The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife
Wives in Training The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife Proverbs 14:1 "The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down."
LADY TRENETTE WILSON National Association of Urban Etiquette Professionals, CEO & Founder
Wives in Training The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife All rights reserved. No portion of this book, including photos may be reproduced, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information storage and retrieval system, without written permission from the author, except for the inclusion of brief quotations in a review. Copyright © 2013 Trenette Wilson ISBN – 13: 978-1482610093 ISBN – 10: 1482610094 ADULT/YOUNG ADULT NONFICTION/RELATIONSHIPS/MARRIAGE/CHRISTI AN LIVING All verses taken from the New International and New King James versions of the Bible unless otherwise noted. ATTENTION: STUDY GROUPS, WOMEN'S GROUPS AND ORGANIZATIONS Trenette Wilson Enterprises offers books available at quantity discounts with bulk purchase for educational, business, or sales promotions. For more information on bulk sales please write to P.O. Box 3641, Cedar Hill, Texas 75106 or email us at info@urbangirlz.org.
Trenette Wilson Enterprises www.urbangirlz.org Printed in the United States.
The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife
Dedication This book is dedicated to my husband, whose patience and love allowed me time to transform into the wife God ordained me to be; and also to my life long wife coach, Janice Washington who walked me through the process.
Special Acknowledgements Special thanks to all those who helped throughout the publication process. Thank you to my children who are my legacy. Thank you to Miriam Glover, my publicist and dear friend, Marquita Davis and Tahnee Jones, great editors and encouragers.
Table of Contents INTRODUCTION................................................................ Chapter 1
THE GODLY WIFE REVEALED............... Examine the role of a Godly wife
Chapter 2
YOUR WIFELY INHERITANCE Learn to walk in your authority and inheritance as a Godly wife..............................
Chapter 3
PROFILES OF WIVES IN THE BIBLE........................................................ Examine Biblical profiles of wives through today’s marriage issues
Chapter 4
HOW TO GET AND KEEP A RING ON IT -
Chapter 5
MARRIAGE ETIQUETTE 101 Everyday Marriage Etiquette.......................
Chapter 6
AS FOR ME AND MY HOUSE Religion Etiquette...........................................
The Art of Courtship and Dating Etiquette.......................................................
and 8 more power packed chapters
The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife
Introduction Proverbs 31:10-12 "Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11 The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. 12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life."
My sister was recently married and words cannot express how overjoyed I was for her. My new brotherin-law loves her and treats her like a queen. After twenty plus years of marriage myself, I've learned to value the rich gift of a loving husband and I was happy to share in her excitement. During many of our conversations and conversations with other soon to be, wanna-be, and those who already are wives; I'm often asked “How does one stay married so long and why haven't you written a book about marriage?� Frankly, I've never shared my marriage testimony publically because I feel marriage is a daily gift from God. There are no 10 Steps, 5 Values or 3 Tips that can keep a marriage together 1
without the glue of God and mutual respect between husband and wife. In my years of wife coaching and marriage, I've had to employ a number of strategies to remain a committed and loving wife. I decided that if I was going to write a book about marriage, it had to be about the real deal of what it means to be a wife. It would also be valuable in teaching women how to become the wife God created them to be despite their husband's behavior. As I searched God's heart about what to share and how to encourage wives through His Word, He revealed the importance of my profession in relation to the success of my marriage. I always thought it was my prayers that pulled us through, but God revealed it was also my obedience to Him through my behavior that also contributed to us being happily married for so many years, I Peter 3:4 "But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious." The rules of etiquette and decorum are most often identified with social graces and business skills; however, etiquette is also very relevant to marriage. Though family structures have changed significantly over the years, the behavior and impact of a Godly wife remains the same. God has not changed his mind about His original creation and purpose for the wife, and if you truly want your marriage to be successful, learning 2
The Ultimate Etiquette Guide to Becoming a Godly Wife
to apply basic etiquette and decorum will drastically improve your chances, I Peter 3: 1 "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives." Etiquette in marriage includes the rules that apply to how spouses behave and treat one another. From respecting each others boundaries, to throwing a fabulous dinner party; knowing how to properly govern yourself in marriage will soften the bumps of disagreement and transform you into the wife God intended you to be. Despite divorce rates in America, marriage is a blessing from God. It also remains the only institution God has established for men and women to share their lives and build families together, Proverbs 18:22 -"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord." God so esteems marriage that He compares it to the relationship He has to the church, Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." God wants your marriage to be successful, and through prayer you relinquish your own power and grant God the permission to release blessings in your life, fight your battles and ultimately establish your legacy. In today's divorce friendly society, the institution of marriage has been challenged, redefined and...
