TSLR038 / March 2012 / £1
THE SEAGULL LOVE REVIEW JUST
£1
COMEDEFENDING The return of the own goal FLAIRMAGEDDON The four horsemen descend, and yet no mention of Fran Sandaza PAY UP POMPEY LOL Fratton Park ... Oh, no, sorry EL-ABD Two of our writers talk like an Egyptian TICKET TOUTS Albion haven’t attracted ticket touts for 30 years. Here’s the lowdown on the Amex black market
TSLR A collection of badly edited Albion related-ish drivel that will roll up and fit in your back pocket.
EBAY GOLD
Like freemasons, the offcial supporters club is like a closed clique with very few real pieces of evidence that support the theory of their actual exisitance. For many this secret society are only known as the predictable voice of mediocrity in rare Argus articles where a ‘fan view’ is of reasonable interest. Here at TSLR we’re always on the look out for Big Foot-like glimpses of this underground club, and look what turned up on eBay the other day! This garment, which if we printed in colour would show a dissapointing yellow hue around the collar, sold for 99p and is the must have supporters club t-shirt from the 1991/92 season. In a season we made the old division 2 play-offs it is surprising to see now non-league teams Grimsby and Cambridge featured. Classic stuff. TSLR TSLR038
TSLR038 The Seagull Love Review is an independent Brighton and Hove Albion Magazine. Issue 38, March 2012.
EDITOR’S NOTES
The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editors, or The Seagull Love Review.
Sometimes it’s far too easy to forget quite how far the Albion have come. Sometimes it’s harder. Take Liverpool - it felt like we’d regressed back to the days of Micky Adams II but really it was just a crazy, open game against a team a few £m ahead of us. And a nice timely reminder as to why promotion may be worth avoiding this season.
We do hate Palace though, officially.
Thanks this issue to JS, JE, BP, NB, LE, TC, EW, GE, TS, SK, AC, AH, JAE, BM, GC, BM, KK, SW, SH, RM and SW Edited by SS and SS Artwork by SS and JW Photos by JS and SW Printed by MCR Print of Hove www.mcrprint.co.uk TSLR is printed using eco-friendly paper and ink apparently.
The Seagull Love Review Apt 19 City Heights, MCR, M1 7AX tslr@hotmail.co.uk www.theseagulllovereview.com http://twitter.com/tslr Signed off 0745 07/03/2012
Back in the League, we look scarily like play-off fodder. As mentioned in this month’s NIBs, at one point during the Donny match we’d climbed the table to fifth. Fifth? In the second tier? That would be one of the highest - if not highest Albion league positions in both TSLR editor’s spectating history. If you needed more reasons to be positive, the Wolves came out for Gus and lost, with more lucrative suitors surely discouraged by our expansiveness at Anfield. Not only that but we’re still unbeaten in our 2012 league campaign, we have the flairest (copyright Tom Stewart) team we’ve ever seen, the classiest manager (apart from supporting the odd racist) and they even sell us beer at our incredible new ground that seriously makes Elland Road and Anfield look like shabby restricted view loving relics. Don’t ever forget, this is the best it’s ever been. And TSLR038 ain’t too bad neither. Up the Albion! S+S TSLR038
CONTENTS 2 eBay gold / 5 what’s hot, what’s not / 6 news in brief / 8 reviews / 12 previews / 10 gully’s girls / 14 stewart weir / 16 bitter & twisted / 18 peter grummitt’s bright green gloves / 19 midfield diamond / 20 exeter exile / 21 marco van bastard / 28 fred dinenage interview / 25 flairwatch / 26 tears and ticket touts / 27 carter ... £1 please! Your weekend footy fix starts here... For all your Albion news, opinion, interviews, malicious tittle-tattle and some downright fibbing, tune into:
THE ALBION ROAR Every Saturday from 12pm til 1pm on Radio Reverb 97.2FM (if you’re in Brighton/Hove)
or at www.radioreverb.com
Missed the show?
Listen again at www.albionroar.co.uk or on iTunes The Albion Roar is a guaraneteed Phil Collins-free zone AND we have far better studio guests than every other show. FACT.
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WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT
Mendoza’s.. Original.
The first name on the Albion teamsheet for the REMF match
HOT
NOT
Comedyfending / With our FA Cup game at Anfield being broadcast live on TV, what better time to reintroduce the world to comedyfending. An absolute shambles. Three Own gLOL’s and some defending more fragile than Vicente’s mindset. Lewis Dunk’s effort was voted goal of the week ahead of Lionel Messi and Bridcutt was also the talk of Twitter. Trending.
West Stand Upper / The view is great from a footballing point of view, but from up in the rafters you can see a huge flaw in Gordon Greer. Greer voted ‘Brighton player with best hair’, is getting a ‘Zidane’ bald spot on the top of his head. With every game at the Amex it is becoming more and more prominent. Soon he will be starring in a TV commercial alongside Shane Warne and Michael Vaughan. Balding.
Abdul Razak / Much like Jay Z/Beyonce, Michael Douglas/Catherine Zeta-Jones and Prince William/Kate Middleton, we somehow find ourselves the ugly man with the beautiful wife way out of our league. Abdul Razak is just way too good for us, why he is here is beyond me. There hasn’t been such a monumental midfield signing since the day we snapped up Shane McFaul from UCD. Hero.
Will Buckley / ‘Buckers’ seems to have gone off the boil of late. Against Ipswich at The Amex, he had a shot that didn’t go in. What was that about?, maybe time to drop him Gus. Give the people what they really want to see on the wing. A striker playing out of position. Tactics.
March / February will be over and you can all breath a sign of relief. I will no longer be staring at you from your wall and the Gullys Girls calendar will now only consist of Gully’s Girls. Fap. 3pm / We’ve won nine of our eleven 3pm games, even the ones on Sunday and Monday! Yet when it comes to any other time, there seems to be some kind of witchcraft voodoo going on at The Amex. All 5 games so far have resulted in Brighton not winning*. 17.15 and 19.45 are no longer welcome. Cursed. *This was written before we played Cardiff, so if we beat them, then I’m sorry for wasting the last 25 seconds of your life reading this nonsense! Thank You / My first ever serious post in WHWN. Just saying thank you to everyone who have been very supportive towards me after the racist tweet aimed my way from an Ipswich fan. Thanks to Ipswich Town and Suffolk Police who dealt with it in quick time. Most of all thanks to the Ipswich, Norwich, Palace and Southampton fans who all looked beyond the rivalries and joined in the well wishers. Football indeed can be the beautiful game. Humbling.
