Riverjournal october 2013 web

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Because there’s more to life than bad news

A News MAGAZINE Worth Wading Through

Plus: Let’s Talk Turkey Local News • Environment • Wildlife • Opinion • People • Entertainment • Humor • Politics

October 2013| FREE | www.RiverJournal.com


Winter’s Coming There’s no time left to rest on your laurels

Stoves • Fireplaces • Spas and Saunas Specialty BBQs • Closeout Specials 208-263-0582 • www.MountainStove.com

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WARREN ISLAND PARADISE $985,000

If you want the ultimate in privacy consider an island home on this property. Enjoy the existing improvements which include a summer cabin, well house and storage building, drilled water well, community sewer system, electricity, and a private boat basin all on 4 acres with 348 feet of water frontage. Or plan and build your own dream home or vacation getaway.

208-946-3042 https://sites.google.com/site/wahsumkaisland/home


HARVESTFEST The final market of the year! Corner of First & Oak in Sandpoint. Guest vendors, music, children’s activities & more!

OCT. 12 • 9-1

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Garden and Floral

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FALL INTO GREAT SAVINGS All Landscape Plants 30 - 75% OFF!

Finish those Garden Projects Today! 7 Varieties of Garlic for every Taste • Huge Deerproof Spring Bulb Colletion Yes! Even DEERPROOF TULIPS! Dig - Drop - Done! Easy & Enjoy!

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DOWNTOWN SANDPOINT EVENTS SANDPOINT EVENTS

October

Experience

Downtown Sandpoint!

October 26 at the Panida Theater

Visit www.SandpointOnline.com for a complete calendar of events

10 Birds of Chicago, DiLuna’s Cafe, 7:30 pm, $10 advance/$12 at the door, 263-0846 10 Blaze & Kelly Concert, Panida Theater, 7:30, POAC Performance Series. 263-9191 11 Fall Round Up and Barn Raising, 7 pm at Bonner Co. Fairgrounds. Live music. $18 advance/$20 at the door, children $5 11-12 The Counselor, original play, Panida Little Theater. 7 pm. Advance tickets $12/$10 seniors. 208-263-9191 11 Radical Reels Tour, Panida Theater, doors at 6 pm. 11 high action films. 263-9191 12 Harvest Fest, final Farmer’s Market of the year, 9 am to 1 pm, corner of First and Oak. 12 SHS International Relations Class Silent Auction, 5 pm at Tango Cafe. debbie.smith(at)lposd.org 18 Life on the Lake opening reception, 5 pm Redtail Gallery. 265-2787 18-19 Wild and Scenic Film Festival, Panida Theater, 263-9191 18-20 Library Tasting Weekend, Pend d’Oreille Winery 265-8545 26 Warren Miller’s Ticket to Ride, Panida Theater, 263-9191 26 Queen B. Drag Show, 9:30 pm, Eagle Lodge. 208-610-6527. 31 Trick-or-Treat at the Bonner Co. Museum, 4-8 pm. ($1 suggested donation) 263-2344

November

1 Halloween Costume Party and Fundraiser, 8:30 pm at The Hive. $25. 265-2787

PLUS:

• Trivia every Tuesday night at MickDuff’s, 7 to 10 pm. • Tuesdays with Ray, Trinity at City Beach, 6 to 8 pm. • Club Music, Wednesday 6-9 pm at La Rosa Club. • Monarch Movie Night, third Thursdays, 7 pm at Monarch Mountain Coffee. • Contra Dance, every 2nd Friday of the month at Community Hall, 7 pm • Winery Music - Live music every Friday night at Pend d’Oreille Winery • Saturday Jam at the La Rosa Club. Live music! 255-2100 • Saturday market at the Granary. 513 Oak, 9 am to 1 pm


THE RIVER JOURNAL A News Magazine Worth Wading Through ~just going with the flow~ P.O. Box 151•Clark Fork, ID 83811 www.RiverJournal. com•208.255.6957

STAFF Calm Center of Tranquility Trish Gannon-trish@riverjournal.com

Ministry of Truth and Propaganda Jody Forest-joe@riverjournal.com

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle Proudly printed at Griffin Publishing in Spokane, Wash. 509.534.3625 Contents of the River Journal are copyright 2013. Reproduction of any material, including original artwork and advertising, is prohibited. The River Journal is published the first week of each month and is distributed in over 16 communities in Sanders County, Montana, and Bonner, Boundary and Kootenai counties in Idaho. The River Journal is printed on 40 percent recycled paper with soybased ink. We appreciate your efforts to recycle.

17 2. CALENDAR Check out what’s going on in downtown Sandpoint 4. OBAMACARE DEBUT A beginner’s primer. ANGELA OAKES 7. KOOTENAI NATIONAL FOREST PLAN Wilderness recommendation for Scotchmans and other conservation protections in proposed plan. 8. CITIZENS AGAINST POACHING Protecting our resource is not just the government’s job - it belongs to all of us. THE GAME TRAIL 9. THE WILD TURKEY There’s much to admire in Ben Franklin’s favorite bird. A BIRD IN HAND

13

12

granddaughters take their own sweet time to enter the world. THE HAWK’S NEST 14. ANTHOLOGY EDITION, PART 2 A hint at what goes bump in the night in Sandpoint, plus getting lost... without leaving home. THE VALLEY OF SHADOWS 15. STRANGE WICCANS I HAVE KNOWN This Halloween, let Jody introduce you to Yael - a sci-fi writer and magickian who helped put an end to “the Stalker.” SURREALIST RESEARCH BUREAU 16. SEQUESTER MASSACRE Whatever it is that Congress is doing, it’s NOT benefiting veterans. VETERANS NEWS

10. EXTREME HUNTRESS Local Amanda Lowrey is looking for your support in gaining the title.

17. PUTTING CITIES TO THE TEST While well-rooted at home, Sandy knows just where he’ll go if the big city begins to call. THE SCENIC ROUTE

11. TIME FOR GARLIC Don’t put your garden to bed before planting next year’s easiest crop. GET GROWING.

18. OPTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS On Kathy’s Faith Walk she finds a need for friends who think differently than she does. KATHY’S FAITH WALK.

12. COLUMBIA RIVER TREATY A U.S./Canada agreement that looks to manage the river to Idaho’s benefit. A SEAT IN THE HOUSE

18. OBITUARIES 19. GREAT BALES OF FIRE Add a careless cigarette to a truck full of hay and what you get is an adventurous day. SCOTT CLAWSON

13. JUST WAITING A watched pot doesn’t boil and Above photos: Columbia River by inajeep; Seattle by I, Daniel Schwen Grandpa Ernie by Linda Michal; Cover photos by Trish Gannon


ObamaCare

Health insurance is now coming to you. Here’s what you need to know. Health insurance reform—i.e., the Affordable Care Act, or Obamacare—was enacted March 23, 2010 and its mandates were upheld by the Supreme Court in 2012. The intent of this new law is to insure what was then around 40 million uninsured American people, a number which has now grown to 48 million. The law requires that most Americans purchase health insurance, and implemented reforms regarding coverage. All insurance plans, for example, must include essential health benefits, and people can no longer be denied health insurance due to a pre-existing medical condition. Other provisions allow young adults to remain on their parent’s insurance up to their 26th birthday, and implement insurance company transparency to protect and inform consumers, among other things.

WHAT THIS NEW LAW MEANS

October 1 marked the opening date for state-based Health Insurance Exchanges, to help guide people in purchasing insurance, and inform them about some basics of the law. Thus, January 1, 2014 may be the beginning of a new period of well being in our local area. It is estimated that an additional 7,000 to 9,000 Bonner and Boundary County residents, and another 2,000 or more in Sanders County, will obtain health insurance. They will be part of the 80 percent of the total population that is expected to be eligible for greatly reduced health insurance costs. Gender pricing will be history because rates convert to unisex. Age pricing has changed dramatically so that the oldest age insured through the Exchange (64) is charged no more than three times the lowest rate. Many 45- to 64-year-olds, especially people with health issues and females, will notice a favorable savings. Insurance may now be more affordable than ever. Advanced Premium Tax Credits or Cost-Sharing Reduction Subsidies will lower both the cost of insurance and cost of care. Many families will secure both of these credits! Many in America were shut out of insurance due to medical conditions that either caused them to be denied coverage or made it unaffordable, and often both. No one can be denied coverage under health reform.

Other aspects that make insurance more affordable are broader coverage and no waiting periods or exclusions for pre-existing conditions. And there are no annual or lifetime limits. Surcharges for health history or current health status will cease with new coverage January 1, but there is still a surcharge for tobacco use. These all serve to make coverage more affordable, especially for people with health issues, who need insurance the most. As already mentioned, children up to age 26 can be added to a parent’s policy, regardless of marital, dependent or student status, even if they live out of state and/or have employer offered coverage. Beyond the premium savings, the major benefit is reduction in family deductible, since only two deductibles can apply per family, regardless of the family size insured.

