Shut up and Sing the Hits

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Issue 74.2

be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the

2

Rose Feduk, Editor-in-Chief

editorinchief@lbunion.com

Marco Beltran, Managing Editor

marco.union@gmail.com

Connor O’Brien, Managing Editor

connor.union@gmail.com

Eric Garcia, Advertising Exec

advertising@lbunion.com

Shereen Lisa Dudar, Opinions Editor opinons@lbunioncom

Alfred Pallarca, Culture Editor culture@lbunioncom

Sierra Patheal, Campus Editor campus@lbunion.com

Molly Shannon, Food Editor food@lbunion.com

Michael Wood, Music Editor music@lbunion.com

Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com

Roque Renteria, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com

Truc Nguyen, Web Manager

Alyssa Keyne, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com

God Warrior, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com

UnionWeekly

Assistant Editor: Sam Winchester Contributors: John Castille, Renee Schmiedeberg, Helen Nguyen, Joseph Flores, Kevin Tran, Kristine De Leon, Robert Turner, Jordan Nishkian, Claire DeWilde, Kristine de Leon, Paula Tena, Michael Colbert, Alex Berman, Maxene Santiago, Mike Wang, Jennifer Young, Helen Honkasaari, Elijah Wigman-Nilsson, Jinny Choe, Amika Dayal, Zack Falcon, James Goldmann, Bianca Lemus, Rebecca Komathy, Jacky Linares, Nadia Fonseca.

LBUnion.com

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the Union Weekly, not ASI or CSULB. All students Union Weekly

@UnionWeekly

Rose and the Awesome, New Website Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief Last week, I asked readers of the Union to submit their questions to the EIC via Twitter using the hashtag “#AskRose.” To my dismay, the hashtag “#AskRose” is already very much in use by fans of Rose McGowan, fans of Rose McIver (of Once Upon a Time fame), some Greek man complaining about sports in his native language, and a homework help hotline. Obviously I can’t compete with the popularity of this hashtag, and I don’t have enough of a grasp of seventh grade algebra to help anyone, so I’m left to answer a question of my own: What the fuck is up with the movie Albert Knobbs? I’m not sure what I was expecting when I decided to watch Albert Knobbs, the movie where Glenn Close plays a woman living as a man in the 19th century. Needless to say, it was tragic, heartbreaking and involves the main character dying in an unfortunate way. In short, Albert hits his head against a wall and dies. Just drops dead. I’ve decided that henceforth I will wear a bike helmet every time I leave my house. So to answer this “#AskRose,” I’ll say this: I have no idea what the fuck is up with Albert Knobbs, but I know it’s pretty darn sad. In more uplifting news, the Union Weekly website is brand new and fully functional. It was a labor of over six months, involving me in pumps and a

blazer with shoulder pads pointing at graphs, drinking coffee, and sending emails to the IT department. Well, mostly it was the hard work of ASI’s IT department—we just gave the thumbs up. So you can thank them for all of the website’s new features: access to PDF versions of the Union, easier navigation, links to our social media, and many other fun things. Check it out at lbunion.com! There are a lot of places in the next two months where the Union staff will make an appearance. Here are the main events:

1/28 Union Weekly Open Meeting 5:30pm - 6pm

1/29-1/3 Week of Welcome Upper Campus 10am - 2pm

2/5 Info Table 12pm - 2pm

2/13 Lovely Jams Concert 6pm - 8pm

Questions? Comments? Cookies? Long Beach, CA 90815. E-mail: info@lbunion.com

WORK WITH THE UNION WEEKLY Email info@lbunion.com to express your interest in the following positions

ADVERTISING INTERN flexible hours internship credit available good experience for students interested in marketing and advertising ATHLETICS EDITOR no prior experience required must be a proficient, passionate writer excellent for resume building


4 Opinions

“Every time something on the margin comes closer to mainstream, people doubt and argue its validity.”

My Body, My Choice

Alfred Pallarca Culture Editor

I am gluten-sensitive, so don’t be insensitive

norm—

She went on saying that I am probably

time something on the margin comes closer

and started eating mostly pasta, bread, and pizza, I noticed extreme changes in my —

Shoutout to Heartbreak Even shitty situations can have silver linings

Prior to my own recent personal experience, I had always seen heartbreak as something

always enjoyed getting my catharsis on by

with the girl or is cheating on her and the girl

Pride and Prejudice when learned that heartbreak is a real thing and it

care Heartthrob, where

Jacky Linares Contributor know how to sympathize with people who

Days are Gone like wearing red lipstick and taking down are so important to me now, so thanks,


5

Is Buzzfeed overrated?

