s t n e v E f o e n i l e m i T y a D g n i d Your Wed
ent Fellow Former Stud – s le a G n e tch n Gales Gre By, Gretche
The Ceremony Usher in the Guests Have light music playing in the background before the ceremony. The music should start no earlier than 15 minutes ahead of time. The ushers will guide guests to their seats. Parents or other significant guests should have reserved seats in the front. One set of parents or other honored guest will be responsible for “giving away” their loved one. Attendants Procession Bridesmaids, groomsmen, matron(s) of honor, flower girls, ring bearers, all walk down the aisle and stand where they were assigned during the rehearsal. Main Procession Breathe! You and/or your partner will be escorted down the aisle towards the altar so the ceremony can begin. Exchanging Your Vows Whether they are traditional vows or words personally written to your future spouse, they will carry a lot of weight, meaning and magic! Hopefully you didn’t write these at the last minute like your college essays! Ceremony Music During portions of the ceremony that aren’t spoken, music is played in the background, perhaps a hymn if the ceremony is religious or a love song. Many couples hire professional musicians for the ceremony. Rings Have the rings handy to place on your partner’s finger. Couples are more than welcome to use rings from previous commitment ceremonies (many do) or purchase new rings. You May Kiss Your Spouse! It’s about time! Introduction of the Newly Married Couple Smile! You will be announced as lawfully wedded to your partner: Mr. and Mr. / Mrs. and Mrs. Recessional You did it! The newlyweds guide the wedding party back down the aisle and on to pictures and the reception!
W
edding ceremonies can be fairly complex with lots of things happening seemingly all together. To clear up some of the confusion as to what happens when, we’ve put together this basic timeline of events that outlines what happens and when during the typical wedding ceremony, as well as at the reception! Enjoy!
The Reception The Background Before your arrival, the guests will have already begun with light refreshments and music playing from either a hired band or DJ. Have your planner (if you have one) or the venue coordinate the sequence of when things are to be announced. The guestbook will be placed in an accessible area. Have a table out for wedding gifts. You may also ask the venue for their suggestions, as they have more than likely hosted events like this before. The Announcer This will most likely be your DJ or a staff member at the venue. Make sure names are pronounced correctly and in the right order for the Wedding Party. Listen out for the announcer to introduce you before walking in. Say Hello! Your guests will be excited to see you and your spouse! Make sure you greet your guests and thank them for coming. Toasts The maids of honor or groomsmen will begin the toast. Once again, if it is a religious ceremony, have someone bless the meal after the toast, if desired. Family First (And Wedding Party)! The wedding party and family should be served their food first, followed by the remaining guests. This applies to both a formal setup or a buffet style dinner.
BLOOM Photo: SBM Portraits
GUIDE A Florist’s Guide to Wedding Flowers Tips Provided by Master Florist, The Flower Guy Bron 1. Consider the scale and density of your florals in proportion to your venue. The height of the ceilings, square footage and architecture should play a role in your floral design choices.
5. Do your research and read reviews. This is one of the best things about planning a wedding in this day and age. Reviews are invaluable when selecting your floral vendor.
2. Settle on floral designs that compliment other decor elements. Fabulous flowers are easily overlooked when not paired with other good choices.
6. Make sure that you have the same conversation with each florist you interview. Deviations in your conversations will result in proposals that will be difficult to compare for overall value.
3. Be prepared for your consultation. Have an overall idea of what you like and equally important, know what you don’t like. The worst thing you can do is show up without any vision.
7. You can’t go wrong with a classic look. Your pictures will last forever. Trust me, you will regret that random combination of aqua, chartreuse and hot pink.
4. Determine what portion of your overall wedding budget is going to be allocated towards flowers. A general rule of thumb is 20%-30% of your total budget. The Flower Guy Bron / Bron Hansboro 1001 E Main St, Suite A, Richmond, VA 23219 (804) 223-2350 info@theflowerguybron.com www.theflowerguybron.com
8. Don’t feel obligated to provide personal flowers for people outside of the wedding party. Traditionally, parents and grandparents are appropriate recipients. 9. Read your proposal and contract carefully and make sure that these documents are a true reflection of your expectation. There is nothing worse than an unhappy client on the day of their wedding. Scheduling a follow up meeting closer to your wedding date can eliminate any potential snags. 10. Share the joy of your flowers. Insist that after your event the remaining blooms are donated to a church, local mission, or let your guests enjoy them in their homes.
