TSLR039

TSLR039 / April 2012 / £1

THE SEAGULL LOVE REVIEW

“AND “AND YOU, YOU,

VICENTE,

SHALL SHALL LEAD LEAD THEM THEM

TO TO WEMBLEY! WEMBLEY! OR OR FAILING FAILING THAT, THAT,

BARNSLEY!” A collection of badly edited Albion related-ish drivel that will roll up and fit in you back pocket

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I PUT ONE POST ON NSC AND I LOST THE PLOT. THANK GOD FOR TSLR!

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TSLR039 The Seagull Love Review is an independent Brighton and Hove Albion Magazine.

Issue 39, April 2012.

The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the views of the Editors, or The Seagull Love Review.

We do hate Palace though, officially.

EDITORS NOTES This is the final issue of The Seagull Love Review for the 2011/12 season, and what a great season it has been. Perhaps the monotony of being stuck in that dreadful third division for 5 years has made trips to Coventry and Southampton seem better than they actually are, but the Championship really is a fantatsic divison to play football in.

The new ground has been fun too!

Thanks this issue to TC, KK, SL, GE, SB, JS, BM, TS & BM Edited by SS and SS Artwork by SS, ML, JS Printed by MCR Print of Hove www.mcrprint.co.uk TSLR is printed using eco-friendly paper and ink apparently.

The Seagull Love Review 19 City Heights, Manchester M1 7AX tslr@hotmail.co.uk www.theseagulllovereview.com http://twitter.com/tslr Signed off 0637 03/04/2012

Normally it’s not really a problem bringing out an issue knowing there’s a few games to go, but in the case of TSLR039 it’s been tricky. We really don’t know which way this season will end; we could play a bit rubbish and still sneak in the play-offs at this rate.

A few thank you’s are in order before we sign off for the summer. Firstly to our contributors who have sent in the best writing we’ve ever printed this year, without them there’s no fanzine. Thanks to those who have contributed artwork and photography for the magazine. Thanks to those who have sold it at The Amex and away matches and thanks to MCR Print for their support since August.

Finally, thnak you to you for buying the thing. We hope you find it worth a pound still and that you’ll continue to support us next season* Up The Albion!

S+S *Premier League fanzine prices to be announced ;)

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CONTENTS 5 WHAT’S HOT, WHAT’S NOT / 6 NEWS IN BRIEF / 8 FLAIRWATCH / 9 MARCO VAN BASTARD / 10 REVIEWS / 14 PREVIEWS / 16 2011/12 TSLR FANS SURVEY / 24 JIM PROUDFOOT

INTERVIEW

/ 27 BASH THE BISH / 28 BITTER & TWISTED / 30

FRANKENBREZ

CARTER Your weekend footy fix starts here...

For all your Albion news, opinion, interviews, malicious tittle-tattle and some downright fibbing, tune into

THE ALBION ROAR Every Saturday from 12pm til 1pm on Radio Reverb 97.2FM (if you’re in Brighton/Hove)

or at www.radioreverb.com

Missed the show?

Listen again at www.albionroar.co.uk or on iTunes The Albion Roar is a guaranteed Phil Collins-free zone AND we have far better studio guests than every other show. FACT.

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31

WHAT’S HOT WHAT’S NOT

Mendoza’s..

Original.

H O T N O T Vicente Having been booked against Pompey for taking his shirt off, he scored again. Most fans thought he couldn’t be arsed to play next game and assumed he would take his shirt off again, giving himself a ban and a week off. But no, he kept his shirt on, making himself available for the next game. Committed.

Vicente Against Blackpool he was the only player to not be completely abysmal. He cracked open the Flairerro Rochers and set up a goal. He even did stuff like sliding tackles and got mud on his shorts. At last he showed he cares!

Dedicated.

Vicente Against Derby he nearly scored the greatest goal the history of soccerball has ever seen, taking it around the whole Derby team, bench and fans twice, before smashing the ball against the bar from 20 yards. It was the cause of thousands of simultaneous trouser accidents. Orgasmic Vicente With a virus sweeping through the Brighton camp, threatening to derail the play off charge, Vicente came to the rescue. All the players effected where sent to Vicente’s house, where he placed his left foot on their head and whispered “you shall be cured now mi amigo” They were all instantly cured, the crisis was over. The play off charge was back on track.

Healer.

Vicente Since his comeback, Vicente has made 7 appearances. Brighton have scored 10 goals in that time with El Punal setting up 7 of those, as well as scoring 2. Figures as impressive as Holly Willoughby’s 34DD-28-38. Perfection.

Vicente He is so good that there was no room for me to write about how totes amaze Gullys Girls are in What’s Hot. Boo Vicente Why the hell did he have to pretend to be injured for so long? If he was fit Brighton would have DEFINITELY won The Champions League AND The World Cup this season. Not sure if we would have kept up with Southampton though. Adkins.

Vicente He has never been to Nandos. What is he, some kind of idiot? Speaking of Nandos, the Godly like chain of peri-peri chicken, flame grilling masters announced they are opening a new branch in Brighton Marina. The very next day, Craig Noone signed a contract extension with Brighton until 2015. He loves Chickaaan. Addicted.

Vicente His magical left foot is good, but not good enough to cure the latest disease sweeping through the Brighton camp. The disease has caused many a Brighton player to start going bald on the top of their heads, with Greer, Navarro and Calderon being worst hit. Zidane.

Vicente Vincente’s name is so complicated that nobody knows how the hell to spell it, let alone pronounce it. Personally I don’t see why everyone is finding it hard to say “Vicente Rodríguez Guillén El Puñal de Benicalap”?

Easy. TSLR TSLR039

We were all in for two treats at the end of the Middlesbrough game - Albion held our playoff spot and we got to meet John Prescott. The Lord and former MP was being wined and dined by Dick Knight and Martin Perry in, er, the North Stand Atrium Social Club. Rumour has it that we’re still paying him back for allowing Falmer to be given permission. Payments are currently being made to him in the form of Piglet’s Pantry pies. We took the opportunity to grab a photo of Prezzer (with some trepidation, he could have easily punched us) with a copy of his favourite fanzine. Top marks go to the Hull man for keeping the copy of TSLR038 and we left wondering whether he’d pulled off the Piglet’s Pantry hat-trick.

NEWS IN BRIEFS APRIL

Things we learnt this month #1: Blackpool truly is a shithole. If it’s for an Albion match then maybe but, if you’re ever invited there for anything else, it really is worth missing.

There are, however, many more two pence slot machines on their Promenade than there are on the P****e Pier. We won shedloads of prizes.

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Also at the Middlesbrough match, we were very lucky to swap a copy of the latest TSLR with a copy of the latest Fly me to the Moon (FMTTM) - the Teesiders’ fanzine.

And a jolly good read it is too, with a general readability much more akin to this very publication than the usual staid fanzines we tend to get our filthy mitts on. We won’t give away too much detail as it will be given the proper review treatment over on our blog in the coming weeks. But at 32 pages for £1.50 - like they state on the cover - it’s a steal. The extra 50 pence cover price, TSLR039

we imagine, pays for their colour cover. Oh, and the printing quality isn’t quite as good as TSLR but then this’ll be read by staff on our printing press so we have to say that, don’t we?

Things we learnt this month #2: Vicente is the best player we have ever seen at Albion. Look no further than the Fan’s Survey in this very issue for reasons but anyone who has seen him play will know what we mean. In fact, this issue has unintentionally morphed into an El Punal special.

Some of you may have spotted a Channel 4 (ooh, highbrow) documentary team loitering around Falmer and the Albion all season. Well, since the last issue came out, they even spent a little time with us - it’s amazing how many times a copy of TSLR fell out of our pockets accompanied with the words ‘only £1... bargain’. Lucky for you guys, they’ve been filming the programme all season long and it will only air for 23 minutes so you might get away without seeing our ugly mugs.

Things we learnt this month #3: Craig Noone’s dad is a free ticket giving legend. Thanks to senior Noone who made the trip to Blackpool slightly more bearable by shoving a couple of complimentary tickets TSLR’s way.

Should Albion make the top flight this season, Gus will be forced to bring in players of Premiership class. Rumour has it that the great Uruguayan has been sending scouts to watch a Spaniard named Fran Sandaza in Scotland

and a gentleman named Colin Hawkins based over the Irish Sea. In fact, the glue factory to whicSandaza was sent at the end of last season has been forced to stop production until Poyet has made a decision on the future of the oncehighly rated nag.

Colin Hawkins now writes a weekly blog for the League of Ireland so if you’re short of things to do over the summer, probably best not to read it for footballing advice.

Things we learnt this month #4: Steve Cotterill’s teams don’t always play hoof-ball. Unlike every other time we’ve played a team managed

by Cotterill, the one that outplayed us in Nottingham actually tried to pass the ball. What next? Sam Allardyce on a diet?

The Olympics is fast approaching but vistiors to the new £486m Olympic Stadium were supposedly less than impressed.

West Ham’s new home ground sounds like it will suit the ineptitude of their automatic promotion campaign this season and has been hammered for being a much less comfortable venue than the glorious, relative bargain Falmer.

Like Steve Ovett before him, Tony Bloom is a much better person than Lord Coe. TSLR Towers can’t help but think that Seb should be stripped of his title with it being given to our little lizard.

Things we learnt this month #5: The Albion 5 could spend the play-offs behind bars. In-

nocent until proven guilty. Obviously. And we might not make the play-offs anyway.

