Will to Rebuild by Union Weekly

Issue 76.12

Molly Shannon, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com

By Molly Shannon

Alfred Pallarca, Managing Editor alfredp.union@gmail.com

Well, lads and lasses, it’s offish (slang for “official”)—there are five weeks, Four Lokos, and three issues left in the semester. Y’all must be drowning your sorrows in that goose beer they serve at the Nugget, but bottle those tears, Beach Bums. You’re going to need the extra moisture to absorb what’s to come in these last few hours. Don’t get all dry and crusty on me. Next thing you know you’ll be gasping for dihydrogen monoxide like, “Sandy! Water! WATER!” And how embarrassing would that be? You must always stay thirsty, my friends. Stay thirsty for H2O, stay thirsty for life, stay thirsty now & forever. Speaking of thirsty, last weekend I joined hundreds of other CSULB pupils in the Pyramid for the incredibly entertaining Miguel/Wale concert presented by ASI. I have to say, never before have I seen our campus so united. It was like a jungle in there; the crowd maintained a such a high level of energy from

Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com Trevor Desrosiers, Advertising Executive advertising@lbunion.com Eduardo Vargas, Distribution Manager distribution@lbunion.com

ART & DESIGN John Calhoun, Illustration Editor johnc.union@gmail.com Truc Nguyen, Web Manager web@lbunion.com

EDITORIAL Jacky Linares, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Veronica Craft, Community Editor community@lbunion.com

Illustration by Rose Feduk mean Even the opening DJs knew how to get people on their feet—I’ll never forget looking up into the bleachers, gazing at the hundreds the words “...running through the six with my WOES” vibrated within my eardrums. Amazing. I’ll also never forget how people I accidentally hit in the head with my own glow stick. Legend has it that their craniums grew three sizes that day. My only complaint is that the event’s camera crew seemed overly concerned with filming women getting their groove on during the wait for Wale and Miguel. There’s no tellin’ how many times that night I peered up at that monstrous screen to see head-to-toe pans of young dancing queens, most of which had lingering shots of specific assets. I love seeing gorgeous ladies bootypopping their hearts out just as much as the next female, but maybe next time y’all

could balance out those 30-second clips of grinding and body rolls with some shots of the opposite sex? I need some company. Just saying. Humor me. Whatever. I guess as a female-bodied individual I should be used to that sort of thing. But the bottom line is that I’m glad ASI knows their student body well enough to invite artists like Miguel and Wale to perform for us rather than, say, some white rapper from Seattle. (Preach.) Know yourself, Molls PS: If you’re reading this it’s too late. I encoded this entire message with several Drake me a photo as evidence (@UnionWeekly on Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat), I will present you with a special lil’ gift.

Joel Martinez, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Renee Schmiedeberg, Arts Editor arts@lbunion.com Katie Cortez, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Sam Winchester, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Zach Phelps, Lifestyle Editor lifestyle@lbunion.com Elizabeth Nguyen, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Alfred Pallarca, Travel Editor alfredp.union@gmail.com Beatriz Villa, Food Editor food@lbunion.com Gumby, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com

COPY & ASSISTANT EDITORS Elliott Gatica, Eric Reid Hamilton, Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Christopher Orozco ADVERTISING INTERNS Joel Kuehn, Jacqueline Simon STAFFERS & CONTRIBUTORS Jodi Yee, Chrissy Bastian, Miguel-Angel Garcia, Celeste De Andes, Christian Bourdeau, Eva Morelos, Bronson Farr, Whitney Miller, Indigo Kimchee, Anna Pineda, Heather Sandburg, Claire DeWilde, Susana Lopez, Lilly Nguyen

“Running through the Six”

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for

Athletics

The Name’s Winston, Jameis Winston Meet the highest prospect of the 2015 NFL draft

By Miguel-Angel Garcia

Editor’s Note: Any questions, complaints, factchecks, or article requests can be sent to Miguel’s email at: miguelsmailbag@gmail.com

It’s More Than a Game The people and the work behind sports journalism

Interview by Joel Martinez OT:

UW: Daily 49er? Daily 49er

OT:

Union Weekly: Daily 49er?

OT:

Oscar Terrones:

Oscar proudly displays an article he wrote published in a print issue of the Daily 49er

UW:

UW: OT: UW:

Opinions

Graphic by Abdallah Seoud

Don’t Hate, Procrastinate

Free Speech?

By Heather Sandburg

The way the display of opinions in the quad between the Hall of Science and the bookstore (by the speaker’s platform) is both wonderful and horrible. It’s horrible because some of the people given mobility in that area cause more trouble and ruckus than inspiration or activism, yet it’s wonderful because it’s a reminder how much we college students value and respect each other’s freedoms of speech. The line has been blurred between free speech and hate speech on a couple of occasions, however, and there should be penalties for people who cross the line.

I hate when someone points out you are procrastinating on your homework. Sometimes it isn’t a matter of whether or not you want to do it, but you are mentally unable to do it because you are afraid of the outcome when you are so used to getting straight As and being perfect. I procrastinate because at least there is the excuse of, “Oh, I started it late,” when it isn’t perfect and it helps ease the tension when I can’t bring myself to do projects.

Stale Thoughts By Alfred Pallarca Why does stale bread exist? It’s absolutely useless and just sits there doing nothing! It does nothing useful for the bodies of those who consume it. It just sits there pretending to be bread and mocks you with its existence. You think, “Hey, maybe I’ll give it a shot and have a slice to satisfy my hunger,” but you know it won’t do that! It’s stale bread! Why not throw that bread away? Buy new bread, perhaps? Go to CVS and buy a gluten-free loaf, dontcha?

By Joel Martinez

Coming to a Close By Sam Winchester I really dislike when people don’t fully close drawers or doors around the house. I have hurt myself several times at night when I don’t want to turn on the lights or in the morning when my house and see this, my soul cringes and my heart breaks.

Littering is Trashy

Ask Me Anything!

By Chrissy Bastian

By John Calhoun

I abhor people who litter. It is disgusting and causes problems for everybody. Those who complain about the state of a neighborhood or a campus, well ask yourself, “Did I add to the trash?!?!?” Littering is just pure laziness.

I really like being asked for my opinion, and other people knowing it makes me feel like I’m famous or something, but without any of the celebrity gossip problems. Also, when people ask me how I’m doing, that’s the best.

