Transformation Coaching Magazine May 2022 by Transformation Coaching Magazine

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PUBLISHERS Natalie Rivera Joeel A. Rivera, M.Ed.

EDITOR Lisa Cedrone

CONTRIBUTORS Linda Commito, Mary Boutillier, Gregg Sanderson, Michalla Bohon, Emil Nazaryan, Jo Mooy, Arielle Giordano, Jowanna Daley, Terez Hartmann, Noelle Sterne

We believe that self-employment is the ultimate form of empowerment. Our mission is to bring you guests whose powerful entrepreneurship stories and real-world advice will give you the inspiration and tools to create a business and life that you love.

Listen on our website or your favorite podcast app or watch the video version on our YouTube channel.

Rising Star Coach: Beka Buckley

Here at Transformation Academy we are excited to announce our January’s Transformation Academy Rising Star – Beka Buckley! Our goal with this initiative is to recognize and celebrate group membership who demonstrate the heart and service of a coach. Each monthly recipient of this recognition will be selected for a unique reason. Some will be seasoned coaches who serve as valuable mentors within the group. Others may be just starting their coach-training journey and exude a contagious attitude or passion. Others may be actively supporting other group members, whether by providing resources, answering common questions, or providing moral support. Regardless of each of our wonderful group members’ background or experience, we all benefit from the mutual support and varied perspectives offered within this diverse group! The Rising Star initiative is a way to give a special THANK YOU to those who go above and beyond to share of themselves within this community.

ABOUT BEKA:

Beka Buckley, Okanagan, BC Canada Ginger*Urchin "Neu-renaissance So’lutions"

“Don’t be afraid to start over. Nothing is ever set in stone. Your path is yet to be written. Know that nothing is ever lost, it simply shapeshifts and transfers into the next.”

My name is BEKA. I am a writer, artist, and a little bit of a magician. I support brilliant high-performers regain their equilibrium, stand in true sovereignty and become their own leaders of the neu paradigm. An English bird of origin, I live in the quiet mountain forests of BC’s southern interior with my superhero husband, two teenage sons and three tuxedo cats. When I am not supporting folks navigating uncertainty and helping them create awesome things, I can be found wandering the local forest trails, taking photos with my trusty DSLR, or expressing my story through fibre or earth art. Connect at http://www.transformationcoachdirectory.com/listing/bekabee

WHAT IS YOUR NICHE (COACHING FOCUS) AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE IT?

Ack! Right for the jugular out the cage. I used to have SUCH a time with this, getting tangled in so many knots with this question. Until I remembered something. You see as a polymath, a person who embraces ALL of themselves and sees no disconnection between the things, trying to isolate a specific “niche” is like trying to capture water in an open hand. As such, I have been through many, MANY iterations of what my “niche” might be. But the truth is, those things were ALL aspects of me. They reflected where I was in my own journey and on reflection, ARE me. So ultimately my “niche” as it were is those people on the same journey as me, who love and are lit up by the same things. The ones who want to know all there is to know about themselves. To go deep into how they tick. To understand their place in the world and what that means. To know themselves so intimately and with such clarity that there is no doubt

when it comes to expressing who they are. And ENJOYING the ride along the way. Like all of us, they have surface problems to navigate, but ultimately they want to touch that greater self that exists within all of us.

life’s fun and games, but also by example of becoming my best self simply FOR myself. Even if only unconsciously, our transformation shifts how we show up and ripples out into our environment where others move in response to that.

WHO IS YOUR IDEAL CLIENT?

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN COACHING?

Again, I could talk in terms of demographics or even psychographics to describe this person—I have done such exercises in the past myself. But when it comes down to it, my “ideal client” is someone who is ready and open to doing things differently. Someone willing to put everything they know and have gathered to the side so they can come at this with a clean slate, as a beginner. It doesn’t matter to me their social status or wealth or the list of incredible things they might have done; what matters is their ability to be vulnerable enough to know there is STRENGTH in asking for help. To be willing to drop the mask and be real. It is from that place that I can actually help.

As an innately creative thinker I have always been drawn to solving problems. The bigger the problem or puzzle, the more my curiosity is engaged to solve it. In fact, I find I THRIVE and am set alive when faced with things that others would be brought down by. That doesn’t mean to say I am an anarchist looking for trouble, for sure the events and experiences that happened to me were not fun, nor would I wish on anyone, but their happening have each given me the perspective that we are all far more capable and stronger and resilient than we might think we are. So far as INTENTIONALLY coaching though, I would say that that has really taken off the last three to four years since consciously dedicating myself to expanding and practicing this area of my capabilities.

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO BECOME A LIFE COACH?

HOW DID YOU GET YOUR FIRST CLIENT?

I had been on my journey of solopreneurship for some time, had tried many things and was slowly evolving how I wanted to show up online and in the world. What moved me to go down the path of coaching really was the desire to serve people even more deeply, in ways that were becoming more and more meaningful to me, my own beliefs and desires about how to be in the world. I won’t go into all the lovely details here but a series of traumatic, painful, awakening events in my life had reaffirmed to me what really mattered, and I wanted to offer people solutions that went beyond the superficial of ego-satisfying quick fixes and patches, to create truly long-lasting change and transformation. The other element of influence, though it might sound a bit corny, were my children and husband. In learning and practicing the craft of coaching, I get to support them more deeply also. Not only in navigating

I didn’t. Just as coaching came out of my own evolution, so too my first client found me. I had been talking and sharing about the things I was exploring, sharing what I was doing, and someone just reached out to me to receive a conversation. Things just flowed from there. To me the idea of “getting” clients feels kind of old school. I think that’s why so many people feel really weird doing the things to “get” clients, especially in the coaching business. Rather, I believe clients are created. From the conversations we have. The relationships we build. The things that CONNECT us.

HOW HAS YOUR COACHING JOURNEY CHANGED YOUR LIFE?

It has made it more complex, more detailed, more nuanced. Going down the rabbit hole of personal development inevitably changes a person. Even just reading and studying the topic

creates a ripple effect that cannot be evaded. Sometimes I do start to wonder whether staying ignorant is actually the best policy, but seriously this rabbit hole called coaching has enriched my life in ways I could never have imagined, even a decade ago. It has made me more aware and conscious of my own behaviors and processes. I know myself better and further aware of how much I DON’T yet know. I guess you could say it is a bit of a humbling process because in knowing more about MYSELF and troubleshooting my own hurdles, I can in turn support others through THEIR stuff.

inspiring to me that a person reaches out for support with the desire to get to the root of a problem, that they recognize what got them to this point is not going to get them to that one, but that they are steadfast in their desire TO resolve it. And it is inspiring to me too when they not only see THAT horizon but expand even further beyond it, where their imagined desire suddenly becomes so much bigger than they could see before. Witnessing that moment of insight and sudden expansion is electric, because after that there IS no going back.

WHAT IS THE MOST CHALLENGING PART OF WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COACHING BEING A LIFE COACH? Knowing what the XYZ I am doing and learning to be okay ACTIVITY OR EXERCISE TO DO WITH with the unknown. Seriously, the more I spend learning about and practicing my thing and this whole solopreneurship lark, the more CLIENTS? I realize that truthfully no one really knows what they are doing. They are all just making it up as they go. Testing and pivoting again and again. Smart people have professed this truth too. So yes, the trick really in all of this is trusting that each step will reveal the next and that all will be as it is meant in the end. I may have a heading, a direction, but the actual path, the actual way it will happen, that will remain open. We can never truly know what tomorrow may bring. Learning to be OKAY with the mystery, the UNKNOWN. TRUSTING that the path will come up to meet me. That is the challenge. Everything else is easy.

WHAT IS THE MOST FULFILLING PART OF BEING A LIFE COACH?

Again, so hard to narrow to just ONE. There are many aspects of coaching that bring fulfilment. Connecting with fun, interesting and diverse people from across the globe? Having international connections and being part of a global network? Doing what I love and connecting with others who feel the same and WANT the same for themselves? Being able to support others on their journey and a part of the ripple effect? I guess this is going to sound very polymathic, but maybe the MOST fulfilling part of being a life coach is the opportunity to pull all the parts of me into this one thing, where each day is different and I get to practice the various aspects of me in a constant revolving door of expression. Whether that is writing my next article, connecting with clients, or designing my next offering. It is all there. For a polymath one might say it is a perfect match!

