Winter 2012 Issue

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Departments Be the Change

No More Excuses – it’s time for a change. Here we spotlight organizations that allow you to get involved.

Real Talk

Your peers’ converse real and relevant topics that you’ve always wanted to discuss.

Higher Ground

There is another level of excellence for your life! Do you really know what you’re capable of? Enliven the King and Queen inside of you on higher ground.

40 Harlem to Hollywood: The Malik Yoba Experience “...Opportunities do come, sometimes they come in the form of offers sometimes its auditions but the thing that I'm most passionate about is continuing to create my own opportunities... It's a mentality of not waiting around for people to create the opportunity for you or give you opportunities, but about creating your own. “

Change for a dollar

The black dollar needs a facelift. From insurance to investments, learn to properly allocate your paycheck

Spoken World

Highlighting the hottest pieces of poetry this side of the planet.

Life Changing Literature

Expect non-fiction narratives aimed at increasing intelligence.

Features 14 Black Music in America

The four things that are off beam with Black music and the four things that will help Black music to get its groove back.

22 Black is Still Beautiful Lady Emmy discusses the power in black pride, self-esteem & mentoring.

... If Dr. King and Malcolm X were here today, would they get the respect they deserve or would they be overlooked because they were still worried about the black community when others may be worried about money and material things? 26 Disappear Act

The Decline of African American Professional in Law and Medicine.

34 Sale Ends Today!

We are willing to do just about anything for little or no commitment. Then we wonder why men have little regard about how they treat us.

38 The Enemy Between My Legs Overcoming child sexual abuse.

44 The New Face of HIV/AIDS The number of new cases has decreased but the numbers remain unchanged in the African American community and things are spiraling out of control. American women still have our own battle to fight.

Expect Excellence!

In each issue, our readers can anticipate departments containing brilliant interviews and encouraging articles penned by qualified professionals as well as your favorite celebrities.

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Contributors

Feedback

“What you are saying about Think Positive!”

"I am excited about the birth of such a relevant and provocative source of information that targets a demographic that is often ignored. Think Positive! speaks prophetically to the desire of our communities to elevate our thinking; and then provides the content to do so." Jeff Johnson, Host of BET’s The Truth with Jeff Johnson Nicole Durham owns event planning firm,

Barton Julian Taylor is a community vol-

The Perfect Ending, in Chicago, IL where she has successfully planned and executed numerous weddings and large-scale corporate functions. Ms. Durham is the author of Who Says You Need a Wedding Planner 14 Keys to a Perfect Wedding Day.

unteer, young leader and a public administrator. Barton was recently appointed by National Urban League Young Professionals (NULYP) President Cassye D. Cook to the Executive Board, where he will serve as Chair of the Information & Communication Committee. Barton just concluded his second term as president of the Metropolitan Board, the young professional auxiliary of the Chicago Urban League that focuses on community service, fundraising and leadership development. Barton is an active member of numerous professional and community based entities. Barton is also an alumnus of the prestigious U.S. Presidential Management Fellows Program and is currently the Director of ERate Advisory Services at Chicago Public Schools. He holds a Master of Public Administration and a Bachelor of Arts from Clark Atlanta University.

Leona Satchell-Samuels is a 20 year old writer heralding from South London. Starting out on the poetry circuit and writing prose she is now pursuing magazine Journalism. Calling upon Michael Eric Dyson and Cornell West as thinkers who most influence her; she writes with a critical perspective infused with Christian values on urban tales of struggle and culture.

Tracy Vinson is a therapist who counsels youth who live in foster homes. She graduated from Washington University (MSW), and Howard University (BA in journalism). She is currently working toward completing her first book. It is a collection of inspirational devotions infused with Biblical principles that will help people release their issues and embark upon a lifelong journey of selftransformation.

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No one challenges traditional roles and stereotypes more than Arlether Wilson. While her life story is similar to many African American women, it is surprisingly distinctive. Arlether has always been an achiever and attributes her drive, determination and will to survive to her unyielding faith. Arlether is a veteran police officer and has gained a wealth of experience, which includes being a certified Child Abuse and Family Violence Investigator. Arlether is the debut author of an inspirational memoir, Rewriting the Script, which will be available in bookstores, online, and in e-book format this fall.

Dara Frazier is the writer and director of

educator for six years. She is currently a Senior Outreach Specialist for Demoiselle 2 Femme, NFP. Demoiselle 2 Femme, "Young Ladies to Women", is a holistic developmental organization for adolescent females which promotes abstaining from at-risk behaviors. Ms. Purnell is also the founder of The Elect Ladies which is a Christian group for young women.

"Beyond Harlem: History of Black NYC Downtown." Dara hosted the Detroit Comcast Cable TV Show "Metropolis" and "The Dara Show." Her credentials include winning the award for Best African American Filmmaker at the Brooklyn Film Festival and acting in productions for WB and Fox. Dara is also a novelist and member of the Harlem Writer's Guild. She is currently producing a made for TV movie and a live musical production.

“At the minimum, black professionals must be encouraged to reach back and help others and not forget from where we began. I look forward to the magazine” E. Green

“We need this!”

KRS One, Hip Hop Pioneer

“Just what we need! Think Positive! is the only way to go! Respect to you and those who really do mething to make a change!”

V. JAY

Marc D. Barnes. Born in Baltimore, Marc

Ms. Monique B. Childs is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with over ten years of experience in social service management. She is the executive clinical director of Empowerment in Organization; which focuses on team building in organizations, LCSW supervision and mental health care for individuals, families and communities. She writes for various magazines and non profit organizations. She may be contacted at empowerorg@sbcglobal.net for questions, opinions or more information.

Cheresa Purnell has been an abstinence

has experienced what it means to be successful on 'both sides of the fence'. He hopes that we as people will get outside of our own boxes and truly reach for the stars. Currently, Marc serves as Sr. Field Force Trainer for AFLAC Worldwide Headquarters. To paraphrase a Nelson Mandella speech, '...our deepest fear is not failure, but that we are more powerful beyond imagine...'

Pam Lawhome is a small business expert and empowerment coach, provides advice, guidance, encouragement, and inspiration to individuals around the nation in her popular entrepreneurship and empowerment seminars and publications. To learn more about Pam please visit her at: www.PamLawhorne.com

Garrard McClendon is a professor, writer, diversity trainer, and the co host of talk show The McClendon Report. Garrard authored book Ax or Ask? : The African American Guide to Better English to increase awareness, improve student achievement, and provide advocacy for those wanting to speak mainstream English. Currently, he is completing his Ph.D. at Loyola University.

“I am so glad to see such a positive and INTERESTING magazine. Continue to encourage and inform our culture” Chimyra

Jamil A. Simons, Born and raised in Detroit, MI, Jamil has lived in Atlanta, GA and currently resides in Chicago, IL. During his time in Atlanta, Jamil earned both his Bachelor's degree in Mathematics and a Master's degree in Business Administration degree from Clark Atlanta University. Currently, he serves as a Business Analyst with Chicago Public Schools. Jamil is dedicated to giving back to his community and does so through the Metropolitan Board of the Chicago Urban League, Habitat for Humanity and St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Jamil is also a member of Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. and the NBMBAA.

Arturo’s Photo

“All the injustices that pacify our civil rights and human rights must die. We cannot afford to carry this on to the next generation. I know Martin and Malcolm are not here but Telie and Maurice are here now!” Essence

Arturo Diaz Olmos Born an raised in Argentina, Arturo moved to Chicago to con-

Family, we are appreciative of your kind words. Your support is the fuel that energizes the TPM movement. We invite you to continue to provide us with your feedback as we value it tremendously. Please e-mail us at info@thinkpositivemag.com or send letters to Miracle Media LLC c/o Think Positive Magazine, 333 N Michigan Ave Suite 932. Chicago IL 60601

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Editorial Think Positive! Magazine. Expect to be challenged. The name says it all. Think Positive! is a call to action. It is a lifestyle. Daily our readers seek to improve their health, finances, education, career, family, spirit and community. Every interview, column, feature and photograph within this magazine speaks to those desires and helps society live a more productive way of life. We aim to eradicate false media images and destructive frames of mind by empowering, encouraging, and educating the urban community through quality journalism. Think Positive! speaks directly to the hearts and minds of readers while motivating action toward positive change. Those who purchase this publication are not only readers; they are change-makers, activists and trendsetters. Read about the people who make a difference in our society, as well as the stars that proudly uplift the African American community.

Company Information Think Positive! Magazine is published 4 times per year. Subscriptions are $12.00 for 4 issues. TPM is published by Miracle Media LLC and designed at Piñata Graphics Chicago in the city of Chicago, IL. TPM was established in 2006. Advertise in Think Positive! Magazine For advertising information or to request a rate card, please call 800-719-4117 or email us at info@miraclemediachicago.com Send in your letters! We are accepting letters to Think Positive! We care about your thoughts and appreciate your comments. You can email TPM or any of our writers at info@miraclemediachicago.com. Send written letters to 333 N. Michigan Ave. Suite 932 Chicago, IL. 60601 Your letter might end up in the next issue!

Welcome! Welcome to the 2nd edition of Think Positive! Magazine. First things first, a note of gratitude is in order. Upon its initial launch, TPM was welcomed with open arms by youth wanting to be heard, professionals looking to make a difference, and elders hoping their experiences usher us down the express lanes of life. Our inaugural issue received reports of lives changed and reviews of ultimate distinction. Distinction from what you may ask? Good question. It is important to us that you receive TPM as something different. Here are a couple dissimilarities: • • • • •

This magazine is inspired by The Father, The Son, and The Holy Spirit. TPM is dedicated to the loving memory of Bernie Mac and Issac Hayes. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission. This publication is purchased with the understanding that the information presented is from many varied sources from which there can be no warranty or responsibility by the Publisher at to accuracy or completeness. Copyright 2008 Miracle Media, LLC * Printed in the USA

www.thinkpositivemag.com

Absolutely no selling out, no coonery! No watered down journalism You won't find any profanity You will not see any alcohol or tobacco advertising No rims, no booty (sorry!)

Sure TPM will entertain you, make you laugh and cry, but our mission is to proactively attack any negative thought pattern that you may have unknowingly subscribed to. Expect to be encouraged by leaders like social activist and BET correspondent Jeff Johnson; who graced our first cover. In this issue, we’ve called upon youth advocate Lady Emmy to elaborate on topics like Black Identity and the importance of mentorship in our communities. Welcome to Think Positive! Magazine. Expect to be challenged. Publishers, Telie Woods & Maurice White Miracle Media LLC

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By Gustavus Betts

CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR

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he dollar circulates in the black community only once before leaving. The key to economic growth and development in the African American community, or any other community, is homeownership. Homeownership remains the key source of net worth and wealth for all Americans, but only 30 percent of all African Americans own their own home. The percentage of white who own their home sits at seventy. During the 1960s, and into the 70s, Black Power movements desired separate but equal communities, with some failures and some successes. Back then, black people took pride in their ability to create the kind of life they wanted. One of the biggest setbacks in economic development in these communities was the lack of access to resources and the unwillingness of “traditional” lenders to work with African Americans. Many African Americans began to investigate alternative ways to meet the demands of these sometimes underserved and underrepresented communities. Reverend Eva Cameron, of WordPress.com believes that recycling, or spending within the black community, is a good way to keep the community vibrant and is a spiritual practice as well. “Because, in following through with a conscious decision to concentrate your purchasing power not only for what it can get you, but where that purchasing power goes.” In Chicago, South Shore Bank, now ShoreBank, has made great strides in

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creating more lending opportunities for the local community. Giving those in the community an opportunity to build wealth and recycle the black dollar at the same time. ShoreBank began in the 1970s after the institution's previous owners lost more than half of their deposits and decided to abandon the predominately African American area where it was located. In an unprecedented response to neighborhood protest, federal regulators stopped the move. Still determined to leave, the former owners sold the property to ShoreBank in 1973. To attract capital, ShoreBank created what is known as development deposits, for people who wanted to invest their savings for community development - while earning a competitive interest rate. Because of its efforts to channel resources into underserved neighborhoods, they soon began to thrive. Today, the community that once looked like an urban wasteland is now vibrant with businesses and mixed use complexes and homes. Shorebank (www.sbk.com) offers personal financial services, business banking, real estate loans, development deposits, faith based banking, and supports nonprofits and foundations - with branch locations in Chicago, Cleveland, and Detroit. One United Bank is also a bank that reaches out to the African American community in order to aid their pursuit of the American Dream. One United Bank (www.oneunited.com) is the first black owned Intrastate/Internet bank, and is the largest black owned and managed bank in the

United States, with offices in California, Florida, and Massachusetts. One United Bank (OUB) provides affordable financial services to support economic growth in underserved communities by specializing in originating and purchasing mortgage loans. OUB's main focus is on urban and low to moderate income neighborhoods in an effort to supplement mortgage lending activities, with additional interest earning assets such as U.S. Government Agency Securities and mortgage and funding sources (i.e. the Federal Home Loan Bank of Boston). For more than 50 years, OUB - formerly United Bank & Trust of Boston - continues to serve in the community. Founder National Bank of Commerce in Los Angeles, Family Savings Bank of Los Angeles, and People's National Bank of Commerce in Miami have similar outreach programs. Homeownership is the most obvious way to build personal capital, but if you do not own home, or not in the market to purchase one, there are ways you can still contribute to the cause by simply buying black. Founder and CEO of the nonprofit organization Recycling Black Dollars (RBD), the late Muhammad Nassardeen, worked tirelessly to this end. The idea for RBD was born after Nassarbeen overheard two black doctors discussing their lack of respect for black owned businesses. For the past 20 years, RBD has advocated the building of black businesses and economic development nationwide. “If you

have $20 and you go to see a movie at a Magic Johnson theatre that money has been recycled. They'll use it to pay their employees, and if those employees spend their money at black businesses that same $20 has been recycled over and over again,” Nassardeen told Essence magazine reporter Ann Brown in an October 2000 interview. In spite of Nassardeen death, RBD continues aid in the support of African American owned businesses through a variety of educational and business networking services. To assist in their efforts to persuade other African American/black consumers to spend money in their own communities, RBD offers a free national business directory, and has expanded its operations to include a 24 hour Internet radio station. Efforts are in the works for an online television network as well. Nassardeen believed that black dollars have more power if the stay in the community. Unfortunately, as soon as a dollar reaches a black wallet or pocketbook, it soon leaves. Keeping money in our own communities has a strong impact. According to Nassardeen, we still should be prudent in which black owned businesses to whom we give our money.

“We don't think that you should patronize a business just because it's black [owned]. It is incumbent upon any business to deliver quality service in a quality manner and at fair a price. Once you discover that they do that, and then we should patronize them. It helps our community and our economy overall as a people,” Nassardeen said in an online interview with blackenterprise.com reporter Latif Lewis on June 9, 2005. A highly overlooked organization, the Nation of Islam (NOI), has always taken pride in working within the black community. NOI's “Do For Self” philosophy has resulted in the ownership and operation of several businesses nationwide that employing thousands of African Americans. NOI owns and operates hair care shops, bakeries, and restaurants, as well as large amounts of farmland. Others have criticized the Nation for its Amway-type approach to marketing. Although not perfect, NOI offers a valid alternative. Regardless of the method you choose, it is imperative that we take action to improve our lives and the lives of those in our communities. Muhammad Nasserbeen, ShoreBank, One United Bank and the Nation of Islam are stellar example of what we can do as a people if we just work together. These organizations continue to contribute help in neighborhood development and promote the recycling to the black dollar.

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CHANGE FOR A DOLLAR

Have you ever wondered where the five dollars you just plucked down for that cup of coffee goes once it leaves your hands? It is a sublime jester that is casually overlooked. However, as black consumers with close to $1 trillion in buying power, it would be wise to give pause. According to Tony Brown of Tony Brown's Journal, the dollar circulates in the Asian community nine times, the white community five times, and Hispanic community three, before it leaves their respective communities. The same cannot be said for the African American community.

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by Monique Brunson

Share the Wealth of Reading

GETTING BLACK BOYS TO READ Do you remember your favorite childhood book? What about going to the library at your school and learning to use the card catalogue or locate the book using the Dewey Decimal System? My favorite book was The Boxcar Children No.1, by Gertrude Chandler Warner. I remember finding it one day by mistake and my teacher making me keep it because there wasn't enough time to look for a book with fewer pages. My teacher followed our usual plan of sending an outline home so that each student's parents would know what they were reading and could ask questions without actually having to read the book. I imagine my mother would have never been able to read the books we brought home, as there was a different one each week. I do remember that the older I got and the more pages that came with the book I started to look for shortcuts. In came my brother, who introduces me to Cliffs Notes. Cliffs Notes became my lifesaver from ninth grade through obtaining my Masters Degree. I'm thinking now that my brother discovered something that actually took him away from reading and comprehension. Now reading was just‌easy. 12 |

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ast forward 25 years. How do our AfricanAmerican boys, age 5-10 fair with reading and comprehension skills? Is our community the recipient of a fairly knowledgeable and prepared group of young men who are eager to utilize their skills? Or are we in the fight of our lives to improve simple spelling and grammar usage? One can do an abundance of research to list all the statistics to show us exactly how our AfricanAmerican children compete with multiple groups across the United States, or even just Chicago. I simply opened my ears to parents, teachers, and those men who were once the African-American 5-10 year old who did not like to or was not afforded the environment to read a wealth of books. The National Assessment of Educational Progress (NAEP) website lists The Nations Report Card as it pertains to the progress our students are making in different educational disciplines. NAEP has three decades of

experience in collecting and reporting statistics on our student's educational progress. In addition, it breaks the statistics down by various demographics. The report for 2007 notes an increase in all reading levels, however a noticeable gap between the scores of female and male students, female being higher; and a noticeable gap between the scores of AfricanAmerican and White students, white being higher. Female 4th grade students surpass the males by 7 points. White 4th grade students outperform the African-American students by 27 points. One has to take into consideration all the variables involved with test taking and the changes in the population since the previous comparison period. However, one certainty remains, our African-American boys are not performing up to the educational standards in the area of reading. The statistics can be accessed through the US Department of Education at www.nces.ed.gov/nationsreportcard. Please visit the site to obtain more information. It also lists statistics specific to Illinois.

get away from the video game, television and negative outside activities. How do we instill in them the intrigue that creates the desire to read?

solution to the problem. Our young men deserve a long term, less expensive, more substantial opportunity for loving to read.

