Trip to the Beyond by Union Weekly

Issue 77.10

Intro

Katie Cortez, Editor in Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com

Renee Schmiedeberg, Assistant Managing Editor/Social Media Intern assistmanager@lbunion.com Trevor Desrosiers, Advertising Executive advertising@lbunion.com Ashley Rodriguez, Advertising Intern Nathan Zankich, Web Manager web@lbunion.com

DOUBLE, DOUBLE, TOIL AND TROUBLE

Graphic by Sam Orihuela

Richard Mejia, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com

ART & DESIGN Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com

Halloween has never really been a big deal to me. I hate dressing up in

world using the most popular myths

John Mueller, Graphics Illustrator illustration@lbunion.com EDITORIAL Elizabeth Nguyen, Opinions Co-Editor opinions@lbunion.com

immediately ran to wash her hands.

Rebeca Vega, Opinions Co-Editor opinions@lbunion.com Joel Martinez, Community Editor community@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Campus Editor campus@lbunion.com William Odis Martin, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Madison Gallegos, Arts Editor arts@lbunion.com Andrew Linde, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com

The only upside to Halloween out. I have a weird obsession with

Elliott Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Jack Villalba, Lifestyle Editor lifestyle@lbunion.com Amanda Dominguez-Chio, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com

terrible

the

Paranormal

Activity The

Ghost Dimension

Mario Lopez, Travel Editor travel@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Food Editor food@lbunion.com Aubrey Graham, Grunion Editor STAFF WRITERS Lauren Hunter, lauren@lbunion.com Cesar Cadenas, cesar@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, sylvana@lbunion.com Emily Ayers, emily@lbunion.com

ghosts and spirits.

COPY & ASSISTANT EDITORS Carissa Pope, Karen Ruiz, Sheila Sadr, Abril Burstein, Michelle Ha CONTRIBUTORS Rebecca Komathy, Elizabeth Campos, Jonathan Beltran, Maria Jimenez, Catherine Kim, Stephen Lee, Daniel Schrader, Daniel Col贸n, Kirstie Ishikawa, Brittany Imaku, Angel Mae Elchico, Emily Ibrahim, Rachel Chauvin, Juliann Jimenez, Colin, Ramiro Romo, Rebecca Ruiz, Yoshino Jasso, Tam Cao, Benz Ananthasukhon, Alaina Tinnirello, Sean Dundas, Issac Farland, Bryan Ayla nothingbutwordssatire COVER AND FEATURE DESIGN BY: Sam Orihuela

Halloween

Aliens The Fog. But even as a

or spirits or anything. Union Weekly

@UnionWeekly

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for

Opinions

The ceiling tiles fall piece by piece and occasionally some people almost get hit. The whole art building (Fine Arts 4) is what’s scary about Cal State Long Beach because it’s just so underfunded and it’s falling apart. During hot and the heat just gets up in there, but I remember when I stayed there for a whole night, when no one’s there, around midnight, all the ACs turn on and it’s practically a meat locker. I saw my own breath when I had to work on a painting in there last semester. You’re gonna be here for a while... We are a total earthquake hazard, dude. The whole (painting) room is so crowded, it’s just hard to get out. The whole building is open 24 hours, so they tell us to be in a group,

building? I’ve been to the door right before

just a huge contrast. It’s just startling, but I don’t know if it’s scary… We do have a lot of random rooms (FA4). There was this one room IN the painting room. In the corner where all the cubbies are, there’s this one door where I thought it was a closet—or a lot of people thought there was a closet—until someone came out of it, and it turns out it was an extra painting room for the grad students. That was really trippy. People just came out of there, but we’d never seen them around as students. I think the scariest thing is just how much of a hazard this building is with so many students in it. It should be really seriously addressed…and the squirrels. They’re not afraid of people, and they get really close… they have rabies. And the high food prices. It should not be $6 for a regular tuna sandwich or a $4 hummus. Let’s be honest.

these classrooms. When you go to the fourth Catherine Kim, third year Illustration

Everyone drives too fast, anywhere, not just in Cal State Long Beach.

The scariest thing at Cal State Long Beach would have to be between looking for parking or tuition—the amount of student loans.

Daniel Colón History

Finals week, because it’s the last chance you have to boost up your grade and your last impression in the class, and it’s just a really stressful and scary week for everyone.

Rachel Chauvin, fourth year Psychology

Parking structure because I’ve seen accidents in there, or they’ll just speed and cars will go —the alarms—and then it’s just, like, was that necessary? And they make the ground shake. It’s ridiculous. I’m scared of leaving

my car in there because who knows. Walk back and then it’s dented.

A realistic answer would be the issues of rape that have come up: girls walking to their cars, even in broad daylight, and being attacked. It’s scary to know that’s happening here.

Angel Mae Elchico, fourth year Psychology

What’s the

Colin Computer Science

thing

scariest

about

I would say going to go talk with the advisers in your department, because they just start that you could go—depending on what you want to do—that it just kind of leaves you even more confused at some point. Juliann Jimenez, fourth year Psychology

Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator The scariest thing for me on this campus is that you see so many people walking around and it kind of puts you in perspective of where you are in the world, and what you want to do career-wise and with everything. This is real life. High school and middle school are structured—here, it’s semi-structured, but you’ve got the rest to yourself. You’ve got to be your own motivation and see that

literally—that your fellow friends—these people are also your competition. You have

The people on skateboards, in meggings. I saw everything. That could have stayed home.

Yoshino Jasso, fourth year Marketing

yourself a job and make it. Emily Ibrahim, fourth year Psychology and Human Development

gonna be late to class. many students we have on campus. And not getting lost. And parking! Parking is scary, because you have to get here with a certain

In terms of actual life-threatening things, I in the parking lots. There was an attempted robbery with a knife? And there was some sexual assault? That’s pretty sketchy in terms of life-threatening danger. That might trump asbestos. The ceiling tiles (in Fine Arts 4) are Remember the brown bag triangle

Benz Ananthasukhon, fourth year Marketing

Brittany Imaku SSCP Physical Education

sandwiches? Those are so nasty! It’s $3.50 for a terrible pb and j sandwich. I dunno if any of this was actually spooky. Oh, the scary thing is what’s inside ourselves. Boom! Stephen Lee, fourth year Animation

The big flight of stairs starting from lower campus all the way up to upper campus. That’s scary. I try my best to navigate around those. Rebecca Ruiz, fourth year Marketing

The scariest thing about Cal State Long Beach is how ginormous it is, and people don’t know how to yield in the parking structures. They should make those stop signs. Kirstie Ishikawa SSCP Physical Education

People parking in the parking structure. People are brutal. Damn. Or they’re really mean. “Are you leaving?” “NO.” But they are. It never happened to me, but

my friend says it happens to him all the time. He asks them and they’re, like, “No,” and then he sees them leave.