We’ve always struggled with the final issue of the season simply because it’s hard to summise where we’ll end up finishing. For instance, when Russell Slade saved us on the last day of the season, our final issue published a month earlier was full of doom and gloom. However, this season it’s quite easy to sum up the 2011/12 season before it finishes: that is, it has been an absolute fucking dream.

Things we learnt this month #6: Ken Brown was as inept a chief executive as we always thought. The club restructured some back-room staff in pensioning off Martin ‘Falmer’ Perry and sneaking a couple of lines at the bottom of the press release suggesting Ken Brown had left the club ‘with immediate effect’. Despite being sacked (whatever, don’t sue) he still managed to sign each and every one of Albion’s season ticket holders’ renewal forms.

Thanks to everyone who has purchased, stolen, begged for or simply used old issues of TSLR given out by us for confetti purposes (the confetti highlight of the season was when we won a goal kick at Middlesbrough away). It’s been a wonderful season and you lot throwing a few quids at us has made it that much sweeter. We know we’re no Will Buckley against Donny, but if we’ve given a fraction of that entertainment this season, we’ll take it. Enjoy the well deserved summer break.

And if all else fails, beers on the grass adjacent to Falmer will be a serious option. TSLR TSLR039

FLAIRWATCH Welcome readers to the culmination on what has been a monuMENTAL season for the Albion, both in the flair world and the real world.

As this is the last flair watch of the season, I thought it would be ideal for me to give you my run down of this seasons flairest moments.

Who has cracked open the flairrero rocher’s more than anyone? Who has caused the most chilli con carnage? Read on, and you will have all your questions answered.

The award for flairest goal goes to flair icon Inigo Calderon for his stunning effort against Bristol City. We all know our rampaging matador is capable of moments of spectacular flairitude, but this will take some beating. Picking the ball up on the right hand side, Calde unleashed a stunning strike perfectly into the top corner, past the despairing dive of fellow flair icon David James. Notable other contenders include Ryan Harley’s D-Beck-esque free kick against Peterborough, Matt Sparrow’s RASPING drive against Southampton and everything that Vicente has done.

The award for flairest moment that didn’t result in a goal of course goes to Vicente against Derby. El Punal picked the ball up on half way, before jedi-ing himself past what seemed like a MILLION County players, before unleashing a right old thriker against the bar. Had it gone in it definitely would’ve been flairest goal. However, in true flair form it wasn’t QUITE perfection. The sign of a true flairniac.

The flairest off-field moment award obviously goes to Jara Reyes. The Chilean was arrested for driving without a license, which, whilst I don’t condone his actions, is gloriously flair.

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Another contender is the bad thing that some of our players *allegedly* did that I probably shouldn’t talk about.

The Mark McGhee award for pointless foreigners award is this year tied between Roland Bergkamp and David Gonzalez. I had very high hopes for our thoroughbred Dutch striker before the season, however I’m not entirely convinced that he exists? He apparently went on loan to Rochdale for a bit, but that’s like saying that we “apparently” put a man on the moon and “apparently” Elvis is dead. Didn’t happen. As for our Colombian goalkeeper..... very disappointed, very disappointed indeed.

On a side note- who the hell is Raphael Rossi Branco?!

The Micky Adams award for comedyfending is a collective effort for our absolute shambles away to Liverpool. I wasn’t overly fussed about that game, but WHAT a cock-up it was.

Brilliant stuff. Special recognition has to go to Lewis Dunk who scored one of the greatest own-goals I’ve ever seen.

Finally, the Federico Turienzo Flairniac of the year award this year is being shared between Gonzalo Jara Reyes and Mauricio Tarrico.

Tanno has impressed flairniacs everywhere with his playing style. He’s so mild mannered off the field, but as soon as he crosses that white line he turns into an absolute maniac.

Brilliant stuff. The fact that he’s a part-time player and has TWO red cards to his name (BOTH for swearing at the ref) just goes to show how dedicated he is to the flair cause.

Gonzalo has won this due to his off-field antics and his latino style of play, including numerous mistakes, back-heeled nutmegs and RAKING cross-field passes. TSLR

MARCO VAN BASTARD Palarse at home aside, it would have taken a lot to put a downer on this campaign.

But to be in the top six with a few games to go represents the sublime and faintly ridiculous. I’m not sure if we deserve it but, on points, we clearly perhaps do (I’m writing this before the ‘Boro game).

Our run-ins tend to be clearer cut than this when you think about the likes of the relegation under Mad Dog McGhee or last year’s promotion, and it’s hard to say with certainty that we’re as overall dangerous as, say, Blackpool (who I hope we never play again all the while Kevin Phillips can merk our defence like a cat with a stricken crow) or Wet Sham.

At times we’ve been fortunate but, in the words of Liam Gallagher, there we were, now here we are, and the rest of April now looks tantalising. All of our competitors are under pressure to succeed, whereas our position in the exalted firmament feels like gluttony on the back of nine dream-like months of endless late goals and performances to look back on with pride.

If Barnsley away ends in celebration then who knows where we’ll go from there? I mumbled on earlier this season about how this isn’t the right time for us to be promoted, and have since felt some insecurity with that view thanks to the ever-flowing fount of perceptive clarity that is NSC. Obviously I’d love us to bosh the play-offs despite my instinct that we will be crushed (and whatever happens let’s

have a fucking good party), but if I may issue a muted disclaimer then I’d like to emphasise that I would, of course, rejoice as idiotically as my clownish features allow should we pull off the unthinkable.

My concern partly reflects my own anticipation of personal failure and disaster and endless appetite for the subsequent melancholy that brings, as well as a gnawing sense that we’re still pawing around an immense stage we once never expected to find ourselves upon.

Due to missing the Derby game and being too skint to go to The City Ground, I tragically decided to go to Crawley against Rotherham on the day of the Forest game. A terrace full of Yorkshiremen is no place for a southerner to appear smug, but whenever either side attempted more than three passes the ball ended up out of play. Every ball was rocketed down the middle. Within the first five minutes, one of these resulted in a defender nearly having his gullet smashed out by an elbow.

Alex Revell failed to control a pass which would have allowed him a sitter against the Former Dutch Marine. Like a day trip to Croydon, there could have been no better advert for home comforts. Though this might be the umpteenth time you’ve read such witless fawning, our football is extraordinary. The elevation from where we came is vertiginous.

Let’s hope for an extended finale to a beautiful season. TSLR TSLR039

XXX REVIEWS PORTSMOUTH / H / Albion welcomed our friends from Fratton to Falmex who were feeling 10 points lighter after spending shitloads of money they didn’t have to win the FA Cup a few years ago. Unsurprisingly they brought their full allocation; also unsurprisingly this contained a number of Neanderthals from Hampshire but they were generally well behaved and created a bit of noise. Albion started well and half chances fell to Berti Vokes and Buckley early on but Portsmouth had the best chance of the half when some kamikaze passing from Albion ended with Greer’s half hearted clearance falling to a Pompey midfielder who chipped only just over the stricken Brezovan’s crossbar.

Albion huffed and puffed but couldn’t find a way through the stubborn skate rearguard.

Cometh the hour cometh the dagger Vicente’s introduction provided the creative spark needed and he had already created a half chance and forced the keeper into a save before fully claiming the spotlight for the afternoon.

More magic from his dribbling feet forced a cheeky trip from a Portsmouth defender resulting in a free kick in a dangerous position on the edge of the area. The dagger sized it up before drilling a low effort that sliced through the wall and into the bottom corner. We were then treated to a first glimpse of the muscles that maketh the man as our hero removed his shirt in jubilation (drool) at his first goal at Falmex. With the clock running down Kaz headed towards the corner with the ball and after having several lumps kicked out of him found himself bearing down on goal, his perfectly weighted pass was swept home by El Punal to seal victory and a match winning display. Let’s give thanks to TSLR’s campaign to find our Spanish supremo (see front cover of TSLR036) because our play off prospects TSLR039

would look a lot worse without him.

BLACKPOOL / A / It had been a while since I’d been to Blackpool and I’d forgotten just what a horrible place it is. Walking along the seafront is like walking along the strip at Malia, or some other holiday destination for sex-craved teenagers, with a succession of people trying to persuade you to enter their particular establishment, the only difference is that instead of good-looking girls in minimal clothing the people doing the persuading are rotund and balding middle-aged blokes.

We were eventually persuaded to enter Funland (not a strip club) where we spent far too long putting pounds worth of two penny coins into the slots in the hope of winning terrible prizes meant for under-tens, which for some reason had taken on a symbolic importance. One TSLRite excelled at this game, coming away with a High School Music picture frame, three puppy keyrings and a packet of pogs.

Unfortunately the winning of prizes which probably cost less to make than two pences with which we used to win them wasn’t the good omen we expected and the three points from the game didn’t follow.

We did take the lead though, from a Vicente set-piece, which seems to be where most of our goals are coming from of late, and we should arguably of had a penalty whilst one nil up. Blackpool are a very good attacking team though, as the three goals they put past Southampton in there next home game show, and they had soon turned the game round with two first half goals in quick succession. Reyes was sent off in the second half, perhaps slightly harshly, for a reckless lunge and Kevin Phillips added his second and Blackpool’s third shortly after. Our first defeat of the calendar year.

FEB / MAR Also I have to warn everyone to never buy the doughnuts from Blackpool seafront. They may look tempting, but believe me they taste disgusting!