WHAT HAS BEEN YOUR MOST INSPIRATIONAL COACHING MOMENT, WITH A CLIENT?

I guess inspirational moments with clients come at several moments in our relationship. In the first instance, it is

Ooh, good question. Actually I don’t tend to do a lot of activities or exercises as such with my clients. That is not to say I don’t have a nice big basket of tools in my kit, but I find the way I work with people is that after we have our setting the process evolves very much on an individualized, bespoke basis drawing in the tools and resources we need as and when. I often find the right things come to me just when they are needed. It’s all rather intuitive and obvious actually. However, one process I have found super useful in the early stages of a partnership is what I call a “future visioneering process”, which I learned from a mentor of mine. Through it we literally warp time to bring the future into the present and reflect on all that has happened between now and our last conversation. It’s a bit of a mind-bend, but without the psychedelics. The reason I particularly like this game is from my own experience of struggling with the classic question of “imagine your ideal day.” How can we possibly know what the future will bring? What will we enjoy in the future, when we don’t know it yet? The exercise of visioneering leap-frogs us into the future, bringing it into present time where we KNOW. And it is from THAT place we get to move forward. We have literally just time-travelled and cut out the middle man.

WHAT HAS BEEN THE MOST EFFECTIVE STRATEGY FOR FINDING CLIENTS AND/OR GROWING YOUR BUSINESS?

Honestly, while all the bells and whistles are great to learn about and play with and appear to be “must haves”, what I have found to be the most effective strategy in connecting with clients has been simply being AUTHENTIC in my showing up, sharing my journey, and telling my story and the things that I have found useful or frustrating. We can be so easily distracted by shiny objects or the fear that there won’t somehow be enough, or that we have to BE the shiny object. The reality is that this thing called coaching is a PEOPLE business. It is about

RELATIONSHIPS and creating trust. So doing what comes naturally to being human in a collective and what has gone on for thousands of years—networking + making connections, talking to strangers on the Internet, being in the places people are actively looking for information + resources, not speaking into the void or PUSHING—these are the things that CREATE clients and grow our businesses.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF BACK WHEN YOU FIRST DREAMED OF BECOMING A COACH?

Fill in the gaps of your knowledge and know that is a GOOD thing. Follow the breadcrumbs of your curiosity. TRUST your inner wisdom. Be inspired by others but be wary of distraction from external shiny objects and voices. They are good for seeing and learning the POSSIBLE ways, but the real trick is staying connected to your own wisdom and muse and taking inspired action based on that. Be fierce in the defense of your own path and KIND to yourself in the process of unfolding. You know exactly what you are doing, though it may not feel like it. Be okay with that. You’ve got this.

WHAT IS THE IMPACT YOU WANT TO MAKE IN THIS WORLD?

I guess it really is about continuing what I have always strived for, through all the ways I have interacted with people and the intention behind the things I create, and that is to connect people with THEIR truth, their power, and to know that it is safe and GOOD for them to do so. I’m not sure it has to be any more complicated than that.

IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHARE WITH TRANSFORMATION COACHING MAGAZINE READERS? Don’t be afraid to start over. Nothing is ever set in stone. Your path is yet to be written. Know that nothing is ever lost, it simply shapeshifts and transfers into the next. Everything that comes next grows from what came before. Even our worst days hold the seeds for our best. Allow things to fall apart. Your next version will be stronger, better. It’s all good. And really, don’t take things too seriously. I think we forget that. Life is for LIVING after all.

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Herein Lies HOPE

“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful committed individuals can change the world. In fact, it’s the only thing that ever has.”—Margaret Mead By Linda Commito We all have within us this potential strength, especially when we believe that we can help to change the world for the better. It may not seem like that sometimes, but the truth is that we can each do something, even a little something, to make a positive difference in someone else’s life. Sometimes, when we watch the daily news, it’s easy to be discouraged, and we may want to give up trying, but please don’t. You never know when something that you do or say can change someone’s world in some way. The hope lies in each of us. I’d like to share with you one story that recently made me feel more hopeful: I watched a documentary about Jose Andres, who founded World Central Kitchen (WCK), and I was amazed at this man’s heroic efforts to feed millions of people. No one is born a hero. Jose grew up in Spain and left school at 14. He was fortunate to learn the art of cooking from his parents and later by a famous

chef. He eventually opened his own restaurants in the United States. That may have been enough responsibility for most people, but knowing the importance of good food for survival, Chef Jose couldn’t sit by and watch the suffering of people in Puerto Rico during the hurricanes, nor the people of Haiti after the 2021 earthquake. He did what he knew best . . . and that was to feed people directly. It was amazing that Jose could convince other chefs and restaurant owners in these ravaged countries to come together and cook together to feed those who had no resources for food. Initially, they found their own ways of getting to the people most in need, at their expense, without waiting for government resources and staff to help. It was only later that Chef Jose would receive funds and help through the efforts of people who posted, shared and donated. http://www.WCK.org was created to provide disaster relief in devastated communities. Ukraine is Jose’s most recent project. In one day, the “Chefs

of Ukraine” fed 300,000 people, and they are providing millions of meals in Poland, Romania, and Hungary. And locally, where I live in Sarasota, FL, one small yoga community—led by Transformation Coaching contributor Mary Boutieller—was able to support WCK’s efforts. She offered to donate any money that her students gave to her for outdoor yoga classes and ended up raising $2,250! I am deeply touched by the efforts of individuals all over the world and especially knowing that I live in such a loving and generous community. Herein lies my hope.

“To the World you may be one person, but to one person, you may be the world.”—Dr. Seuss

Love is the New Currency with Linda Commito Linda Commito, author, speaker, entrepreneur, consultant and teacher, is passionate about her vision to leave this world a kinder, more loving, and interconnected place. Linda’s award-winning book of inspirational stories, Love Is the New Currency, demonstrates how we can each make an extraordinary difference in the lives of others through simple acts of love and kindness. Her latest project, the card game Just Ask 1 2 3, was inspired by a desire to connect people of all different ages, beliefs and lifestyles to share our individuality and find commonality. Linda also created “Kindness Starts with Me,” a program, book and website for children. For more information visit http://www.LoveistheNewCurrency.com or visit the Facebook page http://www.facebook.com/Justask123game.

More than Love

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Derek Sutton

Although love is a big part of the solution to many of our problems, sometimes we also need truth, respect, empathy and action. By Mary Boutieller Just over two years ago, the world became way too familiar with a virus called Covid-19. It was a new experience for most of us; we were used to common colds and winter flu season. Yet, this virus spread with rapidity, overwhelming hospitals and creating so much loss in its wake. And just when we thought the stress of the pandemic was mostly over (or at least easing), we found Ukraine being attacked by Russia for no comprehensible reason. The cumulative stress that many have been under feels particularly heavy at times, even as we go about our “normal” lives. I thought I had been dealing with it pretty well until the other day when I sat at our dining room table and sobbed. I sobbed because I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I could no longer be strong or positive or pretend that my heart wasn’t breaking. I would imagine many of you can relate. And, much like anything under pressure, once I let it out, I felt a bit better, like I could breathe again. As I wonder where my writing will go, I keep looking at a small sign near my television that says: “All You Need is Love.” And although love is a big part of the solution to many of our problems, we need more than love. We need truth. We need respect and empathy and action. We need to find a way back to our humanity and remember that, “There but for the grace of God go I.” In talking with my husband, he said he couldn’t imagine being a refugee, having our home bombed, fleeing to another country, leaving behind all that he knew and many that he loved. Neither could I. Yet, I think it’s important to imagine it, just for a little bit, so that we might be able to feel what so many people around the world, in Ukraine and elsewhere, are feeling at this very moment. And, trust me, I don’t want to be a downer. I want to write about joy and happiness and finding your groove; and I may still; but for now, the truth is I don’t know how to write about that when I’m feeling this.

Nations are at war (some say it’s been going on for as long as there have been people). We fight with each other and with ourselves. It seems there is always an “other.” Maybe this realization is where love comes in.

Eckhart Tolle said: “To love is to recognize yourself in another.” Maybe this is where we love ourselves enough to stop beating ourselves up. Maybe this is where love rises up and says no to bullying, to violence, to untruths. Maybe this is where love shows it’s face in communities and online—especially online where anonymity is easiest.