Valentines Day / Apart from spending Valentines Day being told by Millwall fans we take it up the bum and have HIV, it also showed the true colours of the Brighton fans. With so many blokes under the thumb for the forced upon romantic night of the year, women were chosen over football, resulting in the lowest league crowd of the year at The Amex. Love. Ashley Barnes / He has divided the crowd like a Moses did the Red Sea. Despite being top scorer this season, fans are annoyed with him. After the Doncaster game there was even more reason to dislike him. That ‘ay ay’ chant is annoyingly catchy, even the day after the game. Yeeehaaa. Ipswich Banners / Their first banner (Some things money can’t buy) was protesting against loads of money ruining modern football. Their second banner (No to EPPP) was then protesting against something that will take away their biggest cash injections. Do they not remember how much money they got for Connor Wickham? Make your minds up, do you want money or not? It’s like lesbians using dildos! You made your choices ladies! Indecisive. TSLR TSLR038
With the January transfer cat-flap slammed shut, it has been a slow news month for this column. In future, any hilarious rumour, opinion or downright lies for our News in Briefs should be emailed to tslr@hotmail.co.uk or sent to us via @ tslr on Twitter. Anyway, away at Hull on that Wednesday night, rumour has it that Casper Ankergren took out his frustration of having being dropped from the first team on an unsuspecting football in the warm up. Eyewitnesses claim that the ball flew into the face of Liz Costa. She took it quite well apparently.
development squad. Of those, three joined up with their international sides during the break from League action at the end of February. Crazy times indeed. Gary Chivers for Malta anyone? Assulin used an interview in the Jewish Chronicle to claim that we play like Barcelona. Unless Doncaster have anything to do with the playing surface of course. Incidentally, Albion won the Jewish Chronicle Cup back in 1981.
NEWS IN BRIEFS
Gus referred to the Liverpool own goal furore as ‘comic’ defending or comedyfending as it’s known here at TSLR Towers. Luckily, the Guardian were on top of it all when informing Albion fans that Catania in Italy had scored more own goals in one game - back in the 1960-61 season. It was against Inter and they scored four own goals in a 5-0 defeat. The Guardian also carried news that ‘Germinal Ekeren defender Stan van den Buijs... scored all three of Anderlecht’s goals in their 3-2 win in January 1995’. We are led to believe that Albion’s three own goals in the FA Cup this season is some sort of record for that competition. Lewis Dunk’s was the funniest with all four stages of disaster cartoonised on this month’s back cover.
March 2012
The arrivals of Gai Assulin - already known as the Gay Assassin by our particular conclave in the North Stand - and Abdul Razak have bolstered Albion’s International appeal even further. The first team squad covers an unprecedented 17 nationalities with another four - including Iraq - being represented in the TSLR038
We feel that the £2m compensation to speak to Gus is far too little for a manager of his quality. The @NotVicente Twitter account was in fine form when Wolves were hinting at being interested in taking GP as their new manager. Not Vicente claimed he’d caught Poyet and Tanno watching a DVD called the ‘History of Wolves’ before being given £2m in a Wanderers branded briefcase by Tony Bloom. Our chairman gave him instructions to place all the money on Poyet being announced as their next manager at the local bookmakers. It has been officially announced that Sir Gus of Poyet will be starting this year’s Brighton marathon. It almost makes running 26 miles seem like a sensible option - although if the organisers had placed Poyet at the finish line, world records would surely tumble.
An awesome prize was made available this month in the form of a £1.4m mansion in Hove. It has been put up for sale by an Albion fan with the promise the asking price will be refunded should we make it to the top flight this season. The problem for us is the current TSLR budget doesn’t quite stretch to £1.4m and the banks don’t seem to be lending that sort of money to small businesses like ours.
The current owner, Martin Senior, is surely onto a winner either way - if Albion go up, he’ll be happy and can seemingly afford it but if the likelihood happens and we stay down he’ll get £1.4m. The best reader comment on the Daily Mail’s version of this story claimed Senior to be a ‘dumb ass’. For those that frequently visit www.theseagulllovereview.com you need not read on. For those in the dark (ages), we met 1982 World Cup winner and scorer in the final Italian Marco Tardelli last month at a screening of a high brow documentary about the Jules Rimet trophy. The second best player at that World Cup is pictured clasping a copy of his favourite fanzine whilst looking slightly confused at the concept of the very publication he is holding. The best player at that World Cup had a headband and played for the Albion but, alas, has not got his mitts on a copy of TSLR just yet. For those that often listen to Albion match commentary online, there was one period during the Donny match when Albion were in the play-offs. And to add to that early excitement the ‘as-it-stands’ table then promoted us to fifth. Just when all onliners started to believe the impossible could be happening, Joe Mattock did his best to be accepted into the GB handball team for the 2012 Olympics. The BBC sunk us back down to seventh. Their ‘as-it-stands’ table is surely the biggest advocate for travelling to support the Albion in person.
Strange but true: Kazenga LuaLua shops in Asda. Surely, he must be able to afford Waitrose. The man, the myth, the legend Robert Codner featured in an online blog we wrote this month and the subsequent interest from Albion fans was staggering. This was a man who was carrying the flair torch years before Tom Stewart began writing a column in this very fanzine. This was a man with undoubted class. And he was the last known Albion player to serve time in prison whilst still contracted to the club. There were memories galore on our Twitter feed - a halfway line goal at Plymouth, interest from Liverpool, abuse during a minute’s silence, a Roger Milla-esque goal celebration and a lot of love. TSLR suspects that the first issue of next season - TSLR041 - could well be a Codner special. Watch this space. An exquisite Robert Codner volley recorded away at West Bromwich Albion in the 1992-93 season (yep, we’re wearing the chewit kit) was sent to us so mass respect must be given to the WBA fan who uploaded it, holmleighnyd. It got us to scouring YouTube for Brighton and Hove Albion uploaders and the best we could find at the moment is Kuenwah who has a channel called Seagulls TV - there’s even a clip from 1958 (only 58 seconds mind). The ‘58 side were always thought of as up there with the Albion team of 2010-11 so log on to find out if that theory’s true. TSLR TSLR038
REVIEWS LEEDS UNITED / A / My word, the walk from Leeds station to Elland Road is unpleasant; maybe I should’ve splashed out on a taxi. The walk back however was far more fun. I remember smugly weaving my way through moaning Yorkshire men, with Alan Navarro’s name ringing in my ears after we snatched all 3 points and remained unbeaten in 2012. Joe Mattock, Gonzalo Jara Reyes and Sam Vokes got their first starts, at the expense of our beloved CMS, who started on the bench alongside Vicente (yes really!). Not much happened in the first half, El-Abd was lucky not to get penalised for a rugby tackle on McCormack inside the area and LuaLua had a shot just wide. Our fans politely told the Leeds faithful that they were no longer a big club, to which they reluctantly agreed and in return asked us if our boyfriends knew we were at the match. This, along with the brainless stewards who insisted we all remained seated meant I was suitably bored as I enjoyed my half time Kit-Kat. It livened up in second period with Noone replacing Buckley and Becchio somehow missing after Brez palmed away a cross. Vokes was thwarted by two good saves from their keeper before CMS and Vicente entered the piece in spectacular fashion. Vicente curled a delicious corner from right in front of us (he definitely is as sexy as his name sounds), which the Leeds defence all decided to ignore and CMS to slotted home from 2 yards. Leeds then went up the other end and Becchio did well to head in a corner of their own. The game was meandering towards a draw but we kept attacking. Vicente (it really was TSLR038
him!) burst forward and laid it to Navs whose shot squirmed under the keeper to send us bonkers. The best thing about the match was our mentality, we knew we could beat a team like Leeds and once it got to the final 5-10 minutes, as Gus said in his interview after, we did not want to settle for a point. JAE MILLWALL / H / Firstly I’d like to apologise for the substandard quality of this match report, it’s quite likely that this will be the worst yet published in TSLR. (Which would be an impressive feat as one previous report solely consisted of one contributor’s rough notes as he forgot to email the actual report.) Basically I’m in a terrible mood, having left this to the last minute and can remember very little noteworthy about the Millwall game anyway. Still this could easily have been 400 words on how tigers have a natural superiority to lions but that seemed too irreverent even for this publication. Due to our slackness in leaving the Trafalgar we arrived pretty late at Brighton station which was a joy what with the troglodyte Millwall fans acting in their usual charmless manner and the tiny little baby trains that Southern use on match days. Kick off was missed yet again which seems to happen a lot in these evening fixtures. This was an eminently forgettable game probably most notable for Gus retreating back into crazy line up and tactics mode after a fantastic away win at Elland road. Three defensive midfielders and three forwards led to a total lack of width and we struggled to break down a spirited but pretty poor Millwall side, twice having to come from behind to rescue a point.
