To An Unknown God Spring 2010

To An

Unknown God A Journal of Christian Thought at Berkeley

Men

Volume 3 Issue 1 Spring 2010

unknowngodjournal.com

to an

Unknown God Spring 2010

Cover: Men

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Thou art beautiful, O my love, as Tirzah

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Masculinity & the Church’s Gender Gap

Loving Lady Kirk Lue-Yee Tsang

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12 Men and Music How worship music contributes to the gender gap James Yoo

14 Joyful in Hope

Reform society’s idea of masculinity

A difficult teaching in times of trouble Eric Tsang

The Lost Boys

Culture

Elizabeth Segran

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Church

Factors that contribute to the gender gap in churches

Daniel Garcia

15 The Mathematics of Our Origin

Oh, Brother

Thoughts about the need for a creating source Sean Jeong

Lila Carpenter

16 What Is Our Statement of Doctrine?

The underestimated impact of brothers on sisters

Guilt, Grace, Gratitude

Why To An Unknown God doesn’t have one John Montague

Three truths that absolutely define a man

Timothy Cho

Why We Do What We Do

Reasoning behind Christian thinking, actions, and values

Andrew David Kuo

18 Begging from the Beggar An encounter with the homeless Keith Fong

20 Faith in God through Times of Hardship

Illustrations Covers Valerie Lu (front) Connie Wong (back)

Reflection

We can all learn a little bit from Job Wesleigh Anderson Photographs Christine Han ( 24, 25) Grace Ho (1, 9) Nathaniel Kam (13)

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Literary Poetry

21 A Blessing on This House Laura Ferris Poetry

Creative Writing

22 Gloriously Undignified

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Kevin Christopher

Emily Chan poetry

poetry

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28 Submissions for Winter

24 What does this all mean?

25 Crying on Campus Daniel Kim poetry

26 Cloudy Muddle Glory 27 What the Thunder Said It Takes Two to Tango

30 Temptation Talks of Backsliding Folasade Scott Review

31 Unknown Sounds Coming from Northern Ireland Elizabeth Segran

Sally Stosich

W hom t h e r e for e y e wor s h i p w i t hou t k now i ng, h i m I pro c l a i m v n to you.

— acts 17:23

To An Unknown God is not affiliated with any church or other religious group, and opinions expressed in articles do not necessarily represent those of the editors. We are completely student-run and funded partly by the student body as an ASUC-sponsored student publication. Funding is also provided through individual donations. Distribution is free while supplies last.

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To An Unknown God S�rin� • 2010 Dear Reader, “No, we are not going to do an issue on men. What could people possibly have to say about men? Women are the oppressed ones in this society. Here, how about environmentalism…”

I admit it. When the editorial staff began discussing the theme for this issue, I initially doubted that many people – male or female – would want to write about manhood. Here at Cal, it seems that passion resides on the side of the oppressed. Cal is the home of the Free Speech Movement. It is a place where activism played a critical role in the creation of the Disabled Students’ Program, the Department of Ethnic Studies, and the Department of Gender and Women’s Studies. The spirit of justice lives on, as we witnessed (and perhaps partook in) two campus-wide protests in response to fee hikes and budget cuts this year.

And in such a climate, we are prone to compartmentalize people into two categories: villains and victims.

But this, dear friend, is dangerous thinking. As students and scholars, we want to do our part in explaining the world and changing it. But in the process, we begin to intellectualize the human experience and adopt labels that give us the right to speak: “As a woman who was raped, I condemn male perpetrators,” or “As an ethnic minority, I condemn administrative officials that pride in diversity without recognizing struggles that extend beyond slavery and war.”

And though these assertions contain truth, rhetoric and defensiveness often contribute to disunity and indifference toward each other’s sufferings. Thus, we must begin with our commonhood, that “all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Rom. 3:23). Holding onto this truth, let us recognize that we – descendants of Adam and Eve – are the very causes of the sufferings in this world, which through Christ crucified, resurrected and enthroned, will one day cease. Also, let us recognize that we will always have with us those who, bearing names of whole communities, inflict pain, and that the best we can do to spur positive change is to become more like Jesus Christ, the perfect man and bringer of peace.

As you venture into our latest issue, I invite you to consider how people of different genders have distinct collective experiences, but also how uniquely the power of the Messianic gospel of God Himself, who suffered as a man in the hands of his own creation, manifests in individuals. Our culture deceives us into thinking that gender is a dividing line of struggles and experiences. On the surface, it is. But let us look further. Brothers and sisters, let us “spur one another on toward love and good deeds,” and recognize the unique way in which God has fashioned men and women (Heb. 10:24). He has marked his fingerprints differently on each vessel with the potential to radiate His majesty.

Men, may you live by and shine the light of King Jesus Christ, the most humble and greatest man to ever walk the earth. And women, let us pray for our brothers to be so in tune with the Holy Spirit that they may bear His strength, humility, radicalism, and beauty.

Thank you, as always, for your readership, support, and prayer.

editor-in-chief Sarah Cho

executive editor Emily Stone

managing editors Daniel Kim Grace Ho Lue-Yee Tsang

publisher Chris Han

photographer Christine Han

Assistant Editors Emily Chan, Vivian Deng, Elizabeth Hui, Elizabeth Kim, Kirstie Lee, Javonna Stewart, Erica Vilay, Diana Zheng

contributors Wesleigh Anderson, Lila Carpenter, Emily Chan, Timothy Cho, Kevin Christopher, Keith Fong, Daniel Garcia, Sean Jeong, Andrew David Kuo, Folasade Scott, Elizabeth Segran, Sally Stosich, Eric Tsang, James Yoo

EDITORS EMERITI Stephanie Chiao, Laura Ferris, Cliff Mak, John Montague, Whitney Moret

Sarah Cho

Gird your sword on your thigh, O mighty one, in your splendor and majesty!

In your majesty ride out victoriously for the cause of truth and meekness and righteousness; let your right hand teach you awesome deeds!

Psalm 45:3–4 Grace Ho

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Loving Lady Kirk writer

Lue-Yee Tsang

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n The Lord of the Rings, many of the heroes are moved by thoughts of places. Rivers and mountains matter. Minas Tirith matters. Likewise, the Apostle Paul says Christians are citizens of the heavenly city, holy Zion, the “Jerusalem above,” and “she is our mother.” It was thus that John Newton, who wrote “Amazing Grace,” also penned these words: Glorious things of thee are spoken, Zion, city of our God; He whose word cannot be broken Formed thee for his own abode.

On the Rock of Ages founded, What can shake thy sure repose?

With salvation’s walls surrounded Thou mayest smile at all thy foes.

The Christ himself has founded the Church, “the city that has foundations, whose designer and builder is God.” The Church, which Paul calls our mother, aspires by the grace of God to be a “Proverbs 31 wife,” as Scripture also compares the relationship between husband and wife to the even greater reality of the relationship between the Christ and his holy, catholic and apostolic Church.­­ So, too, we honor our mother as Christ honored his blessed mother on earth – nay, as Christ honors his wife in heaven, for the holy Church is indeed his Bride, blessed and glorious in the radiance of the Lord. To his Bride he has given the keys of his Kingdom coming from heaven to earth, which is now at hand and is not yet come to fullness. Many church buildings, accordingly, are adorned with glorious images – of the Annunciation to the blessed virgin Mary, of Christ’s post-resurrection appearance to Mary Magdalene, of Eve redeemed from Adam’s sin – that testify to God’s work in the midst of the Church and also attest to future glory, flooding stone interiors with stained-glass light of many colours. Will the Church be held in the honor this suggests and have our affections because of the hope we have in God? A man who will leave the Church for her sinfulness, desiring another imaginary church rather than the one Church catholic as she is – messed up, poor, frail, marred with tears of grief – will he also leave his wife behind in favor of his pornographic fantasy, in the name of purity? But the love that Christ has for the Church when 2 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

she clings to his feet and anoints him with her tears of spikenard, his love for a woman rejected by the world, is that same love which allows the husband to call his wife beautiful and be telling the truth even when she’s angry, when she has morning sickness, when she’s frazzled and paranoid and stressed and ready to die with all the duties she discharges. He will not love her for her gimmicks, or even for her love, when her love cannot split the rocks in a mountain pass: he will love her as she is. Sometimes we call this unconditional love. We who resolve to love our wives must look first to the more fundamental reality of the cosmos: to Christ, who loves his Church more than ever Adam loved his Eve. How Christ honors his new Eve – that is, his holy Church – with what was not hers!

Those who stand up to Sauron, so to speak – those who resist evil – have a city to love, a mother they did not choose, within whose walls they have sisters whose fair hearts inspire them to “sin strongly, but more strongly [to] have faith and rejoice in Christ,” to perform deeds of valor for a city that will one day know peace and no longer be beleaguered by the hosts of her enemies: For myself, I would see the White Tree in flower again in the courts of the kings, and the Silver Crown return, and Minas Tirith in peace: Minas Anor again as of old, full of light, high and fair, beautiful as a queen […]. War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend: the city of the Men of Númenor, and I would have her loved for her memory, her ancientry, her beauty, and her present wisdom.

We in this iconoclastic generation, we who break the tradition of centuries and feign ignorance of our own subjectivity (or, alternately, use subjectivity as a way to deconstruct and reject ancient tradition), do we love the Church for her memory? her ancientry? her beauty? her present wisdom, always to be reformed according to God’s word?

What shall men do? We shall come to maturity in God’s holy wisdom; we shall serve, not reject, our mother. •

Lue-Yee Tsang (曾履義), having graduated from Cal, is now a mossy ent. He’s also seeking gainful employment.

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Masculinity and the Church’s Gender Gap writer

Elizabeth Segran

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hose of us who attend church on a regular basis have noticed a disturbing trend: there is a major gender disparity in the pews. Statistically, within the English speaking world, women consistently outnumber men. For every three women in church, there are only two men.1 This tendency has not escaped the attention of gender studies scholars. Researchers have observed that individuals who display masculine tendencies tend to be less religious. While both women and men can adopt masculine behaviors and outlooks, men are generally socialized to be masculine, while women are socialized to be feminine. As such, scholars observe: Men participate in religious ritual and worship less often, espouse different religious motivations for their participation, profess less devout beliefs, testify that religious faith is not always germane to their everyday activities, and identify less with “being religious” than do women.2

In short, the rituals and practices of spiritual life do not coincide with masculine values.

This is certainly true in the Christian context. Churches emphasize the community over the individual. They encourage members to be emotionally vulnerable and expressive. Churches also urge people to make conservative choices in the present (such as believing in God) to avoid eternal damnation. These notions fly in the face of traditional Western masculinity. Masculinity in our culture encourages men to develop independence, to shun overt displays of emotion and to seek danger. Scholars of gender see men’s irreligiousness as another type of masculine risk-taking behavior.

Worlds away from gender studies departments in universities, church leaders are scratching their heads over what to do about the gender gap in their congregations. Some have suggested masculinizing the church to make it more appealing to men. The Promise Keepers movement, for instance, was built on this very agenda.

