Transformation Coaching Magazine April 2020 by Transformation Coaching Magazine

INSPIRATION & GROWTH Finding Balance Vitalize & Balance Yourself Holistically Mending the Breaks The Heart of the Matter The Sanity of Fair Exchange Spring into Joy The 3 Irrational Beliefs at the Root of All Suffering: Approval, Judgment and Comfort Nothing in Your Life is Wasted Why A Goal Is A Place To Work From, Not Towards

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FEED YOUR SPIRIT The Joy of a Soul Connection

COACHING & BUSINESS TOOLS What’s Your Vibe?

PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Dr. Bryan Hawley, Mark Pitstick, Jo Mooy, Arielle Giordano, Alan Cohen, Owen Waters, Mary Boutillier, Natalie Rivera, Noelle Sterne, Gregg Sanderson, Kate Pennell

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Finding Balance

By doing something every day for the body, mind and spirit, we can better savor all that life has to offer. By Dr. Bryan Hawley Most of us are starting to see the sunshine and smell the fresh sent of spring in the air. I personally love the cusp of changing seasons because I can really feel the energetic shift virtually drawing me outdoors. There is nothing like stepping outside in the springtime on the fresh grass barefoot and just feeling the energy move through me. Or, after a long day at work dealing with stressful situations, I just let it all go by taking a walk in the forest. I know many of you understand what I am talking about and probably have some form of ritual yourself around springtime. However, have you ever found yourself out of balance or out of sync at this time of year? Like waves that come and go, sometimes we get so caught up in the world—trying to make ends meet, attending social gatherings, running errands and doing a host of other things—that we forget our spiritual side. On the other hand, if you’re like me you can get so caught up in the spiritual side of life— walking through the woods, doing meditation or just going with the flow feeling perfectly Zen—that you don’t want to do the things that we all need to do such as paying the bills, running errands, etc. I find this happening quite often or, to be honest, maybe as I’m getting older I just notice it more. There is a contrast between the two sides of my world that I can pick up on rather easily now, and maybe you’re feeling it too. We are in a state of flux moving back and forth, dipping our toes in each side of the pond so to speak. And that’s OK; maybe that’s the way it should be. We are on a journey of discovery with the opportunity to help others along the way. How boring would it be if there was no contrast in our lives?

What I have done over the past 10 years or so is to try to keep a balance between body, mind and spirit, and to constantly practice my daily routines. On nice days you will find me going for a nature walk, or walking barefoot on my lawn. (Sure the neighbors think I’m funny but, what the heck, we are here to have fun.) I also make a list of the things that I need to get accomplished every day, such as the daily chores, tasks, work, life consultations, and I check those off as my day goes along. I set aside 20 minutes every afternoon to take a power nap. I find that recharges me and gets the creative juices flowing in the afternoon instead of having a lull. Then there’s personal development for nourishing the mind. Every day I try to set aside time to work on myself, either watching educational videos, reading books or reading online articles. I have found through daily meditation, nature walks, scheduling tasks, taking a nap and allocating time for personal development I am more stable and in balance in all areas of my life. By doing something every day for the body, mind and spirit, I can better savor all that life has to offer and be of service for those around me. Even with this approach I still notice the back and forth struggle of living a full life, but I think that’s the way it’s supposed to be. I hope if you’re feeling this, too, or catch yourself getting pulled to one side more than the other remember my advice: Do something for your body, something for your mind and something from your spirit every day. This creates a more Zen-like vibe that others will pick up on and gravitate toward. So this spring I hope you get to run out in your yard barefoot and make your neighbors laugh, but at the same time pick up some personal development books, schedule those tasks and check them off every day.

“Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.” —Thomas Merton

Listen for Your Calling with Dr. Bryan Hawley Dr. Bryan is a published author, national speaker, and personal growth consultant. He also owns an online digital marketing agency and has created a simple online course on digital marketing to help other coaches, and authors break out into the world and reach audiences. You can find out more on his website http://www.drbryanhawley.com or email directly at info@drbryanhawley.com.

Vitalize & Balance Yourself Holistically

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Jason Leung

WHAT IS GREATER REALITY LIVING?

The term greater reality living describes how you might choose to live as you expand your awareness of reality, which is defined as the state of things as it actually exists. Because so much of reality escapes the five physical senses, you likely have viewed life as if through a tiny pinhole and then wondered why things don’t make sense. As the old saying goes, “There is much more to life than meets the eye.” If you are now inspired to expand your perception and take action in your own life, the Greater Reality Living model outlined in this series of Transformation Coaching articles provides a roadmap to: 1) Learn That Consciousness Survives Physical Death 2) Internalize This Great News 3) Vitalize Your Body, Mind and Spirit 4) Enjoy the Many Benefits of Greater Reality Living 5) Serve Others and Make the World a Better Place I designed this LIVES model to prepare people for optimal living after learning about the findings of Gary E. Schwartz, Ph.D., who directs the Laboratory for Advances in Consciousness and Health at the University of Arizona. He is a Harvard graduate, former Harvard and Yale professor, and author of nine books including The Afterlife Experiments and The Sacred Promise. I also started the nonprofit SoulPhone Foundation (http://www.SoulPhone.org) to help fund research and development for the SoulPhone Project. Depending on funding, a reliable and highly accurate SoulSwitch™ that provides yes/no answers from post-material (“deceased”) persons may be completed in 2020. An array of these switches can be used to produce a SoulKeyboard™ to enable texting and typing with them. This will greatly increase the quality and quantity of communication with postmaterial loved ones as well as scientists, inventors, and others who want to help us improve life on Earth. Replicated, multi-center, university-based scientific studies for the SoulPhone™ technology have now — for the first time in human history — definitively demonstrated that death is NOT the end of life.

A healthy and balanced body/brain can help you remember and demonstrate you r timeless essence and inner magnificence. By Mark Pitstick, MA, DC As you now know, much evidence strongly indicates that the vast majority of who and what you are survives bodily death. However, it’s difficult to know and show that great news when you are suffering with severe and/or chronic depression, fatigue, illness, pain or anxiety. Even though your body is miraculously self-aware and self-restorative, it has a breaking point after which healing is nearly impossible. Over the years, I’ve asked many people whose health was in shambles, “How did you get to this point? Didn’t you see it coming? Weren’t there some warning signals?” They all answered similarly: “Over the years, I knew I should take better care of myself, but didn’t. Eventually, I just got too tired and went downhill. Then it was too much to overcome.” Please don’t let yourself get to that point. Many people have forgotten what it’s like to be happy, healthy and energetic. They look around and conclude that it’s normal to feel, look, and act poorly. The root causes of these problems are many, but I’m only going to list a few here so we can focus most of this article on the solutions: • An over abundance of cheap and harmful junk and fast foods. These can negatively affect the brain and cause

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people to become addicted. Why? Because sugar, artificial sugars, and chemicals can act as addictive stimulants. Chemical-laden, genetically engineered, and nutritionally deficient foods such as soy, corn, wheat and processed dairy. Deterioration of the topsoil so that even healthy foods no longer contain key nutrients. Routine prescribing of pharmaceutical drugs with potentially dangerous side effects for common ailments that respond very well to natural methods of healing. Cigarette smoking and smokeless tobacco, along with excess alcohol and marijuana use.

LIVE IN THE SOLUTION If you’re ready to consider what greater reality living means for you, close your eyes and imagine the most wonderful life of your dreams. What would that look like? What might you hear yourself and others saying? How would you feel? In short, what is your highest vision for how wonderful your life can be? Now let’s look at the seven keys to optimal vitality. They may appear deceptively simple; however, they can create outstanding results and help you enjoy the greatest life you have envisioned. After you finish this article, I suggest you

read my book Radiant Wellness and take a look at the articles cited herein, which are available for free on the home page of http://www.SoulProof.com. Then share this information with your family, friends and coworkers.

