Daytrippin'

January 21 2014 Volume 74 lbunion.com

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Daytrippin’ The Union makes up for a wasted winter break in less than a day

UNION WEEKLY’S SECOND ANNUAL SONG WRITING CONTEST In lieu of Valentine’s Day, we are holding a love song writing contest. No gimmicks, just pure from the heart musicality. So put your heart on your sleeve and your guitar on your knee, and sing a little song for some cold hard ca$h money*

CONTEST RULES: You must write and perform your own love song.

Accompaniment is up to you, but you are responsible for providing it. Bands are welcome. Songs must be between three and five minutes long. A copy of the lyrics must accompany each submission. Submissions can either be in video format or as an mp3.

WAYS TO SUBMIT: Drop off a USC at the Union office (which is on the bottom floor of the Student Union, next to the pool tables.) You can send an mp3 or link by email to music@lbunion.com, or post a YouTube video or SoundCloud clip on the Union Weekly’s Facebook page.

DEADLINE FOR SUBMISSIONS: You must submit your song by Saturday at noon, February 9th.

*Prizes to be announced in the upcoming weeks. Check back in the Union for more infomation.

VOTER INFORMATION The Associated Students, Incorporated (ASI) has requested that the university’s Student Fee Advisory Committee conduct a referendum to provide additional support for ASI programs and services by increasing the Associated Students fee. The amount of the requested fee increase is $16 per semester ($12 in the summer) effective fall 2014. Additionally, to address inflationary concerns, the ASI is requesting the ASI fee be subject to adjustment every three years from the date of the referendum’s passage by an amount not to exceed the corresponding increase or decrease in the Consumer Price Index for the Los Angeles-Riverside-Orange County area. All such adjustments would be subject to authorization by the Student Fee Advisory Committee, with the first adjustment being implemented in fall 2017. The fee referendum will be conducted as an online election on Wednesday, February 26 and Thursday, February 27, 2014.

BACKGROUND The Associated Students fee has not been increased since fall 2000.

In the years since then, the cost of operating ASI’s various programs and services has increased by over 44% with no corresponding increase in the fee amount. In order to keep offering programs and services, ASI has had to freeze employee wages, refrain from replacing outdated property and equipment, postpone the maintenance and upgrade of ASI-operated facilities such as the Isabel Patterson Child Development Center and the Soroptimist House, and hold off on establishing any new programs or services that students have been requesting, such as a 24-hour study center, major concerts and large-scale entertainment programs, and additional scholarships.

With the upcoming increase in the California minimum wage and the need to address the deteriorating condition of ASI facilities, ASI is faced with the possibility of having to decrease the amount of funds awarded to student clubs and organizations, discontinue the funding of scholarships, and possibly eliminate certain programs or services.

Due to these challenging financial circumstances, the Associated Students, Incorporated is proposing that the Student Fee Advisory Committee conduct this referendum, allowing students to vote on increasing the Associated Students fee.

General INFORMATION Argument for a Fee Increase

•With a $16 fee increase, CSULB will still be among the lowest in ASI fees of any public, four-year institution in the State of California.

•The $16 fee increase will allow ASI to provide new programs and services such as a 24-hour study center, a major concert, other large-scale entertainment programs, study abroad grants, and/or research grants.

•ASI has delayed many projects due to a 36% loss of buying power since 2001 and thirteen years of inflation. This fee will allow ASI to fund many badly needed projects.

•The fee will be adjusted to the Consumer Price Index (CPI) every three years, effective 2017 giving ASI consistent buying power in spite of inflation.

•The $16 fee increase will prevent further cuts in ASI programs and services, such as student organization grants, student travel funds, club sports funding, scholarships, childcare services, and recycling services.

Argument against a Fee Increase

•The $16 per semester fee increase is in addition to other fee increases such as the recent increase in the Student Excellence fee.

•Every three years, subject to the approval of the Student Fee Advisory Committee, the fee will be adjusted to match the CPI without a vote of the student body.

•The $16 per semester fee increase will be especially felt by students who are not on financial aid or scholarship programs.

•Some students may not take advantage of the new programs and services.

Issue 74.1

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the Union Weekly, not ASI or CSULB. All students Union Weekly be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the

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“You know day trippin’.’”

Molly Shannon , Food Editor

Rose Feduk, Editor-in-Chief

editorinchief@lbunion.com

Marco Beltran, Managing Editor

marco.union@gmail.com

Connor O’Brien, Managing Editor

connor.union@gmail.com

Eric Garcia, Advertising Exec

advertising@lbunion.com

Rose and the Dopey, No Good Break Rose Feduk Editor-In-Chief

Shereen Lisa Dudar, Opinions Editor opinons@lbunioncom

Alfred Pallarca, Culture Editor culture@lbunioncom

Sierra Patheal, Campus Editor campus@lbunion.com

Molly Shannon, Food Editor food@lbunion.com

Michael Wood, Music Editor music@lbunion.com

Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com

Roque Renteria, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com

Truc Nguyen, Web Manager

Alyssa Keyne, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com

God Warrior, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com

UnionWeekly

Assistant Editor: Sam Winchester Contributors: Jane Lu, John Castille, Renee Schmiedeberg, Helen Nguyen, Joseph Flores, Kevin Tran, Kristine De Leon, Robert Turner, Jordan Nishkian, Claire DeWilde, Kristine de Leon, Paula Tena, Michael Colbert, Lou Skant, Alex Berman, Maxene Santiago, Mike Wang, Jennifer Young, John Villanueva, Alison Ernst, Helen Honkasaari, Elijah Wigman-Nilsson, , Jinny Choe, Amika Dayal, Zack Falcon

LBUnion.com

@UnionWeekly

Questions? Comments? Coleslaw?