Opinions

We Need to Talk About This

As you might know, April is Genocidal Awareness Month, as April holds anniversaries of marked cruelties that have destroyed cultures, societies, and lives. When we hear the word genocide, we think of perhaps, the Holocaust. We detach it from ourselves, as something that belonged to a previous generation, and that will not occur again. We do not allow ourselves to talk about the subject of genocide, due to how disturbing it is. Yet not talking about it allows room for misconceptions and inaccuracies and a false sense of security into thinking that all is well. Here’s the other thing about talking about sensitive subjects: you feel that way because you’ve been conditioned to feel that way. “Shh, let’s not talk about it.” An everyday phrase that seems harmless, but the attitudes summarized by phrases like this, silence the reality and experience of the survivors of genocide, wherever they may be, whenever that may be. It silences their desperate need for justice or closure of both, and allowing the perpetrators to go unpunished. We are not trained to talk about sensitive subjects. You have no idea the amount of shit I get for correcting people for the language

they use to talk about people. But of course, I’m “policing” or “challenging” freedom of speech. Language is the prime form of communication and here’s the thing: the way

Trigger Warning

The other day, a disgusting anti-abortion booth with numerous blown-up color photos of dead fetuses, many of which were showcased splattered about, was set up on campus. The concept of “triggers” and “trigger warnings” are a relatively recent trend that I don’t necessarily agree with

waiting around inside their structure of banners barely visible to those passing by, similar to a biblical city surrounded by walls of ignorance—but at least they’re contained. These nutjobs are well aware of

Protestors on campus’ Free Speech Area go too far

situations for political agendas. Although, in regards to women who have had abortions, or any individual who’s been close to someone who’s had the procedure, this is certainly, without a doubt, a trigger. The exhibit is set up within the plot of grass our school has designated as the free-speech zone, so they are legally protected to carry out their message, and these psychopaths know it. Within the display’s center are the people who chose to come down to my university on a beautiful Wednesday afternoon, all

Society shouldn’t avoid the discussion of sensitive subjects By Jacky Linares

By Eric Reid Hamilton

whoever hears you end up thinking about them. So, naturally, language is used to keep those in power, in power. Think of it as a grave: someone who is marginalized is being buried, and each time you say something, for example, a racial grave a little more, all in service of those in power, because it keeps them on top. This is why things like misandry and reverse racism aren’t real. Because me talking about your blade of grass-sized dick isn’t going to take away your privileges as a fuckboy right away, because I still have to get through centuries my grave. Because calling a white person “cracker” isn’t going to make up for all of the shit white people have done in the past, that

way to cope with that prejudice (remember: people get fucking murdered for being who they are) is making straight people jokes, then so fucking be it. They have EVERY RIGHT to feel resentful toward straight people like me, and the unearned privileges I carry. I’m not in danger of being killed for simply being straight, I’m gonna shut the fuck up about it, when someone from that community talks about how much straight people suck, because we do. We suck. Do not silence those who want to be recognized as they want to be recognized. Allow for spaces to be created for people to talk about themselves, and do not speak for them, watch what you say. Don’t be problematic. Ultimately, remember who talking, are the children who weren’t burned for simply existing as they are. Check your privilege, unlearn problematic behavior, be kind and respectful. Didn’t you learn to not talk while someone else is talking?

I’ll give you another example: I’m straight. I am NEVER going to experience the prejudice that someone in the LGBTQ+ community is going to experience, and if a

to their credit—which I regretfully bestow upon them—they are rather intelligent in

this grotesque exhibit was coldly calculated. This group is well aware of their limits and they vehemently push their way right up to the outermost boundaries. Across from the middle-aged, wildeyed pro-lifers was a micro-group of actual students holding white poster boards with sayings like “My Body, My Right” and “Just Ignore Them and They Will Go Away.” This minor countering group seemed to have sprouted organically shortly after the Lifers arrived and began their day-long reign of terror. One of these modest yet heartfelt poster boards read, “High-Five Me if You Support

“This group is well aware of their limits and they vehemently push their way right up to the outermost boundaries.” their execution (emphasis placed strictly on their execution, not their philosophy or skewed sense of morality). There was a sign—much smaller in proportion than the banners of splayed out fetuses—that read, “Videotaping will be present in this vicinity for security reasons.” Clearly, this

holding the sign, sharing a heartfelt smile, and proceeded to go on with my day.

Community

Green Generation Celebrating Earth Month with upcoming campus events By Whitney Miller The annual Green Generation Mixer and Sustainability Project showcase are just around the corner! This event is an opportunity for CSULB and the Long Beach community to connect and learn disciplines. This free event is co-hosted by the campus Sustainability Task Force, the City of Long Beach, the Earl Burns Miller Japanese Garden, and Associated Students, Incorporated. The mixer will be held in the Earl Burns Miller Japanese Gardens on Thursday, April 16, 2015 at 5pm. Anyone interested in learning more about sustainability issues and activities in our community is invited to enjoy the tranquil garden setting, delicious food, live music, and the Sustainability Project Showcase—a display of educational and artistic projects created by our amazing CSULB students and faculty. The following week, ASI, Sustain U, the Sustainability Task Force, the Financial Management Green Team and the 49er Shops are hosting an Earth Week celebration from Monday, April 20, through Thursday, Each day will bring opportunities to learn about environmentally friendly choices we can all make in our daily lives. With vendor and campus group information tables, demonstrations, prizes and giveaways, these events promise to be fun and educational!

Schedule of CSULB Earth Day Events Thursday 16, 2015 “Green Generation: Long Beach Sustainability Mixer” Earl Burns Miller Japanese Garden from 5pm to 8pm

Monday 20, 2015 “Mindful Menu Monday” Dorm Dining Halls (regular hours) The Chartroom from 10am to 2pm

Tuesday 21, 2015 “Take Action Tuesday” Speakers Platform from 11am to 2pm

Wednesday 22, 2015 “Water You Doing Wednesday” Friendship Walk from 11am to 2pm North Lawn from 11am to 2pm

Thursday 23, 2015 “Think-Twice Rideshare Thursday” Beach Circle from 11am to 2pm

UHP display their informational poster board at last years Green Generation mixer (top); Members of the Environmental Science and Policy Club (middle); food provided at last year’s Green Generation mixer (bottom)

Community

(Don’t) Talk Dirty to Me Women’s and Gender Equity Center to host theatrical docudrama on sexual intrusion Catcalling. Men do it, BuzzFeed made a video about men doing it, and yes, some women do it, too. But yelling out, “Hey sweet thang,” isn’t the best way to try to get someone’s attention if you are interested in them. And to be honest, no one likes catcalling…unless you’re just joking around about dumb pickup lines. Enter Dirty Talk: a docudrama that engages discussion on the topic of sexual intrusion, catcalling included. The hourlong performance, performed by three actors, takes 90 percent of its material from real-life testimonies and interviews It is also similar to CSULB’s very own InterACT performance troupe, a group that proactively performs with the audience to talk about sexual assault intervention. “The message of this play is simple. It

that deals with the characters and the violence they come from,” said “Dirty Talk” creator Shaheen Vaaz in an Inside CSULB story. “Information is presented to the audience, so they can have the experience of walking in someone else’s shoes. This is what theater does really well.” Vaaz recently became a professor in the Theater Arts department last semester. Dirty Talk made its debut in January this year at Smith College in Massachusetts and has been touring to other colleges in the country since then. The inspiration for the performance was inspired by an event

that occurred in India when a girl was fatally beaten and raped in 2012. Associated Students, Inc. Secretary for it is important to discuss sexual intrusion, especially on college campuses. “Many people are unaware that catcalls and street harassment are seen as a form of sexual harassment and cause an environment that is unwelcoming for students who experience this,” Salas said. “It also puts a face to the statistics of sexual harassment on campus and makes it more personal.”