HEALTH INSURANCE EXCHANGES

If you live in Idaho, your first stop for health insurance might be online, at YourHealthIdaho.org Because Idaho did not embrace Obamacare, and joined in a lawsuit against it, they are late to the game in developing their site, so it does move you into the federal site at Healthcare.gov, to review plans and review/complete the application. Montana’s site (http://csi.mt.gov/health/ exchange) will do the same. These states are using the federal operating system, but only Montana is using federal health plans. Demand has been high, and both websites are experiencing glitches at this writing, but there is no reason for urgency; you have until December 15 this year to enroll for coverage that’s effective on January 1. You can also find out estimated costs and plan designs by visiting with a Consumer Connector, but I do recommend going to the state site first. The site is a good resource for legitimate information and news about each state’s Exchange, and offers a list of those who have been trained to serve as an in-person assister (they can help you process your application, but cannot advise you which policy to purchase) or as a Consumer Connector—these are people who can actually help you to choose which insurance plan best meets your needs.

by Angela Oakes

STANDARD PLANS AVAILABLE

Every insurance plan now offered (other than grandfathered policies) has to include what are called “essential benefits,” regardless of insurer or where you live. No longer will patients be surprised that such basic, needed coverage is not provided for under their insurance plan. These essential benefits include hospitalization; outpatient care; emergency services; maternity and newborn care; mental health and substance abuse disorder services, including behavioral health treatment; prescription drugs; rehabilitative and habilitative services and devices; lab services; preventative and wellness service, including chronic disease management; and pediatric services, which include vision and oral care. Insurance coverage will be represented in standardized metal plans—Bronze, Silver, Gold, and Platinum. I think it is no accident they equate to Olympic medals. By having health insurance we all feel like winners! As a metal would indicate, there is a certain value to each plan offered. A Bronze plan has the lowest value, and lowest cost for coverage, while Platinum features the highest cost, but also the highest value. Bronze plans anticipate 40 percent cost sharing by the policy holder for the cost of essential and preventive benefits, contrasted to 10 percent costsharing for someone purchasing a Platinum plan. The Catastrophic Plan is high deductible and designed for people under age 30 and/or with very low incomes. The pricing for these plans is not competitive in Idaho or Montana, and are not eligible for either credit.

THIS IS PRETTY COMPLICATED

If all this sounds confusing, don’t forget there is help available. In Montana, visit the Montana Health Co-Op online, or call 855-447-2900 between 9 am and 5 pm, Monday through Friday. In Idaho, help is available via In-Person Assisters and Consumer Connectors, some of whom can place coverage in Montana as well. Your personal insurance broker may well be on this list. These are people who have been trained to help in this process, and are certified by the state to do so. You can

October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page


find a list of these people on the Idaho health exchange website, or by calling 855-YHIdaho (855-944-3246). In-Person Assisters are employees or volunteers from non-profit entities around the state who have received somewhere between 5 and ten hours of training by Your Health Idaho to help you understand what options are available to you and your family, as well as to explain the various premiums and subsidies. Only an agent or broker can make specific recommendations about which plan you should buy. Agents and brokers are licensed and regulated by Idaho’s Department of Insurance and typically get payments or commissions from health insurers for enrolling a consumer into a plan. Some agents and brokers may only be able to sell plans from specific health insurers. I liken the topic of health reform to what many of us learned about sex in the fifth grade. We don’t want to get our information from peers who are misinformed or who leave out important details and consequences. As when we first learned about how babies were made, some were repulsed, others intrigued and still others wanted nothing to do with it. At this stage, I can say public information about health reform mirrors these reactions. And as with sex, our health or finances, ignorance is not bliss. You need to get your information from a trusted, reliable source. But is online information your best resource to secure the proper tax credit and cost sharing reduction, let alone coverage? I believe not, for the same reason I don’t prepare my own tax return or repair my car. I want the expertise of those trained in these areas benefiting me, even if I have to pay for it. But the good news is that any certified insurance agent can help you with the entire process, including enrollment in the insurance exchange, at no charge to you. Health care, and therefore the health insurance you purchase, is a personal decision that requires more than a side-by-side comparison of coverage. Purchasing health insurance is not akin

to picking out cereal on the shelf and reading the label. How is it that we have come to this thought process and lack of awareness of the consequences of marketing insurance like a commodity? But then, insurance companies have been their own worst enemy, emphasizing price, denying coverage through endless exclusions and limitations, and complicating the process with lack of transparency.

BUT I CAN’T AFFORD INSURANCE!

If you’re still with me, you may be wondering just how you’re supposed to pay for health insurance. Obamacare does offer some support. Poor residents in Montana and Idaho, however, should be aware that the ACA was designed in the expectation that states would expand access to Medicaid, which neither of our states has chosen yet to do. Therefore the Act only offers tax credits to those whose incomes fall between 100 percent and 400 percent of the federal poverty level (see sidebar at right). If your income is less than 100 percent of this amount, you will unfortunately receive no help in paying for insurance, though you will be subjected to a penalty if you do not do so (more on that later). The tax credits can be utilized in one of two ways. You can get an ‘advance’ on the credit, and the government will pay a portion of your monthly premium for insurance, after a one-month delay. Or you can choose to claim your credit when you file your 2014 taxes. If you choose to take the credit now, as help in paying for your insurance, but you misstate your expected adjusted gross income for the year, you may end up with a substantial tax liability. Most companies will allow you to enroll for insurance now with no payment, but you will be billed and must be paid before December 23 this year in order to secure coverage as of January 1. The cost sharing reduction is a little more complicated, and comes into play when you file a claim against your insurance. If you choose to purchase a silver plan, and make no more than 250 percent of the federal poverty level, you will automatically qualify for this further discount, which is designed to reduce

Poverty Level and Insurance Subsidies For 2013, the poverty guidelines for the 48 contiguous states and the District of Columbia (Alaska and Hawaii have different levels) begin at $11,490 for a single person. For each additional person in your household, as claimed on your federal tax filing, add $4,020. Therefore, a family of four would be at 100 percent of poverty level if their annual gross income is $23,550 per year. While the level of subsidy changes, there are tax credits available for single people who make as much as $45,960 per year; a family of four can make as much as $89,400 and still receive a tax credit. If you make less than 100 percent of those levels, however, you receive no tax credit whatsoever. Depending on your income and your assets, you might qualify for Medicaid, though the requirements in both Montana and Idaho are stringent, particularly if you do not have children. your deductible, co-pays, co-insurance and out of pocket expenses. Here is one example: If I qualify for the maximum subsidy (by making between 100 percent and 150 percent of the federal poverty level) it effectively reduces a $3,000 deductible Silver plan to a zero deductible and reduces the maximum amount of money I have to pay out of pocket from $6,350 to $2,250! If I want to pay less money initially, and reduce my premium costs by buying a Bronze plan, I would not get this cost-sharing break. If I use my insurance during the year, going Bronze might turn out to have been a poor financial decision. For those choosing this route, it’s important to choose a Preferred Provider Organization Network, especially if you live near state lines, so you have the freedom to get a higher level of critical care if needed – e.g. Rockwood Clinic, Cancer Care Northwest, and the like. Some providers have a well established

Continued on next page

Who DOESN’T Have to Buy Insurance by January 1? • Anyone who is currently covered by a plan for next year, including Medicare and Medicaid. • American Indians • Anyone whose income falls below the federal tax filing requirement • Anyone who belongs to a religious group that is exempt from Social Security (for example, the Amish). • Anyone whose cost for insurance is more than 8% of their income. • Anyone sentenced to jail.

October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page


Continued on next page PPO network in Idaho, but not in Washington; services in our sister state, therefore, might not qualify for those cost sharing subsidies. And this is why you need an agent who knows their stuff to help you choose which plan is right for you. BUT I SIMPLY CANNOT AFFORD THE COST! If you find out that there’s just no way you can afford to pay for health insurance under these new regulations, you will pay a penalty when you file your taxes. The penalty for 2014 is $95 per adult and $47.50 per child up to $285 per family OR 1 percent of the adjusted gross income, whichever is greater. The penalty amount increases dramatically in 2016 to $695 per adult, $347.50 per child, for a family max of $2,085 or 2.5 percent of income, whichever is greater. If the cost of insurance is more than 8 percent of your household income, however, you are exempt from the penalty. As a concession, these families are allowed to purchase Catastrophic plan coverage, even if they are over age 29. If you find you can purchase insurance later in the year, penalties are pro-rated to the actual amount of time during which you were not covered. Of course, life is never static, and changing circumstances do not always align with plan enrollment dates. Life events, like marriage, death, birth, adoption, and loss of a job or a reduction in work hours, or the loss of your existing insurance, allow for a Special Open Enrollment, often no more than 60 days from the qualifying event. Depending on the qualifying event, you may be able to change your health plan choice multiple times throughout the year. Despite the information provided on these pages, this is really only a shallow look at what is a very complicated subject. In future issues we will seek to provide additional helpful information. Please share with us what increase nutrients, such specific as nitrogen and concerns and/or questions you have. EmailThis trish(at)riverjournal.com, septic pilot project or is write being to the River Journal with your questions introduced in order to comply with water at PO Box 151, Clark Fork, ID 83811. quality standards as determined by the Angela Clean Oakes, PPACA CMSDesignated certified, to Federal Water &Act. has been inwater insurance since 1980 andknown owns as protect quality, the plan, Affordable Insurance Solutions and Summit a “Total Maximum Daily Load” for Lake Insurance Resource Group. She is keen on Pend Oreille, addresses nutrient issues providing a reliable source of critical and timely information for our community. This In addition, lakeshore information represents hermany understanding of homeowners participated in a survey current federal and state requirements, which in subject 2007 toconcerning a time variety water are change at any andof may be quality issues. interpretations. As is turns out, their subject to differing

Some Tricky Situations When it comes to insurance, one size doesn’t fit all, and that’s certainly true even under the Affordable Care Act. Here are some situations that might trip you up: WHAT IS FAMILY? While we still tend to think of family as a married couple with children, that’s no longer the reality in the U.S., where less than 25 percent of “families” are of the nuclear kind. For the purposes of Obamacare, however, the definition of family is simple: it’s whoever qualifies as your household on your federal tax filing. Unfortunately, this creates a bit of a “marriage penalty” when it comes to paying for your insurance. Here’s an example: imagine two households, each with two adults, and each adult makes $25,000 per year adjusted gross income. In the first household, the two people are not married. They apply for insurance separately, and each will pay (as non-smokers, with a silver plan, as a national average) $1,729 for their policy, for a total ‘family’ cost of $3,458. Over in the second house, however, the couple got married. They still each earn $25,000 per year. They apply for insurance as a family of two earning $50,000 per year - and will pay $4,750 for their insurance, an almost $1,300 penalty for that marriage certificate. NON-TRADITIONAL EMPLOYMENT It is going to be difficult for people who are seasonally employed or commissioned (sales professions like realtors) or in transition, whether from school to the labor force, just moved, new job, bigger/smaller family, dealing with a serious illness, etc. to estimate their expected adjusted gross income for 2014. Yet this critical estimate is Council website at tristatecouncil.org.