Long Beach, CA 90815.

E-mail: info@lbunion.com

The only thing worse than coming back from winter break is coming back from winter break with the realization that you wasted it. If there were a scouting badge for squandered time, I’d have one badge.

I wish I could list off all the things that I did with gusto; instead I’ll halfheartedly tell you that I played a hecka lot of video games, cleaned my room and broke a longstanding record by sleeping in until 5:30 PM. Yep, it was that bad.

The feature coincidentally rang true to something I’ve been pining for since my high school fascination for travel magazines—a true adventure. I’m sure everyone feels a little bit of contempt for those who post entire photo albums on Facebook, Instagram and the like in which they’re eating fancy pastries in Spain or looking cold atop some bridge in Hungary.

Even more infuriating are the pictures of friends who found adventures close to home—even a picture of someone eating at Yogurtland looks like a blast compared to someone who has been in their pajamas for the past four days.

The feature for this issue just happened to be the perfect opportunity for us to finally use our Twitter and make an Instagram account. Because Facebook is dead, guys. Studies are now claiming that teens and college-aged kids are shutting down their Facebook accounts faster than your grandma can cross the street. So in an effort to remain forever hip and trendy in the eyes of the CSULB campus, we caved.

So tweet, twat, whatever you call it and, in the words of Gwen Stefani, we’ll “holla back”. In fact, if you tweet a question at the Union Weekly with the hashtag “#AskRose,” I’ll answer, regardless of whether or not they’re related to the paper. I was told once in the third grade that I give great life advice, so I’m sure that my inner nine-year-old can crack some tough nuts.

We hope that you enjoy this week’s issue and come to our “Union Weekly Launch Party Extravaganza” where we’ll be giving away some super cool, super new Union hats and mugs. Consider it—if not for the swag, do it for your ol’ pal Rose.

4 Opinions

“...I’ve been thinking about the kind of awful morbid joy forest ”

The Geek Shall Inherit the Earth

Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor

Gamers take sexism, racism, and homophobia too lightly Call of Duty

to unwind and relax after a long day of

slurs were thrown around profusely. I

experience, but it was shocking to see how

choose to be who they want to be on the people choose to be stupid.

Worst of all, the next generation of have a propensity for profanity. I say things

will spawn a larger horde of awful bastards. could potentially be open to anyone has

Being an A+ Student

Shereen Lisa Dudar Opinions Editor

Real-world experience is more important than a good grade The “worst” teachers are often the ones that push you the hardest, drown your papers in red ink, and believe in your ability

that you loathe. You’ll spend the walk to

They will reassure you that a B+ is a good grade, and you’ll try your hardest to

aren’t everything. Take high school, for

Whether we worked hard or the path to

There are a lot of other aspects to a

going to get you work experience. If you’re not in any clubs or doing any extracurricular activities, you won’t interact with people who could act as references or write letters

to turn to the teachers whose classes

grade was never explicitly asked.

I thought long and hard about which teachers to ask and I realized that the

classes you don’t want to take or never —and that’s

to aspects of the world around you, which, in a way, is the true point of school. You’re

the ones I was the proudest of.

And guess what? Those teachers know how incredibly rad you are, so they’ll be super happy and supportive about you

in your life.

know nothing about. That’s how we learn and gain new perspectives.

on your transcript, but it will give you

5 Opinions

Stable Condition

Michael Wood Music Editor

Covered CA is better than expected but still falls short —each of which is insurance worked, but he needed to get his

wish that fate upon no one.

I’ve been lucky enough to be covered under

at least for those of us in California. The

law—have avoided publicizing the changes and have piggybacked on the federal

insurance could reach out to everyone and

the whole process still need insurance and

abilities to sign up for health insurance. so I had never even thought about going through the new health insurance website and exchange. I had heard terrible stories of barely functioning websites and chaos on the news so I was prepared to spend half the

that anyone with a basic knowledge of how hardworking folks in this country who are out covered and at a decent cost. I was astounded

working tirelessly towards denying people

own. Upon thinking about it, she was only

still stubbornly high, and I think I have a

We see how well this health insurance knowledgeable person helping you out, and

“Covered California,” as it is called, has

idea is so good that it bears repeating.

and convincing the uninsured to enroll. the early days of the financial collapse, and incredibly helpful at getting people uninsured. I learned a lot about the financial aspects of healthcare and the

health insurance.

This is not typical in other states.

door to door on weekends and after work hours to aid people in signing up for health

The Great Equalizer

John Castille Contributor

Fire is the fairest of the natural disasters in these tragedies. It’s a really shitty thing to happen and I wish there was a world where hose is going to protect your puny house?

sick fuck who wants people to die while the fact that it’s happening to your locale the gall to die during it. are fucking terrible at picking winners and who already have it the shittiest to lose and those who already have it going on to win.

because I’ve been feverishly devoted to avoiding any possible tragedy that could

dousing their lawns with garden hoses they can stay with, they’ve got bank accounts What the fuck dude? Do you really think that your garden hose is going to save your

people, I give out an audible sigh of relief. once, the tragedy wasn’t absorbed by a poor people have gone through. I particularly feel

that tragedies happen to people who can

6 Campus

Grow Beach!

ASI Vice President Jon Bolin reveals plans for CSULB community garden Upper left: Proposed garden location.

Lower right: location on campus map.

Sierra Patheal Campus Editor

community garden to campus. Although the a grant from the California State Student Vice President out soon after implementing nevertheless. It

Jonathon Bolin reached his reelection to address the community garden was, as he phrased it, “a

see on campus,” and he was excited to partner up with Vincent in order to make it work. compromise, and planning, the project is becoming a reality. CSULB has designated an 8800-square-foot plot of land between the Isabel Patterson Child Development Center and the on-campus Housing and Residential

area, which currently houses a lawn area and an unused, fairly bedraggled volleyball populated with garden boxes; each box will between 40 and 45 boxes will be installed.

