Callum and clinton

FEATURE

& m u l l Ca nton i l C

PHOTOGRAPHY BY NEIL HARGREAVES AND MARCUS WALTERS 66 DNA

IF YOU DON’T LIKE GAY MARRIAGE, DON’T MARRY A GAY! TWO AUSSIE BOYS, CALLUM AND CLINTON, DO LIKE IT AND THEY DID GET MARRIED. THEY SHARED THEIR BIG DAY WITH FAMILY AND FRIENDS AND DNA. TIM WARRINGTON SPOKE TO THE BOYS ABOUT TRUE ROMANCE, MEETING THE IN-LAWS AND WHY MARRIAGE IS SO IMPORTANT TO THEM.

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ooking back at the wedding of Lady Diana Spencer to Charles, Prince Of Wales, it’s hard to imagine any selfrespecting bride these days wearing the massive, puffy confection bridal gown she wore on that fateful summer morning in 1981. But fashions change and so, too, do values, prejudices and people’s rights.

Historically, the struggle for marriage equality hasn’t always been about the gay community. Who should and should not be allowed to marry has been a contentious issue throughout history, dividing classes, cultures and ethnic communities. For example, during the early part of the 19th Century, Australian convicts who had earned their freedom, still needed permission from colonial administrators before they could marry.

This meant no interracial marriages. Much later, the White Australia Policy prevented servicemen from marrying Japanese women in occupied Japan and, if they did, they were not allowed to bring their wives home. As recently as 1959, Gladys Namagu, an Aboriginal woman from the Northern Territory, was prevented from marrying her white fiancé.

In A History Of Same Sex Marriage, William Eskridge documents the long history of same-sex unions around the world, from Ancient Greece to Feudal Japan. His reasoned argument offers a historical foundation for accepting marriage in this form, but many shy from intellectualising and complicating the debate because they feel it’s a very straightforward case of discrimination and human rights should be universal.

Despite attempts by religious types to change the focus of the argument, marriage equality is not about polygamy, bestiality or paedophilia, it’s about two consenting adults asking for permission to walk down the aisle. To deny it is a violation of their human rights.

Which brings us to Callum Mathieson and Clinton Bryan. These two young Sydney men were in a loving and monogamous relationship and decided it was time to take the next step.

The proposal was cinematically romantic. The wedding day brought together their family and friends and, albeit without a bride, was very traditional. The sky didn’t come crashing down. The divorce rate didn’t rise dramatically.

Straight sex didn’t suddenly become awkward.

Heterosexual marriages were not devalued.

DNA: Where did you meet?

Clinton: We had mutual friends so we’d seen each other before, but the first time we met officially was at the movies where Callum worked at the time.

What were your first impressions?

Callum: [Laughs] I thought Clinton was really handsome, which I found incredibly intimidating so I just kind of ignored him, which I guess was a bit rude.

Are you blushing?

Callum and Clinton: [Huge laughs] Callum: It’s actually really embarrassing to talk about, but I was such a scared little boy back then.

Why did it take you five years to go on a date?

Clinton: Well, after I established that Callum was rude and I didn’t really want to get to know him [laughs] I ended up getting my British passport and went to London. What was supposed to be six months turned into

When did you first say, I love you?

Clinton: I can remember exactly when it was.

I’d moved back from London and we’d been dating for about a month; it wasn’t very long.

We went for a walk along the beach and sat down on a bench to talk and he just said it.

Were you surprised?

Clinton: I was. I’d only just returned from London and I’d made up my mind not to date for a year. I wanted to settle back into life and work in Australia, so to meet someone so soon who was willing to drop the “L bomb” was a bit surprising. But a good surprise because I felt the same way and I hoped he was going to say it.

What was it like meeting each other’s parents?

Callum: It was nerve-racking for me but one night Clinton was talking to his mum on the phone and handed it to me and we had a nice long chat… I’d had a few drinks so I couldn’t tell you what we talked about but it broke the ice and made meeting them a bit easier.

Clinton, your parents were in the military?

Clinton: I don’t think my father is your typical macho guy; he’s very family orientated. My father is much more your Von Trapp kind of father when it comes to many aspects of parenting. When it comes to communication and feeling comfortable with, he’s just

five years. Meanwhile, Callum was finishing his degree in landscape architecture and began working for a design firm in Brisbane. I guess life just got in the way for a while.

Did you think about each other when you were separated, hopeful that you might end up together?

Callum: No, not for me. Clinton and I were friends on Facebook, but we didn’t really communicate; we were still just acquaintances at this point. We both had relationships; it wasn’t something I really thought about.

Clinton: Even though my first impression of Callum was that he was quite rude, whenever I saw a picture of him on Facebook, I was always intrigued.

absolutely amazing; he’s a big teddy bear. I can’t recall any time in my life feeling uncomfortable around him or any awkwardness during any stage of my life or about me being gay.

