thislife magazine issue 14

Winter 2016

thislife TM

What business taught me:

internet whizz Luvuyo Rani

www.thislife.org.za Issue 14

in search of meaning

Happiest in Africa

Oz rugby superstar David Pocock

TEENS

behaving

Easy cheesy

positively

breakfast bakes

WIN

B&B in Greyton, spa voucher, burgers for four and more!

How we survived the loss of our children

our miracle baby

stories of hope l local living l contemporary faith

contents

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ON THE COVER Cover photos by: Tonya Hester, Craig Fraser, Winsome Denyer

06 sportymoment Australian and Brumbies rugby superstar David Pocock

goes back to his African roots 08 ourlives How Lawrie and Isobel Wilmot survived the murder of their children 12 worklife Luvuyo Rani reveals what business has taught him Steve Sherman

18 coolstories Our miracle baby 22 parentlife How to get the best out of your teen (and how your teen can get

the best out of you!)

24 foodielife Easy breakfast bakes – have a go!

Cape Town life under the radar

AND THE REST

04

04 locallife Luxurious Elgin vineyard trail, ethical burgers, cool Cape Town

designs and new-age trampolining 15 capelife Snippets of Cape Town 16 shewrites Comedienne Mary Steward analyses her friends 17 hewrites Local lawyer Grant Clark questions the joys of mountain biking 20 photomoment Women of substance brighten Cape Town’s waters 26 infomoment Courses/groups/support for YOU

Skinny LaMinx

27 legalmoment Have you got WILL power?

28 marketplace Local classifieds (take the las out of looking) 32 retailtherapy Made in SA! Gifts and goods you feel great about buying

WIN!

Simply SMS POST to 33808 for your chance to win one night’s bed and breakfast for two people sharing.

22 Main Road, Greyton, Overberg • Hotel (028) 254 9995 Reservations (079) 893 6972 • www.theposthouse.co.za reservations@theposthouse.co.za

Prizes

L

uxury accommodation with first class service and gourmet cuisine in the heart of Greyton.

The Post House is your destination for a wonderful weekend getaway, superb midweek conference or intimate country wedding.

up for grabs in this issue

Local design goes global ONE night’s LUXURY B&B for two at The Post House, Greyton p2 ‘PICK ME UP PACKAGE’ worth R750 at Rouge Day Spa, Kenilworth p20 ETHICAL BURGER & DRINK for four people at IYO Burgers, Cape Town p5 WEEKDAY NIGHT B&B for two at Wildekrans Country House, Elgin p4 bundle of fab sa gifts p32 three copies of Real Food, Healthy, Happy Children, donated by Quivertree Publications p24 six copies of All God’s Stones and God’s Promise for Families, donated by Noelene Curry p19 CONGRATS to the winners from our last issue!

Gail Hallett, Claremont; Sharon Humphries, Rondebosch; Tracy Theunissen, Harfield Village; Stuart Twine, Tableview; Roger Wood, Diep River

CONTACT US

Want to give input or send a comment or question to anyone who wrote in this magazine? Email Katy at thislifemag@gmail.com

COMPETITIONS

All competitions in this magazine end 15 August 2016. Really sorry if you’re from afar, but all prizes need to be picked up in Cape Town! Normal SMS rates apply (so sorry, free SMSes won’t work) THE BORING BUT TRUE BIT: Please note that all our prizes, including any physical activities, are undertaken entirely at your own risk: we can’t accept any liability whatsoever for any damage or loss you may incur. Also, we may use your name in the next issue of thislife or other channels for publicity purposes. By entering any thislife competition, you accept these terms

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

GOTCHA! Our peripatetic photographer Tonya caught on the job in Newlands

Hello...

and welcome to thislife magazine!

EEEEK! These, friends, are ever more crazy times. You know it only too well. Our national politics are wild. Then there’s local crime, fed by freaky socio-economic conditions. Throw in hate speech, climate change, the dithering rand and a few more personal nasties of your choice, and you’ve got a recipe for never getting out of bed again.

But get out of bed we do. And luckily so, because the bizarre fact is that there are also so many good things in this life: people are helping each other all over the show. And we’ve got some diverse and lovely examples for you right here. A nonprofit organisation in Rondebosch is training the unemployed to become classy coffee baristas (p15). A bevy of Bergvliet women are selling chic ‘gently worn’ clothes to fund vulnerable children’s education (p5). Business whizz Luvuyo Rani is enabling his community to achieve (p12). Rather than polish his trophies, Oz rugby giant David Pocock has established a charity in Zimbabwe (p6). And most movingly, Lawrie and Isobel Wilmot, who’ve endured 17 soul-lacerating years since their children were murdered, spend much of their time helping others heal (p8).

NEWSFLASH! Keen to be involved in our future? We’re growing a digital arm. Mail us on thislifemag@gmail.com or SMS ‘DIGITAL’ to 33808 right now if you’d like to sample our digital offerings.

We hope you savour our stories of hope!

Katy Macdonald, Ed

PS Thank you to those who write to us – we love it! Contact us any

time on thislifemag@gmail.com – gripes included!

PPS Another reason to be cheerful: as I write, Cape Town has been

voted best city in the world for the fourth year in a row by readers of Britain’s Daily Telegraph, beating Vancouver and Venice into second and third place. Viva Cape Town, viva!

JOIN OUR DIGITAL DOINGS!

Go to ‘thislife magazine’ on Facebook and ‘like’ us Crossing to life’s little joys, we also celebrate food (p24 – thank SMS/email ‘DIGITAL’ to to receive our local-living you, Lord, for making our breakfast bakes possible in addition to thislifemag@gmail.com posts – humour, food, Cape creating the universe). And a nice little grumble works wonders, or 33808 if you’d like to Town life – and sometimes Looking receive digital content too: let me know if you can’t raise at least a smile over Grant something a bit more for another from us profound!

Clark’s mountain biking whinges (p17). copy of thislife?

Visit www.thislife.org.za CONTACT US: thislifemag@gmail.com for our distribution details TO ADVERTISE WITH US contact Rebecca on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or 082 540 5166, Dean on 082 558 3722, or click on www.thislife.org.za

OUR TEAM: Editor Katy Macdonald | Picture/Production editor/Designer Tonya Hester | Admin & editorial support Karen Strydom

Writers this issue Jean Alfeld, Jill Bader, Pam Bailie, Bronwen Bowmer, Grant Clark, Barry Jessop, Mary Steward | Advertising Rebecca Parry, Dean Herrick | Distribution Rebecca Parry | Prayer support Mary Holgate | Board Brian Burnett, Duncan McLea, Katy Macdonald, Angie Tate

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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locallife

Local living

what’s new in cape town?

buy...

WATCH OUT for Cape Town décor success story Skinny laMinx, whose fresh graphics are jazzing up shop shelves on all of the world’s five continents. Birthed 10 years ago by self-taught illustrator Heather Moore as ‘a bit of a hobby’, her design stable celebrates life’s minutiae such as pebbles and shoes in a style dubbed ‘Afro-Scandi’ by Dutch Elle magazine. Slowly, it’s grown into a global micro-brand providing retail therapy from San Francisco to Berlin.

Ms Moore describes her design process thus: ‘If I approach a project face-on I tend to overthink things. But if I fool myself into thinking I’m just messing around, I have more fun and my work turns out better. Now I just have to keep pretending I don’t know what I’m up to.’ Nice one. Out-of-towners or las Capetonians can summon Skinny’s joyous products to their doors via a few internet clicks.

Skinny laMinx, 201 Bree St, Cape Town, 021 424 6290, www.skinnylaminx.com

Skinny laMinx

Skinny’s wares might be Scandinavian-inspired, but they’re all beautifully South African: the designs are conceived and printed in Cape Town onto South African sourced base cloth. Even better, the company regularly donates funds and fabric to four local charities.

Cape Town flair goes global

WIN!

slackpack...

Overnight Elgin trails: commune with nature while someone transports your luggage 4

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

Cornelius Muller

A weekday night for two at Wildekrans, one of the stop-offs on the Green Mountain Trail www.greenmountaintrail.co.za Simply SMS TRAIL to 33808 for your chance to win Competition ends 15 August 2016

Winning consistently excellent reviews on Tripadvisor is the Green Mountain Trail, a luxurious four-day ‘slackpacking’ trail through otherwise unavailable working Elgin farmland of rousing beauty. Included are four-star accommodation, meals, wine tastings and a guide − and they even send your baggage on ahead.

The trail is 60km in total and winds through forest, fruit farms, fynbos and vineyards, with bountiful bird and animal life completing the rural idyll. Good fitness levels required, but you don’t have to be young.

‘We’ve had 16-year-olds walking with a parent, right up to people in their 80s who are in magnificent shape,’ says co-owner Alison Green. Tailor-made trails also available.

Call 028 284 9827 or visit www.greenmountaintrail.co.za

locallife Ok so here’s the deal: healthier-than-average burgers trying to minimise their environmental impact, and yours too (hence recycled burger boxes, chips made from organic potatoes, locally sourced food and beers, and you drink your water out of jam jars).

! d WIN ink for you an

It’s all so eco you fear for the taste, but oh no! The burgers, made of grass-fed beef (or veggies, if that’s your thing) are fabulously juicy, served with a great roll, or ‘bunless’ with a glamorous salad that bears no relation to the ubiquitous icebergand-cold-tomato number. This, people, is real food.