1. RENEWAL • Get enough sleep—about eight hours per night for most people—so you feel energized throughout the day. • Hit the bed by 10:30 p.m. and even earlier when needing extra rest. Natural health experts say the hours of sleep before midnight are most beneficial. • Listen to your inner wisdom when you don’t feel well. Lighten your schedule, go to bed earlier, sleep in, cancel social engagements, and/or get a nap. • Take note of creative insights that can occur just before and after sleep or while dreaming. Keep a notepad and pen on your bedside table to capture valuable ideas and inspiring thoughts. • Review your goals, read positive books, or listen to inspiring audio products just before going to sleep.

2. ACTIVITY • Stretch once or twice a day for a few minutes to promote healthy soft tissues (muscle, ligament, tendon and disc); prevent or slow arthritis; and help maintain normal skeletal and spinal alignment and flexibility. • Aerobically condition (walk, bike, jog, elliptical, etc.) three times per week for 20 minutes. I suggest using interval training methods of moderate intensity for 2 minutes, then 30 seconds of high intensity. Repeat this cycle eight times. • Resistance train three times per week for 45 minutes using weights, bands, or your body weight with yoga, Pilates or floor exercises. • Develop an active lifestyle by enjoying time while walking in nature, biking, kayaking or canoeing. Take dance, yoga or martial arts lessons. • Climb stairs, park further away from the destination, and pick up the pace while cleaning the house and doing yardwork.

3. DIET • Avoid chemical-laden, GMO, and radiated foods, especially soy, corn and wheat; processed foods, especially ones containing white sugar and flour; processed dairy; artificial sweeteners; unhealthily derived animal products and meats coming from commercial factory businesses. • Use minimal amounts of natural sweeteners: honey, maple syrup, molasses, xylitol, agave. • Eat fresh, organic food from healthy grocery stores and local farmers who use sustainable agriculture and pasture-raised methods. • Eat mostly real food: vegetables, low-glycemic fruit, raw nuts and seeds, lean meat and eggs. If your health status and weight allow it, include some legumes and gluten-free grains, breads and cereals. • Get sufficient healthy fats: butter, coconut butter and oil, olive oil, ghee, etc.

• Eat fish, walnuts, and seeds (flax, chia and hemp), and obtain additional omega-3 essential fatty acids from cold-processed and pristine sources of tuna oil or cod liver oil. • If you are a vegan who consumes no animal products, obtain sufficient protein from grain and legume combinations, plant-based protein powders and bars and raw foods. Also get extra B vitamins, especially B-12 from whole food supplements. • Drink pure water with daily ounces equal to one-third to one-half of your body weight in pounds, and avoid water in flimsy plastic containers that can contain endocrine systemdisrupting and toxic plastic particles. • Limit tea or coffee to two servings per day and none after mid-afternoon. • Avoid synthetic nutritional supplements found in most stores. These high-dosage varieties are created mostly from chemicals in laboratories, are poorly absorbed, and can cause nutrient imbalances in the body. • Take cold processed whole food supplements from companies that use organic plant sources raised in rich topsoil and optimally raised animal ingredients for key nutrients richly abundant in organs. • Start a personalized nutritional program from a licensed health care practitioner. (See articles #32 and # 33 on http://www.SoulProof.com.) • Use raw concentrated green powders in your smoothies or green drinks.

4. INNER CLEANSE • Remove bodily wastes and inner toxins by regular bowel movements, urination, sweating and deep breathing. • Detoxify your body at least twice per year with a gentle but powerful program. • Minimize exposure to chemicals and heavy metals in your body care, home cleaning and laundry products. Hair dyes, antiperspirant deodorants, and skin lotions are common sources of toxins that impact the brain and hormonal organs. • Educate yourself about electromagnetic fields and how to minimize exposure to sources of “dirty electricity” from cell phones, computers, fluorescent lights, cell towers, etc. (To learn more, see article #43 on http://www.Soulproof.com, Dirty Electricity and How To Minimize It.) • Avoid cigarettes and smokeless tobacco completely. Use alcohol and marijuana minimally if at all.

5. AWARENESS • No matter what is going on around you, you can always choose to focus on higher energy thoughts of peace, joy, love, gratitude and enthusiasm. • Use centering practices—such as prayer, meditation, time in nature, yoga, soaking in a hot tub, etc.—to release stress and become more aware of your inner wisdom. • Realize that your thoughts, words and deeds have a ripple effect—for good or bad—on you and others.

• Practice gratitude and give thanks for the good parts of your life. At the same time, move toward the greatest life you have envisioned. • Remember that golden opportunities for growth and service always accompany difficulty and suffering. (see article #10, Handling Life’s Biggest Changes and Challenges, and #29 Suffering at http://www.SoulProof.com) • Shield yourself from emotional sappers and zappers, especially if you are sensitive or empathic (see article #23) • Nourish loving relationships with significant others, family, friends, and pets. • Follow your heart-felt callings, even if just part-time (see article #21 Identify and Fulfill Your Soul’s Missions.)

6. NATURAL CARE • Avoid drug and surgical approaches whenever possible. Why? The New England Journal of Medicine reported that over 750,000 Americans die each year from prescription drug reactions, hospital-borne infections, outright mistakes and complications from unnecessary surgeries. The potentially serious or fatal risks of these disease-care treatments may be necessary for emergency conditions; however, those risks are clearly not warranted for many common and non-crisis maladies that often respond very well to natural healing methods. • Assemble a natural health care team to provide healthy healing including specific chiropractic and cranial adjusting, acupuncture, deep massage and essential oil therapy. • If you are depressed or suicidal, seek help from a crisis support team, psychological and/or pastoral counseling, integrative medical doctor and natural health care providers (http://www.Soulproof.com articles #5 and # 26.) • Remember the 3 L’s for babies: Leboyer (optimal care just after birth), La Leche (breast-feeding) and Lamaze (natural childbirth). Also provide a real food diet for infants. These optimal starts early in life set the stage for a healthy teen and adult. • Educate yourself about the potential short- and long-term dangers, as well as questionable effectiveness, of most vaccinations. To learn more, visit the National Vaccine Information Center at http://www.nvic.org; Children’s Medical

Safety Research Institute at http://www.cmsri.org; Vaccine Papers: An Objective Look at Vaccine Dangers at http://www. VaccinePapers.org; and http://www.TheDoctorWithin.com.

7. TRANSCENDENCE • Know thyself. You are a being of energy, awareness, spirit and consciousness. • Understand that you are a special and beloved being who came here with special gifts to share and lessons to learn (article #21 Identify and Fulfill Your Soul’s Missions.) • Much evidence indicates that you will see your postmaterial loved ones and pets again and likely can sense them now (articles #9 Visiting with “Departed” Loved Ones Now; #28 After-Death Communications; #35 The SoulPhone.) • Although you may wish for some things to stay the same, remember change is good for growth, freshness and learning. • When pondering “Why is there so much suffering?” be aware of what you are focusing on. Are you mainly thinking and talking about your old wounds, losses and disappointments? Or are you paying more attention to the magnificence and richness of life, and how you can serve others? (article # 29 Suffering) • Nurture a relationship with your Higher Power: ask, converse with daily prayer, sense responses via meditation, spend time in nature, serve others and use centering practices that quiet the brain. The first letter of each key above spells the word RADIANT. That’s what you really are: a radiant being of light, energy and awareness who is temporarily visiting this planet for meaningful reasons.

As an old Japanese saying cou nseled: "The best time to p lant a tree is twenty year s ago. The second-best time is today." I hope you ap p ly that w isdom and begin to holistically vitalize you r self today. Photo Credit: Unsplash/Fereshteh Azadi

Mark Pitstick, MA, DC is an author, master’s clinical psychologist, holistic chiropractic physician, frequent media guest, and webinar/workshop facilitator. He directs The SoulPhone Foundation and founded Greater Reality Living Groups. Dr. Pitstick can help you know and show—no matter what is happening to or around you— that your earthly experience is a totally safe, meaningful, and magnificent adventure amidst forever. Visit http://www.SoulProof.com for free articles, newsletters and radio interviews with top consciousness experts.

