This Is... Winter 2018 Edtion
B r o o k e A l m a n SHE WOULD WALK MOVE 500
MILES AND SHE WOULD MOVE
1,577 Miles MORE FOR LOVE
ADULTING Tips on finding your passion in life + chasing it
LOL
The
REAL GIRLS SHARE THEIR LAUGH OUT LOUD MOMENTS TO HELP YOU EMBRACE THE EMBARRASSMENT
Valentine’ s Issue
Discover your love language, a love language gift guide, date ideas that skip the crowded restaurants, outfits you’ll take off if the night goes your way + galentine’s party tips!
WARNING: Content may not be suitable for those 17 and younger.
This Is...
[Contents] This Is... [Me] Letter from the editor............................................................................................................ 3 [Love].................................................................................................................................................... 4
...... The Would You Rather Quiz To Discovering Your Love Language 5
............................. Date Night Ideas That Skip The Crowded Restaurant 7
[Generous] A Valentine’s Day Gift Guide For Every Love Language.................................... 8 [ Vulnerable] An Open Letter About A Broken Heart And A Broken Home........................ 9 [Real] A Move For Love...................................................................................................................14 [How-To] Survive A Roadtrip With Your Boyfriend................................................................ 22 [Laugh Out Loud Worthy]............................................................................................................ 25 [Opinonated] Because Of Planned Parenthood...................................................................... 27 [Adulting] Love Your Job...............................................................................................................29 [The World] Aloha From Hawaii..................................................................................................35 [Inspiring] #MeToo.......................................................................................................................38 [Newsworthy].................................................................................................................................. 44 [Party Time].....................................................................................................................................46 New Year New You.........................................................................................................................48 [Healthy]..............................................................................................................................50
.................................................................................Love The Skin You’re In 50
................................................................... A Look At Seasonal Depression 57
[Good Shit]..............................................................................................................................59
[Yours]............................................................................................................................. 60
2
[ME]
This Is...
A letter from the editor Hi friends, If you’re reading this, that means my dream has come true - I have a magazine. As I sit here writing this, I am hoping that the ideas swirling in my head come to fruition and I am giddy at the thought of it. So, if you’re reading this, I would like to say, “Thank you”. Thank you for being a part of my dream. Regardless of your reason for reading this letter, let alone this magazine, I feel it is necessary for me to share why I created it. Damn, that feels good to write. In between watching A Cinderella Story on repeat, I spent my days as a pre-teen and teen scouring the pages of Teen Vogue, Seventeen and Teen People, searching for inspiration and advice on how to navigate becoming a woman, find myself and live my best life. Over time, my magazines of choice transitioned to Vogue, Cosmopolitan and People, but what remained steadfast was my love for not only reading magazines but destroying them, as I would cut them up and create collages out of the things that inspired me. Slowly but surely, those collages came to an end as I was becoming less and less inspired and instead felt that I was being fed more and more bullshit. And, the more bullshit I was fed, the more I felt like shit. Because I couldn’t afford the so-called style “deals” and because I didn’t have a home to decorate “on trend” and because I didn’t and (sadly) would never look like Jennifer Aniston or Blake Lively or any of the seemingly perfect models shown page after page, I began to believe that I wasn’t enough. And that was when I had had enough. I decided there needed to be a magazine that taught girls and women alike that they are beautiful and what they are going through is normal and how they feel is valid. And what better way to do that than by sharing real stories of real girls and women? No celebrities. No Photoshop. No bullshit. So, I created it. This Is... IT. Here at This Is...we have #nofilter - both verbally and visually. Why pretend to be something we’re not? We don’t. That’s why we speak our mind and say it how it is and, if necessary (or just pleasurable), we cuss. Here at This Is...we are real women entering the real world of adulthood - so whether that means you’re fifteen or fifty, This Is...a place for you. Sincerely for real,
3
Adobe Stock
This Is...
This Is... The
Would You Rather Quiz
to discovering your love language
Would you rather...
subscribe to the belief that "actions speak louder than words" or "I can live for two months on a good compliment" - Mark Twain?
Would you rather have ten gifts waiting for you under the Christmas tree or have your SO offer to do all of the Christmas shopping because it stresses you out?
Actions Compliment
Would you rather be given a piece of jewelry or a love letter for Valentine’s Day?
Would you rather have no Would you rather your SO Jewelry Love phones while out to dinner Letter Shop Gifts give you a congratulatory with your SO or come gift or a congratulatory home to dinner cooked for Gift date? you?
Hold Hands
Date
No Phones
Dinner
Would you rather have your SO say “I love you” every day or hold your hand every day?
Would you rather never Would you rather be cudWould you rather get a gift get a gift again or never get Gift every day of the week or Day dled until you fall asleep to eat dinner with your SO or get to spend the day go on a date with your SO again? with just your SO? every day of the week?
Never get dinner
Never get a gift
Date
Would you rather your SO surprise you with tickets to your favorite show for you and a friend or surprise you at work to take you out to lunch?
Tickets
Lunch
Acts of Service
Gift
Receiving Gifts
Talk
Cuddle
Would you rather your SO ignore all phone calls during dinner with you or spend dinner telling you all the things he/she appreciates about you?
Appreciate me
Ignore calls
Would you rather your SO say thank you for doing the dishes or kiss your forehead without saying thank you?
Would you rather spend Would you rather your SO a lazy morning talking in come home and take out Breakfast bed with your SO or wake the trash or come home up to breakfast in bed with a special gift for you? made by your SO? Trash
I Love You
Kiss
Listen
Quality Time
Would you rather your SO comfort you when you’re sad by holding you or by listening sympathetically?
Physical Touch
Hold me
Say thank you
Words of Affirmation
5
This Is... Acts of Service
You feel love through acts of service. For you, actions speak louder than words. You feel love most when your loved ones do things for you to relieve your stress, to make you happy, and to serve you. This takes form in your loved ones doing things they know you would like them to do like taking out the trash, doing the dishes, paying the bills, cooking dinner, and more.
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
You feel love You feel love You feel love You feel love through receiv- through quality through physical through words ing gifts. For you, time. For you, touch. For you, of affirmation. gifts signify that it means most it means most For you, hearyour loved one when a loved one when a loved one ing compliments was thinking of gives you their connects with from your loved you when they undivided atyou physical- ones is important give you a gift. tention. You feel ly. You feel love for you to feel You feel love love most when through physical loved. You may most when your your loved ones contact, which also feel loved loved ones bring choose to spend may include through encouryou tangible gifts. time with you holding hands, aging, kind, and The monetary without distrac- kissing, embrachumble words. value of these tions. This takes ing, and sex. This takes form in gifts does not form in your These physical your loved ones determine the loved ones mak- connections that saying what they amount of love ing time for you, make you feel appreciate about you feel nor does participating in loved can be exyou, affirming it matter to you activities that plicit, like a back you in front of necessarily what you enjoy just for rub, or implicit, others, writing the gift is, the gift the sake of being like sitting close loving words, in and of itself with you, partici- while you watch making humble shows you that pating in sympa- TV on the couch. requests, sharyou are loved. thetic dialogue, ing their feelings, and more. and more.
To learn more about the five love languages, check out Dr. Gary Chapman’s book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts. Back cover: “Between busy schedules and long days, expressing love can fall by the wayside. We forget to compliment, to give gifts ”just because,” to linger in our embrace. The things that say “I love you” seem to either not get said or not get through. This is a book about saying it - and hearing it - clearly. No gimmicks. No psychoanalyzing. Just learning to express love in your spouse’s language. With over 10 million copies sold, The 5 Love Languages has transformed countless relationships. Its ideas are simple and conveyed with clarity and humor, making this book as practical as it is personable. You’ll be inspired by real-life stories and encourage by its commensense approach. Reading this book feels like taking a walk with a wise friend. Applying it will forever change your relationship - starting today.”
6
Words of Affirmation
Date night ideas that skip the crowded restaurant
This Is...
Night Picnic Live near nature? Picnic under the stars! Ditch the restaurant by getting take-out and bringing it to the beach or the mountains for a night with a view. Don’t forget the blankets! Make it really cozy with some pillows to lay back and watch for shooting stars.
Ice Skating Live somewhere cold? Go ice skating! You can lean on each other for support and if you fall, it gives your date the opportunity to pick you up - guaranteed contact and the perfect timing to make a move!
Night In Live anywhere? Spend the night in! An at-home date night is the perfect opportunity to bond while cooking together and then cuddling up by the fire. No fireplace? Netflix has you covered with an hour’s worth of a crackling fireplace via their Fireplace For Your Home title. Be sure to supplement the pseudo – or real – fire with plenty of candles.
Adobe Stock
7
This Is...
[Generous]
Gift for Him: Cook him dinner! If he feels love through acts of service, taking the time to shop for the ingredients for his favorite meal and then cooking that meal is the ultimate portrayal of your love for him. And, if you’re lucky, you’ll get dessert out of it! Gift Yourself: Give yourself a break! Skip the store and get your ingredients delivered – you have an array of meal delivery services to choose from: Hello Fresh, Blue Apron, and Plated to name a few. Take it a step further and skip the cooking process altogether – order in! These days, more than just pizza can be delivered to your doorstep (although we don’t mind that option at all). Delivery is at your fingertips with apps like Uber Eats, Postmates, Grubhub, etc. Gift for Him: Give him a framed photo of the two of you! If he feels love through receiving gifts, a framed photo of the two of you is the perfect gift – it’s sentimental, thoughtful, tangible, and doesn’t have to break the bank. The added bonus is every time he looks at it, he’s reminded of your love – and your beauty! If you don’t feel like a single photo is enough, make him a photo-book! Gift Yourself: Buy yourself that pair of shoes or sweater you’ve been pining over for the past few months – if you’re still thinking about it, you need it.
Gift for Him: Give him tickets to a show! If he feels love through quality time, tickets to a show guarantee that quality time to make him feel loved. Make sure to pick a show that he wants to see for the added benefit of showing him how much you care and how well you know him and his likes. Gift Yourself: Schedule some you time! It is perfectly acceptable to block out some time on your calendar for yourself and turn down any invitations that would interrupt your plans with yourself. Use that time to do whatever you want. Whether that’s a spa day, a Netflix & Chill day, or even just a few hours of pleasure readings – it’s all about you!
Gift for Him: Give him a personal massage! If he feels love through physical touch, giving him a personal massage will make him feel the love for an hour straight (don’t skimp on the duration of the massage). Maybe he’ll feel the love for a little longer if the massage turns into something…more. Gift Yourself: Buy yourself a massage. It’ll feel good.
Gift for Him: Write him a love letter! If he feels love through words of affirmation, a love letter from you detailing all the reasons you love him and how much you appreciate him will fill his love tank. Be sure to be specific and thoughtful so your words really mean something. Gift Yourself: Write down all the reasons to love yourself. Remind yourself through written words that there’s no one else like you and you are unique and beautiful and enough. Then, keep your note to yourself on your bedside table or taped to your bathroom mirror so you can be reminded to love yourself every day!
dobe Stock
Words of Affirmation
Physical Touch
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
A Valentine’s Day gift giving guide for every love language.
Adobe Stock
Dear 20-year-old me, Right now you are the happiest you have ever been and in a few months a decision is going to be made for you that will change your life. While it will end up being a blessing in disguise, it is going to lead you to one of the most difficult experiences you will ever go through in life - heartbreak. Right now you’re young and newly in love. Every part of you revolves around him and your world will become so reliant on that love that nothing else will seem to matter. That’s okay. Let yourself experience that kind of exhilaration that only deep rooted emotions can create. Now you tend to let your instincts guide you, but in this particular case your instinctual radar is nonexistent. So many thoughts and emotions are flooding your system that you’re not able to analyze the situation properly, but try to listen to your gut anyways. Here’s the kicker: In a few months, your boyfriend is going to move in with you. If you don’t want him to you need to say so. But you won’t, even though you don’t. The idea of living with a boyfriend is so cool that the standards you have set for yourself will be put on the back-burner. The gradual sense in which the move-in takes place will make it easier to rationalize as well. First, he just needs a place to stay while he finds a new apartment and you’re home for Christmas so what’s the harm? Next, he just needs a little more time but he’ll be out before school starts up again. And lastly, you’ve lived together for long enough now that him moving out would just be taking a step backwards in the relationship. And that’s how it happened. You’ll end up living with a man for the first time, all along wondering in the back of your mind if this was a good idea. You’re still not sure if he is the man you are going to marry, but there will be so many awesome perks to the “live-in-lover” life that proper judgment won’t be a priority. The first year of living together will go just fine. Your lives were already so intertwined that sharing the same space doesn’t change much. People say that moving in with a significant other changes everything, but when you already spent every waking moment together it’s not that significant. Fast forward another 17 months and it’s time to move again. The logical next step is to get a new place for just the two of you. No roommates, no interruptions, just you two and adulthood. Any other option would feel like backtracking the relationship, so you’ll start apartment hunting. You’ll have this gut feeling that maybe this isn’t the right thing to do, but you let the excitement of a new apartment overshadow your gut. So you move in, you decorate, and you love how mature you feel with your own grown up home. But eventually the excitement of it all fades and reality sets in. You’ve allowed the relationship to successfully pass through each stage of maturity and there’s only one step left. Marriage. Now you’re forced to look farther into the future than you’re prepared for, because at any moment he could decide you are his soul-mate and pop the biggest question of your life. Will you marry him? I know it would be easy to just brush this off because you are young and marriage doesn’t seem necessary yet, but that’s what’s next in the relationship. Just because it doesn’t have to happen right away doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen. So do you want to marry this man? Only now
change your life forever, no matter which direction it takes you. So what will it be? Despite how much you love him, you’re not going to marry this man. The pain of this realization will compare to no other. Sure, you will go through worse things, worse kinds of loss, but this will be the first. And your heart is so young and fragile that you are nowhere near prepared for what is about to happen. But I can tell you that you will get through it, and you will come out a better person. As your future self, I will guide you through how to survive this gut wrenching heartbreak. The number one thing to remember is to trust the decision you made and don’t second guess yourself. On September 25th you will wake up with an unusual calmness. It’s a calmness that you don’t really understand and it’s a bit unsettling, but you know why it’s there. For months you’ve been anticipating this breakup but you’ve never had the guts to make the move. This calmness is a sign from God that you can do it and you won’t be alone through the process. You’re going to know in your heart that if you don’t go through with it while you have that stillness, you may not have that kind of strength again for months. Knowing how complicated things are about to get because of your living quarters, you pack a bag and go sit beside him. No well prepared speech is going to help shield his heart, so don’t overthink how to do it. Just do it. I can tell you now that the next year of your life is going to be the hardest it has ever been, but stay strong. Breaking up with a boyfriend that you live with is a unique situation and no one in your life has experience with this kind of despair so unfortunately, you’re going to have to figure it out for yourself. But that’s okay because you have an amazing support system. Sure, most of the people you want to turn to aren’t near you, but just remember that they love you, they’re thinking about you, and you’ll get through it. The pain in his eyes will be evident when you say the words “I don’t think we should be together anymore,” so get out as fast as you can. Like most men, he doesn’t want to sit and talk about his feelings and staring at those pain stricken eyes is not going to help your broken heart. Go find your girls and drink the night away, you can wait until tomorrow to face your new reality. Because you two live together, the next few months are going to be difficult. Naturally he will start looking for a new place to live because you’re the lucky one that gets to keep the apartment. As many things in life take time, his move won’t be immediate. That means you will continue to live together for a while longer, no longer as a couple. I know you’re trying to predict any and every way that you can avoid this awkward situation, but it’s inevitable. The best suggestion I have is spend some time on a friend’s couch. Both you and your now ex-boyfriend need some space from each other to process what’s happening. The least you can do is be the one to temporarily relocate. You’ll need the support that you’ll get from coming home to your friends every day. I hate to break it to you, but you’re going to spend the next month ready to cry at the drop of a hat so tread lightly. There won’t be anything you can do to keep him off your mind, and that’s okay. Facing your pain is smarter than trying to avoid it. I know it’s embarrassing but you will cry at work. Just don’t let your boss see. Or maybe do so he can understand where your head is at. Sometimes transparency is healthy as long as you don’t let it become an excuse. Keep the tissue box at your desk stocked and the napkins in your glove compartment plentiful. Your car will be a prime crying location, because every time you get in it all the emotions you’ve held in throughout the day will seep out. Let them. The only way to move on is to feel first.