Venue? Hip, small, bright and breezy. Recycled wood dominates, with plants growing out of the centre of most of the tables. Generous jugs of help-yourself water crammed with cucumber and ice. Cheerful, willing staff (sure, they forgot to bring us knives and forks, but then there aren’t many places where the waitress offers to get you a takeaway coffee from next door). You’re meant to tick your choices on a recycled paper slip but they’ll do it for anyone whose eyes or concentration levels won’t allow it (guess whose?).

Mark Lewis

eat...

dr A burger and at IYO Burgers ds en fri e thre gers.co.za www.iyobur 8 for O IY to 3380 Simply SMS ce to win your chan ends Competition 16 20 t us ug A 15

Ethical burgers: the more you eat, the more principled you get

The burger-intolerant will rejoice to find other options such as pork belly cubes and spiralised salads. And tree-huggers, there’s vegan cheesecake just for you.

We’ll be back.

IYO Burgers, 103 Bree Street (upstairs), Cape Town, open Monday to Saturday, take away or sit down, no bookings taken, 021 422 1313, www.iyoburgers.co.za

bounce…

4Shores Media

swap...

Newfangled trampolining: can you resist it?

It’s time to talk to your wobbly bits. There’s a new thrill in town and they’re just going to have to accept it. Say hello again to trampolining, people! It ain’t nothing like the olden days (presuming you too got three short minutes on a muddy one in your friend’s garden until an older brother pushed you off?).

This is trampolining of titanic proportions. Picture a massive carpet of wall-towall, interconnected trampolines where the bold and the foolhardy ricochet off padded walls, and you’ll be getting the hang. But nowadays, people don’t just jump, darlings. How about dodgeball-with-a-bounce, adult fitness classes, teen club nights (alcohol-free, mercifully) and even corporate bonding sessions wherein colleagues compete on a ‘battle beam’ suspended over a foam pit?

Two Cape Town establishments have recently sprung up (haha?) to cater for what they claim is a global trend. Rush in Claremont offers 1 500 square metres of trampolines, and Jump Around (Paarden Eiland) isn’t far behind size-wise.

Both also proffer coffee areas for parents/supporters who prefer to sit on their derrières, texting.

But most will be lured in. You may not give two hoots that trampolining is a low impact, core-strengthening exercise that burns three times more calories than jogging and drains your lymphatic system beautifully (or so they say), but can you really spend the rest of your days resisting a little boing?

Rush Trampoline Park, 3rd floor, Stadium on Main, 104 Main Road, Claremont, 082 460 5388, open 7 days a week, www.rushsa.co.za Jump Around, Unit 3, Table Bay Industrial Business Park, Milner Street, Paarden Eiland, 021 510 1997, also open 7 days a week, www.jumparound.co.za

Yearning for something new to wear but feeling guilty about your bulging closet?

Or maybe your budget is simply shrieking ‘no’? Cut the guilt and swap your clothes instead. Even better, you’ll be supporting a charity as you do so.

It’s dead easy: look the items that you’re never going to wear again squarely in the eye, give them a wash and surrender them to Chic Mamas in Bergvliet on its ‘Swap4Charity’ day.

You’ll be awarded ‘appreciation tokens’ towards clothes from the shop: four to six of your own items should earn you one or two pieces of clothing that are ‘new to you’.

Chic Mamas was founded in 2010 by Hungarian Abigél Sheridan, who invited her friends to swap clothes for charity in her living room ‘until we grew so big that my husband started pulling out his non-existent hair’. It’s a not-for-profit organisation that’s burgeoned beyond her wildest dreams and last year donated over R900 000 to crucial educational projects in communities nearby. ‘We’re so grateful for the clothing people bring in,’ says Abigél. ‘For swapping, it needs to be in good condition and Woolworths-quality upwards.

But if you want to clear your whole wardrobe, we’re only too happy for you to donate cheaper items which we give to the community or sell in bulk to generate more funds. Some people find this incredibly liberating!’

A similar swap scheme is run by Chic Mamas in the Bo-Kaap on First Thursdays, the popular monthly event when central Cape Town opens up its galleries, shops and eating spots till late. Funds earned here go to Greenpop, an NGO that plants trees where they’re most needed in South Africa.

Chic Mamas, www.chicmamasdocare.org BERGVLIET: Sherwood Centre, Dreyersdal Road, Bergvliet, 083 672 5652. Clothing swap usually takes place on the last Saturday of the month, but check to be sure. Swap tokens can be used at a later date if you find nothing to suit or are rushing! BO-KAAP: 63 Wale Street, Bo-Kaap, 082 575 7200 thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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an african in oz

Nominated as World Rugby Player of the Year following his outstanding performances for Australia in the 2015 Rugby World Cup, Wallabies flanker and number 8 David Pocock (28) is widely regarded as one of the best back row players in the world. He grew up in the Zimbabwean Midlands, but when the family farm was taken over in the early 2000s, moved with his parents and two brothers to Brisbane and threw himself into local sporting life, representing his school in athletics, swimming, cross country, rugby and waterpolo. Selected to play Super Rugby at the tender age of 17 by Perth’s Western Force, he was then barred from the team for being too young, but ultimately represented them for six years, during which time he made his debut playing for Australia at the age of 20. Four years ago, he joined Canberra’s Brumbies. But there is far more to this multi-faceted man than sport. In 2008 he set up an NGO to assist rural Zimbabwean communities, at home he actively highlights issues such as environmental destruction and homophobia, and he is studying towards a degree in ecology. A keen vegetable gardener, he lives in Canberra with a number of chickens and his wife Emma. Greatly in demand from the media worldwide, he graciously gave time to KATY MACDONALD and explained why, at the top of his game, he’s about to take an unusual year’s break from rugby...

f

Winsome Denyer

Australian rugby superstar David Pocock, pictured with wife Emma, is at his happiest when revisiting his African roots ive phrases/adjectives that describe you best?

Introverted. Passionate. Love learning. Adventurous. Not romantic (my wife said I should put that in)

Worst sporting moment? I remember walking down the hallway in tears after Wallabies flyhalf Stephen Larkham kicked ‘that’ drop goal, putting South Africa out of the 1999 World Cup semi-final.

I’d always wanted to play for the Boks, and lay in bed sobbing!

Ultimate comfort food? Banting cheesecake. I’ve been following Tim Noakes’s work and got very interested in Banting while coming back from injury What’s in my fridge right now is… A lot! We just made a big batch

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

of bone broth (if you’re in Cape Town, Farmer Angus’s bone broth is amazing). Em has been processing the last of our summer veggies from the garden, so lots of sauces and frozen vegetables for winter.

Eggplant parmigiana (we’ve had a glut of eggplant), plain yoghurt, cream, sausages for a dinner party tomorrow night Why rugby? I’ve loved it since I can remember. Being a farm boy, I was pretty good at it in primary school and always looked forward to rugby season. The things I love most are working hard alongside my friends and the sense of camaraderie and achievement Do you prefer playing flanker or number 8? I think flanker comes more naturally, but I’m happy to play whatever gets me on the field

A POCOCK MOMENT by Nigel Owens, widely regarded as the world’s top rugby referee: ‘Probably my favourite moment [in my refereeing career] was the World Cup Final 2015…Pocock had just lost to New Zealand and the first thing he did was come towards me, shake my hand, put his arm around me and say, “Thanks for a great match”.’

sportymoment

You’ve had a lot of knee issues, including two knee reconstructions. How have you coped with the frustration? It’s really tough sitting on the sidelines as a professional athlete. I’ve had my ups and downs, but feel I learnt a huge amount about myself and wouldn’t change it. I think the biggest thing was realising there’s no contract with the universe. Sometimes, no matter how hard you work or try or feel like you deserve ‘good’, bad things happen and you just have to cope with them. But it’s in dealing with these things that you learn more about yourself

People who’ve inspired me are… Desmond Tutu. I think I’ve read every book about or by him and was lucky enough to meet him last year. He has spoken the truth to authority throughout his life – speaking out against apartheid, and more recently the ANC – and I find that an incredible example to my generation. Conservationist Ian Player whose book Zulu Wilderness: Shadow and Soul is one of my favourites.

Muhammad Ali: I love watching old interviews with him. Garth OwenSmith, who’s done amazing work setting up community conservation projects in Namibia. His book An Arid Eden is a fascinating read

Best rugby memories? Having my grandfather at Loftus when the Western Force beat the Bulls in 2007. He went to high school in Pretoria and had been a Bulls supporter all his life. He now supports the Brumbies and Australia! I also loved getting back into the Wallabies jersey in 2015 after a long time on the sideline. Being part of the Rugby World Cup in England was amazing

And my parents: the way they raised my two younger brothers and me, the way they modelled what a loving relationship could look like, and the sacrifices they made for us

How do you connect to God? Being in nature, in the wild. In the silence. Or gardening in Canberra. ‘Love thy neighbour’ is probably one of Jesus’ fundamental teachings (and that of many religions) and for me, Jesus is an incredible example of what it means to truly love and care about our ‘neighbours’, regardless of where they’re from. To reject passivity and violence as responses to injustice. To find creative, non-violent ways to challenge these injustices. Restorative, not retributive, justice. All these things. It’s challenging stuff but I don’t see any better solutions to the many problems we face in the world

You’re known as an incredibly dedicated and focused player. How do you do it, and what are its negatives and positives? I’m not really sure. I guess I want to make the most of the opportunities I have.