FEB / MARCH Brezovan returned to his dodgy punching days of old to gift them the first goal. He’s improved greatly in the last few months but this was a reminder of just how poor his judgement can be on occasion. Millwall had looked the better side in the first half without threatening too much - but we started the second on the front foot and Vokes equalised rather fortunately as we took the game to them. I can’t remember a thing about their second except it seemed very much against the run of play. Much effort but little skill followed as the Albion tried to engineer an equaliser - the game was crying out for Kaz and within a couple of minutes of setting foot on the pitch he had struck a well hit free kick pretty much straight at the Millwall keeper who made a right hash of it for our final equalising goal.
Continues over the page... Brezovan’s pitch-perfect impression of an outfield player playing in goal, was a sort-of decent performance. Best demonstrated by Bridcutt’s midfield excellence and own goals combo.
I really like tigers as they is much betterer than lionssss. Phen
As with much of Liverpool folklore, Anfield’s myth far exceeds its reality. A classic English football ground yes but one that’s been updated to a fairly featureless arena. With the exception of the Kop which, although emasculated by Taylor’s clumsy report - without wishing to insensitively highlight the sad irony at play here - is still pretty impressive. Can we get some huge retro style flags at the Amex please? The rest of the ground, well it could be The Madejski or The City Ground, or Old Trafford. Go visit a few matches in Germany to quickly appreciate what a soulless extractive experience English football can be. And yet, despite all the commerciality, for football romantics like me, places like Anfield highlight football’s traditional days-gone-by place at the heart of a city. Streets and housing, pubs, small shops, with the football ground looming large as backdrop. Love it.
LIVERPOOL / A / The Anfield Wrap: Yes we were humbled but it could have been worse, at least Gus didn’t turn up in one of those Suarez t-shirts and we didn’t concede 9. Even Andy bloody Carroll scored. Just making up the numbers - not anymore we don’t. I travelled in both expectation and hope (I might have been a touch too optimistic, in hindsight). Having said that, somewhere in there amongst the calamitous defending and
Actually a visit to Anfield is also a timely reminder (not that we need one) of Tory vindictiveness and their punitive bent. As we see with the current Scum government once again waging their special brand of wealth warfare, aimed with extra needle at those, like Liverpool, with the temerity to object at the polling booth to being systematically impoverished. Those abandoned streets around Anfield are a sad sight indeed. Families used to live there
I can’t actually remember what we did postmatch so I’ll end with an apology to anyone whose drink I knocked over in the Albert whilst trying to clamber over a table in the least stealthy manner possible.
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REVIEWS (including our Alan’s). Nobody lives around there anymore. Fucking Tories. Ben Parker HULL CITY / A / After the long trip to Merseyside, the Albion faithful had another long journey north to Humberside to watch the Albion. This was one of my easiest journeys as an Albion exile in Doncaster. Driving to Hull, I was anticipating who Gustavo would involve in this playoff clash after a 6-1 drumming at Anfield. Upon arrival, the Hull stewards in the car park seemed a bit surprised when they saw an Albionite saying ‘Heyup luv’ in a northern accent. The KC Stadium was one of the best newly built grounds I have been too so far, obviously apart from Falmer. However the playing surface looked a bit shabby especially as they use the ground to share with the local rugby team. To which Poyet had a good moan about post match. The line-up started with Man City Newcomer Rasak and amongst the subs was Gai. Brez started in goal which was good to see as most of the Liverpool Goals were defensive errors (except the stupid punch for the second)!!! Jara and mattock completed the defence with Captain Greer and El-Abd. Fat Nav, Bridcutt, LuaLua, and Barnes completed midfield with Rasak. And CMS up top. This game was the first time I had seen Brighton play to CMS’s attributes in putting the ball behind the defenders. However the first chance of the game was from Hull winger Cameron stewart, the nippy winger cut inside and hit a curling shot against the woodwork. CMS had a good chance but hit a shot straight at the Hull shot stopper. Another TSLR038
Albion chance fell to flair-tastic Rasak, The Ivory Coast midfielder shrugged off a couple of challenges did a couple of step overs and unleashed a powerful effort which Mannone tip round the post. However for most of the first and second half, Hull seemed to have more grip on the game and the much better chances. Second half we got to see 22 minutes of the next Lionel Messi, This Lad Gai Assulin got a massive cheer from the 200 plus Albion when he turned on the ball on the side-line to leave the right back amazed. Hull brought on the strong pacey Aaron Mclean who also had a chance 12 minutes from time but the striker couldn’t convert after Robert Koren had put this chance on a plate.