“...catcalls and street harassment are seen as a form of sexual harassment...”

By Bronson Farr

Salas notes that April is Sexual Assault Awareness/Prevention Month and there will be more events happening on campus that deal with sexual assault such as Take Back the Night on April 22nd. Students can also visit the Women’s and Gender Equity Center, formerly known as the Women’s Resource Center at the LA1-102, or they can seek out Linda Peña at Student Health Services. Dirty Talk will be happening this Wednesday, April 15, at the Beach Auditorium at 5:30pm. The USU Program Council in collaboration hosts the event with the Women’s and Equity Gender Center, the Theater Arts department, and the Communications Studies department. For more information, visit www. worldkinensemble.com.

Let Miguel’s Love Adorn You ASI Spring Concert shakes up the Walter Pyramid At 6pm on Friday, April 10, 2015, the doors to the Walter Pyramid burst open to usher in the huge line anticipating the 2015 ASI Spring Concert. People from all over the area headline artist, and special guest Wale. “I came here for some good friends, good vibes, and good music” said Maybelle Theresa Denvina, a fourth-year Kinesiology student at CSULB. “You can’t go wrong with Miguel.” Students and non-students alike came to the concert, including people who had never been to events before. “This is actually my Daniel Cheung. “I just came in a group on a Friday night to have a good time.” Some people even came to support Miguel out of feelings of dedication to community. “I

love Long Beach natives, community names that can bring the community together,” said Katie Davi, CSULB Alumna. “ASI should Sublime in the future.” Taking over the introductory set, KBeach’s DJ B-Rokk had people standing in their seats and dancing. “It’s a big opportunity for K-Beach and DJ B-Rokk to share the stage with talent like Miguel” said B-Rokk’s assistant Fernando Avila. “We’re gonna rock the Pyramid and create a memorable concert experience for all in attendance.” When the performers arrived, Wale came onstage abruptly which had everybody in the pyramid cheering. The seats were swarmed to the front for his set, and he knew

how keep the crowd pumped with his raps and beats. B-Rokk took the stage again for an intermission, then Miguel afterwards took the stage with his band and played his signature hits. His performance was packed with volume and rhythm, and soon everyone in the venue was standing in their seats either dancing to the music or taking pictures on their phones. The euphoria translated itself to the performers too. “Man, it feels like homecoming… to have grown up so close and to come back to places I’m super familiar with,” said Miguel. “It’s nostalgic… there’s always something special about that. It feels great to be here.” When at the press conference, Miguel voiced how excited he was to be at long

By Joel Martinez beach and how much he appreciated his fans. “The fact that there’s people who listen to become a part of their life in some way, shape, or form, it’s a huge blessing… you want your music to reach people and you want to be a part of something that transcends your time on this Earth.” Wale also had a message for his fans: “Just be passionate about whatever it is that you do in life. Whatever it is that you’re working on, whatever your goals are, your dreams, be passionate about it.” He then explained he was planning on putting out mixtapes and albums in the future at a slower rate than he currently follows. “I feel like it’s taken away from the main objective, which is to connect with the people.”

Arts

Illustrious Tales Student illustrator aims to tell stories through art

My name is Anna Pineda. I was born in California and raised in Santa Clarita, but I come from a full Salvadorian family. I don’t like Santa Clarita very much, but I really like Long Beach. I first came upon art by telling stories, then it became a medium of selfexpression and anxiety relief. Now as an artist following an illustration track at a university, my goal is using art to story tell. As an intersectional feminist, I also aspire to express experiences and feelings that I’ve found are mutual in a diverse society rather than just my own. I enjoy learning about people, though I’m incredibly introverted. I’m interested in character development within creative writing as well as watching other people’s visual perceptions through films. However, I love using art in the most simple ways to express the little and big things I appreciate. Food can be exciting to me. I love dogs. Anything almond probably runs through my veins, especially almond milk. When it comes to exposing my work, I find that I separate my personal work from my schoolwork because the process of completing school projects is very different from completing projects and sketches for myself. School projects help me learn about my abilities whereas personal projects help

Words and Photos by Anna Pineda

me reflect on my artistic ideas. Although I have felt more confident with my ideas, I find it very important to exercise that part of my brain since I always dreamed of using my illustrations to tell a story. That being said, I am aware that a lot of people assume illustration falls under creating children’s books or perhaps animation, but I never limited myself to thinking those were the only options for me. Other illustrators I’ve met, as well as myself, experience the reality of how illustration contains the most artistic opportunities for individuals because of its expansive nature. I hope to direct the visual art of a story, whether my visual perspective moves though a screen in different shots, a variety of drawings, or one piece of twodimensional work. That doesn’t mean that I have never planned to see my art anywhere else, like at the front of your house or on the streets of Los Angeles. Taking that into consideration, I believe creativity should not be discouraged regardless of the medium one is pursuing their art in. A lot of people stay away from studying art at school for a variety of reasons, and no matter what anyone says to me, I know for sure it’s not just because of their lack of faith in drawing a stick figure.

