Issue 159 october 2, 2013

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PHOTO BY: MICKEY DONATELLI

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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COVER: TSUNAMI FEST 11 LOCAL BEAT

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GUIDE 5 NEWS OF THE WEIRD Weird, but true stories from here and around the globe

8 CONCERT BEAT Concert listings from many places

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

THIS WEEK

VOL.1 ISSUEISSUE 6 • OCTOBER 27 - NOV 159. OCTOBER 2 -2,8,2010 2013

10 CLUB & PUBS

We are working on it but need your help please send info

BEAT 11 LOCAL Each week we comment on local or national talent.

12 HOT SHOTS

Maybe we snapped a pic of you, check it out!

ALBUM REVIEW 16 Done

by The Bone’s - Scotty Brilliant

TOPCrashSPINS & MOVIE REVIEW 17 Gina from The Bone’s Top 10 Radio Hits. & A movie review TIMES 23 TRYING Elle Spaulding looks at the dangers of how a local mall could of been!!!!!

31 BALLOON RIDE Camille Capriglione shows us the lighter side of life

32 ZODIAC

Your astrology for the week

12 HOT SHOTS 47 MODEL BEAT 47

44 JOKES & COMICS A few chuckles to get you through the week

MODEL BEAT Last, but certainly not least your model of the week

Welcome to The Valley Beat Newspaper!

Lehigh Valley’s Hottest Alternative Newspaper.

Distributed at more than 600 locations across the Lehigh Valley, Reading, Upper Bucks County & the Poconos Contact Information: Fax: 484-229-0506 thevalleybeat@gmail.com • valerie@thevalleybeat.com clubinfo@thevalleybeat.com • distribution@thevalleybeat.com classifieds@thevalleybeat.com

Please Note: The content in this paper does not necessarly represent the views of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat Bands That Rock, The Valley Beat are registered trademarks of the The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Any content may not be reproduced without permission or written consent of The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. Local Beat - Bands That Rock are a Registered Trademark #3342218 within in the state of Pennsylvania.

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Editor: Valerie L. Keiper Creative Director: Don Junz Model Beat: Please See Page 47 Contributor: Mitch | Kenny Luck Columinists: Elle Spaulding | Camille Capriglione | Nick Gaskins | A.J. Fritz

Cover Design: Don Junz Album Review: Scotty Brilliant Weekly Top 10: Gina Crash Hot Shots: Mickey Donatelli

For Advertising info contact: Don Junz (484) 293-1831 © The Valley Beat Newspaper, Inc. All Rights Reserved

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5 $ 4 $ 3 $ 2 $

Cover Charge OR free entry with VALID college ID BomBer sPeCials 10pm – midnight

well drinks 10pm – midnight

draft sPeCials: Miller Lite, Yuengling, Leinenkugel 10pm – midnight

live musiC: Friday, OctOber 4 • a.d.d.

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by Chuck Shepherd

LEAD STORY: NOT EVEN A PIN DROP --Officials at England’s 12th-century St. Peter’s Church in Seaford, East Sussex, which is renowned for its eerie quiet, created a 30-minute CD recently of near-total silence, first as a small-scale fundraising project, but later for general sales (since word-of-mouth had attracted orders from as far away as Ghana). Those who have heard it said they could make out only the occasional squeaking of footsteps on the wooden floor (and the very distant hum of passing cars). Said one admiring parishioner, “People sometimes like to sit down and just have a bit of peace and quiet.”

THE CONTINUING CRISIS

BRIGHT IDEAS --Stress Relief for Students: (1) In November, students at Dalhousie University in Halifax, Nova Scotia, ordered three therapy dogs and set up a room for “super stressed” final-exam studiers. The dogs typically are loaned to hospital patients and senior citizens. (2) In December, Cornell University staff installed a patch of grass inside the Olin Library (trucked in from the Adirondack mountains) because, said an employee, the sight of it has a “cognitive relaxing effect.”

--Jorge Sanchez, 35, was arrested in Burbank, Calif., in February after walking into a Costco store, brazenly stuffing 24 quart cans of motor oil under his clothing (some affixed with bungee cords), and heading for the exit. A security guard noticed him, but Sanchez fled and actually outran the guard (though some of his cargo came loose). Still carrying 15 cans, he made it eight blocks before police overtook him. Sanchez said he services cars part-time and that motor oil prices were just too high.

THE ARISTOCRATS! --Gregory Bruni, 21, was arrested in North Fort Myers, Fla., in January after allegedly breaking into a residence at about 7 p.m. (first scurrying across the roof and jumping on one resident who came to investigate). According to police, Bruni was naked, ran maniacally around screaming in gibberish, failed to be intimidated when the female resident fired three “warning shots” with a handgun, fell to the floor after the third shot and began masturbating, and defecated near the front door and in a hallway. Police soon arrived and Tasered him.

PERSPECTIVE --The issue of “background checks” for gun purchases occupies center stage in the current gun-regulation debate, even though, ironically, current federal law on such checks is apparently half-heartedly enforced. In the latest data available (from 2010), nearly 80,000 Americans were denied the right to purchase guns because their applications contained false information (even though applicants swear, under penalty of law, that all information is true). However, The New York Times reported in January that of the nearly 80,000 applicants, only 44 were prosecuted for lying, and federal officials said the practice, well-known among applicants with shaky backgrounds, is known as “lie and try.”

READERS CHOICE --1) Sophie Laboissonniere pleaded guilty in January to participating in the 2011 street riot in Vancouver, British Columbia, as part of a crowd that broke into a drugstore following the hometown Canucks’ loss in the Stanley Cup finals. Months before the riot, in the Miss Coastal Vancouver beauty pageant, she had been voted Miss Congeniality. (2) On Nov. 4, “Holly” -- Jacob and Bonnie Richter’s 4-year-old cat -- fled the couple’s motor home (apparently frightened by fireworks) parked at the Daytona International Speedway and did not return. Searches were futile, and the Richters drove home to Palm Beach Gardens, about 190 miles away. Two weeks later, Holly appeared, disheveled with paws rubbed raw, about a mile from the Richters’ home, and the finder returned her to the Richters based on Holly’s microchip ID.

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--Breaking Bad (and Quickly!): Tyrone Harris, 26, reported for his first shift at Dunkin’ Donuts in Morristown, N.J., in January and received his name tag. Seven minutes later, according to police, he was on his way out the door with $2,100 from his supervisor’s desk. (Apparently, the supervisor had opened his drawer a little too far when reaching for the name tag, giving Harris a glimpse of the cash.)

--In a January submission to India’s Supreme Court, an association of the country’s caste councils begged for greater sympathy for men who commit “honor killings” of wayward females. The councils denied encouraging such killings, but emphasized that fathers or brothers who murder a daughter or sister are usually “law-abiding, educated and respectable people” who must protect their reputations after a female has had a “forbidden” relationship -- especially a female who intends to marry within her sub-caste, which the councils believe leads to deformed babies.