going on. Mutley
Overall It was a great game for the neutral as there was chances at either end and a very open game of football. Rasak was Immense and Albion run unbeaten was still
IPSWICH TOWN / H / Norwich dislike Ipswich, and that’s about it. Everyone else generally thinks they are alright and I was looking forward to welcoming a large contingent of Tractor Boys to the Amex. Imagine my shock upon arriving to see the away fans unfurl a bizarre banner suggesting Albion had bought their success and stadia. Well to an extent they have a point but I hardly think we are the guiltiest of splashing out excessive funds to progress and after 14 years without a proper home aren’t we allowed a bit of fun and a nice place to watch football? So after setting themselves up good and proper it was even more satisfying to see Albion tear apart an in form side with ease. Ipswich
FEB / MARCH started brightly enough with Greer having to clear off the line, but Albion soon took control in particular Razak running rings around the Ipswich midfield. Greer is in imperious form and his missile of a pass was perfectly waited for Buckley to cross and CMS to score a long overdue goal at home. Shortly after, the shaggy haired one headed a corner against the crossbar. Early into the second half a poor clearance from the Ipswich keeper gave the opportunity for Bridcutt to attempt his first spectacular goal of the season, this time though he made just as good a decision as he slotted in the excellent Barnes who finished in style from the edge of the box. Two minutes later and we almost witnessed what would have been an incredible goal CMS was played in down the left channel, his first time cross was exquisitely controlled by Buckley who only had to stroke it in but smashed just wide of the top corner. With a few minutes to go Albion wrapped it up as Barnes was played in to score his second. We also got to witness former Barca B Assulin looking every inch the flair winger we expected (from a distance he looks a bit like Messi too). With the second and third goals came some delightful renditions of ‘you can stick that fucking banner up your arse’, and ANOTHER banner unfurled near the end that was swiftly confiscated by a steward. That was it, a comprehensive win and one of the best performances of the season. These Premier League loans are pushing us dangerously close to the play offs. Agent G DONCASTER ROVERS / A / I spent the morning of this game playing in the Brighton fans vs. Doncaster fans match. That game was the much more interesting of the day with
Albion going 2-0 up, then falling 4-2 behind, and finally bringing it back to 4-3. We almost made it 4-4 in the dying minutes, but their keeper saved smartly from a one-on-one. The match was my first proper 90-minute match in a long time and my legs were feeling very stiff for a couple of days afterwards. Onto the proper game then. Doncaster’s stadium is everything we can feel fortunate that ours isn’t. A boring bowl stadium with no atmosphere or character, the game felt depressingly like a League 1 game. The unusual occurrence of the sun in the north provided an added annoyance by forcing the Albion faithful to shade their eyes for almost the entire game, jealous of the one clever TSLRite who had brought his flatcap. This wasn’t a vintage Albion performance by any means; we went ahead arguably against the run of play with a fortuitous Craig Mackail-Smith goal. He seems to be getting the run of the ball at the minute so hopefully he can keep his recent scoring resurgence going. Footballing legend El-Hadji Diouf equalised for Doncaster near the end of the game with a well-taken penalty after Mattock’s needless handball. I got to sample Doncaster’s hostelry after the game, the very Yorkshire named Tut ‘n’ Shive provided some nice ales and a delicious cookie-dough-mountain. Overall a very average day and not the kind of match for which one can be bothered to write a match report. Misplaced Anarchist CARDIFF CITY / H / Er, so we went to print before this game took place and we didn’t quite know what would happen. We either won, drew or lost. FFS Murray, this fanzine is going downhill. TSLR TSLR038
PREVIEWS PORTSMOUTH / H / With this issue being on sale for the first time before the match against Pompey, there was only one theme to factor in to this month’s previews - financial problems. One thing that has emerged from the latest administration saga on the south coast is their extraordinary wage bill. North of the border, Rangers went into administration themselves recently and Scottish rules mean that they will be forced to renegotiate player’s contracts. But because the English PFA is so strong, this didn’t happen two seasons ago when Portsmouth were embroiled in a previous administration. What must be particularly galling for Pompey fans is that their owner, Vladimir Antonov, reassured fans in November 2011 the club would not face administration after the Lithuanian Central Bank - of which Antonov was majority shareholder - fell into a similar position. The future of Pompey looks far bleaker than it did in 2010’s administration: they’ve already made 85 members of staff redundant (over a quarter of their workforce) and are hemorrhaging players at a high rate. On top of that startling headlines have emerged that they may not even finish the season. BLACKPOOL / A / The Seasiders have been noted for their financial prudence in recent years - none more so than when they resisted the temptation to move beyond a reported £10-15k a week wage cap per player when competing in Division One last season. In fact, the Tangerines have been financially viable since the second season they ever had, in 1888-89, which is more than can be said for us who had two incarnations in Rangers and United (both wound up) before becom-
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ing Albion. Unsurprisingly, Blackpool have been keen on a wage cap officially since 2004 - certainly when they watched nearby Wigan have moderate success in 2001 having been spending 181 percent of their wage bill on playing staff. At the time the Seasiders were spending 90 of annual turnover on wages. Deloitte reckon that 70 percent of annual turnover is a comfortable position to be in. The Blackpool financial future’s as bright as their garish home kit. DERBY COUNTY / H / No article on Derby County’s finances would be complete without reference to a period when they were owned by media mogul Robert Maxwell. Maxwell sold the club just before his mysterious ‘death by accidental drowning’ in 1991. His death revealed discrepancies and fraudulent activity in his companies’ finances. Lionel Pickering then took them to the top flight but, following relegation, the Rams ended up in receivership come October 2003 and the club was sold to another bunch of dodgy businessman for just £3 and who initially remained anonymous. The ABC Corporation gave the club £15m but wanted interest payments of 10 percent and sold the club in 2006 with one of them later banged up in prison, a football scene reminiscent of George Reynolds and Darlington. County were then sold to some Yanks - General Sports and Entertainment who brought the losses down considerably in 2009-10 - £2.2m compared with over £10m the year before. NOTTINGHAM FOREST / A / The sad death of owner Nigel Doughty earlier this season was even more devastating for the
MARCH / APRIL Forest faithful because of how he took on a club at one of their lowest ebbs financially and turned them back into some sort of solvent enterprise. Doughty had taken over the club in 2002 and before that Forest had been run by a couple of ineptitudes in the human form of the ‘Bridgford Consortium’ - four blokes who floated on the Alternative Investment Market, raising £2m or 10 percent of what they predicted. Even in 2004, Forest were threatened by Nottingham Council with a winding-up order. In 2010, Forest were still in debt to the tune of £64m of which they owed £63m to Doughty (“I am not looking to get my money back,” he had said) and £1m to the Council which should now have been paid off. But with Doughty gone, and the club losing £12.3m in 2009-10, there’s still significant concern here. MIDDLESBROUGH / H / How times have changed. Middlesbrough’s financial woes come from a time when football was without money. In February 1982, Charles Amer and his son resigned from the board and in December of that year shareholders were told the club had suffered a loss of £307,718 (or a third of Will Buckley). Current owner Steve Gibson had joined the board by then but didn’t have control and they had to borrow £30k from the PFA in April 1986 to pay the playing staff. In May they called in a liquidator who blended the club with a winding-up order following the failure to pay a tax bill.