Do you think you’ll ever march in the Mardi Gras Parade together?

Clinton: When I was in London my father called me because they were watching the Mardi Gras on TV and he asked if I would ever march in the parade. I wasn’t sure that it was really my thing but I asked him and he replied, “As long as I get to wear arseless chaps, I’ll march with you.”

That’s great he’s so supportive; you never really know how people are going to react when you come out. My father’s only >>

There are no consequences to gay marriage except to the people in that gay marriage.

Callum and Clinton’s commitment is, of course, incredibly personal but they asked DNA to share their story because, as Clinton says, “In this day and age, a gay wedding is just a little bit bigger than the two of us”.

“I did have a few Groomzilla moments. The flowers had to be the exact shade of white and the arrangements had to be aligned perfectly.”

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FEATURE

Callum and Clinton in the grounds of Dunbar House in Watsons Bay where they held their reception.

>> concern was that I not wear pink shorts.

Callum: [Laughs] My sister said something similar, “Does this mean you’re gonna wear leopard-print pants now?”

Who proposed and how?

Callum: I proposed to Clinton in Centennial Park, Sydney down by Willow Pond on our first anniversary. I had a string quartet and all of our friends and family were due to come over the hill on queue so I was kinda banking

speech written out; I had it memorised but as soon as the music started playing it just vanished and I had to wing it.

It sounds really romantic!

Clinton: It was. One of our friends compared it to those great Hollywood romance flicks of the ’50s Tell us about the rings.

Clinton: I’m not a jewellery person, period, so my first thoughts went to a classic gold band.

We’re both quite traditional, but I think Callum

on him saying yes [laughs], which he did.

Was it a surprise?

Clinton: I’ve never ever been surprised in my life and if I suspect that someone is planning a surprise, I will find out what it is. So the fact that the engagement and string quartet and the family flying in was such a secret was just amazing: the whole day is a bit of a blur.

Were you sure he was going to say yes?

Callum: I didn’t actually think he would say no, but I was incredibly nervous – the most nervous I’ve ever been in my life. I had a whole

can pull off a bit more flare and bling than I can. When I mentioned that to Callum he said, “I want a diamond.”

Did he get one?

Clinton: Yes. We adapted our friends’ idea and had our birth stones inset next to each other, into a plain, white gold band. My birth stone is sapphire and much to Callum’s delight, his birth stone is diamond.

Who cried during the wedding?

Clinton: I think a better question is, “Who didn’t cry?” I actually cried first during the

“It’s not a man and a woman; it’s not a woman and a woman; it’s not a man and a man; it’s two people in front of their family and loved ones expressing their love for each other.”

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ceremony when I was reciting my vows.

Did you write your own vows?

Clinton: When we were planning the wedding, we allowed the celebrant to give us suggestions for the vows. So we used that as a basis and then added bits and changed other parts until we had something that was right for us. We chose not to write our own vows because we wanted to save our personal message for each other during our speeches at the reception. We wanted to take our time and say everything that we wanted to say.

Do you want to start a family?

Callum: Absolutely. Having a family is important to both of us and it’s something that we spoke about really early on in our relationship. We want to start working towards having a family as soon as possible.

Clinton: Poor Callum had to put up with an interrogation during our first date. “Are you out to your parents? Do you want kids? How do you feel about marriage?” I guess I was just at an age where I didn’t want to get into a relationship with someone who didn’t have the same morals, similar ideas and outlook on life.

You approached DNA with the idea of telling your story. Why do you think it’s important?

Clinton: One of the main reasons was our parents. When we were planning the wedding, my parents asked me if we’d considered it. We weren’t too sure at first because it’s such a personal day, but as time passed we realised that in this day and age a gay wedding is a >>

The engagement surprise‌

The engagement surprise took place in Centennial Park at Willow Pond, complete with string quartet and surprise guests.

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FEATURE >> little bit bigger than just the two of us.

The idea of tradition was something that came up a lot during the planning and our wedding was very conventional… it just didn’t have a bride. We hoped that by sharing our story it would be a great example to society, not just the gay community, what a modern day wedding looks like. It’s not a man and a woman; it’s not a woman and a woman; it’s not a man and a man; it’s two people in front of their family and loved ones expressing their love for each other.

Callum: I think it’s more important than ever.

We’re getting so close to marriage equality yet so many non supporters believe that samesex relationships are not worthy of marriage.

We just want the law to recognise us the same as our parents, siblings and friends.

Why single us out?

Did you every consider getting married in a country where same-sex marriage is legal?

Callum: No. Never. It was really important for both of us to have our friends and family at the ceremony. I didn’t see the point of going overseas and having a ceremony and coming back to Australia and it not being legally recognised. It was a no-brainer.

Clinton: Also, when we became engaged, we both agreed that we weren’t going to get married until it was legal. But that thought didn’t last long. We didn’t want someone else telling us when we were ready to get married.