DERBY COUNTY / H / I enjoyed the Derby game immensely - after the Doncaster match this was probably my favourite home game of the season so far. Managed to bunk off work early (asking my boss whilst he’s really distracted seems to be working a treat this year) so got to the Prince Albert just after five. Having already enjoyed a couple of train beers and after a few pints and lucky tequilas and not having eaten since lunchtime by the time I arrived at Falmer I was in particularly good spirits and looking forward to us getting back to winning ways after the somewhat lacklustre performance up in Blackpool.

The Albion didn’t disappoint and dominated the game so totally that it wasn’t like watching the Brighton I’ve grown up with at all - It was more akin to watching Barcelona. (possibly a slight exaggeration) We were fantastic and Vicente was outstanding. Every time he got the ball you knew something special was likely to occur. The Derby players were terrified of him. They tried tackling him and that didn’t work. Neither did fouling him. Crowding him out would just see him glide between them with the ball seemingly stuck to his foot by glue. Back when we signed him I knew he was good. Real damn good. Not this good though, not after his injury nightmares and all. After 10 minutes or so Calderon buried a header into the net from Vicentes corner (pleasingly winning me £50 courtesy of Ladbrokes) and the Albion were looking good for the win. We stroked the ball around with confidence for the rest of the half and looked increasingly comfortable.

The 2nd half atmosphere was far better than the oddly flat one in the first and the Albion continued to attack the besieged Derby goal with gusto. Vicente was again pulling the strings and combined with lua-lua (having his best game this season) to set up Ashley Barnes and make the game safe. Our Spanish hero was substituted late in the half but not before coming so so close to a goal of the decade contender. He beat at least 27 Derby players/ substitutes/coaching staff/fans as he weaved from the halfway line to the edge of the area in a bewitching manner before absolutely twatting it against the bar. Derby had a few attacks late on as we annoyingly switched off but the match had long gone away from them at this point.

After this performance and with recent results going our way amongst our play off rivals we suddenly look like real contenders this year. With a fully fit Vicente all season we’d in all probability have won this division by a country mile. I think I’m in love.

NOTTINGHAM FOREST / A / City of Nottingham was our destination on the Gus Bus. This was an away day that was noted when the fixtures came out. This is due to Nottingham being a lovely city with some of the best pubs I’ve experienced.

City Ground situated on the River Trent on the opposite side to Notts County is a lovely old football stadia that over the years has had stands redeveloped but is still there throughout the decades of football. Last time I was at the city ground we drew 0-0 and sung Thierry Racons name throughout the game under the Wilkins surge to try and get the Playoffs in League 1.

We started in the Vat and Fiddle before the TSLR039

REVIEWS game, Lovely Castle Rock beers, and also a man in tights dressed as Robin Hood, what more could you want? After the Mutley contingent gathered we set of walking to the ground. Walking over the bridge, the ground looked magnificent in the sun seeing fans on the Trent River bank.

After the 2-0 win against Derby a lot was expected from The Seagulls. Especially after seeing Kaz and The Dagger tear Derby apart midweek. The game started and Forest looked much more of a threat, and should have been 3-0 up at half time with Guedioura firing wide, Andy Reid also curling a left footed free kick against the outside of the post and Blackstock heading wide. The Albion struggled to create many chances and the only way it seemed possible was through a dead ball. Which was scripted on the 63rd minute when Vicente hit a swinging ball into the box for Vokes to climb above the out rushing Forest Keeper.

This wasn’t going to be the last we saw from Forest as they surged forward for the equaliser. A goal mouth scramble saw the ball trickle up to the outside of the Albion post and Guedioura had a fine shot saved by Brez.

Mr Sparrow then saw a second yellow for a pull back - minutes later, Blackstock flicked on a long ball for the BRIGHTON REJECT lynch to pounce on the ball and put the ball through Brez’s legs. Final whistle, fair result for the game, however I’m sure Steve Cotterill wouldn’t think so, but then I hear Forest are the best team every week! Yawwwwwn!!!

Bore Off Cotterill.

The Night after the game became more of a highlight. On the train home a nice bloke opposite was taking the Mickey saying if we got TSLR039

off we would get skinned alive at Shirebrook.

The woman across from Shirebrook took offence to this as this was where she was from. However this was also the case for the gentleman. As he was departing the train, he offered to reconcile with a handshake to which the woman rejected, in the northern pikey fashion ‘Fuck off you Wanker’. Me and my forest supporting friend then got a few words of wisdom from this lovely lady to which we replied to. She then threw the dummy out and started to try and calm her husband/dole collection partner down… however he wasn’t even interested and had not moved a muscle all shift. As the polite couple were departing the train the woman repeatedly muttered fat comments towards my friend to our amusement of their overly non athletic figure, so we proceeded with blowing kisses and telling them where to go forth and multiply.

Winning money made me get incredibly drunk that night and once home, I accidentally pissed all over the lovely clothes my girlfriend washed. That went down a treat. Overall great away day!

MIDDLESBROUGH / H / I usually write these things whilst skiving at work having at least had the benefit of watching the highlights to remind myself of what actually happened. Today however due to the submission deadline I’m writing this the morning after the Middlesbrough match whilst massively hung over and having had far too little sleep due to staying up to some ungodly hour playing draw something (a game so fiendishly addictive that it makes crack cocaine look like kids stuff) plus the highlights aren’t even up yet. So yeah llow me for a) the general incompetence and b)

FEB / MAR any factual inaccuracies that slip in due to my rubbish memory.

Boro were probably the best championship team I’ve seen us play against this season. Of the other promotion chasers West Ham were a horrible Allerdyce mixture of hoofball and negativity, Southampton didn’t look like much (without Lambert they’d be nowhere near automatic promotion) and Reading despite beating us relatively comfortably did play us during our awful late 2011 spell when Lewes under 10’s would probably have torn us apart.

Middlesbrough though got the ball down and played neat attractive football without parking the bus as I’d have expected once taking the lead, and in Robson and Emnes they have two of the best attacking players in the division who caused us problems throughout.

We probably just edged the first half without really creating many clear cut chances, a goalmouth scramble following a corner and

a couple of speculative Navarro efforts being all I can recall. The second half was however pretty much all Middlesbrough who worked hard and closed down the space well allowing our Spanish maestro very little time on the ball and this was his probably most ineffectual game as a result. With both Bridcutt and Buckley looking a bit off the pace we allowed them to dominate the midfield and take control of the game. A vicious in-swinging corner was glanced into the net by Emnes (or possibly Bridcutt) to give them a deserved lead. They pushed forward looking to secure the game and hit the post through Jutkiewicz before we equalized through Calderons diving header following Lua Lua’s quality corner. They always looked the more likely to win it in the final 15 minutes and I was most happy to hear the final whistle with the scores still level.

All in all this was a creditable result against a quality team that we’ll hopefully avoid in the play offs as I wouldn’t be at all confident of seeing them off over two legs. TSLR

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PREVIEWS READING / H / The theme for this month’s previews is, and could only be, the play-offs.

It seems as if we’re heading towards the end of the season comfortable in the knowledge that Reading’ll probably be heading up to the top flight automatically ahead of our next opponents, West Ham. In fact, they would have to mess it up right Royally. They, of course, lost in the play-off final last time out to everyone’s favourite Division 1 team this season, Swansea City. There was only one team in it when we visited the Madjeski Stadium (the programme announcer on the BBC the other day actually called it the ‘Mad Stad’ needless to say, our letter to Points of View is certainly in the post) and this is one of many chances this month for a Championship club to do the ‘double’ over us this season. Other than last season’s final defeat, The Biscuitmen are one of only four teams in history to lose three separate play-off finals - in 2011 against Swansea, in 1995 against Bolton (both at this level) and in 2001 against Walsall in Division 3.

WEST HAM / A / We face another team that have already beaten us this season and we’ll simply point you in the direction of Sam Allardyce’s latest comments on the Albion and Gus to stoke your fires ahead of this match-up: “We didn’t hoof it (at Falmer). We sat in and played on the break, won 1-0, TSLR039

did them tactically. So when Gus Poyet criticises us, he’s done well. Fabulous. Let’s see him in 20 years.” Unfortunately for Allardyce, at the age of 57 and with a heart surely more greasy than a Chicken Parmo from Middlesbrough, we wouldn’t like to speculate where Big Sam will be in 20 years. At the start of the season we thought this may be our last chance to visit Upton Park but various legal wranglings mean they won’t be heading off to the hideously-overpriced-and-not-at-all-asgood-as-Falmer, Olympic Stadium (don’t take our word for it, it’s in the FT #FFSMurray) anytime soon. They looked almost certainties for automatic promotion for most of the season but now could have to suffer the indignity of playing us in the play-offs. And even after they tactically outdid us at Falmer. By parking the bus. They last made the play-off final in 2005 when Bobby Z scored the winner.

WATFORD / H / Somehow we come up against yet another team that has beaten us this season. Watford - who looked remarkably like becoming relegation fodder in the early part of 2012 (a bit like us over Christmas) beat us when we were at our shocking worst this season. One half of TSLR’s editing duo escaped to Mexico for that one but that didn’t stop a depressing lunchtime spent missing the sun in an Internet café

APRIL ... listening to the dulcet tones of BBC Sussex and getting rather riled. Watford manager Sean Dyche, despite owning a voice that sounds like his throat has been raked with sandpaper, has done a decent job at a club who has become the epitome of a feeder club since their parachute payments didn’t open. Watford lost to Birmingham on penalties in the 1999 playoff semi-final and beat Leeds in the final of the 2006 Championship play-offs but it was their 3-0 win over P****e in the semi-final that we all remember with big smiles. Most recently, the Hornets got battered 6-1 to Hull City in the 2008 semi-final.

