You could quote me.
Issue 73.01
Wes Verner Deposed Literature Editor
Rose Feduk, Editor-in-Chief editorinchief@lbunion.com Marco Beltran, Managing Editor marco.union@gmail.com Connor O’Brien, Managing Editor connor.union@gmail.com
Shereen Lisa Dudar, Opinions Editor opinions@lbunion.com Sierra Pathael, Campus Director campus@lbunion.com Michael Wood, Music Editor music@lbunion.com Katie Healy, Literature Editor literature@lbunion.com Alia Shah, Culture Editor culture@lbunion.com Molly Shannon, Food Editor food@lbunion.com God Warrior, Grunion Editor grunion@lbunion.com Gabe Ferreira, Art Director gabe.union@lbunion.com Brian Mark, Art Director brian.union@lbunion.com Truc Nguyen, Web Manager web@lbunion.com Assitant Editors: Alfred Pallarca, Alyssa Keyne. Contributors: Joseph Phillips, Jon Bolin, Amy Patton, Lily Gossage, Colin Sayer, Wes Verner. Disclaimer and Publication Information: The Union Weekly is published using ad money and partial funding provided by the Associated Students, Inc. All Editorials are the opinions of the Union weekly, not ASI or CSULB. All students are welcome and encouraged to be a part of the Union Weekly staff. All letters to the editor will be considered for publication. However, CSULB students will have precedence. Please include name and major for all submissions. They are subject toediting and will not be returned. Letters may or may not be edited for grammar, spelling, punctuation, and length. The Union Weekly will publish anonymous letters, articles, editorials, and illustration, but must have your name and information attached for our records. Letters to the editor should be no longer than 500 words. The Union Weekly assumes no responsibility, nor is it liable, for claims of its advertisers. Grievance procedures are available in the Questions? Comments? Coconuts? Beach, CA 90815. E-mail: info@lbunion.com
LBUnion.com
Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief I wish that we as a society had advanced far enough by now to where I could transmit sounds to you via newspaper. But since it seems that scientists are all focusing on “more important things” like medicine and fuel derived from old ketchup packets, you’ll just have to imagine with your ears the immense, booty-thumpin fanfare accompanying this first issue of the Union Weekly. I’m extremely excited for this semester, despite the immense amount of pressure I’ve put upon myself. The past couple of weeks leading up to the first issue have been especially stressful, as transitions are, with copious amounts of employee hiring and editor training, cleaning, teaching, breathing, and trying not to make it obvious that my mental faculties are on the brink of a very nasty meltdown. If you have no idea who I am, there’s a few things you should know. Like Missy Elliot, I’m 5’2”, I wanna dance with you, and I’ve been playing Animal Crossing: New Leaf since I bought it in June. In fact, this video game is the only thing that’s been keeping me sane. I so desperately want to retreat into that world because I’ve accomplished so much in the few months that I’ve had this game: I’m a fossil away from completing my museum collection, my house has nearly all of the extensions available and I’ve managed to kick out all
of my ugly villagers. Thankfully I’ve now made a resolution to devote that same amount of energy to the Union, so don’t be surprised if you spot me rearranging the furniture in the office. Well, and working hard to make the Union Weekly well worth reading and pretty to boot. As you go through this issue you’ll notice a few changes happened while you were gone. We’ve thrown out Comics (due to an unfortunate lack of interest) and replaced it with a Food page, where you can submit recipes, reviews and lists concerning just about everything edible. People like eating and talking about what they eat, so why not have a place for those to show off all the things they’ve put in their mouths? Also, I’m happy to announce the return of Campus, for the simple reason that it sounds nicer. Right? To help bring you to the screeching realization that you also had a boring summer — the exception being all you “I’m going to Europe to take Instagram photos in front of old buildings” fuckers — compiled our first feature detailing all our wildest, movie-worthy, summer fantasies. And if you’d like to really sink your teeth into the Union Weekly experience, our open meetings are at 5:30 p.m. on Tuesdays in our office on the bottom floor of the USU. Be there or be a big chump.
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OPINIONS
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
Crossing Thicke Lines Robin Thicke is a dick(e) and other observations Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor If you have had normal respiratory habits this summer, odds are you have heard the song “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke. Like many other pop phenomena, Thicke’s song is everywhere. At the time of this writing, the song has been number one on Billboard’s 100 for 10 straight weeks. If you’re like me, corporate pop ubiquity is something that really annoys the hell out of you. So, like many of the annoyed nerd bloggers on the Internet, I have decided to vent my frustrations using whichever medium is available to me. Luckily, this tirade will be circulated and distributed throughout campus which will hopefully change many hearts and minds. If I’ve learned anything from Sid Meyer’s Civilization, it’s that, in order to convert a certain area over to your side, you need to use cultural influence to persuade the general public. Please accept this bit of propaganda.
Reason one - Sampling and plagiarism I’m an old school funk guy. I grew up listening to my mom’s records and was raised by the soulful and sexy sound of the 70s. One of the great artists of the epoch was the late and great Marvin Gaye. I’m sure most of you are familiar with his bigger hits, but one you may have overlooked is a musical gem entitled “Got to Give it Up.” A disco hit that was clearly the main influence for “Blurred Lines.” Not only was it an influence, it’s the damn template for the instrumental. The Gaye family believed they were owed a slice of the action and filed a suit over royalties. In a perfect world, Thicke would not be a dick, and he would give the Gaye family the royalties they are entitled to. Thicke has made millions off the song, and will probably make more millions that will surpass Gaye’s entire net worth. However, the dude has decided to countersue the
Gaye family and protect the profitability of the song. An odd way to pay tribute to one of your biggest influences. Reason two - His response to the alleged “misogyny” in his video RT has received criticism for his uncut music video, which depicts nude women doing things like playing banjos and riding bikes. You know, normal nekkid things. I believe an artist is entitled to do whatever he or she want in a video. However, I believe that an artist should take full responsibility for whatever interpretations it may depict. Honestly, the video is dumb and sexist, but shit, did you expect any class from those clowns? What really pisses me off the most is the assclown’s response to his critiques. “What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I’ve never gotten to do that before. I’ve always respected women.” What a fucking idiot! Let me provide an example to demonstrate
to you the illogicality of his statement: “What a pleasure it is to kill someone. I never gotten to do that before. I’ve always respected other people’s rights and existences.” [Author’s Note: If you ever kill someone in Florida, use this as your excuse.] Final reason - His Daddy Go to IMDb and type in “Alan Thicke.” That’s all you need to see. These are the three reasons I could fit into this article. There are other reasons why I hate Robin Thicke, but the Union won’t let me print my manifesto. In conclusion, if you like the song, cool. To each his own. But don’t act like Robin Thicke is a talented musician. He’s a talentless hack who had his semi-famous daddy help him make his way to the top. He steals other people’s music and he is an agent sent by music companies to lower the standards here on Earth. ‘Nuff said.
