Thislife issue 13 by Tonya Hester

Summer 2015

thislife TM

FREE www.thislife.org.za Issue 13

in search of meaning

What’s your addiction?

(We’ve all got one!)

The

hope

bearer

Father of five gets real

Reuben Riffel’s

summer salad

WIN

two nights’ B&B, top restaurant meal, designer containers and more

How to have a stress-free Christmas!

Robin Jackman’s life-changing scare

stories of hope l local living l contemporary faith

contents ON THE COVER

Cover photos by: Tonya Hester, Craig Fraser | Model: Gabriella Murphy

06 sportymoment SuperSport’s Robin Jackman on SA vs England and the health scare that changed his life 08 coolstories Sibonile Gcilitshane brings hope to slow learners 10 happylife How to have a stress-free Christmas 12 healthylife We’re all addicted to something: face up to it to stamp it out! Tonya Hester

14 reallife Parenting is hard (and other thoughts) by father of five, Terran Williams 24 foodielife Pawpaw, melon and mango salad by stellar Franschhoek chef, Reuben Riffel

AND THE REST 04 locallife A scrumptious Scarborough bakery, electrifying ziplining and a website that makes doing good a breeze

16 photomoment Untrained Cederberg dancers win global gold 18 mylife The accident that changed the life of lawyer and varsity rag queen, Seugnet Moggee 22 hewrites Local lawyer Grant Clarke is forced to exercise 23 shewrites Perfect people intimidate comedienne Mary Steward 26 infomoment Courses/groups/support for YOU 28 marketplace Local classifieds (take the las out of looking) 32 retailtherapy Made in SA! Gifts and goods you feel great about buying

Bishops was founded by Bishop Robert Gray in Cape Town in 1849, and is a boys’ day and boarding school which provides a world class education from Grade R to Matric.

Ryan Maron

27 capelife Snippets of life in Cape Town

Prizes up for grabs in this issue two nights’ B&B at Oakleaf Lodge near Stellenbosch p15 R600 voucher for Reuben’s Restaurant, Franschhoek p25 HOLIDAY CRICKET CLINIC worth R800 at Ryan Maron’s Cricketing School of Excellence, plus sport nutrition hamper p7 skinny laminx designer fabric containers p32 EXCLUSIVE BOOKS five-book gift hamper p10 CONGRATS to the winners from our last issue: Wayidah Adams, Pinelands; Cathy Archer, Pinelands; Annakie Gammon, Bergvliet; Joy Green, Pinelands; Chris Penn, Claremont; Danielle Smith, Claremont

CONTACT US Want to give input or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine? Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com Physically deliver anything (mark it Katy @ thislife mag) to Christ Church Centre, 16 Summerley Road, Kenilworth, tel 021 797 6332

COMPETITIONS For more information, contact marketing@bishops.org.za | 021 659 1043 | www.bishops.org.za Camp Ground Rd, Rondebosch, 7700

Bishops offers superb music, cultural, academic, sporting & boarding facilities. 2

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

All competitions in this magazine end 1 February 2016. Really sorry if you’re from afar, but all prizes need to be picked up in Cape Town! Normal SMS rates apply (so sorry, free SMSes won’t work) THE BORING BUT TRUE BIT: Please note that all our prizes, including any physical activities, are undertaken entirely at your own risk: we can’t accept any liability whatsoever for any damage or loss you may incur. Also, we may use your name in the next issue of thislife or other channels for publicity purposes. By entering any thislife competition, you accept these terms

CAUGHT IN THE ACT... We hear thislife may become the first publication to be banned in the New South Africa!

Hello...

and welcome to thislife magazine!

FOR THE PURPOSE OF WRITING this page, I started to count my addictions – and discovered an alarming number. I’m keeping most of them to myself, but will let you in on a few of the less awkward ones. Firstly, repeating myself ad nauseam to my children so that they flee. But still I pursue them, babbling on (why, oh Lord, why?). Then there’s flushing public loos with my foot. As for sauvignon blanc, I’m not sure about it: a good friend I asked said I definitely wasn’t addicted to it, but I think she was just being nice. I thought I was ok with sugar till I realised that I regularly get my husband to take a late-night trip to Engen (which probably means he himself is addicted, either to chocolate or to wife-pleasing). I’m sure it’s the former, or am I just addicted to excusing my behaviour? Aagh,

enough!

I thought I’d actually found a healthy addiction: my new passion for red cappuccinos. But then I caught myself ordering: piping hot please, no honey, cinnamon on the side… For those of you old enough to remember, it’s When Harry met Sally all over again. The good news, says author Ariane de Bonvoisin, is that facing an addiction enables us to stamp it out. Check out her tactics (p12) and rise to the challenge! Which means I better had, too. PS In case you’re wondering, thislife is anchored by a cool group of Anglican churches in Cape Town (www.stjohnsparish.org.za)

We trust you’ll be inspired by the Capetonians on these pages who’ve risen to their own challenges. We believe their stories bring hope. Where there is a devastating car accident, there’s a brave young woman who keeps her eyes on life’s good stuff (p18). Where there are slow township learners who don’t fit into school, there’s a man who set up a training centre for them on the smell of an oil rag (p8). And where there is parenting exhaustion (looking after little ones is like running a marathon up an agonising incline, says father-of-five Terran Williams), there is, he says, a God who parents him while he parents (p14). In fact, all the people on these pages say the same thing: God pulls them through. Read on if you’d like to hear their stories. Happy Christmas, happy summer! Enjoy this glorious city. If you’re yearning for emptier beaches (and maybe achingly fresh chorizo bread sticks), take a look at Spotlight on Scarborough (p5). And do enter our fabulous competitions: we’re 95% local, so your chances of winning are high! Enjoy the ride…

Katy Macdonald, Ed

Go to thislife magazine and ‘like’ us to receive our local-living posts – humour, Want thislife food, great photos of Cape delivered to your door? Town – and sometimes something a bit more We are FREE but R100 profound! will cover postage & packing for 3 consecutive issues. Seeking another Email: thislifemag@gmail.com

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OUR TEAM: Editor Katy Macdonald | Picture/Production editor/Designer Tonya Hester | Writers Jill Bader, Grant Clark, Bronwen Bowmer, Ariane de Bonvoisin, Ronel de Villiers, Mary Steward | Advertising/marketing/distribution Rebecca Parry | Prayer support Mary Holgate | Board Brian Burnett, Duncan McLea, Katy Macdonald, Angie Tate, Cindy Webber

for our distribution details

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

Local living

what’s new in cape town?

hot…

Cape Canopy Tour

A Grabouw ziplining outfit has been named the World’s Second Hottest New Experience of 2015 by tour guide Lonely Planet (Hottest? New York City’s new One World Observatory at the rebuilt World Trade Center.) The vertigotinged Cape Canopy Tour electrifies the adrenals with slides of up to 320m long. Check out the video at www.capecanopytour.co.za

Eeeeeeeeeeeek! Lonely Planet has dubbed this Grabouw ziplining set-up the world’s second hottest new experience

help… Feeling the urge to help the beloved country but not sure where to start? A new website could be just what you’re looking for. Not only does it showcase needs to which you can respond, it also enables you to offer your own skills or goods without having to plough through a bunch of bad fits. The site is the brainchild of forgood, which has been connecting people to causes it has vetted for years, but thanks to its pioneering new system, this can now all happen at the click of your mouse.

Keen to save the world, or at least help it out a little? A new website makes it easier 4

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

Just like Uber taxi drivers and their clients, causes and volunteers both rate each other after interacting, which promotes user quality on both sides. Intended both for corporates as a tool to run their employee volunteer programmes and for adult individuals, forgood is also useful for schoolchildren seeking community service that will genuinely impact those around them. Give it a whirl at www.forgood.co.za

Spotlight on…SCARBOROUGH

locallife

beach...

Exasperated by madding summer crowds?

One of Cape Town’s best kept secrets, Scarborough Beach has it all (except warm water, of course). Take your pick of swimming, surfing or bodyboarding, check out the glinting rock pools or track down a fishing rod and see what the sea bestows upon you (get your fishing permit at Kommetjie Post Office). Less energetic types can simply picnic. Skateboarding enthusiasts will find plenty of kindred spirits on the roads around the beach. Beware the rip in certain conditions: ask a local if you’re not sure.

It’s time to visit the village that Cape Town forgot. Just 15 minutes from Fish Hoek and surrounded by nature reserve and sea, Scarborough offers pristine pastures and relief from the multitudes this summer. Its savage mountainous beauty has long been the refuge of arty types and the odd intellectual, and while it’s more recently seen an influx of wifi-enabled execs, many residents still sport home-knit beanies, hey bru. Repent your suburban ways and give the delights of Scarbs a go.

hike...

Here’s our selection of highlights…

eat...