Mark Nepo said, “No matter where we think we’re going, the journey of every life is to find its home in the moment where everything touches everything else.” When someone else’s pain touches you, you know empathy. When it’s important that you do something for someone else—a neighbor, a stranger, a refugee—you feel compassion. When you no longer participate in the onslaught of apathy, you are practicing love.

Rumi said this: “Love rests on no foundation. It is an endless ocean, with no beginning or end. Maybe all we really do need is love?

The Yoga of Life with Mary Boutieller Mary Boutieller is a Registered Yoga Teacher through Yoga Alliance. She has been teaching yoga since 2005. Her work experience includes 22 years as a firefighter/paramedic and 10 years as a Licensed Massage Therapist. Mary’s knowledge and experience give her a well-rounded understanding of anatomy, alignment, health and movement in the body. She is passionate about the benefits of yoga and the ability to heal at all levels through awareness, compassion, and a willingness to explore. She can be reached at: SimplyogaOm@gmail.com.

Who Needs Need? The Ninth Pathway

By Gregg Sanderson

This is the “You can’t fire me, I quit” pathway. It’s the easiest to understand and, for me, the most difficult to follow. The message is simple, “Chill.” The problem is, when I’m caught up in my “stuff”—my unsatisfied needs—chilling is the last thing I want to do. I want to throw something. I guess that’s why Ken Keyes Jr. included this pathway in the Handbook to Higher Consciousness. Just to let me know I haven’t arrived yet. I act freely... I trust my choices. ...When I am tuned in...I trust my judgment. ...Centered...I am in balance, neither passive nor aggressive. ...and loving...I accept the people and situations around me. ...if possible...Yay! My escape clause. I’m OK even if I get caught up. ...I avoid acting...If I can get this far in the pathway, I’m home free. I can wait until the “tuned in, centered, and loving” takes over. ...all the rest...This is how I make a mess of things if I don’t get this far, and that is the case all too often. Here I am, teaching this stuff, and I still make a fool of myself with disturbing frequency. As I said before, this is the most difficult to follow. I know I’m OK even if I stray, but I may not have as much fun. The Ninth Pathway is still

a worthy goal, and it’s OK to miss the mark—and take the consequences. Rarely is that so apparent as within a close relationship. Should you dare to act freely when you’re not tuned in, centered and loving, that person who “never listens to you” will hang on every word—and never forget. It doesn’t have to be a situation of emotional upset, either. Way back in the days when I was young and foolish, I was at a luncheon with the company’s new marketing manager. The conversation turned to the military. Freshly discharged from the service and never having heard of the Ninth Pathway, I expressed my snobbish opinions of the regimented life. I later found out the marketing manager was a Major in the Army Reserves. He told me so himself when he provided me another experience of “freshly discharged.” When I fall off the consciousness wagon, there’s always one undeniable guide to set me back on the path.

Consequences—the perfect incentive to pay attention next time. And there’s ALWAYS a next time.

Happiness is BS with Gregg Sanderson

Gregg Sanderson, one of our long-time contributors, passed to spirit in September 2021, and we are continuing the 12 Pathways Series in his honor. He also authored Spirit with a Smile and The World According to BOB. During his life, he was a licensed practitioner in the Centers for Spiritual Living and a Certified Trainer for Infinite Possibilities. His earlier books include What Ever Happened to Happily Ever After? and Split Happens—Easing the Pain of Divorce.

NOT JUST A GAME! Each custom-designed deck of Just Ask 1 2 3 cards offers 53 thought-inspiring questions and a Directions card. A lovely organza gift bag is included to hold the cards for selecting.

Just Ask 1 2 3

is a fun pathway to conversation, kindness and connection!

Only $15.95 Pathways to Connecting: Deck 1 Easing In – playful questions to break the ice & have fun! Deck 2 Getting Closer – thought-provoking questions to get to know each other better . . . including ourselves. Deck 3 Deepening Conversation – Insightful questions that invite sharing experiences and reflections on life and relationships. Deck 4 Daring to Divulge – Provocative questions that spark deeper conversations and encourage meaningful connections.

JustAsk123.com & LoveIstheNewCurrency.com

Lessons from Life on the Road

Five actionable ways to achieve growth and healing in your own journey. By Michalla Bohon (Michalla Brianna) I began my life in poverty, raised by parents who were professional ice skaters. Traveling throughout the United States and living life behind the scenes, I was in and out of school, raised by my imagination. Often times, our family showered at truck stops where the water ran cold, ate gas station food, stayed in hotels where I would sleep on the floor beside my parents’ mattress, or lived out of our car. While this time brought about amazing opportunities for cultural exposure, wisdom, and inner strength— it also left deep wounds. The worst parts were the things I had to leave behind. My dad, bless his heart, would put my shortterm gerbil friends into their exercise

balls and let them roll off into the woods every time we had to get back on the road. Gerbils were a cheap comfort, but my heart broke every time. I also had to leave all my human friends behind each time we hit the road and, as a result, I struggled in school. I wouldn’t trade that circus lifestyle for anything, though. If I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today, and that’s a valuable piece of my puzzle. Around the age of 10, I went to live with my grandparents in Florida due to drug abuse and domestic violence concerns. This transition brought about stability, comfort, and opportunities, and I began to flourish despite my tumultuous upbringing. However, I had no social skills with children my age, and I struggled in school. I was picked on for my grades, and, admit-

tedly, bullied others from a state of fear. I believe I was seeking some form of control or power because I’d never had that before or been in an environment to test my limits, or the limits of the world. That will never justify my actions and I am sorry that I hurt others. I now have a clearer understanding of my own human psyche, and I know that forgiving the self is a crucial part of the healing process. It is the path to self-love, acceptance, and growth. Despite these issues, I did develop several close friends, but I still struggled with my identity, and behind the scenes my family’s personal concerns raged on. It’s almost as if we were all finding ourselves at once, and that can be a messy space. Unfortunately, only half of us would make it to the other side.” 17

In high school, I developed debilitating anxiety and was diagnosed with scoliosis after chronic back pain spurred a revealing x-ray. This would be the final catalyst to launch myself forward into personal development. I decided to leave public school because I was bored, anxious about falling behind in subjects I cared nothing about, and restless searching for what I wanted from life. So I began home schooling to follow my dreams. I had to escape the typical to allow myself the chance to see what could be, and each new experience along the way enforced my belief that anything is possible. It wasn’t just luck. It was hard work, drive, and determination. People only see what we allow them to see; we don’t post the images and videos of us crying, having panic attacks, or doubting ourselves. Perhaps we want it to look easy? But the truth is that achievement through authenticity and struggle inspires more than perfection. Perfection sets unrealistic standards for those trying to feel inspired by you. What we really need is more 18

people with whom we can relate. With my budding confidence I became a robot handler, inspirational speaker for youth, p rofessional model, commercial actress, and voiceover talent. I also worked as a server, personal assistant, pre-K teacher, Disney entertainer, and gymnastics couch— and it was through these many experiences that I began to discover her life’s purpose. My parents always cheered me on, but I have to give most of the credit to my grandmother because she changed my life. Without her support, my life could have looked much different. The saying that it only takes one person to make a difference in your life is true. All we need is one person to remind us of our potential and to let us know that it’s okay to explore the limitless possibilities of our human existence. It also takes a willingness to look inward. I credit my bursts of success to an explorative process of the shadow self, reality, global belief systems, counseling, and opportunities.

