Wellspring Issue #99 by The Wellspring

PESACH ISSUE

APRIL 2024 // NISSAN 5784 // ISSUE 99

Too Much of a Good Thing

Crunch Time

The doctor took one look at my results and referred me straight to the leukemia ward

Ask Laura Shammah Which foods might be triggering my psoriasis flareups?

Homemade veggie chips your family won’t get enough of

Torah Wellspring

Vehigadeta Levincha How we view our children makes an indelible impact on their nefesh

Citrus and Wine Riblets over Tricolored Carrot Puree on the menu

Tissues, Tissues, and Then Some More

Fascinating Survey!

When Bottle Is Better

LIBERATION IN THE LAB

Wellspring’s Community chimes in on hay fever

Lactation consultant Raizy Janklowicz’s advice to overwhelmed nursing mothers

US $9.99 // CALIFORNIA $12.50 CANADA $13.00 // UK £9.00 ISRAEL ₪36.00

Rich in Color, Flavor, and... Nutrients

What contributes most to your feeling of cheirus on Pesach? +100 Samples give us a glimpse into their Yom Tov experience

Inner Parenting

The one message that makes our child feel whole

Seventh Day, Second Meal

How My Table contributors upgrade their Pesach menu

Tune In

Matzah consumption leaves me feeling uncomfortable

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COPY & RESEARCH

Editor In Chief Shiffy Friedman Deputy Editor Libby Silberman Nutritional Advisory Board Dr. Rachael Schindler Laura Shammah, MS, RDN Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE Bashy Halberstam, INHC Shaindy Oberlander, INHC Shira Savit, MA, MHC, CHC Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD Nutrition Contributors Tanya Rosen, MS CAI CPT Shani Taub, CDC

Health Advisory Board Dr. Chayala Englard Chaya Tilla Brachfeld, RN Fitness Advisory Board Syma Kranz, PFC Esther Fried, PFC Child Development Advisory Board Friedy Singer, OTR/L Roizy Guttmann, OTR/L Coordinating Editor Liba Solomon, CNWC Feature Editors Rochel Gordon • Rikki Samson

$99.00

Proofreaders Faige Badian • Meira Lawrence

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FOOD CONTENT Food Editor Esther Frenkel Recipes Yossi & Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Elky Friedman Styling & Photography Malky Levine Charnie Kohn Pessi Piller ART & PRODUCTION Cover Design Aryeh Epstein Designer Rivky Schwartz Digital Media Rivkah Shanowitz ADVERTISING Executive Account Manager Goldy Kolman 718-412-3309 Ext.2 ads@wellspringmagazine.com SUBSCRIPTION 718-437-0761 subscribe@wellspringmagazine.com DISTRIBUTION Weekly Publications INC. 347-782-5588

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The Wellspring Magazine is published monthly by Wellspring Magazine Inc. All rights are reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part or in any form without prior written permission from the publisher is prohibited. The publisher reserves the right to edit all articles for clarity, space and editorial sensitivities. The Wellspring Magazine assumes no responsibility for the content or kashrus of advertisements in the publication, nor for the content of books that are referred to or excerpted herein. The contents of The Wellspring Magazine, such as text, graphics and other material (content) are intended for educational purposes only. The content is not intended to substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your health care provider with any questions you have regarding your medical condition.

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CONTENTS

APRIL 2024 NISSAN 5784 ISSUE 99 Our next issue will appear on Wednesday, May 22nd iy"H.

WELL INFORMED 18

Springboard

Spiritual Eating

Torah Wellspring

Health Updates

LIVING WELL 40 Fitness

58 94

Ask the Nutritionist

FYI

Community

Medical Saga

Sample

Cup of Tea

Serial Diary

DIY

WELLBEING 94

Mom-Care

Tap In

Inner Parenting

FAREWELL

105 SEASONED 10

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130 Holistic Torah Wellspring will return next month.

If we only checked you r eyes witho ut offering vision thera py or an eyewear bou tique...

‫☞ ַּד�ֵּּי ּ �נו‬ If we settled for just one healthcare c enter offerin g basic needs...

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If we stoppe d at 4 centers , a mobile, an d a location upstate but didn't provid e specialized se rvices...

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If we had off ered service s like dermatology , immunity, and genera l surgery but skipped specialties lik e fertility and oncology...

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If we provid ed physical, occupationa l, speech therapies, an d hyperbaric oxygen therapy but neglected m ental health...

‫☞ ַּד�ֵּּי ּ �נו‬

If we offere d psycholog y, psychiatr y, and social work but omitted a rehabilitatio n gym or a pool...

‫☞ ַּד�ֵּּי ּ �נו‬ If we constantly implemente d new machines but didn’t seek new m odalities for healing...

‫☞ ַּד�ֵּּי ּ �נו‬

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EDITOR'S NOTE

Leaving the Rut

n preparation for this special Pesach issue, I was brainstorming Sample ideas with our dedicated deputy editor and popular columnist Libby Silberman. Whole-wheat matzah over spelt? Light grape juice over regular? We combed through all the typical Pesach-oriented potential topics that would lend themselves to a quantifiable study in the Lab, but none were especially intriguing. And then, I had a thought. This was the Pesach issue we were prepping for—a Yom Tov that is less about our redemption from the shackles of physical slavery and more about our extrication from a spiritual rut. In Sample, we’ve covered a plethora of quantifiable topics over the years: hydration, fermenting, sprouting, teas, and abstinence from sugar are just some of the subjects of informative studies that were brought to you, all geared toward fortifying physical health. How about, in honor of Pesach, the Lab would go spiritual? How about, for a refreshing change so aligned with Wellspring values, we’d experiment with a variable that isn’t necessarily quantifiable, but is certainly saturated with quality? And so, in this issue, among many other fabulous articles—both Pesach-related and general—you’ll find an illuminating Sample survey in which over one hundred women from around the world chime in with their take on how they feel cheirus on Pesach. While the findings didn’t take us by surprise, and certainly confirmed our hypothesis, it was fascinating to gather them from women spanning the gamut of ages, stages, locations, socioeconomic levels, personality types, and so on. So, according to the survey results, what does simchas Yom Tov boil down to at the end of the day? In line with the Pesach message (spoiler alert!), we found it to be less about the physical comforts and so much more about the spiritual connection. And at the root of that is this

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

variable: How willing am I to let go of expectations, of my human plans and visions, and invite the Master Plan into my life? That’s a tough avodah, no doubt. It’s avodas perach, indeed. The kind of work that needs constant practice, constant exercise. In this soul-building gym that is life, we find ourselves constantly bombarded with opportunities to flex those surrender muscles and sweat our way through to the finish line, only to be faced with the next obstacles course up ahead.

etting go is not only about accepting external circumstances, starting with the cleaning help’s departure for the month of Nissan (personal experience!) all the way to mammoth rocks in life like illness and lack of parnassah, lo aleinu. It’s also— and often this is where the deepest challenge lies—in accepting ourselves. At this time of year, many of the seminary girls I work with in my capacity as an emotional hand-holder have returned to their families in chutz la’aretz for Yom Tov. Each of these young women have done incredible inner work over the past few months, investing in their nefesh and developing a more self-aware, regulated emotional core. But what was my message to them before leaving? True cheirus is when we free ourselves of expectations, especially expectations of the self. A young woman—or anyone who’s been focused on self-development, might say to herself, “I’ve worked so hard on developing a more resilient self, so why am I feeling resentful/anxious/alone/disillusioned?” In the same vein, a mother who invests herself in her parenting might look at herself and her behaviors on Erev Yom Tov or after a long day of giving, giving, giving and wonder, “How is it that I’ve turned into this monster here?” A wife for

whom shalom bayis is a top priority might harbor similar sentiments when she finds herself withdrawing or feeling critical of her husband. An individual who’s been sweating to improve their relationship with a parent or other relative might berate themselves for appearing to have regressed to “square one” over Yom Tov. The underlying theme in all of these deprecatory questions to the self is, “I expect more of you! You’ve disappointed me.” Of course, we always want to keep investing in ourselves and learning from our mistakes, but if we want to feel true cheirus, on Pesach and always, the key lies in letting go of expectations. Yes, it would be so nice if that relative at the Seder table would be less explosive, if the atmosphere at the place where we’re spending Pesach would be more relaxed, if the kids would fight less or help more…For sure, but the less we expect of others and ourselves (and the more we cut ourselves slack for being human)—all of which boils down to letting Hakadosh Baruch Hu run the show—the higher the chances of us experiencing the joy of Yom Tov, at least internally. Just as we parents often tell our kids on Chol Hamoed— “The less you expect, the less you set yourselves up for disappointment”—it’s a message we want to absorb in our bones, as well. How freeing it feels to take a deep breath, open up those tight inner spaces, and just let go, let go… Wishing all of you a true simchas Yom Tov in every way,

n a m d e i r F y f f i h S WELL- PUT “An individual needs to recognize their inner wisdom in order to be able to respect themselves.”

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On Tongue Tie, Knee Pain, Gestational Diabetes, and More

All the Difference Issue #35: Cover Feature

As a longtime Wellspring fan, I had a real nachas moment the other day. Sitting in the waiting room of maxillofacial and oral surgeon Dr. Scott Siegel in Manhattan, waiting for my newborn baby’s tongue tie to be clipped, look what I spotted on the wall! (See photo below.) Proudly displayed on a beautiful large plaque was an interview conducted by Shiffy Friedman for Wellspring magazine in January 2019,

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

titled “Untangling the Truth About Tongue Tie.” When I mentioned this shoutout to Dr. Siegel, telling him that I’m an avid reader of the magazine, he told me that many a mother from our community has already shared similar sentiments and that many have reached out to him thanks to that original article. May your positive influence continue to spread far and wide. Keep up your incredible work for the klal! R. S. Brooklyn, New York

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Quick Question

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Answered by Miriam Schweid, Health Kinesiologist

Question: I need help with food intolerances that my kids exhibit—especially on Pesach—primarily toward grape juice and matzah. Two of my kids usually develop hives after the Seder and I don’t know how to treat that. They also experience severe itching and have a hard time sleeping for a few days after leil haSeder.

Answer: If your kids are participating fully in the Seder, four cups of grape juice can be a lot for a child who has an intolerance to grapes, acid, or sweet drinks. Buy light or white grape juice and have them use the smallest size cup that complies with halachic requirements. Another idea is to have the child drink 2–3 ounces of grape juice a day in the week leading up to Pesach to build up their tolerance level. To help the body digest other foods, like matzah, have the child take a kosher-for-Pesach enzyme starting a few days before Yom Tov. Also, it’s important not to eat and drink at the same time, but to wait at least an hour after a meal before drinking. According to the Rambam, fluids interfere with the digestive process so it’s best to avoid them as much as possible during the meal.

Question: My daughter gets strep often and can sometimes develop severe itching and hives as a side effect of the antibiotics. When I reported this to the pediatrician, he switched her to another medication, but that didn’t seem to help. His advice is to give her Benadryl. Is there anything else I can try to prevent or treat these symptoms?

Answer: When a child’s immunity is low, such as when they’re fighting an infection like strep, they’re more prone to exhibiting an allergic reaction. I would recommend boosting the child’s immune system with nutritional supplements. Regarding treating the allergic reaction, try to do so with homeopathic remedies such as apis mel, urtica urens, and arsenicum.

Compression Is Key Issue #98: Community

Regarding the reader who asked for suggestions for dealing with knee pain, one reader recommended the acronym RICE, which stands for rest, ice, compression, and elevation. While I have found all four

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

interventions to be helpful, nothing beats the power of good compression. In my case, my knee pain is primarily due to fluid buildup in the knee area, so wearing a good compression bandaid wrapped around both knees, especially when I know I’ll be on my feet for a long time, works absolute wonders for me. It’s an invisible intervention that takes almost no

effort on my part—I simply wrap it around in the morning before getting dressed, and on the days I wear it I’m a different person. M. Koenig

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Pairing Plays a Role Issue #98: FYI

As someone who’s personally familiar with gestational diabetes— I’ve had it with all five of my pregnancies—I appreciated the wellwritten, well-rounded piece on the condition by Faigy Schonfeld. One piece of advice I’d like to share— which women in this situation can bring up with their dietitians—is that often it’s not so much about the food we’re eating per se as much as the food combinations. If you’re eating a carb, for example, pair it with fiber and protein to balance out glucose levels. It’s something worth exploring with a dietitian and has helped me maintain a balanced diet through the pregnancies and to keep the sugar levels in check, baruch Hashem. Many thanks publication,

for

wonderful

month being focused on refraining from them—what an avodah!—I was looking forward to the aseh tov: How should I respond to a child’s expression of intense emotion? Of course, the more I paid attention, the more my motherly intuition kicked in, but I am still desperate for more clear and wise guidance on the subject matter. I’m looking forward to reading the next installment very soon! And now that I’m writing in with my kvetches, I can’t not take this opportunity to thank you for being such a life-changing presence in my life. I have found time and again that Wellspring content is just what I needed to read that particular month in my life, sometimes to an eerie extent. From the profound inspiration to practical tips to useful and delicious recipes, you’ve got us all covered in every issue. Be gebentcht, Mindy B. Far Rockaway, Queens

Chag kasher vesameiach, R. Dwek Deal, New Jersey

Anticipating the Next Step

More Relevant Than Ever Issue #40: Feature

Issue #97: Inner Parenting

I was disappointed to see that the parenting article did not appear in this month’s issue. When reading the five sur mei’ra parenting responses the previous article listed, too many of them unfortunately sounded too familiar to me…After spending the 22

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

This letter has been a long time in coming, but now that I’m doing some spring cleaning and treating myself by reading through back issues of your magazine—my yearly prePesach ritual, I feel compelled to stop putting off sending my feedback and to finally write to you. As an avid

Wellspring reader, I’ve been holding on to all 97 of your magazines, all neatly stored in a file cabinet in my basement. (I dutifully take them downstairs as soon as I’m done reading each.) Each issue is not only highly informative, but it contains the kind of material that is consistently relevant. Since the publication does not feature any news and barely any current-events-related content, most of the articles are just as pertinent as they were when they were first published. In some cases, they only become more relevant as life carries us into new stages and phases. So as I was treating myself to reviewing back issues in the basement one day, I came across an article that is actually more relevant to my life right now than it was when I first read it. It was a feature on the topic of bullying, masterfully written by the inimitable Shiffy Friedman. The topic has been weighing on my mind and heart over the past few weeks, as one of our sons has been going through a rough phase in cheder due to bullying, and we’ve been trying as much as possible to help him. I found the article to contain such gems and invaluable insights on this all-toocommon issue, and I immediately implemented some of the tips from the sidebar and article. It is my hope and tefillah that through my hishtadlus in investing in my relationship with my child and being there for him, he should find it within to grow and emerge a better person from this experience. With much appreciation and wishes for continued siyata diShmaya, Name withheld upon request

PSA

Natural Cleaning Agents Every time I clean my home, especially during the pre-Pesach season, I’m grateful once again to have clipped a Wellspring article from March 2019 (issue 38), in which Miriam Schweid shared recipes for natural cleaning agents. Ever since I read that article, I’ve been cleaning my home with these natural detergents. They do an incredible job at helping me keep my house sparkling, smelling delicious, and chemical-free. I’m sure other readers will enjoy getting those recipes, so here’s my request for you to feature them again.

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Shake well to integrate the corn starch. Shake before each use.

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Get in touch! Wellspring invites readers to submit letters and comments via regular mail or email to info@wellspringmagazine.com. We reserve the right to edit all submissions and will withhold your name upon request. We will honor requests for anonymity, but we cannot consider letters that arrive without contact information.

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SPIRITUAL EATING By Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS

The Haggadah—A Textbook for Hakaras Hatov Contrasts. Details. Gifts. These three concepts form the basis of developing true and lasting appreciation. They are the bedrock of the Haggadah we read on Pesach and the foundation upon which our gratitude to Hashem is built.

First, let’s talk about contrasts. Why is this night different from all other nights? We were slaves and now we are free. We were idol worshippers and now we serve Hashem. We were destitute in Egypt and then we left with great wealth. The more we actively compare and contrast the things we have in our lives to what we had before, the greater the appreciation we’ll develop. We shouldn’t wait for those comparisons to be forced upon us, such as, G-d forbid, only valuing our health when we’re at risk of losing it.

Yisrael or had a Beis Hamikdash? When we go into a store and buy a bag of groceries that costs $18 and give the cashier a $20 bill, we say thank you when he gives us our $2 in change. Why? He owes it to us, yet we say thank you anyway because it’s the right thing to do. How much more so are we supposed to appreciate those things that are not coming to us—which is the definition of a gift. “Al achas kamah vekamah tovah kefulah umekufeles leMakom aleinu— How much more so do we owe thanks to Hashem for the unending favors!”

Next comes the emphasis on details. Were there 10 plagues in Egypt and 50 at the sea, 40 and 200, or 25 and 250? Is it just “the days of your life,” that we are commanded to remember or “all the days of your life”? Why the meticulous explanation of pasuk after pasuk starting way back with Yaakov’s relationship with Lavan and taking us all the way through the Egyptian servitude and exodus? A connoisseur of fine art notices the intricate details and deeper beauty of a painting much more than a simple passerby, who just sees a nice landscape. His appreciation, therefore, is so much greater. The more we become connoisseurs of life, the greater our love and gratitude for the Master Artist.

We can translate these lessons into practical tools to help us set appropriate boundaries around our meals during the upcoming holiday. This will allow us to have true freedom from overeating—a challenge that causes many of us to stumble during this zeman cheiruseinu.

And, of course, there’s the focus on our gifts. Would it really have been enough if Hashem had split the sea but hadn’t brought us through on dry land? Would it really have been enough to be in the desert for 40 years but not have the mahn? Would it really have been enough if we hadn’t been given Shabbos or the Torah or been brought into Eretz

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

First, for the contrasts. It’s a good idea to weigh yourself the morning before Pesach, write down the number, and commit to weighing yourself the day after Yom Tov is over. Especially for those who struggle with compulsive eating, the goal is to remain within a 2–3 pound range. Another idea is to try on a garment (such as a pants or dress) before Pesach, make a mental note of how it fits, and commit to trying on the same garment the morning after Yom Tov is over. Before eating each meal, think about how you’ll feel if you gain so much weight that your clothes will be tight and uncomfortable after only a little more than a week’s time. Compare the feeling of joy and success at maintaining your goals versus the few moments of palatable pleasure you’ll get

Rabbi Eli Glaser, CNWC, CWMS, is the founder and director of Soveya and the author of the best-selling book Enough Is Enough—How the Soveya Solution Is Revolutionizing the Diet and Weight-Loss World, available on Amazon and at Barnes & Nobles and Judaica Plaza in Lakewood. He has worked with thousands of clients around the world and has maintained a 130-pound weight loss for the last 19 years. For more information about Soveya’s programs call 732-5788800, email info@soveya.com, or visit www. soveya.com.

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AL & E F

CTIVE FE

And last, we have the gifts. What are we guaranteed in this world? Health? Prosperity? Family? Safety? The answer is nothing. No one on this planet goes to sleep at night with a contract from the Creator guaranteeing anything for the next day. Everything we receive is a gift. Therefore, we have a unique obligation to appreciate and take special care of those things Hashem has chosen to give us. If we take but a few moments before each meal to take inventory of the wonderful physical and spiritual blessings Hashem has bestowed upon us, we will have a much better mind frame to properly utilize and protect those gifts, and not to abuse them through indulgence and indifference.

Before

Next come the details. Consider how much time and preparation you and your family invest in ensuring a chametz-free home. Look at all the lists you checked off, all the kosher lePesach food you bought, the wine and shemurah matzos you made sure to get. Why are we commanded to do these things? For spring cleaning? As a chessed to the food manufacturers or matzah bakeries? Of course not. We’re obligated to create a physical environment around us that best enables us to pursue spiritual heights: to adhere to Hashem’s mitzvos, to achieve personal and national freedom from our burdens, to strengthen our emunah and hakaras hatov. Consider this before sitting down to your seudos. Use this as an incentive to take proper care of your body in order to elevate your soul—and not to rationalize having free rein with the food as a release from the tension of the intense preparations.

After

by ingesting what looks so tempting at the time but is worthless to you as soon as you swallow the last bite. As Chazal assert, the wise man is the one who sees the results of the future and uses that to motivate him in the present.

TORAH WELLSPRING By Rabbi Ezra Friedman

The Most Important People at the Seder Table Why are young children the center of attention?