Directions: first buy a R12 permit at Mickey’s Mousetrap, a hole-inthe-wall shop operating out of Camel Rock Restaurant. Next, find the trail sign where Hilltop and Mountain Rise Roads intersect, and head off right behind a row of houses. When you get to a pile of stones on the right, find the path that turns left up the mountain. After 20 minutes there’s a jeep track. Cross it and keep going till you get to the dam.

Tonya Hester

Tempted by the thought of stunning coastline views and fynbos that make your heart sing? Chase some friends or rellies out of their lethargy and take a memorable hike from the back of Scarborough up to Klein Plaas dam and down again. The whole thing shouldn’t take you longer than three hours, even if you’ve been slacking a little on the hot bod front, and many should finish it in two. Go for it – you’ll never regret it.

Summer crowds making you lose it? Find yourself again on Scarborough Beach

The Hub’s cheerful schoolgirl runners may drop your cutlery and get your order slightly wrong, but you forgive them. Why? The vibe at this casual foodie spot that connects the village of Scarborough is friendly, ingredients are as organic as practically possible, and the chef’s hair is wrapped in an ethnic bandana, which makes you kind of relax. Oh, and of course the food is great too. A small menu ensures offerings sophisticated in their simplicity. Here are scrambled eggs (perfectly cooked, flavoured with ‘Moroccan-spiced’ baby tomatoes and topped with a multitude of options), topnotch bread, Fair Trade coffee roasted on site, flourless chocolate cake, an appealing lunch menu and proper ice-cream you may struggle to resist. If you stay in Scarbs till late, gourmet burgers, pizzas and a sociable sitting-room atmosphere will be your reward on certain evenings (call to check which). Tables are quite close together, so don’t come here to discuss anything sensitive: half the fun is tuning into the rhythm of village conversations, and the village will probably return the favour. Book if you don’t want to cry with frustration.

buy...

Tastebuds going wild at the thought of a crazy-fresh chorizo bread stick? Tempted by a lemon muffin? Or simply nursing a soft spot for preservative-free artisanal bread? If the answer to any of these is yes, a visit to Scarborough’s Cape Point Bakery is right up your alley. Virtually at the beach, near the sand car park, this back-to-basics business was birthed last year by Dutchman and jazz musician Hein, who describes his bread as ‘European with strong German basics’. Swing by after you’ve run around on the beach a bit or hiked in the hills and you’ll feel doubly deserving. Be warned, décor does not appear to be Hein’s thing: the bakery sign is super-small and the place looks shut from the road though it’s actually open every day.

thislife suggests: Buy a 100% rye loaf to toast at home. It’s so delicious you won’t believe it’s good for you!

Give Banting a break with a chorizo bread stick at Hein’s artisanal bakery

SCARBOROUGH: the DETAILS MICKEY’S MOUSE TRAP CONVENIENCE STORE: @ Camel Rock Restaurant, Pincushion Way, Scarborough. Open daily 9am to 5pm, 021 780 1122.

CAPE POINT BAKERY: 32 Beach Road, Scarborough, 021 780 1339. Open 8.30am to 6.30pm daily except Sundays (closes 4.30pm), www.capepointbakery.co.za

THE HUB CAFÉ: Main Road, Scarborough, 071 342 5210. Open 7 days a week in season. Safest to call to establish opening hours which may change a little, boet thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

sportymoment Rare is the cricket fan unfamiliar with the gravelly tones of SuperSport commentator Robin Jackman. Now 70, ‘Jackers’ has expounded on the game for well over 30 years, his easy-on-the-ear, anecdotal style making him a South African institution. Born in India and educated in the UK, he initially worked as a horticulturalist until being signed up by Surrey County Cricket Club. A seam bowler once described by the legendary Ian Botham as ‘the life and soul of the party’, he went on to represent England in 15 one-day internationals and four test matches. Robin has been married for 45 years to Yvonne, a nursing sister from Grahamstown, and they have lived in Cape Town for 30 years. Currently based in Newlands, they have two daughters and two grandchildren. Here, Robin speaks to KATY MACDONALD about his bad habits, England vs SA 2016, and his journey with cancer

ost irritating habit in self? Biting my nails and putting off until tomorrow what should be done today

Most irritating habit in others? Inconsiderate driving Cappuccino/rooibos? Cappuccino Ultimate comfort food? Macaroni cheese

We often hear you advertising Mercy Ships on the radio. Why do you support them? Leigh, my youngest daughter, joined Mercy Ships as a volunteer a couple of years ago. I involved myself assisting with charity events and fundraising because I was simply blown away by the work they do. Highly skilled surgeons and doctors have worked on Mercy Ships for decades without any payment whatsoever, in fact they have to pay to work on the ship! One thing not a lot of people know about Robin Jackman is… he’s doing his best to be a Christ follower

What’s in my fridge right now is… whatever my wife put there! Why cricket? Because I wasn’t very good at golf Best cricketing memory? Every time I was given the opportunity to play Best sporting moment and why? My selection for England for a test match in 1981 because it meant I’d achieved the ultimate goal I set myself when I started out Worst sporting moment and why? Every time I dropped a catch, because I was letting the team down Hardest thing you ever had to do and how you coped with it? I worked for a short time after my retirement from cricket in a small production company that didn’t work out, then found myself helping clients choose their carpeting and décor at a retirement village. I was out of my comfort zone for the first time in my life and didn’t cope with it very well! Cape Town and you? I’ve loved it since I first came here. There are so many things to do in one day, and the mountain never looks the same Best international all-rounders ever? I would say Sir Garfield Sobers and Jacques Kallis. I was privileged to play against one and watch the whole career of the other. Two great cricketers, two humble characters Your thoughts on the upcoming SA/England test series? Four test matches constitute a proper series and should produce some great cricket, especially with England coming off an Ashes win against Australia, and South Africa as number one in the world playing on their own turf. It’s a difficult one to call, but I have to back the home side given that I think that SA possess a more consistent batting line-up

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

Why do you believe in God? Because somebody quite extraordinary created the universe How did this belief come about? It’s been a slow process but, nevertheless, a process. I remained reluctant until three years ago when a series of circumstances led to an early diagnosis of cancer of the vocal chords that was nothing other than miraculous Tell us about it It was life-changing. Laura Russell, the daughter of my friend Malcolm, is a voice therapist who happens to enjoy cricket. She also happened to be on maternity leave with time to listen to a match. She’d just completed a course with her students at UCT on how to pick up changes in people’s voices. Mine was a voice she knew well, she didn’t like the way it sounded, and via her father she asked me to have my throat looked at. So the cancer was caught at stage one and dealt with after two surgeries (it grew back in three weeks the first time!) and seven weeks of radiation. It was an emotional rollercoaster but I felt so much at peace with the world that I knew I was in God’s hands, that the invitation to accept Him was out there and that it was time I accepted it! Coolest thing about God? The peace and comfort He brings How do you connect to God? Privately and at my church. I also enjoy monthly meetings with other believers Best piece of advice you’ve been given? ‘Please have someone look down your throat, I can hear a change in your voice’ (Laura Russell) Any advice for others? Don’t put off until tomorrow what should be done today Guilty pleasure? Dark chocolate I really should stop… swearing!

this page proudly sponsored by Philip and Glenda

my miracle

diagnosis

WIN!

A Ryan Maron holiday cricket clinic worth R800, plus sports food hamper www.cricketschool.co.za

Tonya Hester

Simply SMS CRICKET to 33808 for your chance to win Competition ends 1 February 2016

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

coolstories

slowlydoes it Sibonile Gcilitshane, 57, was born in Willowvale in the Eastern Cape. His father worked

Tonya Hester

on the mines and his mother was a housewife. After high school in Fort Malan, he completed courses in basic education through the universities of Pretoria, Natal and PE before enrolling at Pretoria’s Central Bible College. Ordained as a minister in the Apostolic Faith Mission at the age of 24, he was made a Bishop in 2000. He and his wife, Lindiwe, have seven children and live in Nomzamo township near Somerset West. Here, he tells BRONWEN BOWMER how they started a school for children and young adults who don’t suit traditional schooling

‘We couldn’t just sit and do nothing’: Bishop Sibonile Gcilitshane set up a skills-training centre for slow learners like his son Anele (right)

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

coolstories

OUR FOURTH CHILD, ANELE, was born in Mthatha in 1992. He was a perfectly healthy child, but when he was seven he had an epileptic fit. We then noticed it was difficult for him to learn at his school, Mthatha Community School, even though it was very supportive. That was when he was also diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome. Anele’s sister, Bongiwe, was at school with him, so when he had a fit there, she knew what to do. But it was difficult for him. Some of the children got scared when he had an attack, and some teased him. Others ignored him and refused to sit next to him in class. He felt very left out. The teasing made him start a fight sometimes, but he did have some friends and often played with kids younger than him. He managed to finish Grade Seven, but after that we kept him at home because he couldn’t keep up with the other children. It was frustrating because there was just nowhere for him to go. He was very energetic and wanted to go to school. We looked for a school that would fit him, somewhere he could do something and feel useful. But there was nothing for him.