Mending the Breaks

The holy artisan of the soul knows that human flaws happen so repairs to the spirit can be mended. By Jo Mooy Life is a continual cycle of things coming into existence and going out of existence. All things, no matter if it’s a person, a sofa, a bowl or a vase, are part of that cycle. Each has a beginning and an ending—a birth and death. What happens in between those two events is an allotted amount of time to enjoy the object, or not, the experiences encountered, or not, to relate with others, or not, to mark the passage well, or not, and to live a best life, or not. Some experiences during the allotted time can mar the vessel. A person might face emotional hurt over a life situation. Though it’s an invisible injury, it’s as real as a physical one and leaves unhealed scars on the individual. Wine spilled on a sofa becomes a permanent stain with no option but to replace it. A vase falling off a shelf can break, shattering the pot into many pieces. Most people would discard the vase, consigning it to a memory. The Japanese however, took the cycle of the vase’s allotted time and reverently turned it into the Zen practice of Kintsugi. The vase was

once created by skilled artists. It was treasured by a purchaser and beautifully displayed in the home. One day it broke. Instead of throwing the broken vase into the trash, the pieces were retrieved and repaired, but in a new way. The Kintsugi artisans believe the blemishes and breaks are part of the vase’s lifecycle and should be honored and respected. Kintsugi means “golden repair.” The artists use liquid gold, liquid silver, and resin filled with gold dust to mend the breaks in the pottery. This process makes it much stronger than before. The technique also creates a more unique vase with distinctive golden designs that highlight the cracks. And, the added gold increases the value of the urn. The art of Kintsugi puts value on imperfection. By embracing the flaws and bruises, a stronger and more beautiful piece of art emerges. Kintsugi is a metaphor for living with life’s ups and downs. Breaks often occur in families, friendships and relationships. For some it’s easy to focus on the breaks. They love all the drama and

imagined storytelling that went into the break. Living in the past, all they see is how the perfect vase used to look on the perfect shelf. Sadly, the potential to see the beauty of the golden repair never occurs. The holy artisan of the soul knows that human flaws happen so repairs to the spirit can be mended. We’re imperfect pieces of pottery. When we fail in an expectation or fall down from a lofty perch, it’s a glorious opportunity to understand what the broken shards are about and try to repair and heal the pot. The result is a more beautifully tempered vessel of expression. Inherent in the practice of Kintsugi is expressing gratitude for both the good and the bad. It reframes the negative experiences so a more positive one is experienced. All the flaws, all the breaks, all the imperfections, recognized for what they are, can create a better and more healed individual. Kintsuge defines a spiritual practice of personal wellness that puts a golden lacquer on the breaks in our character so a better human evolves. It’s a compelling practice that teaches us to gild the scars.

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

The Heart of the Matter

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Minh Pham

How to open the gateway to real spirituality and soul development. By Arielle Giordano Real spirituality is living through the heart from within your being. You are not a “self”— ego/ personality—that has a being inside of it. You are a soul designed to evolve to a higher purpose by connecting with your heart center to find your true essence.

What you know “in your heart” is what and who you truly are. You do not need to intellectualize it. You do not need to understand it. You only need to know it. The heart is the doorway to genuine expression, and when you let others cross the threshold and enter, you are living in, expressing and sharing your truth. You are conveying an honesty that honors the deepest truth with-

in, which takes you past emotions, thinking, feeling and will. Meaning cannot be found outside of yourself. Meaning is only found when you become quiet and sense a profound peacefulness in your heart. In this state you will find what you are seeking. We all have meaning. We all have truth. We all have access to that deep place that shines a bright light to show us the way forward.

Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com

The Sanity of Fair Exchange

When we re-frame the circulation of money as the passing around of love, we step into a prosperity mindset and we thrive. By Alan Cohen As I was walking into a local market, a homeless woman stopped me. I had seen her from afar, talking to herself, apparently mentally unbalanced. She asked if I would buy her some potato chips. “Sure,” I told her. “What kind would you like?” “Lay’s—spicy, please.” Tickled that she knew what she wanted, I got her a large bag and gave it to her on my way out of the store. In her hand she now held an ice cream cone. (Apparently she worked lots of folks who entered the shop.) Then the disheveled woman did something surprising: She gave me the ice cream cone in exchange for the chips. Touched by her generosity, I told her I really didn’t want the cone; it was all hers. But she insisted, so I took it. As I drove away, I realized that even distraught or unbalanced souls understand the principle of sharing and fair exchange. Something inside a human being wants to say “thank you” when a kindness is given.

Sometimes people who hit bottom are even more sensitive to the importance of helping each other. In the inspiring Netflix series The Kindness Diaries, adventurist/philanthropist

Leon Logothetis travels around the globe without using money and, as a social experiment, asks people he encounters to help him by giving him food, a place to sleep, or gas for his motorcycle. Many people turn Leon down, but a number of thoughtful people generously support him. Tony, a homeless man in Pittsburgh, offered Leon a mat to sleep on in the doorway where Tony had taken shelter, and a blanket to keep him warm. He gave Leon food and offered him a new package of underwear that someone had given him. Tony had next to nothing, but he was willing to share it. Perhaps it was because he had next to nothing that he understood the value of helping. As a reward, Leon gave Tony full tuition to attend a training program that would get him a job as a skilled worker and provide him with a good income. As Leon announced this gift, tears flowed from Tony’s eyes. The circle of kindness was complete. Right livelihood, as Buddha called it, is built on fair and equal exchange of goods and services. In my book Spirit Means Business, I identify 10 illusions that keep people stuck in fear about money and business, and the 10 truths that liberate us. One of the illusions is the goal to get as much as you can while giving as little as you can. To a spiritually awakened person, this goal is meaningless and unattractive. When someone helps you by serving you a meal, providing transportation, or giving you a massage, it is natural and soul-fulfilling to want to help them in exchange.

When we re-frame the circulation of money as the passing around of love, we step into a prosperity mindset and we thrive.

was opening the door for the other person to experience the reward of giving. Occasionally Hilda would lead a meditation on gratitude. She guided us to mentally thank the people who loved and helped us. Then she would add, “You can also send thanks to me. . . I don’t need your thanks, but you need to give it.” We all need to give thanks. We reserve one holiThe homeless woman also taught me the impor- day, Thanksgiving, as a day to express our gratitude. Yet tance of being an open receiver. Although I initially resisted, I we need to express it every day. Not because that will accepted the ice cream cone. Many of us are good at giving, make us a good person or God will one day reward us. but we block receiving. Such resistance impedes the circula- Because gratitude heals the giver and the receiver. Abraham-Hicks teaches that gratitude is the state of mind tion of prosperity as much as being stingy about giving. most representative of our true nature, and thus lifts us closest to heaven. We are told many times in the Bible that God wants Every willing giver requires a to give all to us. If are going to have all, we must be willing to willing receiver. When you are receive all. God puts no restrictions on the volume of blessings we can have. It is we who limit ourselves. The purpose willing to receive, you allow the of the spiritual path is to take the lid off the good we are open to receive so we can have it all. giver the joy of giving. My mentor Hilda Charlton underscored this lesson in her own unique way. If someone gave Hilda a compliment like, “That was an inspiring lecture!” Hilda would give the student the opportunity to amplify the gift. “Did you really like it?” she would reply. “Oh, yes,” the student continued, “I learned valuable tips I can use to improve my relationships.” Hilda was not fishing for compliments. She was quite ego-less and didn’t need other people’s praise. Instead, she

Sometimes people with mental disabilities are closer to heaven than many other people. That homeless woman was willing to ask for love, accept it, and give it. May we all become so sane.

