stouravonmagazine.co.uk
22 New Stour & Avon, February 11, 2022
Health & Wellbeing
Learn to listen with your eyes When did you last listen to what someone had to say? When I say listen, I mean, really listen. Listening to the extent where you are completely focused on what the other person is saying. Not trying to butt in and tell them what you think or jumping in and finishing their sentence for them. Not desperately waiting for them to take a breath so you can put your five eggs in or giving the odd ‘yes, no, uhuh, mm, yep’ to hurry them along because what you’ve got to say is so much more important. Not interrupting them and just railroading the conversation completely or just hearing white noise because you’re too busy thinking about what you’re going to say, so have no idea what they’re jibber jabbering about! I mean, really listen. Be honest, a lot of the time we aren’t listening
very deeply at all. A lot of this is due to us being distracted by the jumble of things that we personally have going on in our own minds; the to-do list, the place you’ve got to be next, the pain in your back, the disagreement you had with your partner that morning. And when someone is chatting away to you, it’s human nature to want to join in, share your thoughts, experiences and feelings, because that surely means it’s a good two-way conversation and the other person will obviously feel better knowing that you’ve been there too, you’ve done that thing or felt that way. Won’t they? Technically, you are listening, but it’s only really at a very surface level. To listen deeply is a skill. As a coach, I have been trained to listen and believe it or not there are three levels to
listening. The first is often referred to as conversational or internal listening which is when we are pretty much focused on ourselves, our inner voice, considering our own agenda and only half hearing what the other person is saying. This level of listening comes naturally and most of us remain here unless we become intentional with our listening. The second level is focused listening. At this level you are focused on the other person, their ideas, thoughts and feelings, you are actively paying attention. We probably find ourselves more motivated to listen, depending on who we are with! The highest level of listening, which few people can do without intentional practice, is referred to as global listening. This is not just about paying attention to what someone
n Victoria Arnold is a life coach from Wimborne Victoriaarnold.co.uk is saying, but also what they mean and what isn’t being said. It’s about feeling the energy of someone, looking for subtle clues that aren’t always obvious; the pause, the shift in body language, the tone of voice, it’s about being open to receive more information in any form that it presents itself, not only the conversation but the environment too. Maybe you’re now wondering how good a listener you really are? Remember, you can hear through your ears, but you also need to listen with your eyes!