--Aubrey Ireland, 21, a dean’s-list senior at the University of Cincinnati’s prestigious college of music, went to court in December to protect herself from two stalkers -- her mother and father, who, she said, had been paranoiacally meddling in her life. David and Julie Ireland put tracking devices on Aubrey’s computer and telephone and showed up unannounced on campus (600 miles from their home), telling officials that Aubrey was promiscuous and mentally imbalanced. A Common Pleas Court judge ordered the parents to keep their distance.

--Medium-Tech Warfare: (1) The mostly rag-tag army of Syrian rebels fighting the Assad regime unveiled its first jerry-built armored vehicle in December. The “Sham II” is an old diesel car with cameras for navigation, a machine gun mounted on a turret with a driver looking at one flat-screen TV and a gunner another, aiming the machine gun via a Sony PlayStation controller. (2) Video transmissions from drone aircraft rose stiflingly to more than 300,000 hours last year (compared to 4,800 in 2001). With input expected to grow even more, Air Force officials acknowledged in December seeking advice from a private-sector company experienced in handling massive amounts of video: ESPN. --Dog trainer Mark Vette showed off his best work in Auckland, New Zealand, in December: dogs driving a Cooper Mini on a closed course. Using knobs fitted to the dogs’ reach, Vette taught mixed-breed rescue dogs “Monty” and “Porter” 10 discrete actions, including handling the starter, steering wheel, gearshift, and brake and gas pedals, and then put them behind the wheel on live television.

Monty handled the straightaway flawlessly, but Porter, assigned to steer around a bend, ran off the road.

(Are you ready for News of the Weird Pro Edition? Every Monday at http://NewsoftheWeird.blogspot.com and www.WeirdUniverse.net. Other handy addresses: WeirdNews at earthlink dot net, http://www.NewsoftheWeird.com, and P.O. Box 18737, Tampa FL 33679.)

COPYRIGHT 2013 CHUCK SHEPHERD DISTRIBUTED BY UNIVERSAL UCLICK

PEOPLE DIFFERENT FROM US Lawrence Adamczyk, 49, was arrested in Riverside, Ill., in January after reports that he was loitering at Riverside Brookfield High School during a swim meet. Police said he was quite talkative in custody, admitting that he was at the school to leer at boys (after being tipped off via “brainwave” messages from the singer Justin Bieber) and that moments before police arrived, he had been engaged in a solo sex act while ogling the swimmers.

Amazingly, police found that Adamczyk was not on any sex offenders’ registry even though he had been arrested (with at least one conviction) for similar incidents in 2005, 2009 and 2011, and was on parole at the time of the Riverside arrest.

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

NEWS OF THE WEIRD

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

CONCERT BEAT

CHAMELEON CLUB, Lancaster, PA

MADISON SQUARE GARDEN New York, NY

SANDS EVENT CENTER Bethlehem, PA

The Stomping Ground Tour, Oct 10 Five Finger Death Punch, Oct 13 Filter, Oct 17

TICKETS 212-307-7171

Kathy Griffin, Oct 4 Kevin James, Nov 7 Brian Wilson & Jeff Beck Oct 6 50 Shades The Musical, Nov 10 Celtic Thunder, Oct 9 Paramore, Nov 11 Soul Asylum/Fountains of Wayne/ America’s Got Talent, Nov 13 Evan Dando, Oct 11 Terry Fator, Nov 17 A Day To Remember, Oct 12 Weezer, Nov 23 So You think You can Dance, Oct 16 Rob Zombie & Korn, Nov 26 Barenaked Ladies, Oct 18 Trace Adkins, Nov 29 Sammy Haggar, Oct 26 Megadeth, Nov 30 The Black Crowes, Oct 30 Celtic Woman, Dec 4 Joan Rivers, Nov 1 MythBusters, Dec 12

TICKETS 717-393-7713

Eagles, Nov 8-11 • Paramore, Nov 13 • Rod Stewart, Dec 9

CROCODILE ROCK, Allentown, PA TICKETS 610-434-4600 A Skylit Drive, Oct 4 Teddy Geiger, Oct 16 Bleeding Through, Nov 11

MAUCH CHUNK OPERA HOUSE, Jim Thorpe, PA TICKETS 570-325-0249

10/4 Simon & Garfunkel Tribute 10/5 Jeffrey Gaines Band

SUSQUEHANNA BANK CENTER Camden, NJ TICKETS 877-686-5366

The Weekend, Oct 4 Paramore, Metic, Hellogoodbye, Nov 8 Slayer & Gojira, Nov 29 The Fresh Beat Band, Dec 6

IRVING PLAZA, New York, NY

TICKETS 212-777-6800

Wavves plus King Tuff,Jacuzzi Boys, Oct3 Watain, Oct 8 Example, Oct 16 God Flesh, Oct 19

MAIN GATE, Allentown PA MOHEGAN SUN ARENA AT CASEY PLAZA, TICKETS 610-898-7200 SOVEREIGN PA12 Bayside Motion City, OctCENTER, 8 • 90’s to NowReading, Dance Party, Oct Wilkes Barre, PA TICKETS 570-920-7600 THE ELECTRIC FACTORY, Philadelphia, PA MOUNT AIRY CASINO RESORT, Mount Pocono TICKETS 877-682-4791

Amy Schumer, Oct 5 The Stylistics, Oct 19 Ru Paul’s Drag Race Show, Oct 26

Selena Gomez, Oct 18 Drake, Oct 19

MUSIKFEST / CAFE Bethlehem, PA TICKETS 610-332-1300 Billy Bragg, Oct. 3 Vienna Teng, Oct 9

TICKETS 570-826-1100 Cyndi Lauper, Oct 22

TROCADERO, Philadelphia, PA TICKETS (215) 922-5483

Gramatik, Oct 5 Scorpion Child, Oct 6 Comedy Bang! Bang!, Oct 14 The Chariot, Oct 17 Peek A Booooo Halloween Revue, Oct 18 Stephen “Ragga” Marley, Oct 25 The Orb, Oct 26 Overkill & Kreator, Oct 31 Less than Jake, Nov 8 Papadosio, Nov 9 Yo Gotti, Nov 10 The Devil Wears Prada, Dec 14 Protest the Hero, Dec 15 David Koechner, Jan 11

1409 N. 9th St

Pearl Jam, Oct 21-22 Powerhouse, Oct 25 Glen Tilbrook of Squeeze,Oct.13 Dennis De Young, Live Music of Styx, Oct 27 Live: Medium’s Gallery with Laury Moore, Oct 30

(610) 743-3069 Dope, Sohl, Leaving Eden & More, Oct 4 Taproot, Oct 15 Rivers of Nihil, Oct 18 Gwar, Nov 16

KESWICK THEATRE, Glenside, PA TICKETS 215-572-7650 Blondie, Oct 3 Robert Hunter, Oct 4 Kashmir, Oct 5 Switchfoot, Oct 6

