The Rebellion issue by Uon First Year Design Magazine Project

A SENSE OF REBELLION

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LIVE ON YOUR OWN DAMN TERMS

FILM MUSIC ART FESTIVAL

David Bowie TRIBUTE

JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T FOUND YOUR TALENT YET, DOSEN’T MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE ONE -KERMIT THE FROG

THE REBILLION ISSUE. BUT LETS TALK ABOUT MUSIC FIRST. THE POWER OF MUSIC

Music itself is outstanding, it creates a sense like no other. for myself? music is a way of reaching towards something that makes you feel on top of the world. do you get me? I feel as it’s another reality that nobody or no problem can cause pain or anxiety. But let’s get back into music. There’s Billions of singers, songwriters, rappers, the ones that scream (whom i dislike) That shit ain’t soothing!? Anyway, it’s so hard not to exaggerate over music and its power on the brain and the world, but you know how a song can trigger a memory that’s so vivid as anything, it makes the experience so much more meaningful that what the song is. despite some music and songs can be terrible, but that shows everyone is different in their own god damn way and CAN express the way they are. I feel as music comes with a purpose and of course it does but I think with a bigger meaning, than what we think. I feel as music gives us a purpose to conquer the world, to be out there, to inspire other people! Music is art, Art is a way to explore a new world, a new reality, its creative enough to put you in another mindset. For example, music can be so influential on you and your way of thinking and feeling, the type of music you listen to can change the way you think and look at the world. Music can speak for you and maybe billions of other people too! Let me talk about two of the biggest genres in the world, Rap and Hip Hop. The influence I’ve achieved over years of listening to lyrics of an artist who spills their life out in one song but also spitting fire. I think a lot of people dislike rap for its explicit language and for the image this artist is showing. I’ll give an example, Lil Yachty, his image is very outgoing and I could say unique, but people might just hate him for his style or just dislike his music, but that’s fair, we all have different tastes in music. But to me, I feel as I can relate and express myself! Not that I can Rap or sing whatever, just the fact that I can scream the words and have this weight lift off my shoulders and I feel like I’m on a high of happiness, or I’m just high in general. Kidding.

KENDRICK LAMAR okay well, if you love rap or hip hop, and you have heard of Kendrick Lamar and have pure love for him and his amazing music that is produced, keep reading.

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“WOULDN’T YOU KNOW

/ WE BEEN HURT, BEEN DOWN BEFORE / NIGGA, WHEN OUR PRIDE WAS LOW / LOOKIN’ AT THE WORLD LIKE, ‘WHERE DO WE GO?’ / NIGGA, AND WE HATE PO-PO / WANNA KILL US DEAD IN THE STREET FO SHO’ / NIGGA, I’M AT THE PREACHER’S DOOR / MY KNEES GETTIN’ WEAK, AND MY GUN MIGHT BLOW / BUT WE GON’ BE ALRIGHT.” I feel as Kendrick Lamar has alot to say, not in a bad way but its postive, depends the way you look at it. kendrick is the influential rapper and hip hop artist you’ll come across. why? i will tell you why. he is an award winning rapper, he is inspiritational, influential to young people, his lyrics are full of energry, motivation, love, hatred, he’s not afaid to stand up to society. when i listen to his music, i feel like its entering my soul and making me into a new person.. i dont know im over exagerating, but his music is PURE. pure enough to see that he a human being wanting to make a difference to this world and make it more safe to live in. Kendricks song “Alright” is one of the most important songs ive ever heard, in my opinion, everyone should be treat equally and fairly. however the song “alright” stands up for black lives and the Black Lives Matter Movement and im all for it. this song represents kendrick overcoming his depression and allowing him to have faith and accept his failures and keep moving on. this song is so fucking important to everyone, this song was CHANTED at Donald Trumps rally for god damn sake! this song is telling everyone that its going to be okay. Kendrick is constantly weaving in positive messages on his albums. Man Kendrick Lamar is one of the most inspiritational artist ive ever come across, i cant say enough.