BIRMINGHAM / H / Finally, a team that hasn’t already beaten us this season travels to the new Withers for the final time this season.

Don’t worry, we’re currently collating dates of events taking place at Falmer over the summer and will be updating the blog as to what you can justifiably attend in order to enjoy the greatest stadium in the world without football.

Birmingham last found themselves in the playoff final at this level way back in 2002 when they beat Norwich on penalties in Cardiff.

They’d lost the playoff final on penalties to Preston North End a year earlier so maybe it’s a good job Reading look set for automatic. Bizarrely, in 1987, St Andrews hosted a play-off final after Leeds and Charlton could not

find a winner over two legs. There will be TSLR related drinks (but no formal TSLR040 party we’re afraid) at the end of this match in various drinking holes from the Prince Albert to beyond. Keep on track with our various whereabouts on Twatter but, rest assured, should we win, you’ll probably be able to hear our excited screams across Brighton.

BARNSLEY / A /The final match of the season - for the second season running - finds us north of Watford Gap. We visit the Tykes in Yorkshire with possible indescribable excitement or with a general satisfaction over what has been undoubtedly a corker of a year in the life of all things Albion. If you have words with your TSLR seller, you may well find out details to Mutley’s massive end of season party but obviously we can’t print the location for fear of some sort of Facebook advertised invasion that will appear in the Daily Mail. By the time we get to Yorkshire, Barnsley will probably be assured of their safety from relegation.

One contributor has been looking forward to seeing Craig Davies all season and it’ll be nice to give Jimmy McNulty a round of applause for donating his kidney to Albion’s bid to avoid relegation a few seasons back. Barnsley made the Division 2 play-off final in 2000 losing to Ipswich - but they beat Swansea in the Division 3 final in 2006. Have a corking summer one and all, whether we make the play-offs or not. TSLR TSLR039

2 011/ 1 2 TSLR F A N S

SURVEY

It’s that time of the season when TSLR hands over the thoughts and opinions of the season to you, the fans. Thanks to the record number of those who took part in the TSLR 2011/12 end of season survey. We’ve selected some of the best answers for each of our nine questions - apologies if your witticisms didn’t make the cut but you can hold your heads high as they all got read and properly amused all at TSLR Towers. We’ll be publishing the extended version of the best TSLR039

answers on the blog at some point over the summer.

What has been your favourite game this season and why?

Doncaster at home - the day everything became reality on and off the pitch! (S32) // Southampton at home as it saw us end an awful run from the festive holidays and started our unbeaten run

2011/12 FANS SURVEY in 2012 (ML) // Still hard to look beyond Buckaroo but Guess Who is still great (BS) // Derby simply because we looked class and some Spanish bloke made me giggle like a small girl (LC) // Doncaster, Amex. Was in my seat at 12:59 and didn’t move there until long after William Buckley had finished (NE) // Burnley at home. The atmosphere was the best there’s been at the Amex by a mile - the crowd really were the 12... er 10th man (JS) // Peterborough away. It’s traditional isn’t it?

(TC) // Doncaster. Already an amazing occasion, but Will Buckley made it legendary (WS) // Soton home, I saw Brezovan in goal and thought oh no (MS) // Doncaster at home, why? Atmosphere, Coming Home, grandstand finish, it had it all (TO) // Leeds at home was a brilliant match, Liverpool at home was a great spectacle, beating Newcastle was amazing but nothing, and I possibly mean no game any season ever will beat Buckley in the 98th minute (RG) // Peterborough, the terrace was absolutely rocking and bouncing for most of the game, especially when Buckley put in the winner! (XS) // Doncaster, fantastic day, great result, one long party (FJ) // Forest Home - Pandemonium at the end (RE) // At home v Burnley. We played surprisingly well with 9 men and nearly beat the northerners. We should try it if we get into the play offs (DS) // They have all been part of one big parcel of absolute footballing SEX (JLS) // Saints at home me, my brother and my dad together at Falmex for the first time (BRS) // Doncaster home - the game everyone had been waiting for for over a decade and Buckley pops up with two late goals. If Roy Of The Rovers had shifted to the 21st Century...

(B&T) // Donny match. We waited 14 long years for that. Was it worth the wait... hell yeah! Never to be repeated never to be forgotten (PK)

towards the end of September, but selective memory disallows further details, thankfully (PB) // Coventry away. Dreadful performance, leaving me with the feeling we would slip down the league. How wrong I was (EW) // Palace at home, obviously (MM) // Ipswich away. We lost but I paid 38 quid for the experience. And there wasn’t any leg room and they didn’t sell beer at half time (TC) // Watford away, we looked like relegation fodder (LS) // A standard answer I’d imagine; the game at home in late September where we lost 3-1 (CH) // I can think of no traumatic events this season #suppressedmemories (BK) // Watford, no shots, no passion, no guts, no desire, no goals, no points (NG) // Coventry, thought it would be an easy 3 points, how wrong I was (M3) // Palace at home. We capitulated to a weaker team (ZN) // Definitely Palace... watching Harley potter around the midfield like he had no care in the world made me want to self harm (TS) // Wrexham because it was absolutely gash (LW) // Having to sit with 10 or so palace fans on the train back to Croydon singing ‘Did you cry when Murray scored?’ wasn’t a highlight (KQ) // The 6-1 to Liverpool was of course fucking embarrassing (JLS) // An honorable mention to Watford away. We were just shithouse (FF) // Murray.

Grrrr (JSE) // Palace at home. In many ways it was worse than the 5-0. It made me want to cry (Ste)

Losing to ‘them’ (HP) // Silly question really, I’ll give you a clue it was in September (MH) // There was a terrible/diabolical/tragic game

LuaLua’s free kick at Anfield (HP) // Any Calde goal (SS) // Probably Vincelot’s goal against Coventry at home, the way he managed to get that much power on a header with-

Tell us what your favourite (not And what was the necessarily the best) worst game this goal was this season and why? season and why?

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2011/12 FANS SURVEY out jumping (LO) // Buckley’s winner against Donny. One of the best moments of my life (MH) // Seeing Vicente score at the Amex, need I say more (SH) // Showboating from the rookie Lewis Dunk. Not many players would have the guts to juggle the ball into the net in front of the famour Kop (PB) // CMS goal v Ipswich - assist from Greer then Buckley - refreshingly direct - 10 seconds from leaving Greer’s boot to CMS hitting the back of the net (WS) // Ryan Harley’s wonder freekick against Peterborough, which tricked me into thinking he was good for quite a while (JS) // Alan Navarro at Leeds. I had a fiver on him netting the last goal at 25/1 (TC) // I really enjoyed CMS’ v Ipswich, for the sheer volume of the home reaction to ‘Bannergate’ (BK) // Vicente’s first against Portsmouth. To see a player of that class score for us and for it to clearly mean so much to him was just amazing (IZ) // Vincelot’s long range header.

It’s my favourite because he’s got a massive nob (LW) // Kazenga to Vicente to Barnes vs Derby. Just sublime skills from all 3 involved (BW) // CMS’ little turny spin v Leeds just took the piss really (DS) // Buckley’s winner against Donny. I’d ‘manned-up’ and stopped my girlie crying but all that emotion came flooding out of my tear ducts once more (MD) // Lualua’s free kick at Liverpool, gave us hope, all be it a whimsical false hope that was laughing behind our backs (MA) // Matt Sparrow, the 2nd vs Saints. Great to beat them, get some revenge (DB) // Buckley’s winner in the first game. The way he calmly swept it in was like the finest poetry. Then the whole ground just went batshit mental (FF) // Kieran Trippier - Burnley. Albion fans celebrating an away goal going in 32 minutes into a game (CR) // Calderon v David James. It had to be perfect, and it was (MBH)

SeagLOLs: what was the funniest thing you’ve seen at a TSLR039

game this season?

Neil Danns being sent off for Leicester (OB) // The fat steward chasing a Wrexham fan (HP) // Burnley players applauding the home crowd after the nine man debacle (SS) // My friend who holds a season ticket next to mine, projectile vomiting over 4 seats at half time (ML) // Ryan Harley, just simply Ryan Harley (BS) // Craig Pawson (SH) // Adam El-Abd’s histrionics getting Ricky Lambert sent off on the 2nd January (EW) // Seeing a teenage Palace fan trying to fight a police horse was a magical experience (JS) // Andy Carroll (BB) // The North Stand singing one nil to the taxpayers against Portsmouth (TB) // ‘You’re not crippled any more’ from the north stand when a guy in a wheelchair kicked back a ball (MM) // Billy Paynter (CB) // Palace fans being kept in at Selhurst ‘for their own safety’ (LS) // When a fan ran from the West Stand Lower across the yellow advertising in the South West corner and properly belted an away fan (CH) // Poyet calling for the crowd to sarcastically clap the ref v Burnley and a 20st man taking his shirt off and whipping it round his head to The Great Escape (BK) // Marcus Hancock going disco mental at Ryan Harley in the front row of the WSU and nearly toppling over into the 1901’ers (NG) // The fancy sprinkers in the pitch rather surprising a substitute by switching on (IZ) // Someone moaning about ‘all these bloody fans’ (TO) // Gully’s Girls get a soaking when lining up to welcome the teams and someone turns on the sprinklers (JD) // Andy Carroll’s frustration at being marked out of the game by Adam ElAbd // Hull away - Razak had a shot in the warmup that missed by so much, it hit a Hull fan on the back of the head and made him drop his pies (SI) // LuaLua’s celebration after Buckley’s goal vs Forest! (XS) // Poyet kicking water bottles down the touch line (DP) // The Ipswich banner - so wide of the mark it was just hilarious (BW) // I’d go for the kid in the North shouting ‘Oi ref, you’re mum’s a horse’ (KQ) // The Eagle at Selhurst nearly

2011/12 FANS SURVEY taking out one of the scum’s players (DO) // When one of the players high jacked Ankegren’s phone whilst he slept and tweeted ‘I Love Cock’ (BM) // The streaker at the Liverpool game, when he went up to Carragher and gave him a hug (CT) // John Portsmouth Football Club Westwood (that bloke with the Bell) getting Chucked out of the Amex! (NJ) // The goal mouth scramble with Pompey had me laughing wildly (BY) // Gully’s Girls (MA) // Harley’s penalty at Millwall. So bad, you just had to laugh (FF) // Scandanavians ripping their shirts off in West Stand Lower (MMY) // El Abd doing his innocent ‘what, me?’ act earning Ricky Lambert a straight red at Southampton (JSE) // Dan Harding getting the mother of all runarounds before being hauled off. After 40 minutes (MBH)

was the best steward anywhere in the country. He kissed every single lady on the cheek and shook every single bloke’s hand. What a legend (DK) // Derby away... only due to the Asian R&B night in Birmingham afterwards (LW) // Saints. The ludicruous penalties.

