Spring 2018

This Is...

Spring 2018 Edtion

HBEAUTIFUL a l l e B+ rWISE o w+nONLY e

12 Years Old FAILURE a marriage that didn’t last

How-To

EMBRACE + NAVIGATE LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS

The

W h y Ta l k T o a C o u n s e l o r ?

FIND OUT INSIDE!

Family Issue

Read about a mother’s struggle with post-partum depression, a young woman’s inspiring hike with her brothers, marriage through the generations + more!

WARNING: Content may not be suitable for those 17 and younger.

This Is...

CONTENTS

02

ME

Inspiring 50

A Bucket List Hike

03 09

Real

Party Time

Vulnerable

Generous

A Lesson from a 12-Year-Old Turning 30 Postpartum Depression

Love 25 27

Marriage at Every Age The Dating World Versus the Dating World Wide Web

Failure 31

Happily Ever After Two Divorces

Opinonated 33

Living at Home After College

Adulting 37

Moving Out + Moving On

How-To 40

Go The Distance

The World

43

A Weekend in England

61

64 65

Bohemian Backyard Bash

Birthday Gift Giving Guide Volunteer Opportunities as the Weather Warms Up

Healthy 67 69 75

Talking it Out We Tried Whole 30 + Here’s How It Went Family Recipes

Laugh Out Loud Worthy

77

Embarassing Stories

Newsworthy 79

Badass Boss Babes

Good Shit

Yours

85 87

Editor’s Picks Style Steals + Home Decor Deals

Adobe Stock

13

Letter from the Editor

[Me]

This Is...

A letter from the editor Hi Friends, I didn't have a big sister growing up. I had an older brother and, as great as he was (at times), he couldn't help me when it came to periods, or braiding my hair, or growing boobs (or rather, not growing boobs), or figuring out how to kiss a boy - let alone have sex with one. And, while my mom may have been able to help in these areas, some of these topics were a bit uncomfortable to broach - despite her not being a regular mom but a "cool mom."

So, I turned to magazines. They were my safe haven for learning about becoming a woman and embracing my body and dealing with the woes that come along with those daunting experiences. But, there was no "one-stop-shop" where I could read about it all. I had to use split resources - one for sex, one for growing up, one for learning about my body - you get the point. And, even though I was able to combine these resources, none of them focused on me. Or, rather, girls like me. They overwhelmingly focused on stories of actresses, models, musicians and the like. And, while these stories are important and interesting, they weren't relatable. Because as hard as I may try, I’m not going to grow those five inches to look like one of the models that grace the pages of these magazines so giving me tips to match their makeup is only going to disappoint me when I'm done and don't look like they do in the photo. Similarly, reading about Jennifer Aniston’s trip to the gym and how "stars are just like us" isn't going to empower me, it's only going to make me even more aware that she is over 20 years older than me and still has a body 20 times hotter than mine.

Needless to say, I was tired of seeing images that made me feel jealous and prompted me to compare myself to others and inevitably become less confident. Not only did these combined resources not focus on people like me, they didn't address the "taboo topics." And I'm not just referring to the x-rated topics, I'm talking about the failures, the hard shit, the negative thoughts - the things you aren't supposed to admit to or talk about or, frankly, think about.

So not only was I tired of images that were unrealistic, I was tired of the absence of realistic issues and hardships.

The media should be a reflection of reality, so why was the media so unreal? Why was it missing a huge piece of reality - the negative shit we deal with on a daily basis?

Then, one day, I was driving to my friend's house while listening to Kaitlyn Bristowe's podcast with the creator of Raw Beauty Talks and they were discussing how social media and the media in general produce these unrealistic images of women - these "highlight reels" of people's lives and bodies - that cultivate a culture of insecurity, comparison, and poor mental and physical health as young girls and women alike strive to duplicate these Photoshopped images. And, as I was nodding along vigorously with an occasional outburst of "Yeah!"s and "Mhm"s, it hit me: I needed to stop just being tired of the incomplete, unrelatable resources out there in the media and create my own. And thus, This Is... was born.

As you read This Is‌, I want you to feel like you're having a conversation with a sister, a friend, an "oh wise one."

And, because it's a conversation, you're allowed to disagree, to open your mind, to respond. We want to hear from you, to get your feedback - the good, the bad, the ugly truth. I want this magazine to be created by you, to be about you, to be for you. I want it to empower you, to help you, to teach you, and to be beside you through all walks of life - just like you're big sister would be.

So, in honor of it's purpose, This Is...the family issue.

Sincerely your sister from another mister,

2

A Lession from a 12-Year-Old

3

[Real]

This Is...

By: Tatum Garino

L

ittle girls become women – they watch us, they mimic us, they learn from us. And so, we owe it to them to lead by example, to be cognizant of what we put out into the world, and to teach the things that are worth being learned. And what better way than to first learn what it is the little girls of today are seeing?

Because we were once where they are, it’s easy to assume we understand the struggles they deal with.

But, the world has changed and so has the life of a twelve-year-old. A lot of the changes are due to the media and our influence – so let’s own that influence and be intentional about the messages we send regarding confidence, beauty, growing up, respect, and everything it means to be a woman.

When I was 12 year’s old, any time I wore shorts I would walk around hunched over so that my right hand could cover the eye sore that is my birthmark on my right thigh. And that was before the days of social media.

So I can only imagine the insecurities of twelve-year-olds today. So, I sat down with one – my sister.

In a purple room covered in butterflies, my little sister’s wisdom and eloquence is juxtaposed by her age as we sit on her bed and chat about beauty, social pressures, and growing up.

HB: Umm…I don’t know. To just be you and not always have to look a certain way and well, I feel like if you think you look beautiful then it doesn’t matter what other people think. So just be you.

TG: Do you feel beautiful?

HB: In my own way, yes.

TG: Okay, why did you say it that way?

HB: Um… TG: It’s okay, be honest.

HB: I just feel like when I look in the mirror and I look a certain way, I just feel alright and that’s how God made me so that’s how I feel beautiful.

TG: So are you saying you don’t feel beautiful by society’s standards?

HB: Meaning?

TG: The way you just said that, you said you feel beautiful in your own way and you said that when you look in the mirror you just feel alright but that’s the way God made you so you feel beautiful in that way so by that, you’re saying that the way you feel beautiful is strictly from your own standards. But society, like the rest of the world has their own set of standards for beautiful, right? Do you feel beautiful, do you feel like you live up to what society considers beautiful?

HB: I guess.

TG: Why aren’t you sure?

HB: I feel like everybody judges people. Everybody feels like certain people are beautiful so if I just asked a random person if someone’s beautiful it could be yes or no. So it’s always their opinion.

ing beautiful – meaning, do you think they portray a certain way of how you’re supposed to look?

HB: Yeah.

TG: And what do you think that is?

HB: I feel like the media is trying to make you [see a certain type of] beautiful and I disagree with doing that because everyone’s beautiful.

The media is trying to cover up the imperfect things that you have like acne and stuff on your skin or stuff like that or whatever – they are trying to hide that to make [people in the media] look beautiful even though they’re beautiful in their own way.

TG: So do you realize then, that those images the media portray all over the place are impossible to attain?

HB: Yeah.

TG: Do you or your friends wear makeup?

HB: Me, I don’t wear makeup to school or anything but for special occasions I’ll wear mascara or something. I have a few friends that wear makeup.

TG: What do you think the purpose of makeup is?

HB: To cover up like acne or to make yourself look more beautiful.

TG: So we were talking about the media, and its portrayals of “standardized beauty” and how it’s impossible to attain in real life, so do you think that social media is the same way?

HB: Yes.

TG: Really?

HB: Yeah. I definitely look up to you because you’re my older sister.

TG: So you’re saying it’s subjective.

HB: [Nods]

TG: Why? HB: So like on TV and then on your phone, I feel like they’re pretty much the same because on Instagram or TV they always wear makeup and try to make themselves look like something they’re not.

TG: That’s a lot of pressure for me!

What does it mean to you to be beautiful?

TG: So then, do you think that the media, like magazines, and movies, and television, set a standard for be-

TG: How do you use social media?

HB: Well I post stuff like [if] I’m going somewhere or I’m with my friend or

Tatum Garino: Who is your role model?

Halle Browne: Probably you.

4

Full Name: Halle Ryan Browne What do you want to be when you grow up? I want to be some type of doctor, I haven’t chosen what type yet because there are a lot of different doctors. I want to be a doctor because I want to have a purpose in life and I know that there are other jobs that have a purpose but being a doctor interests me the most and it has for most of my life.

What or who inspires you? My Oma, my mom and older sisters inspire me because they’re beautiful, smart and strong women that I really look up to. They are such good role models for a little girl going into a world like this.

What makes you feel the most confident? My friends and family because when there is a test and I’m nervous they boost my confidence and make me feel good. Even if there isn’t a test they just make me feel confident and good about myself.

What’s your favorite color? I have two - purple and teal because they’re bright and pretty colors that catch my eye.

Morning or night? Night definitely!!! I love my sleep! It’s just a time for me to not have to think of anything and for me to just relax.

Cinderella or Belle? Belle because she is strong and stands up for herself.

Celebrity crush? Harry Styles Coke or Pepsi? Coke Favorite social media app? Snapchat Least favorite social media app? Facebook Number one thing on your bucket list? I want to go bungee jumping.

FACTS A S T

dobe Stock

e: Halle Rya ctor, I haven’t c some type of do ant nt doctors. I w up? I want to be ffe e a lot of di re ar e dI er an th e e lif us in ca e yet be ve a purpose ha to t an w I ose but being doctor because at have a purp th bs jo e. r he ot r most of my lif at there are t and it has fo os rs m te e sis th r e de m ol s interest om and My Oma, my m en u? om yo w s ng ire ro sp st in d who smart an ey’re beautiful, els for a me because th good role mod ch su e ar ey Th . feel the to u up yo makes eally look like this. What ld or w there is a n to he in w g e rl goin ily becaus m fa d an s nd ie e and make me onfident? My fr t my confidenc os bo nfiey th s ou make me feel co nd I’m nerv a test they just ve ’t ha isn I e r? er lo th co if e od. Even your favorit t’s ha W f. rs el lo ys co m d pretty nd good about they’re bright an e us ve ca lo I be al !!! te ly purple and t? Night definite orning or nigh k of anything in th to ve atch my eye. M ha t e for me to no e she is eep! It’s just a tim inderella or Belle? Belle becaus yles.

C x. la ry crush? Har St or me to just re rself. Celebrity ast he r Le . fo at up ch ap ds ia app? Sn g and stan ur rite social med yo vo Fa on g e. in ok th C e i? e or Peps ok. Number on bo ce an Fa Ry p? le ap ia ame: Hal rite social med jumping. Full N ee to ng t bu an w go I to ? t u grow up ket list? I wan e t to be when yo us an ca w be u t yo ye do pe t wne Wha osen what ty ch t n’ ve e ha us I ca , ctor doctor be some type of do s. I want to be a or ct hdo ot nt e re ar e ffe ther re are a lot of di d I know that rpose in life an terests me the in or ct do a ant to have a pu g in be t bu e os a purp inspires you? jobs that have e. What or who lif y m ’re of t os m r me because they ost and it has fo r sisters inspire ey de ol Th . d to an up om ok I really lo y Oma, my m like ng women that ld ro or st w d a an t to ar in g eautiful, sm little girl goin le models for a My friends and e such good ro ost confident? m e th el fe u ey boost yo es I’m nervous th d an his. What mak st te a is e e isn’t a test when ther od. Even if ther amily because go el fe e t’s m e ak and m out myself. Wha my confidence nt and good ab de ’re nfi ey co th e el fe us e ca al be hey just make m - purple and te t? lor? I have two orning or nigh M e. ey y m your favorite co h tc ca t at no th to rs e ty colo e for m bright and pret ep! It’s just a tim sle y lla m re de ve in lo I C !!! st relax.

Night definitely d for me to ju f. of anything an k ds up for hersel in an th st to d an ve ha ng ro st is e e rit sh vo e becaus Coke. Fa or Belle? Belle oke or Pepsi?

C . es p? yl St ap ia ry ar ed h? H cial m Celebrity crus ast favorite so p? Snapchat. Le t? I want to go ap lis ia et ed ck m bu al ci ur so thing on yo e on r be um N Facebook. . bungee jumping

[it’s] someone’s birthday. I rarely post selfies and that’s pretty much it. Or if I find a quote, I’ll post that on Instagram.

TG: How do you use social media for your viewing and not posting?

HB: I follow celebrities to keep up with what’s going on in their life and I like to follow people who post funny videos and stuff and then I follow family and friends.

TG: Do you follow any “influencers”?

HB: No I don’t. And I haven’t really thought about following them ever.

TG: Because of the media, do you feel pressured to look or act a certain way?

HB: I have before but now I really don’t because I know that they want to make you look or act like a certain person but I’ve learned that I should always be myself.

TG: When you felt that way before, what did you feel pressured to look like or act like?

HB: Well like when I saw people wearing makeup and wearing a certain style of clothes, I thought like “Oh, that’s cute” or “Oh, I want to do that” but inside I was like “Do I really?”

TG: And the answer was no?

HB: Yeah.

TG: What qualities do you look up to in a person?

HB: People that are nice and smart and beautiful in their own way. [Long pause]

This Is...

ple that are themselves and that I don’t have to act a certain way to be loved or be friends with. That’s all.

TG: Do you think women are equal to men?

HB: Yes. TG: What do you think it means to be a woman?

HB: To be strong and to be themselves and to not have to worry about anything like being scared or having to feel protected by men.

TG: You can tell me if that’s all.

HB: I’m trying to think of more traits about you.

TG: That’s awesome. What are you afraid of in regards to growing up?

HB: To have to worry about everything. I feel like adults always get stressed out about work and taxes and everything and I don’t want to worry about that stuff.

TG: [My heart melts] HB: People I can laugh with and peo-

TG: Are you proud to be a woman?

HB: Yes.

I’ve learned that I should always be myself.

Adobe Stock

6

dear 30-year-old me,

7

This Is...

I hope you have at least one kid but no rush! Wait until you find a man that you love and trust! I hope and pray that you haven’t had a kid already as a teen.

You’re not ready for a child when you’re in or about to be in college. I hope you’re in a really good college and got in because you had really good grades.

(Straight A’s would be good!)

It would be nice to have a husband, but

like I said in the beginning no rush,

you’re not super old yet so you have time!

Hopefully you have one or two dogs and live in a nice home with a big yard. Remember NO DRUGS! They’re not good for you and you don’t need them! If you want healthy kids and for you to be healthy and not on the streets with the rest of the druggies! It’s the hard truth!

Love, (12 years old) 8

Turning

THIRTY By: Carla Marie

9

This Is...

M

y name is Carla Marie, I’m about to turn 30 and I am so excited! If you would have told me on my 25th birthday that I would have said those words I would have probably rolled my eyes at you. When I turned 25 I had all the questions. Everything from “Can I still order chicken fingers?” to “When will I learn to walk in heels?” These were, and are, valid questions to have when going through a quarter-life crisis. Anyone who tells you a quarter-life crisis isn’t real can suck it. I asked all of these questions an wrote an essay which we talked about on the air at Elvis Duran and the Morning Show.

Till this day I have people refer to this segment and essay and say they related so much to how I felt. I’m unbelievably happy while I write this and tell you all of those questions have been answered for me over the last five years but at 25 I was confused. It’s definitely bittersweet, saying goodbye to my twenties, the decade that molded me into the woman I am today. In honor of saying goodbye to my twenties, let’s rehash some of those ridiculous (and valid) questions I asked when turning 25.

I turned 25 I wondered “Can a 25 year old order chicken fingers?”

Sure can! Even now I order them, if anyone judges you, they’re clearly a fun-sucker. “What about Uggs?” I think it depends on how ratchet your Uggs are. I ditched my college pair and got myself some fresh ones. They’re perfect for the days when I want to be comfy but sneakers won’t cut it!

At 25 I wondered if that was the year I’d finally understand politics.

Um no, I don’t know that anyone does no matter their age but I do have a way better grasp on things.

hard no for me. I do it But I’ll hate it forever.

And lastly, my favorite questions were “Are my boobs done growing? Are boob jobs acceptable?”

Yes, they were done growing... naturally. I got my boob job a year and a half after I was asking myself these questions and it was the best thing I have ever done for myself. If someone doesn’t think that’s acceptable. That’s a them problem.