Debts were £2m. A consortium including Gibson somehow dragged the club, solvent, to the beginning of the 1986-87 season despite the Football League almost screwing them just before it began. Charles Amer died two weeks ago, aged 100 and stated in his autobiography that ‘I was a convenient and high-profile scapegoat’. These days everything appears better than the 1980s, but Steve Gibson was forced to deny rumours of financial problems in April 2011. Just like Vladimir Antonov. BURNLEY / A / Well, Burnley haven’t really had any significant financial problems since the late 1970s when a few players being sold seemed to do the trick. There’s a lesson here - if Albion do ever make it into the top flight, we should follow the financial models set out by Blackpool and Burnley. Ah well, the theme for this month’s previews has run dry so we’ll re-hash an old story. Did you know that one half of TSLR’s editing team once shared a replacement bus service from Burnley to Preston with none other than Mark McCammon after he’d been chucked off the team coach by Mark McGhee? The supermarket trolley - now at Braintree Town - has made the headlines this month by bringing a claim of race discrimination against former club Gillingham and their snake-like chairman Paul Scally. Scally employed David Bellotti so his claims of innocence fall on deaf ears at TSLR Towers. TSLR
Cantona The ghostfor of President. Pierre van TSLR Hooijdonk still haunts the the City Ground. TSLR TSLR038
It’s always great to see Peter Ward in any pose but this photo is less about the moment it was taken and far more about the pictures piled up behind him. You can see a whole host of magic - from the grafitti on the wall of the South Stand at the Goldstone to a team photo from the glory days alongside an image of supporters’ arms aloft, either in celebration or protest. It’s a message to Ward - and all of us - that all that’s in the past. Now is the moment we should be living for. Even if you’re not the best striker at the club anymore. TSLR Picture by Stewart Weir
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BITTER & TWISTED For most Albion fans the events of the last few weeks have run the gamut of human emotion. The high of witnessing Liverpool and Brighton’s balls pulled consecutively from the FA’s velvet bag to Anfield’s comedy of errors followed the by now familiar pleasure of a decent win at the Falmex and the subsequent tedium of Doncaster. My visit to Anfield left me with a confusion of feeling despite subsequent therapy (ie discussion with anyone who would indulge my addled ramblings). I won’t dwell on the result except to chime with Gus’s observation that there were one or two in blue and white who froze on the big stage. It has however left me feeling for the first time in my life somewhat ambiguous about my team’s ambition. I include here boyhood passions for local non-league heroes up to and including my current chest swelling pride in all things Albion. There are two aspects to this decidedly odd
state of affairs. Firstly, I don’t want to play teams like Liverpool except perhaps as an occasional ‘treat’ and secondly, I wouldn’t want Brighton to become anything like Liverpool. Whilst my second point may be considered overstated I am merely expressing the view that almost any Premier League team outside the big four, five or six (is it?) is flattering to deceive. Alone among the top Premier League teams Liverpool have always been considered a real family club who pride themselves on standing apart from the arrogant prima donnas of their peer group. My visit reinforced that feeling but also left me with a distinct feeling of Liverpool’s mawkish sense of oppression. I am aware of straying into distinctly dark territory here. In the interests of balance I will point out that the history of Brighton & Hove Albion in comparison appears to be a fairytale, with no supporters, players or staff in mortal danger at any time.
“I won’t dwell on the result except to chime with Gus’s observation that there were one or two in blue and white who froze on the big stage.” TSLR038
The general demeanour of the red flood in and around the stadium was extremely friendly. In fact they barely opened their mouths throughout the entire game, perhaps in patronising deference to the opposition’s embarrassing second half display. That said the blue army, bigger than a decent Withdean crowd, were in such good voice the reds could not be heard. As a seriously southern softy sporting an NHS hearing aid I can’t pretend to have understood the unfathomable accent of the bloke who sold me a fanzine outside the famous You’ll Never Walk Alone gates. It was upon examining the publication on the coach home I first felt a wave of relief. I have tried hard to avoid the name Luis Suarez and I apologise now for bringing it up. In my defence I would like to offer the justification that I use him merely to illustrate a point. The front cover of said fanzine in full A4 size featured Suarez framed against a background of baying Mancunians using gestures guaranteed to lead to ejection from the family stand. The legend ‘YNWA’ is surmounted by the headline ‘when you walk through a storm…’.
I anticipate the publication you are currently enjoying contains around 15,000 dimly related Albion words. I would suggest this is perfect for the bus home plus a few toilet visits over the course of the month. (It is not boastful to suggest it knocks the spots off Exchange & Mart or Friday Ad.) Liverpool’s sister publication is twice as large and weighs in at an amazing total 12,000 words on the Suarez affair alone. To give Dave, the editor, his due it does come with an apology. I tried hard to get through it, really I did, but I must admit to defeat. I cannot criticise the sheer graft that goes into producing a fanzine for no reward other than giving a few like minded souls a decent snigger once in a while. This publication, I am sorry to report, did not make me snigger. I guess I should be grateful to the red hordes that I’m drinking to another year of football in the Second Division (or the Championship to those whose memory began after 1992). The subject of my homily this month must therefore be to watch and pray my brethren. Keep the faith and enjoy the ride. TSLR
“The publication you are currently reading contains around 15,000 dimly related Albion words - perfect for the bus home plus a few toilet visits.” TSLR038
PETER GRUMMITT’S BRIGHT GREEN GLOVES We all worship Gus. It’s a given for any true Albion fan. But after the Ipswich demolition his deification took on a new level. Most football fans believe they know plenty about team selection and tactics. It’s part of what makes being a fan fun, sitting in the pub spouting off or speculating about which sub to bring on for whom mid-match. When we were caught offside a couple of times early on against Ipswich, I said to my mate ‘that’s alright, we’re gonna catch them out with that high line’. But Gus, as ever, was one step ahead of all of us. He’d set the team up to exploit the opposition from the start. That first goal was perfection, and although Jewell complained afterwards about soft goals given away, there was NOTHING that his team could have done about that goal. The clinching evidence for Gus is the transformation of a certain Adam El-Abd. I was fortunate to see his debut at Notts County in 2003 when he assisted a goal. But for much of the time pre-Gus he wasn’t first choice and we would watch him on the ball with a nervous grip of the plastic south stand seat, or sometimes through the fingers of one hand. He had a mixed relationship with the fans. We appreciated his bravery and strength but frankly questioned whether he had the ability
or composure to become a regular. The nickname ‘triangular boots’ seemed a fair representation of his random passing. As a coach, what Gus brought to Adam was complete clarity of what his job was and from that came the confidence to blossom. Even so, when Gus stated that Adam was the best defender at the club and prioritised a new contract for him ahead of others, there were some quizzical responses from fans. For all Gus’s unshakeable belief in the passing game he recognised early on in Adam the strength of body and strength of character needed to progress. El Abd is the grit in the oyster that forms the pearl. More to the point he gets into ‘em and f*cks ‘em up! He relishes the battle, indeed seeks it out, witness his challenge to Carroll at Anfield. Sometimes you have to ask ‘who would the opposition not want to play against?’ And therein could lie the key to the next level, pushing on to the play-offs. Against Ipswich, it was Razak’s ability to do the unexpected, set within the framework of our solid shape and passing game, that led to probably the most complete performance we have seen at the Amex. If Gus can stay one step ahead of all of us then maybe, just maybe, the sky is the limit. TSLR
“The clinching evidence for Gus is the transformation of a certain Adam El-Abd.” TSLR038
MIDFIELD DIAMOND ‘We’ve got a Russian International’ we sang back in 1990 when Sergei Gotsmanov helped to keep us in the old Division 2. He was very much a novelty in those days, being only the second Soviet player ever to appear in the football league. But he was more than that, he was an international player for a world superpower; this wasn’t some journeyman who’d scraped into a duff Irish side on account of a maternal grandmother. Although he didn’t actually play for Russia during his short spell with us, I remember feeling immensely proud to have a ‘proper’ international playing for us. I’m sure everyone at the Club did too. The game has changed of course and nowadays, a huge number of overseas internationals ply their trade in England. As you would expect, many of the world’s top players turn out for Premiership Clubs while there are several regular internationals amongst Championship Clubs. For us, CMS has broken into the Scotland squad and no doubt several other current Brighton players have international hopes and ambitions, especially if we continue to progress as we have been. However, are the big Clubs still proud to have their players representing their countries in international competitions? Apparently not. UEFA and the European Clubs’ Association (ECA), which represents 201 of the biggest clubs from 53 countries across Europe, have been negotiating the amount of money to be paid by UEFA to the Clubs for ‘allowing’ their players to take part in the Euro 2012 tournament. UEFA reportedly paid £46 Million to European Clubs for ‘releasing’ their players for the World Cup in South Africa and ECA claim to have achieved a ‘substantial in-
