The Grunion Special

E H T N O I N U R L G CIA E SP

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Issue 80.10 Alejandro Ramos, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Bailey Mount, Managing Editor manager@lbunion.com Nathan Zankich, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Alexis Cruz, Social Media Manager Allison Meyer, Multimedia Manager Britney Weller, Multimedia Assistant Alfredo Bañuelos, Advertising Executive Aravind Karuppusamy, Ads Associate Christopher Orozco, Distribution Manager

ART & DESIGN Sam Orihuela, Art Director artdirector@lbunion.com John Mueller, Graphics Illustrator illustration@lbunion.com

EDITORIAL Matthew Gozzip, Athletics Editor athletics@lbunion.com Sylvana Uribe, Community Editor sylvanawriter@gmail.com Sheila J. Sadr, Copy Editor sheila@lbunion.com Amanda Dominguez-Chio, Culture Editor amanda@lbunion.com Peter R. Clark, Entertainment Editor entertainment@lbunion.com Mercedes Colomar, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Kaila-Marie Hardaway, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Elliott Gatica, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Jordan Daniels, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com

STAFF MEMBERS Natalee Coloman, Karrie Comfort, Wardah Imran, Diana Martinez, Samantha Neou, Soun Oeng, R. Ray Robinson, Tara Thomas, Francisco Valladares

CONTRIBUTORS Lame Duck, Switch Hitter, Corto Kurz, Maianh Luong

COVER DESIGN BY: Olivia Ofrenda

FEATURE DESIGN BY: Olivia Ofrenda CONTACT US Snail Mail: 1212 Bellflower Blvd. Suite 116 Long Beach, CA 90815 Phone: 562.985.4867 E-mail: lbunion.info@gmail.com Classifieds: classifieds.lbunion@gmail.com

@UnionWeekly

Hablamos con Meche Mercedes Colomar Grunion Editor ¡Hola mis amigos!

You’re probably asking yourselves where Alex is right now. Well I killed him and assumed his position.

Joking. Alec and his lackey Bison (as the ex-Grunion Editor Grim Fandango used to call them) so kindly allowed me to take over this issue. They let me write this intro, and have a feature dedicated to the Grunion, and it’s a doozy.

Perhaps I should tell you a little about myself, in case you don’t know. I am the Editor of the Grunion. I am dead. I live in the underworld. I usurped Grim Fandango’s position last year. I am made of bones, much like you. Umm, I think that’s it. I am not really all that interesting.

We here at the Grunion — the true newspaper that appears at the back of this boring newspaper — have been trying to get a front page spot for years now. And we finally did it. So this is what it feels like, huh? I like it.

Anyway, we prepared a fantastic issue for you. We did a special report on the tuition increase. While it does come a little late (completely outside of our control), it

crammed full of articles about the issue.

We also have numerous other articles about other shit... and uh. I say all of this in my other intro. I just realized I had to write two intros. I think I’m flat out of things to say. What else is there to say? Hmm...

I thought writing these would be easy. Alex always complains that they are hard, but damn, I didn’t realize they were this hard. I mean it’s only a small spot on the page. I do this all time on my paper. And it’s easy. I think the main problem is that the two who own the other paper asked me to not swear... as much.

This is about the time I am required to talk about other parts of the issue that are not Grunion related. The following is a list of things that I am required ot say: Music has some articles.

Athletics talks about soccer.

Community does some stuff.

Opinions is very opinionated.

Get some culture in Culture.

Entertainment is entertaining.

Uhh... does the copy editor have her own section? I’m not going to lie, I’ve just been reading the editor positions on the left and

adding them in here. Hopefully that will suffice their needs.

Looking down at how much space I have left, I can see that the rest of the intro is going to be a bunch of bullshit. Or at least that’s what you would think. That’s where you’re wrong, friendo.

Oh I almost forgot, you should really really really check out the Grunion advice column.

It is probably the best thing about the entire Grunion, and I’m not just saying that because I wrote it. If you want some raunchy advice, that is your go-to spot. Also, check out older issues and catch up on all the advice given out so far.

You never know when something might apply to you.

Well, mis amigos, here we are at the end of the intro. I was happy to be apart of this whole process and for the Grunion to finally get the recognition it deserves. This was a lot of work, true me.

Oh and has anyone seen that baby who was born a toddler? He’s missing and his mother is worried. But the real question is how is his mother still alive?

Now why won’t anyone eat my fucking chicken? It’s hot and delicious!

Long Beach “gems” that are actually hidden, not like the Queen Mary

We talk about futból, which is

The “ghost” in this

American soccer, not football,

“shell” is not happy

and its kooky fans

with Hollywood

see pages 4-5

see page 11

see page 6

Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of their individual authors, not the Union Weekly, ASI nor CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject to editing and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Associated Students business office.

In the Heights

4 COMMUNITY

Venturing outside of the Downtown Long Beach bubble Words and Photos by Sylvana Uribe Community Editor

In its March 20 issue, the Daily 49er featured hidden gems in Long Beach. I’ll admit the writers picked great spots worth exploring. My only qualm is that readers were exposed primarily to points of interest closer to the Downtown Long Beach area. The central and northern parts of Long Beach were largely untouched.

For people who weren’t raised in Long Beach, I completely understand the draw the downtown area has for newcomers. Clusters of small businesses reside there in abundance and are complemented by the art and music scene woven throughout it. But this isn’t the sole embodiment of the city.

It’s troublesome as a local to see the weight of our city’s representation be placed on the waterfront. Business owners, creators and other talents reside in areas like Bixby Knolls, California Heights and Cambodia Town who not only celebrate the diversity in their neighborhoods, but who want to see it thrive.

The following piece highlights California Heights at the intersection of Wardlow Road and Orange Avenue. Areas like California Heights who value its community members exist elsewhere in the city. The trouble lies with getting people to seek these communities and see past the allure of the downtown hype. Here’s to the folks who stand by their communities and aren’t deterred by the bubble.

Browse Through Antiquities The Wardlow Road and Orange Avenue intersection houses shops like the Vintage Emporium, which caters to antique collectors and shoppers who swoon over incorporating a rustic vibe into their decor.

The Vintage Emporium offers eclectic handcrafted items at affordable prices. One of its immediate pulls happens before stepping foot in the shop with its outdoor displays. On a recent excursion over Spring Break, a wheelbarrow was propped outside and had been repurposed as a plant holder for succulents. Inside the

store, items were spaced out from one another in a manner that didn’t feel cluttered, which is common of other antique shops that force people to sift through piled up treasures.

Other shops worth noting include Orange Ave Estate, which sits directly across the street from the Vintage Emporium. The items in the store are either antique, made in the United States or have been recycled and/ or repurposed. In the very back of the store, shoppers can also choose to purchase some of its California Native plants.

Outdoor display at the Vintage Emporium

Quick Bites in Cal Heights Steelhead Coffee

Blackbird Cafe

Likely one of the most popular coffee snapshots to pop onto my Instagram feed are the brews from Steelhead.

Steelhead Coffee’s original brick and mortar coffee shop resides in California Heights. Steelhead recently garnered more popularity and clients with the opening of its second location at SteelCraft on Long Beach Boulevard and Bixby Avenue.

Blackbird’s menu highlights fresh ingredients presented in adventurous preparations, such as Mexican-influenced eggs benedict that substitutes corn sopes for English muffins.

One way Blackbird supports the community is through displaying and selling works from local creators. The café greeted the new year by featuring the work of artist Michael Stearns, who is deeply involved in the Long Beach and South Bay art scenes.

3405 Orange Avenue

1208 E Wardlow Road

Steelhead Coffee’s storefront

Blackbird Cafe’s Greek Omelette

Enjoying the season’s offerings without the hassle

COMMUNITY

Super Bloom in Long Beach

5

Words and Photos by Sylvana Uribe Community Editor

T

he “super bloom” sweeping across California, greatly made possible by the rainfall this past winter, has sent many to desert fields in search of these colorful displays. However, much more accessible options exist in Long Beach for those who want in on the “super bloom” obsession.