All of those questions, while totally legit, were fun. But I was seriously afraid of 25. I was afraid of getting older and not being relevant or fun (radio is an industry where relevancy and fun are so important).

I had these fears from age 22 to 25 1/2. I quickly realized it was an idiotic way of thinking.

I was surrounded by people who were older than me and, for lack of a better word, were cool. My best friend, co-worker, and radio idol, Danielle Monaro was turning 40 a few weeks after I turned 25.

Other than being married, having kids, and being hungover way less, Danielle and I had the same personality. We put out the same vibe. I began to realize that’s what it was about. If you were grumpy about getting older people would perceive you as a grumpy old person. I was lucky to be close with all of my co-workers at Elvis Duran and the Morning Show, all of them older than me at the time. After turning 25 I remember thinking how I never saw Garrett, Josh,

My nap game is so strong and it’s vital for my survival.

“Are backpacks an adult thing?”

Hell yes they are! I’ve purchased so many backpacks in the last few years whether for work everyday, for travel, or for shopping, I’ll be rocking a backpack for life. When

I also asked if I had to stop watching TMZ and watch the news.

Luckily, I get every news alert possible on my phone so I’ve got a healthy dose of both! I can’ believe I asked if I would have to stop taking naps at 25! What an idiot! My nap game is so strong and it’s vital for my survival. I questioned if I’d ever have an adult relationship with wine rather than just chugging. Shortly after this I took a wine tasting class and learned so much! Wine becomes a necessity in your late 20s. Find the one you love. I asked if I’d ever like folding clothes? That’s going to be a

10

This Is... or Anthony as older than me, we were the same! As simple as this sounds, it calmed me down. They all turned 30 when I was 27, that’s the first time I started to get excited about turning 30. They were still cool! Can you believe it?! They were 30 and were all at different points of their lives and careers. I began to realize the formula and timeline of life we’re often pushed to follow doesn’t exist yet it gives us so much anxiety. The only way you’ll ever be happy is by making your own story as you go and ditching the formula crap. Ok, we got that out of the way, you can still be fun at 30, I’m living proof, and if you want to be 30 and not fun, you can do that too!

The thought of looking older and getting wrinkles scared the hell out of me. I began doing research and learned our skin starts to lose it’s elasticity at 25! This is when I started the hunt for anti-aging beauty products. I’m not going to get into all of it now, but I will tell you this: find a daily routine that works for you, be sure to moisturize, SPF is unbelievably important for everyday life and if you’re still going in a tanning bed you give zero F’s about what you’ll look like in one year let alone five, and ladies - take off your makeup every single night... no matter what! (Thank you Danielle Monaro for preaching this to me!)

I loved my job when I was 25, I was working for the best morning show in the history of radio in the number one market and my

11

role on the show was constantly growing. But didn’t stop me from worrying about my future. Radio doesn’t have a clear path path so I had no idea what my future would hold. I didn’t want to move (ha!) yet I knew the show was rock solid and wouldn’t be changing, so I worried. I’ll be honest, I carried the worry for a few years. All while constantly working my butt off. I never said “no” to any task asked of me, and as Anthony always says

set, when really it’s something incredible.” I paraphrased, but it really changed my mindset. Here I was with the goal of never leaving NYC. From that moment on I remember sort of feeling like a weight was lifted, anything was a possibility. Less than two months later the opportunity to move across the country and start my own morning show with my best friend was presented to me. Don’t throw everything out the window, but be more open about paths other than the one you’ve always envisioned.

It’s wild how far I’ve come in five years both mentally and literally. I moved 3,000+ from home, family, and friends yet it’s been so rewarding, refreshing, eye-opening, and thrilling. While I have grown and learned so much about myself I’m still the same me I was five years ago, even 10 years ago.

Yet, I am way happier and more fulfilled than I was at 20 and 25. Thirty is going to be so so great. Why? Because I’m going to make it great.

“we picked up the crumbs others didn’t want.” I was 27 in November 2015 and I got advice that would change my life. I went to an iHeartRadio women’s networking event. One of the panelists said “Don’t set goals. When you set goals that’s all you’ve got your mind on so when a new amazing opportunity you’ve never considered pops up, you’ll brush it off because it’s not that goal you’ve

In the end, it’s all just a number and the alternative to not getting older is dying so I prefer getting older. If you’re 25 and freaking out like I was, I am so excited for you! The best is yet to come!

Freak out for a little but brace yourself, you’re about to learn a whole lot about yourself and what you’re capable off accomplishing.

I know did, but I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface which is why I am so excited for Season 30.

THE ONLY WAY YOU’LL EVER BE HAPPY IS BY MAKING YOUR OWN STORY AS YOU GO AND DITCHING THE FORMULA CRAP.

This Is...

A mother's struggle with postpartum depression.

D

ear 25-year-old me,

Nobody knew. Nobody asked. Even your own husband didn’t know to assess the severity of the situation. You didn’t understand how you could be so unhappy when everything around you was seemingly perfect. You didn’t understand why you didn’t shed any tears. You took it all out on your husband. You rarely left the house. You felt like the world was against you and even hated you.

25 Years Old.

I never thought I’d be writing this letter to you. You are my 25-year-old self. You’ve been married for three years to an amazing guy. You’re pregnant with your first baby. You just bought your first home and got a family dog.

You even promoted in your career, something you’ve been working towards for a long time. I remember when you were making your Christmas cards at the end of the year and thinking to yourself that it would be really hard to top this year. I also remember the thought crossing your mind about what the hell you would do when you wrote next year’s Christmas card and would want to top everything that has happened to you. You chalked it up to the fact that you would be a new mom and that should be better than anything else in the world.

High Expectations.

You had a lot of expectations of what it would mean to be a mom. You watched way too many shows with the picture-perfect moms. You followed way too many celebrities with kids on Instagram. You’ve pinned way too many pins on Pinterest about motherhood and babies. You’re dead set on making the most beautiful nursery in the world because of damn Pinterest. It all seemed easy enough. You felt so accomplished from everything you’ve done in your life up to this point that becoming a mom just felt like the natural next step and “goal” that you would achieve. You went through all the baby classes offered by the hospital. You even started to see a counselor with your husband to prepare to be the best parents you could be.

Never Slowing Down.

You continued to work long hours at your store (fun fact: retail manager during the holidays - not the easiest job to have when you’re in your third trimester, but it’s not like you didn’t know that already). People were always telling you to slow down or to stop lifting things or to put the pallet jack away. I know how hard it was for you to take a step back and not be able to work as physically hard as your team, but when I look back on that time when you took on your new store, it was the best thing for you. You would always do too much work yourself and it forced you to learn to lead through others, so be okay with not being able to do it all yourself.

Go Time.

You had a pretty easy pregnancy until the last week. Things were great after the puking of the first trimester was over. You even felt really beautiful in your pregnant body! The week of Christmas you were 34 weeks along and you swelled up like a massive balloon. It was in your hands, your feet and your face. You knew something was off and you even called the doctor at the beginning of the week but were told that the things you were experiencing were just normal pregnancy symptoms. A few days after that, you pulled a 10-hour closing shift at work a few days before Christmas (you go, Momma!) and decided to go to the hospital after you got off work, just to be sure.

Minimal Tears.

It was probably 1:30am when you and your husband met at the hospital. You should be so grateful for that pitstop

15

This Is... at McDonald’s when you drove from your store to the hospital since they don’t allow you to eat once you’re admitted for birth. You told your husband not to worry about bringing the hospital bag because you had it in your head that it would just be a precautionary trip where you got sent home. The nurse did an exam on you then left the room for a minute. She came back in and said, “You’re having a baby today!” Like what?! I can still put myself in that triage room and remember the shock and excitement when you heard those words. Your baby girl came into the world at noon that day. Everything went smoothly, and she only needed a little extra support for being so premature. Your in-laws, your mom and your sister got on a plane and made it to Washington to meet your new baby. You were released from the hospital on Christmas Day and your baby spent the next two weeks in the NICU. You cried for a brief moment when you and your husband got home on Christmas and walked into her nursery without her. After that, you didn’t shed anymore tears. You were surprised at your lack of crying since you cry at all things happy and sad. I remember how you didn’t feel sadness or anger. You also didn’t feel the overwhelming joy that you were expecting after delivering your daughter. You honestly didn’t feel much of anything. I think you were guarding yourself because it was a lot to take in.

Anticipation + Letdown.

You really anticipated the moment of finally taking her home. Throughout your time in the NICU, friends and family - even people you didn’t know - were so generous to you with their words, gifts and time. You watched other NICU families take their tiny babies home with happy tears in their eyes. When the day finally came where you brought her to her new home, the joy you were expecting to feel really wasn’t there. The whole day was kind of a letdown if we’re being honest with each other. You didn’t have the nurses to make sure the baby was okay that was scary. You still didn’t know how to breast feed - what would people think of you for failing at this? Your family all went back to Minnesota - who would be there if you needed help? It was just you, your husband and this new baby. You had to bring her in to an appointment with her pediatrician the next day. Her temperature was too low so you had to be admitted to the hospital again. Your daughter’s little 5 pound body was poked and prodded more than your own body ever had been in your whole life. You had so many people telling you how strong you were while you played the horrible waiting game of making sure your baby was okay after test results came back, but again, if we’re being honest with each other, you didn’t really feel much.

You played the part of the scared, sad mom but in reality you were just numb.

That little baby still didn’t feel like yours. She ended up being okay and you kind of knew that would be the case. Maybe that’s why you weren’t worried. Maybe the so called “mommy sense” is a real thing and since you didn’t believe anything was wrong, that kept you calm.

Who knows. Either way, you got to take your baby girl home again - this time for good.

You didn’t understand how you could be so unhappy when everything around you was seemingly Impatient. perfect.

After you got used to having your baby at home and after your husband went back to work, I remember how you felt like it was a constant stream of days that seemed to be on replay. Your daughter ate, slept, pooped, ate, slept and pooped more. When I read through your private blog posts where you vented out your feelings during this season of your life, it struck me that you never used her name. You referred to her as “Baby” in every post. “I get impatient with Baby and want her to just fall back asleep and not need my attention. I feel bad that I have felt this

16

This Is...

17

This Is... and have tried to be in the moment and enjoy it since everyone tells me it won’t last long.” Reading that back today, I want to come up to you and hug you. I want to tell you that it’s okay to feel that and it’s actually pretty common. You aren’t a bad mom for not enjoying this phase of baby life. Newborns are boring. There, I said it. I wish at this moment you would have shared that thought with someone and started the conversation about where your head was at with your daughter and how you felt being a mom. It might have kept you from sinking as far as you did over the next few months, but hindsight is 20/20.

Bitterness.

You were blessed with four months of maternity leave, but you were bored and kept wanting to go back to work.

I know that hanging out with a new baby all day wasn’t exactly a two-way relationship. You gave so much to your little one and all she did was eat, sleep and poop. I remember that you were embarrassed to tell anyone that you resented her. I want to tell you that it’s okay to say that out loud. I want to tell you that it’s not crazy to feel bitter or resentful towards your daughter. You’ve gone through a traumatic birth experience, your hormones went crazy with all the changes your body experienced. You’re finding your new normal and processing new feelings.

It is okay. Unfortunately, you still didn’t speak up and share your thoughts for fear of judgement. You weren’t feeling what you expected a new mom should feel (thanks, social media and TV). You continued to sit alone in those thoughts and let them brew.

26th Birthday.

You turned 26 two months after Addyson* came into the world. Your husband’s family visited from Minnesota.

You had some high expectations for how your first birthday as a mom would go since birthdays are kind of your thing and everyone knows that about you. The day before your birthday, your husband threw a surprise party for you! It was a pretty amazing party and I know you enjoyed it, but the next day, your actual birthday, was one of the hardest days you went through in this whole experience. Leading up to this day, there were a lot of signs pointing to what you were soon to realize, but on your birthday was the first time you felt at your absolute lowest. I almost get goosebumps when I think of how angry you were at your husband. You were so disappointed in him for not doing something on your actual birthday. As I type this to you, I am almost laughing at you for actually believing that he failed at your birthday. How quickly your memory faded from the day before. You ended the night drunk. You sat in your car in the driveway after screaming at your husband the whole way home from wherever it is you went. You knew that you couldn’t go inside because you still had family over. I remember you calling one of your dear friends and hysterically spilling every dark and twisted thought you had. It was the first time in your life you drank to not feel something. Red flag! You did that despite the fact that you have two alcoholic parents. I remember when you called your friend and admitted that to her.

I wish I could say that night was the turning point for you. I wish I could tell you that the next morning you felt so stupid and apologized to everyone involved, but you and I both know that wasn’t the case. Family left, and it was just you, your husband and your baby again. You had screamed out all your anger at your husband the night before, so you approached him with this eerie coolness while you spoke some pretty painful and hurtful words to him. I remember you thinking to yourself that you actually meant all the mean things you were saying. You wrapped up the conversation by telling him that you thought you should get a divorce and that you were packing your bags and taking your daughter back to Minnesota. What?! I’m still in shock that you truthfully believed that was the way to go.

Realization.

Although your husband somehow convinced you not to go anywhere, the days and weeks continued on with this awkward quiet between you two. You stopped talking to him entirely and basically cut yourself off from everyone else. I read another blog post you wrote shortly after your 26th birthday drama. Your husband was working overnight shifts and you were still on maternity leave. “The thought that maybe I was experiencing some type of postpartum depression was brushed off because I wasn’t crying myself to sleep or hating my baby (that’s what I pictured it to look like). Tonight, as I sit home alone again, I can’t find the motivation to do anything. My days are a haze of short naps, taking care of Baby, endlessly scrolling social media and binge-watching Netflix. I have to-do lists that I keep adding to but never cross items off of. I just feel so blah. I decided to google postpartum depression and I started to read symptoms and pretty much lost it tonight.

18

This Is...

• Not feeling bonded to your baby, not having the mythical mommy bliss that is seen on TV • Feeling irritated and angry, no patience, everything annoys you, feeling resentment towards your partner • Feeling nothing but emptiness and numbness, you’re just going through the motions • Feeling weak and defective like you are a failure • Feeling disconnected, feeling strangely apart from everyone for some reason like there’s an invisible

wall be tween you and the rest of the world The last one was the one that really struck a chord with me. I’ve grown so far from everyone and everything in my mind. The things and people that brought so much joy into my life now feel so far away. I’ve even built up things in my head that those around me don’t like me. I don’t want to hang out with anyone and I feel judgment from every angle (which really isn’t possible because I don’t hang out with people). I’ve never experienced so much anger in my life. I hate - and I mean HATE - my husband right now. If you know him, you know that’s absurd to feel about him because he is good stuff. I would much rather him, or anyone else for that matter, take care of Baby because I just don’t feel like it. I don’t feel a deep connection and I look forward to the moments where I get to get out of the house alone or do things that remind me of my life before she came. Oh my word, if you knew the guilt inside of me for even typing that sentence... Anyway, I think I’ve made it pretty clear to myself that this is something real and something I need to deal with. I never expected this. I guess they weren’t kidding when they say it can happen to anyone.”

The night you wrote this., I remember how hard you cried. You were worried that your tears would fall on your computer and ruin it because they were coming down so hard. It sort of felt like someone had taken you out from under the water and you breathed for the first time. You had no idea what was next, but you finally named everything you’d been experiencing and that felt good, the first “good” thing you’ve felt up to this point since the baby came. You didn’t realize that it would be an uphill climb from here. You thought that naming the issue would make everything better, but it was just the beginning. You told your husband the next day about what you read. I know you were really disappointed with his response, but you need to realize that he was suffering, too.

He bore the brunt of your illness, so you shouldn’t have expected him to hug and kiss you and dance around in joy because you decided you were struggling with postpartum depression. He had never dealt with depression before, much like you, so he had no idea what it was or what it even meant. Have some grace for the poor guy and be glad he was still by your side after how you’d been treating him up to this point. You both decided that the next course of action should be to make a counselor appointment for you. I’m so glad you didn’t just sit on the realization that you may be going through postpartum depression and sought help right away. A lot of people are too scared to take that step and admit that they are struggling, so I’m really proud of you for doing that and you should be proud of yourself, too.

Counseling Appointment.

While you had all the intentions of going to the counselor right away, you put it off. You tried to do a few other things to “fix” yourself before having to go see her. Church, gym, healthy food - you name it. You gave all those things a fleeting chance at fixing yourself, but you knew that you had to eventually call to make the appointment.