Most excitingly, the garden boxes will be available for the CSULB community to use.

a quarter of the plots have been reserved by

“We have the funding, and we have the plans, but we can’t make it happen without the arms.”

The recent workings of the American national government have left me pretty skeptical regarding the ability of politicians to work together. We endured a government shutdown last semester, for instance, agree to implement something they had already approved. But despite the partisan squabbling and hardliner temper tantrums in the highest government of the land, our CSULB student government seems dedicated to actually getting things done, regardless of whose byline is attached.

Last year, ASI vice presidential candidate Vincent Holguin proposed bringing a

course on seed-to-table food (which students

the other 75 percent are available for students, cost $25 per semester, and reservations will Email Jon at asi-vicepresident@csulb.edu to reserve one for yourself.

The future of the community garden looks no less bright. The program is currently in a pilot/testing phase, which will last anywhere from a year and a half to two years.

Since the start-up costs are expected to be

fund, donations from the environmentally focused marathon organization EcoRun, and potential funding from local hardware

cost of reserving a garden box will cover the associated maintenance and administration costs, and in the scenario Jon refers to as his “perfect world,” the same revenue would allow for a paid student trustee position to be created for garden management. This is still a ways in the future, but if it comes to fruition, it would be a great chance for a Parks and Recreation or Business Management student to practice some hands-on skills.

At the moment, though, the focus is on taking the gardens from an awesome plan to an even more awesome reality—and for that, Vincent and Jon need your help. A construction day will be held in late March or early April to spread the wood chips and build the garden boxes; if you are interested in helping out, and especially if you have any relevant experience—be it in construction, irrigation, agricultural development, or even prior community garden involvement— send Jon an email. Signing up to reserve a box is great; helping to put them together is even better. As Jon says, “We have the make it happen without the arms.”

Community gardens are, in their entirety, for their communities. In this case, that community is you. If you have any interest in gardening, if you love fresh-picked produce, even—or perhaps who never outgrew the playing-in-the-dirt urges of your childhood, come by and lend a hand. With your help, we can make this truly great.

To sign up to help construct the garden or reserve a plot, send an email to Jon Bolin at asi-vicepresident@csulb.edu

7 Feature

DAYTRIPPIN’ Cover & Intro photo by Connor O’Brien Cover & Intro photo by Connor O’Brien Intro by Roque Renteria Words & photos by Union Staff

Alas, my fellow students, winter break has come to an end. Some of you, and by some of you we mean those who did not have winter session, fully enjoyed the recess with a trip to some nearby state or European country. We at The Union took a trip to nowhere. Well, we shouldn’t say nowhere; I guess you could count the various treks to the toilet or 7-11 as trips of a sort. The two were related. Anyway, as our calendar spaces filled with “X” marks, we came to the conclusion that we hadn’t accomplished anything.

We were not productive and we were sorry excuses for human beings. But, like all the depression and problems we encounter in life, our solution came to us at the very last second from our very best friend and

childhood nanny: television.

We, the sexy staff of this illustrious paper, were slouched on the sofa on Saturday, slurping slurpies and sipping slushies and snacking on Snickers while surfing through satellite stations, when we stumbled across a stupendously stimulating stunt show.

Our bloodshot eyes and dilated pupils widened as we witnessed explorers traveling across countries trying to accomplish crazy quests and conquer the competition. And so, in a Beavis & Butthead-like manner, we arose from the couch and partitioned into two separate groups in order to live out our own version of The Amazing Race. Granted, we didn’t have the same amount of funding as CBS, but we had

the most important part— ambition. Ambition will get you far in life; hell, it got us all the way to Santa Barbara and San Diego.

Team San Diego consisted of our editors Shereen, Marco, and Rose. Team Santa Barbara consisted of Michael, Alyssa, and Molly.

Each team had a series of tasks and landmarks they were assigned to visit at their respective locations.

Some of these were voluntarily chosen, while others were chosen by the opposing team. In order to verify that team did what was told of them, they followed the ultimate axiom of the internet: pictures or it didn’t happen. After they had taken a photo at each of their destinations, each team was required to return back to Long

Beach, where a celebration was thrown in honor of the victors. Winners were reimbursed for gas money while losers were mocked with innocuous insults and eventually maimed. Read on to find out which team won!

Finally, as you peruse through the pages of the paper and are fascinated by our tales of intrigue, keep in mind the ultimate symbolism of this feature.

It’s about adventure and friendship. We know that a lot of you will be graduating after this semester and you’ll go on to live fulfilling lives as white-collar professionals.

So, in the meantime, take it easy, sit back, and enjoy the ephemeral moments you’re sharing with friends. Here’s to a great semester. Cheers.

8 Feature

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When we left The Union Weekly we had nothing but a cryptic batch of

the huge, multimillion houses that sprawled

counterparts on Team San Diego would be

at our destination.

I expected a patch of grass with a bearded art student sitting on it, doing, well, nothing.

Some lame and absolutely pointless hipster

instructions for the trip, but instead, we were left with the riddle-like instruction to

Hills, but thanks to the misdirection of the other team, we ended up at a batch of locked apartment buildings next to a garage

“Find out the secret of the “Do Nothing Lifestyle””

By Michael Wood

up wandering aimlessly through the more

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is exactly what we got out of that excursion,

when the sky was almost fully dark. I had thought that this challenge was going to be latest possible hour. When we started walking

of all of the special moments people share with pets, and the traits that make them so important to people. barking from the far end of the cemetery, and Molly and I hoped aloud that they weren’t

“Take a picture of the most elaborate pet headstone you can find at the LA Pet Cemetary.”

of the fact that many of the dogs my family owned had been unceremoniously cremated at the nearby pound for a small fee. Burials, seemed apt compared to the treatment I had been used to witnessing.

the sound it died out, but we couldn’t help feeling spooked, considering that the cemetery is located next to an industrial center and not a residential neighborhood. the most elaborate headstones in the limited and made our way to the next challenge.

didn’t think too much about the accumulated sadness or the fact that people were still laying

3 “Get on all fours and walk around like the dogs you are at Calabasas Bark Park.”