The most important influence I received in loving to read was encouragement and a desire to talk about the book. I also liked giving the reports in class when my teacher asked if any students wanted to give a book report. But most importantly, my mom took my Burgertime video game away until I finished the chapter and could tell her about it; a particular focus that I now appreciate. With that being said, I still don't think my older brother reads anything outside of the GPS is his truck. But I do know he is a successful AfricanAmerican man who struggled with reading as we grew up. He didn't stop reading all together; he just supplemented to pass the tests and complete the book reports. He needed much more encouraging that I did. I believe he finally received that encouragement when he joined the US Navy. He was forced to read and comprehend for survival.

What's taking the place of all those dusty books in our school and community libraries? My collective opinion tells me television, video games, extra curricular activities, instability in the home, or just the lack of guidance or significant example to pick up a book and sound out that three syllable word, provide an avenue of escape for our young men that takes them far away from a book. Noticeably, I know several men today who were not the recipient of guidance and support in the areas of reading and comprehension. They are very successful in their careers today. They noted a lifestyle in the home that just didn't support quietly reading a book. They noted a lack of supervision or discipline that decreased the amount of television or video games. They noted the recordable cassette player and growing radio stations as growing attention seekers to keep them distracted. I also work with and participate with students in the community who are struggling to

All in all it's imperative that we step in when we know our young African-American males need our encouragement and our enforced discipline to help them improve their reading and comprehension. So many national tutoring services are making money from our parents who think the promise of increased grades by the end of the school year is an example of success. I know of one instance where a grandmother was encouraged to take out a student loan, in the amount of $5000 to pay for a summer of daily tutoring for her grandson. After the summer proved to be a failure, they agreed to offer another semester for half the cost with the guarantee that her grandsons academics would improve by two letter grades. $7500 and six months later, he is still struggling with reading and barely passing his grade level. In the end, our parents end up thousands of dollars in debt with no

There are several roles that you may already hold which will afford you the opportunity to teach a child to pick up a book instead of a joystick. If you're a parent, choose to put down your novel and read the book that's been in your son's backpack all week. If you're a volunteer mentor, take your young man to the library and teach him how to obtain a library card and find a book that's suitable for his age and interest. If you're a teacher, help your young male student choose a book that's not only challenging, but interesting. If you're a therapist, incorporate books into your sessions to teach young men how to find answers for themselves. If you're a Sunday school teacher, request to send books home with parents and assign reading for the next Sunday school class. If you're an older sibling, take the time to go home and check on your brother's school work. Look through that back pack or even go to the school and look through the locker. The opportunity and the need to read effectively will never come to an end. It's a mechanism for survival and success in this world. I challenge you to use your role to encourage what is needed of your young African-American men. Will you share your reading wealth? Monique B. Brunson, LCSW Empowerment in Organization Ms. Brunson is a licensed clinical social worker with over ten years of experience in social service management. She is the executive clinical director of Empowerment in Organization which focuses on team building, mental health self care for individuals and agencies. She is a previous writer for Think Positive Magazine. She also writes for various magazines and not for profit organizations. She may be contacted at mbrunsonc@sbcglobal.net for opinions or more information.

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By Barton J. Taylor

I LOVE MUSIC:

THE STATE OF BLACK MUSIC IN AMERICA “I Love Music, sweet, sweet music. I Love Music, just as long as it's groovin!” I can still remember the first time I heard the thunderous voice of Eddie LeVert belt that out from the O'Jays classic, “I Love Music”. Of course it was during a Saturday morning when my brothers and sisters and I had to clean the house before we could go outside. It was simple, to the point and more so, plain truth. Even though the O'Jays were a big staple in black music, the song crossed racial, ethnic and cultural spectrums. It metaphorically spoke of a commonality that all can relate to-music. In other words, it had a message.

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ven though I was born in the seventies, I had the benefit to experience music from the seventies, eighties and beyond. I have literally lived and witnessed the evolution of modern music, the birth of hiphop, to the re-invention of rock-n-roll, soul and jazz. What I am alarmed about is what is currently becoming of Black music in America. I'm fearful that Black music is not only loosing its edge, but its originality, its girt, and most of all its soul!!! Before I begin to flow (no pun intended) on what I think is lacking in Black music, let's clearly define the nature of music. Music is melodic expressions of sounds and sometimes words that convey emotions, sentiments and opinions. It's safe to say or summarize that music is no more than a language based on cultural and social experiences. We know that evolution is unavoidable and music is not immune to such a phenomenon. However, when the evolution is at a cost where the true nature or identity is compromised, what is worth it? What I want to discuss is the following-the rise and fall and rise of soul music, the birth and cardiac arrest and needed resuscitation of hip-hop and where we are now. What makes a great song great? Why is it when you here a song you haven't heard in a long time you get nostalgic? As I previously mentioned music is a language based on experiences. When you here a song it invoked those experiences that relates you and that song. So what's wrong with music today? Why does today's music, in many cases, cite short-term nostal-

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gia? In many standard songs, the music count is 4/4. So for the sake of this conversation let's take about the four things that are off beam with Black music and ultimate the four things that will help Black music to get its groove back. MUSIC IS THE REVERB OF SOCIETY I'm going on record here and now that music is a reverb of society. It talks about, as Marvin Gaye stated, “What's Going On” in the world. Can you remember when you first heard Public Enemy's “Night of the Living Basehead”? No one was really talking about the transformation of society based on the crack epidemic. Take it back further to “The Message” by Sugar Hill Gang. No cute hooks. No twenty-guest appearances; just a real beginning depicting the decay of his neighborhood by broken glass everywhere. Music has always been and needs to continue to be the reverb of society. Music allowed the artist to express life. Music allowed the song to paint a picture to what is currently happening in the thoughts of the songwriter. Has music always been the reverb of society? Yes, however, it hasn't always had a socially charged message. It's easy to blame “Generation Bling” for this but that would be a cheap shot. Black music has bragged about superficial viewpoints for years. Whether it was “diamonds in the back, sunroof tops, digging the scene with the gangster lean…gangster whitewalls” to the braggadocios nature of music today, prevalent more so in hip hop, music also conveys the material desires of

society. I think what is contributing to the decay of black music is its focusing only on one aspect of society. Black music has lost its balance in its reverb. Never mind the issues at hand. Who care's what's going on when it's more who's going down. Balling has taken prime status in our society so it's only fitting that it takes the same stature in our music. It's not coincidence Common was inspired to write “I Used to Love H.E.R.” because he felt the pain of watching the “essence of hip-hop” being exploited and ultimately disrespected for the quick buck. We need to get that balance back in the content of our music. TALENT SHORTAGE This may be more so opinionated, but as you read further, you'll see how it becomes factual. There is a current shortage of pure talent in the music industry, black music in particular. You can recall where the artistry of the product was paramount to the artist. Now, doing whatever sells is the goal. I used to look for the next Stevie Wonder “Songs in the Keys of Life”. Now, I'm just looking for someone to sing on key and not with the assistance of studio equipment. Too often we fail to realize the difference between a studio singer and a “Sanger”. Now, please don't take this as a declaration of no talent. However, the amount of true talent is very limited. Part of the blame is with the music industry. Too often they disguise blatant garbage with “clever commercial marketing”, skimpy dressed video vixens, and

over produced music that drowns out the cracking of the singer's voice. The other part of the blame lies with us-the consumers. If we didn't buy it, the industry wouldn't sell it-plain and simple. We continue to turn lead potential into platinum promises. In other words, we're validating sub-par talent. In order to get music better, we need to demand better. POST CIVIL RIGHTS CULTURE An edge in black music is the undeniable “girt” that existed. When you heard Gladys Knight sing “He's leaving, on that midnight train to Georgia”, you felt his departure from her life. Better yet, when the Wu-Tang Clan let the world know they “grew up on the crime side, New York Times side”, you were transported to their world. This is because many of these performers grew up in an era where struggle was more prevalent than today. Many of the performers in black music had to enter the back of the restaurant just to eat. Many of them grew up in the gas shortage era of the 70's, the emergence of the AIDS, and of course, one of the most devastating results of Reganomics-the crack epidemic. Many of the new performers are beneficiaries of the struggles fought and won by their predecessors, so they may have heard about it, but can't call upon it for creative reference. In other words, we can only expect people to sing what they experience. It could be concluded that we're experiencing a shift in the paradigms of black music.

REPEAT AFTER ME The last note regarding the state of black music is the lack of creativity. I can't count the number of times I have heard a song on the radio, change the station and thought I was hearing the same song. In fact, it was a different song, different artist but the same sound, same content and almost the same melody. Black music today is stuck in a rut. It's only so many times you can make a song about ballin', blingin', snapin' or something in between. The creativity is rare which makes the music sound repetitive. No one is trying to take chances. No one wants to lead. Will the real song please stand? So what now? Based on this article, many may conclude that Black Music is forever lost. Not true. Many may conclude there are no champions of our music. That is totally false. What this does is ultimately put us on notice. It sets an alarm that we need to pay attention to. Music has defined our society and cultures since society were formed. We need that balance. We hear about the excess living, but who is the voice of those barely getting by? We see the parties on the videos, but who will depict the pain that still exist? If we're not careful in what we produce, how we produce it, then we'll just live up to what James Brown calls “Talking Loud and Saying Nothing!!!” Why did I write this? Because I love music, sweet, sweet music. I love music, just as long as it's grooving.

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By Garrard McClendon

EAGLES OR PIGEONS:

WHO DO YOU HANG WITH? A

re you the big fish in a small pond? Are you the most intelligent and most talented person in your peer group? Do you feel insecure, if you are not running the show? Well, sadly, you need to create a fresh and dynamic peer group. Your growth stops if you cease to reach beyond your grasp. It is amazing what you can learn from those who know more than you. But some of us think that it is a sign of weakness to not have all of the answers. After earning bachelor's and master's degrees, I heard the words of my late uncle echoing from the past. He said, “What do you live for and why stop at a master's degree? Don't settle.” It took some time to understand the words, but clarity prevailed: most people crave the mediocre. My uncle was telling me to reach. We have been taught to

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embrace the mentality of pigeons: flying low, eating scraps, and pecking at others. We should adopt an eagle mindset: high soaring, family oriented, and hard working. Eagles, like falcons and osprey, are predators. They produce their meals by hunting working. Pigeons fight over scraps, wait for leftovers, and follow humans, hoping they will drop a portion of their sandwich on the sidewalk. Barry Libert and Jon Spector discuss strong peer groups and the intelligence of groups in their book, We Are Smarter Than Me. They stress that it is alright to consult others, as long as they know more than you. John F. Kennedy employed this characteristic during his presidency. Scientists look to more prominent and heavily funded researchers to explore and verify their findings; athletes compete against those who have superior skills.

James Surowiecki's Wisdom of Crowds, demonstrates that we can acquire priceless opportunity from smart circles. Les Brown eloquently points out that “if you want to increase the speed of your success and break your money clip, start hanging out with smarter people.” JJ Jans, from WorldSuccessClub.com, states “If you are at the top of your circle of friends and you are still not making the money you want, that's a cue to find a new circle to join. Start at the bottom and slowly work your way to the top in both knowledge and mindset.” Thinking positive gives us the potential to exceed our limitations. If you begin to exercise your eagle mentality, your best starts to manifest. Start flying high and leave the crumbs for the pigeons.


By Tamara M. Dervin

Money Basics: Credit Are you at the point where you've been in so much debt that you just wanted to break free and never go back again?

M

CREDIT

any young urban professionals have found themselves at this point. It most likely started while you were in college; you were bombarded with credit card companies, offering you free t-shirts, bags or anything to get you to sign up. As a college student, you wanted all the free stuff you could get. When I was in college, I wasn't concerned with the credit that I was getting but the gift or discount. Once you received the cards, you used them not fully understanding what you were getting yourself into. So the cycle of debt started. You enter the workforce and while building your career, you had one goal in mine…TO GET OUT OF DEBT! You have been acting responsibly, diligently paying the credit cards off one at a time, looking forward to that day of freedom. Then it happens. You see the light. You pay that last payment and not to get yourself in this state again, you cancelled your credit cards. Now that you are a little older, there are many things that you want to do such as buying a home or owning a business. All of which requires financing. In order to do these things, you need good, established credit. Since your debt cycle started, you vowed to get out and you have gotten out, you have cut up all your credit cards, closed all your accounts, paid off your car several years ago, and are only paying off your student loans. Now with no credit cards, your car paid off, it looks like you have minimal, to no open credit accounts. Is that good? This discussion brings me to a question I recently received: I am trying to buy a house but the bank is telling me that I need to open a credit account and use it. I am trying to stay out of debt, why do I need to do this?

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When a bank assesses whether or not to approve any loan they pull your credit report and look at your credit score. Your credit score is determined by payment history (35%), amount owed (30%), length of credit history (15%), new credit (10%), and types of credit used (10%). Having credit is good and necessary. It is just the amount and the mix of credit that you have and ensuring that you pay your bills on time every month, helps as well. It looks even better if you pay your revolving account balances (i.e. Visa, MasterCard) off every month. You should always use less than 50% of your available revolving credit and you should have a good mix of credit such as installment loans (i.e. car loan through a bank), credit cards, retail accounts, mortgages, and consumer finance accounts (i.e. personal loans with a finance company). Someone with no credit cards, for example, tends to be considered a higher risk than someone who has managed credit cards responsibly. If you have credit and you manage it responsibly this shows the lender that you are a good credit risk and a customer that they would love to acquire. Just like the liquor ads say at the end “Drink Responsibly” most credit card companies say “Use Credit Wisely”.

However, the sad part is that banks hope that you use it unwisely so they make more money. “Unwisely” is having up-to-the-limit balances that roll from month to month, which means that you are paying hefty interest. If you are close to your limit, you are more likely to go over your limit, causing you to acquire over the limit fees. Even if you are close to your limit when you are charged that hefty interest, it could push you over your limit which then again, you are charged an over-the-limit fee. Bottom line, the bank wants to see your track record to evaluate if you are a good or bad credit risk. The only way that you can do this is your prior track record or credit history with other creditors. So having a credit card that you payoff every month is not bad. This shows the lender that you are disciplined, a good credit risk and it boosts your credit score. Closing your accounts erases your credit history. When you have a good credit history don't erase it - keep it going. To start building your credit again, open a revolving credit account and charge some of your regular monthly expenses like groceries and gas, then pay it off at the end of the month. These are expenses that are already included in your monthly budget so you don't have to worry about exceeding your monthly budget. To prevent over spending, I would suggest immediately transferring the cash you would normally spend on those monthly expenses that were charged on the credit card into a savings account. Now you are earning interest and boosting your credit score all at the same time.

For all your money questions or comments log on to www.myspace.com/moneybasics or email me at t.dervin@att.net

THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM



TPM INTERVIEW

Lady Emmy discusses the power in black pride, self-esteem & mentoring.

Black is still beautiful

... If Dr. King and Malcolm X were here today, would they get the respect they deserve or would they be overlooked because they were still worried about the black community when others may be worried about money and material things? THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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Why have we traded phrases like “I'm black and proud” and “black is beautiful” for “keep it real” and “keep it gangster”? E: As a community, we've taken two steps forward and one step back. “I'm black and proud” came from an era when we were struggled for our civil rights. Our people were proud to be African American and proud to fight for certain freedoms and privileges. The step that we didn't lose is we are now more educated than we've ever been. We have progressed in so many ways including corporate America, entertainment and media. At one time, we had pride in ourselves and in the community, and now some of us are only proud in a sense of our accomplishments and the money we've made. In looking at people like Oprah Winfrey and Presidential hopeful Senator Barack Obama, as opposed to us saying we are proud of what they've accomplished as African Americans, we sometimes look at the attainment of education and money, and that is what we've become proud of. It's no longer having pride in our culture, history or heritage, and that's where we've lost ground over the years. The generation that's now successful may have actually grown up when their parents were struggling. Their struggle was the things they didn't have, but their parents had concerns that were greater than themselves. They were concerned with voting and where can I sit and even in spite of all of this, I'm proud of being African American. I'm struggling to feed my kids but I'm still proud to be black. While their children grew up thinking, I don't want to be poor, broke or labeled as inadequate. It seems as though our focus has shifted. Some may say that we've gone from being proud as a community to being proud as individuals. During the Civil Rights movement, Black people would march for what the community was going through, and we don't have that now. If you were an activist during the sixties, you tended to have a tremendous amount of respect in the community, and today if you say, “I'm a social activist,” some people may not understand what you do! If Dr. King and Malcolm X were here today, would they get the respect they deserve or would they be overlooked because they were still worried about the black community when others may be worried about money and material things?