Now a time will come that you have overstayed your welcome as a couch inhabitant and you’ll have to move back home. Fortunately for you both you have a two bedroom apartment that allows you each some space. But you will have to start seeing him every day again. Only now he’s not your boyfriend. Determining the boundaries for this former-couple, continuous-roommate dynamic you now have to live with will not be easy. In the three weeks you spent on a friend’s couch you had to resist giving in to the withdrawals you felt from the man that you obviously still love. Finding a way to continue resisting will not be easy. And you won’t resist. Eventually your emotions will overpower your better judgment and you’ll once again end up in his grasp, in his arms, and in his bed. Everyone will tell you it’s a mistake, but even after seeing it through I don’t think I can tell you that it was. You’re a clingy human being. Cutting yourself off cold turkey was just never going to work and anyone who knows you should understand that. So let it play its course but be sure to limit yourself. Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in the false fantasy of having your old life back, because it’s never going to happen. The relationship is over and I promise that eventually you will realize that you are better without him. People may think that once he moves out things will get better and the healing can begin. False. The residential separation is unfortunately the start of the real breakup. Up until now you’ve been able to mask the reality of things by continuing to come home to each other and essentially pausing life. Once he moves, everything will change. You won’t get to see him on a regular basis, you won’t get to know where he is anymore, and you won’t get to feel like you still have a claim on him. Your heart is about to break all over again, so do everything you can to prepare yourself. Get some wine, find a comedy, and call your girlfriends. It’s back to square one. On top of the detachment of your life from his, you now live completely alone. Hell, you’re still afraid of the dark, how are you supposed to live by yourself? It’s okay, just leave all the lights on until you’re ready to run and jump into your bed. The best thing you can do to cure both your pain and your fear is to keep yourself busy. Don’t let yourself go sit at home after work every night. Make plans, go out, and most importantly have a bottle of wine, vodka, and a six pack of beer on hand at all times. I know this might seem easy to resist but do not let him step foot in your apartment again without others present. As you start to really miss him you’ll realize this is easier said than done. The minute you two are alone in your old apartment old memories will come rushing back and the warmth and comfort of you two together will make you ache. Things haven’t changed. He won’t be moving back in. Don’t let yourself get sidetracked with unrealistic fantasies. On top of the mind play, when he leaves you’ll once again be forced to acknowledge the emptiness you feel without him there. The next thing I have to say is very important. Because it will be a gradual process and you won’t see it coming. You’re about to slip into a depression. Once the holidays are over and normal patterns reemerge, the reality of your life will set in. The breakup was real and there is nothing to distract you anymore. You have to officially start learning how to live your life without the man that has been your rock for the past three years. That will tear you apart. Another factor that wouldn’t cross most people’s mind is the financial difference this separation will make. Up until this very moment in your life you have always split financial responsibility with someone else - your parents, roommates, or significant other. Now you are completely fending for yourself. Your wallet will take a hit as you are forced to take over the rent, bills, and
food costs on top of everything else. It’s financially going to fuck you up so be prepared to be poor. As your future self I can tell you that trying to hide your pain won’t do any good. You’re crying every day and that is okay. It’s healthy. Knowing your stubborn self, you shouldn’t be surprised to hear that you try to get through it without anyone knowing, but that doesn’t last long. After about two months of constant crying and the most gut-wrenching pain you have ever felt, you’ll finally share everything you’ve been feeling with mom and, over time, your friends. It’s now that the healing can finally begin. Because I’ve made it through, I want to let you know what lessons you learned from this, so you know it will all be worth it in the end. Lesson one: love. There will be a point where you will wish you had never dated him so this never had to happen. That’s bullshit. You wouldn’t be the person you are today if you had never felt true love before. Falling in love taught you selflessness, humility, and showed you another side of the world that only people who have been in love ever get to see. You now know what you want in life for yourself, from a man, and for your future children. Lesson two: how to live with a man. I know right now you think you don’t want to allow the potential for this disaster again, no matter how in love you are, but there are so many things about men that only living with one can teach you. For example, compromise. You have to compromise on what to have for dinner, closet space, bed time, furniture and décor, cleaning duties, etc. After this you’ll realize that there are many perks to living with a boyfriend before they become your husband. Lesson three: enduring pain. As does any breakup, this separation will make you a stronger person because you’ve endured one of the toughest heartaches a person can experience. Knowing how to channel your pain into motivation is something to be grateful for. You’ll learn to give your personal pity party a shelf life which will help push you through future bumps in the road. You’ll learn how to be around someone you love, but can’t be with, and not fall apart. One day you’ll see him with another woman and you won’t feel pain. It’s important to focus on the positives that have come from your experience as a cohabiting couple. Remind yourself what you learned and where you can take yourself now. It’s the only way you’ll get through this. Just take things one day at a time, and focus on the end goal. Eventually you will find everything you’ve been looking for in life and you will be happy again. I know the pain you’re about to feel will seem more important than anything else, so again, remind yourself of the bigger picture. Because FRIENDS is the inspiration for your life, go watch season seven, episode 24. After losing Richard, her assumed soul-mate, Monica Geller eventually found her husband and it was worth the wait. Eventually you will find the man that inspires such a deep love in your heart, you’ll know you’re meant to spend the rest of your life with him. This experience will be a memory, and you will feel the happiest you have ever felt. So don’t dwell on the pain you have now, be excited for the future. Although right now you feel like you’ll never find another man that will understand you the way he does, eventually the anticipation of falling in love again will get you up in the morning and excite you for the day. Eventually the unknown will be exhilarating just as it was years ago. Eventually you will stop thinking about the past and be thrilled about the future. You are a fearless woman. You’ve felt love, you’ve felt pain, and you’ve survived. This is life, and you’re conquering it. Sincerely,
This Is...
D
ressed in a striped tee and her signature bun, Brooke Alman joins me on the sunlit rooftop of her Seattle hotel during her short layover after an Alaskan cruise with her family and four-year boyfriend. With less than 24 hours until her flight back to her current home of Chicago, Brooke recounts to me the tale of her early life and how in her mere 24 years, she has called California, Boston, and Chicago “home.” Born in California’s Bay Area, Brooke Alman lived her first ten years as a California girl that didn’t exactly live up to the stereotype with her tomboy tendencies. The summer before fifth grade, Brooke’s family uprooted and moved to Boston, which soon became home for this self-proclaimed homebody. In Boston, Brooke experienced love, loss, and growing up. But, even though Boston was where some of Brooke’s fondest memories took place, when it came time to decide where she would spend four of the most influential years of her life, Brooke chose to return to her roots and go to California for college. With a plan to return home to Boston after graduating, Brooke began life at the University of San Diego. Unbeknown to her, Brooke would soon meet the man of her dreams and scrap her plans of returning to Boston upon graduation and would instead move the 2,077 miles from San Diego to Chicago to follow her heart. This Is...: Even though you consider Boston home, what made you decide to go to school at the University of San Diego, where you were literally as far away from home as possible while staying within the continental U.S.? Brooke Alman: [Laughs] Honestly, I don’t really know. I think part
[Real] By: Tatum Garino
of it was that I really didn’t like the schools I toured in Boston - they reminded me of prisons and they were depressing - and as much as I love the east coast I just couldn’t imagine going to school in the snow. And my sister went to USD as well and it looked like a palace and I like, “Hell yeah!” Also part of it was everyone was like, “Oh Brooke’s not going to go far, she’s going to stay home, she’s a homebody,” and I kind of just wanted to prove them wrong. TI: As a self-proclaimed homebody, was it difficult for you to go away for school? BA: Yes! At first, no. I feel like I loved the first like three months of school and then it got to the beginning of November and I started to get hit with that homesickness. Then I went home for Thanksgiving and that is when I realized I really missed my family - my mom mainly, because we are super close. But also my high school friends - for me, it wasn’t easy finding friends like them in college. I also think part of it was I had a high school boyfriend, which even though I didn’t feel for him like I did in high school, I really missed him because he was like a best friend. So all of that started making me homesick. TI: So that was November of your freshman year but you continued at USD for the entirety of your college career so how did you get over that feeling of homesickness? Or did you ever? Or did you learn to cope? And if so, what were your coping skills? BA: (Laughs) I don’t know if I ever got over it. That first year when I got back second semester I was pretty much miserable. I considered transferring but honestly I was just lazy. I didn’t want to go through the whole process but more so I just didn’t really know what I was looking for. And so I didn’t think it was worth it. Although it was extremely hard going back sophomore year, I liked it a lot more. I liked my living situation a lot, which
I think helped - being with people I chose to live with. It really mattered who I was surrounding myself with. That year I kind of dated someone older off campus, so having that escape from school helped too. I started off junior year abroad and had a blast. I also met my best friend there and never felt that homesickness I experienced the first couple of years at USD. When I got back to school, even though I was happier, I was back to being homesick, but for a different reason. That was when I started dating my long distance boyfriend. So no, I don’t think I ever found a ’coping mechanism’ It just depended on the situation - there were times when I really enjoyed myself and those were the times I didn’t really have any connections with someone who was from home. TI: How did you and your long distance boyfriend meet? BA: The first time we met was right after my freshman year. I was a hostess at a restaurant and he was a waiter he’s four plus years older but because he did two years of junior hockey he was still in school. So we met then but didn’t really talk at all, except for me telling him I sat his table or that girls were calling again to find out if he was working. I was too young for him - his words, not mine. Fast forward one year and I was working there again the following summer. He showed up halfway through the summer to get some cash before he started his real job and I guess since I was 20, I wasn’t too young anymore. What I thought was just going to be a week fling ended with us talking the whole time I was abroad. And so that’s how that whole thing began. TI: So how did you make the distance work once you went back to San Diego and where was he at that point? BA: So he moved to Chicago when I went abroad pretty much - like a month in. So it was Chicago to San Diego, which is like a four hour flight.
15
This Is...
I was willing to do the distance, which he was at first and then he wasn’t and then he was again [laughs]. But it was really hard and took a huge emotional toll on me. I would say we saw each other honestly not much because he was just starting work and I was a broke college kid, so we only saw each other a handful of times. But what I think really made it work was the fact we are from the same home pretty much - he’s from a town over. Being able to know that for any holiday we never had to choose each other over our families but still got to see each other helped a lot. TI: Obviously if you were willing to do long distance in the end, after he was back and forth a bit, it’s a pretty serious relationship at that point. So is that the only thing that motivated your move to Chicago? BA: Yes. Because I was set on moving back to Boston. I wanted to get out of San Diego. Obviously I miss it now but all my friends left San Diego so me leaving wasn’t like I was missing out. I really wanted to go home and be closer to my family, to be closer to my friends - so I was pretty excited about that. So when Chris told me he took a new job as a trader, one that would root him in Chicago, it forced me to make a decision. And I think that was a reason - like I mentioned we were back and forth - why we stopped for five months because at the time he knew I wasn’t ready to move and knew I wanted to go home, so it was very emotional and caused a lot of strain. After time apart though it was clear we cared deeply about one another and I was willing to make the sacrifice of moving. So yeah, he was the only reason why I moved and it was hard because I made the decision to move without having a job or knowing what I wanted to do.
think it was the right move? BA: I 100% think it was the right move - I don’t hold any resentment at all. You know, we’ve become extremely strong, we live together, no part of the two years that I’ve lived in Chicago did I feel like I did when I was in San Diego, which was homesick and depressed and that I was missing something because he’s the other half, I guess. The only challenging thing is knowing that we both do want to end up back home on the east coast because we’re from a very special place and I think that down the line there could potentially be some issues because the job that he loves keeps him in Chicago. I picture us having a family and raising kids back home, so when that time comes it could cause resentment. But now, no. TI: Okay so back to you choosing to move to Chicago without a job lined up but being lucky enough to find one - what did that time look like when you were approaching graduation from college and you were looking for jobs? Did you look for any jobs back home or did you only look in Chicago because that was now your new plan? BA: I didn’t look for any jobs at home
we weren’t friends but we knew each other and got along - and she was moving there in the same position I was in so I knew I needed to jump on that opportunity and room with her. I spent my Spring Break in Chicago in like 30 degree weather looking for a job, miserable. I had interviews and I was just super discouraged because I got an offer right away but it was a really shitty sales job that I would be going door to door, taking the train, selling like fucking paper. I mean awful. So I said no. And that stressed me out because I was like I’m just graduating I can’t be this picky type of thing. A few weeks later my basketball coach from high school, who became a good friend of mine, reached out about his brother in law who works in Chicago in the sports industry in sales and that I should reach out to him. Two weeks after graduation I went to Chicago to continue the search. At this point I had no job and no place to live but a roommate and a boyfriend, so that was good at least. During that time I found a place to live for my roommate and me, but I still had no job. So I extended my stay like three days, had a meeting with Dan, the brother in law and director of revenue sales at this digital sports company, and I was offered an internship. Even though it was paying me $10 an hour and I knew I would have to live off of savings for a few months I took it because even though sales wasn’t what I wanted to do, being on the sports side was interesting - I’ve played sports my whole life. So that was how I started off in the real world and getting into the sports industry.