crease’ on that figure for this year’s Euros. Why do Clubs get any money at all? For a start, these tournaments are outside the regular football season, so the Clubs can’t argue that they’re losing their players for important games. But the point is that it is no longer an honour to have someone capable of representing their country in your squad, it is an inconvenience and one which must be paid for. (Unlike at Waterloo Station where you have to pay for the conveniences.) My terms and conditions at work include a clause about additional leave if selected to represent my country at a sporting event. A former colleague took advantage of this clause to play Ultimate Frisbee for the UK National team in a tournament in Australia. When he returned with photos from the final game which (he claimed) is traditionally played wearing short skirts and skimpy tops, he was widely acclaimed as a true international crossdressing toy-tosser. But anyway, I am surprised that the players themselves (or their agents) don’t insist on a similar clause in their contracts, without the cross-dressing perhaps, emphasising that it is every player’s right to play for his country if selected, not at the Club’s discretion. And it certainly should not be a chance for the Club to screw more money out of the system. The Clubs should be delighted that they have secured the services of such wonderful players and they should revel and share in their success. Just as the co-editors of this fine publication would be only too pleased if my drivel-writing talents were to be recognised at an international level. TSLR TSLR038
EXETER EXILE I remember the first time I watched Adam El-Abd. It was his home league debut against Wrexham on a wet Withdean afternoon. He looked full-blooded and willing, but nothing special. Certainly not the kind of player I would have expected to see starring for us in the Championship a good 7 years down the line. In the first few years of his Albion career, El-Abd seemed destined to be one of those youth prospects who would eventually fall by the wayside. He was the subject of vitriolic abuse after allegedly telling critical fans in the south stand where to go after one of many home defeats in the 2006/07 season. Over the next few years, he was to suffer from a negative reputation which in large part owed itself to some clumsy on-field performances. Had he been released, few tears would have been shed.
the improvement of our boy. He was strong in the tackle, and utterly dominant against pretty much anyone who crossed his path. Grudgingly, I must now turn to the footballing cliché - it was like watching a different player. And he was to get his reward. It is an accolade to win a Player of the Season award for most players, but in a Championship-winning team it is a hell of an effort from an individual who was previously held in such low esteem by Albionites.
And then came Gus Poyet, Adam’s saviour. Pretty early in his tenure, Gus proclaimed that El-Abd was the best defender at the club, an assessment that was met with widespread laughter. Gus made quite a few ballsy calls early on (see also the departures of Forster and Dickinson) but this was just ludicrous. El-Abd? Never before have the words ‘In Gus we trust’ been so comprehensively proven. It’s not as if we need reminding what Adam achieved last season.
Despite such a brilliant season on an individual and collective level, we had to worry about whether he would make the step up to the Championship. However, these concerns were quickly put on hold as longterm injury cruelly ruled El-Abd out for 7 months. When he eventually returned in November against Derby, he had an established centre back pairing to force his way into; in Adam’s absence, Dunky had been doing terrifically well alongside GG. But now, he is right back in the mix and has carried on from where he left off last season with some very solid performances in the middle. Pretty amazing after such a long spell in the treatment room. His career over the last 2 years has been remarkable. And who is to say he wouldn’t be captain if the current incumbent wasn’t so brilliant at his job? TSLR
I didn’t see much more than 10 games last year but, like many others, I could not believe
Read more from Exeter Exile over on the www.theplightoftheseagull.blog.com
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MARCO VAN BASTARD There seems to be a mix of ill feeling and mockery among fans towards Pompey’s current travails. Evidently the number of supporters having sleepless nights over the ongoing tear-up at Fratton Park is roughly the same as the number of sharks who seem to have circled the latest crisis club in recent years. It all seems quite a turnaround from the goodwill swiftly fostered for Plymouth earlier this season, and you could probably fill these fine pages with the varying views, all sincerely - and often justifiably - held, from those who wouldn’t piss on Pompey if they were on fire to others lamenting such mean-spiritedness and positioning us as brothers in Saints-hating solidarity. Who really knows why Pompey fans don’t seem to have mobilised themselves very quickly (and apologies if any are reading this and take offence - it’s only the perception). Not every club has the fortune to have someone as agile at accounting as Paul Samrah, and it’s well-documented that we had a fortunately adroit pick and mix of people when it came to almost every other aspect of the campaign to save the Albion. I am having a few beers with a number of Pompey mates today, all of whom accept the line of no sympathy for their club. It doesn’t deserve any, but the fans do. They don’t even mind going bust if it starts the process of the Football League taking a stand against dodgy
money in the game. The wider issue, clearly, is that a lot more clubs will follow if they go. What is most alarming is that everyone could see dodgy stuff was going on at Pompey, and the FA never took any steps to investigate it. It is not up to fans, players or administrators to regulate the game. It is more than 15 years since we marched outside the FA headquarters to try and urge them to take stronger action against wrong ‘uns, since when they have responded with endless guff - you’d need more than a mag to cover the amount of times they’ve made vague promises to be more vigilant - but very little in the way of tangible deed. The fit and proper person test is precisely flimsy enough to be easily navigated by the sort of people experienced in dastardly business - the use of offshore bank accounts seems to have largely done for Pompey, an area over which there is precious little jurisdiction within the game. Beyond doing what they can to rebuild the embers of the club, there is now nothing the governing bodies can do. Pompey will probably go bust, and nobody will be made accountable for that. The FA probably won’t even investigate what’s happened. None of the interim dodgy lawyer owners will get locked up. The club will start again in the Conference, and all the while these fat leeches are sunning themselves in whatever moral-less state they reside in. However you feel about one club, it’s a state of affairs we should all stand against. TSLR
“Not every club has the fortune to have someone as agile at accounting as Paul Samrah.” TSLR038
RICHIE MORRIS MEETS... PORTSMOUTH Football Club, it would appear, are currently in a bit of a pickle. Money owed left, right and centre, star players being shipped out on cost-cutting loan deals and bell-ringing fans whored out to organisers of downhill skiiing contests in Switzerland. Or something like that. And, just to rub it all in, their former manager ‘Happy’ ‘Arry Redknapp looks like landing the England job on the back of a halfdecent Spurs team and near bankrupcy inducing FA Cup triumph at Fratton Park. But, HOW (wait a minute and you will see where I am going with this) HOW can Brighton fans truly sympathise with their south coast rivals? Can anyone who has been forced to stand in the pool of piss away end at Fratton, or listen to the endless choruses of The Fucking Song really feel sorry for Pompey? Well, if one man was capable of enticing out those supressed emotions it would surely be Fred Dinenage: Meridian TV’s own Ron Bur-
gundy. Fred Dinenage: friend fo the Krays. Fred Dinenage: presenter of kids classic How (you see). Fred Dinenage: Former Portsmouth board member. Fred Dinenage: A man for all seasons. Speaking exclusively to TSLR, the man behind a million lost cat stories lifted the lid on what has gone wrong at the club we love to hate almost as much as Crystal Palace. Chatting into a telephone from, we hope, behind his news desk, he said, “Its quite simple. Under Milan Mandaric, when I was a board member, this was a well-run club. Milan could tell you where every penny went.” [Presumably if he had been a little better at this there might have been less need for a recent high profile tax avoidance case, but hey ho, who are we to stop Mr D in mid flow?] “But he got to the point where running a club in the Premiership was simply too expensive. Milan left - and so did his board members, myself and Terry Brady.