#Alienation
It seems that ever since the iPhone and all the smart phones came out, I have not had the pleasure of hanging out with a group of friends without one of us stepping out of the conversation to check our phones. Whether I’m checking Facebook, Instagram, or simply texting my friends, I admit that I am one of those addicts. In fact, if you have a smart phone the chances are you do the same thing. It is a sad reality what our generation has turned into. Smart phones, laptops, and tablets are pretty much dominating our social interactions. You will not find one person in your class not annoyingly texting their friend, looking up where to get the best iced tea, or even Snapchatting what the professor is teaching (with the caption: “bored as fuck!”). When I walk from campus to the parking lot, everybody is looking down on the ground, and this is not because they are depressed from a recent breakup. Chances are they are Tweeting that they are on their way to their car and about to hit the 605 traffic.
I see people at concerts taking a picture or video of the performance and shortly after, posting it on Facebook with the caption, “Having so much fun.” Really? How much fun could you really be having when you are on your phone and not interacting with the people around you? I recently went on a lunch date with a friend for Korean barbecue. As I was about to start my gluttonous binging, she abruptly interrupted me and asked, “Can you hold the tongs? I’m about to take a picture and put it on Instagram.” She asked me which filter to use, and whether the caption was catchy enough. I was completely horrified. Although, I do admit that I am addicted to my phone, I don’t think I have taken it to this level that I have to record every step that I make as they were about to happen. I do understand her actions though. We all get this little high when people ‘like‘ the cool things we post on Facebook and other social media. As our lunch progressed, every time we would begin talking, she would check her
phone and reply to every single comment people posted on her picture. The next time this person invited me to dinner or lunch I had to decline. I know it’s harsh, but since when did it become a norm for people to go out for lunch and leave the conversation and talk to someone else? It is simply rude. I know it is unavoidable to have this problem especially how addicting social media could get. However, we are simply creating social awkwardness for this generation and the coming one. Our phones have become the third party in all our social interactions. It is a sad fact of life, but it is not too late to change it. Every now and then I purposely leave my phone at home or in my car for no reason. I don’t want my phone to full consume me. If someone really needs to get a hold me, they will eventually. The world will certainly not stop spinning if you don’t know who liked your picture on Facebook. So just relax, calm down, and put your phone down.
How to lose friends with your smart phones Alfred Christian Pallarca Assistant Editor
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
OPINIONS
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Hungry for Justice Another prison system (for you and me) Michael Wood Music Editor Within the prisons and correctional facilities of California right now, we are facing a true humanitarian crisis. Even the Supreme Court has had to admit that the overcrowding and poor state of healthcare and education within the prison system constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, violating the 8th Amendment. Because of this and draconian practices such as solitary confinement, prisoners have began to demand justice. Sparked by the policy of solitary confinement in prisons, with some reports of prisoners being kept there for decades, many prisoners have engaged in a hunger strike to protest their brutal treatment at the hands of the State. Kept in conditions which have been known to cause mental illness, depression, suicide, and extreme alienation from society, prisoners have decided that they will no longer silently tolerate being treated like animals.
Of course the state of California will not allow this to go on. Nothing says bad publicity like dozens of dead prisoners who would rather starve themselves to death than face even more time in such brutal punishment. California has recently begun force-feeding prisoners who refuse to eat, violating a very basic human right: the right to control your own body within the bounds of the law. The need for reform in the face of treatment like this is clear. When violent offenders are caged like animals in hopes of punishing them rather than rehabilitating them, when non-violent offenders are forced to endure overcrowding and abuse comparable to that seen in refugee camps, we have to question, what exactly is wrong with our justice system. In the past 40 years, we have faced a war on crime and a war on drugs, and where has it gotten us? It has gotten us the highest incarceration rate in
Meta Opinion Opinions on Opinions Roque Renteria Entertainment Editor
Dirty Harry Callahan once said “Opinions are like assholes — Everyone has one.” Some are pink, some are brown, and others bloody red. What he didn’t tell you is that most people spew out uneducated, enraging bullshit and pass it off as their First Amendment right. What happened to the glorious days of feudalism when the common folk could not have an opinion on political, economic and social matters? Democracy is flawed. It validates the assumption that my knowledge is as good as your ignorance. What makes matters worse is that now we have huge agents of propaganda that rile the masses up without any coherent ideology. I’m not pointing any fingers (*Cough* CNN, MSNBC or any major news outlet), but shit needs to change. Everyone should have an opinion about anything but not everyone should share it. Those within the public eye should be especially careful with their influence. Frankly, when any sort of jackass with access to a Mac computer on the first floor of the University Student Union can publish his hackish opinion to an audience of thousands, we need to step back a second
and wonder exactly how good mass media is for the formation of an intelligent and well-informed populace. I’m glad that public debate has been decentralized and proliferated because of the internet but 4chan ain’t exactly the best place for political theory. Do you think the Greeks had the r/atheism subreddit in mind when they envisioned public discourse in the future? There’s a reason why Plato believed that the guardians should rule the state and not the common man. And Plato was never wrong. Seriously, look that shit up. Anyway, take what I have said into consideration or don’t, I really don’t give a shit; someone just gave me a omputer and the opportunity to vomit words. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. Anyway the wind blows, doesn’t really matter. I tried so hard and went so far but in the end it doesn’t even matter. Take this with a grain of salt and I will leave you with the wise words of Bob Dylan “ You don’t need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.”
the world, even higher than China. We have ended up with privatized prisons, prisons run for profit by independent companies who have an incentive to lock as many people up, guilty or not, as they can. We are facing the greatest humanitarian crisis in the United States since the civil rights movement and the mainstream media hardly even acknowledges it. In the United States, we have a faulty idea that all transgressions must be punished and that the threat of punishment is enough to subdue the threat of crime. This is simply false; we can see it on the streets today. If criminals were able to evaluate risks and rewards as well as normal people, they would not commit most crimes. Even in the heat of the moment or when perception is altered by drugs, this is not a realistic expectation of even the most good and rational people. I stand with those striking in the
prisons today, nearing their second month of the hunger strike because they are asking for something so simple and so decent that their past decisions shouldn't even be brought into consideration. They are asking to end the torture and punishment and begin rehabilitation. No, they are not asking to be let loose on the streets immediately, they are willing to serve the remainder of their sentences, given that they are not tortured further. This is perfectly reasonable and should be granted without a second thought, yet, in this environment where submission to authority is more important than personal progress or rehabilitation, it is thought to be ridiculous to give in to these requests. Well fuck, just call me ridiculous then for thinking that prisoners are people too.