Midterms, overpriced books, and parking.

Ramiro Romo, fourth year

I think the scariest place on campus—OK, the Psychology Building. You go to the top level of the psychology tower, and there’s just

early because either the model can’t take it for that long, or we’re all just about to get heat exhaustion, because there’s no air conditioning. Actually, parking scares me sometimes,

and you know people are just getting high, ‘psychology experiments.’ Also, the art major because it’s hard to get into the [Bachelor of Fine Arts program]— everything is so impacted. It’s hard to get into the school, it’s hard to park at the school, it’s hard to get to your class, and it’s hard to get into your major. And it’s hard to survive in the class. Your work better be good because you And avoid falling tiles. I hear that the art building’s haunted. No, the art store is haunted. Every time I’m in Costumed Figure Drawing (ART 373), we have to end class

Tam Cao Communications

structure] by the gym and there’s no spots anywhere. Either I have to stalk some person with my car and say, “ARE YOU LEAVING? ARE YOU LEAVING?” or, I have to pay for

unless you do it illegally, like in the sense that you’re not supposed to park there and you park there. So, parking’s kind of sketchy. Maybe our prejudice against vermin is what’s scary. Daniel Schrader, fourth year Animation

Opinions

‘Trophy Girls’ Story by Bryan Ayala Contributor

Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator

wouldn’t want anywhere near my friends and family. I don’t want him poisoning my circle with his backward bullshit. The tone in which he and his buddy spoke was disturbing, and as a man, I can’t grasp how this way of thinking could be present in another adult. Yet, it isn’t only him. I hear such remarks in many places from many guys. I would like to believe that we have made large strides when it comes to appreciating women, but some of my experiences have shown me otherwise. I’m in the sexual realm, but then morphs into a secret Wall of Shame stacked with “trophies.” Trophies that, like any other award, stand for some sort of victory, but in this instance, the victories holds no merit. Women are still seen as trophy girls. Guys speak of chicks they sleep with, how hard it was to get to that point, and compare with previous partners. The more partners

“So what happened with you and that bitch? She likes you, huh?” “Yeah, she does. I already fucked her, though. I fucked her and…” This is what I heard as I was at the

Student Wellness and Recreation Center,

It’s Just Words

A new type of music video, known as the lyric video, has become very popular. Lyric videos are exactly what they sound like: They’re music videos that only show the lyrics to the song. There is no big spectacle, no band playing in a hangar, and no money wasted. According to Ian Harrison, Head of Marketing and Creative at Hopeless Records,

Practical lyric videos cost jobs Story by Cesar Cadenas

basketball. I was disgusted he was about to be my teammate. I saw him as a venomous fellow, a deceiver, and a scumbag that I

point system becomes. It’s like I’m listening to someone speak about big-game hunting— how hard it was to engage in the chase and so on. The problem is that these aren’t bison nor bears; these are women who value themselves, who have worth in this world, and whom men have CHOSEN to objectify. Maybe these women fell for a charismatic look, or someone’s sweet talk, thinking the

channel’s owner. According to Harrison, the amount of money made by a video with 30 However, when a channel like Warner Bros. Records has multiple lyric videos that have millions of views, the amount of money made serve a practical purpose of teaching people

done to land them in the Wall of Shame of the trophy room created by some members of society. This downgrades the status of women in comparison to men. Within the trophy realm, hoarders and admirers take joy in degrading women. I have heard it all, and I don’t know how one gets a kick out of degrading a woman in her most private moments. I have to tell you, fellas: Your character is now besmirched in my view. I think of my sisters, nieces, cousins, and female friends when I listen to such remarks, and realize this isn’t a good society for them. Women, without your consent, you have been placed on someone’s wall for display. Your most intimate moments are shared among the trophy collectors, so that they can brag about the kill. Men have no true men get out of speaking about women as trophies. It’s like some guys are hardwired for stupidity and immorality. I don’t know what lesson they’ve missed in life that has allowed this mentality to fester, but I’m glad for those of us who have it together. To all the guys out there reading, realize that this shouldn’t occur, for women have worth. But if that isn’t enough, realize that on this wall, friend. She might, for no good reason, be somebody’s trophy girl.

part of business is cutting corners as much as possible. In the past as well as the present, cut corners hurt people. Lyric videos were started by kids on the Internet wanting to teach others the words to their favorite songs. While record companies are doing just that, people are going to be put out of work because of it. Granted, there are

“They’re music videos that only show the lyrics to the song... no big spectacle, no band playing in a hangar, and no money wasted.” “It’s rare for the label to spend more than $800...we usually spend less.” Not only are the lyric videos dirt-cheap to produce, the video can also be monetized thanks to YouTube’s ad revenue sharing program. This means that those annoying ads on YouTube actually serve a purpose. The revenue made on those videos is then turned over to the

the lyrics to their favorite songs. As popular as lyric videos are among viewers, those videos leave a lot of people out of work. Making a video of any kind takes a lot of collaboration from many people. While lyric videos are great for the record companies and the viewers, the video crews

music videos with lyrics via word bubbles, but how many lyrical music videos are there compared to purely lyric videos? I bet the numbers are skewed in favor of lyric videos. I say give people jobs and give the lyric videos to the kids. I’m sure, through ad revenue, the money spent could be easily made back.

Community

A Journey Into Downtown Long Beach Fingerprints Story by Jonathan Beltran Contributor Vinyl records and other hipster shit are hard

but normally they are compact and primarily exists a facility that combines the hipster mentality of vinyl records and independent

I needed a place for indie music so I

Sorry Ma, Forgot to Take Out the Trash, a signed Let It Be

more cultured and comfortable-in the Long

White Album

420 E. 4th Street Long Beach, CA 90802

(562)-433-4996

ÂŠ OpenStreetMap contributors

The Brass Lamp Story by Carissa Pope Copy Editor

so you and your cultured acquaintances could 245 The Promenade N, Long Beach, CA 90802 variety of specialty non-alcoholic carbonated (562)-495-9719

Literature

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Remember Story by Mario Lopez Travel Editor Illustrations by John Mueller (right) Graphics Illustrator Alaina Tinnirello (bottom) Contributor

I poured my soul into this company, and for what? To lose it all to aâ&#x20AC;Śa little girl that has never worked a day in her life?