Rancho Los Cerritos Tucked away in Long Beach’s Virginia Country Club, Rancho Los Cerritos Historic Site has ushered in Spring with the full bloom of its wisterias.

Rancho Los Cerritos is an adobe home and grounds that has witnessed Long Beach’s and Southern California’s transformation from a ranch town to an urban society. Those at the Rancho preserve its rich history through special events, exhibits and tours of the home and garden. The wisterias have been a main attraction for the Rancho in recent weeks with visitors hoping to see the flowers before the bloom subsides. The fragrant purple flowers were planted during the adobe home’s 1930 restoration, replacing grapevines that were first planted at the Rancho in 1844. Today, the flowers remain draped over the site’s arbor.

Visitors can either embark on self-guided tours of the garden or tour with a garden docent. Benches are also on site for those who want to have a picnic lunch in the garden.

Rancho Los Cerritos is located at 4600 Virginia Road. The Rancho is open to the public Wednesday-Sunday from 1-5 p.m.

Admission is free.

Spring at Rancho Los Cerritos not only includes flowers in full bloom, but also visits from ducks (bottom left) looking for a place to make their nest.

Willow Springs Park Willow Springs Park came to the inner-city of Long Beach after a series of failed plans and developments. Among the failed plans were propositions for auto malls, racetracks, and housing. Had it not been for these multiple failures, the slice of nature would not have brought a full bloom and escape within the inner-city.

Willow Springs Park opened for the first time ever as a public space at Longview Point, the hill’s highest peak, in November 2012.

There are multiple flowers currently in bloom, including orange monkeyflowers, yellow sunflowers,and fuchsia gooseberries.

On occasion, the wind picks up and lifts the strong aroma of the sage too.

Depending on the visibility of the day, Willow Springs Park provides a 50-mile radius view of the region spanning from Santa Catalina Island to the San Gabriel Mountains.

Willow Springs Park is located at 2745 Orange Avenue.

Longview Point at Willow Springs Park offers a scenic escape from the demands of citylife.

U e m

6 OPINIONS

Ask Joanne

Dear Hollywood,

Dear Joanne, I don’t know how to get my friend, let’s call her Cindy, to move on from the end of a five-year relationship. I’ve never even been in a “real” one myself so I’m lost. She probably feels like I don’t get her. Do I give her space? Keep her company? I just really want to help.

Sincerely, ConcernedFriend

Stop whitewashing Asian stories From Matt Damon’s mission to save China, to the literal removal of the Japanese identity in Scarlett Johansson’s “Ghost in the Shell” live-action remake, 2017 has been the year of the white savior in a predominately Asian world and I’m tired of it.

Speaking of “Ghost in the Shell,” the remake has finally hit the box office and has proved to be worse than the backlash it has faced since production.

The film first came under attack when Johansson was announced as the lead, Motoko Kusanagi (renamed Mira Killian).

Fans of the series called for an Asian actress and argued that the source material fit the Japanese experience rather than a universal one. Though this only proved to be an issue in casting, it was only the beginning for the erasure of Asian identity in this film.

There was also word that Paramount and Dreamworks wanted to use visual effects to alter Johansson’s features to appear more Asian in post-production. In response, the production company claimed to have only tested effects on background actors rather than the leads, but why attempt to make your actors look Asian when you can just hire Asian actors?

Surprisingly, Johansson’s whiteness became a rather important plot point

— or twist — for the film. Warning: spoilers ahead.

As a quick plot summary, Ghost in the Shell tells the story of “The Major,” Mira Killian, a counterterrorism agent who has a completely synthetic/robotic body with the mind of a human woman who perished in a fatal accident in a future cyberpunk Tokyo.

Well get this, the fim’s climactic moment revealed that Killian’s mind belonged to a Japanese woman named Motoko Kusanagi who was kidnapped and tortured so that her mind could be put into a shell of a body to be more compliant and docile.

Rather than take this twist as an opportunity for commentary on whitewashing or even a critique of white beauty standards, the film had Motoko’s mother hugging the white body where Mokoto’s mind was imprisoned. This symbolizes that Asians are accepting of whitewashing and gives into the white savior complex. That is to say, the film essentially took the original character of the series and killed her for the sake of Scarlett Johansson’s Mira Killian.

It appears that Hollywood would rather remove Asians from their feature films to avoid the issue of racial stereotypes, rather than accurately write in the experiences of

My Graduation Frustration There’s not enough emphasis on “the now” Being an upcoming graduate, the daily question in my life is “What are you going to do after college?” I’m sorry but I haven’t finished it yet; can we make sure I get through this semester first?

With graduation only a month away, I know that this may seem like a tired topic, but if we’re forced to think about it every day then the least you can do is understand the frustration.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not frustrated because i’m graduating. In fact, I’m rather ecstatic about it. I am, however, frustrated with the amount of attention we get on “the next step,” but not on the steps leading up to us walking that stage.

This last semester in particular was the most stressful of my college career. It’s absolutely ridiculous that after five years of schooling, this semester decides if I walk

that stage in May. It makes me feel as if the last four years of school doesn’t equate to this moment and this sends my anxiety through the roof.

I know I’m not alone in my sentiment, especially in the Department of Journalism and Mass Communication.

Not only do we have at least four classes, but we most likely have to balance an internship, an individual service learning project and a possible semester-long group project depending on what classes we take.

Tie in the fact that we’ll most likely need our own job at this point as well as some extra-curriculars and somewhat of a social life; this is a recipe for a nervous breakdown. We’re not taught how to manage these stressors.

There are those who are fortunate enough to not have the additional stresses

Dear ConcernedFriend,

Paul Bird/Flickr Asians/Asian Americans. According to Keith Chow, editor of The Nerds of Color blog, “Erasure is not the answer to stereotypes.”

He then goes on to say that “denying my existence [is] more offensive.”

As an Asian American, representation matters because I can never see myself being these characters. Hollywood tells me that I can’t be strong, that I can’t fulfill my dreams, that my words and actions are not valuable. I was born to just be this character that white America has set up for me and I can’t be anything else. Why don’t I deserve to have someone I can identify with on the movie screen?

I’m glad that you realize your limitations when it comes to empathizing with the heartbreak of a long-term breakup. The fact that you care enough about Cindy to ask a underqualified, college-aged advice columnist for her thoughts shows a lot.

In my humble opinion, the best solution would be to make yourself available. Be there if Cindy needs someone to vent to. Respond with phrases like “Ridiculous!” and “What a scumbag!” as the situation calls for. Also, make time to spend the day shopping or maybe head to the shooting range to help distract her from the pain.

But most importantly, don’t judge her if she decides to skip out on dinner plans and stay home for the night. The only way to heal these wounds is through time. Do what you can, but know that her happiness is not your responsibility and that you shouldn’t be sacrificing your own well-being for hers.

By Alexis Cruz Social Media Manager

By Jordan Daniels Opinions Editor

and there are some who do it all without a sweat, but the amount of student superstars is abysmal in comparison to those who have to conquer life just to walk that stage.

It’s not easy and it’s infuriating to feel the pressure of graduating “on time” consistently yet not be equipped with the tools to manage the final semester leading up to commencement.

There may not be a solution to this struggle, but it is real and it needs attention.

Joanne is our resident advice columnist at the Union Weekly. Feel free to seek advice about life, school, relationships or anything else that’s been on your mind.

Questions can be emailed to JustAskJoanne@gmail.com.

Yo Joanne, For reals, pineapple on pizza or nah? I strongly believe the tropical fruit is fine on the greasy entrée. But please, enlighten me. This debate has gone on for too long. I hope you agree with me because I cannot take this slander any longer.

You da best, Pizza_Nirvana Dear Pizza_Nirvana, In today’s day and age, especially in the coastal California regions, experimentation with radical food combinations has become an epidemic.

After trying new concotions, overcommercializtion and high-expectations leave many customers with a bad taste in their mouth after trying many of these trendy new concoctions.

Take for example chocolate-covered bacon or matcha flavored everything.

