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Issue 80.8 Alejandro Ramos, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com Nathan Zankich, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Alexis Cruz, Social Media Manager Allison Meyer, Multimedia Manager Britney Weller, Multimedia Assistant Alfredo Bañuelos, Advertising Executive Aravind Karuppusamy, Ads Associate Christopher Orozco, Distribution Manager
ART & DESIGN Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com John Mueller, Graphics Illustrator illustration@lbunion.com
EDITORIAL Matthew Gozzip, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, Community Editor sylvanawriter@gmail.com Sheila J. Sadr, Copy Editor sheila@lbunion.com Amanda Dominguez-Chio, Culture Editor amanda@lbunion.com Peter R. Clark, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Mercedes Colomar, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Elliott Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Jordan Daniels, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com
STAFF MEMBERS Natalee Coloman, Karrie Comfort, Wardah Imran, Diana Martinez, Samantha Neou, Soun Oeng, R. Ray Robinson, Tara Thomas, Francisco Valladares
CONTRIBUTOR Nemo N. Obody
COVER DESIGN BY: Nathan Zankich
Hablamos con Ramos y Bailey Alex Ramos Editor-in-Chief
Hello, young people. Wonderful weather we’re having, isn’t it? It was nice and sunny on Thursday. I finally recovered from my sudden illness, so it felt great to walk around outside and soak up some sun. (Bailey is trying to tell me what to write in my intro. Frankly, I’m not going to listen. She thinks she knows where I’m going with this. But she has no idea.) In unrelated news, the men’s basketball team won their first game. Justin Bibbins went off for 27 points, which is impressive considering he’s never put up that many points. In more unrelated news, the university is building a building next to another building on North Campus. The whole area is blocked off. They have a giant crane in there. It just sits there. Menacingly.
Bailey Mount Managing Editor
I’m quickly running out of things to talk about but I’m okay with that. That means I get to keep wasting, er, devoting my time to talking to you guys. (Bailey keeps insisting that I’m going to talk about snow. I don’t know if she realizes that we’re in southern California.) Why am I so intent on talking to you guys? Because I don’t want to transcribe. I hate transcribing. It’s so tedious. I have to listen to a whole recording and try to catch snippets to use in my pieces. Sometimes it takes a couple of minutes to properly grab a quote that is less than 3 seconds. So yeah. Transcribing is not fun. It is necessary for journalism, though. Because that’s what we do. Journalism. We’re journalists. Also, Bailey and I are going to New York. It’s going to snow.
Khaled’s
Greetings. This is a short week and you’d think that that would leave me with an equally short supply of patience. Why is it a short week, you might ask? Well, by the time you’re all reading this, if you’re reading this Monday or Tuesday anyway, Alex and I are going to be across the country in New York City, center of the universe. And while times are shitty, we’re pretty sure they can’t get worse. Broadway references aside, production day got pushed to Thursday for this week and boy oh man, did that throw us into a bit of a tizzy. We’re proud, though. The editors stepped up and did their stuff on time this week. The writers pulled through and got their articles in. It was good. And then things sort of came to a grinding halt. It was production day and the office was empty of all the main players. I
fresh
mean, Sylvana, our community editor, was huddled in a corner, working dutifully. A few other editors were sprinkled around the office, then people were trickling in at a full flood and they all needed something and suddenly I became weirdly overwhelmed. It was great. Update: I worte this around 4 p.m., hoping I’d get the jump on it. It is now considerably later. It reached a tipping point where I remembered that things were largely out of my hands because A.) I can’t control the actions of other people because a.) that’s a dick move and b.) they can handle themselves, so, going back to B.) I also remembered that if I got upset about things being outside my control, it wouldn’t do anything. So sorry for anyone who suffered from my freakout. Bye y’all. We’ll bring back some cool shit - this issue was great. Alex might stay in New York with his damn snow because he likes it so damn much and I hate snow.
SpaceX unveils plan to
DJ
new
All the fun of a console in
send private citizens to
single flies under radar,
the palm of your hand: the
space
features Beyoncé, Jay Z
nifty Nintendo Switch
see page 6
see page 10
see page 13
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4 OPINIONS
The Silent Minority We’re not speaking up when we should By Soun Oeng Staff Writer
In the United States, where color blindness is prominent and there is dismal effort in confronting ethnic problems, a certain minority group falls into the in-between of the racial debate — Asian Americans. Rightfully so, there’s an emphasis on #brownpride and #blacklivesmatter surfacing social media, but the lack of an Asian presence is disconcerting and a complex subject matter. This begs the question — where do Asian Americans stand in this racial protest? This isn’t asking if Asian Americans are pro-white or anti-black, but acknowledging that there is an underlying “silent privilege.” Being Asian American myself, I have wondered why no one has addressed the history of Asians in the U.S. Sometimes I feel intimidated to openly express myself because I have little knowledge on the topic. Nonetheless, it is important to talk about it. This “silent privilege” is interpreted as Asian American individual choice to dissociate themselves from other races. By doing so, it creates a division among them. They become an inactive bystander, disconnected from political issues while maintaining a neutrality. Some may argue that Asians excluding themselves in the fight for racial equality is a privilege and contributes further to racism in the country. They’re not entirely wrong. To fully grasp this, we must consider the history of Asian Americans in the United States. The Chinese were first to migrate here during the 1800s as free labor for gold mining and on railroads. However, tensions rose because white workers felt threatened by Asian competitors. Therefore, in 1852, California passed a “foreigner tax” that prohibited the Chinese from gold mining and other services, severely restricting citizenship and growth within the Asian immigrant community. In the book, “Souls: A Critical Journal of
John Mueller/Graphics Illustrator
Black Politics, Culture and Society” by Jeffrey Ogbar, the chapter, “Yellow Power: Yellow Power: The Formation of AsianAmerican Nationalism in the Age of Black Power, 1966-1975” states that “Asian Americans avoided militant agitation for rights. Some groups even petitioned the court for legal status as ‘whites’ to avoid the systematic oppression experienced by people of color.” This example reveals that Asians chose to dissociate themselves from other races because of a discriminatory system, which they tried
“This is damaging because it places Asians in a bubble of ignorance that caters to a racial hierarchy.” to work around. Asians desired the U.S. to be their home even if it meant oppression. Their cultural traditions follow a code that preached the notion of “do what’s best for the family.” This catered the Asian model minority, a term coined by sociologist William Petersen, that described the success of Asian Americans despite marginalization. It stresses a stereotype that Asians are the better minority compared to blacks and latinos. The justification for this ill-informed logic is the statistic that Asians have more
racial success and advantage over their colored peers. Therefore, the comparisons of people of darker color to lighter skinned Asians categorize Asians to be associated closer to white men than any other race. This idea is crippling and insulting; it is Japanese internment camps all over again. This model forces Asians to choose a side, losing their collective voice. These social demands encourage Asians to be a “color of success” as historian Ellen Wu puts it in her book “The Color of Success.” The pressure to be a “model minority” teaches Asians to be submissive and perpetuates that success is associated only with whites. Ironically, however, Asians aren’t accepted as the “ideal minority” and are therefore an in-between, hated or neglected, compared to their racial peers. This is damaging because it places Asians in a bubble of ignorance that caters to a racial hierarchy. Claire Jean Kim’s chart “Racial Triangulation” records the position of Asian Americans between two theoreitcal superior and inferior races: whites and blacks. In a NextShark article about the film “Get Out,” writer Ranier Maningding responded to the theory. He writes, “Asians are in racial limbo, trying desperately to achieve whiteness and status as ‘real Americans’ by stepping on the heads of Black folks.” This isn’t entirely false. Asians are guilty of participating in this anti-blackness ideology, because we do not want the demonized perception of blacks and latinos. Therefore, we are subconsciously supporting the racism towards community with other people of color. This is a much needed conversation because is it taboo at Asian dinner tables. No one wants to confront sensitive topics like race; it’s within our culture to not meddle with such affairs. This experience caused me to take a hard look at myself. Honestly,
I didn’t even know Asians were seen as a “model minority.” It was disorienting, since I wasn’t aware of the discriminating labels tailored to my ethnic identity. It’s clearly something people don’t know about since Asians exercise their “silent privilege.” That needs to change. We as Asian Americans need to recognize that we contribute to this racism when we choose to turn the other cheek. We need to realize the self-harm we cause by excluding ourselves from racial issues,and the privilege we have to do so. Most importantly, we need to remind each other about the negative aspects of Asian American history, the same way we recognize that organizations like the Asian American Political Alliance aligned with the Black Panther Party to share in the historical fight for civil rights. We need to eliminate labels that place us into groups that don’t advocate racial unity. This is important because Asians are still seen as competition and an outsiders. By making a change that starts within ourselves, we can better understand how we fit into the complex sphere of race. This fight is also our fight, so we need to break our silence and make our voices heard.