Get Real with Alan Cohen

Alan Cohen is the author of many inspirational books including Spirit Means Business. Become a certified professional holistic teacher in Alan’s life-changing Holistic Seminar Leadership Training beginning April 17, 2020. For information on this program and Alan’s books, videos, audios, online courses, retreats, and other inspirational events and materials, visit http://www.alancohen.com.

The Joy of a Soul Connection

Regular meditation can open the door to an unending supply of blissful joy.

By Owen K Waters

When we tune into the soul level of consciousness, we find that there is much more to achieving personal happiness than anything related to external events. Real joy comes from within, from an unending source that is divine in origin. The creative will of the Divine Father aspect of God merged in perfect union with the everlasting love of the Divine Mother aspect of God together fill the universe with total, unadulterated, blissful joy! The greatest discovery of a person who regularly practices meditation is that, one day, the door will open to this unending supply of blissful

joy. On that day, the spiritual seeker knows, beyond all shadow of any doubt, that God lies silently within all things and all consciousness. We are a part of that Divine Oneness, and it is through the joy of soul consciousness that we realize this connection. Remember that your soul consciousness is your complete, inner consciousness. Your daily, conscious awareness, on the other hand, is focused on the outside world for a purpose. The true purpose is so that we can find our way back to that from which we came, even though we are spiritually “blindfolded,” so to speak. The game of life on Earth is played so that we can experience the rediscovery of that joyous connection to the oneness from which we originally came. All the happiness in the world pales in comparison with the supreme joy of that inner connection. Soul-inspired joy is lasting happiness. It has no beginning and no end because it is always there, just as God is always there, within each and every one of us.

Spiritual Dynamics with Owen K. Waters Owen is a cofounder of the Spiritual Dynamics Academy, where a where a free spiritual growth newsletter awaits you at: http://www.SpiritualDynamics.net. He is an international spiritual teacher who has helped hundreds of thousands of spiritual seekers to understand better the nature of their spiritual potential. Owen’s life has been focused upon gaining spiritual insights through extensive research and the development of his inner vision. For the past 12 years, he has written a spiritual metaphysics newsletter which empowers people to discover their own new vistas of inspiration, love and creativity. Spiritual seekers enjoy his writings for their insight and clarity.

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Andrew Small

Spring into Joy

We can find wonderment and inspiration in our lives by focusing on the things that lift us up and feed our spirit. By Mary Boutieller Spring is in the air as we move into the lovely month of April. Budding trees, warmer weather, more energy and movement as we get outside and celebrate this beautiful time of year! As each month passes by, we know that time marches on no matter what else is happening in our lives or in the world. One day unfolds into the next, babies are born, loved ones pass on and, if we are lucky, we all get another opportunity to take a spin on this lovely planet. Yet “times” seem crazier than ever—more bad news, more crowds and frustration, more traffic, more things to worry about, stress over, be depressed about....unless we make a conscious effort to find joy, wonderment and inspiration in our everyday surroundings. Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, in her book The Wisdom of No Escape, talks about those times when we feel overwhelmed or scared or uneasy. She suggests that instead of doing the same habitual thing—like crawling under the covers and wanting to give up, we pull ourselves up in our own way and do something to try and feel better. It could be as simple as a nice warm shower, a walk in the park, a phone call to a friend. She says, “Maybe I just have to figure out how to rouse myself genuinely, because there are a lot of people suffering like this, and if I can do it, they can do it.” So how do we find that joy or inspiration in our own lives? Where do we turn in order to keep things in perspective and build up resilience? Maria Popova, in one of her brilliant Brain Pickings newsletters, asks this profound question: “Who are the people, ideas and books that magnify your spirit?”

And then she says, “Find them, hold on to them, and visit them often. Use them not only as a remedy once spiritual malaise has already infected your vitality but as a vaccine administered while you are healthy to protect your radiance.” Yes—that makes perfect sense! Why wait until I am down in the dumps before I take “spiritual counsel” from the people, books or activities I love? How much better would it be if we continually filled our cups with inspiring prose or beautiful sunsets—any of those life-giving, nourishing things that speak to our souls and remind us why we are alive, why we get out of bed in the morning and why it all matters! This question prompted me to take inventory of those places that I turn to when I need solace or inspiration. I pondered what it is that feeds my soul, both when I am down and when I am full of joy and gratitude. Here are a few things I’d like to share with you that serve as a salve for my soul: 1) My darling husband, family and friends who fill my life with love and laughter and patience and wisdom are foremost in my cup-filling category. 2) Brain Pickings weekly newsletters (http:// www.brainpickings.org) are a constant source of inspiration. Maria Popolov’s writing and the resources she draws upon often send me down the rabbit hole of beauty. 3) Poetry: Mary Oliver, Danna Faulds, Wendell Berry, Maya Angelou, Mark Nepo, and others. I read their works regularly to remind myself of humanity and nature and growth. Their observations remind me to view my world with a wider lens.

4) Spontaneous moments of giving: free hug days, flash mobs (one of my favorites is An Ode to Joy flash mob that takes place in Italy: https://www. youtube.com/watch?v=Xc5MrBGqWZg), public displays of affection—especially at the airport— and the generosity of strangers. 5) Kindness in all its forms, like this story: A Middle school started a “Breakfast With Dads” Program. But many dads couldn’t make it and several students didn’t have father figures. The school posted a Facebook request for 50 volunteer fathers; 600 fathers from all backgrounds showed up. The full story is here: https://www.today.com/parents/ dallas-school-needed-stand-ins-dads-600-menshowed-t121019 6) Love, in ALL its forms, like this story: A bride’s father died ten years ago and his heart was donated. The man who received the transplant walked her down the aisle. The full story is here: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/08/09/fashion/ weddings/bride-is-walked-down-aisle-by-theman-who-got-her-fathers-donated-heart.html 7) Nature, in all its multicolored, multidimensional, multifaceted awe-inspiring forms! I remember my mom, as she got older, had this fascination with the colorful bugs that graced her backyard. She would regularly point out one and say, “Mary, look at that, isn’t it beautiful!” I now find myself doing the same! 8) Teaching. When I teach, the whole world aligns with who I am meant to be. I feel connected and content and at peace. I know there is so much more—all I have to do is see it right in front of me.

Maria Popolov, in another one of her writings, put it so simply when she said,

“And so we learn...that it i s not ju st a matter of paying attention, but of taking attention, of deliberately shifting it, of diverting the glycogen that pumps our despair mu scle and clenches the fi st scanning for danger; for that selfsame glycogen i s needed to pump our delight mu scle and open the palm to hold joy.” So the next time you feel tense or your world seems filled with the heaviness of despair, turn your attention instead to what delights, inspires and moves you. Discover—over and over again—what it is that grows your heart and settles your mind and feeds your essence. And once you remember what that is, allow yourself to go there regularly. Be willing to pull yourself up in whatever way you can, using the resources you have available, to live the life and feel the joy you were always meant to feel!

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

The 3 Irrational Beliefs at the Root of All Suffering: Approval, Judgment and Comfort

By Natalie Rivera We all think irrationally. Yes, even you! It’s really easy to notice when someone else is thinking irrationally. What they say sounds illogical. It makes no sense! Even if you try to point out their error in thinking, they don’t get it. They seem locked into their point of view, like they’re blinded to the truth. It can be frustrating. But the truth is that the same thing happens to you. We all hold wildly different beliefs—so much so that we question whether we have ANYTHING in common. However, the truth is that we all have human minds, and at their core, all minds share the same ultimate disfunction. We all tend to suffer (psychologically) in the same ways and for the same reasons. We ALL share 3 core irrational beliefs that are at the root of our suffering. 1) APPROVAL—I must be approved of by others to be worthy. 2) JUDGMENT—Other people must meet my expectations in order to be worthy. 3) COMFORT—Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience. These 3 beliefs pit “us” against “them”. They are responsible for the blame game, for entitlement and for nauseating approval seeking behavior. This. Explains. EVERYTHING. These beliefs are like internal RULES that we have for how we, others, and the world “should” behave. The problem is that these rules are TOTALLY BOGUS. Finding out that you are WRONG has never felt SO GOOD! If you’re tired of emotional stress and suffering, it’s time to rip those no-good beliefs out by the root!