LET ME TALK ABOUT “DAMN”. Going back to my previous talk about “Alright” which was one of his biggest songs that talked about police brutality and racism. Alright was labed as a informal Anthem, that is a sing-along when there is a rally or protests from the black community. Kendrick is a original Compton man, born and raised in a black community, but what made kendricks “DAMN” album so sick, was its ackowledgement of lifes precariousness, an awareness that arrives in the course of the day, as someone close to him is shot and Kendrick begins to rethink his faith as he is a devout Christian. DAMN is filled with contradictions seesawing between supreme needs and animal wants, heroism and self loathing, loose thrills, and the possibility of erternal damnation. some songs throughout the album are quickly changing topic as “LOVE” is a ode to trust and commitment, “LUSH” is rash and hellish, a rap about seeking affirmation that is desired. “ELEMENT” is effortless and cocky, its like hes on a high but a good one, and last but not least “FEEL” which finds him in a state of mind that was telling him that his insecurities will never fade. Throughout “DAMN” he wonders if its nature or nurture that determines who he is. Kendrick has been put under alot of pressure and its honestly unfair but through “DAMN” he rejects the pressure and gives all the answers you have been waiting for, cause we all know Kendrick Lamar has all the answers. Lamar’s gift is not just that he can say why he’s the best (“I got power, poison, pain and joy inside my DNA”), but also that he articulate how this responsibility feels (“I feel like the whole world want me to pray for ‘em/But who the fuck prayin’ for me?”). He can paint pride and agony with the same brush, and it’s that ability that makes “Fear” probably the most emotionally rich song in his entire discography. Like Sigmund Freud meets Scarface, Lamar connects the dots from the seven-year-old terrified of catching a beating from his mother to the 17-year-old terrified of being murdered by police to the 27-year-old terrified of fame. “I practiced runnin’ from fear, guess I had some good luck,” he raps with ease. “At 27 years old, my biggest fear was bein’ judged.” Much like the recent A Tribe Called Quest record, Damn. is a brilliant combination of the timeless and the modern, the old school and the next-level. The most gifted rapper of a generation stomps into the Nineties and continues to blaze a trail forward. Don’t be confused if he can’t stay humble.

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“I GOT POWER, POISON, PAIN, AND JOY INSIDE MY DNA” These Lyrics from “DNA” is a question that becomes whether that means his fate is preordained by virtue of his blood, his faith, or his skin colour.

Grunge Influence on Fashion The term “grunge” is used to define a specific moment in twentieth-century music and fashion. Hailing from the northwest United States in the 1980s, grunge went on to have global implications for alternative bands and do-it-yourself (DIY) dressing. While grunge music and style were absorbed by a large youth following, its status as a self-conscious subculture is debatable. People who listened to grunge music did not refer to themselves as “grungers” in the same way as “punks” or “hippies.” However, like these subcultures, grunge was co-opted by the music and fashion industries through its promotion by the media. The word “grunge” dates from 1972, but did not enter popular terminology until the birth of the Seattle sound, a mix of heavy-metal, punk, and good old-fashioned rock and roll, in the late 1980s. Many musicians associated with grunge credit their exposure to early punk bands as one of their most important influences. Like San Francisco in the 1960s,

“Seattle in the 1980s was a breeding ground for music that spoke to its youth.” 12

The independent record label Sub Pop recorded many of the Seattle bands inexpensively and was partly responsible for their garage sound. Many of these bands went on to receive international acclaim and major record label representation, most notably The Melvins, Mudhoney, Green River, Soundgarden, Malfunkshun, TAD, and Nirvana. Nirvana’s second album, Never-mind, was released in 1991, making Nirvana the first of this growing scene to go multiplatinum and Kurt Cobain, Nirvana’s lead singer, the reluctant voice of his generation. The youth movements most often associated and compared to grunge-hippie and punk-were driven both by music and politics. Punks and hippies used music and fashion to make strong statements about the world and are often referred to as “movements” due to this political component. While the youth of 1980s Seattle were aware of politics, grunge was fueled more by self-expressionsadness, disenchantment, disconnectedness, loneliness, frustration-and perhaps was an unintentional movement of sorts. There does not appear to have been a common grunge goal, such as punk’s “anarchy” or the hippies’ “peace.” Despite this lack of unifying intentionality, grunge gave voice to bored, lost, emotionally neglected, postpunk generation-Generation X. If punk’s antifashion stance can be interpreted as “against fashion,” then that of grunge can be seen as “nonfashion.” The grunge youth, born of hippies easily removed and tied around one’s waist. The style for plaid flannel shirts and wool Pendletons is regional, having been a longtime staple for local lumberjacks and logging-industry employees-it was less a fashion choice than a utilitarian necessity. The low-budget antimaterialist philosophy brought on by the recession made shopping at thrift stores and army surplus outlets common, adding various elements to the grunge sartorial lexicon, including beanies for warmth and unkempt hair, long

