Notes from the Underground

L U

W B

May 5 Volume 74 lbunion.com

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Notes from the Underground Cutting through the superficiality of the “punk” scene.

Issue 74.14

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“Spooky Coochies and Spirit Weiners.”

-The title of the Union Weekly’s breakout hit

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI or CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff.

All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of

Rose and the Tearful Farewell Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief

Rose Feduk, Editor-in-Chief

editorinchief@lbunion.com

Marco Beltran, Managing Editor

marcob.union@gmail.com

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Connor O’Brien, Managing Editor connor.union@gmail.com Eric Garcia, Advertising Exec advertising@lbunion.com

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Shereen Lisa Dudar, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com

Alfred Pallarca, Culture Editor culture@lbunion.com

Sierra Patheal, Campus Editor campus@lbunion.com

Molly Shannon, Food Editor food@lbunion.com

Michael Wood, Music Editor music@lbunion.com

Connor O’Brien, Art Director connor.union@gmail.com

Roque Renteria, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com

Truc Nguyen, Web Manager web@lbunion.com

Alyssa Keyne, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com

God Warrior, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com

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Chrissy Bastian, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com

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Assistant Editors: Sam Winchester, Renee Schmiedeberg.

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Advertising Interns: Trevor Desrosiers, Lisa Campbell.

Follow us @UnionWeekly

Contributors: Kevin Tran, John Villanueva, Sarina Carlilse, Sabina Couturier, Alex Berman, Toria Denofrio, Sam McTonnell, Ivana Monson, Rebecca Komathy, David Hayter, Nancy Castelan, Tanya Paz, Debby Vasquez, Carlos Mariscal, Daniel Wilson, Sarah Delcourt, Camille Hove, Gabe Ferreira, Helen Honkasaari, Bianca Lemus, Sherwin Sales, Julia Gibson, Miguel Garcia, Sarina Carlisle, Fernando Bogarin, Kealie Mardell, Carlos Mariscal, Debby Vasquez, Kristian Naranjo, Alia Sabino, Robert Sanchez.

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Long Beach, CA 90815.

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THANK YOU

“THE LIST” OF VOLUME 73 & 74 Moms

As per Union Weekly tradition, every year ends with a compiled list of who we’d like to acknowledge as an integral part of our those that we’d like to push into the middle of a busy intersection. If you’ve noticed any that we’ve forgotten, tweet us @UnionWeekly with the tags “#thankyou” or “#fuckyou” respectively.

FUCK YOU

Dexter

4 Opinions

Farewell Letters to CSULB To My Beloved Alma Mater

From a nostalgic, disgustingly sentimental senior

Alia Sabino Staffer

Peace Out, Years of Hard Work Leaving behind a legacy to fend for myself in the real world

Kevin Tran Staffer

More importantly, within your walls I’ve campus. Lost, insecure, and uncomfortable in my own skin. The naiveté in my eyes was undeniable. But I came in with an open heart and an eager mind, hoping that I made the right choice. Hoping that you would be kind to me.

And you know what? You have been. I did make the right choice, and to say the least, you have not disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that you were always good to me, because that would be a lie. There were plenty of times when you kicked my ass, and there were moments when I wasn’t sure if I would be able to get up and recover. I’ve struggled so much within your walls that sometimes I thought giving up was the only way.

But with these lessons you wanted to teach me, you never left me alone. You brought people into my life who time and time again have proven themselves to be there when the world seemed to be crumbling in on itself, and for this I’ll be eternally grateful. You made me understand that I am never alone in my struggles and that there are people out there who care and will go the extra mile. I now know how it feels to have myself fall apart completely, but be able to slowly put the pieces back together with the help of people around me.

Effective immediately after the publication of this paper, I shall resign from the Union Weekly. Although technically I’m basically getting kicked out like a badly dressed Asian on American Idol, I will use the word resign. Why? It totally spells out “badass.” Anyway, after this issue, I shall stop writing for the Union (at least under my real name). Digression aside, I guess I’m supposed to talk about my feelings on leaving this campus and stuff. Well, in short, I really am going to think it’s going to suck.

It sucks in the sense that I’ve established a community in the first floor of the Student Union with College Beat, KBeach, Union Weekly, and Program Council. However, the way I see it, after all of the hard work I’ve accomplished, I’m essentially going to get fired for it. It’s as if I’m being cast out because I outlived my usefulness, like a battery, or a condom. So I don’t know how to handle a breakup as immense as this. Old Yeller’s got nothing on this, simply because I can just as well get another Old Yeller and make sure he gets his rabies shot. But there is no replacing my absolute love of walking in every day

something of myself. You made me realize that there are no limits to my potential and capabilities. You gave me an outlet to be bold, to take risks, to confront my fears, to be creative, and to be vulnerable. I’ve never been much for convention, and you showed me that it’s okay to go against the tide.

And boy, did you let me have my fun.

Now I know what it feels like to be hungover on a Tuesday morning, having decided to start the fun early on a Monday night, and cursing the person who thought taking shots at 3am would be a good idea. (Oh wait, that would be me.)

You’ve given me the feeling of not liking myself in the morning for the bad decisions I’ve made the night before, all the while muttering, “Fuck it, it’s college,” as my perpetual excuse.

Oh god, and the boys. Let’s not forget ones and bad ones. Remember the one I was willing to make a complete fool of myself for (which I did), and the one that I fell head over heels in infatuation with only to be rejected, but who also inspired in me the if it means potentially losing all my dignity (haha). Some of them have managed to

and being greeted as if I was in a happy Disney village. There is no replacing the legacy in my awesome editing and writing skills that took five years to develop. I don’t want to leave. I want to live.

“It’s as if I’m being cast out because I outlived my usefulness, like a battery, or a condom.” act of the graduation ceremony overrated, simply because it’s only symbolic. It’s basically a bunch of old people spoonfeeding you forced bullshit optimism. In

break my heart, lead me on, and make me question my worth, but in the end, I realized that other people’s opinions of me (especially the trivial opinion of boys) in no end, it was all part of the fun.

The truth is, most days, I still feel a little come to accept that it’s okay. It’s okay that I in color-coordinated post-its on my planner.