“Sacha Gaydamack took over - and certain people thought we’d won the lottery. They thought Gaydamack was another Abramovich.” TSLR038
FRED DINENAGE “Sacha Gaydamak took over - and certain people thought we’d won the lottery. They thought Gaydamak was another Abramovich. Players were put on ridiculous salaries. Success followed. But, as we all know, neither the success nor the money could be sustained.” Ah, the much maligned Leeds United / Ken Bates effect. It didn’t take a financial whizzkid from Ernst & Young to see Pompey were spending well above their means. Skyrocketing wages were never going to be bankrolled by crowds of 18,000. Quite simply, it would have taken quite a few more John ‘Portsmouth Football Club’ We s t w o o d s coming through the turnstiles to keep Kanu in size 15 boots. Especially if the fans continue to shun replica shirts for the heavily tattooed torso look so popular in the Small Town Near Southampton. The cash ran out. More than once. The club kept going (and, randomly, signing players). More than once. Recently though, things began to look a tad more serious. The money men were called in and the word soon spread. Portsmouth may not finish the season. A points deduction followed and the team now sits precariously close to the trapdoor. It seems that even if financial ruin can be put off, negotiating a route away from League One may be more difficult.
Continues over the page...
Mr Dinenage though - ever the optimistic housewife favourite that we know and love is confident the team can escape. “I believe the team can stay up - you have to believe that,” he said, perhaps not realise quite the preaching-to-the-convertedness of telling that to a Brighton fan. “If not, don’t worry - we will fight our way back. We’ve done it before. “We have a brilliant manager in Michael Appleton. They call him ‘Appy - although he must have been fairly miserable in recent weeks...” If he has been, he probably isn’t the only one. Mr Dinenage, or Fred to his friends and subsequently TSLR, admits dark thoughts inbetween his autocue expertise. “Pompey’s future is incredibly uncertain,” he conceeds - almost as readily as the Pompey back four. “But, like all Pompey fans, I cannot imagine a future without this historic club which boasts some of the most loyal supporters in the world. “I’m always optimistic the club will be bought. I just hope and pray that it will be the right person. A true football man who cares about the city, the club and - most important - the fans. I wish it could be me. I just need to win the Euro Lottery first.” So no immediate Dinenage-led consortium TSLR038
THE BIG INTERVIEW coming to the rescue just yet. It might end up being more drastic than that. If Portsmouth go bust would many consider crossing the devide to follow the Saints [TSLR asks like the mischevious little tinker that it is]. Fred, ever the consumate professional, abliges. “I don’t think most Pompey fans begrudge Southampton their success this season - but I also don’t think many of them would end up supporting Saints in the future if the worst came to and Pompey ever folded. They would simply support the new, re-born Pompey.” Rewind a decade and the formation of a phoenix club for the Albion was one many fans were having to consider, if only in the long-term had the planning saga surrounding The Amex ended badly. It was a plight which, apparantly, did not go unnoticed in the studios of Merian TV - even if its producers are contractually obliged to spend at least 87.9 per cent of its air time discussing Southampton. “I’ve always had a soft spot for the Seagulls since their wonderful cup final year which we covered extensively on Television South (TVS),” reveals Fred - wonderfully managing to maintain the aura of a man many would have chosen as their dream uncle during his HOW hayday. TSLR038
“I have happy memories of Stevie Foster and the lads - and, of course, Jimmy ‘White Shoes’ Melia. “Everyone has the highest regard for Gus Poyet and what he has done with the team on them pitch - and Tony Bloom and what he has done in creating this wonderful stadium.” And a forecase for today? “Lets be realistic - if Pompey can get a draw we’ll have done well. But, either way, I personally hope the Seagulls make it to the Promised Land. “But a word of warning - if you do, don’t splash the cash.” And, forgive us, but we couldn’t help but pose another hilarious HOW themed question for Fred to ponder. “HOW,” asked TSLR, “would you, Fred Dinenage, solve Portsmouth’s problems?” The man who built a career on having all the answers ponders quietly for a few seconds: “There’s no easy way, but a generous football-loving billionaire would be a start. “If no new owner comes in, I think the fans will attempt to run the club themselves. “And, frankly, I think they’d probably make a better job of it than all of our recent owners.” TSLR
FLAIRWATCH Hello disciples and welcome to what could be the most important article of your life. If you are easily scared, do not read on. If you are pregnant, a child or elderly, I advise caution to the highest level.
Mario will aid my flairmageddon by punishing all those who have refused to accept the teachings of the flair bible. He will become famous for his Hollywood style pre-killing catchphrase of ‘Mario will see you now!’.
Like all prophets, I specialise in the foretelling. I am an educator and saviour of souls. That’s just what I do. What I am prophesying in this issue is the impending arrival of the four flairmen of the apocolypse - FLAIRMAGEDDON!!!!!