What does it take to increase the self worth within our young women? The tricky part of self-esteem is the “self-factor”. If I could just tell young women that they're beautiful and smart as a quick fix, it would be perfect. I wish it was that simple. We could line up young women by the thousands and tell them that, but if the self-factor isn't dealt with, it will never change. It is wise to catch it before it happens or to restore it at an early age in young women. If a young woman doesn't fall in love with herself first, she could suffer from low self-esteem for the rest of her life. Makeovers, money, marriage, and plastic surgery won't change that. It's like building a house with no foundation. You only put value in yourself if you love yourself. Today's music videos don't matter, if a young woman loves herself, she won't necessarily want to be like the video girl. Then the media or the little boy at school isn't the problem. All these outward factors no longer become an issue if our young women love themselves. That is the key to self-empowerment, and mentoring helps to reinforce that affirmation. It's natural for a girl to want to be loved. If they don't get that from the world around them or a mentor, then that's when they may turn to a life of promiscuity, drugs or overeating. If we can't find the love we are seeking, we look for something to fill that void. Women can be so driven in their pursuit of love until we sometimes settle for unhealthy relationships. The only way to have a healthy relationship with anyone else is to love yourself first. How important is it that our youth have mentors? One of the best ways to counteract the issues of low self-esteem is through mentoring. I don't mean just through the big name organizations. I mean if you know a young man from around the corner, take him with you when you get your hair cut on Saturdays. Hang out and grab a bite to eat. It doesn't have to be elaborate. What young people need is time, information and wisdom. In the long run, that will be worth more than any check you can write to any organization. Spending quality time with a child cannot be replaced by any financial investment. Showing a young person that they matter is powerful. There is always a level of intrigue in young people when they see that someone wants to mentor them. So after a while they start to think, “There must be something special about me that people see.” We can not help our youth just with books or conferences, we have to build positive relationships with them one on one through mentoring and

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good parenting. Seedtime and harvest is the law of the land. If you plant that seed, it's going to grow. It might be a week, it might be two years or even 10, but I know plenty of people who have a powerful story about how they got to where they are in life based on something a mentor or some caring adult said to them when they were 12 years old. We have to be willing to take the time. If enough of us do invest time in our youth, there would be less work to be done. How does one step it up in this area? Start your own individual movement on a grassroots level. There is nothing wrong with striving and reaching forward. God gave us two hands and one of them should always be reaching back. When enough of us have one or two young people who we are reaching back to, things will change. The black male has a powerful role to play in our families. How do we harness the power inside the black woman to uplift the brothers? This is where that balance comes in. In particular, if we can teach young men how to value women there is limitless potential of these women supporting men. There is something instinctual within African American women who want to encourage and support their brothers. Back in the days of “I'm black and I'm proud,” if he didn't have anything else, he was getting encouragement at home from his wife and children. It's so natural, because you can watch a five-year-old girl encourage or compliment her father. It's unfortunate that sometimes you have ladies that grow up, become cynical and want to hold back because their admiration of their black men hasn't been appreciated. They may think, “If he doesn't value me, then he won't value the compliment.” So if we can teach young men how to, not only, value themselves but to value women as well, women may start to lower their guard in the future. If she feels that value coming from him, she will support that man to the end of the Earth. This is how the wall comes down and black women give more of the support that some people claim black women don't give men in this generation. It's often because the appropriate value hasn't been given to them. Women sometimes feel like, “I'm not going to put that kind of value in someone if they're not putting it in me.” It has to start somewhere. If he wants to be the king, then she has to be the queen.

The tricky part of self-esteem is the self-factor . If I could just tell young women that they’re beautiful and smart as a quick fix, it would be perfect. THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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By Gustavus Betts'

A

frican Americans have always occupied a unique and sometimes ominous position in North America. Yet, in spite of certain obstacles, African Americans continue to contribute to the country in very meaningful ways. Since arriving, involuntarily in 1619, blacks have made significant gains at almost every level in U.S. society, e.g. the corporate sector, as wells in sports and entertainment. However, the future for the African American professional, at first glance, appears to be somewhat unpredictable. The first half of the 21st Century has witnessed an unprecedented decline of black professionals in laws and medicine. A 2005 report by the America Bar Association (ABA) revealed a 12 year low of African Americans enrollment in law schools across the country. During this time, black enrollment was at its lowest since 1993 - down 6.6 percent from 7.4 percent. This is troubling because 10 out of the nation's top 15 law firms recruit students for positions as future law clerks for Supreme Court justices, and other federal judgeships from these schools. A 2008 report by the Journal of Blacks in Higher Education (JBHE) reveals, at all 194 law schools, accredited by the ABA, 10 out of 15 of the nation's highest ranking show a decrease in enrollment of African Americans. However, New York University and Harvard were major exceptions. Black enrollment climbed up from 5.6 percent in 1997 to 8.6 percent in 2007 at NYU's law school, a 68 percent increase. NYU had been criticized in the past for its cool reception to affirmative programs. Dean Richard Revesz at NYU law school told the JBHE that diversity continues to be a priority, and has implemented a number of programs to increase African American enrollment. For example, one program offers scholarships for students from economically disadvantage backgrounds who are the first in their respective families to attend a professional school. NYU also conducts extensive recruiting at historically black colleges and universities. The Black Law School Student Association at NYU also actively recruits students through telephone campaigns, and visits to their alma mater. Ranked second in increasing African American enrollment over the past decade is Harvard University. In 1997, there were 153 black students, an increase of nearly 2 percent. By 2007, there were 190 black students, a 24 percent increase. Elena Kagan, dean of Harvard law school told the JBHE, “We are seeing an ever stronger black applicant pool, which allows us to identify an increasing number of black students who we think will make Harvard Law School a better place. We are also doing quite well on our yield of admitted blacks students.”

Class of 2009 at a glance 6180 Number of applications received 24 Median age of matriculation 46 Number of U.S. states represented 22 Number of foreign countries represented 47% Out of College one to four years 47% Women 53% Men 13% Asian 12% Black/African American 8% Hispanic 1% American Indian/Native American 52% White 5% Foreign National Northwestern University, the University of Virginia, and Duke University were the only other high-ranking law schools that have shown an increase in the enrollment of African American/black students. Yale University and Columbia University had the biggest decline. At Yale, the nation's highest-ranking law institution, black enrollment has been on a steady decline over the past decade. There were 53 African American students enrolled in 1997. Today, there are 44 - a 17 percent decrease. Columbia University School of Law had the steepest decline with nearly a 30 percent drop in the past 10 years. Black enrollment dropped to 7.7 percent in 2007 - down from 12.2 in 1997. Dean of admissions, E. Nkonye Iwerebon told the JBHE that he is not aware of any reason for the decline in African American student enrollment. Other black students have opted careers in medicine, only to face some of the same obstacles. The decline of African Americans in medicine can be attributed to numbers, according to Louis W. Sullivan, founder and former President of the Morehouse School of Medicine and chair of the Sullivan Commission. Sullivan organized the commission to address the nation's healthcare gap by focusing on underrepresented minorities among the nation's healthcare professionals. Sullivan blames the decline on the fact that while African Americans, Hispanics, and Native Americans make up 25 percent of the U.S. population, “We are only nine percent of the nation's nurses, six percent of the nation's doctors, five percent are dentist, and only four percent are facility members at medical schools.” The slip in numbers seems somewhat puzzling, historically. In 1950, 133 African Americans graduated from the nation's leading medical schools. A vast majority earned medical degrees from Howard University, Meharry Medical College in Nashville,

and the University of Alabama (comprising 2.4 percent of all 5333 medical school grads nationwide). By the 1960s, affirmative action programs helped to increase the number of blacks graduating from “traditionally” all white colleges - 153 in 1969 to 571 in 1974. However by the 1980s and into the 90s, black enrollment slowed to a snail's pace, with no real increase. Despite the slide in numbers, 1995 witnessed an all time high of African American enrollment at 1,288 according to the JBHE. Enrollment increased again in 1996 - peaking at 3524. By 2004, unfortunately, black enrollment into medical schools dropped again to a mere 2800, or a 20.4 percent decrease. Currently, the number of first year black matriculations diminished to 15.7 percent. Reasons vary for the drop in numbers. Some medical students leave to pursue opportunities in other fields, like law, business, and other high tech careers. Also, the burden of the heavily regulated managed care system can be another obstacle. Legal prohibitions against race based admissions at state operated schools, and the high cost of tuitions and other expenses force others to look elsewhere for employment options. However, all is not as bleak as it may appear. The good news is that African Americans are making significant progress at the nation's top medical schools, and are graduating at a very high rate. A 2007 JBHE survey revealed that Duke University topped the list with a 15 percent increase in African Americans graduates. Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland was second with a 12.3 percent increase. John Hopkins University, the University of Michigan, and the University of Chicago rounded out the top five. Seven out of the nation's top medical school that provided data for the JBHE survey reported a 100 percent graduation rate. Despite of the somewhat curious position blacks occupy in this country, the road ahead for future African American students enrolling in professional law and medical schools looks promising. A rise in tuition across the country only means that blacks will have to be more creative in acquiring the proper funds necessary for tuition and other expenses. There are a variety of alternative student loan services out there that are worth looking into. Check out www.getastriveloan.com, www.salliemae.com/studentloans, www.wachovia.com/studentloans, or www.collegeloans.com, for more information. There are also grant programs to assist as well..

THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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SPOKEN WORLD

What's happen' ya'll?!? Welcome, welcome, welcome 2 this first installment of the People's Vocal Revolutionary Liberation Movement© open-page poetry set for Think Positive Magazine. I am your host and facilitator, Discopoet Khari B. here 2 keep things movin' and the good times groovin' as I introduce U 2 this month's phenomenal featured artists. Keeping things nice and brief I always think that it's most proper 2 start the reading off with some frightening funky female energy and this sista comin' 2 the page right now is a righteous representation of that exact force. Given international attention as an artist on Les Nubians' “Echoes- Chapter One” and “Nubian Voyager” albums (am I the only 1 still saying album???) this sista was an instant standout. Her own debut album, “POWER U!” has been burning up speakers, Mp3s, and CD players around the globe and now especially 4 U, right here, right now, from the stage 2 the page,

! ! ! s i d o G n e Que I present 2 U…

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This life... An emotional abacus Love... Is the summation I have felt it ALL for you You are *Holy Braille *to me We rhyme We are the arithmetic mean The distance between us is yet to be seen... or calculated They have not enough fingers, toes or *Texas Instruments* The answer Part of the equation But we have made the error of trying to cancel each other out X and Y the variables we are Both, *very able* God is - the mathe*magician* There is a *soul*ution We are One And I am not afraid of math... I Fascinate you... Because I still Want to love you I must. It heals. Beautifully Pain can make us do ugly things sometimes... And sick... Contagious we've been But imagine love... A cure. I am not afraid to love you Not too angry or flawed Not too far gone Look, I am still here Yes... Still…. I feel you I can't help it You are *Holy Braille *to me In this world of underdeveloped eyes I can truly see what love is And what it can do How much you need it And I do too Guns, cannons, missiles, swords.... Someone has fired your *staff* and replaced it with war, death and fear, But I am not afraid to love you back to life I don't want to be your wife I want to be one I want to win We've been losers for far too long Looking for love in all of the wrong..... mouths…

To hear more of this poem by Queen GodIs check it out on her debut album 'Power U!' available at: www.cdbaby.com/cd/queengodis & www.myspace.com/queengodisbiz

THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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God told me a secret…

Did I lie? Godis is the business! Love it like that. Clap ya hands from wherever U're reading! Queen Godis everybody. I don't know where U're reading from but if U've been around this thing at least as long as I have U've seen the scene change a lot. Things have gone from a few undercover writers sharing their musings with other crazy people of like minds, to fire-tongued microphone conflagrators servicing the people with incendiary inspiration, anguish, anger, eroticism, and all out elation, to these times where flamboyant flagrant fakers funk up the mic with desperate attempts 4 attention. But in open-mics around the world there still exists that strong few who make your night out worth every moment, penny, and bad poet. This next cat is one of those few. He is one of the most cynical, snide, sarcastic, foul-mouthed bastards I have ever met. Consequently, I love few people like I love this dude. His presence at a set always makes U happy U came and his skill with a pen is profound. He is the author of a series of chapbooks, a clothing line (Elemental Apparel), 3 major pieces of street fiction that U will find almost impossible 2 put down once U start reading (Triple Take, The Apostles, and Slippin') AND he's a gangsta that uses baby wipes. He is a pillar of his community and a threat 2 homeland security. HA! Please put your eyelashes 2gether 4

! ! ! k a l Jus B Just Blak is a former spoken word artist. Currently he's an owner of Elemental Apparel, a new fashion line anchored by poetry t-shirts. Blak is also the author of three published fiction novels, Triple Take, The Apostles, and Slipping. He has several more novels to be published soon, including the much anticipated follow-up to Triple Take. Learn more about Blak hit him personally at www.myspace.com/yblakmoore

Nod What I don't understand is our relentless commitment to this godless system. Imprisoned by their decision to condemn us to life as second class citizens. All we're concerned with is wearing tight clothes like Pharrell, While oil is officially a 100-plus a barrel. We're getting punk'd at the gas pump, They're making mixed-income housing out of your last dump, Bush and friends got the economy in a fast slump, While Corporate America is playing us like mass chumps. Mercy me, we still don't see, The impending catastrophe, Because we're blinded by sex, drugs, and money, Religion, nutrition, suspicion, Indecision, hair extensions, and economic prison. The county keeps raising taxes and we let 'em. Homeland security tells us to bend over and spread 'em. We're hopin' we'll have a chance if society slips up. Afraid to fix-up the mix-up. Instead we dress-up the mess-up. Now we're waiting on God, Stuck in a dope fiend nod. The toughest question they've ever asked of a cat like me, Is how do I feel about Barack's impending presidency? No disrespect to Mr. Obama, Or his mama His win would be great for the African-American peoples, But me, I'm just Black Until he's lived like me, Sold, used, or had his life disfigured over crack, Until he's got several X's on his back, Or until I've witnessed his survival knack He and others like him remain to retain the status quo, My life was Good Times, his was the Cosby Show. We're officially living bootleg, Copied, quickly and cheaply. I've tried to think deeply, But I keep hitting a concrete barrier. Yes, I'm aware that I'm a carrier. My pocket is full of project bricks, Nigger beater sticks, And dope fiend tricks. I made it out the asphalt jungle, But the animals indigenous to the urban sprawl thrill me. I'm surprised that my life thus far hasn't managed to kill me. Lately I haven't acquired much criminally, But yet subliminally, I know that I'm still a gangster That writes poetry. Maybe that's not considered odd. I bet if I put up my middle finger, They'll leave me alone so I can nod. Copyright 2008

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Go'n get some Elemental in your life. Blak is that dude. Give it up! Clap even if U're reading alone in a quiet room. Please don't think that because I've asked this next artist 2 marry me more times than I've had mornings that I'm being biased including her in this debut set. She is and has been a most phenomenal writer, reciter, and objective conversationalist. In a world where women will often hold emotion over logic I must admit that this may indeed be the most logically thinking woman I have ever met (which attributes 2 all of the marriage proposals). As an artist, she ALWAYS leaves the audience's hearts racing and minds blown through her most thought provoking work. She is a fulltime freelance writer in Nashville, TN., has been published in over 40 publications including King, Honey, Women's Health & Fitness, NV, Upscale, and more, is currently an entertainment columnist for All The Rage (www.nashvillerage.com), a feature blogger for X3Church.com and a Q&A columnist for CenterstageMag.com. She is also the Teen Moms Coordinator for Nashville Youth for Christ and the author “Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption” (Relevant, 2004) and the upcoming release, “Make Him Weak in the Knees (in Prayer)”. Make yo lashes crash and your eyes, hearts and spirits focus 4..

Shellie

! ! ! n e r War

Hey, I’ve got a confession to make God told me one of your secrets today No, he doesn’t do this usually But in this instance He thought that I should know… This morning God said that last night you were on your knees asking for a wife who’s woman enough to get up even before you arise and pray for your protection, provision and peace of mind God said that you were so sick of eating protein bars for breakfast, Wendy’s for lunch and Papa John’s for dinner that you’d like someone who would cook---well---from scratch—like your grandma…only better God said that nothing bothers you more than a girl who’s too unstable to let you do your job; that you simply can’t answer phone calls and emails every 15 minutes and that she would need to know that not being with her in body does not mean you aren’t there in spirit; that if the two of you are one, she needs to trust you at all times and if she can’t, the two of you have nothing. God said that you love receiving random “I love you”, “I miss you” and “I can’t wait to see you” texts on your cell phone even when they can’t always be returned and that answering you at the door in lingerie---someday---would never get old…ever. God said that you needed to be with a woman who didn’t have to like Sports Center, but would love you enough to let you watch it in peace---no questions, no requests, no deep thoughts---for at least the first 20 minutes. God said that you had to keep your identity in tact; that you needed to be allowed time with your friends without her getting jealous and your female friend is like your little sister, which makes her family, which means no one has any reason to feel insecure. God said that you wanted a woman who loved your mother but not so much that she talks about the dirty boxers on the floor or your bad habit of paying the cable bill two days late. God said that pedicures and pumps are your ultimate turn-on, tons of make-up your ultimate turn-off and a girl who’s trendy never trumps a gal with style. God said that sometimes you just need a shoulder and listening ear; no more, no less. The world is critical enough without getting at least a smile and a hug before an opinion when you retreat from it. God said you needed to laugh a lot and make love even more. That you were raised on religion, but live on relationship, so someone who’s too spiritual outside of the house to minister inside of the home would get on your very last nerve. God said that you love action films, old school rap and jeans that cost about a month’s rent on the South side of town. God said that being a man is a full-time job and so you try not to take life so seriously; that you shouldn’t be expected to have all of the answers all of the time, but your daily prayer ritual should be enough to give your woman the confidence she needs to know that in the end, it will all work out for the best. God said that your flaws make you vulnerable and your gifts need to be celebrated; that you love to listen to jazz, take long drives, and sit on the porch without feeling the need to always engage in conversation. God said that fingernails on the chalkboard beats nagging any day and cuddles over conflict will bring you home every night. But most importantly, God said that you dream big and while your ideas may seem crazy at first, with the right support, they will undoubtedly come to pass. And that while you know it’s a tall order, if He could find you someone who understands all of that in this lifetime, it would be nothing short of a miracle and you would be forever in His debt.