encourage I tried to encourage him all the time. I helped him make things and showed him that if he really wanted to do something, to make something, that he could do it. It was a frustrating time, trying to find things for him to do. At that time, we had no one to turn to. We had no possessions to speak of, no money, and depended solely on prayer. We still only depend on prayer.

government grant they’re meant to pay us! So, we often use Anele’s grant to cover the school’s expenses. It means he doesn’t always get what he needs, like new shoes and clothes and things. But there are also rewards. Watching some of our students develop their skills gives us hope. One of the boys, Sanela Matshaya, who is 19 years old, came here not able to do anything. He has a disfigured hand as well as learning disabilities. He is now totally lifted. Even with his hand he was able to fix a couch that is now being used in the councillors’ boardroom. Anele, too, has learned many skills, like upholstery and woodwork. He now also helps me and Lindiwe in the daily running of the school, and for the first time in his life he feels a sense of purpose.

useful We do this because it has been put on our hearts to help youngsters like Anele, so that they can do things, make things and feel useful. We also do this because we love it. My son in the Eastern Cape often asks why we do this, why we stay here if we are not making money. We can’t explain it. You know, when you are called by God to do something, sometimes you don’t understand. When I think of these youngsters, I have new hope for the future. I know that God loves these children and doesn’t want them to suffer. He’s given them to us as a gift and we have to stand in the gap to show them His love. It isn’t easy. But we have hope. One day, it will be OK.’

We started to realise there were other parents with the same pain as ours. The problem is, when these kids with mental disabilities turn 18, the schools just let them go to their parents. And there they often don’t get looked after. The parents get a grant from the government, but they don’t always spend it to help their child, so the youngsters get involved with drugs and gangs and all that. There’s no skills centre around here where they can learn to work with their hands. Schools for the disabled accommodate severely mentally disabled children, but not slow learners. We couldn’t just sit and do nothing. Lindiwe attended a workshop held by the National Social Development Programme on how to register a Non-Profit Organisation. At the end of the workshop, she was the only one granted a registration number to start a centre. Without funds I didn’t know how to start, but she went and introduced herself to our local councillor, Mbuyiselo Matha, who supported our vision all the way. ‘I love these children,’ he said, and gave us two rooms at the back of the community hall, some old computers, some sewing machines and an industrial overlocker. In 2013 we registered the Nceduluntu Skills Development Training Centre to accommodate students aged between 16 and 30 who’ve been rejected from mainstream high schools, or expelled from primary schools for being too old.

upholstery We teach our students skills such as sewing, carpentry, upholstery, computing, knitting and cooking for a period of two years. We started with 18 youngsters aged between 18 and 23, and we now have a total number of 30 who come to the centre and there are now five of us teaching them. We get the raw materials, like fabric, wood or old furniture, from anyone who’s a Samaritan here in our community. Right now, we’re keeping most of the finished products to show at our Open Day on March 16th, 2016. There are challenges. Our biggest challenge is funding and space. This place is very small. The pupils have to pay R150 per term, but this doesn’t always happen because their parents want to keep the

this page proudly sponsored by Neville Wellington and Charlie Miller

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

happylife

! er from WysIteN p h ’ ry am

k ‘m ks A 5-boo Exclusive Boo .co.za s e v xclus1 .e w w w

Ready to explode with cooking/decorating stress? Breathe deeply and think long-term. No-one will remember how perfect it was or wasn’t, but they will remember how you made them feel if you lose it. Stamp on the curse of perfectionism!

IVE to XCLUS SMS E hance to win ly p im S rc ds for you 33808 ompetition en C 6 1 0 2 ar y 1 Febru

Consider this: a genuine love note expressing what someone means to you can bring far more joy than a gift

23 14 As the tree comes down, the bank statement rocks up: challenge yourself to stick to a budget creatively!

How to have…

a stress-free Christmas! Not all families are cosy epitomes of love and peace who can host the world and his wife without wincing. For some, Christmas can be rather trying or even painful. But it needn’t be, says Cape Town psychologist RONEL DE VILLIERS. Plump for a few of her strategies here, and your holiday could be all ladders and no snakes… 10 thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

Chant this: can’t please everybody, be everywhere, do everything!

11 2

1 this page proudly sponsored by Dorrington Jessop Incorporated Attorneys Contact Barry Jessop: barry@dorringtonjessop.co.za

happylife

29 One invite too many? Just say no. Your would-be hosts probably won’t mind!

People to stay? For three days, treat your guest like a king. On day four, give him a hoe

(Kenyan proverb)

Dreading loneliness? Become proactive, not self-pitying! Organise simple drinks at yours or an outing, and don’t take a ‘no’ personally! Volunteer at an animal shelter or old-age home...

Looking for meaning? Take new/used-but-nice toys or clothes to those in need (try www.warehouse.org.za), reconnect with someone who needs a little support, or investigate your spirituality

19 If strife’s looming, it’s up to you. Want to rake over the same old coals or rid yourself of bitterness? Forgiveness could be the ultimate liberating gift this year

Delegate! Accept your guests’ offers to bring a dish. If they don’t offer, ask them (be specific, if it helps)

15 10 9

17 Decorate the tree by yourself every year while the family make themselves scarce? This year announce you’re not getting one unless genuine offers of help come pouring in. Scattering tinsel around the house works just as well and takes almost no time

8 Is time spent with extended family World War II revisited? Limit it and consider a new tradition with closer family or friends

set boundaries for house-guests gracefully and upfront: ‘So excited you’re visiting, please come and stay for a week. If you’d like to stay in Cape Town longer, I’ll send you the website links for some great self-catering places!’

7 Suggest no presents for adults and hear the sighs of relief all round! Or give each person the task of buying a present for someone specific, so each adult receives just one gift

Images: freepik.com | all-free-download.com

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015 11

healthylife

What’s your

addiction?

(yes, it’s you we’re talking to!) It’s often easier to spot someone else’s harmful addiction than your own, but work yours out and you can beat it!

LICE KNOWS EVERYTHING. When she gets together with friends or family she’s always the one who dominates, interrupts and has the last word. She thinks she’s simply confident. But, really, she’s developed an addiction to being in control. It helps her feel good about herself. Grateful you’re not an addict like Alice? Well, think again! We’re all addicted to at least one thing. It’s often easy to spot an addiction in friends, family or colleagues, but not so easy to see in ourselves: our go-to addiction tends to sit in our blind spot. Often we don’t realise our little issue exists because it’s not the classic case of drugs, alcohol, gambling or porn. However, almost anything can become an addiction. Let’s kick off with the easily recognisable ones, such as the craving for sugar. Eight times more addictive than cocaine, sugar is now thought to be the greatest global addiction, with the average person consuming more than 1kg a week, often without realising it! Equally obvious is heavy reliance upon coffee, botox, TV, shopping, over-working, hair-pulling or being glued to a cell phone or the internet

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

The bad news? We all have at least one addiction, says author ARIANE DE BONVOISIN. The good news? It really is possible to ditch it. Read on!

(which now even has its own name: Internet Addiction Disorder). But some of the worst addictions are less obvious – especially those of the mind. Consider the following: needing to be in control like Alice, imagining the worst, trying to change others, getting fulfilment from ‘stuff’ and chasing power, becoming obsessed with your children, settling for crumbs of love in toxic relationships, disapproving of yourself, being down and depressed to get attention, and not sharing your feelings (or anything about you) in order to protect yourself…

controlling ‘Don’t exaggerate,’ you cry! ‘I’m functioning, aren’t I? Why should I change?’ Good question. So when does a harmless habit become a harmful addiction? Here’s an easy definition:

an addiction is the continued repetition of a behaviour despite adverse consequences.

With a habit, you’re in control of your choices, with an addiction you’re not. So while you know your friend/relative actually makes a great effort to stay in touch and spend time with you, you just can’t help dropping those

self-pitying comments about being lonely that tug at his/her guilt strings and, ironically, ruin many a visit or phone call. And you know you should put down that cell phone and chat to your loved one(s), but you crave the rush that comes with checking for a reply to your latest SMS or Facebook post. Relationships might be harmed by this behaviour but hey, that’s just life, isn’t it? Well, not really. But it’s the ultimate trick of the mind to make us think it’s not that bad, and to keep us in our rut without realising the consequences of our addiction. What makes us addicts in the first place? Circumstantial factors can contribute to addiction. If our parents are/were addicts or unhealthy in some way, we probably never learned healthy tools to deal with life. Instead, we medicated on whatever was available to us: sugar, TV, video games. This usually continues into our adult lives and we just add to the list: overworking, smoking, drinking. I personally believe that spiritual factors are key to addiction. The lack of purpose in our lives, or knowing what is worth doing with this life, can be at the core of it all.

healthylife Ultimately, it’s not what you’re addicted to that’s significant. It’s the overwhelming need to give in to something when you’re under certain kinds of stress. So it’s useful to ask yourself: what are the stress triggers that make me reach for my addiction? Often it’s to avoid feeling an emotion (frequently fear), yet in essence that emotion is running our lives. What’s that emotion for you? Is it dread of facing up to something in your life that isn’t working? Your weight, your relationship, your work, your finances? Is it loneliness, not feeling your life matters, maybe a fear of getting older, or uncertainty about the future? Whatever the reason, the good news is, there’s hope out there. We can let go of our addictions if we become aware of what they are. Ask yourself the following questions:

•

What am I doing that I tell myself is ‘not so bad’ or ‘fine’ (‘fine’ is often the word that addiction hides behind)?

