etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
National Association of Urban Etiquette Professionals publication
impacting the urban community through etiquette
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SURE-FIRE signs your child needs etiquette
Celebrating the History of Etiquette in Black America
NAUEP CELEBRATES TRAILBLAZERS OF ETIQUETTE
National association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
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CONTENTS SEPTEMBER 2015/VOLUME 1/ISSUE 2/www.urbangirlz.org
Lady Trenette Wilson, Publisher Miriam Glover, Editor
ON THE COVER History of Etiquette in Black America
SHIFTING VIEWPOINTS Hey…Where are all the Nice Guys?
NAUEP NATIONAL CONFERENCE Highlights of the Inaugural NAUEP Conference
LADY WYVETTA GRANGER Empowering Minister’s Wives through Etiquette
FOR PARENTS 10 Sure-Fire Signs your Child Needs Etiquette
THE HIGH COST OF NO ETIQUETTE The true cost of misbehavior
MONEY IN ETIQUETTE Creating a Financial Plan that Works
FASHION Clothes Clusters ROCK! national association of urban etiquette professionals
From the Publisher Words cannot express how excited I have been about this edition of Etiquette Pros Quarterly! It has been a longtime dream of mine to introduce the world to the beautiful sisters and brothers of etiquette. The media often paints a picture of such negativity, that we as a community have forgotten what a rich heritage we come from. I feel it is a good time to reflect on the fine tradition of men and women who instilled charm, graciousness and decorum during a time of Black America’s awakening. I am proud to be a part of a tradition of grace and honor that has led to the success of so many. I hope you enjoy a look back through history as we celebrate the elegance and magnificence of the history of etiquette in Black America. xoxo
Lady T
Hey…Where are all the Nice Guys? Civility…The Gun Violence “Elephant in the Room” With news of yet another mass shooting, the debate continues over the causes of gun violence. From picketers shouting about their rights to bare arms, to the many cases involving untreated mental illness, there is a more troubling reason lurking in the shadows for gun violence that is hardly discussed in the town square of the media. This well-kept secret is people are meaner, less patient and more confrontative than ever, this according to a study published by Public Agenda, a public policy research group. In a recent poll, nearly eight in 10 respondents to the poll said lack of respect and courtesy is a serious national problem, and six in 10 people said the problem is getting worse. “They’re not talking about table manners; they’re talking about treating people in a decent way,” said Steven Farkas, one of the study’s authors. One only needs to have the door shut on them to know, this ain’t Mayberry. Things have changed; people are meaner and willing to treat others with disdain. What happened? Where did all the nice guys go? What happened to the time when people smiled when passing and offered you their seat on a long bus ride home?
In addition to the coldness of technology and countless family stressors, it appears children are not being taught how to respect others and adults don’t have time to be polite. What’s really “good?” The truth is gun violence and people’s intolerance sometimes walks hand-in-hand. The debate over gun violence certainly must include the ease in which people can get guns, and the woefully inadequate mental health checks that allow unhealthy people to get their hands on weapons, but one cannot deny the “elephant in the room” is how we treat one other, so it must not be excluded from the conversation.
How are we treating one another?
Researchers have attributed the ruder society to many factors including: stress on the job, poor people skills, poor communication, self-centeredness, financial problems, biases and poor conflict resolution skills. Though all these contributors seem to be factors, the fact people use technology to maintain most of their social relationships have caused individuals to be detached from the person right next to them. The engagement that used to be a part of living within a family, or attending the same church has been replaced by friends who only exist in swipes and key strokes. national association of urban etiquette professionals
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2015 UPCOMING TRAINING October 17, 2015 | Dallas, TX Etiquette Certification Teen Excellence Life Skills Course
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
HISTORY OF ETIQUETTE IN BLACK AMERICA Despite the negative images often portrayed in African Americans have a rich and storied etiquette and decorum. Like many things culture,” etiquette took a winding road to end doorstep of “Black America.”
the media, history of in “urban up on the
Unlike the clear record of King Louis XIV’s “Royal Court” or George Washington’s “Rules of Civility,” blacks in America learned etiquette through observation, self-empowerment and survival. Etiquette in its inception, during the 1400 and 1500’s was established for two primary reason. One was to establish a set of rules or standard of behavior to avoid absolute societal chaos; the second was to unfairly separate society based on class. As settlers began to colonize America, they brought the rules of etiquette and decorum and the class bias they learned in Europe with them.