Going to the counselor the first time, I remember how you had this plan to be all tough and strong and just talk to her about wanting nothing to do with your husband. You told yourself that the reason you were feeling all this crap was because of him. It’s silly now to think that you believed this, but knowing what depression does to a person I don’t blame you for those thoughts. You couldn’t help yourself. When you made the appointment, you didn’t specify the reason so you thought you’d be able to go into it and lay out all the things your husband was failing at, convincing the counselor to tell you that your husband needed to come to the next session. I’m not even kidding - within ten minutes of the session she told you that you needed to make an appointment with your OB/GYN to discuss Postpartum Depression. Nice try. Be thankful that she saw this in you so quickly and directed you to the help you didn’t know you needed.

“It seems like it never goes away. This emotional (or emotionless) mess I’m in is hitting me hard from all angles. I met with my counselor last week and without even going deep into what I’ve been struggling through since 12/23, she recommended I set up an appointment with my OB to talk about medication. I never expected to hear those words. I felt like I was doing better. I started going back to church, I was getting involved with a group of people from church, I was trying to be a better wife. I joined a gym, tried eating healthier, etc. I’ve learned that if you don’t deal with postpartum depression, it won’t go away on its own. You can’t attack the symptoms, you need to go after the root cause. Having encouraging friends or being healthier won’t solve the underlying issues going on inside of

19

This Is... me. I feel nothing most days. I can’t remember the last time I experienced feelings of happiness or joy. When I do feel, it is mostly anger mixed with a side of bitterness and loneliness. I’m doubting myself in many ways - at work, in school, with all my relationships. The Devil has his hand so tight around my heart and my mind that I feel like I can go nowhere. I don’t even remember how it feels to have peace. I miss feeling comforted. I want to know those things again. I don’t have any motivation to do whatever it would take to get back, so it feels like this will never end.

I wish there was a way to walk away from this and just start fresh somewhere else. Or start over with what I have and act differently. I wish my husband understood what I am going through. It feels like I’m making up an excuse for my poor behavior. I don’t think he believes I have a real problem. I think he believes I am a dramatic, selfish bitch. I wish he knew that the things I’m feeling have a stronghold on me. I wish he understood how it feels to feel like you have no control over yourself. I don’t think he cares enough at this point to figure it out. He is too lazy to even try.

One can hope, right?”

It’s hard to reread your words after that first appointment. But I’m glad you wrote them. I’m glad you took the

time to journal and speak your true feelings, even if it was just to yourself. I also can’t believe I’m actually sharing those feelings with the public, but I do believe that it could maybe help someone else who is going through the same things, so I’m going to risk it. I know you won’t mind.

Doctor’s Appointment.

“I finally made the appointment to talk with my OB about PPD. I’ve had a good week and don’t feel the normal down that I’ve felt in recent weeks. I shared this with my counselor and told her I’m afraid of the bad feelings coming back.

I’ve had good weeks, but in the blink of an eye I can be overtaken with negativity. It’s stressful to wonder when it will switch again. I’m scared of the next bout of feeling down and what that will bring. I’m feeling hopeful that medication can help me through this. I don’t know if I will tell people that I might take an antidepressant. I’m embarrassed to even talk about it with my husband and he questioned it so hard when I first brought it up. It really makes one feel like an actual crazy person. Our society does not accept it and I hate the stigma attached. I will pursue this option

20

This Is... nonetheless. It may just be something I keep between my husband, my counselor and myself.”

Well, I’m happy to report that medication helped you. It slowly brought you back to having a realistic mentality about your life. It brought back feelings that you haven’t felt in so long, laughter being the best one that you deeply missed.

27th Birthday.

As I wrap up writing this, it happens to be your 27th birthday week. It seems like the perfect timing to be reflecting on what’s happened since you were 25 years old, especially since your birthday last year was such a strong spark that pushed you towards help. I want you to know that it all gets better. You will eventually stop being embarrassed of going through postpartum depression. You won’t be ashamed to admit that you had to take an antidepressant until just a few months ago. You will be so joyful knowing that the way you felt wasn’t your reality, just a big mess of hormonal issues and crazy imbalances in your brain. You should be proud of what you went through and how you’ve come out of it. I want you to know that there are still adjustments to be made after you have a new baby. No medication or counselor can make those adjustments for you. Life is different and will forever be different, but now that you’re finally healthy and capable of dealing with these big changes, embrace it! Change is good.

You’re not going to believe this, but you actually quit your job to stay at home with that little baby of yours who you used to resent. You love the repetitive days with her and feel overwhelmingly blessed to have the opportunity to stay home with her while your husband supports your family financially. You are even happy with your hubby again (I know that’s the hardest to believe since he took up most of the angry space in your head). I want to encourage you to share your story. Don’t be afraid to talk about it because it’s all too common. I know you’ve shared it with your closest friends and family and still feel a little embarrassed of how you treated them, but they forgive you and love you just the same. And most of all, love that amazing husband of yours for standing by your side and loving the hell out of you despite how awful you treated him while you recovered. Lastly, please don’t be afraid of getting pregnant again. Even if you experience postpartum depression again, you have a team of people who know how to identify it now. People that have seen you at your worst and went through the healing process with you and will do it all over again in a heartbeat. You’re a strong woman and you’re capable of more than you can even imagine.

Love,

(Your 27-year-old self)

*Name changed for anonymity

21

You should be proud of what you went through and how you’ve come out of it.

[love]

This Is...

daughter

How old were you when you got married? I had just turned 23 less than 2 weeks before my wedding.

How long have you now been married? I’ve been married for a little over a year and a half now – 1 year, 7 months, and 5 days as I write this.

What was your view of marriage at the time you got married? On the day of my wedding, marriage was the biggest commitment I had ever chosen to make – it meant sharing a lifetime with my husband, committing to choose him every day, becoming a half to a whole, and giving myself to my husband and him giving himself to me in the eyes of God. How did that differ from your view of marriage in the past? In the past marriage was more of a fantasy for me and before I was ready to commit to marriage, I wasn’t completely convinced that it worked due to the examples I had growing up. But once I was actually part of a marriage and made that decision, I really understood how marriage takes work and it is a choice whether it works or not.

Had you been married before? Definitely not.

How did you know he was the one? He was always the one. I knew because we had

been together for seven years before we got married and we went through so

many things in those seven years and came out of those things stronger each

time. He’s always been my partner and my teammate who supports me, treats

me as an equal, and makes me a happier, better person. I tried at one point

to convince myself he wasn’t the one and I fought it because I was scared

I was with him out of comfort but I quickly realized how wrong I was

and stopped fighting my heart.

How did the proposal go?Even though we met when we were both

in high school, we didn’t actually meet at school, we met at our

little brothers’ baseball game because they were on the same

team. So, when it came time to propose, he took me on a

detour from my family’s house to his family’s house on

Christmas and we went back to the exact baseball field

we met at and he dropped down on one knee and

proposed.

What’s your ultimate piece of marriage advice?

Choose your partner every day and love them

how they want to be loved.

Marriage At Every Age

Marriage has no age limit and this family is living proof of that. Take a trip through these generations of marriages and discover how love does not discriminate regardless of if you’re 23 or 59.

25

mot

How old were you when you How long have you now been What was your view of marri ried? Wonderful, I love the id How did that differ from yo past? I’ve always wanted to with the white picket fence view of marriage I just finally Had you been married before How did you know he was th friend. We do everything tog en’t doing anything we still er. We laugh nonstop and jus each day.

How did the proposal go? harder than me and anyone stand that that’s unbelievable What’s your ultimate piece sure you can be best friends a never go to bed angry.

This Is...

ther

u got married? Forty-six. n married? Almost four years. iage at the time you got mardea of love and marriage. our view of marriage in the be the happily married wife e. Nothing ever changed my found the right man. e? Yes, twice. he one? He became my best gether and even when we arhave a blast with each othst fall in love more and more

Adorable, he actually cried who knows me will undere! of marriage advice? Make and laugh together daily and

grandmother

How old were you when you got married? I was 59 years old when I last got married.

How long have you now been married? We have now been married 16 1/2 years.

What was your view of marriage at the time you got married? My view of marriage at the time was more mature than when I was 21.

How did that differ from your view of marriage in the past? I was 21 years old when I first got married and I was looking at the future and to have children. I just wanted to be a mom. I used to sit in nursing class planning the names of my future children, and some of them actually got those names. I believe when you are young and you get married, you always think that you can change some of the things about the person to whom you are married. This does not happen.

Had you been married before? Yes. How did you know he was the one? I had no intention of ever getting remarried as I was quite happy alone and I had a good life. It did not matter to me if I dated anyone again because I was happy as I was. My husband and I were acquaintances before we actually went out on a date and I knew he wanted to get remarried. He dated a lot of women after his first wife died. After working on a business project together, he called me and asked me out to dinner, and as they say, “the rest is history.� We dated about one month before we knew that we loved each other. And yes, I still think that older love can feel just the way young love feels. You are always thinking of that person and you want to be with them.

How did the proposal go? My husband and I dated for three months before he proposed to me in Ireland. I asked him to ask me again the next day because I was not sure that he was serious and he did.

What’s your ultimate piece of marriage advice? My ultimate piece of marriage advice is to take time for each other everyday, communicate with each other and have a date night each week.

26

This Is...

The Dating World Versus The Dating World Wide Web

T

echnology has changed the way of the world and the dating world is no exception. But just because something is trending, does that make it beneficial? Brian Howie, relationship advisor, “America’s #1 Dating Enthusiast” according to Time Magazine, and creator and host of The Great Love Debate, sheds some light on the answer to that question.

This Is...: What is the biggest difference between dating in the real word versus using dating apps?

Brian Howie: Opportunity. People perceive the oppportunities on apps to be greater, but what they are really doing is treating dating like fly-fishing – trying to snag a particular target – when they should be treating dating like commercial fishing, where you cast out a wide net and reel in as many possibilities as possible, and then determine which of those possibilities to pursue.

TI: Why do you suggest that people “get their head out of their apps”?

BH: Because every single day you are within 10 yards of 1000 people of the opposite sex. It’s those real life opportunities that you need to recognize, act upon, and not dismiss.

TI: Why do you believe that “the greatest dating site is earth”?

BH: Every time you go outside of your house you are essentially in a dating site. And that dating site has more variety, better choices, greater possibilities, and more real opportunities for connection than you will ever find online.

TI: What do you think is the biggest issue with dating apps?

BH: That the women don’t respond to the men’s messages no matter what those messages are. Men

28

This Is... send 36 times more unresponded to messages than women. Women are waiting for the perfect opener from men, that opener isn’t always going to come in the way you want. Do you know why guys send dick pics to women? Women are simply not responding to even the most basic communications from men. In real life, the odds that she will at least answer with “no thank you” are way higher.

TI: Have you seen people have more success with app dating?

BH: In 2018, there is more success with app dating simply because that has become the new normal.

But 47 couples that we know of, and hundreds more that we don’t

know about, have gotten together because they met at The Great Love Debate. The simple act of congregating and communicating will always work better than online dating, because online dating still requires the step of moving it offline. And most people are terrible at that.

TI: Are there any apps that you think are better than others?

BH: E-harmony. Not sure if that counts as an app, but it requires more work than a simple swipe, so it tends to draw more serious daters. Avoid any app or service that puts out the illusion of “exclusivity” or “eliteness”. They are selling you a lie, they are exclud-

ing far more good people than they are letting in. There is no way to screen for assholes, there is no way to screen for crazy. Buyer beware.

TI: What do you believe is the best way to meet?

BH: Ask questions. A question and an answer is a conversation. Just get in the habit of asking a question of 10 strangers a day. That will lead to connections you never thought possible.

TI: Any other dating advice you’d like to give?

BH: Listen to my podcast. All the answers are there.

Our Tips To Get Your Head Out Of Your Apps Tinder

The bar

Bumble

Mutual friends

Coffee Meets Bagel

Coffee shop

The League

Want more?

Work

Check out The Great Love Debate podcast with Brian Howie - it’s The World’s #1 Dating & Relationship Podcast!

The Great Love Debate podcast is based on the nationally-touring series of live shows - and hosted by America’s Leading Dating Influencer Brian Howie - who is joined each week in-studio by celebrity guests and the world’s most dynamic voices on love, dating, and relationships! Listen in as they raise some questions, find some answers, and have a whole lot of fun as they attempt to answer the question “Why is everyone still single?”

@greatlovedebate

29

The Great Love Debate with Brian Howie

greatlovedebate.com

This Is...

[failure] led

31

e g ia

rr a m

Adobe Stock

fai

I

happily ever after two divorces

n a country where 40-50% of marriages end in divorce, “failing” at marriage is almost as common as succeeding. And yet, while divorce has become almost the norm, we still stigmatize its occurrence and its participants. This is one woman’s story of happily ever after two divorces.

This Is...: How old were you when you first got married?

Anonymous: Twenty-two.

TI: Was it an easy decision to get married to your then husband?

A: I thought so at the time. He was great to me for the most part. He was a great friend to everyone. I think I was extremely infatuated.

TI: What was your relationship like?

A: Very volatile. My husband could be the sweetest, funniest, most wonderful guy but at any moment he would just go into a rage and I was the person he let it out on. We could be having a great time and he could just turn into a monster. He has spit in my face, given me black eyes on more than one occasion, beat me in the head with a remote control, etc. The end of our relationship was when he hit me over the head with our home telephone and knocked me out. When I came to, my five year old son was standing in the doorway crying saying “you killed my mommy!” The look on my son’s face was what it finally took and I grabbed my two children and left for good.

TI: Was it a messy divorce?

A: Very! My husband decided that he wasn’t going to allow me to divorce him and fought me all the way. I left him and moved myself and my children into my parents’ house temporarily. He threatened all of our lives if I didn’t come back. I would wake up in the morning and find him standing in the driveway of my parents’ house staring at my bedroom

window rocking back and forth on his feet. I told him I was going to call the police and he told me “go ahead, I will kill you and your parents and take the kids.” As silly as it sounds to me now I was terrified at the time because I knew what he was capable of. He would call the house incessantly. My dad would order me to ignore the calls but I was so traumatized that I felt I had to or he would come over. I finally got a job in a city thirty minutes away so I was finally left alone for the most part.

TI: Did you get remarried?

A: Yes. TI: Did that marriage turn out any better?

A: Better, yes. Not great, though.

TI: What happened?

A: It ended in a second divorce. I wasn’t physically abused but there was a lot of mental abuse. I feel like I was brainwashed. As hard as I tried nothing was ever good enough. It didn’t even occur to me until a family member came to visit and stayed with us for two weeks. One day she looked at me and said “What the hell are you doing? Why do you let him treat you like this?” I took a step back and analyzed my life with my husband. I realized that I wasn’t allowed to be me. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere or do anything outside of my house without him and I was ordered around like I was his dog.

I then decided to start standing up for myself and in doing so heated arguments started to ensue which inevitably caused so much friction that I knew we were heading in the direction of divorce. If I wasn’t going to be his puppet he wasn’t happy.

TI: Did you remarry after that?

A: Yes. TI: And was that successful?

A: Yes! I found a man who loves me for who I am. He became my best friend. It took me a long while to completely trust him because I

This Is...

really did think it was too good to be true. I kept waiting for him to turn into an asshole - it never happened!

We both have children from prior marriages which many times cause issues. Ours got along immediately.

We have never had any problems, it was like it was meant to be. My husband is my rock and I am so grateful that we found each other. He’s my lobster. [Smiles big] TI: Did you ever feel any shame around being a divorcee?

A: Yes, unfortunately. I always feel the need to explain the reason why.

I feel like there is a stigma being a divorcee twice even though I know I did the right thing. Oddly enough it was people who didn’t know me who would ask me why two of my children looked so much alike and the others didn’t. I would explain that there were different fathers and I would get the look like, “Ohhh you’re one of them,” so I would feel the need to go into detail as to why I had children with more than one father.

Who knows, it might have just been in my head but I just felt like I needed to always justify my situation.

TI: Now knowing how things turned out, would you have done anything differently?

A: I certainly would! I feel that I used to settle, that I believed things would get better or that I could make things better. Instead of standing up for myself I would just allow the poor treatment. My husband now can’t believe that I put up with all of that - he laughs and says that he wouldn’t be able to get away with one percent of that.

TI: What advice do you have for others who may be going the same things you went through?