underwear worn under shorts (in defiance of the changeable weather), and cargo pants. Thrift-store finds, such as vintage floral-print dresses and baby-doll nightgowns, were worn with over-sized sweaters and holey cardigans. Grunge was dressing down at its most extreme, taking casualness and comfort dressing to an entirely new level. The first mention of grunge in the fashion industry was in Women’s Wear Daily on 17 August 1992: “Three hot looks-Rave, Hip Hop and Grunge-have hit the street and stores here, each spawned by the music that’s popular among the under-21 set.” The style that had begun on the streets of Seattle had finally hit New York and was heading across the Atlantic. Later that same year, Grace Coddington (editor) and Steven Meisel (fashion photographer) did an eight-page article and layout for Voguewith the help of a Sub Pop cofounder and owner Jonathan Poneman: “Flannels, ratty tour shirts, boots, and baseball caps have become a uniform for those in the know, and their legions are growing” (p. 254). The fashion machine was drawn to the utilitarian aspects of grunge as well as the juxtapositions of textures and the old against the new. Marc Jacobs is credited with bringing grunge to the runway with his spring 1993 collection for Perry Ellis. He was later followed by such designers as Calvin Klein, Christian Francis Roth, Armani, Dolce & Gabbana, Anna Sui, and Versace who all came out with layered and vintage looks made out of luxury fabrics. Ultimately, grunge failed as a high-fashion trend because its vitality came from the unique and personal art of combining clothes and accessories from wildly disparate and idiosyncratic sources. Grunge was not easily repackaged and sold to the people who related to it because it was out of their price range and the upscale consumer was not taking the bait. Where grunge worked well was at low to moderate price points as middleclass kids across America were buying pre-ripped jeans, beanies, and flannels all the while dancing to Nirvana.

Repackaging was also the fate of grunge music as every major record label tried to find the next Nirvana, and bands like Pearl Jam and Bush filled stadiums but paid little homage to grunge’s punk roots. Nevertheless, grunge ultimately managed to revive rock and roll, redefine the music of the 1990s and raised on punk, reinterpreted these components through their own post-hippie, post-punk, West Coast aesthetic. Grunge was essentially a slovenly, thoughtless, uncoordinated look, but with an edge. Iconic items for men and women were ripped and faded jeans, flannel shirts or wool Pendletons layered over dirty T-shirts with outdated logos, and black combatstyle boots such as Dr. Martens. Because the temperature in Seattle can swing by 20 degrees in the by bringing the focus back to the guitar, and make the word “alternative” meaningless in the twenty-first century as alternative music is now the music of the masses. What grunge did for music it also did for fashion. Grunge opened the door to recycled clothes for everyone as a fashionable, and even a chic, choice. Grunge defined a new approach to dressing that included layering and juxtapositions of patterns and textures. The DIY approach to dress has become the norm, giving the consumer the freedom to choose, to not be a slave to one look or designer, and the confidence to create personal ensembles with the goal of self-expression through style.

“You’re still going to get critisied, so you might as well do whatever the fuck you want”

FROM PLUMBER TO LEGEND It’s the 2015 League of Legends World Championships, and Marcus “Dyrus” Hill is struggling to give his final speech as Team SoloMid’s top laner. Technically speaking, his team has already been knocked out of the tournament a few games ago, but with this final, no-stakes loss to the Chinese team LGD Gaming, it looks like Hill won’t even go out on a high note. Standing on the stage with the broadcast reporter Eefje “Sjokz” Depoortere, Hill is at a loss for words. He scrunches his nose to keep from falling apart after her first question. 4.2 million people are watching around the globe.

“Unfortunately, on my side, I wasn’t able to perform when it most mattered, and –” his signature monotone voice wavers, “I’m really sorry to all of my fans, that I let you down.” Throughout his final season, Hill has been stretched to his breaking point. The forum posts blaming him for TSM’s struggles have shot his reputation. His undeniable misplays at the World Championships have shot his confidence. He’s poured out everything, focused all his emotional energy on winning, and now that it’s over, his composure finally gives out. In front of hundreds of European fans, an ocean away from home, Hill breaks down crying. Depoortere places a hand on his shoulder. For a second, the room goes quiet, and then, in a moment worthy of any alltime classic sports reel, the crowd starts chanting Hill’s name. He looks around the room, lifts up his hand, and smiles. Two years later, this is not the moment he remembers when he looks back on his retirement. THE MAKING OF DYRUS Most of the time, Marcus Hill is quiet, shy, even sedate. It’s not that he’s anxious about interacting with people – he streams League with a candor most would reserve for their closest friends - But he spends a lot of time in his own head. “I’m not able to give