It is hard to have motivation when you don’t believe in your direction and don’t trust yourself to get there. Having an authentic vision and never settling for anything less is a great first step, but we all need to do the inner work and prepare so that when opportunity knocks, we won’t hesitate out of fear of failure or success. The outcome does not matter; what is important is the life you live while on the journey that unfolds. I think my secret is that I’m actually enjoying the experience of living. We should all be able to say that and if we can’t then it’s probably time for a shift. The major shift for me was studying what I loved. It was as simple as that! In high school and during my early college days, I was struggling because I was leading an academic life without choice. I think these foundational roots are instrumental, but I also can see how they might deter someone from moving forward. Once you hit your bachelor’s degree, you can pick the main topics and immerse yourself in your greatest passions. I

knew where I wanted to go early on because I got to explore early on. I know that not everyone has that choice. That’s why I always encourage others to find ways to re-gift themselves that chance. Take a free course online, go back to school at age 60, make time for what you love, and if you come up with excuses for why you can’t then you probably don’t want it bad enough. That is okay, too. At the end of the day, the important takeaway is that you got to paint your picture of life exactly how you wanted it. I get a lot of resistance when I mention these things because people often feel trapped without options but—most of us do have the choice. We can choose different colors and brush strokes every second of every day. Hell, we can toss the canvas and start over if need be! Sometimes, we give others the paintbrush just because it is easier to sit back in neutral while life drives us. With the motto “ anything is possible” ringing in my ears, I became a published children’s book author, and I have released a half a dozen inspirational, motivational, and encouraging books for young readers. I am now the founder and CEO of Barrie Patch Books, The Healing Arts LLC, and A Home 4 Arts Inc. The latter is a nonprofit organization for impoverished youth that provides creative expression and counseling services to those in need throughout Florida with plans to expand globally. I also released my first game application on Google Play for all android devices. Based on one

of my children’s books, it is a “seek and find” that cultivates curiosity and encourages education. And I’m not done yet. I hope to reenter the public speaking arena, publish young adult and self-help books, produce films or television shows, and conduct research in the fields of epigenetics and quantum healing. The main thing I have realized as a counselor is that people are comfortable in their discomfort. It is easier to continue to stay in what we know, even if that’s situational depression, anxiety, stress, abuse, anger, worry, self-hate, or the job we hate, because we can do it all on auto pilot. The negative feelings are so familiar that it’s actually easier than the changes we could make to help ourselves feel better. And, yes the changes are hard because they take dedication, accountability, awareness, time, emotional exploration, and understanding. You have to be ready and willing to put in the work and to know that you are worthy of the changes it will produce. I would like to leave you with five actionable ways to achieve growth and healing in your own journey: 1) Have the courage each day to live as authentically as possible, admit when you are wrong, and maintain curiosity. This keeps us open to possibilities and reinforces a healthy reality. 2) Never give up on your passions and dreams. Anything is b etter than nothing, so infuse your life with what you need to

feel fulfilled, meaningful, and purposeful. Life is for exploring human depth and possibilities, not settling into the mechanical “Matrix.” 3) Surround yourself with people who believe in you. This is a common saying but our social circles create the outside voices we hear on a daily basis, and what we hear on repeat becomes our reality and creates our perceptions. Therefore, create magic not toxicity. 4) Never stop learning. The more we know in any field, the better equipped we are to make the best choices for ourselves, and the more humility and humanity we can uncover. Study what lights you up inside. 5) Understand yourself, your pain, your beliefs, values, origins, and allow that to help you make sense of who you are, your desires, possible roadblocks, and what you want from your life. We have to understand our foundations in order to build a strong system. There are always struggles on the journey. We all make mistakes, and that’s okay. At the end of the day, we can choose to live so connected to our highest selves that we inspire everyone we meet simply by living. Imagine a world like that…

Michalla Bohon (Michalla Brianna) is a Humanistic and Existential Registered Clinical Mental Health Counseling Intern, Expressive Arts Therapy Intern, Certified Life Purpose Coach, Past Life Regression Coach, Meditation Practitioner, Energy Healer, and HeartMath Therapist located in sunny Florida. She is an author, the founder and CEO of A Home 4 Art and The Healing Arts. She also is a former Disney entertainer, robot handler, voiceover actress, commercial model, party planner, foster care worker, and public speaker. Michalla has been featured in Inspiring Lives Magazine, on the Kind Army Podcast, on The Fierce Women Project, on Episode 2 of The CoLab Series with Kristen Kish, and various local news and radio sources for her current work and aspirations. Michalla holds a bachelor’s degree in both Human Developmental Psychology and Creative Writing from Eckerd College, as well as a master’s in clinical Mental Health Counseling from the University of the Cumberlands. Michalla aims to complete her second mas-ter’s in creative literature from Harvard University and a Ph.D. in Expressive Therapies in the future.

You Are Unbreakable

Everyone needs to be reminded of their true self. By Emil Nazaryan Have you heard people say that everyone needs uplifting at some point and time? The idea behind this statement is clear: We all feel down every once in a while. However, there is a little contradiction to be worked out. The statement implies that you are uplifted by someone, or something else outside of you. Please be sure that God (the Universe, Infinite Being, etc.) would never create something and place its happiness outside of itself. Now, let’s rephrase that statement a little. Everyone needs to be reminded of their true self at some point and time. Here is a little caveat. What you are about to read is not some fluffed up mumbo jumbo to make you feel good about yourself. Instead, this is the truth about yourself. When you go through these descriptions you will feel deep down in your heart the truth these words carry. Don’t be surprised if you get emotional when you read about yourself. That is just the signal of self-recognition. Daily hassles take you away from your true self and get your attention tied up in an endless succession of events, problems, challenges, etc. Even though your true self may not get the attention it deserves, it never disappears. It’s always there as soon as you turn to it. Now let’s see who you are: You are victorious. There hasn’t been anything in your life yet that you haven’t overcome. Think back to some major problems in the past that seemed unsolvable at the time and caused you plenty of worry. And yet, they worked out

because you are still here and now, reading this article. Remember that God only gives as many challenges as you are able to handle and not one iota more. You are courageous. The notion a lot of people carry that they don’t have courage is nothing but a thought. Remove that thought and what remains is courage! Need more proof of your courage? You have made it thus far in life, haven’t you? Surely, you have faced difficult situations. Surely, you have made tough decisions. You have persevered. That’s courage! In fact, you can feel courage shining inside your heart like a bright star right now. Don’t you? You are kind. Kindness has many different forms of expression. Undoubtedly, you have performed many acts of kindness in your life. You can think of some of those right now! How do I know? You are a human and kindness is your inherent nature. You are not your problems. Never identify yourself with your problems. Problems come and go while you always remain. Hasn’t this been your own experience? Realize this and your problems will lose their grip on you. You are whole. Despite popular culture, society, TV commercials and everything else trying to convince you that you are missing something to make you whole and complete, shatter those ideas to pieces! There is nothing and no one in the world that can make you whole and complete, because you ARE already whole and complete. Let go of all thoughts of comparison, competition, lack and what remains? You remain, whole and complete.

You are limitless. You truly are! All the perceived limits are but limiting thoughts. Deep down, in your heart of hearts, where no limiting thoughts reach, you know yourself to be limitless. Close your eyes now and reach straight to the center of your heart. Do you feel any limits? You are unbreakable. Now you need to read the following statements in the first person to feel their true power. I’d even suggest reading them aloud with all the enthusiasm and energy you have.

“Go ahead, life, bring it on! I am unbreakable. Not what I imagine myself to be, but the real I, the victorious I, the courageous I, the kind I, the whole I, the limitless I—I am truly unbreakable! I am not afraid of any thoughts because all the fears are only thoughts. Because I accept with grace anything that comes my way, nothing can hurt me, nothing can break me. My power is love, I am love itself and nothing can break love. So, go ahead, life! Bring it on!”

Emil Nazaryan is a motivational writer and a contributor to the monthly Motivational Corner column of HR Realtor Magazine. He has undergone a spiritual transformation which has led the way to sharing the insights he has experienced with the others. He is well acquainted with all major spiritual traditions of the world, but it is the direct experience of the essence of these teachings that is responsible for the altered life outlook and the motivational articles that stem this. In his daily life Emil is a successful REALTOR and he resides in Norfolk, VA, with his wife and two children. Contact him by email at emil.rw@gmail.com.

