Issue 154 august 28, 2013

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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1ISSUE ISSUE154.

6 • OCTOBER AUGUST27 28--NOV SEPT2,3,2010 2013

10 CLUB & PUBS

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 15 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done

by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant FASHION 21 FALL Elle Spaulding checks out what’s hot for the upcoming fall season TURTLE THEATER 25 MOCK By: Camille Capriglione 26 ZODIAC Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 39 MODEL BEAT 39

36 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper!

Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper.

Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania.

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Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: Several Photographers (see pg 39) Contributor: Mitch | Columinists: Elle Spaulding Camille Capriglione | Nick Gaskins | A.J. Fritz

Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Hot Shots: Showgun Photography

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY - HAUTE WATER --The upscale restaurant at the Los Angeles County Museum of Art announced in August that it would soon add a 20-item selection of waters from around the world, priced from $8 to $16 a bottle (except for a $12 “tasting menu”). Martin Riese, general manager of Ray’s & Stark Bar, who is also a renowned water gourmet, will sell his own California-made 9OH2O, which comes in “limited editions of 10,000 individually numbered glass bottles” at $14 each. Said Riese, “(M)any people don’t know that water is just as important to the entire dining experience (as, say, a good wine).” Riese has been certified as a Water Sommelier by the German Mineral Water Association.

THE CONTINUING CRISIS

--A security lab, delivering a report to the makers of software for a luxury Japanese toilet, warned that a flaw in their Android program renders the toilet hackable -- even while a user sits on it. The Satis (which retails for the equivalent of about $5,600) includes automatic flushing, bidet spray, fragrance-spritzing, and music, according to an August BBC News report, and is controllable by a “My Satis” cellphone app. However, the PIN to operate the app is unalterably “0000,” which means that a prankster with the app could create some very uncomfortable mischief in a public restroom.

--New Meaning to “Hon. John Hurley”: Immediately following Judge John Hurley’s having reduced her bond from $76,000 to $10,000 on drug trafficking charges in a Fort Lauderdale, Fla., courtroom in August, Felicia Underwood, 38, asked, “You can’t make it a little lower, hon?” According to a South Florida Sun-Sentinel report, Hurley was momentarily taken aback, asking: “Did she just refer to the court as ‘honey’?” “Oh, well ...” (He kept the bond at $10,000.)

--Adult “swinger” clubs occasionally rent commercial facilities like restaurants for an evening in which randy couples can mingle, but a club in Melbourne, Australia, struck a deal with the Casey Kids Play House Cranbourne, where frolickers could enjoy the playtime equipment -- until parents of children who play there found out in June. The parents were especially concerned about the partiers cavorting among the plastic balls in the giant ball pit. One parent told the Herald Sun, “My son is one (who) puts balls in his mouth.”

--The CEO of Christian Schools Australia told the Australian Associated Press in June that Caloundra Christian College in Queensland teaches a range of creative sexual health messages and offered the school’s recent student pamphlet, “101 Things to Do Instead of Doing It,” as evidence.

Recommended substitutes: “Pretend you’re six again,” “Have a water fight,” “Blow bubbles in the park,” and “Have a burping contest.”

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

--Recurring Themes: (1) A 28-year-old man ordered to submit to fingerprinting in Mason, Mich., in July in connection with a fraud investigation, had another charge added when he decided to pay the $16 fingerprinting fee with a stolen credit card. (2) Sheriff’s deputies in Apopka, Fla., charged Chad Winslow with burglary after finding him stuck

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

in a grease vent (facing outward) on the roof of Sam’s Discount Food Store in June. According to a deputy, Winslow’s first words were, “I’m stuck, and I have to take a poop.”

BRIGHT IDEAS --Helpful Derivative Military Technology: Manayunk Cleaners in Philadelphia has been testing delivery of customers’ clothing via its own drone (a converted four-blade DJI Phantom quadcopter originally used for aerial photography), guided by GPS. Said one bemused customer, “I was wondering what the hell that was, to be honest.” So far, the payload is limited to a shirt or towel, to be picked off the hovering aircraft by the customer, but owner Harout Vartanian hopes to buy a bigger drone soon. Agence France-Presse news service reported an even bolder drone program in August: delivering beer to music festival-goers in South Africa. The director of the Oppikoppi festival in Limpopo province attested to the drone’s success. A reveler places an order by cellphone, which marks the location, and the drone is dispatched to lower the beer by parachute -- usually in the midst of a cheering crowd.

--Contrary to popular wisdom, cows do not sleep standing up, but actually spend 12-14 hours a day lying down, even though their shape makes the position uncomfortable. Conscientious dairy farmers use beds of sand to adapt to the cow’s contour, and since the late 1990s, a Wisconsin firm (Advanced Comfort Technology) has marketed $200 cow waterbeds, which are even more flexible. Waterbeds may be superior, also, because they are built with an extra chamber that makes it easier for the cow to lower herself safely. The founders’ daughter, Amy Throndsen, told Huffington Post in June that her parents endured awkward moments starting the company: “Everyone . . . is telling them, Don’t do it. Don’t do it. Are you kidding me?

Waterbeds?”

PERSPECTIVE --”High School in the Community” (HSC), the teachers’ union-managed school in New Haven, Conn., recently completed the first year of its program aimed in part at ending “social promotion” -- the automatic passing of students to the next grade even if they lack the skills and knowledge necessary for that grade. However, the officials were shocked to learn that not a single one of the school’s 44 first-time 9th-graders passed the promotion tests (and will have lengthy 9th-grade make-up sessions over the summer or beginning again in September).

(Several other 9th-graders, who were already repeating 9th grade, were promoted.)

HAVE A SAFE AND HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND OOPS!

--Look! Up in the Sky!: (1) Andy Hill was enjoying a leisurely inner-tube ride on the Clark Fork River near Missoula, Mont., on Sunday, July 21st -- when a man landed on top of him, sending Hill to the hospital with broken bones and torn ligaments. The man, who was not

seriously hurt, had playfully jumped from a bridge without looking. (2) College baseball shortstop Mattingly Romanin, 20, suffered a concussion in July, while on the field before a summer league game, when a skydiver knocked him to the ground. The skydiver was part of a pre-game flyover at the Hannibal (Mo.) Cavemen’s game, but was windblown slightly off-course.