commentary every single time I play because I’m really focused on the game,” he says, “so when I think of something to talk about, I just talk about it no matter what it is.” As a kid growing up in Oahu, Hawaii, Hill mostly kept to himself, and he’d opt to stick around in his room getting good at games like Halo 2 and SOCOM: US Navy SEALs instead of playing outdoors with kids from the neighborhood. Eventually, he spotted an ad for League of Legends and climbed to the top with his two favorite champions, the hard-hitting hypercarry Jax, and the poison damage-dealing top laner Singed. In the higher ranks, he became known for two things: his “trolly” tendencies like binding the laugh emote to a button on the keyboard and spamming it, and his penchant for raging in ranked games when his teammates didn’t carry their weight. “I understood him very well because I had the same mentality,” TSM founder and Hill’s former teammate Andy “Reginald” Dinh tells me. “We weren’t angry people, we just expected players around us to play at our skill level... We were fueled by competitiveness.” Outside of League, Hill finished high school and like most other people his age, struggled to adjust after graduation. During the day he’d work at his dad’s plumbing company as an apprentice – a job he hated – and at night he’d hop on Ventrilo game chat with high-profile.

players like Dan and Andy Dinh, slowly working to become one of the world’s best League players. Despite his skill and popularity in the community, Hill’s day job and slow Hawaiian internet put a hard cap on his ability to reach pro status. But his friends were out making moves, and eventually, Andy invited him to come live in his gaming apartment in New York. After playing in the house for Andy’s brother Dan’s team, a spot opened up on TSM, and the rest of Hill’s career took off from there.

“When I started out, I just played for fun,” Dyrus says. In those early days, it wasn’t just about winning or losing: it was about the sportsmanlike drive to “play, have fun, face off against good competition, and have a good match.” That motive, still uninhibited by corporate interests and multimillion-dollar stakes, gave Dyrus and TSM a symbolic grassroots magnetism that was hard not to root for. When it comes to iconic teams, basketball has the ‘95 Bulls, baseball has the ‘98 Yankees, and League has 2013 Team SoloMid. It may not have been the

best TSM roster from a raw skill standpoint, but the team dominated the NA scene and came to embody the League zeitgeist in all its chaos and excitement. At the time, nothing was established, organizations worked like dysfunctional families, and “esports” as a whole felt like a grand experiment that could fall apart at any moment. In those days, Hill would show up to World Championship games in a t-shirt and light-wash jeans, and it seemed perfectly normal that Andy Dinh – now listed on Forbes’ 30 under 30 list for gaming – could successfully pull off triple duty as TSM’s mid laner, coach, and owner. Even though the League audience was massive enough to sell out the Staples Center in less than an hour, there existed few organizational barriers between team and community. “It was kind of the glory days,” former TSM jungl er Brian “TheOddOne” Wyllie tells me. He and Hill always got along as teammates, and back then, they lived in a post-graduation nirvana where all they had to do was play League, hang out with friends, stream, and ignore everything else. One time, Wyllie tells me, the team’s swimming pool turned green; not because they forgot to hire a pool guy, but because they didn’t even realize it was something that needed to be done. Another time, Hill accidentally left a meal in the microwave for 40 minutes (thinking he’d set the timer for four), and went off to take a shower. When he got back, the kitchen had filled with smoke and a swarm of fire trucks were waiting outside. It was pure immaturity, but that was the appeal. Watching Hill and his friends act like fools in a mas-

sive, gorgeous house felt like you were getting away with something just by watching them. “I don’t know if it would ever happen again,” Wyllie says. “I think we had something pretty special.” But the structurelessness had its trade-offs, like the complete lack of protocol in the face of issues like player burnout and escalating team conflicts. Since almost every interaction was captured on stream, there are still video records of ugly, personal arguments between teammates – which, to be fair, is something you should probably expect when a group of stubborn teenagers live and run a competitive organization together.

“As with any family, you’d get in a really big argument and after a few hours, or maybe a day, it’d go away,” Andy Dinh says. “I think just taking a step back as I got older, I started to see things from other people’s perspective. I think Dyrus learned that too, and it helped us communicate better as we grew up.”

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UMFANG’S

TECHNOFEMINISM The Discwoman co-founder talks discovering DJing and the small rebellion that is making music in Trump’s America.

Emma Burgess-Olson is Umfang, a DJ and producer from NYC pushing to change the way we look at techno. You’ve probably already heard of Emma’s collective and booking agency, Discwoman, which she founded in 2014 with Frankie Decaiza Hutchinson and Christine McCharen-Tran. Together, the trio are pushing for women, trans and genderqueer people to get booked, and get paid. As Discwoman’s empire grows Umfang continues to mix gritty experimental tracks, her approach to music as political as her impassioned social pursuits. Here, we talk the artist about democratising techno and today’s political climate.

