TSLR033 / October 2011 / ÂŁ1
THE SEAGULL LOVE REVIEW
Inside this month; - Green Army? Plymouth Update - Post Palace Apocalypse - WSL Photographer
Plus; - Egg Chasing - The Hovian - Reviews / Previews - #FFSMurray - Some Other Bits
A collection of badly edited Albion related-ish drivel that will roll up and fit in your back pocket.
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EBAY GOLD
What’s this delight for £1.50 plus £1.25 p&p? Oh yeah right it’s a model of Amex demi-god Vicente in the famous white of his old club Valencia. We were a little dissappointed to find out that this mantelpiece-bothering icon measures in at a tiny 2” but on the other hand you could use a match stick to splint/replace his knackered legs. Alas the eBay preview shows El Punal looking down so we can’t see the facial likeness but who cares. Albion fans with a penchant for Warhammer time wasting may want to paint him in current striped livery. TSLR TSLR033
TSLR033 The Seagull Love Review is an independent Brighton and Hove Albion Magazine. Issue 33, October 2011.
EDITORS NOTES
The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editors, or The Seagull Love Review.
OK then, back to reality we headed.
We do hate Palace though, officially.
At times over the last month it has truly felt like the Albion of old. We haven’t won for a month, we’ve lost on television. Twice. We lost to the scum. And we’ve cried loads. But it’s not all about the team, it’s about how we laugh through it and that’s what we’ve tried to do this month. Here at TSLR Towers, we’ve been discussing how it’s all about you guys throwing your quids in our direction for 32 pages of colourless paper stapled together.
Thanks this issue to PB, JE, GC, LW, BM, TS, BM, AW, AC, RM, SW, JS, LE, NB, SK & TC Edited by SS & SS Artwork by SS, ML, SK & RK Photos by JS & SW Printed by MCR Print of Hove www.mcrprint.co.uk TSLR is printed using eco-friendly paper and ink The Seagull Love Review Apt 19 City Heights, MCR, M1 7AX tslr@hotmail.co.uk www.theseagulllovereview.com http://twitter.com/tslr Signed off 1015 12/10/2011
And of course it’s all about our contributors - two of which decided to submit the same match report this month so we’ve included two versions of the same loss at Portman Road. But most of all it’s about the next game. Which could change everything. Well, certainly our whole outlook on like for the next week. Even if we continue to lose, we’ll be here next month - trying to put a smile on your face, laughing about how it used to be much worse and, most importantly, shoving several Harveys down our necks in the (soon to be colder) North Stand Atrium Social Club. We love you guys. Thanks for the continued support and up the Albion! S+S Co-Editors
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CONTENTS
Your weekend footy fix starts here... For all your Albion news, opinion, interviews, malicious tittle-tattle and some downright fibbing, tune into:
THE ALBION ROAR Every Saturday from 12pm til 1pm on Radio Reverb 97.2FM (if you’re in Brighton/Hove)
or at www.radioreverb.com
Missed the show?
Listen again at www.albionroar.co.uk or on iTunes The Albion Roar is a guaraneteed Phil Collins-free zone AND we have far better studio guests than every other show. FACT.
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2 5 6 8 9 14 16 18 19 21 22 23 24 25 26 28 30 31
ebay gold what’s hot, what’s not news in briefs flairwatch reviews previews stewart weir midfield diamond the month in numbers back issues poor old argyle falmer security peter grummits bright green gloves
marco van bastard wsl snapper TSLR costs less than the booking fee for the hovian your Falmer ticket and far less than a pie! prog rocks carter
WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT
Mendoza’s.. Original.
‘If Gully’s Girls are about you can guarantee Mendoza won’t be far behind’
HOT
NOT
Tony Bloom Tony is a visionary, a shining light at the club. A new stadium, a new training academy and now he has had the foresight to sign Poyet and Taricco on new deals until 2016 - Just think of the huge compensation package we will get when Poyet leaves in the summer! Ker-CHING!
Tony Bloom This guy is as tight as a stereotypical Jew, never puts any money in the club despite being loaded. We’ve missed out on Nicky Maynard, Michael Owen and Kevin Phillips, and he is paying the players peanuts. Vicente and Calderon are so poor they have been spotted shopping in TESCO. We are Championship now Mr Bloom, they should be shopping in Waitrose or M&S. Then if we go up, they can start paying top dollar for the same stuff in Harrods or Lewes.
New Signings Gus Poyet spent £3.5million on two strikers, £1.25million on two creative midfielders, and signed a La Liga God to make his tippy tappy brand of football entertaining to the masses. He has been rewarded with the team hammering 91 shots on goal so far this season. Enough shots to elevate the team to the lofty heights of 23rd (out of 24) in The Championship “Shots on Goal” League. Vicente He is so good, he can do press ups with both arms tied behind his back. Rumour has it, he is not allowed to go swimming with the rest of the team because when he gets in, the water turns into wine! Sky Sports The powers that be at Sky Sports HQ decided it would be a good idea to broadcast Brighton twice in 3 days to the rest of the nation. It filled the clubs coffers up to the tune of £275,000 - which was the exact amount needed to build Sky a luxury TV studio in the Amex instead of having one made up of scaffolding and tarpaulin. The Leicester Girl Lets face facts, she’s hot and you would! (don’t give me all that “minger/slapper/slag” nonsense, I’ve seen you all flirting with her on NSC!)
Sussex Police 27/9/11 was derby day, Crystal Palace at The Amex for the first time in history. The police should have been prepared, but they were inadequate at their job when it really mattered. 20,000 people reported the Brighton midfield missing between 20.00-20.30. Yet the police could not find them, and they’ve been missing ever since… Saturday Afternoons Saturday 3pm kick offs at The Amex have become rarer than sightings of Roland Bergkamp. It’s resulted in many men having footballess Saturdays and being forced into ridiculous situations such as shopping with their girlfriend, doing DIY for their girlfriend, going out with their girlfriend and having to talk to their girlfriend. Who needs a girlfriend? Girl friends are well gay! Crystal Palace I was going to do a joke about how they out played us, out muscled us, out sung us, sung our songs better than us, had more pride and passion than us, humiliated us and inflicted the first ever league defeat at The Amex with our top scorer last season scoring the decisive goal against us. But it hurts so much, I’m still crying. #FFSMurray Leicester City They were the first team we have visited this Championship season to not have a KFC outside their stadium. Bad times. TSLR033
Over that month of defeats, we were so desperate for past glories that we dusted off Charlie’s Millennium Diary - you remember when the club gave Mr Oatway a camera for our famous trip to Cardiff? We never watched it at the time but our signed copy was thrown into the VD player over the International break. Moments later, TSLR Towers was stunned as we established that the disc ‘could not be read’ and our viewing pleasure of Dan Harding and Leon Knight publicising their ultimate intelligence on the team coach from seven years ago could not be fulfilled. Albion shop, can we have a refund?