The third stop for #teamSB was a practically nonexistent dog park, cutely named “Calabasas Bark Park.” By “practically nonexistent,” we mean that this motherfucking dog park took us about thirty led us to a small plot of land next to a middle school with a jungle gym. We were seriously contemplating whether this dirt strip the size of a bedroom could possibly be the dog park, as well as deciding that if it was, it was

like the one from Bob’s Burgers. “Kids! Get on the ground and pretend like you’re little dogs, and I’ll take a picture!” exclaims Mom.

we continued our trek by trying to follow the directions on Molly’s cell phone, which completely fucked us up and directed us

shuddered at the thought and decided it was

and has a twisted grin on his face, snapping

towards an architectural anomaly in Ventura, a bus station with metal pipes forming small passenger shelters and interesting monuments. Our assignment was to try and imitate the strange architecture of the bus station with our

“Strike an architectural pose at the Dennis Oppenheim ‘Bus Home’ bus stop.”

stretches we learned in high school gym class and found them to be an appropriate impression of the sculptures that stood a security guard came from behind the structure and warned us about precisely

By Michael Wood

“You’re at Oprah’s house. Get as close as you can to her otherworldly being.”

was near the Municipal Water District, after trip was this? Pet cemeteries? Dog parks? We

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to eerie streets with names like “Lost Hills

Our last stop on the road to led us to

out way too much. In fact, it freaked us out so much that we all started yelling at each other, arguing about whether or not it was

Team San Diego had directed us to was a celebrity’s house. But this was not just any

made it to the end of the cul-de-sac and paused to gaze at the house that was assumed to be Hers. The lights were on, and for a brief

just type in “Oprah’s house” on Google, you will be answered with a promising address and a chorus of unanimous agreement

fact that Oprah was standing within such

By Molly Shannon to a lack of streetlamps, and this freaked us

we said a silent farewell to Oprah’s home. It was an abrupt way to conclude the night, but

how unhygienic this ground was.

While I was skeptical about whether we could get these diseases merely by touching the ground and whether scabies was actually a disease that existed in the western world, he still had a point. This bus station was kind of disgusting, and by highlighting that, the security guard had brought the high point of this trip down. the trip so far was an incredible downer, as in the world or this trip had been a letdown

TEAM

SB

Our desire to not spend money meant we

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our assignment of “saying a quick prayer” best to not be sacrilegious, deciding against kneeling on the ground and praying in the Muslim fashion. I thought about holding hands and praying, but we were already getting strange looks and didn’t need the extra attention. We settled on a raised, open-palm pose, which doubled as a shrug to capture our absolute confusion.

“Say a quick prayer at Mission San Juan Capistrano. St. Anthony will guide the weary traveler.”

By Shereen Lisa Dudar

elaborate lie to tell Team Santa Barbara

below the skyline, we thought about how lame we felt, how much fun the other team

we wouldn’t catch anything—and that $8

cold it was, and then we squandered about forty minutes taking pictures of pelicans.

our blood. Instead, we spent the time we

the pier, we approached the man with the biggest hat, boldest Hawaiian shirt, and

the bay (so to speak) and staring at men in baseball hats and Hawaiian shirts as they

so, instead of being welcomed by a beautiful

perched on some jagged rocks, which was cool and a little creepy in the dark, mostly because it sounded like they were engaged

drenched in cat piss and a slew of forty-

rock or some sweet seal booty. Being at the

date strolls at the beach. We stood at the top of narrow staircase that led to some little tide pools and watched the tide come in for a few minutes. In the distance, we could hear the moaning and grunting of seals

sand was hypnotic and relaxing after a long day of sitting in a car, and for a few of us, it

2 “Catch a fish at Oceanside Pier.

Be creative with the bait if you like.”

3 “Watch the sun set at La Jolla Cove.”

By Marco Beltran

parking, of which there was none, and ended

were already a little bummed as we made our way to the Gaslamp Strip Club.

subjected to unending blocks of Mötley Crüe. We stood outside scouring the menu and looking through the big windows, trying it the decor, looking like something Bret Michaels threw up into a Porta Potty, or the

“Grab a steak and watch the dancers at the Gaslamp.”

place, but the worst part about the Gaslamp Strip Club, other than that the name is reason other than to keep minors from tasting their mac and cheese and being

TEAM

SD

The Gaslamp District is remarkably lame if Park Harbor, is the Unconditional Surrender monument that’s perfect for all ages. This larger-than-life installation is modeled after a nurse on V-J Day in Times Square (not the famous one, but still the same couple).

Besides its immaculate size, one notable

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“fuck this place” and left. Thanks a lot, Team SB. This selection cemented in our minds why you suck and Team SD rules.

feature of this monument is that it’s in color.

This was the last stop in our race, so for this monument, which was surrounded by spotlights. I waited for a couple to come by and reenact this iconic kiss, but that didn’t happen. Instead, I took a handful of pictures on my phone that looked almost identical.

By Shereen Lisa Dudar

5 “Pour out a 40 for the fallen soldiers, or salute them. But be sure to take a picture at the Unconditional Surrender Statue.”

By Marco Beltran

So who had the greatest day trip? The lamest? The trippiest?