SHERMAN THEATER, Stroudsburg, PA

PENNS PEAK, Jim Thorpe, PA

Cage Rage MMA, Oct 5 Conspirator, Oct 19 Umphrey’s McGee, Oct 24 Misfits, Oct 25

Chris Cagle, Oct 4 Melvin Seals, Oct 10 King Henry & Showmen, Oct 15 Gordon Lightfoot, Oct 26

TICKETS 570-420-280 Page 8

Zeds Dead, Oct 3 Moe, Oct 4 Time Flies, Oct 11 Wolfgang Gartner and Tommy Trash, Oct 20 Steve Aoki, Oct 24

FM KIRBY CENTER, Wilkes Barre, PA

REVERB - Reading, PA

WELLS FARGO CENTER Philadelphia, PA TICKETS 215-336-3600

TICKETS (215) 627-1332

TICKETS 800-745-3000

Greg Allman, Oct 29 In This Moment, Nov 8 Jake Miller, Nov 19

TICKETS 570-325-0371

CHECK OUT BRIAN WILSON & JEFF BECK THIS SUNDAY AT SANDS BETHLEHEM EVENT CENTER

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

CHAMELEON CLUB

www.chameleonclub.net

223 NORTH WATER STREET, LANCASTER, PA

MAINGATE NIGHTCLUB (610) 776-7711 BREWS BROTHERS WEST (570) 283-1300 448 N. 17th Street, Allentown, PA

ALL AGES /21 TO DRINK

75 MAIN STREET, LUZERNE, PA

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Tix for all shows at Ticketmaster.com, Charge-by-phone 800.745.3000, All Ticketmaster Locations & at each venue’s box office VISIT FACEBOOK.COM/SLPCONCERTS OR SLPCONCERTS.NET

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

CLUBS AND PUBS ALLENTOWN

Jabber Jaws Bar & Grille 1327 Chew St Allentown, PA 610-432-6524

Tilted Kilt 2835 Lehigh St 610-791-2100 Grumpy’s BBQ Roadhouse 3000 Mauch Chunk Rd 610-769-4600 10/4 Jake Kaligis & he New Constitution 10/11 Jam/Roman Rascals Pub & Afterdark Lounge 6616 Ruppsville Rd 610-366-1130 Pitchers Sports Bar & Grill 570 Union Boulevard 610-841-4001 Friday: Live Entertainment Main Gate 17 W. Liberty Street 610-776-7711 Friday Night: Noche Latina Saturday: Classique 80’s, 90’s music Stratus Night Club 1193 Airport Road 610-776-2090 Wednesday: Karaoke

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Roosevelt’s 21st 1328 W. Tilghman St (610) 770-1444 Mon - Fri 1/2 price apps Live Music 4-7 Live Entertainment Tim Harakal / Billy Patrick / Strange Coincidence & More

Jetport Lounge 3400 Airport Rd. Allentown, Pa 610-266-1000 Wednesdays: 6-12am DJ Jimmy K Fridays: Mike Mitman

BATH

Cornerstone Pub 506 Penn St 610-837-6670 10/5 Uncle Smiley

BETHLEHEM

Bar With No Name 300 Gateway Drive 610-866-5800 Fridays: DJ Cap Cee Saturdays: DJ Trama

MacGrady’s 117 E. Third St 610-868-8925 Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: DJ@10pm Sat: Acoustic Entertainment

Funhouse 5 E. Fourth Street 610-868-5311 10/2 The Urban Achievers 10/3 Butter Jive 10/4 The Great Socio 10/5 Crobot 10/6 Jazz Jam 10/7 T.B.A 10/8 T.B.A Diamondz 1913 W Broad St Bethlehem, Pa 18018 610 865 1028 Monday: Trivia Friday DJ June Saturday DJ Cisco Fri & Sat: Dance club/ Karaoke Bethlehem Brew Works 569 Main St 610-882-1300 Vision Bar @ Sands Event Center 77 Sands Boulevard 610-297-7410 10/4 A.D.D 10/5 DJ Freezie Lou’s 50 Yard Line 2626 Easton Ave 610-882-9190 Thursdays: Open Mic 10/4 T.B.A

Sands Bethlehem Molten Lounge 511 E. 3rd Street 484-777-7777 10/2 DJ Aaron B 10/3 Go Go Gadjet 10/4 Screaming Broccolli 10/5 DJ Tom Taylor 10/6 Philadelphia Funk Authority 10/8 Alexmeixner Octoberfest 10/9 Dr Johnny B & The After Dark Dancers Roosevelt’s 21st 25 E. Elizabeth Ave (610) 266-1950 Thirsty Thursday w/ DJ Zee 10/5 Moravian HomeComing 10/20 Blackout Party

Godfrey Daniels 7 E. Fourth St 610-867-2390 10/4 Christine Havrilla & Dina Hall 10/5 Kris & Julie Kehr 10/6 Open Mike 10/7 Oct BlueGrass Jam

CATASAQUA

DJ Tom Taylor 10/5 Molten Lounge Bethlehem, PA

A.D.D 10/4 Vision Bar Sands Event Center Bethlehem, PA

OpEnS fridAy

October 4-6 & 11-13, 2013 SteelStacks™ | Bethlehem, PA

steelstacks.org/oktoberfest

DJ Aiden Scott 10/4 Drinky’s Easton, PA

Blue Monkey Sports Restaurant 1092 Howertown Rd 610-266-1550

COOPERSBURG

Silhouettes Showbar & Gentlemen’s Club 111 E. Station Ave (Right off 309) 610-282-8010 Thursdays: Pool Tournament 8pm & Karaoke w/ DJ Shocker 9:30pm

BARTONSVILLE

The Pocono Pub Rt. 611, Bartonsville 570-421-5743 Monday: Open Mic Tues, Thurs, Sun: Karaoke 10/2 Kyle Baker 10/5 The Excellent Band

EASTON

Spanky’s East 1700 Butler St 610-559-5170 Tues: Texas Hold Em’ Sun: 9-Ball Pool League 10/26 Costume Party Drinky’s 3 Centre St Sq 610-252-3800 10/4 DJ Aiden Scott Porter’s Pub 700 Northampton St. 610-250-6561 10/2 Open Mic

EXIT 22 10/5 Strange Brew Allentown, PA

MORE ON PAGE 32

Strange Brew Tavern 1996 S. Fifth St 610-841-3610 Monday: Pong night 10/4 The Mighty Manatees 10/5 Exit 22 10/11 The Peter Johann Band 10/12 Social Call

The Brewworks Restaurant & Brewery 812-816 W Hamilton St 610-433-7777 Tuesday: Comedy Wednesday: Trivia Thursday: Karaoke Friday: Office Party Saturday: Guided Tours

Where Deutsch Meets Dutch

Great German Cuisine & Yuengling Beers Dachshund Races More than 25 Live Bands

Games including Barrel Roll Races, Long Pour, Stein Races and more Rides including a Giant Swing, Loop-o-Plane and Wipeout VB_10213

SAVE $3 on each single-day admission to Oktoberfest 2013.