You’ve spoken a lot about democratising of your music, and how you don’t want it to be seen as high art. Tell me more.

It feels like the current industry setup keeps people from thinking that they can make music — the language around it and the idea that you have to have some sort of technical education to be a musician. It’s like “you need to know how to use drum machines, you need to know how synthesizers work,” as if that’s the only way you can become a good producer. That’s a really limiting way to thinking about music. It’s just not true.

Absolutely.

It someone had told me that when I was a kid, I would have thought a lot differently about making music. Honestly, if you want to bang a spoon on a table and just record that, that’s actually really cool — music isn’t really this specific, guarded science. Not all music producers need to know what every single button on the mixing board does, you know?

Since the US election, there’s been a lot unease, globally. I noticed this tone in your latest record Symbolic Use of Light. Has the political climate influenced your creative output?

Absolutely. Not only the election but the months before too. It was an incredibly tense time, with police brutality and such overt racism. There was so much shock and fear around what was happening, and what was going to happen. And I think we’re still kind of all feeling that, and that’s definitely reflected in my music. Taking the time for yourself is so important now, because the government certainly isn’t trying to let you have that time.

Now that you’ve got an audience as a solo performer are you trying to be mindful of what you’re communication to fans, listeners and so on?

Yeah. I mean we talk a lot about roots, and remembering the roots of electronic music. This music comes from is black culture, and other minority groups and queer people. We can’t want to hide that history. So it’s about always bringing it back to that, and remembering that capitalism ruins everything. We need to encourage young people that are not white and are not sitting in money to produce music and to express themselves. I want to really encourage a younger generation to change the way that things like electronic music look.

Completely. How did you

A friend of mine taught me how to DJ on virtual DJ because he was booking parties and he knew that I liked techno and going to parties. He was like, okay, I want to book you for my parties, so we don’t have to book all these straight white men anymore. We were in the midwest, so the scene wasn’t as diverse is it might be in somewhere like New York City. I found it really interesting, and I got really into it. Then my computer got stolen, which led me into buying cheap records.

You obviously ended up in New York, and created Discwoman with Christine and Frankie. Can you tell me what sort of shifts you’ve noticed since the collective’s inception?

Discwoman really started as a celebration of how many female DJs we knew that we liked around that time. But, after founding Discwoman, we got a lot of feedback from people around the world who felt like their scenes were male dominated, and they didn’t have a voice. We came to realise that New York was a bit of a bubble. In New York City we can have this false idea that the world has progressed more than it has. Basically, since Discwoman started, we’ve become a little more jaded. Still, people are becoming more accountable now — sometime people will even reach out and say hey I’ve never booked a woman before and I’ve been doing a party for ten years, like, can you help me. S

come to DJing?

“IF YOU WANT TO BANG A SPOON ON A TABLE AND JUST RECORD THAT, THAT’S ACTUALLY REALLY COOL”

The Midnight Candle

Indulge, guilt, atone, repeat. We like to think we know what’s good for us. But are there benefits to being bad?

It’s Friday, 6pm. Work was long. Your brain is fried. You feel utterly drained. The fridge is bare save for a bunch of spinich and an avocado that will go off if you don’t eat them today. There’s (yet another) new documentary out on Netfix headlining the definitive necessity of being vegan. You resolvew to stay in, eat healthy, watch something alarming yet educational, and get an early night. You want to get out to the farmers market first thing in the moring, dont you? And then, as if the devil himself appeared in plain sight, the phone lights up with an invitation: “Drinks tonight?” Cue the wearied cycle: throw on a pair of shoes expensive enough to be uncomfortabvle, head out, drink too much, eat pizza on the wrong side of midnight, wake up with a hangover, miss the market, check social media - friends were up hours ago pasting pictures of sunrise yoga - stare bleakly in the mirror at a defeated pair of bloodshot panda eyes (theres also a salami in your hair) and vow to spend the rest of the weekend juice-fasting and reading up on sustainable agriculture.