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1 1 2
The GodlyWife Revealed In this chapter‌ m m m m m
The Role of a Godly Wife The Characteristics of a Godly Wife The Etiquette of a Godly Wife The Rewards of a Godly Wife The Help of a Godly Wife
Chapter 1: The Godly Wife Revealed
CHAPTER 1
The GodlyWife Revealed Ephesians 5:22 "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as to the Lord."
Desiring to be a wife is commendable; however, wifing a man does not come easy. The road to divorce is well traveled so before you begin your journey, you should immerse yourself in God's Word to gain a full understanding of what it means to be a Godly wife, Proverbs 4:7 - "Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding." Marriage is a Covenant Marriage is a covenant, a vow between you, your husband, and God, Matthew 19:6 - "So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." It is not to be entered into lightly. God's Word says, it's better to not make a vow than 4
make one and break it, Ecclesiastes 5:5 - "Or is it better to say nothing than to make a promise and not keep it." The following is an overview of what women considering marriage and every spouse should endeavor to know about being a Godly wife. Despite the world's rejection of gender roles, God's plan for women remains clear. If you want to be transformed into the wife God has called you to be, you must know what God’s Word says about who you are and what role you play in the family.
The Role of a GodlyWife If you are single, you may have visions of grandeur about marriage or you may think marriage is not for you. Every marriage is different, and part of some women's apprehension about marriage stem from examples and misconceptions concerning the role of a wife.
This, in part, is due to people confusing the duties of a wife with the role of a wife. The role is who you are and the duties are what you do.
Duties include: cooking, cleaning, washing, chores, etc. The role of a Godly wife include: being a help meet, spiritual leader, mentor, sex/intimacy, and teacher, etc. Within a marriage, the role of a Godly wife is extensive, but you can never be too tired, too sick or too busy to be a mother and wife. If you want the role of wife, you must be willing to play the part. 5
Chapter 1: The Godly Wife Revealed The role of a Godly wife... q Maintains her spiritual life - John 3:16-17 q Does her husband no harm - Proverbs 31:12 q Sees to the things of her household - Proverbs 19:14 q Submits to her own husband - I Peter 3:5-6 q Maintains an intimate relationship with her husband - I Corinthians 7:3-5 q Helps meet the needs of her family - Genesis 2:18 q Assists in raising the children - I Samuel 1:11 and Luke 2:22-23 q Provides a earthly example of God's love to her family - Titus 2:4-5 In the following blanks, discuss how you feel about the role and duties of a Godly wife. ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
Characteristics of a GodlyWife When a woman is married, you just know or at least you should know, that she is in fact married based on how she carries herself. Being a wife means thinking and also acting like a wife. This will require you to lay aside thinking and living like a single person, Hebrews 12:1 - "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily... 6
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2 Your Wifely Inheritance I Corinthians 3:14 "If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward."
Chapter 2: Your Wifely Inheritance
CHAPTER 2
Your Wifely Inheritance I Corinthians 3:14 "If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward."
