the swirling winds depicted in Loch Coruisk, Skye and the vibrant and impressionistic colour experiments of Sea View. The collection distinctively includes many works from Turner’s time spent in Italy, a good deal of which portray Venice, a

AFTERNOON AT THE SEASIDE Bedlam Theatre Run Endedr



T

his week’s Bedlam Festival has seen a fantastic display of the diverse range of shows produced by the student company.

As part of the festival I went to see the short play Afternoon at the Seaside neatly summarised by the tagline: “When a traditional British holiday becomes entangled with a mysterious theft, hilarity and confusion ensue...”

STRIKING: An example of Turner's use of watercolour and ink The Piazzetta, Venice (1840) city of great appeal to Turner’s interest in depicting water.

In watercolour, the perfect medium, Turner captures the atmosphere of the canal-city – fine examples being The Sun of Venice and the stormy haze of The Piazzetta. An addition to the

collection is the new acquisition of Rome from Monte Mario, a charming depiction of the ancient city from up high. Such works provide a perfect visual get-away from a cold and dreary Scottish January.

This is a gentle exhibition, soft and

pleasing on both the eye and mind – perfect for this time of year. If you have never been, make sure you participate in this much-loved January ritual; or at least keep an eye out for this cherished Edinburgh tradition when it comes around next year.

Indeed I was confused, but perhaps less tickled by the writer’s sense of humour. This short Agatha Christie play sees the plot almost entirely lost to a shallow study in comic relationships, stereotyping, and sexual tension. In fact at some points I joined both actors and scriptwriters in losing the plot a bit, too.

The actors should be given due credit, however, for tackling a script that noticeably suffers from time constraints. The acting itself was (for the most part) forgivably overindulgent, with actors clearly taking part in the fun of the piece. This is when the play worked best, as the chemistry on stage came alive and the actors revelled in

their ridiculous - and sometimes even funny - lines.

Stereotyping was at its best and most comic with the introduction of the deer-stalker wearing inspector, and the beautiful, mysterious, bikini wearing French woman. I can only hope for her sake the sparse stage lights helped to warm up the set a little.

I think it’s fair to say, if you’re looking for an evening of light entertainment, and are easily amused by sexual gags, then this play is for you.

Otherwise, perhaps give one of the many other Bedlam plays a go this festival season.

“

At some points I joined both actors and scriptwriters in losing the plot a bit, too."

Yes, I admit, there were times when I even laughed out loud. The characters of the two older ladies were well played and credit should be given to the makeup artist who must have had a hard time making two pretty young students look like classy grannies.

M

NATIONAL GALLERIES OF SCOTLAND

R

Alex Hitch

THE ART DOCTOR with Anna Feintuck This week: some natural perspective to dwarf life's smaller worries Recently my research project has been going nowhere fast. Experiment after experiment all end in failure. Can you please prescribe me some inspirational art to keep me from the bottom of a bottle?

It seems that you’re rather in need of perspective, and the perfect cure for that is obviously vast skyscapes. Alas, by the time this goes to print it will be too late for me to suggest that you go to Turner in January. But following a similar vein of thought – though stylistically they’re poles apart – have a look at the Scottish photography of another old favourite of mine, Bill

Brandt. There’s something rather staggering and awe-inspiring about his 1947 landscape work, particularly Lord Macdonald’s Forest, Isle of Skye and Loch Slapin, Isle of Skye. What could be more inspirational than nature? And here it is in striking monochrome (with a fabulously shaggy coat). Brandt plays with perspective for effect, and you should take heed and actively control how you feel about your situation: don’t let the experiment loom larger in your mind than it deserves to.

If nature doesn’t do it for you, perhaps portraiture will. Conveniently, the National Portrait Gallery currently has a show on called Pioneers of Science. I couldn’t risk guessing what

Got a problem? We can cure you! All problems will be treated confidentially. And ever so seriously. Email us at artdoctor.thestudent@gmail.com.

agicians are characters who naturally possess a flair for the theatrical. On the other hand, theatre rarely has a flair for the magical. We often hear about the magic of theatre but you will rarely hear about magic in the theatre. You are unlikely to see most shows employing the dark arts in their performances, much preferring slick stage managing and lighting to perform its miracles rather than secret techniques that cannot be revealed to the public.

This week, The Infamous Brothers Davenport opened at the Lyceum and is filled with magical trickery that is totally outside of theatre’s norm. Tambourines flying over the heads of the audience, tables floating off the floor and cold reading wonders are hardly at home in a regular stage show. Due to these tricks the whole stage crew have been sworn to secrecy by the magic circle and the team are suggesting that people don’t talk about this production so audience members can experience it for itself ( I seem to have gone against that rule a little).

It all seems very impressive. However, in a standard modern magical show (or “psycological illusion” to use their preferred terminology, pretentious self promoters that they are), these tricks would have been considered not only dated but frankly dull.

The likes of Derren Brown or Ali Cook would scoff at the standard of trickery being performed at the Lyceum. This begs the question: why does theatre not use magic more? Despite the problems with secrecy, I was certainly impressed by the antiquated trickery in the play, but have been absolutely astounded by the abilities of Derren Brown. Imagine if a magician lent his techniques to a theatre company. We could have Ian Mckellen pretending to guess the lottery numbers.

The root of the problem is that old saying, that “magicians never reveal their tricks.” A lot of the popularity of the modern magician, whether he be part of the “street” magic scene (I always imagine the Crips and Bloods with top hats and wands hearing that phrase) or have their own show on Channel 4, is about their own brand.

The personality of the magician is so vital to their performance that even if it was lent to a show’s actors it wouldn’t cause nearly as many gasps. We think that these personalities can do anything and that is what gives the tricks their impact.

Thom Louis

kind of experiment you’re doing, but there’s sure to be something here that will provide impetus to continue with your experiments rather than drowning your sorrows. It even has a section called “The importance of science” which should remind you that you are doing something worthwhile. This latter suggestion may be particularly effective if taken with the former: a nice balance of perspective and selfworth is pretty much a sure fire equation for happiness, isn’t it? But then, I’m no scientist.

Look oot for...

The Embassy Gallery, now on Broughton Lane, are showing their Annual Member's Show until February 5. It should be full of interesting art styles and subject matter.

Dovecot are also currently exhibiting a collection of jewellery, ceramics, glass and installment art. A big mixture of media this week!

SHORTY LEE

Dear Art Doctor,

Riddikulus!

Swallows and Amazons is showing at the Festival Theatre til February 4 if you've always fancied yourself as a bit of a pirate.

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Love film? Let us know! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper film.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

JOANNA LISOWIEC

24

Neigh Oscars for animals Tess Malone looks at the unappreciated heroes behind this year's Oscars nominations

ast year’s best acting came from acL tors who can’t put on accents or fake tears, but they can woo audiences all the

does more than just pratfalls in the film, he saves the protagonist’s life. As one of the silent film panels says in The Artist, “That man owes his life to this dog.”

Likewise, Hollywood owes its appeal to Uggie, who saved The Artist from being a pretentious inside joke.

same. They accept a bucket of oats as a reward, not a golden statue, although they deserve one. They are animals and they are the best performers in Hollywood right now.

The most sincere actor in War Horse is the horse. He’s not forced to speak in a muddled French accent or coerced into crying in slow motion like the other actors. No, the most emotionally manipulative scene Steven Spielberg sets him against is a gorgeous sunset. This is because horses are mercurial creatures, more unpredictable than WWI shellfire.

As Spielberg said in an interview, “There are times you just have to sit back and thank your lucky stars that the horses somehow were cognizant that something was required of them that none of us could tell them but they, intuitively, were able to give it to the moment in the scene.” Thankfully, Joey is meant to be obstinate. Now, that’s method acting.

However, there was some RADAworthy acting. When Joey gets stuck in barbed wire, it’s one of the most heart wrenching scenes; one you know the Oscars would use for a montage. However, to insure the horse was safe, the barbed wire was actually made out of rubber. All those whinnies of pain were

THE DOG'S BOLLOCKS: Bérénice wished she was even half as good at acting as Uggie pure acting. It should be noted that Joey was played by fourteen different horses.

Ensemble acting takes coordination and cooperation, and for animals that have trailers larger than the human actors, this is quite a feat.

However, War Horse can be summed up in one line often told to Albie, Joey’s sappy owner: “It’s just a horse, not a dog.”

No matter how charmingly Joey can eat an apple, can he roll over and play dead?