It’s okay that I fuck up sometimes, as long as I own up to it. It’s okay to just break down and cry, and lean on people who have proven to be there for me. I guess what I learned from you is that in the end, it’ll be okay. All You’ve been a safe place for me to explore, to fuck up, to have fun, and to be myself. me, something that has shielded me from the realities of the world. The vastness and times, but I think you’ve prepared me well enough for it.

So thank you. Thank you for giving me the best and worst days of my life so far.

When I drive past Atherton and see your shining blue pyramid, I’ll be reminded of all this. These memories and lessons will stay with me forever.

volcano. They’re both for the greater good of everyone, they both have a bad outcome for the participant after the ceremony, and they’re both out in the sun. But I shall repress all behaviors that exhibit me being a about me. It’s really my parents’ camera’s time to shine. This is also the one time that my life with parents and my life with friends intersect, which incredibly sucks. Now I got to look forward to that.

And then comes the actual separation from college. I’m cast out into the real world, where I’ll have to be prejudicial in order to survive. I’m going to have to spruce up my whiteness in the next couple of weeks, by listening to Barry White and eating whitecake casseroles.

My college life now tips the scale on how much I’ll be able to handle the real world. My contacts are freshened, my network is strong, and my résumé is filled with awesomeness that someone can simply lie about. Now I can finally enter the new circle of life. No, it’s not the sun.

It’s the “Need job for experience, need experience for job” cycle.

5 Opinions

A California Divided Dividing the state is doomed to fail Michael Wood Music Editor Illustration by Robert Sanchez Contributor Tim Draper is an odd man. You’ve probably never heard of him and you really don’t have a reason to know anything about him. He’s the man who wants to split California into These six separate states already have nice proposed names! You have the state of Oregon: large swathes of forest marked with unremarkable cities like Redding. Then you have the state of Northern California.

Basically, it’s just from wine country all the way to the Nevada border. Again, not seeing anything special there. Then, of course, is the state of Central California, the endless valley of farms split in half by the 5 freeway, followed by West California, which is where our fair university is located. Stretching from at the Orange County line by the new state of Southern California, which includes most of the desert as well as Orange County and San Diego, all the way to the Mexican border. one... Oh yeah, then we have the newly minted state of Silicon Valley, dominated by the Bay Area and that little stretch of coast home

expensive housing. Also, it’s the home of Tim I think it seems clear at this point what this plan is really about. Tim Draper must be sick of having to play political games with the big kids. Having to go against farmers’ interest groups, desert Republicans, Hollywood Democrats, and the myriad so diverse must be just sickening to him.

So what do you do when you can’t stand losing against the big kids? You take your toys home and refuse to play with those kids. But of course, this isn’t all childhood fun; Tim Draper wants to take the most wants to see to it that he and his buddies can

people for control of one large state.

That is simply petty and damaging. Part of the reason California leads the way in this nation is because we represent diverse interests, a near-perfect cross section of our nation as a whole. We have led the nation in environmental regulation, innovative mass transit like the California bullet train, and in LGBT+ rights. And we do not lead foolishly,

because even being a blue state, we have to explain ourselves to the right wing. California as it stands today is a testing ground for ideas that get adopted on a national level when they prove successful. A split-up California to satisfy the whims of Tim Draper would never be able to serve that purpose.

It’s unlikely that this would happen. It’s unlikely that the state will be Balkanized due can’t play politics in the big leagues. However,

it’s important to know that this dysfunctional mess, this ridiculous mixture of personalities, perspectives, and people that routinely makes California seem like a bad family reunion with a smog problem, is what makes us leaders.

It’s too easy nowadays to banish the voices we don’t want to hear and live in an ignorant bubble of self-assurance like I’m sure the partitioned states of California would be, but it’s better to welcome these voices and learn something instead.

6 Athletics

Don’t Stress, Impress!

Strut your stuff in the #UnionChallenge Chrissy Bastian Athletics Editor

5 LA Buildings Take a little time to do jumping jacks in the LA buildings hallway for 3 points Or if you’re braver, skip all the way to class for 5 points

3 Do three laps of lunges in front of the Union to wave at the Union editors and gain 5 points!

earn some refreshing 3 points.

Feeling charitable? Help carry a music major’s instrument to their destination, earning 5 points.

For some real deep meditation, try 3 yoga poses. Downward facing dog or some warrior poses anyone? Flex yourself for 5 points.

Let the music major’s practice music inspire you into doing an interpretive dance. Twirl and spin yourself to 10 points.

Stress getting to you? Take a break

6 Don’t let the long stairs overwhelm you! If you walk up all the way, give yourself 3 points.

Work those muscles and snap a shot of yourself using a machine, sweating your way to 5 points.

Get your climbing shoes on and scale the rock wall to the top for 10 points.

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Want to step it up? Jog or run your way up and earn 10 points.

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toe in the USU pool for 1 point.

But if its too fucking hot jump all the way in the USU pool and go

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15 points!

1 Arms falling asleep from notetaking or typing? Get the blood pumping with bicep curls using your textbooks as weights for 3 points.

Want some quick points? Take a Union newspaper and share the smiles, earning an easy 5 points.

Time to reach for new heights! Climb the stairs to the top of the MHB building and snap a pic for 3 points.

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Avoiding homework? Kill time and visit sculptures on campus. Each one you visit earns you 1 point.

Managed to distract yourself and see them all? Tack on an extra 5 points.

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Need a break from those essays?

Change gears and visit some exhibits with experiments and animals. Don’t forget to donate a dollar. 3 points.

Be bold and wear the snake as it slithers it way around you, earning 10 points.

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Grab some buddies and contort yourselves to form the letters: CSULB, shaping your way to 5 points.

Go over the top and make a human pyramid in front of the pyramid for some awesome 10 points.

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Lose yourself in the Japanese Gardens, and walk three laps to get 3 points.

for 5 points.

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Time to stretch your legs: go for a walk up 4.0 hill to earn 3 points.

It’s never too late! Roll down 4.0 hill hoping you snag the grades.

Tumble your way to 5 points.

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14 Try your luck at the Games Center: bowling, ping pong, or billiards for 3 points.

For some bonus points, take a video of your awesome shot with the 8 ball—earn 5 points.

Go all out with bowling and score a turkey (three strikes in a row) for 15 points.

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1 Illustration by Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief

7 Athletics

Alright, lazy bums, it’s time to stop complaining about all the crap you have to do and distract yourself to maintain the small amount of sanity you have left. Instead of pretending to study—when in fact you’re just pigging out on chips and energy drinks—why don’t you try something fun to keep the blood pumping?

