The Exploitation of Power Dynamics in Romantic Relationships Power dynamics in relationships can be difficult to spot. Sometimes when a person enters a relationship, there’s seldom evidence of such a dynamic until something goes wrong. An unhealthy power imbalance can exist for reasons such as age, experience or financial situation and, while power instability in relationships isn’t always unethical or non-consensual, it can leave a person feeling naive, confused and mistrustful. Going out with someone a few years older than you isn’t wrong. Gaps in age, experience or position between consenting adults are fine, but sometimes power dynamics are created and, when exploited, can seriously harm the people involved.
I didn’t realise that I was in a relationship with a power imbalance until I was out of it. The person in question was older than me and had a lot more experience emotionally and sexually. When the relationship began, the imbalance of power, and his authority, was cemented by these things. I don’t believe that he necessarily exploited this for personal gain, but he was definitely aware that it existed and didn’t seem to have a problem with it. That being said, neither did I at the time. Now that I’m a few months out of that situation, I think if I went back with the experience and knowledge that I now have, I wouldn’t have entertained the relationship in the first place. I felt at times that I wanted to impress him and gain his approval simply because he seemed to be on a level above mine. I desperately wanted to be in a place where I felt that he viewed me as an equal, but the imbalance of power meant I never actually was. I don’t think that he created these conditions on purpose, but they were created and did affect me personally. I felt I let myself down by how much I altered my core beliefs for this person. Looking back, I should never have been put in a position where I felt that this was the only way I could be validated by him.
46