Works pictured are just a few examples of Anna Pineda’s artistic prowess

FEATURE

Feature Presentation Will to

Rebuild

Service-learning class offers a blueprint to help restore New Orleans

#KatrinaKrewe15

Photo by Mabelle Denuna Words and Photos by Alfred Pallarca

Hurricane Katrina hit the city of New Orleans in the fall of 2005—almost 10 years ago. The catastrophe devastated and nearly annihilated the city, interrupting millions of American lives in the South. It was that pivotal moment that prompted English professor Tim Caron, with the encouragement of his department’s dean, to start a class with three other faculty members to respond to the terrible disaster. The original class was composed of 80 students with the goal of enlightening the students about the distinctive culture of New Orleans. “We looked at Katrina from the arts and history of the city,” said Prof. Tim Caron. “We looked at it from the physical science perspective and from the race, class, and gender perspective. Each one of the faculty members converged to teach the class.” Around the same time the class was instated, four students from the College of Business proposed to the Student Life and Development Center to organize a service trip to aid the citizens of the city. They had previously traveled to New Orleans and experienced the city’s unique culture and were bothered by the inadequate actions geared towards the

consisted of volunteering to help rebuild houses in Southwest Louisiana. Moreover, the class Caron taught and the service trip were not the same program. “All the students who were on the trip, none of them were in the class,” he said. The service trip and the class were completely separate programs. Encouraged by the SLD Center, two years later, Caron converged the service program and the class he was teaching, creating the service-learning class, University 300 or Politics

supplement the trip was proposed to me, I thought it was a terrible idea,” said Caron. “I’m embarrassed to say that now.” He explained that he originally thought that the students should just go out and help without having to worry about grades. However, it became clear to Caron that though students on the trip had the best intentions, they did not know anything about Louisiana culture and history. “Their experience was much less meaningful,” he said. “They didn’t understand the history of Louisiana. The goal of the class—of a service-learning class in general—is to create a level of civic engagement through students.” Captivating the students in meaningful, transformational work within the community is concert at the pyramid and were able to raise 10,000 dollars certainly what Caron strives for students to experience every year, especially during their time volunteering for Habitat for Humanity in New Orleans.

FEATURE

Although the program was originally taught as a special topics class under the Political Science department, the class is now under a separate subject section, University. This transition has made the class more welcoming to students of any major. “In a weird turn of fate, I actually taught Political Science even though I’m a faculty member of English,” plenty of help designing the class’ syllabus. The director of the Center integrate service into the class in a meaningful way. “He was great in that respect,” he said. “I couldn’t have done it without him.” The program has grown in popularity within the university, averaging 90 applicants each year. From this pool of applicants, only 30 students are chosen to actually participate in the program. “We want to put together lower classmen, etc.” Caron said that every year certain things change within the program and during the trip to New Orleans. For example, which is the only museum devoted to the history of slavery in the United trip to give them broader insights regarding the situation in New Orleans post-Katrina. “We used to homeless population,” said Caron. about public health issues. She was involved in a project to exchange needles on the streets in New Orleans.” Nevertheless, helping to rebuild houses for the victims of the hurricane with Habitat for Humanity year after year is what remains constant. “We always he said. “The organization is great and very supportive.” Certainly the volunteer service to New Orleans has everlasting

that it was satisfying watching the students form friendships with one another while servicing the community. “Helping build a house for someone who we will probably never meet is a pretty profound experience,” said Briley. Their family will grow up there.” Besides the bond that each student felt towards one another, She said that learning how to build a house made her feel more capable. “The second day, I realized we can build a house,” can build a house until you’re told to do it.” Briley said that the

with every house the group has helped build. However, every student who has participated in the class felt that the trip was an unforgettable and impactful journey. Allison Castro, a third year Math and Economics major, has been applying

throughout the service trip was a prominent part of the experience. Since Briley had volunteered to build a house before, he has

“I’m so glad I got in the third time, because I feel that if I had been accepted during my freshman year I wouldn’t have appreciated it as much,” said Castro. “Our class got so close, and I wouldn’t have wanted to get close to the people besides those in this class.” Castr0 explained

procedure. However, seeing that a considerable amount of people in the class were inexperienced, Briley helped numerous people

certainly rewarding. Matt Briley, a second year Environmental Science Policy major, agreed with the gratifying feeling of having participated in the program. “When I told my

Briley. “There were a lot of people who weren’t able to hammer nails, so they would call me over and I would hammer their nails.” Evan Schwieger, a fourth year English major, said that everyone

students are in Florida getting in New Orleans helping build a house,’ so he was proud of me.” Briley said that being a part of

for him. “I noticed that when

Perhaps one of the best things that several students learned from going to New Orleans is not just the culture of the city, but why it is important for this program to exist. Briley said that there is simply so a typical college course, Briley explained that you actually get seminar at a deeper level. He said

New Orleans as a cultural breeding ground. “It’s where we got a lot of our importance of high-impact practices in student’s education. Students should be engaged in active learning where they are actually doing things instead of passively sitting and hearing a lecture. “It brings it to

FEATURE

life,” said Caron. “It’s one thing to read about something in a book or see a picture but to go to that place, when you stand there and experience it, that is a powerful educational experience.” Schwieger added that it is everyone’s responsibility to help his or her fellow citizens, especially in a time of need. “I think a lot of people try to dismiss their responsibilities by donating organization, and they don’t really know where that goes,” he said. “If they just actually did something themselves, even if it were to just go and take an hour of your week and work at a soup kitchen, it would do so much more than just feeling better about yourself for giving money to who-knowswhere.” Castro said that spring break is a perfect opportunity to take some time and give back to the community. Having a break does not necessarily mean that you only need to focus on having fun. She revealed that being able to help rebuild a house while learning the culture of the city and befriending new people was the perfect way to spend her break. Although 10 years have passed Caron never would have imagined that he would still be doing the trip today. “I assumed that it assumed that one of the greatest cities, not only in the US, but one of the world’s greatest, would be a priority for the government. It just seemed crazy to me that it would take college students to rebuild the city because the government had completely abdicated its responsibility.” The students and Caron agreed after having been in the city that the work is far from being done. Several infrastructures are still not up to par, and many people are still left without homes. “The reason we should keep going to

New Orleans is because those are our neighbors,” said Caron. “The social contract has been broken, and that makes me so furious. I

not just judge other people’s cultures and circumstances,” he said. Schwieger explained that you can’t judge people’s living choices without knowing their history. He even applies this lesson, he realized, to the people in his class. “They were all in my class, and I didn’t really take the time to know them,” said Schwieger. “Over the course of the trip I had that time, and I learned how amazing people really are.” Although Castro said that she might not necessarily join AmeriCorps right after graduation,

me with rage.” Briley noticed on the trip that several people are still homeless and have not returned to the city because they don’t have anywhere to go. “They don’t have any home over there,” said Briley. “So building houses is one thing we can help do to rebuild the city.” Coming back from the trip, all the students had been changed in a myriad of ways. Volunteering has been a passion for both Briley and motivated to keep volunteering Schwieger; however, participating and helping the community. These exact mentalities push passion to help out the community. Caron to take a group of college “Maybe after college I will look for students on the trip every year. volunteering opportunities,” said He admitted that though the trip Briley. “I am an Environmental could get exhausting from the Science major so maybe manual work, seeing how every environmental volunteer work student changes and evolves as a such as working in restoration.” person makes the trip worthwile. As for Schwieger, he feels as if he He remembered a student he now appreciates people more than had a few semesters back who he did before, and he has further wanted to become a lawyer simply realized that everyone has a story. to work for big corporations. “I think I’ve been reminded to However, according to Caron, after having experienced the trip, this particular student completely changed his point of view. “He is doing exactly what he decided he was going to do, which is to be a lawyer,” he said. “The focus of what he wants to do in law school wants to use law to level out the with issues related to housing, immigration, etc.” As for the future of the servicelearning class, Caron said that he is hoping for more sections to be added in the upcoming years. Ideally, Caron envisions a class going to Chicago to do