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ENTERTAINMENT
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
Two editors duke it out over Del Toro’s latest blockbuster Music Editor Okay, I seem to have made a smalltime career out of being the devil’s advocate so naturally, I have to trash on the summer sensation that is Pacific Rim. Yeah, I know that there is nothing more awesome than giant robots fighting monsters when you’re 12, but come on, hasn’t the excitement worn off after the handful Transformers movies that have come out in the past year? Frankly, Pacific Rim was entertaining, but you don’t leave the theater with anything more than you came in with, and, in my opinion, that’s not worth 12 fucking bucks at the local movie theater. First off, let’s talk about character development a little bit. This actually wasn’t a weak point for the movie except for one character where it was fucking essential that there be some sort of development. I mean, Stacker Pentacoast and Mako Mori actually showed some serious character development and weren’t one-dimensional paper cutouts of action movie tropes, unlike the completely fucking forgettable chiseled white dude in the leading role. I couldn’t even remember his name to be honest so I had to look it up on IMDb. Raleigh Becket had the most generic action hero backstory... his brother dies, he drops off the grid a bit and then makes a huge comeback when he abandons his stoic traumatized demeanor and learns to cooperate with Mako Mori. Hooray! It’s not like I’ve never seen that before! To be
Entertainment Editor completely honest, I didn’t care whether he lived or died at the end of the movie, but I was rooting for Mako Mori the whole way through! Seems like the leading lady deserved a bigger role but was forced aside by some unlikable white dude. Pretty typical for Hollywood if you ask me. Of course, who the hell cares about that? All you want to see is robots fighting monsters, right? That’s all you want because you’re a plebeian who hasn’t moved beyond your childhood obsession with Saturday morning cartoons. I however, expect more from Guillermo Del Toro. If Michael Bay had directed the movie, I’d probably see this in a much greater light, considering the fact that it would be a great departure from the bullshit he has been putting out in recent memory. But this is Guillermo Del Toro, the man who made Pan’s Labyrinth possible! I expect so much more from him than a cheesy, but admittedly gratifying, rehash of Rock `em Sock `em Robots. So overall, I guess I have to say that I didn’t hate the movie. You would’ve had to have murdered your inner child to hate that movie. Honestly, it’s disappointing that a movie that has so much going for it can make such terrible amateurish errors that make me step back and wonder how they can get so much right while screwing up some of the most basic elements of the film.
This summer was a pretty weak summer as far as movies go. I was dissatisfied with Hollywood’s output this year. However, through the thickness of shit I found a glimmer of hope. Pacific Rim was that glimmer of hope. If you haven’t seen Pacific Rim already, then get on it. This movie is one of the smartest and most visually stunning sci-fi films I have seen in a while. I won’t go into much detail about the story due to the word constraint, but I will say that this movie is the perfect homage to any Godzilla or Transformers or anime lovers out there. Mexican magician Guillermo Del Toro (Director and writer of Hellboy I & II + Pan’s Labyrinth) knows how to capture the spirit of childhood favorites and translate the action well onto the big screen. This movie kicks ass. During the fight scenes, I did not blink. A fucking robot used a battleship as a club. It was amazing. The CGI was pixel perfect. Pacific Rim is one of those awesome gems of pop art that makes you reevaluate what an action movie is. Many would argue that Pacific Rim is another shallow Hollywood blockbuster. I stand by my belief that Pacific Rim is one of the smartest movies to come out of a Hollywood studio in a very long time. The awesome mind-machine interface that
controls the Jaegers (the bad ass robots) has some logic behind its operation. Some basic artificial intelligence concepts were given and satisfied the nerd in me. Basically, what I’m trying to say is: Pacific Rim is true sci-fi, not that space soap opera crap. I would argue that Pacific Rim has a surreal amount of social realism. When monsters from another dimension start attacking Earth and its citizens are left with no alternative, every nation unites and gathers their resources in order to preserve humanity. I enjoyed the optimism in this movie. I’m a big fan of dystopias, but I love movies that unite rather than divide. Pacific Rim shows us that despite persistent forms of tribalism, humans will unite in order to survive. This theme of unity presented throughout the movie made me reflect on a lot of things. Sure, Pacific Rim isn’t the most philosophical movie, like Blade Runner or The Tree of Life, but it is a movie that does leave the moviegoer reflecting on a lot of things. Personally, I wondered the role of man in the universe and the limits of the human mind. Also, I wonder how much it would cost to build one of those robots? Therefore, watch the movie if you haven’t already. Light a joint and embrace the pop escapism. And behold, the best movie of 2013. Hands down.
PARTY’S OVER
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CAMPUS
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
“Engineering Girls” Shoots for the Stars CSULB’s “Engineering Girls—It Takes a Village” encourages young girls from underprivileged families to consider engineering.
Words by Sierra Patheal Campus Editor
For some of the CSULB Engineering Department’s best and brightest, the first week of August was anything but ordinary.