Obviously making friends in the real world is difficult.
TI: So you mentioned the word “sacrifice” - because it was, a big sacrifice. Now that it’s two years after you made that sacrifice, do you hold any resentment about that or do you
16
because by April I had made a decision. It was a very stressful time because I was graduating, didn’t have a job yet and I was moving to a new city where I only knew my boyfriend and some of his buddies. I ended up finding a girl at school that I knew -
TI: The fact that you chose to go the roommate route instead of moving in with your boyfriend right away is really interesting, seeing as how you were moving to Chicago for him essentially. So can you explain why you chose to do that, why it was important to you, and why you didn’t just move in with him? BA: Yeah, I don’t think it ever crossed either of our minds for me to move in. Sure, it would have been easier
because his lease was up maybe a couple months into me moving there so I could have crashed at his place and it could have worked but for me, even though we loved each other, going from long distance where we saw each other for maybe a maximum of a week at a time maybe six times out of two and a half years of dating, didn’t make sense. I am realistic and I just felt it would be way smarter to move in with someone else because A - it allowed me to make a friend, because obviously making friends in the real world is difficult, and B - it seemed like way too much, going from long distance to moving in. I just wanted to make sure that he and I worked first before I put myself in that position.
meant to move in with him. BA: Yeah, exactly. So how it worked was my lease was up July 1st but his
This Is...
lowed me some down time hanging out with another girl and having my life separate from his, so I think it was really important for me to build that own level of independence. Even though a good chunk of my life does revolve around Chris, I think that first year if I had moved in I would have just felt that I was being sucked into his life and that I didn’t have my own apart from his. I think that was important for our relationship because going from long distance I think we needed to build and grow together and I was only going to be able to do that if I was happy on my own too.
I think we needed to build and grow together and I was only going to be able to do that if I was happy on my own, too.
TI: So you’ve been in Chicago for two years now, do you still live with a roommate? BA: No. [Smiles] So during that first year my roommate realized she wasn’t really vibing with Chicago so she decided to move back to California in June, a month before our lease was up. And it kind of worked out perfectly because during that year I realized I did want to move in with Chris and I felt like I was ready to and he felt the same way. But I was conflicted because I felt like I was leaving my roommate and also maybe rushing into it knowing I had a good roommate situation already with a friend and so when she told me she was moving back to California it was perfect because I didn’t have to voice that I was going to be moving in with him and having to have that talk it was like the stars were aligned, I could do what I wanted to without feeling bad. TI: It was like your sign that you were
lease with his roommates wasn’t up until September 1st and we both didn’t want to sacrifice three months of double rent so I moved in with him and his two roommates into what I like to call a “frat house” [laughs] for two months. It actually wasn’t bad because it was a pretty big place and they all had different schedules and I love his friends so it worked out fine. But then on August 1 Chris and I moved into our place that we’re still currently living in now. TI: How important do you think that year of living with a roommate was for your own personal growth and your relationship? BA: I think that for our relationship it helped because it wasn’t like we were forced to be with each other every day, so we got to that point where we wanted to be. Personally, it helped me because having Georgia [my roommate] allowed me to have someone that was my friend first rather than being friends with people that were already Chris’s friends. It also al-
TI: When it did come time for you guys to move in together, how was that transition? Was it hard? Were there any challenges you had to overcome? Were there any surprises? BA: Honestly, no. I was worried living with them was going to affect our relationship but it didn’t. So when we moved in it was perfect - I felt like it was still new even though I had technically been living with him for two months. It still felt brand new because it was just me and him, we had our own place, we got to decorate, everything about that place was ours, it wasn’t like I was moving into his space. It was really fun and it just felt super natural. Nothing has changed, it’s very very comfortable I feel like we just fell into step and we were meant to live together. He’s actually a really good roommate. We found our ways to work - like he does most of the cooking and I do the cleaning and the laundry and it just works out really well. I did have to get used to him leaving his beard trimmings in the sink and leaving the toilet seat up - little things like that, but they weren’t big so it was fine. I still don’t
17
This Is...
“I’m a strong believer that the paths you take in life lead you to
18
This Is...
the right person and the right life.� - Brooke Alman
19
Full Name: Brooke Alexandra Alman Birthday: January 26, 1993 I really like Favorite Color: Wearing or in general? Barney if I the color purple but I would look like wore it. . The. Way. *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys: NSYNC . All. jumps the Biggest Inspiration: Free Willy when he in the world, wall to freedom. If I could be anyone it would be Jesse at that moment. Saturday... Bedtime: Sun-Thurs 9:00ish. Friday and let’s just say I’m a grandma. living up Biggest Insecurity: To fail or just not e not seeing to what people may want. I have an issu what others see when they look at me. crushing a Greatest Source of Empowerment: When I’m good workout, I feel the best. is my faQuote to Live By: “A day spent with you day.” vorite day. So today is my new favorite e or anyA.A. Milne. It’s not a motivational quot y day with thing, but it reminds me to enjoy ever next to Chris. Little secret, it’s been the note years. his contact in my phone for the last 3
go out every night with him - like on the weekend I’ll stay in one night and he’ll go out with his buddies and then the next night we will go out together or go on a date. So we’ve made it work and we still have our own independence, too. It’s not like I’m reliant on him and his friends and it’s not like he stays in because I do. We’ve really just found our own little path and it’s worked out awesome. TI: You keep bringing up your independence and how important it was and still is for you to have your own part of your life, not having it all be completely intertwined with Chris, and obviously your job is your own and you mentioned before that you started out in an internship but walk me through the progress you’ve seen at work and where you’re at now. BA: So I was a business major which meant I took some marketing classes, some finance classes, some accounting - for better or for worse [laughs] I didn’t know what I wanted to do and I still don’t think I found what I want to do long term but I feel like where I’m at right now, I’m happy. Like I said I started in sports, which was more of a passion point, where as being a sales intern was not. Honestly, they just gave me an opportunity to show myself and at first it was hard because I was bored a lot and it was a struggle because I didn’t want to be on the sales side so it took awhile and there was a lot of frustration but I got a full time sales job there in January and did it for about a year until they asked me to apply for a position internally that was more on the marketing and creative side, which was what I did. I got that job and started doing more planning, brainstorming and deck building around proposals. So it was really fun once I got into a side that I enjoyed, that creative side. I had been doing that for six months
when I was approached by a friend to see if I was open to meeting with an Account Executive from Turner Sports, which is obviously a very well-known company, for a very similar role. So I had a coffee interview and he loved me, I loved him, then I met the VP - same feelings. It turned into an interview with me and nine people, which I crushed, and I was
This Is...
a very inspiring journey and so now you’re at this place where you’re excited, you’re happy ,and everything is kind of coming together and all of your hard work is paying off - what advice do you have for anybody who can relate to any piece of your journey? BA: Honestly, where I am today is because of my move for Chris and taking that leap. I was so unhappy and anxious before and it could be from a lot of things, like being far from home, not being sure what I wanted to do, whatever it was I just think that I knew that he was the person I wanted to be with, so I would encourage someone in that same position as me to give it a chance because you won’t know unless you try. I’m where I am today because of him, because of me too, obviously, but if I hadn’t moved I wouldn’t have had the same great opportunities I’ve had here. I’m a strong believer that the paths you take in life lead you to the right person and the right life. For me, moving and sacrificing wanting to go home for love was worth it. Not just from a relationship standpoint but personally, too. So don’t be scared and go with what your heart says.
Moving and sacrificing wanting to go home for love was worth it. pretty much offered a job after that and so actually last Wednesday was my final day at my current company I was at for two years and Monday is my first day at Turner. So I’m brand new, having to start again and find my place in the company that’s totally new. I’m not as nervous going into this job, I’m more excited this time compared to going into my last one where I was like, “Holy shit, I’m going to throw up”. The past two years I have seen a lot of personal growth. I’m less anxious, more confident career-wise and know more of what I want to do, what I don’t want to do, and what I’m good at. TI: So you started your life in California, made your way back for school after leaving Boston, then did long distance with your boyfriend, then moved to Chicago - a completely new city with no official job or home situation lined up other than having a roommate, and now you’re living with your boyfriend and about to start basically your dream job at Turner Sports - you’ve kind of had
21
dobe Stock
[How-To]
W
ith the rise in popularity of exploring the great outdoors of the United States by car or van, there is a large possibility that you or your significant other has started to become keen on taking a road trip. Road trips are the best way to truly experience what our expansive and beautiful country has to offer. While I understand that road trips aren’t for everyone, especially if you get car sick easily, it definitely will be worth your while to really get to know your special someone - for better or for worse. Whether you decide to embark on a trip purely for the cute Instagrams or to bond with your partner, preparing and coordinating well before you head out could be in your best interest to ensure that everything runs smoothly.
1. Decide on Sleeping Arrangements This could be a huge deal breaker, depending on the type of gal/guy you are. Of course, when I went on my road trip with my boyfriend from San Diego to Zion to
This Is...
By: Catharina Nilsson Horseshoe Bend to the Grand Canyon to Sedona and then finally back down to SD, we started without a plan for where we were going to be sleeping. While we did bring along a tent to pitch just in case, we also figured that we could just sleep in my Mini Cooper - I know, this already sounds like an awful idea. However, that is precisely what we did and we actually were successful the first night and somehow made the inside of my Mini comfortable enough to get some rest in. We believe a large part in why it was so comfy was because we had been driving for seven and a half hours and passed out immediately due to our exhaustion. The next night, we woke up gasping at 6:30am as we had sucked all the oxygen out of the air inside my car. Subsequently, we decided that we would book a hotel room in Sedona that night, so we wouldn’t risk possible death by sleeping in my Mini again. If you ever choose to go this route, be smart, unlike us, and crack some windows open.
before you know it, poof, are just gone. In order to keep from fighting over the most desired food items, make sure to either buy extras of the best ones or to make it clear beforehand who is going to eat what. Since you want to enjoy each other’s company as much as possible, and not end up wanting to kill each other by the end of the trip, it is vital to make these rules as clear as possible. The exact same goes for water, make sure that you bring as much as you can - I don’t advocate for water bottles, as they aren’t environmentally friendly, but in this case, do what you gotta do. I would suggest two to three large Nalgenes and a water bladder that you can easily fill up at campgrounds, gas stations, or anywhere else that is accessible 2. Bring PLENTY of along the road. You definiteSnacks + Water ly don’t want to be hungry or dehydrated, as from personal While this may seem like a experience, it isn’t fun to deal no-brainer, it is important to with hangry people - I’m referkeep in mind that food and waring to myself mostly. ter goes much faster than you would think. If you are any3. Decide on a Destithing like me, I get possessive over food. Like, really posses- nation + Map Out Your Route sive. Certain snacks are just so much better than others and 23
This Is...
from our plans, as we already had a ton of driving to do and we would be wasting more gas (and more money). However, I gave in because I knew it was something that we would probably never come back to see, because it was literally out in the middle of nowhere, and so, I agreed to the once-in-a-lifeWe actu- time spontaneous decision. In ally did a really good job of the end, it was definitely worth making use of Google Maps and it to make his day and also, I mapping out our route a good love the movie Forrest Gump, amount of time before leaving so I liked being able to see it as for our adventure. I know that we all lead very busy lives and also like to be spontaneous, but this is probably one of the most important aspects that could make your trip that much more enjoyable. It is important for you both to have a general understanding of where you are going. Also, make sure that you both are being heard when well. Moral of the it comes to deciding on a des- story: be flexible and go out of tination (Learn how to com- your way to make something promise!) so that both of your happen if you both think that #roadtripdreams can come it could be worthwhile! It is true and no one is hung up on totally probable that you will a place that they really wanted see other fun and interesting to go to instead. things along your way that you will want to stop and check it 4. …But Leave Room out for a bit. No harm, no foul!
for Flexibility Like I said before, it’s okay to be spontaneous and choose to do whatever your heart desires in the moment, if it makes sense! For example, my boyfriend really wanted to go to Monument Valley, which is between Horseshoe Bend and the Grand Canyon, but is a twohour drive that is completely out of the way. At first, I was a little hesitant about deviating 24
beforehand, it was really cool to listen to each other’s music on our iPhones, which consisted of music from our per-pubescent middle school years. You honestly can learn so much about a person based on their taste in music and we had a great time making fun of each other and rocking out to some old school faves. Since we took this trip near the beginning of our relationship, it was a perfect way to dig deep and have some conversations that you wouldn’t necessarily have in your normal day-to-day life. Music has the ability to stir up emotions and it helped to let us just open up and be vulnerable with each other about our past. I highly recommend putting together some of your fave tunes and just seeing where the conversation leads you; it may just be happily surprising.
5. Make a Playlist Together Some people are very into their music and have strong preferences for what they want to listen to. I am one of those people that usually goes with the flow and mostly likes every type of music, except for hardcore rock and screamo. While both John and I didn’t necessarily put together a playlist together
6.. Enjoy the Ride!
This Is...
