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NORTH COSTA BLANCA

Storm batters coast By JACK TROUGHTON

WINTER WEATHER returned to the Costa Blanca this week with torrential rain, high winds, rough seas – and snow on high ground. The area was on amber alert after forecasters warned of a storm over Sunday night and Monday and the thermometer fell after days of balmy sunshine. And winds gusting up to 90km per hour drove rainfall down the coast – with 66.5 litres of rain per square metre falling in Barx over 12 hours, and more than 50 litres in other communities including Oliva, Denia, and Javea. The city of Alicante was particularly badly hit – a record downpour, said to be the worst in living memory, closed schools and flooded groundfloor premises and roads. The deluge was measured at 137 litres per square metre – the average rainfall for the whole month is only 23 litres and the storm brought half as much rain as the city normally gets in an average year. Meanwhile the inland A7 motorway was cut between Alcoy and Ibi for several hours because of snow.

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Brexit all a go go FRIDAY, 17 MARCH, 2017

by JACK TROUGHTON

THE QUEEN gave Royal Assent to the Brexit bill yesterday (Thursday) paving the way for her government to trigger Article 50 and start the process of the UK leaving the European Union. The European Union (Notification of Withdrawal) Bill was passed by MPs in the Commons and peers in the Lords on Monday and formally entered the statute book with Her Majesty’s signature at around 11am GMT. Prime Minister Theresa May can now notify Brussels that Britain is leaving the EU and begin negotiations expected to last at least two years – the Premier has said she wished to start the process by the end of March, but it is unlikely to happen next week to avoid a clash with an informal summit of EU leaders to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Treaty of Rome. See page 4.


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Cow destroyed by DARREN JAMES

A SPANISH cow testing positive to bovine spongiform encephalopathy or BSE – commonly known as ‘mad cow disease’ – has been destroyed. The animal was part of a 134-strong herd of cattle on a farm near Salamanca in the North West region of CastillaLeon. It tested positive for atypical BSE type L according to the Spanish government and put down after routine controls discovered the disease. BSE was first reported in Britain in the mid-1980s and linked to a human variant of the fatal brain-wasting disease. However, the number of cases of BSE plummeted when feed that included meat and bone meal from infected cows was banned.

7 day weather sponsored by Currencies Direct Friday, 17

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X marks the spot

TALENTED YOUNGSTERS at the Laude Lady Elizabeth School are getting their imaginations to work in an Art Competition sponsored by Xpat.

by JACK TROUGHTON PUPILS IN years 1 to 6 at the Benitachell school have been invited to take part and as word spread at Wednesday’s launch, judges expect a bumper entry. The challenge is to produce an A4 size painting, incorporating the Xpat logo, which explains the meaning of the word ‘expatriate’; a person living in a country other than his or her citizenship. First prize is a 50 Euros gift voucher. There are also gift vouchers of 15 Euros and 10 Euros for the first and second best pictures in each year group. The closing date for entries is 31st March, the winners will be announced on 4th April, and the prizes awarded on Wednesday 12 April, the last day of term. Teachers Maxine Lawton and Helen Hanscombe have organised the painting competition and told Xpat: “All the children are really excited to be taking part – they are already asking to borrow materials. “We have put posters all around school and gone to all the assemblies to launch the competition and there has been a really good response.”


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Brexit all a go go

#NEWSBITES

THE QUEEN gave Royal Assent to the Brexit bill yesterday (Thursday) paving the way for her government to trigger Article 50 and start the process of the UK leaving the European Union. by JACK TROUGHTON

The European Union (Notification of Withdrawal) Bill was passed by MPs in the Commons and peers in the Lords on Monday and formally entered the statute book with Her Majesty’s signature at around 11am GMT Prime Minister Theresa May can now notify Brussels that Britain is leaving the EU and begin negotiations expected to last at least two years – the Premier has said she wished to start the process by the end of March, but it is unlikely to happen next week to avoid a clash with an informal summit of EU leaders to celebrate the 60th anniversary of the Treaty of Rome. And Brexit Minister David Davis said: “By the end of the month we will invoke Article 50, allowing us to start our negotiations to build a positive new partnership with our friends and neighbours in the European Union, as

well as taking a step out into the world as a truly Global Britain.” Amendments earlier proposed following House of Lords debate - calling for guaranteed rights for EU citizens in Britain and for a ‘meaningful’ vote in Parliament on the final deal – were dropped. However, expats in the UK and across Europe have been promised their status will be “an absolute priority” in the forthcoming talks and when asked about citizens’ rights, Mrs May said she believed there was genuine “goodwill” across all the current 28 states of the EU. Mrs May was also keen to underline the parting of the ways was not a ‘divorce’ but as Parliament cleared the way for Brexit, a more acrimonious fight began with Nicola Sturgeon, Scotland’s First Minister calling for a second Independence Referendum.

In a surprise move – already said to have ‘Trumped’ Westminster for publicity – Ms Sturgeon told an Edinburgh press conference she wanted ‘Indyref2’ to be staged between spring 2018 and spring 2019; a time Brexit negotiations should be taking shape. And the Prime Minister was warned by the Scottish National Party not to block a seconds independence vote; despite it being just three years since Scotland voted to remain part of the Union in a ‘once in a generation’ vote. The SNP argues Brexit and leaving the EU was against Scotland’s wishes. Deputy Leader Angus Robertson said: “We have two options; one is to sit on the back of the Tory Brexit bus, shut up, say nothing, and see the prime minister drive us off a Brexit cliff. POWER “Or we have the opportunity of the people of Scotland having the power in their hands in a referendum about our country’s future.” Ms Sturgeon believes the Scots want independence and a ballot should be taken before it was “too late” but after “the terms” of Brexit were known. “I believe that it would be wrong for Scotland to be taken down a path it has no control over regardless of the conse-

Spain remembers Madrid bombings SPAIN PAID tribute to the 192 victims and more than 2,000 people injured in the Madrid train bombings on Saturday; 13 years after the capital was attacked by terrorists. Islamic extremists detonated 10 bombs on four trains travelling on the same line and in the same direction between Alcalá de Henares and the Atocha station in the capital. The United Kingdom has 7/7, the USA has 9/11 and Spain has 11-M. All reflect tragedies triggered by extremists. The Madrid attack was originally blamed on Basque separatists ETA but it was quickly established al-Qaeda was responsible. Ceremonies to mark the event were staged at Madrid’s principal Atocha station where most of the victims were killed, and also at the nearby El Retiro park, the location of a memorial forest of olive and cypress trees.

quences for our economy, for our society, for our place in the world, for our very sense of who we are as a country,” she said. “That would be wrong and therefore my judgement is that we should have that choice”. Mrs May hit back. She said: The tunnel vision that the SNP has shown is deeply regrettable. It sets Scotland on a course for more uncertainty and division, creating huge uncertainty. “This is at a time when the Scottish people, the majority of Scottish people do not want a second independence referendum. “Instead of playing politics with the future of our country, the Scottish government should focus on delivering good government and public services for the people of Scotland. Politics is not a game.” The appetite for Indyref2 within the Scottish people has yet to be judged, clearly there have been movements in support since the first poll – but also in the ‘leave’ or ‘remain’ camps over EU membership since last June’s ballot. However, it is claimed both in Westminster and across the European member states that Scotland was leaving the EU as part of the United Kingdom – suggesting an independent country would have to start an application to join from scratch.

Caught redhanded! CIVIL GUARD officers arrested two women attempting to steal from a parked car in Moraira as they charmed a couple inside. The suspects, both Romanian and said to be aged 28 and 38, were watched by the officers mounting a surveillance operation on La Senieta, a known hotspot for car theft and distraction crimes. It was alleged the thieves approached the elderly foreign couple and started a conversation in a “very pleasant and friendly way” but “it was a trick to get closer”. And when the bandits were seen to start opening the car door and struggle with the shocked couple, the police intervened.


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Test the water first PEOPLE LOOKING to start a new life in the Spanish sun should consider renting a property to test the water before buying a new home. by JACK TROUGHTON No one really learns about a location until they have lived there for a time – a mistake one of the British Consulate’s ‘Our Local Ambassador’ team admits to making. Sue has lived in Torrevieja for over two years and loves living in Spain but said it was a “big mistake” buying on her 3rd trip looking at homes in the area, even though she viewed a number of properties. “I was of the opinion that six or eight months of paying rent would be a waste of money; if I had the opportunity of renting my home I would not have bought it – now, if anyone asked me, I would certainly advise them to rent first and not view it as a waste of money,”

she told Xpat. “You never know the area until you have lived there. However, I like Torrevieja because it is a real place and real people live there; it is not a resort. “And I very much enjoy living here in Spain. I think it makes you realise just how absolutely stressed out you were and I regret spending quite so long living like that.” TEAM Sue said the OLA team had been ‘guinea pigs’ in the first year but the role would be expanded in coming months, especially after Brexit. She said she was interested to try and help because she believed the expat community “can be quite demanding at times and some-

times not able to help themselves”. And Sue believes learning at lest some Spanish was crucial. “If you don’t speak it, please don’t berate Spanish people for not speaking English.” Sue first became a charity volunteer - a good way of making friends and a way of networking to meet other people and establish a place in the community. “It is an obvious ‘in’ to the expat community.” She added: “I do like to help people if I can get them out of a spot; wherever I go, I always gather lots of information about a place. “I would like to think I am fairly well informed about where I live and visit; I am always happy to share that with others.”

Sue (right) with Consul Sarah-Jane Morris

Broadway at International Day

THE BROADWAY dancers enjoyed a fantastic day out at International Day in La Nucia last Sunday, which attracted thousands of visitors. Well done to all who participated! (Especially the team Xpat dancers!)


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U3A flying the flag THE TRADITIONAL ‘Olde Tea Shoppe’ run by U3A Marina Baixa was again open for business at La Nucia’s International Day celebrations. by JACK TROUGHTON THE COSTA Blanca municipality is home to more than 85 different nationalities and most were represented in the huge hall given over to event. And the day was packed with national costumes, cuisine from different countries, and performances from a succession of musicians, singers and dancers. The U3A team served huge amounts of tea and coffee as well as cakes and buns baked and donated by members, raising over 500 Euros for charity. U3A Marina Baixa holds its general meetings on the fourth Monday of each month in the auditorium at the Casa de Cultura, Alfaz del Pi. However, the next meeting is on Monday the 20th March, due to a double booking of the room. Doors open at 10am and the desks close at 10.50am for a prompt 11.00 am start. To find out more about the association, visit www.u3amarinabaixa.com or the Facebook page. Alternatively, call Joan Flint on 95 586 1226 or 663 637 167.


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Shop’s crystal anniversary THE CHARITY Shop of Calpe celebrates its 15th anniversary on Saturday 25th March and everyone is invited along to the party. by Jack Troughton From 10am, visitors will be offered a glass of cava or Buck’s Fizz and the opportunity to browse the new season’s clothes; tickets for the Easter Raffle will also be on sale.

The shop is offering final reductions on winter clothing until Thursday 23rd March, and the doors remain closed on Friday 24th March to enable team of volunteers

stock the shelves and rails ahead of the new season clothing being unveiled. There is a wide range of ladies´ and men´s clothes as well as small pieces of furniture, household items and paperbacks. And as the shop only supports local charities in Calpe, it is always in need of new donations of good quality items. Just drop them into the shop between 10am and 1.30pm Monday to Saturday, in the Galerías Mar Azul, Avenida Gabriel Miró in Calpe; the shop can also arrange collection of larger items. Pictured is charity President John Bridge with members of the team of volunteers.