Until you read the previous chapter, could you have named five things the Bible promises a Godly wife? Don't feel bad if you couldn't. Most women are never taught about the rewards of peace, joy and provision promised to her, II John 1:8 - Watch yourselves, so that you may not lose what we have worked for, but may win a full reward." I believe if women knew the true inheritance they have in God as a wife, divorces would drop drastically because they would walk in their full authority,
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Matthew 11:12 - "From the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffers violence, and the violent man take it by force." If you want a successful marriage, you must be willing to fight in the spirit. Fighting with your hands and mouth does no good, but your prayer and your praise will help conquer tough situations, II Corinthians 10:4 - “For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds.� Most women are unaware of their "wifely inheritance," because they have not been taught or shown a good example of a Godly wife. Women are often left to develop their views about marriage based on advice from single friends, bitter mothers and worldly influences. This has caused many women to leave the door open in their marriages to infidelity, abandonment, poverty and divorce. When God led me to write this book, I immediately knew I wanted to deal with the misconceptions women have about marriage and the role wives are to play. As mentioned in the introduction, the role of wife has been redefined drastically from God's original plan. His plan of submission and Godly behavior has been displaced by "Sally the Boss Chick" and "Rita the Fun Girl." No offense to any women named Sally or Rita, it just flowed. 8
Chapter 2: Your Wifely Inheritance Though the "Fun Girl" is exhilarating for a moment, a Godly woman understands that when she becomes a wife, she matures into the woman God wants her to become, Ephesians 4:15 - "Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ." If you are truly seeking to become a Godly wife, you must not be conformed to the world's way of thinking about what a wife's role is, but you must be transformed into the wife God has called you to be based on His Word and guidance, Romans 12:2 "Don't be conformed to this world but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind." The Bible's First Wife The first example of a wife in the Bible is Eve , Genesis 2:22-25 who was created as a help meet to her husband, Adam, Genesis 2:18. Her existence was for the purpose of helping her husband rule over the earth. As her reward, her every need was met and she walked in authority in the garden with her husband. God gave Adam and Eve two directives: be fruitful and multiply, Genesis 1:28, and do not eat of the tree of good and evil, Genesis 2:16-17. I think we all know how that turned out, Genesis 3:13-20. With one bite of the fruit from the forbidden tree, Eve lost her standing in the garden and became subjected to her husband's rule. Her disobedience further led to pain during childbirth, poverty, and enmity between Satan and the son of man, Genesis 3:15 - "And I will put... 9
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3 Profiles of Wives in the Bible 4 In this chapter‌ m m m m m
The Concubine - Illegal Wife The Maiden Wife - The Stay-at-Home Mom The Trophy Wife - The "Gold Digger" The Queen Wife - The Business Arrangement The True Wife - The Godly Wife
Chapter 3: Profiles of Wives in the Bible
CHAPTER 3
Profiles of Wives in the Bible Proverbs 31:10 "An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels."
During the early years of my marriage, I was coached by a show-nuff Godly wife. She's been married forty plus years now, has six children on her resume, and she patiently taught me how to wife my man. As we began our coaching sessions, she had me study five different profiles of wives in the Bible. She explained these five profiles derived from women in the Jewish culture, but mirror many contemporary wives. I found the study to be life changing, because the profiles so closely related to me and my friends.
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As I read through each of them, I saw myself and I soon discovered the type of wife I desired to become. Even though I completed this study over twenty years ago, the information still remains fresh and relevant today. Before we get into the full discussion of marriage etiquette, I would like to begin by reviewing the five different profiles of wives. As you review them, find yourself, and then identify the wife you would like to become. Once you understand where you fit biblically, you can begin to accept your standing in God and begin to transform into the "True Wife," you were born to be.
5 Profiles of Wives in the Bible The Concubine - The "Illegal Wife" The Maiden Wife - The Stay-at-Home Mom The Trophy Wife - The "Gold Digger" The Queen Wife - The Business Arrangement The True Wife - The Godly Wife
Which one are you? Wife Profile #1: The Concubine - The "Illegal Wife" The "concubine," or "illegal wife," is one of the most common wife profiles in society today. Though the term "concubine," is not commonly used, the practice of being a concubine is deeply rooted in today's culture. 11
Chapter 3: Profiles of Wives in the Bible In my research, I asked a few women to take a stab at its meaning. The most common response I received was a concubine is a "group of women who sleep with one man," or she is a "loose woman," or "whore." Though these definitions are close, Merriam Webster's Online dictionary defines a concubine as a woman who cohabitates (sleeps) with a man she is not married to. In today's vernacular she would be known as the "mistress," "jump off," "live-in girlfriend," or "baby's mamma." A concubine is not a "group of women," or a "whore," which is a clever disguise Satan uses to hide her conspicuously amongst unsuspecting wives and families. No, instead she is innocuous to the eye but is very capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship with your man, and she is given the title "illegal wife," because she performs all of the duties of a 'legal wife,' but enjoys none of the legal or spiritual benefits, II Samuel 5:13 – “And David took more concubine and wives from Jerusalem, after he came from Hebron, and more sons and daughters were born to David.” She is also referred to as "wife," because it refers to the sexual aspect of the relationship and in the Bible sex symbolizes marriage, Hebrews 13:4 - "Marriage is honorable in all and the bed undefiled, but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge." History of Concubinage The practice of concubinage began in ancient times. It was especially practiced in Mesopotamia where
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How to get and keep a ring on it... The Art of Courtship and Dating Etiquette In this chapter… Etiquette Tip #1: Do allow the man to be the pursuer Etiquette Tip #2: Don’t engage in casual sexual relationships Etiquette Tip #3: Don't ask a man you are only dating for money Etiquette Tip #4: Don't pressure the man you are dating about marriage Etiquette Tip #5: Don’t play games in your relationship Etiquette Tip #6: Do practice dating etiquette Etiquette Tip #7: Do practice online dating etiquette
Chapter 4: Courtship and Dating Etiquette
CHAPTER 4
How to get and keep a ring on it... The Art of Courtship and Dating Etiquette I Timothy 5:22 "Lay your hands on no man too quickly."
