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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

10 CLUB & PUBS

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUE 157.

6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 2, 2010 SEPTEMBER 18 - 24, 2013

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done

by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 17 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review CHATS WITH FRITZ 23 SATCH AJ Fritz interviews Guitar legend Joe Satriani 32 ZODIAC Your astrology for the week

SIZED FUN 34 PINT Camille Capriglione gives an overview on the small things in life

12 HOT SHOTS 47 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

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Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania.

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Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: Please See Page 47 Contributor: Mitch | Kenny Luck Columinists: Elle Spaulding | Camille Capriglione | Nick Gaskins | A.J. Fritz

Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Weekly Top 10: Gina Crash Hot Shots: Rich Hafner Photography

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by Chuck Shepherd LEAD STORY

LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS

--The Food and Drug Administration proposed recently to limit the quantity of tiny “mites” that could occupy imported cheese, even though living, crawling mites are a feature desired by aficionados. (“Cheese is absolutely alive!” proclaimed microbiologist Rachel Dutton, who runs the “cheese laboratory” at Harvard University.) In fact, cheese is home to various molds, bacteria and yeasts, which give it flavor, and sellers routinely use blowers to expel excessive critters, but the FDA now wants to limit them to 6 bugs per square inch. However, according to a May report on NPR, lovers of some cheeses, especially the French Mimolette, object, asserting both an indifference to the sight of mites creeping around -- and a fear of taste-loss (since the mites burrow into the hunk, aerating it and extending the flavor).

--Paul Gardener and Chad Leakey were arrested in Tempe, Ariz., in May and charged with a spree of car burglaries. According to police, the men were trying various cars’ doors, looking for any that were unlocked, when they inadvertently opened the back door of an unmarked police car. The men had apparently not noticed (until too late) that two uniformed officers were sitting in the front seat and had also failed to notice that cage wiring separated the back seat from the front seat.

--Timothy Adams, 24, was charged with home invasion in May in Gardner, Mass., but only after resident Michael Salame slammed him into the floor. Salame is 70 years old, has had eight heart stents, and is forced to wear special coverings on his arms at night because of nerve damage -- yet Adams apparently went down easily and at one point offered Salame “thousands of dollars” to let him up before police arrived.

IRONIES

--Energy West, the natural gas supplier in Great Falls, Mont., had tried recently

PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US

to raise awareness of leaks by distributing scratch-and-sniff cards to residents,

--Apparently running out of space on his body (which is two-thirds tattooed), Brazilian Ro-

demonstrating gas’s distinctive, rotten-egg smell. In May, workers cast aside

drigo Fernando dos Santos has moved on to his eyeballs. According to the body-modification

several cartons of leftover cards, which were hauled off and disposed of by

website BME.com, eyeball-tattooing is safe if done correctly, which involves the artist injecting

crushing -- which released the scent and produced a massive blanket of odor

the ink precisely between the conjunctiva and the sclera layers --with the main risk, of course,

over downtown Great Falls, resulting in a flurry of panicked calls to firefighters

that the client can go blind. In April, Sao Paulo tattoo artist Rafael Leao Dias, who said he had

about gas leaks.

--Well, Of Course! (1) The Ypsilanti, Mich., City Council voted in May on a resolution that would have required the members always to vote either “yes” or “no” (to thus reduce the recent, annoying number of “abstain” votes). The resolution to ban abstaining failed because three of the seven members abstained.

(2) Doctors told a newspaper in Stockholm in April that at least one of Sweden’s premier modeling agencies, looking for recruits, had been caught passing out business cards adjacent to the country’s largest eating-disorder clinic, forcing the clinic to change its rules on patients taking outside walks.

--The United Nations Conference on Disarmament, a multilateral forum on arms control agreements, was chaired beginning May 27th (until June 23rd) by Iran, which, for that time, at least, had the awkward job of overseeing resolutions on nuclear non-proliferation, which the country is widely thought to be ignoring.

PERSPECTIVE

--In May, the Florida House of Representatives adjourned for the year without assessing themselves even a nominal increase in health insurance premiums for their own taxpayer-funded deluxe coverage, which will remain at $8.34 per month for individuals ($30 for families). Several days earlier, the House had voted to reject several billion dollars in federal grants for extending health insurance coverage to about a million more poor people in the state’s Medicaid program. The House premiums are even lower than those of state senators and rank-and-file state employees, and lower than the premiums of Medicaid recipients who have the ability to pay.

studied eyeball work for two years, successfully turned dos Santos’s eyes into pools of dark ink. “I cried ink for two days,” he told a local blogger. BME.com said eyeball tattoos have been reported for nearly 2,000 years.

THE LITIGIOUS SOCIETY

--Keith Judd filed a lawsuit in Iowa in May, in essence to invalidate the 2012 election by having President Obama officially declared a Kenyan and not an American. Judd filed the papers from a federal penitentiary in Texas, where he is serving 17 years for threatening a woman he believed to be a “clone” of the singer Stevie Nicks, because Nicks (or the clone) had tried to sabotage his home improvement company. (Bonus Fact: In the 2012 Democratic presidential primary in West Virginia, Judd, a write-in candidate, defeated President Obama in nine counties and lost the state by only 33,000 votes.)

--Edward Kramer, co-founder of the annual Atlanta fantasy-character convention Dragon*Con, was arrested in 2000 for allegedly having sex with underage boys, but has yet to stand trial in Georgia because he has engineered a never-ending set of legal delays -- if not because of his version of Orthodox Judaism that limits his diet and activities, then it his allegedly poor health. (“As soon as he puts on an orange jumpsuit,” said prosecutor Danny Porter, “he becomes an invalid,” requiring a wheelchair and oxygen tank.) In 2011, after managing to get “house arrest,” he violated it by being caught with an underage boy. Lately, according to a May Atlanta Journal-Constitution report, he files an average of three demands per day from his Gwinnett County, Ga., lockup, each requiring painstaking review before being rejected. Kramer still owns about one-third of Dragon*Con, whose current officials are mortified that they cannot expel a man they consider a child molester.

RECURRING THEMES

--Dogs Gone Wild: (1) Oscar, a Lawrence, Mass., K-9, accidentally fired a gun into an occupied home during a police chase in March. He had pawed the trigger while digging into snow where a fleeing suspect had tossed his gun. (No one was injured.) (2) In March, a dog left inside an otherwise unattended, engine-running car accidentally kicked it into gear and pinned an unidentified pedestrian, knocking him unconscious. He was taken to a hospital in York, Pa., and revived. (3) Gregory Lanier, 35, driving his dog in a truck in Sebring, Fla., in February, was shot in the leg when the dog stepped on a .380 caliber pistol. He was not seriously hurt.