•

What’s going on in my life that’s making me avoid a change, or facing up to something difficult?

•

What do I need to get honest about?

•

Who do I need to forgive (often it may be yourself)?

•

Who can help me?

Next, spend a moment finding your why: why must you release this addiction? This why is your fuel to help you kick it. It’s the reason you must face this now, head on, and replace it with something positive. It’s very healthy to find at least one enjoyable way to care for your health and body. It’s different for everyone, but when you find something you love doing, be it dancing, hiking, running, swimming, it will be your method of release. And if you’ve been abusing your body in some way, when you get back in touch with how amazing it is, your higher sense of self-worth won’t permit you to abuse it again with addictive behaviour

aren’t perfect, they don’t get it right first time, they get emotional. But they do take action, they keep going, they give themselves time, they get their friends to help and they let go of any self-disapproval! Disapproval of yourself or of life is at the core of all addictions, so when that voice shows up, be aware of it, see it for what it is, and choose to believe something kind and true about yourself instead! Self-acceptance is key to overcoming any addiction.

(NB see separate box on overeating and drinking).

emptiness It’s also wonderful to have at least one project into which you can put your time and creativity. It can be reading a certain number of books, studying something new (language, music, etc), creating a website or selling something you make or love. Having a goal helps the mind focus and move away from the emptiness that addictions are often so good at filling. Try to be mindful when your addiction comes up: awareness of the issue is often more effective than just trying to stop it. People who make a successful change are still very human, they make mistakes, they

FOOD AND DRINK: WHEN TO CALL IN THE PROFESSIONALS People often mistakenly assume that food/drug/alcohol abusers lack willpower, and could stop simply by choosing to change their behaviour. However, addiction to food, drugs or alcohol changes the brain in ways that foster compulsive abuse, so quitting is difficult even for those who are ready to do so. In some cases, good intentions or a strong will are not enough and it’s really important to get professional help.

Ariane de Bonvoisin, author of the recently-published book ‘The First 30 Days’, has interviewed more than 1000 people on how they handle change and is regularly consulted on the topic by American TV and radio networks. She recently launched an iPhone app called Mindful365 and has a website, www.arianedebonvoisin.com Ariane currently lives in Cape Town.

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thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

(and other thoughts)

Parenting is hard

Kate Termy

reallife

What’s it like to have five children? Why don’t people go to church? And why is there so much suffering in the world? thislife puts local pastor, surfer and father of five, Terran Williams, on the spot.

Five children and us: Terran and his wife Julie might not look like it here but they’re actually in crisis mode, he says!

The elder son of a shoe designer and a fashion designer, Terran Williams , 41, was born in Jozi and grew up in Sea Point. He currently leads the congregation at Common Ground Church, Constantia, and is in charge of preaching and teaching at the church’s nine Cape Town branches. Terran is married to Julie, currently the marketing manager of a local wine farm, and they have five children: Eli, 7, Fynn, 5, Ivy, 3, and Charlie and Sam, both 1 Ok, what’s the reality of parenting five kids? Children are the sweetest things in the world. Your heart walking around in someone else’s body. But there’s a dark side parents don’t often talk about. I think it’s good to open it up: it’s no good running a marathon uphill and trying to tell yourself this is wonderful. Facing the fact of the agonising incline is necessary if you’re going to make it. A few months ago, a therapist friend of mine said, ‘A family with a kid under the age of three is in crisis mode.’ At first I thought that was a bit negative, but on reflection I conclude he’s right. Parenting infants and toddlers puts you under a constant pressure that little else in life comes close to matching. It’s incessant in its challenges. To be fair, having five kids close together only compounds 14

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

the reality, but we’re just a magnification of what’s there for smaller families. (We know this: we once had fewer kids ourselves!) So why did you have so many children? We didn’t plan on five. We struggled initially to produce one! After three, Julie told me to get the snip. But she’d always had a sense of another child, so I said, ‘Why don’t we try just for two months?’ It happened straight away. Seven weeks later, Julie came rushing in from her scan screaming, ‘We’re not having a baby!’… (my heart stopped)… ‘We’re having two!’ My vision went blurry. And it’s been hard? I don’t want to sound as if I’m complaining. I think

reallife of parents who lose their income, single parents, parents of kids with severe disabilities, or parents who have lost a child. Those guys are the masters of the universe. I’m in awe. But we do have a number of challenges! On our better days, Julie and I team together like Batman and Robin, on our more stressed days we turn on each other. At night, we keep count of how many times we get out of bed and when our number is higher, ‘gently’ nudge the other person who’s pretending to sleep through the baby cry. By day, we play the ‘who’s suffering more’ card, and sometimes have a go at each other verbally in front of the kids. Yes, we know how damaging this is to a young child’s psyche, but the guilt doesn’t always have power to stop the bickering. Another challenge? Professionally, my sharpness disappeared for a year after Ivy and then the twins were born. There’ve been emails not responded to quickly enough, under-preparedness for critical meetings, increased strain from inferior quality attention to fellow-workers, and a tendency to lose composure when leading people requires me to stay calm. Is that it? No, there’s also a panoply of negative emotions. New fears and anxieties, feelings of inadequacy, the crippling curse of comparison. In my view, the most emotion-intensifying thing about family life is that we tend to absorb each other’s emotions. Every tantrum, tear and sibling tiff emits an emotional toxin that the trying-hard parents tend to take into their tender hearts. Our kids bounce back remarkably, but we parents, the emotional filters, are left with the residue. There’s a best-selling book on parenting titled ‘Keep Calm and Parent On’. That’s probably the best, but most unachievable, advice there is: like telling someone tumbling down a mountainside to keep calm and enjoy the ride. Any other challenges? Our house is a mess almost all the time. Stress and exhaustion work against one’s sexual capacities. Financial strain. We hardly have anyone round (we’d be embarrassed if people glimpsed the real chaos of our lives!). Every week, a new Time mag arrives in my postbox, but I can’t read it because its title is the one thing I don’t have!

hardships – they cut our lives right back. It doesn’t make sense. But, later, when fruitfulness comes, it starts to make sense. Why don’t people go to church any more? Oh, they do. Around the city, I get to preach to 1000s who still do, new people arriving each week. As for those who don’t, for many, their lives are so complicated already. They’d never imagine there could be one more thing that might be the very thing that simplifies and focuses everything else. Of course, there’s also the bad PR of the church in history – hypocrisy and judgmentalism – such a sad misrepresentation of its founder, Jesus. It’s not all gloom. My experience is that for every story of the church getting it wrong, there are ten stories of it getting things right. The media seldom cover those. Common Ground Church? My 17-year journey with this church has been a rollercoaster of wonderfulness. It started at Laerskool Groote Schuur in Claremont 18 years ago and now has nine vibrant congregations, ranging in size from 150 to 1000. We’re big on social justice and community building and try to make Christianity accessible to people. We help them wherever they are on their spiritual journey, regardless of their thoughts about God and church. We often say, ‘We’re a church where you’re welcome to belong before you believe.’ When I first visited the church, the bulletin said, ‘We’re ordinary people with an extraordinary God.’ That and the authenticity of its leaders hooked me. Any perspective to share with fellow parents? You Are Not The Only One. Parenting is hard for almost all of us. Also, You Are Not Alone. A small verse hidden in the massive book of Isaiah says God gently carries those who have young. It’s helped Julie and me when we’ve been at our lowest, reminding us there’s a parent in heaven who’s there for you as you parent another. Our vulnerability, as we rear the most vulnerable, catches His loving attention. You might feel alone, but in reality there’s a heartbeat as close to you as your child is to yours.