Shereen Lisa Dudar Opinions Editor

Rebecca Komathy Staffer

Quizilla

section— The Simpsons

it entertaining to go on Facebook and see

Reuters

Clueless

Napoleon Dynamite being my

E! News and hipster ideals, all crammed into one Mean Girls and Harry Potter

to explore the Internet in depth, someone

dropped

her

Visual

The Terminator

— Wolf Creek— happier sitting in the sidelines, enjoying on Memebase, Vice, Cracked, and many other

“I’m sure changing the world with only a Macbook and a cup

Opinions

POINT/COUNTERPOINT


6 Campus

Structures and Semblances Art and stasis collide at the UAM’s new exhibits Words by Sierra Patheal Campus Editor Photos by Sam Winchester Assistant Editor Two distinct exhibits are present at the University Art Museum this semester, and both are fascinating. In the central wing of the building, an embodied documentary examines architectural design organization Materials & Applications, while the northern gallery showcases the artwork of contemporary Noh mask maker Bidou Yamaguchi. In both exhibits, themes of reinterpretation, reconsideration, and renewal reign supreme. to dominate the Materials & Applications display: Edmund Ming Kip Kwong’s Project S’More: Small is More (pictured right). The piece is presented in its full size, stretching toward the ceiling in a series of interconnected, honeycomb-like pieces. Inside, a circle of tree stumps creates what would be a cozy communal meeting area inside the semi-enclosed area (if the artwork were not in a museum setting at the moment). This corresponds with the Materials & Applications organization’s stated goal: “to increase public participation in the built environment.” The other installations on display, which are presented via scale models, images, videos, and partial replications, have similar goals, urging visitors to notice and interact with them by

Shootin’ the Shit With the Execs

Joseph Phillips ASI Chief of Staff

(Bubbles by Michael Fox and Juintow Lin), expanding to display trapezoidal patches of color (Yazuka Lou by Eddy Sykes), and simulating “monsters” with underwater jets and submerged LEDs (Here There Be Monsters by Workshop LEVITAS and Infranatural). The display requires a bit more attention and concentration than some—you actually do have to read the displays to understand absolutely worth it. The second half of Materials & Applications is the burgeoning MatterApp:Pyramidal, which will soon be constructed near the Walter Pyramid on campus. Designed through collaboration between last semester’s Design 360A students, the Materials & Applications team, the Arts Council for Long Beach, the space frame structure will be large enough to stand under and walk through once built. The UAM’s exhibit shows the design process, from early sketches and models through computeraided 3D concept designs—and provides K’Nex toys so visitors can try to replicate the team’s success. On the other side of the gallery, the exhibit presents the stunning work of Noh mask artist Bidou Yamaguchi. The exhibit is divided into three

components, which are meant to mirror the progression of a traditional Noh play: an introduction to Japanese Noh theatre, a presentation of Yamaguchi’s art, and an interactive display where visitors can try the masks on for themselves. One of the most fascinating aspects, though, is Yamaguchi’s recreations of traditional artwork in Noh mask forms. A series of recreations of famous European artwork, for instance, translate two-dimensional classics into three-dimensional beauties. If you’ve ever wondered what the Mona Lisa (or the Girl with a Pearl Earring, or Venus, or plenty of other traditional works of art) would look like a look. The transformations are stunning. Both Yamaguchi’s masks and the Materials & Applications displays rely on pretext and the transmutation of they do a wonderful job. Give the UAM a chance to make you reconsider the potential of art in public spaces and the expressive beauty of the human face, dynamic despite its static form; you won’t regret it. The exhibits will be on display in the UAM until April 13, 2014. Free, curated walkthroughs will be held on January 28th (for the Noh masks) and February 4th (for the Materials & Applications displays) at noon.

Hey, Long Beach! Welcome back from Winter Break. I don’t know about all of you, but I dug up my favorite game from when I was a kid and played the hell out of it. Thank God for Final Fantasy VIII—what a badass game! Anyway, let’s get down to business, eh? Here is your favorite column in the world, the Associated Students update!