No. Joey’s all looks with the occasional attitude. He’s the Megan Fox of animal actors. Joey wouldn’t even be considered

for an Oscar, if it weren’t for the poster animal of the movement, Uggie, The Artist’s scene stealing pooch. Uggie comes from humble origins. Two owners rejected him for being ‘too wild’ (he’s a Jack Russell Terrier, what else did they expect?). He was about to be sent off to the pound when animal trainer, Omar Van Muller found him. Von Muller described him as ‘crazy’, but he wasn’t afraid of anything. “He gets rewards, like sausages, to encourage him to perform, but that is only a part of it,” Von Muller told The Daily Telegraph, but was quick

to emphasise, “He works hard.” This Dickensian story quickly developed into him acting next to Robert Pattinson in Water for Elephants. It wasn’t until The Artist that his bite matched his bark.

Ironically, a silent film let him really shine because Von Muller could call out commands during takes. Uggie had a few stunt doubles (Dash and Dude), but like Tom Cruise, he did most of his own stunts. Uggie’s dog tricks put most other canines to shame. He can play dead from a gunshot wound and mimic Jean Dujardin’s every move. But Uggie

A MONSTER IN PARIS

THE DESCENDANTS

DIRECTED BY BIBO BERGERON

DIRECTED BY ALEXANDER PAYNE





Monster in Paris is just what it A says on the tin: an eccentric, lovable children’s film which will leave

QUALITY ACTING: George Clooney strikes his best Zoolander pose lationship with his daughters Alex (Shailene Woodly) and Scottie (Amara Miller). All he can do is despair as his youngest throws deck chairs into the pool. But when he finds out his now comatose wife was having an affair, the issues become far more complex and he is paradoxically brought closer to his angsty elder daughter. The first reaction to this is obviously, “why would anyone cheat on Clooney?”, but when the shock fades, King is left with this information yet is unable to confront his wife, reduced to simply shouting at an unconscious body.

The three, accompanied by Alex’s slightly deadbeat friend, search for

BUCKLE22

T

he tragicomedy genre is hard to master, but when the two elements of comedy and serious drama blend together, the results can be astounding.

The Descendants is one such case. It is a sad and moving film with the ability to deliver great tension at times. It is when these moments are broken with awkward humour that the synthesis is achieved wonderfully. The film operates on a very human level, exploring the relationships and bringing out the tragedy and joy of reality.

Matthew King’s (George Clooney) opening monologue describes the common misconception of living in Hawaii: it's not all Mai Thais and surfing.

Following a boating accident, his wife falls into a coma, leaving King to look after his disconnected daughters alone.

Clooney leads the drama magnificently.

He is a workaholic who, following his wife’s accident, becomes aware of his isolation from his family; the image of him brooding on idyllic beaches shows this universality of pain.

King has an initially strained re-

NEWEMPRESSMAGAZINE

“

Hollywood owes its appeal to Uggie, who saved The Artist from being a pretentious inside joke."

“

Animals are the saving grace in a world of hackneyed plots and disingenuous performances."

Brian Speer, the adulterer in question.

Inevitably this results in some brilliantly awkward moments carried perfectly by the dialogue. A gentle, almost melancholic, mood prevails throughout, which is set against paradise beaches and steel string guitar music.

The tension stands out perfectly from this atmosphere, guiding the rises and falls throughout. The result is real, human and emotional. It passes through the funny, the sad but ultimately the cathartic.

Dan Scott Lintott Reviewed at Cineworld

you singing the Parisian tunes as you exit from the cinema.

Rewind to 1910 during the great flood of Paris, the Eiffel Tower looms out of the mist, and the French are enjoying boating around their Venice-inspired town. A Monster in Paris follows the story of shy projectionist Emile ( Jay Harrington) and his loyal pal Raoul (Adam Goldberg) as they find themselves mixed up in an adventure after visiting a manic inventor friend and combining potions to accidentally create a monster out of a flea. The outcast insect causes widespread hysteria in the Parisian citizens, and thus stalks the rooftops of Paris before French starlet Lucille (Vanessa Paradis) takes pity on the lonely giant. Haunted and misunderstood, the monster (so called Francouer) is a talented musician, and in the midst of the ‘monster-hunt’, Francouer and Lucille share a bewitching double act. In a Beauty-and-the-Beast-esque twist, the villain of the film holds a

He deserves an award. However, after the first Oscars in 1929, when Rin Tin Tin got more best actor votes than a human, the Academy banned dogs from winning. Yet Movieline editor, S.T. VanAirsdale started the Facebook campaign after noting to The NY Post how Uggie, “handily outperforms Leo in J. Edgar, though might not measure up to Clooney’s work in The Descendants.”

Nonetheless, even the BAFTAs issued the obvious statement Uggie “is not a human” and refused to nominate him.

However, Cannes’ Palm Dog Award and the American Humane Society’s Pawscar gave Uggie the accolades he deserved.

Like the infallible Ryan Gosling, animals are Hollywood’s saving grace in a world of hackneyed plots and disingenuous performances. All it takes is a strategically placed tail wagging or emotional neigh to win over audiences.

So let’s stop nominating Meryl Streep for everything and give it to a performer who really moved us, even if a bit of slobber came with it. torch for the heroine and therefore as the three protagonists attempt to hide the gentle insect , chaos ensues.

The film is dubbed from the original French version, and this explains the movie’s Euro feel; at times the Englishlanguage work is also incredibly distracting. One wonders who the film is aimed at - it is not nearly witty enough for adults, but the romantic sub-plots are strangely obscure for children.

The story is at times bland and the pace too slow, but that said, there are enough weird highlights to propel it along, even when it’s gearing up for the predictable ending at the Eiffel Tower.

As in all animations, the details are what makes the film; from the absurd monkey who speaks in notecards, to the beautifully animated rain-swept Paris. The tale avoids sentimentality, but does stir up your emotions - never before has a film managed to make you empathise so powerfully with a flea.

It is perfectly agreeable family entertainment, but not exactly original.

Children spoilt on Pixar’s greatest creations (Toy Story, Up, Finding Nemo) may be slightly bored.

Eloise Kohler Reviewed at Cineworld

Love film? Let us know! Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper film.studentnewspaper@gmail.com

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Film 25

STAR RATING Return of the Killer Tomatoes Burn After Reading O Brother Where Art Thou Solaris Batman & Robin

he Intruders serves as an account T of the nightmares of two children: a girl of England and a boy of

Spain. Their terror is derived from an ominous, hooded character of the appropriate name, Hollowface, who wants to kidnap them and steal their faces, all in the name of love! This is conditional love in a society that is obsessed with people’s physiognomy.

Mildly entertaining to watch, the film is affecting on rare occasions. For example, when the father of the tormented girl (Clive Owen) is at work in his enigmatic job as a construction manager, a particularly thrilling scene commences. An employee, who is placed on massively high scaffolding, decides to cut himself loose from a safety harness and reach for a nail that is inconveniently placed. The inevitable happens and he is shortly hanging onto a metal bar, on the verge of falling to his death. Cliché but thoroughly gripping; the scene plays on our fear of heights, our instinctual vertigo. Cinema is great when it plays on our most basic emo-

Joe Smith Reviewed at Cineworld

TOASTY: Hollowface was sure he could smell something burning

Classic Cult

ome filmgoers find the early S filmography of John Waters demented, repulsive, and nauseating.

STYLE ICON: Liam was rocking the ice beard/beanie combo

THE GREY DIRECTED BY JOE CARNAHAN  survival thriller set in the chilling A wastes of Alaska, The Grey follows seven men stranded by a plane crash

who attempt to beat the odds and survive. This hapless septet is swiftly whittled down until the film’s climax, with the solitary Liam Neeson alone in a wolf den fashioning a knuckleduster from broken bottles.

Neeson is able to bring his characteristic intensity to the table which is highlighted by the bleakness of his surroundings. His rugged features and piercing blue eyes are well-suited to his unyielding character. A tragic back story is repeatedly hinted at, and the way he draws strength from this is both convincing and affecting.

The rest of the cast however, is patchily characterised at best. A somewhat unconvincing attempt is made to introduce some conflict and disunity from a dissident voice in the group.

Questioning authority is all very well but it would ring more true if he made any kind of suggestion of an alternative plan.

Some nice camerawork and intense

FILMOFILIA

DIRECTED BY JUAN CARLOS FRESNADILLO 

tions, offering something visceral. This is a simple arousal that is captivating, unlike most of this film.

Another problem with The Intruders is that its plotline is so predictable; you watch it with the expectancy of a twist that should come sooner or later.

It doesn’t. Additionally, the parallel between England and Spain becomes increasingly convoluted, whilst the Spanish mother’s desire to have her son exorcised is a trite addition to a film that already plays completely by the rulebook.

In the end, Hollowface becomes the fantasy of a child’s novel. Such a story has a simple morale: the love of family will protect one from the bed bugs. A valuable lesson for a child but one that is odd in a film that is adult in theme, with sex, violence and a disturbing analysis of vulnerability.