U3A gets crafty THE CRAFT Group is one of the most popular activities within U3A Marina Baixa; where everyone works on what interests them but share techniques. Included in the many crafts practiced is greeting card making, embroidery, different types of sewing, intricate coloured pictures. And any U3A member is invited to go along and enjoy the friendly atmosphere. The group meets meet every Thursday at the Albir Social Centre, from 12.30 till 3.00pm. U3A also has groups for Calligraphy, Petanca, Watercolour, Bridge, Golf, Ten-pin Bowling, Classical Music, Picnics, Writers, Sunday Strollers, Dining Out, Regular Monthly Trips, Chaps & Chatter, Solo Amigos, and a Members Assistance Group, which offers support in times of special need. To find out more, visit www.u3amarinabaixa.com or the Facebook page, alternatively call Joan Flint on 96 586 1226 or 663 637 167.


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Get on the green with CWM

CONTINENTAL WEALTH Management and La Sella Five Star Golf Resort enjoy an exceptional and exclusive relationship on the north Costa Blanca. For many years the two have been close business associates and over the last 24 months they have been close neighbours – CWM’s global Head Office is situated next to the five-star hotel and just 100 metres from the golf clubhouse and the first tee.

It is hardly surprising the relationship has blossomed. Many CWM clients are keen golfers and the company makes good use of the excellent facilities with friends old and new. And most golfers would agree that La Sella is one of the most prestigious courses in Spain and it is both a challenge and a pleasure to play there.

CWM has two special promotions to get golfers out on the course and will make the game even more enjoyable by picking up the bill Free Competition: Firstly, and with immediate effect, CWM invites golfers to log into the corporate web site http://www.continentalwealthmanagement.com/golf.html and enter a competition to win a round of golf for two people every month through to September – it is even easier by using the QR code on this page. A monthly draw will determine the lucky winners and two CWM golfers will join them for the round. Continental Wealth will pay the green fees and the cost of the winners’ buggy...and even provide those much-needed refreshments. Entry to the competition is free and all CWM requests in return is some basic information. Continental Wealth Management is a market leading independent financial advisor with offices and operations in six countries. The global head office is in Spain alongside the La Sella Five Star Golf Resort. CWM provides expert financial advice to hundreds of clients and is happy to offer an initial discussion on any specific financial topic with one of the domain experts. Contact Continental Wealth on +34 96 642 875 or email info@continentalwealth.com. CWM experts look forward to meeting new faces in person at head quarters...or on the first tee. Complimentary Buggies: For the duration of June, Continental Wealth will be offering free buggies at The La Sella Resort, more information will be available on their website http://www.continentalwealthmanagement.com/golf.html as well as local press & radio.


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Towns ‘padron’ emergency PEOPLE ACROSS the Costa Blanca are being urged to sign on the ‘padron’ – the local town hall register – to combat cuts in funding. by Jack Troughton The provincial government in Alicante has launched a campaign to get people to sign or renew the administrative record that determines central funding to towns and the local services they are able to provide. The seaside resort of Calpe has issued its own ‘Local Emergency Warning’. The

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town’s population rises to 100,000 in the summer, it has 40,000 inhabitants – yet just 19,500 are registered on the padron. And over the last three years Calpe has lost 2.7 million Euros in funding as numbers on the official register have fallen by 12,000 – over the next 10 years, the town hall would lose 14 million Euros if the vanishing population continued. Councillor Carole Saunders said the town had until the end of the month to restore people to the register and to receive a correct level of central support to help pay for public services. “We have launched a very intensive campaign. We have spent two weeks making telephone calls and this week we have people going door to door with leaflets, explaining in different languages what they are doing,” she said. The immediate target for Calpe is to

get above a “magic figure” of 20,000 people and so far the response to the appeal has been positive. “The foreign community, and especially Brits, have been very cooperative with the campaign and telling all their friends to go to the town hall to make sure they are correctly registered,” said Mrs Saunders.

She said ‘missing’ people on the list were often caused by deaths, people returning to their home country or simply changing address. To register people needed a passport and NIE, their escritura (house deeds) or a rental agreement. Padron entries needed to be renewed every five or two years depending on status.


Back in the house BRAVE TORY MP Mike Wood made it back to the House of Commons on Monday in a wheelchair to take part in the key Brexit vote. He was unable to take part in the earlier second reading of the Article 50 bill; but had a good excuse for missing the three line whip. He was in medically-induced coma. Earlier this year the MP for Dudley South started to suffer from a sore throat that lead to him feeling so ill at the end of January, he was rushed into hospital. “I really didn’t know what was going on,” he said. “I put myself to bed but at some point got up and started to put my suit on over the top of my pyjamas. Fortunately, my wife realised something was wrong and insisted I went to hospital.” The MP’s first thought was he was suffering from meningitis. “The doctor at the urgent care walk-in centre realised it was sepsis. SHOCK “I suffered a septic shock. My blood pressure collapsed and it triggered pneumonia, kidney failure and a suspected aborted heart attack. I was placed into a medically-induced coma, and put onto life support, on dialysis and breathing through a ventilator tube.” Such was the critical state of his condition – spending three weeks in hospital - his parents were informed that he only had a 10% chance of survival and prepare for the worst. “Because I was drifting in and out of consciousness, I was only getting bits and pieces of information about my condition. At the time I didn’t realise just how bad things were. I was extremely lucky to survive.” Mr Wood now wants to make people aware of Sepsis. “It is vital that people recognise the symptoms of sepsis, it kills more people in the UK each year than bowel, breast and prostate cancer combined, yet very few people have heard of it.” The following symptoms can all be signs of the potentially fatal condition: weakness, severe sickness, loss of appetite, fever and chills, thirst, rapid breathing, fast heart rate, low blood pressure, low urine output, and slurred speech.

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“Dangerous” fugitive held SHARP-EYED POLICE in Benidorm arrested a “dangerous” criminal facing three life sentences in the UK for violent crime and drug trafficking. by DARREN JAMES GARETH BRYAN Edwards, from Salford, was stopped by officers in the English quarter’s Calle Majorca on Friday evening – when challenged, he allegedly produced a passport but police refused to believe he was the man in the photograph. The 26-year-old was said to have pushed officers away and escaped.

However, the alarm was sounded and Edwards was discovered hiding close to nearby hotel swimming pool. Police said he was searched and three packages of cocaine and a list of customers was found – it was said fingerprints confirmed the suspect was Edwards. Greater Manchester Police first appealed for public help in finding

Cuddly spy

Edwards a year ago after a breach of his early release prison terms. According to Spanish authorities, he was described as being “very dangerous and possibly armed”; and last November, Edwards was featured on the list of the Spanish police’s 10 most wanted fugitives. He is now being held behind bars ahead of an extradition hearing in Madrid under a European warrant.

TWO WOMEN have been arrested after using a child’s cuddly toy to spy on a former partner and accused of breaching privacy laws. The Spanish women, aged 29 and 34-years-old, hid a microphone inside the toy to record conversations when one of their daughters visited her father – police were called when the device was discovered after being installed using a zipper.


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XpatComment with Darren James

Xpat Friday, March 17, 2017

These bloody lies

WE ALL use our social media accounts for varying reasons and thankfully the vast majority use them for pleasure. What concerns me is the increasing number of people whose initial thoughts in the morning are to spread vile hate and lies and to seek out such websites and Facebook pages - needless to say, much of this hate is racist in tone; attacking immigrants in general and Muslims and Islam in particular. I’ll hold my hand up. Until about two years ago, I was a big supporter of UKIP and was on the verge of joining them from overseas. I always made a point of watching any interview that featured Nigel Farage, believed all he had to say and even backed that up by reading and believing all I read on the Daily Express front page; that is, of course, when it wasn’t covered in photos of Madonna, Diana, or the latest amazing and remarkable cure that would see us all living far beyond the

age of 138. It then occurred to me in a flash – and it happened just before the EU Referendum was announced just over a year ago that I was now being subjected to a crash course of brainwashing to enhance the drip, drip, drip feeding of misinformation that had been broadcast over the past 20 years or more, particularly about the EU and scrounging migrants. Brainwashing - the exact thing that these clever right wing orators have and continue to perpetrate upon their own mass of fanatics - and yet the followers can’t see it in front of their own noses. Thankfully, I snapped myself out of this trance and started to look at facts and figures for myself. The latest example was spotted on Facebook last weekend in the aftermath of an attack in Dusseldorf, allegedly under-

taken by a mentally ill Muslim from Kosovo. And featured on a website called ‘New Politics Today’, the story was backed up with an image of an axe man and a woman surrounded in blood on the platform. Closer inspection revealed a poor attempt at ‘Photoshop’...and then I remembered where I’d seen the image before. It was from the Boston Marathon bombing in April 2013. These evil people know that with more and more getting their ‘news’ from the internet in place of professional television news and printed media; they can peddle these exaggerations and lies to an ever growing naive audience, a fact highlighted by the internet founder Sir Tim Berners-Lee last weekend. Promoting an opinion with passion or putting a positive or negative spin – even a little

poetic license - on a fact is one thing. To deliberately set out to deceive or lie is a different matter entirely. If Abraham Lincoln were alive today he’d perhaps be saying: “You can now fool most of the people most of the time!”

Photoshop


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Spanish royals visit UK THEIR MAJESTIES King Felipe VI and Queen Leticia of Spain are to make their first State Visit to the United Kingdom in June. THE ROYAL couple will stay at Buckingham Palace during the visit between 6th to the 8th of June, which will celebrate the strong historic links between the two countries and their peoples. And the British ambassador to Spain, Simon Manley welcomed the announcement of the State Visits. He said: “In this Sapphire Jubilee celebration year for Her Majesty the Queen, I am delighted that their Majesties King Felipe VI and Queen Leticia have accepted her invitation to visit the UK. “This State Visit will celebrate not only the long and deep and historic ties between our two countries, but also our strong relationship as partners bilaterally, within Europe and on the global stage. “We enjoy close connections in terms of culture, commerce, education, science and innovation. This is an opportunity to celebrate and deepen those links.” The UK and Spain are close partners within NATO and the United Nations and the ambassador said one Britain left the

European Union “we want to strengthen our strong and constructive bilateral relationship with Spain.” The two countries are also major trading partners and nearly 300,000 British people are resident in Spain while 18 million visited last year; over 132,000 Spaniards are resident in the UK and two million visited. The British and Spanish Royal Families are directly related through the marriage of Alfonso XIII of Spain to Princess Victoria Eugenia, known as Ena, and granddaughter of Queen Victoria – the princess is the great-grandmother of King Felipe.

Whatsapp-ening! VISITORS TO Benidorm can now take advantage of a new Whatsapp messaging service opened by the resort’s Tourist Office. Simply send a message to (0034)

672 110 188 asking for information and the call will be answers in normal working hours; 9am to 9pm Monday to Friday, Saturdays from 10am to 5pm, and 10am until 2pm on Sundays.

The Xpat teams up with Sell your stuff Spain In an exclusive newspaper partnership - The Xpat News has this week teamed up with Facebook group giant, Sell your stuff Spain. Sell your stuff Spain currently has over 50.000 followers and its groups can be used for selling anything from a coke can to a house, and from property sales to baby clothes! Sell your stuff Spain has grown faster than any other Facebook group and has proved to be extremely popular putting buyers in touch with sellers. The website www.sellyourstuffspain.net has an online business directory filled with local businesses…and you can even

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book your next holiday through them – what are you waiting for? For other groups see: Sell your Stuff - Pets https://www.facebook.com/ groups/429842950364245/ Sell your Baby Stuff – Spain https://www.facebook.com/ groups/232296266801319/ Sell Your Stuff – Property https://www.facebook.com/groups/1504011 829836340/


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About time! ABOUT TIME the Guardia Civil had a good crack down on these illegal vehicles.