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(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition?

Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net.

Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.)

COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, Mo. 64106

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

CONCERT BEAT

CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA TICKETS 717-393-7713 Doug Stanhope, Sep 21 Stars, Oct 2 The Stomping Ground Tour, Oct 10 Five Finger Death Punch, Oct 13

TICKETS 212-307-7171

TICKETS 610-434-4600

Hollywood Ending, Sep 20 Blood on the Dance Floor, Sep 26 The Browning, Oct 1 A Skylit Drive, Oct 4

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249

Dancin Machine Disco Party, Sep 20 Splintered Sunlight, Sep 21 Jimmy Thackery & the Drivers, Sep 26

MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600

MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791 Amy Schumer, Oct 5 The Stylistics, Oct 19 Ru Paul’s Drag Race Show, Oct 26

Selena Gomez, Oct 18 Pearl Jam, Oct 21-22

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA

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moe, Sep 29 Cage Rage MMA, Oct 5 Conspirator, Oct 19 Umphrey’s McGee, Oct 24

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA

TICKETS 212-777-6800

TICKETS 570-826-1100

Flag!, Sep 19 Hinder & Candlebox, Sep 26 Street Light Manifesto, Oct 1 God Flesh, Oct 19

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA

MAIN GATE, Allentown SOVEREIGN CENTER,PAReading, PA TICKETS 610-898-7200

Mushroom Head, Sep 26 • Bayside Motion City, Oct 8

TICKETS (215) 627-1332 City and Colour, Sep 18 Atoms for Peace, Sep 24 Korn, Asking Alexandra, Love & Death, Sep 26 The Water Boys, Sep 29 moe, Oct 4

Cyndi Lauper, Oct 22

TICKETS (215) 922-5483 Flag, Sep 18 Atoms For Peace, Sep 24 (Liacouras Center @ Temple University) Monster Energy Rock Allegiance Tour, Sep 26 (The Mann) City Bisco Sep 27-8 (The Mann) Philly Zombie Prom, Sep 28 Gramatik, Oct 5 Scorpion Child, Oct 6 Comedy Bang! Bang!, Oct 14 The Chariot, Oct 17 Stephen “Ragga” Marley, Oct 25 The Orb, Oct 26 Overkill & Kreator, Oct 31 Less than Jake, Nov 8 Papadosio, Nov 9 Pam Ann, Nov 14

(610) 743-3069 Mobb Deep, Sep 24 East Coast Tsunami Fest w/ Bouncing Souls, Sep 27 East Coast Tsunami Fest w/ Hatebreed, Sep 28-9 Dope, Sohl, Leaving Eden & More, Oct 4 Gwar, Nov 16

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA Dennis De Young, Live Music of Styx, Oct 27 Live: Medium’s Gallery with Laury Moore, Oct 30

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA TICKETS 570-420-280

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

1409 N. 9th St

TICKETS 215-336-3600

David Nail, Sep 19 Steel Stacks Stunner Ball, Sep 19 Mickey Hart Band, Sep 26

30 Seconds to Mars, Sep 29 Paramore, Metic, Hellogoodbye, Nov 8 Slayer & Gojira, Nov 29 The Fresh Beat Band, Dec 6

A Day To Remember, Oct 12 So You think You can Dance, Oct 16 Barenaked Ladies, Oct 18 Sammy Haggar, Oct 26 The Black Crowes, Oct 30 Joan Rivers, Nov 1 Kevin James, Nov 7 50 Shades The Musical, Nov 10 Paramore, Nov 11 Terry Fator, Nov 17 Trace Adkins, Nov 29

REVERB - Reading, PA

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA

TICKETS 610-332-1300

TICKETS 800-745-3000

TICKETS 877-686-5366

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ

THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA

Cirque Musica, Sep 22

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA Sarah Brightman, Sep 22 Andrew Dice Clay, Sep 24 Legends of Boxing, Sep 26 Steely Dan, Sep 27 Jeff Foxworthy, Sep 28 Daryl Hall & John Oates, Sep 30 Kathy Griffin, Oct 4 Brian Wilson & Jeff Beck Oct 6 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 Soul Asylum/Fountains of Wayne/ Evan Dando, Oct 11

Eagles, Nov 8-11 • Paramore, Nov 13 • Rod Stewart, Dec 9

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA

Michael Buble, Sep 21 Drake, Oct 19

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

Misfits, Oct 25 Greg Allman, Oct 29 In This Moment, Nov 8 Jake Miller, Nov 19

TICKETS 215-572-7650 Travis, Sep 19 Lucinda Williams, Sep 21 Jonny Lang, Sep 27 Jimmy Cliff, Sep 29

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0371

Josh Turner, Sep 26 Nitty Gritty Dirty Band, Sep 27 Hinder & Candlebox, Sep 29 Chris Cagle, Oct 4

CHECK OUT THE STEEL STACKS STUNNERS BALL THIS THURSDAY IN BETHLEHEM

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

SHERMAN THEATER

(570) 420-2808

524 MAIN STREET, STROUDSBURG, PA

MAINGATE NIGHTCLUB (610) 776-7711 BREWS BROTHERS WEST (570) 283-1300 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK

75 MAIN STREET, LUZERNE, PA

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Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 9/18 DJ Johnny B 9/19 Drop Dead Sexy 9/20 The Benjamins 9/21 Beat City 9/22 Steal the Sky 9/23 Jumper 9/24 Tower Suite

BATH

Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 9/28 Fall Festival

Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 9/20 Midnight Shift 9/21 Friends of Tom

Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 9/20 DJ Cobra

Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Live Entertainment Tim Harakal / Billy Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More

Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman

BETHLEHEM

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 9/18 Tavern Tan Band 9/19 Serene Green 9/20 Dear Anna 9/21 Trouble City 9/22 Zack Martin Trio 9/23 Jon Fadem 9/24 Born Crosseyed Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Monday: Jukebox Thursday: Karaoke Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Sunday: Karaoke Bethlehem Brew Works 569 Main St 610-882-1300 Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 9/20 Total Whiteout 9/21 DJ Cova Lou’s 50 Yard Line 2626 Easton Ave 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic 9/13 Galaxy