These ostentatious fads will undoubtedly dwindle after the initial hype has come to pass, but that perfectly balanced level of sweet and savory present on a Hawaiian pizza will live on. Dare I call it a classic.?

Live on Pizza_Nirvana. Know that you are on the right side of history. And for all the neigh sayers out there, maybe just order pepperoni instead?

TRENDS | G3

POLITICS | G4

Interview with recent alien abuductee

New immigration game, EB-5

THE GRUNION BI-WEEKLY Monday, April 3rd, 2017

STAFFERS Mercedes Colomar Grunion Editor Cervantes LeMans Staff Infection Olivia Ofrenda Design Executor

“THE DEATH OF ONE YOU LOVE IS NOT THE DEATH OF THEIR LOVE”

Volume 80 Issue 10

Submissions: grunion@lbunion.com

GRUNION SPECIAL REPORT:

TUITION INCREASE IS BAD, I GUESS

WEATHER TODAY

Moon Moon

-535º/ 93º

TOMORROW

Early Easter

EAT / ???

LOCAL Local man found cheating on city by vacationing in a distant city When questioned about his indiscretion, Local Man responded, “I was getting tired of being stationary. I wanted to try something new.” Local Man...G5

UNDERWORLD

New bill allows the NSA to spy on the inhabitants of the underworld “I have no idea what they are going to find. It’s not like we can do anything,” Deadite said.

This comes as a shock to most citizens. Some citizens are...G7

SPORTSBALL

I’m getting sick and tired of people calling it “Sportsball”!

Not all sports have balls!

Grow a pair yourself and figure out what game is what. It’s hecking ridicuolus that people are stilling calling it that. Back in...G5

The Grunion is a work of satire. It in no way reflects the views of Long Beach Union Weekly or Associated Students Inc.

Olivia Ofrenda/Grunion

A protester holding a sign. This person may or may not be dead as a result of the passing of the bill. Olivia left them there. Someone else will pick them up and sell their organs.

Intro by Mercedes Colomar GRUNION EDITOR DAMNIT PEOPLE! We didn’t fight hard enough and now we have to use more currency to pay for the education you get. Let it be known, I am not a student. I am dead, living in the underworld. All I do is report about things for this newspaper which just so happens to be attached a school newspaper.

I’m not sure if you all know about this, but umm, a lot of people don’t pay for tuition. The government does. But that’s not why we’re mad are we? NO! It’s because it costs more! Right. They raised the cost up and despite our class and cries in response, they still did it. It’s like they’re not even listening, right? I mean what’s the point of the protest

if it doesn’t work?

Maybe Trump will help us. He has a lot of money, right? Oh, wait.

Well he’s trying to decide a new budget for us? Oh, wait. Yeah. No help there. Can’t rely on a guy who can’t decide where he wants to go when he wakes up? “‘Should I take a vacation?’ ‘Sir, we have a Russian crisis on our hands’ ‘Yeah let’s go to Florida.’”

It’s like how could they increase tuition to something that should be free to begin with? No wait, I mean it costs a lot already. Is it not enough?

Wait, wait. What am I saying? We’re a poor country because we spend on all our money on our much needed military. Without the military

we would be defenseless! TAKE ALL THE MONEY FROM EVERYTHING AND INCREASE TUITION FOR STUDENTS. WE WILL BE THE STRONGEST NATION. I’m furious for all you. The rise in prices is ridiculous!

Anger. Angst. Allegory for anger.

Metaphor for outrage. Simile for—ok in all seriousness. This feature covers some of the issues surrounding the tuition in the only way the Grunion knows.

We provide facts, a fair and balanced approach, on the scene interviews, and in depth reporting.

Actually, who are we kidding?

We’re the Grunion! We did what we fucking wanted to and you’ll laugh

at it... I hope.

Jason Masters, a fourth year night student, said “I don’t understnd what the big deal is. I’m graduating. The increase doesn’t affect me.”

There are a lot of people who are graduating so, it doesn’t make sense. We catch up Masters and a number of other graduating students asking their thoughts on the incease. The general consensus is that the increase doesn’t matter to them.

Go figure. You can read all these articles on the next page, and then a few other articles. Have fun. see TUITION, G2

GRUNION SPECIAL ISSUE

G2

SPECIAL REPORT: TUITION

A short report on a local tuition increase protest

By Corto Kurz TERSE REPORTER I’m here at a rally. There are people here protesting. It is in the day, sunny. I asked people their thoughts. They responded.

Travis Nile, economics student, said, “I don’t like the tuition increase.”

He went on to say that it was bullshit. Other protestors had the same sentiments. They were all not pleased with the increase.

Erica Broadview, sexual education major, said, “How am I supposed to be a Sex Ed teacher at these prices?”

A nearby protester, Ed Milton, former couch of little league soccer, said, “I don’t think sexual education is major.”

A verbal fight broke out between the coach and the possible fake student. The coach won, I think. He had facts.

Every wonder what it is like to be a bird?

Soaring through the air Not a care in the world Uhh Corto, what the fuck are you doing? This is not a place for poems, get back to work! -MercED Oregano Oscar Jacovia, chef-intraining, said “I just want to make everyone

Olivia Ofrenda/Grunion

Corto forgot to take pictures. So here is a sign that we recovered from the rally. This sign sucks. It looks it was done by that dead protestor. food. Why is everyone protesting?”

People started marching down the street. A person was laughing maniacally when they threw their sign on the ground.

A bird flew overhead and shit on a sign. The person hold the sign didn’t

seem to care.

Jacob Mansfield, hypothetical biology major, said “My major has been me staying in school for an indefinite amount of time. I can’t pay for tuition for that long.”

Mansfield went on to use a sign as

CSU scaling the tuition hike faster than Trump’s wall

By Cervantes LeMans STAFF INFECTION “I do bring this backward with a brick of sadness,” said Cal State Emperor Tim P. Whitey, mocking the filled meeting chamber. “I close it with an iron fist like Danny Rand. HAH-YAH!” On March 22nd, students brought forth their part-time checks and 2016 tax returns to ready themselves for the CSU 5% tuition hike. The California State University Board of Liars voted 11 to 8 to raise the tuition to help pay for the board’s summer BBQs and manicures.

As a result, the students ripped their tongues off and mutilated their voice boxes. They collected all their blood and severed flesh as offerings to give to God-vernor Garry Groun. Hopefully, California’s God-vernor could taste the salt of the students’ tears and listen to their discorded voices.

“The CSU system benefits from students’ slavery to part-time jobs.

The less full-timers you got, the less employee coverage that businesses have to worry about. I’m just waiting on the robots to replace their jobs,” said Kourtney Tamagachi, a tree hugger from the social activist group Hug for Fun and Death.

Compared to Trump’s Wall, the CSU tuition increase is about 5% ($270) and will bring in $ 77.5 million.

Trump’s Wall will cost roughly $12 billion to $25 billion.

According to the Grunion’s Proxy Calculator (powered by Google Calculator), we are 0.0031% ahead in beating Trump’s fund for his wall. El Presidente Trumpo should take notes from CSU. If you cannot make Mexico

a hammer and nail in another sign into the ground.

Broadview started a chant saying “No increase, stay the same.”

The chant didn’t last long as it was kind of a stupid chant.

Nile stopped to eat lunch at the local McDonalds. He seemed hungry. An hour later he returned and continued protesting.

Later in the day, a number of protestors have left. Only a handful remained but they seemed more unruly than before.

Jacovia was still in the mix. He was trying to hand out pasta to the protestors. He just wants to be a cook.

“Eat this pasta, and tell me what you think. I am in training,” said Jacovia.

The crowd grew into a mob. Jacovia was swallowed in. Police came. They told everyone to disperse.

Officer John Ortega said, “We are all for peaceful protest, but this was getting out of hand. We had to step in.”

The protested ended. I went home.

Uhh thanks, Corto. That was a shit article, but thanks Corto.

-MercED.

Graduating students talk about the tuition increase

By Mercedes Colomar GRUNION EDITOR

Pixabay

Here is a totally scientific graph how the tuition increase over the years.