In truth, the film doesn’t know what it wants to be. Randomly set in both Spain and England and conveying subtleties for a mature audience whilst attempting to deliver family values, the film’s confusion makes for a pleasure-less experience.

FILMOFILIA

THE INTRUDERS

music save some very suspect script so one can empathise with some of the characters. However, the focus of this film is their struggles against the wolves whose territory they have landed in.

Some excellent timing provides some real jump-out-of-the-seat moments when one or other unfortunate character is pounced on by a vast wolf that must have been within about three feet of the whole group.

Sadly, these seconds of abject terror are instantly followed by a realisation of how ridiculous many of the events are.

Grit and realism were doing fine right up until an action movie scene spoils a perfectly good survival thriller. The real moments of tension are in the periods of inactivity, sitting around a fire listening to the pack howl around them. The chill is real and nicely compliments the philosophical undercurrent of atheistic frustration.

Ultimately an interesting movie, but many of the characters lack enough depth to make their interactions and black humour as touching as it might be. This feature mars the whole movie; every time the action veers from dramatic to ludicrous, the charm wanes.

Lewis McLellan Reviewed at Cineworld

Politics or Perfection?

Ali Quaile looks at this year's questionable Oscars nominations

t is around this time each year that I‘terrible’ people complain about the alleged Oscars nominees. 2012 has

been no exception, with many outwardly disagreeing with the Academy’s choices. However, although it has been heralded as one of the worst years for cinema in a long time, it is undeniable that there have been films far superior to those nominated that haven’t received the recognition they duly deserve. This is not a new trend but a factor of the Academy Awards that has taken place since their inception in 1929.

The Oscars nomination process is one that clearly adheres to a number of set rules and principles. It is governed by a political process that means certain types of films can never make it to the short list and the same people can’t win on numerous occasions. It is arguable that were a director to jump through the hoops and make a film that ticks all the right boxes, they would have no problem garnering that much sought after Oscars nod. Being the most esteemed award to be offered to members of the film community, you would presume it should commend originality, artistic merit and exceptional acting skills, however, more often than not, those films that are placed in the limelight are simply safe choices that

are average at best.

The top films of the previous year can be split into two main categories. The first illustrates a celebration of nostalgia, featuring allusions to the past and the supposed Golden Years of cinema.

It is this category that has captured the hearts of the Academy and therefore landed this year’s Oscars nods. Hugo, which leads the pack with 11 nominations, is a commemoration of the work of George Méliès, much forgotten following his decline as a result of the first World War. Similarly, The Artist, which is just behind with 10 nominations, is a homage to the silent era and captures the devastating effect the advent of the talkies had on silent actors. Woody Allen’s Midnight in Paris, with 4 nods, perhaps best encapsulates the ethos of this year’s nominations as it delightfully explores the disenchantment of one’s own era and longing to be part of artistic ages past.

The second group can be collated due to their unconventional intensity that often treads a fine line between gratuity and tastefulness. Perhaps due to the controversial nature of their content these films have been largely overlooked, despite featuring some of the best performances of the year. It is surprising that We Need to Talk About Kevin received no attention despite

Tilda Swinton giving arguably her finest performance and an exquisite cinematography that blended the beautiful with the grotesque. Similarly, Michael Fassbender’s performance in Shame is flawless in its delivery, yet due to the tender subject of the film, never stood a chance.

“

It is undeniable that there have been films far superior to those nominated that haven't received the recognition they duly deserve".

In the Best Foreign Language Film category, Pedro Almodóvar’s The Skin I Live In received no recognition despite being one of the best films of the year, let alone one of the best foreign films.

However, again due to the controversial nature of its content it is perhaps understandable that it was never considered.

Olivia Coleman’s turn in Tyrannosaur was a brutal portrayal of a woman trapped in an abusive marriage and yet she didn’t receive any notice. Ryan Gosling in the graphic Drive, Australia’s Snowtown, Britain’s Kill List.

These were all brilliant films but never had a look in due to the constraints placed on what constitutes an ‘Oscar Worthy’ film.

There were, however, a number of surprising omissions that can’t be disregarded due to contentious content.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who gained a Golden Globe nod for his part in 50/50 was nowhere to be seen, as was Charlize Theron for Young Adult. The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn, infinitely better than Kung Fu Panda 2 yet perhaps dismissed due to Spielberg’s numerous nominations for War Horse. Lars Von Trier’s Melancholia, most probably forgotten due to the excitement over the director’s ill advised Nazi comments.

So far it appears that the only awards ceremony that seem to have acknowledged the year’s truly best films is the London Critics’ Choice Awards. Unafraid to buck the trend, they heralded the real deserving films. It remains puzzling how films as trite as Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close or as emotionally manipulative as War Horse can be given any attention yet this seems to be the way of the Hollywood circle. One piece of advice: don’t go looking to the best picture nominees for a decent piece of cinema.

You need only to watch an excerpt from Waters’ 1974 film Female Trouble to understand that reaction.

In practically every moment of the film, Waters and his cast craft a vile audience experience, including (among other horrors) the unpleasant severing of an umbilical cord.

Of course, shock value was nothing new to cinema when Waters began making films. The disruptive force of disgust had been recognised since the surrealist movement, when Buñuel and Dalí infamously sliced open an eye in their 1929 film Un Chien Andalou. Shock value is also neither a remnant of filmmaking past; the tradition is alive and well today, especially in Hollywood, which has been churning out ‘grossout’ films such as American Pie and The Hangover for more than a decade.

But despite appearing to be an evolutionary step in cinematic history from surrealism to ‘gross-out’ film, Female Trouble and other trash films separate themselves from other shocking pieces of cinema in one way: their utter tastelessness. When Buñuel and Dalí filmed Un Chien Andalou, they wanted to provoke a conversation to think about film and art. When Stifler slips a laxative into Finch’s cappuccino in American Pie, the Weitz brothers are trying to draw a few laughs. Generally, in ‘gross-out’ films, disgusting things happen to nice characters. In trash films, disgusting things happen to disgusting characters. The tastelessness is the point.

That aesthetic of tastelessness didn’t come out of nowhere. Waters’ films owe a large debt to the work of both Jack Smith and the Kuchar brothers. Smith, perhaps better known as the father of American performance art, made the 1963 underground film Flaming Creatures. The film, which was seized by New York City police at its premiere due to its sexually explicit imagery, questions sexual identity and helped introduce the notion of ‘queer’ into the mainstream. Brothers Mike and George Kuchar crafted melodramatic and sometimes disgusting films as part of the New York City underground film scene, including the 1976 film A Reason To Live, which features human excrement in one troubling scene. Waters has acknowledged the influence of all three filmmakers.

What is so often easily overlooked about trash films such as Female Trouble is that there is sometimes seriousness hiding behind the jokes and bad taste. Once that layer is peeled back, Female Trouble reveals itself as a sustained critique of Hollywood films. When the protagonist Dawn Davenport (Divine) shoots into the crowd during her piece of performance art, the film implicitly questions what it means to display violence and whether or not Hollywood’s depiction of violence in films constitutes an attack on the audience. So while it’s an understandable temptation to think of Female Trouble and other trash films as just tasteless fun, you should remember that they can be serious, carefully crafted films…and tasteless fun.

Taylor Coe

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper music@studentnewspaper.org

26 Music 26

Ones to watch in 2012

Let Music hold your hand and guide you gently through the approaching waves and torrents of up-and-coming new bands Charli XCX

2:54

King Krule

The-Dream

Charli XCX describes herself as a gothicelectro-pop star, though actually she is more like Two Door Cinema Club meets Visage: her music is very much a 1980s throwback – not a bad thing, of course.

Her latest single "Nuclear Seasons" is very reminiscent of Talking Heads or the Human League, and also critically acclaimed. With the growing cult following she's accumulating, she seems sure to to influence the music scene in 2012.

Restrictive, seductive, and utterly alluring, sister duo 2:54 offer macabre XXstyle dirges, laced with frenetic riffs and claustrophobic clangs. Current single “Scarlet” is a Machiavellian maelstrom of sincerity, sass and a subtle degree of peril. Bleak they may be, but 2:54 are also ridiculously infectious.

Seventeen year old Archy Marshall captures angst, disillusionment and the essence of cynical youth in beautifully succinct and sparse tracks. His drip-fed tracks continue to astound; “Out Getting Ribs” is off-kilter electric fuzz, delivered with a resonant snarl belying his disconcertingly tender years. Fusing his rockabilly roots to intelligent Jamie T wit, King Krule will be the standard on which this year’s singer-songwriters will be judged. Only the best will come close.

Acclaimed songwriter and reluctant genius The-Dream will release his fourth studio album later this year – and it’s going to be incredible. As a consistent game changer and rule breaker in R&B, TheDream delights in ambition and invention, and it is expected that The Love IV: Diary of A Madman will take the sexiness, slickness and moody ambience of his previous work and turn it up to eleven. The fact is he could well be our generation’s Prince. So pay attention.