Pesach is a Yom Tov that is rich with meaning, and one of its most beautiful lessons is the significant position that children hold. Pesach teaches us that children are people—not underdeveloped or less than, but people who boast a fully developed emotional world. They understand exponentially more than we might believe, and their subconscious absorbs messages that will accompany them through life. 28

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If we’re asked to name the one Yom Tov that is most child-centered, Purim might be the first that comes to mind, but in essence, it’s Pesach that takes first place. Let’s understand why children take up such a significant space on leil haSeder, but first, we need to fathom the sheer import of this special night. Of the three regalim, Pesach is considered the cornerstone. It’s the Yom Tov that requires the

most intensive preparations. While many of our hachanos may appear physical in nature, such as ridding our homes of every vestige of chameitz, they are largely symbolic of the spiritual depth of the Yom Tov. Both Shavuos and Sukkos are built around the event that we commemorate on Pesach, zeman cheiruseinu, our geulah from Mitzrayim. And the highlight of this most significant Yom Tov—the foundation within the foundation—is the first night, leil haSeder. As a matter of fact, just like builders pay meticulous attention when laying a cornerstone because it is so critical to the entire project, the way we conduct ourselves on leil haSeder is crucial because it determines the seder for all year. Having established the significance of leil haSeder, which stands at the helm of it all, we can get a glimpse into the weight a child holds in Yiddishkeit. What are we occupied with at the pinnacle of this Yom Tov, a time of heightened connection to Hakadosh Baruch Hu that is auspicious for great miracles and redemption? We’re not immersed in tefillah, as we are during the Yamim Noraim. We’re not dancing and merry, as we are on Purim. We’re also not exclusively focused on thanking and praising Hakadosh Baruch Hu, as we are on Chanukah. Rather, we’re focused on one thing: “lowering” ourselves to transmit the story of yetzias Mitzrayim to the youngest members of Klal Yisrael. Within the customs of the Seder instituted by Chazal, we find various unique behaviors, such as hiding the afikoman, dipping one food into another, and distributing nuts and sweets. The reason for it all? The kids, says the Gemara. It’s all about keeping them awake so they can tap into their natural curiosity, ask, absorb, and partake in these special moments. Vehigadeta levincha is not only about explaining to the child. It’s

also, and perhaps more importantly, about inviting his questions—giving him the space to formulate them, looking into his eye as he asks them, and only then supplying him with a response that sits well with him and his developing mind. It is specifically the little ones—whose greatness we don’t always recognize—who are the focus of our experience during one of the most exalted moments of the year. Not Only about Potential As adults, it sometimes happens that we lose sight of the value our children or students hold. Many parents and mechanchim see statements like “I see so much potential in you; you’ll grow up to be someone special one day” as communicating appreciation of the child’s worth. But seeing a child’s value is not only about believing in their potential that will hopefully come to the fore over the years. Rather, it’s about the child’s current worth in the here and now. Yes, it’s true that we wish the parents of a newborn baby at his bris that they should merit to raise him to Torah and chuppah and good deeds. There’s no denying that an ehrlich, stable adulthood is what we wish for all Yiddishe kinder—but that doesn’t diminish from their current greatness right now. The Mishnah in Avos (4:20) says that teaching a child is like inscribing a message on a clean sheet of paper. It leaves an indelible imprint that remains forever. Once a page has been tampered with, no matter how beautiful the lessons that are inscribed there, it’s no longer the same. Children have this special quality—this highly absorbent core— that can easily be overlooked, and once the window to their childhood closes, getting back to that place is virtually impossible. While a child’s cognitive world is still developing,

his nefesh is already fully developed from birth. He feels everything— when the adults around him are calm and happy, and when they’re tense and anxious; when there’s friction, and when the atmosphere is connective and light. Due to his cognitive underdevelopment, he might not have the right words to verbalize what he’s observing, or he might misinterpret the experience (such as by attributing a parent’s behavior to his own deeds or shortcomings—a very common phenomenon). But, despite his cognitive shortcomings, emotionally, he’s taking it all in—and the impact is real. To understand this best, all we need to do is rewind our own clock and allow memories of our childhood to surface. How real were those moments for us? How clear are those memories of how we were treated, the words that were said to us, the respect we absorbed? How did we feel around this adult in our life and the other? In our own little world, we were mini-adults, taking it all in. Handle with Care On Pesach, we are reminded that a child is a pure being—delicate, and highly influenced by the goings on in his life. He has questions that require answers, and a curious spirit that doesn’t stop absorbing. He’s hungry to learn, to grow, to be spoken to and celebrated. Because of his pure state, a child is sensitive, and that’s a good thing. It obligates us to handle our children with care. Instead of seeing it as a drawback on their part, or trying to “harden” their beautiful core, it is incumbent upon us to recognize that yes, our deeds do and will make a huge difference. This realization obligates us to pay attention to our parenting, to treat our children in the way we’d like to be treated. And not only with our deeds, but

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

TORAH WELLSPRING

also to develop more concern and caring internally. In their youth, children possess a still-intact inner radar that picks up signals, especially from those they’re most influenced by. In other words, they absorb even those messages we don’t express verbally but feel internally. We might be reading a book to a child, for example, or having a conversation with them, but if our mind is elsewhere, they will pick up on that. One of my young children recently asked me, when my mind wandered off during a conversation with her, “Totty, are you listening?” And this was even when externally, I’d asked all the right questions and made all the right comments. Yes, our children are smarter than that. They pick up all the cues, both external and internal, and because their sensors are still so untainted, they can sometimes detect our internal landscape to a degree that leaves us adults dumbfounded. The purpose of bringing to light this phenomenon regarding children is not to prompt despair. If I’m giving my best shot at my actions, but my child can detect my true thoughts and feelings, I’ll never get it right even if I try. Rather, it is to highlight just what koach we have to be mashpia on these pure beings entrusted in our care—because they’re so sensitive and delicate. Of course, every good deed and every positive word matters. But even more so, we can profoundly impact our children when we create the kind of environment that is most conducive for them to feel “at home,” when we invest in our internal landscape so that our thoughts and feelings are also fully present in the parenting experience. Special Opportunity On leil haSeder, when our precious children are the focus of the night— all kinds of children, as the section of the Four Sons conveys—we get a special opportunity to set a parent-

On Pesach, we are reminded that a child is a pure being—delicate, and highly influenced by the goings on in his life.

ing foundation for the year. It’s our chance to see our children, as young as they are, as the worthy human beings they are—to look into their eyes, to get into their minds, and to see what they like, what resonates with them, and what makes them come alive. Which part of the Seder are they most excited for, and why? Which songs would they like to sing? Which stories would they like to hear—or tell? Once we make them our focus and we see the weight they carry, it’s not that hard to give them

Rabbi Ezra Friedman is the Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshivas Mekor Chaim in Yerushalayim. 30

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a good time, to impress upon them the beauty of our mesorah and the joy of being a Yid, to create the kind of positive environment that will be etched in their hearts and minds forever. In the zechus of our dedication to chinuch habanim, of making chinuch a central focus of our lives on leil haSeder and all year long, may we be zocheh to experience true nachas shebikedushah and merit to create a home environment that is infused with an aura of cheirus and simchah.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

UPDATES By Bayla Brooks

Movement and Makeup Do the Two Clash? When it comes to skincare, it’s well-known that removing makeup before bed is important. This helps to prevent clogged pores, acne, and other skin issues. Other than that, is there any other setting when wearing makeup isn’t recommended? As it turns out, makeup during exercise can also be problematic. According to a new study published in Journal of Cosmetic Dermatology, wearing a cosmetic foundation during aerobic exercise negatively affects the skin and its pores. Researchers examined 43 healthy college students. Foundation cream was put on the forehead and upper cheek on half of the face, while the other half remained bare. Results showed an increase in moisture post-exercise on the entire face, but there was more moisture in the makeup area. After exercise, skin pore size increased on the non-makeup part of the face, but not as much on the makeup side. The amount of oil increased in the non-makeup area and decreased in the makeup area. If you’re like many women, you might be getting your exercise done before or after going about your daily routine, thus applying makeup beforehand. But, before you slather on the foundation, consider the new research. According

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

to this study, wearing heavy makeup like cream foundation during exercise can potentially lead to skin problems such as clogged pores due to sweat accumulation. Therefore, it is recommended to opt for lighter makeup or oil-free products to maintain healthy skin during exercise. Makeup can clog pores and cause increased skin dryness, experts say. “The reason it is recommended to remove makeup before going to bed is because it can combine with oil and dead skin cells to clog pores and promote acne formation,” says Dr. Brendan Camp, a dermatologist based in New York. “This recent study also suggests that wearing makeup while exercising may predispose the skin to increased dryness.” The good news is that there are healthier options that can provide coverage. An alternative to foundation is a BB, or beauty balm. BB creams are a cross between foundation and skincare products. They are often formulated to be non-comedogenic and are intended to improve skin tone and the overall appearance of skin. After exercising, cleanse your skin to remove excess oil, sweat, bacteria, and product residue that can contribute to acne or folliculitis.

Eye have a headache The eye tells a story

way beyond sight

Did you know that headaches and other health issues can be eye-related? That’s why, at Ahava, we investigate your eye health, exploring potential links to external issues that may appear unrelated since there’s more to it than meets the eye.

Ahava’s comprehensive eye exam. An in-depth addition to our regular eye exam.

UPDATES

Part

16 in a series

Demystified

Myth: Eating Garlic Keeps the Mosquitos Away Will the true repellants please stand up? There’s no evidence to suggest that eating garlic will keep the mozzies at bay. This pungent-smelling plant has been purported to solve just about any problem, from the common cold to the buzzing flies outside. A recent study investigated this claim and separated mosquito fact from fiction. The study found that participants got bitten just as much as they did on the days they didn’t eat any garlic as on the days they did. Mosquitoes are drawn to the carbon dioxide exhaled by humans. Sweat, high body temperatures, and perfume can also attract mosquitoes. Turns out, it’s less about what you eat and more about how you protect yourself from mosquitos. This includes physical deterrents such as screens and nettings, as well as aerosol insecticide sprays in dark areas of the home and applying topical repellents. Mosquitoes are also drawn to water sources, so make sure there is no standing water near your home. As far as the garlic, besides for the repellant smell, it doesn’t do much else. 34

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

Eye am tired The eye tells a story

way beyond sight

Did you know that fatigue and other health issues can be eye-related? That's why, at Ahava, we go beyond just assessing your eyesight. We delve deep into understanding the underlying causes of tiredness because there's much more than just what meets the eye.

Ahava’s comprehensive eye exam. An in-depth addition to our regular eye exam. WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

Who cares?

Eye Problems That Can Cloud Your World

Refractive Errors Presbyopia Eye Muscle Problems Dry Eye Syndrome Cataracts Eye Diseases Computer Vision Syndrome

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O C U L AR D I S E A S ES C AN B E DE TE C TE D WH E N TA KI N G A C O M PRE H E N S IVE E Y E E X AM

Cataract | Glaucoma | Diabetic Retinopathy Macular Degeneration

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Evaluation of Anterior Segment

We carry state of the art equipment for eye testing.

Red ﬂags in kids eye health » Sudden loss of interest in reading or homework » Losing their place or poor comprehension while reading » Tilting the head or closing one eye when reading

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Blessings from above, these gifts of sight we hold, We can trust what we see more than the stories we are told, Ahava’s here to nurture, safeguard, and help you realize, Caring for your eyes is crucial, and the ability to do so is a precious prize, We’re bringing care to the community beyond compare, Because ‘eye don’t know about you, but eye care.’

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Ask the Nutrition ist

Here at Wellspring, we’re preparing to celebrate the publication of our hundredth issue.

Inner Parentin

Fitness

And we want you—our loyal readers— to join the party!

Season

In 100 words or more, let us know how a particular Wellspring article, column, or contributor impacted your life. In your entry, include how long you’ve been a Wellspring reader and how you were first introduced to the publication (optional).

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With every submission, you gain entry into a raffle to win a six-month subscription to Wellspring. Extended Deadline: Tuesday April 30, 2024 Submit to info@wellspringmagazine.com before Thursday, March 28 to receive a bonus ticket into the raffle. Entries should be 100–300 words. Please include your full name and city and specify if you’d like to remain anonymous. Multiple entries allowed.

Holistic

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FITNESS

12 GAMES

TO GET THE FAMILY MOVING

By Chaya Tziry Retter, RDN, BS, CPT Chaya Tziry Retter is a Monsey-based Registered Dietitian, ACE-Certified Personal Trainer, and group fitness instructor. She is passionate about helping others lead healthier lives in a way that suits their needs. She can be reached at 845-540-4487.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

There’s nothing quite like Chol Hamoed. A unique blend of excitement, kvetchiness, adrenaline, exhaustion, and the need to do something fun, but absolutely never planned out in advance. Sound familiar? While Mom is usually pondering what to serve for supper to keep everyone happy and well-fed when they eventually come home starving from their day’s outing, the rest of the family is arguing compromising on what that outing will actually be. All too often, this results in a day where no ones moves much. The kids will go from the sitting and planning at the kitchen table, to sitting and watching the clock in the car, to standing on some endless line to finally take part in some other motion-less activity (on their part). This often leaves us wondering why some trips are more successful than others. Want to know a secret? I can almost guarantee that any trip that gets the gang moving will be an automatic hit. It’s the natural reaction to fitness, movement, and endurance challenges. Yes, there are places where the vibe spikes the energy, but those are often costly and feature long, snaking queues. How about trying a family-friendly activity day that gets everyone moving? Not only will that solve the inevitable endless lines at the local attractions, but it will afford an opportunity for more connection and true quality time together. An added perk? The parents can actually take part as well and, of course, everyone gets the benefits of adding some fitness to their day—which means better energy in the house, family bonding time, and a bit less lethargy after lots and lots of eating! All these activities are way more fun with lively music blasting in the background. Here are my recommendations for some at-home fun. (To the eye-rolling teens reading this, look out for some travel destinations at the end of the list.)

TWISTER

A classic family-friendly game that all ages can participate in. Following the instructions of the spinner, players place their hands and feet on the spots of the extra-large floor mat, twisting themselves into an array of amusing positions. Just make sure you don’t play this right after a heavy meal!

THE FLOOR IS LAVA

In this fun game all the players pretend that the floor is made of lava and they can’t touch the ground. The players must move around the room by climbing on furniture and creating bridges with common household items such as books or pillows. Any player who touches the floor during the game is out. During the game, players must be constantly moving from one area of the room to the next and aren’t allowed to sit or stand anywhere for more than 10 seconds.

ELECTRIC DANCE MAT

A bit pricier than most other activities on this list, but even the total of two mats will probably cost less than a few tickets to the everyone-else-is-going-there destination. Set up a competition, adding some of your own challenges, such as freezing, using your hands, and dancing with a partner on one mat. Blasting music and an intense workout in one activity? A sure win.

AT-HOME SOCCER

This requires pleasant weather or a very large open indoor area, but getting the gang teamed up and competing in a healthy sport is a guarantee for laughter. The more players, the better! (Basketball is a great one too, but soccer can include the littles.)

5 6

THROW THROW BURRITO

A lesser-known game (available on Amazon and at other retailers) that’s a combination of a matching card game and dodgeball—only with little “burrito balls.” Sounds like a recipe for fun to me!

FAMILY SIMON SAYS

Before you skip this one, try it out and see how much fun it actually is. Come up with wacky ideas, lots of physical challenges, and be surprised at how easily a mistake can get you out! The wilder the commands, the funner.

7 8

RENT A POOL

A great option for indoor or outdoor family fun. Get the cousins involved and split the hours up, and you’ll have a day to remember. (And probably a restful night, too!)

MAKESHIFT JUMP ROPE

Assemble jump ropes from various materials found in the house and enjoy a fun game that allows for lots of movement and laughter. For added delight, turn this simple game into a competition by having family members come up with their own ideas for constructing their rope. The winner is the one whose rope lasts the longest.

DESTINATIONS:

ROCK CLIMBING

A real endurance challenge that can involve even the younger members of the family if you find the right place. Make no mistake, these are tough walls to climb generally, and you’ll likely greet a sore but proud gang at the end of the day.

TRAMPOLINE PARK

A no-brainer for lots of movement that all ages can enjoy. The parks with “sports fields” like volleyball and basketball add another dimension of fun. But even the simpler places can make for a great day—be creative and come up with your own feats to try, such as playing Simon Says across the grounds.

LASER TAG

A good option that’s both “cool” and gets you going. With lots of thrills and surprises, this usually gets the adrenaline racing. If younger kids will be joining the trip, opt for a place that has an indoor jungle gym as well, so everyone gets a chance to keep moving and have fun.

ICE SKATING/ROLLER SKATING

Good old-fashioned fun that helps build skills in addition to providing a great workout. It promotes better balance, agility, and coordination while giving the family a chance to enjoy a wholesome activity that most ages can take part in.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

ASK THE NUTRITIONIST By Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

CAN I MANAGE MY PSORIASIS THROUGH DIETARY CHANGE? I’ve been suffering from psoriasis for a couple of years now, experiencing a flare-up every few months. Can you elaborate on the interplay between foods and skin conditions? Are there any foods I should be avoiding?

A strong connection exists between diet and dermatology. As indicated by emerging research, skin health starts within and is very much linked to the food we eat. In past years, dietary modifications generally received little attention in dermatological therapy. However, recent studies highlight a strong link between the two. Conditions such as rosacea, acne, psoriasis, aging skin, and atopic dermatitis can often be prevented and/or managed via food intake. Your psoriasis may not have been caused outright by 42

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particular foods you consumed, but your food intake going forward could certainly have an impact on symptoms. Many foods are known to cause inflammation throughout the body. In some individuals, this widespread irritation can make the existing symptoms of psoriasis worse. Certain nutrients, foods, or dietary patterns may operate as illness “triggers,” while others may prove helpful to alleviating symptoms. It’s important to be selective with the foods you eat and to try to avoid those that bring on the inflammation. Essentially, by eating the right foods, you can, with the help of Hashem, manage your skin condition more effectively and prevent painful flare-ups. Below I will present a round-up of foods that may (but do not always) exacerbate any skin condition, including psoriasis. The foundation of this is a dietary pattern that prioritizes the consumption of whole foods over highly processed foods. To elaborate, refined carbohydrates are highly processed foods. Think white bread, white rice,

pasta, pastries, and some breakfast cereals. They’ve been stripped of fiber and whole grains and tend to contain a lot of sugar, which can cause one’s blood sugar to spike. Refined carbohydrates also increase advanced glycation end products, which are substances in the blood that can lead to inflammation and a psoriasis flare-up. Other foods to try to avoid include processed meats; prepackaged food products; canned fruits and vegetables; any processed foods high in sugar, salt, and fat; foods high in added sugar; and added sugars in soda, fruit juices, candy, baked goods, and sweets. The body produces insulin to process sugar, but too much added sugar forces the body to store that extra energy in fat cells and inflame the fat tissue. Red meat and eggs contain a polyunsaturated fatty acid called arachidonic acid. Past research has shown that by-products of arachidonic acid may play a role in creating psoriatic lesions. I have personally found eggs to be a great trigger for psoriasis clients. Many dairy products tend to be high in fat, which can lead to inflammation. Products that contain cow’s milk also contain casein, a protein that some people have trouble digesting. Those who are lactose intolerant don’t have enough of the digestive enzyme lactase. Chronic gastrointestinal irritation from these conditions can make inflammation worse. For some people, psoriasis symptoms improve when they cut dairy from their diet. Individuals with psoriasis have been found to have increased markers for gluten sensitivity. If you have psoriasis and gluten sensitivity, it’s important to cut out gluten-containing foods. Foods to avoid include wheat and wheat derivatives, rye, barley, malt, pasta, baked goods containing wheat, certain processed foods, certain sauces and condiments, and beer. Fats in fried food, margarine, fast food, and many processed snacks are also known to trigger inflammation in the body. These fats increase the amount of low-density lipoprotein (LDL) in a person’s blood, also called “bad cholesterol.” Studies suggest there may be a link between excess fat in the body and development of psoriasis and worsening of psoriasis symptoms. One of the most commonly reported triggers for psoriasis flare-ups is the consumption of nightshades. Nightshade plants contain solanine, which has been known to affect digestion and may be a cause of inflammation. These include tomatoes, potatoes, eggplants, and peppers. Autoimmune flare-ups are linked to the health of the im-

mune system. Alcohol is believed to be a psoriasis trigger due to its disruptive effects on the various pathways of the immune system. If you have psoriasis, it may be best to drink alcohol very sparingly. That seems like lots of food to stay away from, right? But do keep in mind that there are many yeses as well. And delicious ones, too. A diet high in anti-inflammatory foods, including fruits and vegetables, is recommended for inflammatory conditions such as psoriasis to help reduce the severity of a flare-up. Great meal staples would be broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts; leafy greens, such as kale, spinach, and arugula; berries, including blueberries, strawberries, and raspberries; and cherries, grapes, and other dark fruits. The intake of omega-3s has been linked to a decrease in overall inflammation. Emerging research is finding that a diet high in fatty fish can provide the body with anti-inflammatory omega-3s. This wondrous nutrient can be found in salmon (fresh and canned), sardines, trout, and cod. Certain oils also contain anti-inflammatory fatty acids, such as olive oil, coconut oil, flaxseed oil, and avocado oil. Turmeric is the sunshine-hued spice that gives curry its vibrant color. It has a pungent, earthy flavor that most people either love or hate—and a polyphenol called curcumin, which has powerful anti-inflammatory properties. Add turmeric to your tea, blend it into hummus, whip it into a smoothie, or sprinkle it over roasted veggies. Add black pepper to increase absorption. If you truly can’t stand the taste, you can always pop a curcumin supplement. Lastly, the Mediterranean diet is well known for its numerous health benefits, including a reduced risk of certain chronic diseases. This diet focuses on foods that are high in antioxidants and healthy fats and limits foods that are often considered to be pro-inflammatory. Researchers found that people with psoriasis are less likely to be consuming a Mediterranean-type diet than their healthy counterparts. They also found that those who did adhere to elements of the Mediterranean diet had a lower disease severity. Often, that small change-up in our daily food intake can make a world of a difference to a preexisting skin condition. It’s also important to mention that any dietary psoriasis treatment should be accompanied by other healthy lifestyle choices. Get plenty of sleep, exercise regularly, and try to reduce tension in your life. It is my hope that you can incorporate (at least most of) these recommendations easily into your lifestyle in order to experience less discomfort regarding your condition.

Laura Shammah MS, RDN, has been operating a private practice in New York and New Jersey for over 20 years. Her clientele runs the gamut from people with eating disorders to those dealing with hypertension, high cholesterol, diabetes and cancer. She also helps clients who run in marathons or are looking to lose or gain weight in a healthy way. Her nutritional guidance is published in MaryAnne Cohen’s book Lasagna for Lunch: Declaring Peace With Emotional Eating. Laura can be reached at 718-376-0062 or Laurashammah@aol.com.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

BY FAIGY SCHONFELD

PERIPHERAL EDEMA DID YOU EVER TRY PUTTING ON YOUR SHOES—ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT IT DIDN’T WORK? AND THEN YOU LOOKED DOWN TO MAKE THE GRAND DISCOVERY THAT YOUR FOOT WAS RATHER…BALLOONLIKE? OFTEN, THAT’S PERIPHERAL EDEMA. PREGNANCY-ASSOCIATED EDEMA AFFECTS EIGHT OUT OF TEN EXPECTANT WOMEN, AND EDEMA RELATED TO VEIN ISSUES AFFECTS UP TO 30 PERCENT OF THE POPULATION. BUT HEY, THERE MAY BE SOMETHING TO DO ABOUT IT.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

WHAT IS IT?

WHAT CAUSES IT?

Peripheral edema is the elegant term for swelling—mainly in the arms and legs—as a result of too much fluid in the tissues. Of course, water is a good thing; 55–60 percent of our body weight is water. The body naturally regulates water levels, balancing water intake and water loss to keep things moist both inside and outside the cells. But when too much fluid gathers, capillaries inside the blood vessels start leaking fluid into the tissues, which means puffiness, swelling, and other such fun things.

Edema can come about because of a host of reasons; sometimes it results from a serious condition that requires prompt medical attention, but often it’s just (annoying, but fairly innocent) water retention. Water retention is when the body hoards water that builds up in the tissues, leading to temporary swelling in the hands, ankles, feet, and face. Too much sodium, sitting or standing in one position for a long time, hormonal changes, and of course, pregnancy (in which the uterus puts weight on the blood vessel responsible for returning blood to the legs, allowing fluid to leak into the tissues) are common causes of peripheral edema. Another cause of peripheral edema is venous insufficiency, which is very common in individuals over age fifty. This occurs when the veins can’t transport enough blood to the feet and back, causing blood to pool in the legs while forcing fluid out of the blood vessels and into the tissues. Other causes include certain medications, such as NSAIDs (ibuprofen), blood pressure meds, steroids, and insulin; low protein levels in the blood, which can result from malnutrition or health conditions such as liver or kidney diseases; heart, kidney, or lung conditions; and inflammation due to allergies, infection, arthritis, or a break/sprain in the area.