The Union Union shirt!

The rules are simple: you have to record each event with pics or videos (the latter of which are much more entertaining and highly recommended). Post them to Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram, and hashtag #UnionChallenge (if you don’t have an account you can bring in your phone to the Union Weekly Each challenge is worth a certain amount of points, and you have one week to complete the challenge. The three people that get the most points at the end of the week win!

8 Campus

“You climb down from the hot dinosaur, sheathe your sword, and step out of the painting...”

Designing My Last Hurrah

Words and Graphic by Gabe Ferreira Staffer

A personal invitation to the BFA Graphic Design senior show Union Weekly reader

Union Weekly

Union Weekly

www.our-show.com.

Through the Artists’ Eyes

Camille Hove Staffer

An “Effusion” of effervescent art from BFA Drawing & Painting seniors You climb down from the hot scaly back of a rockslide.

cat in front of it yourself!

one color to the next.

of the show before its debut on May 4th.

were the small details within the dinosaur

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Dim light saturates the broken pavement as I idle around outside of San Pedro mainstay Harold’s Bar. Mike Watt is standing, centered against the rails outside,

chosen to commemorate. The scene whose very nature speaks of more than just late night dives and late night drives. A scene which could be labeled as punk, but

stands and soaks in stories of former hijinks and glory.

My friends Colin and Lee of the band Terminal A, along with the rest of the crowd, wait for the chance to take to the non-stage within Harold’s for the purpose of entertainment and artistry; all set to a tropical backdrop whose inclusion seems more like a subtle jab at the sun soaked vibes in favor of sentimentality towards the seedier nature of Pedro itself.

This is the scene that I have

about more than a Tuesday night show at Harold’s. This is a model of existence, a methodology to counter the malaise of the everyday. A giant “fuck you” to every insincerity and every bad hand life has every ungraciously dealt. This is a means of coping, not only through the creation of music but the projection of the individual behind it, doesn’t settle on survival as much as it strives to thrive. This is more than punk.

That’s why I gathered some of my

Cover by Connor O’Brien Art Director

Words by John Villanueva Staffer

friends after the show, musicians who inspire me not only with their music, but their intelligence and grit as well, to discuss the purpose behind the music. At two in the morning, surrounded by alcohol, I spoke with Colin Peterson and Lee Busch of the band Terminal A, Brian Mendoza of the group Band Aparte, and Ricky Douglas of Sashcloth and Axes to discuss performance methods, but the intent of their message and the everyday. The result of our discussion spoke volumes. This is the result.

READ MORE ON THE NEXT PAGE

Feature

Notes from the Underground

10 Feature

a sense, cutting through the bullshit is an “act Inof preserving one’s culture. ”

Origin Stories Union Weekly: It seems that with smaller bands, the idea and the ethos of punk is re-emerging.

that gives; well, at least it should be giving everybody in here purpose.

UW: Do you feel like you need to convey anything to your audience?

Or are you just trying to make something...

some continuity for sure.

BM: Hate, pain.

UW: In that sense, what do you all want to accomplish with what you’re doing and playing and what you’re trying to convey?

Colin Peterson: Hate pain.

Ricky Douglas: I’m here to fucking party, hard. In terms of punk, punk’s really just a fashion, even when it started. It’s just a cool thing for people to do when they have nothing to do.

BM: I wouldn’t use the term “punk” for what my group or I are trying people that call themselves punks and what they were doing back in the day, but today, it’s completely fucking gone.

UW: It’s a fashion statement.

RD: I’m not really into the whole fashion thing. This guy’s [gestures to Brian] got swag.

CP: If you’re primarily trying to communicate something in traditional rock and roll fashion, most basic structures and an idea or emotion carry the music. It’s someone displaying to you their subjective space, and that music just happens to be the vessel.

taken. How do you get rid of all the bullshit? You take things back to a

of someone, and they see that, and then there’s no denying the validity of your statement, because they’re witnessing something actually happening before them.

necessity.

RD: All the emotions you don’t talk about.

BM: Discussing things that aren’t discussed in everyday conversation, but are, in a sense, universal. Someone might listen to a song’s lyrics, and they might question themselves, “Am I doing this? Am I living this way?” If they can question those things, if they

Band Apart

minutes, cut it out (laughs). Knock

sense than they did before, then maybe I’ve done my job. I don’t want to be Sonic Youth and have fucking 10 minute songs with just noise at the end; I want to do it in a compact fashion, and that’s why punk rock has always meant a lot. Sonic Youth is punk rock too, but I want to do it in that sort of traditional sense. I think keeping it compact and having something will be more likely to listen.

CP: Lee and I are on the same page. If you want to communicate something to young people, or people who don’t really care about anything, you need to hold their interests, and a good, fast, rock and roll song still holds interest, you know?

BM: But the hipster kids don’t like that. They think I’m some fuck.

BM: And it only holds interest because people can’t hold their attention on anything for longer than three to four minutes. For longer songs, people go through

RD: That’s the thing; I never got into it because of the fashion; I got into to it because I fucking love music, hard. Music is something

it if they’re not doing drugs or something. We’re in the YouTube generation; three to four minutes is all you’ll ever need. If you’re

UW: Personally, how do you try to convey your ideas or philosophies to a crowd with your own artistic styling as a band?

Terminal A

Lee Busch: My thing is that I’m just an instrument. I’ve sure you’ve had this, Doza, when you’re trying to convey yourself emotionally when you’re playing an instrument; it’s all in the style that you play it. I try to get as much energy into every chord that I can, and I also go to a weird emotional place when I’m on stage, and a lot of it comes out, and you move around a lot. A lot of it is mannerisms.

CP: It’s confrontational and it’s... when you have people’s attention, you may as well tell them what’s up.

Also, I have this whole thing about how I hate the state of how people communicate now. I’m kind of bummed about the trajectory that Western culture as a whole has

absolutely. I’ve read a bunch of tragedy; it’s a good thing. Because there’s so much bullshit nowadays, whether it be complicated hipster sophists spitting their academic jargon, or people who are just too ill-informed to understand something going on in front of bullshit nebulousness. You have to be very direct with people. You have to get them to step outside themselves. It’s actually worse now than it was. Look at Lady Gaga for instance. She’s got this whole team behind her conjuring images of wacky stunts for her to do, and people perceive it as avant-garde. I bet that in a couple of generations, young kids who are super immersed in normative culture will see her as avant-garde. When that happens, the term avant-garde is drained of credibility. In a sense, cutting through the bullshit is an act of preserving one’s culture.