Q UEERIES:
17 Common Q&As About Gay Weddings By, Gretchen Gales – Former Student Fellow
When it comes to gay weddings, you may have more questions than you care to admit. If you’re planning on getting hitched or are just curious about gay weddings in general, have no fear! I’ve answered 17 FAQs about same-sex weddings. If you still have questions or just want more info about planning your Big Day, I suggest you check out Q Weddings (www.vagaywedding.com)!
1.
Neither of us want to wear wedding dresses. What should we do? Chances are you’ll already feel nervous on the big day, so don’t force yourself to wear something you won’t be comfortable in! Same-sex weddings are still fairly new and no one has come up with concrete etiquette. This means your wedding could be the trendsetter. Pant suits are a popular choice for their breathable fabric and can be accessorized with jewelry, neckwear, etc. They also come in a variety of colors.
2.
Same question, except we don’t want to wear tuxes. Now what? A nice shirt and dress pants can still look very sharp if you want something simple and comfortable. There are a variety of dress shirts to choose from at a variety of men’s formalwear stores, so ask an associate to help find the best one for you.
3.
We want to wear suits, but want to know how to make them unique while still maintaining a matching look. Thoughts? Experiment with different styled and colored shirts, jewelry, neckties, ascots, or boutonnieres with your favorite flowers. There are many ways to alter the look of a simple suit, so have fun and get creative.
4.
We have rings from our commitment ceremony. Can we reuse them? Absolutely! Many couples choose to reuse their commitment ceremony rings for their marriage. If you want something new, consider having your rings engraved with your wedding date or other customizations before purchasing brand new rings with the money that you can splurge on the honeymoon!
5.
Can we really not see each other before the ceremony? We’ve lived with each other long before the marriage, so we don’t know if it’s necessary. Totally up to you, but the reason why it is such a popular tradition is that it’s a magical moment to see the other “for the first time” again. It’s a nice surprise to see your partner in that way, and should be considered, though it’s certainly not mandatory.
6.
We’re having a commitment ceremony instead. Would it be odd to create a wedding website? With technology the way it is, it’s best to just go for the website for many big events. It’s a great tool to help keep your guests on track and prepared for the day!
7.
What are some traditions other same-sex couples have started that we can get some inspiration from? Sure thing! You could always walk down the aisle together. Many same-sex couples do not like the idea of assigning gender roles to the other. If there are two aisles, consider each of you going down one and then walking together at the end of the ceremony. Should there be three, do the same thing, but go down the middle aisle together at the end. Also, to welcome and comfort your guests, consider offering champagne or a cocktail to loosen any tension. Other traditions are waiting to be started by you, so get creative!
8.
What should we do for engagement photos? Do them! It helps your wedding photographer get to know you both better and get the best pictures when the big day arrives. Consider going somewhere special for the both of you, like where you met or a favorite spot you both love. See page 70 for a real-life example!
9.
So, how do we word the wedding invitations?
The person paying for the wedding is traditionally in charge of this. If you both are footing the bill, put your names at the top of the invite, then word your invitations according to how formal or casual your event will be: Formal The honor of your attendance is requested at the marriage of Erin Robbins Schmidt and Rachael Eliza Delano on Sunday, the fifteenth of April at two o’clock in the afternoon. Casual Erin Robbins Schmidt and Rachael Eliza Delano invite you to their wedding Sunday, April 15th at 2:00pm.
10.
Should we have a wedding party?
Some same-sex couples skip the tradition, but that doesn’t mean you should if you want a wedding party. There’s no better way to celebrate marriage equality and your love for each other than by throwing a big bash!
11.
If our event is more casual, should we have a traditional cake? Have whatever kind of cake makes you both happy! Whether you want a fancy cake or Funfetti, just remember to have enough for all of your guests!
12.
We want a destination wedding. How do we figure out which destinations are gay-friendly? We doubt you want to be cooped up in the hotel, so pick somewhere that is gay-friendly both on and off the resort. Some examples are Hawaii, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Bonaire, and Puerto Rico for more tropical destinations. Many European countries are also very gay-friendly, but do some research on GayDestinationWeddings.com and other sites to be sure. However, don’t forget about Virginia! Our fair Commonwealth has some great wedding destinations ranging from big cities, quaint towns and historic venues to breathtaking mountains, breezy beaches and beautiful parks. Keep Virginia in mind when you plan the location of your big day! See page 76 for more tips on destination weddings and a real-life example! Also, visit www.quidebook.com for LGBT-inclusive wedding destinations and vendors across Virginia!