The Post Office has been threatened with privatisation for a number of years now but, when hearing of the Falmer postcode, we wish the government had sold it off sooner. BN1 9BL may sound like they had the right idea including it within BN1 part of Brighton but the second half abbreviation of Barry Lloyd’s initials turned stomachs more than the final ten minutes against that team from Croydon. However, a quick flick through Tim Carder’s Seagulls and we finally established what Royal Mail had meant all along. It clearly wasn’t intended to be Barry Lloyd you see - it must stand for Billy Lane. Either that or Bert Longstaff. Or possibly even Barney Lee. Just so long as it’s not Barry.
NEWS IN BRIEFS
A hilarious search on Getty Images for Casper Ankergren throws up a great picture of Peter Brezovan - who incidentally was spotted in the London Road Sainsbury’s toilet over the last month, making for an uncomfortable hand shaking moment with an unnamed TSLRite. Meanwhile, a quick Getty image search for Vicente Rodriguez throws up an incredible amount of photographs of the Spanish legend playing for Valencia and grabbing various players by the neck. The sooner the dagger starts sharpening his knife in the English league, the better. If only he had done it to Glenn.
October 2011
In terms of TSLR cult heroes of yesteryear, there’s not much to say other than Colin Hawkins is still injured in Ireland and Fran Sandaza keeps scoring in Scotland. TSLR033
The Albion in the Community team has been doing sterling work ever since we returned to Brighton from the dark days of Kent and their new initiative is continuing that. In conjunction with the International HIV/Aids Alliance, they have been training a number people from developing countries in HIV prevention, treatment and care. AITC, we salute you. We haven’t seen him alive since he held a TSLR aloft (and not exactly as excitedly as we’d hoped) outside the North Stand at Withers two years ago. But, thanks to a column in the Telegraph, we now know that Des Lynam is still going strong. The former MOTD presenter thought it wise to talk up our top flight chances in the newspaper on the morning of the Leicester game. Since then,
we haven’t won at all, and Des has crawled back into the throes of the West Stand corporate boxes. Sympathies to Peter Reid who became yet another poor bloke to get shafted by Peter Ridsdale. Reid did a lot for Plymouth in his time as manager but his only reward from Ridsdale was as respectable as he was to those famous Leeds goldfish - they all got flushed down the toilet. Well done to all those Albionites who made the trip to Plymouth the day after the home match against dirty Lids and well done to those that finally found a green item of clothing for that night at Falmer. It’s been quite a month of action for Sussex Police at Falmex. There were a number of arrests before and after that Tuesday night game the other week (against who we can’t remember). Rumour has it that one Albion fan made it into the away end and landed a decent punch before being escorted away. And there were a couple of drunken lads who made that foray onto the pitch against Liverpool. To be honest, you should really take your clothes off if you’re planning on holding up a match at Falmer - you could officially be the first streaker and, if we keep playing badly, the police cell could be more entertaining. We’ve finally made it - Major League Soccer were boasting of our appearances on television this last month: “Aside from the MLS match later this evening, the only other live televised match is the English Championship
match between Brighton and Hove Albion and Leeds.” Woop woop. We keep moaning about this but the £31 cost of an Ipswich ticket was a preposterous amount, especially when you take into account the view we had and the goals we conceded. There was also quite an issue over their decision to show us pictures of beer at half time but then have no beer to serve. Our seats were right at the top of the away end as well so, on that baking hot day, it felt like a greenhouse. Even so, we’re still not sure it was wise of a few of us to spend the entire game bare chested. Poor old Roland Bergkamp. He has only made it onto the bench a couple of times so far this season and, for his trouble, he got sent to Worthing in order to publicise a scheme that promotes a healthy lifestyle. He said: “I was delighted to come along and support this healthy living initiative for Adur and Worthing.” Delighted? Really? Our headline of the month award easily goes to the Scotsman for their headline ahead of the CMS inspired win against Lichtenstein: “The man with two names is ready to give it both barrels for Scotland.” And both barrels he gave. Until Spain. Answers on a postcard for when a current Albion player last scored for his country. We’ll give you a couple of back issues. Or a pie. Or something. We only asked as we couldn’t be bothered to look it up ourselves. TSLR TSLR033
FLAIRWATCH Welcome reader to what promises to be the most important 500-550 words of your life. Many Albion fans have been a bit down in the dumps following our recent run of bad form, but you are failing to see the big picture. Now, please stay with me here, Gus Poyet is doing something so imaginative, so revolutionary, so flair that it is almost impossible to see with the naked eye. That’s right flairniacs, Gus Poyet is DARING to reintroduce COMEDYFENDING to the Championship! After absolutely dominating proceedings for several weeks, mein fuhrer has obviously become jaded and a bit bored, and to be honest so was I. What better way to keep the fans interested than with a series of defensive mishaps so outrageous that even Kevin Keegan would think they were a bit extreme?! Watching Gary Dicker and Ryan Harley casually stroll around against Palace seemingly without a care in the world is something that angered many Albion fans. Not me, to the educated amongst us we can see that what they were doing was ART. It was like watching the finest ballet, or listening to some Bach. It was beautiful and I could tell that they were like puppets on a string with Gus as their unholy puppet master. Watching Casper flap around causing complete mayhem in the Albion defence has drawn him many critics. But many flair keepers have had this problem in the past, and Casper needs to say strong. Did Rene Higuita just give up after being dispossessed miles outside his area for no reason whatsoever in 1990? No. Did David James just give up after his 567th hairstyle change? No. Did Mark TSLR033
Bosnich give up after being banned for cocaine use? No.....well, yes, but you get my point. I have prophesied for a long time that a flaircopolypse is coming.....it seems to be edging ever closer and it seems as though Gus is one of the four horsemen. Other signs of the incoming flaircopolypse: -Joey Barton continues to use twitter........ Many people have speculated as to whether Joey is the second coming of the lord Jesus Christ, and who am I to disagree? Joey is the reason why so many, me included, still use twitter, he causes absolute carnage almost every week. -Carlos Tevez exists....Carlos is starting to make up for Super Mario’s lack of flair this season by taking over the baton at City. I hope he stays in England, and preferably goes to another city that he hates just so he can moan about it again....brilliant stuff -Newcastle United are in the top 4........Is this the 3rd reich of the Newcastle flair dynasty?! It is prophesised in the flair bible (Le Tissier verse 2 chapter 12) that “the 3rd reich of the spirit of Phillipe Albert shall bring upon the non-believers unprecedented vengeance, may Jose Luis Chilavert have mercy on their souls.”. -Craig Bellamy is going mental again....... again, I refer to the flair bible (Yeboah, verse 1 chapter 5) “When the golf club wielding one from the land of the dragon hath the words of fury, he who is without flair shall feel the fury of the one they call Cantona”. That’s all I have time for this month folks... enjoy the comedyfending.......or else. Penned byTom Stewart. TSLR
