You Are Not Alone

Strength isn’t measured on a scale but in our hearts—and in our willingness to do what it takes to be part of the larger community.

By Mary Boutieller

We just moved through another month knowing way more than we had ever hoped about pandemics and coronaviruses, putting into practice what was not thinkable just a few short months ago. It’s now time to take a deep breath and take stock of what we have learned, where we are and where we go from here. Probably, we’ve moved beyond the novelty of it—the excitement of free time and quiet spaces and nothing to do. Maybe we’ve moved through the bulk of our sadness, the larger fears about our health and safety, the languid heaviness that took over our minds as weeks turned into months. Yet it’s not over. We know that many have suffered and are still struggling, and that that struggle will linger on long after the virus has been abated. So where do we go from here? ... What have we learned about ourselves, our needs and emotions, our neighbors and our town, our country and the world? How do we move forward in this alternate universe? If you are expecting the answer, I’m sorry to disappoint you! These questions are as individual as you; the answers come from your point of view and your experiences. They come from how much you’ve been willing to grow and how much you’ve decided to stay the same, neither of which is right nor wrong. And whichever path you’ve taken, it is all okay and all acceptable and not for me or anyone else to judge. It is simply life. What I know about these last few months is that I’ve grown in many ways. I learned new things, tried new recipes, practiced more yoga, exercised more regularly, caught up on some reading, and I am truly getting tired of puzzles, as much as I enjoy them! I’ve called more people, pondered what my life is really all about, been fascinated that time really can slow down, and have become more comfortable with the quiet solitude of a smaller circle of life. I’ve also been reminded to appreciate the people and things I often take for granted, like healthcare, grocery store and sanitation workers, and I’ve become a bit more patient with people being people, especially when they are misbehaving (in my mind). I’ve realized how little I need to be content, as shopping for anything except groceries has all but disappeared. I’ve found that strength isn’t measured on a scale but in our hearts, and in our willingness to do what it takes to be part of the larger community. I’ve learned that love works its magic in ways that are not always visible, not always physical, and that you really can feel a hug from six feet away.

It hasn’t all been rosy though. ...There has been sadness and anxiety, a wish for it to be different than it is, many sleepless nights, missing family and friends and normalcy and getting angry at things that aren’t really important. There has been a lot of “two steps forward/one step back” for me as I reach out of my comfort zone and then crawl back into the safety of what I think I know. I’ve cried more and, oddly enough, laughed more than I have in some time, all of it reminding me that I am human and that you are human and that this is not easy for most, and that our tender hearts will never be the same—if we allow the door that has opened to stay that way.

Someone said, “No matter how badly things may look in the moment, we’re invariably blessed with many more things worthy of gratitude.”

If we are fortunate enough to be moving through this time with only minor inconveniences; if we haven’t worried about food on the table or the health of our parents or our children, if we can pay our bills or call friends on the phone, maybe we can let go of some of our grievances and find contentment in the way things are right now. If not content, ask yourself what it is you are really missing in your life. Maybe write down the essence of those things, not the things themselves. Is it love, warmth, closeness, connection, affirmation? Is it escape or distraction? And then ponder where it is we might go from here. We can start by finding our way through the muck with as much gratitude and patience as we can muster. We can love ourselves, help others, do the next right thing and the next right thing until we find our truth, our purpose, our reason for being right here, right now, in the thick of it, remembering that we are not alone. Really and truly, you, my darling, are not alone. What might your life look like if you could start again and keep all that is so evidently precious and worthy of your time? I’ll share one of my favorite poems, Wild Geese, by one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver:

“You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves. Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine. Meanwhile the world goes on. Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the prairies and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers. Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again. Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting— over and over announcing your place in the family of things.”

May this challenging time be filled with grace and ease and understanding. May we all get through this rough time (and all the bumpy roads ahead) mostly unscathed and be grateful for the smooth trails we’ve barely paid attention to before. May there be moments of growth that carry your soul well into the future, as we appreciate each and every day. Be healthy, be happy, be you.

The Yoga of Life

with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.