Look at me! You got anything to say?

Burn in hell Learn to respect you elders

Here lies our dearly beloved Anastasia. A loving daughter, with a full life ahead of her sadly taken too soon. May she rest in peace

NO, PLEASE You spoiled brat! This place belongs to me!

Shit other way out of this one

8 Athletics

Adaptive Athlete Overcoming the Odds The most deadly could not sideline this Spartan Warrior

Story by William Odis Martin Athletics Editor

Photos by Katlyn Evans Contributor

www.lilmisty.com.

FEATURE

TRIP TO THE BEYOND Contacting spirits from the other side Intro by Jack Villalba

I grew up in a very superstitious home, so superstitious I’m not even allowed to watch any ghost movies in the house for fear of “inviting evil into the house.” Regardless, I still managed to watch all of my paranormal shows behind my family’s back. In real life, however, I do not play with Ouija boards or anything that could contact the dead. When I heard some of my coworkers were going to put on a séance and play with

Photos by Sam Orihuela and Katie Cortez

Until I walked into the or so much as even stumbled in the room until that day. do some work and saw the There is bad juju in the place Ouija board surrounded by I once called my second home. candles, as well as a circle and a pentagram both made of salt. Cuban grandmother to bless the I spent the rest of that day in the library happily studying. doesn’t work, then they’ll have Well, until I realized I forgot to hire a new Lifestyle editor because I am not hanging out to go back. As soon as I walked with a demon. I’m sorry. I already past the Ouija board, my sweater have enough anxiety with got caught on something and I school, work, and family. The fell. That was a demon. There last thing I need to do is worry about a damn evil entity that I thought it was all a joke. have never tripped, fumbled, my coworker wanted to talk too.

I already wear a “Mal de Ojo” anklet. Mal de Ojo means “the evil eye” in Spanish, and if you wear the eye or have it luck or envy from others. I’m about to buy three or four more cursed! But these are the kinds Union Weekly to entertain our readers. Even though it’s at the expense of me working there.

FEATURE

By Sam Orihuela

I love Halloween and spooky things in general. Horror movies and ghost stories entertain me, but I am very skeptical about spirits and demons. I was definitely going to participate in this week’s feature knowing that nothing bad would happen at all. I’ve never played with the Ouija board before, invoked any spirits through a séance, or summoned Bloody Mary. so I did all of those things along with my fellow editors on Thursday night without feeling spooked. To my surprise, something did happen that night—I was able to channel a little boy’s spirit. I was not possessed, I don’t think. I was able to control what I was saying and doing, but I felt slightly the questions my fellow editors were asking the spirit. I could not have come up with any of it, so I assumed I was in this little boy’s head or something. My body started to feel cold in little increments, and after a while I felt very light and couldn’t feel my legs nor the hands I was holding. Luckily, the little boy that was speaking through me was harmless and only passed by to have some company. His name was David and he passed away when he was very young, probably a couple decades ago, somewhere in Long Beach. He

that would bring him to school that night, but he did seem to be aware of the other spirits roaming campus. We are still not sure why any other spirit wanted to speak to us, but I have a feeling that David had a reason to come out and speak to us. dimensions,

and

some

I do not believe that spirits or demons can kill people. I am not scared of going to a “haunted” place or abandoned houses where people were murdered. I am scared of serial killers and psychopaths that might follow me home one night. probably exorcise someone with my pocket bible, carrying pepper spray still makes me feel safer than carrying a rosary. By Renee Schmiedeberg The only reason I could conduct this séance was because, when I lived in the dorms, my roommates and I once organized a fake

séance during one of the two nightly—and fascist—alcohol checks done by the resident advisers, just to shake up their servile, totalitarian hearts. (The RA took it seriously and called upon his little authorities.) That turned out differently than this séance. Since we were doing it for this week’s Halloween feature, we were more serious about it. But honestly, I was still not very serious about it. I just can’t take this kind of stuff that seriously. I mean, I believe in ghosts or spirits or whatever, but what are they going to do? Throw something off a shelf? Yeah, I can drop a book off a shelf, too. Pah! I don’t know why I’m so irreverent about this. I’m probably really ignorant about the power of The Other Side. I grew up in a religious family and had years of religious schooling, where I remember being told once that I can’t be possessed by a demon because I have Jesus in me. When I heard that I was like, “Oh, sweet.” Though I haven’t consciously

thought that for years, maybe it’s part of why I take this as lightly as I do. I used the infinitesimal amount of salt that Bailey, our Campus editor, left for me to draw a pentagram on a black trash bag on the floor of our office. She wanted to be protected from the demons, or whatever, and would later tell us that the profuse amount of salt we circled her in did nothing to protect her (a sneaky demon whispered this thought into her head, we suspect). I let my Gregorian Chant playlist fill the room, placed five lit

FEATURE

and had all four of us sit around the pentagram, hold hands, close our eyes and FEEL THE DEMONS. Just kidding, it was hella relaxing, if anything. Let me just say it now: I had no idea what I was doing. I’ve read a few websites but that’s it. If it looked spooky, I went with it. Too bad we didn’t have a goat, that would have made this séance. Why? Because looking into the eye of the goat is equivalent to looking into the eye of Satan. Have you seen those horizontal pupils? Argh! After a while of sitting

starting to feel cold. We asked David if we could help him out with anything, to which Sam responded that he didn’t know where to begin. After that, the conversation lulled and Sam told us he was leaving, so we said goodbye. I turned the light back on, put a hand on my pumpkin for comfort, and noticed that the energy was

when I see salt circles in witch movies. So why was I sitting in one when everyone started playing with the Ouija board? I’m a spiritual person, so I believe in spirits and energies, but I know that not all of them are necessarily good. Bluntly put, I’m superstitious as hell. And being present for the