Extra, Extra, Read All About It! The Opinions page will be hosting a new advice column starting next week! Send in your questions about life, school, relationships or anything else that’s been on your mind. No full names will be printed. Questions can be sent to info@lbunion.com
Plus Bus Boutique recognizes underrepresented community
COMMUNITY
Steering Toward Inclusivity
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By Jordan Daniels Opinions Editor
More often than not, Los Angeles perpetuates a one-size-only lifestyle that doesn’t always leave room for plus size women when it comes to fashion. There aren’t many places solely dedicated to women’s plus size fashion in the LA area, but the Plus Bus Boutique is helping to remedy this void. The Plus Bus opened in April 2016 hoping to serve as a beacon of hope for plus size women wanting to be as fashionable as they are comfortable in the clothes they wear. The boutique is located near Glassell Park in Northeast LA in a small warehouse painted with a mix of cool and neutral colors. It houses several local brands such as “Proud Mary Fashion,” and “Unicorn Tears Vintage.” “Plus size women are underrepresented and underserved,” said Marcy Prete, coowner of the Plus Bus. Prete and her business partner Jen Wilder opened the boutique after spending a year running LA Swapaholics, a pop-up clothing exchange where
women donated clothes in exchange for shopping points. Shopping points went toward collecting clothing donated by other Swapaholics participants. The shop follows a similar model to Swapaholics where customers can donate clothes and receive 50 percent of the value in store credit or 25 percent of its value in cash. From there, they are encouraged to find more clothes among the many racks within the shop. This model of recycling fashion provides a sustainable method of shopping, which is another attractive point of the store. “We want to provide something that didn’t exist for plus-size women,” said Prete “We were tired of resorting to going online to find clothes.” In additional to retail, the space is used to host events like vision boarding nights and most recently a celebration party for plus size model Megan Kimberling. According to Prete, the space can also be transformed into a modeling or photo studio. The Plus Bus’ trajectory seems to only
Drifting Through Ocean Market Grill
A few weeks ago, my roommates and I decided to participate in Long Beach Restaurant Week. After going over the list meticulously, we agreed to go to Ocean Market Grill. I had seen the restaurant before on my walks toward Barnes & Noble or AMC Marina Pacifica. It was one of those restaurants on my list to visit, but the prices kept me from going. Luckily, Ocean Market Grill had a special for Long Beach Restaurant Week too irresistible to ignore. Wednesday evening could not come soon enough. I powered through my long, arduous day fantasizing about the zesty menu and contemplating my food options. I left campus that evening, picked up my roommates and we made our way to the restaurant. Once there, we placed our orders and eagerly waited in anticipation. I ordered poke as my appetizer and a fish plate as my entree, selecting blackened shrimp. For the side I chose steak cut fries, however, the meal also came with garlic rice. My roommates and I could hardly contain our excitement about trying the delicious food. We have all had a trying semester filled with work, deadlines and lack of sleep. Participating in Long Beach Restaurant Week
Diving into an underwhelming restaurant experience By Amanda Dominguez-Chio Culture Editor
The Plus Bus encourages plus size women to connect through events and clothes swaps. (Jordan Daniels/Opinions Editor) go higher with each event they do. In April, they will host an event for Chubstr, an online publication focusing on plus size men’s fashion. Prete hopes the store will eventually sell men’s clothes to cater to the lack of fashionable retail options for plus size men.
Being the first, and currently only, shop of its kind in Los Angeles, the Plus Bus Boutique is establishing a space where plus size fashion is celebrated and hopes to stay a pinnacle in the community for it. As Prete says, “come support those who support you.”
Customers visiting Ocean Market Grill can customize each meal with a varied selection of seafood that includes salmon, tilapia, shrimp and ahi tuna. (Amanda Dominguez-Chio/Culture Editor) was our long-awaited reward. When our food finally arrived, we let out a sigh of relief and ate. And it was so underwhelming. The meal lacked any presentation. The poke was alright, the blackened shrimp had a good flavor to it, but was over-seasoned. The garlic rice was by far the most disappointing. I was expecting the dish to have pieces of garlic sprinkled throughout the rice. Instead, the rice was dry and tasted buttery. No garlic.
We left the restaurant feeling a little betrayed. We had all looked forward to our food adventure and Ocean Market Grill had let us down. Although their food failed to impress, Ocean Market Grill did provide a decent special. Sadly, I do not intend to return unless they have more specials or perhaps during one of their Taco Tuesdays. Let’s just hope Orange County Restaurant Week does not disappoint.
6 NEWS
What Makes a Monster? English department panel discusses how we interpret the fantasy genre By Bailey Mount Managing Editor The English Department held a panel on the portrayal of fantasy monsters at the Anatol Center on Mar. 7. The event, led by Professors Norbert Schrürer and Ilan Mitchell-Smith, discussed monsters as portrayed in J.R.R. Tolkien’s works and featured a debate on how audiences read literary texts. Though intended to be a larger discussion of monsters as whole, a majority of the panel focused on the fantasy depictions of orcs — bestial creatures with a propensity for violence and brutality — as the best example of how audiences denote the term “monster.” Mitchell-Smith, a Medieval Literature professor, pointed out that in the case of orcs, the creatures had what he described as “nonCaucasian features.” This was important in the audience’s perception of them. “Orcs are not white,” he said. His proclamation was met with laughter from students and faculty. When it subsided, he
went on to argue that the fantasy world as a whole was depicted as overwhelmingly Caucasian, dubbing it a “largely Caucasian fantasy.” With that fantasy came rejection of what did not subscribe to it — orcs and, on a larger level, monsters, something that Schrürer described as the “ ‘Other,’ with a capital O.” Schürer, an avid Tolkien fan, argued that the problem wasn’t the orcs, but rather the “white people,” or those who were constantly portrayed as the good guys and persecutors of the monsters they themselves named. These “monsters” became known as such because they represented something unfamiliar to protagonists and subsequently the audience, becoming the aforementioned “Other” simply out of limited textual perception. Schurer urged the audience to remember the “distinction between tools used to understand and what we understand.” “You want to relate anything you read to your world,” he said.