Go to www.thedaddude.com to read Terran’s parenting blog

So how do you survive? Coffee. Ha ha. And a long afternoon nap – I wish! Thankfully, Julie’s parents live close by and her mom comes round during many a crazy hour while we eat supper. My mom also helps out and on weekdays we have Winnet, who helps us clean the house and care for the twins. When things get really crazy, I try to step into endurance mode and remind myself I probably won’t feel like this tomorrow, so I shouldn’t make other people’s lives miserable in the meantime. I try to look after myself. My little maxim is: if your outflow exceeds your inflow, the shortfall will be your downfall. So I try to squeeze in surfing once or twice a week and holidays by the sea. I also try to take the kids out separately on a ‘date’. Julie? The best part of my life. I married up. She was head girl of St Mary’s, Hillcrest, in KZN and I wasn’t even a prefect. She reminds me in the chaos of parenting: ‘This is not for ever and one day we’re going to miss it.’ Ok, so some other things. You and God? As wonderful as family and surfing are, they don’t satisfy the deepest chambers of my heart. But God does. Why do some people find God so hard to find? I think we go looking in the wrong places. Searching for Him might short-circuit the important discovery that He has come searching for us. Why do you think there’s so much suffering in the world? Nine times out of 10 I’m stumped at what good can come out of a situation. But when I think of Jesus on the cross I see a God who’s not immune to suffering. I believe He weeps with us. I came to know God through the loss of my father, who split up with my mom because he was gay. Sadly, he was one of the first 100 people in South Africa to die of AIDS. I doubt I’d have come to know God if I hadn’t been shaken out of the shallowness of my life by the pain of loss. I have come to see God’s hand in my hardships. It’s as though God prunes me. The pruning shears, the

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thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

photomoment

gold An untrained dance troupe from Wupperthal in the Cederberg returned to South Africa in a blaze of glory earlier this year after scooping no less than three gold medals at the Performing Arts World Championships in Los Angeles. The Bushmans Kloof Nuwe Graskoue Trappers competed with contestants from over 60 countries and included in their performances gumboot dancing and Riel, a successor to traditional Khoi and San ceremonial dances that involves courtship rituals and ample displays of bravado and foot stomping. The Trappers also won gold in the open and tap dance categories. One of their group, 17-yearold Jobry Swart, was awarded a one-month dance scholarship with the Millennium Dance Complex in Hollywood. The troupe’s manager, Floris Smith, is the executive chef at Bushmans Kloof Wellness Retreat, a sponsor of the dancers since they formed their group in 2012.

Werner Le Roux

Follow them on Facebook (‘Die Nuwe Graskoue Trappers’)

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

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Global glory: the Nuwe Graskoue Trappers from the Cederberg recently won three gold medals in Los Angeles

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015 17

mylife

eyes on the good

stuff

Seugnet Moggee of Harfield Village, Claremont, grew up in Riebeeckstad in the

Free State, the eldest of four children. Her father was a construction manager and her mother an administrative clerk. She attended Riebeeckstad Primary and Secondary Schools, where she was head and deputy head girl. She then moved to the University of the Free State to study law. In her third year of studies, she had a serious car accident that changed her life. Here Seugnet, 31, talks to JILL BADER about living with the consequences, her subsequent romance and what keeps her going

was always a go-getter. I had a huge drive to achieve and compete. I was a sprinter and played provincial netball. I was also very outgoing and loved people.

My parents divorced when I was five and later my mom’s second marriage failed, so there wasn’t money for university. I asked my mom’s parents if they would sign surety for me, but my grandfather refused to do that and said he’d pay for me instead. I’m so grateful for the opportunity my grandparents gave me! They even took me, with all my belongings, in their VW kombi from Riebeeckstad to Bloemfontein, and helped me move in. During my first year of law my grandfather passed away and my granny continued to support me. During my first year at varsity I was handed a form by a hostel senior who asked me to enter the university rag queen competition. I thought, ‘Let me do this’, and it happened, I was crowned 2004 Rag Queen! I was delighted but also humbled: I hadn’t thought I would win. Esti, one of the Rag Queen finalists, encouraged me to go to church with her. I’d grown up in the Dutch Reformed Church, knew all the Bible stories and used to pray at times, but a relationship with God

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

was just never there and I always found a reason not to go to church. Eventually, however, I decided to go to church with Esti. I remember feeling that everyone there would judge me because, in my mind, not all my boxes were ticked: I felt I hadn’t been doing the things God expected of me, like going to church regularly. At some point during the service, they asked anyone who wanted to accept God to pray, and it was as though something just grabbed my heart, touching the untouchable places of my soul. I just knew I needed to give my life over to Him. I hadn’t had that feeling before but I realised I’d always yearned for a relationship with God, and wanted my life to follow His.

normal I met with one of the church elders afterwards and prayed with him but my life wasn’t dramatically different after that. I still went out with my friends and just carried on as normal. I didn’t make a big deal out of it or join a church. But a longing to spend time with God, to get to know Him better, was burning strong inside me. In May of my third year at varsity, a friend turned 21 and her parents invited her friends to their ‘river house’ in Kimberley for a weekend of waterskiing. I was in one

of two cars returning to university on the Sunday night. We had had such a wonderful weekend; we were all tired but happy. About 35km outside Bloem, a brokendown bakkie had been left in the middle of the road on a blind rise. The driver had abandoned the vehicle there without hazard lights or a triangle sign. Our friends in the first car tried to call us, but none of us in the second car had our phones on. I was in the back seat behind the driver and was dozing off when we approached the bakkie. It’s so weird, at that moment I had a dream about an accident that was going to happen. The next thing I heard was my friend, who was driving, say: ‘Ons gaan ’n ongeluk maak’ (‘We’re going to have an accident’). We would have hit the bakkie if she hadn’t pulled the car out of the way in time. To avoid a head-on collision with an oncoming car, she then swerved back onto the left-hand side of the road but lost control. The car rolled down a slope and I remember hearing breaking metal and glass. Two of my friends were thrown out of the car and cut very badly with broken glass. Simoné, in the front passenger seat, broke her back and both her shoulder blades. They fixed them later with plates and screws. Hetta, who was in the back with me, also broke her back. She was in

Tonya Hester

mylife

As a student, lawyer Seugnet Moggee was paralysed from the hips down by a car accident a wheelchair in the beginning, but later started walking with crutches and more recently got married and had a baby! Luckily, the friend driving the car didn’t get hurt at all. As for me, I felt like a rag doll being flung around the car. It felt as if it went on forever, even though it was so quick. When the car came to a standstill in a field, I was immediately aware I had no feeling in my legs. It felt as if the lower half of my body was cut off. I used my hands to try and feel if it was still there because it felt severed, just not there. I remember then saying to God: ‘Not my legs, please just not my legs’, as if I already knew. I asked Him to heal me because I felt that I wouldn’t be able to deal with this. I was so scared. My upper body was twisted one way. I pulled myself up on the door handle. The pain was excruciating, it felt as if my organs had burst and I was bleeding to death inside. It was really, really, really bad. When an ambulance got to us, a paramedic stood outside the car and talked to me, try-

ing to keep me awake, I think. They cut me out of the wreck, pushed a wooden plank underneath me and pulled me out, which was agony. In the ambulance I just about crushed the hand of the poor paramedic who went with me because I was holding on so tight. With every bump of the road, pain shot through me. I begged him to give me something for the pain but he couldn’t before I was examined.

broken back In the emergency room, they examined each one of us. They asked me where the pain was and then, just like that, they cut my jeans off. My back was completely broken, as well as two ribs, and I had a lung contusion. I don’t remember the next few days but I know that some friends established a trust fund for me to help with the bills as I didn’t have medical aid, and my uncle paid the money necessary for the operation. All three of us were operated on that night by a brilliant doctor. The three of us were in ICU for about seven days and in high care for another week, then Hetta and I went into rehab for a month. I wore

a back brace for six months. We all instituted claims against the Road Fund and were successful, which helped us adjust to our new lives by paying for equipment, loss of future earnings and medical care, but it will never, ever bring back what we lost. I knew a guy called De Wet from university. He came to visit us in hospital and asked a friend of his, Hanro, to come with him. Hanro told De Wet that he’d rather not come because he didn’t know us, and didn’t like hospitals. Eventually, however, he gave in and arrived with a card he’d picked out and written in. I had a real connection with Hanro when we met. He was a tall, dark, handsome guy, very introverted but with a wonderful sense of humour, and really concerned for all us girls. He would come to the rehab centre for eight hours at a time just to encourage us. One of his favourite movies was Patch Adams, a movie starring Robin Williams, who uses humour to help heal his patients. Hanro had hoped for the opportunity to be a Patch Adams in somebody’s life and only realised later on that coming to see us girls was that ‘Patch Adams moment’. We thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

mylife

From head girl to rag queen: the young Seugnet (left) was riding high

In sickness and in health: Seugnet met her husband Hanro while recovering from the accident which paralysed her

became very good friends. I really liked him because he made me laugh so much I forgot my circumstances. I loved his deep, yet humorous, character. It turned out that my spinal cord was severed between the T12 and L1 vertebrae, meaning I was basically paralysed from the hips down. Although the doctor apparently did tell me my paralysis was permanent, I can’t remember any of this, probably because I was so heavily sedated with pain meds. I think I was in such a state of denial that the reality didn’t sink in until after the month of rehab when I arrived back in Riebeeckstad with my mom, and tried to climb out of the car. The reality hit hard that I couldn’t physically do this. For a while I felt abandoned by God. I think I put Him in the same category as my own father, who had left home. But when I began attending a ladies’ group with Esti, I started seeing another side of Him. I came to realise that actually the only thing I could really put my faith in was the person of Jesus Christ, and that one of my blind spots in life had been to keep putting my faith in a relationship with someone else and not God. I’d been afraid to be on my own and had always felt I needed to be with someone. About two years after the accident, I resumed my studies, staying with Hanro’s family until my mom moved to Bloem and I could live with her. I think my physical injuries were toughest to accept for the people closest to me. None of them had ever had a disability,