REVIEWS LEICESTER (A) : SS reports So, two contributors decided to submit Ipswich match reports this month thus here is one of the co-editors racking his brains an hour before deadline in trying to remember what the funk happened. We got there early enough for some Leicester fans to question us on which team we were playing that afternoon (eh? We are in Leicester) and then we actually sat outside a pub in the sunshine waiting for it to open. It was pirate day in the pub and, upon entering, the staff were doing their utmost to look like plonkers. The male members of staff then thought it brilliant to infer that, being as we were from Brighton, we must be homosexual. This comment washed off our entirely accustomed backs until the same gentleman then asked his staff whether they had any eyeliner for his pirate look. Then the game. Well, we started very brightly indeed – it was actually quite easy on us to begin with. Beyond the first quarter of an hour it was another story and it began to get worrying. And that was just looking at the female Leicester fan getting lairy just the other side of the divide. To be honest, they should have been ahead by at least one at half time but the fact they weren’t gave us what turned out to be false
hope (but at least it was over a beer). But within what felt like a minute, all hope was gone as they took the lead. We were barely back in the game but did grab a couple of chances that almost warranted a highly undeserved draw and the Paynter sending off was something close to a disgrace. CMS had a shocker and missed a sitter. And that was that. On the way home we were upset for the first time in months but it didn’t last all that long. We were drunk by London and can’t remember getting home. So, that’s a bit like a win then. LIVERPOOL (H) : A version of this report has already appeared in the Albion Almanac Within a few minutes of L i v e r p o o l ’s Falmer debut it had become clear that Albion would struggle against top flight opposition. The potent strike force of David Bellamy - starting in the Merseyside club’s first team for the first time since his botany career ended - and World Cup star Luis Suarez caused problems from the first whistle. Suarez’s 2010 nemesis Asamoah Gyan was so disillusioned with his performance at the Amex in the previous round he escaped to the comfortable confines of the UAE on loan shortly thereafter. The Uruguayan striker had no such shortcomings. Suarez and Bellamy made a mockery of the Albion defence a few times before they took TSLR033
REVIEWS the lead in front of the North Stand on six minutes. Suarez fed the ball through to Bellamy on the left side of the penalty area and he made no mistake in drilling the ball across Casper Ankergren and into the inside of the side netting. Alongside Dirk Kuyt, the Scouse attacking play was on another level to what we have seen at Falmer so far this season. They moved the ball around like a 1980s Liverpool side with movement, pace and thought if it hadn’t been an opposition team, it would have been a joy to watch. Wave after wave of red shirted attacks rained in on the Albion goal with Bellamy’s free kick against the crossbar the highlight chance. The first half was nothing but a lesson for Albion who won a few corners that were wasted and failed to keep possession against a side that simply looked a class above. Those watching on Murdoch TV back at home were treated to a half time break with Tommy Elphick which, unsurprisingly, concentrated on the Albion in the final ten minutes of the first half when they finally turned up. The idea we could get something out of the game was rattling around the confused head of Jamie Redknapp as they hoped for a cup upset for their underdog hungry audience. The beginning of the second half made us all TSLR033
wonder why we hadn’t begun the first half in this vain. Noone had a stunning effort that came back off the top of the bar and Albion were keeping possession nicely. Around the hour mark, the Albion bench bustled and Spanish superstar Vicente made his foray onto the hallowed Falmer turf. His touches in the final half hour were exquisite, his vision majestic and he oozed class beyond anything we ever thought an Albion player could be. Unfortunately his shot from distance was probably nearer the corner flag than the goal in front of the North. A corner from the Albion right was easily cleared and Liverpool showed their quality once more to counter attack with pace. Kuyt finished the move easily in front of the joyous away following who found their impressive voices for the first time in the second half. But Albion were not done there. The largely unimpressive Jay Spearing should have dealt with a ball on his own touchline but he fell over and allowed Vicente to get the ball. The Spaniard fell to the floor - giving Ashley Barnes the chance to smash home yet another penalty in the top left corner. But it wasn’t quite enough. LEEDS (H) : Kes-enga reports After being royally shafted by a combination of Sky, the fixture list, and Sussex University in a surreal orgy Albion welcomed
SEPT / OCT Leeds United to the Amex just 2 days after losing at home to Liverpool. Going to watch the Albion at home is now quite a pleasure and I was so happy on my way to Falmex I actually forgot why everyone dislikes Leeds. I was quickly reminded when our pleasant walk from Falmer station was accompanied by of bunch of smug Yorkshiremen bragging about how they were champions of Europe or some shite. Credit to the away support though for helping create the best atmosphere we have experienced at the Amex so far. Their support was helped by the fact that Albion came out of the blocks as fast as a disqualified Usain Bolt, and Leeds were two up within half an hour: first sloppy defending allowed Keogh to bundle home; then a sharp bit of play from McCormack saw him turn on the edge of the box before firing home. Albion went in two down and were staring a first ever league defeat at the Amex straight in the face. After slagging off our record signing throughout the half time interval I realised why my last five applications for Albion manager have gone straight in the bin as CMS scored a fucking magic goal, leaving his man for dead in the box with a sumptuous turn before tucking away in the bottom corner - game on! Kazenga was having his best game so far this season and his pass into CMS resulted in an inexplicable attempt to win the ball from behind from a Leeds defender - Albion penalty. Ashley Barnes has well and truly exorcised last season’s penalty demons as his new twostep-smash-in-top-corner technique is working wonderfully: Albion had come back from the dead to make it 2-2. It was good to see El Puñal racing to get the ball in the hunt for a winner... and with only
six minutes to go Barnes was released down the right and managed to squeeze a ball into the six yard box where the little terrier CMS nipped in front of his marker to put Albion ahead - what a fantastic moment! Unfortunately Albion had peaked too soon, and in injury time a long punt straight down the middle from Casper was gratefully received and returned by the Leeds keeper. Two passes later and McCormack had scored his second to earn Leeds a point. It was frustrating to hear any noise from the away end in the second half, and to give their twat manager Grayson something to be happy about, but everyone agreed that it was a good result in the end given our half time position. Unfortunately the entertainment also gave Sky cameras further justification to continue messing about with our fixture list - best to keep half a day’s holiday free for the inevitable Thursday morning fixture in December. P***** (H) : For fuck sake Murray IPSWICH (A) : Le Blaireau reports A rather subdued TSLR crew travelled to Ipswich more in hope than expectation. A dreadful defeat to your arch rivals has this effect on even the most optimistic of supporters. I for one was looking forward to this one though as Ipswich is one of the more pleasant places we will visit this season. Plus the unseasonal heat wave meant it was more like going on holiday than to a football match. The only redeeming feature of the previous Tuesday was the afternoon spent drinking on the rugby pitch next to the Amex. So we decided a nice drink in the outdoors was the way forward once more, especially as the pub by the station was a bit of a dive really. TSLR033