Adobe Stock
While at a festival, I had a severe “blonde moment” that continues to embarrass me every time I tell the story. So, I was at the festival and I looked at someone’s plate and said, “Oh, gross! That sausage looks nasty - why is it green?” To which my sister enlightened me, “That’s a pickle.” *Insert face-palm emoji* Sincerely, Blondie, age 25 So the day before my wedding, my bridesmaids planned an entire girls’ day complete with brunch, manis and pedis, massages, games, gifts, and a photo shoot. The gifts they all gave me were sex toys and lingerie, per usual, but were then to be incorporated into the photo shoot, which was going to be combined into an album for my soon-to-be husband’s viewing pleasure. After modeling a fishnet bodysuit with nipple cutouts, a black corset with thigh high stockings and heels, and many more, my bridesmaids decided it would be fun to do a photo in my birthday suit, with food covering the goodies. And so, I laid down with my hands covering the goods as best I could and let my arm, which was strewn
across my chest, be replaced with single pepperonis and my hand, which was covering my cha cha, be replaced with the perfect triangle slice of pizza. The photo was captured, laughs were had, and I moved on with my life. Until returning from my honeymoon with my husband and going to my new in-laws to open wedding gifts when I came across a bag with a photo album in it and had to try to pretend I had already opened the gift as it was given to me by my bridesmaids. The in-laws bought my excuse, but maybe that’s because they had already seen it, seeing as how it had been at their house for the past two weeks awaiting our return. I don’t know nor do I ever want to know. Sincerely, Pizza Vag, age 24 After having sex with my boyfriend for the first time, I queefed like a mother fucker and I was mortified. Trying to be sly, I asked him to turn up the air conditioning, thinking it would drown out the sound. Unfortunately, when he got up to turn up the AC, his movement on the bed caused me to queef again. I pretty much never wanted to see him again but here we are four years later... Sincerely, Queef Queen, age 24
25
This Is... It was Valentine’s Day and I wanted to do something sexy for my boyfriend but I didn’t want to pay for expensive lingerie. My boyfriend told me he was leaving work so that meant he’d be home in about thirty minutes. About five minutes before I thought he’d be home, I laid on our bed and put on a whipped cream bikini and furry handcuffs. Ten minutes later he hadn’t shown up and the whipped cream was starting to melt and drip so I reapplied it. Thirty minutes later, after reapplying every ten minutes, he still wasn’t home and I had just been laying there naked so I called him and he said he was just stopping by the grocery store and he’d be back soon. About thirty minutes later he still wasn’t home so I FaceTimed a friend and we were laughing about it for like ten minutes and he still hadn’t shown up. I was able to laugh but I was also infuriated. After a total of about two hours after he was supposed to be home I called it quits and cleaned myself up and got dressed. He walked in the door about a minute after that. I told him what had just happened and that I was pissed and he wanted me to put the bikini on again but I told him “hell no” because he’d ruined it already. It turns out that he was late because he went to multiple grocery stores to get us crab and steak for a nice dinner and he also got candles and a gift. It was still annoying because he decided to do it all last minute but it was sweet in the end. Sincerely,
Whipped Cream’s Enemy, age 23
Well, today at Target I went to push my grocery cart but apparently it wasn’t mine. The child in the cart that I didn’t notice wasn’t what made me realize the cart wasn’t mine - it was the mom who chased me down and yelled at me that made me notice. Sincerely, Baby Snatcher, age 19 My friend had just gotten dumped by her boyfriend so we went to a party together and her mission was to become so drunk that she would blackout. The party got super boring so I, being sober and able to drive, drove us to Subway as we were starving and it was the closest place to get food. Also, my friend would not stop telling me how bad she had to go to the bathroom so not only were we going to feast but we also had to “break the seal.” She decided to get food first because she didn’t have to pee that bad anymore and I wasn’t going to argue with a drunk girl who would create a big scene due to her outgoing and “I don’t give a f@$k” personality. So we ordered our six inch sandwiches and headed straight for the bathroom. We sat in stalls right next to each other and I heard her say, “Hey,
26
I need toilet paper” so I went to give her some and she said, “Wait, never mind.” Then I heard the sound of paper crackling and I was confused but thought maybe she got hungry mid bathroom break. Low and behold, my friend was so blacked out she wiped her ass with her six inch sub. Sincerely, Sober Sandwich Eater, age 21 Disclaimer: I have IBS (Irritable Bowel Syndrome) so pooping happens at shitty times. I was out running errands with my eight month old daughter and I was driving my husband’s truck - his other baby. I was about twenty minutes from home and I was talking to my sister on the phone while driving on the highway (to all you mommy-shamers, it was hands free so I was still being safe with my baby in the car). All of a sudden I felt like I needed to go to the bathroom. I know myself well enough that when I get this feeling, that means I have just a few minutes before I won’t be able to hold it anymore. I was wearing jeans. I had the baby. I was two exits away from the closest place with a bathroom. I quickly processed my options: run into the bathroom and hope I make it but if I do that where will I put my baby while I poop? I can’t leave her in the car because that’s illegal but when I’ve had this happen before I couldn’t even carry in my purse because any extra movement will cause me to go before I get to the bathroom, so carrying her wasn’t an option. So, I decided to head home and see if I could try to hold it in. I made it about a mile and I was almost standing in the truck because I was trying to clench it in so I wouldn’t go. I was still on the phone with my sister and all I could say was, “Ohhhhh no no no, I’m going to poop. Noooo.” She was disgusted because she didn’t know how real the struggle is when it comes to my bowels. She said that I just needed to hold it and I tried to explain that with IBS you can’t. At that point, I didn’t have an option. I kept holding it in but it just started coming out...while wearing tight skinny jeans in my husband’s fancy truck still fifteen minutes from home. And this poop is not normal people poop, it’s mushy diarrhea. So after a little got out, I got silent on the phone and my sister goes, “You didn’t.” To which I ashamedly said, “I did.” I kept driving home because now I’m sitting in shit. About five minutes out another wave hit me and I pooped my pants again. I finally got home and attempted to hide my poopy butt from my neighbors as I walked into my house by awkwardly holding my baby behind me. When I got upstairs to the bathroom, I pulled my pants down and the poop got all over my legs, the floor, and the wall. I never understood the horror stories of finding public restrooms covered in poop until this awful day. As I rehash this moment now - as I’m pooping, ironically enough - I can think of no other choice I had. So, I will do what all good moms do - blame their children. If it weren’t for my daughter, I could have made it to the McDonald’s bathroom off Exit 2. Sincerely, Mrs. Poops-A-Lot, age 26
Adobe Stock
This Is...
[Opinionated] I was sixteen when I went to Planned Parenthood. Yes, I said it. I. Went. To. Planned. Parenthood. What’s going through your mind right now? Perhaps it’s “What a slut,” or how about “Wow, I didn’t know she was a whore,” or maybe even “I can’t believe she got an abortion.” Well, you’re wrong. On all accounts. I had a boyfriend I was dating for over a year and we were sexually active - if that makes me a slut in your mind, that’s your problem. We had sex one night and afterwards the condom was gone. It was stuck inside of me. That’s scary at any age, let alone sixteen. I was able to take it out myself but was still afraid of what the consequences could have been. Condoms were my only form of birth control at the time so I spoke to some friends and they recommended I get “the morning after pill” from Planned Parenthood. I went to the nearest location, filled out all of the paperwork, and sat in the waiting room thinking about how I did everything I was supposed to do and yet I was still there. I spoke to the doctor about the situation and she gave me the pill and made sure I understood the effects. She gave me a bag of condoms, as well. I had slight side effects like bleeding and cramping but I was fine and continued on with my life like nothing ever happened. Thanks to Planned Parenthood. That’s not the end of the story. I went on to graduate high school, spend a year of college at the University of Rhode Island before realizing I wanted to transfer. I became a student at Rutgers University where I got my start in radio and soon became the News Director at WRSU. I went to football games, volunteered, worked, and interned at my literal dream job, Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. I graduated college summa cum laude and sat at graduation with a giant smile because I had already started my full time job as a producer for Elvis Duran and the Morning Show. For six years I worked with the show that inspired me to be in radio. I was actually using my degree and working my ass off for something I truly believed in, which was rare amongst people my age. I traveled the world, made new friends, grew up, and found out so much about myself. After six years I was offered my own morning show. My. Own. Morning. Show. I moved across the country with my best friend to start our show and the next chapter of our lives. The road trip from New York City to Seattle is something I will never forget. Some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen were on the road trip right here in our backyard. I now live in Seattle where we are kicking ass at our morning show. I happily work 11 hour days to make sure we are always ahead of the game. I couldn’t be happier. I know what you’re thinking - “Why the hell did I just get her life story?” You got my life story because I have one to tell. Because of Planned Parenthood I was able to prevent an unwanted teen pregnancy. Perhaps I wouldn’t have had the baby and that would have been life changing. Or maybe I would have had the baby and I would have lived at home and not gone to college and never followed my dreams. Don’t get me wrong, I am not at all saying people who have babies don’t follow their dreams or have lives. I just know for a fact that if I got pregnant at sixteen I wouldn’t be living in Seattle being one of very few females hosting a morning show. Because of Planned Parenthood I was able to follow my dreams. No, I’m not doing brain surgery and saving lives everyday but I know I’m making at least one person’s day a little better every morning and I’d say that’s a pretty good feat. So, the next time you want to refer to Planned Parenthood as a place for sluts I urge you to just stop and really think about what you’re saying. Sincerely,
28
Adobe Stock
This Is...
[Adulting]
T
he applications, the cover letters, the resumes, the interviews (if you’re lucky), the rejections - finding a job can be daunting. Especially when the employer wants five years of experience for an entry-level position -WTF? Well, that’s the world we live in. In a world with more competition than there are jobs and more rejections than there are successes, how do you not get desperate and find a job that you love?
to be able to leave the Seattle area since that was where our life was. I felt lost. There aren’t exactly a plethora of writing jobs in Seattle. At least, not the kind of writing I wanted to do. So, I did what I do when I want to escape reality - I bought a book to read. And not just any book, a book that was going to tell me what to do. I bought What Color Is Your Parachute? 2017: A Practical Manual for Job-Hunters and Career-Changers and began reading. This book changed my life.
and traits, or the combination of a few, may make us good at a certain job, maybe even the best. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean we enjoy using those skills or leveraging those traits so why focus on the jobs that these skills and traits make us the most qualified for? We shouldn’t. Instead, we should be looking for the jobs that best fit us. These are the jobs that utilize the skills and traits we enjoy using and leveraging. These are the jobs that bring us joy.
My story
The realizations
I’m still figuring it out but after a year of exploring myself I have some pieces of advice. Before I throw unwarranted advice at you, it may be helpful to know my story. A year ago I quit my job. My husband was getting deployed in three months and before his deployment he was going to train in Southern California. Instead of staying at a job that wasn’t exactly my dream job, I decided to quit and be with him for as long as I possibly could before he was going to leave for seven months. Being unemployed was fun. For a while. But soon after my husband left I realized how pointless I felt. What was my purpose? What did I offer the world?
As I went through the chapters and followed the prompts and completed the activities, I realized the essence of what I wanted to do: I wanted to help make people realize they’re not alone. I no longer just wanted to write. I wanted to write with a purpose. So now what?
Now, these two realizations together helped me narrow down what I was looking for. My particular set of skills and traits that I most enjoy using and leveraging are my writing, creativity, and relatability. Again, I was at an impasse. I truly didn’t think a job capitalizing on those things existed near me and I wasn’t willing to move. So, what did I do?
Alone, that realization was invigorating but still didn’t do much for my job hunt because I was still in Seattle. But, then came another realization thanks to this book: I needed to stop looking for the job that I was the best fit for and start looking for the job that was the best fit for me. The difference? We all were given a particular set of skills and traits that make us naturally inclined to be better at some things than others. Some of these skills
I stopped making excuses and made the job myself. No, the job I wanted didn’t exist where I lived. But instead of letting that stop me from doing what I wanted, I let it motivate me to create it for myself and my happiness. I started a magazine that lets me write what I want, how I want. I started a magazine that lets me use my creativity to create the design and layout of each and every page. I started a magazine that lets me share stories of real
I knew I wanted to write but I also knew that I wasn’t going 30
By: Tatum Garino
girls that real girls can relate to. I started a magazine that will hopefully convince people that they are not alone. I started a magazine that makes me happy and doesn’t feel like work. And that’s what we’re all striving for, isn’t it?
ly to result in your getting an interview is using a “bridge person.” Or, in other words, a referral. This person is someone who works at the company you would like to work for and knows you well enough to vouch for you and encourage the employer to interview Of course, it’s not that simple. you. During the three months I was seriously looking for a job, Don’t Quit Your Day the two interviews I got were at companies where I used a Job bridge person. So it works. Yes, I loved the “job” I created for myself. But I still needed to make money. That meant my job hunt wasn’t over. I needed to find a 9 to 5 that would make me money while I worked on my passion project and made my dreams come true. Because I had a purpose again I didn’t feel the need to find a job that was going to fulfill my every need because I already felt fulfilled. I just needed a job that made me content where I could succeed. Easier said than done. Even though I believed in my abilities and knew that I would kill it at the jobs I was applying to, I still had to convince the employer of that. And how do you do that without your resume and cover letter getting lost in sea of eerily similar resumes and cover letters?
Find
Your (Bridge) Person
This Is...
and then I decided to use it as a lesson. A lesson in fate. First, I chalked this job up to not being meant to be. Then, I decided to take fate into my own hands and approach my next interview with the confidence I lacked in my prior interview - because if the interviewers didn’t like what I had to say, then I didn’t want to work for them. I refused to play the interview game and knew that being honest was the most important thing for me to be But obviously, that’s not because if I pretended to be enough. Once you get the in- someone I wasn’t, I would end terview, you have to impress. up being offered a job that And even with the help of a wasn’t the right fit that would bridge person, this doesn’t inevitably make me unhappy. always happen. Take it from me. Of those two interviews I So, when my next bridge perhad during my months of job son got me an interview (besearching, one of them I royally cause every single job I applied fucked up. Even though I went to where I didn’t have a bridge in prepared, dressed to im- person did not turn into interpress, and with my bridge per- views), I killed it and am now son on my side, I still managed working contentedly at my 9 to to say the wrong thing and let 5 as I chase my dreams during nights and weekends. my nerves get the better of me and continued to say the wrong thing for twenty minutes. After And now, here I am four months digging myself a deep hole for into my job and I don’t dread twenty minutes, I did not re- going to work each day. Overdeem myself. For the next for- all, the stress it adds to my life ty minutes I sat sweating in my seat forgetting my entire life as the interviewers continued to ask me “Tell me a time when…” questions one after another. Needless to say, I left that interview knowing I had let me bridge person down. A month later, it was confirmed when I got the email that they would not be extending me an offer.
According to Richard Nelson Bolles, the author of What Col- Instead of letting this experior Is Your Parachute?, the job ence get me down, I let it emhunting method most like- barrass me for about 48 hours
31
This Is... is the kind of stress that I thrive on and that motivates me. It is a near perfect combination of creativity and organization for my personality and strengths. Is it my dream job? No. My dream job is what I’m currently doing as I write this - writing for a living. But is it the perfect job for me right now as I try to turn my side hustle into my 9 to 5 or, 24/7, rather? I think so. I’m happy, I’m good at my job, and I don’t bring work home with me every day - physically, mentally, or emotionally.