SYMPTOMS When it comes to innocent edema, the symptoms are just what you’d think: swelling, puffiness, heavy feeling in the arms or legs, difficulty moving specific joints, and warm, tight-feeling skin. And of course, not fitting into your shoes. If you put pressure on the swollen area and your finger leaves an indentation, that’s an indication that you probably have what’s called pitting edema. Non-pitting edema, sometimes a sign of a more serious condition, does not leave a mark when pressure is applied to the area.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

ALTERNATIVE VIEW

STANDARD TREATMENT Treatment depends on the cause of the condition, though most doctors will tell you to back off your salty chips habit and prescribe diuretics. Using diuretics long term is far from ideal, with research showing that chronic diuretic use can cause lower blood volume, potassium deficiency, and withdrawal symptoms when attempting to stop taking them. Diuretics are usually not an effective treatment for non-pitting edema. For such conditions, doctors usually suggest wearing compressive stocking or elevating the legs from time to time to minimize swelling.

NATURAL TREATMENT Food First, say goodbye to bad salt. You don’t want sodium retaining water in the body, so it’s best to do away with things like table salt, soy sauce, olives, and much of the processed/packaged food variety as much as possible. Say yes to fresh produce and healthy fats. Think potassium-rich produce like bananas, peaches, cucumbers, and tomatoes. Dark leafy greens, broccoli, and squashes are also great due to their high magnesium content. Next, you may want to bring an enormous watermelon home. In Russia and Central Asia, watermelon is used as a diuretic and blood cleanser—for good reason, considering watermelon is loaded with minerals and vitamins such as potassium, beta-carotene, vitamins A, C, and B-6, as well as crucial bioactive compounds, including citrulline, an amino acid that relaxes blood vessels, which decreases pressure against the walls. Talking about food, if you’re the kind who coats everything with a liberal sprinkle of salt (and then another sprinkle for good measure), take heart: Himalayan sea salt is not the same as table salt. Himalayan salt crystals actually expel extra water from the cells (plus they offer minerals and nutrients), and the best part is, the taste is fabulous. Herbs Celery seed extract: Anti-inflammatory, antimicro-

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bial, and a diuretic, this is often used to increase urine output when dealing with infection. Cranberry juice: Cranberries are full of calcium and potassium, plus they contain diuretic properties, so you may want to have a cup or two every day. Grape seed extract: Taken as a supplement, grape seed extract offers antioxidant properties that can ease edema caused by chronic venous insufficiency. Green tea: Rich in caffeine, green tea is a natural stimulant and diuretic that can help metabolize excess fluids in the body. Three cups a day is not too much! Turmeric: Turmeric contains curcumin, which is super anti-inflammatory and detoxifying, making it a helpful treatment to reduce swelling. Mix a teaspoon of turmeric into a glass of milk or water and drink up! Some recommend having up to 4–8 teaspoons of organic turmeric powder every day. Parsley: Parsley is tasty, looks pretty, and is naturally diuretic, since it stimulates the production of urine and draws out extra water. You might want to try some parsley tea: add a quarter cup of chopped parsley (checked for insects!) to one cup of boiling water, steep for 5 minutes, strain the parsley leaves, then add a teaspoon of honey to the liquid. If you still notice symptoms of water retention, have a second glass! Important note, though: expectant women should stay away from parsley tea, as parsley is a powerful herb that can cause complications. Dandelion root: Talking about teas, you may want

PHYSICAL ACTIVITY a glass of dandelion tea too. Dandelion root is rich in vitamin A and other nutrients and is a natural diuretic, helping the liver eliminate inflammatory toxins. Research indicates dandelion as an effective and natural diuretic treatment. You can buy dandelion tea ready-made, or you can make your own by steeping the root of flower in boiling water for half an hour, then straining the dandelion. Start with a small amount to make sure it doesn’t give you any unwanted reactions.

Get a Massage That’s not a bad idea, I know. For mild edema, massage therapy is recommended, as it encourages blood flow from the heart and can help to remove pressure on blood vessels. A study published in International Journal of Nursing Practice found that expectant women in late pregnancy who received a daily 20-minute foot massage for five days saw a significant improvement in lower leg edema.

Essential Oils Grapefruit essential oil activates the lymphatic system, helping control fluid retention, and it promotes detoxification, which means less bloating and inflammation. It also increases blood flow, which is helpful in reducing fluid retention and leg aches that come from staying in one position for a long time. Combine 3–4 drops of grapefruit with a teaspoon of coconut oil and massage into the affected area 2–3 times daily. Juniper oil also offers diuretic and detoxifying benefits; applying oil to swollen areas may help reduce swelling as well. Fennel oil has diuretic properties too, plus it may be helpful in easing inflammation and removal of waste that causes swelling. It can be taken internally (1–2 drops of fennel essential oil in a glass of warm water or herbal tea), or topically (add 3–4 drops of fennel to 1 teaspoon of carrier oil and massage mixture into the affected area). Get Moving The human body is designed to move, and proper blood circulation is essential if swollen and achy legs, ankles, and feet are not your thing. An exercise routine is really cool, but even just staying somewhat active and moving around throughout the day is important to keep the blood flowing in your legs so that fluid won’t pool. Try a short morning walk or some stretches before bed or anything similar—the point is to avoid too much sitting.

Magnesium Sulfate Baths Combined with water, magnesium sulfate (like Epsom salt) causes reverse osmosis, pulling salt and excess fluids out of the body. To do a salt bath, dissolve a cup of Epsom salt in a tub of lukewarm water, and soak your legs for at least 20 minutes. Chlorella This offers blood-building, vascular-strengthening, whole-food nutritional powers, making this very green algae perfect for expectant women dealing with edema and other blood conditions. Research indicates that chlorella supplementation reduces the risk of pregnancy-associated edema. Here’s a real goodie: stop working so hard and have a seat. Then elevate the affected area. Do this a few times every day. This is especially helpful for expectant women who are contending with swollen legs and feet. Simply prop a couple of pillows under your feet for 15 minutes or so. Of course, while you’re at it, take a few deep, relaxing breaths and offer up some prayers, because the only One really doing anything about your swollen legs is Hashem. Important note: Sometimes, lower extremity edema can be a sign of a serious condition. If you experience peripheral edema along with dizziness, chest pain, or shortness of breath, seek medical care immediately. Check with a health care provider before using any herbal remedies during pregnancy.

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only. Please consult with a medical practitioner before administering any treatment or implementing lifestyle changes.

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WELLSPRING COMMUNITY

Springtime Allergies

In this space, we feature a health-related question or predicament submitted by a Wellspring reader. Fellow readers are invited to participate in the conversation by sharing their tried-and-true advice and suggestions. Join the community!

As spring approaches, I can already sense the allergy symptoms cropping up for me. Are there preventative measures that I can take to alleviate the symptoms and nip them in the bud?

I wouldn’t go near any allergy medication, although I’ve been a sufferer for years. The medications quell the symptoms for a short while, only for them to resurface stronger than before. I’ve seen great results with the natural supplement of quercetin. It’s my go-to during this season. It is known to stabilize the release of histamines and help to control allergy symptoms. It’s naturally found in broccoli, cauliflower, green tea, and citrus fruits. I increase these foods in my diet at this time of year and it has worked wonders for me.

It’s fascinating to see how many children are affected by the pollen in the air. I’m a fifth-grade teacher and during this season, there are hordes of students wiping at their eyes and sneezing, and they simply can’t be outside for more than is absolutely necessary. A student’s mother shared with me that she amps up the prebiotics and probiotics for all her children, and it has helped curb the symptoms in a big way.

Before entering an area with lots of foliage, consider wearing a mask. Remember those? It can reduce the inhalation of allergens out there. Also, be sure to change your clothes and shower once you get home. Pollen can stick to your clothes and hair, making it easy to track pollen spores throughout your home. Keep in mind that tree and grass pollen are the main allergy culprits in the spring. Stay inside during the midmorning and early evening to avoid peak pollen hours.

- Dina Y., Flatbush

- R. Dembitzer

- Yitty L., Monsey.

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I’m all for preventative allergy treatment. Each year, as the blooms pop out and the weather warms, I wonder: Will this year’s allergy symptoms be any easier? Between the coughing, eye rashes, and post-nasal drip, I usually get a full-blown case. Now is a great time to prepare before the pollen reaches peak levels. Don’t wait until you are suffering to do something about your allergies. I don’t know how helpful this information will be for this year, as you’ll be reading this later in the season, but I start taking overthe-counter antihistamine and nasal steroid sprays way before the onset of the severe symptoms, as early as February. Pretreating can prevent inflammation and ease symptoms once they come. - Devorah P., Boro Park

The best natural remedy for allergies is—when possible—avoidance. Yes, that’s easier said than done, considering there is foliage almost everywhere. A great recommendation is saline nasal irrigation that works well for children and adults. Another idea is to use an air filter in your home. A high-quality one can trap airborne irritants and really purify the air you are breathing. Similarly, by removing moisture from the air, air conditioners and dehumidifiers can limit the growth of mildew and mold that can negatively impact allergies. - P.S., Los Angeles

Essential oils to the rescue. I’ve been using peppermint oil treatment for my allergies so far, and I’m feeling better than ever. I also add eucalyptus oil to each load of washing during allergy season to rid the clothes of any lingering pollen. - Esther L. K., Monsey What goes around, comes around. A popular theory suggests eating locally produced honey. Bees collect pollen to create their honey. Once the pollen is processed into honey, consuming it can actually be healing for your allergies. - F.B., Scranton

- Mrs. Tehilla R., Passaic I’ve been experiencing spring allergies for a long time now. Over the years, I’ve learned to adjust my attitude: I don’t suffer from allergies; I experience them. The symptoms are just another signpost for me to tune in and take care of what my body truly needs. Through the symptoms, I reconnect with my inner needs and fill myself with positive and healing thoughts. During this season, you’ll often find me relaxing at the beach, watching the waves. I feel that the symptoms are just another way for my body to speak of its need for care and attention. Luckily, this attitude has made my experience so much easier, and for that, I’m truly grateful. - Yocheved, Yerushalayim During spring, I carry a box of tissues with me everywhere. The coughing, sneezing, itchy throat, and runny nose is intense with barely any let-up for weeks straight. Often, I find that when I invest in more selfcare, make it a point to weed out tension in my life, avoid overcommitting my schedule, and meditate, it truly gives me a reprieve from the symptoms. It’s not always easy finding the time to pull out of my schedule, but come spring, it’s a complete must. -D. Berger, Lakewood

Allergies can be reduced by increasing the presence of good bacteria in the gut. Try increasing probiotics in your diet as much as possible. Ever tried kefir? It sounds scarier than it is. Grab a bottle from the shelf next time you’re in the grocery. You may want to add it to your breakfast menu. - M. Rubin, Boro Park Apple cider vinegar is known to boost the immune system, help break up mucus, and support lymphatic drainage. Mix one to two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with a glass of water and lemon juice three times a day to relieve symptoms. - Pnina, Jackson Often, allergies are worsened by toxins within the body. The liver is a great mediator of inflammation in the body, and when it’s working overtime metabolizing our stress, medications, alcohol, and processed foods, allergies can flare up. Detox your body by eliminating fried foods, sugar, alcohol, and other toxins from your diet. Try liver-supportive foods and herbs such as milk thistle, turmeric, artichoke, citrus fruits, and nuts. Best of luck and best of health. - Perel Singer, Flatbush Here is the hidden benefit of Pesach cleaning you never knew about! By dusting through the entire home, we can get rid of any pollen that has already made its way inside. You may be surprised to learn that pollen can stick to just about anything, from light fixtures to bookcases, curtains, all types of flooring, and even furniture. Enjoy a pollen-free home over the Yom Tov. - Ashira T., Far Rockaway

Next Up: My lips are constantly dry, and I find myself carrying Vaseline around with me wherever I go. I would greatly appreciate any tips on how to deal with this issue. Want to share what worked for you with a fellow Wellspring Community member? Send your response to info@wellspringmagazine.com.

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Please note: These suggestions should not be implemented in place of guidance from a medical practitioner.

My 18-year-old daughter experiences intense allergy symptoms every spring. Over the years, we’ve come across many natural remedies. Papaya and pineapple are excellent sources of bromelain, a natural enzyme that can reduce swelling and assist with breathing. By snacking on these foods daily, my daughter’s symptoms have been more manageable. The dried papaya chunks are a tasty snack that ends up being enjoyed by all.

MEDICAL SAGA

TOO MUCH

OF A

GOOD THING 50

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The doctor took one look at my lab results and sent me straight for testing in the leukemia department.

A CAUTIONARY TALE AS TOLD TO ROIZY BAUM

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MEDICAL SAGA

Last bein hazmanim, I experienced persistent stomachaches, which prompted me to undergo testing. I was eventually diagnosed with IBS (irritable bowel syndrome), and alongside this, my blood test results indicated vitamin D deficiency. Since the optimal level is around 30 (ng/mL) and mine was a mere 13, the specialist I was seeing strongly encouraged vitamin D supplementation. Upon returning to yeshivah in Eretz Yisrael for the winter zeman, everything seemed normal at first. However, shortly after Chanukah, I began to feel weak and noticed that I was paler than usual. Initially, I attributed my symptoms to my hectic schedule and the digestive issues I’d been experiencing. Concerned about my well-being, my rosh yeshivah remarked on my appearance and encouraged me to see a doctor. Another committed staff member emphasized the importance of breathing techniques, maintaining a healthy schedule, and quitting coffee and smoking. “How do you expect to function, Yitzy?” he questioned. And truthfully, he had a valid point. It was a few days before Asarah B’Teves when the first whispers of concern began to circulate among my peers. They remarked on my pallor, their voices tinged with genuine worry. Brushing aside their observations, I carried on with my routine, dismissing the notion that anything serious could be amiss. But as the week waned and the fast day approached (it was on a Friday this year), I was undecided as to whether I should fast or not. I was still attracting comments about my pallor but overall, I felt pretty good, and I decided not to give up on fasting. The day passed uneventfully, and I was glad I’d made it through. On Motzaei Shabbos, a gathering with friends at a for-

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shpiel took a sudden turn. Amid the joyous celebration, I found myself struggling to catch my breath. I had barely been dancing for a full minute; why was I so breathless? An unsettling sensation gnawed at the edges of my consciousness. Something felt truly wrong. It took gentle and not-so-gentle nudges from several concerned friends to bring my situation into sharp focus. “You look a bit under the weather, Yitzy,” one friend said to me. His words were mirrored by the nods of the others around me. “Yitzy,” chimed in another friend, “You look dead; pale like a wall.” And you know how it goes in bachur-talk. One minute, they were saying I was yellow as a banana, the next I was apparently green as grass, and then suddenly I was as white as a ghost. With all those comments directed toward me, I couldn’t help but wonder, what was really going on? Maybe it was just my system acting up from fasting? But then, Reb Shmuel, a magid shiur in the yeshivah approached me, a serious expression on his face. “Yitzy,” he said, “You must go see a doctor. I’m worried this has something to do with your liver.” Reb Shmuel was relentless. Every time he saw me, he checked in with me, “Have you gone to the doctor yet?” And if that wasn’t enough, the manager of the yeshivah was on my case too, nagging me to book an appointment. I called my mother and told her about how pale I was looking. She was on the other line with one of her health-conscious friends, who immediately drew a conclusion about my condition. “I think he’s dehydrated,” was this woman’s suggestion. That actually made sense to me. My bed was near the window, and every morning I awoke to a beating sun. So, I decided to up my water game, chugging like there was no tomorrow. I even splurged on some Powerade for good measure. I figured a little hydration boost would have me looking and feeling better in no time. But the next day rolled around, and still no change. My roommates were still helping me measure my paleness level like it was some kind of competition, but the final consensus was, “Ach, still no improvement.” So, with all the pressure from my friends and yeshivah staff, I caved. It was time to bite the bullet and go see the famed Dr. Stein, the longtime medical practitioner who’s renowned for his expert diagnosis and treatment—and way-past-midnight work hours (because he sits and learns in yeshivah all day). Sitting in that waiting room for what felt like forever was no picnic. All I wanted was to get some clarity from the doctor, but before I could even get a word in, the secretary peppered me with questions.

A WEEK? EVERYONE AROUND ME HAD CONVINCED ME I WAS ON MY DEATHBED, AND NOW I HAD TO WAIT A WHOLE WEEK FOR CONFIRMATION! “Any pain?” she started, and then continued with a list of more questions. Eventually, she told me, “You don’t have much to discuss with the doctor. Go get a blood test and come back.” She handed me a referral slip for all sorts of tests. Off I went to get poked and prodded, all in the hopes of finally getting some answers. But little did I know that this was just the beginning of a roller-coaster ride of medical drama. Step one was to call and snag an appointment for the tests. After I finally got my blood drawn, feeling relieved that things were moving forward, I asked the receptionist, “So when can I expect to hear back about my results?” He didn’t even look up. “Oh, in about a week.” A week? Everyone around me had convinced me I was on my deathbed, and now I had to wait a whole week for confirmation! Despite the delay and the initial shock of having to wait for my results, I found myself surprisingly calm and unfazed. I figured I’d just hang tight until I had the results in hand before deciding on my next move. But everyone was pushing me to go back to the doctor as soon as possible. They were all convinced that waiting around wasn’t doing me any favors and that I needed to take action, like, yesterday. And then I got the call I least expected. When I picked up the phone, I realized that, to my surprise, it was Dr. Stein himself. As soon as he said—“This is Dr. Stein speaking”—I knew something was up. “What’s up with your vitamin D levels?” he asked, his tone very serious. And before I was able to process what

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MEDICAL SAGA

was happening, he dropped the bombshell: “Do you realize how much vitamin D you have in your system? You’re practically poisoned!” Turned out, the lab had called Dr. Stein and demanded that he get in touch with me ASAP—that’s how urgent they thought my case to be. Me, poisoned? How could that be? High vitamin D levels? And then, it hit me: It must be the supplements I’ve been taking! When my blood test results back in New York had indicated a vitamin D deficiency, my doctor there had simply advised, “Take a supplement.” So, I began with one capsule and then added another as needed. Making the connection that I needed more vitamin D to feel stronger, I upped my intake on my own accord. I started with two 5000 IU supplements a day, and when I still felt weak, I added more. I’d been upping my dosage every time I felt weak, thinking it would fix everything. But instead, I’d naively been undermining my own recovery. Later that day, when I walked into my apartment, I stopped in front of my closet. Then, with a mixture of disbelief and horror, I hurled that bottle of vitamin D supplements to the ground. Just like that, my world had been turned upside down, all because of a little vitamin D mishap. Eager to get some clarity on the situation, I asked Dr. Stein when I could come over to talk. “Come at 1:00 a.m.,” he said. After midnight, I headed over to his office for a face-toface discussion. Little did I know, I was about to become the star of my own medical drama. As soon as I stepped through the door, I was greeted with a rather unexpected welcome. “You’re the bachur with the vitamin D saga?” the receptionist exclaimed, her eyes widening in disbelief. And that was just the beginning. “People collapse suddenly because of a vitamin D overdose; there are plenty of stories,” one of the people in the waiting room cautioned me, his tone grave. Throughout my visit, it seemed like everyone I encountered couldn’t resist commenting on my unique mess. “You’re lucky you’re alive!” they exclaimed, shaking their heads in astonishment.“You were mamash poisoned.” In the doctor’s office, I finally got to see the lab numbers for myself: A whopping 118! A normal vitamin D reading is in the range of 30, and my earlier test before I started supplementing mere weeks earlier had shown a measly level of 13. Every doctor I later shared this tidbit of information with was left openmouthed. 54

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Finally, sitting in Dr. Stein’s office, I found myself tongue-tied, unable to articulate my concerns as he delved into a discussion about a second concern he had— my hemoglobin levels. My mind raced with possibilities, wondering if perhaps this was related to the liver issues one of the yeshivah staff members had mentioned earlier. But Dr. Stein corrected me, explaining that blood production is actually rooted in the marrow of the bones. I turned to Dr. Stein for support. “What now?” I asked, my voice unsteady. His response was reassuring. “If you made it until here, you’ll continue making it. Let’s be in touch after Shabbos.” But as the days passed, my condition failed to improve. During a wedding celebration in Bnei Brak, I aroused attention, prompting concern from those around me. In the middle of dancing, my former mashgiach pulled me aside, offering food and drink in an effort to boost my strength. Politely declining, I assured him that I was already taking

AND BEFORE I WAS ABLE TO PROCESS WHAT WAS HAPPENING, HE DROPPED THE BOMBSHELL: “DO YOU REALIZE HOW MUCH VITAMIN D YOU HAVE IN YOUR SYSTEM? YOU’RE PRACTICALLY POISONED!”

care of myself. At least, I thought I was. I decided to follow up with Dr. Stein’s office, hoping for some clarity. When I reached the secretary, she delivered the news with a sense of urgency. My blood count wasn’t looking too good, she explained, and further tests were needed to rule out internal bleeding. Anxiously, she pressed me once more, “Do you feel anything out of the ordinary?” With the secretary’s instructions ringing in my ears, I wasted no time in taking action. Right then and there, I jotted down the directive: another blood test a week from the previous one, along with a chest X-ray and an ultrasound. I immediately ordered all the necessary tests, scheduling the X-ray appointment and booking the ultrasound without hesitation. Yet, even with my proactive approach, I hit a snag when I discovered the ultrasound office had already closed by the time I obtained the necessary code. Undeterred, I found myself back in yeshivah the next

day, where my fellow yeshivah-mates were already deeply engrossed in the unfolding medical saga. It seemed that my situation had become a topic of collective concern, with everyone offering their support and assistance in any way they could. Thanks to the unwavering support of my yeshivah companions and the staff, I didn’t have to shoulder this burden alone. With their encouragement and support, I felt reassured, spared from the need to worry my parents, who were overseas, with the weight of my concerns. But there was still the ultrasound to be taken care of. The process for scheduling an appointment dragged on forever, with confusion mounting as I tried to determine whether it was for an upper or lower examination. After what felt like an eternity, I finally reached out to the doctor’s office, desperate for clarification. But of course, things couldn’t be straightforward. When I called back, a different secretary answered, and I found myself dealing with a mix-up involving a code. I kept asking if it was