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 9/18 Improv Comedy 9/19 Gram Parson Trib 9/21 Three Jakes

DJ Tom Taylor 9/21 Molten Lounge Bethlehem, PA

Total Whiteout 9/20 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

October 4-6 & 11-13, 2013 SteelStacks™ | Bethlehem, PA

steelstacks.org/oktoberfest

CATASAQUA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

COOPERSBURG

Fallen Heros Run 9/21 Drinky’s Easton, PA

BARTONSVILLE

Tavern Tan Band 9/18 Funhouse Bethlehem, PA

Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010 Thursdays: Pool Tournament 8pm & Karaoke w/ DJ Shocker 9:30pm The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 9/18 Dale Barth 9/21 The Band “3”

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 9/21 Fallen Hero’s Run Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 9/18 Open Mic 9/19 Chris Cummings 9/20 Selectronics 9/21 Quimby Mountain

MORE ON PAGE 32

Strange Brew Tavern 1996 S. Fifth St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night 920 Hattrick 9/21 Keep Out of Reach

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The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours

Where Deutsch Meets Dutch

Games including Barrel Roll Races, Long Pour, Stein Races and more

Great German Cuisine & Yuengling Beers Dachshund Races

Rides including a Giant Swing, Loop-o-Plane and Wipeout

More than 25 Live Bands

VB_91813

SAVE $3 on each single-day admission to Oktoberfest 2013.

Bring this coupon to the box office during Oktoberfest 2013 to redeem.

Offer valid for up to 4 people in your party. Not valid with any other discounts or previously purchased tickets.

POWERING

DUGAN THOMAS & SCHOOL OF ROCK ROCK RIVALS IN EASTON (The Pupils and The Masters)

Dugan Thomas from left: Rob Fraser, June Thomas, Mike Dugan, Jenn McCracken, Scott Williams

and vocals, Rob Fraser on bass and vocals, Scott Williams on drums and Jenn McCracken on percussion and vocals. Coincidentally, two of the band members, Thomas and Fraser, play in the Maria Woodford Band. They and their band mates were pulling double duty as Dugan Thomas had played a gig earlier in the afternoon at Pinnacle Ridge Winery in Berks County.

This group is a very tight ensemble of experienced, professional players that plays blues rock, both originals and covers. It’s too bad the School of Rock kids couldn’t stick around for Dugan Thomas’ two stellar sets at Rivals because they definitely could’ve learned something.

Dugan Thomas’ appearance, although abbreviated due to the stage changeover from the School of Rock, was not lacking for energy at Rivals. In two sets lasting about two hours, they put on a show that caught the attention of the younger casual sports bar patrons and earned several rousing rounds of applause with dancers stepping out on the dance floor to move to the beat of Dugan original songs like “Freezer Burn” and “A Bad Case of the In Betweens” and great covers of Led Zeppelin’s “What Is and What Should Never Be” with Jenn McCracken on lead vocals and Sugarloaf’s “Green-Eyed Lady” that featured the talented June Thomas on keyboards and vocals.

In the second set, popular local blues harpist, Chas Cochran, joined the band for some blues and then they finished up with a flurry of classic covers including Janis Joplin’s “Piece of My Heart”, The Allman Brothers’ instrumental classic “Jessica”, Santana’s “Black Magic Woman” and Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Call Me the Breeze.”

For a great Saturday evening at Rivals, both Easton School of Rock and Dugan Thomas, earn the title of Bands That Rock!

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years!

Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more!

Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGE PAGE 11

All kinds of surprises and options presented themselves when I ventured into downtown Easton this past Saturday. It was a cloudy but crisp late summer afternoon and I was filled with anticipation as I headed to Rivals Sports Bar off Center Square to watch the Penn State - Central Florida game at 6:00 but also with the intention of seeing the Maria Woodford Band on stage beginning at 7:30. The beauty of Rivals is that I would be able to do both.

A cordoned-off Center Square was bustling with activity as the Drinky’s Skate Jam was in progress. I was tempted to linger outside to see the goings-on but decided to go watch the Penn State game instead; much to my chagrin as UCF made PSU’s defense look completely inept and PSU ended up losing the game.

Upon entering Rivals, I was surprised to see a packed house so early in the evening with many of the patrons on hand not only watching college football but also enjoying a live performance of the Easton School of Rock with many of the student musicians’ relatives on hand to support the young rockers. What a nice surprise!

The kids were alright! Easton School of Rock put on an entertaining show of psychedelic classic rock covers with multiple line-up changes.

I was treated to a variety of classic goodies like Iron Butterfly’s “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” (short version), Cream’s “White Room”, David Bowie’s “Space Oddity”, Frank Zappa’s “Cosmik Debris” and the lengthy, spacey “Echoes”, from Pink Floyd’s “Meddle” album, performed in its entirety.

Easton School of Rock qualified as a band that rocks simply by virtue of the fact that they took risks with their set list. Pulling off the Herculean task of handling a 24 minute Pink Floyd extended progressive rock composition, earned them that distinction. I hope they’ll allow me to write a future feature article on them. The parents and instructors of this group of young rock and rollers were obviously quite proud as they should be.

The Easton School of Rock has upcoming gigs at Rivals that include a Jane’s Addiction show this Friday at 7:30 PM and Saturday at 5 PM and an MTV Unplugged Show the 27th and 28th of September – same times. There’s no cover charge and you will be pleasantly surprised at what you hear.

Another unexpected turn of events was that the Maria Woodford Band would not be taking the stage as scheduled due to a family emergency. Maria Woodford first impressed me a couple months ago when I heard her sing at the Mike Dugan-hosted Players Jam at the Raven’s Nest in Quakertown. I vowed at that time to follow up and catch one of her shows but it was not to be on this Saturday evening in Easton. I hope to see her perform with her band very soon.

Stepping up to fill the void created by the absence of Woodford and certainly not your typical surrogate band, was Dugan Thomas, featuring the aforementioned Mike Dugan on guitar and vocals with June Thomas on keys

THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT THE BEAT SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER 11, 18, 2013 2013

by: Mitch

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

Drinky’s Skate Jam

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

Blink 182 - A RetRospective

This week I was planning to review the new Queens of the Stone Age album, but after seeing my favorite band Blink 182 last week at the Sands Bethlehem Event Center, I decided to change things up a bit. I had this epiphany while rocking out to my number one band, instead of writing an ordinary concert review I will write about the evolution of Blink as I see it.