I see rugby as part of my life and hope not to be defined by it, but at the moment I want to be the very best rugby player I can be. Negatives are that you sometimes (or very often) lose perspective and become so focused on the goal that you forget to enjoy the journey. It often doesn’t seem like it when you’re working towards a goal, but it’s the journey that probably matters most at the end of the day.

What makes you happiest? Being in the African bush.

There’s a bush camp along the Mzingwane River on my grandfather’s farm in Zimbabwe. I am happiest there You recently played the Stormers in Cape Town. Your impressions of the city? I really love Cape Town, whose natural beauty is hard to match. It’s always a confronting place to visit with the stark contrasts of the wealth and excess in places like the Waterfront compared with the conditions of the majority of Capetonians

Guilty pleasure? Blueberries and macadamias with cream, though I just view this as a healthy snack. I’m sure many would disagree!

Using exercise and health promotion, the SPORTS SCIENCE INSTITUTE OF SOUTH AFRICA strives to optimise human potential for all ages

Why did you set up EightyTwenty Vision and what does it do?

Having grown up in Zimbabwe but having the opportunity to leave when things got tough there, I knew this wasn’t the experience of millions of Zimbabweans and wanted, in some way, to partner with people who didn’t have the opportunities I had. EightyTwenty Vision has partnered with a Zimbabwean NGO that works in a rural area called Nkayi since 2008. We started at the height of food shortages and a cholera epidemic, so it was mostly emergency feeding and home-based care work, but since then it’s progressed to include maternal health, food and water security and trying to connect rural livestock farmers with markets in cities. It’s one of those things that you initially join feeling you’re really going to help people, but I feel I’ve got so much out of it and learnt so much about life and about myself.

It’s certainly helped put things in perspective. Professional sport is in many ways a very selfish profession You’re about to take a career break for a year. What and why?

My goal is to be in the next World Cup, but I want to have a break before then so next year seems like the year to do it. We haven’t really planned next year yet, other than taking a break from rugby. I’ll probably just continue with my current studies (Bachelor of Ecological Agricultural Systems) and hopefully spend some time in Southern Africa. I’m excited to get away and spend some time with Em and explore other things that interest us without the constraints of a fulltime schedule

Visit us at Boundary Road, Newlands T: 021 659 5600 E: info@ssisa.com www.ssisa.com

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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ourlives

l

Lawrie Wilmot (72) was born in Cape Town, educated at Michaelhouse School and Wits University and worked in the business world until he felt a call to full-time service in the Anglican church. At 36 he became an ordained minister, serving in various parishes in the Eastern Cape, during which time he was detained for taking part in the anti-apartheid struggle. He married Isobel 43 years ago, and they had two children, James and Kate.

On 1 January 1999, James (20) and Kate (18) were murdered when walking back to their aunt’s home from a New Year’s Eve party. Now living with Isobel in retirement in Port Elizabeth, Lawrie talks to JILL BADER about how they processed the loss of their children, the reality of forgiveness and the importance of listening to bereaved people

et me give a bit of background about the children. Both had a great sense of humour. James was quiet but full of the joy of living. Kate was an extrovert who chatted to absolutely anyone, while James usually just sat and did his Lego! We never had a bad moment with him. He was an average sportsman but academically exceptional, the dux of his school, Muir College in Uitenhage. He qualified as a private pilot at the age of 17 and as a commercial pilot at 19. When he died, he’d just finished his first year of mechanical engineering at UCT, where he was in residence at Smuts Hall and had been put on the Dean’s Merit List.

Kate was musical and her English teacher said she could one day make her mark as a writer, though she would probably have gone on to study law at university. She died before she ever knew her matric results, which were very good. In December 1998, Kate set off by bus on her own to stay with Isobel’s family in Pietermaritzburg, a great step of independence for her. James joined her once he got home from UCT. Back in Uitenhage, Isobel and I were moving house and planned to motor up and join them just after New Year.

The last time I ever saw Kate was when we embraced briefly before Isobel drove her to catch the bus to Pietermaritzburg. My last view of James was as he boarded the plane at Port Elizabeth airport. I’ll keep his boarding pass in my wallet forever.

On the morning of January 1st 1999, we got a call that the children hadn’t returned home from their New Year’s Eve party.

Friends and family were combing the area for them. We managed to get on a flight to Pietermaritzburg. Isobel’s brother picked us up from the airport and as we were driving, he got a call from Jane, his and Isobel’s sister, saying that the police had just arrived at her house. The children had been found in the grounds of a school where they’d taken a shortcut on their way home from the party.

Later, it emerged that they’d been forced to take off their clothes, fold them in a pile and were then shot in the back of the head. They had not been sexually molested.

I went into complete and utter shock. We were asked to go and identify the children 8

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

at the mortuary. There was a glass screen between us and them. We weren’t allowed to touch them because the post-mortems still had to be done. Their heads had been covered up at the side to hide the gunshot wounds, so we just saw their faces. James was wheeled in first. He looked peaceful, with his eyes closed, and I prayed and asked the Lord to raise him back to life. Nothing happened. When Kate was brought in, I saw that she had a lock of hair falling over her face, one that I always gently brushed aside for her when she fell asleep at night. I had to fight an overwhelming urge to smash through the glass screen and do it for my precious child for the last time. I almost broke down. I prayed for her to be raised from death. Again, nothing happened. People might ask why.

The only honest answer is, ‘I don’t know.’

‘I’ll keep James’s boarding pass in my wallet forever’ But while I don’t know that answer, I believe I do know that God asks us to trust Him. Isobel and I decided that night that we would continue to trust God, if for no other reason than the alternative being unthinkable: if we turned our backs on God, we’d have no hope at all.

Placing my trust in God, come what may, in no way prevented me from being extremely angry with Him. I was angry with Him for a full year after the children died. I didn’t even pray, and eventually had to go onto antidepressants.

Grieving parents can only help each other up to a point, because they have the same problem. Men and women have to go to different counsellors and have spaces in their grieving because they grieve differently. For two weeks every year I go up to the Karoo alone, where a farming friend has built a three-roomed hut on a mountain slope. Such times really help me to process my grief.

Isobel spends a lot of time walking with a prayer friend, talking it all through, and that helps her.

I knew the very next day after the children were found that I had to forgive their

murderer. Forgiveness has nothing to do with emotion, it’s an act of the will. It’s like marriage: one day you may love your spouse, the next you have a tiff with him or her, but no thought of divorce comes into the picture because you instinctively recognise the relationship is greater than your differences.

That’s how it is with forgiving: in my mind I’ve crucified the children’s murderer many times over, but we’ve both forgiven this person. As Christians we believe that God tells us to forgive others, just as we too need ongoing forgiveness. Forgiving is essential to maintaining mental health. Unforgiving people end up resentful and bitter and slowly die inside.

What’s helpful when you’re with someone bereaved? There are three steps to follow, and they are the same for any trauma. The first is listen, the second is listen and the third is listen! Let the person tell his or her story over and over again. If he or she doesn’t want to tell it, don’t push it. Just leave them. Don’t give texts from the Bible during the early days of grieving. At this stage, bereaved people are probably bewildered or angry with God and not in the mood for scripture. They can do this if/when they feel ready. If they have an understanding employer, encourage them to stay away from work until they feel they can concentrate on it again. Some weeks may be necessary for this process. Urge them to keep to the basic routines of exercise, sleeping and eating, it’s essential.

Medical research has established that the grieving process has four definite stages.

They are shock and denial, then anger, depression and finally acceptance. They can occur in any order, or together. It’s all very bewildering. Isobel and I have found that anger is our main problem, and it usually manifests as irritability with each other. We squabble about things, then we stop and realise what’s happening. Other pastors and many friends have ministered to us, and we have always attended meetings of The Compassionate Friends, a society that ministers specifically to parents who have lost children.

As I look back, I can say that over the past 17 years since the children were murdered, we’ve both attained a degree of equilibrium.

We’ve reached the stage of acceptance. Grief still ambushes us, but we cope with it better each time.’

this page proudly sponsored by Colinton Surgery, Colinton Road, Newlands

ourlives

how we

coped

Joubert Loots

when our children were murdered

‘Wounded healers’: Lawrie and Isobel Wilmot walking near their home, a favourite pastime thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

9

ourlives

When James and Kate died, we felt that our own lives had also come to an end. Losing the children was like being thrown into a new world, an Alice-in-Wonderland experience where everything was upside down and the wrong way round. To bury a child, whether that child is stillborn or 40, is the reversal of life’s natural order. We’ve battled with grief and depression, anger and denial, confusion and loss of confidence. We think about James and Kate every day and rotate photos of them all around the house.

I can understand the children died because God has given us free will, and one person chose to use free will in an evil way. But the other side of the coin is there are so many wonderful people. We wouldn’t be sitting here were it not for the incredible kindness we received, and because friends and family have prayed for us.

I have an ongoing sense of loss, including the loss of my identity as a mother. We both grieve not only for James and Kate themselves, but for the grandchildren we might have had. I also still struggle with the fact that despite both children being organ donors, their bodies weren’t released for a week so none of their organs could be used. This would have been a huge consolation to us. As Kate went off on that holiday, she even reminded me she was an organ donor.