some service with education or a class going to other places to work on public health issues or in AIDS hospitals. “The challenge is that it’s a lot of work to teach this class,” he said. “You give up your spring break, so people are faculty members who are willing to do it.” Caron said that next school year, Dr. Dennis Lopez section that will focus on the topic of immigration. The new student trip will spend their spring break in the San Diego/Tijuana border to learn more about the subject. Caron and all the students urged everyone to try and partake in a class such as this. “These are the experiences that students will always remember after they graduate as having the biggest impact on their education,” he is huge because so many other things we do in the class are really important after your graduation.” If you are interested in applying for the program, visit Development, USU-215 or email out more about this year’s trip, check out #KatrinaKrewe15

Music

Straight Outta Fayetteville ‘The real is back’ with an intimate, autobiographical album By Celeste DeAnda Photos by Christian Bourdeau

J. Cole is currently on his Act One of his Forest Hills Drive Tour visiting smaller cities throughout the U.S.. On Sunday, March 8, he made a stop in Santa Ana, CA. Opening acts were his very own “Dreamville” artists Cozz and Bas, who really got the crowd hyped! This tour is based on his third album, Forest Hills Drive (2014), which is also his third album to debut at number one on the U.S. Billboard 200 chart. The album was named after J. Cole’s home address in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and the songs on the album portray his life beginning with the day he was

the past 30 years. At a previous show, J. Cole described to the audience why he prefers intimate venues like The Observatory, as opposed to larger settings. Smaller venues bring him closer to his fans giving him the opportunity to interact with them. Seeing an artist you admire becomes far more meaningful when you are able to make eye contact with them, versus having to look through binoculars to see them on stage when you are in a larger arena. Both such an amazing energy and positive vibes. He takes the time to notice all of his fans in the crowd, from those up front and center, to the fans in the back of the crowd standing on chairs trying to get a better view. Sunday

night at The Observatory OC was the perfect example to see exactly what he was talking about. The interaction he gets with his fans is something he just won’t get at a larger arena. J. Cole really does what he does for his fans. This was the third show of his that I’ve attended over the last three years and nothing has changed, except for his new hair. His passion and dedication to his music is unreal and you can really see it when he’s on stage. Everyone in the crowd was singing along with every song and knew every word when he was performing. Every now and then, he would take a step back and let the crowd sing. It’s really all love. When I go see his shows, I love that there’s no big act or distractions from the music. All he brings on stage is his mic stand, a stool, and he just performs his music. He performed his entire Forest Hills Drive album and he even sang a couple throwbacks for the fans, such as myself, who have been with him since day one. One of my favorite things that he has done at every show I’ve attended is perform “Lights Please,” which is a song from one of his mix tapes. It’s easily my favorite song by him, so getting to see him perform it multiple times is the greatest feeling ever. This show was one of the best shows I’ve been too. I cannot wait until he comes back

Entertainment

Movie Article 6: Back in Action By Katie Cortez Early last month, it was announced that there will be a Zoolander sequel in 2016. Although I do have a soft spot for the 2001 original, I can’t help but think that this sequel came about because of Anchorman 2 Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues had a $50 million production heard too many great things about it. As a general rule, I tend to hate sequels. There are a few exceptions to the rule, but those exceptions are few and far between. Sure, The Godfather II and X2 are much better than their predecessors, but not every sequel can be that successful. I think Jamie Kennedy said said it best in Scream 2, “By

Here’s my list of 10 sequels that probably should never have been made.

xXx: State of the Union (2005) I vaguely remember seeing this. Ice Cube was in it. The government puts an extreme sports to save the country from a coup d’etat. Should you watch it? Only if you’re really into motocross. And Ice Cube.

Bring It On 2, 3, & 4 (2004, 2006, 2007) cheerleaders. They all become friends in the end. The bitchy cheerleaders get their

Should you watch them? that one will always hold a special place in my

Cruel Intentions 2 & 3 (2000, 2004) semi-incestual 1999 cult classic that shows how step-siblings Sebastian and Kathryn developed their unhealthy game of challenging one another to manipulate

messing with the wrong girl. Should you watch them? Only if you want

Kathryn’s cousin Cassidy starts college and

teach a girl how to have sex.

Entertainment

S. Darko (2009) Scary Movie 3, 4, & 5 (2003, 2006, 2013) Spoofs on horror films that star hasbeen actors. Should you watch them? I mean, if you like over-the-top sexual innuendos and Charlie Sheen.

Human Centipede II: The Full Sequence (2011) I thought the first one is the most twisted film I've ever seen. This is 10 times worse. There's a third one coming soon, and I'm scared. Should you watch it? I WISH I HADN'T! IT HAUNTS ME! IT'S A SICK MOVIE FOR SICK PEOPLE! THE FIRST ONE SHOULDN’T HAVE BEEN MADE EITHER!

Years after his death, Donnie Darko's younger sister Samantha is on a cross-country roadtrip with her best friend. She starts a weird space-time continuum debacle, not unlike her brother's experience. Samantha is played by the same actress who played her in

in The Ring from One Tree Hill, is in it too. Should you watch it? Fans of Donnie Darko should watch it at least once, if only to curse the director for this terrible sequel.

Same plot as the original, but with a new cast and characters. Should you watch it? No. Because fetch is never going to happen.

Talking dogs talk some more. I didn’t even know this was a thing. Should you watch them? Die.

of Lilo from Lilo and Stitch and the creepy girl

Mean Girls 2 (2013)

Beverly Hills 2 & 3 (2011, 2012)

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) Michael Bay blows everything up. Again. Should you watch it? If there’s no Shia LaBeouf, what’s the point?

Paul Blart 2 (2015) Apparently mall cops live dangerous lives. Should you watch it? It doesn’t come out until April 17. Please don’t encourage Kevin James.

Literature

“...a novel that is unapologetic in its dealings with LGBT issues...”

Not All Chocolates and Kisses Farizan’s novel offers insight on often avoided literary subjects By Lilly Nguyen

Have you ever fallen in love with someone you weren’t supposed to fall in love with? Was it maybe someone who was already in a relationship? Was it someone who was much older than you? Or maybe, it was your best friend? Romance novels speak of stories where a boy meets a girl. The boy and girl get into trouble, but persevere and grow as a result. Romance novels tell us stories in which we can escape from the reality of relationships. They tell us love stories about what we know can’t be real, but wish they were. However, in Sara Farizan’s If You Could Be Mine, that is not the case. If You Could Be Mine tells the story of Sahar and Nasrin, two teenage girls who have fallen in love despite their circumstances. The novel’s events take place in Iran, where homosexuality is punishable by death. Their relationship must when Nasrin’s parents tell her that they’ve arranged a marriage for her. Unfortunately for the couple, Sahir and Nasrin are forced to break up, facing the reality that they were never going to be allowed to stay together.