He added that they should resist that urge When asked if the English department and simply “listen to what the text tells us.” would put on any more of these events, Despite the playful back-and-forth on orc Mitchell-Smith said, “Oh yeah. But not as representation, both men seemed to agree interesting as this one.” that what mattered most in any body of work was not the monster itself, but what it was meant to represent and how it was perceived. Perception created the reality audiences came to accept; this reality would then became normal in the fantasy genre. The event concluded with a Q and A session by Samantha Neou/Intern CSULB students Profs. Norbert Schürer and Ilan Mitchell-Smith encouraged fellow “nerds” to forgo personal biases when reading texts. and faculty.
SpaceX announces first private citizen spaceflight Despite skepticism over mission, company founder assures success of civilian astronauts By Soun Oeng Staff Writer
Robyn Beck/Associated Press SpaceX founder Elon Musk pictured with Dragon 2.
The private spaceflight company SpaceX announced on Feb. 27 that it will send two private citizens on a round trip to the moon. The spacecraft, Dragon 2, will launch as early as 2018. This will be SpaceX’s first attempt to send humans into space as well as the first venture to the moon in more than 40 years. The two unidentified passengers have already deposited an undisclosed but “significant” amount of money to secure their seats, according to SpaceX’s website. It’s an ambitious effort in technological achievement, but nothing too far out of reach. According to an interview with Time Magazine, SpaceX ffounder Elon Musk stated that the course of Dragon 2 was set in a “circumlunar trajectory, in which the ship simply swings around the far side of the moon and allows lunar gravity to fling it home, rather than settling into orbit.” The overall flight is estimated to
take a week, flying to the Moon in two to three days and then returning. Another concern raised was if the two passengers were qualified to manage a spacecraft. Musk argued that their extensive training “will mostly be about how to manage emergencies and survive the physical rigors of flight” and would prepare them for the venture. The spacecraft will do the flying. Skepticism swarming around SpaceX’s news cited the company’s notorious reputation for making overachieving claims, such as the failed launch of their Falcon 9 ship. Mary Lynne Dittmar, executive director of the Coalition for Deep Space Exploration, doubted SpaceX’s efforts in a successful mission to the moon in her New York Times article, reminding people that SpaceX’s “autonomous systems are not infallible.” She added that she found it “extraordinary that these
sorts of announcements are being made when SpaceX has yet to get crew from the ground to low-Earth orbit.” NPR’s Science Correspondent Nell Greenfieldboyce expressed optimism toward the company’s credibility due to their NASA contracts. SpaceX delivers NASA cargo to space stations and plans to transport NASA astronauts as of next year. Greenfieldboyce stated that NASA commended “its industry partners for reaching higher” and was “very supportive of SpaceX’s efforts.” In a similar NPR interview, George Washington University Space Historian John Logsdon stated that “so far, eventually, SpaceX has done everything it says it was going to do.” The company will be attempting its first test launch this summer. Although is no confirmation or statistical analysis 0f a successful launch, there is a hope and desire for them to succeed.
7
FEATURE
8 FEATURE
By Alejandro Ramos Editor-in-Chief Let me tell you about a man. Dale Lendrum is a second year graduate student in Communication studies. He works at KBeach as Sales Manager. He serves as Secretary of System Wide Affairs for ASI Student Government. Sounds like an upstanding citizen, right? Well, let me tell you a little bit more. He was a former convict. As a young man, Lendrum was jailed on 28 occasions and imprisoned 6 times. He estimates that he spent a total of 10 years behind bars. However, one day, he made the choice to turn his life around. He succeeded, but imagine if he had let his past define his future. He would not be the man he is today. According to him, his life would’ve been cut short. “I didn’t want to die and I didn’t want to spent the rest of my life behind bars,” Lendrum said. At 46 years old, Lendrum’s options were limited, as they are for most formerly incarcerated individuals. But he had the drive and determination to make the change, and so he opted to go down the path of higher education. He enrolled in Golden West College and then transferred to CSU Long Beach. All the while, he received help from the people he met along the way. “I disclosed my past on campuses with administration, faculty, staff, students,” Lendrum said. “And they became my support group.” Now, after 8 years, Lendrum is an accomplished and respected member of
The Beach c o m m u n i t y. But he hasn’t forgotten his past and wants to do what he can to help others that are going similar experiences. That is why Lendrum introduced a resolution to the ASI Senate that is meant to “reintegrate formerly incarcerated individuals into society via higher education.” The program the resolution takes notes from has a long history that was made possible thanks to the work of a man that has a lot in common with Lendrum.
During the 1960s, Dr. John Irwin, a professor of sociology and criminology, realized there was a need for a program to help formerly incarcerated individuals reenter society successfully. In 1969, he presented this idea to the San Francisco State University and it was accepted. Thus Project Rebound was born. Before he was a tenured professor, however, Irwin was something else: a prisoner. As a young man, he spent five years behind bars at Soledad State Prison for armed robbery. Upon his release, Irwin made the decision to turn his life around. He took the experiences he had while in prison and used them as inspiration to
cause positive change for others in similar situations. For nearly 50 years, Project Rebound has helped countless students gain their footing as they exited t h e criminal justice system through higher education. Once exclusive to SFSU, Project Rebound is poised to spread throughout all of California in the next couple of years.
In May of 2016, The Opportunity Institute announced that it would be awarding $5.9 million in grants through their Renewing Communities Initiative to fund seven pilot programs that will help former and current prisoners make their way through higher education.
9 FEATURE
Project Rebound is one of the programs that will grow thanks to the initiative. $500 thousand of the $5.9 million total will go towards implementing Irwin’s program at six California State Universities - Sacramento, Fresno, Bakersfield, Fullerton, San Diego, San Bernardino, and Pomona. While The Beach was not selected for the expansion of Project Rebound, Lendrum hopes to bring the program, or its essence, to our campus. The benefits this expansion will provide will help former prisoners overcome the many barriers that make it difficult for them to get and stay on their feet. Restrictions on jobs, education and housing limit their chances of staying out of crime. An op-ed from the Los Angeles Times reported that 62 of 102 of low to moderate income occupations in California are licensed, meaning a fair amount of time and money is needed to be trained for those jobs. Unfortunately, newly released prisoners don’t have the luxury of time or money coming out of prison. As a result, many of them end up falling into a vicious cycle that has them going in and out of prisons. According to a
report from the California Department of Corrections and Rehabilitation from 2013, inmates released in fiscal year 2008-2009 have a 61 percent recidivism rate. By those standards, that means that 6 out of every 10 inmates released this year would be
Haldipur, sociology professor at CSU Long Beach, speculates that the camaraderie and resources are factors that help them gain their footing. “The big thing is a sense of belonging,” said Haldipur.