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition?

Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net.

Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.)

COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

CONCERT BEAT

CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Hank III, Sep 4 Twiztid, Sep 6 Doug Stanhope, Sep 20 Stars, Oct 2

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY TICKETS 212-307-7171

Eagles, Nov 8-11 • Paramore, Nov 13 • Rod Stewart, Dec 9

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366 Odd Ball Comedy & Curiosity Festival, Sep 6 Keith Urban, Little Big Town & Dustin Lynch, Sep 14 30 Seconds to Mars, Sep 29 Paramore, Metic, Hellogoodbye, Nov 8

Upstart Fest, Sep 13 Hollywood Ending, Sep 20 Blood on the Dance Floor, Sep 26 The Browning, Oct 1

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249 Billy Burnett Band, Aug 30 Deb & Bev’s Blues Night Out, Aug 31 Mary Fahl, Sep 7

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

TICKETS 212-777-6800

Eve, Aug 28 Triton Festival, Sep 6-7 Kishi Bashi, Sep 12 Pinback plus DeathFix Sep 13

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, TICKETS 610-898-7200 SOVEREIGN Reading, Mushroom Head, Sep 26CENTER, • Bayside Motion City, Oct 8 PA Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600 THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Thunder from Down Under, Jul 5-Aug 31 Jeff Ross, Sep 14 Amy Schumer, Oct 5

Selena Gomez, Oct 18 Pearl Jam, Oct 21-22

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-826-1100 Cyndi Lauper, Oct 22

TOYOTA PAVILLION Montage Mountain - Scranton, PA TICKETS (570) 961-9000

Maroon 5 / Kelly Clarkson, Sep 1

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 922-5483 The Mission UK, Sep 4 Kamelot, Sep 5 Peter Hook & The Light, Sep 14 Flag, Sep 18 Atoms For Peace, Sep 24 Monster Energy Rock Allegiance Tour, Sep 26 City Bisco Sep 27-8 Stephen “Ragga” Marley, Oct 25 The Orb, Oct 26 Overkill & Kreator, Oct 31

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA Gad Elmaleh, Sep 12 Sinbad, Sep 14 Travis, Sep 19 Lucinda Williams, Sep 21

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA

Mobb Deep, Aug 24 Stroudfest, Aug 31 Barstool Blackout, Sep 13 moe, Sep 29

Daryl Hall & John Oates, Sep 30 Kathy Griffin, Oct 4 Brian Wilson & Jeff Beck Oct 6 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 The Black Crowes, Oct 10 Soul Asylum/Fountains of Wayne/ Evan Dando, Oct 11 A Day To Remember, Oct 12 So You think You can Dance, Oct 16 Barenaked Ladies, Oct 18 50 Shades The Musical, Nov 10 Paramore, Nov 11

(610) 743-3069 David Allan Coe, Aug 31 Saxon & Fozzy, Sep 17 Mobb Deep, Sep 24 Dope, Sohl, Leaving Eden & More, Oct 4 Gwar, Nov 16

Doug Benson, Sep 8 Mickey Hart Band, Sep 26 TICKETS 610-332-1300 Dennis De Young, Live Mike DelGuidice & Big Shot: The Ul- Music of Styx, Oct 27 timate Billy Joel Experience, Aug 31 Live: Medium’s Gallery with Laury Moore, Oct 30 Project Blue Album, Sep 5

TICKETS 570-420-280

Gabriel Iglesias, Aug 29 Hanson, Sep 2 Stone Temple Pilots, Sep 4 Parafest, Sep 6-8 Russell Brand, Sep 14 Mike Epps, Sep 20 Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Andrew Dice Clay, Sep 24 Legends of Boxing, Sep 26 Steely Dan, Sep 27 Jeff Foxworthy, Sep 28

1409 N. 9th St

TICKETS 215-336-3600

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Love & Theft, Sep 6 Fall Out Boy, Sep 8 Alt-J, Sep 17 City and Colour, Sep 18 Atoms for Peace, Sep 24

TICKETS 800-745-3000

REVERB - Reading, PA

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA Muse, Sep 9 Drake, Oct 19

TICKETS (215) 627-1332

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

Conspirator, Oct 19 Umphrey’s McGee, Oct 24 Misfits, Oct 25 In This Moment, Nov 8 Jake Miller, Nov 19

TICKETS 215-572-7650

TICKETS 570-325-0371

Live Wire, Sep 6 Josh Turner, Sep 26 Hinder & Candlebox, Sep 29 Chris Cagle, Oct 4

CHECK OUT GABRIEL IGLESIAS THURSDAY AT THE SANDS BETHLEHEM EVENT CENTER IN BETHLEHEM

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

Maingate Nightclub 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA

(610) 776-7711 ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK PAGE 9

Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours

Grumpy’s BBQ BATH Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-769-4600 610-837-6670 8/30 Flyin Blind 8/31 The Buzzards 9/14 LVMAC Benefit Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge BETHLEHEM 6616 Ruppsville Rd Bar With No Name 610-366-1130 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Pitchers Sports Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard Saturdays: DJ Trama 610-841-4001 MacGrady’s Friday: 117 E. Third St Live Entertainment 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Main Gate Thursday: DJ@10pm 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Sat: Acoustic Friday Night: Noche Entertainment Latina Saturday: Classique Funhouse 80’s, 90’s music 5 E. Fourth Street 8/29 Zac Brown 610-868-5311 Band 8/28 The Four Walls 8/29 The K-Jamm Band Stratus Night Club 8/30 Echo Cellar Band 1193 Airport Road 8/31 Crobot 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke 9/1 Great White Caps

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Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Live Entertainment Tim Harakal / Billy Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More 9/14 Mayweather vs Alvarez

Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman

Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Monday: Jukebox Thursday: Karaoke Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Sunday: Karaoke Bethlehem Brew Works 569 Main St 610-882-1300 Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 8/30 UUU 8/31 DJ N9NE Lou’s 50 Yard Line 2626 Easton Ave 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic 8/30 Crosscut Saw

Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 9/28 Fall Festival

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 9/6 First Friday Series

Alien Arcade 9/2 Molten Lounge Bethlehem, PA

UUU 8/30 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

CATASAQUA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

COOPERSBURG

Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010 Thursdays: Pool Tournament 8pm & Karaoke w/ DJ Shocker 9:30pm