Community Garden Like getting dirty on big tracts of land? Good. The community garden is coming to Long Beach State, and it needs volunteers to help build it! This Friday at 11am in USU-311 is the

Week of Welcome Interested in joining French Club, Sailing Club, or What-Were-They-Thinking Club? Well, you are in luck, friend-o’s, because this Wednesday and Thursday is Week of Welcome, our

ASI Fee Increase on the Ballot Before you go, “Oh, hell no, Joe,” let me have your attention. A fee increase is vital to the continuation of any and all student services on this campus. ASI runs and operates many of the buildings you use on a daily basis, such as the USU. A vote “NO” tells us that you don’t want your student organization to receive funding, would rather pay big money to go to a gym, and

event where every club you can think of comes together in one place. So if you love Anime, Cats, or Bros, you are in luck because from 11am-2pm at the upper-campus quad you can see all of those things together.

your own plot to work on, it is only $25! Email nayirieb@gmail.com for more information.

You don’t want concerts or famous speakers, and you would rather see most of the good

we do as an organization cease to exist. A vote “YES,” alternatively, tells us you want all of those things to continue. You want big names like Cornel West to speak wisdom to your peers. You want to support those struggling around you with scholarships and travel grants to present their research. You will stand up for your fellow students and help us make the necessary changes to help you help yourself and grow as an individual. ASI is here for you, and we want what is best for all students. I wouldn’t be working for this organization if it did not have your best interest in mind. Sorry to end on a serious note, but I really want to stress that without a fee increase, then we would be unable to put on our highlyanticipated events or be able to truly give back to the student body as a whole. have an even better second one. GO BEACH!


7 Feature

K A R A O K E K A R A O K E SHUT K A R A O K E K AUP R AND AOKE SING THE HITS

Cover Photo by Connor O’Brien Art Director Story by Union Staff

This might be a little awful to admit in writing, but most of my life my only reference for karaoke was from episode of the second season of The Simpsons (One Fish, Two Fish, Blow Fish, Blue Fish), wherein the family visited sushi restaurant, funny stuff happened, and there was a ten second scene of Bart and Lisa singing the theme from Shaft in front of a crowd of toe-tapping Asian men in suits. I’m a shy guy, so the whole idea of picking one song from hundreds of thousands to best represent me as a person to a group of strangers was daunting and frightening. That and having to present 20 something years of awkwardness and inconsistent

musical tastes on a stage. Just thinking about it now my hands are starting to sweat a little. I’d need a third of my weight in alcohol to do something like that. It wasn’t until tried it in a lounge that that pressure of performing in front of people lifted. The enclosed space and intimacy of the whole thing just made it palatable to show off how much of Cher’s “Believe” I can sing without looking up at the prompter. (Answer: the first line and some of the chorus).

The whole act is kind of cathartic. No matter how tonedeaf, drunk, unfamiliar with the lyrics you are, the better the experience becomes. If someone else knows a part that you don’t, they either step in to save you or watch you flounder a bit before someone puts you out of your temporary misery and skips the song. The whole trick is finding a small group of friends that you feel comfortable serenading. Or just get really drunk. Whatever state you go into it, the main

thing is to have as much fun as possible until before any major assignments come up and you’re face-down in a pile of books, reeking of two day old coffee. The criteria we chose while selecting the places was that the price per person should not exceed ten dollars a place, per hour. The places we chose needed are in cities surrounding the campus and are no more than 20 minute drive. We’ll judged these places based on Song Selection/Variety, Price (bang 4 yo buck), Set up/Equipment Quality, Service (alcohol, drink stuff, general staff hospitality), and Stage Area, in a scale from 1-5 (five being the best).


8 Feature

Cafeoke Ding Dong Dang

OK 501

Luxor

Song Selection

Set Up

Stage Area

Service $$$ Value

Cafeoke Ding Dong Dang is a hilariously-named karaoke joint in Garden Grove. If you’re looking for a dirt-cheap place to belt out a mediocre rendition of “The Blower’s Daughter,” head over to G.G.! The total cost ended up being only about $10 per person for two hours. Despite the amazingly low price, this establishment still has its quirks. Like most karaoke bars with private suites, the small due to a lack of air conditioning. Also, hopefully you’ve brushed up on your Korean lately because the remote control which is used for reserving song choices is only written in Korean characters. I would suggest asking your host or hostess for directions before you get started because they won’t give them to you automatically. My favorite aspect of Ding Dong Dang is that there are a fair amount of modern songs, such as Ariana Grande’s “The Way”, Miley Cyrus’s “We Can’t Stop”, and Lady Gaga’s “Applause.” Don’t forget to switch friends will have a blast drunkenly performing Madonna songs as you rhythmically hit a tambourine.