Tanno’s red card. The sheer injustice of it all.

Grrrrrrrr (SM) // Leiecester was good for that mouthy Leicester girl (KQ) // Coventry. The team didn’t turn up, I spent a fortune and I wasted my NYE travelling back on a train on my own! (MT) // Cardiff, HOOTERS (FJ) // Palace away was like visiting the zoo (RE) // Peterborough, the terrace/atmosphere, the win and the loudest I’ve ever heard the Elliot Ben... cough Will Buckley heartbeat song (DS) // Cardiff away. Brilliant performance in the second best stadium in the Championship (RH) // Plymouth fans Utd day (RSW) // Liverpool sadly. Its such a friendly part of the world but everything about reeks of sentimentality and past glories (B&T) // Bristol City - we were top of the league! (Boz) // Wembley (now i’ve ruined it) (JSE) // Coventry on NYE. 5 of us in a tiny 4 seater car. Not enough pre-match beers. A rubbish performance. But I saw barn door Billy at last have a shot on goal. Marvellous scenes (Ste)

Right, now we want to know what your most memorable away trip was this season and why?

The Amex: what is Bristol city away... won 1-0 and was first wedding anniversary so went with wifey who your favourite thing loved it (S32) // Pompey away was brilliant. To win, and against THEM was fantastic (WW) // about our new stadiCardiff. Went slightly on a whim with a mate (EW) // Peterborough. The terraces were electric, outstanding atmosphere and Buckley’s um? goal and the crowd surge after it was amazing (BB) // Liverpool. Weird how such a temple of football, revered the world over, is such a cramped, uncomfortable venue, with poor sight lines (MM) // Liverpool... it was like the 7-1 at Huddersfield, but not quite as bad (CB) // Wrexham away was pretty memorable.

Not for football mind; got there on Monday night, got home Thursday morning (TC) // The ‘chicken parmo’ at middlesbrough was a highlight (TS) // Birmingham. That Jamaican

The fact that we have a proper size home crowd for the first time in years (BR) // The away fans can finally see us holding hands (PB) // The sound (WS) // Just the feeling that you can quite happily spend absolutely hours there either side of the game (EW) // I was going to put a joke answer for this, but then I started crying (JS) // The smell. The goldstone was fags, the AMEX is pies (TC) // Staying for a beer after (MS) // Sophie the TSLR039

2011/12 FANS SURVEY WSU barmaid (BK) // The first sight of it each week still takes my breath away (NG) // The fact that it exists and is ours. And the padded seats. And the giant screens (IZ) // Harvey’s by a mile! (TO) // The ‘Wall of Legends’ - a nice nod to our past. No Mike Small or Kevin Bremner though? (TI) // My seat, the sprinkler that sometimes gets stuck up after the others, having a pint, a roof (RG) // The fact it is ours. We have been homeless since I was 12. The Goldstone was nice, but it was falling apart (DK) // The architecture and atmosphere (DP) // Gullys Girls obviously, you wouldnt expect me to say anything else (BM) // Being able to stay for a chat and a beer with mates from all over the ground after the game (FJ) // EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING (RE) // The quality of the build. it just feels premier league (WA) // Pies (NJ) // Just the general buzz around the ground, and the fact that is it ours (BY) // Dry seats (SG) // I suppose that it far surpasses everything we had ever hoped for during all the struggles and campaigns to make it happen (MD) // Love it all, but it would be the prepaid card/season ticket (TT) // Simple: the football (DY) // It exists (ST) // The prohibited items sign which helpfully tells me that firearms aren’t allowed into the ground (Ste)

Apart from the proposed expansion, what extras would you like to see at The Amex?

A special TSLR banner in the ground (S32) // Heated seats (BR) // Would love an enormous pub with adjacent parking (MH) // Something that zaps the twat behind me who keeps kicking my seat (BS) // Crispy duck pancakes (PB) // Vicente painted seats (AR) // A St. Pauli-style sausage train, obviously (JS) TSLR039

// Mandatory moonying at the South Stand when we score (BB) // Strip bar in the North (TB) // Champions League football (CB) // A monorail between Lewes and Brighton to whisk us all home that much quicker (GW) // Being able to have a drink in other parts of the ground before the game (MS) // Dare I say safe standing? (BK) // Space hoppers. And a Space hopper lane on the A27 to help speed traffic away (NG) // A beer pump at my seat (M3) // Opposing fans from Premiership teams! (TO) // Dark Star APA (JD) // I’d like to have a ‘Turienzo Hot Tub’ on the sideline. This would contain all my Albion flair icons having a 90 minute orgy with females of their choosing (TS) // A slide exit from the West Upper (DK) // Wifi and chips (DP) // A stone fireplace in the East Stand (SM) // A massive slide taking you from the North Stand to Brighton Station, maybe with a few twists in it (WG) // Buckley to run down my wing (FW) // Terrace in the north stand, those people who serve beer in the terraces and Messi (DS) // Lasers, foam party for Gully’s Girls, trap door under the away dugout for odious managers like Adkins (JO) // Public stocks for people who say with genuine confusion ‘why aren’t we just getting it forward’ or any variation on that theme. A long long travellator from The Evening Star direct to the Amex, Monkey Knife Fights at half time (JLS) // A seedy strip bar called ‘Fanny’s bar’ where Gully’s Girls best attributes can be truly appreciated (WP) // Bobby Zamora in a Brighton shirt (HH) // A remote control in my seat which enabled to electric shock the referee (BY) // Withdean firework man to move to Falmer (EP) // A bar for me and Gully’s Girls only. Gully can keep out (RSW) // I want Scott McGleish to play there (CR) // The Shot and He Scored pub on the car park with huge statue of Wardy outside it.

A great big sign facing the A27 saying ‘Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty’ (WB) // Apart from piping Harveys direct to the seat or free lap dancing I can’t think of much (B&T) // A miles-wide-of-the-mark goading gormless banner to be unveiled in the away end 5 mins before kick off every week, to really get the atmosphere going (PK)

2011/12 FANS SURVEY Who would be your FLAIR player of the season and why?

(Please consider disciplinary record, good looks, lack of effort, goals and criminal offences in your answer ) Bridcutt pretty much has all of these, great goals at wrong end and a disciplinary record bar none (SS) // Nooney, even though the sunbed/fake tan has left him looking like something out of Desperate Scousewives (BS) // Buckley... goals goals goals (LC) // One of the youngsters, if you know what I mean (SH) // Vicente. Class when fit. Better than most when not (TB) // Vicente. Best player ever in the stripes. Comes complete with his own force field. Sees passes even before the team has been announced (MM) // Vicente. Cos he is the definition of the word (CB) // Vincente... plays when he wants (MS) // Calderon, he was flair even at the withers (LS) // Senor Taricco.

He is, and always will be, the EPITOME of flair (BK) // Vicente of course. A wiggle of the hips and three defenders fall to the floor (NG) // Matt Sparrow, for 2 red cards (M3) // Ryan Harley. Occasional bursts of skill, languid style, shocking penalty against Millwall, ginger hair - the lad’s got it all (IZ) // Adam El Abd, modern day football genius! (TO) // Vicente - even the white tape around his wrist screams class (RG) // Romain Vincelot. Dashingly handsome, flairtastic name, a straight red within 5mins and an absolute bullet head-

er from the edge of the box (XS) // Vicente, got the lot, skill, technique, good looks, probably got a big cock as well (DP) // I tried to be creative here, but its pointless. Its Vicente, isn’t it (SM) // Lewis Dunk for his ‘handywork’ (WG) // Jara Reyes because he got kicked out of the Chile squad for going on the piss, then arrested pre match, his red card and general thuggish behaviour on the pitch (MT) // Vincelot-the accent, style... the ENIGMA (FW) // Ryan Harley - arrives, scores a wonder goal, becomes abysmal, disappears (RE) // El Abd and Greer... making ugly football so damn gooood (JO) // Michael Poke (NJ) // LuaLua - hop, skip, jump (SG) // Will Buckley.

Not very often you see on opposition player get taken off because they can’t handle them (Dan Harding) (DB) // Ankergren. Smoking is cool (CR) // It’s that Vincente fella mi lad (MMY) // Tano. I only wished he could play with his shirt zipped up over his face (JSE) // Jara Reyes: The king of the backheel-nutmeg (MBH) // Vicente. Needs to commit more crimes though. Maybe next season (Ste)

If Piglet’s Pantry were making a Vicente Pie, what ingredients would you put in it?