Two great blessings are that I have masses of Kate’s essays and James kept a wonderful, humorous diary at UCT. There isn’t one thing we read that we thought, ‘We shouldn’t be reading this.’ Another positive is that when I’m not jolly company to be with, Lawrie will lift the day with humour. It’s kept us going. He’s never bottled up his grief though he has stopped musical expression: he and Kate used to play the piano and guitar together and he hasn’t picked up his guitar since the children died.

Six years after the children died, a man the prosecution claimed was a psychopath was put on trial for their murders, but was acquitted as the evidence was only circumstantial: the murder weapon, the gun that killed them, was never found. We had to be state witnesses as the accused had phoned us anonymously.

But out of even the most evil, good can come.

God’s love just poured out to us. We were just helped to such an extent it’s almost a blur.

You can’t believe how kind people can be.

My sister Jane said she had no idea where all the meals came from that we ate following the murder. Grief and gratitude may seem odd bedfellows, but they make up the fabric of our

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

‘some days the pain is like a tsunami’

There are things we call cold comforts. If one child had survived, the effect on the other would have been devastating. If they had to go, I’m glad they went together. We have since counselled a girl who said: ‘I lost my parents when my sibling died.’ The parents are so busy grieving they forget there is also a sibling suffering.

But our main consolation is that we believe we know where James and Kate are. The same day that the children were killed, I found amongst their things the letter I’d written to Kate as she went away. Part of it quoted Jesus, who said: ‘My sheep hear my

Family holiday in KZN: James was 9 and Kate was 6

© Lawrie Wilmot

lives. There are friends who’ve never forgotten the children’s birthdays and our birthdays, friends who emigrated to England literally days before the children died and still keep in constant touch with us. We’ve been overwhelmed by the ongoing kindness of countless people, both those close to us and many unknown.

At the time, because of wide media coverage, we received mail from far and wide, so the evil we encountered was counterbalanced by an outpouring of love and compassion. One of the most touching was a bereavement card which simply said, ‘From a mother in Woodlands’, a so-called coloured area outside Pietermaritzburg.

Fish Hoek holiday, 1995

© Lawrie Wilmot

i

don’t feel our story is anything special, it’s just part of a much bigger one.

We’re all part of a bereaved nation.

Apart from the horrific levels of violence currently witnessed in Cape Town, there are so many tragic deaths through road accidents, cancer and AIDS, as well as all the other ‘normal’ deaths and, of course, those going right back to the dark days of apartheid. There are also the ‘silent’ griefs of childlessness, singleness, or divorce which are seldom acknowledged. But I will tell a little of our story if it can help anyone to get through their own pain, or understand and support someone else.

© Lawrie Wilmot

Isobel Wilmot (73) grew up in Pietermaritzburg and graduated as a teacher at Natal University, teaching at Fish Hoek High School before supporting Lawrie in his busy church ministry. Here, she reveals how the murder of their children affected Lawrie and herself, how the kindness of other people made a difference, and offers some ways to cope with the loss of someone loved

Sibling connection: James and Kate at their uncle’s house, five days before they were murdered. Lawrie and Isobel found this photograph in Kate’s camera after their deaths. ‘We never, ever heard them having a squabble. We see this photo as their farewell gift to us,’ says Lawrie

ourlives

voice and I know them, and they follow me; I give them eternal life and they shall never perish, and no one shall snatch them out of my hand.’ To come across this letter was an incredible comfort to us, and we do believe that while they’ve been cruelly snatched out of our hands, they haven’t been snatched out of God’s.

This promise is a huge comfort to us, but it does not take away the emotions which I believe are God-given, human reactions.

Jesus also wept. There are days when the pain washes over us like a tsunami, as all those who are bereaved would understand. I think those who deny these feelings are not being real with themselves.

The challenge, as time goes on, is how to deal with the pain. Research shows that the loss of a child leads to the break-up of about 70% of marriages. Lawrie knew this as a pastor, and when we went to bed on the day the children were murdered, he said, ‘We’ve got to take a vow now that we’ll face this together.’ It really helped that he was aware of how hard it is to comfort each other when you’re each battling your own grief. I’m afraid we do get irritable with each other still, but somehow God gives us the ability to cope.

My advice for when someone you love is grieving? Don’t ask: ‘How are you?’ Rather ask: ‘How are you feeling today?’ Some

days are worse than others, so expect a rollercoaster of emotions. When people say, ‘I think I’m going mad, I can’t concentrate anymore, I have huge loss of confidence, things I could always do well, I can no longer do,’ they’re on that roller coaster. It’s never helpful to be asked, ‘Have you got over it?’

‘I’m taking part in life again’ We’ve been greatly encouraged in our journey through grief by self-support group The Compassionate Friends. We continue to go, to support the newcomers in the way we were supported when James and Kate died.

We also attended an excellent church course called Griefshare, which caters for anyone bereaved. This we found so helpful that we ran the course ourselves, six or seven times.

We have become wounded healers.

Of all the excellent books available on bereavement, the one that’s given us a more balanced perspective is A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss, by Gerald L. Sittser, who lost three family members in a car accident. While in no way denying his pain, he’s able to see the blessings he still has. Other highly recommended books by South Africans are So I will Comfort You by Jenny Kandar and Aan die dood van my kind

by Letitia Slabber.

Coming from a western culture, we somehow expect life to be good, so we ask, ‘Why us?’ when tragedy strikes. People whose lives are tough anyway are possibly more realistic about death as a part of life. The question should perhaps be, ‘Why not us?’ In the year the children died, the murder rate was 26 000.

I doubt many of those families had as much support as we did, and am not sure they all knew how to call on God for help.

On reflection, I remember that when the children died, I felt I’d retreated to the top corner of a stadium and was watching the game of life being played down on the field.

I could no longer connect. Slowly, however, I came down, step by step. We’ll always be emotionally amputated, even if we look normal from the outside, because no-one can fill the gaps left by our children. But now I’m fully involved and taking part in life again.

We’re constantly phoned by bereaved people and are doing what we can for them. That’s the only way for me to make meaning of what’s happened to us.

For two years, sleep was my only escape from the pain. Seventeen years later, in spite of all the trauma, I realise we have survived and can honestly say life is still meaningful.

We believe we are being carried through by God, our friends and our family, and everyone who shows us kindness or prays for us.’

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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worklife

business

‘Business is exciting,’ says internet whizz Luvuyo, who worked his way out of poverty

The eldest of four boys, Luvuyo Rani (41) was born in the Eastern Cape and educated at Kwa-Komani High School in Queenstown. After a short career in teaching, he went into business with his brother to create Silulo Ulutho Technologies, a company servicing the burgeoning internet needs of township communities. From humble beginnings, the business has grown exponentially, garnering Luvuyo numerous local and international awards.

In 2014, he was named one of the Top 10 Outstanding Young Persons of the World by the prestigious NGO Junior Chamber International, and has just picked up a coveted award for social entrepreneurship from the World Economic Forum. Luvuyo, who lives with his wife Zanele in Cape Town, tells BRONWEN BOWMER his story My father worked as a nurse, but his passion was rugby. He was one of the best, people said. Much to his dismay, I was much more into Latin American dancing. My mother was a domestic worker who also ran a shebeen from our sitting room.

I now realise my journey of entrepreneurship began with her.

More than anything, I learnt resilience. Black entrepreneurs weren’t free then, so there were many raids and my mother was often arrested. But she kept going. I don’t think I’d be where I am today if it weren’t for those difficult years.

In 1991, my mother started going to the Pentecostal church in Queenstown. After that there was much more hope in our family. We became a family that believes God has a plan for us. To start with, I just went along with her, but then felt in my spirit this was something I needed to be involved in. We came from poverty, but our foundation was strong so we were able to survive. I was a good boy, disciplined and well dressed. As the first-born, I was involved with family affairs

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

and soon realised that I could combat poverty through education. So in 1994 I passed Grade 12 very well, with a university exemption.

My father didn’t have much, but gave me R500 for my bus ticket to go and study in Cape Town. I wanted to study political science, but the University of the Western Cape was so busy with protests that I couldn’t get into that department. Instead, I completed a bridging course in commerce, accounting and economics at Cape Tech that led to a BTech in Education. My teachers saw I was smart and offered me assistant jobs that helped pay for my studies. This was incredibly helpful as my father tragically died in an accident around this time. I studied by day and worked at night, including a job at the V&A Waterfront providing information. I had to wear this long shirt, shorts and tackies, and girls used to come up and laugh at me!

Not long after graduating, I applied for a teaching post in Khayelitsha and went there to teach accounting, business economics and

this page proudly sponsored by Metacapital (Pty) Ltd www.metacapital.co.za

Tonya Hester

what I learnt in

worklife

entrepreneurship. I taught for three years and it was one of the best times of my life. Then a cousin of mine started selling vetkoek outside the school gates and at break time, I would go and help her. I got into trouble with the principal, but the entrepreneurial bug had bitten. After work, my youngest brother Lonwabo and I had long discussions about what we could do to make more money. We considered all sorts of options, from township tours to phone services and even sold diapers at one stage, but our stock was stolen so we gave that up.

In 2004, I resigned as a teacher to sell refurbished computers with Lonwabo. He had a paid job fixing phones, so he borrowed R10 000 from the bank and bought four refurbished computers. We sold these out of the boot of my Corsa Lite to Khayelitsha teachers who needed them for the admin generated by the new outcome-based education.

People thought I was crazy to quit my job, but we persisted, getting groups of six teachers together in stokvels to buy a computer a month.