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 8/28 Gary Dillon 8/31 The Gearharts

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 9/1 Labor Day Party 9/14 Skate Jam Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 8/28 Irish Jam 8/29 Yan Carlos Sanchez 8/30 Echo Cellar Rocker 8/31 Tombstone Sunshine

Labor Day Party 9/1 Drinky’s Easton, PA

Zac Brown 8/23 MainGate Allentown, PA

MORE ON PAGE 26

Strange Brew Tavern 1996 S. Fifth St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night Sunday: Open mic 8/30 Jonas 8/31 Endzone

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 8/28 DJ Johnny B 8/29 Johnny Drama 8/30 2U:U2 Tribute 8/31 DJ Tom Taylor / Nowhere Slow 9/1 Billy Bauer Band 9/2 Mr. Echo 9/3 Joey Casella

the evening, we heard “Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo night long, deferred to guest drummer, Keith Yost, (Heartbreaker )”, “Monkey Man”, with a very cool for AC/DC’s “Sin City”, a Cherry Bombs staple song.

The Bombs laid down a hard version of piano intro from Hallman and Joel Berardi ending up singing this one curled up in a fetal position Queen’s “Tie Your Mother Down” to open their on Ference’s drum riser. “Bitch” was played at half second set and finished with a dazzling flurry speed for the first few notes and then they sped of hard rock that had DiLeo singing lead vocal it up to normal speed. Hard versions of “Gimme on The Doors “Five to One”, which according to Shelter”, “Ain’t Too Proud to Beg” and “Honky Tonk DiLeo, they’ve played for the 2,528th time. Faces’ “Stay With Me” and Sly and the Family Stone’s “I Women” rounded out the Stones selections.

Other selections from the evening included Want to Take You Higher” were the cappers for a rocking guitar solo from Hedrick on Aerosmith’s the evening. Boom Shaka Laka went The Cherry “Last Child”, Deep Purple classics, “Space Truckin” Bombs at The Maingate!

The sound mix was loud, as you would and “Smoke on the Water”, both played and sung with gusto by all. Hedrick leapt from the stage expect for The Cherry Bombs, but it was wellto mingle with the crowd while jamming on The balanced. The Cherry Bombs were outfitted with Beatles “I Am the Walrus.” Led Zeppelin music a powerful JBL PA system that packed a lot of wasn’t neglected as they performed “When the punch so if you’ve got an aversion to rock music played at a high volume, they may not be your Levee Breaks” and “Trampled Under Foot.”

A little levity was provided by DiLeo as he cup of tea. Be forewarned. You will be subjected dedicated Cheech and Chong’s “Earache My Eye” to high decibel levels so bring your earplugs if to a fan who made it all the way to Allentown you can’t handle the volume. The Cherry Bombs from Florida but what a great metal riff for DiLeo epitomize Bands That Rock! Catch them next While the cacophony that is the Great Allentown Fair reverberates throughout the West End of and company to perform live. They nailed it! on September 6 at Tri-Boro Sportsman Club in Allentown this week, last Friday, the sound of music filled the air at The Maingate Nightclub’s outdoor Tommy Ference, a veritable beast on the kit all Northampton. Long Live Rock! stage and provided a fitting musical preview of the week to come. Carnies and concessionaires, hard at work erecting their stands along the midways while rent-a-cops vigilantly patrolled the now controlled-access fairgrounds, had to love the sound that was coming from the nightclub.

That sound was an explosion of hard-charging, energetic classic rock performed by one the area’s finest hard rock cover bands as The Cherry Bombs unleashed their rock and roll fury on an adoring throng of “Bombardiers.” As the sun set on a picture-perfect day in the West End, eager music lovers arrived in waves at The Maingate to see and hear the band that had just recently started playing again after a lengthy hiatus. As a matter of fact, it was my intent to feature them in Bands That Rock about ten months ago when unforeseen circumstances dictated putting it off until now. Hey, better late than never, right?

The Cherry Bombs are Tony DiLeo and Eric Hedrick on guitars, Mike Loch on bass, Brian Hallman on keyboards, Tommy Ference on drums and Joel Berardi on vocals. A few of those names may sound familiar as some of these guys have played in Lehigh Valley bands going back a decade or two. And since it’s Fair Week, it’s also worth noting that a few of these players have graced the Farmerama Theater stage for the annual Battle of the Bands competition.

In the second half of 2013, The Cherry Bombs resurfaced with founding member DiLeo adding drummer Tommy Ference (Gandalf, No Heroes) and lead vocalist, Joel Berardi to the band. They are once again on solid footing and ready to take on the local music scene with a vengeance. But getting to this point was not easy. They went through some trials and tribulations that many bands have had to go through. Not the least of which was bassist, Mike Loch, sustaining serious injuries after an automobile accident in February 2012.

Affectionately known as “Loachie”, he has sufficiently recovered from that mishap to once again assume the mantle as full time bass player for The Cherry Bombs. Oddly enough, in speaking to him prior to taking the stage for last Friday’s gig, he informed me that lightning had struck twice and that he was T-boned yet again. Thankfully, he sustained only minor injuries and some soreness from this most recent incident. It wasn’t enough to keep him from strapping on his bass guitar for The Maingate Cherry Bombs vocalist Joel Berardi facing the music: Tony DiLeo, Eric Hedrick, Mike Loch show. photography Brian Lemburg And what a show it was! The band started off with The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” with Joel Berardi turning in a Daltrey-esque vocal performance. Brian Hallman snatched one of his keyboards from its stand and turned it into a laptop instrument for the song’s violin part. Next, they blasted into Deep Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen Purple’s “Hush” with Loch pounding on his bass guitar while Hallman delivered the heavy Hammond years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years!

Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more! organ sound made famous by Jon Lord in 1968.

Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets Rolling Stones’ music was featured early and often as the band paid tribute to one of the greatest for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: rock bands in history. There was something about the way they interpreted The Stones that made me mitch999thehawk@gmail.com appreciate the music even more. They gave it a harder edge that I found very appealing. Throughout

THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT 31, 28, 20132013 THE BEAT JULY AUGUST

by: Mitch

PANTONE 485 CVU

PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

PAGE 11 11 PAGE

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

10PM STOOGES 11:30PM ROOSEVELTS 21ST ALLENTOWN 9PM MACGRADYS 10PM SOTTO SANTI 11PM LEONS 12AM ROOSEVELTS 21ST BETHLEHEM

ENTER TO WIN A COORS LIGHT REFRESHERATOR.