Tweet your team of choice @UnionWeekly or use the tags #LBUnion4SB and #LBUnion4SD

Feature

Mission San Juan Capistrano. It was about half an hour away from campus, which is pretty short distance to witness the oldest building in California that is still intact and in use. I hadn’t thought about missions since

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11 Culture

Seeing California Through a Different Lens First impressions from an exchange student Helen Honkasaari Contributor I thought I knew something about the I have learned things about American politics and have been able to distinguish

weird to me that some places are inaccessible a kick from going to Target to get bedding

The multitude of modes of transport that I am used to represents to me a way a realization that American culture is

still, what I learned prior to coming here and what I have learned while being here it was fun to have some inside jokes on

And as an exchange student, I am going to

I can choose to walk around or take my

have never lived in a place where access

reduced until I conform, but I am happy to

countries I have visited, I’ve been able to walk, ride my bike, or take the bus or train to

the warm weather and the sea so close?

the majority of this country’s infrastructure

on the greasy side, but combined with some

California thing, but I try to keep in mind

lives, but once I came here it could not have between the local and the global all the never involved how to set up a pre-paid so familiar from back home that I don’t practical arrangements are most likely just the same as back at home, but it seems that

I feel that I have arrived to a place with

Major Disturbance

Alfred Pallarca Culture Editor

Why is it not enough just to be a student?

Last semester, I overheard a disturbed girl in one of my classes proudly announcing to her friend—in all actuality it was for the whole class to hear—about her intent to double major in communications and public relations, minor in fashion merchandise and marketing, and possibly pick up a third minor in something far-fetched and bizarre I was sure she was three seconds away from saying that she was also planning on getting

According to the girl, she was almost done with one of the majors, and she sure from this girl’s appearance, I was pretty sure she has a social life and a pretty good amount

I recently caught up with a friend who is will be the next revolutionary of the new taking full time student units, while being heavily involved on campus with a student has two jobs, is looking for a third one, and is

pompous announcement (actually it was really pompous) to her friend who was just nodding in boredom, I started thinking that I am not doing enough activities besides

because who has time to do all this?

To be honest, focusing on one thing right now is more than okay and is already ahead

that this girl must be really smart or just a I usually dislike eavesdropping on people’s small conversations in the

of Russian mythology classes taught by

was extremely curious about this girl’s questionable life plans, and how she would

I came to the conclusion that this girl is probably delusional, since it made me feel

In my opinion, professors, parents, peers, employers, and society as a whole expect just

and invent the replacement of Facebook or interesting than reading my A Series of Unfortunate Events: The Ersatz Elevator

It seems that lately, I have been noticing my peers and just about everyone taking on

you might not be the next messiah of the Internet or social media, but it doesn’t mean you are driven, you will certainly reach a destination—perhaps a destination you have that as you go through this journey of life, take a breather and think of other important discuss your recent drunken night stroll at

12 Entertainment

“Hustlers team up and hustle hustlers by catching them hustling, while at the same time hustling a hustler for hustling them.”

2014 Best Picture Oscar Nominations The Union tells you everything you need to know about this year’s contenders Kevin Tran Staffer

12 Years a Slave is basically the hypothetical baby of Django Unchained and Schindler’s List that, when looked at, will give you feelings of depression over something that happened in the past. It’s a reexamination of history that history classes will now show to their students in order for white professors to not feel awkward when teaching the subject of slavery. The movie centers on a slave named Solomon Northrup, played by Chiwetol Ejiofor. His 12 year journey consists of picking cotton, carpentry, and whipping Paul Dano’s ass.

Lastly, the movie stars Lupita Nyong’o as movie as a slave and a tool. And basically, Anne Hathaway).

American

Hustle is basically the

What does that mean? Well, in 2010, David The Fighter about a mentally handicapped person, Silver Linings Playbook with a character driven story, smart witty

American cargo ship and held Captain Phillips hostage. Captain Phillips, played by Tom Hanks, must make moral decisions in order to keep himself alive, and negotiate the best possible outcome for the pirates to walk away alive. It’s a riveting action packed thriller, and a life and death struggle between these characters. This movie has Paul Greengrass written all over it, and by that, it basically has shaky cam and it might give you motion sickness.

Dallas Buyers Club is about a homophobic motherfucker with a heart of gold. Matthew McConaughey plays a Texan who contracts AIDS and decides to make a living by exploiting AIDs patients with nonFDA approved drugs for money. He teams up with the transgendered version of the lead singer of 30 Seconds to Mars as they run this drug operation. The thing that’s this movie are the large hats that Matthew McConaughey wears. The movie’s two greatest accolades are both of these actor’s performances, which goes to show you that, if you want to make it big in Hollywood, you’ve got to be extremely dedicated to losing weight to a dangerous extreme

screaming at one other. If you’ve seen the trailer, you’ll probably realize that it makes no sense, and that’s basically what the movie does. It’s about people hustling one another.

Hustlers team up and hustle hustlers by catching them hustling, while at the same time hustling a hustler for hustling them.