Blink 182 has been a staple in my life for about 17 years now. I first discovered them when I heard their song “Waggy” on a compilation album. I was instantly hooked. Having already been of a fan of punk and bands like Green Day, Offspring, Pennywise and Bad Religion, Blink seemed to perfectly fit the mold of everything I was looking for at the time. I quickly went out and bought what was their debut album, Cheshire Cat (this was before they released their demo album, Buddha). I remember listening to Cheshire Cat over and over again in my friend’s basement. This became the soundtrack to our high school years. Every song on the album I could relate to, and it was especially fitting since Blink sang songs mostly about girls and I spent my entire high school career chasing girls. When I was 15 my mom had the pleasure of taking my friends and me to a Blink concert at The Electric Factory in Philly. She stood in the back of the venue with my younger brother and let us hang in the middle of the crowd. What a show that was. I lost my shoe, my buddy accidently got peed on by a guy who decided he didn’t have time to go to the proper facilities, and my other friend got punched in the face in the mosh pit and ended up with a fat lip. Despite all this nonsense, it is still one of the best shows I have ever seen. Blink spent more time telling dick and fart jokes than performing their songs. My mom couldn’t believe how vulgar they were, but since she has a similar sense of humor to me, she actually thought they were pretty funny. There was also a simplicity to them that is rarely seen in any other band. With all the hipster fashion popular among the music culture, it was awesome to see the guys in Blink step on the stage in white t-shirts, Dickies shorts, Converse shoes and sideways Hurley hats. This was a style that I adopted back in the day, and it hasn’t changed.

Blink 182’s humble beginnings began in San Diego, California back in 1992 when guitarist Tom Delonge was introduced to bassist Mark Hoppus. The two of them instantly clicked and began writing songs in Delonge’s garage. Shortly after they teamed up with 14 year old drummer Scott Raynor to complete the band. They toyed with a few names before coming up with the name Blink. They rolled with this for a little while until an Irish techno group with the same name threatened legal action. This led them to altering the name by adding the random numbers 182 to the end of it. Though there have been many rumors speculating what the 182 stands for, the band stated it was just random numbers they came up with. After they

got the name solidified they began touring and playing shows whenever and wherever they could. They accumulated a pretty solid local following and began to gain the attention of a few record labels. After being signed to a major label and releasing their certified platinum album, Dude Ranch, the band’s success skyrocketed. The extensive touring schedule began to take a toll on drummer Scott Raynor. He started drinking heavily, which led to his firing from the band in 1998. He was quickly replaced by Aquabats drummer Travis Barker. Blink went on to release a few more albums before their split in 2005. I remember reading about this and feeling devastated. The band that I had admired for so long and that had inspired everything from my clothing style to my humor was no more. I had seen them live more than a handful of times since that first show to right before their split, and I remember saying to a friend that I could see a change in them towards the end. That once happy-go-lucky band seemed to not be so happy. There was a tension among them that was blatantly seen in their last live performances. During their hiatus both Mark and Tom started up other bands and Travis began touring with DJ AM. There was no communication between one-time best friends Mark and Tom and there was no sign of the band reuniting. That was until a horrible plane crash in 2008, which left Travis Barker badly burned. The tragedy opened the lines of communication and brought the

band back together again. They went on to release another album and an EP, and are expected to begin recording their 8th studio album soon.

They opened their set at the Sands with their summer hit “Feeling This” and kept that intensity going throughout the show. They avoided playing their more serious songs like “Stay Together for the Kids” or “Adam’s Song.” Instead they kept the upbeat tempo going by incorporating a good combination of new and old songs.

The only tune they revisited from Cheshire Cat was one of the first songs Tom and Mark wrote together, “Carousel.” That was part of their encore, which also included “Dammit” and their profanity laden, “Family Reunion,” which ends with the line “I f— ked your mom.” Even though Blink’s humor is still there, it just wasn’t the same feel as previous Blink shows. They seemed to rush through their set and spent little time with their trademarked bathroom humor. Blink will always be my favorite band, but I guess I just have to realize that the old Blink is much different than the new Blink. They’ve matured and it’s evident in their live show and in their music. I still get that feeling of nostalgia every time I listen to a Blink album.

It makes me realize how I am getting older and so are they, but I guess this is growing up.

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

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By: Scotty Brilliant

LEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 11, 2013

ALBUM REVIEW

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

HAIL TO THE KING

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

MIND YOUR MANNERS PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

THERE’S NO GOING BACK SICK PUPPIES CONNECT

PLOT: The Lambert family once again finds itself besieged by malevolent ghosts; this time they’re intent on possessing father Josh, who has a connection to “The Further” that extends beyond his last trip into the nightmarish realm.

REVIEW: INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2 is like watching an instructional video on how to make a scary ghost movie: “Here is where there should be a loud noise... and here is where a door should ominously creak open... this would be a good time to show a creepy apparition standing in the room unbeknownst to the person who just entered it.” And so on. It goes through the motions, moving along a familiar path with little in the way of the fresh sense of jolting fun the first entry had. It isn’t a terrible film, but it’s certainly a disappointing one, considering how impressive director James Wan has proven himself to be with the first INSIDIOUS and this summer’s terrific THE CONJURING.

MISERY LOVES MY COMPANY

THREE DAYS GRACE TRANSIT OF VENUS

BEAUTIFUL P.O.D

MURDERED LOVE

LEADER OF THE BROKEN HEARTS PAPA ROACH THE CONNECTION

NEVER NEVER KORN

THE PARADIGM SHIFT

OUT OF TIME W/ CHESTER BENNINGTON STONE TEMPLE PILOTS HIGH RISE

LIFT ME UP W/ ROB HALFORD FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN &

THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 1

HOWL

BEWARE OF DARKNESS ORTHODOX

We pick up not long after the first film ends: Josh Lambert (Patrick Wilson) has returned from “the Further” - that alternate dimension where he rescued his son’s spirit from evil entities - and is noticeably different. Of course, you’d expect anyone who has left their body and combatted murderous demons to be something of a changed man, but don’t tell that to his wife Renai (Rose Byrne) or son Dalton (Ty Simpkins), both of whom worry about Josh’s new proclivity of talking to no one in particular and just generally not acting like himself. There’s also the little question of whether or not Josh killed spirit guide Elise (Lin Shaye) toward the end of his trip to the Further. This family is still kind of screwed.