Geraint Ellis

Jack Murray

Daniel Swain

Balam Acab A front-runner of the Witch-House renaissance of 2011, Balam Acab is the musical project of 20-year-old Pennsylvanian Alec Koone. His debut album Wander/Wonder was released last year and is an ambient masterpiece that included tracks like the soul-soothing “Oh, Why”.

If this debut album is anything to go by, then 2012 will most surely bring a tide of success for the young American producer.

Max Sanderson

MMOTHS 2011 saw 17-year-old Jack Colleran, a.k.a. MMOTHS, take his stockpile of astral tracks from his bedroom, in rural Ireland, to the offices of a major record label in Los Angeles. His delicate arrangements, coming fully saturated in a flock of organic synths like those that flood the stunning “Heart”, exude an allure and charm that is sure to bring him big things in 2012.

Max Sanderson

Geraint Ellis

Poliça Affiliated with alternative super-group Gayngs (alongside Har Mar Superstar, Justin Vernon, members of Doomtree, among others), Poliça possess dreamy echoing female vocals and powerful percussion (from two drummers) that manage to both contrast and compliment each other perfectly. Debut Give Up the Ghost deserves to bring them the success of their already successful peers.

Sarah Timmins

Black Spiders With the new generation of British rock music lacking that one huge band to lead them into the promised land, Black Spiders have emerged. Last year’s storming debut album St Peter ticked all the right boxes: it is surely only a matter of time before this group makes the step up.

Stuart Iverson

Theme Park Fresh off the back of supporting Bombay Bicycle Club on their latest UK tour, the hype surrounding this London four piece – including twin brothers Miles and Marcus Haughton – has been growing exponentially of late. Comparisons to Talking Heads have been numerous but tracks like “Wax” showcase their exceptional writing abilities and a sound that is very much their own.

Max Sanderson

Real Estate This five piece indie outfit from the Jersey suburbs will place you in a pleasant trance with their soft-spoken melodies and unassuming hooks. A lullaby of nostalgia, you’ll feel gently inebriated by their tunes. Their characteristic warm beach tones and whimsical tales of first world problems make them an easy bunch to love. Catch them at The Arches in Glasgow on February 18 – their London date is long since sold out.

Daniel Greenford

Vintage Trouble With their second album due out in a few months, it seems a good time for these LA rockers to bring rock‘n’roll back to the mainstream. The smooth vocals of Ty Taylor and the swagger of a band who know they are on to something good make them well worth checking out.

Niall Carville

The History of Apple Pie Lo-fi and wide-eyed, The History of Apple Pie are five young merchants of Yuck-esque distorted, scuzzy guitars, topped with dreamy slurs of winsomely romantic lyrics. Though clutching only a tiny fistful of singles - on the woozy recollections of misspent days offered in "Mallory" and "You’re So Cool" - this band could be the providers of blissful summer anthems all year long.

Geraint Ellis

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper music@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Music 27

STAR RATING  Beagle puppy sniffin' a flower Wobbly baby bears (awwww)A basket full of kittens Baby eels are boring  Lamb deities

Albums

MACHINEDRUM SXLND EP LUCKYME

LAMB OF GOD



Resolution EPIC

ravis Stewart, aka Machinedrum or T one half of Sepalcure, has had one hell of a year. As well as producing mu-

 amb of God have become one of L the biggest metal bands of their generation, having stepped into the

gap left behind by the tragic early demise of Pantera. Their southern groove metal riffs have been delighting fans with album after album of great material and their blistering live shows have allowed them to become an arena sized band without ever going against the integrity of their roots. Therefore it’s no surprise that new album Resolution’s release will see the band being scrutinised by all and sundry.

Resolution opens up with “Straight for the Sun”, a short introduction that sets the album up for anyone unaware exactly what Lamb of God are, Heavy Metal in its purest, simplest form.

There are no slow songs on here and the only time it gets close, on the intro to “Ghost Walking” which features an acoustic guitar, the band are quick

Classic Album JOY DIVISION Unknown Pleasures FACTORY RECORDS 1979

P

ost punk pioneers Joy Division have attracted their fair share of irony lately. In the wake of The Wombats and oven gloves, Disney have produced a T-shirt ‘inspired’ by the iconic cover art for debut album Unknown Pleasures.

The image is a series of pulses from a dying star, brilliantly encapsulating the ethereal quality of the album, and more recently the face of Mickey Mouse.

Joy Division’s prominence in pop culture owes much to the suicide of Ian Curtis, which unfortunately threatens to overshadow his lyrical talents and the unique enigmatic music of the band. Often lazily dismissed as gothic,

Singles

FEELING SHEEPISH: Lamb of God look pretty awkward to remedy any doubts, immediately slipping into their standard heavy onslaught. In many ways, however, this also sums up the main criticism that can be directed at Resolution. While nothing that Lamb of God do here can be classified as bad, you almost feel like it’s no real progression from previous albums. There are a lot of fantastic 4 minute long heavy metal songs on this album but there’s nothing that any Lamb of God fan won’t have heard before. On the other hand, however, it shows a band comfortable in what they do now. They’ve found their sound

and are working hard to perfect it, and Lamb of God sit easily in the top three bands in the world doing so.

Lamb of God fans will love this and it will certainly not be given the dreaded title of their first 'dud' album.

However, as great as some of the heavy metal on this album is, it’s also not going to be the one that will push Lamb of God into the stratosphere. They will, however, continue being a great metal band.

their bleak sound is unparalleled. Frenetic, confrontational riffs are replaced by heavy recurring bass lines and tight, controlled drum beats; tamed guitar prowling in the background. Curtis adopts a strange, creaking baritone borrowed from idol Jim Morrison.

riff offset by detached lyrics “I’ve got the spirit, but lost the feeling”. Afterwards the album is relentless in evoking its menacing, oppressive atmosphere. On “Day of the Lords” Curtis cries “Where will it end?” as percussion and heavy, recurrent bass thunder in reply. Restrained instrumentals create tension released in controlled bursts of ferocity on tracks such as the driving “Shadowplay”.

For the most part, the unsettling voice and lyrics of Curtis are left to explore violent images of industrial decay amidst fluttering electronics, shattering glass and the repetitious, inexorable pound of heavy bass and drums. There is strangeness and sincerity throughout this bleakly uncompromising album which ensures the integrity of its music in the face of cheap merchandising.

Besides, not even Disney’s colourful ensemble could make songs like “New Dawn Fades” sound child friendly.

“

There is strangeness and sincerity throughout” The characteristic strangeness of this album owes much to the production of Martin Hannett. The band themselves initially resented the recording for draining the vibrancy of their sound.

Unknown Pleasures certainly lacks the frenetic energy of Joy Division’s live performances, but its sparse, nebulous air isolates desperate introspective vocals to stunning effect.

The album opener “Disorder” boasts a catchy, almost uplifting guitar

Stuart Iversen

sic for the soundtrack to Black Swan, 2011 saw the release of Room(s), one of the most celebrated albums of that year. Once described as “the standard to which the next wave of imitators aspire”, Stewart is highly respected among aficionados of Intelligent Dance Music.

The EP opens in a kind of underwhelming way – “Take Good Care” is a bit Machine hum-drum as it chugs away like an engine warming up.

Bouncing in with an infectiously bassy beat, title track “SXLND” is a record that has become more widely recognised as the backdrop for rising star Azealia Banks’ “NEEDSUMLUV”.

Although it’s a great record in its own right, after hearing her version the original screams out for a vocal track over the top. “No Respect” pays its respects to 1980s house synth sounds over a dark growling bass; “Van Vogue”

continues in the same fashion, throwing in some clicks, handclaps and startling dog barks for good measure, while final track “DDD” calms everything down with a rollicking beat reminiscent of Blawan’s “Getting Me Down”.

“

He strips down elements, laying them bare, but still manages to produce strangely evocative and melodic tracks.”

In SXLND, Stewart demonstrates yet again his masterful craft of blending heavy bass with delicate subtleties, making this an EP for dedicated home listeners or forming part of an energetic DJ set. He strips down elements, laying them bare, but still manages to produce strangely evocative and melodic tracks.

Unfortunately this contribution fails to stand up to the anthemic “Alarmaa” and “Sacred Frequency”, but I suppose that’s the only downside to consistently bringing out great records.

