Volume 34 Issue 06
June 2014
OFFICIAL PUBLICATION OF THE ALPHA PHI OMEGA GREATER LOS ANGELES
Group picture from Annual Camping 2014 last Memorial Day weekend at Silverwood Lake, Hesperia, CA
AF ATHER’S DILEMN A. A SON’S STR UGGLE FA DILEMNA. STRUGGLE A very relevant article on fatherhood shared by Bro. Toti Ayo. By Stan Lubarski.
Fatherhood implies a nurturing relationship, one which learns as well as teaches, accepts rather than attempts to change to fit the father’s image. Although sports teams at all levels of competition pray before games and clergy are frequently on the sidelines, sporting events hardly seem the places for spiritual experience. However, this past season of hockey for my 13 years old son has been the occasion of a profound change in our relationship and has deepened my understanding of my fatherhood. The season began with great anticipation and excitement. There were try-outs, purchase of equipment, assignment to a team, and the beginning of play. I was looking forward as well to a time of sharing happiness over victories, frustration with losses and failures, and time alone with my son. We would strengthen our relationship and I would teach and learn. The anticipation in October became impatience and anger during the winter months when the games and practices were scheduled at inconvenient hours, the miles between arenas grew longer, and the coldness of the ice rink matched my feelings about the whole experience. I slowly began to realize that my feelings were the result of frustration with my son for not being a better player, even though he was significantly improved from the previous year. Somehow it was not enough. Intellectually I understood that this was simply a sport to be enjoyed for its own sake, and success and failure did not matter. But to me it did. I did not say anything to my son, but he must have sensed my disappointment.
As concern for the team’s place in the standing increased on the part of the coaches, my son was given less playing time in the games. I was angry and hurt for my son’s sake. At one game, his regular coach was not there and another father took over in his absence. This man let my son play very briefly when rotation had been the practice. He was not being given his normal time on the ice. I was infuriated and very hurt for my son; however, I was silent with the coach, the father, and the team manager, but I checked with my son regarding his feelings. He was okay and I decided not to pursue the matter further. I did not want them to play him because of the pressure I would put upon them but because of the issue of fairness. What I expected from the coaches was concern for my son’s growth and self-esteem. But I was no different. I was disappointed in my son for not meeting my standards of performance. I placed greater emphasis on success than on enjoyment and individual development. In my disappointment and confusion I was hurting my son! The realization of this was deeply disturbing. I became very concerned about our relationship, what effect this would have on my son, and specifically, what kind of father I was. The standards by which athletes are judged unfortunately are metaphorical of how we judge one another in other areas. It is a value system lacking in Continued on page 5