There are too many nationalities driving around that have been in this country for years avoiding all the legal obligations that are required when bringing their vehicles into another country. If you’re ever involved in an accident with one of these vehicles you have no chance as they will not have insurance or any of the other legal requirements. I see these cars every day parked outside peoples’ homes with neither a valid tax disc nor an ITV sticker and have been here for years. If they do have a tax disc more than likely they are a black market one. How the police do not make a note of these vehicles when they are driving around the various urbanizations beats me. Also look at the various airports where these people are using their vehicles as an illegal taxi service. The police should do more spot checks at the airports and any foreign car that does not comply with the regulations should be dealt with in the proper manner and the owner made to get it registered. If not - scrap it. The government is losing money from these people. They want to use their vehicles on the roads but are not contributing to the upkeep of the roads!


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Big screen success

AWARDS NIGHT at Marcia’s Dance Centre and Stage School proved a big hit with a packed Calpe audience last Friday; raising 2,220 Euros for charity. by Jack Troughton ‘A Night at the Oscars’ at the Casa de Cultura brought Hollywood to the Costa Blanca with a glittering variety of routines designed around the music of films nominated for the annual Hollywood ceremony.

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The show was choreographed by Phaedra

Vaughan, daughter of the school’s founder Marcia, and the cast took the audience on a colourful trip across the Atlantic to Tinseltown. Showgirls danced to Star Wars and there was a sultry performance of the hit song ‘Skyfall’. Dances from Burlesque to tap, ballet and musical theatre to Bollywood filled the stage and narration in both Spanish and English guided the audience through the show.

The event raised money for the charity of Friends of the Children of Emaus and both Marcia and Phaedra thanked all the students for their hard work and giving time to attend extra rehearsals. They also thanked the numerous ‘behind the scenes’ volunteers; those involved in set design and props, costumes, stage management, front of house, photos and publicity.


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Diabetes support group THE DIABETES Support Group run by HELP of Denia and the Marina Alta returns next week with meetings in Teulada and La Xara. by JACK TROUGHTON THE PAIR of meetings – organised by lead volunteer Dorothy Cook, a recently retired UK Diabetes Nurse Specialist – are the first of three scheduled for 2017, the others will be in June and September. On Tuesday 21st March, the group will be at the MABS room in the IMED building, Cami Clavari, Teulada. The La Xara meeting is in the HELP Activity Centre in Avenida Oeste 29 bajo. Both will be between 4.30pm and 6.30pm.

The two hours allow for refreshments, an hour long diabetes related presentation; ranging from lifestyle to management of the condition, treatment and complications. Time is made for questions and answers and Dorothy can answer questions at the meeting or will research a problem and email the information later. And she is preparing a two-year programme to cover all aspects of diabetes and the meetings are open to those with the condition, their spouses or partners, and health care providers. There is also evidence diabetes T2 can be prevented and Dorothy wants to talk to groups about this and the recognition of ‘impaired glucose’ or ‘pre-diabetes’ as it has become known. A diagnosis of diabetes can be both devastating and bewildering and Dorothy is keen to help anyone coming to terms with it – she has already aided someone from as far away as Torrevieja and can be contacted via HELPofdenia@gmail.com or 634 349 240.

Discover the ‘F Factor’ TALENTED FLORAL artist Stephanie Laing makes a second visit to the Marina Alta Costa Blanca Floral Club on Thursday 23rd March. Stephanie (pictured) has promised to bring her sense of humour and will treat the club to the ‘F Factor’ at the Salon de Actos, La Senieta, Moraira. She is from East Grinstead and is also a member of the Estepona Flower Club and doors open for the afternoon at 2.15pm and everyone is asked to be seated by 2.45pm. Members are reminded that our Annual General Meeting is being held earlier the same day and will be starting at 12.30 prompt. The meeting will be held in one of the ‘aulas’ upstairs. Entrance to the demonstration is 5 Euros for members and 8 Euros for visitors, everyone is welcome to attend. For further information contact Tina on 96 583 3197 or visit the website www.marinaaltafloralclub.com, there is also a Facebook page.


Friday, March 17, 2017

The way to San Jose SPAIN CELEBRATES Father’s Day on Sunday; the Dia del Padre is also the saint day of San Jose. by Darren James According to the New Testament, St Joseph was engaged to the Virgin Mary when she became pregnant with Jesus. He married Mary and supported both her and the holy child; becoming an important father figure in Christianity. St Joseph’s feast day was adopted by the Franciscans in 1399 and was added to the list of Roman Catholic feast days in 1479; and 19th March became a compulsory Catholic feast day in 1621 – and is now part of the ‘fallas’ celebrations. The tradition of constructing and burning of the statues arose in the Middle Ages when carpenters burnt broken

pieces of work and remnants of wood collected during the winter to celebrate the spring equinox. And at some point, the fires were moved to St Joseph’s Day as he is the patron saint of carpenters. The modern day fallas are constructed, displayed and ceremonially burnt in many towns and villages throughout the autonomous community of Valencia, including the city of Valencia. One is chosen by popular vote each year to be preserved in the regional museum with the rest being burnt during the spectacular fireworks displays on the evening of March 19.

Hanging around

A DRIVER trapped in his cab when his lorry was left hanging from a bridge on the A31was successfully rescued by emergency services in the early hours of Wednesday morning. The 49-year-old was taken to Elda Hospital after being stabilised at the scene. His current condition is not known.

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Welcome party JAVEA PLAYERS threw a party to allow existing members to meet the new faces who have joined the theatre group over the past few months. The Javea Players’ Studio Theatre was the host for the ‘Green Room’ event; everyone enjoyed the ‘bring and share’ food and the bar did a roaring trade. Chairman Mike Harvey (pictured fifth from right) welcomed new members and there was even time for an extract of the forthcoming comedy ‘Sand Castles’.


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Xpat Friday, March 17, 2017

Spotlight on... Travel agents in decline THE OVER 50s are turning their backs on the traditional travel agent to book their breaks – according to Silver Travel Advisor levels have dropped to 30%. by Darren James Research shows 56% of older travellers prefer to deal direct with operators – including 40% booking online and 16% using the phone. Under a third used a travel agent for reservations to book a holiday, and only 16% visit agencies in person. The study found that 70% of over-50s take three of more holidays a year, while 20% take five or more breaks. Almost half of the group, 48%, spend more than 3,000 pounds per person a year on holidays, with 24% of them spending over 5,000 pounds – a rise of 22% on last year. Activity holidays were also on the increase with walking or hiking trips accounting for 31%, followed by musical performances such as opera at 17%, cookery at 12% and yoga or pilates at 11%. The over-50s account for 76% of the UK’s wealth, with 68% of over-55s describing themselves as ‘financially comfort-

able’ and more than one in ten pensioners having total wealth worth of over £1million. Debbie Marshall, Managing Director of Silver Travel Advisor said: “Many over-50s have the wealth, the good health and the keen sense of adventure to make travel their spending priority in their later years. “The opportunities are there – but travel companies need to think carefully about which segments they are targeting, which channels they use and how they communicate with them, as well as using age-appropriate creative content and tone of voice.” Two thirds of those surveyed (67%) think people should not even be considered old until they hit 80-years-old and a further 18% said someone was not old until they reached their 10th decade. The findings were disclosed in a new survey by Silver Travel Advisor, with an analysis of 500 respondents over the age of 50; 80% of them over 60.


Life Sex and the City Xpat

Friday, March 17, 2017

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GEORGIAN ENGLAND was a country obsessed with sex from tales of the bed-hopping aristocracy to the common man popping to the pub for a pint and a bit on the side.

Historian Mike Rendell takes readers on an adventure – schoolbooks were never like this – that looks at the scandals of rich and poor, as everyone from the Royal Family to visiting sailors were looking for gratification. His new book ‘In Bed with the Georgians’ is an intriguing piece of social history. Unlike the prudish Victorians, sex in the 18th Century was open and the

‘sex worker’ industry thrived both under the bedclothes...and in alleys and doorways. Subtitled ‘Sex, Scandal and Satire in the 18th Century’, this well-researched book shows how even those who were not doing ‘it’ took great delight in reading about those who were. High class courtesans and kept women became famous as modern day celebrities, the WAGS of their day, and the wealth and excesses of the scene became

essential reading. In 1725, Daniel Defoe – journalist, author, and who penned age of enlightenment masterpiece Robinson Crusoe - wrote the streets of London were “swarming with strumpets”; certainly by the middle of the 18th Century there were said to be over 62,000 ‘whores’ plying their trade on the streets, in brothels, and the notorious ‘pleasure gardens’. The top tiers of society, bored men and women, were busy

‘playing away’, the mistresses and kept women enjoyed a wealthy lifestyle, but the dangers of disease and finally offering services for the price of a drink are a sobering thought when looking at the plight of society in general. Earthquakes and storms showed God’s wrath at the age of the libertine; and it was an age where women were blamed for inciting a fall from grace – and even the growth of sexu-

ally transmitted disease. Author Mike, who divides his time between Spain, the edge of Dartmoor and a busy lecturing schedule, has penned a thought provoking book, wonderfully illustrated and with a very helpful glossary of some of the terms of the day. ‘In Bed with the Georgians’ is priced 14.99 pounds and available from Pen & Sword Books (www.pen-and-sword.co.uk) and other major outlets.


#Puzzles Life Xpat

Xpat Friday, March 17, 2017

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Cryptic Crossword

DOODLE AWAY...

of sight; 6 Coolish; 7 Mention; 4 Get out Down: 2 Uncover; 3 Staining. 21 Limit; 22 Slew; 23 19 Near; 20 Earning; together; 18 Devilish; 12 Uniting; 13 Bring Stubborn; 11 Avoid; 5 Scum; 9 Scan; 10 Across: 1 Submerge; QUICK SOLUTIONS

DOWN 2. Lay open (7) 3. Refer to (7) 4. Hide (3,3,2,5) 6. Not very warm (7) 7. Boss (7) 8. Compel (6) 13. Evil (7) 14. Opposite (7) 15. French (6) 16. Strain (7) 17. High spirits (7)

Manager; 8 Oblige;

ACROSS 1. Sink (8) 5. Froth (4) 9. Scrutinise (4) 10. Obstinate (8) 11. Elude (5) 12. Combining (7) 13. Unite (5,8) 18. Satanic (8) 19. Close (4) 20. Being paid (7) 21. Extremity (5) 22. Killed (4) 23. Discolouring (8)

Sudoku

13 Badness; 14

Quick

Inverse; 15 Gallic; 16

DOWN 2. One expects a good row in the course of it (7) 3. It’s wrong to give people a hand like this (7) 4. Hot looking athlete or climber (7,6) 6. Those who inherit are bound to (7) 7. Furniture found backstage? (7) 8. You may find a working model in it (6) 13. Blooming company fall into error about a point (7) 14. Any Celt in a dormant state (7) 15. Natural responses (6) 16. Managed to continue with foreign capital (7) 17. State train (7)

Tension; 17 Elation.