This is a pretty good graph, right? We did our best here. pay for the wall, why not raise the citizen’s tax fees by 5%? If the students are hungry for an education, the citizens will surely be hungry for their freedoms.

According to Business Outsider, the military and defense budget is $601 billion, millions, gazillions dollars. In order to cover the cost of professors’ whines ($70k) and students’ tuition tears ($48k), the federal government would need to sell roughly one F-34

Joint Strike Fighter ($8.3B).

“Wait, what? What the faux? Why are we spending a shizz ton of money on our military? What are we supposed to do with a stupidly powerful plane?

Bomb our problems away? Wait? What if the students are the problems? You don’t think that our military is attempting to kill its own citizens, right?” said Richard D. Newstorm, staff writer at the Daily Bulges.

Many college students who are graduating don’t see issue with the fee increase. The following are some quotes as said by graduating students.

“I’m graduating, the fee increase doesn’t affect me directly. I don’t see what the big deal is. So you have to pay more, so what?” said Bilko Rodgers, art major.

“The fee increase is awesome. It means that I don’t have to pay anything more, because I am graduating, and everyone else has to pay more. I’m going to laughing all the way to the bank!” said Natasha Greenstone, pyschology major.

Most of the people quoted said the same thing. A lot of them didn’t even show up to protest the fee increase.

“What’s the point in protesting for something that doesn’t hurt me? I’m out of here. If the country needs money, why not bleed it from the ones who can’t normally afford it,” said Guido Morelli, italian studies major.

“Most students I’ve met don’t even pay for school. The government gives them the money to cover tuition so what are they complaining for? They are getting free money either way,” said Robert Bobert, kinesiology major.

“I like the fee increase. It means more money for the government. What? I don’t care that I’m delusional,” said William Blunderson, art major.

That’s it. I don’t think the others were all that interesting.

GRUNION SPECIAL ISSUE ASK MS. COLOMAR

DEAR MS. COLOMAR, I recently watched “50 Shades Darker” and I was intrigued by its subject matter. I would like to do the opposite of the film, however, and dominate my husband. He has always been the dominant one, but the thought of him beneath me really turns me on. We have also never been that physical before.

What tips do you have for someone that wants to switch roles and whip my husband?

FROM, Queen Agatha

DEAR QUEEN AGATHA, Intrigue is good...that film is shit. It even got us undead leather daddies and mommas itching to do some flogging of our own. Only thing is, we’d actually use a safeword.

Here’s the thing, Aggie. Being a dom isn’t the same thing as being dominant. Your hubbie is dominant in bed. He doesn’t string you up from the ceiling like a human chandelier and swing from you.

There’s a difference.

You say that you’ve never been physical before, so I’m guessing you’re queen-sized and he’s a string bean. Well honey, you need to live up to your size and snap that bean.

A couple phrases for you to look up if you want to do some light reading while riding your beanpole— “queening” and “femdom.”

And remember that he needs WATER—you can’t live off lady nectar. See below.

DEAR MS. COLOMAR, I have a problem. I’ve become insatiable. No matter what I do, I always feel horny. I have tried everything and nothing really helps. Help.

FROM, Lascivious Lana

DEAR LASCIVIOUS LANA, Same. You think being undead would finally get rid of that itch to bone—I have plenty of bones to go around now. But the afterlife leaves men without their best bone.

Here’s my advice, Lana. Are you listening? Lana?

Lana?

LANAAAAAA. You’re about to enter a dangerous zone, one of danger. A danger zone, one might say. Your sexual frustration levels are going to get so high that they will actually manifest into another being.

That’s kinda how I died.

But let me tell you—hot DAMN. What a way to go. This being is made entirely up of your libido. At a certain point, your body won’t be able to handle it and the next morning you’ll roll over and a being made up of pure energy will be in bed next to you and they’ll do anything—I mean ANYTHING. My advice? Stay hydrated. If you die thirsty, you stay bone dry in the afterlife.

TRENDS

G3

No one should believe Junior Senior, Jr.

By Mercedes Colomar GRUNION EDITOR

Junior Senior, Jr. is a first year, second year student teacher. His story sounds interesting. The following is an interview about him and his recent discovery involving aliens.

MC: What can you tell me about your student teaching?

JSJ: I’ve been a student teacher for 3 years now. It has been very rewarding. In that time, I’ve seen several students vomit, defecate and urinate in the classroom. No idea why the classroom makes students want to excrete body.

MC: Very interesting. What can you tell me about your childhood?

JSJ: Well, where do I start? When I was younger I was abducted by aliens and brutally probed. I’m sure you can guess where that probe went. That’s right, right up the nose! My nose hurt for weeks after that, but it got better.

That was just the first time though. The second time they wanted to tell me to take them to their weeder. They all started laughing. At the time, I didn’t get it, but then I realized we were in a tool shed and it all made sense.

MC: Fascinating. Are you sure you didn’t just break your nose? Also, what were aliens doing in a tool shed?

JSJ: Are you calling me a liar? I’m telling you, grey men with bulging black eyes abducted me and probed me.

Then proceeded to tell me corny jokes.

This really happened. I was there.

MC: Sure it did. Tell me about your recent discovery.

JSJ: Listen lady, I was really abducted. I have the scar here to prove it. See? That’s an inverted illuminati triangle. Only aliens give you those with their laser etcher that they have on their ship. Anyway, to answer your question, I recently discovered how to make contact with these aliens. You just have to dial 420 on any phone connected to a

Max Pixel/Free Great Picture

Junior Senior Junior gave us this photo. We have no idea what it or where it was taken. He said it was given to him by the aliens that abducted him. hamster-powered electrical doodad widget thingy. Like this: He proceeds to show me a device that looks like a Cheech and Chong Up in Smoke collector’s telephone connected to a microwave, with a camera on it.

Then you wait for them to answer.

When they answer they sound a lot like people who smoke too much weed. They always ask for food as if they called a pizzeria, and the conversations really don’t go anywhere. Would you like to give them a call?

MC: Uhh, that won’t be necessary. Could you tell me about these stoned aliens?

JSJ: Certainly! They seem to like making a lot of jokes about Mexicans

and weed. They seem a little slow at times, but I’m sure that’s just the connection messing with the line. You know, long distance and everything.

These aliens are a little different than the ones that abducted me as a kid. I think they— MC: Alright! That’s all we have time for today. Maybe I’ll follow up with you and do a second part to this interview.

Alright that was stupid. That felt like Grim was here and making me do shit interviews. He came to me, though, and his story seemed genuine. I guess sometimes you really do get crazy people and you have no clue that they are until after you talk to them.

Elon Musk: The Man, the Myth, and the Matrix

By Switch Hitter HITTER OF SWITCHES Elon Musk is trying to warn us about something.

Recently, he proposed an idea for this new company, Neuralink.

Neuralink is going to enable human beings to “jack in” to the computer system and exchange information with the machines.

Now people started immediately drawing Matrix parallels. But I, I, Switch Hitter, I saw through it immediately.

Elon, or as I’m about to explain, the Lone One, is trying to get us OUT of the Matrix.

His name is Elon Reeve Musk.

Reeve, as in Keanu Reeves. Reeve’s character is called Neo, an anagram for “One,” the One who “saves” everyone in the end. One, as in alone, as in a lone man—Elon is an anagram for lone.

The Watchowskis tried to show us

Olivia Ofrenda/Grunion

Elon Musk in the Matrix. No, It’s not Photoshop. Yes those are his glasses. the way. They failed. The last two Matrix films were a testament to that failure.

The machines tried to thwart the prophecy behind the film, to forstall the coming of the Lone One.

Elon is in the perfect position to deliver a mass exodus from Machine City to the promised land of Zion, which, by the way, was totally not a rave held in a hole in the ground—the Machines heavily edited the last film to seem like benevolent robogods— but to our liberation from technology.

He says as much in his speeches, saying that we must “evolve” with technology.

We hear you, Elon. We will evolve.

Neuralink is a stepping stone in a much larger path. Jacking in? No. No, we’re jacking out. When we enter Neuralink, we will be entering the real world.