Use Your Skills When I started my job, I was given a book and told to read the first 30 pages and then take the quiz online. After reading the first 30 pages of Strengths Finder 2.0, my quiz told me I was an activator, a communicator, a maximizer, futuristic, and strategic. Alone, these words don’t mean much. But, the rest of the 200 pages of the book provided me with definitions of these characteristics they helped define me. So, who am I? I’m impatient for action, I like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write, I am fascinated by strengths and choose to capitalize on them and refine them, I’m a dreamer who sees visions of what could be and cherishes those visions, and my broken record is “What if?” as I am constantly sorting through the clutter to find the best option. But that’s just me. There are 34 characteristics that Strengths Finder has summarized to encompass all potential char32
acteristics. Now, knowing my strengths doesn’t tell me what career path to take, but it does allow me to look for a career or use my career to capitalize on my strengths, which we’ve just learned I inherently love to do. This list is also not exhaustive nor is it necessarily 100% accurate - but, it’s a good place to start. It allows me (or you) to dive deeper and think about whether these characteristics really do apply and if not, dive deeper into why they don’t, which can be just as helpful in understanding who I am, what I want to do, and what will fulfill me. self-inventory that illuminates your true passions and will help reveal the career path for Love Your Job you and only you. After making the big career switch, I found a book that would have been much more helpful had I found it three months sooner. But, nonetheless, this book reaffirmed all of the decisions I had made and spoke to my soul. Plus, it can still help you discover your passion and help give you the courage to chase it. Careergasm makes you laugh while guiding you in a deep reflection and self-inventory that illuminates your true passions and will help reveal the career path for you and only you.
Reading Sarah’s words was like reading my autobiography. The hard truths that she exposes hit home and put into words the feelings and experiences I have lived through during my short, yet multiple, career paths. Her anecdotes that aid credibility to her advice could have been cut and pasted right out of my life - though I can’t say I’ve ever broken down in the middle of a Starbucks, but that’s besides the point. The point is this: Careergasm is relatable and honest and helps you see the light if you’re caught in the darkness. Sarah Vermunt asks the hard questions, gives honest advice, and puts things into a simpler perspective - one based on your happiness. Yes, in the workplace, but in the rest of your life, too.
Even though I found Careergasm after I made my career switch, I am still able to employ the tips Sarah Vermunt so eloquently, bluntly, and humorously offers. Careergasm makes you laugh while guiding you in a deep reflection and Don’t know what you want to
do? Sarah Vermunt calls bullshit. And then she guides you in sifting through your bullshit.
This Is...
Careergasm was the epitome of better late than never in my life. By the time I read it, I had already made my career switch and started my side hustling, using my 9 to 5 to make me money while I made my happiness. But just because I’d already made the switch doesn’t mean that I was feeling confident in it. I definitely wasn’t feeling confident in my side hustle - this little old thing you’re reading now - I was scared shitless. But Careergasm helped me feel secure in my decision and opened my eyes to why what I did and continue to do is essential. It helped me realize that taking that pay cut wasn’t something to be ashamed of since the happiness I gained was worth the expense and then some. It helped me realize that not pursuing my dream of owning my own magazine was actually more detrimental to me than the loss of time and energy of creating it would be. Careergasm was just the fire under my ass I needed to get after it - and it should be yours too.
33
This Is... “There’s nothing more terrifying than admitting what you actually want - especially if you think you can’t have it.”
“Sometimes the easy road actually gets you lost, even when you follow di“We’re not meant to be pigeonholed: rections and do everyYou’re one of a kind, and your career thing ‘right.’” should be, too.” “You need to invite fulfillment back into your life. It isn’t silly. It’s not impractical. It does have value.” “Lean in to your obsessions “A feel -good career is one that honors the best of what you have to offer. and fascinations. Indulge in That’s why it’s important to embrace your strange talents and weird gifts. Leaving them out of your career is a missed opportunity on so many your passions.”
levels - a missed opportunity to serve others, a missed opportunity for creativity and innovation, and certainly a missed opportunity to invite “We are all occasionally full of more happiness into your life...When we don’t use our gifts, there’s shit...The grass (or, indeed, the a heaviness we carry in our hearts and minds.” smoothie) always seems “If you’re not willing to commit to greener on Instagram, but it “Figuring out what something, you need to at least be rarely is.” you don’t want can be willing to experiment with someone of the most helpful thing...Don’t let your fear of uncer“Inviting the things you love to be tools in figuring out tainty or your need for control paraa bigger part of your life is the what you do want.” lyze you.” point.”
“Passion begins as curiosity.”
“The prevailing thought is that if you don’t put yourself out there, you can’t get hurt. Wrong. You’re hurting yourself every time you refuse to go after what you want.”
“There is no safe choice. Or right choice. Or wrong choice. The world is, and will always be, filled with change and uncertainty - even when it comes to your career.”
“There is no honor in sucking it up - in resigning yourself to something less than you deserve...You keep rehearsing the “shit could be worse” story in an effort to drown out another, louder, more obvious truth - shit could be better. Way better.” “We strive for success, but it’s actually happiness and fulfillment we’re after.”
“Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should do it - unless you also want to.” “Changing your “We almost always fail to calculate the risk of NOT taking action.” mind isn’t fail- “Getting rejected is a part of life. When it happens to you (and I say when, not if), it means you’re out there trying to make things hapure.” pen. It’s a small consolation, but it counts for something.” apologize for “Just because a door is closed doesn’t mean it’s closed forever.” “Don’t the hu stle. OWN it.” “The thing nobody tells you about getting happy is that it can be kind of lonely at first.”
“Time and space and energy are not infinite. If you want something to come into your life, you have to make room for it.”
Adobe Stock
This Is...
[The World] By: Kittra Evenson
H
gie boarding so I strongly suggest investing in a board and some fins at an ABC store or a awaii - with its soft Walmart. But be sure to check sandy beaches, crystal clear the jellyfish warnings or you water, and breathtaking sun- could be re-enacting the episets - is truly the jewel of the sode of Friends when Chandler Pacific. It is one of the most had to pee on Monica’s jellyfish highly visited vacation spots sting. and attracts tourists from all over the globe to enjoy this lit- Koko Head Stairs of Doom - I tle slice of paradise. I now call hate physical activity with a the island of Oahu “home” and passion and I dread every step I want to share my home with up this hike but the view at the you. So here are my tips and top can’t be beat. I recommend tricks to living Aloha! doing it early in the morning before the sun starts beating The majority of tourists fly into down on you and - if you are Honolulu, take a rental car to up for it - hike it at sunrise. I Waikiki, bum it at the beach by promise you won’t regret it. their hotel and stay there until their time soaking up the sun Waimea Bay - A gorgeous runs out. Now, I have had my beach on the North Shore that fair share of bumming it at the you can hit after your shave beach, but when you have lim- ice. It’s known for its large rock ited time in this magical place that people love to jump off. If time is money so make the you need footage for your Go most of it. Here are my favorite Pro video - this is the spot. It’s places from windward to lee- also great for boogie boardward. Some are a tad touristy ing and swimming. The waves but essential to any Hawaii trip can get big on one end of the and others are hidden gems beach though so be carethat many people overlook. ful and respect the ocean. If you don’t want to get wet the Where To Go + What beach is vast and sandy - just don’t make the mistake of leavTo Do ing your bags too close to the waves. It seems like common Bellows Beach - This is one of sense but I’ve seen it happen my favorite beaches of all time. too often. The water is the most beautiful turquoise and there are What To Eat plenty of views of mountains and islands in the distance. The waves are great for boo- Leonard’s Bakery - Home of 36
the best and most iconic Malasadas. Malasadas are essentially donuts without the hole. They aren’t just an ordinary donut though. They are delicious, fluffy, and light with a coating of granulated sugar. If you like donuts this is the place for you and if you don’t like donuts - what are you doing with your life? Highway Inn - If you want to try some authentic Hawaiian food this is the best spot for everything. They have all of the staples from Lau Lau to Chicken Long Rice, Poi, Kalua Pork, Loco Moco and, my personal favorite, Poke. My favorite is the Spicy Ahi Poke bowl with Furikake and Lomi Salmon for toppings. However, if raw fish really isn’t your thing then they have plate lunches to mix and match anything that sounds good to you. If Guy Fieri, the iconic host of Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives, signed the wall it must be good, right? Matsumoto Shave Ice – Let me make this clear, first - it’s not a snow cone, it’s shave ice and this is the best place to get it. Matsumoto Shave Ice has a plethora of flavors and toppings like mochi balls and condensed milk. This is the most famous shave ice place on the island and the wait is worth it. It’s located in Haleiwa, a small little town on the North Shore and it’s the perfect place to
wander around the cute shops. Dole Pineapple Plantation Home of Dole Whip - AKA the most amazing soft serve pineapple ice cream you will ever eat in your life. Here you can get almost anything you can think of but made with pineapple. If you can’t tell, my favorite part is the Dole Whip but there are many other things to do here. There is a garden where you can learn about some of the Hawaiian foliage, a train ride to see the fields and learn about the pineapple planting procedure, and other little activities perfect for all ages. I hope you supplement your beach bumming with some of my favorite little stops. Hawaii is my happy place and a happy place for so many others. The spirit of Aloha runs through everyone and everything here. Remember to have fun but also to respect the land. Hawaii is a dream destination for so many but they often forget that it is also somebody’s home. The locals here have a deep connection with the aina, the land. Be respectful of their home as you would want others to be to yours. Like anything in life leave it better than you found it.
How To Pass For A Local
Here they are not called flip flops, thongs, or sandals. They are slippers. Call them anything else and any hopes of you looking local goes out the window. Speaking of looking local most Hawaiians are known for their nice bronze glow which you may come here in hopes of achieving for yourself by spending countless hours in the sun. I’m all for a little tanning sesh but don’t forget your SPF. You don’t want to be the lobster red tourist that everyone can spot from a mile away. Also, skin cancer isn’t a joke so lather up people. Next, the infamous Aloha shirts which you may know as simply Hawaiian Shirts. They are the staple of Hawaii and can be done tastefully but if your whole family dons the same print you will be ridiculed or made fun of behind your back. Honestly, not only Aloha shirts, anything matching for that matter. My biggest and most important tip: DON’T TRY TOO HARD. Especially for the ladies. I know we’ve all done it. We know we are going to a place where we will be wearing a bikini and instantly we are crippled by our insecurities. I used to personally worry that I would look like a beached whale or seal on the beach. Over time I have realized here that it doesn’t matter – as it shouldn’t anywhere. Everyone here comes as they are and you should as well. Love your bodies, love the ocean, love the land, and have fun.
This Is...
of your trip. Immerse yourself in the rich culture of this island, enjoy all of the beauty it holds, and soak up every last drop of sun. Aloha for now!
And now, how to be a local or at least pass as one. First things first, slippers. You’re probably Now that you have made it thinking of pink fuzzy bunny through my survival guide slippers that you wear around to Hawaii life you are well the house but not in Hawaii. equipped to make the most out
37
Adobe Stock
[Inspiring]
This Is...