A: Do what is right for you and if you have children, definitely make sure you do what is right for them. Don’t stay in an unhealthy marriage for the children’s sake, they will be better off with you apart and happy rather than together and unhappy.

32

[ O p i n i o n at e d ]

33

dobe Stock

Living at home after college By: Branigan Wright

A

s a child, I grew up believing that I would go to the college of my dreams (got that part right), graduate, land a high-paying job in a career that I was head-over-heels passion about and be an independent woman that would not rely on anyone but herself. This was the childhood goal that I felt I must achieve by age 22.

Wow, was I delusional.

Sure, right after college graduation some people have great jobs lined up in big cities at highfalutin companies. They work in state of the art offices and go home each night to their own swanky pads. That is reality, but there’s another side to post-college reality as well.

After I graduated college, I found myself moving home and living with my mom. The freedom of living on my own the past 4 years, and being a do-whatever-I-want, care-free college student was over. My naive childhood goal of running the world as soon as I received my college degree was nowhere on the horizon.

I found myself feeling trapped being back in my childhood home and telling my mother where I was every waking hour of the day. I’d see some of my friends that were working in

various industries raking in big bucks and living the high life. Meanwhile, I worked two jobs and took classes at night in hopes of forging a new career path to devote my life to, and I still found myself not making enough money to be able to afford a cardboard box!

It was a trying time. There’s nothing worse than having a taste of freedom, and then having a large part of it stripped away from you. For a while I allowed myself to wallow in self-pity.

I mean, after all, it’s not like I was a professional couch potato. I did have two jobs – they obviously just weren’t paying enough to let me really spread my wings. So, I felt entitled to have a little bit of “woo is me” time; But after a while, the dust settled, and my perspective on the situation changed. I started to embrace living at home. I began having the, “glass is half full,” mentality about my living situation.

Sometimes people need a helping hand, or in this case, a roof over their head while they get their life in order. What would I have done if I had no one to move in with? What if my mom told me, “no?” Did I really have a right to complain when my mother welcomed me back with open arms, and I had a roof over my head, no bills to pay, a comfy bed and food on the table? No. Living at home with

Adobe Stock

34

This Is...

your parents doesn’t make someone a failure. We all knew I wasn’t planning on living there until I was 50 – or even 23 if I could help it. This was just a bump in the road to success - a pivotal learning experience. This living situation gave me a little extra cushion of time to get my ducks in a row and save a lot of money. I could clearly focus on working towards my big goals and not worry about where I was going to get enough money just to eat, sleep, pay the bills…survive.

Not to mention, it let me bond with my mom like never before. I am still her daughter, no doubt, but this time around, we were like two adults living together. We enjoyed going out for happy hours, grabbing sushi at our favorite restaurant, asking each other for advice and spending extra time together that I never would have had with her otherwise. Being the sappy person that I am, I like to look at this experience as giving me closure on my old life and enjoy living in my childhood home one last time as a resident - not a guest. Because, let’s face it, your parents’ home is essentially always your home, too, but one day, things change. The dynamics change. You move out, get married,

35

have kids and then wherever you lay down a foundation with your up and coming family becomes your home.

My experience of living at home after college allowed me to gracefully close that chapter of my life before starting my new life in the adult world where you work until you’re 65, have big girl responsibilities and a continuum of bills to pay (sounds glorious, right?).

This experience gave me a full sense of closure.

It’s important to remember that everyone’s lives are meant to play out differently than the next person’s.

So, if you don’t have to live at home after college – embrace it. If you do have to live at home after college – embrace it. Living at home after college is not the end of the world or supposed to make you feel like a failure in the slightest bit. It is just a stepping stone from one phase of life to the next. Looking back at that experience, I’m grateful for the minor detour. I have always believed that things happen for a reason, and fortunately, since I had the extra time to figure out my “life plan,” I can now say that, 5 years later, I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.

This was just a bump in the road to success - a p i v o ta l l e a r n i n g experience.

Adobe Stock

Moving Out + Moving

g

g

[Adulting]

This Is...

By: Carla Marie

I

made my parents a PowerPoint. Let’s go back to 2012. I was living in my childhood home with my parents for the last two years after graduating college and moving back and I loved it. My mom cooked for me, did my laundry (don’t judge, I did the laundry too), and I didn’t have to pay rent. It was essentially like having a livein chef and maid…except they ask a lot of questions… So. Many.

Questions. I had, and still have, an amazing relationship with my parents, we didn’t argue and they gave me no rules other than “if you aren’t’ going to come home, text us so we know you’re alive.” Fair rule.

been able to afford it.

together.

When I graduated college in 2010, I wasn’t making much money. And by “not making much money” I mean, $10 an hour, which came out to about $16,000 per year. I was working at my dream job and knew this was where I needed to start so it wasn’t as if I could leave for a better job because there wasn’t one. After paying for my student loans and parking in New York City I had $90 left of my paycheck each month. That

There was one more rule my parents had. You can’t live with someone unless you’re married. [Insert giant eye roll here] I have six siblings, five who are older than me (three from my dad’s first marriage and two from my mom’s).

Two of them literally did not move in with their husband and wife until after their honeymoon. The others moved in right before their weddings. Then there was my younger sister who made it very clear she wouldn’t live with someone until she was married. (Fast forward to now and that little weasel is living with her boyfriend of one year). I had nothing going for me. I couldn’t say “but she did it!” like most younger siblings can. Marriage was the absolute last thing on my mind - I actually hated the idea of getting married but believed this was the person I was going to spend my life with. So, in the summer of 2012 I made a PowerPoint that would change my life.

I made my parents a PowerPoint.

Our co-habiting was great but I had serious FOMO. My co-workers and I were around the same age and they were living in a fun town outside of New York City. They were always going out together.

While I lived close, this was before Uber existed so if I wanted to go out with them it meant driving myself and staying sober. My younger sister was in college but would live at home in the summer.

The four of us living in the house was way too much. Plus, my sister would throw parties in our backyard when I had to be up at 4am and we would fight like we were teenagers all over again. I would have moved out way earlier had I

would barely cover my phone bill let alone rent! Luckily, my parents paid for my car insurance, tolls into New York City ($175 a month), and my phone bill. However, they told me if I moved out I’d have to pay for everything on my own. By 2012, I had picked up some extra responsibilities at work that earned me extra money. I was working weekends and vacations, but I knew I was saving to move out so it was worth every minute. My long-distance boyfriend of two years was about to finish grad school and move to New Jersey and the plan was to move-in

I sat my parents down and gave them my presentation. It explained how I was an adult, I was ready to move out, and I couldn’t afford to do it on my own so I would be moving in with my boyfriend. I had a slide about marriage. I explained how one day it would probably happen but at 24-years-old I was focusing on

38

This Is... my career and couldn’t afford to get married. I like to believe they appreciated my professionalism because they were okay with me moving out. They had this look of “we don’t want you to, but we understand”.

I moved out of my childhood home in September of 2012 and I cried like a baby for the weeks leading up to my move - even on the day of moving and my first night in the apartment. It wasn’t like college where you know you’ll be back home in the summer or when you graduate. I knew I’d probably never move back home, and I was right, I haven’t. I was so sad about leaving our dog and I loved my nights of hanging alone with my mom while my dad was at work and my sister was at college. My parents and younger sister cried, too. Even my older sister, who moved out 16 years before I did, cried because she knew exactly what I was going

through. For the record, I was moving 25 minutes away. It wasn’t the distance at all. No matter how ready you are to move out on your own, leaving you childhood home is really hard. I didn’t think I’d ever get over it, but I did.

It was weird at first, what do I call the home I grew up in? Is it still “home”? Eventually I referred to is as “going to my parents’”. You know you’ve totally accepted moving out after you go to your parents for dinner and you think “I can’t wait to get the hell out of here” and I say that in the most loving way possible.

Since moving out in September 2012 I have lived in four apartments. The first was with my boyfriend, then in 2015 we broke up and I moved in with friends for a few months before finding my own studio apartment, and then two months later moved across the country for my job into a one bedroom apartment.

While moving across the country was a hard move I think my first apartment alone was even more difficult. Up until that point I had always lived with someone whether it was my college roommates, parents, boyfriend, or friends, but now I was alone.

It’s such a hard feeling to explain but I was always wondering what everyone else was doing. I didn’t like it. I didn’t want to be home alone. I craved being around people. I always wanted to be out and doing something. Now, it’s much different. I love my time at home alone. Having no one to answer to but yourself (and cats) is the greatest feeling in the world.

No matter what situation you are moving from or what situation you are moving to, it’s going to be its own story and life-lesson.

One thing they all have in common? Packing sucks.

No matter what situation you are moving from or what situation you are moving to, it’s going to be its own story and life-lesson.

39

[How To] Go The Distance Tips to navigate long distance relationships.

This Is...

I

’m one of the lucky ones.

I met my now-husband when I was fifteen years old. He was 18 and about to graduate high school while I was really just starting to get the hang of it.

We met on a sunny Spring Saturday in March at the local baseball fields where our little brothers were playing their first game. We didn’t know it then, but almost seven years later he would be bringing me back to this very spot on Christmas Day to ask me to marry him. But before that day that he would drop down on one knee, we had almost seven years of life to figure out. And, like most 18-yearolds, my now-husband had no idea what he wanted to do with his life. So, a year later with still no plan, he decided to join the Marine Corps. And thus began our long distance love story.

And so, through navigating that long distance love story that remained long distance for five years and has reoccurred a few times since, I have some pieces of advice for how to go the distance – in no particular order.

countdown will help you realize that each day, whether good or bad, is one day closer to seeing your person.

2. See the light at the end of the tunnel.

Know that there’s an end in sight. Whether it’s five months or five years down the road, make sure you’re on the same page about when the distance is going to end and commit to going the distance.

3. Trust each other.

This may seem obvious, but when you’ve never met his 5’ 10” long-legged coworker and you know she gets to see him every Monday through Friday from 9 to 5, it takes a lot of trust to ease your mind and not get too jealous. Trust is important in any relationship but it is especially important in long distance relationships because you only have each other’s’ word to go on so this means that being trustworthy is just as important as trusting.

distance will be no more and you will no longer be forced to live your individual lives apart from each other and by setting the precedent now of carrying on your individual lives, you won’t get lost in each other once you’re together.

6. Be on the same page.

Distance can force sacrifices by one or both parties involved and sacrifices can cause resentment – and nobody wants that.

So make sure you are both on the same page about what your expectations are – Who’s going to move to close the gap? When will that be? Will you both move somewhere new together?

What if a new career opportunity comes up for one or both of you – do you follow that or is coming together the number one priority? Answering these questions and knowing where each of you stands will illuminate any differences in expectations now so that they can be worked through before you drastically change your lives for each other. Beware: answering these questions can also make you realize it isn’t going to work.

4. Don’t do it.

This sounds odd, I know. But long distance isn’t for the faint 1. Create countdowns to 7. Communicate. of heart – it takes a whole lot of the next time you see each strength and a whole lot of love. Communication is essential to other. any relationship. But the maSo it has to be worth it.

This way you always have jority of the time in a long dissomething to look forward to. tance relationship, it is all you 5. Support each other.

However, this means you have And each of your endeavors, have. Not only do you need to to plan and take action. In order passions, and pursuits. Don’t communicate to continue beto have a countdown you have get so bogged down focusing on ing a part of each other’s lives to have something to count the relationship and when you’ll but you also have to communidown to, meaning you need see each other again that you cate about communicating so to say goodbye with your next lose yourselves and what you that you are, again, on the same trip planned. Saying goodbye each want. Make sure that as page about when and how often without knowing the next time much as you support your rela- you expect to hear from one you’re going to see each other tionship you are also support- another. will feel much more daunting ing your individuality because and unbearable. Plus, having a there will come a day when the

41

[The World]

“No reas t o st a y i a good reason t go.”

son is

to

This Is...

A Weekend in England

and then some.

By: Lindsay Dye

I

flew to Europe for $355 on a round-trip direct flight. How, you ask? First, I downloaded the apps all of them. Sky Scanner, Expedia, Hopper, and good ol’ Google thanks to Google Flights. Knowing that President’s Day weekend meant a three-day weekend, I figured why not make the most of it? I first set a watch for trips from Seattle to London on Hopper, which predicts the future of airfare prices and notifies you when the price of a trip you’re watching drops to its lowest point. Then, on the 28th of December, I got the notification that a round-trip with a direct flight was $355. I figured it must have been too good to be true so I went to Google Flights and it verified the price! As an extra bonus, I could add an additional trip to Copenhagen for $48 more dollars through Expedia and I had never been there before so yep, purchased that on the spot. I mean, it’s more expensive to fly to Arizona than to London at that price! Luckily, I didn’t have to book alone as my coworker loves to travel so she decided to join me.

Next to tackle was where to stay. We looked at Hostel world, Airbnb, and Expedia and decided to go the hostel route based on prices. Sure, there are lots of scary movies about hostels, but they are movies for a reason. Also, hostels are not all gross-I thoroughly enjoy them!

Pro Tip: Don’t be stupid and know your whereabouts!

When I first went to London a couple years ago, I didn’t know where to go but I learned that Soho was the best area to stay as the tube and Oxford street are just a block away! So this time around, we stayed at the LHA Soho Hostel, and it was perfect. Granted, I don’t really care about accommodations, more so the location as I never plan to spend much time in the room, so the price for the hotels are not worth it.

This hostel was great though- we even got upgrad-

46

This Is...

ed for free to a three-bed private room (thank you, Lord!).

der that if you’re at Starbucks in London…lesson learned.

If you are traveling solo or with a friend-hostels are fabulous! You get free walking city tours, you meet people from all around the world, and you pay way less than what you would for a hotel. Plus, if saving money is your focus, hostels often serve food/drinks and have kitchens so you can cook to save extra money. We booked the hostel in Soho and loved it. The staff let us check in early and we went on a pub crawl with themit was so fun.

Everywhere you walk, there is a historic building mixed with a newer one and no two buildings looks alike. London is incomparable to any other city. The history, the culture, the fashion, and their accents are bloody brilliant.

(See what I did there?). This time around, we went to a suburb called Camden to their market one day, followed by a pub-crawl at night around the city. Street markets are so beautiful, the people are so sweet, and the food is incredible.

In London, you have to do the typical touristy stuff, no matter how many times you go! Visit Big Ben, the London Tower and Bridge, visit Buckingham Palace, ride the tube (it is amazing and Washington has some work to do because nothing compares to the tube), and just have plans with no set times. There is so much to do and see that having no set times is the best way to go.

There are pigeons everywhere in Europe, so be prepared to be followed and they are savages.

Not going to lie, I peed 3 times on the trip from the pigeons chasing us. I repeat – they are savages! In Copenhagen, we got waffles on a stick and walked out of the building and they swarmed us (Well, we thought they were… it felt like it at least.). I squealed and ran while everyone else just laughed and didn’t help at all. Savages!

47

Tip: The pub-crawls are random people, but no night will ever be like it.

If the hostel recommends it, I would, too. The guides are so fun and the memoires will forever make you laugh. Like this picture [right middle] of Chunk doing the truffle shuffle. So random, but we still laugh about it.

Tip: In London, the land of tea and coffee, Starbucks will not give out just a cup of hot water.

The Brits truly love their English breakfast: Eggs, sausage, bacon, beans and toast. It was good, I’ll give them that. On the morning after the pub-crawl, we were at a restaurant dying and needing water. The waitress asked us what size waters and we said large. She questioned us and said each are 3 liters, but my friend and I had no idea how much that was so we each said we needed our own.

Guys, 3 liters is huge. We looked ridiculous and the whole restaurant laughed at us when she came back with them. I would recommend splitting a large next time.

I ordered a cup of it along with buying a mug and the guy told me I couldn’t get a cup of hot water because it’s against health regulations. *Facepalm* So don’t or-

In London, most people we were around spoke English but in Copenhagen it was a mix of Danish, Swedish, Norwegian, German, Dutch, and not English. So, the

This Is...

moment we got off the plane, we were doomed, with the greatest memories to follow.

Tip: Prepare for the country you’re going to, just so you know about what to do, the conversion rate, and how to get to your accommodations!

Like I already said, the tube is amazing and so efficient. In London, Google tells you the line that you need to take and the stop you need to get off at.

Well in Copenhagen, it wasn’t like that and they have letters I’ve never seen before so we didn’t know how to pronounce a single word. We went to get cash out and they use their own Danish Krone unlike London, which uses the Pound. In London, one pound is a little more than one dollar, but they are close. In Denmark, 250 Krone is $50. The conversion rate was too confusing and so we only paid with card there!