Secondly, we have Romain Vincelot. I have written many a time about my homoerotic love of the Romain Warrior and now is no different. Romain symbolises ‘sexy’ flair. He will aid my flairmageddon by leaping majestically into the arms of the wives of all those who do not accept the teachings of the Book of Cantona. He will be famed for his love of what he calls ‘Romain Orgies’ and for his catchphrase of ‘When in Rome-an’.
I have been saying for quite some time that flairmageddon is almost upon us. Upon it’s arrival, I will be there, dressed in my 1995-96 Newcastle United Goalkeepers Kit (the one with the backdrop of Newcastle stylishly silhouetted onto it), surrounded by hell, fire, brimstone and the tortured souls of all those who refused to accept my way of thinking. To be allowed into flair heaven, and live in immortality watching endless YouTube compilations of Djalminha and Hristo Stoichkov you must accept me as your leader and the true son of Tony Yeboah. On the day of flairckoning, I will be aided by my four flairmen. Flairman number one is, obviously, Mario Balotelli. He symbolises ‘off field antics’ flair. In recent years, Super Mario has reinvigorated the flair world like no other. Whether it’s buying everyone in Nando’s their meals, getting caught in strip clubs, ‘why always me?’, letting off fireworks in his house, building a quad bike track in his garden, giving thousands of pounds to homeless people, ending school conflicts or simply stamping on an opponents face, he’s always up to something.
The third Flairman is a hybrid creature created in my lab of Frankenstinian proportions. He is what happens when Vicente and Gai Assulin are cross bred....he is called ‘Vicentelin’. He is symbolic of the ‘injury prone’ element of flair. This savage beast will often aid and assist the other flairmen....but could possibly go missing at any time, returning when you least expect it. He has Gai’s flowing locks and beautiful playing style, mixed with Vicente’s dashing good looks. The final flairman is the most important. He is the ‘managerial’ aspect of my whole flairmageddon. He is, of course, Gus Poyet. Gus is my hero, plain and simple. He’s my dream man, my idol and the only man I want leading my troops into battle. A flairmageddon run by Gus would involve so much gesticulating, inappropriate interviews and the recruitment of minions from all the flair nations on the planet that all those who oppose me would simply be blown away by the flairitude of it all. TSLR TSLR038
TEARS AND TICKET TOUTS Every time I’ve ended up with a spare ticket at Falmer, I’ve had no takers whatsoever. Whilst on those occasions I’ve flogged this rag without a spare ticket, I’m asked by many if I have a spare. Typical ticket touts, there’s never one when you want one. The better we get, it seems, the more expensive watching the Albion is. I was struck early on in the season how expensive it was at £31 to visit Ipswich’s Portman Road with the view obscured by a steel girder. And that’s to fund their excessively paid midfielders. Maybe we should have made a banner about it. P****e away cost us £30 and my West Ham supporting colleague suggests we could be stung by over £30 for the visit to the Boleyn - if only they would piss off to the Olympic Stadium we might be able to get a ticket at an affordable price. Those prices mean that, for the first time in three seasons, I missed an Albion match due to financial problems. Not the kind you’ll find down the coast at Portsmouth thankfully, but enough to deny me an enjoyable trip to Doncaster. Rumour has it that Albion are looking at raising season ticket prices for next season and it’s safe to assume that they will increase in price. But I’m happy with that, we’re a solid second tier club now and the Falmer prices
for this season (especially in the North) have been stupendously good value, cheaper than Withers. And Falmer is well worth it. It’s other clubs I have the problem with. The view at Leeds was embarrassingly bad from the top of the stand, as it was at Selhurst and even in some places even at Anfield. Clubs consistently claim that old stadia give them a harder time to meet the financial threshold needed to sustain the clubs in question - Liverpool have used that excuse to push for a new stadium - and that’s just one reason of many for not quite wanting promotion to the top flight just yet. Never mind the hiding we received on the Anfield pitch. There is one problem I’ve had with Albion’s ticketing arrangements and that’s the preposterous points system. How the club can justify 10 points for a midweek match away from home in Cardiff or Hull yet offer 20 points for attending cup matches at Falmer is beyond us. At the end of the day Des, most of us are so emotionally involved, whatever price is asked will be given. I know that after missing Donny, the guilt I felt for not being there to suffer with the rest of the TSLRites, and Albionites alike, will haunt me forever. It means I’ll find the money for a visit to Blackpool. Even if it means committing a crime. TSLR
“The guilt I felt for not being there to suffer with the rest of the TSLRites will haunt me forever.” TSLR038
CARTER I went to the East Central Brasserie recently and ordered the Pelican Curry. Very enjoyable and not too spicy, but the bill was massive #bhafc. @tslr: When he retires from football, I hear Gai Assulin is looking to own a dairy and market some products under the name ‘Gai Butters.’ Sorry, forgot I wasn’t on Twitter then for a minute. It’s been a busy month, too much chasing about and turning up to games just shy of kick-off sweating like an Ispwich fan in an English lesson. But good old Twitter has helped to keep me in the Brighton loop at all times. Much has been written about the recent uptake of Twitter by both Albion fans and players alike; in fact, TSLR buddies, WeAreBrighton.com, keep an updated list of players with the most followers. As it stands, it looks like Craig Mackail-Smith is by far the player we’d all most like to stalk in Sainsbury’s. Before Twitter, how else would you be able to send some insightful Albion-related comments to Alan Navarro, Richie Reynolds (pictured with his favourite fanzine), Andy Naylor and your mate Steve all in one go? You could track down their email addresses somehow or write individual letters, but no, the only possible way to get your point across to a mass Albion audience would be to run on the pitch during a match, possibly with your penis* out, and say your piece through a megaphone. I suppose this depends on how important what you want to say is - prob-
ably not worth baring your balls to families in the East Stand just to declare that you’ve just completed the pre-match/half-time/fulltime pie hat-trick. Putting this information out on Twitter is less embarrassing, it’ll just sink without trace if not of sufficient interest to anyone. You have to say some pretty messed up or exciting snippets to even warrant an audience on Twitter, getting anyone to retweet your words out of genuine interest or amusment, rather than pestering ‘Hey CMS, my nan just farted, please retweet’, is quite difficult. It’s a bit like trying to kill a pony with a cake fork. This incessant stream of Brighton tidbits is a very good thing though, as it immediately cuts out flouncing and attention seeking that seems to blight some otherwise marvellous corners of the Albion web. The immediacy of eveything always astounds me as well. For example; photos of that Ispwich banner were on Twitter before anyone even had a chance to read it and work out what it meant..although, admittedly, that did take several hours. Twitter has also proved a fantastic way of keeping an eye on ex-players; TSLR used to have to risk a restraining order to find out what Colin Hawkins was having for dinner. I often miss the interviews with former players on the screens at half-time as I queue for a leak. It’s always upsetting when they tell me they don’t sell them at the bar. *Or boobs in the case of ladies or those who have completed the Piglet’s Pantry pie hattrick. TSLR TSLR038
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