It’s time to stop “shoulding” on yourself and others! By identifying which of these core irrational beliefs YOU tend to fall into the most, you can begin to become aware of the situations in which you apply these bogus rules. You can look out for these beliefs in the stories you tell about yourself, others, and how life “should” be. And, most importantly, you can stop yourself from thinking irrationally and causing yourself unnecessary suffering. You’ll even be able to spot these beliefs in others! Once you know about them, you’ll see them EVERYWHERE, and the suffering and conflict that runs so rampant will make so much more sense. Below you will find a description of the 3 beliefs, including the consequences you will continue to experience if you do not make the effort to release this irrational B.S. (ahem, belief system). A new, rational belief is also provided to help you transition to a new perspective.

Belief #1: APPROVAL-I must be approved of by others to be worthy.

Need: acceptance, belonging Fear: judgment, rejection Demands: I expect myself to perform well and win approval from all significant others at all times, and if not I am a failure, unworthy, and deserve to suffer.

Symptoms: • Places unrealistic expectations on oneself • Over-concern with what other people think • Achievement and popularity determine self-worth • Self-critical, lack of self-acceptance Emotional Consequences • Depression, feeling not good enough, unable to express or embrace true self • Anxiety, worry about what others think, being judged • Low confidence, feeling bad about yourself, others disapproval means we are bad, can’t be yourself Behavioral Consequences • Risk-avoidance, for fear of being judged for failing or being different • Shyness, for fear of being embarrassed • Procrastination, for fear of failure, judgment, risk • Unassertiveness, for fear of rejection or criticism • Workaholism, in order to gain approval

REPLACE WITH THIS RATIONAL BELIEF: I have value as a human being simply by being my authentic self, and I desire love only from those who appreciate me and recognize the good in me.

False Sub-Belief: I need love and approval from EVERYBODY. • Consequence: Stifling of true self, lack of self-love and self-respect. • Truth: Everyone has different tastes and preferences and it is impossible to be loved by everybody. False Sub-Belief: I must be successful, intelligent and competent in all areas. • Consequence: Preoccupation with proving adequacy, even it if means looking competent when you’re not. • Truth: It is totally natural to be better at some things than others. It is okay to not be good at something. False Sub-Belief: I must be dependent on other people because they are stronger than I am, and I can’t depend on myself. • Consequence: Leads to unhealthy relationships that burden others and creates attachment based on need rather than genuine love. • Truth: Many people are perfectly capable of doing things on their own but they continue to tell themselves they need others to help them because they are afraid to let go of control of the other person. False Sub-Belief: My past has made me who I am and will continue to define my future. • Consequence: Continuing to live patterns that do not serve you and failure to reach your potential due to unwillingness to take responsibility for your life. • Truth: When you were younger, you did not understand what was happening, and therefore it impacted your

b ehavior automatically. However, now you have the a bility to think about your past and present differently and choose to act differently.

Belief #2: JUDGMENT-Other people must do “the right thing” and meet my expectations in order to be worthy.

Need: importance, superiority Fear: unfairness, disappointment Demands: expect all significant others to treat me kindly and fairly, as well as act appropriately, and if they don’t, they are unworthy, rotten people who deserve to be punished Symptoms: • Unrealistic expectations on others, including expecting them to be infallible, perfect • Assuming you are the sole authority on what is right and wrong • Assuming you have authority over others • Believing everyone else is responsible for catering to your needs Emotional Consequences • Anger, rage or fury when others intentionally or unintentionally treat you poorly or unfairly or don’t meet your expectations • Impatience with others who make mistakes or aren’t perfect • Bitterness against others for not meeting your needs • Resentment toward others for being imperfect and especially for treating you unfairly or not meeting your needs Behavioral Consequences • Aggression and violence as a way of punishing others for being inappropriate or not meeting expectations • Bigotry and intolerance of anyone who does not meet your definition of right and wrong • Bullying others to enforce your belief of the way others should behave or be • Nagging others to elicit the right action you expect and require

REPLACE WITH THIS RATIONAL BELIEF: All people, including myself, are imperfect, have value to offer, and have a unique perspective of the world.

False Sub-Belief: I should be concerned and upset about other people’s problems. • Consequence: Wasted energy while focused on other people’s problems rather than focusing on directing your own life. • Truth: Other people’s problems almost never have anything to do with you. Getting upset because someone else is upset or has a problem does not help them feel better or fix their problem.

False Sub-Belief: Everyone should treat each other, and especially me, in a fair, considerate manner or they should be punished. • Consequence: Harsh condemnation of and possible lashing out at anyone who does not treat you the way you want to be treated, which is your definition of fairness. • Truth: Not everyone has the same definition of fairness or being considerate, and therefore they may act differently than you would expect. you do not hold authority over other people and it is not your role to punish people for their behavior. False Sub-Belief: People must be competent and act wisely and if not they have no value and should be punished. • Consequence: Shaming, criticizing, and rejecting others for mistakes, errors, or undeveloped abilities. • Truth: This hyper-judgment of others is what causes the cultural perpetuation of approval seeking behavior. Even if a person has a low level of competence, they still have innate value and dignity as a human being and are worthy of respect. Also, they are capable of learning, growing and improving. False Sub-Belief: When other people behave badly it means they are bad and should be punished. • Consequence: When others make mistakes or do things you disapprove of, judging them as bad and punishing them: a) equates the behavior with the person and b) does not lead to any form of improvement or resolution. • Truth: Human beings are not perfect and make mistakes. A person’s behavior in one moment does not define their character or worthiness. Everyone has a reason for why they act the way they do. Everyone has a different perspective of what is right and wrong.

Belief #3: COMFORT-Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience.

Need: certainty, comfort, justice Fear: adversity, uncertainty, discomfort Demands: expect all external conditions to be pleasant and favorable at all times and when they’re not it is awful and unbearable. Symptoms: • Unrealistic expectations about life being perfect • Belief that living a trouble-free life is a birthright • Lack of belief in your ability cope with adversity • Complete rejection of all life problems as unacceptable Emotional Consequences • Low frustration tolerance • Self-pity and “poor me” attitude • Depression, hopelessness • Discomfort anxiety Behavioral Consequences • Procrastination • Shirking • Drug and alcohol abuse • Overindulgence in “feel good” behaviors (e.g., overeating)

REPLACE WITH THIS RATIONAL BELIEF: It is perfectly natural for life conditions to not be ideal or perfect and it’s okay if situations do not exist the way I would prefer because I am capable of finding solutions to problems and making changes that bring me happiness and opportunity regardless of the situations that happen around me.

False Sub-Belief: Things must go the way I want them to go and I should have control over them. • Consequence: Anger and frustration when things don’t go the way you want does not help you change the situation. Expecting everything to be exactly as you want it gives away your power to be happy until everything is perfect, which it won’t be, ever. • Truth: In most situations, outside conditions are almost completely outside of your control. What you do have control over is what happens internally, such as your thoughts and emotions about a situation. False Sub-Belief: If something is or may be dangerous or unpleasant I should continue to worry about it. • Consequence: Unnecessary worry causes anxiety and stress and takes away time and energy from productive solutions or other important aspects of life • Truth: If nothing can be done about the situation, there is no benefit to upset yourself by continuously thinking about it. Worrying does not prevent it from happening. If it’s going to happen anyway, you benefit more from being in a more calm, healthy emotional place between now and then. False Sub-Belief: My unhappiness, sorrow, and disturbance are caused by unpleasant or undesirable situations, and therefore I must avoid these situations. • Consequence: Preoccupation with controlling situations and people, leading to frustration when faced with the fact that this is not possible. Avoidance of anything that could go wrong, which leads to a very limited life.