After failing to understand their conversion rate, we proceeded to buy a ticket on their tube to downtown, but couldn’t figure out what the stop was called we needed to get off at, so we looked so ridiculous and confused. A lady noticed this and said, “Oh are you American? You look lost.”

Way to go America, making you proud! We told her we needed to go downtown to Nyhavn and she told us to take the next train. Side note: two

49

times in my life I’ve hopped on the train without really knowing where it was going and both ended up in the wrong location in Europe. This time, I questioned her word and thank goodness I did. We asked a gentleman who told us the train was headed to Sweden, not Nyhavn - way different! We finally opted at that point to get a taxi (they all are Mercedes, by the way) and the driver spoke 7 languages.

Tip: Even if you’re exhausted, look presentable when you get to your accommodations.

We did not, and of course the men in Copenhagen are tall, foreign, and just…yum.

We slept for 12 hours that night, woke up, and realized too quickly we didn’t pack warm enough for Copenhagen, but what can you do besides bundle up? We walked the beautiful canal full of color ful houses and ate delicious food, took a canal tour and saw The Little Mermaid statue (Yes, the writer of The Little Mermaid was from Copenhagen). We learned that Copenhagen has random trampolines in their streets so we found them and had too much fun acting like kids.

For me, traveling makes my soul happy. It is a new experience, gets me out of my routine, and I get to meet new

people! Take a page out of my book and meet some odd people at a bar and sing karaoke with them like you’re best friends or dance like a fool at the club and be sure to take all the pictures you want! You’ll have the pictures forever as memories. Make new friends and follow each other on Instagram. It’s fun seeing what they are up to long after your travels and you’ll forever have a couch to stay on if you travel to their city. Try the local cuisine. What do you have to lose? It may be horrible, but rather try and regret it than to not try at all.

If you can afford one getaway a year, make the most of it. Always have something to look forward to and experience life.

I don’t want to look back at my time and regret not exploring that city or wish I had flown to that country. One piece of advice I put live by is, “You need to ignore what everyone else is doing and achieving. Your life is about breaking down your own limits and outgrowing yourself to live your best life. You are not in competition with anyone else. Plan to outdo your past, not other people.” Discover what ignites your passion, that’s our real job here on earth. Let it light you up and then find a way to share it with others. Go places you can’t even pronounce. I want to live, not just exist.

[Inspiring]

A Bucket List Hike

By: Tatum Garino

This Is...

M

adison Amsberry does not look like the prototypical badass as she maneuvers her five feet and eleven inches into the passenger seat of my car and extends her long, slender arms to close the door behind her.

When she whips her long, red hair around to face me with her freckle-dusted, pale and cheerful face, it’s hard to believe that I’m sitting next to a woman that climbed Machu Picchu less than a year ago. But that, she did.

And badass, she is.

At 24-years-old, Madison Amsberry checked one of the top three items off her bucket list.

Tatum Garino: So you hiked Machu Picchu…no big deal.

Madison Amsberry: Mhm. TG: What prompted you to go there in the first place?

MA: I like new adventures and I like new challenges and I knew if I was going to go to Machu Picchu I was not

51

just going to take the train up to it and then ride a bus up to it, I was going to hike up to it. And it was kind of one of those things always on my bucket list. My brother was traveling in South America and so me and my other brother decided to join him out there and we were going to do one trail and then were going to do another one because well they say you need a guide and usually you’ll sign up for this large trip and you have to sign up at least 6 months in advance and you have someone that takes pack mules and carries all your stuff and they’re the ones that they set up your tents every night and you go on this guided trip. Well, we didn’t sign up soon enough and so our options were not looking that great and then we almost didn’t go to Machu Picchu because I wasn’t going to go if I couldn’t backpack. And then, we knew a friend that was living there and he was connected with someone in Peru in the Mountain Village called Cusco, which was one of my favorite places. Well, pretty much we got unauthorized permission to do this and we got a map and we had a trail and we decided to do this unguided. But [back to] the original question you asked me, I just wanted to do something that was going to be challenging, I wanted to experience Peru and experience the Andes and get to Machu Picchu on foot.

TG: Okay, so you said you wanted something challenging – was it challenging?

MA: So because we didn’t do it guided, that was in itself an interesting navigation and you carry everything on your back, there’s all these different Mountain villages within the Andes and we didn’t have food that we necessarily brought we just brought trail food for the day because you hike to these different Villages. People lived up at 10,000 feet and we hiked up to 15,000 feet of elevation but no one lived up there but then down below they live and then they’ll feed you

food so the mountain people that live off the land, they cook meals for you as backpackers go through.

Or, if you’re on a guided trip, there are cooks and they bring all their stoves. But we didn’t do that. We saw a lot of people that didn’t have large packs on and did this trail that way but we were not a part of that.

When we were hearing about this particular trail, it’s called the Salkantay Trek, everyone kept telling us when we were in Cusco, like, “Oh my gosh, you’re going to die. That is the hardest one.” There’s a little city at the base of Machu Picchu that people will stay in and that’s where the train comes into and then you bus up from there and that’s where we hiked to eventually but we kept running into tourists there and just different people that had come off the Salkantay Trek that just looked wrecked, like just looked like they were absolutely done and that was just hiking without backpacks, that was with pack mules that carried their stuff. So we did this trek that was supposed to be super hard and with 40 pounds on our back. And then, we were kind of on a time crunch because my brother and I, we were in Costa Rica for a week and then we were in Peru for a week but because Cusco is at 11,000 feet, and you feel the elevation as soon as you land - climbing one flight of stairs that first day I was out of breath so I was very worried for the rest of the trip - but you have to acclimate for a minimum of 3 days before you can begin the trek because you’re just getting used to elevation. And then, the trek itself is supposed to take 5 days. Well, we didn’t have that much time before we had to be back in the States for work so we decided to do this 5 day trek in 3 days. So we did 45 miles in 3 days and so we were just setting ourselves up not for success, more for how challenging can we make this? And I was on it with four guys - so one girl, four guys and I’m the type of person I like to be the best but I’m with my brothers who are incredi-

This Is...

bly athletic but I wanted to keep up with them and the two of their friends. So that first day we have our packs on, we’ve acclimated for 3 days but you still feel the elevation. It is far from ideal. I’ve done a number of backpacking trips but never up to 15,000 feet and your heart is pounding like you can’t even get air to your muscles so your thighs are burning way more than they ever have because they’re not getting enough oxygen and then you’re trying to breathe in and you’re not getting enough oxygen to your heart. I’ve never experienced something like that and it kind of feels like you’re suffocating.

And then we get to the top of the 15,000 feet and it’s snowing and I did not bring snow gear on this trip because it’s the middle of summer.

But being in the mountains we had gear for being cold but not for the snow and at that point one of our friends started getting altitude sickness, which is very common and you just don’t know if you’re going to experience that are not. So we’re now fighting daylight because our friend is going much slower so then we divided up his pack because he couldn’t carry it. So the four of us added more weight to our packs because he was done and he was throwing up and couldn’t breathe - he had to get oxygen.

Then, because he’s kind of slowing us down and we don’t want to split up since we’re in the middle of the mountains it’s starting to get dark and it’s pouring rain, it’s been raining for hours, so everything is soaked, which isn’t going to be great for the rest of this whole trek because everything is going to be wet forever, and we still have a ways to go, it’s now pitch-black and we’re hiking along these ridges that just go straight down - like straight mudslides, straight cliffs - and it’s in the pitch black so we get our headlamps out and we’re taking very careful steps but with many near-death experiences. I’m not exaggerating when I say that either.

My brothers, who are daredevils,

52

This Is...

would caution all of us and we even considered not going some routes because they were so sketchy and we went them anyway because there was no other way but I’ve never experienced that feeling where you’re like I could die if I make one wrong step right now. And so we’re exhausted, we still don’t have much oxygen because at this point we’re at like 13,000 feet, it’s pitch black, it’s pouring rain, and it’s super slippery because it’s now muddy where we’re hiking and we’re hiking along this ridge and we haven’t eaten since breakfast and it’s now night time and our friend still has such bad altitude sickness that he can hardly move and he was not willing to keep going. So then we got to a point that first night where we realized we were not going to eat that night besides a couple peanuts that we had rationed because we had a couple more days of hiking ahead of us and only really packed enough for just trail food during the day - so not enough to eat as a whole meal. So I had half of a bar and a few peanuts after I had exerted every ounce of energy and then some. I didn’t have dinner that night. So we went to bed absolutely starving and we were in the middle of the mountains, we weren’t like at a campsite. We thought we were somewhere and we saw a light but it was just this man’s home that lives in the middle of the Andes and we slept on their land that night. We pitched our tents and then woke up and the next friend had altitude sickness.

So now we have two friends that are struggling hard core and we also didn’t eat the night before, which was not ideal but then we wake up starving but now we have a

couple hours to hike before the next village so we’re still not going to be eating for a long time. Also, [it’s] still raining that day so everything that was wet it still wet, still freezing. Then we go and eventually get to the next mountain village, they cook us food and I never thought I would eat again so it was amazing. The two friends didn’t know if they were ever going to get better so at this village there’s one access road out – I mean, this village maybe has 30 people that live in it, like incredibly small. It’s just a few people that really just have meddled together and live there and live off the land so don’t think town, it’s very far from that. So then, this was going to be the only

now it was just me and my two brothers carrying on and because we were taking care of our friends, we got a slow start that day. That day had many cliffs and these bridges that would not be allowed on trails in the United States as they were barely pieces of wood put together 30, 50 feet over waterfalls, over huge drops, but you had to cross them because it was the only way – but those were absolutely terrifying. The first one we got to we totally considered going back because it looked like it was going to collapse as soon as you put one foot on it. Also, there’s not really a railing so every time I crossed that I was like this could be the end.

And there were just a number of them and I didn’t realize how dangerous of a hike we were getting ourselves into. It was super serious too because I mean, someone my age died on this trail the year before because you can just easily miss a step and fall down the ridge.

Now, a lot of the trail you’ll get inland and everything but then a lot of it you’re on a ridge or on a really sketchy bridge. That was just terrifying. I think we hiked an average of 15 miles a day and your body hurts and every muscle, every part of you is so tired but then you wake up and you put your backpack on your bruised hips and you hike again and I just remember I had to just mentally tell myself that I could do it and there would be times where I would feel totally fine and then [there were times when] I just didn’t know how my body was even continuing to move. But the competitive part of me was like I have to keep up with my brothers and there was this one part of the day when they went quite a ways ahead and I

I could die if I make one wrong step right now.

53

village that had an access road, otherwise if they kept going the next two days there wasn’t going to be [an access road so] they wouldn’t have been able to get out of the mountains without hiking out and so the two friends made a decision to dip out. They were like, “We’re not going to make it. We’ll meet you in Machu Picchu.” So they negotiated in Spanish in the middle of the mountains for someone to drive a car out back to civilization, which may have been even more dangerous than the hike because the road there went along a cliff so also not an ideal situation. So they left and

was like I’m not going to hike back here - also because it was terrifying to be by myself and I was like if I fall down one of these ledges then I’m going to die no one’s going to know.

So I had to catch up to them so I really picked up the pace and then I catch up to them eventually after probably an hour and they’re like, “Oh, you caught up!” and I was like, “Yeah, you guys didn’t wait for me!” and they’re like, “Well we knew you would eventually” and they didn’t want to slow down their pace. So eventually I caught up to their pace and then they just wanted to book it and we were also fighting daylight that second day b e cause we got a slow start because of the friends that had to leave and just thinking back on this, this day it was like you would just hike up a ton of elevation and then down and then up and then down and I hated going down because I knew that meant I was going to have to go back up again and again and every bit you gain then you lost again but this trail just kind of goes up and over these mountains a n d you’re constantly [among] some of the most beautiful views I’ve ever seen but also [it was] one of the hardest hikes I’ve ever done. Then that second night we got to an actual campsite but it was dark by this point and we saw people cooking food so we set up our tent and everything but then there were like 15 matching red tents so we knew this was like some group. But there was this covered awning area with all this cooking going on and it smelled so good so we set up our tent and it’s now dark and we go up there to get food and they’re like, “Not for

you, not for you” like it was only for their tour group and it was like these private chefs. So we’re like great, we cannot go a second night in a row without eating dinner. And so then we knew there was this other Mountain Village like 15 minutes down the road so we put on our gear and we start hiking in the pitch black and we just kept saying, “Comida caliente.” We just wanted hot food and we were just asking people and people were pointing to us and there’s this language barrier also because they speak Spanish there but they also speak a different dialect in the mountains in Peru that is very disconnected from

Spanish. So we’re trying to communicate with them and trying to get food and then this little boy comes running out and he’s like 5 years old and he goes, “Quieres comida? En mi casa, en mi casa!” And we go and this family who had 5 kids, they sit us down at their table in their kitchen - this like concrete metal box and they just start cooking food for us. And my oldest brother speaks Spanish really well and was talking with the dad and he loves to cook for backpackers coming through and they live off the land and they were cooking this chicken that I swear they killed like five minutes

This Is...

prior and they made us this coffee that they grow the beans themselves and they roasted themselves and then these avocados that were like the size of like a pineapple and it was one of the best meals I’ve ever had - and I don’t know if that’s because I was starving or because it was actually really good. But, I just remember being full after that and I didn’t think I was ever going to get full on this trip and you learn to appreciate just having a full stomach and getting actually nourished, especially when you are overdoing it in every other way. So that was a highlight of the trip. I feel like every d a y challenged me in a new way like whether that was not knowing if I was going to make it out alive or feeling like I was going to fall off a cliff or not knowing if I was ever going to eat again or like not being able to breathe because you’re still getting used to this high elevation and the air is so thin and there’s little-to-no oxygen there or just my muscles – like I’ll do long hikes but you do 15 miles day after day after day with a huge backpack on your back you are sore in a way you don’t even know was possible. So then that third day waking up I can’t even move and now I have to hike another 15 miles today. That day I got in a groove for a little bit of it and then I was just in excruciating pain and the only thing that kept me going was my mind telling me to keep moving and it was fun, the sun finally came out that day and we weren’t in like total rain and clouds and saw some gorgeous views of the Andes. We actually got to this one point where you could see Machu Picchu from a far far

54

This Is...

distance, which this was our last day hiking so we knew we had a long way to go today. But it was also really hopeful knowing that we were going to get there. Then we got on part of the Inca Trail, which was super cool when you see Incan ruins. But then, we got to this hard part. There was supposed to be a long period of that day when we were supposed to be hiking down, which was like amazing news but it had been so rainy and wet that it was a straight mudslide and like straight down so it ended up being harder because you couldn’t grip anything but then if you lost your step then you would fall down and get everything you own wet and muddy and you’d probably like slide down the mountain and not being able to stop yourself. So I remember trying to find like rocks and things to grip your shoes on but this was for hours we were doing this and that felt impossible. So the down part that was supposed to be easier or at least a little bit of a break ended up being more challenging and you had to like use your legs in different ways to be able to even make it down without falling down the mountain so that was that. And then we get down to the weird part of the trail where it gets to this road essentially. And we thought that we were going to be done once we got down and then we had to hike along these train tracks, which was also awful because it was on these rocks and my feet had been in my hiking shoes for 3 days now and hiked so many miles on them that my feet felt raw and it felt like I was actually walking barefoot on rocks - just everything hurt. Just being able to step on the wood part of the train tracks felt soft to my feet because the rocks felt like they were just digging in even though I had shoes but by that time everything just was so painful.

And we thought that this track, this train track - I think we thought it was like 3 miles or something and it ended up being 7 or 9. And when we started, I was done. Like I could

55

not. When we started this trek on the train tracks I don’t think I thought my body could move any longer but we were like okay, it’s only a few miles we can do it, let’s go and of course, my brothers, they wanted to do it fast. There [were] other backpackers because it connected these two villages so there were people walking it not very fast and [my brothers] were like let’s do like a 10 minute mile and they’re trying to pretty much speed walk, almost run this with packs on our back. They were like, we’re just going to do this for a few miles. So we’re passing people, we’re going and I was on board for that for a few miles. And then once we get to that three mile mark we realize we’re not even halfway and I thought I was going to be done and I was like I don’t think it’s physically possible for my body to move like this anymore. My hips were like grinding against each other, my feet felt like they were raw, my legs had zero energy or like the muscle was just gone like I felt like I couldn’t even move them and had to pick them up with my arms and like put one in front of the other. I think I was crazy that last couple miles because again we’re fighting daylight – it doesn’t stay light there nearly as long because we’re on the equator and it would get dark around 5 or 6 and you’re trying to do 15 miles a day it just is challenging to do it all during daylight hours. And so again it’s getting dark, which is just awesome, and the last say two miles of this I just wanted to break down in tears and I do not get emotional, I don’t really like crying and I just like physically couldn’t even do it and I start talking out loud to myself and it was literally crazy. I think I was a crazy person and there were people around, too and I just didn’t care because I couldn’t do it. Like my body physically couldn’t move and I just kept saying to myself, “You can do it. One step. One step.