The organization’s mission statement exposes its desire to represent Christianity in manly, rugged terms: “Promise Keepers’ mission is to ignite and unite men to become warriors who will change their world.”3 In keeping with this mandate, it emphasizes men’s responsibility to be leaders within the family and society at large.

Promise Keepers asserts that men need not fear losing their privi-

leged social position when entering the church community.

Attempting to mold the church according to traditional masculine values is not the solution to the gender crisis. For one thing, many masculine traits run contrary to core biblical values. Indeed, Jesus regularly chose to humiliate himself by choosing postures of subservience and eschewing power. This was evident throughout his ministry. He deliberately avoided the halls of institutional power, preferring the company of the thoroughly disempowered instead (e.g., his birth to a poor peasant girl in a stable in Luke 2, his conversation with the Samaritan woman in John 4, the contrast between his encounter with the rich ruler and the little children in Luke 18:15–30). He explicitly encouraged his disciples to abandon the quest for social glory in favor of humility – a lesson he demonstrated dramatically by washing their feet ( John 13). The central gospel message involves God sacrificing his own Son for the sake of humanity’s salvation: this is the ultimate rejection of power.

Jesus was also a proponent of community. Although he regularly sought time alone with God, he also deliberately chose to develop close relationships with his friends, family, and disciples.

This pattern of communal living is evident throughout the Bible, from the Old Testament narrative in which Israel is instructed to remain set apart as God’s people to the creation of an intimate community of believers in the New Testament church.

Christianity presents a radical critique of hegemonic masculine values. It has always been an uncomfortable message in a world in which individuals seek to achieve social control and dominance.

Rather than toning down the tenets of the Christian faith, perhaps it would be better to redefine the boundaries of masculinity to allow it to encompass a degree of vulnerability and intimacy with others. A more revolutionary approach would be to encourage society to abandon this binary system of gendering in the first place.

After all, it is completely arbitrary that we associate emotionality with women and independence with men. • 1 Batson, C.D., P.A. Schoenrade, and W.L. Ventis. The Religious Experience: A Social-psychological Perspective. New York: Oxford University Press, 1993.

2 Regnerus, Mark. “The Case for Early Marriage.” Christianity Today, Vol 53:8, 2009.

3 “About Us.” Promise Keepers. 2008. http://www.promisekeepers.org/about.

Elizabeth Segr an is finishing her doctoral dissertation which combines ancient Indian poetry with radical feminist theory. She is currently dividing her time between the UK, the US, India and France.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 3

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The Lost Boys writer

Daniel Garcia

1 “Key Findings: Who Worships in the U.S.?" U.S. Congregations. 29 October 2003. <www.uscongregations.org/ key.htm>.

2 Brierley, Peter. Table 2.21.1. Religious Trends 5, Christian Research. 2005.

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andering around a place like Berkeley for a while, you can get a pretty good survey of the issues people have with Christianity. You hear words like irrational, outdated, imperialistic, unscientific, intolerant, and misogynistic. That last one, though, usually elicits, initially, a particular response.

While a lot can (and should) be said about gender and Christianity, my usual first thought is, “Have you ever looked around at a church?”

When I look around, it is not women who are leaving in droves. Instead, in my experience, rarely do men ever outnumber women in Christian circles, unless the mission of the group is particularly unique. And this is not just anecdotal: in 2003 the typical US congregation drew an adult crowd that was 61% female, 39% male, and the gap appears in all age categories.1 A curious fact, but it becomes more so when we see some evidence that in some places this gap has been increasing in the last 30 years.2 Why is this happening? I cannot seriously believe that the Fall somehow alienates God more from men than women. Asking around, I’ve heard, “Christianity is about relationship and men are not as relational.” Yes, relationships between men are usually different, displaying emotions and affection through different avenues. Still, we all know of men coming together in friendships, teams, regiments, or through adversity. As guys, we know the friendships that mattered, and how they were formed. Some of us really have felt that “band of brothers” kinship, and it is a desire many of us have. Thus, the real problem is when we assume that men relate with one another as women do, or worse, design our activities with solely that in mind. I was at a recent retreat for the current InterVarsity senior class. It had been a day full of the usual talks, worship, prayer, and seminars put on by alumni in the area. The evening came and the alumni

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planned on taking the seniors out, and the decision was wisely made to split the group by gender. While the ladies, I’m sure, had a fine evening hanging out and talking at their restaurant, the gentleman were engaged in several epic rounds of dodgeball at a local church gym. If our view of building relationships in our communities focuses only on events like the former, we will fail to engage with many men who need other environments to bond with one another.

Additionally, I have heard, “Men are just more independent, against being tied down.” In this perspective, Christianity or religion in general is seen as a domesticating force. Although the role of culture must be considered, there is certainly something to the need for an element of freedom for many guys. But if we automatically equate independence or unsettledness with a cavalier or immature faith, we are making a mistake. The call of Christ towards faith in Him can be a longer and more circuitous journey than our simple Jesus Prayer models would suggest. And it is from these people that often great wisdom comes, the kind that only one who has truly wandered could have earned. It is then that the remark by C. S. Lewis, “The longest way round is the shortest way home,” could indeed make sense.

Finally, I’ve heard, “Culture portrays men as needing to be more tough-minded and ‘serious’ while women are freer to base decisions on faith.” Now, regardless of what one thinks about the reality or idiocy of the idea, it is worth reflecting on how culture influences us and our idea of men and women. As guys, are we subtly told that “real men” have no need for religion or even spirituality in general? Rather, does maturity become only about the job and being in control of your own destiny? This may be related to another suggestion: “Since our culture is quicker to condemn certain vices in women

than in men, men (particularly young men) feel a greater disconnect from an ethics-focused Christianity.” To the extent that these perceptions might be seen as true, our Christian communities must understand that we can be, to borrow from Andy Crouch, “Culture Makers” and not merely “Culture Consumers.” Dr. King perhaps put it best when he famously said that the Church is called to be not a thermometer but a thermostat. In order to do that, we need to know the climate we are in, whether we like it or not. Indeed, this is the difference between theology (understanding the divine) and apologetics (communicating knowledge of the divine).

In light of this issue of culture, as well as the earlier perspectives, I propose that the major issue may be a lack of masculine inspiration and encouragement from our churches and communities compared to a world more than happy to provide its own inspiration. So often, to be masculine is seen in sexual terms, comically chastising underperformers as less manly. This relates to broader themes where freedom and self-reliance are tied to gratification and stature. And if part of this rubs off on us (and you know it does), then Christianity begins to sound stupid because a gospel of losing oneself to save oneself and trusting Christ with your life appears as the antithesis to such a worldview. God becomes a god for the weak-willed, the needy, or the boring. Jesus becomes a smiling sage, holding lambs and children, all meek and mild. Humility is confused with timidity. Faith confused with weakness. Love confused with being “nice.”

Some contemporary worship songs put up more feminizing barriers with a “Jesus as lover” perspective that for some guys feels superficial or simply weird. For those who have seen the Lifehouse “Everything” skit, which I still consider quite powerful, ask yourself, could that saved girl at the end dancing with Jesus be replaced with a guy? Perhaps, but for many men, the archetype doesn’t fit.

I encourage my brothers to remember the multifaceted masculinity of Jesus. For myself, with my cultural background and experience, Jesus is a man of strength and courage, decrying hypocrisy and injustice, honoring the Father, re-

charging out in the wilderness, loving his friends, enduring the sting of betrayal, and walking with boldness to the Cross. A Lion and a Lamb. A Suffering Servant and a Coming King. This Jesus is not just a lover and a comforter. He is my blood Brother, come what may. He is my Captain who I follow through the adventures of life.

He is my Master training me in His ways that I may, by grace, be like Him. Every church, community, and fellowship will have to listen to the Spirit to ascertain the path ahead. But we must remember that whether innately or culturally, men are different, and how they relate to God in Christ is different.

And the implications of this are significant. If the church attendance of Christian men continues to fall, there is no reason to believe it will naturally rebound. As Christian groups become more female, a feminizing culture will continue to alienate men, while a lack of male mentors and friends will make connection increasingly difficult. Eventually, women will get frustrated as people stress dating/marriage only within the Christian community. For some single women, it may take an exemplary faith to endure the very real desire for spouse and family. And if one can’t find it in our Christian circles, how could one not expect to look outside? And in family life, the active religious life of fathers may have more influence on the future Christian life of children than mothers’.3, 4 If men do not feel at home in the life of our future churches or Christian communities, we will see it in the next generation. Indeed, are we already seeing it?

Thus, our fellowships need to be proactive with our men’s groups, men’s retreats, team sports, and male role models/disciplers. We need to provide balance to the images of Jesus we portray, lest we slip too far into a solely “Jesus as lover” gospel. We must be willing to ask uncomfortable questions about gender and the perceptions of it. And as Christian men, we need to do our part to mature as men of Christ who understand the culture of the larger world and can provide honest feedback and suggestions if we find our churches or fellowships needlessly alienating men both outside and inside the Christian community. •

3 “A Man’s Influence.” Evangelicals Now. May 2003. <http://www.e-n.org. uk/2790-A-man%27s-influence.htm>.

4 Low, Robbie. “The Truth About Men & Church: On the Importance of Fathers to Churchgoing.” Fish Eaters. <http:// www.fisheaters.com/menandchurch. html>.

Daniel Garcia is a sixthyear doctoral student in the Department of Physics at Cal. He is a part of Intervarsity Christian Fellowship and Veritas Christian Fellowship.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 5

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Oh, Brother

The Underestimated Impact of Brothers on Sisters writer

Lila Carpenter

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ime Magazine published an article claiming that siblings have more influence in shaping you than anyone else.

The idea makes sense; siblings are with you long before you meet your life partner and long after your parents pass. They are there when you move, change schools, and go home for Christmas. Although I am by no means an expert on relational or family psychology, I do have 20 years’ experience of siblinghood. Speaking as someone with two brothers, I can testify to the fact that brothers play a significant role in developing their sisters. Men underestimate the degree to which they shape their sisters.

God did not create families by pulling numbers from a hat. Before we were born, he assigned us to a specially selected group of people for reasons beyond our knowledge. So, too, is it with our family in Christ. We did not haphazardly end up in random communities of fellowship.

God intentionally placed us among specially selected people: your immediate Christ family. So this role of “brother” is by no means limited to biological families. Jesus did not even recognize a distinction or hierarchy between the family to whom he was born and his family in Christ (Mark 3:31–33). So, men, just because your parents did not also produce someone without a Y chromosome, don’t think that you are off the hook. Your responsibility to, and influence on, your sisters in Christ is equally important. You do influence them, probably a lot more than you think.

I am blessed with two incredible men of God as brothers, and I love them both dearly, but our relationships have not always been strong.