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

THURSDAY AUGUST 29 TH

BACK TO SCHOOL! FEATURES Hammerhead Lounge Starters Pub

Fridays $1.50 Drafts $2.25 Pints All Day Everyday

Leons

Wednesday $3 Pitchers 10-12am

Revolutions

$3 Drafts Happy Hour 5-7pm

FRIDAY AUG 30TH 5-7PM SUNSET GRILLE ENTER TO WIN A COORS LIGHT CAN COOLER $2 COORS LIGHT DRAFTS

Keystone Pub Bethlehem

$2.25 Drafts All Day Everyday

FRIDAY AUG 30TH 6-8PM KROCKS END OF SUMMER PARTY!

Blue Monkey Sport Bar

Roosevelts 21st Allentown Hops Fogelsville Hotel Sunset Grille Rivals Linx

Friday $2.00 Drafts $2 Drafts All Day Everyday Saturday $2 Drafts $3 Drafts All Day Everyday Friday and Saturday $2 Pints

The Valley Coors Girls

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$1.50 Coors Light Drafts

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

HAIL TO THE KING

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

OUT OF TIME W/ CHESTER BENNINGTON

STONE TEMPLE PILOTS

MIND YOUR MANNERS PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

PLOT: The true story of serial killer Robert Hansen (John Cusack) who, during the late seventies and early eighties, killed somewhere between 17- 21 young women, hiding their bodies in the Alaskan wilderness. An Alaskan detective (Nicolas Cage) - convinced Hansen is the culprit- has to find the evidence to lock him up before he strikes again, and must rely on the testimony of a troubled young woman, Cindy (Vanessa Hudgens) who’s the only one to ever escape his clutches.

REVIEW: THE FROZEN GROUND surprised the hell out of me. Considering the small theatrical release this is getting (coinciding with VOD, which will probably drum up most of the movie’s business) I honestly wasn’t expecting much out of this. Both Cusack and Cage have spotty track records lately, with many of their films going the DTV route, so I figured FROZEN GROUND would just be another STOLEN or THE FACTORY.

THERE’S NO GOING BACK SICK PUPPIES CONNECT

HOWL

BEWARE OF DARKNESS ORTHODOX

LIFT ME UP W/ ROB HALFORD FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN &

THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 1

CAME BACK HAUNTED NINE INCH NAILS

HESITATION MARKS

BEAUTIFUL P.O.D

MURDERED LOVE

MISERY LOVES MY COMPANY

THREE DAYS GRACE TRANSIT OF VENUS

TRENCHES

POP EVIL ONYX

Based on a true story, THE FROZEN GROUND is unique in that right from the start, the audience knows Cusack is the killer, with his cruel method of keeping the girls for a week, and then hunting them in the wilderness being depicted in a chilling- but never exploitativeway. Cage’s character, who’s an investigator serving out his last two weeks on the force in order to switch over to the private sector to please his wife (Radha Mitchell), also figures out Hansen is the killer pretty early on. The twist here, and the way the movie ratchets up tension, is that Cage has to find the evidence to prove his theory before Hansen, who no one else thinks is guilty, claims another victim.

Both Cage and Cusack are given a lot more to work with here than usual. Cusack’s played a killer before (who could forget his scenery-chewing in THE PAPERBOY?), but his Hansen is low-key, and underplayed, making him all that much creepier. For Cage, this is the best role he’s had in years. Cage is always Cage, with him chewing the scenery like no one’s business, and more often than not wearing some kind of crazy wig. Here, he plays his part completely straight, and absolutely nails the kind of quiet, smart, compassionate cop he’s supposed to be playing. There’s no room for over the top heroics here, or impassioned speeches. Rather, he’s just a guy trying to do what’s right, and put away this monster that’s preying upon young runaways, who he figures won’t be missed.

Fresh off her change-of-pace part in SPRING BREAKERS, Vanessa Hudgens once again goes against type as Hansen’s would-be-victim Cindy Paulson, a crystal-meth addicted stripper/ sometimes prostitute (with Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson, who also produced, playing her pimp in a small part). Hudgens is really working hard to abandon her former Disney princess image, and she’s pretty damn good as Paulson, in a role that’s probably just about as prominent at Cage’s. The two play well-off each other, with them having an interesting surrogate parent-child type dynamic that gives the film a much-needed emotional current.

Again, THE FROZEN GROUND isn’t the new SE7EN or anything like that, but it’s a pretty damn efficient, thoroughly entertaining thriller. More than anything, it proves that when he’s properly inspired, Cage is still fully capable of delivering a good or even great performance. If you come across this on VOD this weekend, you should definitely check it out. It’s much better than you’d think it would be considering the way it’s being released.

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10

By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

Movie Review

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

They say everything happens for a reason. There is a reason why your alarm didn’t go off this morning, or why your girlfriend left you for your best friend. Okay maybe there isn’t a reason for that, but you know what I mean. There is a cause and effect for everything. And there is a reason why original Blessthefall vocalist Craig Mabbitt, parted ways with the band; and a reason why he never returned.

The post-hardcore outfit was formed a decade ago while the members were still in high school. The line-up included guitarist Mike Frisby, drummer Matt Traynor, bassist Jared Warth, and later, vocalist Craig Mabbitt.

After founding member Miles Bergsma left to attend college, they released a three-track EP in mid-2005 and picked up Eric Lambert to fill in the vacant lead guitarist spot. In 2007, they released their debut album, His Last Walk, which peaked at No. 32 on the US Billboard Heatseekers chart. Later that year, while on their first European tour, Mabbitt left the band to spend more time with his daughter.

Shortly after, he decided he wanted to return but his former bandmates decided to move on without him. Mabbit then joined up with Escape the Fate. After recording his first album with them, there was supposedly a role reversal in which Mabbitt turned down a request to rejoin Blessthefall. After all the confusion subsided, former Take the Crown vocalist, Beau Bokan, was recruited to front the band. This change in vocalists led to a change in style, incorporating heavier guitar elements and deeper screams. Since the arrival of Bokan, they have been working non-stop; releasing three more studio albums and touring relentlessly. Their latest effort, Hollow Bodies, just dropped last week and some are calling their best work yet.