REVIEWS We found ourselves in the delightful Christchurch Park just north of Portman Road. Some TSLRites deemed it necessary to frighten the locals by getting their chests out, but yours truly kept his dignity (and his beer belly from view). An afternoon in the sun with a few cans of lager was unfortunately interrupted by a football match. Upon arrival we positioned ourselves at the back of the stand in an area with a serious amount of pillars interrupting our view, it also appeared that this area of Portman Road is rarely cleaned judging by the amount of cobwebs around. On to the match itself and the Palace hangover seemed to still be affecting the players. It was all Ipswich for the first twenty minutes as the Albion rarely managed to get the ball in to their half. Towards the end of the half we started to pass it around a bit but we were still looking poor. 0-0 half time was a relief to the say the least. At half time, for some crazy reason, beer is not sold for licensing reasons. How it is ok pre-match but not at half time is a mystery and must surely be costing Ipswich a fair amount in lost revenue, strange indeed. The start of the second half brought the kind of football we have seen for the last season and half, crisp passing with plenty of chances created and eventually a superb strike from Vicente. An absolute wonder goal, Brighton are back! Or not. What followed was every bit as disappointing as the Palace collapse CaldeTSLR033
ron saw fit to allow Chopra as long as he liked to shoot, not once, but twice in the space of fifteen minutes. Sandwiched between these two goals was some dreadful marking at a corner to allow their biggest player, Sonko, a free header inside the six yard box. If we keep defending like this we will not be in the play off places for long. This felt like an old school away day to me, that is a nice day out, ruined by eleven men in stripy polyester. IPSWICH (A) AGAIN : Hamlet Dulwich reports Albion’s away match with the Tractor Boys coincided with the UK’s hottest day ever recorded in October, at 29.9C. To take advantage of the searing heat, seagulls fans flocked to Ipswich’s local park to enjoy some pre match tins, soak up the rays and to ogle the local talent. Little did we know then that this would be (by far) the best part of the day. Portman Road doubled up as a greenhouse for those that were stood towards the back of the upper tier. With sweat literally dripping off the brows of the TSLR crew, we were forced into a Chippendale like strip act on the back row for most of the game. The lads around us LOVED it! The Albion struggled to get a grip on the match itself, with the defence seeming to be content to back off and allow far too much
AUG / SEP space for the Ipswich to get into crossing and shooting positions. The danger signs were there from the start when Ankergren flapped at a cross with a feeble punch that should have been punished. The Albion weren’t at the races for the first 45 minutes; with the away fans probably the happier set of supporters going into the interval…well at least until we found out that they weren’t selling beers at half time; then we were irate. Albion started brighter in the second half as we began to take the game to Ipswich. Vicente was instrumental in this as he began to show his quality with some classy touches and turns; he clearly felt at home in the heat, as in the 53rd minute he treated the Albion to scorcher! After picking up the ball in his own half, he run at Ipswich before turning smartly on the edge of the their box, and unleashing a right footed curler into the top corner to send the away fans into delirium. Seeing your team score a goal of such beauty can often give a fan a misplaced confidence that can come back to bite them in the arse, and it’s safe to say the travelling Albion support fell into this trap. The song ‘Nightmare on Portman Road’ could be heard shortly before Chopra was given all the time in the world to pick his spot in the Albion net from just outside the box. I prefer to save songs like that for moments when the Albion are completely out of site, and have no chance of being pegged back; because lo and behold 20 minutes after we went one up, were 3-1 down!
Sonko got the tractor boys 2nd with a comfortable header direct from a corner, far too easy. And again Chopra was given time and space to place his shot for the 3rd. We got what we deserved with a lacklustre defensive display. The train journey back was miserable, as we spent it discussing ways in which Albion could get their season back on track after what was our third defeat in our last four games. The result of which proved that the TSLRites had been neglecting their match day superstitions. Last year Albion went two months unbeaten solely due to the fact that we baked a cake before the start of every game.’ Expect us to be unbeaten until Xmas as ‘Jesus’ kicks us off with the first cake of the season. For me, the coupling of unemployment with an international break is akin to torture common in Guantanamo, seriously! The boredom that an international break evokes had people half-heartedly talking about spending their next weekend watching Dulwich Hamlet play in the Alan Boon Cup! This in hindsight would not have been such a bad idea considering Dulwich managed to see off Godalming Town 4-2 on pens after finishing normal time 2-2, epic. I know what I’ll be doing for the next international break. TSLR The League Cup reviews will still appear on the website. We promise
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PREVIEWS HULL CITY (H) : There has been controversy over the Albion delay in the moving of this game to a late kick off because of an open day at the University of Brighton. It means you’ll be reading this later than normal. Hull have only ever won once in Brighton - way back in August 1965 when they recorded a 2-1 success. Albion have won 14 other home matches against Hull City AFC including all three matches played at the Withers. Our best result against Hull hilariously came when we were at our near to our worst - a 4-0 win at the Goldstone in 1996. In fact, the Tigers have only scored three goals against us on our patch over ten games since 1990. The visit of Hull means we get to spend the afternoon with all-time Albion leg end in Paul McShane whose armed finish against the scum from a corner in October 2005 gave us our only win against P****e in 23 years (albeit only over six games). Also visiting Falmer will be Dele Adebola - formerly of P****e - and Nick Barmby - formerly of an age below that of a pensioner. MILLWALL (A) : When TSLR first went to Millwall away back in 2009 - we brought out TSLR008 there - it was the only time our cover on publication day was already outdated. Micky Adams was on the front cover but had been sacked in the Little Chef by Dick TSLR033