By: Tatum Garino
I
magine going to a business meeting where you’re expecting to fight for the opportunity of a lifetime but instead you have to fight off the sexual advances of the man who holds this opportunity in his hands. Imagine going to work every day in order to make ends meet and meeting the exposed body of a man purposefully masturbating in front of you. Imagine going to take a photo and instead of being surprised by the flash of the camera you’re surprised by the feeling of a hand reaching under your skirt to grope your bare ass. For many women, they don’t have to imagine. They’ve lived it. These are their stories. There are countless stories like these - both shared and kept silent and thanks to the brave women that have chosen to share their stories, a movement was born. A movement of women supporting women as they unload the burden of secrets kept due to expected scrutiny, shame, threats, disbelief, and possible further harm to themselves or their loved ones. A movement that has enlightened the world to the pain and suffering endured by women across the world. A movement that has brought women together and brought strength instead of stigma to the word “victim”. This is the #MeToo movement. After this movement began, woman after woman came out
to say, “Me too” and share their stories of sexual harassment, cultivating a community of support and shared experiences. This movement and community became so big and had such an impact that “The Silence Breakers” were awarded Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year” for 2017, a title that has been recognizing “the person or group of people who most influenced the news during the past year, for better or for worse” since 1927, beating out the likes of Colin Kaepernick, Donald Trump, and Jeff Bezos, to name a few. After following the #MeToo movement from its inception, Carla Marie, host on Seattle’s Power 93.3 and the #MyDayFriday podcast, was among the women who decided to break the silence and say, “Me too” after being sexually harassed at a Seattle Seahawks game. This Is…:When did you first hear about the #MeToo movement? Carla Marie: It would have been when Rose McGowan came out against Harvey Weinstien – as soon as the hashtag was trending, I saw it that day and that’s what got me thinking, Do I have a #MeToo story? Sure, there’s like small ones where things happen amongst friends that probably shouldn’t have but at the time is seemed normal because that was “the norm” at the time. And I thought it was
crazy that I didn’t have one – that was literally the thought that was going through my mind when I saw it. TI: So it made you super reflective it sounds like. CM: Yeah, I was like – are there things I’ve blocked out? Or things I’m really not thinking of because at that time it really did seem “normal”. TI: So then, at that time that you had your #MeToo moment that we’re going to get to, do you think you were hyper-aware of it because of the movement? CM: Absolutely. Absolutely. I think that played a huge part in it – but not a part of like Oh, it happened to me too so I can say something because everyone else is but more of like this is wrong. It shouldn’t be happening. And it also made me feel accountable in a positive way. If all of these women are doing something, then I need to open my mouth too, I can’t just sit back and let everyone else do it. TI: Okay, so tell me about your experience. CM: So I was at the Seahawks game – it was Seahawks versus [pauses for deliberation on which Texas team it was] Houston! Texans! [Laughter] I had just gotten beer with my friends and we were walking back through the crowd outside of our seating area and 39
This Is... the two of [my friends] were in front of me and I was moseying around and got separated a little bit when a man, who was well over 200 pounds, much taller than me – over six feet TI: For reference, you’re how tall? CM: 5’ 2”. He steps in front of me, facing me, and takes his left arm and hooks it around the right side of my body and pulls me into him and starts dragging me over to his group of friends when I pushed him off of me. And I started cursing at him – I said, “Get the fuck off of me.” And his response was, “Whoa whoa what’s the problem?” And I said, “Don’t fucking touch me.” And he said, “I’m not. Calm down, calm down.” And that obviously set me off. And his friends are all like laughing at me and also laughing at him and I was like, “This isn’t okay.” And that’s when he was like, “I’m not doing anything wrong. You need to relax.” And I was like, “Fuck this.” What he did was wrong and I was just so so angry. Now, prior to the #MeToo movement I would have reacted the same way to him – 100%. I probably would have slapped him because there were so many times in bars in college where guys did weird shit and they definitely got slapped. I would have slapped him and probably carried on. But [instead] I literally went “Fuck this” and walked over to the first event staff person I saw and immediately started tearing up and said, “You need to get security here, a man just touched me inappropriately.” Within 30 seconds, security 40
was there. Security stopped [my offender] and as soon as we started talking to security, his friends left. Security was talking to me one on one at first and I was telling him my story and the security guy just kept saying to me, “What you did was right. What you’re doing is right.” I guess he’s seen it happen so many times where women don’t do anything – he started telling my friends that he sees things happen where he ends up having to knock men out but then the women don’t want to do anything. So I was talking to him and then he started talking to both of us and I started screaming at the guy, “You don’t fucking touch people.” And at that point he started apologizing and I was like, “I don’t care – you don’t touch people. I don’t want to be touched, I didn’t ask to be touched. You don’t touch people.” So at that point the security guy asked, “Do you want to call the cops?” And I said, “Yes.” So while we were waiting for Seattle PD, [my offender] tries to leave. He started walking away. A bunch of security grabbed him and stopped him. Then, Seattle PD were the nicest gentlemen ever – they were so comforting. One of them went and got me napkins from a stand to help me blow my nose and wipe my tears and they got my side of the story and they got his side of the story, which was the exact same. And they came to me and they were like, “You have to decide if you want to press charges.” And I didn’t know what to do. That’s a hard thing to have to think about in that moment,
which kind of sucked and I went I back and forth with thinking, Shit, I could help so many other women and I kept saying to the cops, “I don’t know what else this guy has done if he just did this to me in broad daylight.” But then I also would think, It’s not my job to do justice for what he did. And I don’t know maybe he hasn’t done anything so I’m having that [inner turmoil] while my emotions are super heightened. So I didn’t know what to do and [security] said to me, “No matter what he’s getting kicked out of the game.” And I was like, “Okay that seems fine for what he did, he could have done way worse to me and he didn’t.” Does that mean it’s okay? No, but he did get thrown out of the game. Then, the cop said to me, “He wants to come over to say sorry to you but I won’t let him.” And I was like, “No, I don’t want to see his face.” And that was really it but I was like shaking and again, when you look at it in the grand scheme of things my story I don’t want to say is nothing compared to what other women have gone through you know, no one threatened my career no one really sexually groped me. I was scared, I was cornered, and I was obviously vulnerable at that point and it’s so insane what happens to your body when that happens because everything shuts down. It was kind of like fight or flight at that point - I wanted to punch him in the head and I’m glad I didn’t because at that moment had I hit him we both would have gotten kicked out of the game. But after it happened I was like, Oh
Adobe Stock
can get justice and stop that person from doing way worse. Like imagine Harvey Weinstein - if the first person that he did something to, if she was able to come out, if she hadn’t been cornered and threatened, all these other women would not have gone through that. So I think now this whole shift is going to be big – women will come out more and men will stop doing what they do as much. It’s still going to happen, but it will be way different – I think this whole “women have each other’s back” finally is TI: You were traumatized. CM: Yeah, and it’s like if I feel awesome. I think that’s a huge part of it. like this from that what do other women and girls go through? And it’s kind of put TI: So since you made a point of a lot into perspective for me. telling me that the way that the Obviously we grow up knowing security and Seattle PD reactthings like this happen and it ed was extremely positive, do sucks but it’s ever happened to you think that this movement, me kind of thing and when you and not necessarily #MeToo, get a little taste of it, it really but just the general movement of women supporting women puts things in perspective. and women’s rights, impacted the way that they reacted? TI: What you just said defines this shift from what we’ve, up CM: I mean I don’t know for until now, lived in this world them specifically. I don’t know where the mindset is like, Oh if you know they see a million yeah, but that wouldn’t happen cases like this and they know to me and now this paradigm how to handle it. I can’t speak shift to, Oh no, me too. And it for them directly but as a whole always has really been, #Me- I think it definitely makes a difToo but it just wasn’t put out ference. After I told my story I there, it wasn’t socially accept- had women say to me, “I’m so able to talk about and to relate happy you had that situation with security because when I to. CM: Well because so many told my situation it wasn’t like women fight with the [thoughts that it was, ‘Well there’s nothof] I don’t want to look tainted. ing I can do, he’s not here and I don’t want to be the girl that what not.’” Obviously everyone was raped. I don’t want people is a person, they’re all going to to look at me like that. But it’s react differently but I do think not your fault. It sucks that it that now people are going to happened but coming out is be very scared not do the right thing. so much better because you my God, like me too - for real me too. How crazy is this that it’s happening right now – you know, people are speaking out, why the hell are you still doing this shit? It’s a moment I will never forget. Ever. All of it - everything around me. I went to a concert the next weekend and I remember walking through the crowd with a guard up so bad that I was like I just don’t want anyone to touch me because I don’t want to deal with it again.
This Is... TI: Because there’s so much attention on it. CM: Exactly. So I think that will make a difference but with these guys I felt like I was with my grandpa, like that’s how they were. They were being very protective obviously because I was the “victim” in that situation. So I think me having that positive situation and sharing that positive situation will make other women come out. It’s not like I came out and said Seattle PD laughed at me you know I could have had that sorry but I didn’t and I think if I had that story it would have been way different. TI: So let’s talk about your story. What made you tell your story? CM: Oh, because of my position. Like I can’t not. I can’t sit here and get the opportunity to talk to hundreds of thousands of people on air and on social media and not use it for good. I mean, immediately that night I was like,
41
This Is...
How am I going to tell the story tomorrow? It wasn’t am I going to tell the story. It was how because I’m very transparent with everything that happens in my life and when it’s something that can help people and do good there’s no doubt - it was never like a thought in my mind, immediately I was like, How am I doing this tomorrow? And I thought I’d be able to tell the story with no problem but I got super emotional telling the story and I think a lot of it was thinking about all the other people that were affected in situations like this. And as much as I went through emotionally prior to it and on air still after - crying I’ve been fine, I didn’t cry anymore - but I would sit on my couch and read these stories from women who would reach out to me and tell me their story and I was just in shock. Hundreds of women told me their #MeToo story and some of them were like, “I’ve never told anyone.” It was so crazy to see that and I had several women tell me, “I confronted my harasser after this week because of you.” And seeing that was like - you’re speechless. There’s literally nothing you can say to that. One girl it was someone in the workplace, another woman it was someone who was like a friend of a friend and she told him “What you did a few years ago was unacceptable,” and the girl at work in her office told the guy and he’s going to leave her and all the other women alone now because she came out to him. And at that point I was so happy I did what I did, you know, stand-
42
ing up for myself and sharing the story. Because had I not stood up for myself I probably wouldn’t have shared my story because I would have felt awful right after. And people did give me crap for not pressing charges, I did get a lot of that like, “You should have pressed charges.” I’m like, “Okay, I totally see where you’re coming from but at that moment in time I thought getting kicked out of the game – I don’t want to say was fair enough - but made sense for what happened and I also kept thinking, “How much time am I going to take out of my life now because of this guy’s actions?” And maybe that’s a selfish thing because I could have stopped him from doing things to other women. But hopefully my situation scared the hell out of him enough. But I did get a lot of crap for not pressing charges. TI: So you got a lot of crap for not pressing charges and then you also got a lot of women sharing their #MeToo stories – were those the only two reactions that you got? CM: Oh no. Then about a week later, there were a handful of men saying, I don’t know the exact wording but it was something along the lines of, “You weren’t raped, shut up.” Like you’re acting like you were raped. And I’m like, “I never said I was raped – ever.” And another guy commented something along the lines of like, “Yeah I know, I don’t understand like she won’t shut up about it.” I’m like I posted on Instagram once, buddy. Like you’re on my Instagram saying this and
obviously people started going at them and Anthony, who is my cohost and best friend, would say things [to them] like, “I hope you have no women in your life that come to you for support.” And that’s, that’s what I don’t understand. Like, you don’t know me but you also don’t know what I’ve been through, you don’t know what that situation was exactly for me and I never said I was raped and also that doesn’t discount what happened to me. And that’s where I think a lot of the problem is. Those are the guys that are doing those things - they don’t think there’s anything wrong with grabbing a girl’s butt as she walks by or touching her in any other way and that’s why they saw nothing wrong in what happened to me. And I went back and I was like, “I have had women who were raped come out to me and thank me for what I did and I’m not sitting here like, ‘Oh, look what I did these women thanked me, I’m so great.’ No, I wasn’t expecting that to happen but if I didn’t hear [what these men were saying to me] from the women who did go through that then why is a guy saying it to me? It upset me, but it doesn’t upset me for me - it upset me for the other women who are maybe a 19-year-old girl who’s reading that and she was raped or she was sexually abused in another way and is seeing what this guy said. And in my situation I’ve got an amazing support group, I’ve got all these people that I don’t even know who support me so I’m fine, I always feel supported I always feel
The Good
like I have a group of people around me but I worry about those women and girls who don’t. And that’s where I’m just like, What am I going to do? How do you fix it? And I don’t know you can other than sharing your own story. That was the end of it for a while and then just last weekend I posted a picture of myself in Vegas at a company event hosting Snapchat for our iHeartRadio Music Festival, which means I was on camera, I was meeting artists and celebrities and CEOs of my company and all of these things and I was wearing a leather skirt and a mesh top. A woman commented on that picture and said, “Ew, you look so slutty here.” And a guy commented under it and said, “And she wonders why she was grabbed.” And under that she said, “Yup.” I gasped out loud when I saw it and I almost laughed. I was like “This is so extreme that I can’t even handle.” How is that your thought
This Is...
The Bad
The Ugly
process? One - doesn’t matter what I’m wearing, ever. Two - I was wearing a knit sweater when it happened to me, it didn’t happen to me in this outfit - like shut your mouth. But that was the last of the reactions as of now.
Too and their families were like, “Wait, what?” I think that was a big part of it for me and I think that the best advice I can give is to share your story. And I don’t want to say nothing bad can come from sharing your story because everyone’s situation is different. I obviously had some backlash but I think more good would come from it than bad. And I know it’s hard – I’m not saying you have to share your story but if you need any bit of motivation think of the fact that you can help one woman or one girl or one like little little girl who’s hearing your story and seeing you stand up for yourself. That would be my best advice.
TI: So what do you want to say to those women who did share their stories or maybe didn’t share their stories but have a story that they could share? CM: I think it’s cliche to say it but you’re obviously not alone. I’d say you’re probably in the majority. You were made to feel like you were alone because that’s what society and that’s what men did to all of us to make you feel like you’re alone to keep your mouth shut but that is the last thing you should be doing. You have a mouth, use it. If you have a social media platform - tell your family what happened to you, post it on Facebook. I know a lot of people posted with #Me-
43
dobe Stock
This Is... 6.4% of Fortune 500 companies in the U.S. are ran by women as of 2017 - an all time high in the 63 years since Fortune Magazine started it's Fortune 500 list.
More than three-quarters of public school teachers are women, and the education system would collapse without them.
$0.80
The amount that full-time, yearround female workers earned in 2015 for every dollar their male counterparts earned.
12.5 million
The number of women enrolled in undergraduate college and graduate school in 2015. Women comprised 55.4 percent of all college students (undergraduate and graduate).
7,700,000
Mothers are the primary or sole earners for 40 percent of households with The estimated number of women who have children under 18 today, compared been the victims of rape since 1998. Wonder Woman with 11 percent in 1960. Roughly one-third of all U.S. doctors are (2017) was the women, but women account for the majority first superhero of physicians in several specialties—includfilm starring a ing obstetrics/gynecology (85%), as well as female lead to psychiatry (57%), family medicine (58%), and be directed by a pediatrics (75%). woman.
45
46
dobe Stock
By: Samantha James of @Events_By_Sam
This Is...
Galentine’s Party
Engagement Party
47
Adobe Stock
This Is...
[Healthy] Love the Skin You’re In
One girl’s journey to learning to love and respect her body. This Is...: Tell me about your journey to focusing on your health and fitness. Jazmine Jorgen Bates: Growing up I was always an active child. You know, gymnastics and dance and cheer, volleyball, track – so all through my formative years as a young child through high school I was always active. But I think it was about at the age of 12 or 13 where you really start to, well for one you’re entering into puberty, right? So you start to become conscious of your shell as a human being. But the most pivotal point that I can recollect is when I was 15 years old and my brother passed away. That was the first time that I became very consumed with not only how I look but just being able to control factors in my life so limiting the amount of food that I put in my body and quite frankly over-exercising. So really my journey started from somewhat of a dark place, you know? So that occurred when I was 15 through about the time that I was 16. I did have a bit of an eating disorder, on the verge of anorexia at that point but really later developed into a binge-restrict cycle. And if you’re not familiar with that, a binge-restrict cycle is where you restrict restrict restrict yourself, right? You’re trying to live on very minimal calories and for me 50
that was about a thousand calories a day, which is absolutely nothing. And then these binge episodes would happen, which is a normal human response for when you’ve been so restrictive. You just start eating to a point where that you’re completely uncomfortable and you can also make yourself sick. So 15 through about 16 was more of the on the side of anorexia where I just didn’t eat and I feared food and I feared eating around people, I didn’t like people seeing me eat – it was just such an unhealthy relationship. But, I went to counseling and started to address the internal issues that had arisen to make these physical responses for myself. And then, let’s see, I met the love of my life at really early age, I met him at 17 and then I put on what you can consider the happy weight. I went from maybe 115, 120 pounds all the way up to 155, which is the most I’ve weighed in my entire life at 17 years old. So, again, that was kind of a wake up call. Unfortunately at the age of 18 my father passed away and I just fell back into that cycle of restricting myself. So in 2010 is when I fell back into that cycle, the first time I was in that cycle was in 2007 so in 2010 I fell back into it but that is also when I found the love of yoga so this is really the transformative time of my life.