Spicy chorizo, a red wine jus and a whole lotta Spanish looks (S32) // Flair, cool, Tabasco and excitement (HP) // Paella, oranges and sangria. Nice (BR) // Beef, Piri Piri Sauce and Vicente’s sweat (LO) // A great big dollop of flair mixed with a seasoning of nonchalance (MH) // His thunder spunk (TR) // If he is going to eat it, I would suggest lots of iron, protein and some aspirin (PB) // Gold. Frankincence.

Myrrh (BB) // Paella and Sangria (TB) // The pie would actually be untouchable. Every time you tried to pick it up, it would somehow shimmy away to the opposite end of the box TSLR039

2011/12 FANS SURVEY (MM) // Dunno but it would be the best pie ever to grace the Albion (CB) // 6 ozs of cotton wool, 6 ozs sugar and spice, 12 ozs of pure class (GW) // All the contents of the physio’s kitbag plus pages from a human psychology textbook (CH) // Prime-cut Spanish beef and a sprinkling of rainbows (BK) // It would be quite prone to falling apart, but when you’re lucky enough to get one in proper condition, it would literally be the greatest moment of your life (IZ) // Left foot, swivel hips and a golden crown (JD) // Brylcreem and various fragments of knee bone (DK) // Caviar, chalk, pebbles and kelp. What ever you put in it, with the name Vicente on it, it will be angelic (DP) // Veal(encia) and Ham(bition) (BW) // A minced up Glen Murray (WG) // Apples, because one a day keeps the doctor away (MT) // Class, nutmegs, Flairrero Rochers, chorizo and the jizz everyone lost when he hit the bar v Derby (BM) // Chocolate and other aphrodisiacs (JM) // Two shattered kneecaps, one lock of his hair and an assist (RE) // It’d be the chicken and ham one only I’d add Magic mushrooms. Just to fuck with you like Vicente does (DS) // Paella in pastry wrapped in cotton wool and only available for a third of the season, at three times the price of normal pies (JO) // Beef, Spanish onions all in a hot sauce.

Served in a box with the great mans picture on the front (RH) // Painkillers (WA) // Chorizo and Paella and Castanet shards, perhaps some bull testicles (fresh) (JLS) // Hair gel, white tape, paella, a halo and a dagger (NJ) // Sangria, ground up bull’s horn and a pack of Elastoplast (WP) // Flair, flair and the Premier League (HH) // Finest rare steak and expensive red wine. To be cooked slowly; the aromas making you salivate whilst you wait for what could be and then when you finally see the final product come to fruition you realise it was well worth the wait (EP) // A big helping of panache, with a dash of dagger sauce and large portion of Mediterranean flair (TT) // A ticket to Disneyland (MA) // Liquid gold (DB) // Chorizo and Manchego (BRS) // It would be sugar and spice and all this nice in a lovely paella base (B&T) // George Osborne (JSE) // Ambrosia (Ste)

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Thanks to ...

SF - Soul Finger // OB - Obi77BHA // S32 @seagull32 // HP - Happypig // BR - Brian Riggs // SS - @shadyseagull // LO - LorenzoBHAFC // ML - @Matt_J_Lewis // WW - Wowee // MH - @markhiggs71 // BS - @ ImMrBrightside7 // LC - @klinski1970 // NE - Ninja Elephant // TR - T-bone da T-Rex // SH - sharpey38 // PB - Paul Baron // WS Wiltshire Seagull // EW - Ed Woodhouse // AR - Ali_rrr // JS - JohnnyS // BB - @bishthebash // TB - Tory Boy // MM - Monkey Man // CB - ColBol // TC - @Seagull81 // GW - gazwag // WS - weststander // MS - Maski // LS - levski seagull // CH - Charlie from Birmingham // TI - Tired Boy // BK - brightonrock // MA - Masky1 // NG - @notguspoyet // M3 matt_32510 // IZ - itszamora // TO - Tim Over Whelmed // JD - Jim D // ZN - @zanderNewman // BH - Barry Hilton // TS - Tom Stewart // SI - @seagullsim // RG - Regency Gull // DK - @demonkarlos // XS - Xander/SeagullSongs // LW - Lawrence Wisdom // DP - @ dazpaine // BW - BlueWhiteStripes // SM - simon h // TM - Tony Meolas Loan Spell // MU - Mutley // WG - watsongooal // KQ - Kumquat // MT - middletoenail // FW - Fanwith-no-name // DO - Dowling93 // BM - @ brettmendoza // JM - Jam The Man // FJ - fatty john // CT - @tilzo15 // RE - Robbie Eyles // DS - Drumstick // JO - Jon // RH - Rickhebs // WA - Waino696969 // JLS - JonathanLivingstonSeagull // NJ - @NickJ4797 // WP WhingForPresident // HH - Harry Hartley // BY - Billy // EP - @elbowpatches // RSW Rosca Seagull on the Wing // SG - seagurn // MD - Midfield Diamond // TT - Tottonseagull // MA - Marvellous Marv // DY - Dawesy // DB - @davidrbiggs // FF - Falmer Flutter // CR - Carter // WB - Whitley Bayster // BO Banjo // ST - Swiss Tony // BRS - @benrawlings77 // B&T - Bitter & Twisted // Boz - Boz // MMY - MissyMarshy // JSE - Jem Stone // MBH - MBH // Ste - Ste // JFC - JFC Phwoar! // PK - Parker TSLR

MIDFIELD DIAMOND I reckon this season has already been one of the most enjoyable ever, irrespective of how the last handful of games go. At the time of writing, Wem-ber-lee is still a distinct possibility and that was surely beyond our expectations back in August. Whether we get there or not, and whether we win there or not, it’s a brilliant time to be an Albion fan. But, like a shit Renaissance artist, I’ve been struggling with perspective.

In the foreground, I see a wonderful scene of artisans performing their entertaining spectacle on a stunning Falmer stage in front of a large, appreciative audience. The show is directed majestically by an elegant, heroic man using rapid, incomprehensible hand gestures and a series of very loud, shrill whistles – like a cross between an orchestra conductor on LSD and One Man And His Hard-Of-Hearing Dog. Is it opera? Ballet? Uplifting, highbrow drama? More like a combination of all three. Whatever it is, the word is ‘Quality’.

But despite dominating my immediate view, this foreground scene has an aura of the unreal about it. As if it doesn’t relate to me but to some far-off fantasy world.

The background scenes featuring Gillingham and Withdean seem more authentic. It is a landscape of struggle and despair which should be a million miles away from the foreground but is depicted almost immediately behind it. A ragbag group of limited-ability performers try to entertain a small group of depressed onlookers. Not opera, more like a pantomime. Not ballet, more like your Dad learning The Macarena off your nieces at a wedding. And not a highbrow drama, more

like a gritty amateur dramatic production of ‘The Most Depressing Episodes of Eastenders’. And yet the background is the part of the picture that I feel strangely drawn to because it feels like I belong there.

At first glance, it appears that the foreground and the background, despite being so close to each other, are unrelated. And yet, if I look more carefully, the links are unmistakable.

Most of the characters in the crowd in the background are present in the audience in the foreground, enjoying their new-found existence, making new stripey friends and taking full advantage of the Pie and Pint offer. A few of the performers are also common to both parts of the scene, having been transformed from street buskers into cultured artistes (and first team coach).

And then I notice that there is an incredibly long and winding, obstacle-strewn road that connects the closely-coupled background and the foreground together. How can that work?

No wonder my perception is so screwed-up.

The perspective is all wrong.

But maybe I’m looking at it from the wrong angle. Maybe I should put the background behind me and plant both feet firmly in the foreground. I should recognise that actually, I do belong in this wonderful new world with million-pound footballers and amazing stadium and 20,000 crowds. This is no longer a dream, it’s not even an aspiration, it really is here and now, and I’m part of it. And from this standpoint, the view ahead seems clear and bright. Perspective has been restored.

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STUART

STOREEEEEEERRRRRRRRRR! There are now a few pieces of commentary that are tattooed in the psyche of all Albion fans. Think Adam Virgo header, Reinalt’s shot and erm, Smith’s miss to get the idea.

One commentator went the extra mile though; screaming down the microphone like a man possessed, a shrill, ecstatic wail that sends shivers down your spine whenever you hear it. Jim Proudfoot was the man shouting the name of Albion’s historic goalscorer against Doncaster Rovers in 1997 and perhaps before you read this next little feature you should log on to Youtube, type in Stuart Storer, and just take the whole thing in a few more times.

As we approach the end of this historic season, we have been occasionally drawn to the end of seasons gone by, and particularly ones where there has been some late drama.

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The next few games will no doubt have all fans on the edge of their cushioned seats as Albion make/don’t make the Play-Offs, but whatever happens, it won’t be as exciting as this finale.

We caught up with Jim Proudfoot - now commentating on Absolute Radio - to ask him about that match all those years ago ...

TSLR : Firstly, your voice has now become synonymous with the Albion surviving the drop into non-League, as the last goal scored at the Goldstone by Stuart Storer that lifted the Albion off the bottom and gave hope for survival at Edgar Street is re-run every matchday on the big screen at the Amex, resplendent with your commentary; How did a West Country Brummie end up being the commentator here, what was your involvement as commentator, for who were you working and

were you commentating live for the radio?