Question the Afterlife

My questions on the afterlife got answered on a sunny afternoon when a white ball appeared on the grass for a couple minutes. 24

By Jo Mooy Covid, drug overdoses, and an aging population have taken a heavy toll on so many families who lost loved ones over the past two years. Their grief and sadness are palpable because many of them could not be with, or attend their families. Inevitably questions arise as they struggle to deal with the losses. Is there an afterlife? How do you know? Where do the souls of the loved ones go? Can they be contacted? If so, how? There’s a universal belief system that a place exists where all souls go after death. Every religion has a different word for where that is. But usually it’s defined as some sort of ethereal or cosmic state. The Aborigine culture of Australia, the oldest in the world, have a complex view of the afterlife but essentially, spirits return to their source in their ethereal state called “the dreamtime.” So, whether you’re talking about a culture that’s 60,000 years old or 21st Century scientific researchers, almost all say the same thing: There is an afterlife. For the ones suffering the anguish of loss, it requires a strong faith to believe in the afterlife. Many don’t have that faith or refuse to acknowledge the soul’s continued existence. Hence the questions they ask. Scientific studies on Near Death Experiences at respected universities around the world help to answer the questions. The studies, conducted by neuroscientists, physicians, psychologists, and philosophers, have been peer reviewed, published in best-selling books, and also in medical and scientific journals. Still, questions persist by individuals who question the scientific data and believe the mind

“makes up things.” That was my experience a few weeks ago. I often research new publications about the afterlife to see if the trends or the data is changing. Reading one article, I saw a lengthy rebuttal by a gentleman who claimed he had no animosity towards the scientists or the results of their study, but he believed the Near Death Experiencers were being deluded by their mind or by an overactive imagination. He wanted others to know he was agnostic and that the best summary of all scientific research should be, “We don’t know what happens at death. Anything else” he said, “is nothing but speculation.” His approach was scholarly and wasn’t argumentative, so I didn’t dismiss it outright. I pushed back in my office chair to give his commentary a lot of thought and a fair hearing. I analyzed his different points and using my own understanding of the topics, formed a rebuttal to his. But before summarizing my thoughts a wayward one came in out of left field. What if he’s right? I was staring out the window searching for answers because another part of me didn’t feel he was right. As I looked out on the lawn I saw a snow-white ball on a short black cylinder in the middle of the green grass. It wasn’t there when I first looked out the window. My logical mind said, it must be a Kleenex that blew in on the wind. That thought was tossed aside quickly because no Kleenex sits on the lawn in a perfect round sphere. Logical mind kicked in again and said, it’s a sprinkler head that came up out of the lawn. The sprinkler heads are black, but none of them have a snow-white ball on top. I got up from my chair and looking out the window, focusing hard

on the white ball. All of a sudden, as if it “knew” I was watching it, the white ball “popped” out of existence. It hadn’t made a sound, but I could feel the sensation of something popping with magnetic energy waves moving out of the ball into the air. I blinked several times just in case I was “seeing things.” It was still gone. But, it had been there. I’d seen it. I know what I saw. But then logic again overrode the experience. Maybe it was a Kleenex and it had blown down the yard. I ran outside to convince myself. I walked up and down the side of the house. No Kleenex. No white ball. I searched in the lawn to see if a sprinkler head might have been in that spot. No sprinkler head was anywhere near where the sphere had been. Coming back to my office to think about what happened I recalled a story that Michael Newton recorded in his book, Destiny of Souls. He’d asked one of his clients who was in deep hypnosis how souls on the other side communicated with those still in physical form. The client answered that those on Earth should ask a question and the souls would answer them through symbols, thoughts, dreams, or through vivid experiences that seemed “coincidental.” My questions on the afterlife got answered on a sunny afternoon when a white ball appeared on the grass for a couple minutes. It waited until I made a conscious connection between the question in my mind and the symbol of a white ball. Then it disappeared in an electrical pop. That experience was my confirmation that souls do exist after life, that they hear us, and they respond. I had my answer and I didn’t need a rebuttal.

Conscious Living with Jo Mooy

Jo Mooy has studied with many spiritual traditions over the past 40 years. The wide diversity of this training allows her to develop spiritual seminars and retreats that explore inspirational concepts, give purpose and guidance to students, and present esoteric teachings in an understandable manner. Along with Patricia Cockerill, she has guided the Women’s Meditation Circle since January 2006 where it has been honored for five years in a row as the “Favorite Meditation” group in Sarasota, FL, by Natural Awakenings Magazine. Teaching and using Sound as a retreat healing practice, Jo was certified as a Sound Healer through Jonathan Goldman’s Sound Healing Association. She writes and publishes a monthly internationally distributed e-newsletter called Spiritual Connections and is a staff writer for Spirit of Maat magazine in Sedona. For more information go to http://www.starsoundings.com or email jomooy@gmail.com.

Break the Pattern

Photo Credit: Unsplash/Joel Muniz

Your inner awareness is your greatest power. By Arielle Giordano Patterns are programmed behaviors that reside within us on many levels. Everyone has patterns and can feel trapped in them. When we get into an argument with someone, for example, we may have similar patterns that link together and spark a fire. Do you recognize that some of your unwanted behaviors reflect the patterns of your parents? Know that everyone inherits patterns, behaviors, thoughts and feelings—and much more. These subconscious behaviors are innate and only shift and change if you are consciously aware of them. Not only do you have these patterns, but you also have beliefs about the patterns that can

obscure the deepest knowing within your heart. You know inside what is really true, and that real knowledge is where you need to live from. That direct understanding comes at a personal price— having to face the truth within. Yes, you will pay a price. You will no longer have your patterns and beliefs to hide behind. When you move into your “awareness being,” you know what these patterns are—and you can see them and then rise above them. You are able to integrate and heal. Your inner awareness is your greatest power, and that power belongs to your deepest knowing, your direct knowledge. Welcome to your real home—your heart center—which is not subject to your thinking and feeling patterns. Now you know!

Dancing from the Inside Out with Arielle Giordano Transformational Life Coach Award-Winning Author & Speaker, Professional Dancer. Arielle’s Award-Winning book for Best Self-Help Award: Dancing With Your Story From The Inside is available on http://www.Amazon.com. Her professional career includes the Lead Faculty Area Chairperson and Professor for the College of Humanities, History and the Arts at the University of Phoenix. She is a published co-author of Transform Your Life Books 1 & 2 and author for Tampa Bay Wellness, Conscious Shift & Transformation magazine. She has published her 4th book, an Instructor’s Manual for Barlow Abnormal Psychology 4th ed. and authored Psychology, A Journey 3rd.ed. Study Guide published by Nelson Education, Toronto, ON. She has also studied philosophy at the College of Integrated Philosophy with John DeRuiter for twenty years. Arielle has been a featured guest on radio and television, in newspapers, and the media across the US and Canada. She is a certified Essentrics Stretch and Dance Instructor. Arielle offers coaching sessions, classes and workshops and a free 30-minute Consultation. Arielle’s new book Dancing with Your Story from the Inside Out is now available on http://www.Amazon.com. Websites: http://www.dancingfromtheinsideout.com, http://www.ariellegiordano.com. Email: agbeautifuldance@gmail.com

HIT YOUR TARGETS Hit Your Targets

How to use the Objectives and Key Results framework to help achieve your business goals. By Jowanna Daley As a small business owner, you’ll quickly find that you can get lost in tasks and easily lose track of goals. Objectives and Key Results (OKRs) is not only for large corporations; it is a performance tracking system that can help your business achieve its goals. OKRs is a framework to help you set measurable goals. Additionally, it is a way for you to track progress on your goals. Small businesses can use OKRs to help track and measure progress towards specific goals. By setting measurable goals and tracking progress, you can evaluate what you are doing against the goals. It also ensures that you are making the most of your resources and staying on track towards reaching your objectives.

HOW DO OKRS WORK? OKRs typically consist of a list of objectives, each with one or more key results. For example, an objective might be to increase profits by 20 percent, and a key result might be to increase sales by 25 percent. Individuals and teams are responsible for setting their OKRs; however, they should be aligned with the company’s overall objectives. Periodically, everyone’s progress is reviewed and updated accordingly. The beauty of the OKR system is that it is customizable to fit any company size and business type. This framework works for a one-person business, or it can be more complex for a larger company with multiple teams. Create effective OKRS by setting challenging yet achievable objectives. It is also essential to ensure that each objective aligns with your company’s strategy. Once you set objectives, set key results. You use key results to measure and track your objective; these results let you know whether you have met your objectives. Finally, it is vital to regularly track progress towards the objectives and key results. This monitoring allows

o rganizations to make course corrections as needed and ensure that they are on track to achieving their goals. Writing OKRs can be a great way to focus your team and track progress. However, writing effective OKRs can be difficult. Here are a few tips to keep in mind: • Objectives should be SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, relevant and time-bound). • Key results should be quantifiable, so you can track progress and see if you’re achieving your objectives. • Be realistic in setting your objectives and key results. It’s essential to set goals that challenge your team but are still achievable. • Make sure everyone you work with is aware of your objectives and key results and working to achieve them. • If you need help drafting OKRs, several templates and tools are available online.