Poor Keanu Reeves. He’s going to think that we’re reshooting the Matrix again. Thankfully, he will not be the One. We have the Lone One, the one foretold in the green lines of 90s CGI. The Lone One will lead us out of technological bondage.

Switch Hitter? Please. Call me by my true name—Whistle Blower.

GRUNION SPECIAL ISSUE

G4 CERVANTES’ POETRY CORNER

POLITICS

Hot new immigration game, “EB-5”

By Cervantes LeMans STAFF INFECTION Donkey party member and game developer Patty-Ricky Leahy recently revealed the mechanics behind the EB-5 game. It is named after the EB-5 immigration program. It is an exact replica of the program but with gaming stuff.

“The EB-5 game allows players to pay $1,000,000 in-game currency to start social colonies that could at least permanently put ten U.S. bots into full-time scripting. Or they could pay $500,000 into T.E.A. bags zones.

As a result of their contributions, they get gold visas for themselves and their party members. These promotions are only available to wealthy foreign players,” said Game Developer Leahy.

This pay-for-freedom allows foreign players access to American servers’ DLCs such as the 1776 Constitutional Package and 1791 Bill of Rights Crate Content.

However, complications are occurring amongst citizens and

payers of EB-5 game.

“Enforcers and sellers of these rights are trying to figure out how to distribute them equally among players. Law-enforcers, also known as mods, are having a hard time figuring out who owns these rights due to massive waves of illegal buyers,” said Reggie Creamπ, an old-school player of the EB-4 game.

“Mods are banning and punishing suspicious players who are illegally downloading the United States servers’ DLCs. We like to call them illegal hackers.

Lately, there’s been an increase of these hackers going through United States’ fire walls and accessing these exclusive contents without paying. We like to remind our mods to do background checks on their payment history. If their payment history shows little activity in our network and their skin is unpopular, ban them. Easy as that,” according to CastleGuardoftheSouth, moderator of SoCal servers and TX servers.

“Look in the late 8.0 update, the United States gave away these DLCs like

it was International Pancake Day. Thanks to the IRCA 1986 patch, the United States decided to give all 3.2 million illegal hackers the content for free.

Look at PubesResearchCentaur’s data; roughly 11.1 million hackers are using the OOSAH network. Why can’t we give the DLCs away again?” said internet user, sexykittykat1943.

In non-sequitur news, I was talking to my Mexican cousin over Facebook. He told me a bit about Mexico’s history in relation to our family. Apparently in the 18th century, there were persecutions of anyone who did not devote their lives to Christianity. One of those persecutions was my grandma’s great-grandpa. He was beheaded, chopped up and sent in a sack to my poor grandma’s great-grandma.

As a result, my grandma’s grandma suffered trauma, went crazy and abandoned my great grandmother who was a child at that time. And that’s how my great grandmother was an orphan.

X-Rated Poem

by Cervantes LeMans My dick OK! That’s it Cervantes, you’re done. Pack it up. Shut it down, I’m shutting this down. Corto, here’s your chance to write poetry. Go -MercED

CORTO’S POETRY CORNER The Sky, The Wind

by Corto Kurz Like a dandelion I am left to the wind The gentle breeze pushes me along I don’t know where I am going Or where I am heading I am left to entropy I am the wind I am the sky I am the gentle soul That weeps in the sight of the moon The sky opens up And swallows us whole Entropy.

Corto, that poem was shit. That’s it! NO MORE POETRY! I’m shutting this down forever. It will never come back. -MercED.

Representative Devin Nunes duels with Pelosi, western style

By Lame Duck A BAD TIME GRUNION---The House of Representatives chamber was silent as if an executioner suddenly appeared amongst the dressed men and woman.

Republican U.S. Representative Devin Nunes was looking at the top House Democrats who called him seconds ago. “What do you guys want?” said Nunes. The top House Democrats responded, “Do you know what time is it?”.

Representative Nunes quickly sat in his seat. He sat normally like it were every other workday since 2003. But the moment his ass hit the wooden chair’s silky soft welcoming cushion, he froze and realized what had just occurred. Republican Representative Nunes looked uneasy at such simple untoned response from the emotional elites of Democrats.

Nunes looked like he was shot by Kennedy’s magic bullets. His eyes opened, sweat could be seen on his

forehead and the air from his lungs was sucked out. He slowly opened his dried lips and his cotton tongue attempted to move, “uh..ehts..ehts... its...dwel..dw...ooh..clo-”.

He couldn’t even finish his sentence. The veins around his eyes were blood red. Reporters could see the white sclera around his irises beginning yellow.

He was no longer Representative Nunes, or a 14-year-running Congressman. He was farmboy Devin Nunes from Tulare, California.

Journalists could hear the nervous clicking of Nunes’ smooth brown shoes. But as much as he tried, Devin would not be going to Kansas. He is definitely going back to Tulare to lie down and cry.

“His eyes were closed. He softly stuttered words like ‘mama’ and ‘papa’ and something about the wind whistling through the bulrushes around his farm. Man, the guy looked shaken and stirred,” said Red Aighnus, foreign correspondent.

The Minority Leader of the House of Representative, Mrs. Pelosi, rose and uttered words that sent tremors among her colleagues. Hella representing four counties of San Francisco and the peeps of this nation she said, “It’s HIGH NUNES, MISTER Devin. YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE CHALLENGED, BEEEEHHHSH!” She proceeded to do finger shots at Mr. Nunes right after her statement.

After her finger shots, Mrs. Pelosi proceeded to call out House Speaker Ryan. Republican Ryan must now challenge his own party member and remove him from the 2016 ”rigged” election investigation committee. All because Devin Nunes decided to be Trump’s snitch. Nunes informed Trump that there is a possibility of evidence that Trump’s campaign is connected with the Russians.

Prison rules apply in politics.

Snitches get stitches. In this case, snitches get removed from investigation committees. You done did it, Devin. You played yourself.

was my chance. It’s not perfect, but nothing ever is.

Don’t worry kids, I’ll be back in two weeks time with more wacky and crazy articles. It’s just ashame that you guys don’t get to read them all. There are so many articles that go unprinted because the heads at the other paper won’t foot the bill for extra pages.

Let me let you in on a little trade secret. Those other sections that

are on the cover are all fully written articles that never see the light of day.

Sure we can always print them next issue, but you see journalism is all about being timely.

In any case, this speical issue is done and I’ll go attempt to cry, but since I’m dead tears don’t form. It’s a strange ritual that even I don’t fully understand.

I would like to thank all that helped

File Photo

David Nunes ready for anything, even an old fashion duel.

EDITORIAL

By Mercedes Colomar GRUNION EDITOR I can’t believe that it is over already.

I spent so much preparing for this piece and now that we’re here I don’t feel I did it justice.

I pleaded and pleaded for the Grunion to be something more than just a back page paper to an already under read newspaper, and this

me, from Olivia who is doing great despite her past failings. Of course Cervantes for writing a ton of articles.

Trust me, if you think that these are bad you should see the ones that don’t get published.

Lastly, I would like to thank the adequate people over at the other paper. Without them, this special issue wouldn’t exist.

That’s all for now.

11 ATHLETICS

Futból Fandom Arriving from Abroad Fellowship (and beer) fuel growing obsession for soccer in Southern California

By Francisco Valladares Staff Writer Fancy enjoying a Guinness at seven in the morning on any given Saturday?

Most people would think you’re an alcoholic who drinks as much as your heart desires, but that isn’t what most of these early-bird fans are addicted to.

They’re simply preparing to support their favorite English futból teams.

“Six foot five, hard as f**k, he gets the Reds excited,” the fans chanted at the Olde Ship pub in Santa Ana. “Stick your city up your a** because we are Man United.”

This relatively new chant praises Zlatan Ibrahimovic, the latest high profile addition to Manchester United, one of the most popular English soccer teams in the world.

English futból is known for the absurd passion of the fans; they chant like no other league. The obsession isn’t exclusive to Europe.

Fans across the pond in the United States are just as invested as anybody else.