If we’re not here to changee someone’s life,
what are we here for? back behind bars by 2020. But programs like Project Rebound seek to remedy this issue by giving former prisoners a chance to succeed. Jan
Haldipur supports the resolution to bring Project Rebound to Long Beach. He believes the school is ready and should make the change. He cites the rise in
initiatives to reduce the prison population, such as the bipartisan movement known as #cut50. “What that means for us is we’re gonna have a lot of people coming home,” said Haldipur. “It’s important for us to be able to support them and provide resources to them and eliminate these stigmas and barriers to reentry.” For Lendrum, education is a way for prisoners to overcome those stigmas and barriers. It’s why he advocates so much for it as a path to freedom. He’s seen the way it can rebuild not only an individual’s life, but also the life of their families and communities. “You’ve gotta suit up and boot up four years in a row to get a bachelor’s,” said Lendrum. “So that says change and that can restore families.” While his own path was long and arduous, Lendrum is happy to be where he is today. Soon, his efforts, as well as those of his peers, will bring an established support group with resources for former prisoners of Long Beach looking to improve their lives. “If we’re not here to change someone’s life, what are we here for?”
10 MUSIC
Weapons of Mass Creation Rock the House A local band that uses their music to break stereotypes R. Ray Robinson Staff Writer
Some people do not expect much from upcoming artists. However, when catching Weapons of Mass Creation (WOMC) at Sanctuary Sound in Santa Ana, they definitely demand respect with their rhymes. WOMC is a family hip-hop collective making noise in the music scene. Coming out of Anaheim, California, they are composed of six members, five of which are family members: Julia, known as “Joules,” on vocals, Jacob on guitar, Joseph on keyboard, Moses on drums and Luis on bass. The final bandmate and vocalist, Joshua “Solitude” Quinonez, is a family friend. The band performed many songs during their performance. They did not waste any time firing off their socially conscious track, “Bounce.” It opens with Joules protesting, exploding into the mic with raw lyrical flow, “We’re tired of labels...our indigenous history was erased, what is left to be embraced?” These questions spoke to many whose family history included oppression
by others and subsequently face today. After her verse, Joules shared the stage with Solitude. He rapped, “Speaking with two tongues both the colonized language,” letting the audience feel their pain and to step in his shoes while he fights for freedom and hypes up the crowd. Their bandmates joined the song, with cool guitar and bass tunes from Louis and Jacob, keyboard charisma from Joseph, and drumbeating and lyrics from Moses on the mic spitting some knowledge. Solitude and Joules moved the tradition of rap forward with their thick, intricate sounds. Joules showed how “sucker MC’s” couldn’t stop her with stereotypes or traditional gender roles by lyrically rocking the crowd. Solitude spit political and social consciousness as an AfroLatino rapper heavily influenced by Tupac and underground rapper Blu. Later in the show, the band performed a song called “Miel.” This song was mixed with cumbia,
a combination of Latin and dance music and made the crowd hear their lyrics of love. During an interview with the band, Joules said, “Miel means ‘honey.’ Our lyrics are stating that, ‘your kisses taste like honey.’ They sound better in Spanish because Spanish is the language of love.” WOMC had lyrical bars that made audience members bob their head to their beat as the singers conveyed their battle cries for freedom. Their presence and performance made the vicinity feel like a university lecture hall of raw underground hip-hop music, keeping everyone awake with sublime knowledge. Check out WOMC at From left to right: Jacob Franco, Julia “Joules” m.soundcloud.com/womc714 and Franco, Moses Franco, Joseph Franco, Joshua catch their future performance at “Solitude” Quinonez, Luis Franco (R. Ray “Hump Day Funk” on Mar. 15 from Robinson/Staff Writer) 9p.m. - 12a.m. at the Karman Bar.
DJ Khaled is Back With Another One An overlooked song that needs more recognition DJ Khaled released a banging new single minutes after the 2017 Grammy Awards concluded called “Shining,” featuring Beyonce and Jay Z. Despite the song’s catchy hook and star-studded features, it seems to have completely flown under the radar since its release. However, it is definitely a song worth listening to. Co-written by hip-hop artist PARTYNEXTDOOR, “Shining” is a celebratory single that talks about the success of all artists involved on the track. The songs primary lyrics, “All of this winnin’ / I’ve been losin’ my mind,” highlights the song’s
By Kaila-Marie Hardaway Music Editor
overarching theme; these three artists aren’t humble when it comes to their success. The lyrics throughout the song aren’t necessarily poetic, but they contain an immense amount of energy and confidence, letting listeners know that there’s nothing we can do to stop their success. The song is primarily dominated by Beyonce who handles the chorus and two verses. She sings and repeats the catchy line, “Hold on (hold on), don’t (don’t), try to (try to) slow me down” with a stuttering effect, which becomes the catchiest part of the song. Jay Z, on the other hand, swoops in during the last verse to brag about his 21
Grammy wins and to express his excitement for his newborn twins. Both artists are joined by DJ Khaled who intermittently inserts his notorious hype calls and shout-outs. The song also lightly samples the 1970 tune “Walk the Way You Talk” by Dionne Warwick, which, ironically, is the most unique feature on the track. Overall, this single deserves more recognition for being such a catchy and commanding song. If you haven’t listened to it yet, it is available on all major streaming apps such as Spotify and Tidal. You can also catch it on DJ Khaled’s latest album“Grateful,” which is slated to release later this year.
Bringer of Hype
11 MUSIC
Battle Beast releases an album full of high energy and mesmerizing rhythm By Elliott Gatica Music Editor Finnish power metal band, Battle Beast, recently released their fourth album – “Bringer of Pain” which never hits a low point. Judging by how they are now as opposed to 2015’s release of “Unholy Savior,” the band seems like they are finally discovering their sound. Their sound bounces between a mix of 80s and power metal with a slight addition of symphonies. The opening song, “Straight to the Heart” is nothing short of Battle Beast proving what they are all about —“100% Heavy Metal, 0% Bullshit!” From start to end, it exerts copious amounts of energy, even to the buildup of the guitar solo. Following it is the self-titled song, “Bringer of Pain.” Also bringing in the same fierce energy, it does not fall even slightly short of the first song. It defines the band’s and the album’s potential. Next comes “King for a Day.” It does not maintain the same tempo and vibe as the first two songs; it actually exerts a sort of ‘80s vibe to it, and it works. Even with the addition of
keyboards in the song, the song sounds great. My personal favorite song in the album, “Beyond the Burning Skies,” just feels so epic. The intro piano leading to the rapid pace of the rest of the song feels fitting. It’s a song about rising up and seizing opportunities (in a heroic and fierce way, of course). “Close your eyes and reach beyond the heavens/ Touch the moonlit sky/ An awe-inspiring view of the world…” sings Noora Louhimo, followed eventually by yet another sweet solo. After the solo, her voice softens, and she goes hard at it again until the end. Then comes “Familiar Hell” which brings in more of an ‘80s vibe. This is where I question their line presented on their website. It still maintains the essence of metal, but branched out to a different aspect. Louhimo’s vocal range is oddly fitting for the parts in the song where it can identify as a pop song at times too. Joining the band for a collaboration song, “Lost in Wars,” guest Vocalist Tomi Jousten
is fitting with the o v e r a l l tone. This is the outlier of the album; it’s not a ballad, but it doesn’t feel like power metal. It isn’t a bad thing, but the riffs remind me of “Sonne” by Rammstein, but with English lyrics and two singers. It’s a dark song reminiscing through all of recorded history. It’s ominously beautiful. My second favorite of the album, “Bastard Son of Odin” invokes warring and adventurous spirit. Nothing short of solid. It’s great. The solo is great. It’s just powerful in general. To cool down from the hype comes “We Will Fight.” It’s a bit more tame, but still maintains the elements of power metal and what defines the band’s sound. “Dancing With the Beast,” another song
from t h e album just feels a little too out of place. It sounds a little too poppish for a band that firmly states that they are all about metal. I mean, it incorporates ‘80s kinds of sounds, but it just feels off. The final song —“Far From Heaven” — is a ballad that just wraps everything together. It makes me sad that the album ends there. For an album that’s only 40 minutes long, it’s a travesty that it’s so short, unless the three bonus tracks are also included. The others are also just as amazing as the previous, but feel out of place because the ballad wrapped everything up in those 40 minutes.