ACROSS 1. Plain words about a border flower (8) 5. Employed in house demolition (4) 9. Food produced in layers (4) 10. Scrap a soft thing (8) 11. Not qualified to speak (5) 12. Many snakes are associated with them (7) 13. What the buyer did on the telephone when reproached by the chairman? (6,2,5) 18. Be careful, the timekeeper’s incorrect! (5,3) 19. Moves fast and bites (4) 20. A case for travelling light (7) 21. Colonel married and broken in spirit! (5) 22. Gives someone their due (4) 23. He often stops while working (8)

Crossword Solutions CRYPTIC SOLUTIONS Across: 1 Primrose; 5 Used; 9 Eggs; 10 Particle; 11 Utter; 12 Ladders; 13 Called to order; 18 Watch out; 19 Nips; 20 Lantern; 21 Cowed; 22 Pays; 23 Organist. Down: 2 Regatta; 3 Misdeal; 4 Scarlet runner; 6 Succeed; 7 Dresser; 8 Studio; 13 Cowslip; 14 Latency; 15 Echoes; 16 Rangoon; 17 Express.

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Life #AuntyVirus Xpat

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Windows 10 Hi Aunty, may I ask your advice once again. I use Internet Explorer and Windows 10. Recently I’ve been plagued with a black screen when I open up, and, when I click on almost anything, the screen stays black for anything up to 10 seconds. It is continuous, and it is driving me nuts. Can you help? Tom.

Aunty says, Not too sure what your issue is. If the problem is with Internet Explorer, or Edge as it is in W10, perhaps try a different internet browser like Chrome or Firefox. Perhaps running cleaners like Antimalwarebytes and Adaware will help, if some unwanted programs are causing issues with your internet browser. Have a look at the installed programs, via the control panel, and see if there are any suspicious ones in there, or look at what programs are loading on start up, and eliminate or stop those that you do not want to run all the time.

Can’t log on Dear Aunty, I use Windows 10 on my laptop, but recently cannot log on to various websites eg Facebook, Hotmail, most Windows sites, anything with a HTTPS in the title. I can log onto Round Town News, Elche football club, etc. Any ideas? Terry

Gonuts dialup seems to work can I get Outlook Express to allow me to compose emails offline and then to dial Gonuts solely for the internet connection and then send my emails via Gmail? Express to allow me to compose Aunty Says: emails offline then to dial Gonuts This can be doneand via the ‘tools’ ‘options’ solely for the internet connection and the ‘send’ tab. You need to untick and then send my emails via Gmail? the ‘send messages immediately’ box Aunty Says: This can be done via the ‘tools’ ‘options’ and the ‘send’ tab. You need to untick the ‘send messages immediately’ box and you should find

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Cannot access iTunes

Chrissy from Gata de Gorgos HI AUNTY - I use my iPod to listen to radio podcasts, however in the last few weeks I cannot access the iTunes store. I can refresh/update the radio programs I already have listed but cannot get on to the store to access any more podcasts or to buy any music etc. When I try to access the store I just get a Microsoft Windows message box saying “iTunes has stopped working, a problem caused the program to stop working correctly. Windows will close the program and notify you

if a solution is available”. Then the whole program closes down. Aunty Says: This sounds like an iTunes/Windows conflict Chrissy. The easiest thing to try is a fresh install of the latest iTunes from the apple.com website. Let me know how you get on.

6228 errors need correcting

Aunty says HTTPS is a secure website that requires some form of user name and password to access. As you say, it happens on Hotmail and Facebook, but not other sites, so something in your browser settings is blocking the access. Of course, this depends on which browser you are using, “Edge”, Internet Explorer, Chrome or Firefox. For example, in IE, you click the Tools menu > “Internet Options.” Click the Advanced tab > Security section. Check the boxes for “Use SSL 2.0” and “Use SSL 3.0”. You could try another browser instead.

Chris and Gary via email asks: IT APPEARS that the free Gonuts email service is no more, however, the free Gonuts dialup still seems to work. I have now setup a Gmail account but ChrisI and viaOutlook email asks: when clickGary on the Express IT APPEARS that the Gonuts icon it goes directly to free the Outlook email service is nothen more, however, Express inbox and automatically the free Gonuts stillis,seems dials Gonuts. The dialup question how to work. I have now setup a Gmail account but when I click on the Outlook Express icon it goes directly to the Outlook Express inbox and then automatically dials Gonuts. The question is, how can I get Outlook

Friday, March 17, 2017

and you should find you can now write you emails before dialing up Gonuts. From the amount of emails I am receiving regarding Gonuts email and dialup I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the service you can now write you emails disappears completely. It may be before a good dialing up Gonuts. Fromaddress the amount time to setup a new email with of emails I am receiving Google or Yahoo while youregarding can still access your webmail addressI wouldn’t book. Gonuts email and dialup be at all surprised if the service disappears completely. It may be a good time to setup a new email address with Google or Yahoo while you can still access your webmail address book.

Ursula via email asks: I HAVE a problem with my computer. It’s slowing down and PC Maximiser is telling that there are 6228 errors which need correcting and I will have to pay €29.99 to fix them: is there a free version? Aunty Says: There are now so many of these PC optimization programs out there that it’s becoming very difficult to work out which ones are genuine, and which ones are simply trying to part us with our hard earned cash. I cannot recommend any of them Ursula and I certainly wouldn’t consider paying for one until I had fully tested and researched exactly what it does. Some of these programs are actually quite dangerous as they will trick you into paying a subscription to remove malware or tune-up your PC, and then liberate your bank account or credit card of all kinds of payments. If your computer is running badly then maybe phone around for a competent PC/ Windows techie to give it a service.


#TVGuide Life Xpat

Xpat Friday, March 17, 2017

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Saturday 18

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7:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Fugitives 12:45 Dom on the Spot 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News at Two 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 Moving On 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Money for Nothing 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News at Seven 19:30 BBC Regional News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News 20:30 A Question of Sport 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Room 101 22:00 EastEnders 22:30 Tracey Ullman’s Show 23:00 BBC News at Eleven 23:25 National Lottery Update 23:25 BBC Regional News 23:35 Film Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

7:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 7:30 Fugitives 8:15 Money for Nothing 9:00 Big Dreams Small Spaces 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 BBC Newsroom Live 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Two Tribes 14:30 Beat the Brain 15:00 Building Dream Homes 15:30 Channel Patrol 16:15 Ireland with Simon Reeve 17:15 The Hunt 18:15 Bargain Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Hairy Bikers’ Comfort Food 20:00 Celebrity Antiques Road Trip 21:00 Gardeners’ World 21:30 Only Connect 22:00 Wild Ireland: The Edge of the World 23:00 QI 23:30 Newsnight 24:00 Weather 24:05 Robot Wars

7:00 Breakfast 11:00 Saturday Kitchen Live 12:30 Football Focus 13:00 BBC News 13:10 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 15:25 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 18:00 Escape to the Country 18:40 BBC News 18:50 BBC Regional News 19:00 Pointless Celebrities 19:45 Let’s Sing and Dance for Comic Relief 21:00 Who Dares Wins 21:40 Casualty 22:30 Mrs Brown’s Boys 23:00 National Lottery Update 23:00 BBC News 23:20 Match of the Day 24:45 This Country

7:30 Film Blackbeard the Pirate 9:10 Film Whisky Galore! 10:30 Coast 11:30 Homes Under the Hammer 12:30 Mary Berry Everyday 13:00 The Little Paris Kitchen: Cooking with Rachel Khoo 13:30 Film Firecreek 15:15 Bargain Hunt 16:00 Gardeners’ World 16:30 University Challenge 17:00 Only Connect 17:30 Final Score 18:30 Flog It! 19:30 Wild Ireland: The Edge of the World 20:30 Britain at War: Imperial War Museums at 100 21:30 Dad’s Army 22:00 Dame Vera Lynn: Happy 100th Birthday 23:00 QI XL 23:45 Film True Grit

7:00 Breakfast 8:30 Match of the Day 10:00 The Andrew Marr Show 11:00 The Big Questions 12:00 Sunday Politics London 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News 14:10 Weather for the Week Ahead 14:15 Flog It! 15:15 Countryfile Spring Diaries 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Lifeline 16:55 Songs of Praise 17:30 Shop Well for Less? 18:30 BBC News 18:50 BBC Regional News 19:00 The Big Painting Challenge 20:00 Countryfile 21:00 Antiques Roadshow 22:00 SS-GB 23:00 BBC News 23:20 BBC Regional News 23:30 Match of the Day 2 24:40 American High School

6:00 A to Z of TV Gardening 6:45 An Island Parish 7:15 Around the World in 80 Gardens 8:15 Gardeners’ World 8:45 Countryfile 9:45 Saturday Kitchen Best Bites 11:15 Nigel Slater’s Dish of the Day 11:45 Simply Nigella 12:15 MOTD2 Extra 1:00 Film Day of the Evil Gun 2:30 The House That £100K Built 3:30 Back to the Land with Kate Humble 4:30 Ski Sunday Special: Freestyle Ski & Snowboard World Championships 6:00 Six Nations Rugby Union 7:00 Robot Wars 8:00 Top Gear 9:00 Down the Mighty River with Steve Backshall 10:00 Film While We’re Young 11:35 Six Nations Rugby Union

7:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Fugitives 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News at Two 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Code 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Money for Nothing 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News at Seven 19:30 BBC Regional News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News 20:30 Inside Out London 21:00 EastEnders 21:30 Panorama 22:00 Crimewatch 23:00 BBC News at Eleven 23:30 BBC Regional News 23:45 Have I Got a Bit More News for You 24:30 Live at the Apollo

7:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 7:30 Fugitives 8:15 Money for Nothing 9:00 The Great Interior Design Challenge 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 BBC Newsroom Live 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Six Nations Rugby Union 14:30 Beat the Brain 15:00 The TV That Made Me 15:45 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:45 More Creatures Great and Small 17:15 Great Barrier Reef with David Attenborough 18:15 Bargain Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Hairy Bikers’ Comfort Food 20:00 Top Gear 21:00 University Challenge 21:30 Mary Berry Everyday 22:00 Natural World 23:00 Cradle to Grave 23:30 Newsnight 24:10 Weather 24:15 Down the Mighty River with Steve Backshall

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7:00 Good Morning Britain 9:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Weather 13:30 ITV Lunchtime News 13:55 ITV London Weather 13:55 ITV News London 14:00 ITV Racing Live 17:30 Celebrity Home Secrets 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV Regional Weather 19:00 ITV News 19:30 Weather 19:30 ITV Evening News 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 Judge Rinder’s Crime Stories 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Lethal Weapon 23:00 The Nightly Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 ITV News 24:00 ITV Regional Weather 24:00 ITV News 24:15 Play to the Whistle

7:00 Countdown 7:45 The King of Queens 8:10 The King of Queens 8:35 The King of Queens 9:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9:30 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 A New Life in the Sun 14:05 Posh Pawn 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Sun, Sea and Selling Houses 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:30 Unreported World 21:00 Scruffts 22:00 Gogglebox 23:00 The Last Leg 24:05 8 Out of 10 Cats 24:55 How’d You Get So Rich?