• Truth: Your unhappiness and disturbance is caused by judgment of the undesirable situations, not by the situations themselves. False Sub-Belief: It is easier to avoid, rather than face and deal with, life’s difficulties, challenges and responsibilities. • Consequence: By avoiding difficulties you avoid the potential positive benefit of facing them, plus in many cases you are only putting off problems that you will need to face later, when they will often be worse. • Truth: Putting off responsibilities, such as procrastinating, only makes the task harder and more stressful. Almost all worthwhile pursuits, accomplishments, goals, and experiences require some level of challenge or unpleasant activity. False Sub-Belief: I am supposed to just be happy. I do not have control over my emotions. • Consequence: When you are not happy all the time you will either blame yourself for being unworthy or blame the outside for not meeting your expectations and making you happy. • Truth: While happiness can spontaneously arise when pleasant situations exist in your life, happiness does not depend on favorable external conditions. It is not the situation itself that causes the emotion, it is the result of the way you think about and judge the stations that happened. False Sub-Belief: All problems must have a perfect solution and that solution must be found. • Consequence: Inability to accept the reality of a situation and take action to make improvements because the solution is not perfect. Obsession with making a situation perfect, which often makes it worse. • Truth: Expecting a solution to be perfect will prevent you from identifying possible options or moving forward with any solution at all. The question is: A. Will you spend the rest of your life groveling for approval, hating on others, and being disappointed by life—and blaming all of it for your misery? B. Or, will you accept that you, others, and life simply are what they are, and only your irrational expectations and rules about it all have the power to make you miserable?

The choice is yours.

Ignite Life with Natalie Rivera

Natalie Rivera is a firestarter, speaker and entrepreneur. She is passionate about empowering others to GET REAL and live authentically. After a decade of living a life that wasn’t hers and developing Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Natalie let go of everything and completely transformed. Through her journey to healing she rediscovered her true self and greater purpose—to inspire others to transform their lives. Natalie “retired” from the rat race at 24, put herself through school as a freelance designer, created a non-profit teen center, and later created Transformation Services, Inc., which offers motivational speaking, curriculum development, life coaching, event management, and publishing. She is also the Publisher of Transformation Magazine. Visit http://www.transformationacademy.com.

Nothing in Your Life is Wasted

We are where we are because we need to learn certain things—and we can’t get to the next place without learning them. By Noelle Sterne Do you find yourself too often shaking your fist at God and asking, “When, oh Lord, oh when? . . . When will I finally get published or called back? . . . When will I be able to quit my day job? . . . When will I have enough money to write or paint or design or dance full-time? . . . When will I meet that Someone who will support me in the creating I must do and share life’s joys with?” The answer to all such questions may seem illogical at best and barely palatable at worst. But it’s simple.

The Squirming Truth

Each of us, no matter how dire or sad or frustrating our circumstances, is where we want to be. I’ll be more accurate: each of us is where we need to be. We are where we are because we need to learn certain things—and we can’t get to the next place without learning them. This principle applies to everything in life. What does this unpleasant statement really mean? After our reflexive cry of “Unfair!” it means that everything in our lives is connected. Our every experience is to learn and make better choices. If we don’t learn, we repeat the experience in different guises and hair colors, as you may have noticed, until we do. If you keep setting the toaster to extra dark, you’ll keep burning most pieces. If you keep turning off the alarm and turning over, you’ll continue that frenzied rush to get to work every morning. If you keep going to auditions without continuous practice and study in acting, you’ll keep getting more

s ilent phones and no texts or callbacks. If you keep treating everyone with a sarcastic leer, you won’t attract someone who’s really on your side. As we learn—finally—from each experience, we’re led to the next. This is one of life’s causes and effects, and it is inescapable. Like me, you may chafe at its apparent unfairness. When I get too exasperated, I return to a poem discovered during one of those black periods I railed at God. The poem is perfectly called “No Other Way” by Martha Smock (Fear Not! Unity Books):

Could we but see the pattern of our days, We should discern how devious were the ways By which we came to this, the present time . . . . We should forget the hurts, the wanderings, the fears, The wastelands of our life, and know That we could come no other way or grow Into our good without these steps our feet Found hard to take, our faith found hard to meet. Look hard at the last three lines. They mean that whatever is now in our lives, on our desks, in our inboxes and texts, however hard it is to take, it’s supposed to be here. We need to learn its lessons. So we can stamp our feet, curse, and fling around doing our tasks with resentment and outright hate—or we can make another decision. That is to accept what’s in front of us with grace and gratitude and invest ourselves fully in it. As we do, we’ll

learn what we need to so we can get to the next step. We can make the process easier by recognizing and accepting another heartening law: none of what we’re experiencing is wasted.

Every Experience Adds

When I was struggling to write regularly, I had an office job for survival. But I secretly felt it was beneath me. I scarcely talked to coworkers, did my work grudgingly, and found it ever more difficult to show up each morning. Then a friend, more enlightened than I, showed me a new way of looking at my job. I would never “graduate,” she said, until I began to put myself wholly—100 percent or more—into it. Only then, she said, would I learn as much from it as it had to teach me. I was a recalcitrant student. But as I gradually followed my friend’s advice, the job became more bearable. Looking back, I see how much of what I learned in that office I use today. For example, I honed my typing and computer skills and they immeasurably facilitated my editing and writing. My ability to interact with people improved, so I could more easily talk about my writing and eventually attract new business. Seeing the boss put in long hours after 5:00 o’clock spurred my discipline to write after a day’s work, and I became more motivated to write more. That disdained office job taught me some of the most crucial things I needed to learn to get closer to my dream. But I still had a lot to learn. Often, what we so fervently crave right now we may be nowhere near ready for. Can you look at yourself honestly and admit this may be true for you? It certainly was so for me—during that time of agonizing over not writing and resenting my job, what I needed was a rigorous apprenticeship to learn discipline, practice skills, admit to my own talents, and simply keep at it. Some unlikely examples from writer colleagues: a poet who edits cookbooks transfers her skills for condensing a recipe to her terse, haiku-like poems. A novelist who’s a tech writer applies his talents for telling people how to build engines to highly detailed descriptions of his settings and characters’ idiosyncrasies. A writer who enrolled in a vocational school realized her error and dropped out after a semester. She used the experience to sell an article to a career magazine about carefully assessing yourself and your interests. I once had a summer job at a camp and, under protest and with much sweat, was recruited to help build a cottage on the grounds. I would have much rather stayed in the air-conditioned office to type and answer phones, but in my overalls and work gloves I learned about lintels, drywall, and molly bolts. I’d never been interested in any of these things before nor did the exposure prompt me to change careers. But three years later, when I was writing a story about a couple who discovered an old house in the country and started to refurbish it, I drew on this experience. The technical terms popped easily into my mind, and I used my earlier feelings to express the wife’s frustration and disgust with the mess surrounding her. I could cite many other examples, from famous to unfamous but highly successful people of all kinds. They’ve got one thing in common: their delays, mistakes, and apparent wrong

turns turned out to be precisely the right preparation for what they later needed and wanted to do. When my resolve wavers, it has often been renewed by the words of spiritual counselor Catherine Ponder (Pray and Grow Rich, Parker):

“Everything moves in cycles, both in time and space. Regardless of the number of breaks that appear in the lines of your life, growth is taking place. Never fight the darkness because through it, growth takes place. The more light you turn on in your life, the quicker will be your growth.”