Next was the séance. I’m a skeptic. Sitting around watching my colleagues hold hands while I sat in a circle of salt and they tried to channel a spirit seemed laughable to me. They all sat down. It was silent. The Gregorian chants we had playing—put there to increase the spooky factor— rose and fell. I was even hesitant to type and document it all, lest the sound be too loud and interfere with the sudden heavy energy that had descended on the room. Our medium asked the spirit to identify itself. Nothing happened. She then asked the spirit to enter our colleague— the channel for it to speak— and tell us its name. I wasn’t in the circle. I wasn’t a part of this in any fashion other than for the sake of documentation. But it’s human nature for us to answer a question in our own head with our own response. The name I thought of was David. Our channel said that the name she was hearing was David. I have never felt more disturbed in my entire life. I still feel a heaviness in my stomach just thinking about it. There was a somber, restless feel about all of us for the rest of the evening. Even though nothing else happened, that one small thing was enough. It certainly was enough for me. What I gathered at the end of this night was that I am actually a lot more superstitious than I previously thought. I just thought I spooked easily. I knew that I believed in ghosts. I just never thought that it would be something I’d ever have to deal with other than in

when we started. Then Joel, the Community editor, told us he was really cold and started wrapping himself in a blanket. We were scared that some bad

Thursday was downright unsettling. What I witnessed— or rather, lack of what I witnessed—and how easily the feel of a room changed, was

in silence, I asked Sam, our appointed channel girl, if she could ask if there were any spirits in the room. She asked a few times and told us that a name, David, just popped into her head for no apparent reason. Was this actually working? From her salt circle, Bailey told us that she was, for no reason we could tell, also thinking of that name. We began asking questions to the air around us and through Sam we found out that David was a toddler, was just passing through the area, had no siblings but had a mom, and one of the women in his life was named Sarah. Sam also mentioned that she was

spirit may have entered the disturbing, nonetheless. room without us knowing and board. When I say “we,” I would To shoo the hibbie jibbies like to specify that I did not away, I carried my pumpkin to participate in the following In the end, I consider my the computer and turned on events, at least not actively. I superstitions to be something observed and experienced what healthy. They’re an extension back with life juice, good jujus, was happening outside of the of myself and warn me of potentially dangerous ambrosia—before going ghostThe Ouija board experience situations. Fearing a dark hunting on campus. yielded no results. Everyone hallway and a pentagram swore that they felt it move drawn in salt is all the same: slightly and--like most horror It’s a fear of the unknown. By Bailey Mount movie clichés--they all swore And it’s better to be safe than I’m not religious. So why that they weren’t moving it. I possessed by a malevolent, was there a borrowed rosary vomit-spewing spirit. hanging from the pocket of my room was discomforting, but jeans? Why had I recited three that was a normal feeling. In prayers before we started doing fact, I felt that this was all a our very stupid idea? I laugh little ridiculous.

Travel

Getting Estonia’d Before studying abroad, I had very little knowledge of Tallinn, Estonia. Admittedly, the only awareness that I had of Eastern Europe was from coloring rudimentary maps in my high school geography class. In addition, I was told that college students mostly travel there to purchase reasonably priced alcoholic beverages. That being said, I really didn’t know what to expect when a few

has had a lot of misfortunes. Somehow, her ironically cheerful disposition created comical relief that lightened up the country’s dark history. She also

An out-of-the-way city with a peculiar charm Story and photo by Jaime Wright Contributor

sprinkled the tour with fun facts. For instance, we learned that

decisions that I have made thus far, and I had two general highlights from my trip. guided tour of the medieval town. As a student on a budget, spending less money on sightseeing meant that I had more money to spend on things like upgrading my meal choices to something other than pasta. Secondly, I loved the guide that lead us on the tour, although sadly, not enough to actually remember her name. If you

Skype was invented in Estonia and that they have a national sport called “wife carrying.” The second highlight of my trip was going on a guided tour of Patarei vanglamuuseum, Tallinn’s abandoned prison. Immediately upon arriving there, I felt a coldness that I have only felt a couple other times in my life. Such a destination ensues a kind of emotional experience that you really only get from physically being there. As we headed up the stairs, street art started to appear on the decrepit walls. Our tour guide informed us that local art classes were permitted to come to the prison and decorate the spaces. Just as our medieval tour guide used humor to brighten up Estonia’s past, the art alleviated much of the coldness that the prison provoked. In both of these instances, the presence of human narrative altered our experiences. All in all, Tallinn is an amazing destination, and by far one of the most underrated cities I have ever gone to. The tours that we went on and more information about the city can be found at Likealocal.com.

Dank smells, familiar bowl Story by Katie Cortez Editor in Chief

A memorable stay in a crappy hotel For many Americans, bar-hopping and getting uncontrollably intoxicated is the general plan when turning 21. When I turned 21 in 2011, I went bar-hopping and drank a lot, but that was not the highlight of my birthday weekend. Three friends and I rented a car and drove roughly 840 miles for a $40 show: Jenny and Johnny was opening for Bright Eyes, who was opening for Death Cab for Cutie. Although the show itself is still the best show I’ve ever been to, it’s the hotel room we stayed in that still haunts us. The 13-hour drive from Long Beach, California to Bend, Oregon was grueling, but we were determined to make it the cheapest roadtrip possible. We had a 25-year-old friend who rented the car for us in her name so we wouldn’t have to pay the extra $100 insurance fee. Our rented car got pretty good mileage so gas was only about $50 a person for the whole weekend. We stocked up on snacks and drinks beforehand, using the discounts we had from our respective jobs. I had found us a hotel that was $10 a night and located about 10 minutes from the venue. From the photos and reviews on their website, it sounded like a decent room, so I didn’t have any worries about it—I was just under the impression that it was cheap because things in Oregon are cheaper than in Southern California. My assumptions were wrong and even though I don’t regret the trip itself, I regret being a cheap human being in 2011. When we pulled up to the hotel, parts of the

parking lot were closed for room renovations. The woman I had spoken to on the phone when I booked the room, had explained to me that they were in the process of renovating

half of the hotel rooms, so it wasn’t exactly a thing I noticed was that it smelled like a wet

Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator dog, and the ‘70s-styled furniture reminded me of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I paid the girl at the desk $20, she handed me the room key, and informed me that our room was on the backside of the building. We promptly moved the car closer to our room, and eagerly unpacked the car so we could all nap before grabbing dinner in town. I locked the hotel room door, and we all went to sleep; my friends Nathan and Nicole were in one bed, my friend Kathleen and I slept in the other. Hours later, I dreamt that I had woken up to see a dark shadow going through our things on the desk in front of the bed. The sun had gone down and I could hear Kathleen and Nicole’s soft snores, but I looked to my left and saw Nathan sitting up in his bed, too. We both looked forward and could see the same shadow, and the shadow turned its head to look at us. After about 30 seconds of silent staring into the darkness, the shadow said “Shit!” and ran out of the room, slamming the door behind it. Nathan and I looked at each other, and the next thing we knew, it was hours later, and Kathleen had turned on the lights to wake us up for dinner. The room smelled like marijuana. I asked

if anyone had brought weed, they said no, and we were confused because the four of us could smell it. We could hear the sounds of water from the sink. “Are you guys smoking weed?” Nicole asked, exiting the bathroom. We all said no and were still confused as to why we could smell it. It seemed to be coming from the bathroom, and we determined that whole hotel room smell like weed. We looked in the tank and there were no signs of hidden marijuana, so to this day we’re not sure why weed. Later that night, Kathleen realized that headphones were missing. I said something had the exact same dream. We determined that the dream we shared was not a dream. Our hotel room door only locked from the outside and a stranger had walked in while we were asleep. For the rest of the trip, we locked the door from the outside whenever we were in there and crawled out through the open window to unlock it. Lucky for us, the trip didn’t turn into American Horror Story: Hotel. The dark shadow had only taken a $10 pair of fake Ray-Ban sunglasses and headphones,instead of killing us in our sleep. But one thing’s for sure: I will never sleep in a cheap hotel room again.

Lifestyle

Education at CSULB Opens Up Doors and People A learning experience can bring different people together Story and photo by Elizabeth Ortiz Contributor

It was rather odd to see a group of so many 18-year-olds from Long Beach circling around to chat in a California State University, Long Beach math class. Were these young adults part of a club, or maybe a marching band? Was this a mandatory meeting by some professor? So many questions were unanswered, and yet the connection between them was so real. In nearby neighborhoods, these childhood friends were encouraged at a young age to study hard because school mattered. In most cases, it was the only way to get out of poverty. A whole community expected that being smart and studying hard was the in-thing, and they wanted to be part of the in-crowd. They went straight to university, not via community college. “My family was part of the poor class and promoted me to do well in school if I wanted to get out of it,” said Chris, a business management major. “Being part of a program called Quest pushed me to take

Amanda, an English major, believes education will get her anywhere. FAFSA, which stands for “Free Application For Student Aid,” is a free nationwide program “We spend time between classes and help each other on our homework while hanging out in the neighborhood and at each other’s houses now,” Ixchel, undecided major, said. “In my Latino culture, I want to rise above and do what I like while my education is free.” Andrea, who is studying criminal justice, was in choir, music and badminton during high school. She explained that her neighborhood was not exactly nice, but supportive. They all agree that it is more economical to live locally straight out of high school and feel

“... told her that an education will get her anywhere.”

to wear three stripes on a sash during the

Childhood friends who still to this day study hard at CSULB

Celebrate the Night The one holiday that keeps on giving Story by Maria Jimenez Contributor

Let me say something: Out of all the skipped. Christmas is when we are supposed to be sugar and spice and everything nice. As children we were taught not to talk to strangers, and especially not to take candy from them. Clothes must be conservative with some kind of style. Curfews must be met within reason. As children these rules are shattered on Oct. 31. That night allows for free candy collecting door to door, blackmailing people for a Snickers, ignoring curfews, and wearing tacky or scandalous As adults the candy corn bribery dies down and we can no longer break curfews because we set them for ourselves. But the holiday still serves an excuse to be a little must be prim and proper but on this holiday you are given the pass to look however the fuck you want. Isn’t that the best part? This one day of the year gives us the pass to

either be ourselves or to be someone else without hesitation. Everyone has an edgy dark side hidden by smiles and charm, but it can be unleashed with smirks and Thanksgiving is about being thankful for one another and a delicious home-cooked meal. Christmas is about giving to others and being with the family. During these holidays we have to be with our family no

giving is permission to yourself to have a good time. It’s the time to let loose. Even the rest of society is tuned in to this unspoken law. Radio stations of all genres cater to this holiday. Clothing stores switch up their style. Why? Because this holiday allows them to. forward to the other holidays, just keep in power and a good time.

School, where he worked hard to receive these golden medallions.

easier to tackle because of their experience mentioned study life getting so hard during their high school experience sometimes that they remember having tears stream from their eyes on occasion.

Music

Nostalgia for Cutie A young woman expresses her unrequited love for the indie band Story by Karen Ruiz Assistant Editor What band or artist can you not go a day without listening to? I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to say that this

Photo by Katie Cortez Editor in Chief

Plans

Give Up and Transatlanticism is

Transatlanticism

many

Center: Death Cab for Cutie performing at the Hollywood Bowl in July

Spooky Tunes and Creepy Canticles Story by Sylvana Uribe Staff Writer

Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator

1."This is Halloween" Marilyn Manson 2. "Enter Sandman" Metallica 3. "Pa Pa Power" - Dead Man's Bones 4. "In the Room Where You Sleep" - Dead Man's Bones 5. "When the Dark Falls" The Never Ending 6. "Cry Baby" - Melanie Martinez 7. "Love Me Chase Me" Carney 8. "Creep" - Radiohead 9. "Somebody's Watching Me" - Rockwell 10. "Thriller" - Michael Jackson

Food

Sweet and Reel Food Spooky Surprise your friends with these easy-tomake Halloween cupcakes

MADE in Long Beach hosts an entertaining and informative event in celebration of Food Week

Story and photos by Jack Villalba Lifestyle Editor

Story and photos by Sylvana Uribe Staff Writer

You have your costume, which looks amazing, and you are super excited for the Halloween party. You are ready to go until you realize you promised to bring baked goods. You don’t want to be that tacky person who doesn’t bring anything to the party and cops out of commitments. Lucky for you, cake mix, chocolate frosting, Oreo cookies, and gummy worms. You can be the hit of the party with just a few of these things to make graveyard cupcakes! What you’ll need: 1. Betty Crocker’s cake mix 2. Chocolate frosting 3. Oreo cookies 4. Gummy worms

Directions: 1. Follow the standard instructions on the back of the cupcake mix box. 2. Once your cupcakes are in the oven,

out. Or eat it. Place the cookie part of the Oreos onto a plate and take a spoon to crush it until it looks like dirt! Repeat this step until you have enough to cover the amount of cupcakes you want to decorate.

smack on the chocolate frosting. The best part is that it doesn’t have to be fancy, because the frosting will act as glue for the crushed Oreos. One of two options: either sprinkle the crushed cookies onto the cupcake with a spoon, or dip them into the cookie pile.