Gravity is the superbly spectacular mind-melting spine-chilling thriller that is so goddamn awesome. It’s so awesome that it made us forget that Star Trek Into Darkness even existed. Even though this movie obviously wins the popularity award, it’s also the most artistic of the nominees, being that

Captain Phillips is a pirate movie without pirate ships, swashbuckling sword

in 3 shots, and there is that whole child birth allegory. Yet, the movie does have a faulty trailer that expects you to believe that the movie consists of Sandra Bullock spinning in space for 1 hour and 30 minutes. However, instead, the movie consists of Sandra

typical tropes we see in pirate adventure of Somalian pirates as they took over an

Bullock spinning in space, Sandra Bullock hyperventilating, Sandra Bullock making out Chinese idiograms, and Sandra Bullock Despite Gravity being ahead of its time, and because of its ability to get a lot of visual awards, it will still never win Best Picture

Philomena is a movie that caters towards an older demographic, but, ironically, a younger audience will appreciate it more. Even though it resembles Stephen Frear’s boring British BBC movie, it actually has a lot of things that are quite controversial: anti-Catholic tropes, anti-god themes, homosexuality, AIDS, a big fuck you to to beat up an old woman. Judi Dench does an amazing job as Philomena Lee, a broken

Her is about a lonely introverted man named Theodore Twombly. His story consists of him falling in love with an operating system that is programed to feel, learn, and communicate. It leaves many open-ended questions, such as, “What is love?,” “Can you love something that doesn’t have a physical body?,” and “How does one get turned on from a dead cat?” It Siri,” without making it an awkward onesided conversation. This movie has a lot of things I like: Spike Jonze, Arcade Fire, Karen

Nebraska is about old midwesterners, taking place in the 9th least dense state in America, and has an unusually slow pace riddled with dead pan humor. The movie is shot in black and white, which by default, is why it’s nominated for Best Cinematography.

The movie follows Woody Grant, played by Bruce Dern, who acquires advertising spam and believes he won a million dollars, and his son David, played Will Forte, who must drive him from Montana to Nebraska to claim his prize. Dern’s “Best Actor” nomination is cemented by his ability to be senile and clueless like real old people. It follows the road trip movie rule in which the trip is not about the destination, but the journey itself.

50 years of seperation. Dench’s nomination woman, her weathered appearance as she struggles with her faith, and her ability to make Steve Coogan awkward when explaining her sex life.

The Wolf of Wall Street basically goes like this: Martin Scorsese tries really hard the kid friendly movie, Hugo. As he goes forth with his next project, and after much resistance and pressure, Scorsese relapses boundaries with something that is equal to binge snorting coke. This time substituting his signature penchant of violence with sex.

To break it down, this movie is a three hour epic, half of which consists of cocaine, and the other of sex. By sex, I mean prostitution, S&M, threesomes, blow jobs, rim jobs, orgies, gay orgies, and masturbation. The movie contains several scenes of Jordan Belfort and his associates engaging in lurid activities, but, despite their antihero proclivities, this movie is so damn funny and entertaining. This powerhouse performance should secure Leo’s much

13 Music

This One Time on Bandcamp...

Michael Wood Music Editor

Demos and EPs for the modern age Bandcamp, otherwise known as “That one website that hosts your friend’s cousin’s garage band’s music,” is quite the little miracle of underground music on the internet. Gone are the days of having to with distorted garage recordings.

No! Not anymore! Nowadays we have the internet; this is the digital age, my friend. All you need is a link and you can enjoy the shitty recordings and the few rare gems amongst the piles of trash that make up the music scene. Here are a few of the needles in the haystack of local music that I’ve found lately.

Find these bands on Bandcamp: http://paperhouses.bandcamp.com http://struckoutmusic.bandcamp.com

Paper Houses There are two things you can do to make sure that someone listens all the way through your album, either make it so absolutely compelling that the listener would have to be a fool to be distracted and risk missing out on something amazing or you can spread your wings and do things listener doesn’t know what’s coming next.

Paper Houses seems to take the latter route.

Some people think of an album backyard punk as a jarring whiplash sort of experience. I enjoyed it when Paper Houses did it on Life Goes On though. It showed that the musicians in there had no issue with broadening their sound and presenting it to the listeners.

Overall, I feel like this band is still trying lost. The standout track was “Late Night Show,” which stood out as a fast paced and energetic track among much slower and

not the best but it’s a good introduction and I expect much better things to come from them. I give it a 7.5/10.

quickly, it would be with the phrase “music for nostalgia.” It may seem like I’m pigeonholing them, but I’m really not. Their also, pretty fucking fun, too.

The old school emo-style they have in College is perfect for what they wish to say in their music. Of all of the bands I’ve listened of the best vocals, and their lyrics about being awkwardly in love with women, life, and the college experience easily resonate with me. They contrast loudness and softness perfectly to create a sound reminiscent of ’80s alternative rock.

Overall, I give these guys a 9.5/10 for

Struckout Heavy and emotional, Struckout tends towards a style that seems to have fallen under the radar lately: a revival of the late 80s trend of emotive hardcore. The more musically astute may recognize this as the spiritual precursor to emo music.

With a sound similar to Fugazi, with heavy distortion and desperate pleading vocals that scream out for recognition, I’d Hate Me Too demands your attention with an in-your-face attitude that doesn’t ask for your attention or perform neat little musical party tricks for it, it simply demands it. The raw power and charisma of the song is completely surprising air in a musical environment that lends itself more to background music than deliberate demands for your time. occasionally overwhelming, it stands out from a music scene that seems to prefer sparse and easily ignored songs.

would gladly incorporate into your regular

Jingle Bell Rock

Elijah Wigman-Nilsson Contributor

Alt-rock gods bring Christmas cheer to “Wrex the Halls” The musical holiday spirit came alive this past Sunday at the Valley View Casino Center in San Diego with the multi-band concert, “Wrex The Halls,” presented

with a classic rock n’ roll feeling, bringing to mind good ol’ 70s style and southern rock.