Sahar is brokenhearted. That is until she comes across a solution. While homosexuality may be punishable in Iran, transsexuality is not. Being a “man trapped inside of a woman’s body” is seen as “God’s mistake” rather than a choice. Sahar sees this as an opportunity that would allow for both her and Nasrin to stay together; however, she does not want to be a man. Sahar wants to be loved as she is. Is what might be idyllic and teenage fancy be worth giving up? If You Could Be Mine is a novel that is unapologetic in its dealings with LGBT issues and is a painful reminder of the transience of

sex reassignment surgery seems like a quick and easy solution to their problem. It is over the course of the novel’s events that Sahar realizes the seriousness of that transition.

of fresh air. There is little racial diversity in the YA genre and even lesser so is the representation of lesbian relationships and of the LGBT community in general. For both elements to show up in this novel was more than enough reason for me to pick it up and attempt to give it a read. As a debut novel, Farizan does a good job in gaining the reader’s sympathy for Sahar. She’s only seventeen. Her decisions are rooted in her emotions, and having a

are on a high, they do not come across as strongly as desired on the page. Overall, If You Could Be Mine is not a novel that you should pick up if you are looking for a classic romance novel. It is, however,

that has otherwise been avoided in contemporary literature. She provides a new perspective on the international treatment of homosexuals in juxtaposition to the treatment in the United States. But Farizan’s prose is far from earth-shaking. While it attempts social commentary, it is not successful in its delivery. The characters, besides Sahar, are

of homosexuality, the fragility of teenage relationships, and the bittersweet aftertaste

A Narrator’s La La Land An example of a story without much of an ending Once upon a time, there lived two “normal” two genders and “others” fought over beliefs. As a result of the spirits, politics, and atoms “civilizing” with each other, a postmodernistic civilization was born. From absurd spaghetti monsters to alien cults to allegorical cannibalism, these two genders learned helplessness. With that knowledge, they never understood the virtue of peace. As for the “others,” they perverted the ideal of normality, but they knew how to party. But the story does not start here, my naïve readers, the spotlight focuses on two young adults, Tim and Mary. Tim is your typical male. Group him up with the other males, he is decently average. Not too shabby looking nor a winner in the genetic lottery of good looks. He is your average guy lacks motivation in life. As a narrator, my job is to shine a light onto him. He is a wise kid with great potential. If he worked out and chiseled his body a little, then maybe he would not have to rely on his bare hands and could possibly seduce a girl. If he was curious, he could aim for

of the digital world and talks to himself on occasions. He is not a loner as most will call him, but he is a weirdo. He does have friends

and moral conundrums. As we move away from young fragile

to school and twenty dollars if she rode along with him. As the education system taught her, she respectfully refused and replied, “It’s okay, I like to walk to school.” However, this man was persistent and stepped outside to “greet” her. Brave Mary said something no girl had ever said as a response. She screamed “penis” while pointing at the bald man’s head. Luckily, a group of teenage boys happened to hear nearby and began to play the Penis Game. The man left right away in fear of neighbors wondering why a group of kids were chanting “penis” near a bald man walking towards them. That would seem very suspicious to the other adults. Since then, she quickly learned about the adult world. Before I continue to be your narrator, I must apologize because in the back of my mind, I can hear educators criticizing why

belonging to Miss Dillini. Mary Dillini won the genetic lottery. Her “lotto numbers” began to show around the age of twelve. She noticed this transition unlike boys with hair on their nipples or butts. Dillini noticed this when an

into looking good, she could be a model. If she worked out, she might be receiving a higher pay, but in honesty, more likely a better job with minimal raised salary. Now,

This means that Tim is mentally and socially fatigued after a long day with friends. In result of this, it causes him to have moments of isolation where he ponders upon the interactions and meanings of words amongst all. In short, he complicates things. To understand Tim, just know if he strove to be a better character, he could be something. By better character, I mean not a drastic development of a main character, the true meaning of sarcasm. For now, he occasionally rises up to his mediocre challenges

By Christopher Orozco readers, before you throw exclamations at the end of your opinions, Mary faces more challenges than our friend, Tim. She deals with the ostracization of society’s standards of women than their male counterparts. And yes, there is a “school of knowledge” dedicated to the awareness in the imbalance of genders. Before you stir up more silly opinions and “emotional” discontent for my story, I am the narrator, so listen. Just like Tim, she shares many qualities like him. Lazy, not of higher class wealth, digitally literate, friendly, and mediocre, she is a boring catch like Tim. They are both boring individuals, but another. Mary is a goddess on a pedestal like all the previous girls whom Tim placed because of “love.” For that honorable thinking, he is a dumbass. As for Mary, Tim is another guy in her life who is chasing tail and she is a smartass for that, but she fails to see what lies underneath Tim’s awkward persona. Because of this weakness in Mary, she is another dumbass as well. These two

Lifestyle

The (Narrow) Road to Success Observations on the divide between S.T.E.M. and Liberal Arts majors By Zach Phelps

Illustration by Claire DeWilde

Honestly, before I entered college, I was blissfully ignorant about the ins-and-outs of

came up. He told me he was majoring in Mechanical Engineering, which did sound interesting, especially since I knew absolutely nothing about it. However, when I told him I was stuck between English or History,

thought that the majority of students picked what to study based purely on what interested them-with the exception to that rule, of course, being money-hungry business majors. In fact, my own decision to major in history was based purely on such interests. Social studies had always been my favorite subject in both middle and high school, and I had long been interested in military and political developments. Since I was unaware that someone could major in International Studies or Military Science, focusing my studies on history just seemed to make sense. While it is more than a little painful to admit my former naivete, the truth was that I thought all degrees, at least on the undergrad level, were equal in both worth and value. Yet, in the relatively short period of time I have been able to call myself a true and righteous college student, I have found that my pre-college ideas on majors and their awash. I can recall the exact moment I began to realize that not all majors were created equal, at least in the eyes of the general and untainted college student. I was making small talk with a guy in one of my classes and inevitably, the tactless question of major