Growing up, I thought that the lack of rela-

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tionship was a reflection on myself, that I was somehow unworthy of love. Quite honestly, I sometimes still struggle with the remnants of these feelings. At one point, I felt God calling me to take a risk in my relationship. I am in recovery for an eating disorder, and God called me to share this with my older brother. So, obediently but nervously, I made myself vulnerable, told him what I was struggling with, and braced myself. I prepared myself to hear that I was an incompetent failure because I could not eat correctly despite every other living creature’s ability to do so instinctually. I expected this comment not because it is in his character to say it but because I thought it of myself and consequently expected everyone to think similarly.

But the hurtful comment never came. Instead he said this: “That makes sense.”

In three small words, my brother validated me. He let me know that I was not crazy or a failure, and that my reactions were an understandable – although obviously not healthy – response to my circumstances. He could not have reacted better. I was similarly blessed when I told my other brother and later my co-ed Bible study about my struggle. Instead of getting freaked out or comparing me to the tabloids, they all reacted with compassion, love, and understanding.

Now, I don’t want this article to be about my eating disorder. That is far beside the point. The point is that when I opened up about a wounded part of my life, my brothers in Christ embraced me. I am sure they are largely unaware of the power that they each held in the moment. In my moment of vulnerability, they unknowingly had the power to reinforce God’s idea of grace and

unconditional love or my idea that I was an incompetent nut job. Luckily for me, they chose the former.

But brothers’ influences extend far beyond the realms of Bible studies and private conversations. Their influences are present in every interaction. Take dating, for example. People often feel uncomfortable about “dating our brothers and sisters in Christ,” and understandably so. I, too, generally tend to avoid implied incest. So, men, instead of treating the girl you are dating like your sister, I encourage you to treat her the way you would want your little sister to be treated by her boyfriend. Keep in mind that God has placed us together within His family, and the resulting familial responsibility to be loving applies both during the budding of a new relationship and in the midst of a breakup.

Also, please know that your choices in dating affect more than whom you are actually dating. I highly respect both of my brothers, and I put great weight in their opinions. My brothers have made it clear they are attracted to girls whose internal beauty matches their external beauty. I often subconsciously draw the conclusion that in order to attract a guy, I need to imitate the girls who are pursued by men I respect. Even if we are not romantically interested in a guy, we often notice what types of girls he is interested in. Men, I do not want to put pressure on you or make you feel like you are living your life under a spotlight. I just want to alert you to the fact that girls do notice your choices, and your choices have an influence. Being a brother is a big responsibility.

Solomon recognized the responsibility and noted it in Proverbs: “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” (17:17). Although this is talking about biological brothers, I think it transfers into our Christ family as well. It is not saying, as many jokingly claim, that brothers are for fighting with and making your life miserable: I know that during adolescence, this may seem like the case, but it is not Solomon’s point. He is saying that our brothers are whom we go to when our world is falling apart. Our friends will always love us, which is great, but it is our brothers who were born – were

created – for the great difficulties in our lives.

Brothers are there for the big, tough stuff.

So, men, I encourage you to recognize the role you play in the lives of your sisters. Remember that God placed you specifically with them just as intentionally as he constructed your biological family. We may never know the reasons for his choices, but luckily that part is not our responsibility. All you need to do is notice that actions, words, and choices influence your sisters in a major way.

And, women, a quick reminder about bro­ thers: they are human. If you make even half or a third of the number of mistakes I make on a daily basis, then you well know the imperfections that accompany being human. I will often say something I wish I hadn’t or not say something I wish I had, and I am guessing that I am not alone in these blunders. Women, please remember that men, too, are imperfect. To expect them to be anything other than human sets ourselves up for disappointment. Our brothers in Christ play a large role in shaping us into who we are; that is a beautiful part of God’s design.

But, ladies, I encourage you to be careful not to let men control your self worth. They will make just as many mistakes as we do, and in my case that is quite a lot. So please do not put something as delicate and valuable as your self-worth into human hands, as loving, kind, and well-intentioned as they might be. Place your worth into the hands of God, who, thankfully, is not human. I strongly encourage you to walk alongside your brothers in Christ, and allow them to influence you, help you, and be the family member God created them to be, but do not forget God’s role in your life. When you are broken and your faithful brother welcomes you with open arms, do not forget to turn, too, to God with your brokenness. And thank Him for your wonderful brother.

Men, you as men and brothers, hold great influence. Probably more than you realize. So be conscious of your sisters in Christ. Be intentional about building them up. You have a lot of power, and, in the wise – and possibly overused – words of Spider-Man, “with great power comes great responsibility.” •

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Lila Carpenter is a second-year PACS major from Santa Cruz, California.

She loves TOMS shoes, fruit, and adventures. On a sunny day, you can find her outside surrounded by homework and good intentions… sleeping.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 7

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Guilt, Grace, Gratitude writer

Timothy Cho

…if the heart is not radically changed, covering up our sins is to no effect.

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hat does it mean to “be a man?”

In a postmodern world of relativity, the term “man” can take on many forms and definitions. In light of this, we must be particularly careful not to give in to this relativity but, rather, find the absolute definition of a man. That absolute ought to come from an absolute truth that speaks of the nature of man: The Word. From it, we see three basic, yet fundamental truths: Guilt, Grace, and Gratitude, or, as the early Protestant confession, the Heidelberg Catechism, puts clearly: “how great my sins and miseries are; how I may be delivered from all my sins and miseries; how I shall express my gratitude to God for such deliverance.”

This is not meant to be a specific point-bypoint breakdown of everything a man will go through. When a person has heart disease, we do not put band-aids on his chest to treat it. No, we perform a radical surgery that gets to the root of the issue. Thus, it is the same for our human condition. We can cover up our individual sins as much as we want, but if the heart is not radically changed, it is to no effect.

Guilt. Why guilt? We must first realize that man is fallen, broken, shattered, and wicked to the heart ( Jer. 17:9). What does this tell us? It tells us that we men are fundamentally broken.

We are not sinners because we sin: rather, we sin because we are sinners. It is not enough to recognize these individual sins in our lives that we struggle with. Just like the imagery of a patient with heart disease, we are merely putting bandaids on the external symptoms rather than realizing what is the underlying cause of it all. By not recognizing and admitting that by our nature we are radically broken, we are not being real with ourselves. Instead, we are pushing the responsibility on circumstance and external factors rather than the reality of the internal frac-

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tures in our own hearts. The reason we can’t be real with others, with family, with God, is that our pride would rather ignore or disguise the true issue underlying it all. That is why, yes, we do need to know our condition as radically (Latin, ‘to the root’) broken individuals.

Grace. By realizing our guilt from our radically broken nature, we begin to understand how glorious the grace of Christ truly is. Someone wise explained it to me as follows: The stars are out during the day, but we can’t see them. Why can’t we see them? It’s not because they aren’t shining brightly enough – it’s because there’s too much brightness surrounding them in the day sky. But when darkness falls at night, the stars magnify and illuminate, not because they have gotten brighter themselves, but because of the backdrop of darkness around them.

In the same way, the grace of Christ becomes clearer when set it against the backdrop of our depravity. We understand how unmerited and free (by definition) that grace truly is! We realize that not only was there a separation between us and God, but there was enmity in our hearts that burrowed deeper as the holiness of God infinitely grew. We see the absolute length Christ went to bridge the ever-growing void to reconcile men to God. These truths – Guilt and Grace – aren’t mutually exclusive. Rather, they flow one to the other, like two links in a chain. The more we recognize the depth of our guilt, the more the grace of Christ is magnified before us!

From our recognition of the deep guilt and the sovereign and beautiful grace that covered it all, now we can understand Gratitude. When we realize how much Christ has done for us and how we do not deserve Him, we cannot help but experience sheer gratitude! We cannot help but be absolutely changed from within (not just ex-

ternally) and turn to Christ, finally free to enjoy Him fully, since now “we love, because he first loved us” (1 John 4:19, NASB).

Think about it this way: If I were to walk into a midterm 30 minutes late one day and tell the professor, “I’m sorry, sir, but you’ve got to forgive me. I was crossing Bancroft to get to campus when a huge truck drove right through the intersection and ran me over.

That’s why I’m late!”

“That’s impossible,” the professor would naturally respond. “There is absolutely no way that you could have had an encounter with something as large as a truck and be standing before me completely unchanged!”

Now, brothers, there is One who is infinitely bigger than a truck, and how can we claim to have had an encounter with Him if we are not forever changed in our hearts by it? (variation of P. Washer) That is radical Gospel-driven Gratitude. Recognize the freedom, brothers, that this brings about in our hearts. Guilt and Grace help explain a necessary distinction in the Bible: Law and Gospel. For though the Law once told us Do this and live, now we know that through Christ the Gospel tells us, I have already done this for you. Now live. Likewise, whereas Guilt helps us see that we, in our broken condition, cannot do anything righteous and free from sin, Grace reveals to us that all of this has already been done on our behalf through the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ!

Once you understand the depths of your Guilt, and the expanse of His Grace, you will live in Gratitude to Him. You know that all has been done by Him on your behalf and that you are already justified (declared righteous) before God: he sees Christ’s righteousness rather than your lack, and you are freed to follow His righteousness for the first time. The Christian walk is a long journey of brokenness, trials, and discipline, because the God who worked in you to justify you also works in you until the end, slowly purifying, sanctifying you from your tendencies of the flesh. Yet you press on because you know that you are assured of your salvation, that God is working in you, and therefore, you sweat, you cry, you bleed, knowing that you

GRAce Ho are being trained in righteousness. In Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we see that good works are the natural outflow of having been saved by grace through faith rather than the inflow of what we do to earn salvation: “For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them” (Eph. 2:10). The Gratitude we feel stems from His Grace, which covered the Guilt of hopelessly broken individuals: it is by recognizing that Christ has already saved us that we walk in the good works that God has already prepared for us to walk in. We are now Gospel-driven rather than obligation-driven.

Thus, I encourage you all, brothers, to examine and test yourselves in light of Scripture (2 Cor. 13:5). Look into the Word as a polished mirror by which you can see all of your blemishes, scars, brokenness, etc. Realize that all the things commanded in the Word cannot be done on our own – but realize that all of this has already been done by Christ vicariously and that righteousness is imputed to you and me, and that through His death on the cross, we died with Him, and through His resurrection, we are made a new creation that is freed from the bondage of sin to do good! It is wondrous news because it is The Good News, the Gospel, and that news ought to be something we as men wake up to, live by, and fall asleep to every day of our lives, all for the glory of God alone! That, my brothers, is what it means to be a true man. •

Timothy Cho is a junior English major from Santa Barbara.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 9

cover

Why We Do What We Do writer

Andrew David Kuo

The reason behind it all: Christian thinking, Christian actions, and Christian values.

H

ypocritical.