Jim Proudfoot : I was employed by Capital Radio from 1994, who acquired Southern FM - in those days the medium wave station was South Coast Radio. I moved down to become Sports Editor in 1995, and start “South Coast sport”. We covered every Albion game that season, with commentary on the majority... the lows at places like Wigan, Fans United, the boycott vs. Mansfield, and the great escape.

You appear genuinely emotionally involved in commentating on the Albion, did you become partisan in your time covering the Albion?

I commentated on Albion, Saints and Pompey that season and was really behind all three. It was the South Coast against the rest! I’ve undoubtedly retained a soft spot for Brighton, fifteen years later.

Have you ever been that excited since?

Once or twice! When England scored against Portugal at Euro 2004 I did kind of lose the plot. These days I’m much more reserved!

At the last goldstone match did you think we would escape relegation at Hereford?

That last day at the Goldstone was so significant - with Hereford losing at Orient the same afternoon to take Brighton off the bottom. All the momentum was with the Albion because they’d been miles adrift with ten games to go, while Hereford were falling like a stone. The Albion squad that Steve Gritt had helped assembled was actually half decent and even getting off the bottom was an achievement - I’m sure if they’d needed to win at Hereford they would have done How would that final game at the Goldstone rank in terms of the most nerve-wracking games you have attended?

It’s right up there - I can still remember the date without looking it up. There’ve been some belters since like England games and World Cups. But probably the best 2 I’ve

been to since have been the 1999 FA Cup semi-final between Manchester United and Arsenal, and Torquay’s last-day survival at Barnet in 2001 If a singer gets his revenue through his voice then that must apply, surely, to a commentator. Do you get any royalties? I’m sure Fat Boy Slim is getting something for us playing Praise You at the the end of every match.

If only! If that bit of commentary appeared on an advert, then yes I would get paid for it. But I wouldn’t want any money from the Albion. I can’t tell you how proud I am that fifteen years on that bit of commentary is still getting used.

You’ve commentated at a number of World Cups & European Championships, which ones, exactly, and what are your standout moments?

I commentated on Euro 96, 2000 and 2004 - and I’m off to the Ukraine this summer.

I’ve also commentated on the last 4 World Cups including the last three finals. World cups, particularly, are fantastic, because you know that you’re watching sporting history being made right in front of your eyes. Seeing the Zidane headbutt on Materazzi, Rooney’s sending off in Gelsenkirchen, and Spain winning in Soweto are moments I will never forget - a real privilege to be there.

You’ve surely met a number of World Class players in your career, is there any that have either been better than hoped or worse than expected?

How wide is your circulation? Does it go to Germany? I’ll take the chance. Andreas Brehme has to go down as one of the most obnoxious - refusing to do an interview in English, even though I spoke to him in English beforehand and his mastery of the language eclipsed mine. Generally though, most players are pretty decent, with the odd exception. In the days when I used to do a lot of interviews Steven Gerrard was always excellent value and very down to earth. Niall Quinn is another who makes a real impression on you.

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CONT. How much did you pay for your Football (I believe Panini) 79 Album off ebay? Has it a been a good investment?

Football 79 was the first sticker collection I ever did - I was seven. I don’t know what happened to it, but indulged myself a few years ago after seeing one on eBay. It might end up being a good investment - but I’m not holding my breath.

Do you still have your passion for Torquay (dunno why I’m asking, you’re a football fan) and how come you managed to work for your local radio station, Devon Air, despite growing up in South Birmingham? Is my geography all wrong?

Once a club is truly under your skin it’s a life sentence - you know that. I don’t get to see Torquay play very often because obviously I’m invariably working but the passion is very much there. I moved back to the westcountry in my teens and started my professional career with DevonAir, covering Torquay home and away, but I don’t think I appreciated it at the time!

You commentated in over 300 games for Setanta, a record that will now never be broken, what moments do you treasure from this part of your career?

Moving to Setanta was a big break for me - and gave me the chance to commentate on a little bit of live Premier League football on TV. In the grand scheme of things, not many people have done that so it was a great opportunity. I was based in the Glasgow office, and spent a lot of time in Scotland - we were a very tight team in that office and there was a lot of anguish when Setanta went bust.

Do you still do commentary for ESPN? ESPN are my main employers these days in terms of the number of days I do per year TSLR039

- European football has become my niche over the last few years and I spend a lot of my time doing Italian and German football for ESPN. I’ve probably done more games for them now than I did for Setanta.

If I’m honest I’ve never listened to Absolute Radio, but now this link has been established I’m probably gonna end up stalking you, how often will we find your commentary skills being put through their paces and how would you sell Absolute Radio’s coverage of football to all the undiscerning 5Live & Radio Sussex listening Albion fans?

Absolute Radio do a Premier League game every Saturday afternoon, the centrepiece of 5 1/2 hours of coverage on 1215am on Medium Wave. Clearly, with the resources of 5Live we have had to try and do something a little bit different, and think over the course of two seasons we have succeeded in that. We’ve found out this week we’ve been nominated for the Sony Award for Best Sports Programme, so it’s going well.

Give us a listen sometime!!

Have you been to the American Express Community Stadium, our wonderful new home?

At that last game at the Goldstone I vowed I’d never go to another Albion home game until they had their own home again in the city. It’s been some wait - and so far I’ve not been able to get to the Amex, but cannot wait until I do. It’s a fantastic looking stadium, brilliantly designed and a credit to the owners and the club. TSLR INTERVIEW BY JS PHOTO BY STEWART WEIR

BASH THE BISH As most watched on in dismay at Albion surrendering a one goal lead to fall behind 2-1, and then later, 3-1, at Blackpool, I focused my mind not on Kevin Philips’ frustrating brilliance or the abysmal officiating of a linesman who had a tangerine firmly inserted up his backside, but on one player.

He goes by many names; el Puñal, the Dagger, “Vicente”.

He was once invisible, an unseen myth akin to that of the Lochness Monster, the “lesser spotted Vicente”, as someone named him.

Had it all been a hoax? A PR stunt? Even Albion’s photographer was forced to tweet a picture of this man in training (when an earlier photograph of the lads showed no sight of Number 15) following Portsmouth last week, just to prove the two goal performance against the tax evaders hadn’t been a dream.

The being I speak of is Vicente Rodríguez Guillén. We still can’t pronounce his name.

But we can now confirm that he is real. And he’s not human. He descended to Brighton from Heaven, a gift from the Lord for our long-term suffering. The Angel Rodríguez.

Once the butt of NSC’s jokes, the superhuman can now do no wrong.

One video on YouTube is entitled ‘Vicente - 30 minute cameo vs Portsmouth’. A multiple La Liga winning Valencia legend, who’d gained 38 caps for Spain and scored in Los Che’s Uefa League winning final against Marseille, was making a vignette for Brighton and Hove Albion. In the space of half an hour, el Puñal netted two sumptuous goals, made exquisite passes and made Portsmouth’s owners wish they could evade the taxmen like Vicente dodged defenders.

Following the most satisfying of games, a Valencia fan made a tribute video to Vicente’s performance - for Brighton. This was a fan of a Spanish footballing giant, a club decorated in 6 La Liga titles, 7 Copa Del Rey’s and a Uefa Cup, creating a montage of their hero’s performance in a victory in the second tier of English football for a club that has only recently emerged from the shadows. David Villa, Vicente’s former teammate, re-tweeted a comment in Spanish congratulating the Dagger on his 2 goal performance. It was remarkable, humbling and a real appreciation of the player we have on our hands.

And Gus Poyet’s interview with Vicente on Sky’s Revista de La Liga confirmed this dream. Here were two footballing heroes who will go down in history, both expressing their enjoyment at Brighton and praising the faithful Albion fans. In a year full of highs; coming home to the Amex, Buckley’s last minute escapades and slaying of Premier League teams, it might be easy to overlook the significance of this.

Yet, if you take a step back and think how staggering Poyet’s acquisition of Vicente is for Brighton and Hove Albion, a team who fourteen years ago almost dropped out of the Football League, I imagine you’ll feel similar to how I felt whilst watching our defeat at Blackpool. Yes, we may lose games and perform poorly sometimes, and yes, we may not make the play offs this season. But boy, we have international legends at every level in the club. And to see Vicente Rodríguez Guillén, the ball glued to his feet, developing moves, delivering exquisite set pieces and with a football brain superior to anything Brighton have ever seen, was a joy. A joy untainted by defeat. TSLR TSLR039

BITTER & TWISTED I pen this short piece immediately following the Middlesborough game whilst the more youthful readers and contributors are drinking, chasing girls (or guys for all I care) and as the evening wears on even consuming their share of narcotics. For the record I am stone cold sober, perhaps a dose of caffeine too many but nonetheless feet very much planted on terra firma.

pionships. This showed the death rate in the Netherlands from heart attack or stroke went up by around 50 percent on the day when Holland were knocked out by France on penalties. In both cases, the sharp increases were recorded exclusively among men. I therefore recommend having the local emergency services on speed dial for the rest of the season even if listening to the Albion on the radio.

The suggestion that the Albion could be dining at domestic football’s top table fills me with an excitable sense of trepidation. The last time a Brighton team scaled those lofty heights was almost three decades back. Professional football was then organised under the perfectly logical and frighteningly democratic if somewhat paternalistic auspices of the Football League. 92 teams divided equally into four equally sized divisions. Back then the Football League Championship was both worth winning and defendable. Giant tellies and round the clock football coverage hadn’t been invented. Men dressed in woad and communicated in grunts and sign language much as I was forced to do with the Boro supporter sat next to me on the train today.