7:00 Children’s TV 8:50 Paw Patrol 9:05 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15 Digby Dragon 9:30 Peppa Pig 9:40 Peppa Pig 9:50 Wissper 10:00 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Benefits Britain: Life on the Dole 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 NCIS 16:20 Film Patient Killer 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 5 News Update 20:00 The Gadget Show 21:00 5 News Update 21:00 Tony Robinson: Coast to Coast 22:00 When TV Goes Horribly Wrong

7:00 You’ve Been Framed! 7:25 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 8:15 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 9:00 Emmerdale 9:30 Emmerdale 10:00 You’ve Been Framed! 10:35 Psych 12:20 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 13:25 Emmerdale 13:55 Emmerdale 14:30 You’ve Been Framed! 15:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 15:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 Judge Rinder 19:00 You’ve Been Framed! 19:30 You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 You’ve Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film American Pie: The Wedding 24:00 Family Guy 24:30 Family Guy 24:55 American Dad!

7:20 The King of Queens 7:45 Everybody Loves Raymond 8:10 Everybody Loves Raymond 8:35 Race of Champions 9:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Frasier 11:00 The Big Bang Theory 11:30 The Big Bang Theory 12:00 The Big Bang Theory 12:30 The Simpsons 13:00 The Simpsons 13:30 The Simpsons 14:00 Come Dine with Me 14:30 Come Dine with Me 15:00 Come Dine with Me 15:30 Come Dine with Me 16:00 Come Dine with Me 16:30 A Place in the Sun: Summer Sun 17:30 Location, Location, Location 18:35 Grand Designs 19:30 Channel 4 News 20:00 Escape to the Chateau 21:00 Penelope Keith at Her Majesty’s Service 22:00 Film Lucy 23:45 Film RoboCop

7:00 Children’s TV 10:25 Peppa Pig 10:35 Peppa Pig 10:45 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 10:55 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:30 Access 11:40 On Benefits 12:40 On Benefits 13:35 On Benefits 14:30 Dance Moms 15:25 Dance Moms 16:20 Dance Moms 17:15 The Nightmare Neighbour Next Door 18:10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 19:10 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 20:05 NCIS: Los Angeles 21:00 NCIS 21:55 5 News Weekend 22:00 Football on 5: The Championship 23:00 Football on 5: Goal Rush 23:30 The True Story 24:30 Caught on Camera

7:00 You’ve Been Framed! 7:25 Emmerdale 9:55 Coronation Street 12:20 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 13:55 The Voice UK 15:15 Film Rumour Has It 16:15 FYI Daily 16:20 Film Rumour Has It 17:20 Film Nanny McPhee 18:20 FYI Daily 18:25 Film Nanny McPhee 19:15 Film Mr Bean’s Holiday 20:15 FYI Daily 20:20 Film Mr Bean’s Holiday 21:00 Scorpion 22:00 Film The 40 Year-Old Virgin 23:00 FYI Daily 23:05 Film The 40 Year-Old Virgin 24:25 Family Guy 24:55 Family Guy

7:00 Children’s TV 9:20 Horrid Henry 9:45 Teen Titans Go! 10:05 Adventure Time 10:25 ITV News 10:30 Countrywise 11:00 Peston on Sunday 11:55 Wild Australia with Ray Mears 12:25 Chopping Block 13:25 ITV News and Weather 13:29 ITV Regional Weather 13:30 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 14:30 Off Their Rockers 15:00 Tipping Point 16:00 The Voice UK 18:00 Little Big Shots 19:00 ITV Regional Weather 19:10 ITV News and Weather 19:30 Harry Hill’s Alien Fun Capsule 20:00 Five Gold Rings 21:00 Vera 23:00 ITV News and Weather 23:19 ITV Regional Weather 23:20 The Nightly Show 23:50 Peston on Sunday 24:50 Anglo-Welsh Cup Highlights

7:15 The King of Queens 7:40 Everybody Loves Raymond 8:05 Everybody Loves Raymond 8:35 Race of Champions 9:30 Frasier 10:00 Frasier 10:30 Sunday Brunch 13:30 The Simpsons 14:00 The Simpsons 14:30 Film Rio 16:25 Film Johnny English Reborn 18:30 Channel 4 News 19:00 Dave’s Guide to Spending Money 20:00 Our Guy in China 21:00 Rivers with Jeremy Paxman 22:00 Homeland 23:00 Gogglebox 24:00 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown

7:00 Children’s TV 8:05 Wanda and the Alien 8:15 Angelina Ballerina 8:30 Little Princess 8:45 Paw Patrol 9:00 Blaze and the Monster Machines 9:25 Noddy: Toyland Detective 9:40 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 10:00 Shimmer and Shine 10:25 Peppa Pig 10:35 Peppa Pig 10:45 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 10:55 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 11:30 Football on 5: The Championship 12:30 Football on 5: Goal Rush 13:00 The Gadget Show 14:05 Film Batteries Not Included 16:05 Film Zathura: A Space Adventure 18:00 Film Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2 (2013) 19:50 5 News Weekend 19:55 Film Left Behind 22:00 Film Elysium 24:10 Film Dark Skies

7:00 Emmerdale 9:30 Coronation Street 12:00 The Voice UK 14:00 2Awesome 14:05 2Awesome: Guidance 14:40 2Awesome: Fame High 15:05 2Awesome: Third Wheel 15:15 2Awesome: Third Wheel 15:30 2Awesome: LA Story 15:50 You’ve Been Framed! 16:25 You’ve Been Framed! 16:55 Film Despicable Me 17:55 FYI Daily 18:00 Film Despicable Me 18:50 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 19:55 Film Red Riding Hood 20:55 FYI Daily 21:00 Film Red Riding Hood 22:00 Ibiza Weekender 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 Family Guy 24:00 Family Guy 24:30 American Dad!

7:00 Good Morning Britain 9:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 Weather 14:30 ITV Lunchtime News 14:55 ITV Regional Weather 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Chopping Block 16:59 ITV Regional Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV Regional Weather 19:30 Weather 19:30 ITV Evening News 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Coronation Street 21:00 The Kyle Files 21:30 Coronation Street 22:00 Broadchurch 23:00 The Nightly Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 ITV News 24:00 ITV Regional Weather 24:00 ITV News 24:15 The Chase

7:00 Countdown 7:45 The King of Queens 8:10 The King of Queens 8:35 The King of Queens 9:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Vet on the Hill 14:05 Posh Pawn 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Sun, Sea and Selling Houses 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 Dispatches 21:30 Travel Man 22:00 24 Hours in A&E 23:00 How’d You Get So Rich? 23:50 Tattoo Fixers 23:55 Gap Year

7:00 Children’s TV 9:05 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15 Digby Dragon 9:30 Peppa Pig 9:40 Peppa Pig 9:50 Wissper 10:00 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film Running for Her Life (2016) 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 5 News Update 20:00 Super Scary Plane Landings 21:00 5 News Update 21:00 Police Interceptors 22:00 Inside King’s Cross: The Railway 23:00 All New Traffi c Cops 24:00 Film Homefront

7:00 You’ve Been Framed! 7:25 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 8:15 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 9:00 Emmerdale 9:30 Coronation Street 10:00 Coronation Street 10:35 Psych 11:25 Below Deck 12:20 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 13:25 Emmerdale 13:55 Coronation Street 15:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 15:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 Judge Rinder 19:00 You’ve Been Framed! 19:30 You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 You’ve Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Family Guy 22:30 The Great Indoors 23:00 American Dad! 23:30 American Dad! 23:55 Family Guy 24:25 The Cleveland Show 24:55 The Cleveland Show

7:00 Children’s TV 8:05 Thunderbirds Are Go 8:30 Scrambled! 8:35 Mr Bean: The Animated Series 8:50 Horrid Henry 9:10 Teen Titans Go! 9:30 Bear Grylls Survival School 10:05 Adventure Time 10:25 Alphabetical 11:20 Judge Rinder 12:20 Rebound 13:20 ITV News and Weather 13:29 ITV Regional Weather 13:30 Film Carry On Matron 15:15 Off Their Rockers 15:45 The Voice UK 17:00 Live Six Nations Rugby Union 20:30 Ant & Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway 21:30 The Voice UK 23:30 ITV News and Weather 23:44 ITV Regional Weather 23:45 Lethal Weapon 24:35 Film Rambo III


Life #TVGuide Xpat

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7:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Fugitives 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News at Two 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Code 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Money for Nothing 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News at Seven 19:30 BBC Regional News 20:00 The One Show 20:30 BBC News; Regional News 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Holby City 22:00 EastEnders 22:30 Would I Lie to You? 23:00 BBC News at Ten 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 BBC Regional News

7:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 7:30 Fugitives 8:15 Money for Nothing 10:00 The Big Painting Challenge 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 BBC Newsroom Live 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 The Super League Show 14:45 Countryfile 15:00 The TV That Made Me 15:45 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:45 More Creatures Great and Small 17:15 Great Barrier Reef with David Attenborough 18:15 Bargain Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Hairy Bikers’ Comfort Food 20:00 The Best of British Takeaways 21:00 Back to the Land with Kate Humble 22:00 American Justice 23:00 Inside No 9 23:30 Newsnight 24:10 Weather

7:00 Good Morning Britain 9:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 Weather 14:30 ITV Lunchtime News 14:55 ITV Regional Weather 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Chopping Block 16:59 ITV Regional Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV Regional Weather 19:30 Weather 19:30 ITV Evening News 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Britain’s Busiest Motorway 21:00 The Secret Chef 22:00 Play to the Whistle 23:00 The Nightly Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 ITV News

7:00 Countdown 7:45 The King of Queens 9:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Vet on the Hill 14:05 Posh Pawn 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Sun, Sea and Selling Houses 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 The Secret Life of the Zoo 22:00 Mutiny 23:00 Catastrophe 23:35 This Is Us 24:30 Gogglebox

6:00 Children’s TV 8:25 Shimmer and Shine 8:35 Noddy: Toyland Detective 8:50 Paw Patrol 9:05 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15 Digby Dragon 9:30 Peppa Pig 9:40 Peppa Pig 9:50 Wissper 10:00 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:15 NCIS 16:15 Film Locked Away (2010) 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 5 News Update 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 5 News Update 21:00 The Yorkshire Vet 22:00 A Year in the Wild

7:00 You’ve Been Framed! 7:25 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 8:15 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 9:00 Emmerdale 9:30 Coronation Street 10:00 Coronation Street 10:35 Psych 11:25 Below Deck 12:20 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 13:25 Emmerdale 13:55 Coronation Street 14:30 Coronation Street 15:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 15:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 Judge Rinder 19:00 You’ve Been Framed! 19:30 You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 You’ve Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Hell’s Kitchen USA 23:00 Plebs 23:30 Family Guy 24:00 Family Guy

7:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Fugitives 12:45 Fake Britain 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News at Two 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Code 16:00 Escape to the Country 16:45 Money for Nothing 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News at Seven 19:30 BBC Regional News 20:00 BBC News; Regional News 20:00 The One Show 21:00 The Sheriffs Are Coming 22:00 DIY SOS 23:00 BBC News at Ten 23:30 National Lottery Update 23:30 BBC Regional News 23:45 Peter Kay’s Car Share

7:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 7:30 Fugitives 8:15 Money for Nothing 9:00 Mary Berry Everyday 9:30 Great British Railway Journeys 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 BBC Newsroom Live 12:30 Daily Politics 14:00 Lifeline 14:10 Coast 14:30 Beat the Brain 15:00 The TV That Made Me 15:45 Who Do You Think You Are? 16:45 More Creatures Great and Small 17:15 Great Barrier Reef with David Attenborough 18:15 Bargain Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Hairy Bikers’ Comfort Food 20:00 Great Continental Railway Journeys 21:00 The House That £100K Built 22:00 Incredible Medicine: Dr Weston’s Casebook 23:00 Live at the Apollo 23:30 Newsnight