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BM: I don’t really think there is such a thing as avant-garde. It’s been gone.

LB: I think it’s always been like that. I think the idea of the end of novelty, and I’m not 100 percent on this, is a false construct in postmodern theory.

to get famous? The reason I listen to your band is because it sounds like some bitch broke your heart.

The reason we’re all sitting here together is because we all like each other’s music. At the end of the day, you genuinely fall in love with bands that are more real than others; Morrissey’s voice is beautiful because the shit he has to say. It sounds like he’s crying all the time. But then you get into like, I don’t want to outwardly bash a band. Let’s just say that after the Black Lips, everyone just seemed to get into garage rock.

Feature

“disassemble what is sacred...

”

RD: It’s made everyone a fucking record label.

you can act on your culture, create a better world. Next generation: it’s

CP: Exactly. But people approach music now more from the standpoint of a curator. It’s less about doing, and more about curating. There aren’t solid scenes, really.

what is sacred. Take prisoners and execute them. Bam.

LB: Okay, here’s the thing, to bring it back to your old point, any of the bands that we’re in you can see the reference points. You love Soft Cell and black metal. Nobody’s put that shit together like that before.

Band Apart

RD: You can’t say that, like the invention of the synthesizer... after that you can’t say that there’s nothing you can do.

the creative process, though. You have 12 notes in the entire musical scale, and that’s been standardized for hundreds of years. I think at any point in time, it’s been taking what had come before and reformatting.

It’s kind of like evolution; its DNA gets fucked up and copied wrong and ends up becoming a mutation.

CP: Exactly. Ultimately you were tactful enough to synthesize not just sounds, but essences. Cultural synthesis has always been a thing, but the tactful person will look behind the things that signify a style and look at the essence.

Everyone has reference points, that’s how you learn to go deeper into something. The Internet, this whole working for the crowd thing, especially the Internet, has made it about the bands making what the fans want, not what they want.

With the Internet thing, I more than we realize because...

CP: Plus at the end of the day, no two voices sound the same, and no two people with a point of view will say the same thing. Regardless of whether novelty is a factor or not, there will always be an endless amount of individuals who, by perceiving their experiences, will have something to say about them,

RD: It’s a really tough thing. That’s why it just comes down to the idea of is it real? Does it seem like this person is in it for a real reason or are they some fake bastard trying

And Axes

BM: There are solid scenes, it’s just that they’re all fucking lame.

They’re called Burger Records.

RD: I’m not gonna bash Burger for their success; I’m gonna bash the bands. They don’t seem like they’re genuine about anything. There are so many times you can say “Ooh, baby,” before it’s like, “Enough already.”

CP: It’s like photocopying a photocopy, and then photocopying that photocopy and watching it disintegrate.

that started that and did it with passion, and you can see all the snail trail marks.

Final Thoughts would like to say about why you’re all doing this?

S Sashcloth

CP: Whenever you have an open cultural forum, it behooves you to take advantage of that act in it so

BM: That was some noble shit.

LB: I don’t know. I just want to communicate with some people, make some friends, make some people dance, have some sketchy experiences, and hopefully when I croak, somebody will hear one of our songs and relate to it. That’s the reason I wake up in the morning and haven’t sucked on the end of an exhaust pipe.

BM: Same thing. That’s your name in history. There’s no better thing than that, something that you contributed, still going on. I just want to reveal some emotions, and help people maybe question the things they do. Just dance, because the rest of the world is bullshit; you might as well have fun. You’ll work the rest of your life, a slave to capital, when you’re done, you should go ahead and grab a Pabst, and ask what’s the hapst.

RD: Pretty much the same thing.

The reason for all this shit is just a means for people to feel like they’re not insane or making their life meaningless. I’m in it to have fun and have a good time, and if I had to live without it I’d probably go insane.

12 Culture

Connecting Cultures

A new perspective from living in California Helen Honkasaari Contributor doesn’t show in popular culture that much. as my study abroad experience in California is about to conclude. In the beginning, a semester felt like a long time to be away from home, but now that I’m leaving soon, it feels like it went by so quickly.

In the midst of all this, I’ve had very experienced and learned here. However, as I write this, I have realized that this is the perfect opportunity for looking back at it all. apprehensive. I was excited but worried way at some point in their life. Mine came when thinking about how to adapt to a new culture and environment.

However, in SoCal it is easy to blend in. You dos?’ You don’t have to speak English perfectly for people to understand you. It’s not a big deal

have a bit of an accent, which is great because you don’t feel singled out by your accent or your appearance.

This multiculturalism is something that

and Californians that are easily recognizable from movies and TV shows, but they aren’t relatable. Having lived here and experienced I’ve gained a better understanding of what it’s really about: accommodation and acceptance, to name a few. other cultures. Most people might not know much about cultures in Europe, but they are still very knowledgeable about the diversity at home. This is the biggest lesson I’m taking home with me: a better understanding of the that it sometimes poses. I’ve been inspired people I’ve met at campus, and I hope to take this inspiration back home to continue this feeling of limitless possibilities and a belief in the rewards of hard work.

PS: Not to leave my readers too pleased with themselves, I have to say that there’s one thing I will always complain about when asked about my exchange, and that is that public transportation here sucks. You can do better if you want to.

Once-in-a-lifetime trip to the Holy Land Alex Berman Assistant Editor For the better portion of my life, I had heard rumors about a free birthright trip to Israel.

I had heard from some people that all you have to do to get into the program is prove that you are of Jewish heritage. Other people had also mentioned that it doesn’t actually exist. I mean, why would they pay for people to travel for free? Upon meeting a close friend and fellow Jew in my fraternity, I have learned that this trip does exist.

Imagine 10 days touring across Israel, complete with camel rides, mountain hikes, free nights in each city, and a wondrous amount of rich cultural history at your apply online and answer a few questions about yourself and your heritage.

Illustration by Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief

that it really doesn’t take much to qualify. For example, only my father is Jewish, and he has never bothered to teach me a single thing about the religion. For crying out loud, after three years of celebrating Hanukkah as a family, he decided that Christmas was better and said sayonara to Jewish holidays altogether.