I think we walked in at the perfect moment; the whole place had an intense smell of apple scented disinfectant. I’d like to believe that this was due to someone exploding in the hallway while trying to sing the David Bowie and Freddie Mercury parts of “Under Pressure” at the same time. The prices aren’t listed anywhere, which was scary since you’re just shoved into an empty room. The song remotes have three buttons in English: Start, Cancel, and Reserve and no one taught us how to use the machine. Also, the machine is too loud for the size of the rooms. The English song selection is limited, 200 songs of every genre from the 1950s to 2008 listed under “Pop,” and the background melodies sounds like ringtones from 10 years ago. They have three books of Korean songs, which is cool if you’re into that, but not so much if don’t understand Korean. BUT the price is perfect for people looking to have fun on a budget $20 dollars for up to a group of eight for an hour. They also didn’t seem to give a shit if you brought drinks and food, which is a plus if you’re like me and having a karaoke pizza party sounds like the perfect way to spend a Friday night.

My feelings toward Luxor are kind of a love and hate relationship. Part of the hate is partially because some very sketchy friends introduced me to the place. Besides the C graded restaurants surrounding the place, Luxor is not so bad itself. Walking into the place, you are quickly greeted by the Egyptian décor. The pyramid and Egyptian figures filled lobby eventually leads to a hallway of private karaoke rooms that is reminiscent of a tanning salon. The employees are pretty nice as well. Considering everything in the place is written in Korean, my friends and I did not understand anything. However, the hostess was nice enough to explain to us after we literally asked her five times. The room is big enough for a party of seven to nine people to party drunkenly and shamelessly. They even provide you with a tambourine to cover up your friend’s awful singing. The selections are pretty wide. Though if K-Pop is your thing, the sky is the limit, for obvious reasons. Though one negative thing about their selection is the lack of Fergie’s “Big Girls Don’t Cry” to sing along to. Lastly, the disco ball and the free mints are a definite plus to the overall experience.


9 Feature

Elvis?!

This is the only karaoke place I’ve visited more than once because it’s the best. It’s worth pay up front here and there’s a charge for carrying bringing beer into the rooms, but the pricing is very reasonable. They also have a coupon on their website that never expires. Speaking from experience, they aren’t too happy when you sneak booze in without them knowing, but

Outro

MORE INFO

everything. The stage is a little janky. It’s just a block of wood two people to stand awkwardly on. There isn’t much in terms of lighting and decorations, there’s just a mirror on the wall and some carpet covered walls, but I think it the service makes up for it. The owner came in to ask if we wanted more time before the hour was up, which none of the other places we went to did for us. The shopping center it’s located is also really good. There’s Shabu-shabu place next door and a liquor store in case you wanted to get drunk before and avoid the alcohol charges.

It doesn’t matter whether or not these places are shitty or expensive as long as you’re with the right group of people and in a location that suits your tastes. We chose to exclude Karaoke bars, or bars that have Karaoke, is a list of venues for introverts and people who haven’t reached the appropriate age to partake in alcoholic substances, but it should be noted that Long Beach has a high concentration of Karaoke bars that are pretty fun to go to, too. The crowds are a bit older at times, and some of their song choices can be a little boring when in succession. Again, it’s a matter of who you’re with how much you’re willing to put out there for the world to see. The Prospector is a good place to start, since the stage area is dark and most of the people in there are already way too drunk to give a shit about how terrible you are at singing “House of the Rising Sun.” It just gets a little too crowded on Karaoke nights. Alex’s Bar is the next tier of bar, and it has a younger clientele that would probably best be suited for the college-going crowd. The best thing about Long Beach is that it has such a variety of bars that you have to experience them you’d enjoy drinking next to and singing in front of until your heart is content.

Luxor

16511 Pioneer Blvd Norwalk, CA 90650 Phone number (562) 653-1193

Elvis?!