Our profit was R400 per computer. But it cost us to have the computers repaired or serviced, so we invited our friend Sigqibo Phangabantu to take care of that side of things. The name of our company, Silulo, comes from the first syllables of each of our three names.

Soon we saw the computers standing unused in the teachers’ homes!

We realised that if the teachers came to us, we could teach them to use them. In 2006 we opened an internet café, convincing a tenant at Khayelitsha Mall to rent out part of his phone shop to us. Our supplier loaned us 10 computers and we planned to repay R10 000 monthly until we had paid off the computers. The first month, we made R250 and our expenses were R12 000! Our cheques were bouncing and people were angry with us, but we knew this was a great opportunity and refused to give up. People were coming into the shop, asking for assistance with their CVs and other simple computer issues: in those days, many didn’t know the difference between fax and email. We realised the need for training in the ICT sector was great, and started courses for the whole community.

‘this is not just about making bucks’

well as attending a leadership programme at Harvard. It’s the absolute highest point of my business career! I’m content, I’m happy, and know I need to be grateful for everything. When I wake in the morning or give a speech, I want to inspire others to achieve, and create opportunities for them to do this. I believe the Man Above has a plan for all of us and gives us what we need in time.

As for relaxing, I’ve tried golf, but I didn’t really take to it. I want to travel more. Travelling brings a wider perspective and energises me. In my free time I just want to take my wife Zanele and travel, so we can spend time together and broaden our horizons.’

LUVUYO: what business has taught me • • • • • • • •

Business can make a huge difference in society It can change your character, in a good or bad way Business has brought me maturity, stability and contentment Profit made through business can be used to bring about social change You don’t have to wait before giving back to the community: you can have a positive impact on society while you’re making money Running a successful business is hard work, but it’s possible Business can mobilise a community to work together. People find hope when they have something of which they can be proud It’s the most awesome, exciting thing. There’s nothing like it!

Bishops was founded by Bishop Robert Gray in Cape Town in 1849, and is a boys’ day and boarding school which provides a world class education from Grade R to Matric.

I was under pressure. The bank wanted to take back the car and the house, my mother needed support, my girlfriend left me. But I was always convinced that my business was a calling from God and prayed for Him to help me. Things were tough, but I kept going. In 2006, I got a bursary to study for a postgraduate diploma in associated management at UCT. The same year, a loan from UCT’s Bertha Centre for Social Innovation enabled us to buy computers, get our own venue and improve our training programmes. We worked very hard and the next year received a further loan and bought a bakkie. Finally, with money coming in from the courses and internet cafés, we paid back our loans in full. From there, we went from strength to strength, expanding to the Eastern Cape. We now have 36 stores, 12 franchises and 178 employees. More than 25 000 students have graduated from our training courses!

All our graduates have the opportunity to become consultants and ultimately franchise owners. In 2013, Cadiz Asset Management approached me with potential funding, but instead we asked them to fund three staff members to buy their own franchises. We believe in empowering people from the community. We plan to expand to Gauteng, and in the next 10 years want to have at least 200 stores in South Africa! For me this is not just about success and making bucks. I see opening up the world of technology to disadvantaged communities as my calling, how I preach Jesus’ message of hope to people. We need more success stories, more positive role models for young black entrepreneurs. They don’t need to wait for some politician, they can achieve their goals themselves!

This year I’ll be travelling to Kigali, China, Columbia and Singapore, as

For more information, contact marketing@bishops.org.za | 021 659 1043 | www.bishops.org.za Camp Ground Rd, Rondebosch, 7700

Bishops offers superb music, cultural, academic, sporting & boarding facilities.

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

capelife

of cape town SNIPPETS

what goes on below the radar?

SCHOOLGIRLS at the Cape Town Science Centre, Observatory, which aims to promote ‘a culture of science’ in Cape Town. Earlier this year, a milestone for the visually impaired was marked when the centre introduced signage in braille and 3-D models on its key exhibits

clever

Tonya Hester

Steve Sherman

Zolani Mayile tops up caffeine levels from a mobile kiosk at Rondebosch Boys’ High School.

Zolani recently graduated from the Ground UP Academy (a training initiative of longestablished not-for-profit Learn to Earn), which aims to change the lives of unemployed people by reincarnating them as coffee baristas. Trainees are available for hire with or without the mobile unit at birthday parties, school sports days, corporate jollies et al.

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innovation

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Karen Strydom

magnificent

Tonya Hester

THE STRIKING aeonium nigrum, a waxy succulent planted by the Friends of Harfield Village Parks. This group of volunteers nurtures the four parks in this subsection of Claremont, creating attractive, user-friendly green areas and increasing the biodiversity of its plants and animals. Contact them on 021 671 7578 or harfield.parks@gmail.com if you feel a stirring to join in!

COLOURFUL OPPORTUNITIES in Philippi, where reclaimed shipping containers now offer small businesses and start-ups 54 cost-effective workspaces, with 60 more in the offing. A major bonus is an incubation programme as well as free business support and mentoring by NGO The Business Place. This ‘Container Walk’ is just one part of Philippi Village (www.thebusinessplace.co.za), a large and exciting new social enterprise which also houses a hub of seriously contemporary offices and a village square where entrepreneurs and the community will eat, socialise and shop.

Feel inspired to make a difference by mentoring a business person here or sponsoring a business bursary? Contact Emma Sexton on emma@tbp.co.za or 021 371 3350

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

15

shewrites

mine’s a seared tuna Mary Steward ponders the social smorgasbord RECENTLY I SAW a Facebook post inviting me

to tag the person I was best friends with at the age of eight. Immediately, her face flashed into my mind. Sam was her name, and I can recall her scratch-and-sniff sticker collection as clear as day.

How big a deal is childhood friendship? Big, I reckon.

Last year I did a show in Pietermaritzburg, and afterwards this elegant woman walked up to me with tears in her eyes. (Well, maybe they weren’t tears, but her eyes were definitely glistening, ok?) ‘Where did you go?’ she said. ‘I cried for weeks when you left school!’

She seemed familiar, but I wasn’t sure. But as I looked at this woman, I suddenly saw beyond the pearls. It was Lisa! I saw the sensible but giggling girl with lanky legs and eyes that disappeared when she smiled, the friend I always respected for balancing my crazy. Our family had moved at the end of Grade Four, and me with them, but memories returned instantly. Thirty years later, and I knew this woman. Close friendships developed in our formative years can be remarkable. Years can pass and you really can ‘pick up where you left off’. Bron, my best friend when I was thirteen, moved to Australia with her family, but because of the years we had shared and reasonable efforts to stay in touch (assisted in latter years by Facebook), after gaps of five years, weddings, new homes and new children we can still guffaw, sing all the words to cheesy Eighties songs and have heart-tohearts, debriefing family and relationships.

‘Eish! I’d better choose wisely’ Friendships that stand the test of time are like trusted brands – Black Cat peanut butter, if you will. Though other peanut butters will come along, new ones with interesting labels and extra nuts, with the old trusted brand you know what you’re getting, and it can feel like coming home.

But with childhood friends now dispersed around SA and various parts of the world, what about my dayto-day friends? Another Facebook post I saw recently claimed we’ll become like the five people we spend the most time with. It’s the friendship version of ‘you are

what you eat’. Eish, I’d better choose wisely!

There’s junk food which tastes amazing and is deliciously wicked. I might gorge on a gossip session with this friend (and possibly feast on chips and too much wine while doing it), but I’ll probably feel a bit guilty on the way home. Need to manage my portion sizes of this one!

Then there’s the sugary stuff that’s sweet at first: ‘You’re so wonderful, so special, Mary! What shall I do, tell me what to do!’ But too much, and I feel utterly dehydrated.

I believe that we’re all here to help each other, but need to watch out that it doesn’t turn into enabling. That ‘Help me, help me’ can become a bottomless pit.

On to my Brussels sprout friend! I’m not that excited by the prospect, just like the veg that Mom forced me to eat at Granny’s house (except this one stalks me in Pick n Pay). But when I relax and do actually go for coffee, it stops her feeling ignored and it can actually be fun. Surprise! Much like having a few of those sprouts: Mom’s happy and you realise they can be quite tasty.

Next up: gourmet friends. Some of them seemed a bit foreign and inaccessible at first, but they’re packed with wisdom. Like a truffle broth which I savour for its unique flavour, a mentor’s insight lingers on the taste buds.

However, this cuisine is for special occasions, too much at once can be hard to digest!

But I’m starting to realise that the bulk of my diet needs to be that healthy friend. And for once, healthy doesn’t equal boring; I’m thinking grilled salmon or seared tuna with a sesame crust, and a fresh salad with bits of crunchy joy. These friends are a hearty bowl of soup on a cold day (ok, maybe with a crusty hot bread roll and a dab of melted butter, depending on my carb principles at the time). I feel good when I’ve spent time with this kind of friend. They hear me, I hear them, and like a good Wimbledon final, the exchange is fair and even.

We laugh and cry, perhaps. Or not. But we’re real and honest, and when I drive away, I feel lighter. Satisfied, but not overloaded.

May we all have seared tuna friends! More than that, may we all endeavour to be them.