Indulge - guilt - atone - rinse, repeat. The sinner / saint dichotomy is so deeply rooted in our culture we’re barely aware of how caught up we are in its sentrifuge. As humans we’re geared towards homeostasis and naturally crave equalibrium. We look for antidotes to our poison and poison to our antidotes. The particulars present differentyl for everyone (some of us haven’t gone out in uncomfortable shoes since our misspent youth) but when it comes to matters of physical, mental and emotional wellbeing, there is a collective tug-of-war between revelry and righteousness in an endless quest for balance. So alive is the conflict between these oppsing forces, we’ve designed whole industries around atoning for bad behaviour and whipping ourselves into glowing green goddesses in the aftermath of something as reprehensable as a good time. Thus we have arived in the epoch of ‘wellness’, a munti-billion-dollar movement that has us drowning in green juice, accosted by kale, and knee deep in namastes. We know life on Earth is increasingly toxic - we’re constantly being pelted with dire warning that all thingsm even the air we breathe, are killing us. But exactly how well is all

this wellness serving us in our efforts to achieve optimal health? Surely with a yoga mat tucked under a tined arm and a glutten free acai bowl on order, we can say with taut smugness of a vegan

the terms ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are meaningless without looking at the issue of dosing 28

Pilates instructor that thus us indeed the wellest tine un human history abd there is nothing standing in the way if a pristine body and an enlightened mind. But acording to practically every recent study on the matter, sadly this is not so. Apparently, despite an increase in wellness literacy, we’re still a bunch of disease-ridden, anxious, depressed, pill-popping, stress heads who can’t seem to find that elusive ‘balance’ no matter how many Paleo blogs we cycle throughh and meditation cources we sign up for. So what’s really going on here? In the pursuit of mind-body tonicity it is all too easy to slip int the same A-type mentality applied to every other lofty ambition in our presuriesed modern lives. Is this craze yet another reason for our perfectionistic culture to

self-flagellate and obsess to the point if neurosis? In our eagerness to purge of anything that might pollute our internal waterways and make temples of ourselves for the sake of giid concience, are we denying an aspect of the human experience that though it may muddy the mind and contaminate the body - is as essential to achieving a state of wellbeing as all of this virtuousness? That is, the unbridled joy of the moment. Fixating on the health of the body abd mind can be a constructuve endevour, but are those benefits deminished if it comes at the cost of all the sensory stuff of living that feeds the soul: stolen kisses with strangers, blurry eyes abd wine-stained lips, late nights berely remembered, dancing ‘til dawn in a dizzying haze of music and lighht, the electric rush of swimming naked at midnught? What if some days our heart’s delight means eating cake under a doona with a lover, kifgting a finger only to refill a wine glass every so often. Or something as simple as skipping work on a rainy day to jump in puddles with our kids? If we spend most of the time trying to be ‘good’ - eat green, kick those career goals, get a few consecutive early nights - might it actually do us some good to shed that cumbersome cloak of virtue and let ourselvesbe swept up in all the wrongness and glorious muck of indulgent living without spiriling into self loathing. Not as an act of rebellion against a healthy lifestyle, but rather a smaller but significant component of one. Because sometimes the soul’s exhiliration does not ride on the back of kale salad - and that’s as vital to life well lived as maintaining an immaculate diet and core of steel. Monica Ward, a Toronto-based clinical psychologist, works with patients whose obsession with gaining control over their state of being has ironicallt lead to out-of-control psychological conditions. “Selfrestraint is necessary for survival and success, even happiness, but where that urge to control is coling from is important to recognise,” she says. “I hve seen people who are masters if restraint but they have become so in an attempt to manage overwhelming or painful emotions, rather than as a result of conscious choice based ontruedesire for a particular way of life.” “What hurts youblesses you. Darkness is your candle,” wrote Rumi - the samw guy who most simply stated, “Either give me more wine or leave me alone.” In demonising what we percieve as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ - keeping hidden in the dusty drawers of foreboding and regret - we offer in the power of anunrelating tormenter. Revering what we

percieve as ‘pure’ and ‘good’ cand render it restrictive - we feel bounded by its tyrrany - and that sense of enclosure will eventually lead to claustrphobia an neurosis. This-way-or-that-way is an oversimplified manner of thinking that causes our actions to become reactive, leaping abruptly betweenextremes. The condition of orthorexia is a perfect example of an ordinarilly productiveendevour actually causing more harm than good when seen at its most radical. A sufferer will fret about healthy eating to the point of an all-consuming obsession leading to anxietym depression, impared relationships and abnormally restrictive diet. The orthorexic’s disfunction can be easily missed though, masquerading as an apppropriate concern for good health that we all strive for. Ultimately, like any other eating disorder or obsessive compulsive behaviour, it’s about a desperate plight for control and keeping to an unrealistically high self-imposed standard.

“Self-restraint is necessary for survival and success, even happiness...” “Setting up all or nothing expectations for our behaviour leads to a frustrating cycle of selfrestraint followed by self-indulgence,” says Ward. “it’s hard to meet our goals in the long run if we are constantly berating ourselves for breaking some unrealistic expectation for perfect living. Guilt and shame can add another level of paralysis and self destruction in this context. Black anf white rules

for living are ill-advised, mostly because they are unatainable without great cost.”