If you are like me and the practices of your religion are completely lost to you, then this can be a great way to get out and learn about your heritage. What better place to learn about your religion than the

an amazing opportunity to travel outside of Israel for little to nothing by extending your trip after the program ends.

three months, giving you the chance to take advantage of the extremely cheap plane tickets to surrounding countries from Israel.

Thanks to this opportunity, I’ll be able to

only $100!

If you’re looking to apply and are

to apply and all the information you need.

13

It is true that secrets don’t make friends so why not tell us. It’s time to get those deepest, darkest secrets or confessions off of your chest and live a long, innocent life. It’s better for the heart. We asked students from all over campus to submit those juicy stories on our Tumblr page and here are some of the oddest and worth-while stories for you to enjoy. If you have some secrets of your own, access our Tumblr page: http://unionweekly.tumblr.com/ask and sing like a canary. Don’t worry, nobody you know will probably read it.

Fart History

Modern Day Creeper

semester. It ended up being absolutely boring. I would always fall asleep in

Whenever I see a hottie on campus, I instantly send a Snapchat of them to my friends.

-Sneaky Stanley

one rip. I was so embarrassed. I never tried sleeping in that class ever again.

-Flatulent Felicia

A Very Shitty Situation One time I really had to go use the bathroom but I was already in my car.

I didn’t want to walk back to use the bathroom since I really couldn’t hold it.

I just sat in my car as it came out. I cried all the way home as I was driving.

-Backed-up Billy

Tongue-Twisting Fool

A Secret Admirer

Once in a while when I’m at school, I’ll start talking in an accent (the accent I choose depends on my mood). The cashier at Panda Express thinks my Turkish sounds lovely.

I have a burning lust for a certain specimen with glasses and a tall bone structure who frequents the [Union Weekly] mother’s nest.

-Worldly Warren

-Call me, maybe

Hit and Run parking spot in Lot 14. Finally, I found one, but it was a tight squeeze. I tried to park as delicately as possible but ended up scraping the car next to me pretty badly. I pulled out of the space and car, asshole. You owe me $500.)

-Hit-and-run Harry

The Nutty Professor

The Horny Corner

I was failing one of my classes and I

I have had sex in just about every building on campus. My partner and I were caught and cited in the parking lot last year.

I caught him watching porn on his computer. I don’t know if that’s the reason, but ever since, I’ve aced all of my essays.

-Wide-eyed Wendy

-Promiscuous Percy

Culture

I’ll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret

14 Entertainment

Oh My Godzilla!

Words by Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor & Kristian Naranjo Staffer Photo by Connor O’Brien Art Director Godzilla (1954) Godzilla made his debut in the 1954 classic

by Ishiro Honda. Honda, who would go on to inspiration from the aftermath of the atomic bombs that decimated Japan. Like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (who are also getting a reboot the summer), Godzilla was his environment. So, I guess you could say that Godzilla is actually an environmentalist isn’t much of a city conservationist.

Godzilla turns 50 this year, and as a commemoration of one of cinema’s greatest monsters, we at the Union have compiled a timeline to inform you of the essential facts about the lovable lizard.

Use this guide to familiarize yourself with the King of all Lizards (not to be confused with The Lizard King) so you may impress your friends who are bored with your irrelevant and useless academic a bunch of free time after graduation.

King Kong VS. Godzilla (1962) Ishiro Honda returns with what may be one of the greatest collaborations in cinematic history. In this 1962 joint venture, the two greatest monsters in movie history battle it out to see who is the King of the Jungle. I like to consider this “The Rumble in the Jungle” of cinema. I won’t reveal any spoilers, but all I can say is that a crazy collaboration like this will probably never happen again due to the strictness of copyright laws. So treasure this cinematic achievement.

All Monsters Attack (1969) Once again, the creator of Godzilla, Ishiro Honda, returns with a re-imagination of runtime is 69 minutes) Godzilla isn’t just an angry wrecking machine; it also has a heart. It becomes friends with this little Japanese boy who encourages him not to be

audiences (see: Robocop 3), they usually water down the action, which All Monsters Attack does. But it’s reassuring to know that Godzilla is not solely a soulless beast; it has feelings as well.

Godzilla VS. MechaGodzilla (1974) Mechagodzilla might be my favorite creature from the kaiju universe. It has the best of both missiles. I guess after 20 years of having Godzilla be the unanimous victor over Tokyo, the producers in charge of its movies decided to create a character that could actually kick Godzilla’s ass. In this classic battle, it’s Godzilla versus MechaGodzilla.

It's nature versus science. Some of the in this story. Also, it has Anguirus. And he’s pretty cool.

Godzilla (1998) For most people of my generation, this was the Tokyo titan. Unlike the classic monster Godzilla, thus giving Godzilla a weird look. It was a strange feeling. Kind of like when a pretty girl gets a nose job. Starring Ferris Bueller and Leon: The Professional, this piece-of-crap movie turned an entire generation of fans away from Godzilla. It even disappointed the established fan base.

You can thank terrible director Roland Emmerich for that.

Godzilla: The Series (1998-2000) Even though the Hollywood adaptation of Godzilla ruined the immaculate legacy, the movie did make a lot of money. So naturally, Hollywood wanted to ride the kaiju wave as far as possible, so they created an animated kids’ show. This series has epic battles between Godzilla and other monsters due to the artistic and creative freedom the animators have. In this interpretation of Godzilla, there is a crew that follows the beast around and documents his habits. It’s almost like an animated National Geographic documentary.

Overall, it’s a great two-season show and

How to survive veganism on a budget Words and Photos by Bianca Lemus Staffer To be or not to be a vegan—that is the question! Throughout my college years I witnessed a couple of friends and peers turn to the “light side” and convert to a non-dairy and non-meat lover’s diet, which I dearly admired from afar, until recently. Unlike some of my friends who have converted to veganism because they love the world, animals, or simply wanted to lose weight, I ultimately decided to try being a vegan because I am a broke-ass college student.

Oh, yes, that delicious four-ounce steak serving became entirely out of my price range, as I was working an 11 dollar-an-hour part time job, paying for my bills and rent. Although I truly did not last long without meat or dairy in my diet, today I still have a little intake of both simply because I prefer eating cleaner and

need to do is review the label and preferably only buy dark chocolates.