Felicity Martin

Andrew Baird

LEONARD COHEN

NERINA PALLOT

Darkness COLUMBIA

All Bets Are Off GEFFEN RECORDS





STEEL PANTHER

CHARLOTTE GAINSBOURG Anna ELEKTRA



THE SHINS Simple Song COLUMBIA



verybody rejoice! Leonard Cohen he latest ballad from Nerina Palharlotte Gainsbourg has a lot to live he Shins are playing a risky little E is back with a new single and it Tlot sounds a little familiar…may- Cup to. There is the pressure of her T game with the title of their latest does not disappoint. Taken from the be that’s because we’ve heard it all family name, the critical acclaim that release. Naming a track “Simple Song” forthcoming (and excellent) album Old Tricks, “The Darkness” is a dark, slick blues with low, twanging guitars and warbling organ.

Cohen’s voice, as low as ever, smoothly croons over this languorously slutty bassline as he explores themes of money, sex and growing old. “I got no future, I know my days are few”, he growls, “I thought the past would last me but the darkness got that too”.

The song manages to be both sinister and upbeat, dark and humorous as if through the gravel of his voice you can still hear a twinkle in his eye.

This effect is musically mirrored by the organ and piano who punctuate the lower frequencies with their jazzy interjections.

Leonard may be following Bob Dylan’s transition from young stud to elderly rock tortoise, but after 77 years, he’s still got it.

Helen Stride

before. This mid-tempo swoon - full of mournful lyrics and schmaltzy strings - unfortunately fails to have any real emotional impact, and comes across as contrived and lacking in substance.

Amidst the airy-fairy melody, Pallot laments the loss of a lover, crooning “This is how it feels when a heart breaks.” Unfortunately, for a song that is all about heartbreak, it’s just not quite heartbreaking enough.

Having said that, Pallot’s voice does have a nice, crystal-y quality that gleams through the general dullness of the record. Not to mention it’s almost irritatingly catchy, and sticks in the head after just one listen. She’s not going to be breaking musical boundaries any time soon, but maybe Miss Pallot will get you humming this record all the way home.

Lisa Gilroy

her previous albums achieved and her extraordinary acting success. However, her single “Anna” is more than up to the task; it brilliantly combines Gainsbourg’s signature breathy vocals with Beck’s folk-pop inspired melodies.

Despite her album’s title, Stage Whisper, Gainsbourg bravely moves away from her whispering vocals and sings with more power than her usual croon. The moments where Gainsbourg pushes her voice louder and higher make the track unique; if they had lasted just seconds longer “Anna” could have proved that Gainsbourg has the potential to be as daring in her music as she is in her films.

Ultimately Charlotte Gainsbourg has proved once again that no one can croon quite like the French and, out of all French singers, no one can charm quite like a Gainsbourg.

Oliver Giles

surely invites snide remarks that the song will be, to put it frankly, tolerable, and dull. Yet The Shins’ music is far too clever to be dismissed so lightly. Frontman James Mercer’s familiar vocals are typically impassioned and the multilayered melodic textures make this a deceptively complex listen.

The rich harmonies which underlie the purity of Mercer’s lead vocals are nothing short of stirring, and even if you aren’t exactly blown away on the first hearing, repeat listens will help to appreciate the song’s subtleties.

It’s a shame that “Simple Song” doesn’t entirely avoid living up to unkind preconceptions, as it undoubtedly lacks the compelling force of earlier work. It still makes for a pretty ditty, however, and proves that this time the Shins are keeping things short and sweet.

Meg Pruce

Tuesday January 31 2012 studentnewspaper.org

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper tv.studentnewspaper@googlemail.com

LOST

Sunday night catches bird flu

&

FOUND

Shoshana Kessler sings the praises of the BBC's new First World War tale of love and the trenches

A

n adaptation of Sebastian Faulks' incredibly popular book Birdsong has been long awaited; whispers of films and television editions have been milling around since the book emerged almost twenty years ago. It’s fair to say, then, that expectations were high for this two-part series.

We are greeted with a scene of war destruction and a close up on a handsome Lieutenant, staring blankly into the abyss. Cut to six years previously, and the Lieutenant appears again; younger, happier. He is introduced as Stephen Wraysford (Eddie Redmayne) visiting factory owner Rene Azaire (Laurent Lafitte) on business.

The episode flashes back and forth in this manner. Though the book is set out chronologically, it is clear to see why this method is used. The story and script are incredibly slow paced, consisting of many lustful, lingering stares, emotive lip twitches and poignant, subtle gestures. The juxtaposing of war scenes and the idyllic past provides at least some sharpness to maintain interest, whilst (it seems) nothing is really happening.

The manner in which Birdsong is shot is incredibly elegant, and aesthetically it is an extremely pleasing watch.

However, it lacks that gritty realism one feels that a war tale, particularly one set in the First World War needs.

The scenes are grizzly and morbid, but bar one shell blast wound and a small meeting with Germans in a tunnel, we do not feel the scope and horror of the

SKINS

E4 Mondays, 10pm



I

t's season 6 of the infamous teenage series created by fatherand-son team Bryan Elsley and Jamie Brittain, and the cast of Skins are on a well deserved holiday. Yes, it’s a hard life being drug-guzzling, melodramatic layabouts, and you have to take a break sometimes. And where better for a group of hedonistic cretins to elope to than Morocco, a country where they can rest assured that the drugs will be flowing and the rural poverty suitably hidden (so as to avoid actually having to think about anything vaguely worthwhile).

Skins sometimes likes to boast that it’s written by, or with the help of, young people themselves. And in the worst possible way, you can really, really tell. It’s exactly the kind of crap most teenagers would come out with – unrealistic, idealistic and hopelessly angst-ridden. Characters are forever mumbling “deep” statements and generally just being moody pricks; the best example of this being Matty (played by Sebastian De Souza), who

LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY: I vill zay this only once. is so hateable it’s hard to stop yourself literally throwing your TV out the window whenever his face looms despairingly into focus. Closely following behind in the irritating stakes, however, is Matty's on-off girlfriend Franky. Bored of "all the sex and talking" she has had to endure from Matty – oh, the hardship! – she proceeds to enter into a typically destructive affair with the first suspicious character she can lay her sweaty mitts on. Predictably, it doesn't end well - although, in the spirit of gleeful shadenfreude, the disasterous outcome is one of the more enjoyable aspects of the episode.

In fact, the whole Skins phenomenon has become increasingly shit as time has worn wearily on. Remember when Skins was funny? That’s right, funny. The first series, while equally as ridiculous, had a kind of dry, tonguein-cheek feel to it that has been almost completely lost.

To be fair to the show, the characters are largely well acted. Jessica Sula is good as the dreamy Grace, and Will Merrick is on hand as Alo to provide the light-hearted relief. Even Dakota Blue Richards is hard to fault as Franky, and if her character remains highly infuriating it’s largely due to the appalling script. The writing is

frequently lazy, reverting to stereotype at every possible opportunity, while attempts to make the characters relatable have the opposite effect.

The whole thing might work as pure escapism if it didn’t take itself so seriously. The fact is, no young person lives their life like the Skins cast. You might have occasional moments of hedonistic madness, but when you’re

THE WORLD AGAINST APARTHEID BBC 4 Tuedays, 10pm

ABC



as someone he ‘used’ to know. Or perhaps the lack of closeness emerges because Stephen is not effortlessly likable; his dealings with Firebrace at first seem of an almost sociopathical nature. He is the ultimate portrayal of the cold, antiquated British Officer, characterised by his ‘stiff upper lip’, and other than very brief glimpses into his emotions, it is not easy to understand him or his actions.

Birdsong is not an easy watch; one has to pay close attention and could easily feel unrewarded with the slow speech and long pauses. And yet, there is something wonderful about it. Its skilled actors create characters which are both intriguing and enigmatic and, in combination with the beautiful production, make a truly addictive programme.

TWINPEAKS



T

here have been documentaries about Apartheid before. This new series, however, approaches the topic with the dedication necessary, committing five hours to cover the intricacies of the issue thoroughly.

A narrated documentary, it creates a picture of the Apartheid through talking heads, archived video footage and radio clips. This episode explains how the Apartheid developed, starting in the 1940s, and, very generally, how it started to crumble.

The most interesting parts show Apartheid from outside of Africa; as the title states, it’s about ‘the world against Apartheid’. This hasn’t been done before– certainly not on such an all-inclusive scale– and the depth given to the place of the international church and Russian communism is especially interesting.

As an opening episode of a major documentary there was a lot to show, and sometimes the narrative suffered, with frequent historical jumps and uneven pacing. But now that the necessary information is out of the way, the focus is likely to settle.

So, while basic, it’s crisp, watchable and thorough. Parts are good; in particular, journalist and newscaster Zeinab Badawi’s insightful, heartfelt voiceovers.

In the future there are sure to be more interesting looks at Apartheid, but this is a decent foundation.

Katie Cunningham 16, this largely constitutes drinking cheap cider and sneakily puffing on Marlboro Lights. It’s all a far cry from popping pills to go down the local shopping centre (because, y’know, just normal shopping is so mundane) and it’s about time Skins took this into account.