Knight the night before. It meant we had the opportunity to reveal our manager had been sacked to TSLR customers who were clearly in the dark. We went on to win 1-0 that day a scoreline that replicated our Dean Wilkins 2007 1-0 win there. Those 1-0 victories at the Den were sandwiched by a God awful performance in south London on Boxing Day 2007 when we limped to an abject, and wholeheartedly disappointing, 3-0 reverse. Overall, the Lions have won 37 games against us in all competitions with the Albion romping to victory on 36 occasions. WEST HAM (H) : When news filtered through that West Ham had taken Manuel Almunia on an emergency loan from Arsenal, TSLR Towers was quite happy with the outcome. Surely they only got away with an ‘emergency’ loan because they are West Ham. Regardless of their cheeky loan deal, we haven’t played the Hammers at home since April 2005 when we drew 2-2 thanks to two Dean Hammond goals. Our best ever home win against them came with a 3-0 victory at the Goldstone in September 1989 with goals from Kevin Bremner, Robert Codner (possibly helped by the use of class A drugs) and Garry Nelson. Their current squad boasts four top flight loanees including Almunia and the rumoured Albion summer loan signing of Henri Lansbury. They also have a few ex-Pompey players in Matthew Taylor, Gary
OCT / NOV O’Neil and the wardrobe - Papa Bouba Diop - so make sure some stick is aimed in their direction. And as for Sam Allardyce... BIRMINGHAM (A) : The last time we found ourselves in Birmingham, Elliott Bennett and Glenn Murray scored, the boys held aloft an inflatable trophy and on leaving Walsall’s Bescot the atmosphere was like a World Cup. We return to a different part of the second city without those two goalscorers and a point to prove against who should be one of the heavy hitters of Division 2 this season. Albion last played Birmingham way back in a League Cup tie in September 1996 when a two-legged affair saw them romp home to a 3-0 aggregate victory. It means that the League Cup holders missed the entire Gillingham and Withers eras which must be quite upsetting for them. For a league match between these two sides you have to travel as far back as April 1995 and a 3-3 draw at St Andrews when Stuart’s Munday and Storer as well as Ian Chapman scored for Albion. Their hugely inventive nickname of the Blues came about because they play in blue shirts. WATFORD (A): We were here last season for what turned out to be part of our cracking FA Cup run and, following the MK Don’ts defeat, we met some jolly nice Watford fans in the Euston Tap en route back home. They bought quite a lot of fanzines actually. This will be our 103rd meeting and we’ve come out on top in 42 of those matches. The last
league visit to Vicarage Road came in December 2005 and a 1-1 draw courtesy of a Guy Butters goal. Our best ever victory in (very) north London came in September 1932 when Bobby Farrell scored twice, whilst the other goals came from George Ansell and Arthur Attwood for a 4-0 victory. The Hornets now boast a stadium with a capacity smaller than ours (not sure TSLR has ever written that before) and their current squad includes former Albion Division 3 Play-Off Final 2004 victor Chris Iwelumo who, as a Scottish striker, made a mockery of himself from just three yards out. Our current striker, on the other hand, can now surely only be described as a Scottish superstar with the only thing missing being a Scottish accent. BARNSLEY (H) : We host the Tykes for the first time in the league since a 1-0 win at Withers in January 2004 when a Leon Knight penalty secured the win. In April 1969 we beat them 4-1 at the Stone of Gold but it wasn’t quite revenge as they’d beaten us at Oakwell 4-0 earlier in the season. Their current squad includes Craig Davies – who routinely failed to hit the back of the net in a spell for Albion at Withers – and the man who lost his kidney for Albion Jim McNulty. Jimmy also had a rather successful cameo in the American drama The Wire but has since returned to England and, via the south coast, finds himself in Yorkshire. It was McNulty’s generosity of losing a kidney that formed the basis of our cover for TSLR009 way back in the April 2009 issue. TSLR TSLR033
A pair of Albion fans scale a lamppost to catch a glimpse of the home match against Mansfield Town in 1996 - a game which the large majority of fans boycotted in protest of Archer and Belotti’s evil regime. Against Leeds United, we urge all fans to wear green as a sign of solidarity with Plymouth Argyle - a club facing their own significant board room troubles. Picture by Stewart Weir 1996
MIDFIELD DIAMOND Got your Falmer Saturday matchday routine sorted yet? Even if you thought you had it sussed after the first few games, it’s now all been well and truly cocked up thanks to international breaks, University open days, Lewes bonfire night and that great God of Football that shall be Obeyed, Sky money. Our last Saturday home game with a 3pm kick off was Peterborough on 27th August. Our next is Coventry on 26th November. That’s three whole months. We may be, in our eyes at least, ‘by far the greatest team the world has ever seen’ and the stadium is undoubtedly one of the most photogenic in the country but let’s be realistic. We are not (yet) even close to being in the same League, either physically or metaphorically, as the ManUres and Chelskis but Sky have already buggered up our Saturdays to a ridiculous extent. I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise to all other Brighton fans in cars on the same route as us on the evening of Friday 23rd September. BMW drivers had nothing on me as I swerved from lane to lane, overtook on the inside and cut across people at roundabouts in an effort to get to the Leeds game on time. Had I been involved in an accident, the Insurance Claim Form would have made interesting reading. For the question, ‘Who do you think was to blame for the accident?’ my answer would have included ‘All the selfish people on the road who were not going to the match and therefore clogging up the roads unnecessarily,’ and ‘Those bastards at Sky TV for changing the game from a Saturday afternoon.’ TSLR033
Some of us had high hopes after a recent European court hearing on showing live football in pubs. It ruled that Sky’s monopoly in this country could be illegal. Greek satellite boxes could not only be entirely legal but also much cheaper. And Greek punditry would be more insightful and informative than messrs Dowie, Merson and Windass could ever manage. I’m not sure that last bit formed part of the ruling but it surely should have done. At last, we sensed that Sky may not be allpowerful. Maybe their sensationalist overthe-top reporting of Roberto Mancini’s dog refusing to chase a ball or Titus Bramble getting caught in possession would be curtailed. Most of all, maybe their influence on the fixture list would be reduced, or ideally, stopped. But we can’t discount Sky’s resolve to fight the case or Murdoch’s ability to direct a falling Sky satellite onto that Portsmouth pub. I fear it will be some time before Sky loosens its stranglehold on the game. So meanwhile we have to re-make travel plans, take half days off work, cry off Sunday morning pub football, alter our pre-match drinking routines and, worst of all, declare ourselves available for traipsing round the shops on a Saturday afternoon. It’s all a bit depressing. But the most depressing part is that it is not just the fans who are having trouble with establishing a routine for the games. The players appear to be equally disorientated. Our last home win was against Peterborough, coincidentally on a Saturday afternoon with a 3pm kick-off. We may not win another until the end of November. TSLR
THE MONTH IN NUMBERS
22
Games Gus has won since named Championship Manager of the month for August.
Months we employ Tanno and Gus upon signing their new supercontracts.
Years since an Albion ground last hosted an international game.
Years since Uruguay celebrated independence. Party at Gus’ House, you’re not invited.
33
Days the Albion announced the change in kick-off time before the Hull City match. The open day was scheduled before the fixtures.