OKRS IN ACTION The way OKRs work with Scrum (a framework used by teams to manage their work) may vary depending on the organization’s specific implementation of Scrum. However, in general, OKRs can help track and measure the progress of teams working in a Scrum environment. It also keeps everyone aligned on the team’s objectives. Additionally, OKRs can track and measure the progress of specific Scrum tasks or initiatives, and they can help ensure that these tasks are completed on time and within budget. With OKRs, you also can use Kanban (a team-based approach originally developed for manufacturing) to visualize your workflow and track your progress against your goals. On your Kanban board, create columns for your OKRs and add cards to represent tasks associated with completing the objective. As you progress through your tasks, move the cards to the appropriate column. You can also use Kanban to track how close you meet your goals by adding a progress indicator to your cards.

EXAMPLES OF OKRS • • • •

OKRs for your small business may include: Increase sales revenue by a specific percentage. Reduce the cost of goods sold by a certain percentage. Expand the company’s market share by a specific percentage. Increase customer satisfaction ratings by a set number of points.

GOALS AND TASKS Understanding the relationship between goals and tasks is crucial to understanding OKRs. A goal is a high-level outcome that you want to achieve, while a task is a specific action that you need to take to achieve that goal. To achieve your goals, you need to create a roadmap of specific tasks that will help you get there. The OKR framework creates that roadmap. Each goal should have a few specific, measurable objectives associated with it. Likewise, each objective should have a few key results associated with it. You can use this framework to track and measure your progress towards your goals over time. Even if you are a one-person organization, there are many benefits to using OKRs, whether with another framework or by itself. Having quantifiable, measurable goals is a great way to stay focused on what’s important. Setting and tracking objectives and key results can help clarify what you need to do to achieve your goals and provide a framework for measuring your progress. As a solo or micropreneur, you are no stranger to pressure or disappointment. OKRs allow you to see visible progress and focus on high-priority risks. Having clear, specific goals helps you stay result-oriented and breeds the environment to develop innovative solutions.

THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN SETTING UP OKRS Strategic Skills. If you are new to setting up OKRs, consider getting an OKR coach or consultant to help you become familiar with the system. There are also various tools to help you manage OKRs. Team Size & Structure. Make sure you consider your team size and structure. Small startups may hire specific talent, such as a marketer or web designer, to help with specialized tasks. Make sure you consider the impact on those vendors to make sure all tasks align with a goal. Your Role. Setting up objectives and key results is an essential process for any business, regardless of its size or stage of development. But it’s especially critical for business owners who need to ensure that their objectives are aligned with those of their company. Still, some business owners may hire a project manager to help them track the goals across their mini enterprise. No matter what role you play, you’re ultimately responsible for ensuring that the business meets its targets and grows. And to do that, you need to have a clear understanding of what you’re trying to achieve and how you’re going to measure it.

MAY CONTENT IDEAS May is full of marketing ideas for life coaches. Below is a narrowed-down list you can use in your promotions. Look through and select a few to build campaigns that connect with people. •

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MAY 1

Couple Appreciation Day. Relationship coaches help clients show their partners how much they mean to them. Whether it’s a romantic dinner, a special gift, or just spending time together, couples can show each other how much they care. Executive Coaching Day. It is a day to appreciate and recognize executive coaches for their hard work and dedication. Pat yourself on the back! Global Love Day. Relationship coaches, this is a day to celebrate love in all its forms worldwide. Join Hands Day. It is a day for youth and adults to come together and volunteer their time and resources to help their local communities. National Play Outside Day. It is a day for people to get outside and enjoy the natural environment. Pilates Day. A great day to promote the benefits of Pilates and encourage people to try it out. Phone in Sick Day. This day is a great day to promote self-care. Therapeutic Massage Awareness Day. A perfect day to bring awareness to the benefits of therapeutic massages. World Laughter Day. It’s a day to celebrate the joys and therapeutic benefits of laughter.

MAY 2

Brothers and Sisters Day. This day celebrates one of the most special family relationships—siblings. Families can commemorate this day by having a special meal or activity together. Take a Baby to Lunch Day. A day to encourage adults to spend time with babies. Melanoma Monday. This unofficial holiday is a campaign to raise awareness of melanoma, a type of skin cancer.

MAY 3

Garden Meditation Day. Encourage people to connect with nature and appreciate the peace and serenity in gardens and other green spaces.

MAY 4

National Bike To School Day. This day encourages students around the nation to ride their bikes to school. World Give Day. An annual event that encourages people to give back to their communities.

MAY 5

African World Heritage Day. This day celebrates the heritage of Africa and its people.

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National Children’s Mental Health Awareness Day. A day that focuses on raising awareness of the importance of children’s mental health. Silence The Shame Day. It is a day to raise awareness of the stigma and silence around mental health.

MAY 6

MAY 7

Birthmother’s Day. This day honors birthmothers and their choice to put their children up for adoption. Herb Day. A perfect day to celebrate the many benefits of herbs. National Fitness Day. This observation day encourages people to get active and stay healthy. National Play Outside Day. This day encourages people to get outside and enjoy nature.

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Eat What You Want Day. A day where you can encourage people to enjoy their food without guilt or judgment.

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Visit Your Relatives Day. Relationship coaches, encourage your clients or audience to strengthen their relationships with one another on this unofficial holiday.

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World Plant a Vegetable Garden Day. Coaches, as you can see, you have opportunities throughout the month to encourage people to be one with nature. This holiday celebrates and encourages people to plant vegetable gardens.

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MAY 8

Mother’s Day. It is a day to celebrate mothers around the world.

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No Diet Day. This day encourages people to rethink their weight loss and healthy eating approaches.

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people to join you in getting rid of “stuff” or do a Live on how you can hold on to the memory even if you get rid of things.

Be a Millionaire Day. Are you a money mindset coach? This holiday is an excellent day to educate people about the poverty mindset and how to turn it around.

MAY 21

MAY 11

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National Memo Day. There is always room to communicate better. Use this day to improve your communication.

MAY 13

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Lucky Penny Day. It’s a day where you can empower people to decide their luck.

Friday the 13th. Show your audience how they can turn a bad luck day into a best of luck day. Share your challenges and how you overcame them.

MAY 16

Love a Tree Day. Show your followers you care about nature and encourage them to practice mindfulness by spending time with trees. Wear Purple for Peace Day. Encourage your audience to wear purple in honor of peace.

MAY 17

Pack Rat Day. Are you a packrat, or do you deal with people that can’t let things go? You can encourage

MAY 23

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International Tiara Day. Let your audience know that they deserve everything they want in life. They are worthy!

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Don’t Fry Friday. Health coaches, let your followers know the dangers of too much sun. You can make a carousel with tips to protect your skin.

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World No Tobacco Day. Advocate for your client’s death by challenging them to spend a day without smoking.

MAY 27

MAY 31

The Daley Word with Jowanna Daley Jowanna is a business and personal coach, consultant, freelance blogger, and personal brand photographer. Jowanna uses her 20-plus years of business, information technology, business analysis, and project management experience to serve solopreneurs, microbusinesses, and professionals through consulting, coaching, training, and workshops. She is also a freelance blogger who serves corporate and non-corporate clients. Visit her website at https://www.jowannadaley.com/about/.

THE MAGIC OF PRODUCTIVITY The MAGIC of Productivity

As coaches, leaders and mentors, the greatest service and teaching tool we can offer is our own examples of moving forward and thriving. By Terez Hartmann

ACTIVITY VS. PRODUCTIVITY

We humans are great at doing things. As a matter of fact, we can get so good at “doing” that the activity that fills our lives can actually cause us to forget why we started “doing” in the first place, losing sight of the things that truly matter. Productivity is not just about checking things off the “To Do” list and moving stuff from pile “A” to pile “B”; rather, it is a way of focusing your attention and action so that the things that make a real difference in your life get the love and attention they deserve. Another beautiful thing about productivity—it gives you energy rather than taking energy! But with so much data coming at us from so many directions, telling us what we “should” be doing at any given time, sometimes it is a massive challenge to differentiate between the things that actually move us forward versus what just keeps us spinning our wheels.