Hay’s Chevron Gas • Convenience Store Unofficial Historical Society

Oil Changes Tire Rotation by appointment

208-266-1338

part of the enrollment process! If you end up making more money in 2014 than what you anticipate, and receive advance tax credits for purchasing insurance, you may find yourself with a substantial tax liability come 2015. SMOKERS There really has never been a better time to quit. States are allowed to charge a smoker’s premium that can cost up to 50 percent of the amount of your insurance coverage—and that portion of the amount you pay will not qualify for a tax credit reduction. EMPLOYER OFFERED COVERAGE If your employer offers health coverage that meets the essential provisions listed earlier, and costs less than 9.5 percent of your household income, and pays 50 percent or more of the cost of that insurance, then you must either accept that coverage, or purchase insurance on the health exchanges without receiving any tax credit. And here’s the glitch. If you are able to sign up your family on that plan, regardless of whether the employer pays any portion of the costs, then coverage for your family also will not qualify for tax credits—you’ll have to purchase through your employer’s plan or pay full price on the exchanges. DUAL RESIDENTS Many Idaho residents are currently working in other states, and may find the state they work in offers less expensive coverage for insurance. Before you make the decision to change your residency status for tax purposes and take advantage of these cost savings, make sure you talk about other potential financial implications with a tax professional.

Sandpoint Harvest Wine Walk

—Throughout October— Taste fine wines and meet the winemakers. Live music, harvest dances, plus much more. For dates, wine specials, and locations visit

www.DineAroundSandpoint.com

October 2013||The River Journal - A News Magazine Wading Through www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page Worth Wading Through www.RiverJournal.com | Vol 17 No. Worth 18 | November 2008 || Page 5


Montanans applaud new Kootenai National Forest Plan Local miners, outfitters, and outdoor enthusiasts applauded the release of a new Forest Plan for the Kootenai National Forest, which pledges to conserve some of the finest natural places in northwestern Montana. “The Kootenai National Forest has some of the most productive timber lands and some of the most spectacular backcountry in Montana,” said Trout Creek home builder Doug Ferrell. “The Kootenai Forest plan demonstrates that we can both develop our resources, as well as protect our precious wild country.” The plan will determine how the forest manages its 2.2 million acres for the next 15 to 20 years. “We believe in the importance of balancing opportunities for mineral development while maintaining wild and scenic recreation in the Scotchman Peaks and Cabinet Mountains,” said Tim Lindsey, Chairman of the Board for the Revett Minerals Company, owners of the Troy Mine, next to the proposed Scotchman Peaks Wilderness, and developers of the Rock Creek project, near the Cabinet Mountain Wilderness area. “We’re especially pleased to see that the Forest Service has recommended a wilderness designation for the Scotchmans. Our operations and mineral

estate lie immediately east of this area, which is one of my very special places. I’m also pleased with the collaborative planning process utilized by the Kootenai Forest and the many stakeholders,” he said. Montanans who have been involved in local planning efforts on the Kootenai National Forest also urged the agency to conserve several special places, including rugged portions of the Yaak Valley and the northern Whitefish Range. Debo Powers, a resident of the North Fork Flathead River Valley, praised the Forest for maintaining the wilderness character of the Whitefish Range. “I’ve spent 34 years roaming the trails of the Whitefish Range. I stand with Montanans who have spoken out to conserve wilderness values in the Whitefish Range for nearly a hundred years,” she said. The new Kootenai Forest plan recommends 16,000 acres of wilderness in northern end of the Whitefish Range. The southern end of the range is managed by the Flathead National Forest. “I think the Kootenai Forest has seized an incredible opportunity to ensure that Glacier National Park’s neighboring mountain range stays the way it is today,” Powers said. Residents are also asking the Kootenai

National Forest to support a local vision for the Yaak Valley. That vision, known as the Three Rivers Challenge, was incorporated into Senator Tester’s Forest Jobs and Recreation Act in 2009. “We worked together for years on that vision. Our livelihoods depend on these forest lands, so we all bought in,” explained Tim Linehan, who owns Linehan Outfitting in Troy. “Loggers, horsemen, hikers, and outfitters like myself—we were all at the table. I think it’s critical for the Kootenai to honor our work at the grassroots and include our vision in their final plan.” Both the Three Rivers Challenge and the Kootenai Forest Plan recommend wilderness for Roderick Mountain. “Wilderness character is essential to my business, and it’s a part of our way of life in the Yaak. We need to keep what we have,” said Linehan. While pleased with many of the components of the plan, the Montana Wilderness Association expressed disappointment that the Kootenai National Forest fails to protect the popular Ten Lakes Wilderness Study Area near Eureka. Ferrell noted that the WSA protections had been put in place by Congress some 35 years ago and a shift in management would be inconsistent with that congressional mandate. The new plan is not yet final. It faces a 60-day objections process after which the Forest will review objections and consider changes before releasing a final document.

Put Yourself in the Picture!

If you missed any of August’s hot shows under the stars, then don’t hesitate now! Season passes for the Festival at Sandpoint’s 32nd annual summer concert series, taking place August 7-17, 2014 at Memorial Field, are on sale now! These discounted passes are only $199.00 (plus sales tax & city parks fee) for all eight nights of music at Memorial Field for the 2014 season. Passes are available at this significantly reduced price (an approximate 40% discount!) until the line-up is announced in May, 2014, or until they sell out. Don’t miss a single show!

Call today at 208-255-4554 or visit online at www.FestivalatSandpoint.com


The Game Trail Matt Haag

With the excitement of hunting seasons upon us some folks—a very small portion of people in our neck of the woods—like to steal our wildlife by poaching. These people are neither hunters nor sportsmen; they are thieves and should be treated as such. To combat such activity, an amazing group of Idaho citizens created an organization called Citizens Against Poaching. Citizens Against Poaching, otherwise known as CAP, was created in 1980 and continues strong today, aiding Conservation Officers in catching poachers. It’s obvious we can’t catch every poacher out there so we rely on the good citizens of Idaho to help us. We have 83 Conservation Officers covering the 84,000 square miles in the state, which leaves each officer with roughly 1,000 square miles to patrol. For example, my patrol area stretches from Shoshone County to Kootenai County north to Boundary County and east to the Montana line, a daunting task to say the least. In an ideal world I would be covering every square inch of that area every day and be aware of all illegal activity. Unfortunately, the world doesn’t work like that, so we as officers ask hunters, bird watchers, hikers and all those who enjoy spending time in the outdoors, to take the responsibility and make the effort to call and report illegal activity. How does the public get a hold of a game warden now? Years ago we phased out a majority of our landline phones, instead replacing them with cell phones. For emergencies or to report violations, please call your local Sheriff’s office dispatch, or the Citizens Against Poaching (CAP). Instead of leaving a voicemail while the officer is out of cell coverage, you’re talking to a live person in the business of dispatching calls. A dispatcher has the ability to reach multiple officers

Citizens Against Poaching: a community effort in responsible hunting at once on the radio or via cell phone, where officers can take the call in the field and have the opportunity to respond in a timely fashion. As I stated earlier, these dispatchers are professional and can route calls quickly and efficiently to the necessary law enforcement in the field. When you see a violation or want to report a wildlife emergency, please call 911 just like you would when you need other law enforcement help. You can also call The Citizen’s Against Poaching Hotline at 800-632-5999. Both dispatch centers will immediately contact the local officer with the violation information. As always, you can remain anonymous when calling either dispatch center, but we encourage you to leave a call back number so officers can get additional information. For general information requests you can contact the Regional Fish & Game Office in Coeur d’Alene at 208-769-1414 during normal business hours. The difference between an ethical hunter and a careless hunter is honesty. Every hunter knows somebody or has been in a situation themselves that resulted in an honest mistake. It doesn’t matter if it was accidentally taking two turkeys with one shot, or killing a bull trout because it was hooked badly, call your local Conservation Officer and explain what happened. We can make things right if you make the effort to contact us. However, if we have to contact you, do not expect leniency. For those hunters who intentionally violate the law, you are jeopardizing the privilege to hunt, and you are stealing from your own community. Before you go spotlighting, hunt over salt, or party hunt ask yourself, “Is it worth it? Will I be in hot water with my family, friends, or even lose my job?” Don’t fuel the anti-hunter sentiment and ruin the hunting privilege for the honest sportsmen.