Hollow Bodies goes full throttle right off the bat with the opening track, “Exodus.” It begins with a numinous synth beat before transitioning into a ferocious guitar riff accompanied by perfectly timed double bass hits and Bokan’s guttural vocals. As soon as I heard this one I knew the rest of the album was going to kick ass…and I was right. “You Wear a Crown, But You’re No King” was an excellent choice for album’s first release. Heavy, yet melodic this song

appeals not only to the skateboard wielding, skinny jeans wearing teenager, but also to the most metalist of headbanging dudes.

With Bokan screaming, “watching your empire fall / watching your ashes fall,” you can’t help but want to mulekick the air to this one. The album’s title track features an epic scream from Bokan into a brutal breakdown.

The second single,“Déjà vu,” combines unyielding energy with Lambert’s killer guitar work. “Buried in These Walls” is an awesome title; sounding like the name of a Sam Raimi film. I was hoping this song would be good, but unfortunately, it was slow and boring. After another filler song, it’s a good thing that “Youngbloods” is there to pick the momentum up again. This track features Jesse Barnett, the vocalist from a fellow west coast hardcore band, Stick to Your Guns.

Not only to Bokan and Barnett’s vocal styles compliment each other superbly, but the breakdown in this song is enough to make the windows in your car explode. So be sure to crank it! Another highlight is “Carry On,” which features August Burns Red frontman Jake Luhrs. The album ends on a softer note with “Open Water”, which features Bokan doing a duet with his very talented (and hot) wife, Lights Crank It You are free to crank the entire album Skip It Buried in These Walls See You on the Outside Putting preconceptions aside, I listened to Hollow Bodies with an open mind, and open ears. I can honestly say that this has been one of my favorite albums to review.

Even though Bokan’s lyrics are very simple, the musicianship and production made up for that lack of creativity. I still believe everything happens for a reason, and there was a definite reason why the rest of the guys in Blessthefall didn’t want Mabbitt rejoining the band. Bokan has taken their sound to a whole new level. Perhaps Mabbitt really did escape his fate...pun intended.

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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By: By: Scotty Scotty Brilliant Brilliant

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW ALBUM

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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Wednesdays - Trivia Night Thursdays - DJ Thursday starting at 10PM Every Friday & Saturday - Live Acoustic Music

Monday - Friday 4 - 6pm $6 Absolut Vodka Martini Happy Hour

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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@VISIONBARPA PAGE 19

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

While there are no hard and fast rules about when spring ends or when fall starts in the world of fashion, spring and fall represent in the totality of weather changes, warm and cold. So the drop in temperatures does signal the start of fashionable fall weather.

FALL

style

By Elle Spaulding

Here might be good a moment to console you dear reader for potentially not knowing about the whole spring/fall fashion season thing. I’ll admit that for much of my life it was unknown to me too. I after all, as native of Colorado- which is the home of hiking shoes and plaid cargo shorts, as well as the unfortunate birthplace of Crocs, add to that many years in the clink that was an all-girls Catholic s c h o o l where the uniforms consisted only and entirely of a genderless white polo shirt and navy pantsI’ll be the first to admit that I grew up in a very bleak colorless void.

I really only discovered fashion was in the months between high school and college. Burgeoning fear and delight at the possibility of maybe acquiring a few more clothes that didn’t look like they could have equally belonged to a boy meant that, for first time since I left behind the pastels of baby-wear, hours of watching America’s Top Model on the couch with my mom and scouring pilfered fashion magazines suddenly exposed a world in Technicolor.

THETHE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 28, 2013 VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 2013

In elementary school we are taught that there are four seasons: winter, spring summer, fall. And as temperatures drop you might think that it’s the start of fall, and to some extent that’s true, but to the fashion elite, when you say fall 2013 it means something entirely different because in fashion, there are only two seasons, spring and fall.

White top and navy pants begone!

Did you know that there are such things as dresses? And if you twirl around in them fast enough there are such things as legs underneath? I had become the Buddha and this was my enlightenment!

The world was open to me. I drew inspiration from everywhere: the demure yet bold Morton salt girl in my family kitchen, why does the devil wear Prada and not Chanel? (Coco Chanel did infamously collude with Nazi’s after all), and what is this bling bling stuff that Lil Wayne has been singing about for years and where do I get some?

In about a month I acquired some truly horrendous and wonderful things-wooden soled heels: horrendous, floral wrap dress: wonderful - things that I would never wear again and things that I still cannot throw away however threadbare.

So here we are, temperatures drop and it is fall. I’m in a new place, the Lehigh Valley that has its own new places: The Promenade Shoppes in Saucon Valley opened in 2006 and the Lehigh Valley Mall was repurchased and renovated at about the same time. Additionally older standbys and smaller boutiques have become a part of the Lehigh Valley’s shopping lexicon. Loose Threads in Bethlehem is a favorite, and new entrepreneurs like LM Style Bar recently launched and includes a convenient online shop.

I love this time of year, and I’m ready to go shopping.

PAGEPAGE 21 21

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

\\ Haircuts \\ Colors \\ Nails \\ Facial

Waxing

Page 22

128 WEST 4TH ST. BETHLEHEM|610-849-2011|ALISTSALONSPA.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

THIS WEEKEND THEATER LISTINGS AMC TILGHMAN 8 TILGHMAN SQUARE ALLENTOWN (610) 391-0772

FRANK BANKO ALEHOUSE CINEMAS STEELSTACKS ONE FOUNDERS WAY BETHLEHEM 610-297-7111

BECKY’S DRIVE IN Rt. 248 BERLINSVILLE http://www.beckysdi.com/

MAHONING VALLEY CINEMA CARBON PLAZA MALL LEHIGHTON 610-377-8626 http://mvcinema.com/