Bring this coupon to the box office during Oktoberfest 2013 to redeem.

Offer valid for up to 4 people in your party. Not valid with any other discounts or previously purchased tickets.

POWERING

UNITED WE JAM! (Ongoing series spotlighting local open jams and open mics)

THE VALLEY VALLEY BEAT BEAT SEPTEMBER THE OCTOBER 2, 11, 20132013

by: Mitch

Jam #4: Godfrey’s Ramble Hosted by Dana Gaynor

Jammers at Godfrey’s Ramble hosted by Dana Gaynor at Godfrey Daniels, Bethlehem

listening room setting provides rich sound and character and I like the fact that it’s BYO. If you’re looking for a great jam that offers something a little bit different than most, Godfrey’s Ramble may be the jam for you. Godfrey’s Ramble is held on the last Tuesday of every month from 8-11. More info on all the jams and open mics at Godfrey Daniels is available online at www. godfreydaniels.org.

In closing, today is the 7th anniversary of the death of my son, Sean. Sean was assaulted outside a bar in Allentown on September 21,

2006. He spent ten days in a coma after brain surgery but passed away without regaining consciousness. He, too, had a love for Bands That Rock. He had a thing for Gwen Stefani and No Doubt and he loved to move to the music. He was beginning to show an interest in composing his own original electronic music and had made some recordings that I’ll always cherish. This is a difficult time of year but it’s comforting to have his music with me and to keep his memory alive.

PANTONE 485 CVU PANTONE Process Yellow CVU PANTONE Reflex Blue C PANTONE 1395 CVC

Mitch has been on the air rockin’ the Lehigh Valley for eighteen years and has been with The Hawk for the last eleven years!

Tune in weeknights for Classic Rock of the 70’s, 80’s and more!

Listen Saturdays for great giveaways including free concert tickets for great area shows! To have your band reviewed please contact me at: mitch999thehawk@gmail.com

PAGEPAGE 11

I don’t do Facebook. It makes life so much easier. But I can still get the information I need by simply asking my wife to log on for the latest buzz. That’s the way to use Facebook: vicariously and anonymously! She happens to be Facebook buddies with Dana Gaynor, the great local blues rock guitarist, and found an event for a Tuesday night jam at Godfrey Daniels in Bethlehem.

Godfrey’s Ramble was not on my radar but now, you can count me in for the last Tuesday of every month from 8-11 PM. I like the fact that it’s a once-a-month get together. For some of these jammers, every week might be considered overkill.

The venue itself reeks of local music history. The walls are plastered with old posters of performances from decades ago. Angular banjoes, mandolins, lutes and other bizarre-looking stringed instruments are strategically hung on the walls. W.C. Fields mementos and other cartoonish bric-a-brac oddities adorn the room. It’s a music room through and through.

Godfrey’s Ramble is a very relaxed jam session. That’s a refreshing aspect and Dana Gaynor doesn’t try to dictate but rather just go with the flow. The result is a crescendo and melding of different styles and different talents.

Upon entering the room, I see Dana and a few others setting up equipment. Most of the spectator chairs are folded and stored but a few cocktail tables are accessible, so we take a seat on the benches center stage and adjust our cocktail tables. This jam is BYO – bring your own instrument, bring your own amp…and as a non-participating spectator, bring your own beverages, too. We dined on take-out cheese steaks and pierogies – you guessed it: BYO. According to guitarist jammer Jeff Huff, the jam’s been going on since the 90s. Over the years, the torch has been passed from host to host and Godfrey’s Ramble keeps ramblin’ on with Gaynor at the helm.

To open things, she guided the players into a mini Motown set. Joining Gaynor and Huff were Joseph Lynn and Rob Parker on guitars, Bill Medei on bass, Frank Zelasny on drums and Bill Jaworski on electric piano. “Same Old Song” and “Tracks of My Tears” put the room in a good mood and Gaynor’s guitar solos were quite satisfying with a touch of “reverb.”

Gaynor then called out keys C and F for the Traffic classic “Feelin’ Alright.” With a line-up of up to eight players, Godfrey’s Ramble allowed the jammers to round-robin for their respective solos.

Violinist Arlene Schar showed up and jumped right into the fray. The versatile Gaynor switched over to bass guitar and Rob Parker took the reins on lead guitar for “Superstitious” and rendered fine vocals and guitar on “Ain’t No Sunshine When She’s Gone.” Enter another guitar player, Michael Boemo from New Jersey and and the jam session was on.

They spontaneously launched into The Allman’s “One Way Out.” This one was a jam highlight with four electric guitarists, bass, drums, violin and piano. The four guitarists complemented each other nicely with each taking turns playing rhythm and then soloing. Parker and Boemo created a nice stereophonic effect with their amps separated by about twenty feet.

The group threw out a mish-mash of The Beatles with “Come Together”, “Get Back” and “Birthday” followed by CCR’s “Suzie Q.” Hendrix’s “Little Wing” and “All Along the Watchtower” afforded Rob Parker the opportunity to shine on the guitar solo parts and he was all over the Hendrix licks.

Toward the end of the jam, Gaynor once again showed her stuff with a psychedelic, reverb guitar solo lasting about ten minutes that mollified the other players. After that display of guitar wizardry and prowess, Gaynor asked if that was a good place to end it and all agreed that they’d leave it at that.

Godfrey’s Ramble is a different jam experience and one that I found quite enjoyable. The music

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PHOTOS BY: MICKEY DONATELLI

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

UPCOMING PROMOTIONS FEATURES Hops at The Paddock Macgradys

$7 Pitchers All Day Everyday

Stooges

SATURDAY OCTOBER 5TH TRI-BORO KISLOW KIDS BENEFIT RIDE

SUNDAY OCTOBER 6TH

RIVALS WOUNDED FOOTBALL WARRIOR 1-3PM FUNDRAISER EVENT 4PM RIVALS WOUNDED WARRIOR FUNDRAISER EVENT 4PM

Friday $2 Pints Saturday $1.75 Pints

Roosevelts 21st Bethlehem

$1.99 Drafts All Day Everyday

Drinkys

$1.50 Drafts All Day Everyday

The Gin Mill & Grille 1760 Pub & Grille

Saturday $6 pitchers $3 20oz Drafts

Krocks Pub

$2 Drafts All Day Everyday

Pj Whelihans Bethlehem

Saturday $2.50 Drafts & Bottles

Keystone Pub Whitehall

$2.50 Drafts All Day Everyday

Sotto Santi

The Valley Coors Girls

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Follow us @LVCoorsGirls

$2.75 Drafts

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

Hotter

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

Are You tHAn StAcY’S MoM? Simply submit your photo to the Valley Beat’s Facebook page to find out. If you win, you and a guest will win 2 ticketS to the Fountains of Wayne & Soul Asylum concert plus a Meet & Greet to meet the bands! /theVAlleyBeAt

\\ Haircuts \\ Colors \\ Nails \\ Facial

Don’t miss Fountains of wayne & Soul Asylum with evan Dando on Friday, october 11, at the Sands Bethlehem event center!