© Tonya Hester

Mary Steward is a comedic speaker, MC and corporate facilitator based in Cape Town

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

this page proudly sponsored by Dorrington Jessop Incorporated Attorneys Contact Barry Jessop: barry@dorringtonjessop.co.za

hewrites

it’s all in the

Tonya Hester

stupid knees

GRANT CLARK queries the fun quotient of mountain biking If I had a rand for every time I asked

myself the question, ‘How did I get into this?’, I’d be obscenely rich. The Lovely Jacs (TLJ) says that my focus should be less on how rich I could be, and more on why I have to ask myself that particular question so often.

Mountain biking is one such thing. Starting it was one of my 2016 New Year’s resolutions. But while it was abundantly clear to me that I was never actually getting on a bike, it seems this was not at all clear to TLJ. She appears to have invoked some weird municipal bylaw to the effect that anyone with a mountain bike and mountain biking clothing has to go mountain biking. I always thought the constitution protected me from cruel and unusual punishment, but for some bizarre reason mountain biking doesn’t fall into this category. When I explained to TLJ that someone of my athletic disability shouldn’t be allowed on a bicycle, let alone a bicycle on the side of a mountain, she mumbled something about Darwin (what on earth?) and the hope that I might finally win some kind of award. Generally I’m opposed to exercise, but the possibility of an award was at least some motivation.

So it was that I found myself dispatched to the bottom of the mountain along with another stupid husband, whom we shall refer to as Brett; mostly because that’s his name. Brett, it appeared, was a victim of the same bylaw. But while he wore shorts and a respectable golf shirt, I had been forced into an overly-tight cycling outfit. Question: at what point will the mountain biking industry start taking responsibility for sending out-of-shape middle-aged men up mountains looking like Village People rejects?

If you’ve never been mountain biking before and are thinking it might be a fun way to exercise, let me forewarn you. It’s not.

What no one tells you is that it’s all uphill. Even this wouldn’t be so bad if everyone who passes as you’re

pushing your bike up the interminable mountain didn’t yell some form of encouragement. I know they mean well, but they’re all clearly drug cheats who should be banned from the sport.

The ridiculous thing is that, after pushing your bike up the mountain for an hour, you think it’ll all be better because you can now have a leisurely freewheel back down. That’s until you turn around and find you’ve scaled a vertical rock face. I’m not sure what parachuting is like, but I’m pretty sure that riding down the mountain is akin to it. Some unsolicited advice for first timers: don’t ever follow little signs that say ‘downhill track’. These are simply designed to lure unsuspecting idiots to their doom. You only realise you’re in deep trouble when you find yourself vaulting at 60km per hour over a troop of bemused baboons, courtesy of a ramp that you neither anticipated nor spotted. Quite something for someone who usually only reaches top speed when he has to get his own beer from the fridge.

‘they’re all clearly drug cheats’ To top things off, just when you’ve managed to pick yourself up from the dirt and wrestle your missing front wheel away from a cheeky primate, some idiot will come sailing over your head from the selfsame ramp. Shouting something like, ‘It’s all in the knees!’, he or she then lands perfectly, toes pointed, and heads off in a puff of dust. Again I say it, ban the drug cheats!

On a more disturbing note, you really need to be careful out there. Apparently, criminals have taken to targeting cyclists to steal their bikes. It’s obviously not a very big thing in my area yet because Brett and I have been out three evenings in a row this week, pushing our bikes up and down the road, and no one has relieved us of them. If someone doesn’t act soon, we may have to ride again this weekend.

Grant Clark is an attorney specialising in maritime law. He’s also a pastor at Common Ground Church, Constantia thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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coolstories

Our miracle baby

Tonya Hester

How repeated loss turned into ‘a very nice surprise’

Carol Orton with husband Jayson and daughter Rachel (15 months). Carol endured eight miscarriages before finally giving birth at the age of 43

Carol Orton (44) grew up on a West Coast dairy farm before studying

fine art at Rhodes University and becoming an art teacher. She married Jayson, a heritage consultant, in 2010 and they live in Muizenberg. Here, Carol talks of their long struggle to have a baby…

I met Jayson at a birthday party through a mutual friend.

We chatted about design and heritage issues and his intellect (and striking good looks!) attracted me. After a short relationship that involved a lot of emailing (he was away studying at Oxford University), he proposed to me at the waterfall in Skeleton Gorge. I was 38 when we got married, and since we knew we wanted a child, we started trying immediately. It wasn’t difficult for me to conceive, but over the next four years, I lost eight pregnancies. The experience was too unpleasant to describe. I think Jayson’s way of coping was to focus on his work, while I withdrew. It became difficult for me to share in the joy of friends’ pregnancies and babies as my number of miscarriages increased.

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Through all this, we kept hoping everything would work out despite the repeated losses. Our specialist blamed the miscarriages on my age and suggested egg donation, but I wanted to rely on God. I’d turned to Him in my early thirties at a very low point in my life, and He transformed my spiral of misery. Difficulties had still come and gone, but I no longer felt alone with them.

In June 2014, Jayson and I joined a home group through our church, Muizenberg Connect, and received incredibly powerful prayer from the men and women there. I remember vividly how one lady prayed that I’d be a mother holding my baby in my arms. It was the first time we’d met these wonderful people, and we left inspired by their faith. When

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coolstories

I tested positive for pregnancy again four weeks later, I had some bleeding and thought to myself, ‘Here we go again…’ My usual doctor was away, so I saw his colleague who prescribed hormonal support plus blood thinners, a treatment that sometimes helps women with recurrent unexplained miscarriages. Thankfully, the bleeding stopped, but I was only four weeks pregnant and didn’t allow myself to feel relief. I waited to see what would happen and my baby stayed with me!

pregnancy, Rachel was absolutely fine, but I became overwhelmed with exhaustion and anxiety within a few weeks. Ironically, after all the years of hoping and trying, it was a shock to be a mother, and I had to take medication to cope with the anxiety. But by the time Rachel was three months old, I was managing well without it. She brings incredible joy to our lives. She smiles happily when she sees us first thing in the morning, loves meeting people and laughs so easily. We feel so blessed by this sweet little girl!

‘I don’t think there are always reasons why bad things happen’

What we endured doesn’t make sense to us. I don’t think there are always reasons bad things happen, but I do trust that God has plans to prosper us and not to harm us. I believe that when we trust in God and obey Him, he can unfold His plan for our lives. It’s very hard to do this when we’re focusing too much on our own plans, and when terrible things happen that we struggle to accept. But for us, Rachel is proof that God can turn any situation around.

I was put on bed rest during the second trimester, supposedly until my due date, for fear of a possible loss. Despite the recommendation for bed rest, I had peace by this stage that everything would be fine. Bed rest was boring! After nearly three months, I decided I’d had enough of lying down and returned to a more active lifestyle (as far as is possible when heavily pregnant!) and carried our baby full term.

I cherish the memory of our little girl’s birth. Despite the high risk

The reasons for miscarriages and loss are varied as we live in a fallen and broken world. I don’t believe they are what God intends. However, I think His plans can and do prevail when we draw close to Him, they just might not be what we would imagine. Sometimes adoption (which we considered) might be a way of growing a family. You just need to pray and draw close to God to discover the plans He has for you – a very nice surprise could be just around the corner!’

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John Tee

photomoment

Breast cancer survivors the AmaBeleBelles give their all in a dragon boat regatta at the V&A Waterfront. Dragon boating is especially beneficial for women who have had mastectomies, improving circulation, reducing lymphoedema, and connecting them to others in this ‘floating support group’. Equally importantly, it’s fun!

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016 21

parentlife

teens behaving positively Minette Bell

How to get the best out of your teenager (and how your teen can get the best out of you!)

INSTEAD OF SAYING THAT...

RATHER SAY THIS...

It’s no secret that the teenage years can be filled with challenging behaviour that leads to real unhappiness at home and school. What can one do, as a parent or teacher, to encourage positive behaviour and resilience in our teens? Educational psychologist Natalie Borman, who works with troubled teens, let JEAN ALFELD in on her tactics...

THE COMMON CAUSE OF POOR BEHAVIOUR in teenagers is low self-esteem, which essentially is how we feel and think about ourselves. Self-esteem develops from birth and can be influenced by a huge variety of factors from individual personality to physical, emotional and social stressors, plus major or minor events and experiences. Low self-esteem commonly leads to aggressive and defensive behaviours (as the teen is protecting his/her vulnerable self), incorrect perceptions, poor judgement and choices, and linking with others who are ‘failing’. Poor self-esteem can also lead to withdrawal and the internalisation of pain, sometimes even depression, and often results in barriers to learning since a teen with little belief in him/herself is fearful of taking risks and being criticised or judged.

A parent or teacher can help to build positive self-esteem through genuine validation: focusing when engaging with the teen, looking him/her in the eye, acknowledging successes and failures, recognising feelings and always respecting the teen as an individual. It’s particularly important not to humiliate by discussing problem behaviours in front of others or saying things in anger and to hurt.

One golden rule is to keep conversations to the current issue, rather than generalising. For example, it’s better to say: ‘You need to tidy your room

22

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

before dinner, please, Jake. We’ve agreed that you keep your room tidy out of respect for your brother since he has to share with you’, rather than: ‘I‘m sick and tired of you, Jake, and your disgusting room. You never tidy it. You only think about yourself. You’re a selfish slob!’

What kind of home environment brings out positive behaviour? Homes need clear, consistent rules and boundaries that have been discussed and negotiated with all involved. These allow children to thrive because they feel safe, things are predictable and there’s no confusion. When it’s ‘our rules’, children buy into the system far more.