It is into this backdrop that rules of etiquette for blacks living in America began. In the South, house slaves learned the rules of dining, décor and social graces as they were responsible for preparing the home and food of their slave owners for guests. Though they had little down time, some house slaves would share what they had learned from their experience as they weaved tales of “grand parties,” and demonstrating for field slaves who visited the house. Slave owner’s children actually attended classes, which was part of their formal education. Blacks during this time learned the do’s and don’ts of etiquette for the most part at the end of a whip, or because their lives depended on it.
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national association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
ETIQUETTE IN THE NORTH While in the South, the rules of etiquette were mainly used by house slaves or by all blacks as a way of survival, some blacks in the North lived a very different experience. Though the whites in the North felt it morally wrong to enslave blacks, they still didn’t want them to be their neighbors either. Moreover, states like Indiana and others enforced “anti-immigration laws” to keep neighborhoods predominately white. In fact, during this time, despite their outward disdain, many white men had children with blacks, which gave mixedraced blacks more opportunities in business and education. This gave way to communities of wealthy blacks who were business owners, educators, entertainers and professionals thereby recycling black dollars in their own communities.
THE RISE OF BOURGOISIE
THE
BLACK
During and immediately following the Civil War, while newly freed southern blacks struggled to eke out a living by sharecropping, in the North, blacks were graduating from college, which gave birth to some of the most prestigious and well-respected black organizations today.
QUICK FACT The highest level of business ownership for African Americans was during segregation. In the 1860’s, the American Missionary Association worked to establish schools in African American communities and also established some of our nation’s historically black colleges, making way for what is called the “black elite.” The “black elite” is a class of educated, socially conscious people who were concerned with the upward mobility of blacks. The first organization established for the “black elite” was Sigma Phi Phi or the “Boule.” The first African American fraternity, the Boule admitted men who gained respect in their career and within the community. Between 1906 -1911 more black fraternities and sororities were established called – “The Divine Nine.” Other groups sprang from the hearts of individuals as they completed their education and returned to their communities. Such social groups include: Jack and Jill, Inc., the Links, Inc., National Tots and Teens and Twigs in 1948. national association of urban etiquette professionals
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Etiquette publications Though those of European descent started writing books as early as 1400 BC, the first book of record on etiquette for blacks was written in 1916 by E. Azalia Hackly called – The Colored Girl Beautiful. Hackley’s work spent the first chapters refuting misconceptions about black women. She also spent a lot of time focusing on being an upwardly mobile woman and painting a positive image before whites. Ms. Hackley toured the country’s leading African American girl’s boarding schools to teach etiquette and social graces. Though this book was written almost 100 years ago, the message to young black women has not changed much. In 1920, Edward S. Green penned the National Capital Code, which was a book, composed of short stories in manners and unruly behavior. The goal of Mr. Green’s book was to teach blacks how to behave in order to stay alive in a racist society. Since the publication of the National Capital Code it has been reprinted and the cover changed, but the message still reverberates today.
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etiquette pros quarterly
Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown
September 2015
Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown Dr. Charlotte Hawkins Brown was a nationally known educator, lecturer and religious leader. In a time when education for blacks was limited, Dr. Brown founded the Palmer Memorial Institute, described as a trailblazing prep school for African Americans. In 1941, she penned a book on polite behavior, The Correct Thing to Do…To Say…To Wear. Dr. Hawkins became a wellrespected educator throughout the country and her school, which opened in 1902 in Sedalia, North Carolina, is a monument to her graciousness. Today, the site of the Palmer Memorial Institute is a museum, honoring Brown’s work to help African American students.
Since the publication of the first two etiquette books geared to African Americans, other black men and women have entered the etiquette field and garnered much success. Madame Ophelia Devore-Mitchell Maxine Powell, the head of artistic development for Motown is credited with producing some of the most elegant entertainers in history. Stars like the Supremes and Smokey Robinson owe their grace to Ms. Powell who spent her life perfecting young black artist.
Motown Etiquette Great Maxine Powell
Madame Ophelia Devore-Mitchell, founded Grace Del Marco Agency, the first modeling agency owned by a black woman. A was known throughout the political and entertainment field as most gracious and elegant. Madame Devore’s students included: Diahann Carroll and Sidney Poitier. We salute Madame Ophelia Devore.