Proud to Provide Environmentally Conscientious Construction and Consultation P.O. Box 118 • Hope, Idaho • 208.264.5621

I’ll leave you with this final and important reminder. There is NO general cow elk season again this year; all cow hunts have become controlled hunts in the Panhandle zones. I look forward to seeing you all in the woods this fall, whether you’re hiking, woodcutting, or hunting! Please have a safe, ethical, and legal hunt. And don’t forget to do your part by making the call to report wildlife violations. Leave No Child Inside

300 Bonner Mall Way • Ponderay

208.263.4272 Oct 17, 7-11 Health Event presented by Life Care Center

Oct 26 10-2

Free tables! Bring your own books to sell.

October 31

For kids 12 and under Mall-wide Trick or Treat 4-6 pm Kids’ Costume Contest Prizes for Funniest, Scariest, and Most Original

Sponsored by Bonner Mall Merchants 300 Bonner Mall Way in Ponderay

BONNERMALL.COM

Page | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10|October 2013


A Bird in Hand Michael Turnlund

Few animals are as closely tied to the American mythos than the wild turkey. Here is the bird of Thanksgiving fame, when the Pilgrims celebrated their first successful harvest with the local Native Americans, passing on a tradition that continues to this day. And here is the bird that Benjamin Franklin proposed in a letter to his daughter as a more a fitting national symbol than the Bald Eagle, a bird of “bad moral character.” For old Ben the turkey was a “much more respectable Bird, and … a true original Native of America.” (Indeed, Ben developed a method to execute chickens and turkey using electricity because it made the flesh “uncommonly tender.” The man was scary.) Wild turkeys are truly an allAmerican bird. They were originally residents of eastern North America, from Ontario to the Gulf Coast, as well as the modern-day American southwest and Mexico. But by the beginning of the 20th century the birds had been hunted almost to extinction. Due to extensive conservation efforts, the birds were not only restored to their former range, but have now been successfully introduced into every American state except Alaska. Interestingly, British settlers brought the bird with them when they colonized, not realizing they were simply bringing back to the Americas a bird that was already native to the continent. The English were raising a domestic bird descended from the wild subspecies of Mexico, brought to Europe by the Spanish. These descendents of the Mexican birds are distinguished from their wild kin by the white tips of their tail feathers, as the wild birds retain a light-brown tip.

The Wild Turkey While all turkeys, both wild and domestic, are of the same species, there are five sub-species. Four of these subspecies exist in the United States: the Merriam’s wild turkey of New Mexico and Arizona; the Rio Grande wild turkey of the southern plains states; the Osceola wild turkey of Florida; and most common of all, the Eastern wild turkey of the East Coast. In our region the introduced birds are Merriam’s, Rio Grandes, and Easterns; or probably more safe to say, hybrids of these three sub-species. They seem to all thrive in our area, which is great news for both birders and hunters. I’m glad that they’ve been introduced. Few things are more delightful to see than tom turkeys all puffed up and in full display for the hens. They are remarkably colorful as the bare flesh of their heads and wattles become vivid hues of red and blue. They will fan their tales and spread their wings to their sides, making themselves appear as large and regal as possible. There are few displays in all of bird-dom that are as fun to watch. Talk about swagger! Female turkeys, called hens, are much smaller than the males and, as is typical with most bird species, less vividly colored than the males. They also do not take part in any of those blustery displays, preferring to be the objects of the males’ attention. They are also the lone parent when it comes to raising the brood. The toms take no part in raising the kids. There is little need to describe the physical characteristics of wild turkeys because they look like, well, turkeys. In fact, domestic turkeys are the same species as wild turkeys, but that doesn’t mean they are identical. There are many differences. First, domestic turkeys might come in different color schemes, such

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as all white. Second, domestic turkeys have been specially bred to be physical oddities, having oversized breasts and undersized brains. Last, domestic turkeys cannot fly, unlike their wild cousins. Wild turkeys fly very well, thank you. And it is because they can fly that wild turkeys will roost in trees. Indeed, I’ve seen turkeys forty feet up in the pine trees. And it is quite entertaining to watch these same birds descend to the ground in the morning. Talk about on-the-edge, steep descent patterns. They come down quick and they come down sharply. Quite impressive in a sort of out-of-control way. Want a challenge? The next time you are out birding and stumble upon a flock of wild turkeys, don’t just simply check them off as a species on your life list. Try to determine which subspecies they are. How can you tell? You’ll have to do your own research to determine that. But I’d love to read your results. So have at it. Happy birding!

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October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page


She wants to be the nation’s

EXTREME HUNTRESS and needs your vote Amanda Lowrey might seem to be typical of the millenial generation with her iPhone and stylish appearance, but she has a dream not so typical for most young women her age—she wants to be named the nation’s Extreme Huntress for 2014. A local for whom hunting “put food on our table,” Amanda is proud of her heritage and impassioned about standing as a role model for women who hunt. Both these passions pushed her to enter the reality contest, sponsored by Tahoe Films, that resulted in her placement among the top four finalists in the nation. Q. So who is Amanda Lowrey? A. I am 25 years old, married and a proud mommy of two little girls, ages 5 and 4. I started hunting with my dad and my grandpa when I was just a little girl. From the very first time I went, I was hooked for life! I tagged along with Dad and Grandpa as often as they would take me until I was old enough to get my own license. I shot my first deer at the age of 12 and got to share the experience with my momma. She was with me when I shot it and another buck came through right after I shot mine and she was able to harvest her deer as well. My dad and sister were about 500 yards over the hill behind us getting a load of firewood so I guess we came home with quite a bounty that day: Two deer, a truck load of firewood and a slew of lifelong memories! I have been hunting every chance I get over the years. Not only is it a passion for me, but it puts food on my table, provides an income in our home, and teaches life skills to my children. It is much more than just a sport or a hobby to me, it is a way of life. Through the years I have been able to turn my love for hunting into a career through various avenues. My husband and I co-owned an outfitting business for a few years as well as guiding for other outfitting companies. After selling our share of the business, we now work for a couple of different companies within the hunting industry, and I also help my Dad with his taxidermy business. I am now competing for the title of the 2014 Extreme Huntress. Q What made you decide to participate in this contest? A. I actually came across this contest on accident less than a week before the deadline to enter. I had seen it come

across a social media site and it caught my attention. I started reading through the rules and requirements to enter and decided it was unlike some of the other contests I’d seen and would be fitting for me to enter. What did I have to lose? What intrigued me most was that #1 their mission is to create positive role models for our next generation because they feel “If mom goes hunting, her kids will go hunting too.” Having kids of my own, this is a mission that is important to me as well. If we don’t teach our children this way of life, who will? #2- I was happy to see that we would actually be tested on our abilities in order to win the title of Extreme Huntress. A lot of contests are based solely on a voting system and, well, let’s face it; anyone can be whoever they want when they are behind a computer screen. This contest would be different; it would showcase each finalist’s abilities in the field. So, to enter, I had to write an essay and submit to a panel of six celebrity judges. Those judges would choose their favorite 10 entries and then the 10 they chose would move forward to the first round of public voting. I was absolutely shocked when I saw my name on the list of 10 semi-finalists! I couldn’t believe it! So, on May 1st we struck off a campaign for public voting. Boy was it a lot of work! We all reached out to media networks, friends, family and community to help us land a spot in the top four (out of 10) finalists who would travel to Texas for a head-to-head skills competition in July. During the first round of voting, I was sitting 7th place in the last week. I wasn’t feeling like I would make it to the top four. Much to my amazement, our community pulled together and helped me gain enough votes in the last week to finish FIRST PLACE in the first round of voting! I am to this day, blown away by the support from our community. THANK YOU! In mid July I headed south to compete with three other amazing woman in the Texas heat and humidity. I had no idea what to expect. I had no idea that this experience would produce such amazing, life-long friends and open such a vast array of doors in the hunting community! We spent the week being tested on our hunting abilities, shooting skills, actions in the field, physical fitness, and field scoring


Get Growing!

Nancy Hastings

Now that the weather has changed, instead of focusing on how to put the garden to bed… you should also start thinking about the very last crop to dig in and be done! October is the ideal time to plant your garlic crop for next year. These spicy bulbs do best with almost a full year of growth. Start with a well drained, loose and richly composted soil, since our wet springs can ruin your cloves if they don’t have proper drainage. It is best to prepare the soil now with a handful of alfalfa meal or bone meal to feed the cloves for the long haul. These are fertilizers that break down slowly as your bulbs grow, so they can be sprinkled right over your cloves. About one pound of garlic can multiply into a harvest of 3 to 5 pounds under proper conditions. Pick your favorite variety; there are two main varieties of garlic, softneck or hardneck. Softneck garlic looks a lot like the white Italian garlic sold at most grocery stores. In taste tests, the Inchelium Garlic has come out with the highest marks with its mild flavor for both cooking and eating raw. Inchelium’s large bulbs are well “wrapped,” which gives them the longest storage possible and the bulbs are sometimes braided because its stems are soft and pliable. This

Huntress, Cont’d

animals. It was a great challenge, and a whole lot of fun! I can’t wait for you all to see the video footage from the contest! Q. Of the ten episodes that were filmed, which one is your favorite? A. I have not seen the footage yet, aside from the teaser videos that have been posted on the Extreme Huntress website. Episodes will air online at www. extremehuntress.com beginning October 6 at 8:30 EST. Some of the episodes will also air on NBC Sports on Eye of the Hunter TV. Q. Why do you think it’s important for women who hunt to have other women for role models? A. I think really the biggest difference between women and men hunting is that it is largely more accepted for men to be in the field than women when you look at our country as a whole. In the past it’s always been a male dominated sport for the most part. Over recent years however, women are gaining a HUGE foothold in the hunting industry. Manufacturers