ANNOYING: That's all these people are.

Alistair Grant

ABC (1990) tv-links.com



I

n February 1990, a homecoming queen’s body washes up on a riverbank. This is the beginning of Twin Peaks, a murder mystery set in small-town Washington State.

What follows is some of the best television you will ever see in your life.

Created by David Lynch and Mark Frost, this show will make you not want to trust anyone ever again…in a good way. It is a work of genius in its ability to explore how easily people can lead double lives – how we might see a veneer of respectability, with no idea of the deeper darkness. The suspense of wondering who on earth killed the beautiful Laura Palmer is supposedly what drives the episodes, but really, this is not about Laura. It’s about the banalities of high school, messed up families, obsessive love, the inner demons we all keep secret. It’s about thinking you and your best friend know absolutely everything about each other, and then one day realising you could be absolute strangers.

It’s also home to some of the most endearing characters you can imagine. Special Agent Dale Cooper, played by Lynch favourite Kyle Maclachlan, holds the threads of the show together. His innocent enthusiasm for the most basic of things – a cup of ‘damn fine’ coffee, or a slice of cherry pie – is infectious, but this is coupled with a fierce intelligence, under which lurks an indefinable weirdness. How many FBI agents use their dreams to hunt for a murderer?

Another gem is Audrey Horne. She is sex on legs (somewhat inappropriate term for a high-schooler, but trust me) and a fan of dancing weirdly in public. She makes all the girls and guys go crazy, but has an endearing vulnerability which ends up saving her skin more than once.

Twin Peaks is not your average murder mystery. If you’ve seen anything else by Lynch, you’ll be familiar with his special brand of surreal humour and camp quirkiness. It also features one of the most hilarious plot devices – its own ‘show within a show’, soap opera 'Invitation to Love', heightening the parodic elements of the series itself. With one of the most atmospheric TV soundtracks (the kind you’ll want to have on your iTunes immediately) and incredibly beautiful scenery, it is a total cult classic. It makes you want to live in Twin Peaks, which is bizarre because people get attacked and killed in horrific ways there.

Kirsty Wareing

BBC

BBC1 Sundays, 9pm

war (however, this could easily be rectified in the next episode). In reality, we sit through a somewhat slow, if attractive, hour, and are rewarded for our efforts with a cataclysmic thirty minutes in which we see the lustful protagonists finally get on with it in a passionate love scene, wartime Stephen being shot and ostensibly left for dead, and a side story in which Isabelle’s step-daughter tries it on with Stephen, to unsurprisingly awkward results.

Yet, we don't feel an automatic closeness to the characters. Even when Isabelle and Stephen run away it doesn't feel joyous. This might be because we already know that their relationship is doomed to fail, as Stephen, in conversation with Captain Weir, refers to Isabelle

BBC

BIRDSONG

Follow us on twitter @TheStudentPaper or on Facebook at facebook.com/TheStudentNewspaper studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday January 31 2012 tv.studentnewspaper@googlemail.com

Star Rating

INternet Television

HeroinCrackKetamine Ecstasy A cube of low grade hash

A hive of scum and villainy The TV section rank the greatest villains ever assembled on the small screen

ITV Channel 4

Wacky Races

BBC BBC

BBC

The Thick of It

Jeff

ITV

Peep Show

Not so much a villain, more just a massive prick. In fact, his constant dickishness (yes, this is a word) scales such fantastic heights you find yourself continuously willing the socially repressed Mark to just snap and strangle the bastard. What’s more, he even gets the girl (in this case colleague Sophie), leaving aside Mark’s disastrous period with Sophie in which he fathers a child. Perhaps the real reason Jeff is such a brilliantly infuriating character is the fact that he is depressingly recognisable: everyone has met, and subsequently hated, a Jeff. And if you haven’t, you’re more than likely a Jeff yourself.

Alistair Grant

Youtube

Tricky Dicky

Coronation St.

Soap-land is bursting at its frothy seams with nefarious characters, and leading the charge is surely Coronation Street’s Richard Hillman, aka Tricky Dicky. 15.6 million people watched him murder Maxine Peacock; 19.4 million tuned in for the attempted demise of the Platt family.

Murder sells, and no one did killer-chic quite like Dick.

Played effortlessly by Brian Capron, the character gave soaps a lasting, insatiable appetite for crazed psychopaths.

Alistair Grant

#4

Don Beech The Bill

Anyone who watched The Bill in the late nineties remembers the charming Detective Sergeant who went rogue. Even as a ‘good cop’ Beech had his own rules, lining his own pockets before laying down the law. But as a ‘bad cop’ Beech led a huge scandal storyline which began with accepting a £20,000 bribe from a gangland boss to lie in court. Characters were brought in to catch this corrupt maverick, and his downfall dragged many of his fellow officers down with him. It is a little ironic that the only time we see Beech’s actor Billy Murray now is in an advert for lawyers.

Nina Seale

#5

Dan Scott One Tree Hill

Dan Scott enjoys comparing himself to Professor Moriarty.

He also enjoys killing his own brother out of jealousy then proceeding to seduce the woman he left behind, driving his son near insane in an attempt to live vicariously through his basketball career, abandoning his first child to go to college, influencing his grandson through creepy school visits and outright emotionally abusing his wife. He’s quite a bastard, and he runs the little town of Tree Hill like a puppet master.

Despite his disturbing activities, his motives are somewhat understandable - driven by the failings of his own father and somewhat determined by the follies of his youth, Dan Scott is a

remarkably well written villain.

Malcolm Tucker

The Thick of It’s Communications Director, this man has got to hold the record for most profanities uttered on screen ever. Let it be said, Tucker does nothing to refute the ‘angry Scot’ stereotype - but he is, at least, hilarious with it. He is quite rightly feared by his colleagues who have to suffer through every “f**k” and “c**t”, and his death stare leaves them quivering. He gets the job done because, somehow, he always knows just what needs to be said. Just don’t ever, ever, call him a bully...he’s so much worse than that.

Kirsty Wareing

#10

ITV

Dick Dastardly

Dick Dastardly brought down the North American rally racing scene during his career in Wacky Races. Wielding his vehicle like a weapon more than a vessel of speed, the poor sportsmanship displayed was only overcome by a capacity to fail that Wile E. Coyote would find embarrassing. But has there ever been a more tragic case of wasted talent? Time and again, despite magnificent feats of engineering, the double-dealing do-badder would fall short of victory. Malfunction, misfortune and misery would take their toll on any man, especially him who chases Penelope Pitstop. Drat, drat, and double drat!

Zack O'leary

#8

BBC

The Demon Headmaster

Brilliantly portrayed by a menacingly spectacled Terrence Hardiman, villains don’t come much worse than the Demon Headmaster, the eponymous villain of this 90s classic. Not content with ensnaring a whole school with his hypnotic powers he proceeded to utilise increasingly ridiculous storylines as the series progressed, moving into barmy scientific research and technological madness in his attempts to gain power. He was also apparently bloody hard to get rid off – in fact, the more the kids tried, the more powerful he would be on his inevitable return for the next series. Perhaps you should just leave him alone, eh kids?

Alistair Grant

#6

BBC

Doctor Who

Not just a villain, the villain; the Master is the Professor Moriarty to the Doctor’s Sherlock Holmes. Driven mad by a Time Lord initiation ceremony in which he is forced to stare into a gap in the fabric of space and time (snappily known as the Untempered Schism), he encapsulates the evil, power-hungry nemesis determined to achieve universal domination. Immortal and capable of regenerating and changing appearance, the Master is every bit as intelligent and cunning as the Doctor… except, rather obviously, he isn’t – as evidenced by his evil plans being constantly thwarted. He does try though, bless him.

Alistair Grant

#3

#2

The Master

Channel 4

#1

#7

Daniel Swain

Monty Burns The Simpsons

Charles Montgomery Burns, a living lesson to an entire generation that money cannot buy happiness, but it sure helps. This nuclear power plant owning miser may go down as one of the greatest villains in all Springfielddom. He set the hounds on countless passers by, stopped his town in its tracks for his own amusement, and corrupted the souls of innocents. If ever a man made an unholy pact for eternal life, it must be Monty. Who else could earn a gunshot from an infant so sweet as Maggie Simpson?

Zack O'leary

#9

Rita Repulsa Power Rangers

It’s Morphin’ Time! As an after school special show, the Power Rangers had to overcome the mischievous schemes of Rita Repulsa. In retrospect Rita Repulsa can be summed up thus: if the Wicked Witch of the West received fashion tips from Madonna. Taking over the world becomes a tedious day to day task for the Witch using her bizzare but cheap-looking monsters and her army of Putties. Rita Repulsa may not appear to be terrifying but the source of terror lies in her voice– surely the worst sound a person can live to hear. To this day I still question what Lord Zedd ever saw in Rita. Maybe he has an Asian fetish.