1 + 1 = 11?

Another awesome benefit of acting and feeling productive is the electricity of flow that can and will occur. And the more productive you feel, the more it energizes your mind, body and spirit, which allows you to accomplish even more, to become even more open to solutions/inspiration and (those who understand Law of Attraction know this) to even attract more ideas, people and events that are a match to your productive vibe! I can recall so many times when I was happily moving forward in flow that the person I needed to call would call me, the things that I was searching for found me, and the opportunities I thought I had to chase were presented to me in the most

e xtraordinary ways. It is truly astonishing to see the infinite possibilities that can unfold when you are in a state of true productivity. Like the idea of experiencing real motion forward and enjoying the leverage of time well spent? Give these ideas a spin! Put the “big rocks” in first. Many years ago I discovered a life-changing analogy: Let’s say that your life/your available time in a day is a container of some kind that you fill with a combination of: • Big rocks: The things that matter most • Pebbles: Things that are still somewhat important • Sand: The “filler material”/distractions of dayto-day life If you fill the container with the sand first, you can probably get a few pebbles in, but there is little to no room left for the big rocks. But, if you put the big rocks in first, the pebbles and sand can simply fill in around them. In short, if you fill your days (and your precious life) with the most life-giving things (actions that feed well-being, positive connection and authentic success), imagine how much more meaningful and productive your life could be. What are your big rocks? 1) Take a moment right now to make a note of five things you can do to really move forward in each of these life areas: • Health and Wellness (Body, Mind and Spirit) • Relationships • Home and Daily Life • Career/Creativity and Finances • Adventures and Experiences 2) Choose one action item in each category (or any combination of five items) that feels the most doable and achievable now and create a “Fab Five” Focus List of the five things that you ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY intend to do THIS week. 3) Get into productive action and make it your mission to complete your “Fab Five” this week.

4) If more than five items feel important, create “bonus items” as inspired. Let these be the icing on the cake that only add to your sense of accomplishment, but that are more flexible in nature (things that are not life-altering if they don’t get done this week). 5) On a chosen day each week (Sunday e vening/ Friday afternoon/etc.), update this list every week based on your priority items the life areas above.

By carving out time to identify, prioritize and address the “big rocks” of your life first, you set powerful wheels in motion that feed true productivity, fill your life with more of what you want to experience and invoke the magic of life to provide all manner of bonuses, upgrades and happy surprises.

THE BOTTOM LINE: THE MAGIC OF PRODUCTIVITY

Imagine creating a world—one person and one community at a time—that is conducive to forward motion for all. As coaches, leaders and mentors, the greatest service and teaching tool we can offer is, was, and always has been our own examples. And in these times of dynamic and unprecedented change, we all benefit from getting to be and see people who are still finding ways to thrive and move forward, as this provides a true lifeline and spark of hope for all who are open to it. May you be that bright light in your community who has discovered your “big rocks” and who knows, firsthand, the far-reaching benefits and MAGIC of productivity.

ALLOWING YOUR SUCCESS with Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann

Terez “Firewoman” Hartmann is a Visionary Creative & top-rated instructor, Law of Attraction & Allowing YOUR Success specialist, published author, speaker, singer-songwriter, recording & performing artist & composer, “Catalyst for Fab-YOU-lous” and true Renaissance Woman who has already helped over 10,000 students in over 130 countries allow success and live life on FIRE. She is deeply passionate about helping other Powerful Creatives and Leading-Edge Thinkers live unique, empowered lives on their terms by cultivating the courage to dream, to express themselves boldly & authentically, and to focus Onward, Upward and Forward into new possibilities. http://www.terezfirewoman.com

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When You Talk to Yourself, Who Answers?

How to recognize the value and virtue of your Inner Voice. By Noelle Sterne Inside our heads, we’re always talking to ourselves. We hear many voices, and most of the time they’re far from friendly: “Hey, stupid, use the big bowl for all that pasta!” “The Phillips screwdriver, idiot!” “You want to do that? You must be kidding! You’re too old, tired, fat, lazy.” Voices like these seem to whirl around endlessly. Psychologists call them the superego, inner judge, censor, internalized parent, and many other fancy names. A friend dubbed them “the bad priests.” As you no doubt already know, these harsh, negative voices are insistent, tenacious, and stubborn. They easily dominate our minds. The more we try to ignore or quiet them, the more they clamor for attention. The East Indians name this part of the mind a “drunken monkey,” always chattering and condemning. You may not believe it yet, but you can ignore that unruly creature, shut it out, starve it, and listen to another voice instead that’s much more on your side. “Who the heck,” you may reasonably ask, “would that be?” Beneath the frenzied surface of our daily trivia, endless judgments, catalogues of chores, and swirling wisps of past regrets and future fears, this voice is our Inner Guide, our Voice, who lives untouched, inviolate, quiet.

The Voice has many names: inner knowing, intuition, right brain, soul, higher power, inner self, true voice, Jesus, Holy Spirit, God, your heart, your gut. Over the centuries, many people have acknowledged and developed it—artists, scientists, great leaders, enlightened beings, philosophers, and countless others like you and me. Most of the time, though, the Voice has been talked of or written about largely by mystics, and it’s been reserved for saints or schizophrenics.

THE VOICE BECOMES MORE HEARD

With the current exciting reawakening of spiritual consciousness throughout our culture, the Voice has again become respectable, even though with other names. It’s being rediscovered as a quality we all have and can develop. Marianne Williamson describes our Inner Voice beautifully: We are graced with a greater capacity for direct contact with our own higher power than most of us are in the habit of using. When we stay close to the wisdom of our own knowing, seeking solutions to our problems in the sanctuary of the heart and not in the vanity of the mind, then we can pretty much trust in the unfolding, mysterious wisdom of life. (“Meditation,” O, The Oprah Magazine, October 2000, p. 119)

As we lose our society’s embarrassment about and resistance to drawing on resources other than the material and tangible, we gain the strength to recognize the value and virtue of our Inner Voice. It’s resurfacing not only in inspirational writings like Williamson’s, but even in the popular media, a testament to our society’s hunger for spiritual content. For example, the book: Feeling Fate: A Memoir of Love, Intuition, and Spirit by Joni Sensel. Inner listening is recommended in everything from diet advice (“Hear your body’s cravings for broccoli”) to clothes (“That purple shirt is crying out to you”) to dating (“Your stomach does flip-flops when you study his eyebrows, and it’s not indigestion”) to daily living (“Do you know when the phone will ring before it does?”) to major decision-making, like Sensel, with finding a place to live or otherwise (“Something’s prodding you to take that job offer”). All this acknowledgment doesn’t mean the Inner Voice is easy to find or listen to, even though we read about it or hear dramatic accounts of how other people found theirs. I think e specially of Elizabeth Gilbert’s dramatic and irreverent account in Eat, Pray, Love the first time she heard her Voice—in the middle of the night as she sobbed on the bathroom floor about her unbearable marriage (pp. 15-16). She asked the Something what to do. The answer came swift and sure: “Go back to bed, Liz.” Immediate and eminently sensible. Later, she became clearer on the actions to take. No one else’s experience, though, can substitute for our own. Like life, each of us must go through the stages ourselves.

of us find the concept of the Voice strange and slightly suspect. We need strong intent, determination, and courage to recognize it.

Why should you care about finding your Inner Voice? Why is it so important? Like a kid pushed to violin lessons, you may be whining, “Aw, do I have to?” No, you don’t. But here’s a good reason to take the lessons: If you don’t cultivate your Voice, you’ll never get to trust yourself—or your life. You won’t be able to succeed at the forgiving self-dialogues that help you see your past in a newer, more wholesome light. If you’re no longer fighting the idea, let me help you locate your Inner Voice, separate it from all the others, and then foster it. In our sophisticated know-it-all or know-where-to-get-it-all culture, unlike our teachings about manners and the pursuit of money and ever more information, we have valued this Voice very little or taught its importance. Despite our culture’s increasing and encouraging openness about spiritual matters, most

TALK BACK

WHY BOTHER?