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MEDICAL SAGA

that important, only to be met with assurances to just go ahead and make the appointment. Eventually, I managed to secure the elusive code, but the appointment wasn’t for another month from that day. Dr. Stein’s secretary provided me with the number of an Ezer Mizion (medical advocacy) representative, urging me to share my case with them and hopefully get an appointment sooner. I nearly broke down when I reached the Ezer Mizion askan. “A few months ago, I was healthy like you,” I told him. And when “Hineni rofeh lach” began playing on the line when I was placed on hold, the tears came unabashedly. That Thursday night, I was back at the doctor. While sitting in the waiting room, the secretary informed me that the results of my second blood test had arrived. A yungerman who works in the yeshivah happened to be present in the waiting room and I asked him if he could explain the results to me. My iron levels were alarmingly low at 8. The yungerman, who had undergone a personal experience with cancer, said hesitantly, “I don’t want to worry you, but…” In the midst of my wait, the secretary interrupted to inform me that the doctor was currently on the phone regarding my case. After half an hour passed, she handed me a paper. “On Sunday at eight in the morning, please go to Hadassah. You’ll meet with Dr. Feingold there. Dr. Stein has already spoken to him,” she explained. Confused, I inquired about the ultrasound. “Should I tell my parents?” I added. “First, go to the hospital,” she advised. “Wait until Sunday night to inform your parents.” Concerned, I asked, “Do I need to worry?” She hesitated, then replied, “A little.” The yungerman also seemed uncertain and mentioned some unsettling words that I preferred not to hear. I left the doctor’s office feeling completely drained. To his credit, Reb Shmuel—whom I had since updated— extended an invitation for me to join him at his home, conveniently located near Dr. Stein’s office. He served me cholent and reassured me as much as he could, drawing from his own experiences with a family member who had experienced a medical crisis. “Yitzy,” Reb Shmuel assured me before I left his home well after midnight, “I’m coming with you on Sunday morning at seven. I’ll be there for you, and we’ll go together.” 56

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Sunday morning couldn’t come fast enough. I counted the hours to the appointment, both anticipating the moment of clarity while also dreading it deeply. Entering the hematology department was a nightmare in its own right. In my own pale skin, seeing patients milling around looking sickly, many of them wearing caps to cover their bald heads, I was gripped in fear. Baruch Hashem, the hematologist was kind, reassuring, and extremely professional. She reviewed my lab work thoroughly, looking for chemicals and proteins in the blood that might indicate cancer. I breathed a sigh of relief when she noted that the blood cell levels looked good to her. Later, I heard her tell a colleague that fortunately, it was not what the other doctor had suspected. The immense relief we experienced upon getting the official confirmation was overwhelming. How blessed I felt. How free! Thankfully, it wasn’t cancer, but the uncertainty of the diagnosis still lingered. After much contemplation and further testing, the medical team discovered that the issue lay with the original culprit—vitamin D, which was significantly impeding iron absorption to an alarming extent. Vitamin D plays a crucial role in the body’s ability to absorb various nutrients, including iron. A deficiency or overabundance in vitamin D can halt absorption of iron, which is essential for the production of healthy red blood cells. Thankfully, with biweekly iron infusions, I’ve been regaining my strength and replenishing my blood count. Who would have imagined that adjusting the dosage of a seemingly harmless vitamin could disrupt one’s well-being so significantly? Among many other takeaways of my saga—such as about the value of kindness—my journey has taught me how intricately Hashem has designed the body, that every aspect must be in place in order for it to function efficiently. The brachah of Asher Yatzar has taken on new meaning for me, one that I hope to keep in mind for the rest of my life.

$99.00

SAMPLE

SAMPLE By Libby Silberman and Shiffy Friedman

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Fascinating Survey!

What Makes Me Feel Pesach Most? When we sit down to the regally set Seder table glistening with silver and crystal, testimony to untold hours of hard work—physical, mental, and emotional—we are obligated to envision ourselves as though we just left Mitzrayim, and rejoice, as if we were personally just released from an excruciating 210 years of slavery. How do we tap into that feeling of cheirus? Is it the hard work in the weeks and months leading up to Pesach that helps us sense that “finish-line freedom” that Pesach heralds? Is it the resplendence of our Seder table, and the delicious foods on the menu? Do we feel more “free” when we’re hosted (no cooking and cleaning to do!), or when we look around our own table and marvel at how worthy our investment has been? Or perhaps it’s something else, a more internal element that dictates how much of the redemption theme resonates with us on this exalted night? This was the question that percolated in our mind here at Sample: Which factor most determines how much of the cheirus we feel on Pesach? To find out, we got to work at compiling the following survey. We presented the questions to over one hundred women from around the globe, and they graciously took the time—during their pre-Pesach busyness—to reply about various factors regarding their preparation, their actual Yom Tov, and the factors they feel contribute most to their sense of cheirus when Pesach finally arrives. In this article, you’ll get a glimpse into the stats and responses to the survey. You probably won’t find the final results astounding—because we all intuitively know where the root for all positive emotions lies, but you’ll definitely come away with some powerful insights from many inspiring respondents regarding making Pesach come more alive for yourself, as well.

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The Respondents

SAMPLE

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

Age

Meet Some of Our Respondents

5% 10% 50+ 18-24

Rikki, 23 Lakewood 1 child, age 11 months

45% 39-49

Sara, 35 45% 25-38

Williamsburg 6 kids, ages 1–14 Chana, 25 Toms River 3 kids, ages 8 months–4 years

Location

Esther, 31 Monsey 6 kids, ages newborn–11 Basya, 40

62% US

1% Europe

Monsey 8 kids, ages 2–18 Baila, 28 Lakewood

1% Other

Not yet married 36% Eretz Yisrael

Rochel, 39 Linden 10 kids, ages 1–19

Family size

Lali, 29 Yerushalayim 2 kids, ages 3 and 5

2% 13+ Kids 30% 0-4 Kids

Zissy, 56 Boro Park 9 kids, ages 20–36

20% 9-12 Kids

Breina, 32 Kew Garden Hills 48% 5-8 Kids

5 kids, ages 0-9 Maya, 44 Cedarhurst 4 kids, ages 10-22

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The Cleaning Process

SAMPLE

When do you start cleaning for Pesach? The week of Pesach

I live in a small apartment with young kids so it’s futile to start early. I switch over to non-chametz snacks in Nissan and clean my entire house within a week or two.

Chanukah Time 10%

35% Rosh Chodesh Nissan

10%

I keep pushing it off. Pesach cleaning doesn’t happen until it must!

20% Tu B'shevat Time

Since we’re not home for Pesach, I just do a basic clean-up and disposal of all chametz from the kitchen, so one week suffices. I do my spring cleaning over the winter, but I don’t see it as Pesach cleaning at all.

25% Right After Purim

Any spring cleaning has to happen before Rosh Chodesh Nissan or not at all, because after that, it’s only Pesach cleaning!

From what age did/do you expect your children to help you? My kids don’t 5%

help me. They’ll have their turn once they get married iy”H.

Age 11–13

25% Age 8–10

16% Age 5–7

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8% Age 13+

35% I can make my three-year-old useful!

2% N/A

What kind of help do you find most helpful from your juniors?

How do you encourage your kids to help you?

If they keep busy, I’m happy.

They earn a dollar per hour that they help me, and Erev Pesach we go to the bookstore and buy books for Yom Tov with the money they earned.

I like it when they’re around to pass me things me and put things where I ask them to.

Endless compliments! When they go to sleep on time so I can work undisturbed in the evening. If they clean after themselves and stay out of trouble, I’m happy. I force myself to give my kids little jobs that involve brandishing a spray bottle and rag because it makes them feel so important, but really, it’s hard to let go and see them mess things up in their process of “cleaning.” My kids are the best at cleaning the toys and games. There’s a wreck to clean when they finish, but it’s worth it. Unpacking cabinets and washing them down. All that stays for me to do is put the items back inside neatly. My kids can clean stuff I’m planning on selling anyway… I make them sort and clean their own drawers and schoolbags. They’re great at washing walls and other low places. Having them entertain their younger siblings. I had my girls clean their own rooms and drawers. They know best what they need and what they don’t. Closer to Pesach, I have them help in the kitchen. My girls have been a huge help there, prepping loads of cakes and desserts, and even mains as they got older. I let them spray the windows, doors, and other furniture. Just playing with a shmatte is helpful, as long as they let me get things done. We have so much fun with music on!

By working together with me. Special mommy time is so exciting! By giving them jobs they want, think mess and water. I treat them to iced coffee or pizza after a day’s work. I try to make the atmosphere positive and exciting. I run a “camp” for my girls with activities involving chores, such as races of who can finish first and treasure hunts (I hide money or chocolate in the closets they are cleaning). The kids have charts from school, so they’re motivated to help at home. My kids don’t need prodding. The sight of a bucket with soapy water, rubber gloves, and some rags is the most exciting incentive. I reward my girls with jewelry for Yom Tov after helping for weeks. Sending mitzvah notes to school :) Once my teenagers are off from school, I let them go out with their friends and earn money helping other families so they can make the most out of their vacation—but I also “book” them to be available for specific times and tasks where I’ll need their help. They appreciate the balance. The best part with recruiting my kids for help in the kitchen is that they need no incentive at all. They love having fun and then tasting the amazing results of their work. Regarding other chores, such as when I send them on errands, I often tell them to get themselves a treat while they’re at it. I keep expressing my appreciation to them even when I feel like they could have done a better/more thorough job. Positive reinforcement keeps everyone going!

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

The Cleaning Process

SAMPLE

What’s your approach regarding cleaning the toys? 30% Soak them in the bath with the kids, what fun!

11% 30%

11%

35% The washing machine does most of the job. 13% I wash every individual magna tile with a shmatte.

13%

11% I sell the toys as is. 11% I scan the games and toys for actual chametz and then sell the closet.

35%

What’s your approach regarding cleaning the kitchen appliances?

40% Toothpicks are my hero. 40% 54%

4% Spray up with Windex so it’s not ra’u le’achilas kelev 2% I sell it—why clean it?

4% 2%

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

54% I clean it as I normally do after the last time I use it.

Where do you eat on Shabbos Hagadol? 17% In the dining room with homemade challah. What’s the big deal? How long does it take to get the place in order? 41% In the kitchen, using plastic dishes.

17% 32%

10% At a hotel or place that offers catered meals. 32% Only the adults eat a kezayis of challah, leaning over the hallway sink or outdoors.

10%

41%

It depends when Pesach starts. If it starts at the end of the week, I am way more chilled with chametz in the dining room on Shabbos Hagadol. My Pesach mantra is, “I am makpid on bein adam lechaveiro!” My husband and children (and myself) don’t have to suffer through a stressful Shabbos because I’m worrying about nonexistent flyaway crumbs! By Shabbos Hagadol our house is basically in Pesach mode, so bringing in chametz would just be too stressful for me. Thankfully there’s a simchah hall close by that caters meals on Shabbos Hagadol so that works perfectly for our family. I try getting non-crumbly bread like pita for the children on Shabbos Hagadol.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

The Pesach Locale

SAMPLE

Where do you usually spend Pesach?

What are the benefits to where you celebrate Yom Tov? We finally get to spend quality time with family! My kids get to see their Zeidy in action. I’m so happy to witness mesorah being passed down in such a fun and interactive way. I’m a guest. No stressing about meals and cleanup. Staying home makes for the coziest family time. There’s nothing better than that.

38% At our parents/in-laws (for parts of the Yom Tov or all of it) 19% Home, with our nuclear family

I love spending time with my own family without worrying about everyone else’s preferences and schedules.

28% Home, hosting family and friends

We have no other option but stay home— there’s no debate about it.

6% At our married children

My kids get to know their cousins.

5% At other family members (such as siblings) 2% At a hotel 2% Other

Family is everything! My children get so much more attention at home from my husband and me. Being in a hotel makes us less lonely. There’s a nice atmosphere with good company and entertainment. I get to enjoy my children and grandchildren. Seder with my siblings and their families means we all share the meal planning, cooking, and preparing items for the Seder plate, and no one is responsible for everything. Since I’m currently divorced, it’s nice for my kids to have a father figure at the Seder table—my own father—while still being with their mommy. That usually doesn’t happen during the year when it’s generally either/or.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

What is one unique challenge that comes along with your Pesach arrangements? We have to take a (seemingly endless) transatlantic flight to spend time with our families. We have to put up with a lot of other people and share space. We don’t get to choose the schedule, the menus, the trips, and even the air-conditioning settings. The expense! I can’t think of one downside of staying home except having to clean. The minute I leave my house, it’s not a vacation. For me, it becomes downright stressful. Staying home means my children don’t get to see their grandparents conducting a Seder. It’s lots and lots of work to make Pesach—one long chain of tedious work. Since I’m not yet married and some of my married siblings (some of them younger than me), move in for the entire Yom Tov, I sometimes feel very pained by my reality. Being in the constant company of other families can get hectic, noisy, and messy. Spending too much time in close quarters with my in-laws… We have such nachas when our couples get together under one roof, in our home, but it also highlights the various challenges some of them struggle with. One of our couples has not yet been blessed with children, another has a child with special needs, and a third has a stressful marriage. They each have their own pekeleh, but seeing their pain up close, especially when they get a better glimpse of their siblings’ gifts (they don’t see everything!), brings

up a lump in my throat every now and then. It gets hectic with hosting a few couples at a time, arranging who comes when, making sure everyone feels comfortable and has their space, keeping the place in order with so many kids around, and finding the balance between helping my daughters and daughters-in-law while not running myself ragged. My husband doesn’t have the best relationship with my mother and while all year long they manage to keep things cordial (with me doing lots of work behind the scenes!), when it comes to Yom Tov, things do get sticky. My mother is very critical of his parenting and his general demeanor, and she makes sure to let it be known. I end up having to be the “monkey in the middle” more often than I’d like, and I silently wonder how being together with family works for everyone else. To me, this is the opposite of simchas Yom Tov and that’s very painful. My main pain is in the wishing things would be different and knowing that, b’derech hateva, they never will. Traveling by bus to our family in another city on Erev Pesach afternoon with all our luggage—plus food and matzos—can be a little stressful. While I thoroughly love the time when my kids are with me—which is for one half of the Yom Tov, I find it very challenging during the other half—when they’re with their father, especially because I stay by my parents and am surrounded by other married couples and their kids. Some moments really feel unbearable. Being under one roof for several days with various different family members who are rather difficult to live with—the personality clashes,

uncomfortable dynamics, and so on. When certain family members get together, the conversations often go in directions that I don’t especially appreciate, especially lashon hara and petty talk. My father was niftar during COVID and somehow, on Seder night, we feel his absence most acutely. When the family gathers together and he’s not sitting there on his recliner, the void is very stark, and very painful. It’s painful for me to be with my sister, who’s a single mother and struggling with her Yiddishkeit. I see so much pain in her daughter’s eyes and I wish I can help her, but so much is out of my control... My parents keep hosting us every year because that’s the thing to do in our community, but honestly they have no patience for the mess and noise at this stage in their life. They’re too young to go to their kids just yet, and it’s stressful to have to keep shushing up my very active bunch and monitoring their every move. Two of my five children have ADHD—one of them was recently diagnosed—and it’s hard for me to keep getting parenting advice and other comments from well-meaning siblings and parents when I know that some things just don’t work with these kids. One of my sisters-in-law has a serious tact/sensitivity issue and I try to stay out of her zone all year long. When Pesach comes around, as much as I’ve tried, there’s no avoiding her. Especially because I have a lot more going for me than she does, ka”h, I loathe being in her vicinity and the object of her envy. It’s tough!

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

The Pesach Locale

SAMPLE

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

How do you deal with this challenge? I try to make the plane trip bearable by packing lots of food and activities for the kids. I start cleaning for Pesach early, by working on Pesach jobs for only ten minutes a day, starting from around Chanukah. I try to grin and bear it, remembering that squishy quarters and schedule discomforts are only temporary, while family is forever. I wish I’d be better at dealing with it, but very often I just go out with other single friends to air out and get my space. I keep reminding myself that family is a blessing even if it doesn’t always feel that way. I try to focus on the positive aspects of Yom Tov rather than getting sucked up in resentment. I work on being grateful for my nuclear family and try not think about what it would be like to be with extended family. I kvetch! I hire as much help as I can afford. We set up a system where each sibling (and their kids) is in charge of another meal—setting the table, serving, clearing off. When the boundaries are clearer, it’s easier for everyone to give a hand without feeling taken advantage of. I try having plenty of fun in a way that works for our family, like picnics and outings on Chol Hamoed. I like to talk (and vent!) to friends who are in the same boat, cooking,

cleaning, and caring for kids on repeat. I try to go out with my husband for a walk once a day, even just for ten minutes, to keep us connected when it’s so incredibly hectic. I remind myself that I am so lucky that these are my challenges— healthy issues born of blessing. I try to find solutions for each challenge; sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t. I also make sure that every afternoon on Yom Tov, after the meal, I give myself some time alone in my room upstairs. Whether I’m reading, napping, saying Tehillim, or just relaxing, I need this space to refresh myself. In regard to the couples and the different dynamics that come up, by now I know which families work best together and we try to arrange to have it that way for the meals and move-ins. Of course, the secret to all success is tefillah—that everyone should experience a simchas Yom Tov in our home. I work on accepting that there are no schedules, and it is what it is. After Pesach, I aim to take a short vacation or get a day’s sleep to make up for all of it. We try to pack as compactly and, ideally, as early as possible to avoid a last-minute rush for the bus. But most years, it still ends up being a yetzias Mitzrayim! In my moments of intense loneliness when I miss my kids terribly and feel sorry for my single-mother state, I often just go to my room to get a good cry. I talk to Hashem in my own words and ask Him to help me get through this. I also try to distract myself with reading huge stacks of magazines and helping my mother with the serving and wash-

ing dishes. I thank Hashem that I don’t have to live with these people all year long! Years ago, we printed beautiful cards for our Pesach table that read, “This table is free of chameitz and lashon hara.” Having that visual reminder before our eyes really helps the situation and allows for more quality discussions. Although I love serving in glass and china, I’ve gotten accustomed to helping myself as much as possible so that I don’t get burned out from hostessing all Yom Tov long. I stock up on beautiful disposable dishes and Decorizers in all sizes and shapes, and that really enables me to get the cleanup done much faster. When the going gets tough, I remind myself that these are Hashem’s children, and that I’m doing my very best as their parent. I find myself getting more tense and upset with them than I do at home, and I just have to keep encouraging myself that I’m human too and that I’m doing my best in the given circumstances. I try to avoid this sister-in-law as much as possible and to stay out of her zone. When she does make a biting comment, I bite my lips really hard. I try to go for walks with my husband after meals and at times when I don’t need to sit around and be in my in-laws’ home with her. I make sure to have a good talk with my incredible mentor right before and after—and sometimes during—Yom Tov. She gives me the chizuk I’m desperate for and keeps inspiring me to put my marriage first. She’s Hashem’s gift to me.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

Feeling the Pesach Experience

SAMPLE

What are your thoughts and feelings as you sit down to the Seder?

Which aspect of Pesach inspires you most? How do you keep the inspiration going? The thought of the korban Pesach in Yerushalayim in the days of the Beis Hamikdash. When my young kids speak about the details of the experience with such passion and yearning, it feels so real to them, and I try keeping my imagination young like that, too.

58% I did it! I’m so proud, satisfied, and filled with joy. 12% Finally. The moment couldn’t have come a moment too soon. The Erev Yom Tov “slavery” really helps me relate to the Jews in ancient Egypt before their miraculous liberation. 6% No thoughts at all. 11% I’m tired. 8% I’m so lucky and grateful to be a Yid. 4% I wish I would feel more of the Yom Tov in my bones!

Family time. The memories last all year long. That we invest so much effort into a Yom Tov that spans one week— just because Hashem said so. The Seder! The relaxation that comes after so much hard work. The Seder night. Most years, I buy myself a new English Haggadah and read inspiring divrei Torah on Erev Pesach and at the Seder itself.

2% Other

Observation: No significant correlation was observed between when respondents started to clean for Pesach, where they would be spending it, and what their thoughts are once they’re at the Seder. Another indicator that our thought process and feelings aren’t that dependent on external circumstances. 70

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I take comfort and inspiration from the knowledge that Hashem took the Yidden out of Mitzrayim at a time when they were entrenched in their slavery and saw no end to their pain. Hashem will end this galus as well, very, very soon. Hashem chose us as His nation. It’s the ultimate self-esteem boost.

What’s one positive thought or thing you do to really feel the geulah on Pesach? I think of how beautiful and incredible the concept of mesorah is.

I think of the patterns of galus and geulah throughout the generations of our history. I tell myself it has to be real somewhere down the line.

The simple menu. I try to take it easy so I can feel the freedom. I love it that Pesach is in the spring, when we actually feel the sense of renewal in our bones. The beautiful weather and fresh colors outside really impact my mood and put me in a hopeful, positive place. My husband shares beautiful divrei Torah at the Seder. I hold onto them for the next few days, pondering the beauty. The simchah of preparation for Yom Tov. In my own childhood, Erev Yom Tov was stressful, but now that I have a home of my own, I made that switch for the sake of my children, who are finding Yom Tov delightful and exciting. That gives me such chizuk! Sadly, I have no time for inspiration. I am constantly so busy juggling the work-life balance. I like hearing or reading stories and insights that give chizuk and remind me about what Pesach is all about, and then discussing them with my kids. That makes it more meaningful for all of us. I’m most inspired at our own Seder table, which is comprised of my husband and my own young kids. I don’t have the best memories of my childhood Seder table growing up—lots of tension, rushing, and friction— so sitting at my own Seder and seeing the beautiful experience my children are getting fills my heart with so much joy and brings tears to my eyes. It inspires me that things could be different, that we as parents have a koach to give our children such a gift…

I tell myself that we can all experience our own geulah. We all get dressed in our finest clothes for Seder night, although everyone is beyond exhausted. It makes us feel royal and special. No work on Chol Hamoed feels like freedom! I buy new clothes for the kids and myself, and that makes us all feel special. We set up the Shabbos clock so the lights go off around the time that we recite Nishmas at the Seder. The room is dark, lit only by candles, and we all belt it out together. It’s a surreal experience. When I find myself getting dragged down with negative thoughts and going into complaint mode (Why aren’t they helping more?), reminding myself of my many gifts and choosing to focus on them really liberates me from that trapped place. Having a clean home and beautiful sparkling table makes me feel pure and liberated inside. We utilize the time of Vanitzak in the Haggadah to shout out our requests at the top of our lungs. There’s a sense of salvation in the room. Baruch Hashem, we’ve seen how many of our authentic tefillos at that time have been fulfilled over the years. On Shvi’i shel Pesach, after the evening seudah, we all dress up in robes and head-coverings, carry walking sticks, and place matzos on our shoulders, and we walk together around the table, reciting Az Yashir out loud. It’s a very special and joyous experience and helps us imagine ourselves leaving Mitzrayim and walking through the Yam Suf. I feel my own personal geulah when I observe how the patterns in my own family are healthy, which enables my children—and myself—to experience a true simchas Yom Tov.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

The Correlation

SAMPLE

Do you find a correlation between when you start to clean and how you feel once Pesach comes in?