‘a tentative parental approach helps teens speak honestly’ Conflict, however, often appears when kids hit the teen years: parents now need to realise that their children are growing up and it’s OK to renegotiate. A common cause of conflict is teens coming home late.

Rather than being authoritarian and unreasonable, parents should treat their teenagers with respect and discuss realistic, new, appropriate home

parentlife

times. It also helps if homes have values and expectations that are openly discussed and understood as a family. If greeting others is important, this must be made clear and consistently expected from all. Using technology in company is also something that causes major rows, yet this is easier to discuss when family values about respect are clear and can be referenced.

How to build self-esteem in your teen

Active listening is an extremely useful tool in dealing with teens and conflict. It requires setting aside all power battles, anger and preconceptions to have a constructive two-way conversation that involves true listening and respect for what the teen’s communicating. Active listening is possible when there’s a respectful, trusting relationship and the environment is comfortable, open and flexible, not authoritarian. Phrases that promote active listening involve a tentative approach: ‘I’m wondering if/how... What do you think about your behaviour? Am I right in hearing that…? It sounds like you’re feeling... Was it like...? So what happened when...?’ When you keep the language informal and non-invasive, teens are more likely to speak honestly and without defensiveness, and provide the information needed to understand and resolve the issue fully.

Don’t punish by taking away activities that validate your teen, eg sport, and encourage extra-murals/activities that build selfesteem. Encourage balance

‘always believe in your child’s resilience’ The use of restorative questions, such as ‘Please tell me’ and ‘Help me to understand’ also show a teen that you genuinely want their input and desire to restore the relationship and move forward together. Listen with your heart, it tells you more about the story. During active listening, teens feel heard and an agreed solution can usually be found. It also generally helps them get to their own realisations and decisions. This empowers them, promoting self-esteem and resilience.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

Acknowledge problems/issues Be careful of judging (even implicitly through body language, tone, vocabulary) Point out what the child does well before giving negative input

Affirm (even small) successes and acknowledge and accept failures as learning opportunities Recognise competence in different things (eg cooking, gardening) and expose your teen to positive role-models (parents, you need to be healthy role models yourselves!)

Engage in conversation and practise active listening.

Acknowledge ideas and opinions Promote responsibility, decision-making and independence Spend time with each child and share your own stories and failures Stay involved (not intrusive) and connected, build a relationship with the teen, do fun things together, refrain from nagging!

Be realistic and reasonable. Give consequences that are doable: don’t say ‘You’re never going to get your cell phone back’ when you need your teen to have a phone!

Seek professional help when needed

How can one deal with serious problems and offences? The most important first step is to recognise there’s a major problem. Often families go into denial, blaming others or simply hoping things will somehow improve or disappear. Recognition and ownership lead to the path of healing. The next step is to get information and help, whether at school, through a professional, or from a support group. Speaking to people who can be trusted lightens the load and gives perspective. It’s critical to walk the path with your teen, constantly assuring them that together you’ll overcome the challenges. Patience, courage and prayer are also useful tools. Tough love is the last resort and only appropriate when everything possible has been done and the problem remains too big, the teen is old enough to take responsibility and the family is being destroyed by persistent, unacceptable behaviour. An example of this may be substance abuse.

Bouncing back after trauma can be tough for teens and families, yet we should always believe and trust in their resilience and strength. Parents can play a vital role in healing by being supportive and understanding, while giving the child space, and ensuring that professional help is arranged when needed.’

Educational psychologist and former teacher Natalie Borman comes from a divorced family background, witnessed much conflict and emotional and physical abuse, and struggled with learning difficulties at school. She believes she has learnt enormously from her own challenges and failures. She is married with three adult children, and lives in Crawford

the

Nutty lady

Quality, Affordability & Convenience all in a Nutshell T: 084 517 2030 • E: piazzahomes@gmail.com

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

23

WIN one of 3 copies of this book! Simply SMS BAKES to 33808 for your chance to win Competition ends 15 August 2016

easy breakfast bakes 24

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

Craig Fraser & Quivertree Publications

www.quivertreepublic ations.com

foodielife

w

hether you’re a low-carb devotee or consider Banting to be South Africa’s greatest modern vice, you may not be able to resist these alluring little quickies that we discovered in Real Food, Healthy, Happy Children, a runner-up in the 2015 Sunday Times Cookbook Awards. We reckon that served with a fresh green salad and a wee dram of something you fancy, they’re good for a cosy winter’s supper, too

BREAKFAST BAKES: SERVES TWO What you need ½ onion, peeled and chopped 2 handfuls baby spinach (or chopped, leftover cooked vegetables such as butternut or courgettes) 2 tbsp olive oil, plus extra for greasing 2 free-range eggs Cheddar, grated, or feta, crumbled, to sprinkle 2 tbsp full-cream milk Salt and milled pepper, to taste

What you do Preheat oven to 180°C and grease a pair of large ramekins (or two large muffin-tin hollows) with a little olive oil. Heat your 2 tbsp of olive oil, quickly sauté the onion and spinach (or other cooked veg) and divide this mixture between the ramekins.

Using a hand whisk, beat your eggs till fluffy. Add the cheese and milk. Pour the egg and cheese mix into the ramekins, stir the contents and season.

Bake for 10 minutes or until risen and solid. Serve immediately * Low-fat option: our trusty test kitchen tried out the bakes with less olive oil, no cheese and low-fat milk and they were still delicious!

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

25

infomoment

lifesupport parenting

BABY GROUPS Share the experience of motherhood with good coffee and new friends in a supportive environment at the Moms Connect baby and toddler group. Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth.

When? Thursdays 10am - 12pm (term time). Babies and toddlers obviously welcome too! Contact Jill Mathew: 072 329 0281 or reception@cck.org.za Alternatively, join MomSpace in Kirstenhof, a relaxed and supportive place for moms and their 0 - 3s to have fun and be inspired. Where? Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof. When? Tuesdays 9.30 - 11am (term time).

All welcome. Contact Ros or Jenny: 021 701 3201 or jenny@chscapetown.org Or… consider a weekly tea for new moms (plus babes). Where?

Connect Church, 18 Orlando Way, Meadowridge. When? Tuesdays @ 10am. Contact Brenda: brenda.burnstone@gmail.com or 084 588 4581

marriage

MARRIAGE PREPARATION A weekly course open to all couples, whether church members or not!

Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: claire@cck.org.za or 021 797 6332

junior youth groups

Junior Youth @ Church of the Holy Spirit, Raapkraal Road, Kirstenhof.

Last Friday of every month, 5:30 7.15pm for grades 4 to 7. Call Jenny: 021 701 3201 Kick @ Claremont Methodist Church. Fridays 6 - 8pm. Call 021 674 2596 UTX @ Emmanuel Church, Wynberg. Call Nola: 021 761 6837 Connect Kids @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. 021 712 1218 or jolene@connectchurch.org.za Oasis @ Christ Church, Kenilworth.

Friday 6 - 8pm for grades 4 to 7. Call Bushy: 074 418 5865

teen youth groups

Ambies @ Christ Church, Kenilworth. Call Michael: 021 797 6332 Amplify @ Claremont Methodist Church, Friday 8 - 10pm.

Call 021 674 2596 gcubedyouth @ St John’s

26

Church, Wynberg (next to Springfield Convent). Call St John’s Church: 021 797 8968 or Megan: 078 643 5039 H4K @ Emmanuel Church, Wynberg. Call Nola: 021 761 6837 Union @ Connect Church, Meadowridge. Email Roland: roland@connectchurch.org.za Youth @ Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Fridays 7.30 - 9.30pm, grades 8 to 12. Contact Brendan: 021 701 3201

prayer

PRAYER CLINIC Anyone with physical, emotional or spiritual needs is invited to be prayed for by experienced prayer counsellors from local Cape Town churches. People seeking prayer are usually referred by doctors, but you can self-refer by calling reception on 021 683 5867. No charge. Thursdays 4 - 5.30pm at Medicross, 67 Rosmead Avenue, Kenilworth (not public holidays) 24-HOUR PRAYER LINE Call Radio CCFm’s Prayer Friend Line at any hour of the day or night. It’s manned by people used to dealing with a wide variety of situations. Call 021 788 3340, register your prayer request online at www.ccfm.org.za or email prayer@ccfm.org.za HEALING PRAYER for physical or emotional challenges. First and third Tuesdays from 5 - 6 30pm at Christ Church, Kenilworth. Second and fourth Tuesdays at Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof. Call Alison (Christ Church) 021 797 6332 or Paul Rademeyer (Church of the Holy Spirit): 082 417 0243

divorce

BEYOND DIVORCE A series of workshops aimed at anyone who’s experienced the devastation of separation or divorce. Where?

Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za RECOVERY FROM SEPARATION AND DIVORCE A course covering issues from conflict resolution and managing other relationships to financial issues and moving forward.

Where? Common Ground Church, Rondebosch. Email rose@commongroundchurch. co.za or click on website www. commongroundchurch.co.za

helping others

HABITAT FOR HUMANITY Help build a house for those without!

thislife.org.za | issue 15 | winter 2016

Looking for something new?

Maybe there’s something here for YOU…

(NB Details can change, so do confirm them before you set out!)