Closed-minded. Ig­ no­rant. Overbearing. Preachy. Chau­ vi­nistic. Sexually re­pressed. Don’t drink. Don’t go to parties. Don’t date. Don’t have sex before marriage. Don’t do this. Don’t do that. Let’s face it: Christianity has a terrible reputation in modern society, especially with the younger generation. Christianity comes off as boring and restrictive and doesn’t make sense to most people. As I was pondering how to explain my views on sexual sin in the context of men, I felt compelled to write about something that would be understood by everyone – Christian and non-Christian.

What do I mean by that?

Simply: the things Christians do don’t make much sense to this world. Christianity is often viewed as a huge set of rules – most commonly known are the Ten Commandments. Some that come to mind are: do not kill, do not steal, honor your father and mother, and so on. The rules don’t stop there, either: the entire book of Leviticus goes on for twenty-seven chapters detailing what to do or what not to do in very specific Old Testament situations. These in­ struc­tions become even more complicated in the New Testament.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matt. 5:27–28, NASB) When Jesus says this, there are far-reaching consequences. Even looking at a woman lustfully is sin. It is these very instructions that

10 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

make Christians the laughingstock of the secular world. The prevailing view in the secular world is to do what makes you feel good. It makes absolutely no sense to repress one’s sexual energy if that makes you happy.

When I shared about how hard it was for me to stop lusting after women when the weather got warmer and when girls started wearing skirts and shorts, I was approached by my friend who is currently atheist, who argued that there is nothing wrong with admiring a woman’s legs and that it is no different than admiring a beautiful face. My friend is a feminist and a woman (just for clarification), so obviously I did not believe that she understood what goes on in my head. As I began my argument, I stated that I would argue from a secular basis (without the use of a Bible) that I could prove the legitimate benefit of not lusting after women. As her opening argument, my friend stated that there was nothing wrong with lust—even so far as fantasizing about having sex with a person in your head. As the debate unfolded and multiple issues surrounding lust were brought up, I realized I could not defend my argument sufficiently on secular grounds. Soon after, she left the debate on that note and remarked: “Have fun sexually repressing yourself.”

That sly remark and the realization that I could not defend my faith without the use of the Bible led me to two conclusions about why I do what I do. More simply put: why I am a follower of Jesus.

To many, following Jesus is a confusing concept. It essentially means becoming free from sin and becoming a slave to the Cross. To illustrate this fact, I will continue by using my previous example of sexual sin. When I vocalized my aversion to lustful thoughts, I was con-

scious that I might be viewed as a Ned Flanders from The Simpsons – as if I were some sort of brainwashed Christian who ran around like a chicken with no head at the sight of some sexually attractive women. Oh no, skin! Cleavage!

Legs! Whatever will I do at the mercy of these beautiful women?! In all seriousness, I wanted to elicit that reaction from others to initiate conversation.

The main point I want to bring up here though, is that society views me as an unhappy, unfulfilled, sexually repressive individual whereas I argue that I experience the most sexual freedom, joy, and contentment in the Cross. When I think about following the instructions that are laid out in Scripture, I do not see a bunch of rules and regulations that hamper me from enjoying life to its fullest – no, I see a big textbook left by the creator of our existence with a big title “How to Get the Most Out of Your Life Here On Earth” and underneath it in smaller print, “Disclaimer: You may choose to follow this or not; the choice is yours.” When I talk about sexual sin, something that is so personal to me – and to all men alike – I am reminded of the freedom granted by Jesus’ death on the Cross. When the Samaritan woman by the well encounters Jesus, he replies: Everyone who drinks of this water will thirst again; but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life.

(John 4:13–14) A sexual appetite, among other various desires of our human nature, is something that can never be satisfied; my body tells me I will be satisfied in lusting after women, being physical with them, or even having sexual relations with them. Yet, it is only a temporary contentment. You will drink the water of this earth, and be thirsty again. The beauty of the Cross comes in the fact that God is infinite and so is his Love.

With the living water – Jesus – we never have to feel thirsty again. This knowledge leads to so

many freedoms, which may appear as being sexually repressed, but really manifests in knowing what will satisfy and what will not. There is no beneficial aspect of lusting after women – as it simply feeds a hunger that will only continue to grow. Similarly, there is a reason why there are commands in the Bible warning us to be wary of obtaining satisfaction from money, power, and other things of this world. Simply put – the things of this world do not satisfy, and they do not last.

Sexual purity is something that even many Christ-followers struggle with. Lust, sexual energy – it just feels so right. How many times do you actually feel satisfied, though? How many times do you have to scratch that itch to feel a temporary relief? How many parties? How many girls? How many kisses? How many orgasms? How many times do you have to watch porn? Is life really just searching for that next thing to instantly gratify your desires?

Through the grace of God, I am glad that I am now free of these sins. It is so easy to be tempted into them, to think that they will provide any sense of contentment with life. There is a true peace from being free from the lustful desires in our hearts. Don’t knock it till you have tried it. That is why I continue to strive for a greater purity in my thoughts and my actions.

Dissatisfaction with life can even go beyond sexual sin; some days I wake up and feel as if I am missing something – someone, in my life.

The truth is, though, that nothing – even a beautiful and blessed relationship with another person – can truly satisfy. Yet that doesn’t mean it is wrong to desire that – nor is it wrong to have sexual feelings in the context of marriage. However, if we are looking towards anything of this world for satisfaction, it is something that we won’t find.

It might look funny on the outside when we try to follow all of these rules and regulations – and even stupider when we feel guilty about them. But it all comes from the idea that there is only one true way – not only eternal life, but also true happiness and joy – and that is by following Christ Jesus, our personal Savior and Lord. •

• •

• Andrew David Kuo is in his first year at Cal studying Mechanical Engineering. He is from Pleasanton, CA.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 11

church

Men & Music writer

James Yoo

1 “The Heart of Worship,” Matt Redman.

2 “Still,” Hillsong.

3 “I’ll Always Love You,” Tim Hughes.

4 Consider also that Jesus called both men and women to serve Him, but in different roles. After the resurrection, the first person He appeared to was Mary Magdelene, and one of the first mentioned converts was Lydia. Still, the Apostles, Paul, Silas, Barnabas, Timothy, and many other men were the ones to bear the brunt of the work.

5 Consider how men and women typically deal with problems. Where most women find solace in talking through their issues and not necessarily in coming to a concrete conclusion, most men would rather move straight to finding a solution.

6 “From the Inside Out,” Hillsong.

7 Psalms 80, 114, and 136.

8 “Lord, I Give You My Heart,” various artists.

James Yoo is employed as a mechanical engineer at Second Sight Medical Products, Inc., working on retinal prosthesis, helping to give sight to the blind.

W

here are my brothers? Where are all the men in church? When I look around at most churches I’ve attended in the US, congregations are filled with women, husbands who’ve been dragged by their wives, and soft-spoken boys. Sadly, it is the minority of men in the church who are Christian warriors like Stephen, willing to die for Christ and to preach His name all the while; there seem to be too few who, like Paul and Silas, would sing praises to the Almighty when imprisoned, awaiting near-certain doom. Would the current culture’s popular praise model even elicit such a response? When indeed “the music fades,”1 what words are left in our mouths? When a man is beset on all sides, will he really sing that he will “soar above the storms”?2 When the future is uncertain or when faith is weak, can a man earnestly rely on his own promises to love the Lord always?3 Is the Church today equipping a man with the means necessary to face all trials as our Lord promised us? Truly, both men and women are called to put on the whole armor of God and fight for the Kingdom – albeit in separate roles – but the mainstream approach to worship through song seems to be displacing men from the barracks altogether.

To be fair, neither the ridiculous macho man nor the feminist emasculated man offers a Biblical view of manliness. The “man’s man” does not shed tears in any context the way Jesus wept for Lazarus, and he does not make a fool of himself the way David danced when the ark returned to Israel. The “girly man” does not act out of anger the way Jesus turned tables in the temple; nor does he make a stand for his “close-minded” beliefs the way David stood up to the Philistines’ mockery. Neither man, looking for adventure, challenge, and risk outside of (fantasy) sports, video games, or action movies, looks instead to the frontier that is the missions field. Indeed, in every man is a longing for the vast, the insurmountable, and the unknown. How we pursue

12 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

this desire is what separates us from the world.

Furthermore, men are called to be leaders: there is significance in the fact that Adam was created first.4 Perhaps to complement this disposition, men have difficulty (as popular culture readily points out) expressing or even recognizing their emotions. A volatile, emotionally driven leader would be unfit to command others in any context. Some men certainly understand their hearts better than others, but in comparison to women, men are rather stoic on the whole. While both the heart and mind are Biblical sources of worship, and while both sexes are encouraged to use both, men seem to operate first from their logic and women from their emotions.5 On the issue of values, Christian artists have all but taken the believer’s responsibility out of the Kingdom. Christ has indeed accomplished everything on our behalf, but James tells us that faith without works is dead. As modern praise songs present the Gospel, life is a stroll through the park as long as I’m held in God’s arms, and I have only to will myself to worship.6 When life is thus depicted as though there is nothing left for the believer to do – instead of being illustrated as the oft-beset trek through a miry pit, in the footsteps of the Commander Who went before us – men will find no place in the Church. To make matters worse, Christian artists have stripped worship of reason. Gone are the Psalm-like7 calls to remembrance of God’s faithfulness by recalling His past deeds; the substance of God’s character has been replaced with an abstract.8 When I praise my girlfriend for her cooking, I don’t say, “I praise you for your cooking skills!” Instead, I say, “Your lasagna is so good, Italian mothers would be jealous.” Likewise, too many songs today are filled with such empty, self-reliant promises of praise.9 As if to exacerbate the problem, worship leaders, chosen for their musical talent over their theological training or spiritual maturity,

select the hits to which the congregation “responds” best. Leaders of praise teams repeatedly play those songs which produce the most emotional displays as if emotions were the best and truest means of qualifying worship. While playing, even though modern songs have very fluid composition (i.e., verses and choruses can be shifted around and instrumentation interchanged), they present songs in a formulaic and repetitive manner because they know what works.10 It is also common to pray or comment in short, vapid phrases such as “Thank you, Jesus” or “Close your eyes and meditate” – almost as a way to goad the congregation to act more “spiritual.” In short, many praise leaders, whether they know it or not, are manipulative. Of course, in doing so, they overshadow the reason to worship with a preconceived notion of how worship is supposed to appear.

To these subtle sentimental machinations, many men have a visceral reaction. When men are urged to feel without a reason to feel, what’s left is alienation and distrust. Perhaps women can more easily access their emotions; perhaps men who’ve long been in the church can as well.

However, the world will never know how truly great our God is if worship leaders are on the stage mainly to perform and excite. This light treatment of singing will in fact only induce criticism and ridicule.11 Considering that the state of worship music rests mainly in the hands of the leaders of the Christian music industry and those of the local church, what are the rest of us to do? Perhaps there is nothing to do. The last couple of years have seen a resurgence in the singing of hymns.