RECOGNIZE

Of the many voices that drown out our Inner Voice, the most insidious is the Inner Judge. This is the master negator and torpedoer, the ultimate disapproving and demeaning parent, the ever-demanding, never-sated grumpy god to which we’ve all sacrificed too much psychic energy and too many years. You probably know it well. Every time you do something good, solve something, or get a great idea, this is the voice that instantly trumpets, “Ridiculous! Who do you think you are? It will never work. Are you crazy? Don’t you know all the things that will go wrong? Let me count the ways.” How, then, to turn off this endless doom-saying loop? I’ve learned, through much mind-gnashing, that to try to suppress it is almost impossible. It’s as stubborn as weeds. If you try to grind it into the ground, it will spring up again the minute you lift your foot. If you try to reason it to sleep, it will stay awake forever, cackle, and stare at you all night with hollow glee.

REPLACE

The better line of attack is to replace that ominous voice with more productive messages—following some principle we were supposed to learn in middle school science class—something about two things being unable to exist in the same place at the same time. The replacement principle can be triggered with many techniques. Here are several powerful ones. Shout that monkey down. Give it some of its own medicine. Tell it, with all the force you can muster, “Shut up! You’re wrong! I am not crazy! I’ve never been saner, and you’re not gonna stop me!” Even if you don’t quite believe your own retorts, shout them anyway. Bellow as if you believe.

DO AFFIRMATIONS

As you may know, affirmations are wonderful, elevating replacements that quiet the Inner Judge. A version of verbal prayer, they have been used for centuries. Many books contain excellent affirmations. Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life is one of my favorites. At the end of every chapter, she has a meditation that sends you to

the stars. Although specific to the subject, each begins with this: “In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete.” You can also create your own affirmation for any event, circumstance, person, or quality you want to feel better about. Follow only one rule: Always decree your affirmations in the present tense. Here are some broad-spectrum ones to spark your own: • I am worthy of all good in my life. • I deserve to love and be loved. • I forgive myself and I am forgiven. • All I need is here now. • I hear my true Voice now. • I am guided in this situation to the right words, decisions, and actions.

PRAY

It’s okay. Praying doesn’t commit you to going to church on Sundays or major holidays or joining committees. If you need reassurance, prayer too has made it into the mainstream media. A while ago, an article in a supermarket magazine recommended prayer for stress and recounted the stories of people who prayed for guidance in conquering, among other things, marital discord, fears and even to-do lists (Diane Benson Harrington, “Pray Away Stress: A Soothing Strategy,” Family Circle, January 20, 2004, pp. 30, 32-33). Current magazines and Internet features report almost daily on prayer as a force in solving problems, either in helping physical maladies, how-to articles, or summaries of studies with 4,256 people in the Republic of Wherever. If you think you don’t know how to pray, take a verse or hymn from childhood, a psalm, or even a Christmas carol, and repeat it to yourself. Or try a contemporary prayer, like one from Marianne Williamson’s Illuminata or Thomas Moore’s Care of the Soul. I often use this statement from A Course in Miracles: “Let every voice but God’s be still in me” (Workbook, p. 411). Silently or aloud, as you repeat a sentence like this or passage of your choice, focus on what it means. Let it saturate your attention. Keep repeating it and feel yourself lifting and lightening, yielding to the Higher Power.

MEDITATE

Although it’s close to prayer, meditation doesn’t need to have a religious connotation or mysterious quality. You don’t have to join an East Indian monastery or never lose your temper. Like prayer, today meditation is even more routinely written about and advised in magazines and online sites along with diets, relationships, kid-raising, and

certainly stress. If you still don’t get it, look at Stephan Bodian’s Meditation for Dummies. Meditation is basically simple: In a quiet place, with no distractions, take a few deep breaths. Choose a word, phrase or sentence, or one of your affirmations. The important thing is to pick something that grabs you or has special meaning. It doesn’t have to be an esoteric mantra, or right according to any authority. It only has to be right for you. Say it steadily, without pressing or hurry. • Here are some examples: • Peace • One • Love • Ahhhh • Joy • I am whole • I have all I need • I like myself • My world is established in Divine Order • God is with me • “In quiet I receive God’s Word today” (A Course in Miracles, Workbook, p. 220)

A WARNING

A caution, though: When you meditate, your Inner Judge, that old drunken monkey outraged at your audacity, will do its utmost to get your attention. It will likely succeed more than a few times, with all manner of ridicule, condemnations, and barrages of random thoughts, scenes, worries, and lists. Recognize its antics and just keep coming back to your chosen meditative words. Like a good parent to yourself, be patient, steadfast, and forgiving, shepherding your child-mind to the sidewalk out of traffic. You’re steering your mind out of negativity to determination, selfconfidence, and the good you deserve. Emmet Fox in The Golden Key counsels wisely. Every time a negative thought comes up, he says, “Stop thinking about the difficulty, whatever it is, and think about God instead” (p. 2).

CULTIVATE

Cultivating your Voice takes desire, practice, and patience. Expect to hear it and make room for it. With one of the methods above, you can schedule special undisturbed times for practice. And you can give your Voice a chance in any situation. As you’re getting dressed, having lunch, or driving, consciously tone down the automatic background noises we’re so accustomed to. This may mean resisting the instant

flip of the stereo or news the moment you get up, or tearing your eyes away from the TV in the lunchroom, or pressing off your iPhone earbuds the minute you start the ignition. Cultivating your Voice may mean not grabbing the latest People magazine in the dentist’s office and devouring as much juicy pseudo-news as possible before your name is called. Not grousing to the person next to you while you wait a full 30 minutes on the ATM line. Not showing off your baseball stats while you wait in the car wash. But instead, repeating your word(s) and listening.

TEST

Go ahead. Test your Inner Voice. Find an undistracted spot, mentally and physically. Quiet down. Stop reasoning and figuring. Ask something simple: What should I cook for dinner tonight? Who should I phone next? Should I do this task or that? If 26 things are whirling in your head, you’re not quite ready. Let them stream until they run out. Ask again.

As your mind echoes the question you’ve asked, it may come up with some “good reasons” for choosing one over the others. Somehow these don’t convince you, and the whirling continues. Ask again. If there’s no clear-cut answer, just wait. Take a breath. Ask again. Then you’ll hear it. Or maybe feel it, or see the image of it in your mind’s eye. Or just be impelled to start. You’ll know. The answer will feel right and perfect.

YOUR VOICE, YOUR COMPANION

Your Voice is given to you to be developed and used for anything you want or need to know. In all the ways that the Inner Judge condemns you, in reverse the Inner Voice helps you see the past more wholesomely, gain insights into present events, and be guided to and take actions that will benefit you in the future. As you continue to ask, listen, and “converse” with your Inner Voice, you’ll know without doubt and with great peace Who answers when you talk to yourself.

Trust Your Life Now with Noelle Sterne, Ph.D. Author, editor, writing coach, workshop leader, and academic mentor, Noelle Sterne has published over 700 stories, essays, writing craft articles, spiritual pieces, and occasional poems in literary and academic print and online venues. Publications have appeared in Author Magazine, Chicken Soup for the Soul (six volumes), Inspire Me Today, LiveWriteThrive, MindBodySpirit, Journal of Expressive Writing, Life and Everything After, Mused, Pen and Prosper, Romance Writers Report, Ruminate, Sasee, Textbook and Academic Authors Association blog (monthly), Thesis Whisperer, Transformation Coaching, Two Drops of Ink (monthly), Unity Daily Word, Unity Magazine, WE Magazine for Women, Women in Higher Education, Women on Writing, Writing and Wellness, Writer’s Digest, and The Writer. Eons ago, she published a children’s book of original dinosaur riddles (HarperCollins), in print for 18 years. With a Ph.D. from Columbia University, for 30 years Noelle has assisted doctoral candidates in completing their dissertations (finally). Her published handbook to assist doctoral candidates is based on her professional academic practice: Challenges in Writing Your Dissertation: Coping with the Emotional, Interpersonal, and Psychological Struggles (Rowman & Littlefield Education, 2015). In Noelle’s spiritual self-help book, Trust Your Life: Forgive Yourself and Go After Your Dreams (Unity Books, 2011), she draws examples from her academic consulting and other aspects of life to support readers in reaching their lifelong yearnings. Continuing with her own, she is draft-deep in her third novel. Her webinar about Trust Your Life can be seen on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95 EeqllONIQ&feature=youtu.be Visit Noelle at her website: http://www.trustyourlifenow.com © 2021 Noelle Sterne

Transformation Coaching Magazine May 2022

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