7:00 Good Morning Britain 9:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 Loose Women 14:30 Weather 14:30 ITV Lunchtime News 14:55 TV Regional Weather 14:55 TV Regional News 15:00 Judge Rinder 16:00 Chopping Block 16:59 ITV Regional Weather 17:00 Tipping Point 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV Regional Weather 19:00 ITV Regional News 19:15 Weather 19:15 ITV Evening News 19:45 Emmerdale 20:15 Live International Football 23:00 The Nightly Show 23:30 Weather 23:30 ITV News

7:00 Countdown 7:45 The King of Queens 8:10 The King of Queens 8:35 The King of Queens 9:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:05 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 13:00 Channel 4 News Summary 13:05 Vet on the Hill 14:05 Posh Pawn 15:10 Countdown 16.00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Sun, Sea and Selling Houses 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 21:00 Hidden Restaurants with Michel Roux Jr 22:00 The Royal House of Windsor 23:00 999: What’s Your Emergency? 24:00 Lee Mack: Hit the Road Mack

7:00 Children’s TV 9:05 Ben and Holly’s Little Kingdom 9:15 Digby Dragon 9:30 Peppa Pig 9:40 Peppa Pig 9:50 Wissper 10:00 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 NCIS 16:15 Film Eyewitness 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 5 News Tonight 20:00 5 News Update 20:00 Police Interceptors 21:00 5 News Update 21:00 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 22:00 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take It Away 23:00 The Great British Benefits Handout 24:05 The Cesspit Murder

7:00 You’ve Been Framed! 7:25 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 8:15 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 9:00 Emmerdale 9:30 You’ve Been Framed! 10:00 You’ve Been Framed! 10:35 Psych 11:25 Below Deck 12:20 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 13:25 Emmerdale 13:55 You’ve Been Framed! 15:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 15:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 Judge Rinder 19:00 You’ve Been Framed! 19:30 You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 You’ve Been Framed! 20:30 You’ve Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 Two and a Half Men 22:00 Film The Back-up Plan 23:05 FYI Daily 23:10 Film The Back-up Plan 24:10 Family Guy

7:00 Breakfast 10:15 The Housing Enforcers 11:00 Homes Under the Hammer 12:00 Fugitives 12:45 Dom on the Spot 13:15 Bargain Hunt 14:00 BBC News at Two 14:30 BBC Regional News 14:45 Doctors 15:15 The Doctor Blake Mysteries 16:15 Escape to the Country 16:45 Money For Nothing 17:30 Flog It! 18:15 Pointless 19:00 BBC News at Seven 19:30 BBC Regiona News 7:55 Party Political Broadcast 20:00 Thw One Show 20:30 EastEnders 21:00 Shop Well for less? 22:00 Britain on the Fiddle 23:00 BBC News at Eleven 23:30 BBC Regional 23:45 Question Time 24:45 This Week

7:00 Flog It! Trade Secrets 7:30 Fugitives 8:15 Money for Nothing 9:00 Welcome to Hull: City of Culture 2017 9:30 Great British Railway 10:00 Victoria Derbyshire 12:00 BBC Newsroom Live 13:00 Daily Politics 14:00 Two Tribes 14:30 Beat the Brain 15:00 Building Dream Homes 15:30 Channel Patrol 16:15 Ireland with Simon Reeve 17:15 The Hunt 18:15 Bargain Hunt 19:00 Eggheads 19:30 The Hairy Bikers’ 20:00 Antiques Road Trip 21:00 The Great Pottery Throw Down 22:00 The Last Kingdom 23:00 MOTD: The Premier League Show 23:30 Newsnight

7:00 Good morning Britain 9:30 Lorraine 10:25 The Jeremy Kyle Show 11:30 This Morning 13:30 ITV Lunchtime News 13:55 ITV News 14:00 ITV Racing Live 17:30 Celebrity Home Secrets 18:00 The Chase 19:00 ITV Regional News 19:25 Party Political Broadcast 19:30 ITV Evening News 20:00 Emmerdale 20:30 Tonight 21:00 Emmerdale 21:30 Harry Hill’s Alien Fun Capsule 22:00 Prime Suspect 1973 23:00 The Nightly Show 23:30 ITV News 24:00 ITV Regional News

7:00 Countdown 7:45 The King of Queens 8:10 The King of Queens 8:35 The King of Queens 9:00 Everybody Loves Raymond 9:35 Everybody Loves Raymond 10:05 Frasier 10:35 Frasier 11:05 Undercover Boss USA 12:00 Ramsay’s Kitchen Nightmares USA 13:05 A New Life in the Sun 14:05 Posh Pawn 15:10 Countdown 16:00 Fifteen to One 17:00 Sun, Sea and Selling Houses 18:00 Couples Come Dine with Me 19:00 The Simpsons 19:30 Hollyoaks 20:00 Channel 4 News 20:55 The Political Slot 21:00 The Supervet 22:00 A Very British Hotel 23:00 Extremely British Muslims 24:05 Mystery of the Man on the Moor

7:00 Children’s TV 9:15 Digby Dragon 9:30 Peppa Pig 9:40 Peppa Pig 9:50 Wissper 10:00 Toot the Tiny Tugboat 10:15 The Wright Stuff 12:15 GPs: Behind Closed Doors 13:10 5 News Lunchtime 13:15 Can’t Pay? We’ll Take it Away 14:15 Home and Away 14:45 Neighbours 15:20 NCIS 16:20 Left for Dead 18:00 5 News at 5 18:30 Neighbours 19:00 Home and Away 19:30 The Simpsons 20:00 The Simpsons 20:30 The Simpsons 21:00 DC’s Legends of Tomrrow 22:00 The Great British Benefits Handout 23:00 Celebrity Sex Pod 24:05 100 Per Cent Hotter

7:00 You’ve Been Framed 7:25 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 8:15 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 21:00 Emmerdale 9:30 Coronation Street 10:00 Psych 10:55 Below Deck 11:25 Below Deck 12:20 Who’s Doing the Dishes? 13:25 Emmerdale 13:55 Coronation Street 14:30 You’ve Been Framed! 15:00 The Ellen DeGeneres Show 15:50 The Jeremy Kyle Show 16:55 The Jeremy Kyle Show 18:00 Judge Rinder 19:00 You’ve Been Framed! 19:30 You’ve Been Framed! 20:00 You’ve Been Framed! 21:00 Two and a Half Men 21:30 You’ve Been Framed! 22:00 Release the Hounds 23:00 Family Guy 23:30 Family Guy

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#Spotlight on... Neater Heater

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Digital Electric Meters mean Neater Heaters now make even more sense Neater Heater has been supplying economical and efficient Norwegian electric convector heaters in Spain now for more than seven years. In that time thousands of customers have come to appreciate their style and cost effective performance. As the cost of all heating rises, efficiency and effectiveness become more important. Even more so now, with electric heating, as Iberdrolla and other electric companies have started issuing digital meters to their customers. Digital meters mean that customers will no longer be able to slightly exceed their contracted wattage, like they can at present. In other words, that cheap 2 kW heater that is in the second bedroom is consuming nearly 40% of most consumers’ permitted wattage. If you turn on one or two more appliances then you exceed your wattage and the system trips. Richard, Tony, and their team of fitters, are constantly removing inefficient high wattage heaters from customers’ homes, and replacing them with more efficient Neater Heaters that consume, in most cases, much less than half the electricity. “We often find 2 KW heaters in bedrooms that we can heat efficiently and effectively with a 600 watt Neater

Heater. In other words, a customer might be 500 watts over their contracted allowance just by heating three bedrooms with three of these older heaters. If they installed three Neater Heaters then they might only be using 40% of the same contracted allowance. The bedrooms would still be warm, the Digital trips wouldn’t trip, and they would be saving quite a lot of money off their electricity bill. Not only that, but Neater Heaters are slimline, taking up less space, and pretty to look at too.” Neater Heaters are available as panel heaters, low-profile skirting heaters and can be supplied with feet to provide a stand-alone option if required. There is now a network of Agents and outlets throughout Southern Spain. If your area is not covered, then

the website´s online shop will allow you to select and pay for your heater, which if in stock will be delivered to you by courier free of charge within a couple of days of purchase. www.neaterheater.es Tel 634 312 171

Life #GadgetInspector Xpat

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Gadget Inspector investigates the case of: Boys Toys THIS WEEK the Inspector is taking a look at a couple of gadgets no self-respecting male should be without. No, we´re not talking about anything as mundane as a car with a long bonnet to advertise machismo (that all started with the Ford Capri…), or possessing the biggest or loudest television or HiFi – but gadgets that represent areas of typical male pride: the remote control and car racing set. To satisfy that all-controlling desire we have the Logitech Harmony 900 universal remote control at €275. This little marvel has a colour touch-screen as well as the more traditional buttons. Not only can it be programmed to operate any individual home entertainment device, but it can also handle sequenced operations such as turning on the TV before the DVD. And it´s no problem if your devices are hidden away in cupboards – the supplied RF adapter will allow you to still control them without having to open the doors. The Harmony 900 has sculpted and backlit buttons for easy operation, and re-charges in its own base station when not in use – searching for batteries will never again

interrupt a highly complex channel-hopping operation. Up to 15 separate devices can be handled – more than enough for most people. Remember that childhood racing set? It’s well known that everyone remembers their first Scalextric. We´ll say nothing about those con-artists who brought out the TCR (Total Control Racing) sets and tried to lure us away – utter rubbish - bloody things never overtook when they were supposed to. Scalextric has now redressed the balance with the Digital Pro GT racing set at €330. The Pro GT set has one of the largest 2 lane figure-of-eight layouts – 9 foot by 5 foot. There is also a raised bridge section and two lane-change sections. Four cars are supplied – the Aston Martin DBR9, Porsche 911 GT3R, Maserati MC12 and Ford GT-R. All cars have working lights front and rear, easy change pick-ups and the Magnatraction system to help them stick to the circuit like glue. But most important is the lane change button – one press and the car switches lane instantly to overtake or block an opponent. And to rule out cheating there is the Digital Lap Counter that counts down

the laps and gives the cars finishing positions. Brilliant! The Inspector´s Verdict: It would appear the Logitech Harmony remote control (perhaps Quarrel would have been a better name considering the trouble it’ll cause…) is missing one vital feature that without it makes it utterly useless to any man – a fingerprint security device. This would ensure that only a (male) fingerprint would activate it, avoiding obvious problems like the television channel changing from a vital

World Cup Qualifier to Coronation Street or the HiFi changing from Muse to Celine Dion… A mute button that worked on people would be useful too, perhaps in a later model. The Scalextric Pro GT racing set poses no such problems – no-one is going to want to play with you after the first 15 multiple car pile-ups, and there´s no use complaining that the cars don´t have a loud enough horn or flashing headlights to get slower cars out of the way. Now where was that Ebay auction for that classic 280 Brooklands Capri?


Life #ChrisAshley Xpat

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Fair Dinkum Dilemma WAS IT Shakespeare, Churchill, Wilde, Shaw or maybe it was you who reckoned “Great Britain & America are 2 nations divided by a common language?”

by

Chris Ashley

Never mind your Yankee Doodle Dandies, how about our Aussie Cobber Cousins?