6. creative, you can cut the gummy worms in half to make it seem like they are crawling out of the dirt.

This is a quick, easy, recipe or DIY baking idea to try. It’s good for last minute Halloween parties, or even for your friends. The best part is you can be as creative or simple as you want and it still looks like fun and a lot of cupcakes with candy on it?

In celebration of Food Week, MADE in Long Beach hosted a night of food documentaries to connect the community with local voices and vendors on Thursday, Oct. 22. Reel Food: A Night of Docu-Eateries opened with an opportunity to sample foods from Long Beach-based businesses. From jams to beef jerky, several of the vendors work out of their own kitchens and were on-site to get acquainted with potential customers. Among those present was Griselda Suarez, a Chicano and Latino Studies professor at Cal State Long Beach. She and her wife, Amy Eriksen, run and own Peppered Up Foods, a brand that specializes in creating a variety of Mexicaninspired sauces. “Our sauces are about getting fresh products out there that are stripped of all the processed chemicals and just really be like my grandma’s recipe,” Suarez said. “Food is about coming to the table and building relationships. We’re proud to be part of Long Beach and we want to put Long Beach on the culinary map.” Suarez and Eriksen started in 2011 as a farmers market business and opened the restaurant Sliced and Diced to accommodate the growing demand for their food. The pair recently closed their restaurant to focus on pushing their sauces into the market. Suarez for the experience and looks forward to reaching bigger audiences and educating them about their product. They can be found on social media under the name “Peppered Up Foods.” Following the food tasting, a series of

Grocery Co-Op were shown to attendees and followed with Q&A panels. Beach youth ages 16 to 24. The group writes on community health issues and delves into quarterly and delivered in English, Spanish, and Khmer. about the local gardening scene. The short documentaries f e a t u r e d interviews with farmers, community g a r d e n organizers, and people who open their backyards and abundance of fresh produce to the public. T h e overarching message to the audience was the need to support local sustainable foods and the need to take initiative in one’s health. During the Q&A session, MAYE Center founder Laura Som spoke about the healing ability of gardening. The center’s mission is to help survivors of trauma overcome feelings of disempowerment through meditation, agriculture, yoga and education. Like Som, several of the center’s members are survivors of the Khmer Rouge and cope with their ethrough gardening. if we were running away from bullets,” Som said. “The bombs didn’t change the seasons. The plants grew back.”

Entertainment

“Bloodbourne” Not For Hemophobes From the makers of “Dark Souls” comes a fearless new game “Oh yes...Paleblood...Well you’ve come to the right place. Yharnam is the home of blood ministration, you need only unravel it’s mystery. But, where’s an outsider like yourself to begin? Easy, with a bit of Yharnam blood

blood echoes and have to go back to the place that you died to get them back. Where in “Dark Souls” it feels more like you have to play defensively and turtle-out until your opponent makes a mistake, in “Bloodborne” shield in the game is worthless and is there to make the point that there are no shields in

Story by Issac Garland Contributor cannon, that you can use to interrupt enemy attacks and stagger them. From the stagger you can go for critical attacks called “viscerals,” which usually involve you ripping into your opponent’s gut with your bare hands. Did I mention this game is extremely gory? This adds a whole new layer of skill to the gameplay where you have to time your

This is all the information you are given at the start of FromSoftware’s masterpiece “Bloodborne.” “Bloodborne” is a hackand-slash game that takes place in the

massive damage. The world has few other characters, all of which are interesting, though dreary, and has a rich lore and backstory that may not

and Lovecraftian horror. You are a foreigner who has come to Yharnam under unknown circumstances. In exchange for healing you have to become a Hunter and help purge the beastly scourge from the streets of the city. The game revolves around you killing the plagued Yharnamites, who are all turning into wolf-like beasts due to blood treatment,

everything that this game gives you and the story is no exception. To get the full picture

The game comes from the folks that brought us “Dark Souls,” so you can expect to die many times. This game is brutally die it feels like it was your fault or that you prevent it. In this game, experience and

to go to into detail as to avoid spoilers, but every death that it took to get the full story feels absolutely worth it. Overall, this game is phenomenal. The only criticisms people

money are one and the same. When you kill things, they drop “blood echoes” which can be used to either purchase items or level up while in the hunter’s dream—a hub world that can be accessed from checkpoints. The thing that makes dying a problem is that when you die you drop all of your unspent

the game. All of the melee weapons have two forms and look amazing. For example, there is one called the Kirkhammer that starts as a small, quick sword, but sheathes into a large stone block and becomes a giant, powerful range from a small pistol to a giant personal

of customization that “Dark Souls” did and there are not as many play-styles as there were in “Dark Souls.” There is, however, an expansion coming out sometime this fall. There will be not only new areas to explore, but new armor and weapons as well, which could remedy the situation. I give this game a 9/10 and would recommend it to any fan of horror who isn’t afraid of a challenge.