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national association of urban etiquette professionals
September 2015
etiquette pros quarterly
B. Smith, real name Beverly Smith is a “lifestyle and restaurant” icon, who has led the way to elegance for many black women for over twenty years. In 2014, Beverly announced she was suffering from Alzheimer’s and stepping out from the national spotlight she has dominated with elegance for so many years. Here life and legacy continues to shine for every woman that loves to entertain. Great men like, Alonzo Fields and Eugene Allen also left their mark on etiquette by serving great presidents throughout history. James Wormley, the first African American owner of a hotel owned the Wormley Hotel, which opened in 1871 in Washington, D.C. Wormley used his vast wealth and influence to lead the Congress to fund the city’s first African American school.
ETIQUETTE IN THE FUTURE As the future of etiquette in the black community emerges, the National Association of Urban Etiquette Professionals founded in 2009 by Lady Trenette Wilson has become the largest and most
Lady Trenette Wilson NAUEP CEO & Founder
B. Smith
prestigious certifying organization for individuals seeking to impact the urban community through etiquette and debutante training. Serving more than 50,000 youth worldwide yearly, NAUEP serves 28 states with 160 etiquette and debutante instructors. Other notable etiquette authors serving the African American community include, Karen Grigsby Bates and Karen E. Hudson and many other countless number of men and women who teach social graces in their local communities. Today’s need for etiquette in the black community continues and in fact has long been needed. From rude behavior to killing one another, it’s time for young African Americans to know about their royal heritage. I have to admit, though I applaud the “black elite,” there is also evidence of a dire need for etiquette instruction beyond the “black elite” because of the overreaching theme of etiquette that permeates every area of life. Blacks now more than ever must continue to sharpen their etiquette skills and social graces. Not to please others, but to paint the accurate portrait of our very proud heritage. If not, the beautiful history from which sprang the fruits of kindness, style and hospitality could and will be lost.
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etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
FIRST LADY WYVETTA GRANGER
Empowering Women Married to Men in Ministry With a million watt smile and personality to match, Lady Wyvetta Granger is a leader in the field of etiquette and debutante training. As First Lady and Executive Pastor of New Life Community Church in East St. Louis, IL., Lady Wyvetta serves alongside her husband, Senior Pastor Kendall Granger to empower her community. Not your usual First Lady, Lady Wyvetta uses her passion to impact youth and empower women through etiquette workshops, events and programs that focus on spiritual growth and practical life application. Her work with women began more than 20 years ago, when she first started by encouraging women through programs, transformative workshops and personal encouragement. Through her work with leaders in the church, she recognized the need for women married to men in ministry to be equipped with the tools they need to thrive in marriage, ministry and life. In her recent release, Wives in Ministry Training Course, Lady Wyvetta uses the Word of God and her years of experience in church leadership to help women married to men in ministry overcome the daily challenges they face. Lady Wyvetta supports women’s businesses and has supported NAUEP since its inception. We salute this great woman of God who uses her time, resources and gifts to empower every woman she meets. To learn more about Lady Wyvetta Granger and the Wives in Ministry Course, log on to http://www.lifedevelopmentnetwork.com/wives-inministry/ and begin your transformation.. 6
national association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
National Association of Urban Etiquette Professionals
National Etiquette Inaugural Convention Embracing Excellence
Highlights AWARDEES
2014 NAUEP Award Recipients Leadership Director of the Year (Left to Right)
Tamera Nalls – Journey of a Young Lady Junior Debutante Coordinator of the Year Lady Wyvetta Granger - Wives in Ministry Etiquette Professional of the Year Carolyn Powery - Etiquette Touch
Carolyn Powery NAUEP Southwest Regional Director
Empowering Teens
Ocielia Gibson Miss Black USA 2011
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etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
Conference Highlights
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national association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
Grow your business
The truth is, no matter how much you like teaching kids; you won’t have much success without first identifying a healthy customer base. But where are they?
Think about whom you come into contact with and introduce them to your business on a regular basis.
Friends
Businesses
Women’s Groups
Schools
Make the Connection
national association of urban etiquette professionals
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etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
Thank you for your years of service! Lady Mavis Caldwell NAUEP National Liaison NAUEP would like to take a moment to acknowledge the 40 years of sales and management experience of Lady Mavis Caldwell who serves as the NAUEP National Liaison.
a supporter of her daughter since Lady T began her journey to impact young women. Today, the NAUEP family and Lady Trenette Wilson would like to salute a true woman of grace and elegance who has served on the battlefield of elegance all of her life.