I wouldn’t be in such state of nervous tension if it wasn’t for Tony Bloom picking Gus Poyet from the CVs on his desk back in November 2009. Who would have thought that the last season at Withdean would be such a breeze, never had a plastic seat appeared so cosy. By comparison my ticket this season leads me to a beautifully upholstered chaise longue.

Thanks largely to Gus, I have not enjoyed it’s comforts as much as I should.

What concerns me the most is not the reality of avoiding relegation next season should Tony Bloom part the Red Sea and lead us to the promised land. It is undoubtedly the appalling tension of the play offs. I am doing my level best to play down the super soaraway Seagulls’ chances in a rather vain attempt to avoid ever increasing levels of medication.

Unhealthy men make up a fair sized proportion of football crowd. They should take precautions before putting themselves through the tension of a play off with even the whiff of a penalty shoot-out as the denouement.

The British Medical Journal reported hospital admissions for cardiac arrests in England and Wales rose by 25 percent on and around June 30 1998 when England lost to Argentina on penalties. Their work was prompted by a Dutch study during the 1996 European ChamTSLR039

How do we avoid the symptoms of this state of footballing tension is a question you may well be asking yourself at this point. By the use of aversion therapy I will attempt to both amuse and reassure without the aid of alcohol or drugs, prescription or recreational. The answer comes in large part from those chilly wastelands far beyond even the Watford Gap. I speak of course of Scotland and the comedy that is its football.

To do the subject justice would require several volumes so I will consign myself to only a few examples of stupendous managerial ineptitude. Jim Fallon, Dumbarton manager for 14 months between 1995-96 stands head and shoulders above his peers. Dumbarton started the season well with six points from their first two games but the wheels started to fall off the bus one hour before kick off for their third when Fallon was appointed manager. His influence on the dressing room was immediate as his side crashed out 4-0 to Dunfermline.

Over the course of the following 34 games of the season Dumbarton failed to record as many points as in the previous two. They finished with 11, 25 short of their nearest rivals.

As any reasonable person would expect, the board acted immediately. Now we’ve all seen Trainspotting but I wasn’t aware the drugs problem north of the border had reached it’s ugly tentacles into the boardrooms of Scottish football. Fallon was offered a new contract and although he jumped ship after 12 games he only managed one win and the few hundred Boghead faithful suffered back to back relegations. Fallon’s record was played 46, won 2, drawn 5, lost 39.

My second case had only a brief managerial career. In 2004 Claude Anelka, tired of engineering transfers for his sulky and restless brother Nicolas, decided he wanted a piece of the limelight himself. With a ‘mystery’ backer, he offered £300,000 to any club who would let him be manager. Raith Rovers, in Scottish Division One took the bait. Citing Cruyff, Wenger and the boss of the extremely dubious sounding Chinawhite nightclub as influences he brought Rovers just one point from a possible 24 before he stepped aside.

His obvious background in hard currency may have been the deciding factor to keep Anelka on in that most ambiguous of roles - Director Of Football. Nonetheless the influence of mind bending substances cannot be ruled out.

Who in their right mind would give that position to a man who had signed several players direct from the Paris seven-a-side leagues.

I cannot however sign off without giving special mention to another Scot, Jimmy Cochrane, and his 14 day spell at Reading in 1939. One player described his managerial style - “Just before a game this man wearing a bowler hat, smoking a cigar and drinking a whisky would pop his head round the dressing-room door and ask ‘Who are we playing today?’”

Cochrane won one and lost one of four games in charge, though he missed one of those, allegedly with a bout of influenza.

To return to the present predicament, I could simply have cut out the preceding thousand odd words and merely mentioned England and the Euros. That would have put agitation in perspective. But then you wouldn’t have parted with your hard earned pound coin would you? TSLR TSLR039

FRANKENBREZ We’ve had excellent goalkeepers at The Albion, in the past. Grummitt, Moseley, Digweed, Beaney, Keeley, Steele and the rest. However in recent years, they seem to be a bit more difficult to get hold of.

The latest Albion custodians include, Ankergren, Poke, and Brezovan. Each of which have their own unique fallibilities, kicking, shot stopping and in particular catching the b****y ball!

So why is it so difficult for a 6’ 5” athlete to catch a football. Well let’s go back to the beginning, where I reckon the art of goalkeeping goes wrong. When I was young many years ago, when we wanted to play football, two (normally the best) players would be captain and each in turn would pick a team mate until there were only two left and these poor unfortunate souls, because of their lack of football prowess would end up in goal.

This is what I see as the route of the problem.

So keepers are by default not very good.

They always look a bit ungamely, too short or just bloody awkward. Remember when the pass back rule changed, talk about panic.

OK some get coached and improve to a good serviceable standard, but most if not all have a fault line in them, which can crack open at the most crucial of times. Let’s consider generally well thought of England goalkeepers from the recent past. Rob Green spills a soft shot from Clint Dempsey V USA World Cup 2010, Scott Carson in the Euro Qualifier V Craotia, which potentially cost Steve McClaren his job, Paul Robinson’s air shot from Gary Neville back past V Croatia 2006 and the there’s David James, well the least said the better. All fine athletes I’m sure, but as Ron Atkinson would say “they’ve all got a rick in them”.

Have all goalkeepers got a rick in them that has been left to fester over the years of their footballing careers. Something that’s not quite right, but they’ve managed to get away with TSLR039

it. Something that, with no matter how much coaching, is still there waiting to destroy another reputation.

Like most of us, I like nothing better than hacking round Hillbarn Golf Course and if I get under a hundred I’m chuffed. Once, I went to see the professional, a “charming” man named Higgins. He asked to see my, stance, address, back swing and follow through. With a deep intake of breath, (like a car mechanic looking under the bonnet of a car), he said “Right, forget you’ve ever played golf, we’re going to have to start again”. Of course, what he was so sympathetically saying was, that I had got used to playing glitch filled golf for years, which would have to be eradicated completely if I was to improve.

So that’s it, with goalies we have to start again.

We have to have a new approach to finding decent keepers. Let’s not start with kids who are already goalkeepers and have already got into bad habits, let’s start again. Send our scouts out across the country to find young kids who have the basics. Seventeen to Eighteen year olds, 6’ 5” plus athletes, with, if at all possible, an enormous arm span and preferably without football experience. Lets get them back to The New Albion Academy and let them work with the best football goalkeeping coaches, start from the beginning, how to kick, how to dive and how to catch the bloody ball. Start a fresh with no niggly idiosyncrasies, no hang ups in the brain department, just teach them how to catch the ball.

So there it is, hand picked athletes, chosen and trained to do one specific job, Goalkeeper. Not some reject from the outfield, not some gangly uncoordinated oaf, just somebody whose has been designed and created to fulfil one job, goalkeeper!

Mary Shelley eat your heart out. TSLR

CARTER Driving around the South in the last few days I can’t help but notice the queues building up at petrol stations everywhere.

All I can assume is that people are preparing to make trips down to Brighton to catch a glimpse of Vicente before the end of the season.

Back in 2009, when El puñal was still appearing as a super sub at the Mestalla for Valencia, I had the privilege of writing the final words in TSLR’s inaugural season and had to come up with something prosaic enough to reflect the mood of our poor season whilst retaining the far off optimism we all felt knowing Falmer would be a reality one day. To add to the pressure, we still had no guarantees of safety and I think I really needed a poo. I dressed the whole season up as an educating experience, akin to a promising student having a bad school year due to adolescent hormones, breasts or having an underwear related trauma during a kick-about in Preston Park: ‘Usually before you fucked off for the summer you’d get your school report. A document written in indecipherable teacher’s writing informing your parents that, although you may not be off to Cambridge or Oxford, at least you won’t grow up to be a complete psycho, or worse, a Palace fan. The Albion’s report would not make pretty reading this season would it? However, it does look like we could be off to Cambridge or Oxford very soon.’

Look at us now. Rather than a few bits of comedefending away from rubbing shoulders with the likes of Crawley, we’re now a few last minute Amex winners away from the topflight and I don’t really have to explain anything, as whatever takes place between now and May, this season’s been splendid. Here’s some things I’ve learned from the 2011-12 term: - Craig Mackail-Smith’s favourite biscuit is ‘a

Digestive and a nice cup of tea’.

- Inigo Calderon has no awareness of the campaign to save Saltdean’s most iconic building from residential development - revealed in an anagram of his name - ‘Lido Ignorance’’.

- Baby Expos are enjoyable; especially when held at the American Express Community Stadium. Although the last time there was that much shit and dribbling in the South Stand was when it was filled with visiting Palace fans.

- The Albion will not kill off staff members at the request of Manchester United blogs.

United Latest, ‘the second largest fan-run Red Devils blog’, requested this of its followers via Twitter in the wake of the Patrice Evra / Luis Suarez thing that happened: ‘Please contact Brighton & Hove Albion to ask for the resignation or termination of manager Gus Poyet, the racist. feedback@bhafc.co.uk’ - A Pringle accidentally dropped in the back garden resembles the curved roof structure of the Amex as seen from Ditchling Beacon.

- I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I ordered a bacon roll during the 1983 FA Cup final.

- I owe my wife some romance this Summer. On February 14th 2010, rather than being shown to a seat opposite my wife by a waiter in a dimly lit restaurant, I spent a large part of the evening with my old man being shown prospective Season Ticket seats on a computer screen by a member of Albion staff in a dimly lit Sibcas cabin on a building site just off the A27. On Valentine’s Day 2011, I watched Brighton come from behind to draw 2-2 with Millwall.

- Scott McGleish remains a wanker. TSLR TSLR039