The Olde Ship in Santa Ana, one of the two small chain British style pubs, in is home to three groups that represent Arsenal and Chelsea as well as the aforementioned Manchester United.

Patrick Corcoran deals with this chanting often throughout his weekends.

Corcoran is part of the board for OC Gooners, an American supporters group

“With futból starting to grow in the U.S., this passionate fandom...should only continue to grow.” of Arsenal Football Club that often frequents the British style pub.

Corcoran, 28, is one of the Gooners most vocal members, a role he embraced ever since he was first introduced to futból fandom. Back in 2006, Corcoran’s

Graphic by Matthew Gozzip Athletics Editor friend, Dan Palmer, came over this his home around 6 a.m. and startled the drowsy teenager.

“He literally threw rocks at my window, like you would think in a movie,” Corcoran said.

Palmer, a transplant from London, invited Corcoran over to his family’s home for breakfast but the visit would become much more than that. The Brit introduced Corcoran to the Barclays Premier League, England’s top-tier futból division that Arsenal competes in.

The converted fan wasn’t able to watch a lot of Arsenal for a few years since most games weren’t shown in the United States but his fandom really kicked in during 2012, when he first attended the Olde Ship and met the Gooners.

“We walked in and there was a sea of people,” said Cochran. “I had never seen that many Arsenal supporters in one room.”

The Gooners traveled with Arsenal America across the country, meeting fellow Arsenal fans and rustling the feathers of their opposition. Corcoran has visited everywhere from San Jose to New York, all the experiences leading to a stronger

understanding of futból fan culture.

“In England, it’s normal to have some pints before the game, at halftime and after the game,” said Corcoran. “Sports and beer go hand in hand in my opinion.”

Nonetheless, drinking isn’t the only thing American fans mimic from English supporters.

As an example of their passion, the Olde Ship used to open their doors at 4 a.m. to show the early Premier League games, but had to stop when nearby residents complained that the fans were too rowdy that early in the morning.

With futból starting to grow in the U.S., this type of passionate fandom displayed by American supporters should only continue to grow.

The Northwest in particular holds two of the most passionate fan bases in Portland and Seattle, where fans regularly sell out games for their local Major League Soccer teams and parade through the streets before and after matches.

All in all, the “beautiful game” brings out the passion, creating an environment where people can cheer, mock and enjoy the madness that is futból fandom.

Men’s Volleyball Avenges Loss, Preps for Postseason

By Francisco Valladares Staff Writer After losing the no.1 ranking following a split series against BYU, the Long Beach State men’s volleyball team unleashed their frustrations before heading into the conference tournament.

The 49ers swept Concordia University, 3-0, at the Walter Pyramid to extend their home winning streak to five games. They got their offense going early against the Eagles with their staple aggressiveness on offense on full display.

The first set was a close one to start, but LBSU closed it out strong with the standard dominant play by sophomore opposite/outside hitter Kyle Ensing, who had four early kills in the

25-16 opening victory.

Concordia woke up in the second set, matching the 49ers point for point before eventually going on a 6-1 run to take a 15-12 lead. Sophomore offensive guru TJ DeFalco kept the sweep streak intact with a devastating ace that sparked a run.

Not backing down, LBSU ended the set 25-22 after Ensing had back-to-back serving aces and a kill that sealed the deal.

“We come out with all our effort in every match,” said DeFalco, the team’s outside hitter.

“We don’t really focus on [streaks], we focus on who’s next on our schedule.”

The third set was the most dominant of all, with Concordia holding close for the first ten points, highlighted by Isaiah Pono Kaaa, who managed to save a point by recording a dig with his face.

The game was still close at this point, with a 1712 scoreline, but the Eagles went on a run of three points in a row, putting the 49ers lead in danger.

Nonetheless, the Beach was able to keep their composure and sustain the lead, finishing the game with a 25-21 scoreline in the third set, which got them their latest sweep.

The set was highlighted by the Beach’s all-

round play on the defensive end. Senior libero Andrew Sato and sophomore setter Josh Tuaniga kept the ball in play in tight spots frequently. Both ended the match with six digs each.

Victory was expected for the 49ers but that didn’t make the game any less valuable for head coach Alan Knipe.

“I knew this team would be good,” said Knipe.

“This is a team that will be good in the [Mountain Pacific Sports Federation], but more importantly I thought it would be a good match for us this late.”

The Beach faces Cal State Northridge next on Apr. 8, the last game before postseason play.

12 MUSIC

Happy Birthday to You, Senses Fail and “Still Searching” They have yet to fail at selling out shows after 15 years Words and photos by Natalee Coloman Staff Writer

Starting their tour at The Observatory in San Diego at the beginning of March, Senses Fail has gone full circle around the United States to celebrate the 15th birthday of their second full-length album, “Still Searching.”

On this tour, fans can sing their hearts out to the entire album from start to finish.

Supporting Senses Fail are bands Counterparts, Movements and Like Pacific.

Ironically, the band will also be ending their tour Apr. 8 at The Observatory, but this time in Santa Ana supporting When We Were Young Fest.

The band will also be playing in Los Angeles Apr. 7, the last time they will play the album’s entirety for this tour.

Un f o r t u n a te l y, the tour faced a scheduling conflict with WWWY Fest and The Observatory ending with Senses Fail on the bill and the supporting bands playing elsewhere for the night.

The tour revolves around the theme “Quince Años,” not to be confused with quince anos (or 15 anuses) as Buddy Nielsen pointed out their tour shirts said.

The singer mentioned the shirts were printed days before the tour began, but they would not make them throughout.

Luckily, this is the only thing that will be withheld for the rest of the tour.

During their first night in San Diego, fans set the mood. Not a single soul in the venue was standing still; the room echoed with each person singing along.

While this is their 15th anniversary for the album, Senses Fail still packs a punch throughout their show. Nielsen is full of energy, performing better than ever since sobering up and focusing more on his personal life.

Over the past couple of years, Nielsen has publicly come out as queer, addressing fans and discussing his journey during an intimate acoustic show Jan. 2015.

For those who are attending the upcoming shows either Friday or Saturday, expect to be hit with a wave of nostalgia. The show on Friday at The Regent will be as intimate as the venue, allowing fans to let loose while being in a safe space amongst each other.

While the festival won’t allow the intimacy, Senses Fail has promised through social media to still give it their all. So Feliz cumpleanos, Senses Fail, and to many more ahead.

“For those who are attending the upcoming shows either Friday or Saturday, expect to be hit with a wave of nostalgia.”

For the encore, the band played songs off their other albums such as “Blackout,” “Family Tradition” and “Buried A Lie.”

Senses Fail fans sing along as the band plays the album in its entirety.

Senses Fail has started their tour Mar. 3 in San Diego and ends in Santa Ana.

March Music Recap

13 MUSIC

A look back at some of last month’s singles

By Samantha Neou Intern Towards the end of the month, tons of artists released so much good music that it was difficult to select only five. So now there’ll be a list of honorable mentions. Still, there’s so much undiscovered music I couldn’t get to here. Anyway, I hope you find a song on this list that you can jam to. Happy dancing or crying!

“The Heart Part 4” by Kendrick Lamar The track starts off with head-bobbing beats and relaxed verses from Kendrick, but as his flow and rhymes get more aggressive and clever, the music matches it with loud bass and intense piano keys. Kendrick doesn’t bat an eye when he critiques politics, specifically Trump, spits venom at other rappers like Big Sean, and boasts of his successes. When he raps “I am the greatest rapper alive” by the end of the song, no one can deny it.

“Andromeda” by Gorillaz feat. D.R.A.M. Laid back electronic beats are paired

with pulsating whirrs throughout this promising peek at Gorillaz’s new musical project. After six years of silence, the virtual band announced that they’d release their long-anticipated album “Humanz” on April 28. They released four singles already and “Andromeda” is the strongest track so far. Whether the title is a reference to the constellation with the same name or a nightclub in Colchester, the danceable song is tinged with melancholy that leaves a solemn, infinite feeling common in a night drive.