Both local churches and big-name Christian artists have been putting out albums of old songs set to new music. The newer generation of evangelicals are reacting against the way of willdriven, self-centered, lyrically weak praise music and turning toward covenant-driven, God-centered, theologically hard-hitting hymns. Indeed, for those in positions of power to change the way their churches approach corporate worship, there is a vast resource of new-old songs. But I say, “More.” There is more to be done, more that can be done. Anne Steele, born in a small English village in the 18th century, she penned

some of the most heartfelt hymns I know: indeed, God uses even the meekest of people to pass on some of the greatest of Christian legacies. My brothers, within you too lives a spirit of creativity. In the midst of the world’s burdens and the Enemy’s attacks, may we praise as John Newton did: Let us sing though fierce temptation Threatens hard to bear us down, For the Lord our strong salvation Holds in view the conqu’ror’s crown.

9 “Lord You Have My Heart,” Delirious

10 “How Great Is Our God,” Chris Tomlin, and “Mighty to Save,” Reuben Morgan 11 See South Park, Season 7, “Christian Rock Band.”

Nathaniel Kam

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 13

church

Joyful in Hope writer

Eric Tsang

•

Eric Tsang is a freshman, undeclared, who loves his hometown, Millbrae.

A

t some

point in life, we all find ourselves traveling

through the gloomiest, darkest valleys of life. But God asks us to rely on Him, being “joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer” (Rom. 12:12, NIV).

This is a difficult teaching: not only to have hope but to rejoice in it, when life smothers every iota of happiness in us. When everything around us – our relationships, our health, our wealth, even our faith in God – seems to be crumbling, falling apart, how then do we thank God, joyful in hope?

Let’s keep in mind, though, that God is faithful (1 Cor. 10:13). God is not sadistic; in fact, our pain pains Him. What reason, then, would He have for allowing us to be crushed and broken?

Many times He takes our distress and molds it into an opportunity in which He can reveal Himself to us. As Pastor James Lee of Livingwater Church has said, “It is in the wilderness – a place of no life – that we meet Jesus.” God is a wise God. He never forces us to believe in Him, but He does use the circumstances in which we feel most close to death and desolation to show us the life abounding in Him. Our distress carries the tremendous hope of experiencing the grace of our Savior!

Now so far, this has all been easily said: God is merciful and will save us in our need.

But when we are put to the test, all the verses we know can suddenly come to naught. Many times, our quandaries are so depressing that “reliance on God” seems insufficient. The troubles we face become more real, more tangible, more pressing, than a God who says, “Trust me.”

Sometimes, that may be the problem: we don't fully trust in God. We know He is omnipotent, and that He saved multitudes of people; but we just don’t feel that He will save us – us

14 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

personally. This happens the more when our prayers receive no response: it may feel as if we are only talking to ourselves and that even God has abandoned us. But the bottom line remains that God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

Whenever we feel ourselves struggling in depression, we are in a fight against the Devil, but the Devil is not fighting us: he is trying to fight our Almighty God, who stands by us. My pastor once told me about a man who, instead of praying to God about how great his troubles were, would say to his troubles: My God is greater than you!

Our Almighty God is greater indeed! He was the one who stood, in a pillar of fire, between Pharaoh’s army and the Israelites, protecting his people from anyone who would try to harm them; he is the God who gave David the strength to defeat Goliath; and He is our God – in whom nothing is impossible – and He stands between us and the Devil, saying, “You will not harm my child.”

The Devil tries to harm us, but as long as we are faithful, we are under the full protection of the Lord. Like chaff, the Devil stands no chance against God’s all-consuming fire. This is why God tells us to be joyful in hope. Hope is the knowledge and trust that He fights for us, that He will deliver us, that He is omnipotent and that He is faithful.

In this hope, can we not be fully confident that whatever is trying to hold us down is no match – at all – for Him who fights for us? And for this fact, can we not rejoice in Him? So let us, in whatever depressed stage of life, rely on Him fully, and like a dancing flame we will scorn the darkness around us. •

culture

The Mathematics of Our Origin

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here does the universe come from?” is an important question. It not only gives us insight into the question “Where are we going?”, but also reflects on the nature and purpose of our existence.

Saint Thomas Aquinas, in his work Summa Theologica, defends the existence of God with five detailed arguments (“Quinque viae”), the first three directly relating to God as the true origin of the universe. In a CliffsNote version of these three arguments, he reasons that the logical need for there to be the first mover and first cause points to God as a possible initiator.

Aquinas’ arguments take for granted that people do not find logically acceptable the ex nihilo argument, that the universe just happened to pop out of nothing one day. I myself also wonder if anyone can genuinely accept the ex nihilo theory of the universe’s origin and of material existence in general. Aside from the blatant violation of the law of conservation of mass-energy, it seems just as nonsensical to believe that material existence “just occurred” than to believe that there is a metaphysical drive behind it, a force greater than we can imagine: isn’t it just plain ignoring the question of the origin of the universe rather than addressing it?

Anyway, from this point on, I will just assume that the answer of the “origin” is one that must be addressed. The main theory opposing the existence of a divine creator is the cosmological theory, which says that the universe (time and space) has always existed in some form or another. This is supposedly backed up by developments in the string theory, the assertion that the Big Bang and the Big Crunch are actually loops connecting one universe to the next in an everlasting cycle.

The problem with the cosmological argument is that it assumes that the universe itself is infinite – that it stretches infinitely into the past and infinitely into the future. To claim that in-

finity can be in the past, however, is itself a definitional contradiction, just as impossible as the claim that you have counted all the numbers.

Why? Precisely because there are infinite numbers: one cannot, therefore, have counted them all already (in the past). Infinity divided by two is still infinity. This is precisely what the cosmological arguments is advancing – that the past is infinite – without acknowledging that by being infinite, it cannot be contained in the past. This problem is also known as the infinite regression, which may sound familiar to those studying mathematics or physics.

One may ask, wouldn’t the same argument apply against the creative force as well? Why does God not need an answer for his origin, if the universe does? Yet, the same problem may not actually apply to the creative divine as it does to the universe, because the divine differs in nature from the created. We, as parts of the universe, understand that the universe is under the limitations of the flow of time. Therefore, for the universe to exist forever, it must contain infinity in the past, which runs into the problem of infinite regression. However, nothing indicates that the creative divine and the metaphysics of the origin are also under the same rules of time flow: thus, to say that the divine is infinite does not necessarily mean that it must contain it in the past.

I do realize that so far this line of thinking has only pointed to some creative force behind the universe, but not to anything about that force’s characteristic or personality traits. Still, it is significant in many ways. It certainly sets up the discussion grounds for metaphysics by pointing out that there is something beyond the mere material and physical universe. It also introduces a fundamental part of Christian apologetics by establishing the existence of something beyond the world we live in. •

writer

Sean Jeong

✴

✴ ✴

✴

✴ ✴ Sean Jeong is a recent graduate of UC Berkeley who majored in Economics and Psychology; he is from a nice, boring town in the East Bay called Pleasanton.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 15

culture

What is Our Statement •

F

r equ e n t ly, w h e n I t e l l people about To An Unknown God or ask them to support the journal, or even to read a copy of our latest issue, I get the same question: “Do you have a statement of doctrine?” When I first encountered this query, I was puzzled because its underlying assumption – namely, that there is a comprehensive statement of belief to which everyone must subscribe – conflicts with the very mission of the magazine. Worse, the question reveals an undue emphasis on possessing correct knowledge, suggesting a grave misunderstanding of the essence of Christianity.

One of our primary goals in founding this journal was to provide a forum for students to discuss and argue about the Christian faith and its implications. The idea of a forum implies that it is impossible to know that we have arrived at the correct answer.

Note that this does not mean there is no truth; only that we cannot know when we have grasped it. (As I shall argue, this epistemology is the most consistent with Christian teaching.)

Perhaps those who have asked us for a statement of doctrine may protest: “But we don’t think we can be certain about everything; we’re merely asking about certain key beliefs.” Okay, and what are those key beliefs? Of course, the answer to this question can be found in the creeds published by their own churches or denominations. A sampling of these statements suggests that it is necessary to believe doctrines such as: the number of books in the Old Testament; the millennial reign of Christ; that unbelievers will suffer for eternity in a literal hell; that all people who have not said the “Jesus prayer,” including those who have never heard of Jesus, will be damned; and a variety of other beliefs that might fairly be categorized as “peripheral.” In fact, it seems that these believers have forgotten the core message of the gospel, consumed by trying to believe the right things.

It is ironic that these churches place Scripture in such ostensibly high regard yet neglect many of its very clear teachings on this subject. For instance, they might consider Paul’s words to the Corinthians: When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about 16 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit’s power, so that your faith might not rest on men’s wisdom, but on God’s power. (1 Cor. 2:1–4, NIV) In the preceding chapter, Paul harangues the church at Corinth for its bitter divisions, manifested in bickering between those who claimed to follow the teachings of Apollos and those who said they followed Peter or another apostle. Paul admonishes them to remember that it is Christ they all follow, and he appeals to them to be unified. He then reminds them that his own teaching was not based on wisdom, intelligence, or knowledge – it was based on Christ, and Christ alone. Later, Paul unequivocally tells them that their own knowledge is, at best, partial and imperfect and that it will die; he commands them instead to love – the only thing that will remain when Christ reveals himself (13:8–13).

We should not assume that we know any better than the Corinthians, and a straightforward reading of this text suggests that many of our own doctrines of God and interpretations of Scripture are wrong. To hold onto our own, probably incorrect, beliefs so tightly that we will not even associate our names with those who do not share identical doctrine seems the height of error. In fact, it appears that these Christians have made their beliefs their religion instead of Christ, skirting dangerously close to Gnosticism.

It was against early Gnostic teachings that Paul was writing his epistle to the Corinthians,1 and a similar heresy may be alive today under the guise of “fundamentalism.” Although Gnosticism has many strands, one of its core teachings is that salvation comes through knowledge (gnosis is the Greek word for ‘knowledge’), and the Gnostics themselves developed very elaborate systems of doctrine.2 In fact, some scholars have called the Gnostics the “first theologians” but noted that their theology, infused as it was with certain assumptions of Hellenistic philosophy, was a departure from early Christian belief.3 The Gnostic heresy, memorialized in its own extensive doctrines, forced the church to respond in kind with doctrines that excluded the heretics at the cost of sacrificing

•

by John Montague

of Doctrine ? much of the freedom preached by Paul (e.g., 1 Cor. 10:29, Gal. 5:1) and practiced by the early church.4 Some of those who demand that we subscribe to right doctrine are likewise overly concerned with separating themselves from heresy, but others have gone further, seeming to preach that their knowledge saves. In fact, the Bible teaches that knowledge does not save. Consider just a few examples. First, Jesus tells the thief crucified next to him that he will be saved, even though the only things he professes are belief in his own sin and in Christ’s divinity (Luke 23:40–43). James tells us that true knowledge about God will not save: even the demons believe ( Jas. 2:19). Rather, faith must become action, as in Jesus’ parable of the sheep and the goats (Matt.