Other items I introduced into my diet maker, veggies, many kinds of noodles, soups, and an herb garden. As a vegan, I a way to make sure I ate all of my veggies, and fast. With my machine, I made lots of carrot-orange juice, kale-apple juice, and celery-pineapple juice with ginger. Another key to becoming vegan was learning how to make soups by blending veggies and adding them to broths with noodles and herbs like mint or basil.

Noodles that I loved as a vegan were wheat Korean noodles and Vietnamese vermicelli noodles, as well as gluten-free and egg-free noodles. When it came to grains, I had lots of mixedgrain rice, brown rice, as well as white rice.

Lime tended to have the power to put a stop to my cravings. I used lime in my water, beans, and salads, combined with onion, cilantro, a bit of olive oil, and dash of salt.

Adding lime to salads was especially scrumptious! I loved having huge salads with some time of crunchy bread crumb or fruit—that was

“All that

injected in meat and dairy, like water and hormones, is just not for me anymore.”

in meat and dairy, like water and hormones, is just not for me anymore. So, listen up, because the following are the glorious products I discovered during my shortterm vegan experience.

While trying out the vegan lifestyle, all-things coconut (including coconut oil and milk, and dried coconuts) quickly became my favorite completely vegan products. The taste of coconut is seriously delicious! If you thought soy milk and almond milk were bomb, think again—not only does coconut milk have less calories, but it’s even sweeter than the other milks. You can add coconut oil to most of your food, even to your smoothies, and they are good for you.

Dried coconut, and even other dried fruits like mango, dates, plums, blueberries, and dehydrated apples were an essential part of my snacking as a vegan. They took the place of candies like Snickers, which have non-vegan-friendly ingredients like milk chocolate. However, chocolate is not “the devil” when you’re a vegan, because all you

the sweet potato! Yellow, purple, white, or orange—they come in all colors—and they you have to do is boil those suckers, peel, then mash them until they soften. Then add a bit of sweetener like brown sugar, agave, or stevia, and garnish them with almonds or dried fruit. Bon appétit!

So, if you want to become a vegan, go for it. I failed simply because it was more of a health and budget decision, which I have since found balance in, so just because it’s no longer my lifestyle does not mean it can’t be yours. If you are going become a vegan all I have to say to you is “live long and prosper.”

Bianca enjoys preparing the purple Thai noddle dish (top); her “urban garden” (center) contains green onion, mint, lavender, and spinach; some of Bianca’s favorite Vegan ingredients include agave nectar, mixed dried fruit, and coconut chunks (bottom).

Food

Skip the Honey, Save Your Money

15

16 Music

The Return of the Archdukes Franz Ferdinand brings their Glasgow rock to Los Angeles After 10 years, four albums, and numerous concert tours, Franz Ferdinand, the Scottish garage rock band can still rock the house.

You may know them from their 2004 hit “Take Me Out” on rotation on KROQ; and once in a while you may hear their other gems, like “No You Girls,” “Do You Want To?” and “Right Action.” They may be tours in the U.S. and around the world makes them anything but “one-hit wonders.”

Playing at the Wiltern on Tuesday, Franz Ferdinand greeted a sold out crowd that was eager to listen to new songs from their latest album, Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action and maybe some vintage hits from their self-titled debut.

The band from Glasgow opened with playing the electric “Bullet” from their latest album, which immediately made the

Goodbye Cool World Going home with fond memories of the Long Beach underground scene Kealie Mardell Contributor

crowd go wild with its infectious guitar riffs. Singer Alex Kapranos declared his love for Los Angeles and appreciated the love from the crowd. The band then began “No You Girls,” which made the crowd sing along, to Kapranos’s delight. Vintage hits like “The Dark of the Matinee,” “Michael,” and “This Fire” were played to the surprise of many in the crowd. Their set was a sprinkling of hits, fan favorites, and remixes.

“Can’t Stop Feeling,” from the album, Tonight: Franz Ferdinand was remixed with the synthesized hook from Donna Summer’s “I Feel Love,” which made the song completely different and more danceable. After an abrupt refrain, they then went into “Auf Achse” from their selftitled debut, which on the album sounds

like a melancholy tune but live is an upbeat, danceable revenge song. “Lucid Dreams,” from Tonight an upbeat rock song, was integrated with their techno remix for an infusion of a rave friendly song.

Throughout the show Kapranos made love to the crowd with winks, sexy stares, and a type of indescribable jump. The rest of the band was on point, and each member put on an amazing show for the fans,

Debby Vasquez Contributor After a non-stop show of 19 songs came to a close, the crowd yelled “One more song!” as they left. They returned for four more songs, ending with “Goodbye Lovers and Friends.” They thanked the audience, and as everyone donned in Franz Ferdinand t-shirts left, the wait began again until they come back to Southern California with their Glasgow sound.

prompted the crowd to imitate him with a healthy dose of “air bassing.”

They played the obligatory “Take Me Out” to the crowd, but at this point in their career, with all their hits and earworm melodies, they should have really replaced it with better songs from their catalogue, or “Cheating on You.”

Leaving England to study abroad in Long Beach for a year has been more than I could have hoped for. Whenever I reminisce about this year, I will certainly think of the incredible people I’ve met who are passionate about creating a thriving local music scene.

I owe a lot of my discoveries to the CSULB Underground Music Society. Becoming involved with the society allowed me to engage with a group of students dedicated to promoting local artists by hosting shows on campus and around Long Beach. I’ve been a part of many great events and found some new favourite bands along the way.

One of my most unexpected discoveries

Monte band, but they say studying abroad opens up new opportunities, and this was

band The Two Tone Boners. With a love for punk and metal, I never would have expected to spend my time with this El

Gallery in Long Beach. The stacked line-up brought together Spoonboy, Theo Grizol, Sledding With Tigers, Moon Bandits,

At the same show I also discovered Struckout, fronted by UMS vice-president Daniel Speer. These three great guys with an incredible raw energy introduced me to the local DIY punk scene and have performed at some memorable shows. I’m glad to have seen their progression with the incredible new release, You Are Not Good At This.

Through this I also found other exciting Chillton, and olivias, who I would highly recommend you try to see.

One of the biggest UMS shows drew

an excellent showcase of amazing talent. A taste of acoustic, folk-punk and rock music on the night fostered a great atmosphere, and I hope that local music fans are lucky enough to see more shows like this.