Your Turn

Now it’s your turn. Think about something you’ve learned, seen, or heard, past or current, in a situation you couldn’t get out of. Did you use it, surprisingly, later? How? How would you like to use it in the future? If you’re resisting the idea of the overlap between a day job and an evening of following your bliss, open your mind. Wherever you work now—in a restaurant, hotel, office, retail store, school, hospital, or on a ship, plane, or train—look around. Everyone and all environments provide material and lessons for your dream work. Overheard conversations and arguments, melodies of hot-dog hawkers, the feeling of snow on your face, the rhythmic undulations of standing bus passengers trying to keep their balance. A songwriter I know got the idea for what became a hit staring at an ad while he rode the subway. So, instead of resenting your abhorrent present, make friends with it. See what you can gain from it. Instead of rejecting your shameful past, thank it. The great jazz musician Miles Davis said, “Do not fear mistakes. There are none” (quoted in I Believe in You, ed. Dan Zadra, Compenium). We rarely, if ever, see where the path is leading. Maybe that’s why we fear, shudder, regret, and rage at its turns. Here’s an exercise to help you.

Your Nothing Is Wasted List

1) Allocate 10 to 15 minutes before, after, or between the many activities that occupy you and the diversions that constantly beckon. Sit in a quiet spot with paper and pen. 2) Jot down the events in your life that you consider major. These may include, for example, a childhood move to a new town, the birth of your sister, your parents’ divorce or remarriage, your departure for college, getting a certain job, winning something, losing something, going to a certain event, meeting a certain person, missing a

great opportunity, making what you’ve always thought of as a giant “mistake.” What you put down doesn’t have to be momentous or meaningful to anyone else. Sometimes the most trivial moment can be a stupendous turning point. When I did this exercise with a friend, she wrote, “Craving a Mounds bar.” Why? As she ran to a local newsstand to buy a quick pick-up, she literally bumped into the man who propelled her into journalism, a desire she’d craved since early adolescence. After the apologies, she discovered he was the editor of a city newspaper, and his encouragement led her to go to journalism school. When she graduated, she looked him up, and he promptly gave her a freelance assignment. She later became the feature editor on his paper. 3) When you’ve got a good list down, look at it. It doesn’t have to chronicle everything. Now that you’ve opened the door, you’ll very likely think of more things later, and you can always add to the list. 4) Take a deep breath and really look at your list. Ask your mind to reveal the connections. Sometimes they’ll be prompted by looking at a relatively recent event or outcome and asking yourself, “How did I get there?” 5) Reflect more and free associate. As you quietly listen to yourself, like the journalist you’ll start to see things: “If I hadn’t done this, I wouldn’t have encountered that. If I hadn’t missed the train, I wouldn’t have met Ann. If I’d taken that job, I wouldn’t have had to develop my letter-writing skills, and I wouldn’t be writing a novel-inletter-form now.”

6) Start numbering the items in their connective sequences. For some, the connections will be instantly obvious, like my office job to computer skills. For others, you may not immediately see the line, but as you keep reflecting on your list, your mind will give you more links. You’ll also begin to see obvious groupings of events—the windshield sticker of a college that led to your finding the perfect course to register for that led to your professional certificate that led to a great job that led to meeting the person you married. 7) Put your list away in a private place. No one else has to see it to question, deride, laugh, or pull it apart. 8) In a day or two, revisit the list. Many more insights will come, and you’ll uncover more relationships. 9) Acknowledge these relationships. They’ll help you see, again, that no experience is wasted and in fact is absolutely necessary for your growth. 10) Finally, with your new knowledge and recognition, forgive yourself for all those past “wastelands,” as Smock calls them. Even if you think you’re not ready to stop blaming yourself, try it. Just repeat, “I forgive myself. No mistakes. Nothing in my life is wasted.” Repeat and repeat. Sooner or later, as you keep saying these words, slivers of self-absolution will peek through. You’ll feel lighter and more energized. You’ll even feel moments of inexplicable happiness. And you’ll look at your past anew, discover its blessings, and use their richness in all your ongoing experiences. Then you’ll truly know that nothing in your life is wasted.

Trust Your Life Now with Noelle Sterne, Ph.D. Noelle Sterne is an author, editor, academician, writing coach, mentor, and spiritual counselor. She has published over 600 pieces in print and online venues, including Author Magazine, Chicken Soup for the Soul, Children’s Book Insider, Fiction Southeast, Funds for Writers, Inspire Me Today, Rate Your Story, Romance Writers Report, Textbook and Academic Association Authors blog, Transformation Coaching Magazine, Unity Magazine, Women in Higher Education, Women on Writing, The Writer, and Writer’s Digest. Noelle’s invited blogs on Author Magazine’s “Authors’ Blog” on writing, creativity, and spirituality can be found at http://www.authormagazineonline.wordpress.com/. A chapter appears Transform Your Life (Transformation Services, 2014). Spiritually-oriented stories appear in Chicken Soup for the Soul: Touched by an Angel (2014), another in a Tiny Buddha collection (HarperOne, 2015), and another in Chicken Soup for the Soul: The Forgiveness Fix (2019). Noelle has a Ph.D. from Columbia University and for over 28 years has assisted doctoral candidates in completing their dissertations (finally). Based on her practice, her handbook for graduate students helps them overcome largely overlooked but equally important nonacademic difficulties: Challenges in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Spiritual Struggles (Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2015). In Noelle’s book Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011), she draws examples from her academic consulting and other aspects of life to help readers release regrets, relabel their past, and reach their lifelong yearnings. Her webinar about the book can be seen on YouTube: http://www.youtube. com/watch?v=95EeqllONIQ&feature=youtu. Noelle’s website: https://www.trustyourlifenow.com.

Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Your Vibe?

The more positive your marketing words are, the more positive your client s will be. 32

By Gregg Sanderson It was a beautiful spring day in the Colorado Rockies. Without much coaxing, we took the day off, packed a lunch, and hit the road. The first dirt road off the main highway went up the mountain to a clearing where we had a picnic and marveled at the grandeur. Just as we finished, it started to rain. We had to choose whether to go back the way we came, or continue along the dirt road to see where it led. Explorers that we were, it was an easy choice. Onward! The road was fine, but deserted. Many miles through the rain and into the woods we saw no signs of people. After 10 miles or so, we rounded a curve and came upon a stone and iron gateway. Embedded into the stone was a metal plate that said, “DORMANT BRAIN RESEARCH LABORATORY.” Visions of Dr. Frankenstein and weird experiments came to mind. We decided not to seek shelter there. Rain, dirt road or not, it was pedal to the metal time. Not a hundred yards past the gate, part of the road was washed out. Once again, we decided not to turn back, this time driven more by panic than curiosity. We had no idea where the road led, but it had to be someplace else. At the cost of a wheel align-

ment and flat tire, we made it over the wash and down the mountain. We later reflected on the experience. There had to be a lesson somewhere. Can you put together any four words more ominous than “Dormant Brain Research Laboratory?” These people, whoever they were, did not want to be found. They could have been leftover hippies from the ‘60s. Perhaps a hidden colony of extra-terrestrials planning to take over Earth. We concluded it was a lesson in marketing. We learned that words have vibes. Even the lab later softened their name to “Dormant Brain Research and Development laboratory. See how the feeling changed, just by adding the positive word “development.” At the time, we led workshops and did counseling/coaching in relationships. Our promotion followed the routine of those of limited knowledge. Words like “suffering,” “frustration,” and “abuse” were common on our flyers and communication. We thought people would relate to them. Yep, they did. We got clients who were deep into self-pity and resistant to the concepts we taught. We called such depressing words “Dormant Brain” and filtered them from our vocabulary. Instead, we used words like “happy, powerful and love.” We called them the “WooHoo” words.