Writer & Broadcaster

A word of warning to the wise – if you have an Aussie who has been ‘nudging the suds’ all day & he’s in the back of your car several sheets to the wind moaning “I gotta yak” it doesn’t mean he owns a large horned hairy smelly bovine beast from Tibet – get him out off the car, pronto. I feel an attack of the Billy. J. Kramer’s coming on. “Listen Do You Want To Know A Secret?” I know what happened to Lord Lucan. He was hiding out in the Oz outback by a flooded billabong. One sweltering day scooping water one handed into his mouth up rode the Troopers 1,2,&3 - looking for Matilda waltzing with a wallaby methinks One of them called out in very broad Strine - imagine Crocodile Dundee on crack cocaine (me neither).“G’day Mate, I wouldn’t drink that water it’s where Skippy & his marsupial mates relieve themselves (although he didn’t use relieve, he used a word far more pithy, if you’ll excuse the lisp).” Our Perfidious Pommy Popinjay replied “God’s Boots Old

Bean, I can’t understand a word. Speak the Queen’s English man.” The Canny Cop replied slowly “ I was just saying, use BOTH! hands to scoop up the sparkling spa like water, that way you won’t spill so much as a drop your Lordship. Pip pip.” Another example of Antipodean v Anglo dialogue disasters happened when we had visitors from New Zealand and on the first day they were asked what they liked for lunch. The current & final Mrs. Ashley is a Nottingham wench where bread rolls are called cobs. In N.Z. however (those of a prim disposition look away now) cobs, in urban slang, means two thirds of the male appendages. The 2 veggies that go with the meat, and just to beat the analogy to death, Hitler only had one. So it came as a bit of a shock to the system for our Kiwi visitors when asked “Who fancies crusty cobs for lunch?” They couldn’t wait to get a whole lot of gone between GB & NZ. Spread the Vegemite Mabel, looks like Top Tucker to me. I’m spreading myself over the airwaves too at TKO (91.9 & 90.8 or tko.fm) Monday – Friday 5-8pm – just like Vegemite – you’ll love it or loathe it.

NEED A WHIZZ QUIZ COMPERE FOR YOUR VENUE? CONTACT ME, CHRIS ASHLEY; ashleybobble@hotmail.com


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Life Xpat

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Behind the scenes MEMBERS OF Javea U3A enjoyed a rare tour behind the scenes of Valencia’s El Palau de les Arts organised by Travel Group leader Joni Hills.

Perfect harmony

TWO FULL houses and harmony choir Caprice – and its audiences – were all smiles after a successful debut for the group and the show ‘Let the Song Begin’. by JACK TROUGHTON First night was a sell-out at Bar Enzo in Moraira on 8th March, closely followed by an appearance at Mas la Pau in Lliber, a fund raising concert in aid of Jalon Valley HELP last Saturday; raising almost 500 Euros. Led by Aileen Lightfoot and with the piano skills of Kirsty Glen, Caprice

specialises in three-part harmonies with soloists and duets able to emphasise the quality of the choir. And amongst the more pop sounds – a Pauline McGough version of Victoria Wood’s ‘Ballad of Freda and Barry’ was a particular hit along with a nod to the talented Carpenters – there were also madrigals, music from the shows, and a sprin-

kling of Gilbert and Sullivan. Caprice is back rehearsing for the next concert in aid of Friends of the Children of EMAUS. The group plays the Tennis Club in Calpe on Friday 2nd June. Tickets are 17 Euros including a three-course meal and wine. For more information and reservations, call Aileen on 696 514 613 or email aileen2light@gmail.com.

The 50-strong group were given a guided tour of the opera house and performing arts centre. And afterwards some of the party went to the open air Oceanografic to watch a dolphin show and over 500 species of sea life that calls the aquarium home – others went sightseeing and shopping. For details of Travel Group outings and other U3A activities, visit the website www.u3ajavea.org


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Spanish chicken stew A healthy, hearty stew to feed the family, that you can prepare in just 10 minutes. This rustic meal is best served with chunks of crusty bread or rice

Ingredients 2 tbsp olive oil 500g skinless boneless chicken thighs 1 red pepper, cut into chunky pieces 1 large onion, sliced 2 garlic cloves, chopped 1 tbsp white wine vinegar 400ml chicken stock large handful black olives (such as couchillo) 50g flaked almonds, toasted cooked rice or crusty bread, to serve Method

In a large saucepan, heat 1 tbsp of the oil. Season the chicken and brown on both sides for 7-8 mins until golden, then set aside on a plate. Put the remaining 1 tbsp oil in the pan with the pepper, onion and garlic. Fry on a medium heat for 8 mins or until slightly golden. Add the vinegar and cook for 1 min. Return the chicken to the pan with the paprika and stock. Bring to the boil, then turn down to simmer for 25 mins until the chicken is cooked through. Add the olives and almonds, and serve with rice or crusty bread.


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#Health&Beauty

Xpat Friday, March 17, 2017

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Your cervical smear test... what do the results mean? Most women wait anxiously to hear the result of their cervical smear test and in most cases will be told that the result is negative/normal and advised when to have the next test performed. This however is not always the case and it is natural for women to worry if they are asked to see their Doctor regarding the result or told that the test needs to be repeated. In the majority of cases there is no need for concern and being armed with a basic understanding of the meaning of smear test results and terminology, unnecessary stress can be eliminated! If you are asked to have the test repeated, do not panic! The main reason for this is that the Pathologist is unable to ‘read’ your result. There are several reasons for this including: An insufficient number of cells

in the sample Current or recent infection which means the cells could not be seen clearly enough Blood in the sample which can make it difficult to see the cells clearly An inflamed cervix, which also makes it difficult to see the cells

which smear test findings are reported depending upon the laboratory used. However, in general, there are three main categories for abnormal results, these are:

If you are asked to return for a repeat smear, you will normally be asked to do so after around 3 months. This allows time for new cells to grow having been removed during your previous test. Depending on the reason for needing a repeat test, you may be asked to use a treatment such as antibiotics, antifungals or in the case of older women, hormone treatments. There are several ways in

- Moderate cell changes (also referred to as CIN II or moderate dyskariosis)

- Mild cell changes (also referred to as CIN I or mild dyskariosis)

- Severe cell changes (also referred to as CIN III or severe dyskariosis) None of these mean that you have cancer!Your Doctor will want you to have further checks and possibly treatment to prevent cervical cancer

which when confined to the cervix, is known as ‘carcinoma in situ’ You may also hear terms such as reactive changes, ASC, ASCUS. LSIL, HSIL. These are simply

different names for non-cancerous or pre-cancerous changes. If you are confused or concerned about your smear test result, speak to your family Doctor or Practice Nurse.


Life #Health Xpat

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Tumour breakthrough

SPAIN CONTINUES to be at the forefront of pioneering medical techniques and these innovations show no sign of slowing down; the latest breakthrough comes in the area of brain tumour surgery. by DARREN JAMES Surgeons at Alicante General Hospital are able to remove some 80% of these tumours with the patient only under sedation and without the need of a general anaesthetic.

surgeons that no damage is being caused. CHANGE And if surgeons become worried, the procedure can be changed while it is still actually taking place. Furthermore, all the surgical instruments used in the operations are connected with electrodes that allow a continuous stimulation. A hospital spokesman said: “Previously, when we suspected that we were approaching a delicate area we had to stop the surgery and use an electrode to check it. “Now this verification is done immediately in the operating theatre and the procedure can continue without interruption.” Mini cameras attached to endoscopes are also incorporated into this type of operation to reach areas of the brain that have previously proved inaccessible. Using this enhanced technology, fragments of tumour which once may have gone unnoticed can now be located and removed.

This allows the control and monitoring of the brain’s functions during the procedure. The goal is to minimise the post-op problems previously associated with such delicate operations. Pedro Moreno, responsible for the neurosurgery at the hospital said: “Operating on a tumour in the brain bears no relation to other parts of the body. “In this case it’s a question of removing not only as much of the tumour as possible, but also not damaging the patient any further; since, when you’re dealing with the brain, a millimetre can mean the difference between success and failure.” Many different techniques, some of them unique to Spain, have been introduced which includes awaking patients while surgery is taking place and asking them to perform certain exercises to confirm to

Price List Channels Suitability

1 Star Aids *

2 Star Aids *

3 Star Aids *

4 Star Aids *

5 Star Aids *

4

6

8

12

16+

Domestic Groups Social Active Social Situations 1-1 Conversation Family Gatherings Restaurants Large Groups TV Cafés Parties Business Meetings Shopping Small Groups Social Gatherings Outdoor Sports Public Places Noisy Places Music

Price Euros €595 Single Aid €695 Single Aid

€1,090 Pair

€1,290 Pair

€845 Single Aid €1,590 Pair

€995 Single Aid €1,890 Pair

Demanding Situations Public Meetings Concerts Theatre Orchestra €1,150 Single Aid €2,200 Pair

. . . t i f o t r a Be p


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#StepbyStepSpanish

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Present Subjunctive (6) This week I`ll try to keep mainly to practical examples of the present subjunctive as last week there was quite a bit of theory.

Basic Spanish for everyday needs by Jane Cronin It’s always a good idea to reinforce any kind

of grammar with expressions you have some chance of using in real life, or that you can use as a model for making up your own sentences. Also, I’ll divide them into categories. I always think that sections and subsections make things appear more manageable. Impersonal Statements The Spanish language in general makes a lot of use of impersonal expressions but the ones we are talking about here make use of adjectives like “important, normal, interesting etc.” as follows: Es necesario que rellenes este impreso It´s necessary that you fill in this form Es lógico que te conteste así It´s logical that s/he answers in that way Es posible que termine pronto It’s possible that I’ll finish soon Es importante que sepas la verdad. It is important that you know the truth Está bien que vengas mañana. It’s fine that you come tomorrow I’ve kept the English translations as literal as possible, but in actual fact in English we

often change the words around to express the same ideas – “It’s necessary for you to fill in this form”; “It’s important for you to know the truth”; “It’s fine for you to come tomorrow” and so on. “Cuando” expressing the future Moving swiftly on – we use the present subjunctive to express a future idea after “cuando” (when) or equivalent expressions such as “en cuanto” (as soon as). Te llamaré cuando lleguemos al hotel. I’ll call you when we arrive at the hotel. En cuanto sepa algo te avisaré. As soon as I know something I’ll let you know. Notice that this only applies when “cuando” refers to future events. If we use “cuando” to refer to past or present events we don’t use the subjunctive. For example: “Siempre desayuno bien cuando trabajo fuera de casa” (I always have a good breakfast when I work away from home”). Here we use the usual indicative form “trabajo” and not the subjunctive form “trabaje”. After “para que” (so that) Te llevo en coche para que puedas llegar temprano. I`ll give you a lift so that you can arrive

early. Nos lo va a enseñar para que veamos como es. He’s going to show it to us so that we see what it’s like. The mind boggles. That isn’t a subjunctive, just something I felt like writing.

Ojalá This delightful word means “if only” or “let’s hope”. Ojalá sea verdad If only it were true. Ojalá vengan pronto Let’s hope they come soon. You can also use the word “ojalá” on its own, like this. Question: “Will you ever get the hang of the present subjunctive” Answer: (with wistful expression) Ojalá


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Always Wear your Seatbelt ALL THIS week, including through the weekend, officers from the Guardia Civil, supported by colleagues from the National, Regional and Local Police, are keeping a watchful eye on the roads, paying particularly close attention to the wearing of seatbelts and correct child restraint systems. THE FIRST point to make is that the statistics show how using a seatbelt reduces the risk of death by a half, a message repeated by countless authorities, experts and support organisation around the world.