Waxing

/theSBec

@theSBec

sandseventcenter.com

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128 WEST 4TH ST. BETHLEHEM|610-849-2011|ALISTSALONSPA.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013 Page 16

By: Scotty Scotty Brilliant Brilliant By:

very unique sound, not to mention the awesome bassline to accompany them. “I Sat by the Ocean,” is the second single off the record and one that they performed live on Late Night with Jimmy Kimmel. The album doesn’t get much more raw than “If I Had a Tail,” with an ending sure to creep you out. Another track which showcases Homme’s crooning vocals is, “Kalopsia.”

It starts out with an old-timey feel to it, like something from The Beatles late 60’s era, then transitions into a Kyuss-eque sludgy riff. “Fairweather Friends” is the track that features Sir Elton; make sure you listen for the ending, I found it amusing.

“Smooth Sailing” stood out to me with Homme’s vocals sounding slightly different than usual. I also really like his lyrics in this track with Homme singing in the second verse, “I’m burning bridges / I destroy the mirage / Oh, visions of collisions / Fuckin ‘bon voyage.” The album ends with the

title track, which didn’t impress me much.

Crank It Keep Your Eyes Peeled If I Had a Tail My God is the Sun Skip It The Vampyre of Time and Memory ….Like Clockwork I actually enjoyed listening to this record. Each song sounded very well thought out and put together. I also liked the fact that Homme collaborated with some well known artists, e.g. Sir Elton John. One might think that this would be a strange combination, but it actually fit perfectly. Not sure if this made a fan out of me, but I’ll say it has, ‘cause I sure as hell don’t want to be on Josh Homme’s bad side!

Scotty Brilliant is the Afternoon Drive Personality on The Valley’s Real Rock Station, 107 The Bone. Hit Scotty up for a Road Rage or Work Release Friday request, or let him know if there is a new album you want him to review! Find him on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/ScottyBrilliant.

PAGE 16

What was originally scheduled for my review for last week got overridden by my need to write about Blink 182 and their recent show at the Sands Event Center. Now that I got that out of my system, it’s back to focusing on what I’m supposed to do... and that’s write album reviews.

I was a little hesitant about reviewing the new Queens of the Stone Age album because I was never a huge fan of the band, and I also think that frontman Josh Homme is an asshole. Still, I’ve read a lot about the new record …Like Clockwork and decided to give it a listen. I was pleasantly surprised with what I heard.

I can honestly say that I liked Homme’s first project, the stoner rock band Kyuss. After that, I lost track of any of his other bands. Don’t get me wrong, Homme is a very talented musicianhe just can’t seem to avoid controversy. You may have just recently heard that Queens of the Stone Age headlined the Made in America Festival in Philly, alongside Nine Inch Nails and various other performers. The two-day festival was curated by rapper/entrepreneur, Jay-Z. Evidently, the crowd drastically thinned out when QOTSA went on late Sunday evening; most of the hip-hop acts had wrapped earlier that day and people were worn out from the extreme heat. It came as no surprise that the outspoken frontman would express his disdain for the festival. He said in an interview on CBC Radio 2’s “Strombo Show” a few days later that Jay-Z was a “kook.” Homme went on to say, “He has his security frisking the bands on the way in. No one’s ever done that. You shouldn’t frisk my guys, you should f*ck off.” This is not the first time that Homme has lashed out in public. In 2004, he was arrested for assaulting Dwarves frontman Blag Dahlia and Karl Doyle at a club in LA. He was sentenced to 3 years probation with community service, and was forced to enter a rehab program for 60 days. Or you might remember the YouTube video berating an audience member for throwing a bottle at him while on stage at a festival in Norway. I could see how he would be angry about this, but he definitely used some choice words to put this rowdy concert goer in his place. Controversy aside, he is a talented and successful musician and that is the point of this article, to judge him on his music and not his behavior.

The new album, …Like Clockwork, is chock full of special guest musicians ranging from Dave Grohl (who worked with QOTSA on one of their earlier albums) to Sir Elton John. The album kicks off with “Keep Your Eyes Peeled,” a very crooning song with Jake Shears from Scissor Sisters vocals overlapping Homme’s. The difference in pitch synced together gives this song a

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

ALBUM ALBUM REVIEW REVIEW

BROUGHT TO YOU BY

1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

HAIL TO THE KING

AVENGED SEVENFOLD HAIL TO THE KING

MISERY LOVES MY COMPANY

THREE DAYS GRACE TRANSIT OF VENUS

THERE’S NO GOING BACK SICK PUPPIES CONNECT

MIND YOUR MANNERS

PLOT: Two bullied high schoolers, Matt (Matthew Johnson) and Owen (Owen Williams) are making a movie in which they act out their revenge fantasies against a group of bullies called “The Dirties”. But as the film gets more and more elaborate, the boys start blurring the line between fantasy and reality.

REVIEW: THE DIRTIES is kinda like a film geek’s take on ELEPHANT, and I don’t mean for that to sound exploitative. In fact, I’d wager THE DIRTIES is a far more affecting and disturbing take on the unfortunate epidemic of school shootings (a tragedy that keeps repeating itself ) than that admittedly brave film was. The reason I’d say it’s arguably more powerful is that ELEPHANT never tried to get inside the heads of the shooters. It never tried to explain the unexplainable, which was worth respecting. But, that was 2003. In the ten years since, we’ve had more and more stories like the one here. Clearly, we can’t just explain away these shootings as the work of “freaks” and madmen. THE DIRTIES dares us to get inside their heads, and the result is unsettling.

PEARL JAM

LIGHTNING BOLT

NEVER NEVER KORN

THE PARADIGM SHIFT

BEAUTIFUL P.O.D

MURDERED LOVE

LEADER OF THE BROKEN HEARTS PAPA ROACH THE CONNECTION

WE’RE AN AMERICAN BAND ROB ZOMBIE

VENOMOUS RAT REGENERATION VENDOR

VOICES

ALICE IN CHAINS THE DEVIL PUT DINOSAURS HERE

LIFT ME UP W/ ROB HALFORD FIVE FINGER DEATH PUNCH THE WRONG SIDE OF HEAVEN &

THE RIGHTEOUS SIDE OF HELL, VOL 1

Co-writer, director and star Matthew Johnson is an affable guy, which makes the idea of watching him as a potential school shooter all the more disturbing. If you’re a real film geek, you’ll certainly at least start off the film by identifying with him, as him and Owen trade lines from USUAL SUSPECTS, and PULP FICTION, or try to re-enact the “multiple Malkovich” scene from BEING JOHN MALKOVICH. In deconstructing these tragedies, people always look for the “signs” and are quick to blame anything that can explain why someone could do something so horrible.