Overall, the whole show had a fantastic

auditorium opened at 4:30, at which time the massive lines waiting to enter the

transitioned into a beautiful mellow feeling, with dim blue, green, and purple lighting, giving their whole performance a subtle atmosphere which stood out from the more upbeat vibe of the rest of the bands.

with excitement. The performances were held in the enormous amphitheater at the center of the building, surrounded by a food stands and merchandise booths. The quite large, and was in full swing throughout the night. The event was composed of seven Queens of the Stone Age, Arctic Monkeys, J. Roddy Walston & The Business hit the stage at 4:20, and both they and their follow-

Monkeys began their set to tumultuous applause and a chaotic push toward the front as everyone tried to squeeze as close to the band as possible. Their setlist was fantastic, AM, including “Do I Wanna Know” and “Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High”, even ranging back to much older works such as “I Bet You Look Good On The Alex Turner pulling disco moves across the

stage was highly entertaining, and the overall music quality was just as pure and awesome

phones like stars in the dark to “Shake Me

them play.

However, as wild as the crowd went during the Arctic Monkeys’s performance, the highest peak of pure enthusiasm and enjoyment that night came without a

coolest performances I’ve ever seen.

As the wait for the feature performance continued on, Vampire Weekend played.

While they felt a bit out of place with the rest of the show, they still elicited an astounding

schizophrenically-cautious entrance on stage, and on through the night, the entire band’s energy and quality through their segment of the show, left the crowd in awe, yet so in sync and energized. It was a fantastic spectacle. The highlight moment of the night for sure was their exhibition

the entire stadium seating holding up their

contributed to the event. Following them, all anticipation was answered, and Queens of the Stone Age came out to rock the stage for the Knows”, and wrapping up with “Song for the Dead”, their set was invigorating and rounded “Wrex the Halls” was a beautifully arranged show, and I look forward to seeing all of these bands perform again. They right way. It doesn’t get much better than amazing music and enthusiastic fans.

14 Literature

If I Did It How I possibly made the former Literature Editor, Katie Healy, disappear Alyssa Keyne Literature Editor If you’ve been paying close attention, you will have noticed your beloved Literature editor of yesteryear is no longer with the I included this sentence for you to silently expel tears and whimper regrets. Yes, ladies and gentleman, Katie Healy is gone—gone FOREVER! Unlike what many people would suggest as the cause of her absence— possibly some fairytale of her graduating after a grueling six years of bouncing from

internship teaching adorable kiddies with accents storytelling techniques and living killed. Murdered. Executed. Assassinated.

Exterminated. Vanquished.

I am not suggesting that I have performed the crime myself, no, ladies and gentleman. You see, Alyssa Keyne is just an innocent assistant-editor-living-the-dream gal. Although I have had some aspirations of TOTAL CONTROL OF THE UNION WEEKLY AND EVERY ASPECT OF ITS PRODUCTION—erm, I mean making a

name for myself at the Union—I possess no malign intentions. Oddly enough, though I did not take part in the crime, I know exactly how it would have happened and how I did it, erm how I have done it if I was so gruesome and evil and nasty to have thunk it

me that, although Wes had chosen against coming back to edit the Literature page, she would use Wes’s name and signature to maintain the page in Ireland.

I went to the kitchen, took out my knife,

delineate all of the details for you, my pets.

Katie Healy and I were friends. Yes, I met her two years ago when I was merely a freshman. We especially bonded last school year, when we shared a survey class together. Thenceforth we promised each other we would sit down and watch an Eddie Izzard special together before her time was through at Cal State Long Beach, and that time came the evening of the 15th of December, the Sunday before the last

previously. If I had been motivated by power and a wish to become the most feared Literature editor there ever was, I would have already thought long and hard about removing her as an obstacle on my course to success and dictatorship. If I was so power hungry, I probably would have been irritated at her plans and thankful I had

apartment and we discussed her plans for after college. She was particularly concerned about the fate of her page in The Union and described to me between our shrieks of laughter and sips of tea that she was thinking of sneakily working for the

that situation. I would have realized her travel plans to Ireland were perfect for me, considering everybody in America knows when somebody goes to another country she fails to exist in the minds of the American people four hours after her arrival.

I brought the toast to Katie, picked up my sledgehammer, and swung it into my arm and carried it to the coat closet. I had left it in my room from a recent demolition project. I

Passing Time with the Princess

came back to watch more of the special, and when Katie requested another cup of tea, I it. If I plotting to kill Katie, I would have deposited an excessive amount of black market polonium into her tea and made her drink every sip so that she would die a slow, radioactive death through the holidays, arrival in Ireland.

I am still grieving the loss of my friend and will miss her as I carry on her legacy through this page. I will make it my personal duty to ensure that her prompts and hard work will not go to waste. I also would like to give my readers a warm greeting and wish them the best for this semester. I can’t wait to get started.

Sierra Patheal Campus Editor

A fun, fast, escapist read Like the rest of Patrick Rothfuss’ books, I read The Adventures of the Princess and Mr. while I was supposed to be doing something else. In this case, I was supposed to be enjoying a vacation in Portland, Oregon at the end of winter break. Instead, I was curled up in the passenger seat of my aunt’s Subaru, entirely absorbed in the princess’ trials, tribulations, and triumphs. Luckily, it though, like all of Rothfuss’ works, I had to read it twice. of you (poor, unfortunate souls) who have not yet added Patrick Rothfuss to your bookshelves. Rothfuss usually writes epic fantasy, and his two published books in this genre have won an impressive smattering

of awards and accolades (of which the Quill Award for Science Fiction/Fantasy/Horror is probably the most well-known). When he’s not writing thousand-page adventures, though, he periodically works with artist Nate Taylor to write children’s books. Or at least, the princess’ adventures look like children’s lit.

The description on the first book in the series, though, adamantly begins with the statement, “This is not a book for children.” This despite the fact that it chronicles the adventures of a young princess who lives in a marzipan castle with her teddy bear and tea party fixings.

Given the fact that I read the first book last year and was intrigued, entranced, and amazed by what Rothfuss and Taylor managed to build out of such seemingly

simple components, I have to agree.

The second book— —is no less masterfully crafted, although I have to admit, nothing could have bested the twist at the end of Book one.