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

so it was difficult for them to deal with. There were incidents of weirdness because they, too, were hurting. I also went through phases when I was extremely angry and irritable. It was hard, and you take it out on those closest to you. Four years later, Hanro and I began asking ourselves whether we should pursue our relationship because it was becoming more ernstig (serious). We went into a period of separation from each other for four months, only seeing each other infrequently. We wanted to understand if God wanted us to get married or not: I knew it would be hard for a man to have a wife in a wheelchair, and I wanted the best for him. After four months of reading the Bible and praying and thinking about it, we felt our message was that God would bless us no matter what we decided. In June 2010 we got engaged and in February 2011 we got married. Our wedding was so beautiful. My brothers and Hanro’s brother carried me into the church on a little wooden bench like a princess. It was just perfect!

degree I obtained my LLB law degree in 2010 and was admitted as an attorney in the High Court during the same year. I now do fiduciary work, which includes estate planning and trust administration. I love people, so I love my work. Fortunately, my office in Claremont gives me easy access in a wheelchair. Once I’m in the car, I can fold my wheelchair using two quick release buttons

to take the wheels off. It then weighs just 7kg and I can lift it and put it on the passenger seat. Reassembling it is just as easy. Some years later, I sustained a bad burn on my foot and was admitted to hospital again. When Hanro was pushing me back out of hospital, it suddenly felt as if I’d gone back 10 years and I just crashed emotionally. It felt as if I’d never dealt with the accident. I had always told myself: ‘Just get on with life, it’s not that bad’, but I had a breakdown then. I spent three weeks with psychologists and psychiatrists, but at the end of this time I came out stronger. For many years, despite strong medication, I had the most excruciating neuropathic pain originating from where my spine was severed: my brain kept trying to tell me there was something wrong! I would feel it in my legs as if I was being burnt by fire, shocked by electricity or getting stabbed in the legs. Sometimes I needed to work from home where I could sit in bed and stretch my legs out if the pain was too much to bear, which my boss very generously allowed me to do. However, in July 2015, I did a trial of a nervestimulating device that was implanted at the source of the pain in my spine. There was a 50/50 chance it would work – and it did! I’m so grateful, because even though the pain isn’t totally gone, the intensity is so much better. It already feels as if I can cope so much better through my day-to-day activities and I’m now being weaned off the

mylife

second of four pain control medications. At the moment, I manage the strength of the stimulation by way of an external remote and Hanro jokes that he can finally control his wife by using it! It’s a big dream of mine to have children. The medication for the pain is the only reason I can’t right now because it would harm the baby. It’s so important for Hanro and me to have a baby, even just one. As a woman there’s nothing wrong with me. I can even become pregnant the normal way, everything! I can carry the baby in my own womb and would just have to be monitored more closely because there are more risks for a paraplegic, but nothing that can’t be overcome. I’m so happy that now that I am being weaned off some medications for pain, the possibility of starting a family is real! When I no longer have to take any tablets to deal with the pain, Hanro and I will start trying to have a baby, as soon as next year, I hope. I think my biggest challenge in life is people’s reactions at the mall and other public places, where I’m just another person in a wheelchair to people who don’t know me. Some reactions are quite funny. Some people completely ignore me; others talk louder or stare at me. It was hard in the beginning because I perceived myself through their

eyes and began asking, what’s wrong with me? It didn’t help at all with self-acceptance. And then the disability parking − oh my word! People don’t think that a young lady, who can drive on her own and doesn’t have a wheelchair on a roof rack, can be a paraplegic. I fold my wheelchair and put it on the seat next to me because I don’t want to draw attention to it. So I get stares and people often come up to challenge me after I’ve parked, and I have to explain myself. That’s always hard. You learn to see the humour in that, though. You have to, or it gets to you.

dream Music was always very important to me. My father’s mom was a music teacher who played the piano, my mother’s mom played the piano and organ, and they both sang in church choirs. I always sang and played the piano. I stopped after the accident, but then I felt a prompt to begin again. It was difficult in the beginning to generate power in my diaphragm while sitting down and I had to learn to do that. Now it’s not really difficult at all. I didn’t think it was possible, but I can! It’s a dream of mine to record my own music one day. Today my faith is stronger than ever, and my hope as well. I’ll never lose the hope and

expectancy for healing, never, because I know God could do it in an instant. I’m so content. It really doesn’t matter that I’m not walking presently, that my pain isn’t gone fully, that I want to give my husband hugs whilst standing or go for walks with him on the beach. No difficult thing in life matters, because God Himself promises that He will never leave us. He goes before us and will be with us. He blows my mind every single day with His ‘bigness’ and the plans He has for me, even in a wheelchair. I’ve just got to be willing to walk with Him, let Him guide my steps. I hold on to Jeremiah 29:11 which says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” My best piece of advice for curve balls in life? It’s to know that not one of us is exempt from them. We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. But I have realised God gives us an anchor so our boat is safe in rough waters. Of course I still sometimes struggle and get it all wrong, but God is always there to pick me back up again and point me in the right direction. He calms the storms.’

See Suegnet sing on YOUTUBE Go to http://bit.ly/1O9NmJy

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

hewrites

oh dear,

Surf’s Up!

GRANT CLARK laments being forced to exercise IT IS A WELL-ESTABLISHED FACT that

Exercise and I are not particularly good friends. I would say that we view each other with suspicion. I’m not entirely sure what Exercise is really up to and, frankly, I question its supposed altruistic motives. Exercise, in turn, views me as belligerent and unsatisfactorily soft in the middle. Unfortunately for me, TLJ (The Lovely Jacs) and my girls think Exercise is brilliant. In my mind, this is a strong argument for the superiority of male thinking. According to TLJ, I am a misogynist (I think they make furniture), and I am belligerent and unsatisfactorily soft in the middle. The other day she turned to me and said, ‘Muffin Top!’ I replied, ‘Yes please!’, enthusiastically thinking I actually was going to get the top part of a muffin, which really is the best bit. I was handed nothing delicious and instead TLJ persisted with her mantra of ‘Muffin Top’ while pointing at my midriff. I had to Google it afterwards. Have you seen the pictures that come up on Google if you search muffin top?! Don’t do it. It’s enough to put you off muffins for life. I am most certainly not one.

Anyway, that’s how my girls got me into the water. They convinced me surfing was the way to go. I would shed my alleged (but still denied) muffin top in no time, and be instantly cool at the same time. And in any event, how hard could it be? They taught Keanu Reeves to do it in that Point Break movie and, according to heat magazine, he isn’t the shiniest spoon in the dishwasher. So this is how I found myself squeezed into an inappropriately tight black sausage casing on Muizenberg beach. As I looked around at other similarly encased people, it dawned on me that had I chosen to lie down on the beach for a brief rest, I would have looked remarkably like a beached seal or even a very small athletic whale. This was particularly concerning for the simple reason that above my head fluttered a flag with a picture of a shark on it. I was told the flag was there to

let me know that conditions were such that while probably hundreds of sharks were out there waiting for me, the people assigned and paid to see them couldn’t. As I discussed this with TLJ, she suggested I was being a giant sissy, and that according to posters at the aquarium, toasters kill more people every year than sharks do. Well, that may be the case, but given the choice I think I’d still rather go down in a blaze of glory fighting an enraged toaster than as an amuse-bouche to Jaws. Going into the water cunningly disguised as a shark’s favourite meal really didn’t seem like such a good idea to me. TLJ told me to suck it up and that, anyway, there was a siren which sounded if anyone saw a shark. When I tried to point out that the black flag above my head meant no one was going to see the shark until it was too late, she called me ‘Muffin Top’ again. Jeez. Well, the whole thing didn’t go well. The board TLJ rented for me was broken and didn’t work at all. Her board was brilliant and she had these long cool rides, while mine just made me look stupid. On top of that, it took me ages to paddle out to where TLJ was and when I got there she disappeared, leaving me alone in the deep water surrounded by millions of sharks trying to figure out what type of seal I was before they ate me. Then my worst fear came true and the shark siren went off. I screamed in a pitch slightly higher than the siren and paddled for my life. I think I was still paddling 10 metres up the beach and about to enter the parking lot when an embarrassed-looking teenage boy (not even my kid and he was embarrassed!) pointed out that I’d reacted to a passing train hooter. Why did they build the beach so close to the station anyway? Stupid trains. Stupid sharks. Stupid teenage boys. Stupid muffins. I’ve been told I’ll have to go back and, until I do, TLJ and the girls are going to keep calling me Muffin Top. Which I think is very unfair, and also kind of makes me want a muffin.