From August 5th through 11th, eight female engineering students, many generous faculty and staff members from CSULB’s and LBCC’s Engineering Departments, and members of the surrounding Long Beach community hosted an absolutely outstanding, first-of-its-kind week-long educational stay at the CSULB dorms for 29 young girls from families in residence at the Villages at Cabrillo homeless shelter. The program, although certainly not the first on-campus educational stay CSULB’s Engineering Department has hosted, was the first of its kind in that it focused specifically on young girls in frequently underrepresented populations. Its main goal was to encourage young girls from underprivileged families to consider engineering when they grow up. Lily Gossage—Chair of CSULB’s President’s Commission on the Status of Women, research associate for the Office of Engineering Educational Research and Assessment, and creator of “Engineering Girls”—says the camp was truly special because the girls were able to participate
in hands-on engineering projects and get a feel for their own potential futures as female engineers. “A lot of these children are underrepresented minorities, but because they’re women, they’re doubly a minority. The fact that we’re trying to get them into engineering—a field that is male-dominated—makes it a very unique summer camp experience,” said Gossage. Moreover, she believed that the event was a complete success that had a concrete impact on the participants. The girls bonded with each other during the week-long event as well as exploring the activities and the college setting. The camp gave them the chance not only to imagine themselves as part of a college campus, but to experience it. The activities in the camp, too, were geared toward encouraging the girls to explore engineering and breaking down possible barriers between the girls and the field. The girls participated in a laser cutting and etching module, where they created a framed, laser-cut project to take home; a robotics module, where they built
and controlled a submergible Remote Operated Vehicle to retrieve objects from the bottom of a swimming pool; and a module on drag forces, which was organized around an origami lesson—to name only a few. As hands-on as possible and focused on experiencing rather than memorizing, the camp immersed the girls into the world of engineering and showed them, rather than telling them, that they could be part of it, too. “Engineering Girls” is the type of camp I wish I went to—and that makes me want to get involved in making it happen again. Luckily, there are plenty of ways to do that.
Union Weekly: How did you come up with the idea to host “Engineering Girls — It Takes a Village” at CSULB?
UW: What’s your favorite memory from the event?
UW: I saw that some students from Cal State Long Beach were also involved with the event. Is there a way for students who are interested in similar projects to get involved?
UW: Do you see “Engineering Girls — It Takes a Village” happening again?
Lily Gossage: I am Chair of the President’s Commission on the Status of Women at CSULB. Last December, I was the Cochair; at that time, I was introduced to the Century Villages at Cabrillo, which is a local homeless center for displaced families and veterans that serves the larger Long Beach community. I went down there to deliver a large television set and some other items that had been collected as part of the Adopt a Family initiative, and I noticed that there were a lot of families with young girls there. There seemed to be a lot more young girls than young boys, although maybe they just happened to be around when I was there. Still, as a women’s advocate, I thought, Okay, we need to do something for this community. After my initial visit to the Villages, I came back to explore the community myself, and I realized the children don’t have a lot of opportunities during the summer, so I thought it would be a good idea to offer an event during the summer for the children from the Villages.
LG: My favorite memory was really graduation. On August 11th, we had the parents, the grandparents, the uncles, the aunts, and everyone else come by the university, and we held a formal graduation ceremony. Each child was called up to receive a certificate of completion with a Target gift card provided by a member of the university campus and to be acknowledged publicly. There was a group of four girls who sang a song, and then we had five children do a dance for us. I believe that was my favorite memory, because the children were different between the beginning of the camp and the end. They really bonded. It wasn’t just about science and engineering learning; it was about them developing a sisterhood that will protect them in a time that they’re away from our nurturing community. We wanted to foster that type of camaraderie with them when they return to their original homes and communities.
Photos by Lily Gossage
LG: Oh, absolutely. We have many organizations, such as the Society of Women Engineers, the Society of Hispanic Professional Engineers, the Institute for Electrical and Electronics Engineers, and others within the college that do broadcast and communicate with the larger campus opportunities for students to get involved. We would wish for students at Cal State Long Beach to get involved in the community, not just the community inside the campus but the community outside. It’s where they have the greatest impact. Eight female engineering students, the Presidential Assistants, stayed with the girls for the entire week. The students are closer to the age of the students at the Villages at Cabrillo that we were trying to reach, and they served as peer mentors. Generationally, this is a more peer-to-peer relationship, so I find it more effective for the students to be involved in the mentorship than it would be for the faculty or staff. The students facilitate a lot of the events themselves.
LG: It will definitely happen next summer […], with lessons learned. This is, of course, the first time we’ve done it, so there have definitely been some growing pains. [Laughs.]
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
“Hi, My Name is ASI.” Your student government wants to get to know you—and for you to get involved. Joseph Phillips Union Staffer
Hello students! My name is Joseph Phillips and I will be informing you all from time to time on what we here at Big Brother…I mean the Associated Students, Inc. have been up to. My job as Chief of Staff is to work with the President of our student government, John Haberstroh, to direct policy that positively affects the average student on campus (it is much more fun than it sounds). Part of our goal this year is to be more transparent and connected with the students here at CSULB. Last year we began our ASI Awareness Campaign which addresses these issues. Our hope is that our column can help address questions of: “What the hell is ASI and what have you done for me?” First, ASI is a non-profit corporation/ your student government. We operate
popular facilities such as the Student Recreation and Wellness Center (SRWC) and the University Student Union (USU) where you will probably buy spicy chicken sandwiches on a regular basis. There are many branches in ASI such as our Senate (which allocates our budget), Commissions (which puts on big events, or even those working at the Recycling Center or Union Weekly. A fun fact is that this paper is a part of our ASI media board as well as College Beat & KBeach. More seriously though, ASI acts on student concerns and needs. This could be as simple as helping a student write a petition for acoustic tiles in the PH-1 building or advocating for the art lockers to return in the School of Art. So, what exactly has our team been up to over the summer?
1. We have reformed our BeachTeam to make it more exciting and accessible for students interested in becoming very involved on campus. Now it will be easier to connect with those involved in politics, media, or marketing. If you want to get involved and join our BeachTeam please email me!
5. We have revitalized the shuttles and now have better routes to suit student needs. We have had various meetings regarding how to enhance security on campus, and have already planned two events aimed at securing our campus at night.
2. We have made various campus visits to our neighboring CSU’s such as CSU Los Angeles and CSU Dominguez Hills to find ideas to emulate which will better student life on our own campus. 3. We have met with Athletics to talk about how the sports games and times can be more visible to students. 4. We have lobbied on various legislation in Sacramento: AB10, which would raise the minimum wage to $10 by 2018, and the Middle Class Scholarship Act, which passed with the State budget and allows middle class families to apply for 40% lower tuition!