Lady Mavis is the mother of Lady Blessings – Your NAUEP Family Trenette Wilson and has been
SPOTLIGHT ON NAUEP PROS… Newly Certified Renee Burt Kimberly Nance Shirley Johnson Cynthia Pillow Mocha Arnold Jackson Carolyn Forest Jeanadell VernonThompson JoAnn Wilder Carma Griffin Dionne Jenkins Darolyn Mangum
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Jeanette Norwood Denver, CO
Jeanette takes elegance and grace to a whole new level in the great state of Colorado with her Gem to Jewels Etiquette Training. A NAUEP affiliate since 2013, Jeanette works in her community to impact children and adults and often partners with local organizations to utilize her extensive event planning skills. We salute Jeanette Norwood for her service and commitment to her community!
Lady Deborah
Jones – Austin, TX Lady Deborah Jones is a jewel in the cap of NAUEP. With more than 30 years of etiquette experience, Lady Deborah has worked with audiences ranging from beauty pageant contestants to young professionals. As she turns her work to ministering in prisons, we want to take a moment to salute Lady Deborah Jones who gives so unconditionally to the NAUEP efforts to instill civility. Thank you for your years of service and impact!
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national association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
10 Sure-Fire Signs Your Child Needs Etiquette If admitting one has a problem is the first step to recovery, then admitting your child may need a little etiquette is the first step to you not being embarrassed in public anymore. Your child’s ability to form appropriate social responses and ability to demonstrate basic kindness and manners will help them adjust to any social situation and relieve you of having to explain their behavior.
Check the following signs to see if your child needs a little etiquette. 1. They behave inappropriately in public. 2. They are inconsiderate of other’s feelings. 3. They don’t know how to build meaningful relationships. 4. They are disrespectful towards adults and those in authority. 5. They dress inappropriately and are not well groomed. 6. They carry themselves in a slouchy manner. 7. They lack basic table manners. 8. They interrupt others while they are speaking and they talk too loudly. 9. They like to “keep it real,” no matter what. 10. They lack basic etiquette skills. 11. They talk about people or point out the differences of others. How did your little sunshine do? Don’t stress. Some of the behaviors listed can be expected as children seek to fit in with peers and find their way in the world. 11
I Don’t need NO Etiquette! As a parent, here are some things you can do to get your child back on the “etiquette” track. 1. Demonstrate etiquette yourself. 2. Correct them when they are behaving or dressing inappropriately. 3. Sign your child up for a local etiquette workshop or program. 4. Expose your son or daughter to different social environments. For more information about an etiquette workshop in your local area, log on to www.urbangirlz.org or call 1.800.291.6492 for a list of classes near you.
national association of urban etiquette professionals
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
The High Cost of No Social Skills Training
Cultures around the world invest a great deal of their disposable income on social skills training for their children by placing them in etiquette classes and leadership training. The Chinese culture teaches their children from a very early age to find their way to “self-perfection.” On the other hand, the urban community often does not see the value in investing in the social development of their children. Unfortunately, the results have been disastrous as black children are more likely to have negative interactions with school officials and police, while earning less. Investing in your child’s success is small compared to the short and long-term cost of misbehavior and lack of social skills.
THE MONEY SNAPSHOT Many parents feel they cannot afford to place their children in some type of social skills or leadership training. Let’s compare the cost.
Average Spending for Teens Hair Tennis Shoes Cell Phone Tickets for fighting Getting in Trouble in School (Mandatory Class) Missed Work Return Investment
$75- 100 $50 - $300 $100 or more b/t $150 and $500 b/t $50 -100 b/t$100 -500.00 $0.00
Average Self-Improvement Workshop Cost Average Etiquette Workshop b/t $25-50.00 Average Eight-Week Program b/t $150-500.00 Return Investment Innumerable
Carolyn Powery SOUTHEAST REGIONAL DIRECTOR WEST PALM BEACH, FL Gracious and charming, Carolyn Powery, owner of the Etiquette Touch in Florida is head of the Southeastern Region of NAUEP. An author and etiquette expert, Carolyn has been featured on Southern Lady and on television. Carolyn hosts a yearly etiquette and modeling camp and has dedicated her life to empowering young women. We couldn’t be more excited to introduce Carolyn!
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etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
NAUEP National Team DENELL PARKER – NAUEP NATIONAL CERTIFICATION DIRECTOR Denell Parker, Williamsburg, VA. has served as the NAUEP National Certification Director for two years. Under her leadership, NAUEP hosted its first conference and certified more than 80 women. We want to recognize Denell for her work with the Pretty Brown Girls of Virginia and the Juvenile Justice Center. Her work serves as an example as she provides leadership for our 160 instructors and directors worldwide!