Forgotten in Love The dangers of a one-sided romance By Indigo Kimchee

stuck between teaching or waiting tables?” Although (I think) his reply was meant to be in jest, it nonetheless took me back, since it to my academic interests in such a way. If this had been an isolated incident, anything about the encounter. However, it merely signaled the start of a brand new education for me in public perception. The more time I spend at school, the more I notice the divide between S.T.E.M. (or science, technology, engineering, and mathematics) majors and most other majors, particularly those that fall under within the insular world of campus life

deny that S.T.E.M. majors are put on a who announce that they are majoring in microbiology or computer science are met universally with admiration in the same way students who admit to being English literature or Psychology majors

It must be sad to love the girl in the next room. It must be sad to be fucking another whore, all while wishing for the girl in the

by a guy, knowing all too well that the girl he really wants is in the next room. The fact that everyone involved is quietly aware of the situation is merely pathetic. Though I wish I could lie, the truth is that I was that whore lying

are scoffed at. No one would deny that S.T.E.M. majors are indeed important. All modern civilizations need people dedicated to learning about the biological functions of the human body or passionate about decoding complex technological systems. However, civilization also needs its translators and

writers, just as it needs its doctors and engineers. Why is it so hard for society to realize that, instead of creating mindless competition, we simply need to emphasize the need for collaboration? It is sad to picture the modern university system, simply playing into the great American rat-race.

realized I would never be the one he thought about. The following morning, I told him that he was going to break my heart. He simply asked me why I was there with him. I did not have an answer. Even now, after all the heartbreak and

have always been naïve. I invest too much of myself. I give up my time and energy to satisfy my partner, justifying it all by saying that this is the only time I will ever have with this person. However, the more I invest in the people around me, the more I fear that I will end-up spending a lifetime by myself. Maybe I merely need to cultivate and nurture the love I have for myself. My sense of selflove, whether great or weak, will remain everlasting, while the love I had for him and other partners has faded to a dull memory. Slowly, I am nurturing my heart and maybe one day I will be able to have a healthy relationship. Today, I am glad I ended that relationship before the chasm in my heart became too wide.

“I wish I could lie and say I did not love him, but the truth was that I did.”

I could say I did not love him, but the truth was I did. He was my boyfriend, after all. And yet, I can still recall one particular moonlit night, as we ran down the beach. He quickly outran me, and yet not once did he look back to check if I was there. It was then that I

Maybe it is the sex. Maybe it is my desperate someone else, anyone else. Maybe it is my own way of trying to escape from reality. When it comes to love and relationships, I

Travel

Homecoming An undocumented student’s journey back to Mexico

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I was born in Tlapehuala, Guerrero in the year 1991. The day that I was born, my father had returned to Mexico from the States. He was determined to take both my mother and myself back with him. Both my parents beginning to form. They headed to the States, and I stayed behind with my grandmother and one of my mother’s older sisters. After my second birthday, I was reunited with my parents. Ever since that year, 1993, California became the only “home” I knew. Just one year after graduating from high school, I experienced an identity crisis. I realized that my undocumented status barred me from traveling, getting my driver’s support I had and words of encouragement were no longer with me because I was one person amongst thousands of students at Cal State Long Beach. I felt discouraged and wanted to throw in the towel because all my previous accomplishments meant nothing. Now, 23 years old and soon to graduate and receive my Bachelor’s of Arts with a double major in Human Development and Sociology and a minor in Spanish, I knew on adventures and enjoy my undergraduate studies. What I didn’t know, was that I would March 25, 2015. After my four years at CSULB my involvement within my community and university empowered me to advocate for undocumented folks. My peers, which I consider to be my family, provided me

with the support I needed whenever I felt overwhelmed, and wanted to quit. I am beyond blessed and privileged to have met my F.U.E.L. family because together we have been able to voice our concerns and advocate for the future generations to come. As a result of pushing for visibility on campus, a once in a lifetime opportunity stepped into the doors of our tribute night for Marco Antonio Firebaugh, an advocate of immigration rights. After hearing the words “you can go back to Mexico,” I felt my heart stop for a moment. emotions. This study abroad program, CHLS 490: California-Mexico Higher Education Field Study Experience was my ticket back to my birthland/homeland. A total of 14 AB 540/Undocumented students took this opportunity and we began our Advance Parole application by the end of December 2014. Once granted our Advance Parole, which is a permit to travel outside of the country for educational, work, and humanitarian reasons, we would be ready to go. Going on this trip was a roller coaster in every sense. When March 25 came, I was rushing because I didn’t want to miss my airport was a bit nerve-racking because I was not sure what paperwork I needed to present. Luckily, I was able to get through with the help of my classmates. The airport been educated on Advance Parole, which explained the confused look on their faces when I presented my Mexican passport and my Employment Authorization Document

By Eva Morelos

Having as other stu upport group fro d Eva’s tr ents also enha m ip back nced to Mexic o

(EAD). Next came TSA. “I made it,” was the through. Now, for the wait. Waiting was not a problem, but once we began boarding the plane the only thing I could say was “This is it!” At that moment I was not sure whether I was excited to be boarding the plane, or because of where it was landing. It wasn’t until the pilot announced, “we will be landing soon” that my eyes got watery and it all became real. Right after we landed everything became very fast-paced. This 12-day trip went by so quickly, but I enjoyed every part of it. The night that I reunited with one of my aunts and my cousin, my heart melted. Now that I had part of my family in front of me, I didn’t know what to do besides hug them tightly. I felt both overjoyed and guilty. I was here, but my parents weren’t. The second night in the city of Mexico, Mexico. She and my grandmother took care of me when my mother and father left. Although I don’t remember her, I couldn’t help but cry of happiness. Every time I looked at my aunts I was reminded of my mother. From that moment onward I made sure that I enjoyed every moment spent with my aunts and cousins. I felt welcomed by them. It was as if I was part of the family and had never left. All of their attention was towards my well being and showing me parts of the city that were not on the program’s agenda. Unfortunately, that only lasted for a few days because we left Mexico City and headed to Cuernavaca, Morelos. Once in Cuernavaca, we met our host families and settled in our new homes for the

next seven days. Taking classes at Cetlalic was amazing. The professors did a great job in teaching us Spanish and helping us strengthen our academic Spanish. Being in Cetlalic also gave our group an opportunity to bond with one another. Slowly, going to class and having lunch and dinner with our host families became a routine; I did not feel like such a stranger. The weather is Cuernavaca was amazing, which is why it is known as the “city of eternal spring.” I will admit that half way through the trip, I began to feel homesick. Although I was enjoying my time in Mexico, it did not feel like home, I missed seeing my family and being in the United States. Mexico was not only special to me because it was the country that gave birth to me, but because it was a part of me that I did not know. Mexico was a beautiful experience! There is so much history, culture, food, and many colors. The atmosphere and people had the opportunity to visit museums and historical sites that taught me so much about Mexico’s history. My family was the best in every way and I appreciate them showing and teaching me about the living conditions in Mexico. For these and many reasons more, I am more grateful than ever and admire my parents’ courage and decision to leave their home country in order to provide a better life for us. I hope that my experience helps guide future AB 540/Undocumented Students who wish to travel abroad.