I can drone on and on about what ASI has done, but the more important thing to realize is: “What have we not done?” If you see an issue on campus that needs to be solved, bring it to ASI. Sometimes the most important aspects of student life are overlooked, so please do not hesitate to
6. We have worked hand in hand with Disabled Student Services to help make accessibility for all a forethought rather than an afterthought. 7. We have updated our “Bill Watch-List” to monitor important legislation from Sacramento that affects students. 8. We have helped advocate and introduce our brand new gender-neutral bathrooms. We are looking into giving informative stickers to businesses that give CSULB discounts, so y’all can eat cheap! 9. We have been at the Long Beach City Council every week to learn what is going on in our city and to promote CSULB.
contact me at asi-chiefofstaff@csulb.edu if you see anything. I also encourage each and every one of you to become involved in student government. There is so much potential amongst our 36,000 students, and it would be a waste to have all of that talent go unnoticed.
CAMPUS
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Sierra Patheal Campus Editor Local Artists Glamorous at GLAMFA The CSULB Student Art Galleries are starting off the year with the Greater Los Angeles Master of Fine Arts exhibit, which draws art from MFA and MA students in the greater Los Angeles area. It will be open from 12pm ’til 5pm Monday through Thursday and Wednesdays until 7pm, and admission is free and open to everyone. ICT Will Make You See Red Award-winning Broadway drama RED has come to downtown Long Beach’s International City Theatre. The play dramatizes the life of Mark Rothko, an American expressionist artist from the 20th century. With live painting on stage, the play promises to be dramatic and fun, and with tickets in the $2950 price range, it’s the perfect backto-school treat. Enjoy some theatre before the tidal wave of homework, midterms, and finals drags you down! Performances run Thursday through Sunday until September 15th. It’s All Greek... CSULB’s fraternities and sororities will be rallying to show you what they’re made of at the annual Greek Fair on Wednesday, August 28th and Thursday, August 29th. If you’re at all interested in “rushing” this year, this is a great chance to speak with members of different Greek organizations in a lowstress atmosphere. The fair will be held from 11am ’til 2pm on the Speakers Platform Lawn by the Bookstore. And One Event You Cannot Miss is the first open meeting of this very newspaper, the Union Weekly! Join us in the Union office on the ground floor of the Student Union. If you’re interested in what’s happening on campus; if you have an opinion to share; if you’re a foodie and want to promote—or slam—a recipe or restaurant; if you’re an artist looking to share your work; or if you’re just interested in figuring out what we do down here all day and all night, drop on by. You are welcome. The meeting’s at 5:30pm this Tuesday; we look forward to seeing you here. (If you’re interested but can’t make the meeting, just email info@lbunion.com. We’ll fill you in.)
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MUSIC
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
Summer Concert Showcase All the awesome shows that you missed this summer!
Backstreet Boys Shereen Lisa Dudar Opinions Editor Backstreet’s back, alright…I guess? First and foremost, I’d like to thank The Grove for attempting to wrangle a group of adult females and gay men living out a childhood dream to watch the Backstreet Boys—arguably the quintessential boy band of the ‘90s (give or take N’Sync).
The White Arrows Molly Shannon Food Editor My go-to venue for concerts has always been The Observatory in Santa Ana. They are an intimate venue, always hosting smaller, up-and-coming artists, as well as the more popular ones, so I’m always down to see a show there. I decided to kick-start the summer by seeing one of the cheaper shows (which usually turn out to be more fun!). The acts included openers
Sasquatch! Colin Sayer Contributor Spread across four days and five stages, the Sasquatch! music festival’s yearly offerings are eclectic, and can broadly be categorized into indie and alternative with a generous helping of electronic dance. Ranging from folky alternative Mumford&Sons, and Edward Sharpe, to high energy Dropkick Murphys, and Bloc Party, over into Indie territory with
Unfortunately for them, no amount of free will convince me that that space is suitable for a concert. Rocking out in the midst of a shopping center is awkward and having to stand in line for three hours only makes me resent the people standing outside the barricades, but closer to the stage. But it’s cool, I’ll stay positive for the six-year-old inside me who would die for this moment. The show begins with Megan Nicole, a 19 year old YouTuber in a tutu dress that makes it impossible for her to pass for over 14. The whole audience seemed at a loss, only briefly joined together for a Rihanna cover. When Backstreet comes
on, the screams for Nick and Kevin begin. They played eight songs, the only two worth mentioning being “Everybody” and “Backstreet’s Back,” a nod to their recent spotlight in the summer movie This Is The End. Unless you’re a diehard fan, save your cash and skip seeing them on tour if you’re only going for the old hits. Do however check out the single off their upcoming album, “In a World Like This.” It’s a really beautiful song about gay marriage and overcoming hard times with love.
Tapioca and The Flea, Avi Buffalo, and main act The White Arrows. I have to say that Tapioca and The Flea were definitely one of the liveliest opening bands I have ever seen in all my years of shows. Their sound is very much like old-school video games, with the synthesizers and intense drums— they’ll leave you dazed and confused, but mostly dazed. Also, let it be known that they encourage twerking. Next came Avi Buffalo, a lo-fi indie group based from our very own Long Beach. The band is quirky, with lyrics consisting comparisons of lips to “little pieces of bacon” and song titles like “Five Little Sluts”. After seeing their performance
and doing a bit more research, I have come to the conclusion that Avi, the lead singer/ guitarist, is somewhat of a musical genius, and I feel that the word “groovy” describes his music perfectly. Last, but not least, was White Arrows. This was my second time seeing them, and they were just as entertaining as the first. A good way to describe this band is “out of this world”—they are definitely “out there”, but in a good way. The music is futuristic; very trippy. At one point in the show, front-runner Mickey Church put on an electric blue wig and sunglasses, then continued the show without hesitation. The performance was a crazy way to conclude an awesome night!
Vampire Weekend, The Postal Service, and getting a little weirder with Sigur Ros, Primus, Empire of the Sun and Grimes. Throw in some dubstep and house with the likes of Rusko and Steve Aoki making the spectrum of people you’ll see span from the bandana masked mosh-head stomping around to that girl in the tie-dyed jumper and butterfly wings dancing with herself. The festival’s venue, The Gorge Amphitheatre, situated smack in the middle of central Washington is absolutely stunning, if not surprisingly remote, being situated over 140 miles from any major cities. But the isolation flavors the festival
as much as the music itself, with most of those in attendance camped out for the four days, high-grading the crowd toward those who’d happily eschew showers and charging their phone for living in a tent and trading joints for breakfast beers. It’s absolutely worth mentioning Sasquatch! isn’t exactly family friendly, because of a much higher than average number of people on some form of strongly mind altering substance at any given time. If you can commit to removing yourself from the everyday world to live for a few days in the world of Sasquatch! I highly recommend the experience.