Calling All Local Band Fanatics The best venues to check out some new music If you’re the type of person who enjoys a fun atmosphere with food, drinks and live bands, these are some of the top places in Long Beach and the surrounding areas consistently booking local and cover bands: DiPiazza’s: Located off Pacific Coast Highway and Anaheim Street, DiPiazza’s looks like an Italian restaurant collided with a small DIY music venue. Attendees of all ages can share a pizza, grab a pitcher of beer and listen to some of Long Beach’s best local bands. There is no other place so close to campus that can fill you with this much entertainment. If you aren’t interested in eating, but want to go for the music, the right side of DiPiazza’s is for you. This is where the restaurant becomes more of a venue, with a full stage and standing room floor for fans and groupies. The venue’s line up for the remainder of the month includes performances by: Fake Matthews Band -- a Dave Matthews Band tribute -- on Mar. 15, a St. Patty’s Night special Mar. 17 and 18 and The Chiefs, The
Suspects and Broken Needle on Mar. 19.
By Natalee Coloman Staff Writer
Sunday nights, your week will be filled with a variety of things to do. The only day you have to rest is Monday, when the business is closed. The Starting Gate provides no cover charge; there is a two item minimum purchase.
The Starting Gate: This small place is packed with loads of excitement including a full bar, kitchen, live music, dancing and comedy. The Starting Gate is located Santa Fe Springs on Katella Avenue in Los Swapmeet: Alamitos, right on the Heading a bit other side of the 605 farther from freeway. For those campus, the looking for a new Santa Fe Springs hangout spot, this Swapmeet might be the place c o m b i n e s for you. bargains with live From Tuesday e n te r t a i n m e n t comedy nights to each Friday night Wednesday salsa and Saturday dancing nights, afternoon. It is followed by Top 40 known for its large Dance Thursdayvariety of cover Saturday, karaoke bands ranging Fr i d a y - S u n d a y The outside of venue DiPiazza’s (Shiloh F./Yelp) from classic rock to and country on ‘80s pop. There’s a
small entrance charge of $2.50, but this will be the cheapest date idea you’ll find that grants access to both vendors and performances. The swap meet also has happy hour from 4 to 7 p.m., the best time to grab a 24oz. draft beer or one of the specialty beers with Tajín along the rim. The upcoming tribute bands include No Duh, a tribute to No Doubt on Mar. 17, Ultimate Stones, a tribute to The Rolling Stones, on Mar. 24, Hard Days Night, a tribute to The Beatles, Mar. 25 and Bonfire, a tribute to AC/DC, on Mar. 31. The Slidebar Rock-N-Roll Kitchen: While this is a bit of a drive, the Slidebar, in Fullerton, is one of the neatest places to get a drink and listen to a live band for free. The venue has hosted larger events such as Emo Nights OC and KROQ’s Locals Only shows as well as cover bands and secret shows. There are also weekly specials and happy hour deals you can’t miss while catching a performance. These include Thursday and Friday happy hours from noon to 7 p.m. and $1 tacos for taco Tuesday.
12 CULTURE
Furnishing Modernism or t/S ta
e rri Ka
By Karrie Comfort Staff Writer
From primary colored plastic chairs to bright advertisements, the “Frank Brothers: The Store that Modernized Modern” exhibit in the University Art Museum (UAM) takes you back to a time when modern was new. Once World War II ended, America was captivated by consumerism and what has come to be called the mid-century modern design movement. During this time from 1938 to 1982, the Frank Bros., a Long Beach store devoted to modern furniture and home decor, was a pioneer for everything from advertising to store presentation. Furniture and modern design is not something I am familiar with, so I went to the University Art Museum, not knowing what to expect, but I can tell you I was not disappointed. When you step into the exhibit, it feels almost like an Ikea-esque world based on simple design, with very little extravagant, but places emphasis on curves and colors. One of the first sections of the exhibit is a “hodge podge” of items, mostly toys, from the home of Ron and Nancy Frank, the owners of Frank Bros. Although the items in this section were not from their store, they reflect the spirit of design that ran throughout the whole exhibit. Carved wooden birds, simple ceramic coffee
ff W rite r
Celebrating the art of Frank Bros. at the University Art Museum
sets, a s w e l l as a large assortment of well-worn toys are just a few of the displays in this section. The largest room in the exhibit is reminiscent of what the Frank Bros. were best known for: the feel of a museum and less of a furniture warehouse. There were metal and fabric desk chairs suspended from the ceiling by wires and plastic or composite wood chairs positioned at different angles below them. Every piece served a theatrical purpose in presenting a playful, quirky mood or emotional response for the viewers. This eclectic presentation style was truly a hallmark of the original Frank Bros. store. After this main display, the second half
f m Co
the clutches of design at Frank Bros… Frank Bros. generated a prolific output of and mailers that were characterized by bright colors, playful humor, and clever text.” In the final section of the exhibit, the viewer can see a range of printed materials, postcards, and advertisements made by this iconic furniture store. In vibrant colors and funky print, this portion of the exhibit is a must-see for marketing majors, because it takes you through a wonderful assortment of refreshing collection of simple yet enduring amount of marketing materials. Modern art may not be for everyone, but the Frank Bros. exhibit is both functional and intriguing in a way that most furniture is not. Take fifteen minutes and walk through, because the design is worth the appreciation. of the exhibit divides into what I would characterize more as the business aspect of the Frank Bros. Here, it is easy to see how their mid-century-modern style, carries into their marketing style. A descriptive feature on the wall said, “No object was too small or unimportant to escape
From top to bottom counterclockwise: A tea set from the home of Ron & Nancy Frank; the main exhibit, organized to feel like one of the original Frank Bros. showrooms; a series of chairs designed by Stacy Dukes
Upcoming Release: Propaganda to Perform Free Show at CSULB Long Beach, Calif. – InterVarsity Christian Fellowship at California State University, Long Beach (CSULB) will be hosting rapper, poet and activist Propaganda on March 16 in Lecture Hall (LH) 151 for a dialogue and performance on faith and justice. “I’m excited because he’s an artist who’s able to talk about really complex issues in a very creative way,” said fifth year graphic design major Tyler Zak. “We need more voices like that on our campus because there’s a lot of complex
problems that need more complex voices.” The show is completely free and open to all students. Propaganda will be speaking and performing a selection of songs and poems— all on the intersectionality of faith and justice. He is a native of Los Angeles and his work has appeared on the Billboard Charts. The show will take place immediately following InterVarsity’s large group gathering. “I love InterVarsity because it’s a growing, diverse community of students
from different backgrounds that are journeying together to be welcomed, celebrated, transformed and healed,” said fourth year sociology major Tylee Styne. The large group, called “Soul Thirst,” will take place from 5:30 to 7:00 p.m. in Peterson Hall (PH) 141 on March 16. The show will take place afterwards from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. in LH151, which is located next to the Central Quad.