If you picked up this book, you are no ordinary girl. You are a woman who is seeking to refine her presence and make an impact on her marriage. This begins with the time you spend with your current or potential husband before you get married. I must admit, today’s dating scene has changed significantly from when I was young. Back in the day, women and men met the old fashioned way, they were either set up on a date by a mutual friend or they met by chance at work, a store, church or some other social gathering. 13
My husband and I were introduced by my dear cousin. I cooked him a scrumptious meal and he hasn’t left my side since. Many of our friends who were married around the same time all met in the same manner and all remain married twenty plus years later. Nowadays, people meet very differently. From online hook-ups to speed dating, meeting one’s soul mate today takes a lot of prayer, strategic planning and an abundance of patience. Beyond the changes in how couples meet, the rules of dating have been equally fluid. Between being friends with benefits and sharing men, the traditional rules of dating has had to expand to accommodate how people come together. Courting vs. Dating The two most recognizable forms of couples spending time together before marriage are dating and courting. When listening to women, both young and old, I shutter at the stories they tell about their dating lives. From abusive men to men on the down low, women are beginning to grow a bit disillusioned with the whole dating scene. Many women meander in and out of relationships and roam on dates filled with movies, empty promises, and steamy hot nights. This well traveled road, in the end, leads to nowhere but broken relationships. This road is not conducive to your Christian walk because once you come into the knowledge of God... 14
Chapter 8: Disagreement Etiquette
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Be Angry but do not Sin Disagreement Etiquette In this chapter… Etiquette Tip #1: Don’t bring up things from the past Etiquette Tip #2: Don't keep the argument going Etiquette Tip #3: Don’t call your husband out of his name Etiquette Tip #4: Don't belittle your husband’s provision for the family Etiquette Tip #5: Don’t get physical with your husband Etiquette Tip #6: Do endeavor to communicate more effectively Etiquette Tip #7: Don’t bring up divorce or separation during a disagreement
CHAPTER 8
Be Angry but do not Sin Disagreement Etiquette Ephesians 5:29a “For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church,” You're not his mother...so you can't whip him You're not his sister...so you can't punch him You're not his enemy...so you can't kill him
Let me begin by saying that this chapter is not about learning to throw the proverbial knock out punch at your husband either figuratively or literally during an argument. I'd like to say that there is a magic word or phrase which would make him straighten up and fly right. I also believe that most women would agree, but in reality we just have to face the fact when it comes to hocus pocus in this area… it doesn’t exist. 15
Chapter 8: Disagreement Etiquette The truth is, you and your husband won't always agree. However, just because you don't agree, that doesn’t give either of you license to be disrespectful to one another during a misunderstanding, Colossians 3:8 –“But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.” It's important for you to know this because during a disagreement, you have to remember who you are talking to. You may be saying, "Please, you don't know my husband and the awful things he says and does.” This above statement is in fact true because no, I don't know him. I do know my Bible tells me to submit, and in my obedience, He will make my enemies at peace with me, Proverbs 16:7 – “When a man’s ways are pleasing to the LORD, he makes even his enemies live at peace with him.” If you obey, it doesn't matter what kind of man he is, all that matters is your willingness to please God. I know there will be times you may see red concerning your husband because of how angry he may have caused you to be; but don't let your anger cause you to commit sin, Ephesians 4:26 – “In your anger, do not sin. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.” NIV A Word about Submission Many women cringe at the thought of submitting to their husbands. In fact, most women don't even...
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RELEASE DATE MARCH 20, 2013
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