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
CULTURE
13
Summer Savin’ The Best and Worst of Summer Jobs For the typical broke college student, summer jobs are a necessity. Summer is about the time when money from financial aid is running low, and your bank account is dangerously close to going negative. You start to get nervous about how the hell you’ll be coming up with rent for the next three months,
and this sends you on a frantic search for any possible job, even if it means selling your soul to the devils of the food service industry. But then again, some are able to strike gold and find jobs that actually facilitate some sort of fun or selfdiscovery, and if you get really lucky, a summer to last you a lifetime.
The Best SOAR Advisor
Pool Guy
Alia Sabino Culture Editor
Jim Longstreet Contributor
Nothing screams “I love CSULB!” more than being a SOAR advisor. You become the face of the university and you get to welcome all our new students to the wonders of going to school at The Beach. You learn the most random and useless facts about our campus, and you have the power of instilling hate for CSUF right from the get-go. Sure after the 37th consecutive day of giving a campus tour, it can get a little trite, but hey, it comes with the territory. Jokes aside, this job was incredibly fulfilling. Nothing compares to the feeling of being able to help students (especially freshmen with naïve, lost and sometimes downright terrified faces) and convincing them that everything will be okay and, no, a panic attack isn’t necessary. The gratitude they express is so heartfelt and sincere that
I would end the day feeling that I’d truly made a difference, and this feeling is well worth all the work. But my fellow advisors are what truly made it a golden experience. We were a crazy bunch, and naturally we challenged each other. This summer taught me the value of taking chances in yourself and in other people. It made me realize the true meaning of the phrase “work hard, play harder.” It was a whirlwind of fun, youth, laughter, and very bad jokes about the Bell Tower, which usually elicited a pity laugh or two. I know that soon enough, when the dangers of monotony and real life adult responsibilities try to take over, I’ll look back and remember this as one of the best summers of my life.
This summer I was hired as a Pool and Spa Serviceman. I wasn’t sure how it would go (my boss required me to start at 5:30 am), but it quickly proved to be well worth it. On hot days, if nobody is around, I would just take my shirt off while you I the waters. The best part of the job, however, isn’t that I was outdoors. It’s not that I walk around and stay moving for long periods of time, constantly strengthening my muscles. It’s not even that you get to play with potentially dangerous chemicals (in case adrenaline is more your speed). The best part about cleaning pools is, with the right know how and good discipline, keeping the pools in peak condition can be extremely easy. If you add the right chemi-
cals under the right circumstances the pools practically take care of themselves. Now that’s not to say that the other stuff isn’t good. This job has done wonders for my waistline, and I’m in better shape than I have been in years. It’s not for everyone, not by a long shot, but if you like being outside and being done with work by lunchtime, I suggest you look into a new vocation. Did I mention that you occasionally get to see crazy nasty stuff? Just 2 weeks ago I had to fish (pun intended) a baby sculpin out of a pool. God only knows how it got there. On a weekly basis we find lizards and all kinds of stuff in all sorts of places they’re not supposed to be. It really keeps things interesting.
The Worst Cashier at McDonalds
Salsa Maker at Chipotle
Michael Wood Opinions Editor
Alia Sabino Culture Editor
Quick! Think of a bad job.There's a good chance you have already guessed what I did during my summer. Yup, I worked at McDonalds. Really, I did not realize that this particular job was so soul crushing. I've had terrible jobs before, but this was a unique experience that destroyed my hope for humanity. I was lucky enough to work the register which I thought was one of the better positions you could be stuck in. I wasn't cleaning toilets, I wasn't using a glorified ham radio to talk to customers in the drive thru, and I wasn't getting grease burns cooking absolutely disgusting food. It was just normal person-to-person contact, basic arithmetic and punching a touch screen all day, sounds easy right? Fucking wrong.
The fact of the matter is, people who work at McDonalds aren't afforded basic human decency by their customers. I was bombarded with ridiculous requests, and berated and insulted on a regular basis without so much as a “Thank you” from these folks. Between that and my ridiculous manager who wouldn't take “I quit” for an answer when I was finally fed up with the job, this job tested the limits of my civility. On the bright side though, I will literally always thank a fast food worker for the service they've performed after that experience. You should too, between the shitty pay, grease burns and routine humiliation, that casual “Thank you” actually means a lot to us.
Two summers ago, I made the mistake of applying for a job at Chipotle right by the traffic circle. In the assembly line of creating white-washed supposedly Mexican food, I worked the salsa station. If you’re thinking that this job seems easy and all I did was scoop stuff onto a tortilla or into a bowl, you’re dead wrong. The amount of work put into actually creating these salsas is so tremendous that I will not go into detail beacuse I might start getting nightmares again. This job taught me the literal sense of breaking your back (I think I felt the beginnings of osteoporosis) and good old blue-collar manual labor for shit pay. Working the end of the line forced upon me the horrendous task of wrapping burritos. For some reason I always, I repeat
ALWAYS managed to rip the tortillas, and I’d have to shout to the to guy at the beginning of the line to make another one. This would delay the entire process, and would obviously leave me feeling like crap. The customers would stand there judging me as I butchered their guacfilled creations from hell and would stare me down with a “what the fuck are you doing?” look. First of all, you can’t ask for 5 scoops of sour cream and not expect your burrito to be a complete disaster. Sometimes I would mess up the burritos so much that I would need to fight the urge of to have an emotional breakdown and just walk out. I’d get home everyday feeling incompetent, inadequate, and better yet, smelling like a disgusting blend of sweat and salsa. I lasted a month.