714,285.71
Amount of Falmer pies needed to be sold to pay-off that Craig Mackail-Smith debt to The Posh. Number of international goals scored by former Albion fringe player FFSMurray.
Number of international goals scored by current Albion hero Craig Mackail-Smith.
Odds, to 1, of CMS increasing that tally against the world and european champions, Spain TSLR033
MEADE’S BALL I’ll never have my own BBC2 travel show regaling the mostly uninterested of my paid-for holidays and the pulchritudinous landscapes I fleet over all self-satisfiedly, my skin forever olived, my teeth a beaming dyed white in an elsewhere others aren’t. Although with the looming cuts and world of endless repeats promised you can never say never – apart from then when I just said it thrice. It could be me, someday, and a handheld camera shakily wandering around any area of Greece I’m bemused by the honest vegetarianness on the menu of, or a Holland too nervous to ask where the red light zones aren’t so as not to enter smutty worlds of embarrassment by ill chance. But more than likely BBC2’ll just have to fire one chiselled intellectual and hire completely forgotten comics to dinghy down river and row, replacing the half-forgotten ones we currently see, to make ends meet. I don’t holiday well or often, but recently had a pleasing week in The Algarve. The potential Mrs Meade’s_Ball and I went to a place called Tavira, some 45 kilometres – when in Europe it’s best not to speak in mile or weigh in stone - from Faro. We ambled socklessly on cobbled pathways there, roasted slowly on the sandy beaches, ordered tequilas at student bar prices, and ate a gloriously unhealthy number of oily omelettes, but the highlight, for Mr Ball at least, was in watching BHA V Liverpool. Fortunately, at least 42% of the people either visiting or having moved there to retire were English and catered for, so pubs weren’t hard to find. The one of choice ended up having a television 70 inches in width aperch a sturdy table on the promenade. HALLELUJAH, I lightly cried, when it was said the Albion were to be the main event. Mrs Ball and I TSLR033
went to the table nearest the screen, and I eyed the area to see if any other Seagullians might be on the scene. None, but that was fine. Mrs Ball pointed at a fairly miniscule lizard scampering on blizzardous white wall. I thought our luck was in. Moments before kick-off our surrounding tables were filled by a gaggle of unScouse Liverpool fans of an age on the verge of retirement. A friendly-enough bunch who liked to banter in their addled state as much as to watch the game unfold. They teased and sensitively pitied me as we went behind, a first half when we had the look of second-best on our faces and possibly in our minds. But then the second half began, an extra Guinness inside me, a cigarette burning through my given-up lungs, and a sudden belief in the Albion’s hearts. I thought it a thunderous performance and I felt interminably proud, even now as I write this grinning smugly even though the result ultimately spelt defeat. As CMS terrorised international defenders I even stood, pointing at the screen and onlookers with a loud TAKE THAT! And with Vicente being the ultimate of class, I nearly fainted. I loved it. I really did. Sadly, I came back from Tavira with the flu, but also with a programme and a few cuttings from a generous guy involved with SC Olhanense, our pre-season non-punch-up opponents, who I met during the game most interestingly. I learnt nothing of life in Portugal, other than how it’s in the same timezone as us and a sort of “Excuse me” is “Oi” to them, which is handy, but I think of the night battling with Premier League opponents and holding our own for a large chunk of it and the memories of Tavira and travelling then glitter. TSLR
BACK ISSUES
TSLR010
THE
SEAGULL LOVE REVIEW TSLR / End of Season Party Saturday 2nd May 2009 / 8pm ‘til late Riki Tik Bar / Bond Street / Brighton
FREE ENTRY DJ Dante (Family Funktunes) Si Porter (Mole and Iris) TSLR Soundsystem www.theseagulllovereview.com facebook : search ‘the seagull love review’
Who would’ve thought that we’d’ve brought you this many issues? When we began in 2008 we were unsure as to how long we’d last but we’ve made it this far - through 2 divisions, 3 managers, 2 chairman, 2 stadia, 27 issues, 2 special editions, 1 Withers memorial, 2 parties and the odd joke. You can still purchase all back issues (apart from TSLR002 which we can’t find any of) by emailing tslr@hotmail.co.uk TSLR TSLR033
POOR OLD ARGYLE Do you fancy a night with a yokel’s daughter? Well, don the stripes, get yourself down to Plymouth and you are almost assured of a result, such is the impression we made on the locals during the Go Green match against Leeds live on Sky and the Fans Re-United game the following day. Back in 1997, when our Club faced an uncertain future, a Plymouth fan had the idea of fans from all over the country coming to the Goldstone Ground to show support for our cause. Fans United was born and was a massive success. Now that our respective Clubs’ fortunes have changed, it was time to repay the favour. Hence the Go Green and Fans ReUnited events. Argyle’s current troubles as I see them started when the old board of directors threw money they didn’t have at unrealistic ambitions for Premier League football. This led eventually to financial problems, administration and relegation. Since then, lots of cloak-and-dagger stuff that has dragged on for months and months but hopefully a happy ending is now in sight. A local businessman James Brent hopes to finalise a deal to take over the Club this month. There’s plenty more on Argyle’s message board www.pasoti.co.uk. Meanwhile, under the stewardship of selfappointed acting Chairman Peter Ridsdale, the Club’s staff went unpaid for eight months, even though Ridsdale was reportedly getting £20k a month. The best players were sold (eg Nooney to us) and the manager Peter Reid auctioned an FA Cup medal from his playing days to raise money to keep the Club afloat before being given the sack by Ridsdale for TSLR033
Penned by our favourite west country contributor: Midfield Diamond
a run of poor results. That seems to me like sacking the manager of a hospice for a series of sad losses. Whatever, Fans Re-United was a celebration of support and hope rather than a protest against any individual or group of individuals. From the moment we parked up, the ‘thanks for coming’ started and we were greeted with a round of applause as we walked into the Britannia pub. Lots of Brighton in there by the time we left but also a few Stoke, Leicester, Charlton and Southampton. Also someone in a ManUre shirt but I suspect he was a Janner. We were in the Lyndhurst stand, a group of about eight Albion fans together. Saw Leeds, Palace, Gillingham and quite a few others. Most of the noise came from the Devonport stand behind the goal and there were loads of Brighton fans in there. Certainly more than Macclesfield had in the away end. The Left Side/Right Side song rang out long and loud. Our attempts to join in with We’re the Lyndhurst were met with mystified looks initially and the odd bit of clapping but by the end, the whole ground (sadly only 6000) was on their feet singing. The game itself, well, maybe it’s because we’re spoilt nowadays, but it was dreadful. Nevertheless, it was a 2-0 win for Argyle thanks to goals from Warren Feeney and Robbie Williams. I don’t plan to let him entertain me again any time soon. Afetr the game, more handshakes and thanks from stewards and Argyle fans young and old. It was great to be part of such a memorable day. I really hope it helps. TSLR