Grant Clark is an attorney specialising in maritime law. He’s also a pastor at Common Ground Church, Constantia 22

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

shewrites

shall I compare thee to,

umm, me?

Mary Steward envies women with big cars and small bottoms I’LL NEVER FORGET that first day of

Standard Six (as we called Grade Eight in the olden days). We all met in the hall. Huddles of girls shared stories of holidays and hairstyles while waiting for classes to be called. Most of these girls had been together through the primary years, while I came from a junior school in another city. Half relieved to be anonymous, I stood glued to the back wall watching them. Half relieved, yes, but also half desperate to belong. Classes were announced. My anonymity was over and I wondered if my ponytail was in the right place (ponytail placement, of course, being a key indicator of cool). Then I noticed everyone’s socks and quickly rolled mine down. The agonising self-introduction required from me was mumbled and unimpressive, to say the least. Then it was her turn… Aaah, aaah. It was as if angels were singing around her. She flicked her blonde ponytail as she stood up. ‘Hi, my name is Carol.’ She announced her name with confidence and poise, looking as if she’d stepped out of a daisy-strewn Timotei Shampoo field (another Eighties reference, sorry). She was beautiful and fresh, and I thought I recognised her. It transpired that Carol did part-time modelling, but this had never been a real focus as she was serious about her academics. In fact, she’d read all the setworks for the term over the holidays (‘It’s no sweat, I love reading’). She also loved maths and had just won her school tennis tournament. ‘And oh, Miss Versveld, would you mind if I made an announcement about the blankets I’m collecting for charity?’ What?! Have you ever had that kind of moment? When you encounter someone who just seems to effortlessly tick all the boxes? That’s how I felt about Carol. I couldn’t believe someone could get it so right! She was nailing life while I felt the loser ‘L’ on my forehead

growing in her presence. Perhaps you can relate to that sort of moment at the end of a long week? You’re standing at the check-out counter at a grocery store. Your suck-in pants aren’t working, you can feel those extra five kilos on your thighs and your reflection in the shop window reveals your mascara is definitely not where it should be. Then you notice the lady in front of you with a very small bottom and beautifully pedicured toenails. You see her unpacking healthy and expensive things like salmon and asparagus and there’s lots of cauliflower which means she’s totally Banting. You look down at your basket. You’ve got a bag of chips and some wine. She smiles at you so you can’t even hate her. Her phone rings: ‘Hi Babe!’ So she’s happily married. Then you realise that all this time there’s been a child sitting quietly in the trolley. Not screaming, but sitting peacefully munching on a carrot. You watch her leave and unpack her groceries into her perfect black 4 x 4, which just happens to be parked next to your skadonk. She drives off into her perfect life. The loser sign on your forehead is now glowing bright orange. But here’s the thing. And I have to remind myself of this truth whenever I have that supermarket moment. Even back in Standard Six, I realised something worth remembering. After getting to know Carol and being friends with her, I saw that in spite of her beauty and abilities, insecurities would rise up and show themselves in many different ways. And on a hot summer’s day her underarms were even less fragrant than mine. Perfection is an illusion of our own making, the spirit of comparison swirls around us all the time. I have to remind myself of that truth. If we had to follow the lady from the supermarket home, who knows what state her cupboards would be in. Just saying.

Mary Steward is a comedic speaker, MC and corporate facilitator based in Cape Town

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

foodielife

‘This is a perfect summer salad’, says celebrated

Franschhoek chef, Reuben Riffel. ‘I’ve been doing it for years without changing a thing, which is not usual for me. Some regulars order it every time they eat at my restaurant. It must have the ripest fruit in order to work properly.’ Banters may wince at the sugar in the dressing but you can substitute or simply leave it out – it still tastes amazing. The recipe can be found in Reuben’s award-winning recipe book Food is Time Travel (Quivertree Publications) What you need FOR THE SALAD 1 small pawpaw, peeled and cut into small cubes 2 ripe (but not overripe) mangoes, peeled and cut into small cubes 1 small head iceberg lettuce, shredded 1 small sweet summer melon, peeled and finely sliced Fresh watercress leaves, to garnish Fresh coriander leaves, to garnish Mixed sprouts, to garnish Alfalfa sprouts, to garnish 2 tbsp pine nuts FOR THE DRESSING 2 tbsp black poppy seeds 1/2 cup freshly squeezed lime juice 4 tbsp Thai fish sauce 2 heaped tbsp caster sugar (reduce or leave out if necessary

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reliable flower delivery at www.therosecafe.florist Simply quote the voucher code ‘THISLIFE’ at checkout to redeem your discount. Ts & Cs apply

FOR THE DRESSING Mix all ingredients together FOR THE SALAD Mix the pawpaw and mango cubes together. Divide shredded lettuce between 4 serving plates and place pawpaw and mango mix on top. Arrange slices of melon around the sides and top with watercress and coriander leaves. Scatter with sprouts and pine nuts and spoon over some dressing

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thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

this page proudly sponsored by Natural Herbs & Spices, www.naturalherbsandspices.com, contact: 021 510 8339 or info@naturalherbsandspices.com

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pawpaw, melon and mango salad with poppy seed and lime dressing thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

infomoment

lifesupport parenting BABY GROUPS Share the experience of motherhood with good coffee and new friends in a supportive environment at the Moms Connect baby and toddler group. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. When? Thursdays 10am - 12pm (term time). Babies and toddlers obviously welcome too! Contact Jill Mathew: 072 329 0281 or reception@cck.org.za Alternatively, join MomSpace in Kirstenhof, a relaxed and supportive place for moms and their 0 - 3s to have fun and be inspired. Where? Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof. When? Tuesdays 9.30 - 11am (term time). All welcome. Contact Ros or Cathi: 021 701 3201 or cathi@chscapetown.org Or… consider a weekly tea for new moms (plus babes). Where? Connect Church, 18 Orlando Way, Meadowridge. When? Tuesdays @ 10am. Contact Brenda: brenda.burnstone@gmail.com or 084 588 4581 PARENTING COURSE Join other parents at the Parenting Course to make the most of parenting! Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

marriage MARRIAGE PREPARATION A weekly course open to all couples, whether church members or not! Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: claire@cck.org.za or 021 797 6332 ALREADY MARRIED Fancy a weekly date with your spouse – to talk privately together, be served a delicious meal and have some input to encourage and challenge you in your relationship? Try The Marriage Course, recommended for all marriages, whether blooming or a little parched. No need to belong to any church. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

junior youth groups Junior Youth @ Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof. Last Friday of every month, 5:30 7.15pm for Grades 4 - 7. Call Cathi: 021 701 3201 Kick @ Claremont Methodist Church. Fridays 6 - 8pm. Call 021 674 2596 UTX @ Emmanuel Church,

Wynberg. Call Nola: 021 761 6837 Connect Kids @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. 021 712 1218 or jolene@connectchurch.org.za Oasis @ Christ Church, Kenilworth. Friday 6 - 8pm for Grades 4 - 7. Call Bushy: 074 418 5865

teen youth groups Ambies @ Christ Church, Kenilworth. Call Michael: 021 797 6332 Amplify @ Claremont Methodist Church, every Friday 8 - 10pm. Call 021 674 2596 gcubedyouth @ St John’s Church, Wynberg (next to Springfield Convent). Contact Keegan: 072 808 2063, 021 797 8968 or keegan@stjohns.org.za H4K @ Emmanuel Church, Wynberg. Call Nola: 021 761 6837 Union @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. Email Roland: roland@connectchurch.org.za Youth @ Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Fridays 7.30 - 9.30pm, Grades 8 - 12. Contact Brendan: brendan@chscapetown.org or 021 701 3201

prayer PRAYER CLINIC Anyone with physical, emotional or spiritual needs is invited to be prayed for by experienced prayer counsellors from local Cape Town churches. Patients are usually referred by doctors, but you can self-refer by calling reception on 021 683 5867. No charge. Thursdays 4 - 5.30pm at Medicross, 67 Rosmead Avenue, Kenilworth (not public holidays) 24-HOUR PRAYER LINE Call Radio CCFm’s Prayer Friend Line at any hour of the day or night. It’s manned by people used to dealing with a wide variety of situations. Call 021 788 3340, register your prayer request online at www.ccfm.org.za or email prayer@ccfm.org.za HEALING PRAYER for physical or emotional challenges. Second and fourth Tuesdays at Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Call Alison (Christ Church): 021 797 6332 or Paul Rademeyer (Church of the Holy Spirit): 082 417 0243

divorce BEYOND DIVORCE A series of workshops aimed at anyone who has experienced the devastation of separation or divorce. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