18914 Brookhurst St Fountain Valley, CA 92708 Phone Number (714) 965-5657

OK 501

2887 W Lincoln Avenue Anaheim, CA 92825 Phone number (714) 220-2501

Luxor

16511 Pioneer Blvd Norwalk, CA 90650 Phone number (562) 653-1193

Cafe Ding Dong Dang 9738 Garden Grove Blvd Garden Grove, CA 92844 Phone number (714) 636-6237


10 Culture

Keeping Up With the Cards

There’s something magical about cards and sentiments but probably typed up just past

are the ones that are handmade. design to debating over putting rhinestones

Spreading greetings in an old fashioned and more sentimental way

sending a greeting should, in my mind, entail: personality, art, and love. And the So, I dare you: try it out. Grab a piece

Sierra Patheal Campus Editor I’ve made birthday cards, greeting cards,

because the calendar or a social obligation

paper despite the reading assignments and try it out, I may start getting handmade cards


11 Culture

A Purl of Wisdom

Alyssa Keyne Literature Editor Photo by Connor O’Brien Art Director

especially convenient because they’re nice scarves longer or shorter depending on

Although my mother taught me the

and rubbing against each other produces a lulling rhythm that motivates you to visual progress. than the peace they give you.

spent sitting around. Because I mostly pride at least once in their lives.


12 Entertainment

Illustration by Claire DeWilde Contributor

A few months ago both the PlayStation 4 and the Xbox One were released. Millions of gamers were elated and went out and bought the titles

Resogun Kristian Naranjo Contributor

game is similar to Galaca—

to see what other games are released later

tore down your house and built a luxurious mansion using the same foundation.

Don’t Starve is a great little game that will

Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor

game. For those gamers who .

Zen Pinball has a

Jesus Ramirez Contributor

monsters of the night.


On the Margins of the Mainstream Periphery provides a sonic challenge for any metal fan James Goldmann Contributor Illustration by David Peña Contributor Three parts metal, one part pop, a dash or two of groove, and a whole lot of production

brutality and unparalleled intensity. The songs also manage to be unique enough to together. The only complaint I could list is

spectacle, delivering intense polyrhythmic breakdowns and guttural screams between

ideal than the music itself: it still sounds like it’s under the control of founder and primary songwriter Misha “Bulb” Mansoor. Whether

Periphery II: This Time It’s Personal, was one of my favorites of 2012. Now they’re back again with a brand new concept record entitled Clear EP that is sure to impress longtime fans and new initiates alike. One of this album’s most interesting characteristics is that each member individually wrote one song, with the exception of the intro, “Overture.” Each

majority of the songs (or any other reason) is unknown, but his style lingers on every song; again, not necessarily a bad thing, but just something to note about a release such as this. Regardless, the songs themselves are extremely dynamic, with the exception of the previously mentioned “Overture.” It’s

culmination of the entire band’s talent, creating beautiful landscapes of occasional

it’s ultimately forgettable, especially once rhythm guitarist Jake Bowen’s “The Summer Jam” breaks in with immediately catchy

Lost in Thought Young the Giant is back with another great release Rebecca Komathy Staffer

It’s nice to hear a song from Periphery that never gets overwhelmingly aggressive, as many in the past relied on this to remain memorable. “Feed the Ground,” drummer Matt Halpern’s contribution, is one of the most ferocious songs I’ve heard out of the band. The songwriting is incredible and I can’t help but stomp around my room

unfortunately, feels exactly that. Bassist Adam “Nolly” Getgood’s piece is easily the weakest, sounding like a jam on a bunch of no, but it certainly leaves something to be desired after the astounding quality of the last four; however, I will give it the award for “Song With The Most Weird Time Signatures.” The release concludes with second rhythm guitarist Mark Holcomb’s “Pale Aura,” sporting a sound most like their

an instrumental supposedly comprised of debut record, played in reverse. Whether that’s true or not I neither know nor care; it’s still a great, if not somewhat standard, djent tune. Vocalist Spencer Sotelo’s “The Parade of Ashes” channels Trent Reznor with some glitchy samples, slamming drums, and industrial atmosphere, and manages to throw in a trademark polyrhythm at the bridge and remain coherent. “Extraneous,”

In order to commemorate the return of school, Young the Giant released its sophomore album, Mind Over Matter, on January 21. This album exudes beautifully written lyrics that vary between growing up and lost lovers from holidays. The hypnotic array of vocals will latch you in, but it’s the and electronically pumped to soft and simple that will make you a fan of Young the Giant. The singer’s voice, Sameer Gadhia, is very unique, so don’t get me wrong when I say this, but he has a slight resemblance to lead singer of Fall Out Boy, Patrick Stump. The indie rock strain of his voice makes it very pleasant to listen to. I even catch myself humming it from time to time without any explanation. This, of course, Young the Giant, along with falling asleep

emotional. It’s a stunning conclusion to a stunning album. Clear proves that Periphery isn’t out of still making creative and quality music that never disappoints. I give this EP an 9.2/10; it’s an excellent display the group’s capabilities with only a couple minor hiccups along the for any fan of progressive metal.