Jalen Vasquez

LOnelygirl15 Youtube.com (2006)



T

he internet is a cold and dark place, often rotten, corrupted, ugly, disturbing, far-removed from its original purpose, and so on. However, teetering around the black, oily, post-BP surface is a handful of television gems that have never seen a television screen.

Unless you, you know, hooked up your computer via HDMI cable to a TV – that’s a thing that happens.

Anyway, in the aim to provide critiques to the uncriticised, the TV section is deploying its forces to review the TV of the internet age.

We’re starting by going backwards to a different time, a lost age of the internet – 2006. A more innocent time where people took what they could get on the internet and didn’t properly question its content. In this potent environment, one of the greatest internet phenomena ever was born; the girl, the myth, the legend that is, lonelygirl15. lonelygirl15 was the fake username of Australasian actress Jessica Rose, who, under the guidance of three film makers from California made a series of fake vlogs where she pretended to be Bree, a 16-year old school girl.

Initially this began some of the most ridiculous interactive trolling ever witnessed, where ‘Bree’ talked about nothing for hours and hours and answered lurid, disgusting emails innocently – claiming in one absolutely brilliant moment to not know what a blowjob was. Rose’s talent to playfully and innocently pander to the audience was a charm to watch, though this is with historical hindsight.

However, Bree’s tale soon took a turn for the bizarre as more characters entered the fray. Bree claimed to be a ‘trait positive girl’, sought after by the secret organisation known as ‘the Order’. At this stage, lonelygir15 took a turn for the worse. The ‘creative’ powers obviously bit off more than they could chew, and the realism was totally suspended. Bree was outed as a fake, and lonelygirl15’s popularity declined – until it ended about a year later in 2008.

This second stage of the show was also much weaker, characterised by overacting, asinine dialogue and awful, awful audience interaction.

Gone were the lurid old men reading seedy comments, gone were the teenage boys begging for attention.

Bree wasn’t interested in pandering anymore; she was too concerned with evading ‘the Order’. It sucked. lonelygirl15 is an example of a television show that forgot what made it popular or what made it great. It declined, becoming a mere footnote in creative uses of the internet, but remained a sign that internet television had potential – it generated 110 million views over it’s one and a half year period.

Daniel Swain

Edinburgh run away with the prize

NEEDS YOU! REPORTERS. REVIEWERS. ILLUSTRATORS. PHOTOGRAPHERS. COPY EDITORS PLUS- WRITERS WANTED FOR OUR NEW SCIENCE & TECH SECTION WEEKLY MEETINGS, TEVIOT DINING ROOM, TUESDAYS 1.15PM WEEKLY SOCIALS, THE COUNTING HOUSE, WEST NICHOLSON ST. TUESDAYS 8.30PM GET IN TOUCH: EDITORS@STUDENTNEWSPAPER.ORG

NAIRN MCWILLIAMS

studentnewspaper.org Tuesday January 11 2011

Got your eye on the ball? Email sport@studentnewspaper.org

Tuesday 2011 TuesdayNovember January 318 2012 studentnewspaper.org

31 Sport 27

Africa must fall in line with Europe

Injury Time

Sean Douglass condemns the timing and quality of the 2012 Africa Cup of Nations And that’s quite a statement.

Pundits kept preaching as Ghana advanced in the 2010 World Cup that it was great for Africa but the vast majority of the teams are so limited in terms of ability that it is baffling how some of the players are international footballers. The finishing is mediocre, the goalkeeping is just bizarre at times but the most amazing thing is how bad the tackling is. The amount of times that Quinton Fortune has said “that kind of tackle would be a red card in the Premier League” must be well into double figures and we’re not even past the group stages – Vincent Kompany must watch in despair given that he was sent off for a tackle considerably better than some

of those that go unpunished in Africa.

“

It is mind blowing that the African Cup of Nations is still held in January, never mind in consecutive years."

The worst thing though is the timing of it. Admittedly it’s probably fair to say Africa will be quite warm in the summer but that didn’t stop a summer World Cup in 2010. The Premier League and the FA Cup are in full flow, the rest of Europe is

heading back after the winter break and the transfer window is open; it is mind blowing that this tournament is still held in January, never mind in consecutive years.

FIFA may not be the most logical of institutions and the promotion of African football is important (especially if Newcastle keep getting bargain Africans like Ba, Tiote and Cisse!) but this tournament is desperately in need of an overhaul by aligning it with the European Championships and World Cup – make it every four years and put it in the same year as the Euros. Whilst typing this, yet another ridiculous tackle goes flying in. Only 14 days left…

BAD TIMING: Many African players play in Europe where the season clashes with the Nations Cup

Yarnold and Rudman secure a British 1-2

Alan Ross records the bright start to the season made by some of Britain's female winter athletes ond ever start in the senior competition. After placing fourteenth overall in her debut, Yarnold produced the fastest time in the first run to win the event. Heavy snowfall prevented the start of the second run on the Celerina course in Switzerland which meant Yarnold came out on top.

The good news for British skeleton fans did not end there, however. The 2006 Winter Olympic silver medal-

WATCHING ON: Williams has seen her teammates perform well

THELASTMINUTE

WHILE DOWNHILL skier Chemmy Alcott dances her way to recovery on ITV’s prime time Dancing on Ice after suffering a horrific double leg break, some of Britain’s other winter sports stars are tasting success on the slopes.

Newcomer Elizabeth Yarnold won her first FIBT (Federation Internationale De Bobsleigh et de Tobogganing) Skeleton World Cup event held in St. Moritz on January 20 in only her sec-

list Shelly Rudman came in second to make it a one-two for the Great British team.

Both Rudman and Yarnold have already tasted success this season with Rudman winning the previous World Cup event in Königssee which sees her maintain second place in the overall rankings. Yarnold took the honours in a junior competition, the Intercontinental Cup, at the end of 2011. She set a new track record in the Lillehammer leg of the event for good measure and fought off another Briton, Donna Creighton, who was one of her main challengers for the victory.

The experience of senior competition does not seem to have done Yarnold any harm as she marked her return to the junior level of competition by winning the Junior World Championship at Igls, near Innsbruck, Austria, last Thursday (26th).

Speaking to BBC Sport, Yarnold expressed her delight at winning: “It feels amazing. I knew the competition would be tight and everyone brought their A-game. I was tense on the line at the start of the second run, but managed to relax enough and do what I had to.”

Yarnold was forced to manage her training alongside working full-time during the summer to fund transport, training and equipment costs. She receives no support from UK Sport, as of yet at least, because funding is based around results at the World Championships and the Olympics, so her current results are not enough to qualify her for official financial backing.

The support and help of her fellow British skeleton sliders has also helped Yarnold’s progress in the senior ranks,

a debt which she acknowledges. The slider from Kent said: “We’re all good friends and very open. Last weekend [ January 20 in St. Moritz], after the first run, Shelley came over and said, ‘Lizzy, good job, that was really well done.’ To know you have that support from your own nation is really, really helpful and pushes you forward.”

Although 2010 Winter Olympic gold medallist Amy Williams has had a less successful season so far, with a sixth place finish in Winterberg the highlight, the sharing of the top two spots for Great Britain on the World Cup tour gave Yarnold her chance.

Willams withdrew from the Königssee leg of the competition and was replaced

by Yarnold who finished fourteenth before her success in St. Moritz.

For Chemmy Alcott though, the future looks decidedly different. She was nailed down as one of the favourites for Dancing On Ice, before aiming to return to skiing in the spring and be fit for competition next season, with the 2014 Sochi Winter Olympics her ultimate goal. However, the threetime Olympian had a number of metal screws as well as a plate placed in her leg after her accident in Canada in 2010 and her TV appearances are all part of a wider plan.

Alcott is motivated by the chance to publicise downhill skiing as well as attempting to bridge a funding gap due to her loss of UK Sport funding following the 2010 Vancouver Olympics, where her performances were not up to the required standard. Despite the risks involved with Alcott’s unorthodox method of recovery it has been given a cautious backing by British ski bosses who hope to see her back skiing soon.

KUMORDZI

AFTER THE 2010 World Cup in South Africa, everyone was buzzing about the potential of football in Africa, especially with the progression of Ghana. While Luis Suarez may not be the most popular guy in the world at the moment, he still deserves applause for ending the mad concept that African football is good. It’s awful. January 20 saw the start of the 2012 African Cup of Nations. At the time this article was written, it’s day eight of the tournament - and it cannot end soon enough.

However, now, the lovable folks at FIFA have announced that the next African Cup of Nations will be in 2013.