One more step.” And I knew I still had a few more miles and then that last mile I broke down, I’m like liter-

ally crying because it is so painful.

And I just wanted to lay down on the train tracks. And then my brothers took off and then you had to hike through this dark tunnel on these train tracks that you can’t even see the light at the other end.

So I went into this rock tunnel where I feel like I’m in a cave.

TG: So there’s literally no light at the end of the tunnel?

MA: [Laughs] There’s no light at the end of the tunnel!

TG: What a metaphor!

MA: It’s also pitch black but I didn’t know where the end was. And it’s dripping inside and so I was terrified, naturally. And I can’t move so I’m like if someone comes after me right now I’m not going to be able to run away because I’m done. But I go, because I have to, and I grab my headlamp out and I like get through this as fast as I can – I did get a little more energy to walk through this because – TG: Adrenaline from the fear?

MA: Yeah, I was done. Then when I get outside of the tunnel, these two guys come out of the woods and jump in front of me and I thought that was the end. So then I get to this point and it’s like turning around this corner and I could see these lights and it was Aguas Calientes, which is the town below Machu Picchu. And I wanted - I think I did break down in tears out of just pure happiness that I was going to like actually sleep at night and I was going to be able to stop moving. And so I still had like another mile so I still had to talk [to] myself to get there but I knew there was an end, because for a long time I didn’t think it was ever going to end. And I was by myself and my brothers were nowhere to be found and so I’m coaching myself and talking to myself trying to get myself to get there and eventually I find my brothers and Aguas Calientes, like I said, is super touristy and we’re trying to find a place to

stay that night so we weren’t going to be tenting, we were going to be staying in a hostel. But I like took off my backpack in tears and laid on the ground. And my brother was like we need to find a hostel but me and my other brother were just completely done and could not move. But eventually we found a hostel and then we went to go get dinner and we met up with our friends who had taken a car out of the mountain - they met us there.

And we had dinner but I was walking in that town and I was limping and like every step I was like, “Ow, ow, ow” and I couldn’t even not talk that way and I didn’t even have my backpack on anymore, we had that in the hostel and every step I was like this crippled person - my knees were aching, going to collapse and my hips couldn’t even move right.

We went down these stairs and I’d hold every part of myself on the railing because I couldn’t move my legs. I think I pushed myself beyond my limits and then more and then more to the point where I was a crazy person that had to talk out loud to myself. So then we had dinner and got to sleep in a bed and then that next day we got to Machu Picchu and once you’re in Machu Picchu you see the city and it’s breathtakingly beautiful. Like every moment and every bit of pain was worth it. But you can do these little hikes and hike to different peaks and head up to Sun Gate, which we did but like I said I just, I’ve never been in so much constant pain and this hike up to Sun Gate, which would normally be super easy and breezy, I could barely do and was just, again pushing myself even more. But, incredibly beautiful, so worth it - I felt like I was in Narnia when I was there, like it’s one of the wonders of the world and it is for a reason. It blew my mind. I remember being there when we were looking out and forgetting a little bit about the pain I was in and just thinking it wasn’t real. I kept having to take a bunch of pictures and then I would just stop to take it

all in. It was beyond me in the most amazing way – incredible, remarkable doesn’t even begin to describe what I felt when I was there, it was pretty surreal and a very painful process.

TG: So did any of you prepare? Like in the sense of training for this?

MA: No. I hike, I mean, somewhat regularly. But this was like the beginning of the hiking season – May, June - so I don’t think I had been on a hike yet that season. So I was not in hiking shape, I don’t really work out – well I do now, but I did not then. I mean I can do anything I tell myself and put my mind to but [I was] not in any sort of shape leading up to this. The only preparation we did was the three days of acclimating, which was the minimum, to the air quality up there before we could begin hiking.

TG: And so how was the trip down after all of this?

MA: So, you can’t hike back.

TG: Right.

MA: So then we trained back to Cusco.

TG: And just how wonderful was that?

MA: Amazing!

TG: And how quick was it?

MA: It took two hours! [Laughs] No I think it was like five – we trained and then I think we took a car - it was actually amazing to not have to move but it was long and I remember just wanting to get back and be in a real bed because I wanted to sleep for the next like 5 weeks.

But yeah, you can only hike one way and that’s just the way they’ve kind of set it up but I don’t think I could have made it back if that had even been an option. Like I would have had to have taken multiple days of rest before I could’ve hiked the opposite direction. Also, all the sketchy situations we were in – I don’t think I would willingly put myself back in that, knowing what

it was like.

This Is...

TG: So, I know that at the end, once you made it up to Machu Picchu, you said that it was worth it, it was breathtakingly beautiful, all of those things were your immediate reactions but now that you’ve had time – it’s been almost a year since then – how do you feel? Having accomplished that, how do you feel? Is it pride, is it just this invincible feeling of like, “Wow, I could have died, I should have died but I didn’t”? What are you feeling about it?

MA: At the time I felt incredibly accomplished and right after coming back I felt like I could take on the world. I push myself a lot and I like to push myself beyond my limits but I pushed myself to a whole new extreme that I never thought was possible and then beyond. I didn’t know how hard it was going to be and I wasn’t going to ever give up but my body was screaming at me to stop and the mental strength that that took and then overcoming that to achieve something so great and to get something that I am very passionate about - I love nature and hiking – and so to do something and push myself beyond my limits to achieve something that I love was pretty incredible. And coming back I remember being on a high and feeling like I could do anything I put my mind to. I’ve kind of forgotten about [the pain] – when I talk about Machu Picchu I usually talk about just the beauty of the hike because you hike through coffee plantations and like I said you got to get to know the local Andes that live in the middle of the mountains and I mean, Machu Picchu was unreal but just hiking through the Andes before you get to Machu Picchu was also just an experience in itself. But that’s what I remember, I forget about all of the pain or the near-death experiences or the lack of food or lack of oxygen, like you kind of block those things out and you remember a lot of the good things. Thinking back and right

56

This Is...

after we did it I felt incredibly accomplished. Especially having two of our guy friends not be able to do and you know, my brothers were just incredibly impressed with my ability to outperform them - that fell empowering. And I mean I’m one that likes to keep up with the guys and I’m one that likes to beat the guys and I remember feeling very, very proud and then seeing this be super hard for my brothers as well, and I look up to both of them in so many ways and they can take on anything – like they’ve done Ironman races- and having this be challenging for them who’ve pushed themselves to even crazier limits and then hearing them talk

57

about me to other people when they’re back and be so impressed with me because they felt like they were going to die, too, was also very empowering. Like I wasn’t the only one in this excruciating pain, they were in it with me and we got to accomplish this together. And then this definite sense of pride and empowerment.

TG: Okay so the ultimate question, and it’s a two-parter - first part: would you do it again? And second part: would you recommend it?

MA: 100% recommend it. I would recommend it to anyone – one of the coolest life experiences I’ve had.

TG: Let me clarify – would you recommend doing it the way you did it?

MA: [Laughs} [There are] other trails that are not quite so crazy.

I loved not having a guide, I loved doing it on our own, I loved the added challenge so I would recommend that. I might do it in the normal amount of days you’re supposed to do it in. Having known the experience would I do it again? Yes. Would I do that exact trail again?

No because I would want to experience something new but I don’t regret any of it and I would do it all over again even knowing what I went through.

To do something and push myself beyond my limits to achieve something t h at I l o v e wa s pretty incredible.

Adobe Stock

Adobe Stock

Bohemian Ba 3

2

4 1

5 7

6 61

8

ackyard Bash On A Budget!

1. Repurpose your already owned items - like using a wheelbarrow as a cooler!

2. Mix and match colors and prints on your plates but don’t splurge get some plastic versions that can be reused but won’t cost you a ton.

centerpieces! Once the pineapple has been gutted, it can double as a vase for your floral centerpieces!

Be sure to have this handy tool.

7. Nothing creative about this one - string lights are always a must for outdoor events. They set the mood, light up the night, and just look pretty.

8. Rugs aren’t cheap but tapestry can be! We love the layered rug look but one rug can break the bank, let alone multiple! So we say ditch the rugs and layer tapestries - they’ll be easier to clean after you party outside, too!

We also suggest using plastic cutlery that looks real - go for the gold!

There is nothing I love more than a backyard party on a warm spring day.

After being stuck indoors during the dark and cold months, I’m so ready for the outdoor festivities to begin. Already in the books I have bridal showers, baby showers, and birthdays on my list of outdoor events this spring and summer.

Every client has a different style and idea for their event and it’s my job to figure that out. Here are a few must haves for your next outdoor event: •

3. Utilize nature - hang décor from tress, use flowers from your garden - pay for as little as possible.

4. Streamers are an inexpensive way to go crazy with color.

5. Get creative with your resources. Pallets are extremely inexpensive and sometimes free! Go to your local hardware store and ask if they’re looking to get rid of any pallets - you can use them to create a long table for guests to sit around and eat, chat, and be one with nature!

dobe Stock

Adobe Stock

6. Go for the 2-in-1 DIY centerpieces. Put pineapple on the menu and you’ve just paid for food and

• • • • • •

Music, and if in the budget, live music Seating for everyone Statement décor elements Photo opportunities Themed drink station Backyard games Food that corresponds with the theme, if possible

I find that not everyone will notice the little things, but it’s those little things that make people feel good without them even realizing it. When you walk into a back yard party your guest should feel a positive energy and instantly want to continue into the party.

It’s all about the vibe. So find the right vide for you and rock it!

XOXO PurelyPlannedBySam 62

[Generous]

This Is...

Birthday Gifts for the Whole Family Mom

Husband Get your husband a customized watch that allows you to help step up his style game and remind him you love him with a personalized message - or make sure he’s never late again!

Help your mom accesorize with love with these customized stackable rings - we suggest putting each of your mom’s children’s name on them!

Wife

Sister

For the sister who needs a better taste in music - get her a record player and some records to help guide her.

Who doesn’t love candles?!

Step up your gift game by getting her (or yourself) a personalized candle - pick the scent and the message!

Brother For the brother who doesn’t know how to cook and needs all the help he can get - get him a crockpot and corresponding cookbook so he won’t starve!

dad Choose the “man crate” that fits your dad’s personality - whether he likes fishing, whiskey, motorcycles or anything else, there’s a man crate for him!

We suggest the bacon crate.

Baby When your baby outgrows his or her favorite onesie, have it turned into a teddy bear for him or her! A keepsake for you and a new friend for him or her.

64

This Is...

Volunteer Opportunities as the Weather Warms Up

A

s the weather warms up, let your heart warm up with it and find the volunteer opportunity that lets you enjoy the sunshine and make an impact at the same time.

Habitat for Humanity has been making an impact in communities around the world since 1976 and 15 years after its inception, it began its Women Build events, focused on offering women the opportunity to take a proactive step in serving their local communities. Find your nearest Habitat for Humanity office here to learn how to build and construct a home with the guidance of construction professionals while working alongside other volunteers and future Habitat homeowners. No experience necessary. Find your nearest office at www.habitat.org/volunteer/near-you.

Every day since 1985, Earth Team volunteers have worked with conservation professionals on private lands to improve soil quality, conserve water, improve air quality and enhance wildlife habitat. Connect with your state’s Earth Team at www.nrcs.usda.gov/wps/portal/nrcs/detailfull/national/people/volunteers/?cid=nrcseprd397821.

65

Adobe Stock

Did you know the National Park Service, Forest Service and Bureau of Land Management are always looking for volunteers? These volunteer opportunities range from trash clean up, to being a campground host, to native plant production for park restoration projects and more! Find the volunteer opportunities your local government organizations are looking for at www.volunteer.gov/index.cfm.

[HEALTHY]

Adobe Stock

The Benefits of Talking to a Counselor in the Good Times + Bad By: Tatum Garino

I

t’s 2018 and the stigma still exists around therapy. But why? Why does seeking out therapy have to be a bad thing?

I say it doesn’t. In fact, I say it’s a thing to be celebrated because it signifies a betterment of one’s self. It signifies a recognition that one can be better and a choice to become better.

And, seeking out therapy isn’t reserved for the valleys in life, it can be helpful during the peaks, too. And I’m not alone in this thinking.

This Is... can be just as beneficial as in the bad.

Tatum Garino: What is a counselor?

Taylor Nolan: A counselor is someone who is professionally trained to help you help yourself. Not to give you advice or tell you what to do. Counselors simply empower you to help yourself and provide you with tools to do so.

TG: Why would someone seek out a counselor?

TN: At any point in your life you can see a counselor. If you find you’re struggling to cope with your life, having difficulty in Taylor Nolan of the Let’s Talk your relationships, or just simAbout It With Taylor Nolan ply want to learn more about podcast, The Bachelor sea- yourself and how you handle son 21 and Bachelor in Para- life you can seek counseling. dise season 4, and graduate of Johns Hopkins University with TG: What are the benefits of a Master of Science degree in talking to a counselor regularClinical Mental Health Coun- ly? seling, explained how speak- TN: The benefits of talking to ing to a counselor and seeking a counselor regularly include therapy during the good times gaining a deeper understand-

ing of yourself and improving communication skills and relationships with others. The counselor-client relationship helps serve as a microcosm of your relationships in your outer world. There is really an endless amount of benefits one can have from entering that special space of counseling.

TG: Is a counselor only useful when dealing with an issue in your life or can it be beneficial when life is going well, too?

TN: People don’t only see a counselor when they have a problem or they’ve hit “rock bottom”, you can look at it as emotional maintenance…putting gas in your car regularly before it breaks down on the side of the highway. It is important to reflect on and process the positive things in your life as well, and it gives your counselor a chance to get to know a different side of you that can be useful when things aren’t going so great.

To hear more from Taylor, check out her podcast, Let’s Talk About It With Taylor Nolan, which focuses on mental health, relationships, and personal development. Find her podcast on Stitcher or Apple Podcasts. Or, connect with Taylor on social!

You can find her personal accounts on Instagram @taymocha and Twitter @taymocha and you can find her podcast account on Instagram @LetsTalkAboutIt_Podcast.

68

Adobe Stock

This Is...

hole 30 is trending among the health conscious,

which is increasingly becoming more and more of

us as our society shifts its focus from quick and easy

to nutrient rich and sustainable. But with trends come

the skeptical - especially when committing to trying the trend

requires you to change your lifestyle for 30 days. So, we tried

Whole 30 so you don’t have to. Or, so you can decide for yourself

if it’s worth it. We had two people try it out and they each had

extremely different experiences. Read along as they each take you on

their journey through 30(ish) days of Whole 30.

Crystal’s Experience My (Failed) Whole 30 Experience “Fuck Pinterest, you’re full of shit.”

For 2018, I made the stupid decision to incorporate Whole 30 into my goals for the year. I planned to do it January and October. I blogged and kept a photo diary of my version of Whole 30. While I don’t want to say I failed, I feel like I should say that I failed. Miserably. But failure to me is still eating really well, so I’m counting January as a win in my own book. Better luck in October for being on the Whole 30 bandwagon.

Blog Post from Day One (Before): Everyone has told me that if I’m going to do Whole 30, I need to have a meal plan and prep my food ahead of time. They’ve also recommended journaling throughout my experience. So here it is...

Why am I doing this? If I’m being honest, I don’t care about the health benefits of eating clean. I just want to lose weight. Having a baby and being on certain medications has royally screwed up my body so I want to not be fat anymore. Whole 30 seemed to be the most efficient and quickest way to drop lbs. in a healthy way, so that’s why I picked this program.

What am I nervous about? Being hangry. I love food - especially crappy food. I feel sorry for my husband because I’m sure he’ll take the worst of my attitude over the next 30 days.