Find more on Shellie Warren at "http://www.myspace.com/missnosipho" www.myspace.com/missnosipho

…like I said, God just thought I should know. ©Shellie R. Warren/2007 THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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LisZen (Listen)

Shellie Warren ya'll. Did U feel it? U should have OR face the fact that U're tripping right now… Closing our pages out is a bad young brother a little newer to the scene but by no means a novice. I personally consider him the poets poet (which is sometimes scary 2 me); completely everything that one thinks of when they think of Spoken Word artists, but he has the “pen-ability” 2 grab U every time he writes and/or opens his mouth. Poetically known as ~SCRiPTuRe~ , Ernest Gibson III, aka “The Student” has ripped stages as part of the Milwaukee National Slam Team winning numerous individual awards. Holding a BA N Philosophy, a MA in American Studies and working on his PhD in African American Studies at the University of Massachusetts the aptly named writer/lyricist can B heard on the CD anthology, “Live From Kijiji's: The Open Mic Sessions” out of Nashville, Tenn. Stay locked 4 his upcoming book/CD project “Extrospection: Conversations with the Muses.” A brother that is quick with his wit, a pen, and his feet (an All-American Track & Field star ya'll) please bat your eyelashes and sink deeper N2 these pages 4..

i R ~S C

Not to my words, but to the sound of my breath For it echoes the linear dimensions of Scarlet letters within my chest And they compose a poem written by God & I need silence to introspect So LisZen Not to the tone of my voice, but to the rhythm of my dialect Not to the way my words flow, but how my phrases intersect Not to the way that I recite, but how each syllable I resurrect Just LisZen You see, I've been LisZening And now I pray to God like the moon prays to the Sun for light Asking God to be the source that guides my pen like darkness is the source of night And I've been studying the wind for it holds the secrets to this life So LisZen For it has journeyed to places I have yet to travel It has crept through spaces whose mysteries remain unraveled It was there amidst the mountains when Hannibal went to battle It was amidst the auction blocks when my people were sold as chattel It was amidst the monasteries where Hindu Saints would sit and channel-their energy LisZen to the melody-of blood flowing through veins Not to the creativity on church glass windows, but how on purpose they are stained To protect religious folks from light, the truth needed to heal their pain

~ e R u T P

LisZen not to the Rhyme, but to the message I'm conveying Not to the cries of our children, but to the hurt that they're displaying LisZen to what your Soul is saying-& not what the pseudo-prophet said Not to the begging of the homeless, but to the hunger of the unfed Not to the stories that are told, but to the ones you never read Not to the leaders who've never followed, but to ones who've followed but never led LisZen for the Revolution of the Earth, not the rotations that occurred Not to the wishes on falling Stars, but falling Stars with dreams deferred Not to the Scriptures always quoted, but to the ones you never heard Not to the eloquence of the speaker, but to the passion within his words LisZen for the voices of your own intuition Not the manipulation of language or the mastery of the diction To the Poet not the Performer, to the facts not superstition To the direction towards Transcendence, not the road to reach Perdition To the fears of the fiend and not the source of his addiction Not to the age of the Author, but to the wisdom in his description LisZen to the inscription, sketched and scribbled in ancient stone To the rain filling crevices to reveal prophecies never known To the flight of the bird and not just the place where it has flown Otherwise the purpose of the journey until arrival may be unknown LisZen to he who has grown by studying scars beneath her feet To the voices of your ancestors through your pulse and your heartbeat To the silence of the humble, to the whispers of the meek To the student who seeks to question and not the one who seeks to speak LisZen not for my performance, but for the Artistry of my lyrics Not for the SIZE of my vocabulary, but for the puissance of my spirit Not for the sake of just supporting, but for the desire to truly hear it Not to see my distance from Perfection, but my craving to be near it

Find Ernest writing, reciting, running, and working at www.myspace.com/da_student

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LisZen not to see me struggle, but how for progress I am wishing Not to critique, assess or judge me, but to simply say you've LisZened

That's my guy, right there! R U listening now. I thought U might B. Give it up again, please, 4 Scripture! I want 2 thank U all 4 taking your time out 2 experience The People's Vocal Revolutionary Liberation Movement© open-page poetry set. I trust that U enjoyed it and will B looking 4word 2 much much more from more protectors of the pen, page, and stage. Once again, I am your host and facilitator Discopoet Khari B. thanking U on behalf of Think Positive Magazine and all the amazing artists that left this good loving 4 your hearts, minds, and eyes 2 experience. Please keep your eyes and ears open 4 my own upcoming project, “I'MMA BAD MUTHA: The Rock Star Poetry Project!!!” coming soon 2 a record store, download, and stage near U. If U wanna check out what I do the debut album is available at most internet music download sites, “WordSound: THIS AIN'T NO PUNK-ASSED POETRY!!!” or hit me up at www.Disco-poetry.com and/or www.Myspace.com/Kharib. I can also be heard playing “all the music U've been missing; something 4 your minds and yo behinds” live every Wednesday from 7p-10p CST on “the People's Vocal…Undiluted” internet radio show on Swank Society (www.swanksociety.com). Tune N, call up, and enjoy. I think U'll dig it! 2 sign-up on the open-page list please send an email 2 info@thinkpositivemag.com with your name 4 possible inclusion. We'll hit U when it's your turn. Lastly, PUH-LeesE share your thoughts, impressions, and constructive criticisms with us about this feature at info@thinkpositivemag.com. We wanna keep this thing hot 4 U. Look 4 us again next issue, same perfect time, same perfect page right here in Think Positive Magazine. Ya'll B cool. THINKPOSITIVEMAG.COM

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By Cheresa Purnell

EVERYONE LOVES A SALE! THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO GO INTO A STORE AND WALK DIRECTLY TO THE SALES RACK BEFORE LOOKING AT ANY OTHER MERCHANDISE IN THE STORE. WHETHER IT IS MACY'S OR WAL-MART, SERIOUSLY, WHO DOES NOT LOVE A DEAL?

M

ost people want to get as much as they can for as cheap as possible. Usually, items are put on sale when they have become outdated or customers did not show interest in purchasing the product and now the store just wants to get rid of it. To do this, they mark the price down to make it more appealing to the customers. Not only have manufacturers learned to do this with products but we as women have begun to do this with our standards. The fear of being alone or not having a man has caused our expectations to deteriorate and our value as women to decline. Most women generally debut as the hottest new item on the market; therefore their standards are high. Initially, many male customers approach her. They concur that what she has to offer is great but once they realize the price they will have to pay to get her, they begin to reconsider. They say to themselves, “I believe I saw a cheaper version of this somewhere else”. They recognize she is a name brand product and will probably work better and last longer but they think, “I really only need something that will do for now”. As a result, they purchase the cheaper knock-off version to instantly gratify their need. At first she believes, “Ok, that was just one man, surely they all can't think like that”. But sure enough, customer after customer continues to pass her up because her price is too high.

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At this point the woman begins to panic because she can't understand why no one wants to invest in such a great product (person). She begins to believe the notion that her price or standards are unrealistic and she will never find anyone to give her what she is asking for. Most women give in to this idea and agree that maybe, if they lower their asking price, they can get more customers to be interested. Almost instantly, after cheapening her asking price, men seem to be more attracted to her. However, some men still feel that if the price dropped once then it will probably drop again. So they give her a little more time to sit on the shelf. Finally, when she is completely frustrated from being overlooked, she marks her price down again. Sure enough, the male customers are ready to purchase now. Since she is yet a name brand product, she will still expect him to treat her as such but instead his treatment of her reflects the price he paid to get her. In life, value is only placed on what one has sacrificed and worked hard to obtain. When much has not been invested, it does not matter if it gets broken because it can be easily replaced. The dilemma that most women now face is that they have become too cheap! There is nothing special about us anymore. We are willing to do just about anything for little or nothing; we give our time, our hearts, our money, and our bodies in exchange for little or no commitment. Then we wonder why men have little regard about how they treat us. Due to the baggage of having a child at 19, I allowed the hurt, guilt, shame, and disappointment of that decision to make me question whether I deserved my initial asking price. For at least 6 years, I lived on the sales rack. Men tried me on, stretched me out off shape, knocked me on the floor and kept walking, left the scent of their cologne on me and then put me back on the rack. The next man would see the residue the last customer left behind and debate whether or not he should purchase me. So once again he tries me on, stretches me out some more, and when it's all said and done he realizes that it doesn't fit him either. One after another they continually devalued me because my standards and expectations were too cheap. While going through this period of life where I marked myself down to get a buyer, I eventually became fed-up with being disappointed and

used. I came to the realization I am actually a rare antique, a collector's item of sorts. Antiques don't depreciate; they in fact appreciate with time. However, in order to get what I was truly worth, I had to allow God to refurbish me. This is where the struggle comes in for most women. The process of being restored takes sacrifice, commitment, discipline, and persistence. An extensive amount of time is spent reflecting, reevaluating, and rebuilding your character which is a task that cannot be done as a group project, ultimately requiring separation and a period of being ALONE! As women, we must begin to acknowledge that every time we accept being the other woman, allow inconsistent behavior, have sex outside of marriage, justify things that we know are unacceptable, or even buy into the let's just be friends speech, we have put ourselves on the sales rack. We have failed to recognize our true worth as the strong, influential, virtuous women God has called us to be. We become common household products that men use when they are cleaning themselves up and preparing for the one who will truly be priceless. Setting standards high might often make you appear mundane or old-fashioned. Quite frankly, you may have to wait awhile before you receive any creditable customers. But consider this, if you could have a conversation with your future husband, do you think he would say get into as many dead-end relationships as possible. That way when I finally arrive to be your priest, protector and provider, you will have an excessive amount of baggage and countless experiences to compare me to. For some reason, I don't think that is what he would say! Hopefully, he would say, “Beautiful, I know life has taken its toll on your heart and I know at times the hurt, pain, and disappointment seems unbearable. But if you hide yourself in God, and allow him to heal you and make you whole again, I promise I will find you there! And when I find you, I promise to be a human representation of the love and sacrifice that Christ exemplified for the church. PLEASE do not give up hope or lose

faith. Do whatever it takes! PAY the PRICE to wait for me and only me. I love you so much...and I look forward to the day that what we have taken the time to separately build in the spiritual comes to fruition in the natural!" Signed Your Future Covering! Finding a man who speaks such words may seem unrealistic, but is there anything too hard for God? NO! Being consumed with wanting a man is what distracts us. This is not the role of a single woman. God designed our singleness to be without the cares and concerns of how we can entice the male customer to purchase. "There is a difference between a wife and an unmarried woman. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord that she may be holy both in body and spirit" (1 Corinthians 7:34a). The most important relationship a woman could ever foster is one with GOD! This relationship leads to peace, wholeness, validation, and unconditional love. It also builds the godly character displayed by the Proverbs 31 woman. Without a doubt, she was not a sale item at the local store; the bible said she was worth more than rubies. Choosing to live with standards and not limits will not change a man. It is a man's responsibility to be a quality buyer. If he likes cheap things then he just likes cheap things. You being of good quality and highly priced will not change that. However, it will allow him to quickly assess he cannot afford you and to shop elsewhere. When a man really believes in a product, the price does not matter. He will do whatever it takes to have what he truly wants. The price of waiting is costly and the masses won't grasp what God is preparing you to be. Remember, common people look for common things. Only those who have taken the time to be fashioned and molded by God will recognize others who have gone through the same process. So, if you have been retailing yourself beneath what you deserve, I challenge you to end the sale today! Allow God to restore you so you can be worth what He designed you to truly be…PRICELESS!

WE ARE WILLING TO DO JUST ABOUT ANYTHING FOR LITTLE OR NOTHING; WE GIVE OUR TIME, OUR HEARTS, OUR MONEY, AND OUR BODIES IN EXCHANGE FOR LITTLE OR NO COMMITMENT. THEN WE WONDER WHY MEN HAVE LITTLE REGARD ABOUT HOW THEY TREAT US.

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By Pam Lawhome

B

Becoming your Own Personal CFO

udgets and personal finances are not most people's favorite topics, and certainly not one of mine. Most bank executives even have problems in this area, and if you're an entrepreneur then more than likely, you probably do too! It's not that you don't care or anything. It's just that you're probably concentrating so much on your business that your personal checkbook takes a back seat. Then one day you are met with the startling fact that you're not saving enough for lean times and you panic. Then what? Well, just apply your professional talents to the situation and become your own personal CFO! By focusing your 'CFO' eyes on the situation, it somehow tempers the pain of dealing with your own money. To get started, here are 5 rules for treating your personal finances like a business:

1. Be Your Own Board of Directors. To make good decisions, you must know what you're trying to achieve. In business, Board of Directors write mission statements to keep the company on track with goals. At home, it's up to you to define your mission and make sure you're fulfilling it by writing down your goals. Not just your financial goals either, but your "life" goals as well.

2. Know Your Operating Costs. Do you know what you spend every month on average? Businesses do because they base their budgets on historic spending patterns. Most people, however, don't know what it costs to keep their lives running. You can make out detailed budgets, but find out at the end of the month that you haven't stuck to it. So instead of doing a budget that dictates how much to spend, do a "cash flow statement" that records how much you actually spend each month broken into several categories.

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3. Know Your Net Worth. Companies measure the progress towards their goals through balance sheets which list their assets and liabilities. Your net worth is your balance sheet where you list everything that you own. That means your checking and savings accounts, investments, car, house, etc. minus everything you owe. Track your net worth quarterly to make sure you're moving toward your personal goals. Without this step, you might not see the impact of your money decisions until it's too late.

4. Forecast Money Decisions Results. When a business makes important decisions, they use a process called "scenario planning". They look at the possible outcomes of one choice compared to another. You can use the same process to make smart money decisions. For any choice, pick two options, and then look at what each answer would do to your cash flow and net worth. Remember, there are no "good" or "bad" choices - only choices that put you closer or farther from your goals.

5. Track Progress By Annual Reports. Just as companies assess their progress in their annual reports, you need to review your list of priorities every year. Have you accomplished any goals? Have your spending patterns changed? Did you spend less than you earned? Did you save as much as you planned? You need to treat your money like you treat your business. Give it the time it deserves, because in the end the time you spend is really an investment in yourself and your dreams.


By Stephanie Jones

Child Sexual Abuse. Moles tation. Those words alone bring about a n eerie and numbing feeli ng. It's some thing that no one wants to talk about. It 's shameful, embarrassing , and downri ght humiliating. But it's s omething tha t has gripped every family at some poin t in time. Therefore, w e must talk about it. We must deal wit h this issue!

G N I M O C R

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ne in 3 females and 1 in 5 males are sexually abused as children and 90% of the time it's at the hands of a family member, close family friend, or trusted leader. It's not a stranger on the street, but it's someone the victim loves and trust. Some of the results of sexual abuse include low self-esteem, sexual promiscuity, teenage pregnancy, abortion, excessive spending habits, and problems forming and maintaining relationships. According to leading organizations such as Darkness to Light and ChildHelp.com: • 66% of teen pregnancies and abortions are preceded by sexual abuse. • 96% of prostitutes were sexual abuse victims. • 75% of rapists were sexual abuse victims. • 60% of children who experience abuse and neglect are more likely to be arrested at some point in their lives. I know what it's like to endure years of sexual abuse. I was sexually abused for over seven years, beginning at age five. I was touched, kissed, and fondled by some of the very same people who were supposed to love and protect me. Vowing within my heart to never tell a soul, I went about life as if all was well. Even as a young child, and especially as a teenager and young adult, I knew that I wasn't happy, but I didn't connect it to something that happened to me when I was a little girl. I hardly ever thought about the abuse. For the most part, it was as if it never happened. It wasn't until I was 29 years old that I spoke up and addressed my past and how it affected my teenage and young adult life. I discovered how it had a major influence on the choices that I made throughout the years, especially when it came to my decisions about relationships and sex. Through prayer and spending time with God, I realized that what happened to me as a child didn't just go away, nor was it my fault. God showed me how it led to one bad decision after the next. Most importantly, I learned the steps to heal from it!