13.
We have straight friends attending our wedding. What advice should we give them? Gay weddings aren’t that much different from straight weddings (other than they can be more fabulous!). If your straight friends know you well enough, they’ll know to expect a wedding that suits your tastes and personal preferences. Remember—they love you and will support whatever type of ceremony you have planned.
14.
How should we go about seating at the ceremony? Even at straight weddings, it’s become more popular to allow guests to sit wherever they would like, besides reserved seats for the family. No matter what you decide, make sure your photographer has plenty of space to photograph the both of you, no matter if one or both of you are walking down the aisle.
15.
Who pays for what?
Lots of couples pay for their own weddings with help from their parents. Don’t feel constrained by traditional bride-groom arrangements when it comes to bill-splitting. The best thing to do is to figure out who is contributing to your cash flow—you both, your parents, relatives, others? Once you figure out how much money you have to play with, you can then start planning the wedding of your dreams! See page 80 for some post-wedding money management tips!
16.
We want a friend to officiate, so how do they get ordained? There are ways to get ordained via the internet. If your ceremony is religious, remind them to check the affiliation of the certificate before they apply. Some require paperwork to be filled out. Also check the Secretary of State’s office to ensure the certificate is legitimate.
17.
What do we do about last names?
A common choice is to hyphenate both names to signify you are both united. One can choose to take the name of the other and make their given last name their new middle name, just as many straight couples do. Or you can both keep your maiden names. This is popular for those that have made their career based on their maiden names. Either way, choose what’s best for the both of you.
THE ORIGINS OF MODERN
Wedding TRADITIONS By, Gretchen Gales – Former Student Fellow
Ever wonder who thought it was a good idea to throw rice at a happily married couple as they left the alter to live out the rest of their lives together? There are many fun (and strange) wedding traditions. While you might not use all of the customs listed below at your wedding, it’s fun to see how these time-honored traditions came to be.
Throwing Rice No, it didn’t start with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Before rice became popular, some newlyweds had oats or grain thrown at them to encourage fertility. Eventually rice became the most popular, but recently other options have included pelting the newlyweds with seeds, lavender, flower petals, or bubbles (yes, bubbles). The Garter Toss Garters come in adorable designs and varieties. Pieces of the dress were considered to be good luck and, back in the day, guests would follow the newlyweds to the bedroom hoping to grab a piece of the dress before the newlyweds consummated their marriage. This strange tradition continues today with the bride throwing her garter into a crowd. Traditionally, garters were used to keep a woman’s stockings up. Nowadays, when a bride removes her garter and throws it to a waiting crowd, it is believed that the person who catches the garter will be the next to find a spouse! If you ask me, this sure beats following the newlyweds to their bedchamber! Wedding Cake In the Roman Empire, bread was broken over the couple to bring prosperity and luck. Later, cakes were stacked on top of each other as high as possible and if the couple could successfully kiss over it, their marriage would be a success. The cake was often a fruit cake, whereas today it is available in a variety of much tastier flavors (mmmm… chocolate). Flowers In medieval era weddings, flowers were assembled into flower crowns and also used in bouquets mixed with different herbs and spices to ward off bad spirits. It wasn’t until the late 16th century that flowers began being used to adorn churches and in other parts of the wedding ceremony.
Rings In the 9th century, Pope Nicholas I was the first to declare that engagement rings were required before a marriage could take place. Over the years, rings contained separate halves of a coin and various stones meant to symbolize the couple’s love. Diamonds, which are the most valuable gemstone today, did not gain popularity until the 19th century when a plethora of them were found in South Africa. Now everyone wants their engagement rings to shine bright like a diamond! As for wedding rings, ancient Egyptians put silver or gold rings on what is commonly known as the left “ring finger” because it was thought that this finger on the left hand had the vein that led straight to the heart. An iron ring was used for everyday use while the more expensive rings were reserved for the wedding and special occasions. The Wedding Party If you’re a theatre geek, you might want to bring back this dramatic tradition. It used to be that grooms would send out their groomsmen to distract and fight off the bride’s family so the groom could quickly wed his “captured” bride. Once weddings actually started being planned out, bridesmaids were introduced to help the bride get ready. While I like the idea of having both groomsmen and bridesmaids (or two sets of one for a same-sex wedding), part of me wants to see a bunch of groomsmen (or bridesmaids) fight of his or her future spouse’s family so he or she can capture and wed his or her true love!