CARMIKE 16 1700 CATASAUQUA RD ALLENTOWN 610-264-9624 http://www.carmike.com/

MAHONING DRIVE-IN Rt 443 LEHIGHTON 570-645-6204

CARMIKE PROMENADE & IMAX 2805 CENTER VALLEY PARKWAY SAUCON VALLEY 610-709-8635 CIVIC’S THEATER 514 514 N. 19th St ALLENTOWN EMMAUS THEATER 19 S. FOURTH St 610-965-2878 THE GAP THEATER 47 BROADWAY St 610-863-3094

TOP 10 BOX OFFICE MOVIES

6. Planes 7. Kick Ass 2 8. Your Next 9. The Conjuring 10. The Internship

THE ROXY 2004 MAIN ST NORTHAMPTON 610-262-7699 http://roxytheaternorthampton.com/ SHANKWEILER’S DRIVE-IN 4540 SHANKWEILER RD (OFF Rt 309) OREFIELD 610-683-8775 http://www.shankweilers.com/

September 6, 2013

REGAL NORTHAMPTON 14 3720 EASTON-NAZARETH HIGHWAY (ROUTES 33 & 248) LOWER NAZARETH TOWNSHIP 610-559-7800 READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 30 N. SECOND ST READING MOVIES 11 & IMAX 3D 610-374-2828

NEW DVD RELEASES

1. The Great Gatsby 2. Pain & Gain 3. Kon-Tiki 4. Reluctant Fundamentalist 5. 33 Post Cards

6. At Any Price 7. Stranded 8. Grey’s Anatomy: Season 9 9. Sons of Anarcy: Season 5 10. The Walking Dead: Season 3

PAGE 23

1. Mortal Instruments 2. The Butler 3. We’re The Millers 4. Elysium 5. The Worlds End

Courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox

REGAL POHATACONG CINEMA 12 Rt 22 PHILLIPSBURG, NJ 908-454-7500 http://www.fandango.com/

REGAL RICHLAND CROSSINGS 12 RICHLAND CROSSING QUAKERTOWN 215-536-7700 http://www.fandango.com

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

WING NIGHT MONDAY : Starters Pub Wings 60¢ Wings • ½ Price Boneless

s Clubhouse WEDNESDAY : Starter s Wings ½ Price Wings & Boneles 5pm-10pm

CLAM NIGHT se Monday : Starters Clubhou $2.50 Dozen Clams

½ Price Burgers too!

Wednesdays, 7:30pm at Starters Pub

$7 Sandwiches & Cheesesteaks

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400 Illicks Mill Rd • Bethlehem (610) 625-0060 www.starters-clubhouse.com

Friday Aug 30 – Jonas Saturday Aug 31 – Endzone

Kitchen open 11am til Midnight

Open 7 days a week 11am - 2am

strangebrew610

(corner of S. 5th St & Emaus Ave)

TRIVIA NIGHT

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5pm-10pm

11am-11pm

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Featuring a wide array of domestic, import, micro & craft Brews

5pm-11pm

TUESDAY : Starters Pub $2.50 Dozen Clams

24 Taps

www.strangebrewtavern.co

STARTERS PUB

3731 Route 378 • Bethlehem (610) 997-5454 www.starterspub.com

WAT CH A L THE GAM L HER ES E

by Camille Capriglione In the age of video games and on-demand movies, certain unique entertainment forms still endure. Puppetry in theater performance is an ancient art, and is believed to date back to 3000 B.C. Beautifully costumed puppets have been used to communicate ideas, elicit laughter and tell the fables of human societies. It is believed by some historians that puppetry pre-dates actors in theater.

The process of animating inanimate objects, bringing them to life with sound, voice and personality, is a superior skill. Elaborate marionettes, which can be human-sized and are manipulated by a complexity of strings, are especially sophisticated. Not just for children, modern day puppetry can speak to adult audiences with an experimental voice, thus furthering the tradition of this high art. It has flourished throughout the world. Consider Britain’s Punch and Judy, Howdy Doody, the urban Sesame Street, Jim Henson’s Muppets, and Avenue Q - the puppet Broadway musical.

WITH

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

Mock TurTle MarioneTTe TheaTer

THE VALLEY BEAT INDUSTRY MONDAYS

AT SOTTO SANTI 10 W. 4th St BETHLEHEM

The Mock Turtle Marionette Theater at the Ice House at Sand Island, Bethlehem, brings this exquisite art form to the Lehigh Valley.

Founded in the 1970’s, the theater is based on the characters and scripts of Doug Roysden, and is the product of many individual artists and partnerships that explore the incredible versatility of the puppetry arts.

Mock Turtle seeks to introduce audiences to new ideas - folksy, majestic and haunting.

In their upcoming season it will collaborate with the Pennsylvania Sinfonia Orchestra to present “The Museum of Music” which includes 8 full-sized puppets who will reveal the world of Classical music. The show includes a wide range of music, from gypsy violinists to Bach and Brahms to New Orleans saxophonists.

The theater will also feature shadow puppet plays, one of which is accompanied by a live performance of Indonesian music. One play, entitled “The Grumpy Gecko” includes Balinese music, complete with drums, gongs and cymbals.

Mock Turtle collaborates with the Bethlehem-based Touchstone Theater and brings “Poochie Rides a Bike” which tells a heart-warming Valentine’s tale. There are also Magic Days and music-filled Community Giving Days to enjoy.

Mock Turtle Marionette Theater invites you to experience this influential art form in contemporary theater! It is located at 421 2nd Avenue Bethlehem, PA 18018. For info and show times, visit their website at www. mockturtle.org or call (610) 867-8208.

a t e n l o l i D

610-921-0777 TV, Major Motion 156 Madison Ave, Picture Films, Print and Promotional www.donatellimodels.com Reading Pa

PAGE 25

Their “Just Like a Puppet” program is a workshop about puppet magic. This play, which performed at Kennedy Center in 2004,

includes a full parade of marionettes, and offers intriguing storytelling and audience participation.

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) The stars have a clear directive for you as the week gets going: Chill out! If you can accept what life’s sending your way and slow your pace now, you’ll be a much happier camper. And you can definitely pick up speed around Wednesday and Thursday. Whether it’s taking action at work, getting your love life going or coming up with your next big thing, the time is now -- and then again on Sunday. Those couple of days in between? You’ve got some serious feelings, but you’re in control of how you express them.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) In the right situation, an upgrade to flirtation is definitely in order -- you’re aces at flirting now, too.