I was expecting a reveal toward the end, and Rothfuss did not disappoint, bypassing two of the likelier (and more gruesome) endings I could have suggested and penning one I absolutely did not expect. It was a little cuter—and more family-friendly—than the twist at the end of Book 1, but no less satisfying. Taylor’s art brought everything the purchase, regardless of its cost-totime-invested ratio. (I try to stay out of the double-digits for anything that will take less than an hour to read, but for Rothfuss, I always make an exception.)

In conclusion, then, I wholeheartedly recommend The Adventures of the Princess, especially if you’re looking for something to distract you from the fact that school is in session once again. It’s short enough that you won’t have to berate yourself for ignoring your homework (too much), but it’s engrossing enough that your homework little kid side, introduce yourself to the princess—and prepare to be surprised.

15 Food

(Photo courtesy of Chile Pies & Ice Cream)

Food Around the World Many of us at the Union were #blessed with the ability to travel during winter vacation, and one thing we all had in common with our differing destinations was how marvelous the dishes we feasted upon were. Whether you’re in a different city, state, or country, there is always the strong probability that great food is closer than you think! The following are food memories upon which we gladly reminisced for your reading pleasure.

In Another City San Francisco, California Jinny Choe Contributor If you’re ever craving the ultimate sweet

Chile Pies & Ice Cream and trying their pie shakes. A pie shake is their take on the classic milkshake in which they take a piece of pie, a few scoops of an ice cream

elements that swirl around in your mouth, from chunky to creamy, sweet to savory, juicy to doughy. Okay, sounds like it’d be too much, but trust me, it’s absolute heaven.

One of my coworkers advised me

recommended the pie shake and described to me how the chunks of pie and ice cream gushed in this sweet combination. I had a had never heard of anyone blending pie and ice cream together, but it sounded genius to think of two beloved and homely desserts being blended into an ultimate euphoria.

While my friends and I were at the Castro, we decided to stop by the place, since it was in the area. Walking towards the restaurant that read “PIE.” The sign was then followed by a small-knit place that was cozy enough for a big family or a group of friends like the

display of pies, pies, pies! Next to it was a big chalk board hanging on the wall was their menu and the selection of pies they had that day. The pie list ranged from sweet to savory to even spicy (and to think that you can blend some of those into a shake sounds really strange in my imagination).

I ordered the spicy apple chai pie with vanilla ice cream. After getting the pie shake from the friendly waiter, I got a big straw

raisins, and the rich and creamy vanilla ice cream made me tingle with warmth and comfort. It was worth the visit and even ’til this day I revisit that moment, which only makes my mouth water because of the crave. order more pie shakes. Maybe I’ll be a little more adventurous with what I choose to and you want your soul and your stomach to be

the chunks of doughy crust, the sweet and slightly tart juice from the apples and golden

In Another State

In Another Country

Virginia, United States

Vietnam, Asia

Molly Shannon Food Editor

Amika Dayal Contributor

One of my many ventures during this winter break included a trip to Northern Virginia. Yes, Virginia, home to about a hundred relatives on my mom’s side I visit every couple of years. While staying with my grandmother, she treated my family and me to a pizza dinner at Valentino’s New York Style Pizzeria in Alexandria.

I have to say, this place served us the best pizza I have ever had (aside from Za’s in equivalent to about two or three Little Caesars’ ones. We ordered half Spinach, half Pizza Bianca, or “white pizza.” The Pizza Bianca seemed revolutionary to (Ricotta,

Romano, and mozzarella) and herbs: a cheese-lover’s paradise! Even my grandma, an Irishwoman with selective taste, was a big fan. The atmosphere was family-friendly, and the waitress and cooks were cheerful and accommodating.

However, Valentino’s isn’t the only place to enjoy these wonderful Italian meals. One night, my aunt and uncle ordered their lasagna and garlic knots (which they are often noted for), and we feasted in their own home. It’s ironic that you can travel almost anywhere, even traditional New York pizza. So next time you’re back east, try out Valentino’s, yo!

This winter break I got to experience the best meal of my life. In Vietnam, my family and I wanted to go on a local excursion to experience some of the traditional favorites.

We were excited to hear that our tour guide was going to prepare a fresh, completely vegetarian meal for us. We traveled about two hours out of the main city of Saigon and to a more rural part of the country, then rode out on a boat into a village and were greeted by a table prepared with vegetables, tofu, rice paper, and a variety of sauces.

an Asian dish is the sauce, and this being

an all-vegetarian meal, our guide created a everything. A couple of the other dishes — very traditional item, but we had a variation of it with purple yam. She also prepared traditional hot soup with vegetables such as tomato, okra, spring onion, and various roots. This meal was so delicious and we learned many tricks to make some of the items. What made it even more special was being outdoors almost in the middle of a jungle and feasting in a traditional style.

Volume 74 Issue 1

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: Hey, God Warrior Here. To be real. It’s got to be real. It’s got to be real. To be real. It’s got to be real. It’s got to be real. To be real. Real, real, real, real. To be real. Real, real, real, real. To be real. It’s got to be real. It’s got to be real. To be real. It’s got to be real. It’s got to be real. To be real. Real, real, real, real. To be real. Real, real, real, real. Send funk to 1212 Bellflower Blvd Suite 239, Long Beach, CA 90815. This page is satire/parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. In Donkey’s name, I pray.

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INSIDE

CRITICS DEEM THE NUT JOB THE “SEXIEST MOVIE OF THE YEAR”

BLUE IVY CARTER HAS SWAGGIER CARS THAN MOST MIDDLE-CLASS WHITE TEENS

DONATELLA VERSACE DEBUTS NEW HAIRSTYLE AT SWEDISH FLEA MARKET