25:31–46) – from this story we also learn that what we know about God is not as important as that we are known by Christ, which Paul also emphasizes (1 Cor. 13:12).

But are we not concerned that we will be tainted by heresy?

Not really. In the first place, because we do not believe that correct knowledge is necessary for salvation and because we think it very likely that many of our own beliefs are mistaken, it would be arrogant and absurd for us to censor others upon our own limited knowledge. Second, because we believe that God will meet those who earnestly seek him and that the process of writing and honest argument are part of that quest, we have faith that God will preserve his truth. Third and finally, because we believe that the concern of those who would keep themselves “pure” by refraining from associating with “sinners” – or entering into dialogue with them – is contrary to the example of love set by Christ himself.

Jesus was widely known to eat with the most despised members of Jewish society: dishonest tax collectors, prostitutes, the sexually immoral, and other “sinners” (e.g., Matt. 9:9–13, Matt. 11:19, Luke 7:36–50, John 4:1–42). We learn that many of these people came to repentance, but we do not know how long it took them to repent, nor do we know how many never repented. Yet Jesus tells those who thought themselves righteous and judged him for associating with sinners: “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire mercy, not sacrifice.’ For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners” (Matt.

9:12–13). By referring his accusers to the Old Testament prophet

Hosea, Jesus is reminding them that the substance of religion is more important than its form, and he is turning their judgment back upon themselves.

Likewise, our purpose in these pages is to consider the substance of Christianity. If we believe in the gospel, how does that belief change our behavior? How does it affect our studies, our use of resources, our treatment of our neighbors? What does it mean to show others the mercy that Christ has shown us? Thus, we venture out into uncertainty, acknowledging the failings of our own minds, but putting our faith in God and in the work of his Holy Spirit. We believe it is to show the love of Christ in our practice that we have been called.

Of course, our own beliefs are open to question. If you disagree with us – if you think all Christians must subscribe to some summary of belief – we invite you to publish your arguments within these pages. We may be wrong; you may be right. But unless you first enter into this conversation, explaining the roots of your beliefs and attempting to persuade us of their correctness, we will never come any closer to the truth. Whatever we know about truth, we can be reasonably certain that it comes neither through silence and withdrawal, nor through the censorship of those with whom we disagree. So, please: write.

But for now, the only doctrine we proclaim is this: Christ and Christ crucified. •

1 Luke Timothy Johnson, The Writings of the New Testament (Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 1999), 297.

2 H. Jonas, The Gnostic Religion (Boston: Beacon Press, 2001), 35.

3 Adolf von Harnack is the most famous scholar to have made this argument. See Karen L. King, What is Gnosticism? (Harvard UP, 2001), 64–65; Elaine Pagels, The Gnostic Gospels (1979; reprint, New York: Vintage Books, 1989), xxix–xxx.

4 King, op. cit., at 65.

John Montague is a third-year law student at Berkeley.

He is originally from Charlottesville, Virginia.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 17

reflection

Begging from the Beggar writer

Keith Fong

Keith Fong is a freshman, part of the Evangel Bible Church of Berkeley, saved

by Jesus Christ, captivated by the Father’s grace, and living by the Holy Spirit.

H

ello,

sir. I know this sounds weird, but I forgot my wallet at home, and need to catch the BART train. I was wondering if you would be willing to trade these cookies for a couple of dollars.” Shamefully, I lifted my eyes from the floor.

He looked at me, and then he took the cookies. “Sure, brother!” With a smile and with exultation for what I imagined would be his dinner, the man stooped down to pick up eight quarters carefully from his ragged guitar case. A scruffy beard clung to his face. Scuffed leather shoes too thin to be warm donned his feet. Worn-out pants housed his thin legs. A thin, dirty shirt clung to his chest. An old jacket completed the wardrobe.

He turned back around and dropped the quarters out, one by one, into my hand. His hands were rough, scratched, no doubt worn from the wind and the cold. “There you go.”

Slowly, I looked him in the face to express my gratitude, and saw an old man, tall but tired.

His forehead, eyes, and mouth were lined with wrinkles. His teeth were yellow but not unpleasant, His smile genuine, his posture honest, his demeanor proper and civilized. But what overwhelmingly surrounded this man was an aura of lack, want, need. And unsurprisingly so: he was The Beggar, the epitome of what I imagined the homeless to be.

To explain how I came to meet this fellow, I need to go back a day, to Saturday, November 21, the Big Game, Stanford vs. California: an eleven-hour roller coaster of delight and despair.

After witnessing the best football game of my life, my traveling party and I hopped on the CalTrain back to Berkeley. While I was dozing off, my roommate turned around to give me a confused look: “I’m getting a call from you.”

18 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

I returned his look of confusion. It was impossible: I had left my phone back at home. “I don’t know,” I said. So he picked up. Confused, I listened to a one-sided phone conversation, and looked expectantly when he hung up.

“Someone named Michelle says she found your phone at the game, and wants to meet up with you at the Ashby BART station tomorrow at seven. Can you make it?” Upon hearing this, I was immediately thankful to God for watching over His forgetful child!

So at 6:30 pm the next day I zoomed off on my scooter towards the BART station to ride over a stop to Ashby and pick up my phone. Halfway down the hill, I realized that in my haste I had remembered to pick up cookies to thank Michelle, but forgotten my wallet.

I struggled to find a solution, desperately grasping for something to rely on. Call a friend?

Sneak on board? Find a dollar on the street?

Nothing reasonable came to mind. And then, I realized that by God’s provision, I had bought two bags of cookies. “I can sell one, and give the other to Michelle!” Revelation. Problem solved.

Walking to the station, I spotted a man and made him my target. Rugged jacket, denim jeans, slicked hair, fancy phone, middle-class, expensive watch. I approached him as an equal in social class, because I was one, wasn’t I? “Excuse me sir, I’m in a predicament. I forgot my wallet at home, and I’m wondering if you’d be willing to trade me these cookies for two dollars so I can ride the BART.” There. Done deal. I wasn’t dressed like someone who needed to beg for money to live; I didn’t present myself as a street kid, just a forgetful college student.

“No, I don’t have any money.” With that, he coldly walked off. I was offended, to say the least. And then all those times I had treated the

verse can hold at His disposal. He forsook it all, to come to this broken, dirty, sinful, evil, corrupt world of ours. For what? why? who? For you.

And if He had come to earth now instead of when He did, would I scorn Him as a liar, a friend of sinners, a dirty and defiled blasphemous man, worthy of being beaten and nailed to a wooden cross? My instinct says, “No! I would never do that.” The smarter side of me says, “Yes, Keith. You are the worst of all sinners. You would do the same thing. You would have yelled ‘Crucify Him!’ along with everyone else.” What have I to take pride in? Nothing.

If life is a joyful pursuit of glorifying my Holy Father in heaven by being satisfied in Him and Him only, in obeying His commandments and reveling in the depths of His mercy, grace, and love, then understanding Jesus is the first step.

Becoming more and more like Jesus Christ, in character, deed, word, and motive, through the power of the Holy Spirit, who lives within every child of the Father God, is only possible by first understanding His humility. Begging from The Beggar was the second most humbling (and by humbling I don’t mean ‘embarrassing’), thing I’ve ever done; knowing that Jesus traded my iniquity for His righteousness is the first – and, God willing, always will be. Amen.

So how are we to react to the homeless and needy? Use your money, time, and influence where it will be most effective. Perhaps this may mean giving the money to churches and organizations that are spreading the Gospel of Christ, providing tangible, visible help to getting these people out of destitution and poverty, and towards a redeemed, unashamed life in Christ. Or maybe take things into your own hands, and give them a good meal while telling them the Good News of Jesus. The love of God breaks down all social classes. To those whom much has been given, much is expected. Christ was homeless, and gave His life to ill-deserving sinners. Read Matthew 5:1–10, Philippians 2:5–11, and Romans 10:11–21, and pray on it. You have much to give. We all do. May you worship Jesus in humility with me. •

•

homeless asking for money or some food as second– or third-class citizens came to mind. Or the times I had walked about four feet around a beggar shaking a cup of change, as if to avoid getting a disease. Or the times I had looked in disgust because of their appearance, smell, demeanor, whatever. Bricks of what had started as indignation at the lying man who refused to give me money turned to self-criticism and reflection. Interesting. I’m the beggar now. I’m the one at the mercy of those who are finishing up a day of labor.

After my epiphany, though, I still didn’t have any money. Yet I turned around and what do I find – The Beggar. Yes, that’s what I’ll do. I will beg from The Beggar. Submit myself to a man who probably has less money to his name than what the music player in my pocket is worth. Yes, this dirty, homeless, needy, hungry, poor, abandoned man will be my provider. The middleclass man was stingy, ungenerous, when he had much to give. And this man, who has comparatively nothing, gives. Gives. And that brings me to where I began this story.

Well, it turns out I didn’t need that money to buy a ticket, because Michelle ended up driving over to the station and dropped off the phone.

God save her: she was truly kind. But I had an unused ticket, and nothing to do with it. So on my way out, I dropped it back off to The Beggar.

He was cooing to a baby as her mother looked on lovingly. This was an extraordinary man, with a heart bigger and a soul more generous than my own.

“Did I help you, brother?” he asked. “Oh yes, thank you very much. Here, take this: I don’t need it anymore.” He meant help getting a ticket; I meant help getting a perspective.

I reclaimed my phone. But more than that, I gained a key insight to humility. Jesus, God Himself incarnate, the only God-Man, came to earth, humbled Himself even to the point of the cross. He lived poor, tired, hungry, unknown, for the first thirty years of His life, and lived homeless, broke, without a place to rest His head, for the last three years of His life, even though He was and is God, with more riches than the uni-

•

•

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 19

�aith in �od

reflection

writer

Wesleigh Anderson

Wesleigh Anderson is a first-year from Union City, California, double majoring in English and History.

O

through Times

n 10 February 1675 [came] the Indians,” begins Mary Rowlandson’s captivity in The Sovereignty and Goodness of God. Published in 1682, her narrative recounts her ordeal in which she was kidnapped along with her children and forced to walk across colonial Massachusetts in midwinter, losing her infant daughter in the process. Throughout, she struggles with why God would allow a virtuous and godly woman like herself to experience such suffering.

This question is not new in the world: the book of Job tells of a man who undeservedly loses both wealth and family. As Job demonstrates, trials are not always punishment for sins, but neither is God always testing us: His will is inscrutable, and in His omnipotence and omniscience He is not obligated to explain Himself to us. No one can ever hope to interpret His will entirely, but we can recognize His sovereignty and our own sin, and then trust in His comfort and strength, for all His works will turn out for His glory. With this understanding, we can realize that earthly hardships do not imply injustice or malice by God, so that we can comfort others in their suffering and defend our faith when people hate God because of their afflictions.