At 18 years old is the first time I go take a hot yoga class and I absolutely fall in love. So for a couple years that is my main source of exercise, my outlet – this is my vice, of course. Some people prefer drugs or alcohol or what have you but mine was exercise. Exercise and being able to manage what I ate. So yeah, that was really the biggest the transformative time. So for years and years I practiced avidly, got myself back down to really where I like to live, it’s between 120 and 125 pound mark. I’m not a super tall person so that’s a healthy weight for a woman of about 5’ 4.5”, 5’ 5”. And then I saw somebody from high school and she looked absolutely amazing and she told me about this bodybuilding thing, this journey that she was going on and she told me about her coach and that was back in 2013. So then I started to think, “Yoga isn’t giving me the look that I want. I feel flexible but I’m not super strong, I don’t have a lot of muscle in my body.” I don’t like this term but I was the “fat-skinny” – I was a very thin person but I didn’t have a lot of muscle mass. If you were to touch me it would being soft, it wasn’t a bunch of muscle. Then I started P90x workouts and T25 I think it was and then I started to see my body start to change. I started
t o see this muscle mass come on and they had these eating guides to help me and I was getting married the following year in 2014 so that carried me through. And in that Spring, I hadn’t had a gym membership in years and years and years because I had a yoga membership , so I finally went back and got a gym membership. May 2013 I believe was kind of that transition from I guess, avid yogi, runner, endurance cardio bunny to this, “I think I need to be lifting weights because that’s what people are doing that I’m looking at and wanting to be like or look like.” So keep in mind I’m about 22 years old by this time. I get married and kind of stay in the same place you know, like I’m working out five times a week at the gym, still doing my yoga, don’t have any super structured plan at this point, I’m not working with a coach or anything. Then comes late Winter, Spring of 2015 and that’s when my body-
building journey started with me first coach and I was addicted. I competed in my first show in July of 2015, won first place in my class, competed later that year and ended up placing fifth, which was a blow. Switched coaches because I finally am getting my certifications in personal training, so this is back in 2015, I have my certification in nutrition specialization, I have my yoga certification that I got back in 2013, and I’m like, “I don’t think she’s feeding me enough.” This is when I start really tapping into we have to be eating enough so that I can grow. So I’m still like I have muscle mass that I’ve put on over the years but I’m still just very small, if that makes sense. So at the end of 2015 I started working with my coach that I still work with to this day and she completely changed my world. I was also at the tail end of my Health Studies degree from the University of Washington. So fast forward to Spring of 2016, I graduate with my Bachelor’s in Health Studies, I now have multiple certifications underneath my belt. I win an Emerald Cup – this huge bodybuilding show, very admirable – in May of 2016 and I’m hooked and that is when I start my health and wellness business. I really wanted my degree in Health Studies -they call it imposter syndrome but I never felt like even though I’ve gained all this knowledge from years and years and years of doing this now where we still don’t feel adequate enough to be doing what we’re doing. So anyways, I launched my business, Jazmine Jorgen Fit-
This Is...
ness, in May of 2016 and have not looked back. It has been the most absolute wonderful thing I’ve ever done and it has opened my eyes to what I’m truly passionate about. So back to bodybuilding, because bodybuilding is a huge reason I am the way that I am. I started to see that my passion for it started to trickle out and then started to see this wave of it becoming a trend, it doesn’t feel as special anymore because everybody’s wanting to do it and that’s great and dandy but I’m also seeing the health repercussions. I’m watching this rise in autoimmune disorders and watching this rise in eating disorders that I suffered from when I was in my youth and off and on throughout even today, I still have those issues, it’s because of the regiment. So the first coach I was with did not push enough food in me whatsoever. Now I live on a lot of food, it’s about 3,000 calories a day which is huge again for this little, not that I’m tiny but, pretty petite person and I live in a lot more food than I ever have in my whole entire life. So it’s been a metamorphosis over the years of you know also being in a lot of jobs that I didn’t love. So when I first started in school I was going to school to become a nurse, you know, get my BSN and I got accepted into nursing school and at that time is when I also had found yoga and had kind of opened my eyes to toward naturopathic remedies and I didn’t want to be a band aid in the system – I didn’t want to be a nurse and go administer drugs and just watch this shit go by, I want-
51
This Is...
ed to get to the heart of the issue. So at this time I’m starting to transfer and needed to find a program conducive to that and that’s when I found the Health Studies degree and it really points out the inequities within our system and the flaws that are there and really the heart of the issue is what people have knowledge about, education about, what people have access to and the systems in place to keep the poor, poor and the rich, rich and the way that that literally trickles down into everything in our life and it’s the biggest health indicator - our socioeconomic status is our biggest health indicator. So that’s what I decide this isn’t this isn’t going to fulfill me, nursing is not going to fulfill me, I need to do something else. And I hadn’t picked to start my own health and wellness business, I wasn’t there yet, I just knew that I didn’t want to be a band aid in the system anymore. TI: How have you managed to love the skin you’re in? JJB: This is a hard question and there’s so much that goes into it. So for years and years and years I didn’t. I really didn’t. Like I said, about that prepubescent/puberty age when you start to pick yourself apart and some girls haven’t hit puberty yet so they’re like these tiny little sticks, right? And you’re like, “Okay, well I’m starting to get a little bit more curvy.” For years and years and years it was all about how skinny can you be? So when I first started puberty, I was a little bit earlier than some of my peers I
52
was about 12 years old, in sixth grade when I started puberty. So yeah, I kind of felt like the “thick girl” even though I never was - that’s just how I felt and viewed myself for so long, you know? Throughout high school I remember when I started practicing yoga I wasn’t even thinking about yoga itself I was staring in the mirror looking at everyone around me and just analyzing and comparing bodies to bodies to bodies so, I really think that this is to do with the pressures of society in the things that are put out on social media and in the media and what is constantly pushed to us, right? So it really took until - and this is why I love my bodybuilding journey, I have retired from it now but it taught me to love my body and understand my body type and my genetics and things that work in my favor and things that don’t work in my favor so I would have to be honest and say it wasn’t until about 23 years old that I felt and started to love the skin that I was in, you know? So I am Nordic in heritage so we tend to be known for broader shoulders, a very large rib cage – I’ve always been self-conscious of that that tapers down to a narrow waist and then tiny legs and no butt. So that is definitely not the shape that’s in the media, that’s not what’s normal, right? It was stick thin when I was younger and now it’s curve. And that’s what I learned, I can create my curves. I can train my upper back and shoulders to look well-rounded and it took a really long time and it was frustrating to grow my
lower half because my genetics aren’t conducive to that. I’m not Brazilian - the first one that pops into my head - but some of those different heritages, those genetics really play into like you’re gifted with a nice ass. So bodybuilding taught me that I can sculpt my body and it can show me my strengths and weaknesses and this is the body that I’m gifted with - I can change it to a certain degree but it doesn’t matter what it looks like if I never love who I am on the inside. So I think that this is going to be a constant thing in and out of life for each and every woman and even men that we have to understand that we’re in these certain periods of time, right? You’re a little girl and then you enter puberty and you’re a teenager and those have to be the worst years, I mean at least for me and from what I see the way that people are comparing and those teenagers are so hard and then you enter into your early twenties and you
know this is this is wonderful time and from what I know and you know, most of my friends are quite a bit older - I hang out with people in their 30s, 40s, 50s - and it’s interesting to see them and the way they perceive and even talk about themselves but I honestly think you have to fall in and out of love constantly with yourself. So I’ve managed to love the skin that I am in by accepting that I am who I am and understanding that whatever weight I’m the happiest at, whatever my body looks like when I’m fulfilled in my career, when I feel content in my relationships, when I feel like I’m in a good place, that’s usually when you feel the most in love with who you are. But when my whole world is turned upside down it is so easy to point out the flaws within. TI: Do you think Instagram, and social media in general, has affected self-esteem issues? JJB: 110%. People hear me say this often like if they’re scrolling through Instagram, I’m like, “Can I look at your Instagram?” I love looking through someone else’s feed because the things that they’re looking at are so much different than the shit that gets pulled up on my Instagram and so I’ve had to go through and delete accounts that don’t serve me anymore. It’s mostly, I mean I was a bodybuilder so those are the kind of people that I gravitated to the time but now to be honest, it’s not that I can’t stand it, of course I will still always have a respect and admiration for it, but I’m past that point. I want
to follow people that are selflove advocates. That preach the different shapes and sizes and preach that health is not measured by what you look like on the outside. And that’s where we’ve gotten so fucked up in our society [begins to get emotional] - we think that we need to look a certain way to equate to health, that the number on the scale has to read a certain way to equate to health, that you have to wear a certain pant size to equate to health, and even doctors I have doctors who refer their patients to me, I have doctors that I have worked with them because guess what? They’re taught your BMI, your height, and your weight - are you fucking kidding me? Like that is going to determine your health, like you need to be within this BMI. That is ridiculous. I know people who are almost 6 foot like 5’ 10” and 160 pounds and I know people that are 5’ 3” and 160 pounds and they have completely different body types and they are both beautiful and they are both healthy and strong. I can’t believe that someone’s weight and height is what these doctors are [basing health off of] - and I’m not talking about like a naturopathic doctor and nutritionist whatever - most MDs, right? And these are the doctors that majority of people go see. We need to start and continue to focus so much more on the inside. You know, I can’t tell you how many people have worked with now again with autoimmune disorders, hypothyroidism - all the shit that is starting to happen because this is years
This Is...
and years and years of people yo-yo dieting, killing their metabolisms, killing their bodies because social media says you need to do X, Y, and Z to look like this and then they come to me going, “Why don’t I look like this?” and I go, “Because honey, you’re not built like that and we can accentuate your shoulders and your butt and da da da but this isn’t your body type.” And that’ what I think is so hard on self-esteem, on myself, on women, on men, is that again we’re identifying health with some numerical measurement and it’s not. We need to be teaching people that bodies are different. We all are genetically different. We are short, tall, medium, average, larger, smaller - you name it. These are all beautiful things and our health is really determined by what we eat and put in our bodies and how we move our bodies. We need to find a better way to educate and influence people, for sure.
TI: What have been your biggest struggles throughout your journey of finding peace and loving yourself? JJB: So the biggest struggle is lack of knowledge. To anybody out there trying to be better, to do better you need to find someone to help hold you accountable but also someone that has your best interest at heart - they’re not just there to help you lose a massive amount of weight in an unhealthy way. Look for somebody who genuinely cares about your medical history, where you’ve been, what you’ve done, your behaviors. So that was the biggest 53
This Is...
struggle for me, was finding that right person. It was myself for years and years and I didn’t have all that knowledge yet it’s taken several certifications and degrees to get to the place I am now and even then we can’t do it by ourselves. I mean, I’m very sure there’s someone out there that has and I have had a lot of emotional trauma in my life so me in particular I found I absolutely have to have someone there is a second pair of eyes and a second pair of ears to tell me to pull my head out of my ass and trust the process and to help educate me even more. Even now [my coach] and I are just friends at this point but she’s just there to listen to me, to be the person that I vent to, to be the person to give me advice. At first I learned a lot from her but now it’s past that it’s I know what she knows and now it’s just a part of having someone be able to say, “Hey, you’re doing the right thing. You are doing great and this doesn’t define Jazmine as a person.” And it goes back to the other question – understanding that being a certain size, weight, anything - none of that defines me as a person. I’m a good person by what I do and the passion that I share and the talents that I share with the world and I have my strengths and I have my weaknesses but I think it’s really getting to like know yourself and what makes you happy. I’ve seen so many people come through the bodybuilding industry and they just do it because I think it’s a fad - it’s a huge fad right now and they also may have a tremendous amount of weight to lose
54
and they commit to doing it and that’s not what it’s for and more likely than not it’ll cause more harm than good to most people. It really does take that 0.1% to be successful and most of those people have the genetic capacity. Sorry I keep talking about that but that was really a huge life learning few years for me. Very transformative in my knowledge and how I got to be where I am today and I’m not going to say it’s all rainbows and butterflies - I still struggle with that because I need to find my happy medium. And I think that’s what we all have to do - we need to find something that physically makes us happy, we need to find something that emotionally is tantalizing and engages us, something that mentally challenges us. I mean that’s when I’m the most unhappy when I’m just like, “Meh” and “Blah” – when I think I just want to lay on the couch but then I do and that’s when I feel the most yucky. So the other day I was like, “Why am I feeling this way?” and I usually love pleasure reading but for the last six months I have not wanted to do it. And I finally was like put the TV on freaking mute and start to read this book. And an hour went by and I was grinning and I slept so good that night. We need to make sure that we’re taking care of ourselves and understanding that health is not defined by what we look like whatsoever. The coolest most muscular people in the world that I’ve personally had the opportunity to meet and know often are the most unhealthy and the reason of that is because of
the extreme that it takes to be that way and live in that world. TI: What advice do you have for other women struggling to love the skin they’re in? JJB: To stop comparing and wishing and wanting to be someone else because guess what? You never are going to be. You are you for a reason. Your body is the way that it is and in your genetics shape who you are for a reason but that isn’t to say that we don’t have the biggest tool right at our fingertips and that is adequate nutrition. And I don’t mean restricting yourself today to that thousand calorie diet and eating Special K and maybe having a protein bar and then a salad for lunch like no, that’s not nutrition. My biggest advice for you is to seek out someone who can help identify, in the right way, what proper nutrition is. Go take a class, an online seminar, read some books and articles - I mean, really start to dig into proper nutrition because we are a product of what we eat. When we eat like shit, we feel like shit. When we don’t eat enough, we feel like shit. When all of that is out of whack it starts to create all those byproducts of affecting our weight, our mood, our hormones – it’s this trickle effect and I truly truly believe it all starts at this base heart of nutrition when we feel good, we see ourselves and we look at ourselves in a new light. And when we don’t feel good, we see the complete opposite of that. So again, my biggest advice is to stop comparing yourself, stop trying to be or want
something else and work on being the best version of you possible and understanding that there’s only one of you and that you are perfectly imperfect. Social media, media, whatever is a highlight reel of people’s lives most of the time. I guarantee that person doesn’t have a six-pack every single day. We all bloat after meals, some more than others. If you’re severely bloated then we need to address that but you eat a huge salad and then your belly is a little bit distended - your body is working hard because you just put a shit ton of yummy greens in there so yeah it has to process and yeah, your colon is going to get filled with your eliminatory product and gas and things like that. So again, we need more education. We need to educate people on the right methods of how to do things and how to value yourself in a different way, in a different light. So stop comparing and really focus on nutrition first and foremost and then the third would be move your body. Endorphins make you happy – that always reminds my of Legally Blonde but it’s so true. It doesn’t’ have to be anything in particular either. Pick something and stick to it. When you treat yourself good, you’re going to feel good. TI: What types of exercises do you recommend for when women want or need to stay at home? JJB: Again, this is understanding that moving our bodies that’s all that we need, we just need to move today. We need purposeful activity in our lives.
Maybe it’s a day when you literally can’t leave the house and I have days like that too where I just have to use what I have available so invest in just a few little pieces of workout equipment - resistance bands are phenomenal for at-home workouts, maybe you can get a few light pairs of dumbbells, maybe a few kettle bells. Perhaps you have a little bit more resources and you can get yourself a treadmill or a step climber or an elliptical. And then, you can make it as simple as in between your show - your show’s on and during the commercials you’re going to squat the entire time, maybe just bodyweight squats and then the show comes on and you sit back down and then the next commercial comes on and this time you’re going to do push-ups, taking breaks when you need, but you’re going to do push-ups in between each break and then the shows back on so you watch because Scandal’s on, whatever. Then a commercial comes on so now you focus on sit-ups. Move your body in a purposeful way. If you have absolutely no idea and you feel ridiculous and have no idea where to start, hire somebody - this is a huge growing industry: lifestyle coaching online. I really recommend that you do your research first, make sure that you’re getting somebody viable and somebody qualified to help you. Again, this is what I do for a living I would be so happy to write up anyone a workout plan or whatever. So that’s a great way but maybe you don’t even get that and you’re like, “Yeah right!