In my time here, I’ve been overwhelmed by the drive and passion for the local music scene. Regardless of the challenges they face, this area is thriving with so many people willing to do whatever it takes to bring you amazing music. I’m sad to be leaving it, but hopefully I will one day Thank you all for being such a huge part of an incredible experience!

17 Music

“For that hour nothing in the world could stop me: I moshed, stage dove, and screamed along to my favorite songs.”

In the Danger Zone Dangers provides a completely cathartic concert experience Fernando Bogarin Contributor I went to this concert on a whim, knowing only Dangers and feeling that seeing them alone would be enough to justify a last-minute trip to LA in the middle of a school week. I was feeling an existential crisis coming up, and knew that I had to do something about it, lest I wallow for the rest of the week about the problems of humanity.

There are few indulgences in my life that can bring out the angst in me, and even fewer accomplish that while making me want to be a better person. Seeing Dangers live was one of those beautiful exceptions. Dangers are a hardcore punk band out of California and came out with a recent 7” which was released this January, called Five O’Clock Shadows at the Edge of the Western World. If you’ve ever the slightest angst about anything this is the band for you.

20 Years Later

They headlined at the Echo, an extension of the Echoplex, a cool small venue in Los Angeles by Echo Park with opening bands Cloud Rat, Moxiebeat and Thou. Every band there was a pleasant surprise and played solid sets. Thou’s music was very atmospheric and gave the feeling of being in a void without the anxiety. Like walking into a dimly lit room and letting your eyes adjust to the darkness.

Moxiebeat and Cloud Rat were fast, loud and abrasive—everything you could want for a hardcore punk show. I took it all in and let their anger and music pull wash over me and let my angst seep out.

The real treat that night was an hour of raw; no holds barred, in your face, hardcore punk rock that just lights you up like a Roman candle from Dangers. This is what I love about live music, and going to shows, seeing one of your favorite bands and being able to

Illmatic’s re-release reminds us why the world loves Nas

It almost feels as if it were yesterday that Nas released Illmatic. It’s been 20 years since Nas released the album that still continues to gain popularity today and is arguably one of the best rap albums out there. It’s an album that stands on its own.

20 years later, he brings us Illmatic XX, which is a remake of his album that was released in April 1994. The Queens, New York rapper has sold over 20 million albums around the world since releasing Illmatic.

Illmatic XX brings Illmatic back to life with original recordings and re-mastered tracks. The album opens with one of Nas’

Carlos Mariscal Contributor

clearly has a resemblance to Nas’ original “NY State of Mind” track, but nonetheless, makes for a good entrance to the album.

“The World is Yours (Tip Mix)” is by far the best song on Illmatic XX. “It Ain’t

scream into the lead singers face without hesitation, no question, without skipping a beat along with a whole crowd next to you.

For that hour nothing in the world could along to my favorite songs all in the name of bettering myself as a human being.

Dangers’ music evokes feelings of anger but on a conscious level, without feeling preachy or repetitive. My favorite songs I

song worth listening to on the album. They both bring back to life the songs that were released in 1994.

I really love the idea behind this album and what Nas wanted it be, but the album isn’t quite as special as the rest of his remastered tracks from the past.

Nas’ underground freestyle is reborn with this album, a form of rap that has disappeared in today’s music age. While Illmatic XX has some good hits, it isn’t nearly as perfect as Illmatic was.

The album is selling for $14.99 on iTunes.

If money isn’t an issue then I would say that than that, if you’re not a big fan of Nas but like some of his hits then buying the songs at an individual price is best for someone who isn’t too thrilled about wanting to spend the

Than Lies” and “5 O’Clock Shadows at the Edge of the Western World.” For both of these I got to share the microphone with the lead singer as we yelled into each other’s faces’.

The entire crowd was going crazy, and Dangers has this great reputation of putting on these kinds of shows. They’ve played several shows, including a house show, throughout the year and it was a pleasure to get the chance to see them. For going out on

$14.99. Illmatic XX is clearly just a shadow of Illmatic and shouldn’t be looked as anything more. Although it does provide some great remixes, it won’t come close to Nas’ great hits. Illmatic XX is just a rebirth of his hit album 20 years ago.

The album was released on April 15, a few days after Nas performed a few tracks from Illmatic at Coachella. Nas also released Time Is Illmatic that examines the album that was released 20 years ago. With the release of Illmatic XX, Nas now has 13-recorded albums.

18 Literature

The Final Say Blazing

There is only an invisible, thin line drawn pulled up next to him, rolled down my for a lie will only blind the truth to where it’s

The milky fumes contained in a cubicle space created a place where time never

The last time I lied, I was cornered and worse was both my parents confronted me

A Non-Fiction Story

by Miguel Garcia Contributor

some weed, some brew—you’re not down to have a freestyle session!”

“Psssshhhttt, you should already know by

to Atmosphere as people looked at me

“The only light in this universe was that of a burning meteor whose ashes were to crash on suede seats and leave craters as evidence.”

ashes were to crash on suede seats and leave

dad has my car!” hopes that my parents didn’t take my car to run their errands, but instead they sat at and mother had a stern look on their faces, the likes of which I’ve never quite seen in “Your car reeks of that mierda! You were

those devils, I tuned in and turned up the If you saw the car from a distance, you department; if you’ve ever seen the movie How High or hot boxed your car, then you

At the Bottom of the Bag

tampons a man should have in his possession,

told her to check one of the drawers: “There

“Oh yeah…”

A Non-Fiction Story

by Sherwin Sales Contributor

fantastic idea, and she started to use those

she now leaves tampons in my backpack for

“Are there holographic tampons? Do you open up the wrapper and show it to all your friends?”

yet I have no idea why and how to utilize you open up the wrapper and show it to all I’ve become so accustomed to them

19 Literature

an Author An Open Letter by Camille Hove

A Poem by Sarina Carlisle Contributor

indecisiveness I’m sorry to say you are not the love of my childhood fester denial

every word you never wrote me, I hate your I call my unframed pictures lack of It is now that we shall part, my dove; it has unswept corners, I call those aspects I don’t want to name knows how to touch my feet and write they’re cruel I call my unread emails disillusionment