In Theaters Now: Crimson Peak Story by Elizabeth Nguyen Opinions Co-Editor The trailer for Crimson Peak shows instances Cushing (Mia Wasikowska) and a mysterious yet alluring estate creepily referred to as Crimson Peak. That much we know. For once, the trailer does not reveal the whole damn plot and still leaves room for interpretation. That was a deal breaker for me. Also, I’m a sucker for gothic themed anything. The trailer visually lived up to the theme with its dark imagery and unsettling ambiance. I was surprised by how aesthetically pleasing it was to the eye, although that initially worried me. Some movies can be pretty as hell and have a crappy plot. This wasn’t the case for me. Now to actually focus on the movie, I enjoyed it overall. Although the trailer makes you think otherwise, the paranormal and romance is secondary whereas the mystery

surrounding the Sharpe siblings—Sir Thomas (Tom Hiddleston) and Lady Lucille when none of the characters know of them other than their titles, but they are charmed by this fact, including the main character Despite their glamor, there is something discomforting. Only Carter Cushing (Jim Beaver) knows this, but when he investigates, he is suddenly killed, brutally I should add. This is what pulled me in. You don’t know what exactly Carter learned yet. Not knowing only adds to the suspense. What was found during the investigation does not get answered until later on, and I’m

into the Sharpe’s estate, Adderdale Hall, after marrying Thomas. Her time there provides more pieces to the mystery while it continues to put the audience on edge. Yes, there are the occasional jump-scares, but they are not overused simply for the purpose of scaring you. It turns out that the ghosts that terrorize they aren’t the real enemy. I will admit that Crimson Peak is more creepy than scary. According to friends, the director, Guillermo del Toro, is known for creepiness, and that’s actually a good thing. These feelings of discomfort developed as the movie went on through the soundtrack and the acting. I loved the soundtrack. something bad would happen, it served the purpose as a warning and still made me nervous. The character interactions

Crimson Peak Run Time: 1 hr 59 mins Directed by: Guillermo del Toro Starring: Mia Wasikowska, Tom Hiddleston, Jessica Chastain also revealed just how dark and creepy the situation was. Chastain’s performance as Lucille in particular made me squirm in my seat. Despite Lucille being a collected there is something about her that just isn’t right about her. A word of advice: Crimson Peak should not

the people who are.

Entertainment

The Twisted View of Psycho How Hitchcock played with tropes to surprise audiences

Story by Sean Dundas Contributor Illustration by John Mueller Graphics Illustrator

Psycho

North by Northwest

Psycho will be shown at the ArcLight Hollywood at midnight Oct. 31

Campus

Lights, Camera, Success Story by Emily Ayers Staff Writer Photos by Jordan Daniels Lessons and how was it

KENT HAYWARD, Narrative Production

MIKE PRIESTLEY: I was

collaborate with one another to write, direct, classes together and so we see each other

challenging process, I think, was probably casting and

It is designed so that students have to do everything as they would for a professional

up having great actors and

we are always the crew for everyone else’s

UW :

also assisted the actress and Two weeks ago, the “Union Weekly” showcased the talent of California State University, Long Beach student Love Lessons, chosen by the late legendary director Wes Craven to participate in This

sparked

further

interest

considering the controversial

UW:

Love Lessons ANDREW MCGIVERN, Creator of Love Lessons

BRANDON HOJO: In Love Lessons, I served on

Electronic Arts at CSULB fosters student

SORENSEN: Generally, I work on two to

I think we all felt lucky to have had P r o f e s s o r Hayward as our instructor

of passionate professionals who support Over the course of a week, we got a chance to sit down with students who helped Love Lessons

UW: your

UW: did you play in helping Andrew McGivern and Love Lessons?

worked tirelessly in and out of to ensure we had everything we needed to succeed in our

goals

and

aspirations?

JASMINE SORENSEN: My personal goal is to be actively working in Hollywood, as

gets you working with people and collaborating

UW: Love Lessons?

talk

others

UW : What role did you play in Love only see a silhouette of a person, yet you would hear harsh overhead light that you didn’t necessarily UW: What is it like working with other

SORENSEN: You learn how to deal with UW Love Lessons was born out of the

and directing one, producing another, and

Love Lessons writing and directing one, but on a greater

teach students in the class?

Campus

Late Night Long Beach Story by Rebecca Komathy Contributor

UW: What are some goals that the Film Department has for its students and their overall development as they transition from education to the actual industry? MOSHER: Because technology is constantly changing, we try to teach foundational skills that enable our students to adapt to changing production environments. Most of our instructors have worked in teach professional practices, conduct, and teamwork—our students’ professionalism and work ethic distinguish them from amateurs making movies with their phones. UW

:Why

social

media

such

HAYWARD: The way our world communicates now is through social recognition, it needs to have a webpage and a Facebook page. You want a place

“All of the students won’t hesitate to help with each other’s projects. It’s really like a family. I’m proud to be a part of it. ” This is why I also make sure that social media is part of the curriculum. Students are great about bringing up

As I walk into the University Student Union on a Thursday, the smell of fast food reminds me of when I open the fridge after a big night of left overs. The big TV is playing Friends re-runs and ping pong balls hit the nets that barely cover the frame. But as I pass by the Lounge, I notice the usual pack of card players and studiers are no longer there. Instead there are lights, cameras, and people scurrying around in some sort of organized chaos. I peek my head in some more, and I am greeted by a super friendly Armando Rodriguez, a third year student studying

online is also becoming an actual way to get hired. It’s all about the connections that you make with people, and sometimes it’s through Facebook or Twitter. UW: How have the faculty Department

helped

you

HOJO: The faculty is very open to answering questions and they won’t turn you down. They have helped me as a student to develop my skills with the camera, and

department here has so much knowledge. SORENSEN: Throughout my experience at CSULB the faculty has been a major help. They have been involved, supportive, and given me a lot of opportunities. We learn to work with limited resources, and under high pressure circumstances. Also, all of the students are kind and supportive, and won’t hesitate to help with each other’s projects. It’s really like a family. I’m proud to be part of it.

But now that everything has gone digital, some of that skill set is gone. So the fact that CSULB still teaches using analog film is a very valuable experience for students. UW:

Why

cinematography

SCHWARTZ: Cinematography serves as the is very little emotional connection for the cinematography aren’t working together. You should be able to turn the understand emotionally what is going on.

PRIESTLEY: I wouldn’t be where I’m at right now mentally or from a productive stand point and I’ll always be thankful for that. We don’t have as much as some of the private schools but it makes us work harder for everything that we do and in the end I

UW: department

CSULB

stand

out?