I do only chametz cleaning. Says who that you have to get stressed out and wrung out over dusting and spring cleaning before Pesach? With that aside, I can focus on cooking and even on the spiritual side of the chag. For me, the cooking is the greatest mountain to cross. Being able to start cooking early enables me to come into Yom Tov with a fully stocked freezer. Once I see the freezer filling up, I relax. Of course, I can only start cooking once cleaning is out of the way. I try hard to be besimchah and experience less stress. That involves looking away from dust and organizing, and not starting too early.

40% Yes 60% No

I start early in order to get to Pesach with calmness. If I leave too much for the last minute, I get stressed out and feel like a shmatte. I feel calmer and more present when coming into Yom Tov calmly, regardless of when the process started. I shop for my kids’ clothing early and try not to step into a clothing/shoe store after Rosh Chodesh Nissan if I can help it. I try to do decluttering and organizing only before Purim. After that, it’s strictly Pesach cleaning. I do really well under last-minute adrenaline, when we get lots done.

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I find it reduces stress when I manage to get the non-cleaning tasks—like making lists, clothes and shoe shopping, purchasing food and supplies, toiveling new dishes, and haircuts—out of the way early, because it’s too intense do deal with those things at the same time as changing over the kitchen. There have been years when I started cleaning earlier, probably only due to internal pressure from my Hungarian lineage that was reminding me, “This is what balabustas do!” When I was honest with myself, however, I realized how this caused the opposite effect. Instead of making me calmer, I was more anxious. I became more rigid with the kids, getting worked up if they entered the rooms with food or brought a toy or game to the kitchen. I really didn’t like what it was doing to me and the atmosphere in our home. Based on my own personality, work schedule, and parenting style, I have come to the conclusion (really sorry, bubbies), that it’s when I start later, basically after Purim, that I come to Pesach in a much better state. I know how to work fast, especially with cheerful music on, and things really get done in a smoother, funner way. Once they’re off from school, the kids are excited to chip in as well and we turn the preparation into a fun family project.

Do you find a correlation between where you spend Pesach and how strongly you feel the essence of the Yom Tov?

Of course! Even now that I’m married, I love being at my father’s Seder table most as it connects me most deeply to our mesorah and brings back all those beautiful childhood memories. Even if it’s physically harder to prepare Yom Tov than to be hosted, I somehow experience more of the Pesach cheirus feel when I’m in my own space. Being with family is such fun, but I end up spending lots of time just shmoozing, while when I’m at home with the kids, I have more time to be in the mental space of appreciating the Yom Tov. As someone who’s been to hotels several times, the seemingly ironic truth for me is that I feel the regal experience more when I’m in my own home.

39% No 61% Yes

For the past few years, we’ve been renting a big house to spend Yom Tov together with our married kids. I find that having all that space for the kids to run around and connect, and everyone feeling like a guest, really enhances the Pesach experience. If I’d have to choose where to spend the first days of Pesach every year, it would be at my inlaws. They run their home in a very regal way, with everyone exhibiting a lot of respect for one another. My father-in-law conducts himself with such dignity, while still being flexible with each grandchild and giving each of them a chance to feel noticed and appreciated. Sitting at their Seder really puts me into Pesach mode. Since I got married in my upper twenties, I got to spend Pesach in many different locales— my own parents’ home, at my siblings, family friends, and even at hotels. While the atmosphere in each place certainly had an impact on me, the strongest defining factor was my own mood and preparation for the Yom Tov, and I find that to be true until today. It’s not where we are in body, but where we are in our mind and heart. Observation: The majority of respondents who chose “yes” explained that it isn’t the actual place that makes the difference, such as the decor, luxuriousness, etc., as much as the atmosphere of the place they’re in.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

The Correlation

SAMPLE

From past experiences, which factors most helped you experience the richness of Pesach? How much the leader of the Seder interacts with the attendees.

When my mood has been positive, our Pesach experience has always been amazing.

Good food! Not stressing over prepping fancy meals. Simple and tasty is the best. Learning from others as well as learning new ideas on the Haggadah. Tuning into the moment instead of running from one task to the next. Going with the flow, whether it’s cooking, cleaning, trips, and even tantrums. Spending time with family. Reading about Pesach and taking extra time to focus on davening. Listening to shiurim before Pesach, as well as focusing on the people around me rather than the chumros around me. “Owning” my Pesach by deciding where to cut corners and where to go all out. Cleaning my home. The years when my cleaning help was most reliable made the greatest difference to me.

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

Coming in calm and prepared really enriches my Yom Tov.

Comments When my focus and time isn’t totally consumed by the work in the kitchen, I can focus positively on others. I therefore choose to skip the patchke and go for the people. When I lower my expectations and focus on enjoying the moment, I end up enjoying Pesach so much more. When you’re busy with little kids, it’s easy to let the Yom Tov go right over your head. Prepping for it and reading about it makes you more aware and tuned in. There is so much satisfaction in working toward a goal yourself. Lowered expectations and increased tolerance of being out of my comfort zone are two game-changers in being happy spending Yom Tov with my in-laws.

Are there specific things you’ve let go of over the years in order to feel calmer once Pesach comes in?

If yes, what are they? Spring cleaning bedroom closets. Every year I drop another spring-cleaning project. I only clean once I’m ready to get rid of the chametz in the kitchen.

13% No

I organize the playroom every July instead of before Pesach. I don’t even think of trying out fancy recipes. I prepare only what is tried and tested and what I know my kids will like. 87% Yes

I clean less and sell more. I don’t buy new clothing for Yom Tov. Takes off so much stress! I do summer wardrobe shopping right after Pesach. Contrary to popular misconception, there are still items to be found. Maybe I won’t always get my first choice, but the price to pay for having that is too high for me. I make only simple foods and don’t clean what gets sold anyway. I stopped cleaning the outside of the windows. I have too many of them and there definitely isn’t chametz out there. I stopped making desserts and cakes. It’s only one week, we can live without them. I finally figured out which chumros are “homemade” and cut them out. They only cause stress. We’ve stopped turning Chol Hamoed into a trip-week. We don’t do trips that are out of our zip code. Too much stress. We stay within city limits and visit whatever attractions there are. My kids don’t like it, but this is something I feel strongly about and had to change.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

SAMPLE

The Correlation

In an overall view of the preparations and the actual Yom Tov of Pesach, what gives you the greatest sense of cheirus? 5% Other

4% Not having to serve or clean

15% Having a clean home

76% A calm, not stressed-out environment

Being in a calm place is the real freedom— freedom of the mind. When everything is done and in order, I feel calm. Staying relaxed helps me feel the cheirus most. It brings me a sense of freedom to know that we can make choices. Letting go of fantasy, visions that don’t work in reality, and high expectations brings me sense of cheirus. It’s all about letting go, relaxing into the not knowing, into possibility. That’s what affects the mood and the energy in the house. When I come into the Yom Tov knowing that we have a way to cover our skyrocketing bills, I can enjoy the spirit of Pesach. When we’re tight financially or in debt, I feel, to put it aptly, enslaved. It’s a very constricting experience. At the end of the day, with all the help in the 76

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world and even being wined and dined, if I’m not feeling calm inside and I’m not feeling connected to my husband and children, there’s no way—just no way— I’m feeling that sense of cheirus. I love the feeling of waking up on the first morning of Pesach and feeling the calmness after those intense, adrenaline-driven days leading up to Seder night. No lists, no cleaning, no cooking. We can just enjoy Yom Tov—and that’s freedom! As much as I’d love to scrub and organize every inch of my home before Pesach, if I can’t, I just don’t, and I’m calm about it. As for Pesach itself, an entire week plus of not having to work is real cheirus! Additional Insights: The less busy we are with things (shopping, cleaning, or recipes), the more brain space we have for values. Shopping, cleaning, and recipes are all important, but they are not an end goal. They are a means to a spiritual end. While cleaning for Pesach, I make it a priority to clean out my heart and mind of any grudges I’ve been bearing. It gives me the greatest sense of freedom. I realized that so much energy is expended on what Yom Tov is supposed to be like. It is bound by an illusion, and when I can live with the calm and clarity of what is possible—and that includes time, money, resources, and my personality—I, and everyone around me is freed up, and so much more becomes possible. OBSERVATION: The 4% vote for “not having to cook or clean” is very telling. Sure, as human beings, most of us appreciate being taken care of. We relish the experience of being wined and dined. But how much of that contributes to actually feeling the spirit of the Yom Tov? According to this survey, not very much.

Do you find that your sense of tranquility is impacted by your level of expectations? 2% No

How do you create a positive home environment? By being able to let go of my to-do lists and just sitting around with my teens who are hardly home the rest of the year, I feel like I am building my relationship with my children. And that’s what truly counts. The atmosphere is so much more pleasant when I take the time to sit with them rather than work with them all the time. By taking the time to prepare Yom Tov activities for the kids. I try to buy props for the ten plagues, Pesach books, and a new game. I also try to listen to what the kids learned in school. I find that when I take the time to reboot on my own, the atmosphere in the house is so much calmer. Yom Tov involves tons of work, and especially during the meals that we are hosting guests. I make sure to have lots of reading material for “me” time so I don’t get resentful.

98% Yes

By being relaxed, giving my kids attention, and making our home a welcoming and laid-back place to be. I also find it important to make sure there’s plenty of food available because hungry and cranky kids do not a positive environment make! By working on my middos and being a positive person to be around. No one will notice whether the house is neat or flying on Shabbos Chol Hamoed or remember what I served for dessert, but everyone will be impacted by my mood.

For years, I’d been resentful that being with extended family wasn’t giving me the Simchas Yom Tov I wished it would give me, until I realized that either we would have to stop going to my parents or accept that some things will never change… This one’s a no-brainer. The less we expect, the less we set ourselves up for disappointment. OBSERVATION: This whopping statistic says it all. At the end of the day, it all boils down to expectations—of ourselves, of others, of how the Yom Tov should look, and more. What a powerful reminder to invest in our thought processes. The less we expect, the less we set ourselves up for disappointment, which is certainly a sure ticket toward feeling the antithesis of the Pesach spirit.

Findings So many different voices, so many different approaches—and still, one underlying theme beneath it all: The experience of cheirus is primarily internal. Whether respondents choose to start cleaning Chanukah time or Rosh Chodesh Nissan, whether they’re hosting or are being hosted, and regardless of their family size, the results of this survey indicate that what ultimately determines how much of Pesach we feel in our bones is the internal avodah. What do I do to bring myself into the cheirus mindspace? How ready am I to let go of expectations? How much am I investing in connecting to the spirit of the day? So yes, it seems that, as always, the ball’s in our court. Let’s roll up those sleeves and get to work … this time, on creating a liberating inner landscape. Enjoy the work— and the liberating results, that will leave you feeling like the queen that you are on Pesach and beyond.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

CUP OF TEA

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

Cup of Tea with

Shlomtzy Weisz Shlomtzy Weisz

LOCATION: Boro Park, Brooklyn FAMILY: Two married daughters, four grandchildren ka”h OCCUPATION: Practices hypnosis and presents workshops and lectures; runs an inspiration hotline

PASSION: Mindful living, Mitzvah Minute hotline, spreading awareness about the thirteen ikrei emunah

SHE WISHES PEOPLE WOULD KNOW: It’s simple to learn tools to process difficult emotions and achieve ongoing resilience.

By Roizy Baum WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

CUP OF TEA

n my first conversation with renowned teacher and hypnotist Rebbetzin Shlomtzy Weisz, I was struck immediately by her authenticity. “Maybe,” she suggested, “you’d like to interview one of my clients who lost a lot of weight in four weeks? And perhaps one woman that I discouraged from trying the treatment after one session because I didn’t feel hypnosis would help her.” While certainly a devoted enthusiast of hypnosis, Shlomtzy is upfront about its limitations in helping every problem (see sidebar), despite it being strongly rooted in science.

Shlomtzy is an experienced Torah teacher and public speaker, and our conversation naturally evolves into a fascinating exploration of insightful topics. Despite delving into rather profounds topics with her, I found Shlomtzy to be both down-to-earth and brilliant, and I thoroughly enjoyed our engaging conversation. In our discussions, I was awed by her grounded demeanor and insightful wisdom. Originally from Stamford Hill, Shlomtzy began her teaching career at the age of 18, touching hearts and inspiring students with her breadth of knowledge and care for each individual. Shlomtzy, who now lives in Brooklyn, shares, “I’ve been teaching Judaic studies for 35 years and doing public speaking, both locally and abroad. For a long time, my fundamental go-to spiritual guide/therapist/regulator

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

has been the ikrei emunah, which I see as a crucial foundation to forming the mind. Looking back, I know they were a natural regulating tool for me by taking me back to the basics again and again.” Shlomtzy devised a method for contemplating the 13 Ani Maamins in just one minute and 35 seconds. She also developed a series of 60 interactive workshops aimed at exploring the emotional and psychological application of these profound concepts of emunah. A book detailing her insights and techniques is slated to be published soon. In her emunah workshops, Shlomtzy passionately teaches what she calls the “B&B (Birthday and Bleach) Principle.” “In a nutshell,” she explains, “the principle highlights that whatever existed before us will not change just to accom-

modate wishful thinking. Since only the Creator of our lives was there before us, He gets to create the rules and we live by them, which inevitably leads to ultimate bliss.”

there a way to help people by teaching them a skill that they could incorporate as part of their inner chatter, and then draw upon this skill whenever they would need it?

From Teaching to Healing As an empathetic and caring teacher, Shlomtzy sought the optimal outcomes for her students, prioritizing their well-being above all else. “When I felt I needed a change in career from high school teaching,” Shlomtzy says, “I wanted to do something that would help high school girls—and all women—regulate themselves and have an easily accessible tool to facilitate a self-concept that would open them up to achieve their goals.” She found herself wondering—and then exploring: Was

During this exploration phase, one encounter left a lasting impression on Shlomtzy. She met a postpartum woman whose emotional state was so unstable that her husband was hesitant to entrust their child in her care. However, a few months later, Shlomtzy heard that the woman had made a remarkable recovery. Upon inquiry, she learned that hypnosis had played a pivotal role in the woman’s turnaround. The impact of this experience led that woman to become a hypnotist herself. “This really spoke to me,” says Shlomtzy. “I was looking for a therapeutic tool that by definition has a limited time frame (hypnosis is adminis-

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

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tered over a 21-day period), would not leave a deep dent in the client’s pockets, and would serve as a self-healing tool at the same time.” For Shlomtzy, hypnosis ticked all the boxes. And so, soon after, she trained at North Shore Hypnosis School, ultimately receiving her license from the National Guild of Hypnosis (NGH). Imagination, Repetition, and Exercising Free Will While studying hypnosis, Shlomtzy was grateful for her proper grounding in the Tanya. “Sefer HaTanya explores and teaches the kochos hanefesh hidden in the neshamah,” she explains, “and hypnosis actually accesses these powers at will.” The three most potent powers inherent in human beings are imagination, visualization, and repetition. By leveraging these through deliberate and mindful deep meditation, individuals are empowered to constantly strive toward becoming their optimal selves by removing fears and phobias that obstruct thriving. “This understanding is a continual gift from Hashem, enabling us to evolve into the best versions of ourselves besiyata diShmaya.” The mission statement in hypnosis is to get the subconscious to cooperate with the conscious brain/mind decisions. While our conscious mind is fueled by ambitions, passions, and desires for a fulfilling life, we sometimes struggle to actualize our goals. The culprit is our subconscious mind, which is not cooperating with the conscious brain. Why is this so? In general, it is because the subconscious brain somehow feels threatened. Step one is to assure the subconscious that right now it is safe. Only when it feels that way does it cooperate with the conscious brain. Shlomtzy shares a case in point, highlighting an issue for which many seek help through hypnosis: weight loss. “A woman came in, burdened by her mother’s constant refrain that she would never lose weight. Her subconscious was not ready to take the risk of rebelling against her mother. I said to her, ‘It’s not about your mother being right or wrong. The only thing that matters is what you want to do now. You are currently a self-determining individual with full free will, negotiating life as a full-fledged adult.’ 82

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“Human beings don’t want to be revisited by old, useless stuff that has long been relegated to the musty basement of our brains. All these things are in the category of trauma and triggers.”

“But,” Shlomtzy explains, “it’s not enough for the client to say, ‘I want to be thin.’ In order to do the what we need a why. The stronger the why, the easier it is to actualize the what. The subconscious doesn’t have an issue cooperating with our what as long as the why is compelling enough to convince it that this goal is indeed a better—and safe— choice. In the first session, we find a lot of whys. Through our conversations, the client realizes that she really wants much more out of life than what she’s currently getting. By opening this up for discussion, so many buried wishes and yearnings come to the fore. And while she’s talking, it is clear to both of us that she just visualized a whole new person and is drawn to make the changes to become that person.” That’s how free will and visualization are employed in the hypnosis process. How is the maximum potential of repetition exploited? In Shlomtzy’s training, she learned that the brain needs to hear the same thing at least eight times to form a new neuropathway. Similarly, in the method she was trained in, it typically takes a minimum of six sessions over 21 days to solidify changes. “This time frame of 21 days seems to hold significance,” Shlomtzy notes, “suggesting that it takes at least this long for the brain to internalize and integrate a new concept, making it an integral part of a person’s being. Interestingly, a parallel can be drawn to certain concepts in Yiddishkeit: ach—as in the pasuk in Tehillim, ‘Ach tov vechessed yirdefuni kol yemei chai…’— is the gematria of 21; there are three weeks leading up to Tishah B’Av; and in Tishrei, the Yamim Tovim are spread across 21 days.” Where does repetition come into play? “I collaborate with my clients to craft the specific sentences they wish to hear during the induction process, and they then repeatedly listen to the message, first live and then in recorded form,” Shlomtzy explains. The kind of statements Shlomtzy crafts with her clients are always in the positive, never a “Do not,” statement. “The subconscious doesn’t accept anything contradictory as an imperative command on how to cooperate. Hakadosh Baruch Hu created the world with positive commands: ‘There shall be light…’ Each command was a deliberate, brand-new activity, and that has become the framework for any kind of renewal that has occurred

since. You can’t say ‘Don’t exist’ because it contradicts life, which by definition means existing as a living organism preprogrammed to survive. Instead, we explain to the subconscious how this new behavior is a more desirable form of existence and enhances survival: ‘You must exist.’ The subconscious brain only accepts positive messages, such as, ‘You shall lose weight; you shall refrain from eating fries.’” During a session with another client who wanted to slim down, Shlomtzy vividly painted a repulsive image of fries under the induction. This imagery deeply disgusted the student, further motivating her to lose weight. When the process is done properly, clients consistently report back that they lose all desire to consume the foods they have deemed undesirable during the sessions. Frequently, when clients articulate their reasons for wanting to lose weight or enhance their confidence, their initial objectives are found to stem from deeper motivations. It often takes some exploration and introspection to uncover the true underlying desires, which can differ significantly from their initial perceptions. Is There a Need? If hypnosis is about using a power we naturally possess, why the need for a hypnotherapist? A hypnotist, Shlomtzy explains, helps identify the lack of communication between the subconscious and conscious, which the individual interprets as trauma. An incident that was painful and wasn’t processed properly gets registered as trauma in the subconscious brain and will therefore not be open to any new suggestions on how to respond differently than it knows how to. The subconscious brain is instinctive and must be gently

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Hypnosis Did Not Work for Me As shared by Shlomtzy’s client, with her encouragement I began my journey with hypnosis, and from the start, Shlomtzy’s honesty stood out—she was refreshingly candid and incredibly kind. Despite my skepticism, especially after trying countless methods for weight loss without success, I decided to give it a try. Shlomtzy’s approach was remarkable, demonstrating her genuine commitment to helping me. During the session, she guided me into a relaxed state and instructed me to focus on a single point while speaking. She also asked me a couple of questions. And then, she looked me in the eye and said, “I’m sorry, but it doesn’t look like it’ll work for you.” While the outcome may not have been what we initially hoped for, I deeply appreciated Shlomtzy’s authenticity throughout the process. The appointment was worth it for the opportunity to get to know her.

convinced to cooperate with new behaviors to achieve the same goals. “When dealing with a victim of trauma,” Shlomtzy expounds, “step one is to understand the source of the trauma.” It involves understanding that the subconscious does not differentiate between past, present, and future because it perceives a past danger as an ongoing danger, reasoning, “If I wasn’t able to stop it last time, who’s to say I can control it this time?” Therefore, its alert lights are blinking in bright red, honking and hyper-vigilant. When an individual says, “I’m traumatized,” they’re saying, “I feel like the danger is alive now.” The work in hypnosis is to convince the subconscious that what happened in the past should be relegated to the past. This gets done by a powerful hypnotic induc-