Blog Post from Day One (After): This is stupid. I’d rather have unwanted body fat that eat these stupid foods. Pinterest lied and gave me a week’s worth of “Whole 30” meals that had beans in it. I don’t know if I’m madder about the false advertising or the fact that I didn’t even look up the list of “No’s” before I spent $300 damn dollars at the grocery store.

Blog Post from Day Two: I have a headache. I want to watch The Bachelor premiere, but it feels so wrong to watch it without wine. I have to watch it, though, because as the weeks go on people will start posting on social media and I hate spoiler alerts so it’s either give up wine or give up social media and social media

70

This Is... might actually be harder to give up than wine. What does that say about me? Whatever, I don’t care because my head hurts and that matters more to me at this point. I kind of sort of liked my dinner tonight. But now I’m hungry again and I don’t want the leftovers. Can someone tell me how to make Whole 30 chips? I need a snack. Also, I burnt my sausage today. I never burn food. This is making me delirious. I also wore my cardigan inside out all day. Delirious.

What motivated me to keep going and not cheat with a glass of wine tonight while I watched the bach? I did a Facebook event tonight and did a live video. I seriously look so fat in it. I will stick to this stupid shit so I don’t look fat on camera anymore. Over the fat. T-28 days until I’m out of hell and hopefully skinny.

Blog Post from Day 3: In a moment of desperate hunger, I opened my can of almond butter hoping to have some satisfaction similar to that I feel when I eat a spoonful of peanut butter. No. Tastes like shit. Can someone explain why I can’t have peanut butter? I’m not quitting but I’m not happy about this. And I’m eating beans all week and I won’t feel guilty. Ugh. Blog Post from Day 7: I cheated and got McDonalds. The entire time I was in the drive thru I was so worried someone would see me cheating. Then I ate it super fast in my car and disposed of the evidence before I got home. I have only told one person and that isn’t my husband. I think I should come clean.

Blog Post from Day 12: So I’m definitely not 100% whole 30. I want to feel guilty for not being compliant with every rule, but I don’t. I’ve eaten a bite of sushi. I’ve drank a Starbucks that was more than just black coffee. I splurged on a McDonald’s cheeseburger a couple days ago. I also had some teriyaki sauce with chicken the other day.

No it’s not 100% on par with the rules but hell yes it’s so much better than what I’ve ever done in my entire life. 12 days of eating freaking healthy food. I’ve honestly gone through 6 dozen eggs thus far and I’m still not sick of them. No alcohol. No soda. A whole lot of water.

I’m ready for January to be over. This isn’t fun. I am semi-terrified that I’m going to go back to my shit eating ways on February 1st. Hopefully 18 more days of hell will break that so I don’t revert back to Applebee’s Crystal.

Blog Post from Day 21: Ask me if I meal planned for Week 2? Answer: No. I failed miserably last week and here are my excuses: • My kiddo’s birthday party. I was actually good at the party besides that bite of her cupcake, but I cheated for dinner with a hot dog and a hamburger…including buns.

• The day after I ate a slice of pizza.

I need to meal prep or I will fail miserably. So here I go for week 3. I am not starting over. I still haven’t drank and have only done coffee and water so I’m proud of that. And if my “cheating” is only a bite of cupcake, hot dog and hamburger buns and a slice of pizza, I will live. I’m also going to eat beans because I want to.

Overall, I still feel like January was a success for healthy eating. I cheated on Whole 30, fell off the wagon once or ten times and I bought bacon with sugar in it – but I still ate better than I have at any point of my life. I dropped 7 pounds. I felt a lot better. I realized that pasta and bread make my stomach hurt and have me running to the bathroom. My advice to you if you’re going to do Whole 30 – don’t. Just kidding. Do it.

But do what works best for you. Beans are okay if that’s something you want to do. Don’t beat yourself up for cheating. Don’t beat yourself up for sneaking it a bite of a cupcake. Everything in moderation is good. I plan to fully commit to Whole 30 in October - that means no beans and no sugar in my bacon. Maybe you’ll get a new Whole 30 recap from me after that month.

71

Photo Documentary of My Whole 30 Life

This Is...

Lindsay’s Experience Whole 30 Round Three Day 1: I am so excited to do this Whole 30. It’s round three for me and after the holidays where too much sugar was consumed, I am pumped. Is it bad that I look forward to resetting? This Whole 30 my mindset is so much different than the last. Today I cooked for five hours and loved all that I made. You can’t do Whole 30 if you don’t prep. It’s the most important piece to do because when you want to snack, you need to have food ready that is compliant. Crystal isn’t having fun with it, but I want her to. How can I help her? OH, I WILL MAKE HER SOME FOOD AND BRING TO HER DAUGHTER’S FIRST BIRHDAY! (<— Can you not sense the energy in this? It’s 8:30pm). Zero cravings today.

Day 2: So far, this Whole 30 is so different already. I should have gotten a sugar headache, but I feel no different. Am I doing this right? I’m happy - usually I am miserable on day 2 from sugar withdrawals. The last two Whole 30s I almost threw up each first week day! I had 12 blueberries and an orange, so maybe that was too much sugar. Usually later in Whole 30, like days 10-15, I’ll have dreams about eating non-compliant food. Night one however, I had my first dream about eating a giant Fred Meyers baguette and felt so guilty doing it. After it was gone, my thought was, “Oh well, I can just start Whole 30 on Tuesday.” Is this a deeper issue that just eating a baguette? Is this how I look at procrastinating all things? And the scary thing is, yes.

The fact that night one I dreamed my biggest problem - wow, Linds, you’re setting yourself up for success.

I ate an Rx bar today - it is so yummy, but also I didn’t need it, which makes me upset I ate it. Why did I? I wasn’t hungry. I am used to snacking, which causes a problem.

Day 3: No headache, STILL HAPPY mood. What is going on? Today I had zero fruit and I still am happy and have no headache - WHO AM AND WHAT HAVE I DONE WITH LINDSAY? New year, new me? I talked with Tatum at like 8pm and she thought I was delirious, but I honestly I am just super happy/excited. Okay, maybe I am delirious. Days 5-9 start the breakout usually for me, but oh no, I get to start today, day three.

Lucky me. Damn it, I ate another Rx bar today, this time it was only half at least.

Day 4: I finally realized what my sugar withdrawal symptom is this time. Instead of a headache, I am being so spacey. I can’t remember words. Example: today I was trying to tell my co-worker about the Whole 30 Sheppard Pie and how it’s made of ground beef and I couldn’t remember the word beef *facepalm*. Today I craved olives and I finally didn’t eat an RX bar! So I literally only had three meals a day, zero snacks!! THIS

72

This Is...

IS A HUGE DAY and I am proud of myself for it. I was very mindful about what I put in my mouth and when I did.

Day 5: Thursdays are great, especially before payday. However, my time of the month started and I usually am grumpy, but I wasn’t - NSV (non-scale victory)! I also didn’t cramp like I usually do, so FUCK YES. Face is still breaking out though, so on Monday I’m going to get my hormones checked and figure this out.

Day 6: So today I don’t know what came over me, but at 10:30am a mood just hit me. Not necessarily a mean mood, more like a GET SHIT DONE and IF YOU WANT IT, MAKE IT HAPPEN mood. Crystal got the first motivational text after my mood changed. First day this entire Whole 30 that my mood hasn’t been happy. I, however, am exhausted and had a headache. It was like all the symptoms from previous days that I hadn’t gotten hit me at once.

Day 7: Today Crystal had her daughter’s first birthday party and it was super hard with food. I ate an epic bar and apple and had so much water and a horrible headache. I wanted to eat the bad stuff, but I didn’t. If I was by myself, I think I would have - which is a struggle - but when I’m with others, I hold myself accountable. This was also a test, I know now I don’t have my food freedom forever yet. I’ll get there though.

Day 8: Cravings: EVERYTHING BAD FOR ME. I had a La Croix instead. UGHHHHHHH. Lord help me.

Day 9: I made a huge disaster in the kitchen today. The cauliflower I cut up got top heavy on the cutting board and flipped. All. Over. The burners. Also, I made three dishes that had brussels sprouts in it, so the smell was delicious! I finally have lots of meals though for the week. Also, I learned a short cut to trim the fat off chicken, just use kitchen scissors! It’s so fast!

Day 10: Sooooooo why am I doing this? I know day 10 is supposed to be one of the days I want to quit, but really why am I doing this? Conclusion: I want to gain confidence. Okay getting real here: I don’t think I measure up to my friends and it stems from confidence because I’m not comfortable with my size. Friends say, “You’re not fat!” but I also am not where I want to be. I actually hate it and get so fed up with looking in the mirror that it makes me cry and not want to socialize often. But rather than feel sorry for myself and make excuses, I am making a change. I don’t have the genes of a naturally small person so I have to work for it. When I was in high school, my mom told me, “Don’t date your friends because you’ll ruin friendships” and here I am, 25 and still living at home, not having any confidence to go out and meet guys. I also don’t want to meet at a bar, because I don’t go out often nor do I drink much (I know I sound like a ball of fun). I really would love to meet my man while grocery shopping or at the gym. Also, I don’t want to meet on a dating app, because what if I am so different looking than what my pictures show and he is like, “Fuck that fat bitch.”

I don’t know what I would even do. So, the conclusion is I am going to die alone at this point. SUPER FUN DAY 10 if you can’t tell.

Day 12: Stupid moment: NP prescribed me antibiotics so that I clear my gut from bacteria and i took it when I got to work without eating first. Needless to say I puked at work which was great. (Side note: in college since all my hangovers resulted in puking, I got really good at timing my pukes to the bathroom so it paid off today at work so I didn’t barf at my desk and stopped when someone else came into the bathroom!) Mood after I recovered though was better.

Workout was good but food is not sounding good.

Day 13: Face is clear! More energy during the day.

Day 14: Good mood and easy to wake up. Grocery stores were packed last night. As I parked at Trader Joes, a car from Cali pulled up and a guy goes, “Wow, is the grocery store where people go out to on Saturday nights” YES! Come on single men, catch on! ;) Day 15: Woke up at 7 without an alarm and had the urge to clean my closet out, which felt great. Next came meal prepping! Also, not in a great mood today for whatever reason. I slept like a champ last night, even.

Days 16-22: Tiger blood has kicked in for me – I’m waking up before my alarm and this is the best I’ve felt. Meals are getting tastier every day!

Day 23: Apparently too much cauliflower=bloating! I eat cauliflower rice in almost all meals, but this week I’ve gotten bloated massively and realized that is the only ingredient. I’ll eliminate it for next meal prep and re-evaluate. Mood: Confused about the cauliflower but still tiger blood.

Day 24-29: It’s easier to do this when you have to be held accountable with others. When by myself, I still want to eat

73

This Is... bad food, but I don’t because there is an accountability piece which is huge.

Day 30: DONE and now what? I will continue this, because I want to, not because I have to. I feel my best when I feed my body the good stuff, so why not just keep it going? Yes, I know it’s a commitment, but you only live once, so why not live it up with what I want to eat, which is what makes me feel my best!

Things I’ve learned: not every day is the same. You crave different things and won’t always be compliant. You will have moments that you crave something that you know you shouldn’t, and that’s okay. Just think, is it worth it? If it is, then you do you. If it isn’t, then don’t eat it. For me, I have massive sugar cravings for chocolate. However, there are brands out there that are 100% raw cacao, which means no sugar and I love them and don’t have any regret when I eat them.

Doing a Whole 30 is about finding what works for you and your body.

Bread creates massive brain fog for me. Dairy makes my face break out.

Eggs make me sleepy.

Tips during Whole 30: 1. You must meal prep. The down time of waiting for a meal to cook is when snacking comes into play and the dragons inside want to eat everything.

2. Do your dishes as you meal prep. It’ll save you a lot of time at the end.

3. Make sure your meals for the week are different. The first time I did Whole 30, each meal had sweet potatoes and I wanted to barf.

4. When you make a plate of food, sit down to eat it. Don’t stand around the kitchen counter or couch. There is a high potential for food-withno-breaks. When you sit down you can eat with intent and pay attention to your body’s hunger cues.

5. If you are truly worried about going to a gathering and trying to stay compliant, then stay home. Everyone becomes comfortable combining social gatherings and Whole 30 at their own pace and that is okay. DO WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU. This is all my personal experience. Everyone is different and so each Whole 30 is, too.

Round three victories: Increased confidence, fall asleep so fast at night, mid day nap need isn’t there, waking up with more energy, skin cleared up, clothes are loose, I didn’t weigh myself though, tiger blood at the gym, and cooking brings me joy and I love this life.

If you aren’t fully invested in doing a Whole 30, you won’t succeed. To do a full Whole 30, it’s 30 days with no cheats. No glasses of wine, no bread or dairy. If you do it, do it for yourself and see what you get it out if. I can promise you there will be a difference and it will make you reevaluate some things in your life, for the better. If you want someone to do it with you, just say when and I’ll do it with you. I want you to feel this same healthy high I feel as it’s incomparable.

Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning. The good news: the more you do it, the easier it gets. Also, you’re worth it. You need to do this for you. This isn’t about anybody else. Biggest piece of advice if you do a Whole 30: Be open minded about it. It can change your life. #IAmWhole30

74

I

Mayonnaise Cake

n honor of the family issue, we asked our readers to send us their favorite family recipes.

And, while these recipes may not be the healthiest, they’re full of love. To take a healthier spin on any of these recipes, try substituting the following: - Ground turkey or chicken instead of ground beef - Coconut flour instead of white flour - Avocado oil instead of olive oil - Ghee instead of butter - Whole wheat or rice noodles instead of white noodles.

- Keep the cheese. Always keep the cheese.

Sift: 2 cups flour, 1 cup sugar, ¼ tsp salt, 2 tsp baking soda, and 4 Tbsp baking soda Add: 1 cup cold water, 1 cup mayo, 1 tsp vanilla Bake at 350 degrees Frosting: 1 – 8 oz. package of cream cheese, ½ cup butter (softened), 2 tsp vanilla, 5 cups powdered sugar, ½ cup cocoa powder.

Mix everything except powdered sugar. Add powdered sugar until desired consistency.

Cream Cheese Sugar Cookies

Sausage Casserole

1 cup butter, 1 cup sugar, 3 oz. cream cheese, ½ tsp salt, ½ tsp almond extract, ½ tsp vanilla, 1 egg yolk, 2 cups flour

½ lb sausage – Brown in skillet.

1.

2.

3.

4.

Combine everything but the flour Add flour gradually Chill for 5 hours Bake @ 375 degrees for 7-10 minutes

Add 1 cup chopped onion, 1 cup chopped green pepper, 1 cup chopped celery. Sauté until yellow.

Add 2 cans of Campbell’s chicken and rice soup, 2 cans of water, 1 cup of uncooked rice, 1 Tbsp Worcestershire sauce.

Frosting: 1 cube (1/2 cup) butter, 1 tsp vanilla, Powdered sugar

Bring to a boil.

Combine first two ingredients and add small amounts of powdered sugar until desired consistency.

Put in casserole dish and bake 30 minutes.

Cover and simmer 20 minutes.

Sprinkle with cheese, cover to let melt, and serve.

Cream Cheese Chicken 6 skinless, boneless chicken breasts, 1 can chicken broth, 1 package hidden valley ranch mix, 8 oz. cream cheese, 2 cans cream of chicken soup.

Combine chicken, broth, and ranch in crockpot. Cook on high 4-5 hours.

Add cream cheese and soup. Cook on high for another hour.

75

This Is...

Mini Gnocchi Bolognese 2 Tbsp extra-virgin olive oil, 1 onion finely chopped, 1 carrot finely chopped, 2 cloves of garlic minced, 1 lb. ground beef, salt & pepper, 1 – 28 oz. whole peeled tomatoes in puree, crushed by hand, ½ tsp. Oregano, 1 – 16-18 oz. package Mini Potato Gnocchi, 2 Tbsp. unsalted butter, 2 Tbsp. fresh parsley chopped + more for topping, ½ cup shredded mozzarella (about 2 oz.)

1.

Preheat broiler. Heat the olive oil in a medium nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.

Add the onion and carrot and cook, stirring until softened, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook until softened, about 1 minute. Add the beef, ½ tsp. salt, and a few grinds of pepper and cook, stirring occasionally, until no longer pink, about 4 minutes. Add the tomatoes with their juices, oregano, ¼ tsp. salt, and a few grinds of pepper. Bring to boil, then reduce heat to a simmer and cook until the sauce thickens, about 15-20 minutes.