If you’ve got more serious stuff to convey, either at work or at play, just wait for Wednesday -- from then through most of the weekend, you’ve got a way with letting others in on your perspective. And others seem to be warming up to what you’re saying as these days progress -- interesting! On Sunday, though, getting too verbose about your point of view could be awkward, especially when your opinion changes!

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) There are experiences to be had, ideas awaiting you and friends to be made (and maybe some who are more than friends!). You might get some sort of financial wake-up call around Wednesday or Thursday -- or maybe it’s an alarm that’s been ringing for a while. In any case, don’t ignore it and get help if needed. The weekend looks mostly light and lively, with getting out and about favored. There’s fun to be had, but to keep the good energy going on Sunday, don’t overdo it!

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) You’ll know there’s something amiss if you’re doing all the talking as the week gets going. Draw them out with an unusual question or two -- you’ll learn more, and the relationship (whatever it is) will grow. You can definitely see both sides of a situation around Wednesday and Thursday, which is a plus -- until it comes to making a decision. Consult someone you trust. The way to smooth your life path through the remainder of the week is to help others.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) You’re so focused on something (or someone) as the week gets going that you might be missing some minor warning signs. It’s best not to make any big promises, deals or commitments until around Wednesday and Thursday, when your brain’s reengaged. You’ll have a more solid idea of what you want and why -- and when it comes to getting it, you might be surprised by what happens if you let it come to you. You might want to let others have the spotlight on Friday or over the weekend: A supporting role’s got its own rewards.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) Early in the week, if you say you’re going to do something, be sure to stick to it -- and if you really can’t, let them know instead of flaking (tell them as far in advance as possible!). Even little commitments are important ones. Around Wednesday and Thursday, even little conversations are full of meaning -- both the silences and the words. Deploy a warm smile at the right moment, and see the magical effect! And while ups and downs may be occurring over the next couple of days, Sunday looks lovely.

Plan an adventure -- the more outdoors, the better!

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CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) Yes, you’re awesome at work as the week gets Address any dangling loose ends promptly as the week gets going, especially if someone important is going, but there’s potential in other areas of life, too! involved. You wouldn’t want to be left hanging, and Don’t neglect friends or romance -- sharing your the golden rule definitely applies now. Life could get feelings can have pretty amazing results now. Howcrazy around Wednesday and Thursday -- super busy, ever, around Wednesday and Thursday, oversharing is a distinct possibility. There’s definitely such a maybe exciting, maybe just overwhelming. In any event, don’t pull back, you’ve gotta be in it to win it. thing as too much information. It’s a good thing you’re a steady sort, because during the remainder And from Friday through the weekend, some very winning energy is on its way. Don’t depend on luck of the week, life (or maybe a certain someone) isn’t so stable. Remain calm and deal with things as they -- it’s all about knowing your mind and following arise. your heart!

LEO (7/23 - 8/22) Extremes can be fun, but there’s a sweet satisfaction to the middle way now. Then, over the next few days, your connection with others of all sorts is highlighted -- work relationships, friends, romance. Your genuine interest in others provokes all kinds of great responses, and your interpersonal karma just gets better and better. Plan for assorted awesome activities this weekend.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) Bounce your ideas off another big-picture person.

Get a practical point of view. Find out if what you’re planning has worked for someone else. Then get ready to fully engage with the present around Wednesday and Thursday. It wants to fully engage with you, and a certain somebody may want to also!

While the past seems to be calling on Friday or over the weekend, how much you want to go back is up to you. Hint: Been there, done that.

VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) Avoid the details as the week gets going. Apply that focus to the bigger picture, and you’ll be amazed at what you can discover. Plus, who knew that being more laissez-faire when it comes to the little things could feel like such a relief? It’s work that demands focus around Wednesday and Thursday -- you’ve got a chance to look like an all-star there if you apply yourself now. Social stuff -- or hot dates!

-- should be scheduled for Friday and the weekend, when there’s less static and more sparkle coming from the stars. Keep Sunday open.

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) Craft an irresistible invitation or two!

Around Wednesday and Thursday, remember that appearances are just that -- they can be deceptive now, displaying either more alluring or not-as-great characteristics. Be cautious now, if only so you’re better able to throw caution to the wind on Friday and Saturday, when life should be approached with abandon! This is the most fun part of your week -make the most of it! On Sunday, though, mellowing out is in order.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke Argus, Freedoms Reign, Sinister Realm, Mindmaze & Infernal Opera - Doors 7Pm Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik

MACUNGIE The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 8/31 King Bison

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 8/30 Modern Romance 8/31 Droppin’ Trou

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 8/29 Lawn Boys Comedy 8/30 Karmic Repair Co 8/31 Sunshine Superman Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 8/30 Michael Kracht 8/31 Fran & Jim Acoustic

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 9/4 Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic Thursdays: Chelsea Carlson 8/30 Old Man Brown Band 8/31 McClain & Brooklyn Band 9/1 The Pocono Duo 8/27 Steve McDaniel

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

Don’t Miss Droppin’ Trou this Saturday at the Leather Corner Post in Orefield, PA

800-537-4667

FAMILY OWNED AND OPERATED OVER 20 YEARS WITH EXCEPTIONAL CUSTOMER SERVICE RANKED NUMBER ONE IN THE POCONO’S

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

MUSIC

Drummer Wanted We are looking for drums to complete a 4 piece rock act. We have a variety of influences .

Mike: 610-984-3791 GUITAR LESSONS from touring pro, performing and teaching for over 30 years and has shared the stage with BB King, Les Paul and Robert Cray. 610-360-5462

Email // classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Call // 9am - 5pm 7 Days a Week(484) 635-2253

EMPLOYMENT

EMPLOYMENT

REAL ESTATE

AUTOMOTIVE

Massage Therapist Seeking Massage Therapists Experience Preferred Call 610-262-9580

Delivery Drivers Wanted The Valley Beat is seeking Drivers for many areas in the Lehigh Valley. Must have own car / ins.

Reply to: distribution@thevalleybeat.com

Spacious apartment, just renovated Six rooms, apartment, new kitchen, New decor, all utilities paid, near transportation. $700/month 610-266-7300

PLACE YOUR AD TODAY!

Coopersburg- Rooms For Rent Weekly or Monthly. Cable Utilities and wifi included.