Garlic: Your Last Crop of the Season May be Your Easiest heirloom variety was discovered on the Colville Indian reservation in Inchelium, Washington and is the oldest strain of garlic grown in North America. Hardneck garlics have a more robust flavor ranging from the medium taste of the Rocambole to the more hot and spicy Porcelain and Purple stripe varieties. Most of the “reds,” such as German Red, or Spanish Roja, fall in the Rocambole family, prized by chefs for their medium cloves that are easy to peel. The Porcelain varieties such as Georgian Fire and Music live up to their name with beautiful, ultra white skins, long storage and huge cloves that hold their flavor roasted or in cooking. Purple Stripe varieties such as Persian Star and Metechi are striped with big flavor and color. Choose the largest cloves from the bulbs you buy to plant. Smaller cloves can be eaten now! If you are cramped for space, plant short rows of plants with cloves spaced a minimum of 4-6 inches apart. This way you can concentrate your mulch, watering and weeding according to garlic’s special needs. Break the clove apart from the other cloves in the round bulb and plant with the narrow tip up are beginning to cater more to women, and women in general are becoming more accepted both in the field and professionally. I think women build confidence from each other and understand each other, and as a mom, seeing other moms get out there and go hunting can be motivational. As a mom with young babies, it can be difficult to find time or means to get out there and I love being able to help other women with ideas and help BE that motivator that helps get them out there doing what they love. Q. In this area, what’s your favorite animal to hunt and why? A. Here in Idaho, probably my favorite thing to hunt is mule deer or elk. I love spending my time in the high country chasing muleys and nothing beats the sound of a screaming elk during the rut! Q. What would your ‘dream hunt’ be like? A. Oh gosh, I have such a huge list of dream hunts. I could spend all day on the answer to this question! One that is high up on my list would be brown bear in Alaska. I absolutely love bear hunting and

about 3 to 4 inches deep. Be sure to keep your garlic bulb in one piece and only “crack” the cloves apart on the day you dig them in or they can dry out and not root properly. Garlic is really an easy crop because over watering can do more damage to the wrappers that help to store the cloves than under watering. Cover your clove with soil and mulch with a 2 to 4 inch layer of hay, straw or leaves to protect the roots in the winter, keep the weeds out in the spring and provide consistent moisture to the plants throughout the summer. Now your garden’s ready for it’s winter rest! Nancy Hastings grew up on a 300+-acre farm and now is co-owner of All Seasons Garden and Floral in Sandpoint. She and her husband John have been cultivating community gardens and growing for 16 years in North Idaho. You can reach them with garden questions or sign up for classes at allseasonsgardenandfloral (at)gmail.com. would love to harvest a big ol’ bruin with my bow! Q. If people would like to see the videos of the contest and vote on a winner, where do they go to do that? A. To vote for me in the contest, you can go to www.extremehuntress.com/vote and you can also follow the link on the website to take advantage of the “Double Your Vote” feature. You can check out footage from the contest online at www. extremehuntress.com, as well as set your DVRs to record Eye of the Hunter TV on NBC Sports. For additional pictures and updates you can follow the Extreme Huntress Competition, and all four finalists on Facebook! Q. Any further thoughts you’d like to share? A. I just want to extend a thank you to my family, friends, co-workers and our amazing community. I am so grateful and so humbled by the support from our town and surrounding areas. I appreciate the support from all of you and I am so excited to share this journey with everyone!

October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 11


A Seat in the House

Rep. George Eskridge

The Columbia River Treaty

The Columbia River Treaty is an agreement between the United States and Canada that was implemented to provide for the cooperative operation and development of the water resources of the Columbia River Basin. The agreement signed in 1961 and implemented in 1964 was for flood control and power generation benefits. The Columbia River historically experienced large variations in seasonal and annual flows that caused flood control and hydro-generation operating problems. The treaty allowed the United States to build and operate Libby Dam, on the Kootenai River in Montana, to provide flood control downstream from the dam and at the same time increase the electric power generation capability for the Pacific Northwest electric users. Libby Dam construction was completed in 1972. The treaty also required Canada to build and operate three large dams in British Columbia. Construction of Duncan Dam on the Duncan River that flows into the Columbia was completed in 1967 and was the first dam constructed under the treaty. Keenleyside Dam (also known as Arrow Dam), completed in 1968, was the second dam constructed just upstream of Castlegar, British Columbia on the Columbia. Mica Dam was the third Canadian dam completed in 1973 and also built on the Columbia north of Revelstoke, British Columbia. The power provisions under the treaty required that Canada operate their storage facilities for optimum power generation downstream from the facilities for Canada and the United States. In return, the U.S. would deliver electric power to Canada equal to one-half the estimated U.S. power benefits (defined as the “Canadian Entitlement”) from the operation of the Canadian Storage facilities. The value of this power is currently estimated at $250 million to $350 million annually. In addition to the federal hydropower utilized to meet the Canadian Entitlement, the owners of the Mid-Columbia nonfederal dams were also required to deliver 27.5 percent of the

required U.S. power delivery to Canada. To assist in providing flood control, the treaty requires Canada to operate 8.95 million acre feet of storage under flood control operating plans that is designed to eliminate, or if not possible then reduce as much as possible flood damages in both the U.S. and Canada. Although never used, there is also a provision in the treaty that Canada must “operate all additional storage on an on-call basis as requested and paid for.” The U.S. paid Canada $64.4 million as the dams were completed to compensate Canada for one-half of the expected future U.S. flood damages that exercise of the treaty provisions would prevent from 1968 through 2024. This purchase of flood control benefits expires in 2024. The Division Engineer of the Northwestern Division of the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers and the Administrator of the Bonneville Power Administration are the U.S. Entity that implements the treaty on behalf of the U.S. British Columbia Hydro and Power Authority acts as the Canadian Authority. The Columbia Treaty does not have a specified termination date; however, the U.S. or Canada can request to terminate most of the provisions of the Treaty as early as September 2004, with a minimum of 10 years notice. Currently, the U.S. Entity is undergoing a public process to determine what actions, if any, the U.S. should pursue in terms of continuing, changing or terminating the treaty. The Canadian Entity is also engaging in a similar process in determining what actions Canada should pursue in potential treaty negotiations. The existing treaty provided provisions enhancing flood control and electric power benefits; however, operation of the facilities on the Columbia impacts other interests as well. Consequently, many of the region’s stakeholders and sovereigns (including tribal interests) believe that modernization of the treaty is in the best interest of the United States. A “Draft Regional Recommendation” was published September 20 that identifies potential modifications to the Treaty. Included in this draft recommendation are eight general principles outlined below: 1. Treaty provisions should enable the greatest possible shared benefits in the United States and Canada from the coordinated operation of Treaty reservoirs for ecosystem, hydropower, and flood risk management, as well as water supply, recreation, navigation and other pertinent benefits and uses, as compared to no longer coordinating Treaty storage operations. 2. The health of the Columbia River ecosystem should be a shared benefit of the United States and Canada. 3. The minimum duration of the Treaty post-2024 should be long enough to allow each country to rely on the Treaty’s planned operations and benefits for purposes of managing their long-range budgets, resource plans and investments, but adaptable enough to allow integration of best available science and social knowledge, with rebalancing of the purposes and benefits if necessary. 4. United States Federal reservoirs/projects will continue to meet authorized uses consistent with applicable legislation and other United States laws, such as Treaty and Trust Responsibilities to the Columbia Basin Tribes, the Clean Water Act, and the Endangered Species Act. Non-federal United States projects will continue to meet their responsibilities pursuant to their Federal Energy Regulatory Commission license plans. 5. The United States and Canada should integrate both Continued on Next Page

Page 12 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10|October 2013


Treaty- Continued from previous page Treaty and Canadian non-Treaty storage into the Treaty to increase the flexibility to, and benefits of, meeting ecosystembased function, power, flood risk management and other authorized water management purposes in both countries. 6. The region anticipates impacts from climate change to all of the elements described in this document (i.e. the Draft Regional Recommendation). The strategy for adapting the Treaty to future changes in climate should be resilient, adaptable, flexible, and timely as conditions warrant. 7. It is recognized that modifications to the Treaty could result in new benefits, and/or costs, to both Canada and the United States. United States’ interests should ensure that costs associated with any Treaty operation are aligned with the appropriate party. As an example, any payments for Columbia River flood risk management should be consistent with the national flood risk funding policy of federal funding with applicable local beneficiaries sharing those costs as appropriate. 8. Inclusion of ecosystem-based functions in the Treaty, and the implementation of these functions, should not prevent the region from achieving its objective of reducing U.S. power costs. In order to accomplish this, funding for additional ecosystem-based function operations should come from a rebalancing of the power benefits between the two countries or from other sources. One can see from these eight principles that any changes to the Treaty are going to result in significant changes to the Columbia River operations in order to satisfy the many interests in the benefits of the Columbia River. As an example power costs could increase and recreational benefits could be enhanced or diminished depending upon other interests. Close to home, even Pend Oreille lake levels could be modified in order to meet other conflicting interests in Columbia River Basin operations. Idaho State and our citizens have a stake in the final Treaty agreements and concerned interests need to be involved in the public process related to Treaty changes. Additional information on the Treaty and associated public involvement activities can be found on the treaty website at: http://1.usa.gov/NcwTDt Thanks for reading and as always feel free to contact me by phone at 265-0123, by e-mail at geskridge(at)coldreams.com or by mail at P.O. Box 112, Dover, Idaho 83825. George