Bull’s eye! Our clientele increased in numbers and commitment. They were more open and got better results. Don’t get me wrong. Dormant Brain marketing works and is popular yet today. Two successful TV commercials give perfect examples of the difference. Both were for excellent children’s hospitals; both asked for the same donation. One showed a sad li’l kid with a shaved head nestled in his mother’s arms. It talked about deaths from childhood cancer and how they could reduce the rate. The other showed children playing, in wheelchairs, on crutches and with prosthetics. They were happy, smiling, and the narration stressed the love. Both approaches get plenty of donations, I’m sure. Both hospitals are topnotch, yet each ad resonates to a different vibration. One appeals to sympathy, the other to celebration. As heart-centered coaches, those we want to attract might be more inclined to celebrate. Get ’em off to a good start. Dwell on the solution, not the problem; results, not methods; and celebration, not effort. Go from “Dormant Brain” to “WooHoo.” You’ll be glad you did. And so will your clients.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson is author of Spirit With A Smile, The World According To BOB. He is a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living, and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books were, What Ever Happened To Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing The Pain Of Divorce. His latest project is the New Thought Global Network, where subscribers can enjoy the best in New Thought presentations from anywhere at any time. You can see it at http://www.newthoughtglobal.org.

Why A Goal Is A Place To Work From, Not Towards

A clear understanding of what you want and why you want it will create and sustain your motivation. By Kate Maria Pennell Working from my goal, not towards it: When I first heard master coach Rich Litvin talk about this, it spun me on my axis. I could work from a place inside myself that was alive and in Technicolor, as opposed to trying to glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel. My whole perspective changed for the better. All too often we can make our plans and our goals, set out our objectives and our task lists, and it can feel as if we’re desperately reaching for something just beyond our fingertips. It can feel like building steps with sand while pitted against the tide. However, there is a better way to create our future.

LIVING WITHOUT 20/20 VISION

When I have clients who want to work on their goals or strategy, I will always ask about their end goal—their vision. It might be our end goal, but it has to be our starting point, too. How can you plan a route if you’re not sure about where you want to go? Stephen Covey puts it perfectly, “If the ladder is not leaning against the right wall, every step we take just gets us to the wrong place faster.” And who wants that? No one wants a great strategy to accelerate their progress to a place they neither know about or can envision. To think about it another way, we choose our holiday destinations based on the photos we see and what we can find out about the place. If you’re anything like me, I love to do my homework and get excited about what it will be like for me when I get there. I can picture myself there, enjoying my holiday. The same goes for when I want to change where I am going with my life. We often show some specific symptoms when we don’t have our vision alive and clear: 1. We lack or lose motivation: “I know what I should do but I just don’t seem to be

able to do it, certainly not consistently,” was the comment from another client who thought that fixing their strategy would fix their trajectory and up their productivity. Knowing what we don’t want is important but not as vital as getting crystal clear on what we do want. This is our “What.” The other crucial factor is understanding our “Why.” Our “why” is what makes our goals powerfully magnetic in that it draws us towards them. If we are not clear on why we want something, are not connected to it emotionally and intellectually, all we have a is a pile of should: I should get up early and write/go to the gym/do my digital marketing/fill in your own task here. Should and its cohorts have-to, ought-to, needto, and must, are not our friends. They don’t really help us get where we want to go. The language of obligation, guilt and self-recrimination will not fire determination and motivation in our bellies in the way that a desire we see in high definition can. It is also much easier to fall back into the habits and lifestyle that we are trying to leave behind if we don’t live and plan from the place of vision inside ourselves. A clear understanding of what you want and why you want it will create and sustain your motivation. 2. We are driven by negative fears or impulses. It’s no fun running from something. Fears can stalk us, making us feel that they are waiting just around the corner, behind us, in the corner of our eye. We walk forward with one eye on the fears from the past. When we make our plans from a negative place like this, it can be difficult to create a positive future. Now, our subconscious mind works on what we feed it and creates in our lives what we tell it to focus on. Therefore, which do you think is a more powerful, magnetic goal? 1) “I never want to struggle for money like that again, so I’ll have to…” 2) “I am creating a secure, comfortable, sustainable future for myself and my family by …” The language we use when we speak to ourselves shapes our thought patterns, decisions and, ultimately, our actions. Look at the language in the first goal; the speaker is looking back and focusing on a difficult time in the past. I bet they can still feel the tension of living day-to-day when they think of life back then. In the second part of the line, they are looking to the future, yes, but placing themselves under the burden of chore and obligation (I’ll have to…). In the second example, they’re using the present continuous tense; how we naturally talk about things we’re doing right now and for the near future. They are present in the moment, focusing and acting upon a positive goal. There is a feel of action and doing about it, right now not just change set for sometime in the future.

I know which one would get me up in the morning and fuel my motivation as I go about my day. (Hint: it’s not the first one.) 3. We get lost in the to-do lists When we think of building a house, naturally we think of building it from the bottom up, bit by bit; a good foundation followed by supporting structure, then walls, roof and installations. It sounds like the perfect model to use when building the life we want—from the bottom up, one brick at a time. However, can you imagine building a house without a clear image of what it will be like? In the building site of our lives, it can be easy to get lost in the tasks we frantically try and get through in order to build our desires. We have the beautiful opportunity to be both builder and architect for our lives. By picturing our desires in detail we give ourselves a blueprint to build by. We start from the finished product like we are building forwards and backwards in time simultaneously. It sounds a little trippy, and it is, but it’s fun. And it works. However, only after we have got our vision in high definition can be start to build—envisioning as much as we can to then break it down into the tiniest steps.

KEEPING THE VISION ALIVE

The ancient proverb states, “Without vision the people perish.” And while that sounds pretty drastic, I know that when the light of my vision grows dim my motivation, and with it my momentum, starts dying off pretty fast. Here are some practical ways to keep your vision alive and vibrant and central. • Use a vision board. It will help bring clarity and keep your eyes on what you want. Although originally skeptical, I found this enlightening, fun to do and a powerful way to keep my focus on what I want. Once done, the board can be placed somewhere you see it regularly (daily, if possible) out on display or inside the wardrobe door for your eyes only. • Start journaling. “Just shoot me now,” used to be my response to journaling, mainly because I was always being told it was something I should (have to, must and ought to) do. It just reeked of failure, mediocrity and dutifully banal

scribblings. That was until I learned how to use it to serve me. The practice of regularly envisioning and writing about your end goal is so powerful. Don’t try this at home—unless you want change and progress in you life. Taking time to envision your desire and then commit it to paper keeps it alive and vibrant. We can then sculpt our future one day at a time as we have an active connection to it. You could do this weekly or daily, either as peak-state journaling or a morning pages/flow journal. • Walk through your vision. Our vision can become a place to enliven and refresh us and where we can refuel for the journey. Scheduling a time to internally walk through your end goal vision creates clarity and energy for you to keep going. The vision board can act as a stimulus for this and your journal is ready for you to begin to pull what you see into the present. Tip: write it down using present tenses—I am, I have, I am doing, I have been, etc. It makes it more tangible and engages your subconscious mind. • Conduct regular checkups on your growth. I remember when I was pregnant, my hubby and I couldn’t wait to see how much bigger our baby was growing. We’d marvel that they started out the size of a bean and get all excited as my belly was getting rounder. Their growth from how they started out was what was important to us, and still is. We always measure the gain and not the gap from our ideal. Dan Sullivan is the master of this perspective. With regards to our projects and goals, by measuring how far we’ve come we will build our confidence, feel happier and fuel our motivation to continue. And what we review and measure we can improve on. It all starts with you; only you can create your dream, your end goal, in 3D, HD, Technicolor glory. What does it look like and feel like? Who are you? What do you do in your average day or week? Taking some time aside to answer these questions will help you to craft a vision that will shape your tomorrows day by day.

Permission to Launch with Kate Pennell

Kate Pennell, English and slightly geekish, is a coach and dream catalyst who lives in Spain with three kids, various furry creatures and a patient husband. She loves nature, creativity and seeing people discover what truly makes them come alive. Kate provides the people she works with permission to launch and helps them begin to fly as they were made to. She teaches, encourages and connects with fellow travellers across our global village. Find out more at https://www.permissiontolaunch.website/.