14
LITERATURE Union Weekly—26 August 2013
Old Authors, Awesome New Books Sierra Patheal
As an English major, I read a lot, during the school year and the sum≠mer. The extraordinary difference between the two, though, is that during the summer, I actually have time to read what I want to read. And while I try a lot of new authors on a regular basis, there are always those whose releases are marked in my planner
for months and years in advance, the author’s whose books I wouldn’t turn down if it meant bringing my bank account to zero to purchase them. Usually these are series installments—the chance to get back in touch with characters I’ve missed for months or years since their last appearances. And this summer, like
always, some of those series installments truly stood out as the best of the best, the ones that make it clear to me why midnight releases are becoming a thing and warrant hundred-mile trips to bookstores to pick up. For me, these books were this summer’s best of the best.
by Orson Scott Card Card never ceases to amaze me. The Ender’s Game universe has six central books, six Shadow novels, a flurry of short stories, and some other miscellaneous novels to its name, and it’s still going strong. When the first book in the prequel trilogy Earth Unaware came out last year, I hesitated before buying it, wondering what it could possibly give me that the core series hadn’t already. Then a friend bought it for me, and I was hooked within the first chapter. Earth Afire is no less compelling. The book starts with the introduction of a new-to-the-series character, Bingwen, an eight-year-old boy from a rice-farming
community in rural China. At the beginning of the novel, Bingwen is entirely unrelated to the rest of the series, but if there’s one thing Card is good at, it’s pulling an entire world’s worth of characters into a single novel and making them all specific, memorable, and important. Bingwen, for instance, soon becomes one of the most heartwarming characters in the book. His home and world are utterly destroyed by the ant-like invading aliens called Formics. As a certified genius of a child who is too frequently dismissed due to his age, Bingwen quickly became my favorite character in the book,
closely followed by still-present-in-theEnder-series military commander Mazer Rackham, who’s just plain awesome. Earth Afire manages that complicated interface so many prequels fall short of: it creates its own compelling narrative while still fitting seamlessly into the overall tapestry of Ender’s world. As a complex yet fast-paced piece of writing that was one of many books destined to keep me awake for hours into the night, Earth Afire is one I can wholeheartedly recommend, either as an addition to or a beginning of the Ender universe.
Magic Rises by Ilona Andrews The Kate Daniels series—Ilona Andrews’ first claim to fame—is one I avoided for a long time due to one central reason: the first novels in the series have horrid covers. The first, Magic Bites, is sickly and alien-esque with a green sky and a strangely washed-out, concerned looking lion, and the third actually has the main character mashed onto the same page as a stalking lion and an ice rink, leaving the reader to draw whatever conclusions from those elements that he or she wishes. If the cover couldn’t manage to mesh three conflicting images, I kept asking myself, why should I expect the narrative to be able to? I couldn’t have been more wrong, and with Magic Rises, the cover has finally become complex and beautiful enough to complement
the narrative. This installment of Kate’s story picks up with her and her shapeshifting mate, Curran, leaving Atlanta and traveling to Europe to participate in an activity they know is a trap, all in the hopes of receiving a medicine called “panacea” that they hope will help shapeshifter youth survive puberty. (Apparently pimples are a more pressing problem when you change into a 1000-pound werebear every time you get angry.) Coupled with this external threat is another manifestation of the fact that Kate was raised by a mentally-deficient swordsmaster and taught that every person other than herself was to be feared, avoided, and eventually killed: Curran is talking about having children, and Kate’s not sure
Fun with Uranium One day, when venturing across the living room, Little Timmy found a pretty present covered in green biohazard symbols, but the paper was so fun to unwrap he didn’t give the bold swirls a second thought. Tearing up the wrapping became its own fun; squashing and shredding it made the most delightful noises, and his little toddler hands went at it with gusto! There was a tag, but there were grown-up squiggles on it, so it was tossed aside with the biohazard confetti. Then there was the box! The BOX! This was a monster that needed to be vanquished, and soon! Shaking the box revealed that there was something rolling and plunking around inside. Must. Get. At. Stuff. He completely ignored the block text that read “Uradiation Labs: Radioactively Friendly Fun!”
she wants to listen. Add that to the fact that the entire novel features a good amount of ancient Greek mythology and you’ve got a recipe for disaster—which is always a good start to a novel. Ilona Andrews’ flawless writing completes the spell and makes this installment, like the rest of the Kate Daniels series, a wonderful read. My only quibble with this novel is that it would be a horrible place to start the series. If you’re looking to start Kate’s series—which I fully recommend that you do if you’re at all interested in urban fantasy, magic, or paranormal romance— start at the beginning. With this series, I can speak from personal experience: it really does make for a better read.
Katie Healy Literature Editor After struggling with the box for a few minutes, Timmy’s daddy came over and picked up the crumpled paper, looked at the box, grabbed a pair of rubber ducky rubber gloves, and sat down next to Timmy. “What do you have there?” he asked, slowly easing the box away from the toddler with a cringe. Opening it slowly, he picked up one of the wooden toy blocks inside and laughed. Pulling out some blocks with bright letters on them like O, C, He, Li, and Au, Timmy’s father pulled out another green block and handed it to his son. “Here Little Timmy, play with Uranium!”
Union Weekly—26 August 2013
FOOD
15
Don’t You... Forget That Ice Cream Barbeques, corn on the cob, melted ice cream cones, and desperately running after the ice cream truck. We are all saddened by the end of summer, particularly the end of summer food. Don’t worry, though—our editors have found some sweet hideaway spots where you can enjoy some of those nostalgic summer treats.
Churros Rose Feduk Editor-in-Chief Churros are the definition of a “rare treat” for me. As someone who grew up in Anaheim, my first association with churros is Disneyland, the vast land of overpriced food. It’s pretty hard to find churros delicious anymore once you realize that it costs four dollars for one, and being well-behaved on the Pirates of
Ice Cream Shereen Lisa Dudar Opinions Editor If you’re looking to beat the heat you can rely on your favorite summer treat: ice cream (or its soft serve, gelato, and frozen yogurt variations). If you’re craving a waffle cone with a side of 50’s décor, the Sugar Bowl in Covina has 24 gelato flavors, 26 Thrifty’s flavors, and chocolate, vanilla, and swirled soft serve. The soft serve is
Salmon Teriyaki Salad Sierra Patheal Campus Editor To be perfectly honest, I frequently get bored of summer foods. I work at my parents’ restaurant, where I’ve been for ten years, so by August I’ve had everything on the menu twelve times and would murder in the name of some variety. So this year, during some kitchen work, I decided to take the issue into my own hands and make my own food.