The Hawk’s Nest Ernie Hawks

The Navy jets streak low overhead in a tight formation, creating a screaming, rolling thunder across the partly cloudy sky. It is not a sound I am used to yet, but it’s very common here in Virginia Beach, Virginia, next to Ocenana Navel Air Station. Back home near Athol a loud noise in our woods is a Pileated woodpecker’s wack-wack-wack or a coyote’s brassy song announcing its presence. I am on a vacation (of sorts) in Virginia Beach, and thoroughly enjoying my time with Ana, Noah and Alice. Noah and I drank some beer we had brewed together last spring when I was here. I liked it; he isn’t so sure, because it’s not up to his standard. It does not have the proper blend of hops and barleys that he was hoping for. Alice and I have been playing in the parks and in the yard. I have met Dusty Plane of the Disney movie as well as the whole Movie Cars cast of characters; they are quite a fun bunch. Alice and I went for a bike ride around the neighborhood yesterday—well, she rode while I pushed the bike. It is a child’s design with a handle on the back to push and steer. She got a good fun ride in. I got tired. The real reason for being here at this time is Ana, or more correctly Lucy. Lucy was supposed arrive, via Ana, yesterday— so now we wait. For someone as in tune to the timing and, what appears to be, randomness

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Just Waiting of nature this is a rather interesting experience for me. Our waiting seems to be in sharp contrast to those jets that are not even waiting for their own sound waves. I can easily pick up on Ana’s impatience and discomfort while understanding there is nothing any of us can do to change the situation. I may not have any discomfort, except for tortured ears; still, I too feel anxious for the new baby’s arrival, while at the same time loving this experience with the family and a nearly three-year-old’s energy and sense of discovery of her world. Back home, fall is painting a new landscape in our woods; the fawn’s baby spots are disappearing and maturing into the tawny brown of its parents. Occasionally, a small plain flies high overhead but the normal sounds are songs of nature getting ready for winter. The pace of the season seems a bit frantic normally, but from the perspective here next to a jet base it seems calm and soothing. As some more jets roar overhead Ana announces she has given Lucy an eviction notice. It sound good and I love the imagery and we all know Lucy is simply choosing her perfect birthday. Lucy did, indeed, choose her birthday, arriving at 6:22 am on September 29. She shares her birthday with (among others) Miguel de Cervantes, Michelangelo and Tintoretto, Gene Autry, and Jerry Lee Lewis. Mother and daughter are doing well. Congratulations, Grandpa Ernie, and welcome, Lucy Claire. Ray Allen is available for private parties, weddings, restaurants, and all corporate events. Ray Allen plays acoustic guitar and sings jazz standards, pop tunes, country, and originals from the 30s through the 70s. Music for all ages. Includes use of my PA system for announcements. Clean cut and well dressed for your event. PA rentals for events. Call for my low rates and information.

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October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 13


The

Valley of Shadows

The Anthology Edition, Part II

“That country whose people are autumn people, thinking only autumn thoughts.” The October Country - Ray Bradbury Night People, Night Noises In honor of Halloween this month, here are a pair of stories—or perhaps, happenings—that will hopefully give you that desired chill down the spine. Have you ever awoke in the middle of the night and heard a car pass slowly out on the street? Or had your window open on a warm summer night and heard footsteps on the walk, or the hint of someone passing even when there’s only grass outside? Of course, a lot can be attributed to shift workers, early risers who get an early start, or work at one of the 24-hour stores. Perhaps you’ve heard a police car patrolling the neighborhood on Friday or Saturday or the night of a major holiday. But some noises and things aren’t as easily explained. One person here in town often hears what sounds like the beating of a drum several times in a row, followed by a pause, then repeated several more times. Other times they hear what sounds like the idling of a large vehicle engine in the distance, usually in the summer when the windows are open. If they get up and go outside to listen, the sounds go away. Coming back inside, the noises return. Perhaps it’s something with the house, though that seems unlikely. In what sounds similar to an account from the earlier days of this column, another party saw something startling looking out an upstairs bedroom window one night in late fall. Suffering from recurring insomnia,

this person would often just look out at the street, the yard, and part of the alley behind the house in the hopes of being bored and drowsy. This night, though, had just the opposite effect. A form appeared near the end of a line of cedar bushes close to the street. It was a human form, but was just one large, black shadow. Thinking it was a prowler, the woman was about to call the police when the figure began walking down the line of bushes toward the alley. As it passed by, about 30 feet below the window, it stopped and looked up at the woman with eyes that glowed a yellow-green color. Gooseflesh ran up the woman’s spine as she quickly closed the curtain. After a moment, she peeked out and the form was gone. Shaken, the woman, whose husband was away frequently for work, wandered the house, checking to make sure all the locks were secured. Considering calling the police, she abandoned the notion. Telling them what she had seen would have sounded looney. Finally tired, the woman returned to bed after taking a sleep aid. Just falling asleep, the last thing she thought she heard was the oddly distant banging of a drum... pause... bang, bang, bang... pause... bang, bang... pause... bang, bang, bang. To this day a number of people, including myself, continue to hear these odd noises with no explanation. Lost in His House This brief tale comes from a relative and takes place in the rural, but increasingly developed area ten to 15 miles north of the Division Street ‘Y’ in

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Spokane. A middle-aged man who had recently married and was waiting for his new wife to join him from Oregon, began spendig his nights in the older farm house. Planning on remodeling for his new bride, the first-time married man was very excited... until the first night he slept there. The house was bare, but he had all the utilities connected. The only piece of furniture so far was his king-sized bed, and a kitchen table and chairs. Most of the night was uneventful and he slept peacefully; at least, until just before 4 am when he woke to a noise, then went back to sleep. He awoke again, having to use the bathroom, but this time there were no large, red numbers coming from his bedside clock radio. Well, he could feel his way, but in the complete darkness, and unused to the layout of the house, he began to confuse it with the layout of his house in Oregon. Soon, he was completely turned around. Not knowing where the door was, he made his way into the hall, but going down it he forgot where the new bathroom was. Being partly asleep didn’t help, but stopping to try and determine his position, he felt... it. Something in his hand when he had reached out and found something soft, and giving, like the outer skin and fur of... something. Instantly awake, fear almost paralyzed him but he ran, fortunately down the hall, before coming to the kitchen with its old French doors looking east toward the just-lightening dawn sky. Calming down, he turned to look behind him. The early, dim light of May 3rd showed... nothing. No monster, no ghost, just nothing. What had it been that he had touched? A product of a sleepy imagination? A monster, a ghost, the ghost of a monster? An interesting story, to say the least. Happy Halloween!

A LIBRAFEST SHOUT-OUT TO ALL MY FELLOW OCTOBER BIRTHDAY BUDDIES

October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 14


FROM THE FILES OF THE RIVER JOURNAL’S

Surrealist Research Bureau Jody Forest

Strange Wiccans I have Known

“Man lives on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of a dark knowledge and it was not meant for us to travel far.” HP Lovecraft Happy Halloween! In my college days my love of Surrealism led me into a weird world of witches. I adored the eldritch, haunted tales of HP Lovecraft and the bizzaro world of the Firesign Theater and corresponded and met with many of that world’s rising stars and elder statesmen. Robert Bloch, author of Psycho (“I have the heart of a small boy, I keep it in a jar on my desk.”), young Lovecraft acolyte Wm. Pugmire, David Ossman (the original George Leroy Tirebiter) and Yael D, practicing Witch. Yael lived in a small, dark cottage in the center of town and made a frugal living casting horoscopes, which were all the rage back then, performing ceremonies and casting minor spells, dealing Tarot and giving Psychic Readings. Now, I had a few beginners books of my own on the subject but was simply blown away by Yael’s esoteric tomes on Enochian Magick, early Arkham House, and reams of privately published

dissertations and studies of Ordo Templis and the Aleister Crowley systems. She showed me papers scattered on her desk, copies of Lovecraft’s spells from his stories, which she patiently tried to explain that she was attempting to amalgamate with Crowley’s system. I know now she was far ahead of her time; now nearly 40 years on I’d bet at least 80 percent of modern Magick uses calling forth Lovecraft’s Old Ones in their spells and incantations. We grew closer over the next few months due to a shared love of literature, the occult, and sci-fi. She taught me how meditation was required of a modern magick=ian, indispensable in focusing the will. Her psychic sense intuited a darkness surrounding me which she later attributed to an energy vampire—not a real, physical flesh and blood vampire, for there are no such things in real life, but a rare human-type who sucks the soul force from those around them. Now at that time, long before the U.S. became aware of the word Stalker, a neighbor of mine was making my life hell. I won’t go into details but he was a mean drunk and a bully, but Yael had just drawn my horoscope for me as

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practice (my what a lot of complex math involved) and told me there was a short window, opening in two months hence, in December, in which my problems could be made to disappear. She gave me a list of chores to do while she spent her time preparing spells and potions, always at the same time each evening, using different colored candles and incense depending on the stars. One of my own tasks was a visit to the Hall of Records to obtain a copy of my protagonist’s birth records so Yael could draw up his own horoscope to find the optimum time for her to cast her intricate spell. She also scribbled a few lines and numbers on a piece of parchment and told me to keep it on my person for the next year. My later research found it to be a tetragrammaton, a simple good luck charm designed to deflect and ward off evil. I won’t go into the details of the rituals we attempted “when the stars aligned;” it’s enough to state that my bully/ stalker was also a heavy drug user who contracted an obscure disease (at that time) called AIDS and wasted slowly away. He was dead by the following December. I relocated to Clark Fork shortly after and Yael moved to Seattle. We keep in touch and she still makes her living casting horoscopes and giving psychic readings. She’s written two sci-fi novels under various pseudonyms. “Phnglu mglw ‘nafh Cthulhu Wgah’nagl fhtagn!” ‘til next time, Happy Halloween, and keep spreading the word: Soylent Green is People! All Homage to Xena!