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

tion. “I have an immersive room designed in a specific way according to certain rules,” Shlomtzy says. “There is well-documented science dating back two thousand years on how to do inductions. When done right, the message the subconscious receives is that the past is in the past and now you’re safe. We need to give the subconscious enough reason to believe it is safe, by discussing it with the client and coming up with reasons. Then, the reasoning is repeated again and again. Afterward, I discuss with the client what they would like to do with their new safety. All of this constitutes one induction.” All sessions are recorded, and clients listen to them a minimum of eight times before progressing to address the next issue. Occasionally, during the induction process, memories linked to past traumas or moments of feeling

unsafe may resurface. In Our DNA Shlomtzy shares a story that proves the point. “A woman came to me in distress after experiencing a traumatic incident at a supermarket. She had parked in the wrong spot and inadvertently blocked a driveway. The owner of the supermarket became irate, tracked her down while she was shopping, and publicly humiliated her. He forced her to move her car immediately. This incident left her deeply shaken, causing her to cry for two days and remain confined to her house. Desperate for help, she reached out to me, asking if hypnosis could offer assistance. I conducted a session with her. Remarkably, the very next day, she found the courage to return to the grocery store. Through

hypnosis, she uncovered underlying emotions related to hearing her ex-husband’s yelling, which shed light on the root cause of her distress.” This woman had been harboring an enormous amount of self-judgment and even self-hatred that she had been so cowardly to park in that spot. Her first step toward healing was to know that we all make mistakes. Like a soothing soul balm, Shlomtzy launches into a smooth monologue to illustrate what transpired during their session, “Making mistakes is painful. Making mistakes is hard. Feeling the effects of a mistake is painful. Shame is a difficult emotion to feel. All human beings feel shame sometimes. Several million people from the seven billion people in the world are now feeling shame. Shame is painful. It’s part of our history. Sarah, Rivkah, Rachel, Leah…they all felt shamed at some point in their lives. It’s a difficult yet meaningful journey. They survived and I’ll survive it too. It’s painful but not a death sentence. Even though I parked in the wrong place, I’m still obligated to love and accept myself.” Shlomtzy explains her monologue as follows: “This is called processing. It’s about empowering the sub-conscious, because if I can regulate my feelings, I’ll be more resourceful in all areas of life. We have a lot of things in our subconscious that get played out again, but our subconscious does not differentiate between who is doing what—it responds the same way it reacted in the past, without caring who the new offender is. But human beings don’t want to be revisited by old, useless stuff that has long been relegated to the musty basement of our brains. All these things are in the category of trauma and triggers. We relive the experience with different characters and puppets. All the subconscious knows is that it must protect us. The beauty is that we don’t deny any reality. It’s okay to fail and we hope we won’t do it again.” The next induction with this woman was about looking the owner in the eye and saying, “Yes, I made a mistake and you, owner, probably also made some mistakes in your life.” Shlomtzy adds, “It’s about living with the emes and making the emes work for you. It works with our history. If you go back to the time of brias ha’olam, Adam Harishon also felt terrible on day one and hour six. He cried and cried until Shabbos came along. Difficult feelings are part of our history. And everyone still takes their rightful place in history despite having made a mistake. We don’t deny any feelings, but we tap into the strength and desire we all have to still love and accept ourselves.” Journal Your Way to Self-Respect Malky, a teenager who felt unlovable and experienced rejection from friends when attempting to form relationships, sought Shlomtzy’s help for her social issues. First, Shlomtzy established what her role is and is not.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

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“I’m not a social skills therapist,” she told Malky, “but I can help you feel intrinsically more lovable as a child of Hashem.” Then she laid out her terms: “I can only work with you if you keep a self-respecting notebook. As soon as you’ll respect yourself, self-love will follow.” In the hypnosis session, Shlomtzy encouraged Malky to maintain a self-respecting journal for 21 days and list ten reasons each day for why she could be respected. However, when she returned for a follow-up, they discovered that her subconscious was resisting fully embracing this message. Through exploration, they realized that her attempts to find reasons for her self-respect were hindered by past experiences, such as teasing from her brother. Upon this realization, Malky experienced a profound shift in perception. It became evident that she possessed the ability to discern truth from falsehood with remarkable clarity, because, ironically, this very hated brother had bullied her into some behaviors that she was actually grateful for! This newfound self-awareness empowered her to respect herself for her discernment and her ability to extract valuable insights while disregarding irrelevant influences. Shlomtzy then reinforced this newfound perception during induction with the affirming sentence, “Malky is a person of discernment who knows how to extract the truth from untruth.” Shlomtzy is a staunch advocate of self-respecting journaling, believing it to be an eye-opening practice for individuals of all backgrounds. She emphasizes that many people may not even realize they lack self-respect until they engage in this introspective process. She asserts that this practice enables individuals to emerge

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with a strengthened sense of self, equipped to navigate life’s challenges with confidence. As Shlomtzy explained to Malky: “Even if you don’t end up making the friend you set your heart on, you’ll probably find a friend who is more aligned with your needs and personality because you are more in touch with yourself.” Self-respecting journaling “enables individuals to recognize and embrace their wisdom, leading to a deeper respect for themselves and their values. Ultimately, this gives them more to work with on their personal journey,” says Shlomtzy. “When a person can identify their value system, they perceive themselves more clearly and securely as a being of worth. They show up to life with more confidence because there is more of themselves backing themselves. When a person knows who they are, they stop being a feeble individual who seeks attention from anyone who will give it to them. They become able to sustain a more intelligent dialogue with people who previously challenged their values because now they own their values. A person needs to recognize their wisdom in order to be able to respect themselves.” Utilizing the three powers of the mind—imagination, visualization, and repetition—yields optimal results. But hypnosis, explains Shlomtzy, is not about mystical notions; every aspect of hypnosis can be explained scientifically, devoid of any magic or mystery. It’s a clinical process, thoroughly documented and researched over many years, making it as evidence-based and grounded as possible. Shlomtzy’s dream is that people will leave her practice, take the tools, and apply them to every part of their lives. She encourages everyone to relisten to the recordings and

use them to help them deal with whatever comes their way. She also believes that teaching these regulating tools at teachers’ meetings would greatly deepen educators’ understanding of how difficult and unprocessed feelings obstruct normal learning—and how to help their struggling students. Deepest Impact “What I find truly remarkable about hypnosis,” says Shlomtzy, “is its structure. The process is just six sessions over 21 days—that’s all. Under certain circumstances, if the client feels they would like some more sessions, I offer up to four more. If significant change hasn’t occurred by the tenth session, it’s clear hypnosis won’t be effective. With an impressively high success rate according to global statistics— 75 percent of hypnosis clients report completely positive results and the remaining 25 percent report either neutral results or are not affected deeply enough to see significant change—even if the desired outcome isn’t fully achieved, clients still walk away from the process equipped with a powerful self-regulating tool they can apply to various aspects of life. It’s a testament to the incredible power within each individual. “What I consider most impactful is when hypnosis is performed in a group setting, such as at a Shabbaton or retreat,” Shlomtzy notes. “Participants are really open to learning, and the positive energy in a group cannot be overstated; the power of fellow travelers of life to support each other and leave Mitzrayim as a nation! They help each other move forward with a profoundly empowering tool in their hands.” While most people believe that the tools used in hypnosis can only be acquired through undergoing the treatment process, Shlomtzy notes an interesting observation. “People don’t even realize they’re actually using a tool of hypnosis as a reflex. Simply put, hypnosis is a mechanism for clearing the subconscious mind of its obstacles. Any time we engage in that, we are able to access our fullest potential. Within hypnosis, there are many modalities— self compassion, understanding that relationships are built upon rupture and return, and more.” Seeing how instrumental training the brain can be to enable us to live more fully, Shlomtzy has applied this brain-training to her own life, particularly with regard to mitzvah observance. “For the last few years, no matter what I’m doing, I trained my brain to know how many mitzvos I’m acquiring. It’s so well-rehearsed and I’m on such deep repeat that when I’m missing a certain mitzvah on my mental list, I subconsciously know and give myself a moment to summon it to memory. I can testify firsthand to the power of repetition. For example, every time we eat, we’re engaging in three mitzvos, and then another three that are connected to thanking Hashem for anything, and of course, the many mitzvos involved in food preparation and shopping. When we kiss the mezuzah, we’re observing

three mitzvos de’Oraisa. We collect ongoing sechar for having affixed a mezuzah to our doorpost—who knows how long ago—every time we kiss it!” Shlomtzy continues, “What is truly fundamental and seamlessly ties everything together is the hotline I founded a year ago called Mitzvah Minute. The line, which features new entries on a daily basis, demonstrates that every action, no matter how mundane, is intertwined with numerous mitzvos. If we’d only know how many mitzvos we’re involved in at any given time! There literally isn’t an action we do that is void of exciting, ongoing interconnection with Hashem. Baruch Hashem, the line has already transformed the lives of thousands of listeners.” Once a person embraces the tools of hypnosis, they walk away with resources that apply to so many areas of life. “The science is so simple and easy to revisit any time we feel we need a change in how we’re showing up in life,” says Shlomtzy. “My dream is to make these tools available to individuals of any age and stage.” Rebbetzin Shlomtzy Weisz can be contacted via Wellspring Magazine. The phone number for her Mitzvah Minute hotline, where she teaches— in five-minute segments—how to turn daily chores into priceless mitzvos, is 845-720-8878.

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As featured in:

Episode 50

SERIAL DIARY

Recap: When the final biological drug fails to deliver relief for Fradel’s colitis symptoms, she is left with a last resort: surgery.

Supported by a second opinion and a berachah from da’as Torah, the decision was clear: my colon had to go. Even with these authorities encouraging the procedure, I reached out for more support from those who’d been there and done that. One of the people I connected with was a woman I’d met at the retreat I’d been on. Another was through MyTeam, the organization geared toward people suffering from chronic medical conditions. Speaking to people who had gone through this type of surgery prepared me for what was to come and provided a strong form of reassurance that I, too, would go on to live a full life post colon removal. No one discouraged me from going ahead. The date was set for January 5, 2022. I was ready, or as ready as one could ever be, to go under the knife. Stage one, which was the main part of the surgery, was the colectomy. In layman’s terms, this meant the removal of the colon, or large intestine. The second part of the surgery was the ostomy, which involves creating an opening in the abdomen, changing the way waste exits the body. Since this procedure took place, I’ve been living with an ostomy bag, or pouch, which collects my bodily waste through an alternate route. This was one of the rather unpleasant realities I had to make peace with, but I thank Hashem that I don’t feel “less than” others even though my body doesn’t function to the same degree as the average healthy person. Regarding the colon removal, I should add that this sur-

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

gery didn’t involve the total removal of my colon. A couple of inches were left in place in case I would ever choose to do a reversal surgery. No, I can never replace my colon, as the word “reversal” would imply; but I could choose to do reconstructive surgery that would allow the bowels to be emptied via the normal route rather than the ostomy. After a brief hospital stay, I returned home, but not without an extra pair of hands. My devoted mother moved in for over a week to help care for the kids and tend to the housework while I recovered. And what a bumpy journey it was. As part of my post-op restrictions, I was instructed to go on a low-fiber diet for a couple of weeks. (Yes, you read that correctly; low fiber, not high fiber.) That meant eating “junk” like white flour and avoiding all raw fruits and vegetables. This definitely involved a learning curve, and I learned my mistake the hard way. Two weeks after surgery, I consumed some roasted green beans, which were too much for my delicate system to handle. The effects of that minor infraction? An agonizing obstruction necessitating a weeklong hospital stay. It’s hard to describe how uncomfortable and painful that experience was. Doubled over in pain, I headed straight for the local ER. It was a Thursday night, and I naively thought I’d be back home for Shabbos. The medical experts there would unblock my system and then, presto! I would

Chapter 9 Last Resort by Fradel Bergstein, as told to C.L. Beer

feel great and go right back home in time to light the Shabbos candles. On Friday, when it became obvious that the local hospital was not equipped to deal with this complication, I signed myself out “against medical advice” and was transported, in the car of a dedicated Bikur Cholim of Lakewood volunteer, to Columbia Hospital so I could be treated by my own GI and surgeon. Just thinking about this arduous saga gives a new perspective on the incredible wonders of a healthy elimination system. How blessed are those who are capable of eliminating all kinds of toxins and waste naturally and smoothly. For the petty “crime” of eating some tasty green beans, I endured excruciating pain, nausea, and horrible vomiting. At night, when I tried to relax and fall asleep, I could not. I begged the staff for more painkillers as I was terribly uncomfortable. These pills did lessen the pain, but they did nothing to alleviate the nausea. Without melatonin or Benadryl, there was no way I could drift off to sleep. There was no choice but to use these less-than-ideal means to put me out for the night; I knew I needed sleep to maintain my sanity. At various times during this hospitalization, the situation felt so unbearable that I couldn’t fathom continuing to live like this. I lay there in agony, engulfed by waves of discomfort, pain, and nausea. Eventually, after some time, the team finally suctioned through the stoma, flushing it— and that’s when the obstruction cleared. Finally, the pain passed, and I narrowly avoided having to resort to an NG tube (receiving nutrition via the nose). This harrowing or-

deal was part of a passing stage that, thankfully, is long behind me. It’s been more than two years now that I’ve been able to enjoy the routine and stability of being free of the pain, bloating, and frequent bathroom trips associated with colitis flare-ups. Granted, the cure I had hoped for had not materialized, but baruch Hashem the surgery has enabled me to feel better than I had felt in a long time. Living with an ostomy is obviously not ideal. Do I plan to attempt a reversal one day in the future? It may be surprising to those who haven’t experienced my symptoms that if faced with an ultimatum, I would choose to make the ostomy permanent rather than attempt a reversal. There is no way I would electively put myself into a situation where I’d once again be forced to face the stress that comes along with having to deal with the harrowing symptoms I lived with for so many years. Also, there’s substantial reason to believe that my anal muscles are damaged (due to a rare infection and surgery unrelated to my condition right after the birth of my first child) and to have two additional surgeries with a chance of no success doesn’t sound very tempting. Additionally, reconstructive surgery can come with its share of complications and hiccups, and as long as I can, I would like to steer clear of those. And so, for now, life with a bag is how we know it.

TO BE CONTINUED WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

‫מימינם ומשמאלם‬ A delicious family tradition.

PRODUCT OF USA

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

DIY

r e v e F Hay y d e m Re By Miriam Schweid If you tend to experience seasonal allergies and would like to enjoy the great outdoors this Chol Hamoed, here’s one fabulous, all-natural, homeopathic blend that can help prevent and alleviate discomfort.

10 drops allium cepa 5 drops pulsatilla 5 drops nat mur 1/2 oz bottled water

Mix all ingredients in a small glass spray bottle and shake well. Spray 2 drops under the tongue before going outdoors. This remedy should not be taken with food or drink, only ten minutes before or after a meal. Note: Please consult with your halachic authority regarding ingestion of homeopathic remedies, especially on Pesach.

WELLSPRING / NISSAN 5784

‫חול המועד צופרי‪,‬‬

‫ווען דער טאטע‬ ‫קומט אהיים פון שול‪...‬‬

‫‪WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024‬‬

‫‪92‬‬

Less Stress is Best Raizy Janklowicz’s tips for harried moms

TUNE IN MY SYSTEM DOES NOT APPRECIATE THE OVERCONSUMPTION OF MATZAH

INNER PARENTING SO WHAT IS THE RESPONSE THAT MY CHILD NEEDS FROM ME?

MOM-CARE

Less Stress Is Best

By Raizy Janklowicz, IBCLC

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

Insights toward a calmer Pesach and everyday Does this scene sound familiar? Five days before Pesach, your kitchen is half turned over, spilled cleaning products mingling with your supermarket delivery that you’re frantically trying to unpack safely before your pajama-clad kids burst in with stray crumbs from their chametz breakfast on the porch, and you…well you’re just trying to imagine how you’ll get the house ready in time for Pesach, along with all the shopping and cooking and also taking care of a nursing infant. Are you feeling out of breath? I am! First, take a moment to inhale some of the life-giving oxygen Hashem has filled His beautiful world with. For free. Things already feel better, don’t they? The word for breath in lashon hakodesh is neshimah, which shares a root with the word neshamah. When we feel overwhelmed, we’re in panic mode, or as I call it, dysregulation. It becomes hard to think, hard to plan, and hard to breathe. Our kids, who are co-regulators and pick up the vibes we are emitting, will also feel panicky when they sense our overwhelm. When you, as the mother, stop and breathe, you calm your nervous system, moving away from overwhelm and overload and into “neshamah zone.” This is the part of you that will always give you the true, loving, nonjudgmental message you need to calm down and take action. Staying in overwhelm keeps us from thinking logically (or thinking at all!) and keeps us stuck. Positive affirmations are one way that we can help ourselves during moments of overwhelm. However, many women complain that trying to be positive “just doesn’t work.” Like one of the moms I’ve been working with commented, “I’m saying it and I hear it, but I just don’t feel it!” This is a very common observation. By taking time to breathe, we access the truth of what is happening around us. Imagine you’ve just finished cleaning the couch for Pesach when a child comes along and spills Cheerios all over it. Your brain sends you into panic mode…We will never be ready in time for Pesach like this! Your heart starts racing, you scream at the kids, and grab the vacuum cleaner, while trying to think positively, I can already see the couch all cleaned up, my kids are so helpful with Pesach cleaning, but your body is screaming Not true! while an endless fountain of Cheerios keeps pouring out of every crevice. The baby starts to wail. You plop down on the couch in defeat, feeling tired, overwhelmed, and hopeless.

Watch what happens when you take the time to breathe and allow your neshamah to guide you. Now see how that very same scenario ends entirely differently this time. Your heart races. You stop, and breathe…and you keep breathing until you feel your heart rate slowing down, your body relaxing, and you can actually hear the loving message of truth your neshamah is telling you. Right now there are lots of Cheerios all over the couch. Kids are kids, they don’t mean to be bad. Maybe I need to drink a good coffee, set the kids up with crayons at the table or send them out to play, and then I will tackle the Cheerios. I am safe now and there is no danger. Did you just release a sigh of relief? I did! Breathing is a voluntary survival behavior, but it’s also a gift from Hashem to help us focus and get centered. When I help moms who are struggling with nursing their babies, we do a lot of breathing exercises. A baby trying to latch and suck will become very distressed and dysregulated if Mommy is in the process of panicking about everything she has to do to make it to the Seder on time. Or even if Mommy is stressed because she’s worried she doesn’t have enough milk. Breathing helps her system regulate, sending messages to baby that all is safe and well. Now baby can latch and eat comfortably; it’s truly miraculous to observe. When a nursing mother is stressed during her feedings, the process is significantly impacted. If you’re a nursing mother and are feeling overly stressed out during Yom Tov prep or Chol Hamoed hecticness, consider pumping your milk and having someone feed the baby a bottle. Less stress is always best. You are not a failure for giving a bottle. Rather, you are a loving mother who understands your limitations and cares about keeping your baby safe even during stressful times. A bottle of pumped milk (and even formula) is sometimes just the gift Hashem has sent you to get to Yom Tov with you and your baby feeling taken care of. And most importantly, I’d like to leave you with my favorite piece of advice. When things get stressful, find a mirror, look into your own eyes, and ask yourself, “What do I need now?” Give that to yourself even for just a few minutes. If you don’t check in with yourself, no one else will. May you have a peaceful and mindful Yom Tov together with your family. Raizy Janklowicz, IBCLC, a lactation consultant, postpartum empowerment coach, and EFT practitioner, can be reached at (929) 324-0578. Raizy is also the founder of the Empowerment Series for Nursing Moms.

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TAP IN

TAP IN by Gila Glassberg, RDN, CDN, Certified Intuitive Eating Coach

WELLSPRING / APRIL 2024

QUESTION When it comes to my eating, I find Pesach to be the most challenging time of year for me. All year round, I’ve baruch Hashem come to a place where I’ve learned what’s right for me in regard to bread and similar foods (such as matzah), but being obligated to eat all that matzah at the Seder completely throws me off. It hurts my stomach, and I feel like I’m going against all my body’s cues—but of course, I want to fulfill my halachic obligations. This bothers me every year, to the extent that it detracts from my simchas Yom Tov. I want to do the mitzvah with joy, but at the same time, I’m feeling sick and uncomfortable. Any advice?

ANSWER I’m right there with you, experiencing similar struggles. Intuitive Eating is tricky like this, especially when we feel like it may be interfering with our frumkeit. For example, I’m very sensitive to hunger and when I wake up, I usually eat right away. I try to say birchos hashachar first, but because I’m so intent on listening to my body and creating internal trust, this creates somewhat of a conflict. Whenever it comes to seeming conflict in regard to mitzvah observance, it’s important to note that the first thing to do is to consult with a halachic authority. For people who struggle with—or are in the process of healing from—eating disorders, a rav who is well-versed in this subject must be consulted for eating-related questions—even as far as whether or to not to fast on Yom Kippur if it will interfere with recovery. After you’ve asked your rav and received your

ruling, here are some suggestions. Suppose you’re given the weights and measurements regarding the bare minimum you’re required to eat, and that also feels like “too much” for you. First, remember that the really uncomfortable feeling will certainly pass. It doesn’t feel good physically, and for many, it brings up strong emotions of guilt. Allow the feeling to just be and give it compassion. Soon enough, you will realize that the feeling has passed. Remember that the seder takes place on two nights out of 365 and you will be okay. If you find that the abundance of matzah ruins your appetite for the main meal, and this brings up feelings of frustration, eat just as much as you can at the meal, and remember that you will have an opportunity for another beautiful meal the next day. Keep giving yourself encouragement for doing the right thing and this will hopefully enable you to feel the simchas Yom Tov you wish for.

Have questions about the Intuitive Eating approach? Send them to info@wellspringmagazine.com and Gila will be glad to answer them in this space. Gila Glassberg is a Master's level registered dietitian and a certified Intuitive Eating Counselor. As a teenager, she was faced with constant diet talk, body shaming, and obsessive guilt around food, but now that she has found food freedom through the process of Intuitive Eating, she's eager to share its wisdom with others. Gila works privately with clients and she also presents workshops. The name of her podcast is Get INTUIT with Gila, and she writes blog entries on her website, www.gilaglassberg.com. She can be reached at 570-878-3642.

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INNER PARENTING

Expanded Installment!

Unprocessed Emotions Don’t Go Away The Right Response By Shiffy Friedman In the last installment, we discussed five common parental responses to a child’s exhibition of emotion that generally hinder the child’s ability to process the emotion. In this article, we explore the response that is most helpful to the child’s emotional world and the parent-child relationship.