The Lamberts have moved in with Josh’s mother Lorraine (Barbara Hershey) to get away from their old abode, although of course it’s not their house that is haunted, it is them!

This time they’ve been targeted by the spirit of a serial killer, whose origin story I won’t divulge here but it’s safe to say that it’s been the origin story of countless fictional (and real) psychos. The council of Elise’s assistants Specs (Whannell) and Tucker (Angus Sampson) have once again been sought out to get to the bottom of this haunting, the revelation of which may lay within Josh’s own past.

There are a slight handful of engagingly scary moments - a moment inside Dalton’s bedroom is as good as anything Wan has done before - but the technique here is nowhere near as polished as the first film: Wan appears to rush through sequences when his specialty is drawing them out eerily. He has also mastered the art of the jump scare so thoroughly that it’s strange he’s not able to land too many major shocks here. I What INSIDIOUS CHAPTER 2 lacks in frights it makes up for (for better or worse) in laughs, both of the intentional and unintentional variety. The Further, that smoky netherworld where the characters go to retrieve their souls and confront the villainous dead. As was the case in the first INSIDIOUS, The Further is a pretty goofy place, more carnival funhouse than mystical limbo; you can practically see the fog machine just off-screen. Also bringing some strange levity is Patrick Wilson. His turn here is actually one of the few things that doesn’t feel recycled or dulled down from the first INSIDIOUS; I just wish the movie had found additional ways of spicing things up.

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10

By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

Movie Review

GINA CRASH’S TOP 10

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THETHE VALLEY BEAT JULY 31, 2013 18, 2013 VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER

Joe Satriani

The renowned guitar master Joe Satriani brings the Unstoppable Momentum tour to the Tower Theater in Upper Darby on September 28th and the Valley Beat got a call from Satch to welcome all to the show. We reached out to A.J Fritz to chat with Satch and here’s an excerpt from that exclusive interview. Be sure to tune in to WLVR 91.3 FM on Thursday September 26th from 3-6 Pm for the full interview, Satch tracks from the Unstoppable Momentum album and a chance to win tickets to the Joe Satriani concert at the Tower Theater!

really unique. I’m really excited that we were able to get them.

AJ: You’re really an artist who has a sense of humility about what you do Joe, you bring real guitar legends and great masters of their own craft along with you on the road and I think that’s an added treat for us as Satriani fans.

You really like to spread it around brother.

JS: I do ! I do ! I love to celebrate other players.

There’s nothing better I tell ya to challenge yourself than to have someone scary good go on right before you! (chuckling) I love that! Can you imagine that? I mean you’re standing there warming up and Steve Morse is out there just ripping it! That’ll put the fear of everything into you.

AJ: Your coming to the Tower Theater September 28th and we can’t wait to come down and see the show.

JS: Yes and we can’t wait to see you and play all this new music for you!

For the FULL interview with Joe Satriani, tune in to Fritzrocks at WLVR 91.3 FM Thursday September 26th from 3-6PM. Listen for a chance to win tickets to the Joe Satriani Tower Theater concert on September 28th.

A.J. Fritz is the Station Manager and Program Director for Lehigh University’s WLVR 91.3 FM. He’s been on the air at WLVR for over fifteen years with the award winning AOR driven “Fritzrocks” show and has interviewed scores of legendary rock artsists. Fritz was also on the air at WZZO for years and started radio broadcasting in 1986 at WGPA.

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AJ: There are guitar heroes, guitar legends and then there are guitar virtuosos. Artists who become so connected to their instrument and song craft that a mastership develops and our ears and soul become the canvas that the virtuoso fills with their art. One such multi grammy nominated instrumental artist has sold over ten million records, has taught and mentored other guitar legends, and produces a guitar wizard concert series called G3 which you’ve probably heard about. He has unleashed his fourteenth studio album this year, proving that the incredible journey with the amazing Joe Satriani has gained UNSTOPPABLE MOMENTUM, and we get to take another thrill ride with the incomparable SATCH…Welcome Joe, JS: “Hey, thank you very much. That sounds great! That introduction was amazing!”

AJ: Why thank you man. Deserved for someone such as yourself and congratulations on another excellent album recorded at Skywalker Studios … not too shabby for a recording studio huh?

JS: Yeah, that place is so beautiful. I don’t know if anybody out there has ever been there maybe visiting just to go to the Star Wars gift shop or something like that, but director George Lucas created a beautiful, I‘d say it’s like an artist village in the rolling hills of Northern California and it’s only like forty five minutes from San Francisco where I’m calling you from. It is just a beautiful place, where I work is in the technical building which has a scoring room that can hold a one hundred piece orchestra. You can set up six drum kits and put your amps all over the place! I mean it just makes you feel that you’ve got the freedom to record in any way that you want, the staff is great and of course you’ve got George Lucas walking around from time to time! It’s just a very great, cool environment.

AJ: Can you talk a little about the band you’re bringing out on the road with you this year and also about the acts that are supporting you on certain legs of the tour?

JS: Yeah, it’s a very interesting tour. You know we did nine weeks in Europe already. I’ve got Mike Keneally playing guitar and keyboards, Bryan Beller on bass guitar, Marco Minnemann is on drums and the interesting story behind these guys is that Mike and Bryan are part of Dethklok (Brendan Smalls band) and Marco and Brian are two thirds of the band The Aristocrats and the three of them have been playing together in different configurations for about twenty years so they have a great musical shorthand you know what I mean? They lift an eyebrow and they know what the other guy‘s thinking and it’s been great! The energy

level of all of the music has risen to a new level which has been really great. They’ve taken the new album and given me a fresh look at it as well as all the stuff going all the way back to the music that was put out on the first record (Not Of This Earth) in 1986. So it’s a lot of material to cover but they bring a lot of interesting attitudes that I’ve never really had the pleasure of being able to sort of capitalize on on other tours.

Of course you mentioned the bands that were touring with. We’ll be out with my friend Steve Morse and his band for most of the tour. Steve and I have known each other since 88 and we’ve done quite a lot of touring together. Last year we did a bunch of G3’s and he’s just a phenomenal musician.

We’ve got Living Colour opening up for us on the west end of the tour. It’s really great to be back with those guys again.