The Well-Intentioned Wedding Guest By, Emmett Hickman
The wedding season is upon us! Wedding invitations are arriving in our mailboxes and couples across the nation are preparing to say “I do.” Once you have been invited to someone’s wedding, there are some basic etiquette rules that you should follow as a good friend and guest of the hosts. Below are some tips to avoid some of the biggest wedding etiquette faux pas currently being committed by the well-intentioned wedding guest.
1. If you get an invitation, make sure you RSVP.
Tell the couple yes or no as soon as you can. Weddings are expensive, and the couple needs to know if you’re coming or not. It’s not just about the price of the food; it’s also the table you sit at, the flowers at that table, the chair you sit in, the china you eat off of, and so on. The couple needs to know how much to order and your RSVP is their answer. And while I am on the topic of RSVP’s, if the couple does not extend an invitation of a plus 1, don’t assume you can add one. The couple has spent hours on their guest list, and some of their friends and family did not make the cut. Please understand there are reasons you have not been extended a plus 1.
2. For God’s sake, PUT THE DAMN PHONE
AWAY! I cannot tell you how many times I have seen wedding guests trying to get that perfect picture on their phone so they can show everyone on social media. Remember that the couple is spending thousands of dollars for a professional photographer to catch that perfect picture. You are merely in their way. Plus, no one wants to see their guests in professional pictures holding smart phones. Is this how you want to be remembered 20 years from now when the couple looks at the pictures? If you want a picture, take one with the couple AFTER the ceremony sometime during the reception. And most professional photographers will be happy to share pictures with you if you ask.
3. Don’t wear white, leave that to the couple. Trust
me—if you do wear white, people will talk about you.
4.
During the reception, please let the couple eat before you try to talk to them. I often see guests walk up to the couple while they are eating to say hi and try and have a conversation with them. Do you like people talking to you while you eat? Remember, this is probably the only down time they have gotten all day. So please give them 10 minutes to eat. They’ll be done soon and ready to engage all of their guests.
5.
Most importantly, have fun. Remember, it’s a party! Please don’t sit there like a bump on a log during the reception. There is a reason the couple invited you. Your presence is a reminder as to why they are friends with you and want you in their lives. Be charming. Talk to people you don’t know. Dance. Eat, drink and be merry! Just find something to do other than hold the chair down. Emmett Hickam is owner of www.RichmondBridalConsulting.com and www.RichmondGayWeddings. com. With almost 10 years of experience in the wedding planning industry, he brings creativity, inspiration, passion and organization to every event he produces. Whether it’s an intimate gathering for 25 or a no-holds-barred wedding for 450, there are not many things that he has not seen.
must havge Checklist Weddin
12+ MONTHS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Set a date. Discuss and create a budget. Begin outlining a guest list. Figure out where to have the wedding ceremony and reception. Book hotel room blocks. Book a DJ and a wedding planner, if desired. Find and book an officiant. Begin shopping around for suits and/or gowns. If desired, set up a wedding website.
9-11 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Choose members of the wedding party and assign roles. Make final decisions on the guest list. Choose wedding themes and colors. Pick caterer and discuss what kind of food will be served. Book a florist, ceremony musicians, DJ and/or band for the reception, and a bakery for the cake. Research and select stationary for wedding invitations, thank you notes, etc. If the wedding party participants are wearing dresses or suits, arrange a fitting and have each person order their respective attire. Order other formalwear accessories, if desired.
6-8 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Mail save-the-dates. Discuss ceremony details with the officiant. Choose your honeymoon destination and make all necessary travel and lodging arrangements. Order official invitations and thank-you notes. Prepare plans for the rehearsal dinner.
4-5 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Make sure everything is right flower-wise with your florist. Have a room booked for your wedding night. Have cake order finalized. Start making, or purchase, wedding favors. Select your wedding rings.
2-3 MONTHS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Go to various food tastings and make final decisions on the menu. Send out invitations 6-8 weeks in advance. Schedule fittings for wedding gown and veil (if appli cable) 6 weeks out (and again 1-2 weeks out). Make final plans with the officiant for the ceremony. Ensure that hotel rooms for both the wedding night and honeymoon are still booked. Begin making ceremony programs. Create an hour-by-hour schedule of wedding day plans. Get those last-minute accessories! If you’re writing your own wedding vows, this is the time to finish them.