1. What are some steps abuse victims can take to begin the healing process? First, the person should pray and ask God to show them how they're still being affected by it. There are side effects that seem to exist amongst all victims, but they do vary by person. While some people take drugs or drink alcohol to deal with their pain, that's not always the case. Another person may struggle with weight problems or trust issues. Each person needs to find a way to deal with their particular issues. Yes, sometimes that means talking to a counselor. Secondly, talk to someone who will be encouraging and non-judgmental toward all parties involved. Talking to someone allows for victims to release years of bottled-up hurt and pain. Keeping silent doesn't make it go away. Sexual abuse is a heavy burden to bear, especially alone. Last, forgive the offender. Forgiveness is a decision and something that a person purposes in their heart to do. It doesn't make the abuse right nor does it mean they must have a relationship with the offender. It means letting go of the anger and resentment in one's own heart. Surely, there may be other necessary steps. It really depends on where the victim/survivor is at in their life. But this is a great place to start!

2. Only 15% of abuse cases are ever revealed. Why don't victims tell? There's no one answer to this question. But usually as a child, the victim is not aware of the seriousness of the situation. Sometimes they feel like participants and are afraid of getting in trouble themselves. Oftentimes it's an issue of fear. Ninety-percent of the time the offender is a family member or close family friend. No one wants someone they love or another family member to serve 10-25 years in prison for child molestation. We don't want those we love to get in trouble. Again, these are just a few reasons. Victims tend to have several and they may vary in each case. 3. What can other people do to help remedy this problem? Parents can be more selective about where and with whom they allow their children to spend their time, including with family members, friends, and leaders. Everyone needs to pay better attention to their children's actions and conversations. Oftentimes the signs are right there: children playing sexually with toys, children naming their body parts, bed wetting, fear or uncommon attraction to certain adults, and sexually active at a young age. We must stop making sexual abuse the family secret! Keeping quiet only allows for it to go on generation after generation, because children are very likely to share their experience with one another. Also, get children help when child-on-child sexual abuse takes place. This will prevent them from becoming teenage and adult child molesters.

Stephanie L. Jones, author of The Enemy Between My Legs, is a highly sought after speaker for schools, organizations, and churches. A sexual abuse survivor, she knows and understands the effects that it has on a victim's life. She is committed to helping others, especially teenage girls and young women, find healing from the pain of their past. Purchase the book or connect with Stephanie confidentially at www.stephanieljones.com

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by Dara Frazier

TPM INTERVIEW

HARLEM TO HOLLYWOOD: THE MALIK YOBA EXPERIENCE DARA: The theme of this month's issue is “Black Is still Beautiful” what are your thoughts on such a topic?

MALIK: What are my thoughts on “Black Is still Beautiful?” Well you know, I was in a restaurant last night and there was some music playing and there were some young brothers who apparently were dance teachers and I think there were two or three actual blood brothers dancing and they were actually very good. We were looking at them and a young friend of mine who's actually 21 years old, started a t-shirt line that's actually doing very well and I'm sitting there looking at these kids and I all I could think about was a lot of the moves that they were doing was rooted in African dance. They were hip-hop dancers and they were very good. And he looks at me, the kid that makes the t-shirts and he looks at me and goes, “Man, black people.” And I was just thinking the same thing, I'm looking at these kids thinking - Africa. It was a beautiful moment where you've got these guys in their 20's and John is like 21 or 22 and I'm a little older than that. It was one of those moments where you could celebrate your blackness and I do think we have so much brilliance, creativity, passion and ability that isn't always celebrated the way it could be. It's true; I'm always amazed at the things we do. So I would have to agree (black is still beautiful). As someone who has worked in the entertainment industry for several years, what are your feelings about the way we're portrayed, especially in film and television? I think obviously there's a lot more of us working, men in particular. I mean the women as well but you get to be Angela Bassett's age and there aren't a lot of black women working in film and television as much or on Broadway for that matter. I mean at the end of the day it's always been about what are we going to do for ourselves. I think there's a fairer representation on network television and in film but I still think there's a long way to go.

I appreciate that. I think I would definitely have the same attitude because as long as my parents were who they were and are, whenever I was born, I'm sure I would've had the same indoctrination in teams of thoughts about self love. It's hard to tell but you look at someone like Sidney Poitier who came up in the late '50's, early '60's. What an amazing story for a dark man. You know Harry Belafonte could've easily continued to be the definition of what folks looked at. But here's a man, an island man who had dark skin and was able to break down doors. I think I would be similar but the reality is, as much as things have changed I don't think they've changed that much. At the end of the day, like I said before, we have to do for self. I personally don't wait around for anybody to give me opportunities. Opportunities do come, sometimes they come in the form of offers sometimes its auditions but the thing that I'm most passionate about is continuing to create my own opportunities whether they are in theater whether they are in film or television. I've had more success to this point mounting theater productions of my own. It's a mentality of not waiting around for people to create the opportunity for you or give you opportunities but about creating your own. Do you think our community has improved in terms of complexion wars, light vs. dark, straight vs. kinky? Well, in some segments. I just think that fortunately I didn't grow up in a family that propagated the Willie Lynch divide and concur based on color or kink, height or age or location but for some it has, for some it hasn't. I saw you in the film “Why Did I Get Married?” and you were great. I loved the movie and I hope that more films like this are produced, sincerely as a producer also. What is like to be on set with such a talented cast and have Ms. Janet Jackson as your onscreen wife?

Well obviously he's hired more black people in the last three years than anybody else in Hollywood. And a range of people from unknown people to established icons. Which I think has been a very beautiful thing. Talk to us about your own endeavors in theater productions. You're working on a play, “Harlem to Hollywood: The Malik Yoba Experience.” It just premiered in Indiana a couple of nights ago. “Harlem to Hollywood” is an example of what I'm talking about. There's a lot more to my talent. I appreciate my fans that say, “I love your work” and “You're a great actor” and that's all wonderful. But the reality is most people haven't really seen the depth of my talent. I applaud those folks that came out to Indiana from Ohio and Chicago. I just got an email from the Madame CJ Walker Theater this morning; it was a promoter that drove four hours from Michigan who wants to bring the show to Michigan in the fall. That show represents years of preparation and understanding. At the beginning of my career I always said I wanted to play a Russian woman. (Laughs.) Why'd you say that? The reason I say that is because I want to play the thing that is furthest away from me. Most of my fans haven't seen all 20 or so films or 7 or 8 series that I've done. Most people will say “New York Undercover” or “Girlfriends.” But the reality is that there were 7 series after “New York Undercover,” none of which have been as successful, none of which have gone past 22 episodes. But even within the context of those works it hasn't shown the depth of my talent. I did “Harlem to Hollywood” because when I turned 40, I had to do the one-man show that really shows the world what I do. The version I did in Indiana, I played about 10 different characters but there 23 ethnic types, dialects, personalities. Wow and you wrote this show too?

How do you feel things have changed from the early days of black film stars where images like Dorothy Dandridge and Lena Horne were held up as the definition of black beauty? By the way, I think you're very handsome and I wonder how you feel about your look in particular with your complexion and your features and do you think you would've been able to have the same opportunities if you would've started in the 1950's or the 1960's? Well thanks for your compliment. I know I'm not the only one who feels that way but I had to throw it in there.

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Most of the cast and I were friends so it was really like a little bit of a reunion. Some folks I see more often than not but it was actually great sense of comradely which I think translated on film. And I think that as far as Janet, I think she was very happy to play my wife. It was cool and it was definitely a good time with friends. We fellowshipped and prayed together and rehearsed on our breaks. We supported Tyler, who although he has been very successful, is still finding his way as a filmmaker. It was a very good time, like going to camp. How do you think that Tyler Perry has changed the game?

Yes. I wrote it along with 10 or so original tunes. You sing as well? Exactly. See. That's exactly why you have to create your own. Whether it's the music industry where I started… there's a perception well you're an actor you can't sing. But if you're a singer or a rapper you can certainly act. If you look at the history, until J Lo did “Selena” that was one of the first times a person, who was legitimately accepted as an actor, was able to transition to music. She did it off of the strength of “Selena.” Jamie Foxx did it off of the strength of “Ray.” When he did his album ten years earlier,

no one paid attention to it. Like Eddie Murphy, no one paid attention to it. But rappers; Will Smith, LL Cool J and singers Barbara Streisand back in the day, Madonna, Elvis Presley it goes on and on the list of musicians that were able to become actors. But of course there was also a period in the '50's and '60's where you had The Rat Pack and those guys were going back and forth between Vegas shows, movies, television, concerts. Yes, in the days of Sammy Davis. Right. For me, I was determined to do my own thing. I believe that this show will definitely redefine how people perceive me because they have no idea. I play an old Jewish woman, African, Jamaican, and English. It sounds like a fascinating piece of work. You'll definitely have to keep us abreast of when it goes on tour and what cities it goes to. I have a great respect for anyone who can go onstage. I know that's extremely different from film and television. How would you describe it? Stage is live and film is taped. You've got have it all in you. If you're onstage you can't say cut start again. It takes a different level of focus. Onstage, you tell the story mainly through explaining what happened or what's going to happen or what did happen. Whereas in film, you get to show it through moving images. So you really don't have to say a whole lot. In a film like “No Country for Old Men” there's very little dialogue or “I Am Legend.” But you have a chance to understand the story through the visual medium which is a completely different language than stage. Stage is about actors live explaining what's going on, lighting and music. It is two different disciplines, but both are wonderful ways of expression. A lot of people want to become actors and I always say study stage to understand the roots. What other advice would you share with someone who wants to be an actor? Is there anything you would tell them in the way of where their mind needs to be, where their spirit and their heart needs to be for the rejection they may face or how challenging the business can be?

body in this business should be one dimensional. Will Smith is the biggest movie star in the world but he's also a producer. He doesn't necessarily write but he at least produces. So I think that you have to be multi-facetted, actor, writer, producer, director, and singer. You got to do it all or multiple things. Look at your life as an entrepreneur, as a business administrator to administrate your life. You have to be a bit of a psychologist to yourself. Definitely I think that you have to understand that what we do are healing arts. Although everybody isn't necessarily spiritual or religious, I personally believe that in the ministry of theater and the ability to heal through this medium. It's a blessing and you're used as a vessel.

it's important to have it sit in New York and LA and have the folks who think they know you who will only think about casting you in certain things to have a chance to see what I do. There's “What's On the Hearts of Men” a play my brother and I wrote that's going to become a film. And I will star in a film in a couple of days called “My Ex Girlfriend's Back.” This is a romantic comedy, independent film. But the big thing for me is definitely “Harlem to Hollywood” because that's really incorporating my music and me. Although I do other stage productions, even ones I produce with other people. This is something I've been planning and plotting for a long time, for the last seven years so I'm excited about that.

Every time before I perform, I always give praise to God to allow me to be used to communicate what it is that the story intends. I think it's much more than "let me get up there and say some words," particularly when I do this one-man show and I'm playing multiple characters. It can happen in film as well depending on who you're playing. I know that I'm channeling people, I'm channeling spirits and it's something I take very seriously… of staying open to allow this truth of character to pass through you. I think that's how it can have such a profound impact on people because it's not just me up there like "let me say these words" but it's me thinking "let me stay open so that the stuff comes through me."

Congratulations, are there any last thoughts you would like to share with the readers of Think Positive Magazine?

So what's next for Malik Yoba? “Harlem to Hollywood” is a big project and that will redefine my career in some ways, the way I want it to be redefined. I will take it on the road and I plan to launch it at the Apollo in New York and take it across the country and visit some other places along the way. B u t

Well one of my favorite lines from a play I just did, August Wilson's “The Piano Lesson” and I played the character of Boy-Willie and I think this fits in with the title of your magazine. The character says, “If you believe that's what you are, you're going to act that way and if you act that way, that's what you're going to be.” So I think that it's really important for people to break down that line and understand that so much of where we find ourselves in life is based on how we think. It's really important to not think about negative things because so many people are run by fear. Fear also runs with doubt and confusion and when you're fearful you don't know which way to go… left or right, up or down then you're confused. So really be mindful of what you think about. Many people don't go after their dreams because they don't think positively. Very well said. Thank you so much. I'm so glad you took some time out of your crazy schedule to give us this interview. It was an honor. You're welcome.

It's all perception. I don't look at not getting work as rejection because I think rejection has very negative connotations. You have to think about creating your own way. So I don't think that any-

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By Marc D. Barnes

…Are you still trapped by the slave mentality? Have you ever stepped back to smell the roses and wonder why every year and a half or so, you find yourself in a similar state of being or financial status? Or have you, in your relationships, attracted the same type of brother or sister, who quite frankly, are worthless? Do you find yourself getting comfortable being stuck between a rock and a hard place? Well, for many of us the reason for this redundancy is due to fact that we have done nothing to change our approach! Knowing the definition of insanity as doing the same things over and over again but expecting different results, how insane are you?

Get Outside of Your Box! I

t does not matter whether it's finding a meaningful relationship or putting an end to the vicious cycle of paycheck-to-paycheck living, YOU have willed these situations into existence! That's right, YOU, have brought these circumstances into your world and to change this, you have to get outside of the box. Now, you have all heard someone say, “the man” is keeping me down or “I can't do this or that”; “the reason for my faults is because I didn't know any better”; 'I came from meager upbringings…', blah, blah, blah, woe is me, woe is me! STOP feeling sorry for yourselves, tighten up the boot straps and take action to change the outcome. See, many of us have lost site of one of the laws of the world… The Law of Attraction! Just like gravity and mathematical constants, (e.g. Pi being equal to 3.1416) the energy you put into the world

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only brings more of that same energy back to you. For example, have you ever found yourself complaining about how many unpaid bills and disconnection notices you receive in the mail, only to find more of the same in there the next day or week? Or have you ever complained about your boss/job and the fact that you may be overworked and underpaid, again to find yourself looking for another dead-end job every 1.5-3years, or physically ill because the thought of going through another day at this horrible job, why? What have you done to change your skill sets or abilities to take on more responsibility and afford that raise or that new position? It all begins with YOU - your attitude and thoughts. We as humans have more power in this world then we give ourselves credit for and by tapping into the world's energy, you

can truly have whatever you desire from and within this world.

The Law of Attraction: That which you think about, you bring about: Love, Fear, Success, Health or Wealth, (pg 13, The Law of Attraction 101, Ehryck F. Gilmore). Therefore if I am constantly thinking about how broke I am or all the 'no good' men I seem to attract; you will only bring more of the same into reality. How does this work - the energies of your thoughts and feelings are sent out into the world gathering more of like energies, ultimately creating a force much larger and stronger then that or this negative comment you just made. As the bible states in Proverbs 23:7, 'It is through thinking that man forms that which he has in life.' Like me, have you ever considered why we in the African-American community continue to struggle? Is it the powers that be holding us

back and the institutionalized racism that exists today or are we still keeping ourselves subjugated to slave mentality engrained on our ancestors thus preventing us from aspiring to want or have more. We as a people can have whatever we want, but we need to live above the influence and want more out of life than material items. But rather true wealth that we can leave for those that come after us. In addition, not only have we accepted the many stereotypes about African-Americans (e.g. lazy, attitude, disorganized, etc.) we often times reinforce them. To this extent we consider each other to be 'sell outs' or 'not black' if I don't listen to hip-hop, wear baggy clothes and speak with a street vernacular. So what do you want out of life? Is it the financial independence, your own home; a meaningful relationship; a fair shot at the American Dream? Don't wait for it, take it! It

doesn't matter if you've grown up in the projects and everything you have ever needed or wanted you could get from the projects - it is time to want and need more for you and your families. All of this however, begins with your thoughts and feelings. Stop complaining about the overdue bills and disconnection notices but rather focus on what you do want - e.g. the money to pay for those bills and your lifestyle. How can I begin making a change? The first step to changing this behavior is freeing your mind or changing your paradigm. You have to become used to the thought that whatever it is in life, you can have it. It does not matter where you are now or what you may have now, you cannot limit your thoughts by your current state - have faith that through the Lord and this world, you can have or do anything! We all need to remove the word

can't from our vocabulary; In fact you are capable of much more then you are even able to wrap your arms around. The next step is to act as if it's already happened. As we say in the sales field, 'fake it to you make it'. It doesn't matter if you grew up in a bad neighborhood or came from a single parent household, the world is your canvass, and how do you see yourself in this picture? Lastly, be urgent! You can't afford to wait another day; there are too many people around you that need you to put an end to this vicious cycle. Besides, you are a child of God, and you deserve more than what you have - the challenge exist between your ears! Get outside of your box, re-evaluate some of your core beliefs and realize that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, when you water, fertilize and take care of the grass on your side of the fence!

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By Arlether Wilson

The

New Face of

HIV/AIDS

In 1981, America was devastated to learn about men being infected with an incurable sexually transmitted disease. After the initial shock, people didn't seem as concerned because it was considered a gay men's disease. More emphasis was placed on the fact that the men were gay, which forced them to hide their status. Those infected were subjected to condemnation and ridicule. The religious groups, media and the medical community focused so much attention on sexual orientation that awareness and prevention seemed minimal. Consequently, the virus continuedto spread.