Whether or not a thing is good or bad, healthy

or unhealthy, is influenced by a myriad variables and is far more complex than we think. Dose, for example, is of critical importance when looking at the benefits versus pitfalls of a classified ‘bad’ substance of behaviour. “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is an age-old adage, which from a scientific perspective contains a literal truth: the theory of hormesis describes the process whereby organisms exposed to low levels of stress

(i.e. top-shelf tequila) become more resistant to tougher challanges. “the terms ‘good’ and ‘bad’ are meaningless without looking at the issue of dosing,” says Dr Jeffrey Moss, a leading practitioner of functional medicine. We know that medicine can turn to poison in high doses. Conversely, can poison turn to medicine in small doses? We are creatures of the light and the dark - our constitutions and characters need a dose of grit, dirt, darkness and depth of experiencee to grow, to become stronger and more resilient. Like infants who arent alowed to play in the dirt, we’re discovering that the sterility of our modern society - our pristine living conditions and obsession with an antibacterial lifestlyle - is fostering weakened immune systems. Small amounts of toxins educate the celular body about its environment - it in turn becomes a sophisticated processing plant, capable of tacking greater challenges than if it were kept completely sanitary. Science is telling us, there is such a thing as being too clean. What will act as medicine or poison is more of a choice than we think - the effect of either largely determined by our relationship to the experience in question: how we percieve it, whats motivating our actions, and how much or how little we engage. If you’ve read on mindbodygreen that tumeric will prevent cancer and so you include it in every meal despite the fact that it’s downright drugary and you hate the taste of every mouthful, is it really doing you any good? If nothing makes you happier and warmer inside than that first glass of good red wine on a Friday night, is it really doing you any harm? Or more to the point of hormesis, is the little bit of harm it’s doing you ultimately of greater benefit? The idea that a categorised toxin can act medicinally in small doses builds a strong case for loosening the reins on a bit of a good time without, of course, promoting all-out substance abuse. This is not a campaign for a lazy, alchoholic, junk-food addicted lifestyle but rather a refrraming of of our good-evil paradigm to allow for a fuller, more complex and intergrated picture. Admittedly at

We are creatures of the light and of the dark - our constitutions and characters need a dose of grit, dirt, darkness and depth of experience to grow. 30

times I’ve appeared to be the poster girl for every wellness cliche you can think of - I’ve practiced yoga for more than 15 years, meditation for more than 10, and most of the time I avoid gluten and sugar. I own active wear and am even active while wearing it. And while these things have undoubtebly helped me maintain good health and equalibrium over the years, so too has the occasional doomed love affair, night out that ended in daylight, and Sunday afternoon Nachos binge because, well, cheese and chips at the same time. If “darkness is your candle” then I’ve certainly lived fully in the fierce light of my shadiest moments. In my early 20s I went to see a neutritional biochemist to help me solve a host of escalating health issues. At the time I was stuck in a job I

didn’t enjou, working 12-hour days, and despite my best efforts to eat right and battle through exercise I was constantly stressed, fatigued, bloated and nausious after every meal. He immediately took me off weat, yeast, dairy, sugar and alchohol - basically all the fun stuff - for at least three moths with no exceptions. But before I could reluctantly accept the dullest of tiles ahead, I needed something clarrified. “I spent a couple of moths in Italy last year where my diet consisted solely of pizza, pasta, gelato and red wine every night,” I told him. “I ate dinner at 10pm and was rarely in bed before 3am - how come I didn’t feel this unhealthy then? In fact, during those few moths I’d never felt better?” He laughed as if the question was obviously ludicrous. “You were in Italy!” he replied, “I take it you were having the time of your life? The body can handle

almost anythung when you’re that relaxed and the wine’s that good.” More importantly I wasn’t that focused on the purity of my diet or fitting in yoga and pilates between deadlines. There was no waking up with the sinking heaviness of guilt and self-loathing the morning after those heavy summer nights in Sorrento. I was falling in love (which always helps), eating whatever I liked, and fully immersed in the act of living, In that instance the joy of the moment was everything. “Engaging with the things that make us feel alive and inspired can actually provide direction for our efforts to achieve our greatest works, whether they be in the realm of relationship, industry, or creative pursuits,” says Ward. “How can we be attuned to what makes us feel joyful and inspired if we are constantly dupressing joy and inspiration? This is not an invitation to a selfdestructive free-for-all, but rather a call to leave space in your life and your psyche for all of your parts.”