Looking for something new? Maybe there’s something here for YOU…

sewing

men & women

WONDERING ABOUT SEWING? Discover a talent and earn a living! Start by making a pin cushion and finish with a tracksuit that’s good enough to sell. Where? St Thomas’ Church hall, Rondebosch. When? Wednesdays 2 - 4pm. Each class costs just R1. Call Eileen: 021 685 1980

JOIN ‘A Journey to Significance’ if you’re a man over 40 and are soul-searching! Where? Christ Church, Kenilworth. Contact Richard: 082 825 1598 or richardn@netactive.co.za or Barrie: bjack.newjourneys@gmail.com or 082 552 1333 EVERY WOMAN has a story worth sharing! Why not drop in for coffee at Ladies Linking to hear some? Where? Rotating venues in Constantia. When? Last Friday of every month 10am - 12 noon. There is no charge. Contact Angie: angie@chscapetown.org COMMUNITY NIGHT @ Claremont Methodist Church, 22 Cavendish Road, Claremont. Supper and friendship building every Wednesday. 021 674 2596 or email dave@claremontmethodist.org

helping others HABITAT FOR HUMANITY Help build a house for those without! Join (or support in a number of different ways) a local build organised by St John’s Parish, Wynberg. To find out more, click on www.habitat.org.za or email jennydry@telkomsa.net HUNGRY SCHOOLCHILDREN For R150 and 90 minutes of your time per week, you can feed 60 hungry school children! Contact Claire: claire@zevdevco.co.za

personal WANT MORE CLARITY on where your responsibilities lie – and where they don’t? Looking to live more lightly, without comparing yourself to others? The Boundaries Course has been run for 10 years, with great results. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za GRIEFSHARE A recovery support group which offers help and healing for the pain experienced when someone you love dies. Run by St John’s Parish, Wynberg. Contact Klaus and Barbara: 021 671 4732, 082 453 9392 or klaush@global.co.za Also run by Connect Church, Meadowridge. Contact Sue: 021 712 1218 or sue@connectchurch.org.za Living with cancer? Contact Cancer Buddies, which brings together patients with a similar profile and treatment protocol. Call 0800 033 337 (toll-free) or go to www.cancerbuddies.org.za to request support online DEALING WITH DEPRESSION is for people experiencing depression, plus those supporting them. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za WORRIED BY/ADDICTED TO PORN? Contact Clive at STOP (Standing Together to Oppose Pornography): 021 715 3216, 083 463 4762, stop@stop.org.za or go to www.stop.org.za

spirituality ALPHA is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church. Visit www.alpha.org/southafrica or contact the following churches for details of their next course: Christ Church, Kenilworth (021 797 6332), Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof (021 701 3201), Emmanuel Church, Wynberg (021 797 0179), St John’s Church, Wynberg (021 797 8968), St Philip’s Church, Kenwyn (021 762 8772) or Connect Church, Meadowridge (021 712 1218) MESSY CHURCH @CHS, a way of doing church for the whole family, last Sunday of every month. 4pm at Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Contact Cathi on 021 701 3201 THURSDAY REFRESH Finding it difficult to get to church on Sunday? Need a midweek refresher? Join Refresh for an informal 45-minute communion service. Thursdays (term time) at 9.15am at Christ Church, Kenilworth. Call Yvonne on 082 689 7380 for more details ARE YOU WONDERING ABOUT JESUS THE JEWISH MESSIAH? For 200 years, the Church’s Ministry among the Jewish People (CMJ) has invested in the spiritual rebirth of the Jewish People as well as presenting Jesus the Jew to Christians. To find out more, go to www.cmj-sa.org or contact John Atkinson: john@cmj-sa.org or Edith Sher: edith@cmj-sa.org or Sue: admin@cmj-sa.org

capelife

of cape town SNIPPETS Khayelitsha now has its own firstclass animal hospital, constructed from seven enormous shipping containers. Besides treating sickness and conducting ‘humane education workshops’, the hospital will offer free sterilisation to help control animal overpopulation in the area, estimated to be home to as many as 100 000 cats and dogs. The hospital was funded by donors and the South African Mass Animal Sterilisation Trust (www.samast.co.za) is now fundraising to furnish and equip it

Cricket touches the lives of disadvantaged young cricketers at the Cricket School of Excellence, founded by Ryan Maron, a former WP cricketer also involved with UCT cricket and Afghanistan’s national side (yes, it has one!). For over 10 years, the school has invited promising township cricketers to its holiday clinics and found sponsorship for their transport, meals and other costs. ‘Sport is so much more than sport, especially for youngsters who don’t have many opportunities,’ says Western Cape Premier Helen Zille, a supporter of the upliftment programme

this page proudly sponsored by Andrew and Priska Newham

Theunis Stofberg

good sports

Ryan Maron

Always looking for your memory stick? Students from UCT’s Postgraduate Diploma in Entrepreneurship felt the pain of losing theirs and invented Kinekt, a unisex leather bracelet containing an 8GB USB. Retailing for R199 in various shades of brown, the bracelet can also be tied to a backpack or anything else to keep it to hand. Find it on Facebook (‘Kinekt’) or email kinektinfo@gmail.com to order

student savvy

WseIeNp7!

Shafts of brightness radiate out of shady Constantia Nek forest in the form of Light from Africa, a foundation giving hundreds of underprivileged, traumatised children access to healing creativity. The NPO, based at a studio called Art in the Forest, also runs a mentorship programme through which celebrated potter Anthony Shapiro guides aspiring young potters. Forestware, their custom-made ceramics range, is sold both locally and internationally. All profits made at the studio are invested into the foundation, which boasts Desmond Tutu as a patron. Open 6 days a week, 021 794 0291, www.artintheforest.com

Bianca Röhrig

kindness

light

Sheldon Moultrie

what goes on below the radar?

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

marketplace your guide to local services (take the las out of looking)

R:\Revprint Data Backup\Work_11 July 2012\Dr Eksteen\Eksteen Optom_bc_Chris.cdr 20 August 2012 04:06:46 PM Color profile: Disabled Composite Default screen

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GET NOTICED! Want to advertise your business card in our next issue? Mail us on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or call Rebecca on 082 540 5166 or Tonya on 074 672 7369

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

marketplace your guide to local services (take the las out of looking)

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thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

marketplace

With compliments of Pick n Pay Family Store, Rondebosch

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thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

STYLE / LEISURE

marketplace

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Maybe we’re biased, but we assume that if our advertisers choose our mag, they must be good. However, if you don’t receive total satisfaction, please let the advertiser know and seek any recourse from him/her. Even though there is little we can do about your particular grievance, please do let us know of your complaint too – for our future reference

GET NOTICED! Want to advertise your business card in our next issue? Mail us on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or call Rebecca on 082 540 5166 or Tonya on 074 672 7369

thislife.org.za | issue 13 | summer 2015

retailtherapy

made in 10

LOOKING FOR FAB GIFTS?

Try these beauties, all proudly made in South Africa

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8 1. Soft ‘bucket’ container (for plants, cotton wool, chargers, etc), from R155 Get it from Skinny laMinx, 201 Bree Street, Cape Town, 021 424 6290 or order online at www.skinnylaminx.com 2. Maybru flip flops, R150 Get them from 082 880 2230, christine@maybru.co.za or www.maybru.co.za 3. Recycled fabric pots, R100 each Get them at www.reclaimdesign.weebly.com or contact Nix at nikkirixon@yahoo.co.uk or 082 738 7050 4. Jumbo storage bag made from recycled plastic bottles (use for toys, laundry, boots, etc), R135 Get it from www.aplacetoshop.co.za 5. Handcrafted birch braai box, R320 Get it from 084 517 2527, marlene@cakegoed.co.za or www.cakegoed.co.za 6. Quality chocolate-with-a-heart (R2 per bar sold goes to an anti rhino-poaching fund), from R45 Get it from Le Chocolatier at 10 Church Street, Stellenbosch, Food Lover’s Markets countrywide, info@lechocolatier.co.za or 021 883 2200 7. Recycled notebook (cover is embedded with seeds to plant eventually), from R90 Get it from 071 472 4376, www.growingpaper.co.za or Poetry stores countrywide 8. Large handmade platter, R350 Get it from sonjajoe@icon.co.za or 072 158 4042 and view similar products on Facebook (‘Clay Art by Sonja Moore’) 9. Leather/metal bracelet, R65 Get it from theelf1978@hotmail.com or 072 241 7364, and view similar products on Facebook (‘Julz’) 10. Hand-decorated babygrows, R100 for one or R270 for three Get them from wattsew@yahoo.co.za or 078 539 0757, and view similar products on Facebook (‘Sew Watt’) 32

thislife.org.za l issue 13 | summer 2015

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