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N

ow fast forward to 2008, almost forty million people are living with HIV/AIDS and 40,000 people are infected each year. The numbers are hard to ignore. Contrary to popular belief, the face of HIV/AIDS has drastically changed. There's no debating the facts. Females now represent more than two thirds of new HIV/AIDS cases and African American women account for 62 percent of all new cases. Lack of knowledge and proper prevention strategies have produced a pandemic. As a result, it is the leading cause of death among African American women. Sexually Transmitted Diseases STD's including gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, HPV and Chlamydia are on the rise, too. Research indicates that contracting other STD's may increase women's risk for contracting the virus. With the young population being so sexually active and oblivious about the disease our efforts must focus on the prevention and spread of all STD's. Here's my point, HIV is a treatable and preventable disease. With that being said, although the impact has been devastating, today those infected are living longer and healthier lives. Though more funds are needed, researchers are developing new medications and ways to slow down the progression and spread of the disease. WHAT IS HIV/AIDS? Think about that for a moment. That knowledge is empowering. We really can eliminate this epidemic. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is caused by (HIV) Human Immunodeficiency Virus. When the disease enters the body it destroys the T-cells (White Blood Cells) and weakens the person's immune system. This makes it hard for the person to fight off infections. There are several essential keys to prevention: awareness, education, testing and counseling are at the forefront. This information is available but some people remain naive or misinformed about how HIV is contracted. People please educate yourself. Don't believe the hype. The virus is mostly transmitted through heterosexual contact (anal, oral and vaginally). The remaining cases are contracted through IV

drug use, blood transfusions and breast milk. Not by hugging or touching someone. Besides, the virus does not live long outside of the body. WHY AFRICAN AMERICAN WOMEN? There may be many reasons why women are at the forefront of this problem. Based on the number of impoverished who are infected with disease, one would think HIV/AIDS only affects the poor. Sure, that may be the case in developing countries like sub-Sahara Africa, where people have limited access to healthcare; the women are expected to be submissive and financially dependent on their husbands. American women still have our own battle to fight. Sure, the number of new cases has decreased but the numbers remain unchanged in the African American community and things are spiraling out of control. Lack of knowledge about the disease, poverty and lack of trust in the medical system are three issues that hinder African American women's treatment. Like developing countries, many American women who are infected with the virus have low socio-economic status, which means the majority are on Medicaid, have no medical insurance or are on some other form of government assistance. Plus family responsibilities sometimes force women to place their needs last. Then there's the growing epidemic in the younger generation. The rate of new cases among teenage girls ages 13-19 and young women ages 20-24 are astounding. This age group is three times as likely to contract the disease as males in the same age group. It's heartbreaking and appalling to allow this catastrophe to continue. If we want to protect future generations, we must increase our media campaigns, develop appropriate sex and peer education programs. We can no longer be naive about our young people. They are obviously sexually active or the numbers wouldn't exist. PERSONAL STORY The battle against HIV/AIDS is a personal one for me. During the late eighties when drugs and prostitution ran rapid in my community, seven of my childhood friends were diagnosed with the disease and five have succumb to it. Sadly, six of the infected were African American women. Those who died did not know that they were infected until they became gravely ill. Therefore, there was little time to slow the progression of the disease. To make

matters worst, some of their children were even infected. Unfortunately, this occurred before people really understood mother-to-child transmission. Today were making progress. There are antiretroviral drugs that can decrease possibility of transmission before and during birth. Keep in mind, testing positive for HIV is not an automatic death sentence. My two friends are still thriving and doing well. After getting over the initial surge of emotions they took control of their lives. Of course, their lifestyle changed but they found a good physician and followed his advice. They also joined a support group, take their medication and don't engage in high risk sexual behaviors. Like my friends, it is important to remember that you must not give up. Even with HIV, you can still live a productive life. Some people have lived more than twenty years with the disease. Remember if you received a positive test result, you are not alone. There are so many people and government agencies that want to help you. You don't have to feel ashamed or ostracized. And if you don't know your status, get tested. It could prolong your life. WAYS TO TAKE ACTION IN THE FIGHT AGAINST HIV/AIDS • Abstain • Know you and your partner's status • Don't have sex with multiple partners • Educate yourself about HIV/AIDS • Always use protection • Before engaging in sexual activity, tell your partner if you are infected • Don't be afraid to talk with your children about the disease • Host a discussion about HIV Prevention with friends and family TESTING INFORMATION & RESOURCES Contact the National HIV Testing website at: http://www.hivtest.org/ or call 1-800-CDCINFO (232-4636). They have information and resources about HIV Testing listed by state. All you need is your zip code and they will locate a facility within ten miles of your location.

Arlether Wilson Author of “Rewriting the Script” arlether@rewritethescript.com www.rewritethescript.com

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By Nichole Durham

W

eddings - one of the biggest milestones in a person's life. They symbolize an unyielding commitment to experience all that life has to offer with someone right by your side. Despite the milestone that weddings are, planning a wedding can oftentimes be an emotional roller coaster. Roller coasters are fun and often the highlight of any amusement park trip. However the emotional wedding roller coaster, for both brides and grooms, has “dips” of excitement, stress, and laughter, and “turns” of crying (tears of joy and frustration), and being overwhelmed! According to The Wedding Report, 2,290,578, couples took a ride on the wedding roller coaster last year, with an average engagement time of seventeen months to plan physically, financially, and emotionally for the wedding. With all of the emotions that can be involved, it is imperative that brides and grooms feel empowered about wedding planning to take on whatever challenge they may be faced with so that the planning does not take away from the one day most people have been waiting for their whole lives .

BRIDES AND GROOMS

FEEL EMPOWERED ABOUT PLANNING YOUR WEDDING

Weddings, in their simplest form, should be about publicly acknowledging and celebrating your unconditional love and commitment to your mate in front of family and friends. It marks the beginning of forever. Wedding planning should be a fun experience with minimal stress, and filled with anticipation of your upcoming date. You should feel a since of freedom around wedding planning to do WHATEVER your heart desires. It should be all about you and your mate! Wedding planning should facilitate improved communication among family members and between you and your spouse. Weddings should be a comfortable financial commitment that does not negatively impact the initial financial health of your relationship. Weddings should be a commitment to let everyone share in the love that you and your mate have for one another. A wedding should be what is comfortable and representative of you and your mate. Most importantly, you should not put more energy into planning your wedding than planning your marriage. The wedding is only one day! Marriage is for life! Brides and grooms can have a tendency to feel disempowered during the wedding plan-

...have no fear! You can achieve a stress free wedding planning experience and a perfect wedding day while still enjoying the ceremony. ning process for several different reasons. Typically, the bride takes lead on wedding planning: initiating contact with all of the necessary vendors and the decision-making process for her and her groom. She also soon discovers the many moving parts of planning a perfect wedding day. In her desire to have her perfect wedding day, work life balance is sacrificed and she may no longer feel empowered to manage her personal life and the wedding. Not only can brides feel disempowered during the wedding planning process, but grooms can too. After proposing to their brides, the majority of grooms take the position of just having to “show up” on the wedding day, which can be very frustrating for brides who want an engaged groom in wedding planning. Grooms who want to take an active role in the wedding planning are in the minority. There are also some grooms who may want to take an active role in wedding planning but are not “allowed” because of the brides' fear they won't do it right --- leaving their groom (which is free wedding planning help) feeling disengaged, disempowered, and resigned. Grooms, don't you realize that the more engaged you are the happier your bride will be? Currently, the wedding planning industry empowers brides and grooms by providing several different outlets that provide valuable wedding planning tools, tips, and tricks. However, it is so much information it can easily send a couple into information overload, making it difficult for them to discern what is a “must-have” and a “nice to have”. Oftentimes, wedding planners are positioned to alleviate the stress of wedding planning, but many brides and grooms enjoy planning their wedding and not all couples can afford a planner. But have no fear! You can achieve a stress free wedding planning experience and a perfect wedding day while still enjoying the ceremony. The key to achieving this experience is to keep everything in perspective and to build a team

that you can empower to create this experience for you. According to the Merriam Webster Dictionary, to empower means to “give authority.” I want brides and grooms to feel empowered about planning their wedding. To feel that it is going to be not only fun, but a piece of cake, a highlight to the next 9 - 12 months of their life. This is what the empowered wedding planning experience is. It is not fraught with tons of stress, disagreements, debt, and feeling overwhelmed. It is an experience that brides and grooms feel empowered to conquer and have fun doing it. Now some of you may be thinking that this is wishful thinking, but it is no longer wishful at the point you CHOOSE for this to be your experience. Mind over matter! Identify your wedding day desires before you initiate planning so that you can ensure a focused approached. Brides you never “need” a wedding planner. They are nice to have but not a necessity to vendor selection and seamless execution. Commit to making vendor decisions after identifying two - three vendors within each category (e.g. florist, caterers, entertainment, etc.) Leverage a head hostess, reception emcee, and catering manager to execute a seamless wedding day. Grooms don't be resigned. This is your day as much as it is hers --- don't you want the day to be representative of both of you since marriage is about two people and not one? Is there a place you have always wanted to visit? If so, plan the honeymoon! Don't you have a favorite cocktail or food that you want incorporated into the reception menu? Don't you want your groomsmen to have a cool gift you know they'll use? When you choose the empowered wedding planning experience, you choose an enjoyable wedding planning experience! Remember to keep it simple and keep it fun!

Nicole Durham is an experienced wedding and event planner in Chicago, IL and the author of the book, Who Says You Need a Wedding Planner - 14 Keys to a Perfect Wedding Day, available on amazon.com.


By Jamil Simmons

National Black Master's of Business Administration Association

W

hen you think of organizations in the 1970's that were in the business of trying to stimulate economic and intellectual wealth for Blacks, what organizations come to mind? What about organizations that focused on empowerment through education? Did the National Black Master's of Business Administration Association (NBMBAA) cross your mind? Well, if it did not make your list, allow me to explain to you why it should have and why it is still vitally important to our community today. We all know how hard it is to make it in corporate America today. Imagine what it was like in the late 1960s. Imagine being an educated, gifted individual with an advanced degree, climbing the corporate ladder with no mentor, no peers to garner advice or guidance from. There were few, if any, groups or organizations that had the knowledge to help you excel and navigate the pitfalls of the white-collar world. Fortunately for us, a group of AfricanAmericans at the University of Chicago conceptualized the National Black MBA Association in 1970. The vision was simple: To be an organization which leads in the creation of economic and intellectual wealth for Blacks. The mission was clear-cut: A professional membership organization of Black

graduates with MBA's, advanced degrees and entrepreneurs, to increase the number as well as the diversity of successful Blacks in the business community by: 1) Providing innovative programs to stimulate their intellectual and economic growth 2) Building partnerships with key stakeholders who help facilitate this growth 3) Increasing awareness and facilitating access to graduate management education programs and career opportunities in management fields. The results have been extraordinary. Today the National Black MBA Association has more than 8,000 members and represents more that 95,000 MBA graduates. Its programs include; Leaders of Tomorrow, Career Success Network, Local Empowerment Initiative and Ntential. The organization has developed over 400 partnerships with the country's top business organizations. All of these partners are committed to the NBMBAA's vision. The organization's

annual conference draws over 10,000 participants and 350 Fortune 1000 corporate partners. The organization connects individuals, companies and business schools through five areas; education, career, leadership, entrepreneurship and lifestyle. From high school to graduate school, the National Black MBA Association continues to devote its resources to development initiatives that support the global Black community. What holding you back from joining this movement? The NBMBAA membership has increased 300 percent since 1980. You might say “Oh, I don't have an MBA.” That's fine, you are not required to have one. You might think “I don't think there is a chapter near me.” Most likely there is a chapter near you. The NBMBAA has 42 professional chapters and 11 collegiate chapters in major cities nationwide. You might even feel like “I don't want to be around all those oldtimers.” Nice try. However, 21 percent of the membership is in the 26-30 age range and 53 percent of the organization is under the age of 40. Unlike some of the organizations that you may have thought about at the beginning of this article, the National Black MBA Association is still thriving and enhancing the lives of African Americans and our community. Becoming a member is simple. The ability to make an impact is clear-cut. Yet, the development that you could witness within yourself and our community could be extraordinary.


By Shameica

Exploring the Age-Old Question: Why Do Good Girls Love Bad Boys?

Mr. Present Tense vs. Mr. Good Sense MC Lyte ruined it for me. I'm pretty sure she did. It wasn't my mother at all. And I don't have any sisters. So I'm gonna go with MC Lyte. Yeah…that sounds good. You remember, don't you? The song. Circa 1991-ish. That song. It went a little something like this: I need a ruffneck I need a dude with attitude Who only needs his fingers with his food… Gotta what yo Gotta get a ruffneck Aw man. I agree with whomever it was that said life was so much simpler when boys had 'cooties'! Because dealing with the male species - postcootie-era - is tough! It all started with 'Banard'. We'll call him that to protect the innocent (well…not really innocent, per say, just married now). Banard was five years older than me, sexy, fine and…a certified roughneck. You know the type…same definition back then as today…pants sagging, blunt in hand, with a nice bald head or some fresh-kept braids. The money was always nice. Though I was never the gold-digging type…money always seemed to accompany my roughnecks. So anyway, I fell in love with Banard because he was everything that I was not supposed to fall in love with. I was a good girl. And he was definitely a bad boy. In public, that is. But behind closed doors, he was the sweetest, most gentle person that I knew. He paid attention to me. He nurtured me. He taught me. And at the time, with a father just 15 years my senior who didn't really know how to take an interest in me at that point, Banard was just the thing I needed. He was security. And I felt safe in his arms. He was my first love. But as with most first loves, Banard and I even-

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tually came to an end. A very unpleasant end, might I add. I remember feeling ridiculously sick to my stomach thinking that the entire world, as I knew it, was over. And that I'd never recover from the heartbreak of losing such a rare but wonderful love. That relationship taught me how to rebound. Most first loves do, right?

ENTER AKEY. Akey (Yes…I'm still protecting identities here!) was the graduated version of Banard. He was rougher and tougher but quiet all around. He was the type that didn't have to say much in order for people to respect him. I met him while working at TJ Maxx part-time. He came thru my line and left me speechless. I excused myself for lunch and followed him to the parking lot, but in that "I'm not following you" type of way. He asked for my number and I gleamed. A week later, we had dinner at a Chicken & Waffle spot where he told me that his mom had died when he was 8 and that he didn't know his dad like that. So he hustled to take care of his grandma. He'd learned how from his mother. That's how she died. I was hooked to his story. My new mission in life was to save him. From what, I wasn't exactly sure. He taught me sincerity. We lasted for a long time…the longest relationship I've ever actually had, to be truthful. Until college, where I knew I'd get my break-thru. After all, some people go to college just to meet their mates, right? Wrong. I met a mate. But he wasn't the mate. It was my senior year and I was on my way to success post-graduation. Then came Advanced Statistics. So I'm in college, get it? College…as in a UNIVERSITY. With educated folks! A plethora of them at my doorstep for the choosing. Wouldn't it make sense to chase the promising Biology major who'd already been accepted to med school? Or the

accounting dude from Dr. Ahmed's class who established his own tax company by his junior year and was going on to work for one of the Big Five? Hell, looking back, I probably should've even considered the physical education nut who I laughed at then but now runs a chain of fitness centers! Hindsight is unquestionably 20/20. Not that I regret the encounter…i.e. choosing to devote myself to the class clown of the business department who had high hopes of becoming the next Puff Daddy with his well-crafted New York swagger and keen ability to always get the answers to test questions BEFORE the test! After all, he wound up giving me the greatest gift of my life, which in turn, manifested into so many other lessons. Not to mention that we continue to be good friends. But still…you'd think I'd turn over a new leaf, huh? Nope. Fast-forward to my current predicament. My 'name-tattooed-on-wrist' predicament. My 'I've never known a love so bitter and so sweet' predicament. My 'Da*^it, Shameica! What is it with you and these train wrecks???' predicament. ' Not to say that my baby is a train wreck. He isn't, by any means. None of them have been. But at the same time, none of them have been the epitome of what I perhaps should have dated either. Though I honestly think I needed to date them all. Including Mr. Present Tense. Mr. Present Tense is, by far, the head of the pack. And not just due to the fact that he's Mr. Now and not Mr. Then...because it's been two-and-a-half years. Trust me - the novelty wore off a long time ago. Novelty and blind love did not and could not have kept me here up to this point given all that we've been through together in such a short time. He's my Stringer Bell...not in the 'drug lord' sense, but in the context of quiet confidence and versatility. Plus, the experience has just taught me so much…about myself, about men, about love,

about fatherhood, about family, about choices, about motivation. Just lesson after lesson that I question whether I would have ever had the opportunity to learn had it not been for the 'bad boy' in him that so often challenged me at times and forced me to reevaluate my perspective on and position in life. This logic, of course, doesn't make sense to anyone but me. However, that's why it's called my logic. So I'm good with it. We all have our vices. Still, for as much as I love him and will continue to stand by him, I find myself questioning why it is that I choose to love the men that I do. And why is it that so many women like me tend to do the same? As the sister of many brothers, I often hear them complaining about how they're sick of dealing with pretty, intelligent, seemingly focused women who are so hurt or scorned by but still stuck on the 'thugged out' jerks in there lives that did them so wrong that they can't even (or worse yet, don't want to) recognize and accept a good man when he's staring them in the face and catching teardrops that he didn't cause. I'm guilty of that one. Ten or maybe even twenty times over! But why is this, women? Without getting into the DNA make-ups of our genetic beings or the psy-

chology behind our respective upbringings, why is it that there seems to be this prevailing trend amongst us to flock to the 'bad boys' in life? Do we eventually grow past this stage or get tired? And is it actually bad to have 'faith' in a man and root for his growth? Or should we just start walking away at the first sign of dysfunctional tendencies? Seriously...I need enlightenment…or at least open, honest debate. Maybe I'm the only one who has struggled with this. And if so, fine. But I doubt it. Not when there are women age 30+ still rocking Jim Jones like it's nobody's business and practicing the 'Souljah Boy' dance in the mirror at home when everyone's asleep. Secretly, we all love or have loved a bad boy at some point....and have passed a good brotha by just to be with him.