Because God has sovereignty over all things, it is not our place to question His actions; as Daniel tells us, “He does according to His will in […] heaven [and] earth,” and no one can “say to Him, ‘What have You done?’ ” (Dan. 4:35, NKJV). Job understands this well, when he responds to his troubles by saying, “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away.” He does not qualify that statement by asking the Lord why, but instead continues, “Blessed be the name of the Lord” ( Job 1:21). Because God created the universe, everything belongs to Him, whether it be riches, health, or our lives. Eventually, He will ask for all these back, and we must relinquish

20 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

of Hardship

them with a joyful heart, as Job did.

We must also acknowledge that we are all sinners. Though we are not told of Job’s sins, God assures us that “all have sinned and fall short of [His] glory” (Rom. 3:23). Because He is blameless, all sins are equally reprehensible to Him, be they murder, blasphemy, or a “little” white lie: and any sin will cast us from His presence. Thus, as Christians, we can only praise God, because we look forward to an eternity with Him in heaven, despite our sins, and earthly trials are far less than we rightfully deserve. Earthly fortune would also be a poor reward for following the will of the Most High. As Alexander Pope asks in his Essay on Man, “Will Heaven reward us there / With the same trash mad mortals wish for here?” (IV. VI. 7–8). Why should we wish for comfort here on earth while we are building up eternal rewards in heaven?

Through all our tribulations, we may be confident that all things will turn out for God’s glory. He tells us that “all things work together for good” (Rom. 8:28). This does not mean that only good things will happen to Christians, but rather that through our suffering we will become more Christ-like, something to which we should all aspire. In addition, our comfort comes from our knowledge that God is always with us, and that He will take care of us. In Isaiah the Lord tells us, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you” (43:5); David proclaimed in his most famous Psalm, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil; for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me” (23:4). Paul, knowing these to be true, asks rhetorically, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:31). As these verses profess, we do not know what will happen, or why it will happen, but no matter what, we can rest assured that the Lord is always on our side. •

poiesis, n. creative production,

especially of a work of art laura ferris

(a blessing)

(on this house) (our underwater world) eddies currents all light whirled into shining schools of fish

•

a blessing on this house

benediction before flame

structure prophecy before chatoyance conch before pearl wake up oh sleeper

(this is the moon

this doesn’t work

it’s not the truth)

there are no answers in silence

but in breathe girlie saltwater tears

cycled through the gills of words

the open ah the closing oh

first bite and last look at coral gates and

arise from the sea and Christ will shine on you

•

(in the beginning

your enunciation

was less cultured)

there was only one word healing

in our hearts and we loved

you rough carpenter boy

there was mantle over

you and me and room to walk and

for talk of our diverse Judean architecture

now the moment before i open my mouth to speak is the last time i understand what i want to say

so i still miss the prophets (and your blessing) now silence is the nacre of talk

and the son of man is welcome here

and you and i are welcome here Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 21

poiesis

•

�lorious�y

�ndignifie�

emily chan

“I will celebrate before the Lord… I will become even more undignified than this, and I will be humiliated in my own eyes.”

2 Samuel 6:21–22

Within constructs of dignification, validation, distinction and conformity, our society stirs. So we move: vying for approval thirsting for acclamation – fleeing from embarrassment – racing towards acceptance – a road unending. I can’t stop myself.

Always, I’m running – consciously and unconsciously, zealously and begrudgingly – on this road; into listless perpetuity, on and on, till exhaustion hurls me into defeated, crumbled paralysis. And, sapped of strength, short of breath, I stop and see myself – A prisoner to the considerations of myself in everyone’s eyes: friends,

acquaintances, the public at large, even,

especially myself.

I’m milling within insecurities, cycling around people’s opinions and striving for affirmation doomed to destruction by the next incredulous look, the next scornful stare, the next criticism that is bound to come, bound to break my heart.

We’re swimming, drowning, in an ocean of convolution and consideration.

Our Lord desires for us to realize that we are in fact,

swimming, sinking,

in a deep, deep sea of grace.

22 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

It just took me a while to realize it – In a cool and calcified shell of reserve, propriety, and gentle skepticism, I sat discreetly in the back row of worship at a Christian conference that apprehensive ambivalence had led me to – the proverbial pew statue. It was not that I was jaded, for to be jaded would be to attract the patronization or judgment of a concerned peer or leader. No, what was far worse, far more embarrassing in my eyes, was to be an effusive, blubbering holy – roller, arms flailing, tears spewing, swept away by emotions too fickle to be glorifying to God. So I thought to myself, as my heart began to unexplainably palpitate, being a doe-eyed weeping worshiper would be naïve, silly, unglorifying to You – right, God? So I sat, as my friends knelt and wept, willfully clinging to my spiritual poker face. Sure I’d let myself be moved, but only to an appropriate degree, and at all costs, all costs, never to the point of tears. For tears revealed weakness of heart, and an immature undisciplined proclivity towards sensationalism: that I was mistaking emotions for the true enjoyment and fear of the Lord.

If I allowed myself to cry I feared (heart fluttering now uncontrollably), I would be falling in love with a fleeting “spiritual high” and not God. Plus it’d be really embarrassing. For the life of me, tears were things I could not, would not, show to myself or others. I had bound myself to a logical rationalism that I believed would legitimize and add credibility to Christianity. I believed that dignified removal from raw emotion would convey maturity in the eyes of my non-Christian and Christian peers, and especially, myself.

But maturity in Christ, in His trademark profoundly and gracefully – paradoxical manner, dwells in the ability to be childlike, to be unabashedly undignified, to be a fool, foolish in the eyes of the world, a fool for Christ.

My heart was pounding so loud that my vision shook… I knew God was pushing, pulling, me towards surrender, even as my hands clenched to the privacy of the pew. I stood up.

King David once danced for the Lord so vigorously and zealously that his robes fell to his feet, till he was buttnaked before the entirety of his kingdom (2 Samuel 6:12–22). When his newlywed wife understandably told him how stupid he looked, David told her that he’d continue: continue celebrating the Lord even to the point that he, the most powerful of kings, would be humiliated in his own eyes. I wondered where this audacity lay in my own heart of hearts, tightly wound with strings of propriety, protocol, formality, niceties, pride, as I plodded, heart racing, face burning, knees shaking, towards the front of the room to receive prayer and discuss with the Lord, my identity in His eyes.

One hour and a box of generic tissues later, my heart lay pierced, overwhelmed with the recognition of the intensity of the love that He has for me, for us as His children. I was undone, forced to surrender my self—consciousness, my dignity, my “maturity” that I had worked so zealously to preserve in pasted layers of cool, removed collectedness—all a pile at the cross.

And instead, my empty heart was filled with JOY inexplicable, peace—enveloping, and the security that stems only from resting and dwelling in the Father’s arms. Oh what a sap I was, am, for the LORD. In this heart of mine, so fixated on myself and the world surrounding, I had strived so persistently

to portray Christ in a way that would make Him applicable and approachable to the world. I wanted to believe that the precedence of thought before unedited emotion was a sign of maturity and connectedness to God. But in fact, it was a sign of reliance upon my own ability to sculpt my identity and spiritual growth.

Somewhere along this path of “disciplined spirituality”

I had lost sight of the ultimate pursuit: that of God’s heart. I had forgotten that His way is one that transcends the conventions and constructions of our world, this society, this pool of consideration, fixation, analyzation – and one that beckons with the unfailing, unwavering promise of freedom.

He delights in amazing us. He delights in seeing us amazed, awed, wondered, by Him. And He is more than capable to do so consistently and unendingly.

While basic social propriety and legal constrictions might prevent me from dancing till my actual clothes fall off, I believe that we could all take a cue from King David, and strive to dance, dance for the Lord so that the garments, the shells that conceal and trap longing hearts, fall to the ground in surrender to the pure ravishment that flows from the discovery of God’s identity and the realization of the intensity of His love.

Raw emotion, I have learned, is part and parcel with the experience of God. For this is how He created us – as emotional creatures, meant to be moved by His ways

transcendent of cognition, comprehension, and self or social constriction, meant to dance like King David: to dance with the unabashed and genuine desire for the Lord and His glorification. To be a glorious fool in the persistent pursuit of God’s heart.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 23

poiesis

What Does This All Mean?

daniel kim

24 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

What does this all mean?

The Holy Spirit.

Our salvation.

Your unconditional love?

I sit in my room

thinking about

family and friends, God and hope, desires and life.

Then I hate myself.

The hypocrite, the broken,

the pervert, the flake,

the hater, the doubter,

the weak, the fake,

the glutton, the lost.

Why do I let this happen?

To repeat the easy verses, only to

fall back and question my faith.

To suddenly shout with joy “I love God” when all is good or

when I am reminded of how good God is.

But only to trick myself?

Only to give myself a false sense of faith.

To say “You have created all that is good.”

“You have given more than life on earth.”

“You have expressed love in the utmost way.”

“You have been and will be there.”

Only to be able to say

“I’m Christian for one more day.”

“I will not be judged by my friends.”

“I have purpose… I think.”

I’m still good.”

And more…

I’m afraid

To be judged

To be wrong

To be wronged

To be exploited

To fail.

I’ve grown up to be so self-conscious

Self-centered

Self-pleasing

Self-glorifying

Selfish.

My emotions get to me

My thoughts...

You know, I don’t know.

— National Collegiate Prayer Day

I don’t know February 25, 2010

And that’s why I

Continue to pray.

poiesis

Christine Han

To the girl…

Who cried. On the phone. On the bench.

In front of Kroeber. In public.

It’s Friday afternoon, before the weekend,

Before Valentine’s Day. I’m sorry. I apologize.

But why? Why must you yell?

I sit…on the bench next to yours

Not knowing how to respond

How to comfort you.

You with your yellow bag.

But there, your friend. Coming to your side.

“Take care of her,” I told him.

Then I walk away

And there, I see my Friend.

I ask if He could help.

I wonder if He answered.

I hope you’re doing better.

daniel kim

Crying on Campus Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 25

poiesis

Cloudy Muddle Glory Confusing cloud with water, and other things

•

I see the land coming out of the clouds to shore. This merge of land and water is something to celebrate. hooray when the fog is the water is the land is a seabird bobbing somewhere between water and air.

The seabird for the sea.

And the cloud that is everything. like “I think I’ll take the air”, when I’d like to take a walk to clear my mind— to turn the air into gold burn faces gold. on a hilltop like a cloud I see something like glory

sally stosich

like the gold of everything. “on a cloud I saw a child”— on a mountain I see a son of man, and over there I see an angel sitting in a tree looking alien.

Out with the old man, in with the outer-space man.

Above the ground.

Off the wall.

Out of this world.

Get out of town.

This pacific changes everything.

•

like the cloud of everything And the mud-color of everything below.

Here, the trees grow from pools. Their tips glow an alizarin orange— all in a row glowing in dank sea air.

And the trees keep going, flip-flopping themselves over into still muddles, where a tree is a puddle, impossible for us to go.

Wetness is everything.