Food will be served prior to the performance. All students are welcome. For more information, visit www.csulbiv.com.
This blockbuster film is powerful in more ways than one By Jordan Daniels Opinions Editor “Get Out” is a movie that is extremely layered in terms of social commentary. It requires several viewings to fully grasp what the film is saying about racism in this “post-racial” world. From the beginning, Chris (Daniel Kaluuya) is weary of visiting his girlfriend Rose’s (Allison Williams) family. His caution stems from the fact that he is black and she is white, setting up the premise that movie will be tackling themes of racism, though not in the way we’d expect.
On the surface, it is a thrilling ride that makes you scared of suburbia and at the thought of meeting your partner’s family, while also making you realize that maybe meeting your partner’s family may not be so bad in comparison. Visually, the film is very naturebased, not using extreme colors or vibrancy to impress the audience. Additionally, the setting of most of the movie is in Rose’s family house, which is large, with probably acres of land, further shifting the focus from external properties to focus on content and form. Much of the film itself is focused on the script, sacrificing some cinematography for subject matter. Cinematically, however, the film is still beautiful in the aesthetics of the home, the land and the people. The family’s house is very traditional, giving old American vibes, although it feels a bit plantationesque, especially upon the entrance of the estate. Chris’ apartment is really clean and organized as well, giving the impression that clean aesthetics, or more importantly, images, matter to both Chris and Rose’s family. In terms of discord, the film does an excellent job letting it take the physical form of Rose’s brother, Jeremy (Caleb Landry Jones), the metaphorical Loki who puts the first crack in this seemingly pristine picture of Rose’s family. Once Jeremy
imdb.com is in the picture, everything goes downhill for Chris: He’s hypnotized into the “sunken place,” a plane of spiritual emptiness, put on display by Rose’s family and their friends, dehumanized into a commodity in some moments and is the receiver of subtle micro-aggressions in others. The placement of discord into his character extrapolates into the rest of the film, creating a series of events that you can’t help but watch play out on-screen. In terms of acting, the standouts would be both Daniel and Allison, their chemistry is evident, even though much of it is a ploy. Their ability to switch emotions in split-seconds, cry believably and show vulnerabilities is what makes part of the film so great. Allison, especially, has probably one of the best
Nintendo’s New Console is Worth the Switch Portability is the selling point By John Mueller Graphic Illustrator The Nintendo Switch is pretty nifty. While some may complain about it not being as powerful as Sony’s or Microsoft’s systems, I think the tradeoff for portability was a smart decision on Nintendo’s part. I’ve taken the system around with me, playing a few hours of The Legend of Zelda between classes each day. Never in my
wildest dreams did I think that technology would advance as fast as it has to allow me to have such a thing. If you haven’t seen the system in person, I suggest you go and find someone who has one. That way you can gawk over how tiny it is, as no video or photo is going to give you an honest visual on the matter. On the internet, there have been talks about connectivity issues with the Joycon controllers. I have experienced these
ENTERTAINMENT
“Get Out” Keeps You Looking In
13
problems first hand, they are a little more than an annoyance. As long as the controller has line of sight you are not going to have a bad time. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild by itself justifies the $360 you would need to buy the system and the game. Looking out to the holidays, there will be several games that will continue to reward an investment in the hardware. I feel that the Switch is going to be a high point in Nintendo’s history.
moments in the film while looking for her keys— a moment that absolutely stuns much of the audience. Overall, “Get Out,” is a film that places heavy focus on acting itself, which is not easy to accomplish, in an era where effects and cinematography saturate our vision. However, it accomplishes it in a way that is equally terrifying as it is thought-provoking.
“Get Out” Length: 1 hr 44min Directed By: Jordan Peele Written By: Jordan Peele Starring: Daniel Kaluuya, Allison Williams, Catherine Keener, Bradley Whitford, Caleb Landry Jones, Marcus Henderson, Betty Gabriel
14 ATHLETICS
Intro and photos by Matthew Gozzip Athletics Editor
An Overwatch player from the University of California, Irvine team, I Love Ryan Kim, checks the composition of the team before choosing a new hero.
If you don’t know by now, eSports is evolving into a legitimate force worldwide. Competitive video game playing is no longer a cult movement characterized by small underground tournaments with just friends and small audiences. The 2017 BeachCon proved that the collegiate eSports scene will be the key to the sport’s success in the future. Hundreds of gaming enthusiasts attended the hybrid gathering of culture and compeition, drawing crowds from across the state. Even President Connelly attended the event and commented about potentially sponsoring the eSports association in the future. Though their were a litany of technical errors and scheduling snafus, BeachCon fulfilled the goal of becoming a legitimate eSports event. My team and I covered several of the most exciting competitive tournaments from the event.
BeachCon Blitz Recaps of some of the best matches at Long Beach’s premier eSports event
Super Smash Bros. 4 and Melee By Matthew Gozzip Athletics Editor Most conflicts are solved through diplomacy, civil discussion about differences in opinion. Some disagreements escalate into direct physical violence that spirals out of control. At BeachCon, fighters settled their differences in a more brutal manner: battling in Super Smash Bros. The premier fighting game series made its return to the BC circuit after a rousing competition last year. Growth in the Smash competitive scene translated into 188 entries in this year’s Melee and Smash 4 tournaments, easily breaking the event record for participants. The Smash 4’s tourney began with less fanfare but ultimately ended up being one of the most exciting competitions of the weekend. Bran lost to eventual winner Slither2Hunter in the first round of pool play but advanced through the losers bracket with Bayonetta, escaping several hairy situations (mind the pun). Regalia’s Cloud sliced through the competition before being mashed by the Mushroom Kingdom’s finest, MastaMario. MM’s Mario eventually matched up with S2H’s Meta Knight in a grudge match grand final.
Both players won two games apiece, displaying the incredible dexterity and timing. MM nearly choked away a sizable lead in game four, squandering a full stock advantage be eventually finishing the pesky Meta Knight at nearly 250 percent damage. Believe it or not, the final match was even more exciting. MM came out fireballs blazing, catching S2H off guard in air combos to go up a whole stock early on. Mario’s elusiveness and solid combo set kept the pressure on Meta Knight who couldn’t keep up. Down more than 100 percent damage and critical on the last stock, S2H mounted a valiant comeback for the ages. Instead of meeting Mario in the air, Meta Knight grounded and positioned himself under his opponent. Smash attacks and patient shielding wore out MM until S2H caught the antiair slash to finish the come from behind victory. Adding to the Smash spectacular, the Melee tourney grand final ended with a compelling finish too. Captain Smuckers’ Captain Falcon showed his moves all tournament before meeting
Captain Smuckers and Captain Faceroll face off in the final game of the Super Smash Bros. Melee grand final. Captain Faceroll’s Sheik in a matchup of two the best players in the nation. CF is a local player but CS hails from New York and wanted to take the BeachCon title for the East Coast. The match started off much like the Smash 4 final with each gamer taking two games. CF nearly took the matchup in game four, catching Falcon on his last stock. Falcon kept strong to his aerial combos and hit a flush knee to take the game and set up a decisive game five. The ombatants traded stocks early on before CS began to pull away late in the fourth stock, keeping Sheik at bay with elbows and knees. Down 130 percent damage and Falcon barely starting his last stock, CF battled back. Sheik steadily caught up on damage difference, using grab chains and kicks to shorten the margin.