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Mediated by Tracy Vinson

READY?

SET NO!

ARE BROTHERS REALLY SCARED OF COMMITMENT? If actions speak louder than words, then the voice of reason is probably wrong. Strange as it may seem, relationships and the experience of love is not that complicated. It's the people involved who make it complicated. The discussion of commitment, or lack of, is always the REAL TALK that brings you back to the kitchen to add your two cents in the conversation. For starters, these five participants thought the title of this article is appropriate and priceless. They had no problem emptying out their pockets to discuss their natural desire to be in a fulfilling relationship. But even still, their awakening caused them to bump heads. They shamelessly let each other know the importance of being heard, ways to troubleshoot miscommunication before it gets taken out of context, and why asking the right questions can save you a lot of time and energy. As I listened to their experiences, I learned that although an effortless relationship might be a delusion; if everyone plays their role and is honest, it is a race worth running. THE PANEL MYA, 37, is an education specialist who is single and lives in Los Angeles. DAVID, 39, is a comedian who is married and lives in Chicago. JAMES, 31, is a Detroit based business owner who is divorced and looking to get married again. ANDREA, 27, is an abstinence educator in Chicago. SEAN, 30, is a co-owner of a marketing firm in Chicago. He is single and wants to get married once his business takes off. TRACY: Ladies, why do you think men aren't willing to commit? MYA: I think it has a lot to do with their fear of failure, and not being able to live up to what they think our expectations might be.

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ANDREA: I would definitely have to agree. I think it's a fear and selfishness. Not only men, but for society as a whole. MYA: I think that in relationships there has been a huge breakdown in communication. If men were aware of what the commitment would entail from us, that fear would be reduced. I also think men don't want to commit to one thing. They think there might be something better out there. ANDREA: I also believe there are a good amount of men who haven't seen what a committed relationship is like. They haven't had that modeled to them. TRACY:: Would the men agree that they haven't had a good relationship modeled for them? SEAN: Yeah, I'd agree with that. DAVID: Well, I had a good relationship modeled in my home; my parents have been married forever, so even though I saw it being done, it didn't exempt me from not knowing what to do when I got married. TRACY: Men, the women basically said that you all are fearful, selfish and uninformed about what a commitment entails. How does that resonate with you and why do you think most men aren't always ready for a relationship? JAMES: I would have to agree. It's not necessarily lack of self confidence, but it's about wanting to reach a certain status. TRACY: Do you feel that being in a commitment will hinder your success? JAMES: I don't want to get in a relationship and not being able to be that provider. I want to get myself completely together before I actually get out there. DAVID: As a man, I am a bit selfish. And I do agree that if you're not ready based on what it takes to be prepared financially, then that may stop you from being committed. TRACY: David, what do you think entails a commitment? DAVID: Being in a committed relationship is basically agreeing that both of you all are just going to see each other and each other only. Those are the steps you take before getting married. TRACY: How old were you James when you got married? JAMES: I got married at 25. I thought that I was ready. My ex-wife was 23, and she thought that she was ready too.

TRACY: Why did the marriage end? JAMES: We thought we were ready, and even went through the marriage counseling but once we were into it, we saw what it actually takes to make a marriage work. Neither one of us was ready. I can say that I wasn't scared of commitment, and I'm still not. I realize my faults and where I'm lacking before I go into it again. TRACY: David, how old was you when you got married? DAVID: I was 25. TRACY: And how long were you married? DAVID: 15 minutes! Translation to 15 months! ALL LAUGH DAVID: Every month equals a minute. It didn't last very long. I realized that it's a lot of heat in being married if you haven't been prepped on the transition to being married. TRACY: What went on during those 15 months? DAVID: It was difficult making the transition, like when the Bible says the two shall become one…well, that's a process. We wanted to control each other. Not to mention there were several factors of things not going right in the beginning of the marriage. TRACY: James, what does a man need to be ready to be in a committed relationship? JAMES: For me personally, your walk with God has to be together. As a Christian male I believe that God is the head, so you submit and come under Him. You have to do this before you take on a woman who is supposed to be under you. Lack of the communication is a big thing. TRACY: James, how close would you say you are to being ready? JAMES: I believe that I'm not quite ready. I very infrequently go on date, and I'm not dating anyone in particular. TRACY: How would you tell a woman that you aren't ready, but yet you still want to date them? JAMES: I lay my cards all out on the table. I tell them that I am divorced, that I'm looking to eventually get married again, and that I'm working on things. If a woman continues to express interest then we go from there. TRACY: Ladies, has a guy ever been upfront with you and told you he wasn't ready and you maybe thought you could change his mind? ANDREA: That is one thing that most women mess up on

because a man will be up front with you women think eventually he might “get there” with me. If someone is communicating to you that they are not where you are, and you know you want something other than that, then don't stay in the hopes that you can change that person. We stay and we end up getting hurt. We don't guard our hearts and instead we expose our hearts. And we end hearing, “Well, I told you from the beginning that I wasn't ready to date.” TRACY: A lot of men say that women “catch feelings” quickly and we try to speed up the process. MYA: Okay, fine but if men know that then what, from the male perspective, is the point in moving forward with a woman who you know is gonna catch feelings? We are emotional and nurturing! So why move forward with us? SEAN: How does a man really know that you're going to catch feelings? If I tell you in the beginning that I'm focused on getting myself together, that I'm not trying to be in a relationship, and that I just want to have a good time and kick it. How do I know that you are gonna catch feelings? MYA: You put it out there, and say, “This is what my situation is; I'm not really looking to be in a committed relationship.” But, no, you still call us, we still hook up, and granted you don't know if we're gonna catch feelings, but you know enough about women, and you can gage that by our interaction. SEAN: You are assuming. MYA: No, I'm not assuming! ANDREA: I've had a man be up front in his words, but his actions showed me something totally different. The calling, the giving me access to him, access to his possessions. He might be saying one thing, but his actions are totally different. TRACY: What would you like for a man to do who isn't trying to pursue you seriously? ANDREA: He shouldn't call me everyday, he shouldn't take me on expensive dinners, and he shouldn't give me certain access to him. DAVID: I would have to say I agree with that. There are a lot of things that bring out more of the emotional aspect of a woman. Now physically, most men when they say I'm

not trying to be in serious relationship we just wanna hit it and quit it but on a regular basis. MYA: But you don't say that! DAVID: No, that's the translation. When we say “I'm digging you, I want to see you.” We just want to hit it and quit it on a regular basis with no strings attached. MYA: So be about that! Put it out there! Say, “This is where I'm at, I'm not ready to be in a committed relationship, and I want companionship and affection.” You need to articulate that as well. You guys don't say that! DAVID: Well, most the time that won't get us the desired results. MYA: Right, so you want the luxury of having the moral support, the affection, the time, the sex, but you don't want to give us what we need to stay invested it! So that's where we have this big breakdown, and men think because they said they weren't ready, that they are off the hook! When you can see that she caught feelings you should say, “This is what I said initially, it got a little further along and this is where we're at now and I need to give this some space.” DAVID: That would be the right thing to do. MYA: You guys don't do that because you don't want to feel like the bad guy! You don't want to take responsibility for who you should've been in the friendship or relationship. That's not fair! ANDREA: Everything she just said goes back to being selfish. I want the companionship, I want you to support me, but at the same time I don't want the responsibility of a commitment. Now I look at men nowadays and think gee, why would you want everything when you can get it so easily? DAVID: Right, why buy the cow when the milk is free? ANDREA: Exactly, if you can get everything without having to be committed. DAVID: Well that means that you all shouldn't be giving everything. ANDREA: I definitely agree, but like I said it's both parties responsibility. DAVID: First of all, men want any responsibility at all. Men are like grandparents, we like the grandkids but they don't have to stay with us. We might want the booty, but

we don't want to be responsible for the booty. MYA: You're not ready! DAVID: You're right. We aren't! MYA: You can't play games and interact with women and behave like boys. DAVID: No, it's not good to play with women's emotions. All ages of women are different in their emotional stability. A women's vagina is connected to her heart, whereas a man's heart is connected to his wallet. He is more concerned with his money, or his car. If you mess with his money or his car, you will see him become emotional. With women, their vagina is directed into their heart, so when that is entered into, there's no way separate that. MYA: And you're aware of that and a lot of other men are too! So why would you go that route in a relationship when you're not ready to fully embrace in that regard? DAVID: There is no conscious level connected to men and sex. It doesn't affect us at all. ANDREA: If this man is claiming to be a Christian man and a godly man, hopefully he's not going around entering this woman. Hopefully there is some level of conviction and consciousness. But when do the men say, “I take responsibility and I apologize. I shouldn't have had sex with you. I should have had self control of my emotions.” DAVID: Well, if a man doesn't buy or do certain things will he seem cheap? MYA: Above and beyond that it's about the time you spent with us. We engaged on a daily basis. It's not all about the money and what you're buying or not buying us. To me, that's secondary. TRACY: Ladies, have you ever had to completely stop communicating with a man who was giving you mixed messages? MYA and ANDREA: Absolutely. TRACY: How did that make you feel when you cut him off? MYA: It gets centered and it puts the focus back on us. Typically women are in it to give and men are in it to take. That's not always the case, but often times we compromise. When you cut them off, that's empowering. You go through a process - it's like a grieving process.

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By Gustavus Betts

READY?

SET

TRACY: What do you say to the woman who is afraid that if she does that she will lose him? MYA: He was never hers to begin with! TRACY: How does a woman come to grips with changing this type of behavior she has? How can she become empowered in a situation like this? ANDREA:Here is my story that might help to empower women: Being focused on myself and what I wanted out of life has given me the best year of my life. If I'm not getting what I want out of something, then I don't stay in it. DAVID: Married women say that all the time. ANDREA: Sure, they say it, but to act on it and really do it? I feel like if I'm feeling a certain way about somebody, that it's my fault because I put myself in that position. MYA: Part of that is us going into situations and really understanding what we need in order to be fulfilled. And when we're not getting it, then that's a sign. We have to identify what it is we're not getting so we can re-set boundaries and shut it off. TRACY: This is for the men, has a woman ever cut you off? DAVID and JAMES: Yes. TRACY: David, how did that make you feel? DAVID: You might be a little disappointed for a minute, and you might want to know the reason why. At this point in my life I may or may not know why, but I don't care. MYA: Do you reflect? DAVID: Back in the day when I took relationships so seriously. I was very much the one-woman man. MYA: What happened? It doesn't sound like you're that way anymore and to me that was a good thing. DAVID: Well, I did get hurt and I know everybody gets hurt along the way at some point, and the advice you get when you're hurt is very critical. One of my friend said “It's dog or be dogged.” MYA: Oh, you didn't heal. What happened? DAVID: I did heal, but when you become a father and a provider that grabs a lot of your focus. A man's number one fear is that he can't take care of his family. Men are natural providers. Men are also very physical, and that's why we want just sex a lot of time and not just the romance, or the affection. It is very important for wives to encourage and reverence their husband to make them feel vibrant. I really believe this causes a man to stray, if the woman is not operating in her role to soothe, nurture and reverence. MYA: So with all of that, how much emphasis do you, David and James, put on choosing the right type of woman who's going to be the right person that you just described in that relationship to you? JAMES: I'm opposite of what David was saying. The whole theory of love escaped me. It was all about conquest and I dated a particular type of woman… DAVID:I did that too! They all looked the same! JAMES: I didn't get attached till my later years once I started to grow in Christ. I've always been the romantic type, but it has gotten away from me. I am not the physical type. I

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NO!

ARE BROTHERS REALLY SCARED OF COMMITMENT?

know we all slip, but I do not get involved in physical situations. But to address how it feels to get cut off…when that happens it affects me a little bit, but I still move on. TRACY: Are you abstinent? JAMES:Yes, I am. I like companionship. I open up and I tell what's on my heart. Unfortunately a lot of women aren't used to that. MYA: Are you still affectionate? Not necessarily sexually, just affectionate. JAMES: Affectionate can be when I see you I greet you with a hug. My intent is not to deceive you or lead you on in any way. MYA: Do you invest that type of time in your dating life looking for the kind of woman who is supportive, and who will reverence you when times are tough? JAMES: I do, and this is where I'm stuck. I run into people all the time and they ask me why I'm not involved in a relationship. But, being that I was married, my expectations have risen a little bit. DAVID: Divorce will do that to you! TRACY: Sean, do you get asked why you are still single? SEAN: Oh man! All the time! My answer is I that I am single because I think a lot of women I come across disqualify themselves. I keep it real. I tell them why I'm not in a relationship and they think something is wrong. Nothing's wrong with me, this is what it is. TRACY: Have you ever given any mixed messages to a woman? SEAN: Ever in life? Of course I have, I'm a man! Wait, do you mean after I grew up? TRACY: Of course I mean ever in life! Wait a minute, is everybody grown? SEAN and DAVID: Of course! JAMES: I'm still growing. SEAN: I don't try to send mixed messages. I might meet a young lady and may ask me what I'm looking for I'm going to honest and say, “At this point and time in my life, I'm not really looking to be in a relationship, but I would love to learn who you are.” I've been in situations where the female did catch feelings and was looking at me like I'm crazy because they didn't want to face the reality of what I said. JAMES: When do the men start to accept responsibility? SEAN: Where do the females take responsibility? ANDREA: Okay, women are conceders. If I'm really feeling a man and he tells me, “I don't like that you did this,” usually more than likely you'll say why you did it, but for the most part you're gonna concede because you want to be a part of his life. DAVID: Are you gonna concede or are you gonna argue? ANDREA: Now, that I'm older if I find myself liking someone I pace myself. Recently I met someone we are taking it slow. TRACY: Are you doing that as a self protection? ANDREA: We've both been hurt and had unrealistic expectations of other people, so it's a safeguard. I thank God for

every experience. The bad thing is when you don't learn from them. As I approach 30, I see you don't have to play those games like, “Let me show you everything the first month or in two weeks!” DAVID: When we get older we do want to know you in two weeks! MYA: That's where you guys have to spend the time. I feel awkward now answering the question, “What are you looking for in a man?” TRACY: Why do you feel awkward? Isn't that a legitimate question? MYA: A lot of times men take note of the things that I'm looking for and they try to be that for a period of time. I'll put the basics out there, but I like to observe and see if you're that man that I'm looking for. I'm not giving a man a check list. DAVID: Do women have a process of elimination check list? MYA: Yes, and a lot of the times men cancel themselves out too. The older we get the quicker they get canceled out. TRACY: Why is that Mya? MYA: Because we know more about what we want based on the successes and failures of our relationships. Some of us don't know exactly what we want, but we know what we don't want! DAVID: Is it harder for some women to know if they didn't have a father in the household? MYA: I always had a father in the house. But for women who have some kind of father figure, or another girlfriend like myself who can be a model or a sounding board, it's still possible for them to have healthy relationships TRACY: Do you think women who don't have a father figure are choosing the wrong men? MYA: Yeah, because they don't have a measure. TRACY: Okay, well what about the men who didn't have a father in their home. Do they know how to be a man? MYA: How do they know how to be a husband? Unless they are born again and truly immersed in the Word of God. God tells a man how he's supposed to act. DAVID: That's true. MYA: And that's the same thing with a woman being a virtuous woman. It's in the Word of God, but unfortunately some Christians aren't that connected to the Word of God, or the Bible, in that way. TRACY: Well, even if a man is walking and he's trying to walk the right way and he didn't have that example of a father figure. Do you have more patience for him? ANDREA: I am a firm believer that even if you didn't have it there should always be a period of some type of spiritual mentorship that should step into anyone's life. My father was in the house, but he was an alcoholic, and I watched a lot of infidelity happen in the home. However, I've had a lot of people who nurtured me spiritually so even when I made mistakes, because I have such a high level of accountability, and I had people in my life who walked the walk in front of me. If you look through the Bible a lot of people were

mentored. That is lacking today. TRACY: Did you guys have a man in the home? DAVID and JAMES: Yes SEAN: No. TRACY: David and James, you both got divorced, what kind of impact did that have on you? JAMES: My parents are still together. I guess I'm one of those anomalies in the Black community. Growing up in church and still being in church, my ex and I knew that divorce was not an option. I did not want the divorce. I fought for my marriage, but ultimately you can't force anybody to stay with you. TRACY: David, how long were you divorced before you got married again? DAVID: Seven years. TRACY: And then you went back to you remarried your wife. Correct? DAVID: Yes, we got remarried. That is not something that I wanted to do, or that she wanted to do. You never could have convinced me that ever would've happened at any point during the divorce. MYA: You didn't want to go back or you didn't want to be divorced to begin with? DAVID: I didn't want to get divorced because I believed that whomever I married that's who I would marry and love forever. JAMES: That's interesting that you say that, because my ex-wife is trying to come around. She thought the grass was greener on the other side. Because I'm a Christian I've forgiven her, but it doesn't mean that we'll necessarily be together again. MYA: Is that what she wants? JAMES: It's hanging out in the air. We are still fond of each other, but I push it back like it's not going to happen that we get back together. My pride comes in I'm not saying that's right or wrong but that's where I am. DAVID: I know it's like the more things change the more things stay the same and the wheels of change grind very slowly. A friend of mine says that if the milk is sour and you put it back in the refrigerator for two weeks, it's not going to get any better. Marriage is so based on commitment and not as much love because even when you don't feel like it is when you have to do it. I believe the church needs to take more responsibility in teaching Biblically what marriage is and the concept of it so people can have a greater insight of what they are stepping into. TRACY: What is the transition like from being single to being married? DAVID: It's different when you're dating a girl versus being married. When you're married a person is dependent on you to come up with what you have to come up with for the sake of living. And then when a child comes in the picture, he depends on both of you. That changes the dynamics of a relationship. Society has been destroyed by men having