Shaved Ice Molly Shannon Food Editor With summer coming to an end, it may be difficult to transition to school and seriousness after endless weeks of par-teaing hard, but nevertheless it is time to replace the warm memories of getting kicked in the head by crowd-surfers at the U.S. Open and
the Caribbean ride no longer encourages your mother to buy one for you. Luckily, there’s a place in Bell Gardens called Lucero Bakery that is a literal churro goldmine. Seriously. You want a hundred churros? You got it, dude. Once you get the churros here you’ll wonder why you ever begged for a hard, crusty Disneyland churro. We got 25 churros for only $10 – a decision that should only be made if you have enough mouths to accommodate such an absurd amount of churros. Another plus that comes with these
churros is that they’re made fresh. At any regular theme park, you’d have to put up with a three hour old churro, but now I know the difference. Soon we had a hot, cake-sized box all to ourselves—crisp, with sugar on the outside with a slightly doughy, sweet inside. If I didn’t only have ten dollars to spend, I might have gotten a whole platter of tres leches cake or a gigantic flan all for myself. If you want to be the cool guy at the next party you go to, skip the six pack and show up with a box of these bad boys.
$.99 a cone, but for the month of August, any scoop of Thrifty’s flavor is as well. On Tuesdays, this already good deal gets even better, and a single scoop of Thrifty’s is only $.79. There’s also a Baskin-Robbins around the corner if you just want some Baseball Nut or Pink Bubblegum. From the designer popsicle world comes a dessert parlor in West Covina called The Ice Bar. They have four pops: Nutella Bananas & Cream, Mango Strawberry, Korean Pear Blueberry, and Strawberry Lemonade. They also have some interesting ice cream flavors,
including taro and horchata. What makes their icy treats an experience is the toppings that are reminiscent of the self serve process. You can add fresh fruit syrups and gels, herbs, pie crust, Nutella, sesame, and Pop Rocks! If you’re overwhelmed, just order it “house” style, where the chef puts what he thinks pairs best with the flavor. More locally, Portfolio Coffehouse now serves gelato! They were closed for a while to redecorate and this is one of their new additions. So don’t fret, your summer favorite is closer than you think.
My best creation by far: a fruit-strewn salad topped with salmon in a teriyaki glaze. With enough sugar to satisfy my sweet tooth, but an intriguing tangy twist, the salad was the perfect end to an afternoon of running my feet off answering customers’ demands. The salad was surprisingly easy to make. This was good because most of the time, when I was making it, I was half-asleep. I just asked the hot-side cook for a salmon—because exhausted people are not allowed to play with the grills—then put some strawberries, blueberries, mandarin oranges, cranberries, apples, and pecans on the bed of lettuce. Once the cook dropped the salmon on top, I’d add
a dash of blue cheese crumbles and some balsamic vinaigrette, and it was ready to go. The vinaigrette and the blue cheese cut the sweetness of the fruit and the teriyaki sauce, and the salad was still healthy enough for me to convince myself that I was being good and nutritious (sort of). I’m not sure whether I’ll be able to replicate the salad in my dorm room, but I’m certainly willing to try. It’ll be worth the challenge for the taste of summer mixed up in the dish— indulgent, sweet, just a little strange, and absolutely worth every bit.
awkwardly sipping Sprite at the block party with new ones. Yes, el verano may be over, but that does not mean you have to say tata to everything about it. In particular, you can continue to be nostalgic about those summer treats. In Costa Mesa, Milk + Honey is THE place to get some top-notch shaved ice—it’s way classier than your typical snow cone. The ice itself is fluffy and soft, and actually feels more like snow rather than just hard ice chunks. They add sweet syrups and toppings
of your choice, of which they have a wide variety. The affordable espresso drinks, teas, and other chilled drinks are comparable to more upscale places. This icy paradise is open during later evening hours in order to fill those late-night cravings. For first-timers, I would suggest rounding up a group of pals and sharing some shaved ice, since they can be large enough for multiple people. If you’re flying solo, grab a Spanish latte and chill out in their outdoor patio!
Volume 73 Issue 1
Monday, August 26, 2013
LBUNION.COM
DISCLAIMER: Hey, God Warrior Here. If you’re not a Christian, you should stop reading this tainted gorbage. My job this year will be to take all the dark sided people and throw ‘em in a pit. I’ve eliminated all the gorgyles and replaced them with everyone that did come to my mind. Please send my mail to
submit articles via email to grunion@lbunion.com.
HOW TO SUCCEED IN COLLEGE BY PRETENTIOUS COLLEGE SOPHOMORE Foreword: “I have a big dicke (The E is silent)” by Robin Thicke
by Markle Moore
of marijuana. As a weed connoisseur myself, I can’t stress enough how important weed is for maximizing your enjoyment of the college experience. Whenever I interact with my Persian friends, we head to our local hookah bar to get high and discuss Iranian politics. I can’t express how high I’ve been at my local hookah bar. One time I got so high, I kept saying Iraq instead of Iran guffaw guffaw.
Hi, I’m Markle Moore. You may remember me from such La Bamba, Young Guns, and Young Guns II. You may also know me as the guy trying to sell you weed outside of Ralphs at three in the morning. When I’m not busy solving the economic crisis from the comfort of my air conditioned,
perfectly pomaded pompadour. And guess what, I’m feeling generous (pretends to twist non-existent Dali mustache). All you have to do is follow these tips and you too will be as successful and uncircumcised as I am. So listen up incoming freshie beeshes. I’m going to organize my rules in a list format so you uneducated trogs can understand clearly.
Step 4: Expand your musical tastes. College is the best time to experience the majesty of Bob Marley, a punk band, and Bob Dylan. Also Bob Seger. I tried getting into still have a ways to go.
Step 1: Shave your pubes. Or to go to Costco and by a drum of industrial strength pubey gel.
for the picking and stalking of many a beautiful gal in a Target brand sundress. If she’s wearing Target brand jeggings, even better. * TO SAY THAT THE BEST PROOF OF GODS’ EXISTENCE IS YOGA PANTS.
Step 2: Buy a MacBook and get a subscription to the New York Times. You’re in college, the responsibility falls upon you to become the semi well-educated, liberal yuppie who is pro-abortion and pro gay marriage that you were destined to be.
Step 6: Refer to all colored people as minorities. Nothing is cooler these days than being politically correct.
“Markle Moore isn’t the pretentious college sophomore that we deserve, but he is the pretentious college sophomore that we need.” -Walt Whitman INSIDE
Slow your roll, sis. Or you’ll get scholiosis! ;]
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STUDY FINDS ANSWER TO AGE OLD QUESTION: DO DOGS GO TO WI-FI?
NSYNC TO REUNITE IN VH1 SPECIAL; USA VOTES TO DESTROY THE FAT ONE