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October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 15


Veterans’ News

Gil Beyer

In last month’s article I briefly addressed the effects of the sequester on my efforts to get information from the Navy History and Heritage Command. I also spent some time on the fact the Fairchild AFB Commissary was closed one additional day per week so that retirees, other veterans with base privileges and active duty personnel had fewer opportunities to shop for groceries and other common household needs. These two items became trivial concerns on Monday morning, the 16th of September, when a disgruntled contract consultant entered the Washington Naval Yard in our nation’s capital and started shooting. How could this happen? How could anyone enter a military establishment carrying a shotgun and pockets full of shells in his cargo pants? The quick answer is the sequester. That onerous and draconian fiasco created by Congress was at the foundation of this tragedy. Due to budget cuts demanded by the sequester, the manpower level in the security forces at the Navy Yard had been reduced by 20 percent. This reduction in manpower appears to have left significant holes in building security; holes big enough for a former employee who still held his access card to enter a supposedly secure facility and kill a dozen innocent Americans. In an article for The Fiscal Times (http://bit.ly/1dn06Y7), Brianna Ehley writes about the links between the sequester and the shooting, a report that should make all of us see red. It appears to me that almost every base and unit commander made economic decisions based on maintaining optimum operational readiness and capability with less consideration given to possible impacts on lower echelon daily activities, like building security. The fact that all of these commanders were forced to make these decisions by our dysfunctional 113th Congress is positively mind-boggling. I have tremendous respect and admiration for the commanders who were forced to make these very difficult decisions. I have zero—make that less than zero—respect for the buffoons that forced those commanders to make those decisions. It is way past time for this Congress to stop playing political games and begin to do their jobs. They were elected to do the best they can for the majority of Americans, not to do a never-ending performance of Kabuki theatre on a

The Sequester Massacre national stage. The entire nation is being held hostage by a minority of ideologues whose whole purpose is to thwart at every turn a President they disagree with. That is not the American way. If you lose a game you don’t steal the ball so no one else can play. If you lose an election you should have enough character to suck it up and learn to work with the winners. I am constantly reminded by the ‘leaders’ of the House GOP of small children throwing temper tantrums when they don’t get their way. They have voted over 40 times to overturn the ‘Affordable Care Act’ at a cost of tens of millions of dollars to the American taxpayers knowing full well that there is ZERO chance it will ever pass the Senate. The October 1 government shut-down is further evidence of their penchant for temper tantrums. I may be old school, but there is more than sufficient reason for some corporal punishment being applied. Logic and reason seem to be totally ineffective with the 113th Congress. We pay these small children slightly less than $175,000 per year to do absolutely nothing except spout their nonsense and stir up that very small minority of the population that makes up their base. I for one think that it is time for the adults to assert themselves and make these ‘children’ go into a welldeserved ‘time out’! On Friday, September 20, the nation observed National POW/MIA Recognition Day. Ceremonies were held at the Pentagon and near the Vietnam Veterans

Memorial. MIA numbers, as of this writing, are: 73,661 from World War II; 7, 906 from the Korean War; 1,644 from the Vietnam War; 126 from the Cold War; 1 from Operation El Dorado Canyon over Libya in 1986; 2 from Operation Desert Storm; 3 from Operation Iraqi Freedom; Army Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl, of Hailey, Idaho, is America’s only known POW from Operation Enduring Freedom in Afghanistan. There is a chance that many of these MIA’s will never be found and identified, but as I reported recently they will never stop trying to find and return home every one they can. Case in point: the remains of Sgt. Melvin E. Wolfe, 18, of San Diego, CA and Pfc Ronald C. Huffman, 18, of Lashmeet, WVA have come home. According to VFW Post 12024, “In late November 1950, Wolfe and members of the K Company, 31st Regimental Combat Team, were forced into a fighting withdrawal to a more defensible position south of the Chosin Reservoir. Wolfe was reported missing in action on Dec. 12, 1950. “On Feb. 12, 1951, Huffman and K Company, 3rd Battalion, 2nd Infantry Regiment, were fighting Chinese forces near Saemal, South Korea. The Chinese reported that Huffman had been captured and taken to a prisoner of war camp in North Korea. After the war, repatriated American POWs reported that Huffman had died in the camp in July 1951.”

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Page 16 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10|October 2013


The Scenic Route Sandy Compton

I confess: I like cities, though not all cities or all parts of all cities. Of the great cities of the world—greatness measured by my own parameters—I’ve visited Washington, D. C., St. Petersburg and Moscow. That’s Russia, not Florida or Idaho. Moscow, Idaho, ain’t bad for a small town; nice downtown, great farmer’s market. They have a university there. I’ve never been to St. Petersburg, Florida. Moscow and St. Petersburg, Russia, I like; at least the parts I was able to observe in about 15 days over two different visits. They talk funny there, but the Metro systems are incredibly beautiful and fun to explore. Historic buildings and museums abound. The art and architecture are fantastic. Moscow has Khrushchev-era, graham cracker apartments, massive Stalin-built blocks and a burgeoning new city center of glass and steel high-rises juxtaposed against the ancient red brick Kremlin, the black cobblestones of Red Square and 460hundred-year-old St. Basil’s cathedral. It’s been a city since 1147 and has the street design to prove it. St. Petersburg is 556 years newer, begun in 1703 by Peter the Great, and finished—sort of—by Catherine the also Great. You could live your entire life within three miles of the Hermitage—the fabulous museum that was Catherine’s Winter Palace and the scene of the beginning of the Revolution—and never lack for a new aspect of Russian or world culture to explore. I don’t want to live in a city full time. But I have a fantasy in which I am relatively well-to-do, and among keys in my possession is one that fits an apartment entrance in a major metropolitan area of my choice. Moscow and St. Petersburg were once options, but since the “Putinization” of Russia—a return to oligarchy—and the accompanying rise of corruption, they have become, “nice places to visit, but....” I’ve turned my attention to more domestic places. Washington, D.C. An apartment in Georgetown (I would have to be very well-to-do.) Season tickets to the Nationals. Great museums, the Mall, Library of Congress. Minutes or just a few hours to many historic spots. Incredible restaurants featuring every ethnicity

Putting Cities to the Test imaginable. Good public transportation. But, it’s a long ways from home. Popping in and out would require many visits with TSA folk, which would be tiresome; and many hours on crowded airplanes, which even for me, who still loves to fly, could take the fun out of it. So, sorry, Washington; you’ve missed the cut, but not really by your own fault. Los Angeles. Maybe if you’d had the forethought to put things closer together and to leave some orange groves. San Francisco, I hear you’re okay, but I’ve never spent enough time with you to get acquainted. Austin, no offense; great music scene, college town, good architecture, friendly folks and you’re in a beautiful part of Texas, but still. Denver, I love your downtown; 16th Street Mall is wonderful, but I think you had too much room to grow and decided to take it all. Maybe the Rockies will stop your sprawl. Spokane. You’re not a big city, but still, you’re a city and I like you. Interesting architecture, easy to navigate; nice downtown; great neighborhoods; good selection of good restaurants, fine museum; affordable golf courses; and closer to my house than any other city. (Okay, it’s a tie between you and Missoula, but you are the more mature.) You have a wild stretch of river to pay attention to, and a great bike trail complex. Until recently, I’ve thought you could fulfill my fantasy. A little apartment in Browne’s Addition, close to the Museum of Arts and Culture and downtown. But then, my buddy Gary and I spent

a recent rainy day exploring downtown Seattle. On foot. Never mind that we were greeted upon arrival the day before at the west exit of the I-90 tunnel—still the most stunning city entrance I’ve ever experienced—with a classic Seattle traffic snarl, and in spite of the weather (I’ve never seen so much Goretex in one spot as I did in Pike Street Market last Monday), the Emerald City has my vote for most likely to issue a key to me when I get moderately rich. Alki Way in West Seattle is my prime location. Great transportation options, fantastic view, good restaurants within walking distance or just across the sound. The Mariners play, if not well all the time, at least within affordability, and there is always next year. I can drive there in less than a day. It’s a city with a fabulous mix of architecture that can be explored by chunks, with lots of distinct districts encompassed by the larger body of urbanity, and a good bus system. And water taxis. And ferries! I love ferries. The second most stunning entrance to a city I’ve ever experienced is coming from Bremerton to Seattle’s Alaska Way terminal on a ferry. Okay. It’s a tie. There’s an ocean not half a day away and a big chunk of salt water in the front yard. And, if you pick the right moment, you can be out of the city—and in my case, on my way home—in less than hour. So, Seattle. It’s you. Now, all I have to do is get well-to-do. Working on it.