The body can handle almost anythung when you’re that relaxed and the wine’s that good

Your own version of the present moment’s delight may not necessarily involve imbibing toxins or embarking on reckless affairs. You might be a terrible dancer and gag at the thought of chips and cheese on the same plate (although I think we can all agree I’m talking to no one here). The point is more cutting loose the overwhalming expectations we hold for ourselves when it comes to maintaining perfect health balance. The action of ‘letting go’ cannot be underestimated - it has transformative potential unmatchrd by vigilance. If chronic stress is the malady of medern man, then the quality of liberation implicit in letting gi us certainly the antidote. Take comfort in the knowledge that small amounts of ‘bad’ things, given the right conditions, can be unexpectedly beneficial for the walth of soul, mind, and even the body. Sometimes we have to feel the burn of the midnight candle because a little bit of fire on the skin, even if it leaves a mark, can help us to engage with all aspects of our experience here, to know our limits but also to keep us in touch with the adventure of being alive. As Ward puts it: “Non-judgemental, compationate awareness if who we are right now, and what we really need in this moment, allows us to meet our human needs, stay in balance, and stay truly healthy ... As children we often know how to be silly, adventurous, free spirited. Even as responsible adults, life can’t always be about perfection and denial.”

TATTOO IDEAS Because any day is a good day for a new tattoo

NIRV

THE MOST INFL ON GRUN

VANA

LUENTIAL BAND NGE MUSIC

It’s hard to argue against Nirvana as the No. 1 Grunge Band as they essentially put the genre on the map with their 1991 classic, ‘Nevermind.’ But things didn’t stop with ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit,’ as ‘Come As You Are,’ ‘Lithium’ and their ‘In Utero’ favorites ‘Heart Shaped Box’ and ‘Rape Me’ are as good as they come in the grunge world. 37

REBELLION BY GENRE ROCK Artist

Song

Album

Description

Bayside

Rumspringa

Vacancy

Letting go of an unhealthy relationship

Neck Deep

The Beach is for Lovers

Life’s Not Out to Get You

Wanting to make life interesting, seeing the mistakes of others

Pierce the Veil (ft. Kellin Quinn)

King for a Day

Collide with the Sky

Dreaming about what a worry free life would be like

Bring Me the Horizon

The House of Wolves

Sempiternal

Comenting on the hypocracy of some religious authority figueres

Black Veil Brides

New Year’s Day

Wretched and Divine

Breaking free and feeling enlightened

Beartooth

Beaten in Lips

Disgusting

Speaking out against child abuse

Artist

Song

Album

Description

Beyonce

Sorry

Lemonade

Being unapologetic about rebelling against someone who hurt you

Childish Gambino (ft. Problem)

Sweatpants

Because the Internet

Not caring about how you grew up and what others say about it

Drake

6 Man

If You’re Reading this it’s too Late

Loving yourself and disregarding others

Kanye West

Facts (Charlie Heat Version)

Life of Pablo

Kanye tells us how great Kanye is

Rihanna

Desperado

Anti

Leaving a place you don’t need anymore behind

Nicki Minaj (ft. Beyonce)

Feeling Myself

Pink Print

Nicki teaches us to feel flawless with slightly degoratory lyrics

HIP-HOP

POP Artist

Song

Album

Description

Adele

Send My Love (to Your New Lover)

Adele tells her ex to treat his new lover better than he treated her

Alanis Morissette

Hand in my Pocket

Jagged Little Pill

Staying calm in adverse surcamstances.

Broods

Free

Letting go of everything for the sake of freedom

Frankie

Chaos

Frankie

Two people in love are both destructive individuals

Justine Skye

Bandid

Emotionally Unavailable

Being too much for someone to handle

Lana Del Rey

Freak

Born to Die

Lana tells a man to let go amd be a freak like her

INTERNATIONAL Artist

Song

Album

Description

Vishal Dadlani

Malhari

Bajirou Mastani

Bollywood: Crushing your competiton in a very literal way

BTS

Cypher part 3: KILLER

Dark and Wild

K-HipHop: A Rap Cypher about making it against the odds

Chris Cameleon

Gebroke Siel

7de Hemel

Afrikaans: cutting down someone arrogant.

Winner

Baby Baby

Exit

K-Pop: Feeling lonely after you rejected everyone

Lay

Lose Control

Lose Control: the 1st Mini Album

Chinese: Letting go of inhibitions and doing what you want

WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, SQUEEZE THEM IN PEOPLEâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S EYES 42

A SENSE OF REBELLION