FALMER SECURITY When awaiting my interview for the Security Officer role at the Amex there was a queue of at least 100 beefcakes. I wasn’t the weakest in the line, but a couple of colossi had me quivering in their wake. I hoped my generally friendly personality might win me over and I suppose it did. One of the titans, a towering bloke with a tattoo on one bulging arm that was either of Jeremy Clarkson or a faded one of Lionel Richie, left completely shaken, his forehead a wrinkled mess, severe thinking still going on behind it. It looked like he wanted to be held for a minute and told that he’d given it his all, but I thought I’d not offer him a bearhug and a quiet word. I had my eyes set on the prize. Anyway, I went in with a certain air of confidence. My CV was rather good, you see. A bit of help from the missus. I didn’t want to seem too brainy in it as “no-one likes to work with a cleverdick”, she said, but I wanted to be able to spell my name correctly and list the history of my experience chronologically and in order – and of course edit the reasons for my dismissals from of one or two of the eastern European jobs in my early days. I’d also slid into my thickest black trousers and most luminous shirt to give the impression that I’d fit in naturally. I mentioned what to me was a good anecdote from my days at Brentford. It concerned one rather odd fella, Sid I think his name was, who’d brought with him a slumbering falcon at the bottom of his military rucksack. I’d felt around in the bag as Sid’s red eyes fed suspicion and a sneaky zip was found. I undid it slowly and pulled out the small bird of prey that felt dead in my hand. We looked at each other, this bloke and I, for a minute, before I finally said “Please explain.” He made up some story about it being a stuffed bird that he carries everywhere for good fortune, a gift from a well-travelled uncle. I tickled it under
one wing, knowing there isn’t an animal alive that won’t chortle when fiddled with in an arm-or-wingpit, and the stiff creature sat up with a grin – if beaky things can really ever be claimed to hold a smile – before pecking viciously at my wrist and squirming like mad. I had the bugger in my grasp though, so it soon gave in. Sid pleaded with me to take the dangerous flyer in, saying he had a leathery glove to chain it to if it got unruly and a shrew for it chew on if upset, but allowing it went against all safety procedures I’d been trained in. In the end, Sid sedated it again and we hid the little beast in the cupboard of confiscations with the deodorants and hip flasks. We took Sid’s fingerprints and added him to our “mentalist” watchlist. Now, what I thought would win my questioners over with a nice combination of my alert reading of a potentially eye-scratching situation and oddity actually had the room silent. It normally goes down well, that tale, sometimes people asking me which bits I made up, me hollering that it’s no word of a lie. This time they just made notes and perhaps ticked a box or two. I wondered if I was in one of their own watchlists now. I wanted to slap my forehead and say “Let me tell you another one.” as if all three interviewers had clicked the FAIL button and I was to be led from the audition to the audience’s cheer, But I kept it together with all but a nervous, hopefully inaudible, gulp. “Thank you very much for coming.” said one of them, a redhaired woman I think, and I stood to leave a bit ungraciously. Maybe I was the best of a bad bunch though, news I received by post, a little badge with my name on it enclosed, as now I’m at the Amex every week and have the visit of Leeds and Palace to clench my fists for in September. I’m sure I’ll tell you how that went next month. TSLR TSLR033
PETER GRUMMITT’S BRIGHT GREEN GLOVES I was dead keen to move on after the Nigels debacle. But then I thought, perhaps the best way to do that is to remember one of the highlights of our 35-33 winning record against them. Whilst the 3-0 pasting at Selhurst in the top division (1981) was sweet in that it confirmed the home side’s demotion, and made possible our successful escape, it is the Boxing Day Goldstone game the previous season that sticks most vividly in my mind. This was the game that cemented the Hark now Hear... song and if you wanted to be in the North Stand that day amongst the 28,358 then you had to be there more an hour before kick-off. No all-ticket, no seats, no obsession with eating and drinking every 10 minutes, just a heaving, raucous, xmas-hungover mass of Albion rousing itself for mortal combat against Cannon, Hilaire, Gerry Francis and the couple of thousand Croydonians underneath the floodlit pylon in the NE corner. It was a bright sunny day, if memory serves a lunchtime kickoff, and Palace wound up Horton’s men by making us kick to the north end in the first half. It was possibly Wardy’s finest game. He twisted and turned at his elusive best and soon drew a crude challenge from Jim Cannon. The yell was as one voice from the North Stand barely 10 yards TSLR033
away and many were only just regaining their places from the subsequent surge when Nobby thumped the ball into the net in front of them. Cue pandemonium. John Vinicombe (RIP) reminds me that the North Stand chorused ‘Jingle Bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, o what fun it is to see Palace lose away’ and I recall the whole stand jumping along. Ward himself scored the second and set up Gerry Ryan for the third. Palace barely had a shot. England manager Ron Greenwood was at the game and he gave Wardy his only cap in Australia at the end of that season, although at 5 minutes it remains the shortest ever England career. It was Mullery’s first win over the enemy and proved the turning point in head-toheads, as well as lifting us out of the relegation zone for good that season. I won’t dwell on the Hove Park and station shenanigans afterwards, except to quote a Palace fan years later: I got to know a lot of roads around Hove. So if you catch yourself wincing at the thought of 27/9/11, take a look at the League table, take a look around at our magnificent Amex, and try and picture the heaving North Stand that sunny Christmas 1979...because of Boxing Day. TSLR
MARCO VAN BASTARD Firstly, I should point out that I have minimal interest in rugby, that the growth spurt berks who played it alienated me so consummately from their low hygiene world that my formative designs on eggy athleticism were flattened, and I mocked certain people who wanted to get to Bristol City at 9 in the morning to watch it. But unwittingly (I doubt Zara’s fella gives any more of a toss about my feelings than the macho goons at school did) the England rugby team have awakened something that I love and rue the absence of in sport. The media turned their inky screws after the France game, bemoaning the desire of a bunch of young blokes to get pissed and spontaneously dive into the ocean on their days off or in the aftermath of bitter defeat. Good on the beefy bastards I say, and I think anyone who doesn’t agree is clearly meanspirited. For once, at last they showed a glimpse of humanity among all the incessant demands for joylessness among players, griddled by hacks who’d forced the opposite end of the skewer through the boring shitbags who were so dismal at the football World Cup. And they were right then, actually, because the paucity of lightheartedness among the footballers filtered faithfully down to performances so anaemic and devoid of adventure. I’d do anything to have seen footage of Lampard pinching bums in a nightclub or Barry fizzing a fire extinguisher over Rooney’s