It is also important to remember that children under 135 centimetres in height must sit in the rear seats, and be properly restrained in an appropriate, secured device. There are exceptions, such as if the vehicle doesn’t have rear seats, or if the rear seats are already occupied by children, but the rule is clear, children are not permitted in the front seats under normal circumstances. In 2015, the last year of which completed data is registered, 22% (159) of those who lost their lives in cars or vans on interurban roads were not wearing a seatbelt. On urban

roads, the figure was 19 out of 70 of those killed. Many of those people are most likely to still be alive today, had they been wearing a seatbelt. The use of seatbelts and child restraints is compulsory for all occupants of a vehicle, on any route (either short or long) and on any road (urban or interurban). It is a basic and fundamental element of road safety and its use has saved thousands of lives. According to several European Union studies, fastening the seat belt when travelling in a vehicle would save the lives of more than 7,000 people in the European Union each year. Using the seatbelt in the front seats protects the occupants from getting thrown from the vehicle or impacting the dashboard. Using the seatbelt in the rear seats prevents the occupant impacting with the seat in front and causing further injury

to other vehicle occupants. In a frontal impact, the likelihood that one occupant of the rear seats will mortally hit another

passenger in the front seats is multiplied by eight A frontal crash at 80 kilometres per hour, without wearing a

seatbelt is often accompanied by death or serious injury. The message is simple, always wear your seatbelt.

Road Test

Peugeot 208 FOR THIS week’s road test we visit tranquil and picturesque Brittany en France where I am testing the all-new Peugeot 208, the replacement to the popular 207. IN A world that is full of bland and characterless hatchbacks Peugeot has a tough job to make its offering suitably different and importantly better than the class-beating Ford Fiesta. The new 208 is 7cm smaller than its predecessor yet there’s 5cm more legroom for rear occupants. Add to which the 1.6-litre VTi Allure petrol model tested returns up to a decent 47mpg. This means that it travels 600 miles on its 50 litre fuel tank. At first glance it’s a striking model that looks and feels much more fashionable and appealing than its predecessor demanding lustful glances from other road users. It shares the same wheelbase with the 207 but it is over 100kg lighter thanks to a wise choice of materials including aluminium.

Prior to the test I had foolishly read an Autocar utocar review of this new model, which threatened to prejudice my opinion even before I sat inside. But I am happy to report that my independent view remained intact. Despite that publication highlighting a poor gearbox, performance and noisy engine on the 1.2-litre model the 1.6-litre is a joy to drive through St Malo, Dinan and Dinard and prior to that it coped with the Brittany Ferries crossing with ease; its alarm not going off once unlike the Mercedes next to it. Yes, the five-speed gearbox is a little clunky but it’s certainly decisive. The best part of this vehicle for me are the excellent front bucket seats (you’ll see them in the video on testdrives.biz), which prove to be

brilliant long-distance companions ensuring that we arrive at Domain des Ormes, our holiday destination in Dol de Bretagne, very much relaxed. I find the power steering a little too sensitive and light for my liking. But it has a tight turning circle. Its dashboard has been thoughtfully designed so that it does not intrude on the front passenger, allowing for plenty of legroom. According to Autocar this Slovakia-built Peugeot is not polished enough but, and whether this is because I am privileged enough to be driving a range topping model, I am impressed with the styling,

the chrome around the grille and windows and its distinctive look not to mention the high quality interior. The air conditioning is a welcome feature when it hits 30 degrees Celcius on our final day together. New price range: 12,574€ - 23,266.77€ Model tested: 18,869€ approx Peugeot 208 Hatchback 1.6 VTi Allure 5d Economy: 47 mpg Power: 120bhp 0-60mph: 10.9secs Top speed: 118mph


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Putting the brakes on theft from cars

THE BRITISH Consulate and car hire companies are campaigning together to combat the number of car break-ins that cause chaos for travellers. by EDWARD GRAHAM WHETHER LIVING in Spain or just visiting, the theft of valuables and passports from hire cars can create “significant problems”; a lost passport usually means a trip to the Consulate to obtain an emergency travel document to get people home - lost credit cards, boarding passes and mobile phones add further unwanted complications. The Valencian Association of Car Hire Companies (AECOVAL) is working closely with the British Consulate in Alicante to tackle the problem. In recognition of this consul Sarah-Jane Morris was awarded the association’s annual prize for the work of her team in preventing such problems. Mrs Morris said: “Prevention is always better than cure, and a little caution can go a long way in avoiding

problems while travelling. Always think carefully about where you leave your valuables and passport.” Last year in Alicante consular district, 29% of stolen passports were taken at the roadside or from vehicle breakins; 151 emergency travel documents were issued. RECORD And while 2016 saw record numbers of British tourists visiting Spain and 2017 promises to be even busier. AECOVAL is keen to continue working with the Consulate to reduce crime levels. Since November the association has given car hire clients a letter containing ‘top tips’ about staying safe and secure when driving. These include: when customers arrive at the airport, drive straight to accommodation and unpack

as thieves target weigheddown cars at supermarkets; never leave valuables in the car as thieves know likely hiding places; be aware of distraction crimes such as being flagged down or having tyres punctured and being approached by ‘helpful’ passers-by; be aware of bogus policemen, all genuine officers – including those in plain clothes – carry official ID. Travel advice for Spain is available at www.gov. uk/foreign-travel-advice/ spain and information on travelling safely is available at https://travelaware.campaign.gov.uk/ and there is real footage of roadside distraction crime at www.bit. ly/1qnyaMY. Pictured is British Consul Sarah-Jane Morris with AECOVAL President Mauro Derqui Zaragoza.



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Alfaz fantasy football league There was a mixed bag of Fixtures going into last weeks Alfaz Fantasy Football League which included 2 Mid-Week Premier League games plus 4 at the Weekend along with 3 F.A.Cup Quarter Finals which gave the Fantasy League 30 goals,6 clean sheets,28 yellow cards and no red ones. There was 2 penalties awarded to Bournemouth by Referee Bobby Madley which the Cherries declined to take advantage of thanks to their Hat-Trick hero Joshua King and striker Benik Afobe both missing them causing the Fantasy Managers who selected them a minus 5 score. Wayne’s aptly named team Gonnawinitthisyear have been patiently waiting in the wings for weeks and they have now finally made a giant leap forward from 4th place to reach the Summit and become the 9th team to lead the A.F.F.L. this Season.Last weeks leaders Keith’s Max & Paddy are only 2 points behind in 2nd place then comes former leaders Chris’s Always Hoping who have moved back into contention by jumping up 3 places to 3rd.With only 40 points between the top ten places this Season’s Fantasy League is shaping up to be the most open and exciting for years with so many teams in with a chance of lifting

our prestigious Trophy.Unfortunately at the other end of the table you could say it’s all over bar the shouting as Kevin’s team El.Portet Elite have vanished out of sight and are trailing Angie’s Blues by 186 points. In our Mark Carter Ladies Section Julie’s team The Gers have maintained their place at the top for the last 4 weeks over Joanna’s Hup Hannah City then there is plenty of breathing space between 2nd & 3rd place with Jenny’s Mackemville trailing 70 points behind. Down at the bottom Angie’s Blues seemed to have turned the corner courtesy of Manchester City’s return to form as they are now only 2 points behind Jo Jo Wants a Dog. There is a right ding dong tussle going on in our Quick Save 20 euro voucher Competition.There are 4 teams battling it out at the top with Los Cracks & Rosado Blanco’s both on 88 points 2 points ahead of Debbie’s Foxy Filberts & Anne’s team Bolton Wanderers.Quick Save is the only British Supermarket in Albir and they do a great job sponsoring this top prize for our Ladies teams. After losing their place at the top of our U.K.T.V.SPAIN Junior League Ant & Brad are chasing hard to win back their number one spot back from Leo’s 6 in a Row as they are now only 10 points behind

the leaders.At the opposite end of the table Anna’s Radji United have slipped further behind Charlotte’s Arm Wavers United the distance now is 59 points. In our Leonard Knowles Construction Golden Boot League Lee’s team Walkden Town have not give up on catching the current leaders Dave’s Juke Box Mackems.They have managed to close the gap to only 53 points and with over 10 weeks to go it is possible although that injury to Spur’s Harry Kane could prove to be decisive for Lee.Down in the basement there was a shock when El.Portet Elite picked up points thanks to Janssen’s goal in Spurs 6-0 drubbing of Millwall at White Hart Lane which will be the last ever F.A.Cup Tie there what a way to go out ! The 2 teams going into the Monthly Draw for a case of wine sponsored by Wyndham’s Bar in Albir are Eric’s City Slickers who benefited from Manchester City’s extra game against Stoke which helped to get them this weeks top score of 55 points.At the other end of the scale the lowest score went to Coey & Doey’s team Parkwydnn who finished up with a big fat Zero mainly because their team is full of Manchester United Players who don’t play till Monday Night. Manager of the Month for

March is being kindly sponsored by Danny at the Vintage Restaurant in Albir who provide an excellent Menu at reasonable prices. Eric’s City Slickers have a very fragile 2 point advantage over Dean’s team North Island Athletic then comes Jimmy’s team Nick’s Blues & Jackop in 3rd & 4th place both still in contention for this super meal for 2. Heimir’s Reykjovic have won this weeks Breakfast for 2 sponsored by Jo & Peter at the Two C’s in Alfaz after climbing up 28 places to number 119 in the main League. I have not had time to collate all the scores and points for our Ex-Pats F.A Cup League & K.O.Out Cup Competition because of the Cup Tie between Chelsea & Manchester United taking place on the Monday Night but I’m sure by the time you read this all the scores and results will be up on our website which is www. alfazffl.com.Any replays in the K.O Cup Competition will take place this Weekend.


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Scramble for points...and prizes THE HUNT for points in the ‘player of the year’ table of Ruby’s Golf aLlop – and with a healthy 80 Euros in the ‘Two’s Pot’ there was much to play for. by Edward Graham The weather was excellent and the course played well, with some good scores being returned. The results were as follows: nearest the pin on the par 3’s were Michelle Evans (2), Colin Fear (2), and Dave Johnston. Nearest the pin in two was Rob Litton. Best front nine was Theresa Wright and best back nine George Marshall Deane. The silver division was won by Marc Doherty and society captain Colin Fear consolidated his position at the top of the table with a fine 37 points; winning the gold and overall prize. Back at Rayz Bar, in Guardamar del Segura a fine buffet was served after the presentation. Brian Wilson won the football card and the Two’s Pot was split between Michelle and Colin.

Tough love LA VILA continued to win on the rugby field but despite a 43-10 victory over BUC Barcelona, the home side was given a really tough test. It was no walkover. BUC was the first to score with a penalty, which spurred

the response of a converted try; and the visitors countered with seven points, the converted touchdown leaving La Vila trailing 7-10. La Vila finished the half 19-10 by virtue of two tries and one conversion; the players showing their knack of playing with a confidence - gained by their aggressive form - for the full 80 minutes. This was born out in the second half where they scored four more tries con-

verting two of them. And BUC played with a tenacity and vigour which showed form beyond their low league position. La Vila in winning did not show the game management skills needed to be a force in the premier division. The choice of not taking two easy 3point penalties, one in the last minute of the first half which would have sent them in 22-10, and going for line out

positions instead may cost them dearly at a higher level. Their next game is away to CAU Valencia the team that was responsible for the player registration objection which saw La Vila exit from last season’s play-offs. This game is on March 26th giving the Villajoyosa team ample time to recover any injuries and hopefully repeat their home victory against CAU earlier this season when they won 54-12.


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