Are you kidding me?! It’s as if FIFA want people to hate them. The World Cup and European Championships are every four years yet Africa has a continental tournament every two years – why? With all due respect to Africa, the stadiums are almost always half-empty and the standard of football is, quite frankly, terrible.

There are certainly some top quality players in the tournament, such as Didier Drogba, Demba Ba, Yaya Toure, Cheick Tiote, the Ayew brothers, etc. But the problem is they are few and far between and they all seem to be on the same teams, which means you’re just waiting for the cannon fodder – sorry, smaller nations – to be eliminated before Ghana/Senegal (who were surprisingly eliminated in the group stages)/Ivory Coast win it.

Seriously, who wants to watch Equatorial Guinea v Libya? It’s even less appealing than watching Stoke versus, well, anyone.

TAKES A WRY LOOK AT THE WORLD OF SPORT Hit The Baby One More Time “Are you a baby? Or the parent of a baby? Well give me all your money or fuck off.”

That’s the latest slogan from the team at London 2012. Not content with ballsing up ticket allocation, parking, general infrastructure and local housing, the powers that be have now decided that babies will have to pay for a ticket should they attend the games with their parents, even if they weren’t born at the time of the ticket purchase.

Put another way, if, when their parents bought the tickets, the little scamps were just a glint in the Father’s eye and two tequilas away from existing, they’ll still have to pay, in what I’ll tentatively refer to as the first ever case of foetus-ism.

So, pushed into this cruel world with fingers, toes and a unexpected Wonga account, it’s not just Tories, rain and crushing mortality that these babies will have to look forward to, but an expensive seat watching an incomprehensible blur.

And I do mean ‘babies’. You know the nappy-shitting, thumb sucking, soft headed morons?

The very same ‘babies’ that chew plastic for pleasure, piss on Lego and are happiest with a sock in their gobs; yes, them. They have to pay; pay to sit on a knee and watch vague shapes zip around a running track as their Mums and Dads kiss, wave flags and feign concern for an African with a sore leg.

Due to the ‘Pay Your Age’ scheme, tickets will only be £1-£3 for toddlers, but with many of the ‘better’ events not accommodating for children, it means that parents will have to either buy a full price ticket or leave their cute, little munchkins with a babysitter, who we all know are either slutty or evil. You can see the dilemma; risk your child either: a) being abducted; b) receiving a striptease, or perhaps worst of all; c) waste money watching the javelin.

Quite the dilemma.

So where will it end? Can we predict that this farcical ticketing revolution is only one in a long line of wacky additions to traditional practice?

Between now and the summer expect to see at least one of the following deranged ideas come into force: ‘Bearded People Get In Free’, ‘Anyone Over 80 Can Come In But Only If They Bring a Bucket’, ‘Anyone Who Can Prove They Are Directly Related to Sebastian Coe Gets A Half Priced Chicken Burger’ and ‘John Day Day – a day solely reserved for people called John Day’.

All seem more reasonable than making a Mum pay so her fleshy ball of snot can sit, tear at her necklace and drool on her cardigan during the national anthem.

Jack Murray

studentnewspaper.org

Sport

Tuesday January 31 2012

"Even less appealing than watching Stoke vesus, well, anyone."

Sean Douglass explains his damning verdict of the ongoing Africa Cup of Nations �31

Record breaker scoops award Scotland's fastest ever 50m swimmer amongst those honoured at the EUSU ball, reports Chris Waugh

AND THE WINNERS ARE: The Swimming and Orienteering clubs

strength in their pursuit of excellence in their disciplines.

The Lillywhite Shield (in association with Kukri), which is presented to the most outstanding club of the year, was shared between the Swimming and Waterpolo Club and the Orienteering Club. Both clubs have seen extremely successful calendar years and they will hope that the recognition they have received with this award can propel them to even greater success in the coming twelve months.

The Captain S.T. Gamer Trophy, which is awarded to an athlete for the most outstanding first year contribution to university sport, was taken home by Heather Goodwin. Heather umpires at National Level B netball and she also volunteers a lot of her time to umpire for the Netball Club all over Scotland.

EUSU’s success in 2011 continued to be celebrated with a series of further awards: Michael Nicholson bagged the Neil Campbell Shield that is presented for outstanding sports organisation and services for his contribution to the Curling Club; the Hare and Hounds Club snatched the Pavilion Association Cup for the best club publicity of the year; the Livingstone Trophy for the most outstanding expeditionary achievement went to the Rugby Club; and the Colonel R.B. Campbell Memorial trophy was awarded to the Cycling Club as the most improved club of the year.

Finally, the evening was concluded with the Executive Committee Awards for 2011 which were presented to EUSU President Sam Trett, Publicity Officer Alexander Gilliland, Seb Rae, Will Lawton, Erik Mackie and Ross McCall.

EUSU and all of the university clubs will be hoping that 2012 can deliver just as much success as 2011 after an awards night that highlighted the talent and commitment within the union.

Overall BUCs Standings 6th Exeter 7th Edinburgh 8th Manchester

1551 1463 1419

Edinburgh BUCs Points 1st Hockey 2nd Fencing 3rd Swimming 4th Squash 5th Table Tennis 6th Lacrosse

134 128 117 111 108 106

Sat 28th January Results Edinburgh 2nd 40-29 Heriot-Watt 1st (Women's Netball)

OLYMPIAN: Zac Purchase

NEIL DARROCH/ EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY SPORTS UNION

in the Lightweight Double Sculls, as well as a three time world champion – presenting the many awards to the successful sports men, women and teams of 2011.

The individual female award, the Eva Bailey Cup, was awarded to the BUCS, British and Commonwealth Wado Karate Champion in the 50kg weight category: Chloe Maclean.

Both athletes have grown into celebrated ambassadors for the university and continue to go from strength to

NEIL DARROCH/ EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY SPORTS UNION

RECORD BREAKER Richard Schafers scooped the Vancouver Quaich prize for the most outstanding male performance of the year at the Sports Union ball last Thursday - after a glittering twelve months in which he became the fastest swimmer Scotland has ever produced over 50 metres.

The EUSU event turned out to be a brilliant night, with illustrious guest speaker Zac Purchase – a 2008 Olympic gold medallist at Rowing

Wed 25th January Results Northumbria 1st 83-70 Edinburgh 1st (Men's Basketball) Northumbria 1st 91-66 Edinburgh 1st (Women's Basketball) Abertay 1st 1-3 Edinburgh 1st (Women's Football) Loughborough 1st 17-9 Edinburgh 1st (Women's Lacrosse) Edinburgh 1st 12-46 Birmingham 1st (Women's Rugby Union) Edinburgh 1st 23-15 Worcester 1st (Men's Rugby Union) Loughborough 1st 12-0 Edinburgh 1st (Women's Tennis) Edinburgh 2nd 10-10 Heriot-Watt 2nd (Men's Rugby Union)

Netballers turn it around on derby day Women's Netball BUCs Scottish 1A Edinburgh 2nd Heriot-Watt 1st

40 29

RELEGATIONTHREATENED EDINBURGH overwhelmed fellow strugglers and local adversaries Heriot-Watt on Saturday to record their first win of the season.

Goal attacker Juliet Thompson provided over half of the home side’s points, while Lucy Burgess controlled large portions of the game from centre.

The win draws Edinburgh level with their rivals with four games remaining in the battle to avoid relegation from Scotland’s top division – and skipper Jessica Atkinson is confident the side can turn things around.

“This was a much needed win,” said the goalkeeper. "We can definitely

turn this around now.

“This should provide a real boost to moral and spur us on to put together a run for the rest of the season.”

The hosts were quick to find their rhythm, piecing together one fluid break after the other in the opening quarter as Heriot-Watt’s sloppy passing presented plenty of interception opportunities.

“

This was a much needed win. We can definitely turn this around now."

Jessica Atkinson, Edinburgh Captain

The visitors' persistent distance fouling allowed regular free shots, and it was only through a combination of wasteful finishing by Edinburgh and good shooting on Heriot-Watt’s own

rare forward breaks that the match was not out of sight at the first interval.

Buoyed by their good fortune, the away team rallied in the second period as goal shooter Catriona Smith and goal attacker Kimberly Onions chipped away at the deficit to trail by just four points at half time.

Atkinson urged her team to slow the tempo during the break, and a more controlled approach prevailed for the remainder of the match as they denied their opponents the handling errors on which they fed in the second quarter. They patiently extended their lead over the increasingly ragged visitors as Thompson found her range to score with demoralising regularity.

The seconds host third-from-bottom Stirling next. Meanwhile, the 1sts are engaged in battle with Dundee at the other end of the table, who they face on February 11.

OUT OF REACH: Juliet Thompson extends Edinburgh's lead

CHARLES CUTTERIDGE

Davie Heaton sees Edinburgh's first win of the season in a relegation six-pointer with Heriot-Watt