Then when we’re in Canada we’ve got Sitdown Servant. I don’t know, people may not know who they are but Geordie Johnson I know is a famous guitar player up in Canada and we were looking for some group or artist that had a special connection to fellow Canadians. These guys are great! Basically two guys, guitarist and drummer and they play a really gutsy bluesy kind of a set that’s

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Tickets before 9/15/2013

PAGE 27

Brayden is an 8 year old boy who is suffering from Cystic Fibrosis and Primary Immune Deficiency. Brayden has a Million Dollar Mission. Please read the attached words from his mother or visit Brayden’s page on facebook “Brayden’s Million Dollar Mission”. As parents ourselves we want to help this boy with his mission. The family is also in need of some help with the medical expenses.

A portion of the proceeds will go to Brayden’s Million Dollar Mission and a portion to help with his medical expenses.

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

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PAGE 29

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

By Spaulding

By Elle so and so Let me begin by setting up two scenes.

For the first, you’re in a diner. It’s late. Too bright fluorescent lights illuminate everything that’s wrong: plastic Formica booths, tap water with more than a hint of cleaning agent, and your friend sitting across from you. You watch him raise his cup, tilt himself back, then put the cup down. He hasn’t successfully drunk any water since you got here. This goes on for a while.

For the second, you’re outside. The air is both warm and cool but what you really care about is the smell. You’ve had a couple of beers, a burger and you already see the warm glow of satiety on your friend’s faces. “It’s ready!” breaks the constant hum of jovial laughter. You’re full, but then you think, why not? After all, you’re already in disbelief that life could be this good.

Horns is a relatively new addition to the restaurant scene in the Lehigh Valley. Although it officially opened a few years ago, it was only a few months ago that its current owner acquired the place.

Located on Bethlehem’s south side, Horns touts itself as the place for locally sourced and fresh ingredients. Eaters in the Valley and those who regularly read my column know that the movement towards buying and eating local foods has really taken off in the last several years, as evidenced by the explosion of Farmer’s Markets and events like Vegefest this past weekend.

Several restaurants in the Valley have followed suit, with Bolete and Molianri’s also in Bethlehem as more upscale options. For those who want local fresh food in a more casual setting Horns aims to fill that void.

Local fresh ingredients may be Horns’ niche, but it has a pretty diverse menu as it aspires

Before I discuss what it was like to eat the burgers, I should note that it is pretty clear that Horns is also aware of scene number two. The picnic tables, set to accommodate you and your friends, the fact that drinks came in mason jars, the fact that our burgers arrived in paper lined metal troughs, none of this was unplanned. Sinking your teeth into a burger at Horns therefore is just another element of the recreation of scene number two.

So what did I think about the burgers?

They were good. Both beef burgers were satisfyingly juicy and actually tasted of beef, a sign of a quality burger since it wasn’t masked with other flavors. The Fungi burger wasn’t drowning in gravy and the caramelized onions on the Horns Royal weren’t detractors. The vegan burger on the other hand, was a mixture of beans and legumes and covered in a vegetable slaw and a layer of pomegranate ketchup.

Probably the least favorite, but the produce, pea shoots especially, was firm, fresh, and the ketchup vibrant. Both elevated that burger.

Horns clearly can serve up good food, and the whole place is something of a performance, but there’s one caveat the restaurant is sort of dark. Lights are dim and wooden picnic tables are fine outdoors when the whole sky is illuminating. I get what Horns is trying to do and I’ll probably eat there again. I would like to try more of the menu since what I had was promising, the staff was friendly, informative and not too pushy, and I really respect what they do with the local produce, but like the friend from scene one discovered on LSD, to be able to enjoy food you need the whole environment to cooperate. So when I’m back at Horns, I’ll be at one of the two tables by the window.

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As soon as you enter, a sign near the door directs you to seat yourself at one of the six picnic tables brought indoors. You know the type, long wooden plank with wooden benches on each side. There are also two non-picnic tables by the window, more on these later. After you pick a table and get a menu food is ordered at the register.

Going for the vibe of scene number two, my friends and I decided on a round of burgers, The Fungi Burger, Horn’s Royal (both beef) and Vegan Burger as well as a side of fries. We were given a number and returned to our picnic table.

THE VALLEY BEAT JULY 31, 2013

In the morning he admits, “I couldn’t because it was like the rim of the glass just kept getting bigger and bigger as it came towards my face.”

to satisfy both hardcore meat-eaters and vegans alike.

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) It’s your world as the week begins -- and knowing you, you’ll waste no time and take it by storm. They’ll never know what hit ‘em (in a good way), whether it’s your coworkers, your stunned but happy friends or your significant other. But if you’re tempted to keep this pace up from Wednesday through Friday, you’re asking for frustration, a slip-up or even health issues. Rein yourself in, and do some planning instead of acting. This weekend, the key to successful interactions is to put yourself in someone else’s place. What in your repertoire will be music to their ears?

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) Things aren’t easy on Monday or Tuesday, though it’s just a passing phase that doesn’t mean much. Don’t let it get you down -- it could be that you and your date or partner get into a weird argument that seems to pop up from nowhere. By midweek, your good energy is flowing just as it should be, and it’s much easier for you to find the best way to say what you need to say. Things should stay great through the weekend, though you should make sure you take a little break to keep from tiring yourself out!

GEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) Take your latest, greatest idea firmly in hand at the beginning of the week. Show it to some pertinent people, and get some great input. Then go for it! You’re getting assistance from the stars. But beware: From sometime Wednesday through Friday, your usually fantastic communication skills can’t cut through some serious noise and static. Say it twice, in two different media, and keep a record if it’s really important. With the weekend, though, comes the return of your silver-tongued ways, and some other superpowers to boot (the kind that are especially helpful in the realm of romance!).

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CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) Your outlook is expanding amazingly at the beginning of the week. Re-examine a relationship, an emotion and a usual way of thinking -- major enlargement and improvement is possible now. Then, from sometime Wednesday through Friday, your accomplishments may be minor by comparison, but they’ll still feel great. Cross stuff off a few different to-do lists -- work, home, personal. This weekend might find you in conflict with someone who plays an important role in your life. You may be entirely in the right, but use some tact -- how would you want this stuff pointed out to you?

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22)

At the beginning of the week, delegate the little things to someone who cares -- you’re thinking big picture, big-time. (If you have an important appointment or date, set up a reminder -- or three!) But from Wednesday through Friday, your careful attention to everything and everyone is what gets you further faster. You might even hear or glimpse something that seems minor in the moment, but just wait. Everything’s coming up roses (or whatever your favorite flower is) this weekend. If you’ve got romance on your mind, now’s the time to jump in.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21)

Something seems to be more difficult than it should be early this week, but you can handle it with your usual calm energy. Approach it easily with a slow hand, and you’ll figure it out. In fact, your solution might impress the right person in exactly the right way! A bit of information that only you know about becomes pretty important on Wednesday or Thursday, possibly leading to a confession of some sort. It should make for an incredibly sweet and carefree weekend, as you find that barriers to communication fall down right away.