2.

Meanwhile, bring a large pot of salted water to a boil. Add the gnocchi and cook as the label directs. Reserve ¼ cup cooking water, then drain. Toss the gnocchi with the butter and reserved cooking water in a large bowl until coated. Stir in the parsley and season with salt and pepper.

3.

Spread the gnocchi in an even layer over the beef mixture in the skillet and sprinkle with the mozzarella cheese. Broil until the gnocchi are browned in spots and the cheese is melted, about 3 minutes. Sprinkle with more parsley.

Tiffany’s Tacos Trip-tip roast, ½ can of herdez salsa (green & red), 1 chopped onion, garlic, pepper, little bit of lemon juice, splash of vinegar.

Put in crockpot on high for day. Shred an hour or two before eating.

Aunt Cathie’s Pasta Salad 1 package of colored curly noodles, 2 jars artichoke hearts, 1 bell pepper, chopped, cherry tomatoes, cut in half, 1 bottle cheese fantastic dressing, jack cheese, cubed.

1.

2.

3.

Cook noodles according to package instructions.

Cool the noodles in the refrigerator.

Mix the rest of the ingredients with the pasta.

76

This Is...

My most embarrassing moment is something straight out of a high school movie. I was a cheerleader and it was my sophomore year of high school.

We all know how big pep rally day is, especially for cheerleaders. The night before I practiced my cartwheel over and over again - my plan was to do one as they announced our entire squad. Mind you, this was before cheerleading teams were flipping in the air effortlessly. I misjudged what it would be like having my entire team swarming and running around me as I did the cartwheel so when they announced our squad we ran to the center of the gym and I attempted my cartwheel but I panicked because everyone was around me. I put my hands on the ground but never straightened my legs and kind of just had them bent in the air and I fell right on my butt, legs sprawled out in-front of the entire high school. Everyone was laughing. I could not believe what happened. I was laughing so hard. I ran out to my spot to get ready to do the routine when one of my classmates started chanting “cartwheel Carly*” clap clap clap clap clap. The entire school joined in.

I put my hand up in the air, gave out a “Woooo” and did the routine. I have no idea how I didn’t cry but I remember it as one of my best moments from high school but the most embarrassing moment of my life.

-Cartwheel Carly*

*Name changed for anonymity So, I was twenty years old with a good friend of mine who had just turned twenty one and wanted me to go to a party in a bar that was going to have a fun group of people. Well, I had a fake I.D. and not a very good one, but it worked! So we get into the bar and we’re sat at a huge table in the middle of the room. The part of this story that I have left out thus far is that I was on crutches in a very large cast on my leg for probably my third or fourth surgery on my ankle. We were all having a great time even though I knew nobody aside from the friend I arrived with.

There was a very attractive “built” guy sitting down the row of people from us that kept making eye contact with me. I was so nervous slash excited that I didn’t know what to do. He ordered me a drink! I was beyond excited! I gave him my best thank you smile (which probably looked like Chandler from Friends in their engagement photos) but I was feeling good! At that point I said to my friend that I came to the bar with that I had to go to the bathroom and asked her to join me. Well, the bar that we were at was completely separate from the restaurant, therefore forcing me to crutch completely out of the bar and through the restaurant area that was packed. We made it just fine! My buddy in front of me led the way back to our seats back in the bar. I looked over at my “built” new crush and he gave me the biggest smile of the night! I was beyond giddy! Then, he got up from his seat and headed directly to me! My heart was fluttering! He leaned in to my ear, my heart pounding, and said “Ummmmm....I don’t know how to tell you this but you have an entire toilet seat protecto hanging off your ass. It was flapping in the wind on your crutches.” I turned to my friend and said “I want to go home now!”

– Bathroom Babe

After much thought and conversation with my doctor, I decided to get an IUD put in. The day finally came for the procedure and the doctor gave me some pain killers and anxiety medicine to ease the process. I was nervous, so I invited my best friend to be by my side. The doctor came in, gave me the low down and we got down to business. It all went well - painful, but bearable. The doctor told me to lay down and rest for a minute, so I followed directions while she left the room. The moment she left was the same moment it all went downhill.

I looked at my best friend and said, “I have to poop.” In that same moment I was like, “I am going to throw up.”

In my pants-less state, she starts yelling at me to get up and begins putting my pants on for me (recall the part about me being very loopy from all the medicine).

She is then rushing me down the hallway to the closest bathroom, only to watch me shit my pants and throw up in the trash can all at the same time. The doctor then opens the door and they enjoy a nice laugh together while I struggle through #womanhood.

-IUD Did Me Dirty

Whoever plans their honeymoon for the day after their wedding is insane. Well put me in that category because we flew out to Hawaii at 7am. After drinking champagne all night, I wasn't feeling so hot the next day. So, walking through the airport in my flowy white maxi dress feeling glamorously hungover, it hit me. I ran to the bathroom - but it was too late. I had shart myself. As a newlywed I needed to be as innovative and sexy and resourceful as ever. I threw my adorable "bride" panties away and as we boarded the plane, I whispered in my new husband’s ear, "Babe, I'm not wearing any panties."

-Commando Bride So, summer before junior year of high school I started talking to this guy that was already in college. One night in the beginning of us hanging out, he picked me up from a high school party (LOL) and brought me back to his parent’s house (LOL x2). I was pretty tipsy and did not want to meet his parents for the first time, so we quietly headed down to the basement, where I must mention, there is no bathroom. Within twenty minutes of us watching a movie and making out I had to pee but was terrified of having to go upstairs. Fast forward another hour and I really had to pee but not only was I scared to go upstairs, I didn't want to ruin the great make out sesh we were having. Finally, I'm like okay, I have to go home - for many reasons. So, he drives me home and .1 seconds after I get out of the car I pee my pants. I'm talking full beer bladder - so jeans soaked down to my ankles. Luckily it was pitched black out and he couldn't see. A side note to this story, two of my girlfriends were sleeping over after the party and had to wait outside my house for those two hours I was gone.

They, too, had to pee and decided to pee inside the neighborhoods little mail kiosk.

– Pee G 13

78

[NEWSWORTHY]

Badass Boss Babes

This Is...

Details,

The Company: Details, Darling The Creator(s): Aubrey Huffman (Swift) & Kenzie Swift The Purpose: As wedding planners, our goal is to focus on choosing happiness, creating joy and cultivating love in all aspects of our lives and most importantly in our clients lives. We emphasize the importance of the tiny details while keeping your special occasions both affordable and beautiful. We understand how overwhelming the planning process can be, but we are here to bring you peace of mind, darling. We couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be more excited to contribute our acquired skills in coordination and communication, endless enthusiasm and outgoing personalities to any event, big or small.

The Story: Because we grew up with a mom who was always planning the next party, we had talked about owning our own event planning company since we were little girls. We imagined we would follow in our motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s footsteps but when we moved to LA after college, we found it was extremely hard to get hired as full-time event planners. There were a few part time opportunities but they didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t allow us to make a living. After a while of assisting several coordinators and planning freelance events we knew that we had the passion and ability to start our own company so we finally decided to do it! On a flight from our hometown in Arizona back to Los Angeles we brainstormed the name Details, Darling and then the next day, we created all of our social media pages and bought the domain name for our website. Over the next two months we designed our website from scratch and began branding ourselves on Instagram. From there, everything fell into place and we feel so blessed that we were connected with a great network of vendors that helped us launch our business so quickly.

Darling

Details, Darling has been in business for 3 years now and plans over 50+ weddings a year all over Southern California and Arizona.

Connect: www.detailsdarling.com, @detailsdarling

80

This Is...

Allison Hopperstad

The Company: Allison Hopperstad Photography + Design The Creator: Allison Hopperstad The Purpose: Photography for me is about telling your story and creating images that you will treasure and one day pass on. It’s about relationships and real, genuine moments together. Whether you are getting married, celebrating an anniversary, having a baby or want to document your growing family - I strive to create timeless, emotional images that make you feel something! As for my stationery design, I create custom pieces specifically matching your vision! I strive to not only provide you with a beautiful product, but also an experience where you are cared for every step of the way.

The Story: I’ve always been the creative type. I received a starter camera and began taking pictures of friends, flowers, and random things but I would always take them from fun angles and look for different lighting. I took photography classes in high school and college and loved it! In 2011, my cousin asked me to photograph her wedding! “Are you sure?” was my initial response as I was just a beginner! Although nervous, I said I would love to! I used my uncles equipment (his was much better than mine) and photographed their wedding! The wedding party told me they had a great time and thought I did a good job! The photographs turned better than I had expected and I really enjoyed it! I graduated with a degree in graphic design so I went into the field of work, but was still photographing on the side. My husband was in the Marine Corps when we got married so I moved out to Virginia where he was stationed. This move really gave me the opportunity and time to grow my business! I love photography, but also missed designing so I added stationery onto my services! We are now moved back to our home state of Minnesota and since 2013 this has been my full time job!

Photography + Design

Connect: www.allisonhopperstad.com, facebook.com/allisonhopperstad, @al_hopp

81

This Is...

The Company: iHeartRadio - “Side Hustlers” Podcast The Creator: Carla Marie The Purpose: I want to inspire and motivate people to get off their butts and follow their passions while sharing the stories of others who are doing it and have done it.

The Story: I’m not new to the world of podcasting but I’m new to doing my own podcast. It’s something I’ve wanted to do but didn’t know what I’d discuss. Someone asked me what my side hustle was and it sent me into a slight panic because I didn’t have one. I combined my desire to start my own podcast with my hunt for a side hustle and created Side Hustlers. Together we learn the stories of people following their passion outside of their regular job and hopefully get inspired to kick off your own side hustle!

Connect: “Side Hustlers” on iHeartRadio, @thecarlamarie, thecarlamarie.com

82

This Is...

The Company:

Sea B. Swimwear

The Creator(s): Chelsea Barber and Nina Sugar The Purpose: To create swimsuits that are functional, flattering, and make you feel beautiful.

The Story: Growing up in San Diego, I had more swimsuits than I did pieces of clothing - and that's not an exaggeration! Before Google, we had to shop the old fashioned way by going into whatever surf shops were within bike riding distance. I remember always having a particular swimsuit in mind and having to settle for one that wasn't exactly what I pictured. I had journals and journals of sketches just filled with swimsuit drawings.

Some I look back at and cringe, but others I'm pretty impressed that 14 year old me maybe had a talent. Fast forward a few years and I'm deciding which college to go to. I get accepted to FIDM and USD and decide to get my business degree from USD and teach myself everything I can about design in my spare time. I get a job at a major fashion retailer and learn everything the buyers and designers are willing to share.

I realize my first semester that while I'm in school, I should be taking any available classes related to design. I started adding design and photography classes each semester, making my course load pretty insane. Holy sh*t was it worth it. The things I learned in those classes have helped me not only design my suits, but turn them into CAD images, eliminate paying a photographer for every photoshoot, and edit my own photos. Upon graduating, I brought this dream of mine to one of my best friends, Nina Sugar, who was getting her law degree from USD at the time. We grew up spending every day at the beach together and I knew she would understand the vision and be able to bring things to the table that I couldn't. Understanding the vision was an understatement, because Nina was fully invested in making this dream work. We have proven that women are so much stronger when they encourage and lift one another up, and we want that to show through our brand. Today we continue to focus on creating swimsuits that are functional, comfortable, and fit the southern California lifestyle. We truly pride ourselves on creating swimsuits that are 100% made in the USA. The fabric sourcing, the production, and everything in between is done here in the USA. We are so excited to see the feedback we've received in our first year as a company, and even more excited for the next collection we are working on!

Connect: seabswimwear.com, @seabswimwear

83

This Is...

The Company:

MONAT Global

The Creator(s): The amazing Urdaneta family started MONAT Global at a desk in their garage.

They're from Latin America and decided to create a direct sales company in the United States that provided one of the most generous compensation plans in the direct sales industry. The family came from humble beginnings and eventually created a luxury beauty brand in Latin America that has been successful for over 15 years. In October 2014, MONAT Global launched (debt-free, I might add) and since it's first year where they made $1 million dollars in revenue, the company has grown exponentially. In their 3rd year of operation, they did 700% over in sales compared to the 2nd year.

MONAT is now in its 4th year and has become the #1 luxury hair care brand in the industry. They have found success by focusing on their family values. They treat all employees, Market Partners and VIPs like family, they dream big and they pride themselves on the company's vision of investing into the success of people around you.

The Purpose: To alas a Market Partner to time and finances. We to work, how much to business and who we get to be on a team of the same goals. Along get to use safe and and have amazing hair. get paid to wash their

low people that enroll take control of their get to decide when work, how to share the want to work with. We people working toward with the business, we non-toxic products Who wouldn't want to hair?!

The Story: My best friend, Maggie, has always been my hair idol.

She has a dream to one day open her own hair salon. We worked together at a retail job in college, then she got hired at Target after college and recruited me, where we worked together for a few years. I stayed with Target for over 6 years and left my job in November 2017. I seriously loved my job, but the retail schedule wasn't working for me.

Around the same time I decided to leave, Maggie called me up and told me she bought this amazing hair product.

I didn't even ask the price or why she liked it, I just told her to sign me up for whatever she got because that's just how we are with each other. I enrolled as a Market Partner, which is what we call people who sell the product, so I could get the best discount. I had zero intentions of selling it because I didn't want to be "that girl" on social media. I used the product once and called Maggie up and told her I thought we should sell it because I loved how it made my hair feel.

I couldn't not tell people about it, so I might as well make some money doing it. My initial goal was to earn my initial investment back, then make enough to at least get my own product for free every month. Since I joined MONAT 6 months ago, it has become so much more than that! It has helped supplement the finances for my family since becoming a stay-at-home mom. It has helped give me something to put my energy into while I stay home every day watching my baby girl. It has given me something to push and challenge me. I have big goals with this company and it has given me confidence to grow my own business and tap into the entrepreneurial side of myself.

Connect: @crystal_rausch, facebook.com/crystalrauschmonat/

84

[ ] Good Shit

Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s P i c k s

Lashes

Deep Clean

Hair

Gentle Wash 85

This Is...

Netflix

Tunes

Podcast Good Reads

Any Mystery

By Sandra Brown

[Yours] Well, they could be.

Fashion steals + home decor deals.

Style with the season: Floral looks that scream SPRING. Honey Punch Denim Jacket - Forever 21

Show Me Your Mumu Hacienda Convertible Gown - Nordstrom

Embroidered Girlfriend Jean

by Free People - Clad and Cloth

Tropic Organic Cotton Be Present Tight - Athleta View From The Meadow Black Floral Print Off The Shoulder Dress - Lulus AE Three Tier Off The Shoulder Top - American Eagle Nike Roshe Two ID - Nike

Diba Rung Western Bootie - DSW

87

Steve Madden Carrson Sandal - DSW

Avec Les Filles Margaux Sandal - DSW

Steve Madden Gracie Platform Slip On Sneaker - DSW

Go with the flow.

Wild Spirit Printed Blouse - Vici

Star Spangled Rust Red Backless Lace Romper Lulus

Seaside Gale Blue Tie Dye Romepr Lulus

Shore Thing Smocked Pants - Vici

Run Wild Off The Shoulder Ruffle Blouse - Vici

Brinn Knot Midi Dress Vici

Great Heights Strapless Pocketed Jumpsuit - Vici

Grecian Goddess Maxi Dress - Vici

88

Graphic tees, please.

AE NYC Lace Up Graphic Tee - American Eagle

Treat People With Kindness Tee - shopus. hstyles.co.uk

AE Rolling Stones Graphic Tee - American Eagle

Tie-Dye Enjoy Coca-Cola Graphic Tee Forever 21

Friends Logo Tee - Urban Outfitters

89

Freedom Get Lost Rewind Tee - Life Clothing Co.

Add your personality to your home.

Get Naked Black Bath Mat - Society 6

Wine Work Mat Doormat - Etsy Funny Kitchen Dish Towel Feeling - Amazon

Cement Concrete Wallpaper - Amazon

Devine Color Textured Shiplap Peel & Stick Wallpaper Target

Multi-Color Cinema Box LED Light - Urban Outfitters

“Faux” real walls.

West End Brick Peel and Stick Wallpaper Home Depot

Authentic Natural Himalayan Salt Lamp - Amazon

Light it up.

Love LED Neon Sign - Urban Outfitters

You will never influence the world by trying to be like it.

- Sean McCabe