I’m usually not a real fan of the found-footage genre, but it can’t be denied that it works in THE DIRTIES. While it was likely a budgetary necessity, it also makes us feel disturbingly intimate with the guys (although exactly who is filming them is never really addressed).

We watch as over and over again, Matt and Owen are bullied by their peers, and made to feel worthless as their teachers turn a blind eye. If anything, bullying is worse now than it was when I was in school fifteen years ago. My graduation coincided with the Columbine shooting, and back then it seemed like an isolated incident...now, not so much. The popular phrase used to counsel victims of school bullying is “it gets better.” That’s refuted in the very first scene where Matt tells Owen, “it doesn’t get better, it gets worse.”

Again though, having Matt and Owen be victims of bullying is never used to excuse their actions, but it makes THE DIRTIES one of the few movies that dares to take a look at what motivates these kids. It’s more comfortable to demonize them, but clearly director Johnson doesn’t want you to be comfortable.

For that reason alone, THE DIRTIES is a must-see. Granted, no matter how interesting a take on the material it is, it’s still a subject that’s taboo in movies. It figures that while THE DIRTIES is probably better than a lot of the movies that played Sundance this year, it bypassed the festival, and went to Slamdance instead. It’s certainly a hard-sell to audiences, but it’s a useful film that shines a light on a terrible phenomena. None other than Kevin Smith is participating in it’s release, so unlike a lot of other indies I’ve seen that have slipped into the ether, this one you’ll actually have a chance to check out. It’s incredibly disturbing, and guaranteed to rattle your cage. Then again, sometimes that’s necessary.

PAGE 17

10

By Chris Bumbray

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

Movie Review

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PAGE 21

Page 22

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

THE 31, 2013 THEVALLEY VALLEYBEAT BEAT JULY OCTOBER 2, 2013

These are The Times ThaT Try men’s souls.

By Elle Spaulding It’s been a bad month.

America almost involves itself in another Middle East military strike. Westgate, a mall that could be anywhere in the world (there’s one in Bethlehem) was attacked in Nairobi, Kenya.

Government shut down loomed on the horizon. Apple released plans for a new iphone to pretty much zero fanfare: the new iphone 5C, the c stands for crappy. Miley Cyrus, a once Disney perfect child star turned public foam finger fingerer some how manages to be surpass Lady Gaga, Rihanna, Katy Perry, and even a still kicking Madonna as the moment’s preeminent female pop star threats of lights out for the much beloved Panda Cam at the National Zoo.

As for what exactly does Freer stand accused? Apparently the former president of a bank in Lafayette, Freer swindled clients’ money while working for an insurance company, Aviva, that he joined in 1991 following his bank post. Aviva fired him in 2009, but Freer continued to mislead clients by claiming continued association with legitimate companies like Aviva as well as companies that Freer outright made up to take client money instead of investing it and deposit it into his own bank account.

Scores of people, mostly the elderly and vulnerable, are victimized? Bleaker outlook for the weekend. More rain expected and some heavy gusts.

Ensuing media shit-storm? Be sure to wear your jacket.

Chances are, if you’re reading this it’s October, but as I am currently writing, the last vertiginous haze of September disorients us all.

It’s sad to say, but none of this is surprises me anymore.

This should not be a story that is reassuring. This should not be a story that I find mundane. At least 82 people were downright robbed, but by comparison to another military strike, I no longer feel particularly outraged. And that’s a bit unsettling.

Imagine then my relief when I opened my computer this morning to find a headline about a $10 million Ponzi scheme in Northampton County, replete with a picture of two old white men in suits, one identified to be the district attorney and the other I can only assume to be either his assistant or some associated law enforcement officer. In the photo, one man showcases his best imitation of NYPD Blue, angry face, vitriolic language, and determined look in his eyes as if he could shake justice itself from somewhere below the jowls and above the power-tie. The other man stares ponderously into the abyss, chin-strokey, with sad panda eyes above an unassuming pink tie.

Since the Great Recession in 2008, the failure of Lehman Brothers (also in September several years back), the Bernie Madoff Scandal, the marriage of Bear Stearns and JP Morgan Chase, these stories are almost like weather reports.

So good luck to you, dear readers, it’s October, the month fuelled by beer, candy derived sugar highs, and people running around disguised in mask and costume. I hope that this month brings us all a nicer sense of stability.

These are the times that try men’s souls.

PAGE 21 23 PAGE

And the accused? As of this writing not yet pictured, but I suspect that Richard Allen Freer, 67 of Palmer Township, is also exactly like I expect him to be, old, rich and white.

White-collar businessman, at the very least, misrepresents complicated information to clients? Cloudy and cool with a slight chance of rain.

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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PAGE 27

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Page 28

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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6. Frozen Ground 7. Glee: Season 4 8. How I Met Your Mother: Season 8 9. New Girl Season 2 10. The Hangover Part 3 (Oct 8)

PAGE 29

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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Page 30

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THE VALLEY VALLEYBEAT BEAT OCTOBER JULY 31, 2, 2013 THE 2013

Up, Up and Away! Experience Autumn in a Hot Air Balloon

By Camille Capriglione

In Pennsylvania, the Chester County Balloon Festival and the Lycoming County Balloon Fest are held annually. In addition, the Lehigh Valley has several companies that offer beautiful and memorable hot air balloon rides to the public. So why not take a journey over spectacular landscapes this season?

PAGE3121 PAGE

It is a picturesque scene. Delicate balloons dotting an expanse of blue sky, their bright colors equaled only by the astonishing brilliance of the Lehigh Valley’s fall foliage. Nothing compares to a crisp autumn day in a hot air balloon.

Hot air balloons evoke images of wonderment and adventure. Perhaps it is the Wizard of Oz symbolism, the thought of traveling to distant magical lands, or perhaps it is the intriguing history of the oldest people-carrying flight machine ever invented. Whatever the lure, hot air balloon rides are a recreational attraction which people have enjoyed for decades.

The first manned flight of a hot air balloon was in France in 1783. Two brothers developed and demonstrated their exciting invention to the public. King Louis XIV originally decreed that only condemned criminals would be the pilots, but this idea failed as so many others petitioned for the honor of flying it!

Unmanned hot air balloons go much further back in history, to ancient China around 250 A.D. These airborne ‘lanterns’ were released at specific spots and used for military signaling.

The modern revival occurred in 1960 when a man named Ed Yost constructed a balloon out of plastic and used kerosene fuel. This was later modified to lightweight nylon material and a propane burner. An average balloon basket, or gondola, can hold five adults. But very large commercial balloons can hold 25 people.

Balloons are able to fly at extremely high altitudes, but cannot fly beyond our atmosphere. The balloon moves with the direction of the wind. The best times of day to fly the balloon are at dawn or a few hours before sunset, so that the operator can launch easier and avoid downdrafts. Cooler days are best for flying, as the amount of lift, or buoyancy, depends primarily on the difference between the air temperature outside the balloon and the heated air inside the balloon. Generally, the inverted teardrop shape of a hot air balloon helps it to stay aloft. But innovators and developers have created special shaped balloons, such as animals, rocket ships, even castles!