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21)

Dynamic only begins to describe you at the beginning of this week. That sense of humor of yours is sparkling, your optimism is contagious and when it comes to fun, you’ve got it going on. Take a little gamble -- why not?

But if you’re thinking about increasing the stakes from sometime Wednesday through Friday, think again. It’s best to let the situation -- whether work, romance or otherwise -- develop a bit. When the weekend comes, you may be so busy laughing, making new friends and expanding your horizons that things fall right into place around you.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19)

The world’s asking a lot of you at the beginning of the week, and your instinct may be to do everything you can to get it all done. Knowing when to set some limits (and what to ask for in return) is key. This kind of giveand-take is in better balance from Wednesday through Friday, and you’ll even have time to do a little extra investigation, perhaps in the personal sphere. Finding out more about a loved one or yourself is richly rewarding.

This weekend, cutting loose is as important as anything.

Let off some steam!

LEO (7/23 - 8/22) Dive in head-first as the week begins. You’re completely in the swim of things, whether you’re doing some splashy flips or just going with the flow. Bask in your own glory in your downtime. But from sometime Wednesday through Friday, it’s time to get your feet planted firmly on the ground -- and to reconsider your short-term and longterm paths. Make conscious choices, and take careful steps. Who’s alongside you? This weekend, you love company on your journey, whether you’re being practical or recreational. And your company is loving you, too.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18)

VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) Everybody’s got something to say at the beginning of the week. Leave yourself time to sort the fact from the fiction -- and time to recover from the input overload, too. Starting Wednesday and lasting through Friday, you’re more than up for anything and anyone that’s coming your way -- and you’re likely getting some pretty sweet stuff started under your own steam, too.

Work? Romance? Personal projects? No problem.

When the weekend comes, though, you need to put on the brakes a bit. Carefully consider how what’s happening fits in with your core values.

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20)

You’re in the mood to do your own thing on Monday and Tuesday; you don’t want to deal with clinginess or serious discussions. Try to make it clear that you’re not drifting away. (And you aren’t, are you?) The middle of the week is a good time to check back in with your sweetie, date or crush and see if you’re addressing the needs they want to be addressed. Also see if they’re addressing your own needs. You may be surprised. The weekend fills you with good, brainy energy and you ought to be able to share ideas with the right person.

You’re in the mood to do your own thing on Monday and Tuesday; you don’t want to deal with clinginess or serious discussions. Try to make it clear that you’re not drifting away. (And you aren’t, are you?) The middle of the week is a good time to check back in with your sweetie, date or crush and see if you’re addressing the needs they want to be addressed. Also see if they’re addressing your own needs. You may be surprised. The weekend fills you with good, brainy energy and you ought to be able to share ideas with the right person.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN

Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 9/21 Social Ballroom / Latin Swing Dance

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke 9/19 Coors Light Girls Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik 9/21 Gracy’s Trip 9/28 East Coast Beer Pong Tournament 10/5 Crazy Hearts

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 9/21 The Four Walls 9/28 Epicure, Blaze Like Meteors, King Bison

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 9/20 From The Wreckage 9/21 Jay Lapp Band

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 9/19 Find Vienna 9/20 The Fractals 9/21 Kate Taylor Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 9/20 Jay Caniveu 9/21 Keith Garner

PENNSBURG PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 10/3 Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 9/18 Jonah Smith 9/20 Thomas Graham & Wlliam Orner Show 9/21 Borris Garcia Band 9/22 Pocono Duo 9/24 Steve McDaniel

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

Check Out From The Wreckage Friday at The Leather Corner Post in Orefield, PA

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

PAGE 33

THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

by Camille Capriglione You’ve heard it referred to as mini golf, goofy golf and putt-putt. Whatever the nickname, miniature golf is an incredibly popular leisure activity that began a hundred years ago. The first documented mention of miniature golf was in 1912 by the Illustrated London News. It was introduced in America around 1919 when a wealthy businessman, James Barber, built his home in North Carolina. He called his estate Thistle Dhu (a play on the phrase “This’ll Do”) and built a mini golf course. News of it spread like wildfire. By the 1920’s, the pastime was such a hit that 50,000 courses operated nationwide, even on city rooftops!

THE VALLEY BEAT JULY 31, 2013

MINIATURE GOLF: Pint-sized fun!

In the late 1920’s a man named Garnet Carter opened an 18-hole course, which he called Tom Thumb Golf. Its fairways had wooden rails and were lined with cottonseed hulls. It became such a sensation that he patented the design and created a franchise. Another golf fanatic, Thomas McCulloch Fairbairn, revolutionized the game by inventing artificial green made of sand, oil, cottonseed and dye. Nowadays, felt is used because it absorbs water well.

What sets mini golf apart is its appeal to both adults and children. And the elaborate designs of the courses add to the enjoyment. The more imaginative the golf course, the more enticing it is to players. The sky’s the limit in creative architecture and landscaping. Courses can be whimsical or themed. They can have windmills, waterfalls, castles or drawbridges. They may have animated zoo animals, revolving statues and wishing wells. They might have lights, music and recorded sounds. Nighttime “glow in the dark” golf is very popular.

Mini golf is meant to be challenging too! There are hills, banks, sand traps and water hazards just like the full-sized courses. The 18 holes of mini golf are designed to ‘capture’ the ball in a drain or trap door, to prevent players from playing extra rounds without paying. A popular 18th hole idea is a smiling clown’s head. Hit it just right and you may win a free game!

Competition is taken very seriously. There are two national organizations that offer tournaments: the Professional Putters Association (PPA) and the U.S. Pro Mini Golf Association (USPMGA.) The winner of a major competition can win up to $5000. There are also international tournaments hosted by the World Minigolf Sport Federation.

If you’re interested in playing at one of America’s 1,600 courses, consult the Putting Penguin website, the largest miniature golf review website in the world. They reviewed five courses right here in P.A. It’s great fun, so grab a putter and hit a hole in one!

PAGE 21

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Although no person is known to make a living by competing, skilled players can earn a living in mini golf related careers, such as owning a course, or giving putting lessons.