I’ll bet you don’t even know what a satellite

old quizzes, doodles, and important lecture notes in piles I call

(By the way, The Turn of the Screw was your

Illustrations by Rose Feduk

The Sleepy Scrivener

done with a paper that is due at 9:35 tomorrow

second, the situation evolves from “This paper is due tomorrow, and I have plenty of time,” to “This paper is due today, and I’m transcendentalism, or the fetishization

paper at a fairly reasonable hour is such an

the white abyss for a while, I will make a

A Non-Fiction Story

by Julia Gibson Contributor

“This paper is due tomorrow, and I have plenty of time.”

would be to start the paper when it isn’t due

I love the stillness of my apartment in the

a real adult who can eat Pop Tarts whenever she damn well pleases and doesn’t have

It is now 11:55 and I’ve written more here than I need to in order to be done with myself (out loud, as a testament to my

done, just take a deep breath and don’t freak out

Volume 74 Issue 14

Monday, May 5, 2014

LBUNION.COM

DISCLAIMER: Hey, God Warrior Here. [R. Kelly] Yo Ush... [Usher] What up Kells [R. Kelly] Wanna introduce you to this girl. Think I really love this girl. [Usher] Yeah... [R. Kelly] Man she’s so fine. [Usher] Straight up dog... [R. Kelly] She stands about 5’4” Coca Cola, red bone [Usher] Damn... send your farts to hell because I’m dead. This page is satire/a parody/comedic and does not represent ASI nor the CSULB campus. In turd’s name, I pray that you submit all of your Mongolian barbecue via email to grunion@lbunion.com.

To Kill a Grunion Editing-bird The God Warrior paced around her living [What did God Warrior choose? darkness. The spring semester was winding down, and after a year of being a nonexistent Grunion Editor, it was time for her to move on to the next step in her life.

As per tradition for all editors of this page, the end of the year meant the end of her life, a fact that kept the God Warrior away from the Grunion dungeon. It would send a shudder down her udders, or at least it did until a few days ago when she proclaimed to her Ryan Reynolds body pillows that she’d cheated death.

Cheating might have been a bit of an overstatement, as she’d been on the run for the better part of the year, occasionally sending a letter or two to be published under pseudonyms to taunt her potential murderers. Now, lulled into a false sense of security, she was hoping to move on to bigger and better things.

“What should I do now?” she said, stroking her chin in a Winnie the Poohlike manner in the hopes of rubbing out a good idea. Escaping was easy, but leading a sedentary life posed a problem she hadn’t planned for. Never staying in the same place for more than a day and eating leftover crusts from the Pizzamania trash had become second nature for her so much so that she’d almost missed the idea of living on the road. She laid out every pamphlet she’d picked up on her travels on the table.

“Oh bother,” she said, sitting back down on her couch in frustration. So many decisions to make, but how to decide? All had their perks. “Maybe I’ll leave it up to chance!” in the direction of the fanned-out pamphlets

Go to page 6 she goes outside Go to page 9 if she goes to Electric Daisy Carnival Go to page 12 if she goes to Ireland Go to page 50 if she stays home] Page 2 With a warm amber sun and bright cerulean skies just outside her doorstep, the God Warrior decided to take advantage of the promising day by slipping her feet into a pair of aged Crocs (they comfort her bunions) and getting on headed to the town lake and met up with Ol’ Gertie, one of her friends from their church’s Prayer Pals, and the two revved up the engine of a tugboat and headed out into the waters. About 10 minutes in, she spotted what appeared to be a giggling dolphin bobbing up and down alongside the boat; as an admirer of all God’s creatures, she instinctively reached down to stroke its back. Suddenly, the sea mammal took a big chomp, clamped onto the God Warrior’s hand, and dragged her down into the depths of the lake; until she drowned! It turns out the thing was actually a shark in dolphins’ clothing.

Page 6 While preparing a hearty pan of baked macaroni and squeeze (macaroni with a creamy cheese whiz sauce), the God Warrior realized she needed to go to the corn chips in order to make the dish’s crusty topping. She wobbled over to the door and placed her hand on the doorknob

and snatched it back instantly—it was hotter than Satan’s nipples! With one quick

gargoyle of a daughter had absentmindedly left the garage door open, and a wave of overwhelming heat knocked the God

Page 9 The God Warrior was nervous. It was her alone going to a rave happenings of the Electric Daisy Carnival, and she had only stopped using air quotes when saying the word “rave” hours before.

“I’m such a n00b,” she said to the car of friends she’d found on Craigslist, much to the chagrin of everyone in the car.

To calm her down, the God Warrior’s newly dubbed “best friend” Quark, from the ever-popular Star Trek franchise, gave her a hit of “molly” in hopes it would help her better immerse herself in the whole “rave culture” as they made their way through the crowds of half-naked twenty-somethings.

It didn’t. As soon as the drug touched her lips, she began to glow like a dying sun reaching critical mass. Frantic, she ran toward the stage, only to be met by overzealous security guards that tackled her down, which caused her body to collapse onto itself and created a black hole that killed everyone.

Page 12 The God Warrior had been helping one of her youngest children with his social studies homework lately, and while brushing up on European history, she was shocked to discover that Ireland has been notorious for its extreme passion

chapter, she immediately packed her the small country. She landed an internship at Trinity College as a research assistant for a Religious Studies professor. It was not until three months later that she discovered the majority of the Irish identify as Catholic or Protestant, and though she did not understand what either of these words meant, she felt betrayed. She cited her instructor as a slykick, saying she was completely “dorksided,” and with that, she returned home. (Turn to page 100) Page 50 Closing her eyes for that brief second caused the God Warrior to fall asleep and dream about owning ten years’ worth of ravioli and dancing with an Antonio Banderas made entirely of Flubber.

At around midnight, a green clay manthing and clay horse snuck into her home.

They made their way into the fridge, and pulled out a full gallon of milk the God Warrior had recently purchased at the local supermarket with some money and her new sense of security.

The two make their way over to the God Warrior and, with all their strength, hit her with the milk gallon upside her head and knocked her unconscious. The impact knocked her into another dimension, where she crashed into a version of time. The collision of their bodies created a singularity that erased everyone at the event from existence.

Page 100 The God Warrior dies peacefully of natural causes. Shrug.

vote for a new grunion editor #TheGrunnys

QUARKY ROMANO

ANTONIO BANDERAS

FLUBBER

GUMBY GUMDROP