angry bonce, at least we’d have known they were alive. It grates a bit when people in my profession, where the pen is forever sharpened by bevvies and late nights, feel so privileged as to judge men in a faraway exotic country enjoying reckless buffoonery, we all know it makes people closer, most of us would probably still be sitting in our box rooms listening to How Soon is Now if it wasn’t for this sort of jesting. Everyone remembers Euro ’96 - Gazza going mental, McManaman with his shirt torn asunder as Shearer cracked a smile, the entire team belting out the national anthem with comic gusto in a rare outbreak of sobriety at Wembley – and it was bloody great, there was a spirit and charm about everything which the age of £40 ticket prices and James Milner lacks like the deserts miss a downpour. The Albion still have got a fair amount of it. Gus’s frothy outbursts, Nooney’s Victorian chimney sweep enthusiasm, CMS thundering around on legs too small to counter grace, Barnes pissing everyone off (my Pompey mate called him “a c*** of a man”), Taricco’s professional fouls (RIP - sort of), it’s all there and it knocks Rio Ferdinand’s idea of “merking” into a Gucci hat. Martin Johnson shouldn’t apologise any more than Fabio should account for the lack of soul in a squad of bores who disenfranchise us all from their game. Here’s to more mortal idiocy in football, unless it’s from Casper. TSLR TSLR033
THE HOVIAN It’s been a painful time lately watching our beloved Albion, but comrades, we are strong enough to view our actions in post mortem, is ‘struggle’ not what being a fanatic of this beautiful old club is all about? The troika of contests against Leeds, Liverpool and Palace was a tough test on paper - it proved to be an ordeal in the flesh. Liverpool was a great occasion, the home stands were noisy, the scousers (although I suspect more fans travelled from the Home Counties than Merseyside) were bright and loud, without malice, and it was so much of a love-in that our own ‘fans’ applauded ‘Stevie G’ onto the park - split loyalties anyone? Leeds came down, and made the best noise yet at Falmer - yes, even better than those lovable Nigels a few nights later. The Yorkshire mob have a reputation , that stretches back to the 1970s, of being groundwreckers; indeed rumours (later confirmed) reached the East Stand that some caveman had bashed an Amex staff member in the South Stand concourse, and the club closed the tills. Aside from that, watching 50-year-old fat and shirtless Yorkies dance for joy when the visitors went two-up was the only entertainment to be had in the first half. It all descended into tedious limpwristing and ‘up-the-bum’ references when we took the game by the scruff in the second half. But the one-eyed blubber beasts turned into polite, informed fellow passengers on the train back into town, and indeed in the bars and clubs of Friday night Brighton. TSLR033
Now the BIG ONE. The Thunderdome - two teams enter, one team leaves. I’m not going to dwell on the ‘match’ itself, I’m sure my fellow TSLR writers will cover that elsewhere in this edition. But I have to mention the horror, yes, the HORROR of that whole fateful night. I was with the other half, so no hanging out with the boys in the pubs beforehand. I couldn’t resist a walk past the Royal Standard though, and it looked like Sarajevo, coppers and horses everywhere. We queued up in the station with the Dads, kids and old dears and then Sussex Police brought the main Nigels’ mob, spitting and snarling, right past us and onto our Falmer train! I know we want to welcome away fans but this takes the piss. At the match events on the pitch meant it was easier for the Nigels to put up a wall of noise. We were shit, worst Gus Poyet team performance ever, and it was against Palace, great. The only flicker of fun on a night of deepest gloom was the little fella who escaped from the West Stand Lower, run around the corner area, and lamped some fat Nigel, before getting a good kicking himself and a probable 3 year ban. I couldn’t get home quick enough after the match, and missed further pavement dancing downtown. Silver lining: it can’t get worse than this, and we can still right the wrongs up at Smellhurst in January. TSLR
PROG ROCKS
Odd to see an Albion programme with the Pavilion on it so we snapped it up for TSLR033. This was a testimonial for Jack Bertolini and Cyril Hodges; 2 taleneted and popular members of the playing sqaud. Making an appearance that night in 1967 were World Cup winners Geroge Cohen, Martin Peters and Geoff Hurst. Also in the line up were Peter Bonetti, Johnny Haynes and Frank Mclintock. It’s notable that Rodney Marsh was a no show, and sadly Bobby Moore couldn’t make it down either, despite writing a bit about his fondness for Brighton in the programme. TSLR
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CARTER A trying couple of days indeed. My trusty VW failed its MOT - turns out I had effectively been driving around in a death trap and would have been safer getting around by dressing up as a steak whilst riding a starving lion. At the same time, my little’un had decided that he rather enjoyed projectile vomiting bright orange sick everywhere, which made his bedroom look like my wife and I had been on a spending spree in Blackpool’s club shop. Getting to all these evening games has been a bit of a battle; steering the death trap from work in Surrey down the A23 and legging it the through Coldean, arriving in my seat just shy of kick off and sweating like I’ve just led the warm-up on the pitch. I was by Falmer station in a similar fashion as the Palace game kicked off only to by held up by police as they ushered a straggling group of their fans off the train - a scene reminiscent of Noah’s ark being unloaded. As Murray tucked away the visitor’s third that night I wished that that the police had delayed me for the entire game. What’s worse, in my exhausted state I could’ve done with some help remembering the lyrics to my favourite Brighton songs, so I was disappointed that the clubs wonderful initiative of showing these on the big screens wasn’t repeated. The company I work for actually made the dubious decision that a few Palace fans would make suitable employees. I definitely wasn’t
in the mood to talk about the game, which got me thinking if I could actually go a whole day without mentioning anything to do with the Albion. Just as an experiment, which to save you having to read anymore of this crap, I failed miserably as I immediately discussed the previous evening’s game with a Norwich supporting colleague and then continued on chatting about Ian Culverhouse. I could barely contain having to talk to someone when I went to make a cup of tea and noticed that my Albion mug had been placed in the cupboard in between a Wolves mug and a Norwich mug, which is basically Elliott Bennett’s playing career represented in ceramics. I’m now imagining an amazing art project where the journey of other players are displayed using cups. Although if you tried to portray Steve Claridge you’d probably have to get some help from a catering company. I’ll file that one away with all the other doomed business ideas I’ve not pursued, which incidentally I was going to collate into a Dragon’s Den themed website called ‘I’m Out’. However, I soon realised that starting a personal website with that name may cause some confusion over my sexuality. I don’t get around to these things mainly because I spend too much time trawling football sites such as North Stand Chat, getting snippets of Albion gossip and then spreading them to other people as if discovered the news myself. A bit like The Argus then I suppose. TSLR TSLR033
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