Wet is the beginning, wet the end, and all there is, for miles distant.

This vision of infinitude is all I didn’t know I’ve wished for. It passes like a landscape.

But this floating man will not pass away.

26 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

•

poiesis

What the Thunder Said Thunder-Man What did the thunder say, anyway?

Bring out your umbrellas.

We pre-suppose spittle from these clouds.

It’s been brown out here out of doors where the fug is thick, dull as patience.

So stale the air, too bread to break.

Remember that quiet crack we heard then rain, rain, some other day, perhaps? yawn, again the yawn unwinding trembling the skull.

Even these dry rocks glow red.

A brown hooded stranger walks beside us remembers us, whispers back “The sand is a cave is a man.”

Thanks for nothing.

Ashes to ashes, all the way down, and weep.

It’s been days since we’ve seen your face.

You were a rose.

Then there was rock.

A hole carved out of a rock was where you were laid.

We used our umbrellas for canes and for poking things.

Two days later the phone rang like the rattling of chains and the shaking of Hell.

That whisper again, “Let’s meet and eat together.

And we will breathe again.

Roses, roses on your head.

Thunder, thunder, You say rain.

It Takes Two to Tango A babe is made in the big bang and mystery, mashed peas and breast milk. I know I came from somewhere dark.

A hall closet for a pre-creation chaos. Coats and shoes and tohu-wobahu, a phrase the Jews made to name the ineffable before-hand. Close to a swirling infant growing its milky arms of a galaxy swirling outward growing like anything grows, really. Hair. love. distance.

“I’ve never seen my parents kiss on the lips.”

In secret, they’ve made in fourteen years six kids.

Ka-blam! When it happened. Again and again.

Things made sense at nine years old thinking I was made from lips, I knew, “one kiss, and you can kiss paradise goodbye.”

But nowadays, knowledge is sex.

And a wanton sonnet can only guess.

•

It takes two to tango, a babe to know things

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 27

poiesis II.

kevin christopher

Submissions for Winter I. San Francisco Passing now, she labors As perhaps her forefathers or forgotten lovers Beside me, thickbrown tufts echo gaily (At names like Casey Jones, Blue Dream, or Grandaddy Purple From glossy Oaksterdam print) Before turning to Love in the Time of Cholera En Espanol Above paint-spattered boots In the corner, our intrepid black youth With MAMA stenciled below his ear lobe

Eglantine She thinks of honeysuckle.

And I think of the Godhand That in sweet interruption Of Beforebreath Thrusts life into life again, Nectar to movement to birth, Her path to death each day In me…

She thinks of honeysuckle.

And I think of eglantine.

And I thank God For the way life works, How one gives to anotherGodlife to Woodbine, Nectar to the sucklingTo grow and to love And to give…

Alabaster words of goodness and thankfulness.

A whiteman facing, with goatee And stringy philosopher hair And a black Budweiser hat

III.

Another whiteman with lawschool books And backpack with pocket highlighters Drops his shiny canteen on my shoulder

Patience, little one.

Patience with the heart you wish to hold.

Patience with sex-longlstinglooks-intimacy.

Patience with the sketches Traced over freckled dot knees,

Unfazed, two bronzed skin goddesses with luxurious hair Chat somewhere beyond large bannerblack glasses San Francisco Passing now, she labors (the hills are quite steep) As perhaps her forefathers or forgotten lovers

28 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

Felt over with sensitive fingertips.

Patience with, Patience with A woman – a God and a woman.

A God and a woman is a dream I’ve had; A God and a woman and poetry and ice cream, And lips that smack of intelligence, creativity, and peach.

Patience; Patience with your dream, little one.

IV. Handicapped monologue of John Keats…

The captivated star is the impetus that is my defiance in the eyes of reason.

Only, I’m a limited man, defined and dented by the pursuit and touch of God. Is it criminal or benevolent, the observation of beauty that can’t be communicated?

Words are my playthings, and I am a boy lost at play. The world builds and shapes around me, while I am condemned to humor myself with notice. I’m the third-party heart, the missing beat, self-love in exile.

Misgivings are temporary, action takes place whether there is measure or there is none.

And yet my measure is but the recognition of that which I cannot exercise.

Is life the introduction to death? Is my solace found in the opaque enclosure of night, the thoughtless brushstroke of silence? Does an untimely end mark the self-disclosure of my hauntings? Can death bring knowledge to the once-living of the life that I envision?

My words are music and art without the interference of fumbling hands, a soul’s voice.

But the voice does not replenish the way a soul ought.

Can a God be mistaken, to lend a natural eye but to withhold that which confesses what is beheld? Does an angel have no friend?

For but a moment.

To replace with colors of consequence the way she sees herself.

To reconcile the broken man’s interpretation of laughter.

To validate trust in the accidental and the abused.

To mirror the look she gives as it gives within.

To whisper to a field the emotion of green.

To sedate the storm with the knowledge of its presence.

V. Keats proposed words fall like leaves from speckling wood; But autumn’s gravity follows not the path from heart to mind, Or mouth, whose obstacles oft more warmth demand Than the light wintry air a poet’s canopy can stand; With rise, or fall indifferent.

Rather, the man in pained depths and extraordinary air, Suffocant, must exhale with force, reason and rhyme, More noble than pretty or perfect, his love in breaths That lead, heal, surrender, intuit, and caress; Simply, the man must live his love well.

Perhaps Keats in all his divine and earthly muse Knew not such refinement; tendered not a heart so bold, Surmis’d not that fluffery, in verse and deed, shallows the soul; Nay, in your form and fairness the Poet saw not, as I, God’s just love’s ends.

Still, I am inept, and wont of any virtue coloring these words To a happy past age of our innocence; In truth I am spilt oft Before my heart carries a sweet tune to your virgin lips Void of troubles or fatigue; yet you clamor For a dutiful bed, my mind biding its breast.

Tis been some time since quieted heart to pen touched Fully the stormy droplets of my expression; though this night I am with cause to admit my fondness and alarm, That neither verse nor deed serves my love so well As you deserve.

Perhaps the Poet’s worth is measured not in words but truthfulness, In his freedom to live his love well; I shall try renewed with vigor To your beauty.

Nevertheless, this is my lot. To know God as the secret I cannot share. To be the eyes and the stolen voice.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 29

poiesis

folasade scott

Temptation Talks of Backsliding In walking this walk the stronger I become But I’m not as strong as I may seem To others, I am overestimated to myself, I am underestimated (I don’t realize the Power in me) But I don’t need any credit for how far I’ve traveled and not been overtaken There are enemies all around and I am weak sometimes crawling out of fires that I have put myself in ’cause I’m naïve?

No – I just forget that I’m dead or at least the clone that pretended to be me is But sometimes she rises again... in my thoughts...

trying to pull me under...

I remember how we used to be joined together immersed in each other We were one living out our self-fabricated, deceptive world We regularly refreshed ourselves in familiar sewer waters smelled like old lovers I was daily nourished by scorpion-poison The sting the passion the fire so painful and yet I long for the poison Shaken by the withdraw afraid to receive afraid to resist I thirst my throat dry as a desert

30 To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

"...while going through a time of heavy temptation... I chose God’s way of escape" sweating in secret At times I lust for myself my mirror – the counterfeit being that dominated me I remember how risky how freaky how “lovingly” abusive you were You took advantage of me tempted me... and I miss you...

The further I walk away from you the longer the journey seems to my freedom My resting place seems so far yet somehow, I know it’s near I know I’m stronger than I appear I have to be!

Lord, you have to be – for me!

I need your help I could get stuck on a quick fix Just in my thoughts meditating on the dead “me” My mind is poison not stayed on You Your mind is Peace – plans to prosper – the thoughts You have for me You are my Freedom my expected end.

Jeremiah 29:11 Isaiah 26:3 Romans 6:6 Galatians 2:20

review

Unknown Sounds

reviews by Elizabeth Segran

Our reviewer is across the pond, chilling in the United Kingdom for the year. Here she gives us her picks of the best new music coming out of Northern Ireland.

Sixstarhotel

Tides and Tides (December 7, 2009)

S Tourist History (March 1, 2010)

T

he three guys who form the electro-pop band Two Door Cinema Club came together in 2007 while still in high school in Bangor. Their youth is evident in their boyish looks, generally lighthearted lyrics, and irresistibly catchy beats. Despite their young age, the boys wield their instruments with skill and offer us a string of addictive songs, jam-packed with hooks. Their debut album is a surprisingly fresh contribution to the overpopulated world of indie-pop. Alex Trimble’s vocals are emotive, pitch perfect, and smooth. Every track on the album is melodious, even as the tempo remains energetic and danceable.

This proves to be a winning combination.

None of the songs are particularly deep, although the band attempts to tackle real emotional issues. In “What You Know,” Trimble delivers the line “I can tell just what you want: you don’t want to be alone,” but the tenor of the song is so frothy and full of punchy guitar riffs that it just misses being poignant. In “Come Back Home” he sings, “So now you’re on your own, won’t you come back home, to see you’re not that kind and find the strength to find another way.” While some songs briefly touch on sorrow, you can’t help feeling that this music represents a more innocent state of being.

Their best songs are about the simple pleasures. This music is a soundtrack to being young and alive and open to anything.

P.S. They’re great live! They play at Pop Scene in SF on May 6, 2010.

ixstarhotel

hails from Belfast. On the scene in Northern Ireland since 2001, the four-man band has recently gained recognition across the UK for their brand of punchy post-punk. Their music is characterized by simple song structures with choruses of repeated verses and richly textured lyrics.

In 2009, they released their second LP entitled Tides and Tides.

The album covers some rather epic themes, which are evident in both the album art and the song titles. Many of these ideas come from the Irish folk tradition. With dexterity, they bring poetic ideas into the realm of everyday life. Dave Clements, the lead vocalist, sings with earnestness but manages to avoid sounding sentimental.

This serves the music well, as the imagery in the album could come across as hyperbolic without Clements’ grounded voice.

For instance, “You’re a Phoenix, I’m a Grave” is about learning love through trial and error – sometimes love can be reborn, sometimes, it just dies out. “Gloria! Gloria!” speaks of venturing onward into the future when your feel alienated from your friends. Clements sings, “Forward we venture through forests and temperature.

Onward and onward and into the night…. Awkward in silence, uncomfortable politeness, I’d hardly call that a friend. Still oddly we’re strangers; I thought we spoke yesterday.” The intricate lyrics are full of metaphor. It is easy to think of the whole album as a kind of dreamscape which interweaves the magical with the mundane.

The band also has a lighter side. “Kid Go Get It” is the album’s catchy single, once again on the theme of pursuing your dreams alone. In the middle of the song, there is a goofy interlude about sitting around with friends, laughing and rhyming off insects’ names to pass the time. All in all, this is an interesting, multifaceted band, well worth a listen.

Spring 2010 | To An Unknown God 31

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32â&#x20AC;&#x192; To An Unknown God | Spring 2010

Connie wong