This Is...
Like I get to watch my own show. No I’m running all day catering to my children.” Okay, they’re down for a nap do 2-3 sets of 20 of walking lunges, do some incline push-ups putting your hands on a chair or stool. Again, if you invest in a little bit of equipment you’re going to have so much more that you’re able to do. We are limited of course with just body weight mechanisms but that’s fine. You know, jump squats, Jumping Jacks, jumping split lunges, push-ups, push-ups from your knees, crunches, lying leg raises, oblique crunches and tons of core work that we can do. Maybe you have hardwood floors and you can just grab a couple towels and you can do an awesome towel work out, right? So we have sliding lunges - you put the towel on your rear foot and you lunch back with the slider on that back foot pull it back up. Do 3 sets of 10. Then switch it up, maybe you do some core work with some sliders in and out on your toes.
55
This Is...
Most importantly, if you feel like you can do this on your own then pick up a few pieces of equipment and move your body, break it up into certain body groups each day – say three days each week with thirty minutes to commit to a workout so do an upper body day, a lower body day, and a core/cardio day. Or, hire somebody qualified to help you that can write you an in-home plan. One of my really good friends, Amber Falcon, has ATO Fitness they having a fantastic resistance band training program you can hop on there for $60 and it will send you the resistance band as well as video demonstrations of an entire month of workouts. There are tons of ways that we can continue to move even when we are in a crunch for time or a stay-at-home mommy. TI: How do you stay motivated when the weather isn’t so great outside? JJB: Yeah that can be really hard. Sunshine is a huge dictator in our mood and our energy and in our hormones. First and foremost, as we dive deeper into winter and are days become seemingly shorter, take a vitamin D supplement. I mean, if you’re really that low in energy that’s your body talking to you and you absolutely need to supplement with something. There’s also light bulbs that you can change the light bulbs in your house - there are ones that actually have the benefits of vitamin D so they mimic the sunlight so you can also invest in nose in your home that’s going to help for sure. But the
56
other thing is understanding be hard and it’s going to suck that motivation comes from but I know damn well when I’m within. So sometimes when I’m done I’m going to feel better.” feeling like super low like even today this happened I was like, “I feel like I can’t even work out” and it was just about starting my workout once I was in it I felt a thousand times better so sometimes you have to be your own motivation, you have to say, “Okay, I’m at least going to do 30 minutes. If I’m still not feeling it then maybe that’s my body’s way of saying no.” Genuinely give yourself an opportunity to get into it. So those are a couple of recommendations that I have for those when it’s dark, it’s cold, it’s rainy, motivation is really lagging then we probably need to supplementation of some sort and then Jazmine Jorgen Bates beyond that sometimes we Health and Fitness Coach/Lifehave to be our own motivation. style Mentor Be your own fucking motivawww.jazfitness.com tion – dig deep and understand that you are only going to feel jazminejorgenfitness@ as good as you treat your body gmail.com and your body needs exerhttps://www.facebook. cise. There’s a fine line - some com/jazminejorgenbates days when we genuinely need https://www.facebook. rest we need to listen to that. com/jazminejorgenfitSo if you’re fighting a cold and ness/ you’re legitimately sick, some @jazminejorgen people are like, “Oh, I need to sweat it out” but that the worst Jazmine Jorgen thing you can do for your body right now - your body wants to hydrate and it wants to rest. So don’t do it if you’re genuinely sick or you’re fighting a bug but yes, push yourself if it’s just low energy and you just don’t want to do it and maybe we’re being a little bit lazy - that’s a time to ramp it up and say, “You know what? I’m doing this for me. For no one else but for me because I know that maybe it’s going to
A Look at Seasonal Depression
A
s winter sets in and the weather gets dreary and the days get shorter, many of us find ourselves lacking in energy, motivation, and that pep in our step all too common in those summer months full of sunshine. Frankly, the winter months have many of us feeling sad and maybe even lonely. Well, as it turns out some of us may actually be SAD, or rather suffering from SAD - Seasonal Affective Disorder. Commonly referred to as “seasonal depression” but also referred to as Major Depressive Disorder Recurrent with Seasonal Pattern, Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, is a type of depression that correlates with the seasons, typically beginning in the late fall and early winter and going away by spring and summer. To help us understand SAD more thoroughly, Dr. Felicia Moran, a licensed mental health counselor and a lead supervisor at Lummi Behavioral Health, shed some light on the disorder, its effects, and ways to cope and combat it. This Is...: What causes seasonal depression? Dr. Felicia Moran: According to the National Institute for Mental Health (NIMH), there is no known cause. There has been little research. From that research they have found some biological clues: People with seasonal depression may
This Is...
By: Tatum Garino have trouble regulating serotonin, which is one of the key neurotransmitters involved in mood. One study found that people with SAD have 5 percent more serotonin transporter protein in winter months than summer months, leaving less serotonin available at the synapse because the function of the transporter is to recycle neurotransmitter back into the pre-synaptic neuron. People with seasonal depression may overproduce melatonin, which regulates sleep. Because darkness increases the production of melatonin, as winter days become shorter, melatonin production increases, leaving people with SAD to feel sleepier and more lethargic. People with seasonal depression also may produce less Vitamin D, which is believed to play a role in serotonin activity. In fact, Vitamin D insufficiency may be associated with clinically significant depression symptoms. TI: What are symptoms of seasonal depression? Dr. FM: This is very different than simply feeling glum during the winter months. We are talking about clinical depressive episodes. The pattern of onset and remission usually begin in fall or winter and remit in the spring. However less common, there may be a recurrent summer depressive episode. Depressive episodes are categorized by feeling depressed most of the day, nearly every day, losing interest in activities you once enjoyed,
having low energy, having problems with sleeping, experiencing changes in your appetite or weight, feeling sluggish or agitated, having difficulty concentrating, feeling hopeless, worthless or guilty, and/ or having frequent thoughts of death or suicide. Fall/Winter season patterns have higher of the following symptoms: fatigue, oversleeping, overeating, weight gain, and/or craving carbohydrates. This list of symptom criteria may seem exhaustive, but it plays an important role in helping a clinician to rule out other diagnosis. For example, I wouldn’t use this specifier if the pattern is better explained by seasonally linked psychosocial stressors such as seasonal unemployment, school schedule, or anniversary of deaths. TI: Does seasonal depression affect certain types of people? i.e. women more than men or those predisposed to mental illness, etc. Dr. FM: Interestingly, those living at higher latitudes have higher prevalence. Think of the day/night and seasonal shifts in Alaska and northern Canada. This may be due to decreased sunlight during the winter and longer days during the summer months. Younger persons are at higher risk for winter depressive episodes as well. As with statistics it is important to dig deeper, correlation doesn’t necessary mean causation or immunity. Seasonal depression is also more 57
This Is...
common in women, however it may be that women are more likely (less stigmatized) to seek help more often than men (4:1). Having a blood relative with a history of season depression or another form of depression can also increase one’s risk. The DSM notes that it is unclear whether seasonal patterns are more common in recurrent major depression or in bi-polar disorders. With that said, seasonal patterns are more common in bipolar II disorder than in bipolar I. TI: What tools can you use to try to combat seasonal depression? Dr. FM: Treatment for seasonal depression may include light therapy (phototherapy), medications, psychotherapy and vitamin D. With light therapy, the idea is to replace the diminished sunshine of the fall and winter months using daily exposure to bright, artificial light. Symptoms may be relieved by sitting in front of a light box first thing in the morning, on a daily basis from the early fall until spring. Most typically, light boxes filter out the ultraviolet rays and require 20-60 minutes of exposure to 10,000 lux of cool-white fluorescent light, an amount that is about 20 times greater than ordinary indoor lighting. You can buy a “happy light” for a reasonable price from Amazon or Bed, Bath and Beyond. With medication, Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) are used to treat seasonal depression. The FDA has also approved the use of bupropion, another type of an-
58
tidepressant. Side effects vary from person to person. With counseling, cognitive-behavioral therapy that relies on basic techniques of CBT such as identifying negative thoughts and replacing them with more positive thoughts along with a technique called behavioral activation. Behavioral activation seeks to help the person identify activities that are engaging and pleasurable, whether indoors or outdoors, to improve coping with winter. TI: What are some tips for coping with seasonal depression? Dr. FM: In addition to seeking help from a counselor or doctor, there are lifestyle changes that can improve symptoms and lift your mood. You might try going outside more often, getting plenty of sunlight, exercising, avoiding drugs and alcohol, getting plenty of sleep, and practicing relaxation exercises. There are free apps on daily medications, guided meditations. These healthier lifestyle skills would help most people in general. But if the symptoms don’t go away, it is not your failing. Don’t brush them off. Asking for help is a sign of strength and movement towards a better version of yourself. You deserve a healthy you every season of your life. Hey, maybe it’s a great reason to plan a sunny vacation during the winter months. That doesn’t sounds so terrible. I know I have mentioned this but the power of exercise is, well, powerful. During a killer gym session, the brain works hard to override the temporary feelings of discomfort by tell-
ing the body to keep pushing. You’ll naturally release endorphins, which will make you feel happier and even euphoric. TI: Any other advice? Dr. FM: I would urge folks not to brush off that yearly feeling as simply a case of the “winter blues” or a seasonal funk. The attitude that you have to tough it out can be harmful and even dangerous. Symptoms cause social withdrawal, school or work problems, substance abuse, other mental health disorders such as anxiety or eating disorders, suicidal thoughts or behavior. Talk to a counselor and rule out or confirm this diagnosis so that you can then take active steps to keep your mood and motivation steady throughout the year. It is especially important to seek professional guidance if your sleep patterns and appetite have changed, you turn to alcohol for comfort or relaxation, or you feel hopeless or think about suicide. Sources for you from Dr. Felicia Moran: David Kessler’s work on how to cope with grief and loss in the holiday’s free video: https://www.davidkesslertraining.com/p/grief-holidays Free download pamphlet on depression:https://www.nimh.nih.gov/ health/publications/depressionwhat-you-need-to-know/index.shtml SAD tracker: http://dailyburn.com/ life/tech/seasonal-affective-disorder-tracker/ Call 1-800-273-TALK if you are feeling suicidal. Text 741-741 if you are in crisis or just need a counselor to help you through a hot emotion and help cool you down or give you advice.
[Good Shit]
This Is...
The Best Of 2017
“Something that women seem to be better at than men: opposing without hatred.” - Mark Rylance “The trick is to listen to your instincts, grab the opportunity when it presents itself and then give it your all. Like a hangover, neither triumph nor disaster lasts forever.” - Helen Mirren
- Something To Tell You - Haim - Harry Styles - Harry Styles - Heartbreak - Various Artists - Baby Driver Soundtrack (It’s Better Than the Movie) - Various Artists
- Mindhunter - Netflix - Stranger Things 2 - Netflix - Amy Schumer’s Leather Special - Netflix - The Handmaid’s Tale - Hulu - 13 Reasons Why - Netflix
“Don’t just work hard at your job; work hard at everything. Work hard at being a friend. Work hard at being a partner, at being a son or a daughter, at being a grandchild, at being a steward in your community, at caring about people who have never had a day like the one you’re having today. At being the best YOU that you can be.” - Jake Tapper “It doesn’t matter what you do. It matters who you are.” - Emma Stone
- Fantasy - Beauty and the Beast - Romantic Comedy - Home Again - Comedy - Jumanji - Thriller - Get Out - Action - Dunkirk - Family - Wonder - Musical - The Greatest Showman - Drama - Gifted
- S-Town - Terrible, Thanks For Asking - Sincerely, X - Dirty John - Where Should We Begin? - Into The Water - Paula Hawkins - Seeing Red - Sandra Brown - The Good Daughter - Karin Slaughter
59
This Is...
[Yours] Well, they could be.
What Will Be Will Be Velvet Dress Nasty Gal
Moment For Life Halter Jumpsuit Lulus
Bia Slate Blue Velvet Sleeveless Jumpsuit Lulus Thinking Out Loud Backless Jumpsuit Lulus
60
Va Va Voom Black Backless Midi Dress Nasty Gal
This Is...
Twisty Turn Tee Nordstrom
Sportswear Essential Crop Tee Nordstrom
Sportswear Women’s Half Zip Knit Top Nordstrom
Power Epic Lux Flash Running Tights Nordstrom
Wonder High Waist Leggings Nordstrom
Live In High Waist Leggings Nordstrom
61
Poetic Notion Velvet Kimono Vici
Roman Holiday Faux Fur Pocketed Jacket Vici
Foldover Off the Shoulder Sweater Dress Nordstrom
Bravura Puffer Aritzia
Mariel Dress Aritzia
Polar Express Pocketed Vest Vici
Home For The Holidays Wrap Sweater Vici Marley Sweater Olive Vici
Hot Toddy Off The Shoulder Sweater Vici
62
Skyler Slate Blue Mock Neck Sweater Lulus
Rachel Twist Back Sweater Vici
Dedrii Over The Knee Boot DSW
Faola Boot DSW Troyan Chelsea Boot DSW
Saltwater Ombre Duck Boot DSW
Brodie Bootie DSW
Weinbaum Platform Bootie DSW
Ryder Bootie DSW
Bristl Bootie DSW
Tally Rain Boot DSW
63
Hand Carved Wood Abstract Rigby Screen World Market
White Hand Carved Wood Screen World Market
Natural Carved Zaria Screen World Market
Storage Cart White Target
Wood Large Milk Crate Target
Decorative Metal Pedestal Target
64
Faux Mohair Throw Blanket Target
Cable Knit Oversized Throw Pillow Target
Boho Fringe Throw Pillow World Market
Sweaterknit Throw Blanket Target
Black Global Oversized Lumbar Throw Pillow Target
Cream Embellished Medallion Square Throw Pillow Target
HHerringbone Throw Blanket Target
Kilim Design Throw Pillow Target
Multi Zigaag Overzize Throw Pillow Target
Macrame Wall Hanging Black Target
Letterly Love Letter Board Amazon
World Classic Series Rolled Map Beige Maps Company
Faux Potted Blue Myrtle Cactus World Market
Mini Succulent Cement Pots Set of 4 World Market
Faux Dracaena Plant World Market
65