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October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 17


Kathy’s Faith Walk Kathy Osborne

My faith walk of late has been much more about relationship than any other topic. Relationships are odd things. They can go so many different directions, and so quickly. But at the end of the day, when I clean off my mental white board, I don’t want anything relational left up there. I want a clean slate for the next day. Most of the time, I can count on just such a clean board. However, there are days... . Like most people my friends vary in age, profession, talents, interests, faith backgrounds and basic personality. If I surround myself with people of like mind I don’t learn much from personal encounters. If, on the other hand, I surround myself with people of differing ideas and dreams, I am much more likely to get a fresh perspective on just about any subject. Yes, heated discussions can occur, but if all the parties will just stay at the table this is half the fun! We can learn how the others think, how they draw conclusions, and how they make decisions. No matter how I try to tweak my thought process, I still surface a conservative. Surely this comes as no surprise to anyone, but I write it because

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Coleen Marette “Pat” Estabrooks ROBINS December 14, 1930 - August 30, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com Sue Ellen BARKER November 1, 1957 - September 7, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com Jonahs Lee “J.L.” MIDDLETON February 6, 1965 - September 14, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

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I really do enjoy hanging around liberal friends. For the last two years or so I have been actively seeking out relationships based on differences rather than commonalities. It has been fun! When I read about Jesus and how he handled himself around the people he ministered to, his love and compassion for them is breathtaking. This is wonderful because he was so different from the people in his culture. He centered himself in difficult and sometimes dangerous positions in order to get people to stop looking inside themselves for answers and look to him instead. He could see the needs. He could see the hurts and wounds. He could see hunger and bitterness. In each case the answer to these personal issues was a personal relationship with him. He wasn’t trying to change who they were. He was trying to get them to be complete in him. We are the most “us” we will ever be when we are in relationship with Christ. Jesus offers people one of the wackiest options for relationship imaginable. To begin with he is the Creator of the universe so it’s kind of wild to consider that a human being could ever have anything in common with someone who

creates entire galaxies. But we do—we have God. Once you have him, you have him in common and while that may sound odd, it really just opens up the realm of possibility. If we come to him with everything, the good and the bad, he takes the burdens off of us and replaces them with peace. We obtain the ability to move outside ourselves and seek out with confidence relationships we might not otherwise choose. We would do that because Jesus has friends too. He is always looking for more of them and a friend is simply someone who chooses to embark on a journey with someone else; in this case, Jesus. Once he is in your heart, infinity is the limit to all you can do. I have never seen a good friendship that didn’t have a few bumps along the way. This is how we are. Through difficult times, disagreements, sacrifices, apologies, forgiveness, and growth, we learn to trust each other with things most precious to us. Relationships—there is always room for another one. Why not consider one with God? What have you got to lose? He already loves you.

Ricky Malachi STEWART February 16, 1988 - September 23, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

James Arthur JASMAN June 20, 1949 - September 12, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Rachel Charlene Corf RICHARDSON September 25, 1927 - September 4, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Arlene Ruth “Gram” Creaser PAULSON March 27, 1923 - September 13, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Velma Jean Ralph TOLSON February 25, 1948 - September 6, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Lois Ethel PFAHL July 23, 1917 - September 15, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

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Clyde F. MEREDITH September 6, 1922 - September 19, 2013 Veteran - U.S. Navy www.CoffeltFuneral.com

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Leonard SCOTT January 21, 1947 - September 20, 2013 Veteran - U.S. Air Force www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Billy Beauford McELROY September 29, 1926 - September 20, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Cris Pearl Henderson HADLEY January 15, 1927 - September 25, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Shannah Mae Jay McNALL December 6, 1972 - September 17, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Ed SAMMONS November 30, 1914 - September 18, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Larry Joseph LANTRIP April 13, 1949 - September 18, 2013 Veteran - U.S. Army www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Amy Yvette Maloney ROULEAU March 31, 1954 - September 23, 2013 www.LakeviewFuneral.com

Paul Douglas CHUBB April 22, 1967 - September 10, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

JoAnne LEROUX May 10, 1933 - September 11, 2013 www.CoffeltFuneral.com

Page 18 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10|October 2013


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October 2013| The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10| Page 19


Scott Clawson

acresnpains@dishmail.net Many things mark the passage of time and the seasons that make it up. Like all signs, some are easier to see than others, like the seasonal smoke from upwind forest fires versus, oh maybe say, the lengthening of fur on moose testicles or the common woolly-worm, whichever you find handier to keep tabs on. I tend to keep my eyes on the road. Come to think of it, I’ve yet to see one single woollyworm this year to base my winter forecast on! The other day on the way to town, I passed a pickup bristling with hay bales so intricately stacked that Ramesses II would have been duly impressed. Twenty seconds later, I passed an ambulance running code and parting traffic in the same direction as that glistening trail of chaff, providing me with a couple of fairly decent flashbacks. The first one put me back behind the wheel of an old fire tanker, also running code and parting traffic, coming up on a rolling hay stack with no visible means of rear view reflection, its load being well beyond the truck’s mirrors, yet traveling at a blinding forty miles an hour, nearly in the middle of the road to avoid bicyclists who were hogging the ditch and waving impolitely. This is nothing new, as September seems to sprout such wonders. Firewood also does this in large unsecured piles but the chaff tends to be a bit more worrisome to tires, grills and tailgating motorcyclists.

The second back flash had a fuzz more to it, including a larger dose of inattentive driving than most I’ve had the pleasure of reviewing. Involved were two guys in a fairly nice Chevy truck pulling a flatbed tandem axle trailer, both laden with hay well beyond their foundations, a casually flicked cigarette butt and a mother load of karma for dessert. Not very long after the flicking occurred and the subsequent sucking of the hot cherry right behind the cab, smoke began mixing with the chaff. Then flames fanned by the sheer velocity of this memory worked their way through the front stack, back over the tailgate and made their warm acquaintance with the rear load. Now, it shouldn’t be a surprise that several tons of ignited hay can generate simply an amazing amount of smoke and embers as well as excitement as it travels among the motoring public and in time it also became evident to the two occupants up front. At this point, I would like to have had some kind of measuring devise that could have gauged the responses of the two sphincters on the front seat when they became conscious of what their load was doing. Being Christians, the ‘clamp factor’, on a scale of 1 to 100, was probably right between “Holy Crap!” and “Christamighty!” Short prayers are often the most effective in an emergency. But rather than stop and be humiliated in public by finding a convenient place to

stage a complete and utter melt down, they instead ran for home, [“only a few miles away”], where they could (presumably) handle things in the privacy of their own driveway, sans onlookers with snide remarks and handy cameras. Like a large angora cat with a bit more than its tail on fire, they pranced up a county road, through the woods and, in time, into their own front yard where the brains of the outfit stopped feeding her chickens and dialed our dispatcher to report a large, unusual fire ball with two screaming voices threatening her domestic tranquility, not to mention her prized sumac. By the time I got there from the house I was working on, a tanker, a quick attack 4x4 and half a dozen of my fellow volunteers were busy putting “wet stuff on the red stuff” which, by this time, included engine compartment, upholstery, tires and a few trees. Not included in that hosing were the two red faces responsible for this unscheduled break from our daily earnings, entertaining as that would have been. Filling out the report, I carefully noted the cause of the incident to be “careless use of tobacco” and let it go at that. The owner’s insurance handler undoubtedly raised an eyebrow at it but probably paid off the claim anyway, spreading the cost around to all of their clients one way or another as that is precisely what insurance is for; sharing stupidity with those who don’t deserve it.

Page 20 | The River Journal - A News Magazine Worth Wading Through | www.RiverJournal.com | Vol. 22 No. 10|October 2013


I could go on with this subject but I’d rather dabble on another observation of late summer/pre-winter: stupid bugs. It never ceases to amaze me, the seasonal frenzy of yellow jackets gleaning anything edible to bolster their colonies before harsh weather and cold temperatures arrive to replace irritating insects with that other seasonal phenomenon, goose bumps. Recently, a sow bug had some trouble avoiding the bottom of one of my boots and within only a few minutes there was a tiny ”No Vacancy” sign posted nearby which was being totally ignored by so many of those yellow and black protein taxis that I had to enlist the help of a large round of buckskin white fir firewood to shut down their little banquet for the evening. I reopened it the next morning after things warmed up and the driveway once again looked like it was in some kind of turbulence. With my custom made, fourfoot-long fly swatter in one hand and a fresh tube of Benedryl Cream in my back pocket, I tipped the block over to start up the morning shift. As maitre d’, I stood by until things became fully occupied and customers were actually starting to lumber off, their tiny propellers straining under the heavy

loads, when I simply stood the block back up again and gave it a couple of spins to make sure everyone was getting well acquainted under there. This worked so well that when I tipped it back again there came another rush of even more eager and hungry patrons! I’d found my calling, at least for the time being. I was quite proud of my new establishment and played headwaiter for most of the day until the dinner bell signaled a higher calling. When I returned, I realized I’d forgotten to close up shop as both the block of firewood and the ground in front of it were completely bare. My little restaurant was cleaned out! Kaput! My driveway strangely motionless. That night, I had the darnedest nightmare, of having my guts strewn across the gravel and dandelions that make up my driveway by a large angry tennis shoe the size of a city bus, then of being masticated and carried off, bit by bit, until I was fed, from locks to sox, to all the various nests in the immediate neighborhood. Several days went by in this dream, where I was absorbed by many thousands of tiny larvae, growing, wriggling and hatching until I was stunned to find myself cruising my own driveway, inches above it, but not feeling it odd in any way that I was

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