It didn’t sit right with us to have to wait.

Do you think fate plays a part in romance?

Callum: Yes. During the five years that Clinton was overseas, so much happened with relationships, education, work and family it’s hard to believe that fate didn’t play some part in bringing us back together.

So it was love at second sight?

Callum: [Laughs] Absolutely! My father put that in his wedding speech.

In your opinion, what is the main obstacle to gay marriage?

Clinton: Public perception fuelled by a society stuck in an outdated way of thinking. We’d like to see society change it’s perception of gay marriage and it sounds funny even saying “gay marriage”. It’s awkward because to me it’s just marriage; it’s not about two men or two women, it’s just marriage. Also, there’s an age-old fear held by some people that samesex marriage is going to affect them in some way. And that’s only going to change through education, and also time, it’s a matter of when gay marriage happens, not if.

When you were planning your wedding, do you think you were treated differently because it was a gay wedding?

Clinton: We were treated better. Everyone involved from the outfits, to the music, to the flowers, to hair and make-up – everybody was so excited to be part of a same-sex wedding; it was almost like they had been waiting. Most >> 70 DNA

Left to right: Callum’s dad Rob, Clinton, Callum’s best man Ben, Callum, Clinton’s dad Ron and Clinton’s best man and brother Mitchell.

Left to right: Clinton’s sister Rhiannon, brother Mitchell, Clinton, mum Sammie and dad Ron.

Page boys, flower girls, best men and groomsmaids.

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Clockwise: Callum’s dad Rob, Callum, sister Shona, mum Joan and sister Taryn.

The only surviving grandparent Callum’s grandmother, Mary Galea.

Snaps for you Nunna.

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>> of the people involved had never worked on a same-sex wedding. So, yes, we were treated differently but in such a positive way.

Do you think there are any differences between planning a gay and a straight wedding?

Callum: Despite the obvious difference of missing a bride or groom, there aren’t any differences.

Weddings come in all shapes and sizes.

What makes a successful marriage?

Callum: Good communication and honesty.

We talk about absolutely everything and are open and honest about our opinions.

Communication is really the key and it sounds so simple, but when feelings are involved it can feel like the hardest thing. Saying sorry and laughter; they’re really important, too.

Callum, you went to an all-boys Catholic school and you remember praying to God to make you straight. Do you still believe in God and do you feel that God plays a part in your sexuality?

Callum: I’d like to believe that there’s a higher being out there, definitely, but I no longer pray to God. I believe sexuality is a genetic predisposition.

You talked about kids on your first date. Do you think because of the hurdles we face as a community, that when we do meet someone our relationships progress too quickly – that we’re not cautious enough?

Clinton: No. Perhaps because we’re more accepted by society these days, we’re just really eager to call someone our girlfriend or boyfriend – to take that next step.

Open relationships are quite common in the gay community. Do you think they’re healthy or unhealthy?

Callum: It’s definitely not for us. I’ve got a couple of mates who are in open relationships and they’re very happy. It works for them because they’re open and honest about it.

Clinton: I think the term “open relationship” doesn’t just apply to the number of people involved, but also the communication. I think for it to work, all parties need to be completely open and honest about the relationship and what they all want from it.

Do you think there will ever be a time when people look back at this issue of DNA and say, “A gay wedding? That’s hardly newsworthy; they’re so common now!”

Clinton: Absafuckinglutley.

Callum: On a recent edition of ABC’s One Plus One, former Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Fraser said that today’s politicians play politics with people’s lives. When politicians finish playing their game with this whole same-sex marriage issue and they listen to the majority of Australian’s who agree with marriage equality, it will happen.

Clinton: [Laughs] That was Callum trying to sound like the smart one in the relationship by referencing the ABC. Callum: Okay, okay, I really love Gossip Girl!

Which one of you was Bridezilla?

Clinton: Callum says no but I did have a few Groomzilla moments. I’m a perfectionist at heart, so the flowers had to be the exact shade of white and the arrangements had to be aligned perfectly or it would have driven me crazy.

What’s your favourite on-screen wedding moment? The Sex And The City 2 wedding, the Dynasty wedding massacre or Scott and Charlene’s wedding in Neighbours?

Callum: I had to Google that last one.

Clinton: You need to hand back your gay card immediately if you don’t know who Scott and Charlene are.

Callum: Okay, Sex And The City 2. Hands down no questions asked.

Clinton: It’s not on the list, but My Best Friend’s Wedding.

In the movie Bridesmaids, there was rivalry among the best friends. How did your friends react?

Callum: They were fantastic. They all got along. They looked great. I know it sounds boring but everyone got along. H Watch Callum and Clinton’s wedding video at vimeo. com/54074244

“When we became engaged, we agreed that we weren’t going to get married until it was legal. But that thought didn’t last long. We didn’t want someone else telling us when we were ready to get married.”

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