CF’s dodging and ability to recover from near fatal blows at critical damage stabilized the last stock. He continued to play aggressive even with critical damage, pushing Falcon off the platform with map pressure. After a well placed kick, CF baited Falcon into a knee and edge guarded to prevent CS from recovering. The highly competitive tournament results solidify and perennial popularity of the franchise guarantee Super Smash a long residency on the BeachCon slate for years to come. As the Long Beach eSports event continues to grow, hopefully more skilled players from around the country will continue to enter, further boosting the quality of these matches, even if this year seems hard to top.
15 ATHLETICS
Overwatch By Elliott Gatica Music Editor
The world needs more heroes and the Overwatch competition at BeachCon 2017 certainly showed that many gamers are up to the challenge. Four teams, only one team can claim victory and glory. Planar Form (a CSULB team) versus Happy Guys (from Cal Poly Pomona) and Geisel Defenders (UCSD) versus Love Ryan Kim (UC Irvine) in a best-of-three match. The first match was Planar Form against Happy Guys on King’s Row. From the get-go, it seemed that the Cal Poly team would take the first victory given their strong offense. However, with strong team synergy and multiple team kills lead by Decca as McCree and Haiki, it led Planar Form to capture the objective with a better time than their opponents, giving them the victory. Match two: “Now entering Nepal.” The two teams strategically approached the objective,
with Planar Form going on the offensive, taking four opposing players and capturing the point with ease. Planar Form took the round win and ultimately the match. Enter match three: Numbani. Planar Form stays strong. They capture the payload with ease; their offense player – Fooping – played a devastating Pharah to hinder the opposing team’s attempts in taking back the objective. As a countermeasure, Happy Guys’ SteathJr switched to Roadhog and Aniratak changed to Solder: 76 to go on the offensive to pick out annoyances. It was not enough to thwart the brute force and synergy that Planar Form displayed, giving them a great capture time. With Decca playing a highly accurate McCree and Haiki going close quarters with Genji and his dragon blade, Planar Form claimed victory in the match and for placement
UCI Gold Captain James Pirelli, aka Strawberry, assists his teammates as a spectator.
CS:GO By Peter R. Clark Entertainment Editor It’s funny to think that a game series that is nearly 18 years old is still a relevant eSports game, yet a Counter-Strike: Global Offensive (CS:GO) tournament was held at BeachCon 2017. The tournament, composed of 20 teams, held a large number of the matches online before narrowing down the field. Only eight teams qualified to make it to BeachCon, including Long Beach State’s own, Senpai Notice Us (SNU). Most of these teams are squads from different colleges, just like LBSU.
The matches were best of three, with the actual matches working exactly like CS:GO competitive play. First to 16 wins in a 30 rounds. The first couple of matches were sweeps. Unaffiliated teams Uh Herro and DotStats began the day with a short snoozer, a 2-0 victory for Uh Herro. DotStats didn’t put much of a fight and lost by large deficits in each match. The UCLA Bruins faced off against D.A.B, also a non-affiliated group. While D.A.B. put up a much better fight than DotStats, the match ended 2-0 as well, an easy sweep for UCLA. To round out the quarterfinals, University of California, Riverside’s (UCR) CSGO team beat up Shah’s Ego, 2-0, to continue the streak. The second round was close, but UCR still came out victorious, 16-13.
Top: Planar Form’s Decca locks onto to the opposition. Bottom: Happy Guys designated call-out man asking for support. to the grand finals. Up next was UCSD’s Geisel Defenders against UCI’s Love Ryan Kim. Set stage: King’s Row. The two teams face off. Geisel Defenders attack first. The team capitalized on the objective right from the get-go. With Schooled playing a well-placed Widowmaker landing headshots left and right, Geisel claimed the first objective with ease This created some concern for the other team, prompting them to have the game pause and telling Geisel to make Schooled switch heroes. Schooled started playing as Reaper but it did not make a difference. He was just as effective with the offensive hero as he was with Widowmaker. With the objective landing for UCSD, the UC Irvine team escorted the objective with Sohn’s tactfully placed Soldier: 76. However, paired with a nano boost provided
by his teammate FlynTortoise, the assault was not enough to claim the first match point. The second match on Nepal was a real nailbiter. Each team claimed one point, leading to the final round full of offense. Nothing too spectacular happened until both teams tied at 99-99 with Ryan Kim making a comeback with just two tanks holding a point down. The deciding match on Numbani commences, but the game ends in a bitter stalemate. With both teams reaching the destination and having spare time, a player’s game crashed, causing the entire lobby to crash with them. After a discussion and a week long break, UCSD’s Geisel Defenders advanced to the finals against Planar Form. With the delays, lag and server crashes, the grand finals did not take place at BeachCon. The Geisel Defenders swept Planar Form, 3-0, in a match televised over CSULBeSports’ Twitch account.
Lastly, CSULB’s team SNU squared off fly, while UH’s Kevin Tu (KTu) was an excellent against University of California, Irvine Gold team. sharpshooter. SNU won their first match, but it was 16Uh Herro didn’t seem quite as organized 14 nailbiter. UCI Gold won the next match, 16 as UCI Gold, however they made up for that to 13, evening out the series at 1-1. A winner- in pure skill of each player. take-all third match would settle the tie. UCI Gold edged out the victory, 16-13, Unlike the first two matches, the final but the matches were close. Each team had battle failed to live up to the hype. In fact, excellent rounds, with most ending in oneit wa a blowout. on-one matchups. There were a lot of tense UCI Gold scored 13 straight points before moments, and this particular match proved SNU even got their first round win. SNU’s to be the best of the night. initial victory made their swift descent out of Unfortunately, due to numerous the tournament all the more surprising. technical difficulties and other hold ups, that In the first semifinals match, UCLA was the last match played at BeachCon. defeated UCR, 2-1, in a rather ho hum affair. The Grand Finals and the Bronze Match The most exciting match of night was the were both scheduled to be played online. other semifinal, UCI Gold against UH. At the time of writing this article, the There was a sizable amount of mystery Bronze Match is the only match that has been surrounding UH, a non-affiliated team made completed. UCR beat UH 2 to 0. up of friends from the area. Whatever happened to Uh Herro’s vigor Since university teams have formal during the live match escaped them in the training and facilities, they have a distinct online match as they lost both matches, 16-0. advantage over nonaffiliated teams. Still, it was the closest battle of the night. UCI won the first match, 16-11, but UH made a comeback in the second round, winning 16-13. Each team’s captains were the standout performers of the battle. UCI’s James Pirell (alias Strawberry) called out team strategies on the SNU’s Aaron Chai and Justin Llamas celebrate a clutch victory at round’s end.
FOOD | B9
POLITICS | C4
Recall on creampies containing sperm
Sessions confirmed a giant douche
THE GRUNION BI-WEEKLY WE HAVE NOTHING TO BELIEVE IN BUT WE STILL WANT TO DIE MARTYRS
Monday, March 13th, 2017
Mercedes Colomar Grunion Editor Cervantes LeMans Staff Infection Olivia Ofrenda Design Executor
WEATHER
Poop Cloud
112º/ 173º
Volume 80 Issue 08
Submissions: grunion@lbunion.com
Odd social behavior runs rampant through campus
STAFFERS
TODAY
TOMORROW
Very Wet
??? / ???