WITH

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013 Page 38

sexucation The Science of Sex

For the past 15 years, David Puts, a researcher from Penn State University, has been thinking and writing about sex. Puts sat down with the Weekender to talk about what it’s like doing this kind of work.

Q: How did you become interested in studying sex and relationships?

Kenny Luck A: I started with an interest in the evolution of human behavior. When you think about how natural selection shapes organisms, it makes sense that sexuality would be an especially fruitful area of evolutionary research. This is because the central tenet of natural selection is that traits that contribute to reproductive success get passed on to future generations, and those that detract from reproduction don’t make it. So traits that have historically been more directly tied to sex and reproduction tend to have experienced stronger selection.

Q: What is your most memorable experience?

A: The most memorable moment for me was in graduate school, when I produced the first graph of one of my primary research results. I was studying the evolution of sex differences in the voice, and I had predicted from existing theory and literature that women would be more attracted to deep, masculine voices during the fertile phase of the ovulatory cyle, and for short-term, purely sexual (vs. long-term, committed) relationships. I found the statistical effects that I had predicted, but it wasn’t until I saw the results graphically that I got really excited.

Q: Describe any challenges you had to face.

A: I suppose there’s still some taboo about conducting sex research, but, of course, professionally, the people who review my manuscripts and with whom I interact are doing their own related research. Probably the biggest hurdle to this type of research is in getting grant funding. I’ve been lucky so far in getting the money that I needed, but I have plans for larger, more costly projects.

Q: Why is researching sex important?

A: We’re a sexual species. Each of us comes from an unbroken line of sexually reproducing ancestors, all the way back to the origins of sexual reproduction more than one billion years ago. So it should be no surprise that our sexuality permeates our social lives.

Understanding how we choose and compete for mates, and the dynamics of romantic and sexual relationships, helps us interact socially. It is worthwhile to study the development of these sex differences in part because many physical and mental disorders differ in their prevalence or severity between males and females. So understanding the genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences on the development of sex differences will help us understand the development of the many health problems that are sexually differentiated.

Q: Discuss a particular project or article you have published, and explain why it is significant.

A: In 2010, I published a theoretical and review paper, and its major conclusion is that men have competed for mates heavily through the use of force or threat of force against rival men. This conclusion runs counter to prior papers and books, which implied that our male ancestors were more like peacocks or birds of paradise, winning mates mainly by wooing them. I concluded that both types of mating competition were important in men’s evolution.

Q: Have any of your academic insights about sex changed the way you approach your own relationships?

A: Maybe they did a bit more before I got married! I think my relationships have influenced how I think about sexuality more than the reverse. I haven’t really used academic insights to negotiate my personal relationships.

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Getting Old Talk Three old men were sitting around talking about who had the worst health problems. The seventy-year-old said, “Have I got a problem. Every morning I get up at 7:30 and have to take a piss, but I have to stand at the toilet for an hour ‘cause my pee barely trickles out.”

“Heck, that’s nothing, “ said the eighty year old. “Every morning at 8:30 I have to take a shit, but I have to sit on the can for hours because of my constipation. It’s terrible”.

The ninety-year-old said, “You guys think you have problems! Every morning at 7:30 I piss like a racehorse, and at 8:30 I shit like a pig. The trouble with me is, I don’t wake up till eleven.”

Toothbrush Little Johnny was sitting in Beginning Sex Ed class one day when the teacher drew a picture of a penis on the board. “Does anyone know what this is?” She asked. Little Johnny raised his hand and said, “Sure, my daddy has two of them!” “Two of them?!” the teacher asked. “Yeah. He has a little one that he uses to pee with and a big one that he uses to brush mommy’s teeth!”

The Butler did it.

A wealthy couple prepared to go out for the evening. The woman of the house gave their butler, Jervis, the night off. She said they would return home very late, and she hoped he would enjoy his evening. The wife wasn’t having a good time at the party. So, she came home early, alone. Her husband stayed on, socializing with important clients. As the woman walked into her house, she found Jervis by himself in the dining room. She called him to follow her, and led him into the master bedroom.

She turned to him and said, in the voice she knew he must obey, “Jervis, I want you to take off my dress.” This he did, hanging it carefully over a chair. “Jervis,” she continued, “now take off my stockings and garter belt.” Again, Jervis silently obeyed. “Now, Jervis, I want you to remove my bra and panties.” Eyes downcast, Jervis obeyed. Both were breathing heavily, the tension mounting between them. She looked sternly at him and said, “Jervis, if I ever catch you wearing my stuff again, you’re fired!”

Stuttering Problem A man with a stuttering problem tries everything he can to stop stuttering, but he can’t. Finally, he goes to a world renowned doctor for help. The doctor examines him and says “I’ve found your problem. Your penis is 12 inches long. It weighs so much it is pulling on your lungs, causing you to stutter.” So the man asks, “What’s he cure, doctor?”. To which the doctor replies, “We have to cut off 6 inches.” The man thinks about it, and eager to cure his stuttering, agrees to the operation. The operation is a success, and he stops stuttering.

Page 44

Two months later he calls the doctor and tells him that since he had the 6 inches cut off, all of his girlfriends have dumped him, and his love life has gone down the tubes. He wants the doctor to operate to put back the six inches. Not hearing anything on the line, he repeats himself, “Hey doc, didn’t you hear me? I want my 6 inches back!” Finally, the doctor responds, “F-f-f-f-f-f-uck Y-y-you!

Mugged Two guys are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. “Here’s that $20 I owe you,” he says.

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

JOKES

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013 Page 46

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THE VALLEY BEAT SEPTEMBER 18, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 25 Lancaster, PA What do you do to make $$? Teach Cosmetology, Print & Promotional Model.

Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married?

Dating.

How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? Contact My Agents: Mickey@DonatelliModels.com or Randy@DonatelliModels.Com. Where was your best vacation destination?

Massachusetts.

What do you do to relax? Watch Movies.

What sports do you watch the most? Basketball.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Malibu Bay Breeze.

What happens to be your worst vice? Play with My Hair.

What is your best feature? My Long Legs.

What TV show do you never miss each week? America’s Next Top Model.

What movie would you recommend to our readers?

My Best Friends Girl.

What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Visit L.A. What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? I moved from my hometown for a new Job..

What do you sleep in? Boy shorts.

What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you?

Hey Sexy!!.

What do you want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Girls don’t like to be ignored and require attention not just in bed.

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