Back to our sweet Sara, who stomps into the kitchen exhibiting intense disappointment and frustration that her baby brother had rummaged through her drawer and taken off with her favorite eraser. What kind of response can I, as Sara’s mother, employ that will neutralize her turmoil in the most healthy manner? My goal is not only to calm her down (and to bring peace and quiet back into the kitchen!), but also to handle the situation in a way that will have a positive long-term effect on Sara’s wellbeing. Having nixed the five most common responses that even the most well-meaning parents among us might resort to, it is time for us to explore the right response—the one 98

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that will most enable Sara to process her emotion and move on from the incident with a stronger, healthier emotional core. It is the kind of response that a child desperately needs every time she’s experiencing an intense emotion, regardless of the adult’s understanding of the trigger’s magnitude. In other words, whether the child is deeply pained over a tragic incident or “simply” frustrated that water spilled all over her coloring book, there’s one response she’s subconsciously seeking. As many astute readers already pointed out in their letters regarding this column, once they started paying attention to their responses in their own parenting, they noticed how second-nature it is for them to

resort seamlessly to one of the five common responses (kudos to them for this discovery!). And they also noticed that once they were parenting from a more aware place, they intuitively understood what it was that their child really needed. When we dig deep inside ourselves—looking past the fears that may be getting in the way—and draw from the well of intuition each of us has been gifted with as a parent, what do we find? We find that what a child needs most when they’re exhibiting intense emotion is, in one word, validation. Validation is quite a buzzword nowadays, but what does it really mean? It’s about our words and our

gestures and what they convey. The words are not a stilted script (see sidebar). While they often include reflecting statements, where the parent reframes the child’s words (“It bothers you that you couldn’t go along? Wow, I hear that.” “You hate taking baths? It’s not comfortable for you? I understand that, but it’s something we must do…”), they’re not a specific word or sentence or paragraph at all. The choice of words we use very much depends on our own personality and style, and the language we feel most comfortable and maternal in. And the gestures are not specific either. It might present in the form of real eye contact, of mirroring sadness or disappointment, perhaps a hug, or a gentle massage—all dependent on what we intuit that this particular child needs at this time. And often, the most appropriate gesture of all is silence—calm, comforting silence. Whether the child’s emotional expression presents as an outburst, a rant, or a torrent of tears, simply lending a listening ear—sometimes with a pat on the back or punctuated by a soft “oy” or “wow” is the way to go. What matters is the message these words and/or gestures convey, which is: I get you. It’s okay for you to feel this way. I’m here for you. I might not understand why you feel the way you do, but if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel—and it doesn’t even have to make sense. When we treat our children with empathy, especially when their emotional outburst seems out of place or feels too intense to us, their most important need is met. How Do We Know It’s Right? Perhaps all this validation talk is just a new-agey trend, we might ponder. Where is the place for encouraging a child to just “man up and move on?” Doesn’t that build resilience at the end of the day? That’s an argument I’ve heard from many a mother, and one that very much resonates with a dissenting

voice inside most of us—especially those who were raised with a parenting style that very much differs from the one described above. It’s a question I was asked by a mother at a recent chinuch event, where I addressed the topic of “How to Raise Emotionally Resilient Children.” Very often, this argument stems from our resistance to intense emo-

Then, we did an illuminating exercise together. I asked the women to think back over the past couple of days to the last time they experienced some kind of intense emotion. tion—including our own. When an argument emanates from an emotional place, the ideal way to address it is to explore the questioner’s emotion that lies at the root of the question. But in the public setting at the chinuch event, I went with a more rational explanation that would feel relatable to all (or at least most) women in the group. I looked around the room and encouraged the mothers to raise their hand if this woman’s question resonated with them, and I got a large show of hands. I said to the audi-

ence, “You have a good point here. So how do we know if this approach is really what the child needs?” Then, we did an illuminating exercise together. I asked the women to think back over the past couple of days to the last time they experienced some kind of intense emotion. Yes, even as adults, there are times when our own emotions reach a level of such intensity that we resort to various kinds of extreme behaviors. We wouldn’t call them “tantrums” per se because we’re (hopefully!) not kicking and screaming on the ground. But in fact, that is what they are: intense emotions that we have a hard time processing on our own. Some of the ways an adult “tantrum” might present include silent treatment, moping, a long-term “bad mood,” screaming, despondence, badmouthing an offending party, or emotional coldness. In order to encourage vulnerability and openness, I invited the mothers to submit their anecdote on paper, along with the background that had elicited the emotion, and I read them aloud. The anecdotes they shared were varied and very real. From the wife who was upset at her husband for not being more take-charge regarding their finances, to the woman who felt resentful toward her mother for not inviting them for Yom Tov, to the mother who was angry at her son for his wayward behavior, there was a whole array to choose from. After reading some anecdotes to the group, I asked them, “Now suppose each of these women would turn to someone in their life whom they trust and rely on, whether the wife to her husband or the woman to her mother, and direct their intense emotion toward them. Suppose a wife would say to her husband, ‘You know, I feel really alone and afraid when our financial situation is the way it is.’ Or a woman says to her mother, ‘I was so sad that we weren’t invited this year. I love being at your house for Yom Tov!’ What is this woman hoping to gain from sharing her emotional world

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INNER PARENTING

with the other party? What is she most hoping to hear? If this were you, what would you hope the response would be?” Of course, in many cases, there’s a place in us that wants to be reassured that the situation we’re in will be technically resolved: the husband

will say he got a fabulous job offer that morning or received the large check he’d been waiting for; the mother will say that yes, of course you’re invited for Yom Tov—it was a misunderstanding; the son will say, it was all a mistake, Mommy, and I’m excited to go back to yeshivah right now.

But there’s more. We also understand that even if the situation can’t be technically resolved—and even when it could—there’s something else we’re looking for when we’re being vulnerable about our feelings, when we’re in a moment of intense emotion. Something that in many ways is even more critical than the

Letting Their Full Personality Emerge When we think of a child exhibiting intense emotion, we picture that emotion as negative. That’s because incidents that elicit the most intense emotion usually leave the child feeling overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, angry, sad, disappointed, frustrated, and the like. However, sometimes parents may find that even intense positive emotion brings up resistance for them. Since children experience all their feelings fully, they may express excitement, anticipation, happiness, love, or other positive emotions in an intense way as well, and that may present a challenge for a parent—especially an emotion-resistant parent. Before a Yom Tov, for example, when a child wants to repeatedly sing the songs he’s learned or wakes up at the crack of dawn eager to don his brand-new Pesach clothes already, the bleary-eyed parent’s initial response might be, “What are you so excited about?” When the response communicates resistance, the child may absorb the message “Something is not okay with me; it’s not okay for me to feel.” And that is the one unhealthy inner voice we want to avoid creating or encouraging at all costs. It’s the kind of voice that creates an emotional disconnect, where a child—and later the adult—learns to immediately quash all emotion and disassociate from it, leading to a robotic existence. The healthy reaction that helps a child stay in touch with his emotional response is, as with all emotion, to give the child the space to be his special self, even when that special self includes a rather noisy, sometimes messy environment. As a case in point, our highly excitable six-year-old son is enthralled by the animal kingdom. He loves reading his books on the topic, reviewing what he already knows, and he gets excited about every new animal he explores. His bedtime treat is when my husband teaches him about another new animal. It’s very common for him to come to me early in the morning and say, “Mommy, did I tell you about the giraffe? Did I tell you about how small baby kangaroos are when they’re first born? Should I tell you the

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Midrash about rams? Oh, and I know how to imitate the sound of a leopard. Want to hear?” With that, he may launch into ear-splitting roars. (Of course, he wants to wear his leopard pajamas on repeat!) All kinds of intense emotion need their space, especially when they make less sense to an adult mind. At school or outside the home, most healthy children are quick to pick up social cues and learn to shrink their emotional world in order to fit in with their social circle. But the home is the place where children are meant to be uninhibited, a place where they can just be, a place where they can feel, “This is me, in all my glory.” A healthy child is a child whose personality is given a chance to come to the fore. Such a child can be’ezras Hashem have a profound impact the world with their unique strengths and skill set because they were given a chance to blossom; they weren’t confined to a tight space. The chinuch-focused Yom Tov of Pesach is an opportune time for us parents to take a look at each child and explore: How conducive is my parenting to allowing this child to be freed from their meitzarim, tight spaces, so their true self can thrive in a state of liberation and redemption? How much space am I giving to his unique personality? Of course, as we’ve emphasized several times in this series, we parents are human too. There are times when it is too much and it’s perfectly okay for Mommy to ask for her space, for quiet, for a child to make all the noise he wants—but in his room, or not to make any noise at all. And there are times when a parent makes mistakes as well, and that’s okay, too. Parenting is about giving the relationship our best shot, but also about remembering that at our core, we are a vulnerable child too, a child who makes mistakes and then makes mistakes again. That’s what life in this world is all about. The more we accept ourselves and move on, the better off we and our children will be.

technical solution because it fills a much deeper need. We want to feel heard. We want to feel understood. We want to feel seen. We want our husband or mother or friend to sit there with us, to hear us out, to let us express all that emotion, to just be there with us. We want them to say, “I hear you. This must be really hard for you. Wow, I didn’t realize it was so important to you. I wish I would have a way to make it all better…”

When a child doesn’t flinch when he gets hurt or doesn’t get moved when someone throws an unkind comment in his direction, that’s not resilience. In most cases, that’s an unhealthy, robot-like response that unfortunately develops when a child wasn’t given permission or didn’t feel safe enough to express his emotions, to unload his pain. The coping mechanism he expertly developed to help him survive sadly turned his heart into ice.

sitting around the supper or Shabbos table, and a story on the topic is shared. When these valuable lessons are taught at a time when a child is experiencing an intense emotion, they’re not only not absorbed, but they communicate indifference. Because they come across as highly invalidating and dismissive of the child’s pain, the child may subconsciously develop an aversion to these beautiful concepts that could have helped him cope through life.

Yes, the women agreed, that was certainly the kind of response they would have appreciated. I asked them to each think back to the incident they had written down or thought of in their mind and picture an adult in their life giving them that response. How much good it would do for them!

Resilience, on the other hand, is the opposite experience. It’s like that tree that gently sways from side to side, only to stand back up straight in the middle. It’s when a child learns to actually feel his emotions, to express them, to share them, to be with them, and to emerge stronger through them.

Once we’ve given the child a few moments of validation, we can gen-

Children, we know, have a fully developed emotional world. They, like us, thrive on validation, on feeling heard and seen. This is what enables them to blossom and grow into their best selves, with the help of Hashem. When we’re able to also offer a technical solution to resolve their issue, that’s great. But first and foremost, the message they crave to hear is, “As your parent, I am your rock. It’s okay for you to feel what you feel because I’m holding your hand and I’m letting you be.”

When we encourage a child to process their emotion in a healthy way, we are not encouraging a frail, weak inner core (unless we’re still under the misconception that exhibiting emotion is a sign of weakness!). As counterintuitive as it seems, it’s when we give our child the space to let their emotion be that they are able to move past it so much faster and more easily, to the extent that sometimes a solution is no longer necessary because the original problem isn’t an issue anymore or the child is quick to come up with their own solutions. There are times when a technical solution is certainly in order, such as when a child is experiencing a bullying incident at school, but in order of importance, the “being there” part comes first.

But What About Resilience? The fascinating thing about taking the validation route in handling a child’s emotion is that the solution becomes secondary. Even if the parent can’t possibly help the child on a technical level, as with a child who has struggles that are not within the parent’s power to fix, simply giving the child a space to express their pain is huge. That’s the only way the child feels safe to process his emotions. And it’s only through giving emotions a space that a true emotionally resilient core is built. Resilience is often confused with stoicism, but the two couldn’t be more different from each other.

There are also times when a parent may feel that certain lessons are in order. For example, a parent may want to talk to their child about mussar-oriented concepts like gam zu letovah, “this too shall pass,” emunah, or dan lekaf zechus. These values are all important for us to impart, but not at a time when validation is in order. Rather, these lessons are best left for teachable moments, when the child is not in an intense emotion, such as when the family is

The don’t list is that much longer than the do list because the do list is saturated with quality. tly distract them from the emotion and help them gather themselves. Validation is not about encouraging wallowing; it’s also not about condoning negative behavior that may accompany an intense emotion or bubble-wrapping the child and giving in to their every whim. For example, validating a child who’s disappointed that he’s not getting the afikoman gift that he dreamed of does not mean capitulating to the child’s insistence. Rather, it’s about conveying interest in their emotional world, “What do you like about it? Why do you want it so much?” It is after engaging the child in conversation—not an argument—that we can gently say, “Wow, I see how much this means to you. I under-

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stand how much you wish you could have this, and I really want you to be happy…but this is not an option. What else would be interesting for you?” Giving the child permission to feel—as long as it does not harm others—while being compassionate but also firm about what might be nonnegotiable in the situation, helps them eventually move on from the emotion. If we find that a child consistently stays stuck in their emotions even after we’ve done our part to help them process it, or that a child’s intense emotional world becomes a handicap to his functioning or social life, we may benefit from more tailored guidance toward helping them develop a healthier emotional core. That’s Really All? Yes, that is really all. The don’t list was that much longer than the do list because the do list is saturated with quality. It’s not a lot of words and often doesn’t take a long time, but it’s that one powerful moment where a parent conveys “I feel for you” that speaks volumes to a child’s fragile nefesh. Validation is not such a small thing at the end of the day. It’s a priceless gift we as parents can best give to our children—a rare commodity in a world that is solution- and “moving on” and tachlis-oriented. If we can give our child the gift of letting them be, we’re giving them the gift of self-acceptance, and that will be’ezras Hashem take them far in life. Any specific questions on this topic? The next and final installment in this parenting series will be in question-and-answer format. This is your chance to get your parenting questions answered! Write to Shiffy@wellspringmagazine.com and look out for the response in our upcoming issue.

So Hard for Me! From my experience, I have found that there are two main inhibitors to expressing validation to a child (or to anyone, for that matter, including ourselves). The most common reason is that our fear around feeling emotion may still be on high alert. By expressing validation to a child, I’m essentially conveying that her emotion is real and deserving of its space, which invites her to be in the emotion for longer than if I distract, minimize, or resort to another quick-fix response. If we allow ourselves to be led by this fear, we’ll keep opting for the “way out.” Another inhibitor to expressing validation can be that when such words were said to us (“Wow, that must be so hard!”), or we heard them being said, they weren’t emanating from a genuine place. Perhaps they were communicated by an individual who was following a script, saying what needed to be said but not necessarily transmitting this much-needed validation from the heart. And so, we’ve developed an aversion toward this kind of treatment, which feels false and insincere. In both cases, our work as the parent would be to identify the reason (which takes courage!), see the fear we have surrounding this healing response, and still choose to move past the fear toward doing what is needed and healing for the child. I’ve had mothers tell me, “But I’m not a therapist! This language is so not me.” To them I say, “Find the words—your own words—that convey this sentiment.” It’s not about following a script. On the contrary, as mentioned above, we don’t want to follow a script because then this emotional interaction lacks the sincerity and realness that is critical and unique to a parent-child relationship. Rather, it’s about letting ourselves feel comfortable in our place as the parent, tapping in to the validation deep inside, and expressing what we feel internally. Make the response yours. There’s a place deep inside every parent that feels for their child. Sometimes, it requires moving past one fear or another to tap into this rich, priceless well. If we consistently opt for this route and notice that we can’t find it in us to validate the child, we may want to explore this further with a competent coach or counselor so that we can be’ezras Hashem be there for each child in the way that only we can. While for some parents it certainly takes more effort than others, in general, every parent has the potential to heal their own wounds so they can bring their healthiest self into their parenting.

In addition to her work as a writer, teacher, and counselor, Shiffy Friedman is the founding director of LAHAV, an initiative that spreads awareness about the pathways to connection, contentment, and inner peace through Torah. To sign up to receive her messages on the topic, write to info@lahavinitiative.org. To hear more about LAHAV, as well as demos from LAHAV classes, call the hotline at (646) 693-1700.

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Indulge in the larger half now, enjoy the smaller half right after.

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MEET THE RED THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE A ROSÉ

Saignée is a rosé for those who enjoy a bold and elegant wine experience. Retaining the lush fruit and exquisite structure of a world class Napa Valley Cabernet, this rosé presents a light, refreshing and luxurious expression without the tannins and sharp features typically found in red wines. Enjoy this classic way of making a rosé and a whole new Cabernet experience

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APRIL 2024 / NISSAN 5784 / ISSUE 99

Pesach Pleasures TREAT YOUR FAMILY AND GUESTS TO SOPHISTICATED APPETIZERS AND MAINS

THE PERFECT ENDING TO A FESTIVE MEAL MALKY ROSENBERG’S CASHEW HAZELNUT CHEESECAKE

SWAP HOW TO GET THAT PERFECT CRISP IN HOMEMADE VEGGIE CHIPS

5 PESACH-COMPLIANT FOODS YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM WILL APPRECIATE

118 Encore By Malky Rosenberg

122 5 Pesach Compliant Foods By Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD

111 Pesach Pleasures By Yossi & Malky Levine

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SWAP By Yossi & Malky Levine

My Table Wellspring contributors

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EDITOR'S NOTE

Dear Cooks,

When I told my younger kids that Chol Hamoed wouldn’t be running straight through the week this Pesach, I heard a sigh or two of disappointment. It’s a time of year they look forward to from Sukkos, when we get to connect as a family in an entirely different setting and vibe. Even on days when we don’t get to go anywhere “major,” there’s a special feel in the air, starting with the more relaxed wakeup schedule to the leisurely brunch with everyone present. Chol Hamoed is unique in that while it does have more of a weekday feel, with most melachos being permissible, it’s a cross between the two, in a special category of its own— so I do understand the kids for feeling they’re missing out on not getting a full week of it this time around. However, as an adult, Shabbos Chol Hamoed is one of my favorite Shabbosos of the year. It gives me the opportunity to savor the Yom Tov spirit when things are more relaxed. During the week, when so many obligations call (we can’t keep up with the egg kichel refills around here), time seems to whizz by so much faster, leaving me wondering where the Yom Tov disappeared to. On Shabbos, I get an extra day to just sit and be with the Pesach we’ve been preparing for and anticipating for

such a long time. During the years we’ve hosted for the first and second days, Shabbos Chol Hamoed provides an opportunity for us to enjoy our seudos in our own space, or vice versa. For those who enjoy spending time in the kitchen, Shabbos Chol Hamoed also affords another chance to experiment with more sophisticated salads, desserts, and other dishes. This year, I’m excited to try the Levines’ Seared Salmon with Pomegranate Glaze for Shabbos lunch (with a Homemade Veggie Chip–topped salad, as well as Malky Rosenberg’s Pink Cashew Hazelnut Cheesecake, which was a hit on our dessert menu last year. Whatever your menu looks like this Pesach, you know that what counts most at the end of the day is the atmosphere. While food certainly contributes to the mood, make sure to give yourself the time and space to take it all in so you’ll be giving from a full cup. Wishing you and yours a chag kasher vesameiach,

Esther

P.S. For the cozy Chol Hamoed weekday mornings (or Motzaei Shabbos), here’s one of our go-to recipes for Cheese Pancakes that I’m sure will become a family favorite at your place too. Protein-packed and delicious, they’re a win-win for all. ½ cup almond flour

Dash of salt

½ cup whipped cottage cheese

¼ cup coconut flour

3 eggs

3 Tbsp xylitol

¼ cup tapioca flour

6 Tbsp milk

In a bowl, combine flours and salt. In a separate bowl, whisk eggs and milk to combine, then add to dry mixture. Add cottage cheese and xylitol and mix until well combined. Heat oil in a skillet. Drop 2 tablespoons of batter per pancake into hot oil and fry for 2 minutes on each side.

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Pesach Pleasures These days, Pesach dishes are more varied in color and flavor than they were back in the day—even for those who use very limited ingredients, but it’s always nice to get some fresh inspo. In this feature, we’re excited to share the results of our creative attempts in the Pesach kitchen, bringing you recipes that not only score points in the flavor arena, but in their nutrition and color profile too. The beauty of these delicacies is that they combine dazzling colors and flavors with compliance to most minhagim and chumros—a win-win for all! A kosheren Pesach, Yossi and Malky Levine

Recipes, Styling, and Photography by Yossi & Malky Levine

PESACH PLEASURES

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Citrus and Wine Lamb Riblets Over Tricolored Carrot Puree A beautiful and tasty start to your Yom Tov meal. While the puree requires more work, the mouthwatering and appealing results make it all worth it.

4 (3-bone) lamb riblets

2 oranges, juiced

Coarse salt, for seasoning

2 lemons, juiced

Black pepper, for seasoning

¾ cup honey

2 cups dry red wine

2 small onions, sliced in half

Preheat oven to 250°F. Season riblets with coarse salt and pepper on all sides. Heat a skillet over high heat and sear riblets on meat side for 3–4 minutes until a golden crust develops. Transfer to a pan lined with parchment paper. In a large bowl, whisk together wine, orange juice, lemon juice, and honey. Pour wine and citrus mixture over riblets and add sliced onions to pan. Cover riblets with parchment paper, tucking it under the meat. Cover pan tightly with two layers of aluminum foil, and bake in preheated oven for 5–6 hours until meat is tender. Once done, carefully transfer riblets to a large, deep skillet. Pour sauce over riblets, and cook over medium heat until sauce is reduced by half, about 20–30 minutes. Note: This recipe can be used for any type of meat and will yield excellent results.

Tricolored Carrot Puree 2 orange carrots

3 Tbsp oil, divided

2 yellow carrots (or yellow beets or parsnips)

3 tsp sugar, divided

2 purple carrots (or red beets)

¾ tsp salt, divided

Peel and cube carrots and place each color in a separate pot. Fill each pot with water and bring to a boil. Cook carrots until very soft, about 30–40 minutes. Do not drain the liquid. Working with one color at a time, use a slotted spoon to transfer carrots to a blender, and add 1 tablespoon from the liquid. Add 1 tablespoon oil, 1 teaspoon sugar, and ¼ teaspoon salt and blend until smooth and creamy. Repeat for other colors. To serve, place 1 tablespoon of each color puree on a plate and smear slightly with the back of a spoon. Place riblets over carrot puree, allowing colors to show. Optional: Garnish riblets with microgreens.

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PESACH PLEASURES

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Seared Salmon in Pomegranate Glaze The pomegranate glaze takes this crispy seared salmon up a notch. The combination of flavors and crunch amps up the pleasure in each bite.

4 3x3-inch squares salmon, skin on Coarse salt, for seasoning Black pepper, for seasoning 2 cups freshly squeezed pomegranate juice 1 cup honey Chopped scallions, for garnish Pomegranate seeds, for garnish

Preheat oven to 350°F. Season top of salmon squares generously with coarse salt and black pepper. Heat a metal skillet over high heat and place salmon squares in skillet, skin side down. Sear for about 3–4 minutes, until bottom of salmon becomes golden and crispy. Once seared, transfer skillet to preheated oven and bake salmon for 10 minutes. (If you don’t have a metal skillet, transfer salmon to an aluminum pan for baking.) While salmon is baking, prepare pomegranate glaze. In a saucepan, combine pomegranate juice and honey. Cook over medium heat until mixture is reduced to approximately half and bubbles strongly, about 15–20 minutes. Let mixture cook down until it becomes syrupy. Once salmon is cooked, remove from oven and transfer salmon squares to a serving plate. Pour pomegranate glaze over salmon and garnish with chopped scallions and pomegranate seeds.

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SWAP

SWA P

By Yossi & Malky Levine

Store-Bought Chips

HomemadeChips

Homemade vegetable chips offer the advantage of being customizable to personal tastes and dietary preferences. By preparing them in your own kitchen, you can control the ingredients, ensuring a healthier snack option, free from the additives and preservatives commonly found in store-bought varieties. Some benefits to homemade veggie chips: • They retain more nutrients than store-bought chips, as they are made from fresh vegetables without the added preservatives and artificial ingredients commonly found in packaged snacks. • They can be baked or air-fried with healthier cooking oils like olive or coconut oil, while store-bought chips are generally fried in refined oils. • Store-bought chips are generally heavily salted, translating into a high-sodium content, which can contribute to high blood pressure and other health issues. Preparing them yourself allows you to season them according to your liking, using healthier and lower amounts of salt. • They typically retain more fiber from the vegetables, promoting better digestion and providing a feeling of fullness. • Preparing them at home allows you to enjoy them in their super-fresh state, and to get creative with your veggie combos.