Join (or support in a number of different ways) a local build organised by St John’s Parish, Wynberg. To find out more, click on www.habitat.org.za or email jennydry@telkomsa.net

Church, Rondebosch. Email rose@ commongroundchurch.co.za or go to www.commongroundchurch. co.za

HUNGRY SCHOOLCHILDREN For R150 and 90 minutes of your time per week, you can feed 60 hungry school children! Contact Claire: claire@zevdevco.co.za

EVERY WOMAN has a story worth sharing! Why not drop in for coffee at Ladies Linking to hear some? Where? Rotating venues in Constantia. When? Last Friday of every month 10am - 12 noon.

There is no charge. Contact Angie: angie@chscapetown.org

personal

LIVING WITH LOSS A course that deals with loss in general.

Most participants have lost a loved one but others have experienced loss through a broken marriage or partnership, unemployment, etc. Where? Common Ground Church, Rondebosch. Email rose@ commongroundchurch.co.za or go to www.commongroundchurch. co.za GRIEFSHARE A recovery support group offering help and healing for the pain experienced when someone you love dies. Run

by St John’s Parish, Wynberg.

Contact Klaus and Barbara: 021 671 4732, 082 453 9392 or klaush@global.co.za Also run by Connect Church, Meadowridge.

Contact Sue: 021 712 1218 or sue@connectchurch.org.za Living with cancer? Contact Cancer Buddies, a support project that brings together cancer patients with a similar profile, disease and treatment protocol. Call 0800 033 337 (toll-free) or go to www.cancerbuddies.org.za to request support online DEALING WITH DEPRESSION is for people experiencing depression, plus those supporting them.

Where? Christ Church, Richmond Road, Kenilworth. Contact Claire: 021 797 6332 or claire@cck.org.za WORRIED BY/ADDICTED TO PORN? Contact Clive at STOP (Standing Together to Oppose Pornography): 021 715 3216, 083 463 4762, stop@stop.org.za BOUNDARIES A course defining what boundaries look like in relationships. When to say yes, how to say no, and how to take control of your life. Where? Common Ground Church, Rondebosch. Email rose@ commongroundchurch.co.za or go to www.commongroundchurch. co.za BEYOND ABUSE A course encompassing what abuse is, how to restore a sense of self, telling our stories, bitterness, forgiveness and hope. Where? Common Ground

women

spirituality

ALPHA is a fun, non-threatening course which examines the claims of Christianity, aimed particularly at anyone who doesn’t attend church or who seeks to ‘brush up’ their spirituality.

Visit www.alpha.org/southafrica or contact the following churches for details of their next course: Christ Church, Kenilworth (021 797 6332), Church of the Holy Spirit, Kirstenhof (021 701 3201), Emmanuel Church, Wynberg (021 797 0179), St John’s Church, Wynberg (021 797 8968), St Philip’s Church, Kenwyn (021 762 8772) or Connect Church, Meadowridge (021 712 1218) SEEKING A CHURCH THAT SUITS YOU? Give St John’s Parish a go. It’s a lively group of six Anglican churches in the southern suburbs. To find out more, call Yvonne: 021 797 6332 or Judy 021 701 3201 ARE YOU WONDERING ABOUT JESUS THE JEWISH MESSIAH? For 200 years, the Church’s Ministry among the Jewish People (CMJ) has invested in the spiritual rebirth of the Jewish People as well as presenting Jesus the Jew to Christians. To find out more, go to www.cmj-sa.org or contact John Atkinson: john@cmj-sa.org or Edith Sher: edith@cmj-sa.org or Sue: admin@cmj-sa.org

sewing

WONDERING ABOUT SEWING? Discover a talent and earn a living! Start by making a pin cushion and finish with a tracksuit that’s good enough to sell.

Where? St Thomas’ Church hall, Rondebosch. When? Wednesdays 2 - 4pm. Each class costs just R1.

Call Eileen: 021 685 1980

Is having a will really so crucial?

I hereby leave my ‘fun-loving’ grandson the pleasure of earning his own living

I leave my entire estate to my dog, who loved me more than I deserved

My iPad goes to Great Aunt Enid, who found it so useful for chopping onions on (may need servicing first) Freepiks.com

Have you got WILL power?

legalmoment

Let’s be honest,

making a will isn’t exactly the world’s most exciting thought. In fact, it could possibly be the world’s least exciting thought. Most of us will just never get around to doing it. Claremont lawyer BARRY JESSOP argues that this is SO not a good idea…

SO BARRY, PERSUADE US! No matter how we live, eat, exercise, botox, pray, meditate or simply ignore death, it’s going to happen to us. And after we’ve shuffled off this mortal coil, we’ll leave behind us bereft family and friends, plus ‘stuff’ (some of us, of course, leave more ‘stuff’ than others). Dealing with a recently departed person’s stuff can be relatively simple or very challenging, depending upon the thought and preparation they’ve put into their inevitable demise.

WELL, THAT WAS FUN. HOW ABOUT SOME POSITIVES BEFORE WE DIG OUR HEADS FURTHER INTO THE SAND? GIVE US YOUR TOP FIVE INCENTIVES… Okay…

1. You can ensure that someone you trust winds up your estate.

2. If you have children under 18, you can nominate trustees and guardians to look after them and administer your assets until they’re capable of doing so themselves (otherwise the state steps in, which is definitely not what you want).

3. You decide who gets your assets!

This enables you to make adequate provision for your dependants (and you can impose conditions on bequests to

protect beneficiaries or enhance their lives (eg money bequeathed to be used for educational purposes only). This will (hopefully) reduce conflicts and disagreements among your family and heirs, and prevent significant unfairness and upheaval in a family’s life.

4. You can leave specific items or sums of money to specific people, charities or causes.

5. You can minimise taxes and estate duty.

WHAT CAN WE EXPECT IT TO COST? Anywhere between nothing and plenty, depending on who you see. Ask upfront about cost: if you make the attorney executor or co-executor, he/she may agree to waive or reduce the fee. Also, each year (usually in September) the Cape Law Society joins forces with National Wills Week, during which some legal firms do wills for free.

HOW ABOUT USING AN OFF-THE-SHELF WILL? No, no, no! These are often poorly drafted and don’t cater for individual needs. The formalities around signing a will are also crucial, so pay a bit and have it done properly. A bad will made without advice from professionals is often worse than no will at all.

Problems that can arise include: leaving

this page proudly sponsored by Neville Wellington and Charlie Miller

money to young adults who waste it or fall prey to crooks; giving money to charities that no longer exist without specifying alternatives; leaving a home to a son or daughter without making provision for the surviving spouse to be accommodated there (or elsewhere); leaving your estate to your ex-spouse, not your current one; inadvertently making no provision for adopted children; not specifying that smaller bequests are only to be made if your estate has the cash, resulting in a house or other major asset having to be sold to fund them.

SO MAYBE YOU’VE GOT US INTERESTED, BARRY. WHAT DO WE DO NEXT? Ask around for recommendations of a good estates lawyer. Or contact the Cape Law Society and ask them for a recommendation.

Then just make an appointment – one trick is to make it a few months in advance so you feel less daunted by the prospect.

Then make sure you keep the appointment!

Making a will can greatly assist those you leave behind and alleviate unnecessary financial hardship. It’s a relatively quick act whose benefits last way beyond the time and expense that the process incurs.

Quite simply, making a will is an act of caring.

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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marketplace

Dr Joy McInroy MB.Ch.B. (Practice No. 1557718)

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GET NOTICED! Want to advertise your business card in our next issue?

Mail us on sales.thislifemag@gmail.com or call Rebecca on 082 540 5166, Dean on 082 558 3722 or Tonya on 074 672 7369

thislife.org.za | issue 14 | winter 2016

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retailtherapy

made in

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LOOKING FOR FAB GIFTS?

Try these beauties, all proudly made in South Africa...

4 7 1 2

3 6 9 1. Shaving soap, R40 Get it from Perfect Gifts, 14 Bree Street, Cape Town or www.perfectgifts.co.za 2. PVC shopper bags, from R360 Get them from Sarah, 072 906 5840, or Footprints in Africa at the V&A Waterfront. Also, Kalk Bay Co-Op, 100 Main Road, Kalk Bay, and Abode at the Old Biscuit Mill, Albert Road, Woodstock 3. Large ‘lazy Susan’ table server made in Bredasdorp from old wine barrels, R700 Get it from www.thejoshuatree.co.za or Simon, 082 762 5259 4. Wooden ‘hope’ and other words, ready-made or made to order, from R75 Get them from Janet, 082 489 7173 or www.bokkeandblomme and Hout Bay Market 5. Papier mâché bin, R230 Get it from Abode at the Old Biscuit Mill, Albert Road, Woodstock, 072 261 3540 6. SA dingbat, R60 Get it from Hout Bay Market (first counter on the right as you enter) 7. Crystal necklace, R130 Get it from Mary V, 082 646 7303. View more on Facebook at ‘Mary V Handcrafted Jewellery’ 8. Wall art mirror sunglasses, R195 Get them from Abode at the Old Biscuit Mill, Albert Road, Woodstock, 072 261 3540 9. Durable toilet bag made by community project workers from recycled materials, R130 Get it and other shweshwe products from www.shwe.co.za or Karoo Moon, Old Biscuit Mill, Albert Road, Woodstock 10. Leather sling/clutch handbag, R1000 Get it from www.willowtreedesigns.co.za or Claire, 073 393 2793

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thislife.org.za l issue 14 | winter 2016

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