LOCAL Local man sleeps for the rest of his life, wakes up tired in the afterlife We’re not quite sure what to do with him. He’s too tired to do work, and you can’t sleep when your dead contrary to popular belief. C2
UNDERWORLD
Trump supporters want to build a wall between worlds, and make us pay for it. “The dead don’t have money, so I’m not exactly sure how that’s going to work,” said Benito Garza, local dead inhabitant. The wall is set for... C2
SPORTSBALL
Underworld Denizens matches starting soon Dead locals in the midst of boredom have decided to begin recreational sports. Since they are dead, no penalities will be given for extreme roughness. Let the gladiatorial battles begin! F6
The Grunion is a work of satire. It in no way reflects the views of Long Beach Union Weekly or Associated Students Inc.
By Olivia Ofrenda
DESIGN EXECUTOR For the first time, a social behavior is spreading amongst college students. It is not their poor hearings because they got earphones in their ears playing their safe-space music to their life. This social behavior is the student’s’ ability to take up unnecessary seats (and space in the universe). “They take up a table of four to five seats. Then, an invisible barrier is created over the leftover seats. Nearby, others mimic this behavior. And now, you got 10-15 assholes each,
occupying tables with leftover seats. Only friends or colleagues can sit on there. Look at the CSULB library! Get your fucking foot off the chair, asshole!” said Gloria Agujero, amateur community psychologist. Father Fonte reports differently, “I am eating my sandwich and muttering my God’s proverbs to myself in the confession booth. Suddenly, random strangers sit next to me on the other side. Pau de deus! What makes you think that I want to hear about you, Crystal, talking shit behind your friends—Fatima, Sarah, and Amy— but you deeply care about them type
of bullshit. And by the way, Crystal McBackstab, your boyfriend is sleeping with Amy’s boyfriend.” Father Fante is a stripper at the Rainbow Men Club and reads at children youth centers. Luckily, we, Grunion staff, know the solution. The answer is to cross that invisible barrier and politely say “Ayy yo, dipshit.” Remember you got to be gender neutral when you insult human beings in 2017. After you get their attention, you ask, “Can I sich wich y’all on this fine ass lovely day we are having, mothafucka?” Quickly maintain eye contact as you slowly
Fruits demand equal shelf life with Vegetables By Cervantes LeMans
STAFF INFECTION
Vegetables across the nation are being attacked for their vegetable privileges. After 3 years of facing fruicistic oppression, fruit citizens are coming out to speak of the vegetables’ atrocities and their systematic grocery ways of oppression. Fruicism is a controversial topic that cannot be ignored. Aisles still segregate food based on discriminating factors such as if they come in cans, plastic bags, or by their color of their pricing. “Vegetables live in disillusion, they think that the danger is blackberries, brown dates, and yellow bananas,” said Professor Cashew, fruit community social activist. According to fruicist expert and sexuality researcher, Cherry Bananas, “Fruits have little say in representation of their image. If you look at movies, ads, or literature, fruits are exotic and hypersexualized. It’s unfair to compare them to vegetables which often vegetables themselves are seen with images of higher class and higher standards.” “I think it’s a bit fucked up to be judged on the weight of your calories,
expiration date, or even, how much you can offer to the customers. Whether you are G.M.O. or organic, people select you on fruicism mentality,” says Lemorange, citrus citizen. Lemorange’s parents are from two different races. His father is from orange country while his mother is half lemon and half persian lime. Recently, in 2012, doctorate gardeners from Cabbage Patch University released a report that most gardeners believe that fruit’s physiology are more resistant to bugs and insects. Therefore, they are less likely to be given pesticides compared to vegetables whom are often given pesticides. Because of such fruicist practices, more vegetables outlive fruits. This fruicist concept stems from 19th century fruit phrenology. Back when psychology was barely coming out of the grounds, most of those pseudo-psycho phrenologist were vegetables. “Look if you have vegetable privileges, you do not have to not worry about being picked and being thrown in the bad produce section. If you are a fruit, well, you are more likely to be seen as rotten, spoiled, and tasteless,”
according to Chief Romaine Lettuce. Whether or not fruicism is denied, we want you to be aware of the dangers of such ignorant ideologies to society. Fruicistic systematic markets should not be a disadvantage for fruits and advantages for vegetables. If frucisim did end in the 1970s during the Grocery Rights Era, then we should see low glucose rates, high nutritions rates, and less contamination rates for fruits compared to their vegetable privileged “watered” neighbors. “Fruicism are institutional practices that discriminate even when there is no fruit prejudice intent. I think we need to seriously educate vegetables of their blind privileges and change the way powerful grocery structures are made as of now. Segregation of food is still a thing. If you do not believe me, look at at the aisles in grocery stores. Cereals and breads are separated. They are literally from the same family. The social evidence is clear as crystal water,” comments Oscar Meyers, community food psychologist. In non-sequitur news, there was a lot of on-armed conflicts in Asia and Africa. I’m surprised social media never talked about it.
WikiLeaks documents point to Trump’s real origin By Mercedes Colomar
GRUNION EDITOR
Last week, it was revealed that Trump may not actually be human. Numerous sources point to the president possibly being reptillian. The documents released by
WikiLeaks last week, partially confirmed Trump’s reptillian biology. The reports detail a recent physical of Trump’s showing an odd x-ray. Trump being reptillian makes a lot of sense considering his rapid succession of words during his speeches. And with the other
recent report indicating that he may not actually know how to read. Whether or not Trump is reptillian is up for debate, but all signs currently lead to him being not human. The Grunion is unsure what to do with this infromation.
and firmly take any of the unoccupied seats. At this point, you asserted your territorial dominance over their table and their government controlled life. BONUS: If you want to become social media “friends” with them, you should say “I’m about to go steal some paninis and bruscato treats from Starbucks, you want anything gangstaaaa ass-ugly-mothafucka?”. By doing this, you have started a long lasting friendship. Trust us, we know a thing or two about things, and we know how to be professionals which is why we run bi-weekly without any ads! Trust us.
ASK MS. COLOMAR DEAR MS. COLOMAR, I’m currently riding the cotton pony and I want to have sex with my boyfriend. How do I convince him that shark week isn’t all that bad? FROM, Crimson Armada DEAR CRIMSON ARMADA, “Wanting to convince shark week isn’t all that bad” implies two things: the first being that your boyfriend sees your period as some pagan bloood sacrifice that attracts multiple sharp-toothed creatures and the second being that he doesn’t find that fucking awesome. You and your cotton pony deserve much better. So make like Ginuwine, come on and jump on it, and sail that crimson armada into the sunset for better waters. DEAR MS. COLOMAR, I want to do something kinky with my girlfriend. I have this idea of controlling the speed of her vibrator while it is in her and she is doing normal tasks. But I don’t know how to ask her to do this. Do you have any ideas?
FROM, Kinky Karen
DEAR KINKY KAREN, I’m guessing that you and your girlfriend are actually cyborgs. Androids. Politically correct terms for organic/metal beings. We all know that the normal sex toy market is not yet so far advanced that vibrators have different settings — you either get a jackhammer or a gentle breeze. So I would suggest hacking her robo-whatever to control her settings. Exercise caution: the safe word is “terminator.”