Homemade Veggie Chips We were trying out homemade veggie chips with different root vegetables earlier this winter, and while preparing—and enjoying—them, we realized we were onto an amazing Pesach recipe. Besides being a healthier alternative to store-bought snacks in general, Pesach is a time when many of us limit processed items, so it’s a great time to experiment with these. A great Chol Hamoed activity that yields tasty results! 1 sweet potato

Preheat oven to 375°F.

1 beet

Peel all vegetables. Using a mandolin slicer or a sharp knife, slice vegetables into equally super-thin rounds. Rinse vegetables thoroughly with water and pat dry with paper towel.

2 carrots 1 parsnip Olive oil spray Salt and pepper, to taste Optional: dried herbs or spices such as thyme, rosemary, garlic, or paprika

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Spread out slices on a lined baking sheet, taking care not to overlap. Lightly spray vegetables with olive oil and sprinkle with salt, pepper, and any other herbs and spices, according to your preference. Bake for 15–20 minutes, until edges are golden brown and chips are crispy. Keep an eye on the chips, as baking time may vary based on thickness of slices. Once done, remove veggie chips from oven and allow to cool. They will continue to crisp up as they cool.

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ENCORE

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Recipes and Text: Malky Rosenberg Styling and Photography: Pessy Piller

Beet Soup with Gnocchi I’ve never been a borscht fan, but this beet soup is perfectly light with a taste and texture that will appeal to all palates. Soup

Gnocchi

24 cups water (1½ gallons)

4 white russet potatoes (2 lb.)

¾ cup red onion

2 eggs

13 raw small-medium beets

½ tsp salt

1 Tbsp lemon juice, freshly squeezed

2 cups almond flour

2 tsp salt

Black pepper

2 tsp garlic powder 2 tsp onion powder 2 tsp basil, if using 2 generous handfuls of frozen spinach leaves In a large pot, bring water to a boil. Dice red onion and add to pot. Peel beets and add to pot, along with lemon juice and spices. Cook for approximately 1 hour and 10 minutes. Remove 8 beets when they’re still slightly hard but ready to eat. Cut into halves, and add salt to taste while still warm. Set aside in a separate bowl. Let rest of soup cook for an additional half hour or until beets are soft enough to be blended. Remove remaining beets from pot and allow to cool. Once cooled, blend in food processor. Return beet puree to pot along with sliced beets and frozen spinach leaves. Adjust spices according to taste. When ready to serve, add gnocchi to bowl. Serve hot. For the gnocchi: Preheat oven to 350°F. Prepare cookie sheet with parchment paper. Peel, slice, and cook potatoes on stove top until soft, approximately 30 minutes. In a bowl, add salt to potatoes and mash until smooth. Let cool (so the eggs don’t get cooked) and then mix with lightly beaten eggs. Last, add flour, and knead into a dough. Form dough into a ball and divide into 4 parts. Working with each one separately, roll out into 1-inch ropes and cut gnocchi-sized pieces. Place on prepared cookie sheet. Sprinkle with black pepper. Bake for 30 minutes.

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ENCORE

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Pink Cashew Hazelnut “Cheesecake” Who doesn’t want a rich, savory, creamy dessert after all that matzah and maror? And it’s guilt-free too!

Crust

Filling

⅔ cup roasted hazelnuts

4 cups cashews

1 cup almond flour

½ cup cooked soft beets, chopped

2 Tbsp maple syrup

½ cup maple syrup

1 Tbsp coconut milk (or almond milk)

3 Tbsp lemon juice 1½ tsp salt 6 roasted hazelnuts

Preheat oven to 350°F. Line a 9-inch round pan with parchment paper. If using unroasted hazelnuts, pop them into the oven for 10–15 minutes, until roasted. In blender, grind roasted hazelnuts very finely, until a butter consistency is achieved. Remove immediately, before it turns into a liquid. In a small bowl, combine hazelnut butter with almond flour, maple syrup, and coconut milk until a dough forms. Press dough evenly into pan. Bake for 11–14 minutes. To prepare the filling: Soak cashews in hot water for 45 minutes to soften. In a food processor, blend cashews until creamy. Add rest of ingredients and continue blending. Feel free to adjust taste to your liking by adding sugar or salt. Once filling is ready, spread evenly on top of the crust. Top with hazelnut crumbs for garnish. Freeze for a few hours or overnight. Serve cold, but defrosted. Alternatively, you can refrigerate until chilled.

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TIDBITS

5 PESACHCOMPLIANT FOODS YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM WILL APPRECIATE

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD 122

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With an abundance of harder-to-digest foods as part of our fare, Pesach is a time when our digestive system could use some extra care and support. The following are five food categories that are actually Pesachcompliant (according to most minhagim) and also particularly helpful for regulating digestion.

Leafy green vegetables

Fluids

Nuts

Examples include spinach, kale, arugula, and other varieties of lettuce. This vegetable category is a great source of fiber, as well as folate and vitamins A, C, and K. The fiber found in leafy greens is called insoluble fiber and is specifically helpful for digestion, among other benefits. Research also suggests that leafy green vegetables contain a specific type of sugar that helps promote healthy gut bacteria.

It’s no news that digestion is strongly impacted by hydration. The more we drink—water, in particular—the more comfortably food can pass through our system. If you’re experiencing heartburn or bloating, consider limiting caffeinated and carbonated beverages.

It’s a good thing nuts are exceptionally popular on Pesach. Like leafy green vegetables, they are another example of insoluble fiber. Nuts that are particularly higher in fiber include almonds, pecans, and walnuts. Enjoy them on their own or mixed into a variety of dishes.

Root vegetables Root vegetables such as squash, sweet potatoes, turnips, carrots, beets and onions—the familiar list of veggies even for those who use very limited foods on Pesach—are excellent sources of fiber. You can enjoy them in a variety of ways such as roasted, fresh in a salad, stir-fried, and, of course, within a soup. (Blend your leftover chicken soup on Chol Hamoed or for Yom Tov and you’ll be surprised at how delicious and different the new version tastes.) The variety of color also ensures a variety of nutrients, which is always a bonus.

Fruits In general, fruits help facilitate smoother bowel movements. The skin of fruits is an excellent source of insoluble fiber, while some fruits themselves are sources of soluble fiber. This fiber forms a gel that adds bulk and acts as a natural stool softener. Examples of fruits containing soluble fiber include apples, bananas, berries, avocados, and oranges. Even if your minhag is to peel fruits on Pesach, there’s so much nutritional benefit to gain from enjoying the flesh of these fruits as a snack or dessert.

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TIDBITS

Fish Consumption May Help Protect against Chronic Kidney Disease Fatty fish such as tuna and salmon are commonly recommended as part of a healthy diet—specifically as part of a heart-healthy diet. Their omega-3 content and other nutrients have been shown to improve heart health and decrease one’s risk of heart disease. However, new research suggests that fish can benefit our health in an additional way—by helping to protect against chronic kidney disease (CKD). This prospective cohort study, published in the Kidney Medicine Journal, included 3,726 participants without CKD at baseline. Participants were exposed to six different types of protein, including fish, nuts, legumes, red and processed meat, eggs, and poultry. Ultimately, dietary intake of fish was seen to have an inverse association with incidents of CKD and may therefore have a protective effect. While specific recommendations cannot be made based off this study alone, it’s very likely that including fish in our diet is not only hearthealthy, but kidney-healthy too.

IBD Protection from an Early Age A study conducted recently at the University of Gothenburg suggests that a healthy diet earlier on in life may protect against inflammatory bowel disease (IBD). IBD is a term for two conditions—Crohn’s disease and ulcerative colitis—both of which include chronic inflammation of the gastrointestinal tract. This can eventually result in damage to the GI tract if not managed effectively. Of course, genetics play a big role, but there may also be a connection between eating patterns and diagnosis. While there has been an increase in IBD globally, no one cause has been clearly identified. A suggested reason is related to the way an individual eats, and how common dietary patterns may affect gut bacteria. Since the gut microbiota is particularly sensitive during the first years of life and previous research has primarily studied the eating habits of adults, this new study focused on correlations that start earlier on in life. Upon analyzing the eating pattern of 81,280 one-year-olds in both Sweden and Norway, researchers found that high fish intake was associated with a 54 percent lower risk of ulcerative colitis and high vegetable intake was associated with an overall reduced risk of IBD. In contrast, high intake of sugar-sweetened beverages led to a 42 percent increased risk of IBD. It’s never too early to start eating right.

Esti Asher, MS, RDN, LD, is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist and Self-Care Enthusiast on a mission to help women reach their ultimate health and wellbeing potential inside and out. She shares credible, clear, and inspiring nutrition information with women via her virtual private practice. To contact Esti with feedback or inquiries regarding her nutritional services, please email her at: esti@estiashernutrition.com or visit estiashernutrition.com.

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FOR THE FIRST TIME: DECAF IS NOW KOSHER FOR PASSOVER.

‫כשר לפסח‬

THIS MONTH

In the pages of Wellspring, we share expert advice from some of the community’s most popular and competent dietitians and nutritionists. In this column, you get to see how they practice what they preach in their own kitchens. Pull up a chair at “My Table” and join the chat.

SEVENTH DAY, SECOND MEAL On the first few days of Yom Tov, the Pesach fare still has that special taste. Whether it’s the potatoes at Karpas or the hard-boiled eggs at Shulchan Orech, going back to the basics feels exciting. But when it comes to days number six, seven, and eight, most people are in the mood for something different. What does your menu look like at these seudos? What are some special dishes you serve that add flavor and color to the meal while still adhering to your Pesach minhagim?

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To change things up during the second half of Yom Tov, I try to serve a different meat and different chicken at each meal, and there’s always a variety of vegetables. Some of the foods I serve are tongue on cauliflower rice as the appetizer and zucchini soup with mushroom croutons at the soup course. I prepare many other nutritious delicacies while complying with our minhagim. Pesach is a time to get creative and come up with our own ideas as we each have different customs.

Laura Shammah, MS, RDN

Shani Taub, CDC

Compiled by Shiffy Friedman

I prepare a large variety of vegetables, in fresh and roasted form, and we start off our meal with that. On Chol Hamoed, we love having almond flour pancakes. They’re so good, I can even eat them for dinner sometimes.

I focus on creating flavorful salads as part of the first course—all within the confines of our very limited Pesach options. Every year, I marvel anew at the rich variety of color and flavor that is available to us in its most natural, unprocessed form. A typical salad includes lettuce, cucumbers, purple onion, shredded carrots and shredded beets (both prepped beforehand and stored in an airtight container), and lots of sautéed onions (also prepped in advance), dressed with our special-for-Pesach homemade mayonnaise (which is somehow way more flavorful than the store-bought variety). To change things up, I alternate between adding homemade sweet potato chips or cubes, cubed avocado, pomegranate arils, and/or roasted almonds or walnuts. On Chol Hamoed, I add in grilled chicken pieces or sautéed liver to make the salad a full meal-to-go.

Here’s one of my favorite recipes that is highly nutritious, works perfectly for Pesach, and enhances the menu. Zucchini Kugel Olive oil spray

Sheindy Unger, CDC

I’m also very into salads, both for color and for the much-needed fiber content. A beautiful carrot salad adds a pop of color and the high fiber content in carrots is particularly useful when we’re not eating the typical robust salads we’re used to having daily. I also include a lot of beets in salads for the decorative and nutritional components they offer.

Tanya Rosen, MS, CAI, CPT

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC Shiffy Friedman

I find that having a fish dish twice a day can get a little much, which is why I alternate between two types of fish. On Pesach I typically make salmon and carp, so serving them on a rotation basis keeps things exciting.

I’m always looking to serve more vegetables because we get more than enough of the other food groups! A friend who is a chef by profession shared this recipe for roasted root vegetables.

½ onion, finely chopped 2 medium zucchinis, peeled and grated

Roasted Root Vegetables

Salt, to taste

1 parsnip

6 egg whites, lightly beaten

1 sweet potato

Preheat oven to 375°F. Spray a pan with olive oil spray and sauté onions for 5 minutes. Add zucchini and sauté for 10 minutes. Remove from heat and allow to cool.

1 beet 1 turnip 2–3 Tbsp oil Salt, to taste Preheat oven to 475°F.

Squeeze out as much liquid as possible and season with salt.

Peel and cube all vegetables (cut the sweet potato smaller than the rest for even baking time).

Add egg whites and mix well.

Mix vegetables with oil and salt.

Pour mixture into greased 8-inch square pan, and bake until top is brown and puffy and center is set (about 1 hour).

Spread out cubes in a single layer on baking sheet. Bake uncovered for 45 minutes or until well done.

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Tzimmes 1 large onion, chopped Olive oil, for sautéing 2–3 lbs stew meat 1 cup orange juice Salt, to taste Black pepper, to taste 1 Tbsp cinnamon 5 potatoes, peeled and cubed

Gila Glassberg, MS, RDN, CDN

Dr. Rachael Schindler

My entire family, including the kids, love that I make certain dishes only on Pesach, and they look forward to them every year. My tzimmes recipe and signature horseradish roast made from leftover horseradish from the Seder are firm favorites.

stick to the classics like chicken and potatoes, but I incorporate a lot of flavors while still adhering to our Pesach minhagim. This orange-honey glazed chicken wing recipe is one example of that. Wings have so much potential for flavor because they are nice and fatty, and honey is the perfect conduit to bring out its flavor. Orange-Honey Glazed Chicken Wings Ingredients: • 2 lbs. chicken wings • 3 Tbsp honey, plus 1 tsp for drizzling

2 sweet potatoes, peeled and cubed

• Juice of 1-2 oranges or mandarins (or orange juice)

4 carrots, cut into chunks

• 1 tsp sriracha or hot sauce (optional)

2 tsp stevia or a squirt of honey

• 1½ tsp kosher salt • ½ tsp black pepper

Sauté onion in a small amount of olive oil, then add meat and allow to cook until brown. Transfer to a large baking pan and add rest of ingredients to pan. Bake for 3 hours, double covered with heavy aluminum foil, on 375°F.

• 1 tsp garlic powder

Horseradish Roast

Instructions:

Finger-licking good and not spicy!

Preheat oven to 400°F (200°C). Prepare a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. (If you have a baking rack, place it on the baking sheet and spray with cooking oil. If you don't have a rack, use a disposable tin.) In a large bowl, mix honey, juice from oranges, and hot sauce. Place wings directly into honey mixture. Season wings with rest of ingredients, and lay out on baking sheet. Spray cooking oil over wings, then drizzle with remaining honey, to help them brown and become crispy in the oven.

1 French roast Salt, to taste Pepper, to taste Olive oil Grated horseradish, to taste 2 Tbsp mayonnaise (I use homemade) 5 bulbs garlic, roasted until soft Preheat oven to 375°F. Place French roast in a roasting pan and season with salt, pepper, and olive oil. Mix grated horseradish (the more the better) with mayonnaise and flesh of softened garlic. Spread horseradish-garlic paste over entire roast. Bake for approximately 1.5–2 hours, depending on the size of the roast.

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• 1 tsp paprika • 1 tsp chili powder • oil spray

Transfer baking sheet to preheated oven and bake for approximately 45 to 50 minutes, or until golden brown and crispy. (Optional, but recommended: Flip wings halfway through the cooking time.) Remove wings from oven and serve hot as an appetizer or main dish.

Heart.Works

SOY LONG SOY SAUCE!

P E S AC H

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FO R Y OU

KOSHER FOR

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Discover the ultimate soy sauce alternative for Pesach and beyond! Rich in umami and lower in sodium, this heart-friendly replacement is a game-changer. Goodbye imitation soy sauce—Hello aminos!

e n d ly

‫שר לפסח‬ ‫כ‬

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HOLISTIC

C I T S I L O H Understanding IBS (Part II) Many individuals with IBS end up seeking out functional medicine practitioners for answers to their puzzling symptoms. In my experience, while there is no clear protocol for helping these patients, there are three common, central issues that may often be the cause of the symptoms associated with IBS.

Tamar Feldman RDN CDCES

Digestive Health

A) Bowel muscular issues: When a person doesn’t have full control over their pelvic floor muscles, or if these muscles spasm frequently, constipation and accompanying bloating and gas can occur. When the muscles aren’t working properly, they can block the anal canal, making it very difficult to have a bowel movement, like pushing through a closed door. Physical therapy can assist with retraining the pelvic floor muscles to coordinate properly, thus returning to the proper anal-rectal angles. Sometimes, simply being able to relax will assist with proper muscle functioning. Learning and practicing relaxation, distraction (from focusing on the bowel movement), and meditation techniques can assist with this process. I often refer my clients to a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor dysfunction if I suspect that this is the cause of the IBS-type symptoms. B) SIBO: Also known as small intestinal bacterial overgrowth, SIBO is found in IBS patients as often as 35 percent, according to some studies, including one published in the Journal of Gastroenterology and Hepatology. When bacteria migrate up into the small intestine from their ideal location in the lower colon, they tend to ferment undigested food in the small intestine. The gas they produce can be uncomfortable and cause diarrhea or constipation. With these patients, high-fiber foods can actually worsen their symptoms. Fortunately, there are clear protocols involving medications, herbs, and diets that can often partially or fully treat SIBO. c) Poor diet and lack of exercise: A diet low in fiber, fats, and fluids is often the cause of IBS-type symptoms. Many people are not aware that they are chronically dehydrated or that they are consuming insufficient fats and fiber to lubricate the stool, create bulk, and aid in GI transit. After education on counting fiber grams, including the right types of fats, how to space fat consumption, and increasing fluid intake, many individuals will experience a partial or complete resolution of symptoms. Tamar Feldman, RDN, CDE, is a dietitian whose mission is to improve lives by empowering individuals to use nutrition to improve their gut health and hormone balance. She is a recognized expert on IBS/SIBO and has developed the Gut Dietitian training protocols on IBS and IBD for Registered Dietitian education. She writes, lectures, and counsels extensively on IBD, IBS, PCOS/fertility, and thyroid health, and is the founder of the gutdietitian.com virtual practice and co-founder of the Belly app.

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Private Pity Party

Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC

Physical Health

When I used the term “private pity party” in an email message to my clients regarding smart food choices, I didn’t imagine how the concept would resonate with so many of the women. I now understand that many can benefit from this little lesson, so here we go. Are you familiar with the concept of “pitying” yourself? Of wanting to treat yourself? Subconsciously, we often feel like we have to reward ourselves after having a long day at work, or after accomplishing something big. Very often, how do most of us reward ourselves? With food. This is what I call the private pity party. Here are some examples of when an individual may want to “celebrate” their circumstances with food: • At 3:00 p.m., after a hard day at work, they may conclude, I must treat myself to a coffee and cookie. • After hosting a large crowd and feeling spent and/or underappreciated, they may conclude, I could use another helping of dessert. • A harried mother may think, I was up with the baby all night and I’m famished! I deserve a treat. These examples are often attributed to emotional eating. While they may have an emotional component, these are typical happenings that occur to every single one of us daily. These and other self-pity thoughts pass through our minds all the time, and food turns out to be a very soothing solution—albeit a very temporary one. But when the moment is over, how will it leave us feeling? Besides for the health and weight impact, how helpful will that piece of cake or chocolate be for comforting the thought we originally had? So, when you feel like “I deserve to eat x because today I suffered through y,” think again. Is this you throwing a private pity party, or are you really hungry and in need of true nutrition and satiation? Shaindy Oberlander, BS, INHC, a graduate from Mercy College and IIN, runs her functional medicine–based nutrition practice in Toms River, New Jersey, and virtually. Shaindy has tracks for teens, nursing and pregnant mothers, and women peri/post menopause, and tracks for women suffering from hormonal issues. She can be reached at 212.470.7660 or via her website at www. benefithealthprogram.com.

Shiffy Friedman

Spiritual Health

Tapping In to Our Timely Power The month of Nissan, and especially the Yom Tov of Pesach, affords us the opportunity to tap in to one power that is unique to us human beings, one that has the potential to facilitate untold connection. It is the power of speech. According to the sefarim, every Hebrew month is associated with one human faculty, and Nissan’s faculty is speech. So many details of yetzias Mitzrayim are intricately connected to the power of speech. In Egypt, we were under the servitude of Pharaoh, whose name in lashon hakodesh can be unscrambled to read “peh ra,” evil mouth. From his heretical, ruthless words, we get a glimpse of his deficient inner landscape. We Yidden, on the other hand, worked to cleanse our lashon during those trying times. Miriam, one of our heroines, used her power of speech to soothe and coo to the newborn babies. And it’s on the Yom Tov of Pesach, Pesach, a composite of the words “peh sach,” a mouth that speaks that we celebrate the miracles that led up to our geulah. Pesach is all about vehigadeta levincha, retelling the details of our redemption, and continuously praising and thanking Hakadosh Baruch Hu for His kindnesses, then and now. What power lies in our faculty of speech! It is according to the words we choose that the full breadth of its positive koach comes to the fore. Pesach is an opportune time to make unlocking the potential of speech our focus, especially because on Yom Tov we usually spend more time than usual in the company of others. With this in mind, we can ask ourselves, Which words can I choose to help strengthen this relationship? If we’re zocheh to be married, this would be a good time to ponder, When was the last time I verbally expressed to my husband how much he means to me, how blessed I feel regarding this precious relationship? If we’re zocheh to have children, we can ask ourselves, When was the last time I told each child how dear they are to me, how in awe I am of their strengths, how much I enjoy their company, how proud I am of them, how blessed I feel to be their parent? And, of course, as Yidden, we want to ponder what power lies in our tefillah, our conversations with Hashem—and use it accordingly. It was through the koach of “vanitzak” that Klal Yisrael finally merited their exodus, and it is through conversing with Hakadosh Baruch Hu, opening up to Him about our deepest pains, that we too can help bring about the Redemption we desperately await. In addition to her work as a writer, teacher, and counselor, Mrs. Shiffy Friedman is the founding director of LAHAV, an initiative that spreads awareness about the pathways to connection, contentment, and inner peace through Torah. To receive her free thought-provoking messages on the topic or to learn more about LAHAV, write to info@lahavinitiative.org. To listen to her classes and shiurim, call 646-693-1700.

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IF IT'S IN YOUR CUP, IT'S