“Amphetamine” by Smino This almost eight minute two-part finale featured on Smino’s album “blkswn” showcases how skillful of a rapper he really is with a free flowing rhyme in “Amphetamine.”

Smino gets candid about “getting through the night” without sedatives anymore.

During the second part, guest rappers Jean Deaux, Bari and Noname make appearances and the atmosphere shifts; it’s funky and

hopeful. The lyrics are more positive, a casual conversation amongst friends, and is one that you wish wouldn’t end.

“Apocalypse” by Cigarettes After Sex In the ambient pop band’s latest single, feathery guitar and minimal drum snares create a dreamy atmosphere brimmed with warmth. But like many Cigarettes After Sex songs, this one is painfully romantic while being heartbreakingly wistful. Greg Gonzalez croons, “Your lips, my lips, apocalypse,” a poetic way to say their kiss will only lead to irrevocable relationship destruction. It’s an interesting dichotomy that sweeps you up in its soothing clutches. Their self-titled album will be released in June 2017.

synths of “Baby” make you want to sway under the starry sky. Tei Shi’s soft, sultry voice envelopes you in silk as she implores her lover to hold onto their seemingly tainted love. It sounds romantic, but the lyrics’ dark undertones convey caution as well. Never has the idea of love sounded appealing and dangerous.

Honorable mentions: “HUMBLE.” By Kendrick Lamar “Passionfruit” by Drake “Como Si” by Tei Shi “Blood Under My Belt” by The Drums “Some Girl” (feat. Steve Lacy) by GoldLink

“Baby” by Tei Shi This lullaby-like song is reminiscent of Ciagarettes After Sex’s “Apocalypse.” Taken from the Argentinian artist’s first album “Crawl Space,” the dreamlike guitar and

His “Views” Give Us “More Life” Drake refuses to go stagnant

By Maianh Luong Contributor From mixtape to album, Drake’s descriptions of his ‘own work’ have always led the way for the laser-focused sound he tries to deliver. Now, with what he calls a mere playlist, “More Life” takes what we know of Drake, a narratively shaped and contained pop visionary, and transforms it into a format that is relaxed and circuitous.

In 2015, Drake delivered us his mixtape, “If You’re Reading This It’s Too Late,” an album full of chest-beating, industry-buff trash-talk – rushed and released to the market to exhibit his self-indulgent state, manifesting his swift journey into fame and the spotlight.

“More Life” minimally recounts these parts of his life, including his 2016 album “Views,” which yielded only a handful of charttopping hits. It acknowledges and responds to the creative dead-end and lackluster imprint “Views” left many of his fans with.

Drake’s newest format, a playlist, seems to be implicitly surrendering to his former static routine. “More Life” is eclectic and generous in all of its sounds. Drake seems to willingly play more in the background as he

ushers forth his latest collaborators.

In “Get It Together,” he allows the shadowy voice of 19-year-old British singer Jorja Smith to glide over the track as he merely doubles the hook with her. In its entirety “4422” is sung by British pop singer Sampha, whose tender, but prolific soprano voice moves souls.

Drake’s British influence doesn’t stop there. Grime rapper Skepta, leaves a savage taste in our mouths in “Skepta Interlude” while seasoned UK grime rapper Giggs makes an appearance on the song “KMT” with riotous, lewd lyrics. Young Thug also emerges twice, with his unique singing in “Sacrifice” and “Ice Melts.” Kanye West makes a cameo in “Glow,” which has Mr. West’s sound all over it.

Drake brings the contrasting sounds of Caribbean and South African house to support the fame-induced paranoia that he has always dealt with. “I can not tell who is my friend/ I need distance between me and them,” he sings over a lively beat in “Madiba Riddim.”

The radio dancehall favorite, “Passionfruit,” croons about a lady who is

“passionate from miles away/ passive with the things you say.”

Drake has clearly removed his solipsistic persona in the release of his latest. It’s intoxicating and detouring layout winds us onto the path of forward-thinking hip-hop and soul.

Mind you, Drake still lashes out in bitterness and obsession like he did the past three years but in a more refined and gentler manner. “People like you more when you working towards something/ Not when you have it,” he raps on “Lose You.” Perhaps one of the most effective guests on the album comes from a voicemail left by Drake’s mother at the end of “Can’t Have Everything.” It reveals his common motif of paranoia and anxiety that he has always dealt with. “You know, hun, I’m a bit concerned about this negative tone that I’m hearing in your voice

these days… but that attitude will just hold you back in this life.”

This revelation reveals that Drake’s most inspiring work manifests itself when he looks beyond his own mind and uncertainty as “More Life” comes to life.

Source: The Grammys

A Darker Samurai Returns For a New Season

14 ENTERTAINMENT

By Soun Oeng Staff Writer

Adult Swim

Our beloved modern day samurai is back for its fifth season—not that it needed one.

In the previous series, we remember Jack as a level-headed samurai with a strong moral code—someone with a purpose. However, in this season, Jack is depicted as vulnerable, lost, distressed and unstable. Jack has a caveman’s beard and his eyes look burdened with darkness despite the fact that he hasn’t aged due to the unknown effects from being stuck in the future.

Episode “XCII” of “Samurai Jack” picks up from where the show left off, given that each is labeled by a roman numeral. Although Jack is trapped in this dystopian future for fifty years, the series feels as if it’s more of a continuation than a reboot. Something newcomers can appreciate if they haven’t seen the show, since it gives a background of who Jack was. The episode introduces a new obstacle for Jack to overcome: he has lost his sword.

“XCII” begins by thrusting its audiences into a desolate land that is interrupted by an explosion. Beetle-like robots scurry into our perspective as we see a mother and her children try to escape the army of bug killing machines.

Hope seems to be as lost as the demolished city in the background, but Jack intervenes and

rescues them with the help of heavy artillery and a badass motorcycle with tires that sprout out horns. We discover later that Jack is tortured by hallucinations of his parents and people. He is even visited during his time of torment by a mysterious, ghostly samurai on horseback. Meanwhile, a secret community of breed female assassins are trained to become daughters of Aku, their sole existence being to kill Jack. Jack’s first real threat is Scaramouch, the Pied Piper assassin, who decimated a village in order to grab his attention.

“Samurai Jack” is a show to look out for because of its dark driven plot, which is a different shift from the children’s animation.

The show respects its past animated artwork and fans can continue to enjoy the digitally hand drawn animation. The use of silhouettes and diverse colors help create the show’s atmospheric setting of a dystopian world. I also love the rugged Jack because there’s a freedom to push Jack to his limits, an aspect I look forward to see explored throughout the season.

Although there has been an embrace of a darker undertone, the show is still able to carry its weight on its shoulders. New Jack is broken, but carries remnants of a character we love.

I’m glad Jack didn’t have a complete makeover, and is still the entertaining samurai I waited to watch on Cartoon Network.

New Final Fantasy Expansion Worth It “Episode Gladiolus” exceeds expectations

By Elliott Gatica Music Editor The first major expansion for Final Fantasy XV has arrived with a very manly approach in the downloadable content (DLC) add-on, “Episode Gladiolus.” It focuses on the shield of King Gladiolus and unveils why he parted ways with Noctis, Prompto and Ignis after being unable to beat Ravus in their initial encounter on an Imperial base.

Gladio wanted to take on a series of trials in order to become stronger and more able to protect Noctis. He calls Cor Leonis to aid him in his conquest to gain more power. This actually fleshes out Cor’s character even more and finally explains that scar Gladio got on his forehead.

From the official Final Fantasy XV website This DLC add-on allows you to assume control of someone other than Noctis and it’s a refresher. Though Gladio’s weapons of choice are greatswords and large shields, the gameplay doesn’t feel as slow as it feels when Noctis uses the weapons. It makes sense since Gladio is such a big guy.

Also, it’s important to note that this is almost like a standalone game. The interface does borrow aspects of the original FFXV game, but certain elements like the combat system focus more on the new rage system.