.......................... By, Gretchen Gales – Former Student Fellow
2-3 DAYS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! 1 MONTH BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Discuss what kinds of photos you want with your photographer and/or videographer and plan where pictures will be taken before, during and after the ceremony. If you have out-of-town guests, have welcome bags ready for them. Mail out invites for the rehearsal dinner.
Confirm times of delivery for the cake and flowers. Confirm meet-up location with the photographer. If place cards, menus, wedding favors, guest book, and other items are a part of the reception, give them to your planner and caterer accordingly. Have the processional and recessional planned out. Make sure your attire is in its best shape. Steam if necessary to eliminate wrinkles. Have your overnight bag packed for your wedding night. Bring welcome bags to the hotel where your guests will be staying.
1-2 WEEKS BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! Schedule your final wedding gown/veil fitting (if applicable). If there are any missing RSVPs, do a follow-up with the invited guests. Design a seating chart to give to the caterer, planner, photographer, etc. Let your caterer know how many guests are expected, including anyone hired for the event. Make sure everything is in order with all hired staff (musicians, DJ, band, caterer, photographer, wedding planner, etc.). Have all toasts written, rehearsed and ready to go! Make sure you have the marriage license (duh)!
1 DAY BEFORE YOUR BIG DAY! PANIC!!! Then, STOP PANICKING!! Have all materials for the ceremony (décor, accessories, etc.) brought to the site. Rehearse ceremony. Attend rehearsal dinner. Give gifts to your significant other, parents, etc. Have an attendant hold on to the officiant’s fee to be given after the ceremony. Be happy! This is a stressful time, but it’s all worth it when you walk down that aisle.
YOUR BIG DAY! Let yourself be enveloped in the love of your family, friends, community and, of course, your spouse.
WHEELS UP!
Christopher Lovell Murphy and Columbus Christopher Coleman (aka – “The Chrises”) were married on Saturday, April 21, 2012 at Las Caletas, a private island cove in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. Accessible only by sea, and once the private home of film director, John Huston, Las Caletas’ secluded beach and majestic Sierra Madre Mountains served as the tropical backdrop for their destination wedding. Family and friends boarded a luxury catamaran for cocktails and hors d’oeuvres and sailed to Las Caletas for a private sunset ceremony, followed by dinner, entertainment and an open bar reception on the beach. The couple is still in honeymoon mode and plan to return to Puerto Vallarta in April to celebrate and renew their vows!
Destination Wedding
Top 10 Tips
Take it from the Chrises! The devil’s in the details when planning a wedding abroad. Here our their Top 10 Tips for planning the perfect destination wedding.
10. Choose wisely. The world is your oyster! Point to a map and go – but when scheduling the date (especially for tropical locations) be mindful of rainy/hurricane season, spring break and national holidays specific to the area that can impact your special day. Also, get a pulse on how LGBTQ-friendly the area is! 9. Don’t allow distance to be a barrier. If your planner resides at your wedding destination, use this to your advantage! Who knows the area better than your planner in this case? Pick their brain for ideas and ask them to keep their ear to the ground. Meet regularly via Skype and email photos of samples to convey your vision for your big day. 8. Use your location to your benefit. Instead of spending a lot of money on decorations, use the natural beauty of your location! Use flowers indigenous to the area and pull in inspiration from the scenery around you! 7. Visit the destination at least once prior to the wedding. Get a lay out the land! If possible, visit the same month oneyear-out prior to the wedding. (How’s the weather? Are there more tourists than usual during this time?) Plus, it’s a prime opportunity to locate fun spots and activities that you can share with your guests later. 6. All-inclusive! Direct your guests to accommodations with an all-inclusive option. Your guests will appreciate the savings while on the trip and you won’t have to plan meals. Most all-inclusive programs include all meals and beverages – including alcohol. (You can also honeymoon at a different resort after the ceremony like the Chrises did for some alone time!) 5. Don’t sweat the guest list. Invite who you want to attend. The people who you think may not be willing to travel just might surprise you! Also, remember that destination weddings double as a vacation – and many folks welcome the opportunity! You can also have a reception/party at home when you return and celebrate with everyone all over again! 4. Give your guests at least 1 year notice and hard deadlines! Remember that some people on your list may not be travel savvy. Helpful reminders and deadlines to book accommodations and apply for passports early will help your guests feel better prepared and alleviate anxiety on everyone’s part. 3. Have a website! Make this the go-to source for your guests for all information pertaining to the wedding and remember to make it fun! Include info about the area, the itinerary, deadlines (RSVP, passports, etc.), info on accommodations and travel tips. The website should answer everyone’s questions (and reduce the amount of phone calls coming your way.) 2. Utilize your wedding party on the day-of. Remember that they are there to support you – so don’t be afraid to put them to work. Assigning specific duties will allow you to focus on more important things... like memorizing your vows! 1. Enjoy! When else will you have your family and friends all abroad celebrating your union? The day goes by fast, so soak in everything and make time to relax and enjoy the getaway with your partner! All photos courtesy of Gino Addi.