multiple families. MYA: And unrealistic views and expectations about marriage and what the responsibilities are. DAVID: Most men are not in church so they don't know what their expectations are. Even if the father was present, there are a lot of people who are messed up. He might have been there, but he didn't participate. TRACY: How can a man know he needs a spiritual mentor if he is not in the church? DAVID: He knows he needs something. It's in every human being to know they need something. You're going to worship something. God designed it that way. You're going to gravitate toward something. MYA: What about the accountability factor? Are there groups of men who hold each other accountable? DAVID: Again the church has to step up to the plate. Many times a pastor will preach towards women instead of men. MYA: I mean accountability in your male friendships, like with your boys? Do you hang around guys who are holding each other accountable? Are you checking each other when you get out of line especially in your relationships and marriages? DAVID: Yeah, I have friends like that. Unfortunately, marriage has become so corroded. But, yes, men need to check other men. Honestly, I think most men who are married are miserable. MYA: Does that have to do with the fact that you didn't pick the right one to begin with? Right, so why are you miserable if you made a good choice to begin with? DAVID: I believe God choose my wife, because I never would've normally gone for her. I believed God and I followed his advice that lead me to do that at that time. Many times I questioned was that the voice of God or was it the devil doing a good impression. The reality is my wife is a good woman and a good mother. She has taken a lot in dealing with who I am. It is something for a woman to deal with a man who has greatness to do something and that greatness is prolonged. MYA: Our measure and our commitment is not to your money. If our heart is in the right place and our spirit, then that will come natural. We're gonna be supportive, love you and reverence you. Yeah we're gonna fuss and it'll be hard at times… DAVID: Have you ever been married? MYA: I have. DAVID: How long? MYA: Probably about as long as you were. A little over a year. DAVID: Our marriage was not typical. But to be married any length of time and to go through situations only pressure can reveal your character and who you truly are as a man or a woman. TRACY: What is your advice to marriage bound couples?

DAVID: I think it is critically important for a man when he leaves his parent's house, to function completely with no help from anyone so he will know what it is like to be independent. That will give a man the confidence that he can provide for someone else. ANDREA: Do you think most men aren't able to function independently? DAVID: So much has been put on the Black man. Women need to stop being so angry unnecessarily, stop being so quick to the draw. Meet your husband's needs. Be more obedient. Be more submissive. Husbands shouldn't have to beg for sex or affection. MYA: It's backwards: people get married, then they get to know each other, and then they realize, “I don't even like her, or I don't even like him!” DAVID: There will be transitions of that through marriage that you will not like the person that you're with. That's normal. MYA: If you get to know that woman on the front end, and if you have established a friendship you just deal. DAVID: What about when he changes, when he becomes angry and depressed? MYA: Yeah, but I made a connection with him during our courting phase that's going to help me endure and withstand that. DAVID: What about when its two years and you're still dealing with the same thing? On a job your boss can piss you off and you have to go right back and do a good job. MYA: Because we have to! DAVID: You should look at marriage in the same way. Most Black Christian women are not easy to forgive and get over it and get past. MYA: It's about the communication and preparation. We have to establish rules for the relationship. TRACY: I think with that being said, we can all agree that if we learn to be better communicators, and if we stop rushing, we could be successful in our relationships. What people don't realize is that being friends is the key to making a relationship work. Men and women sometimes miss that. They get caught up in lust, they wear masks, and they violate the fundamentals of what was learned in kindergarten. People sometimes forget that you relationships are about having someone's back. When friendships are nurtured they are strong enough to withstand anything even marriage. Thank you all for participating. I appreciate your honesty and your differences. This is going to make a very hot REAL TALK piece!

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WELCOME TO YOUR SUCCESS! “

...it's your attitude that will determine your altitude, and nothing else!

My name is Pam Lawhorne and I am the Chief Empowerment Officer of Empower U Incorporated, a training and consulting firm that specializes in interactive workshops, seminars and coaching programs. I am a serial entrepreneur and have more than a decade of experience in small business development, sales, marketing and management. I'm the author of "From Minimum Wage to Getting Paid - How to Become a Successful Entrepreneur with No Money, Education, or Experience!" and I'm also a syndicated columnist who writes articles on empowerment, entrepreneurship, personal development, and creative marketing. It is with great honor and privilege that I welcome you to my new segment "To Your Success!" In each issue I'll share T.I.P.S. (Techniques, Information, Principles and Strategies) that will help you take your life from where you currently are to where you want to be. We'll cover topics such as personal empowerment, self development, creative marketing and entrepreneurship. My goal is to inspire, motivate, energize and enhance your life in such a style that is healing, youthful, fun and prosperous in every way. Most importantly we'll focus on taking action so that some of you can stop living your lives on the fence! And yes I'm talking to y-o-u!

Y

ou see, it's my belief that everyone was placed on this earth to serve some type of purpose. Some people were put here for greater purposes than others but we all have a purpose. And since we all have a purpose it means that if we are not living in our purpose then we have room for improvement. And let's face it, we all know someone who has the potential to be better yet they're not living up to their true potential. By any chance do you happen to know of someone like that or is that someone actually you? If I have learned nothing else in life, I know for certain that if you have the right attitude, you can achieve anything! I am living proof that you can do whatever you put your mind to. Despite the odds that were against me. Despite what statistics said I would turn out to be. Even in spite of the boundaries that others tried to create for me. I did not let it hold me back. I've been able to find my purpose, my passion and create my own personal success story. And guess what? You can do the same! Are you in need of improvement? Of course you are! Everyone is and I'm a perfect example. I'm constantly looking to enhance and improve myself because you see, I'm just like everyone else. I'm not perfect. Each day I wake up and face new challenges but its how I respond to and handle these issues that have made me the person that I am today. I know that my situation is not unique. I'm not the only person that had a bad childhood, a rough life, health issues, or even setbacks. But guess what? I worked through it and grew from the experience. You see, whatever happened to me in life has already happened and I cannot go back in time and change the outcome. All I can do now is work towards controlling the outcome of things that are happening in my present and that I want to take place in my future. That's something that I have to remind myself of on a daily basis and I hope that you will now do the same. Through our interaction, my hope is that you will learn to overcome your adversities, con-

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nect with yourself, become a person of action and live your life to the fullest potential! My goal is to get a message out to as many people as possible and that message is that it's time for each and every one of us to wake up and realize what our 'true potential' is and tap into it! Les Brown says, "Too many of us are not living our dreams because we're too busy living our fears." Does this sound familiar to you? A lot of us live in the 'when' and 'if' world. You know. "When things get better I will." or "If I get this new job I will." The reality is 'when' and 'if' may never come because tomorrow is not promised. Perhaps you have been contemplating a career change or maybe you've been thinking about starting your own business. Have you been trying to lose 25 lbs for the last 10 years or have you simply lost yourself along the way. Whatever 'it' is that you've wanted to do, the only thing (or person) stopping you form achieving your dreams and goals is you. I believe that you are only limited to your own limitations. You and you alone are in control of setting and creating your boundaries. Whether it's starting a business, moving up the corporate ladder, having a better relationship with your friends and family or getting yourself in better health - it's your attitude that will determine your altitude - and nothing else! If I know nothing else for certain this I know is true! So today (not tomorrow) is the day to take action! To push yourself to make the first step towards living your purpose and creating the life that you really want! Sit down and write out your goals, your hopes, and your dreams. And most importantly - don't be afraid to dream big because there is no dream that's too big that you can't grow into. Next time e'll discuss taking action and creating action plans. I think having a plan of action both personally and professionally keeps you focused and keeps you on the right path when you get lost.

I end each of my columns, articles, newsletters and blogs by signing off with "To Your Success"! Success by definition means: • The favorable or prosperous termination of attempts or endeavors • A Successful attainment of wealth, position, honors, or the like. • Obsolete or the result of an outcome. For most when they think of success they connect with one of the first two definitions. I, however, connect with the third because you see to me, success is relevant to the individual, where they are in life and where they're going. So when I say "To Your Success" what I'm really saying is that whatever "success" is to you - I wish that for you. Trying to start a business? To your 'entrepreneurial' success! Trying to lose weight? Then to your 'weight loss' success! My hope is that you are successful in whatever 'it' is that you have set out to accomplish and do! Get it? I hope you do! Remember...

Life is a journey. Enjoy the ride to Your Success!

Pam Lawhome A small business expert and empowerment coach, provides advice, guidance, encouragement, and inspiration to individuals around the nation in her popular entrepreneurship and empowerment seminars and publications. To learn more about Pam please visit her at: www.PamLawhorne.com

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Recipe Courtesy of Chef Eric Paul

CUBAN STYLE PAELLA Chef Eric Paul

O

ne of the appeals of paella is that it can be cooked in large quantities and will still taste good later. This recipe serves 12 and is a great dish for entertaining guests at parties. INGREDIENTS: 1/2 cup of extra virgin olive oil, plus 2 tablespoons for sautéing meat 2 cups of diced turkey sausage 1 cup of picante chorizo sausage, removed from casing 2 cups of skinless chicken breast, diced into _ pieces 1 pound of medium raw shrimp, peeled and de-veined 5 crab claws for garnish 1 cup of mussels in their shells, for garnish 1 red bell pepper, diced 1 cup of frozen green peas 5 garlic cloves, minced 3 cups of brown rice 4 cups of 100% fat free chicken broth 3 teaspoons of Turmeric 2 teaspoons of Chili powder

METHOD OF PREPARATION: • Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. • Heat olive oil in a large pan and sauté the chorizo sausage. Remove sausage from pan and reserve. This will draw the oil from the chorizo and flavor the pan. • Add red pepper and garlic to pan and sauté until wilted, but do not overcook. Add chicken pieces and sauté for about 15 minutes until brown, but do not fully cook. Remove and reserve. • Sauté turkey sausage in the chorizo infused oil. Remove and reserve. • Sauté shrimp in the chorizo infused oil. Remove and keep covered. • Boil crab claws and mussels in water. Since the mussels are live, they should fully open when cooked properly.

powder for flavor. Turn up heat, bring rice to boil and cover. When most of the water has evaporated, add chicken, turkey sausage and chorizo. Cover and simmer on the stove for 20 to 30 minutes, until the rice is cooked and fluffy. Add frozen peas. (You may have to add a little more chicken broth if the mixture gets too dry). At the last minute, fold the shrimp into the rice mixture. Transfer to a flat cooking pan also suitable for serving. Place in oven for about 5 minutes to heat through. Do not to overcook! Serve garnished with mussels and crab claws. Your guest will have a little taste of Cuba right in your own home.

In a large pot combine the rice, chicken broth and Turmeric. The Turmeric is a great substitute for Saffron and will give the rice a beautiful yellow hue. Add Chili

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WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?

By Leona Nichole

“INDEPENDENT WOMAN”, “LIKE A BOY”, “TO THE LEFT” AND “I CAN DO IT BETTER” WE YOUNG WOMEN JUST LOVE US A 'SLOGAN', BUT HOW MANY OF US HAVE FOUND A FREEDOM BEYOND THE CONFINES OF SOCIETAL LABELS. ARE WE REALLY AT THE WHIM OF THE MUSIC INDUSTRY; IS BEYONCE RESPONSIBLE FOR DEFINING OUR IDENTITY? I AM TROUBLED THAT AS YOUNG WOMEN WE DO NOT FULLY UNDERSTAND THE IMPLICATIONS OF THE TITLES WE ADOPT, SO LET'S EXPLORE THESE TITLES TOGETHER... “INDEPENDENT WOMAN” We jumped on this one very quickly and did everything but burn our bras, but ladies let's get a clue; this slogan was never about empowering you. The 'Independent Woman' is an idea that was based wholly on consumerism, something for you to buy into. You saw it coming right? Let me quote Destiny's Child: “The shoes on my feet I've bought it the clothes I'm wearing I've bought it the rock I'm rockin' I've bought it 'Cause I depend on me” (Destiny's Child lyrics, Independent Woman) What does any of that have to do with freeing you, especially when you used your overdraft or credit card to buy it all? Financial independence was an appealing idea, how many of you nodded your head singing “I depend on me when I want it” in the cashier's queue. Nothing was said of being able to THINK independently, of being able to take responsibility for the actions you make as a young woman. The absence or inaction of men in our lives whether brother, father or son has left emptiness and the 'Independent Woman' slogan validated us and gave us a sense of pride to cover the hurt and the void that the male absence presented. We convinced ourselves that we were happy to be doing the things our men SHOULD have been doing. Now, when a man is willing to take up his responsibility he is confronted by the “I don't need you, I'm an independent woman” attitude. Well sister it's true you might not need him, but if you want him in your life, give him the freedom to do the things he should be doing for you. “LIKE A BOY” I think we all sang “What you mad? Can't handle that!” at some point, but Ciara's role reversal is completely different to the fulltime masculine roles some young women have adopted. Like a boy? What for! Why are we trying to be like men? They are bad enough at it on their own (entirely a joke so don't write to me about it). Speaking seriously, womankind was one of God's most amazing cre-

ations and we need to embrace that. In all realms of my creativity I make a point of displaying women from whom I can draw inspiration. Look beyond the perimeters of your television screens; discover women like Kathleen Cleaver, Angela Davis or Toni Morrison. Whilst you are busy being 'like a boy' there is a world in need of women, and a homosexual man is not a substitute. Celebrate everything that constitutes being the woman God made you, in the 21st Century no one is trying to do it for you.

ing his cupboards with food then do what you do. In an article I wrote a while ago a brother asked: “How many sisters out there are willing to go out with a broke brother with nothing to his name other than the bus pass in his pocket?” Hopefully none! A man should not come to you in that state, especially when he sees all that you have going on. However if he hits hard times during your relationship, that is not your cue to jump ship. Forget stepping to the LEFT, learn to act RIGHT.

“I CAN DO IT BETTER” “TO THE LEFT” Now this one is my favourite. Even Mary J First things first, Beyonce's 'Irreplaceable' Blige has dropped this one but sister, you don't lyrics were written by a man and yes, he probaknow what she does so don't be fooled. bly can have another woman in a minute, yes I am concerned at the way we treat one she'll be there in a hot minute, baby. However another as young women. Our aim is often to as young ladies there are few things we need eliminate, we rarely consider healthy competition to accept and one of those is simple biology. I or the thought of encouraging another woman. am yet to be convinced that jumping from one When I first began writing articles it wasn't five man's bed into another is a healthy way for a minutes before that “Who is she? I can do it betwoman to live, even if a man is doing it, we are ter” attitude reared its ugly head towards me. We built differently. A man will make you age, so should celebrate the talents of other women, take your time. In your relationships take much of my writing is made possible by the sisters inventory, is it going to take you telling twenty who throw concepts at me, proof read my work men 'to the left” before you realise something and support me in many other ways. Maybe you is amiss? Can I also stress that you cannot can do it better, but you need to concentrate on become the wife by way of B.U.D.D.Y, no matdoing 'you'. Don't believe the hype, there is space ter how good Musiq Soulchild makes it sound. for more than one woman in this world, what do A mutually beneficial agreement my back foot! you think sisterhood is about? More times than not, the women suffer the If we are to progress we have emotional and physical fall out of these DON'T JUST BE INVITING ANY MAN INTO got to start considering other encounters. Beyond YOUR INNER SANCTUM, BELIEVE ME, IT women in the choices we make. the possibilities of WILL GET CROWDED, AND THE ONE YOU How many of us have caught ouran unwanted preg- LOVE WILL REALIZE JUST HOW MANY selves in some emotionally and/or physical affair with another nancy lurk dirty little PEOPLE HAVE BEEN IN THERE. woman's partner? That disregardinfections and dising attitude is something we have to stop! eases ready to make your body their home, and Recognize that the man is disrespecting you and contrary to popular belief they are not all cured her, no matter how he pretties it up. We must set by popping a white pill. Respect yourself. Don't the precedent for how we want to be treated by just be inviting any man into your inner sanchow we treat one another. Start today. Begin tum, believe me, it will get crowded, and the one thinking positively about the women in your life. you love will realize just how many people have When you feel the pangs of jealousy check yourbeen in there. Perhaps he will decide there isn't self, be reminded that God doesn't make misspace for one more. takes and there is room enough for you. Secondly ladies, work with a brother! If your In closing ladies, throw off the misconcepmothers have never told you, hear me now: tions. Who do you think you are? You are fearful'Holding a brother down' is our way of raising him ly and wonderfully made daughters of a King. up, and if that means putting gas in his car, or fill-

Ms Muse - Leona Nichole | www.myspace.com/meetmsmuse | leonanichole@hotmail.com | Copyright © Leona Satchell-Samuels, 2008

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