When Gladio takes damage, guards from attacks and parries successfully, the rage

meter increases, granting him more attack power. Unlike Noctis, there is no magic like warp-striking or element casting. It’s just a meaty young guardian of the prince going through the Tempering Grounds with the Marshal of the Crownsguard.

Gladio takes on huge monsters like the Brunnrsormr, Enkidu and Humbaba. However, the final trial he faces is none other than the blademaster Gilgamesh and it’s nothing short of epic. And yes, this is a battle on a big bridge.

This battle actually felt tougher than most of the bosses I faced throughout this entire game. The player has to really

utilize dodging and parrying as he has a plethora of lethal moves.

Upon completion of the chapter, you are rewarded with the Genji Blade which carries over onto the main game and a glaive art for Gladio to use in other modes.

It also unlocks a score attack mode and an extra ‘final battle’ against Cor himself. However, beating the score attack mode with at least 500,000 points rewards the player with a fully shirtless Gladio outfit which is also carried onto the main game.

For an add-on that’s marked with a $5 price tag, this is worth it, although it is a travesty that this wasn’t in the initial release of Final Fantasy XV.

Born on the Bayou

15 CULTURE

Jeremy Love tackles racism in his cult comic series

By Soun Oeng

Lee encounters the soul of Billy Glass, a boy who was lynched for whistling at a white woman when she visited the bayou

Staff Writer

Illustrations by Jeremy Love

When you think of a horror story you can expect suspense, supernatural creatures and explicitly gory scenes. Jeremy Love’s comic series “Bayou” twists our idea of horror by connecting it to America’s history of racism, an approach that guarantees surprise to its readers.

“Bayou” is set in the South in 1930s Depression era Mississippi. The story follows black protagonist Lee Wagstaff, the daughter of a sharecropper and someone who is aware of t h e supernatural. When her white playmate Lily Westmoreland is taken by a mystical creature of the bayou, Lee’s father is accused of kidnapping Lily.

In order to save her father from lynching, Lee is forced to embark on a journey into a fantastical realm where she encounters frightening monsters and near death experiences. Moreover, the only help she receives is from a benevolent swamp giant named Bayou. Together they travel across the haunting neverland, inhabited by zombielike slaves and animal-talking Confederate war militants.

What is most appealing about “Bayou” is its character depiction. Each character in the story correlates to a metaphorical criticism of racist ideologies. For example, Jim Crow is an entity that is channeled by the Boss Man. He takes on many forms, and in this case, literal black crows. This is significant because it showcases Love’s clever

What particularly intrigues me in the compilation of panels with Bayou and the arrival of the Jim Crows in a climactic scene is Love’s close attention to negative space.

He uses the space to contrast and focus the reader’s point of view to the action. I admire the facial expressions in each of the characters.

Although there isn’t much color in this scene, it feels cinematically drawn. The water colors used Bayou saves Lee from the swamp demon portrayal of the racial caste system. The Boss Man is the ruler of the supernatural realm and has the power to decide what happens in his world, just like how Jim Crow laws enforced segregation in history. Therefore, this allow readers to critically analyze the text and illustration.

It’s rare to come across a comic book where the writer is also the illustrator. It’s something I respect. “Bayou” is a story about combating your fears as well as confronting racism. There’s a lack of ethnic minority heroines in the graphic novel genre and it’s nice to see a change. Moreover, “Bayou” is beautifully illustrated, capturing the murky and mysterious setting of the Southern neverland by Love’s manipulation of light.

Complementing the story as a whole, it’s an incredible piece of artwork to look at. What has got me mesmerized about “Bayou” are the characters, especially Lee. They’re compelling, rich in detail and have

personalities that readers can relate to.

Although its set in the 1930s, “Bayou” resonates with its readers by its ability to address racism in an unorthodox medium: the graphic novel.

Bayou saving Lee from the swamp demon is one of my favorite pieces of artwork in “Bayou” because Jeremy Love is able to illustrate powerful scenes without doing too much.

Without using too many colors to overwhelm the scene, Love is still able to establish the mysticism of the bayou in the background. The use of lighting contrasting the mellow tones, help create a breathtaking setting. It’s nothing beautiful, but swampy and supernatural, something that fits the overall theme. I also appreciate the character placements in the panel. Each scene is a reaction to the next one. It’s beautifully drawn and tells a captivating story without the use of dialogue.

in the artwork creates a haunting, even dangerous undertone. It’s an amazing panel of art because you get so much emotion in such a small portion.

Although the illustration of Billy Glass and Lee is two-dimensional, it’s the simplicity that lures readers into the mysteriousness of the bayou. In this scene, Jeremy Love does an excellent job in conveying how dark and mystical the supernatural world is by utilizing cold colors with a sparing amount of lighter tones. What I love most about this is that it provides perspective in each panel and made me feel as if I was right in the bayou with Lee. The series has two volumes.

Unfortunately, it’s also out of print. So if you want to snatch a copy, you’ll have to shop online. They’re cheap. I recommend you purchase one soon before this amazing book is soon out of reach.

16 NEWS Silver Blue/Flickr

Jacking In: Company proposes human-machine communication Neuralink will enable users to transmit thoughts to and from computers

By Soun Oeng Staff Writer On March 27, Elon Musk revealed his new scientific startup “Neuralink,” a company designed to develop neural interface technologies that would allow human brains to communicate with computers.

Neuralink’s original focus was medicalresearch, but Musk was determined to push boundaries in unprecedented areas within the technological world.

He argued that with the mass production of technology and its growth in the job market, humans would become obsolete. To combat the rise of artificial intelligence, Musk insisted that it was necessary to consider a symibotic alternative if humans and technology were to coexist in the economy without

eliminating either competition.

Despite this extreme proposal, Musk urged the public to see his ambition as realistic, stating that, “if we fail to do this, we’ll risk becoming ‘house cats’ to artificial intelligence”. Although his analogy was satirical, it mkes an interesting point about human reliance on technological advancement.

The big question is how it will be done.

The answer — neural lace.

According to an article in The Guardian, Musk believes that it is possible to create ‘neuroprosthetics’ in the brain, like the prosthetics that are used as replacements for body ligaments. In this case, these prosthetics will generate

a complex communication system to exchange ideas telepathically.

He is confident that this neuroprosthetic will increase cognitive or sensory abilities. Further on in the article, Musk added that he was working on an “injectable mesh-like ‘neural lace’ that fits on your brain to give it digital computing capabilities.”

To put it in simpler terms, neural lace involves the implantation of electrodes in the brain so human thought can travel to and from a computer. In theory, this manipulation between two different cortices can allow the possibility of the human mind to interact with artificial intelligence, enabling humans to enhance their cognitive functions.

Neuralink is only in the beginning stages of its production. Musk informed the public that Neuralink will most likely develop medical technologies for treating brain disorders such as epilepsy, depression and Parkinson’s, but has intentions to create neural interface technologies in the future.

Tech and science/science fiction site Gizmodo disclosed that Musk is not alone in his mission for artificial intelligence — a company named Kernel, as well as Facebook, have already sought out potential engineers that are interested in

creating a brain-computer interface.

A world where humans are able to plug into a computer interface with the insert from their brain is becoming closer to a reality.

In the midst of exciting proclamations about the charge for artificial intelligence, some skeptics expressed concern.

Walter Glannon, a professor who studies neuroethics at the University of Calgary, told the Guardian that “there is a risk of the microchips being hacked by third parties. This could interfere with the user’s intention to perform actions, violate privacy by extracting information from the chip.”

The Economist also criticized Musk plan for neural lace by stating that there is another problem — there isn’t enough research behind how the brain encodes information.

“Such interfaces as do exist have to be trained, rather than instructed what to do.

Instruction would be possible only if brain signals were properly understood,” it wrote.

Despite Musk challenging the way we perceive science with every project he discloses, Neuralink risks facing ethical legalities.

Is it morally just to place a chip in the brain of humans? Are we giving up much of our humanity to technology in exchange for a better life?

The questions asked are controversial, but the present time where science fiction can possibly be reality is astounding.

“It is necessary to consider a symbiotic alternative if humans and technology were to coexist in the economy.”