BARTENDER Single & Double Occupancy.

Roosevelt’s 21st is looking to $80/week and up. hire experienced bartenders.

Clean Private. 610-282-8010 1328 West Tilghman St, Allentown, PA 21 East Elizabeth Ave, Bethlehem, PA Send resume or apply in person at either location.

2000 CHEVROLET MONTE CARLO 3.8L 6CYL, AUTOMATIC TRANSMISSION, 133,000 MILES ,TWO TONED LEATHER, RUNS GREAT ! MOONROOF, AC/CD POWER WINDOWS, POWER LOCKS,$5,600.00 / 267-251-4997 (Montgomery County)

Hotel Housekeeping (Comfort Inn Quakertown) now accepting applications for Trumpet / Bugler Needed the position of Room Attendant.

To perform 140 Military funerals is. Weekends are mandatory. No per year. Primarily between calls please. Reply with resume Reading and Allentown. or employment applications are 609-504-9450 available and being accepted at hotel front desk 24 hours a day.

RESTAURANT

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

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AIRPORT RD SOUTH

LEHIGH VALLEY AIRPORT 2MI

0.1mi from 0.3mi from Union Blvd Hanover Ave GRAHAM

Aavalon is located on the corner of Graham & 724 E. Cedar St

aavalon

484-294-6900

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610.820.0210

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610.841.7900

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PAGE 35

25min from Bethlehem

#52. RT 611 BARTONSVILLE, PA

Aavalon

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AMAZON GODDESS NEVEAH

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

H.C. 610-559-9242

ALL AMERICAN BODY & MIND

EASTERN LIFESTYLES MASSAGE

Dirty Dog A man went to pick up his date but he was having some trouble with his flatulence system, in other words he couldn’t stop farting so when he had to wait for the young woman to get ready for the date he sat on the lounge and let out just a little fart when the dog hopped onto the couch with him. He figured that the parents would think it was the dog. Every time he farted the young girl’s parents told the dog to get off the couch and so the man kept going, finally he let rip and the parents finally told the dog to get off the couch before the man shit on him!

Larry’s Bar A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, She sleeps with anybody who asks her!

I’m going crazy. What do you think I should do?” “Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”

Tapering Off The couple had been married for twenty years. It was a happy, wonderful marriage, except that the wife was very unfaithful. The husband finally got so tired of her unfaithfulness that he made her promise to never again be untrue to him. One day he came home and found her in bed with a midget. He cried out, “My wife, my love, after you made all those promises, I find you in bed with another man, and a midget at that!” She replied, “My dearest husband, the love of my life, do you not believe me, do you not see, do you not understand? I am tapering off.”

Red Pecker Green Pecker Two men are sitting in the doctor’s office. The one looks at the other one and says, “What are you here for?” The man replied “I have a red ring around my pecker, What are you here for?” The other man said, “I have a green ring around my pecker.” The doctor called the man with the red ring first in his office and examined him. As he was walking out he told the other guy it was no problem. The doctor called the man in with the green ring around his pecker and examined him. The doctor says, “Your pecker is gonna fall off and you are gonna die”. The mans says, “What?? You told the man with the red ring he was ok, but I’m gonna die??” The doctor said, “Yes but there’s a lot of difference lipstick and gangrene!”

Love of Fishing A fellow went off on his honeymoon, and after returning meets up with a friend for a beer and conversation. The friend, being single and a pervert to boot, begins to inquire as to the festivities of the honeymoon. “So, Bob, big married man, did ya get any while you were out there?” the friend asks. Bob just shakes his head. “Ah, you know me. I like to fish. So I just fished.” His friend gasps. “You mean you didn’t have no sex? C’mon, Bob, tell me at least got a blowjob!” Bob again shakes his head. “Naw, she had pyorrhea, so I just fished. You know I like to fish.” His friend replies, “Bob, she’s your god damn wife! She’s gotta give it up when you say! You should just made her do it!” Bob replies, “Nah, she had gonorrhea, and you know me. I like to fish, so I just fished.” His friend, now quite upset, says, “What?! Why didn’t ya just pork it up her ass?” “Well,” says Bob, “she had diarrhea...and you know me, I like to fish. So I just fished.” His friend, totally exasperated by this point, shouts at him, “Jesus! Why’d you marry this sick bitch anyway?!” Bob replies, “Well, she got worms, and you know how I like to fish...”

VIEW THE VALLEY BEAT ONLINE GO TO THE VALLEY BEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013 Page 36

JOKES

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

PAGE 37

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013 Page 38

AVAILABLE WHEREVER BEER IS SOLD!

IT’S A PARTY IN A CAN, THAT’S PERFECT FOR TAILGATE PARTIES!

Please Drink Responsibly

AllentownBeverage.com

SEE MORE PHOTOS ONLINE WWW.THEVALLEYBEAT.COM

SARAH MARIA

PHOTOS BY: ANTHONY BARARTTA • LOVISA PHOTOS • ROBERT SLEEPER JAE PHOTOGRAPHY • ALICE MARIE • TOM LUDIN PHOTOGRAPHY

THE VALLEY BEAT AUGUST 28, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 27 Douglassville, PA What do you do to make $$? Executive Assistant, Print & Promotional Model.

Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married?

Dating.

How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Facebook or Contact My Agents: Mickey@donatellimodels.com or Randy@donatellimodels.com Where was your best vacation destination?

Caribbean.

What do you do to relax? Music & Read.

What sports do you watch the most? Boxing.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Red Wine.

What happens to be your worst vice? Daily Ice Coffee.

What is your best feature? Sense of Humor.

What TV show do you never miss each week? I Love Lucy.

What movie would you recommend to our readers?

Anything Doris Day. What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Ride in a Hot Air Balloon.

What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Furthering my modeling career and acting career with Donatelli Modeling and Casting Agency.

What do you sleep in? Boy Shorts & Tank Top What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you?

I don’t know if you know this, but you are suppose to be my girlfriend.

What do you want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Don’t come across so desperate.

PAGE 39

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

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grEaT Upcoming EvEnTs Daryl Hall & JoHn oates – september 30 KatHy Griffin – october 4 brian Wilson anD Jeff becK – october 6 celtic tHUnDer – october 9 Diana Krall – october 10

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