A ground crew for the balloonist usually follows in a ‘chase’ vehicle with a trailer, to meet the party once the balloon lands and help pack up the cargo.

There are over 7,000 operating hot air balloons in the U.S. Flying hot air balloons requires skill and training. Pilots must have a certificate from the Federal Aviation Administration and balloons are fully equipped with safety gear.

Balloon festivals are held across the U.S and the world. Balloon races actually test for accuracy not speed. The goal is to fly as close to targets as possible and drop a weighted ‘marker.’ The distance between the marker and the target determines his or her score.

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

ZODIAC

ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) This is a challenging week for you. In the early half of the week it should be possible to come to grips with the sort of jobs that are going to pay you more money. Your creative and original ideas will impress the people who are in a position to help you get them off the launching pad. This is also an ambitious and aspiring week for those working in media, broadcasting and communication. Your lucky numbers are 2 and 4 and winning colours are purple and pumpkin.

LIBRA (9/23 - 10/22) This is an enjoyable week. The early days is good time to push hard to get your propositions accepted by relatives. Your positive attitude will give close family members the confidence to follow your plans.

Do what you can to make the future more secure.

Expenditure is on the rise this week. The weekend is favorable for setting up home with loved ones. Your lucky numbers are 9 and 3 and winning colours are copper and bronze.

TAURUS (4/20 – 5/20) This is an earnest and promising week for some of you. Recreational and sporting activities can be useful in the early days of week. This will also be favorable for communicating with people at a distance. You will be able to get on top of routine matter that you do not want to have to deal with later in the week. Loved ones will be available to you especially in the weekend. Your lucky numbers are 2 and 5 and winning colours silver and black.

SCORPIO (10/23 - 11/21) This is an important and considerable week. Early days are good for making attempts to get to know people better. This applies particularly to those who are in a position to do you some good outside of regular office or business hours. It may be possible for you to get some extra income at this time. Your lucky numbers are 4 and 7 and winning colours are beige and lilac.

Page 32

SAGITTARIUS (11/22 - 12/21) This is a rewarding week for you. You have been doGEMINI (5/21 – 6/21) ing a lot of hard work throughout this month. But this This is a mixed week for you. The early days are busy week is quite relaxing and easygoing for you. You and somewhat difficult. Arguments within the home seem to have had a very energetic start to the month so try to get more rest while you can. Children’s will be most upsetting for some of you. Loved ones could change their minds and may not make themselves company will be enjoyable in the weekend. It is a available to see you. But during the second half of the favorable week for romance as well as for arranging week, you will be able to get out and about more. Your pleasure. Your lucky numbers are 3 and 5 and winning colours are sand and wheat. lucky numbers are 5 and 9 and winning colours are bright blue and deep red.

CAPRICORN (12/22 - 1/19) This is a favorable week for you. During the first CANCER (6/22 – 7/22) half of the week, you may be able to realise a tidy This is a significant and considerable week for you. profit by buying or selling some property. It might be Try to make contacts with people who can be some use possible to sign leases or exchange contracts. Those to you in your career. Mid-week is the right time for of you who have been itching to move should be making a concerted effort to assure that some of your able to make the final arrangements by the end of the plans come true. This pertains especially to those that week. You will get the backing of loved ones for most of your original ideas for making money. Your lucky are directly related to your work prospects. Weekend should be useful for dealing with all sorts of correspon- numbers are 6 and 2 and winning colours pink and off-white. dence. Your lucky numbers are 6and 4 and winning colours are sapphire and cerulean.

LEO (7/23 - 8/22) This is a manageable week. You may be fussing too much. Just because you want everyone to have a good time you could tend to overreact. Seek out the company of people with whom you are at ease. Try to avoid people who make you feel ill at ease. Do not go to formal functions where you would feel you had to be on your guard for most of the time. Your lucky numbers are 1 and 4 and winning colours are sapphire and cinnamon.

AQUARIUS (1/20 - 2/18) This is a lucky and providential week for you. You can count on the early days peaceful, easygoing. You have not had much opportunity recently to enjoy a quiet time with your nearest and dearest. In the second half of the week you are going to need all your energy to cope with the rather trying conditions at work. You will have your work cut out for you if you want to finish your duties on time. Your lucky numbers are 3 and 9 and winning colours are ultramarine and yellow

VIRGO (8/23 - 9/22) This is a hopeful week for you a good deal of your time during the early days is likely to be taken up with correcting the errors that were made by other people. But it will have its advantages. Influential people will be made aware of your efforts and will be likely to reward you accordingly. But you will have some difficulty in adapting yourself to new working methods or procedures. Your lucky numbers are 1 and 9 and winning colours are green and mauve.

PISCES (2/19 - 3/20) This is a sensitive and perceptible week. Legal settlement is quite likely to be granted in favor of you. You may not get quite as much money as you were hoping for from some agreements. During the second half of the week keep all of your dealings with business partners strictly open and above board. Do not let your colleagues feel that you are trying to put something over on them. Your lucky numbers are 3 and 6 and winning colours are orange and bright blue.

CLUBS AND PUBS continued HELLERTOWN

Beer Mussels 1214 Main St 610-838-8200 Friday: Leechboy Saturday: Texas Hold’em Sunday: Texas Hold’em

PALMER Charles Chrin Community Ctr 4100 Green Pond Rd

CENTER VALLEY Melt Level 3 2805 Center Valley Parkway 610-798-9000 Fridays DJ Chubby C Saturday DJ Fog (Dan Glatts)

QUAKERTOWN Big Daddy’s Wagon Wheel Tavern Route 313 & Sternersmill Rd. 215-536-9989 Wednesdays: Scott & Wade

WIND GAP Score Card Sports Bar 130 N. Broadway 610-863-5269 Thursdays : Funtime Karaoke 9:30pm - 1:30am TC Dance Club 6623 Sullivan Trail 610-881-1000 10/12 Latin/ Swing Dance Party

READING Rumorz 220 N. Park Rd 610-374-3200

KUHNSVILLE Kuhnsville Inn 5745 Memorial Rd 610-395-2387 Wed & Fri: Karaoke

WESCOSVILLE

Krocks Pub 1160 S. Krocks Rd 610-391-0648 Sat: DJ Linx

NORTHAMPTON

The Gin Mill / Main St Music Hall 1750 Main Street 610-262-5486 Wednesday: Karaoke Thursday: Karaoke

Hammerhead Lounge 326 Main Street 610-262-6713 Thursdays: Open Mic w/ Tim Harakal Fridays: DJ Statik 10/5 Crazy Hearts

MACUNGIE

The Pub On Main 102 E. Main St 610-966-2275 Thursdays: Comedy Night The Longswamp Tavern 20 Gap Road 610-702-3700 10/5 Jordan White-Kinetic Blue