Food

Illustration by Susana Lopez

Out-of-the-Oven Recipes for Your Sweet Tooth Lemon Zest Banana Cake

Mocha Chocolate Chip Brownies

By Jodi Yee

By Chrissy Bastian vanilla extract and 2 large free range eggs

I’m not a baker, so baking brownies is my novice advice for those who want to

4. it. Nom nom. This banana cake is moist, like taste and an amazing lemon icing to top it all

• • • • • • • • • • •

others. Trying to bake from scratch takes 5. In another bowl, add the rest of the baking soda with the cream milk and 3 overripe bananas. 6. Then, mash together and delicately fold them into the banana batter. 7.

350 degrees before tackling the mixing. 2. 3. mixing bowl and whisk together with the eggs.

people! Maybe tackle that after the one year

boxed brownie recipe. Sometimes, a store

thickness to it. If it’s too thick try adding a 1 tsp of vanilla paste or vanilla extract 2 large eggs

While the cake is baking, begin I instantly honed in on the mocha recipe was there for a reason. 4.

3 tsp of baking soda 1. 3 overripe bananas very simple.

some nice dark chocolate chips to add to the try not to open the oven. After the preset toothpick trick. Look at the edges, if they’re

1. 2.

grater to add a little lemon zest on the top of the cake. Also, garnish the cake with a twisted slice of lemon on top for a little bit Next, add 1 tsp vanilla paste or

I do. Enjoy!

and that’s what matters. Now chow down on 1.

Volume 76 Issue 12

Monday, April 13, 2015

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: I AM NOW YOUR GOD. AS FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS, WE WILL EAT SARDINES. THE POPULATION NEEDS TO BE CONTROLLED. SECOND ORDER, TACO TUESDAYS ARE NOW TACO THURSDAYS. I HAVE WORK ON THIS HOLY EVENT. This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Submit articlez to grunion@lbunion.com.

Welcome to SOAR! (Mad Libs Edition) Hi, my name is (typical white name). I will be your (adjective) Soar advisor. Do you have your student ID and (important document). We will be dropping them off at Brotman Hall. As your Soar Advisor walks your group to the drop-off stand, you begin to notice ( ) being shot at you from the advisor. You tense up since you are not sure if they are hitting on you. In order to clear up the possible miscommunication, you proceed to drop your backpack and make direct eye contact at them. You look up and the advisor makes direct eye contact. They mouth (movie quote). You now understand their communication. With this information, you feel certainly (adjective), but you know your purpose in life. Later on, you are by the (CSULB ) with your group and advisor. You noticed two engineers attempting to (social interaction) and proceed to fail. You are all embarrassed by them. They are made aware of their public failure as your group watches them. Out of respect, you do not laugh to help them preserve their dignity as you watch. As they walk away, one of them trips and knocks down the other. Your judgmental group further restrains themselves from laughter and shame. One of the engineers begins to shoot out ( ). All hope is now lost, you are all on the verge of laughter. One of the engineers proceeds to take out a napkin to clean up. But (destructive )happens and the napkins are gone. You are further enraged because you are wondering how they can be so clumsy. You are more embarrassed by such an event that out of pity, you walk over to help them. They stare at you from the ground and you mouth ( ).

They look at your advisor, who proceeds to repeat ( ). They understand your past experience. hands with you as they part from your fated purpose. Lunchtime has approached and you want to order (your favorite meal), but considering the options, you could only order (your least favorite meal). You feel ( ) while eating it. You begin to observe your environment and notice a person nearby. You notice their (adjective) hair resembles (your favorite meal). Their (adjective) skin reminds of you of the texture. Their (another adjective) cologne/perfume wafts towards your nose and forces you to think of the succulent scents of (your favorite meal). You begin to wonder why people are friends with you. You realize how descriptive this is getting, and you see the boy/girl with the (color) hair and (adjective) skin, and (another adjective)cologne/perfume from across the courtyard, eating the (your favorite meal) that you oh-so wanted. You slowly realize that you are hungry and horny. You lose patience. You ( ) them out in the open. It resonates throughout the courtyard, reaching your Soar Advisor. Everyone chants this verbal insult. You feel powerful. You are now a god. You realize your purpose. Congratulations.

When We Feel Empty Slowly, I began to disappear. I began to feel empty inside. I felt it in my stomach, the emptiness. I thought By Adnama Senyb I was depressed, but I just couldn’t stop farting, which is why I did eventually get depression. It began with a java chip frap from Starbucks, and then I literally began to fart my life away. I couldn’t do anything. My friends stayed away from me, not because they meant to abandon me, because they physically could not stand the smell of my insides. My insides, man, inner beauty only goes so far, you know. It started with the occasional fart and that was when it was a spiritual experience. It was when I could feel my body cleaning itself of all the stress, of all of the wrongs I put it through. And by wrongs I mean Taco Bell. That shit fucks me up, hella. But then I couldn’t stop. My asshole became like a fucking symphony, I was tooting so much. I was a walking ring tone, I had enough rhythm to where it felt like I had my own theme music following me everywhere. The occasional turn would fall out, and I’d die of embarrassment. The worst was when it started to affect my love life. Don’t queef and fart at the same time. Just don’t. Boys stayed away from me, though I’d argue that I smell just like them. I do. Boys smell. Like butthole and Axe. I guess my downfall was smelling like butthole and Axe minus the Axe. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such punishment. In a previous life, did I kill someone? Did I punch a baby or something, because as far as I can think of, my worst crime was voting

for Bush that one time, and downloading a Nickelback album illegally. That was it actually. Those are my biggest crimes. Slowly, I was farting so much and so hard, that I felt pieces of my soul leave. My soul. I am becoming nothing quickly, as I am evaporating into the air. My own mother can’t even stand me, she keeps spraying Febreeze around me. I wanted to share my story to value their lives. There are honorable ways to die, to leave this earth—but this is not one of them. I love you all, and have a good life. Always look towards the sky. My molecules are about to evaporate there, so yeah.

INSIDE

NASA REPORTS THAT YOUR THIRST IS MORE REAL THAN THIS CALIFORNIA DROUGHT

PRETTY PATTIES PROVEN TO MAKE YOU MORE SMARTER!

PSYCHOLOGISTS SUGGEST FIVE OR MORE HOURS OF LEAGUE OF LEGENDS A DAY CAN INCREASE YOUR VIRGINITY

LOCAL LORD AND SAVIOUR JESUS CHRIST SPOTTED GIVING BLESSING, BUDDHA RAISES THE ROOF