SHARING THE
‘mental’ LOAD AT HOME
In today’s world when parents are frequently both at work, household chores can build up and all the thinking, planning and organising needed to manage work and family life schedules often falls to one person, and that’s frequently mum even though her business workload may be as heavy as her partner’s. Because that burden tends to fall disproportionately on the shoulders of women in many relationships, it can become an unbearable mental load leading to stressful relationships all round. Sharing that load can help avoid feelings of frustration, resentment and depression
THE BURDEN OF REMEMBERING: Carrying the mental load involves more than doing chores. It also includes the responsibility of remembering and delegating the various tasks that need to be completed.
person takes on the additional responsibility of reminding his or her (in most cases, her), partner to complete chores or keep tabs on the state of the household. HOW TO SHARE THE LOAD: One way to determine how much of the mental load each partner carries is for both to write up a list of the tasks each completes during the day and throughout the week. This list should include all planning, delegating and organising.
Depending on the household, this can range from planning meals and scheduling appointments to checking if children need new clothes, buying birthday gifts for family or children’s friends and that you’re not about to run out of toilet paper!
When done compare the lists. This exercise can help underscore what tasks are required to manage a
If the mental load isn’t shared equally in a relationship, one
household and reveal whether one person is taking on more responsibility than the other. It’s not always easy to broach the subject of mental load in a relationship, but if both partners are open-minded and willing to make changes, the burden of remembering can be distributed more equally. And, remember, taking time out for one’s individual needs – perhaps a regular massage, an hour of ‘me time’ reading, or indulging a sport – can also help partners face the role of tackling their fair share at home.
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south | june 2020 | 19