OREFIELD Leather Corner Post 6855 Horeshoe Road 610-395-1782 Tuesday: Trivia w/ DJ Slacker Wednesday: Acoustic Jam Thursday: Open Jam 10/4 T.B.A 10/5 T.B.A

CLINTON, NJ Revolution 111 W. Main Street Clinton NJ Inside Holiday Inn

DOYLESTOWN

Puck 1 Printers Alley 215-348-9000 10/3 Find Vienna 10/4 The Regan Bros Band 10/5 Live at the Filmore Chambers 19 / The Other Side 19 N. Main Ave 215-348-1940 The Farmhouse Tavern 380 N. Main St 215-345-9373 10/4 Jeff Lohan 10/5 Keith Garner

PENNSBURG

PC Pub Restaurant & Sports Bar 500 Pottstown Ave 215-679-4900 Thur/Fri/Sat: DJ The Perk 501 E. Walnut St. 215-257-8483 Wednesdays: Open Mic Thursdays: Trivia Night Saturday: Karaoke

GOULDSBORO The Grandview Gentlemens Club Rt 435 570-842-2661 Tuesday: College/Miltary Night 10/3 Amateur Night

STROUDSBURG Sarah Street Grill 550 Quaker Alley 570-424-9120 Wednesday: Open Mic 10/4-5 McClain & Her Brooklyn Band 10/6 Pocono Duo 10/8 Regina Sayles

For entertainment listings email us: thevalleybeat@gmail.com

Check Out The Talented Regina Sayles Tuesday Oct 8th at The Sarah Street Grill in Stroudsburg, PA

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

WITH

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013 Page 38

sexucation Welcome to the ‘friend zone’

A recent dating phenomenon, the “friend zone,” as it’s called, is a situation where, after asking someone out, they respond by offering friendship.

When a simple “No, thank you” will suffice, friend zoning places a person in the ambiguous purgatory of the dating universe: suspended in an ever ambiguous realm, stuck between paradise and damnation, Kenny Luck the friend zone is the “your-not-bad-but-I-don’t-want-to-date-you” cop out, a way of rejecting a person without really rejecting them.

And it has happened to the best of us.

I, for instance, have been friend zoned on a number of occasions. After meeting a girl at

a bookstore, getting her number and engaging in a long conversation, I was subsequently— and unexpectedly—friend zoned.

“You’re really cool and interesting,” she wrote to me in a text, “but I’m not exactly available. I am,” she added, “interested in making new friends” (my emphasis).

I mean, let’s get real: is everyone that eager to make new friends? I don’t know about you, but I stopped taking friendship applications in college. In fact, the last time I walked up to a stranger and asked them to be my friend was probably in the fifth grade, on the schoolyard playground. But as we adults have learned real friendships are based on more than vague common interests and once-off encounters.

Signs that you’re in the friend zone: • When she refuses to go on a date but wants to “hang out” • When she uses words like “nice” to describe you • When she purposely skirts questions about her relationship status • When she tells you she wants to make new friends Another girl, a cute Starbucks barista, who I asked out, once gave me a similar rationale.

“You’re a nice guy and everything,” she said, “but I just got out of something, and I am only looking for friends.”

To me, friend zoning is almost entirely a one-way street, meaning the girl always seems to use it as a rejection tactic rather than the guy. And the reason is simple: anecdotal evidence suggests that men typically ask women out more often than women ask out men, thus, creating a situation where available but uninterested women need an escape plan.

Delegating and labeling someone as a friend, rather than just outright rejecting them, is that escape plan.

Finally, friend zoning takes on the appearance of politeness but is, in truth, disguised discontent. At its core, friend zoning substitutes certainty for ambiguity, leaving hope in the mind of the rejected person that maybe, someday, their friendship can be something more.

In this way, friend zoning is a way of prolonging hope for romance when there is none. And, in this way, friend zoning is harmful to both parties in the long run.

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

MUSIC

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Seeking Interns Drummer Wanted We are seeking motivated We are looking for drums to interns, seeking college credit complete a 4 piece rock act. We email: thevalleybeat@gmail.com have a variety of influences .

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PAGE 43

Biff went to a storefront psychic for some spiritual guidance. “There seems to be a horrible, dark cloud surrounding me.”

“I know,” said the psychic, “and for a hundred dollars, I can rid you of it.”

Biff thought the fee was high, but, eager to be cured, he handed over the money to the psychic. After pocketing the fee, the psychic then pulled out a book of matches and lit one.

Then Biff asked, “What do you call this dark and horrible curse?”

The psychic waved the match down behind Biff and said, “Mexican food.”

By now, everyone has heard of the Air Force’s ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as “Area 51.” Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot’s story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy.

They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again.

Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane . . . only this time there were two people in the plane.

The same pilot jumped out and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

A man comes home from a tough day of work looking to unwind. After a relaxing dinner with his wife, they retired to bed. So, both go to their separate beds, however the man was not yet ready to slumber but wants some fun. The man called over to his wife, “My little boopey-boo, I’m lonely.” So the woman gets out of bed and crosses the room to the husband. On the way she trips on the carpet and falls on her face. The husband didn’t find it funny but with a concerned look on his face says, “Oh, did my little honey-woney fall on her little nosey- wosey?”

The woman gets up and enters the man’s bed. The two make passionate love and afterPage 44

wards the women rolls out. As she is returning to her bed, she once again catches her foot on the carpet and falls flat on her face. The man looks over his shoulder at his wife lying on the floor and says, “Clumsy idiot.”

VIEW THE VALLEY BEAT ONLINE GO TO THE VALLEY BEAT.COM

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

JOKES

THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013 Page 46

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THE VALLEY BEAT OCTOBER 2, 2013

MODEL BEAT

Age: 26 Reading, PA

Would you like to be considered for Model of the Week? Contact randy@donatellimodels.com or mickey@donatellimodels.com

PAGE 47

What do you do to make $$? Fine Dinning Server, Print & Promotional Model.

Are you? Single, dating, engaged, or married?

Dating.

How would our readers get to know you or become your friend? FaceBook or Contact My Agents: Mickey@Donatelli Models.com or Randy@DonatelliModels.Com Where was your best vacation destination?

Jamaica.

What do you do to relax? Drink a glass of wine and a bubble bath.

What sports do you watch the most? Baseball.

What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Hennessy with Redbull.

What happens to be your worst vice? Shopping.

What is your best feature? My Legs & My Curves.

What TV show do you never miss each week?

Fashion Police.

What movie would you recommend to our readers?

The Ugly Truth.

What is at the top of your “Bucket List?” Be a Victoria Secret Runway Model.

Are you a Spender or a Saver? Spender.

What have you done in the last year that you would think is news to our readers? Furthering my career as a model/Actress with Donatelli Modeling/ Casting Agency and moved closer to New York City to enhance my career.

What do you sleep in? Boy Shorts and a Tank Top. What is the worst pick-up line ever tried on you?

I love your ass, give me your number.

What do you want guys to know about sex/ relationships that you wish they knew (but they don’t)!? Show your woman appreciation & affection.

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