with headphones on as Sameer sings you to sleep. Ah, how nice is that! Is that just me? titled album, there are some similarities, but Young the Giant’s sophomore album bangs its drums a little harder and strums the guitar a little faster. But seriously, “Cough Syrup” is pretty damn good if you decide to go digging in Young the Giant’s album past. Furthermore, Mind Over Matter is one of those albums you’d want to pop in while driving down a long stretch of road with no particular place to go. Go ahead and give “Firelight” a listen when you are going to school. Just try not to get lost in your own thoughts. And on a side note, Young the Giant is from Irvine. Give the locals some love!

13 Music

“This record is an absolute mustlisten for any fan of progressive metal.”


14 Literature

“I’m supposed to have at least one cool picture on Instagram by now.”

Déjà Blues

Day 1 Scanning the room, I quickly look for an

College is chaos you can’t control

myself thinking about it at night, because everything is a clean start. Sure, it took me

Day 4

A Short Story by Nadia Fonseca shrinking as the green numbers on the

An Up and Coming Unknown Gabriel Roth’s debut novel should be on your radar The Unknowns novel The Unknowns is a bitingly funny tale

culture have the charm of a Paul Thomas

Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor


15 Food

85° and Rising Hot new bakery takes over Cerritos Words and Photos by Bianca Lemus Contributor

taro in one sitting I did leave

Bakery

is totally worth the mission. Warning: try not

How Do You Roll?

Zack Falcón Staffer

Samarai Burrito offers you a new way to eat sushi Do you love sushi? I know you do. That’s why you need to get your keister on down to Samarai Burrito in Fountain Valley. I have to

traditional sushi rolls, Samarai Burrito also


Volume 74 Issue 2

Monday, January 27, 2014

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: Hey, God Warrior Here. Look at this stuff, isn’t it neat? Wouldn’t you think my collection’s complete? Wouldn’t you think I’m a girl—a girl who has, everything? Look at this trove, treasures untold, how many wonder can one cavern hold? Looking around here you think sure she’s got everything. I’ve got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. I’ve got whozit’s and whatsit’s galore. You want thingamababs? I’ve got twenty. But who cares? No big deal—I want more. Send more to 1212 Bellflower Blvd Suite 239, Long Beach, CA 90815. This page is satire/ parody and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. In Donkey’s name, I pray. Submit it via email to grunion@lbunion.com.

Top 10 Underrated Roles of Andy Serkis I’ve

been

following

Perplexing Pescaphilia: “Silence!” Gandalf’s voice boomed. The waters of the Tasman Sea roiled around him.

the

his biggest fan. The man is an

rumpled crevices he was swimming through in search of anemones. It’s a

he can bring life to the roles 5. Wolf of Wall Street Jonah Hill’s penis

by Penny Marshall

by Miz Shellboobs

best

roles

were

done

in

enacting her motto in double-time.

the reefs.

cowering in fear—and arousal.

forgets to account for his damaged

the shot.

for a long moment; then he brushes

I managed to extract a multitude of information 6. Nude Kate Winslet in Titanic After Kate Winslet refused to expose herself for

Nemo gulped.

1. 101 Dalmations (1996)

circles around Gandalf’s billowing breath that is audible even below

Spiderman

waterlogged cloth. He has found three of the sixteen poisonous anemones

have spots. And the anguish of being that 56th

2. 13 Going on 30 as Jennifer Garner/himself

provided all the vocals—a feat that even a mother could love.

the rest remain elusive. He is considering giving up on the search—although admitting defeat to the powerful wizard does not seem

and it’s entertaining to hear the wizard

Gandalf’s own fault for telling him to search around in his robes. coral reefs with him when Gandalf

Gandalf the White does indeed have quite explosive.

himself of Nemo’s services—when a sudden current warns him of a possible exit route. Nemo zips toward

3. Superbad as the Jonah Hill’s pants

him headed forward. He manages to escape through the gap just before movie was a great career move. Bell bottoms

hewn robe.

4. The Lord of the Rings

INSIDE

R.I.P. BABY KING PIN 1982-1985

JAPAN DEVELOPS ROBOT TO INCREASE LEVELS OF LONELINESS

20 YEAR STUDY FINDS RUBBING A DOG’S BUTT ON YOUR FOREHEAD STUPID


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