The Tear Brewery Written and drawn by big T og little t
Publishing house The Little Body Factory
The Tear Brewery The Tear Brewery
Written and drawn by big T og little t Copyright 2008 Tommy Linnebjerg Bærentzen, Thomas Thingstrup og Anette Thingstrup Første udgave. 1. oplag Typografisk tilrettelægninig: Tommy Linnebjerg Bærentzen Trykt hos xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Printed in xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 2009
“Ha ha ha” laughed Albert as tears poured out of his eyes and down his cheeks. Albert might look sad, but really he’s very happy because his Mum has let him help her cook dinner for the very first time. “Use the small knife and peel and slice the onions for me” says Mum, “but be careful you don’t cut yourself as it’s very sharp” .
He stares at the onions, wondering if they are magic onions which can make him cry happy tears. “Use your hands to make balls with the mince” says Mum. She’s chopping Albert’s onion slices very small as she talks. Albert watches her chop the magic onions as he feels yet another salty tear roll down his cheeks and drip onto the mince in his hands. He glances at his Mum to make sure she hasn’t seen the tear fall into their dinner. His Mum is a bit fanatical about what does or doesn’t go into their food.
Albert is safe as his Mum is too busy telling him how tears are made and doesn’t notice the extra ingredients.
Albert is still crying, but he hasn’t cut his fingers or stabbed himself yet. He carries on smiling and crying.
Albert’s tears come all the way up from one of the Little Body Factories that are in his tummy. The ancient Tear Brewery uses very old secret ways to brew the tears that are pouring down Albert’s cheeks and into the mince. The Tear Brewery brews every tear that Albert uses throughout the year. That’s a lot of bottles of tears every year.
Every single person’s eyes have their own special bottle of tears just for them. Each bottle has a label which shows how many tears are inside and what colour eyes they are for. The eye colour is important as the tears must match the eyes they are brewed for. At the Tear Brewery they brew every kind of tear you can imagine. There are angry tears and tired tears, hurt tears and laughing tears, happy tears and sad tears. They even brew the difficult to make smiling tears. The most common tears they brew are those that Albert needs when he falls off his bike and hurts himself, and those he uses when his Mum or Dad tell him off... but we won’t talk about those will we. A standard bottle holds 50 tears. The Tear Brewery also make a giant bottle which holds 100 tears! This is only needed if you fall off a bicycle or are having an injection at the doctors or loose your favourite teddy bear.
The Tear Brewery was once in the attic of the Little Body Factory, where the bruise artists work nowadays. The brewery moved down to the cellar after all the workers in the Little Body Factories became very fed up with mopping up the floors that always became flooded every time there was an accident with the tear bottle conveyor belt. This is why the director decided to move the brewery down into the cellar where they wouldn’t bother and annoy everyone else every time they had an accident.
You probably won’t believe it, but it is not that hard to brew good tears. In fact, it is quite easy and a lot of fun. All you need to make tears is a fresh onion, some salt (natural sea salt from the Atlantic is best), lots of chlorine free water and a tear brewing machine. You also need some labels, but you can easily draw these with some felt tip pens.
There are many workers in the Tear Brewery, but it is the Director who is the Big Boss and makes all the decisions. It is the Director who buys the fresh onions that the onion fixers fix into place, while the watermen keep the water clean and the saltmen mix up the exact amount of salt so that Albert’s tears have that really weird salty taste.
In Bottling Room No 3 the workers make sure that all the re-cycled bottles have no dust in them and contain no dead insects either, before they go to the man who places the bottles onto the conveyor belt.
Finally, the tear bottles are inspected by a very slow and sleepy worker who has the job of checking that no little lumps of gooey sleepy have fallen into and get stuck in the tear bottles.
He is a really good inspector.
Once the factory has brewed and bottled the tears, they are taken aboard a little tugboat (called Alice) that sails down the tear canal and out into the rough waters at the edge of the eye. A couple of tiny sailors carefully unscrew the cap from the tear bottle and pour the tears into the tear canal.
“Wah wah wah” blasts the ships foghorn every time the sailors empty a new bottle of tears into the canal. Grown ups always think that you are howling when they hear the horn, but they don’t know any better do they. Some days the foghorn seems to be blasting away non-stop!
Albert’s Dad has telephoned the brewery and ordered 4 crates of normal size tear bottles. They have to be delivered before 3 o’clock tomorrow when Albert is going for his measles injection. He has also ordered a huge tank of fresh, green extra runny snot from the Bogey Mill, which is also in the Body Factory.
Albert’s Dad knows that when Albert has had the injection they will need loads of bright green snot to run out of Albert’s nose so that the injection will work properly.
SAlbert’s little sister, Sophie, also has had a big order of tears organised by her Mum and Dad. Sophie fell down during her gymnastics club and hurt her knee. Her knee is really painful and she’s very tired. She is sitting in the changing room all alone and close to tears. However, the Tear Brewery made a mistake. They brewed tears for grey eyes instead of blue (Sophie’s are blue). The little tugboat has been blasting away on its horn, but no tears are coming out, because they are waiting for the proper coloured tears to be delivered.
Albert doesn’t actually believe anything about what happens in the Little Body Factory in his tummy. He thinks it’s fun to hear where his Mum thought tears came from, so exciting in fact that he forgot to complain and moan when he had to lay the table for dinner.
“Hmm these are tasty burgers” mumbles Albert’s Dad with his mouth full. He eats so many that he has to go and lie down on the sofa to meditate with his eyes closed for an hour or so. When Albert goes to bed that night he rubs his eyes. It feels like his tears have sand in them...
Bøger fra Den Lille Kropsfabrik:
www.denlillekropsfabrik.dk
Du kan også kikke forbi hvor du kan spille spil og købe opskriftsbogen Sårskope-kager, bussemandspastiller og andre søde sager. Musik CDer og meget mere ...
Are you ready for some fun exploration? Get in your car and drive into your mouth. After a few centimetres take the passage to the right-that way you will avoid your dinner from yesterday. Keep going past your lungs past your heart and into your stomach. Here you’ll find the Little Body Factory. It is difficult to hear and feel the Little Body Factory. But if you listen carefully, you can hear the sounds from all the workers who are busy shaping new bogeys or refilling tear bottles, baking scabs, editing dreams, putting bruises on sore knees or one of other fantastic things that your body does. If you do see the Little Body Factory, then be quiet and don’t tell anyone... ...otherwise the workers may be too distracted to deliver a really good fart with a funny noise.
Publishing house The Little Body Factory