RENITA JACKSON – APPOINTED NAUEP NATIONAL MEMBERSHIP DIRECTOR NAUEP is proud to welcome Renita Jackson to her new post as the NAUEP National Membership Director. With a radio and broadcasting background, Renita has had a life-long love for etiquette and decorum instilled by her upbringing. In 2004, Renita founded Jackson Etiquette in her home state of St. Louis and has become a well-sought after instructor for young professionals as well as children and youth audiences. Renita’s beautiful spirit and extensive etiquette and communication background will bless the members of NAUEP tremendously as she takes the reigns to become the heart of NAUEP.
SANDRA HANNAH APPOINTED NAUEP NATIONAL COMMITTEE DIRECTOR No matter if she is in the classroom or in the boardroom, Sandra Hannah is committed to empowering children and youth. With a heart for young men, Sandra founded the Boys and Bowties Etiquette program in Dallas, Texas to teach little boys and teens the importance of carrying themselves properly and how to practice etiquette and decorum. A truly loved and valued part of NAUEP, Sandra will take over the national etiquette initiatives as Committee Director. Her years of etiquette and human resources experience provides a perfect combination to lead our national civility movement worldwide! 13
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
Lady Pamela Damon
CREATING EAST COAST ELEGANCE With a personality that can only be described as infectious, Lady NEW YORK Pamela Damon has made a significant impact on the lives of young women living in Queens and the Bronx, New York. Certified as a NAUEP Etiquette and Leadership Instructor, Lady Pamela began her journey with young women as the founder of Prom Impact, a program that donates more than 100 gowns yearly to under-served young women each prom season in New York in partnership with her church. Founder of Talitha Cumi Academy, Lady Damon concentrates on social skills training by providing the Flawless Girlz Finishing School Camp each summer and the Little Ladies Lolipops and Lace Pre-Debutante Course. As a program coordinator, event planner and etiquette instructor, Lady Pamela Damon is a pioneer on the streets of the Bronx, introducing the old southern tradition of decorum to a new generation. We congratulate Lady Pamela for bringing elegance to the East Coast!
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Lady Pamela Damon NORTHEAST REGIONAL DIRECTOR
BRONX, NY
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
The Plus Side of Having a Financial Process Impacting the lives of young people can be fulfilling, yet expensive. Building a solid financial plan as you begin your business is key to future success. It doesn’t matter if you incorporate, form a 501C3 or go sole proprietorship, it is crucial that you consider not only the best case scenario in your business but also the worst case. Here are a few tips to get you started. 1. Set monthly sales goals Just like a corporation, you must set monthly goals to sure up the financial health of your business. 2. Market and advertise consistently Though having one contract is rewarding, having ten leads to financial strength. Make sure you are getting the word out about your program, resources or classes consistently.
3. Create a solid accounting system. Keeping up with the numbers will be much easier if you begin with a financial system that routinely allows you to keep track of receipts, bills and invoices. It makes tax time much easier. 4. Create a monthly balance sheet Each month after you balance the books, create a one sheet that outlines your income and expenses. This visual will help you target your energy in the upcoming months. 5. Learn about financial resources The Small Business Administration and Chamber of Commerce are great resources for you to learn about available capital to run your business.
THRIVE FINANCIALLY BY CREATING A PROCESS 15
etiquette pros quarterly
September 2015
Teaching your Clients how to “Cluster”… With winter quickly approaching, now is a great time to teach your clients how to “cluster” their wardrobe. Clustering is simply thinking more broadly when you buy your clothes. With right sweater or jacket, you can make an old dress brand new again. Clothes clustering also helps making getting dressed easy because you always have just the right piece.
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Valerie Warrior SOUTHWEST REGIONAL DIRECTOR PLANO, TX Valerie Warrior is owner and CEO of Bliss Spa and resident of Plano, TX. As a dedicated member of NAUEP and certified debutante and leadership instructor, Valerie has contributed to her community through her leadership with the Chamber of Commerce youth programs. Valerie will be responsible for our NAUEP sisters from Texas to Oregon. We are honored to have such a community resource join us on our national leadership team.
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Log on to www.urbangirlz.org today to pick one for your little princess today!
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show off
your business It only takes a few moments to make a lasting impression. From our beautiful blazer, to our comfortable collared shirt, you can connect with your audience a stylish and professional way. Here’s just a sample of our NAUEP Connects offers.
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