HAYWARD: I think that our greatest asset is our students. We have a lot of creative students. In comparison to the more

UW: What are a few of the other values uses as a guide when teaching students? MOSHER: For us, it all comes down to storytelling. Production design, acting, directing, cinematography, sound, and editing should not be avenues to show off; they are not ends in themselves. All aspects of a production should be in service of the story.

up,

the

many

successes

from

the

have way more resources and equipment, UW: We have fewer cameras and less money, but our students are good at SORENSEN: Social media is very helpful in terms of promotion.We have used Facebook and other mediums to assist in crowdfunding by linking directly to sites such as Indiegogo or Kickstarter. Also, social media is great for networking. FamBam is a group on Facebook that allows CSULB alumni to help each other out with job opportunities. It’s a great tool. HOJO: Social media is a great way to get people to see your work. Looking for jobs

classrooms, tucked away and often unseen, behind the Liberal Arts buildings. At the root of the entire program is

to get things done using their minds.

work together to stimulate a creative zeal within students to produce awardwinning works, proving that making great

are still teaching how to look at lighting on

students with an eagerness to learn.

what they are learning and having to trust their ability to understand cinematography. For a while, there was this mystique about cinematographers, because no one knew what the finished product would look like.

shows with Jimmy Fallon, Conan, or Stephen Colbert. When I say yes, Rodriguez tells me about College Beat Television’s own late night show, Late Night Long Beach. Apparently the whole experience and taping is live, and all I have to do is applaud and laugh, which I already do at my job in customer service anyway. What’s even cooler is that the show actually gets aired on cable networks Charter 32 and Verizon 41 the following Saturday at noon. I take a seat, and then the big surprise is revealed: There are prizes. Oh yes, exclusive audience prizes. Rodriguez I wait patiently as I keep an eye on the Crimson Peak poster in the corner by the Lounge concession stand. There are other students in here as well, all excited to be a part of a television show. All of a sudden, the set gets quiet, and Rodriguez holds up an “applause” sign as the executive produce, Jason Lauckner, calls, “Action!” The host, Eric Glover, walks in with the happiest persona, and I swear his smile is brighter than all the lights in the room. He greets us along with the show’s hilarious announcer, Alexx Maurer. They banter jokes back and forth faster than a freshmen hitting the enroll button to get classes. The whole setup is pretty seamless and—even for it all being run by students—I’m sure Jimmy Fallon would not be saying “Ew” at all. In the end, I laughed at their jokes. I was intrigued by an interview of special guest CSULB Martial Arts Tricking Club president Eurico Senna, and I fell in love with the musical guest Bootleg Orchestra’s new song “Feels Like Whoa.” I also got my Crimson Peak poster. California State University, Long Beach is so big that we miss out on things like this that make the whole college experience special. I can’t wait to see what Late Night Long Beach comes up with next. Be sure to check the next TV taping out on Oct. 29 from 3:30 to 5 p.m. in Lounge 103—you won’t want to miss it!

Volume 77 Issue 10

Monday, October 26, 2015

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: The time has come, and so have I: Them singles out there better believe that my beds are burning. Must be from having a bald supervisor... but you can hear more than scalp when he scratches his head... like velcro... must be the ovarian cancer. This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. Summit articals to grunion@lbunion.com.

HELPFUL HINTS FOR A MARS PREPAERS FOR HORRIBLE HALLOWEEN EARTH INVASION TO ...THE GOOD KIND DETER IMMIGRATION Hey kids! Halloween is that time of the year for smashing your neighbors pumpkins, scaring By Wack-O-Lantern little kids to give them traumatizing nightmares to last them till adulthood, and to fuck with black cats. And no, that’s not racist. To enjoy this Halloween take some of this friendly advice. First, dress like a douche (yes, I understand modern high schoolers follow this step on a daily basis but bear with me). Seriously.

That is a very popular costume that is sure not to offend or make anyone uncomfortable. And if you’re a girl, dress like a slut. Now, this can be accomplished in many ways. You

can either be a cat, by which I mean wear short and provocative black clothing and place a pair of cat ears on your head, or you can be anything you want by just making sure your legs, stomach, ass, and boobs are out at all times. If you are going to look like a douche, then act like one. Go to a nice resisidental block where they buy overpriced pumpkins to decorate for their unappreciative, bastard children and smash them. Grab your skateboard that I know you have (or truck) and destroy them as you go. And if that’s not fun enough, scare the living day lights out of them. Wear a bloody face, have some fake knives, and jump out of bushes. If you want to include your significant other, have them waiting at the end for a bag of candy that the kids will never have, or have them point at laugh at the children that run away screaming. Of course, as a young adult, you are going to be invited to parties. Remember, it’s Halloween. You don’t want to be a moderate drinker. You should get shitfaced. That’s the best way to end your night. This way, if all else fails, it will still feel great while it’s ongoing. That’s how you have the most remembable and perfect Halloween ever.

Earlier this month, NASA confirmed that there was a body of water discovered on Mars, meaning that there is a By Nita Fonebook possibility of the red planet being able to sustain human life. With resources beginning to dwindle on Earth, many organizations, both public and private, have spent large amounts of time and money figuring out how to expand human reach to Mars. While a move to Mars would be both a remarkable and historical achievement for man-kind, the predominant species on Mars is preparing for the human race’s arrival in a whole different way. “For years, we have had to dodge contact from the humans. They have built multiple devices to try and talk to us and after decades of evading their requests, they still don’t get the hint that we don’t really want to talk to them. And now they want to come to us? It’s starting to reek of desperation.” Ever since the NASA discovery, Martian citizens have begun their collective effort to keep the colonizers out. In response to the news, The Mars government created the IGIP (an acronym for the Inter-Galactic Immigration Police) and also passed funding to build a large wall around

the rocket landing pad so that the earth emigrants could not go anywhere once they reach the surface. “Look, when Earth sends its people to Mars, they aren’t sending their best. They are bringing drugs, they are bringing crime, they are rapists, and some, I assume, are good people.” said the president of Mars at a recent press event. “We need to protect the citizens of this planet, and their jobs.” “It is the duty of all the citizens of this planet to help stop the problem of illegal aliens before it even starts. Let’s make Mars great again!”

THIS WEEK IN ILLUSORY RHETORIC:

PLAYBOY COMISSIONED TO MAKE ‘PLASTIC PUSSY’ TOY LINE MORE KID-FRIENDLY

GIRL CATCHES SEE-THROUGH SKIN DISEASE FROM VICTORIA’S SECRET LINGERIE

WAKA FLOCKA CHALLENGES KANYE IN 2020 FOR THE BIRTHDAY PARTY PRIMARY

DISCOVERY OF “AL PA-JESUS” CONFIRMS RELIGIOUS GODFATHER INTERPRETATION