5
Tips on How to Write a Great Best Man’s Speech
By, Jesse LaVancher
Being the Best Man at a wedding is both an honor and a huge responsibility. From planning the bachelor party, holding the rings during the ceremony and generally making sure the groom has the best day of his life as he marries the man (or woman) of his dreams, the Best Man plays a critical role in the both the planning and execution phases of the wedding. One of the most daunting tasks of being Best Man is giving a speech in front of the entire group of people who have come together to take part in the wedding festivities. Beyond the obvious rule of not getting too drunk before delivering your speech, there’s actually a proven formula to follow when it comes to writing a speech that’s genuine, heart-felt and entertaining. Follow these five simple writing tips (and avoid these five pitfalls) to ensure that your speech delivers both tears and laughter to the audience and, especially, to the happy newlyweds.
1.) Don’t wing it. Like anything else in life, in order to do well at something you must plan, train and take the entire speech writing process seriously. Pitfall #1: Don’t forget to thank the hosts. Get this out of the way at the beginning. But don’t waste time thanking everyone else—that’s that groom’s job. 2.) Create an outline (just like you did for essays back in school). Sure, you probably have a plethora of funny stories about the groom from high school, college and/or work. Rather than list those past antics expecting people to ROFLMAO, ask yourself what qualities you think of when you think of the groom. This thought process will allow you to generate a list of bullet points that can serve as the skeleton of your speech. Once you have a solid list of bullet points, think of stories that demonstrate those qualities. Pitfall #2: When you come up with stories that demonstrate the qualities of the groom you’d like to share, be sure that the stories are tales everyone in the room can relate to. Do NOT tell private jokes. Doing so will exclude audience members and will make your speech fall flat. 3.) Keep your speech brief, light and humorous. Your speech should not be the next great American novel. Keep it to 5 minutes, tops. When it comes to content, aim to have 70% of your speech be humorous and 30% be sentimental. After all, you’re celebrating a joyous occasion and you don’t want your speech to be a buzzkill. Imagine that you have the audience laughing for a few minutes and then you deliver a few profound sentences. Now that, my friends, it a great formula for a successful speech. Pitfall #3: Don’t go to the Internet for jokes. All the humor you need to make a great speech can be expressed through shared experiences that the audience can relate to. While Jamiroquai can get away with “Canned Heat,” you will not be able to get away with canned jokes. Period.
4.) Make the speech all about the newlyweds. Remember the key rule of public speaking: know your audience. The guests at the wedding just want to have a good time. Don’t make your speech full of stories about how much you love the groom. No one cares about that. Instead, share unexpected traits about the couple through shared stories. Of course, the majority of your speech is going to be about the groom; but, don’t forget to include remarks about his new husband (or bride). If you don’t know much about your buddy’s spouse, ask friends who might be able to provide you with information about him/her that you can use in your speech. Including the other spouse is a sign of respect and demonstrates that you truly know what this big day is all about—the newlyweds (not you). Pitfall #4: Take the words “I” and “me” out of your speech. If you make the speech about you, you’ve already lost the attention of your audience and you’ve failed to make your words reflect the true stars of the day—the newlyweds. 5.) Give your speech some structure (again, just like your essays back in school). Every story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. Start by making a statement about the groom like, “Joe is the most ambitions person I know.” Then back up your statement with some entertaining and thoughtful stories. At the end of your speech, revisit your initial idea, but explain how that idea has evolved now that he’s married his one, true love. “Since Joe met John (or Jane), he’s even more driven.” Making this connection not only shows how much you care about the groom, but it also reflects the respect you have for the couple now that they’re married. Pitfall #5: Don’t read your speech from a script. Memorize it! If you stick to a printed script, you’ll only be concentrating on your next line rather than making an authentic connection with to the newlyweds and the audience.
Follow these five tips—and avoid these five pitfalls—and you’ll be well on your way to writing and delivering a fantastic Best Man’s speech. Good luck! This story could not have been possible without the help of Men’s Health magazine and author Dan Michel.