Visiting Expectations

VISITING EXPECTATIONS FROM THE WOMEN WHO LIVE(D) IT.

“It takes a wise person to learn from their experiences But it takes a wiser person to learn from the experiences of others”

Testimonial I By Nancy Faraj

In 2010, my husband was sentenced to serve 3 years in a federal prison for food stamp fraud. I was heartbroken, however I never showed the guards that- even though- any chance they got, they tried to break me and put lies in my ear. On my first visit, one of the male guards that was checking me in asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. I responded- “I’m 100% positive!”. He laughed and said I’m just being used for visits and money on his books, I responded and said- ok that’s fine, can I go into the visit I’m being used for? You should never argue or lose your cool with the guards- that is what they want. They want to break you. During my second visit, the same dumb ass guard was checking me in and he laughed in my face and said u again? I am like of course! U will be seeing every visiting day! The guard responded and said, “No not true, he has another visit last week”. I said ok, that is fine can I go into the visit I am being used for? He said of course u can but you are not the only girl on his visitation list, I am trying to help u out so u do not waste your time. I said that is so nice of you, but am I free to walk in now and I walked in my visit. This guard was so lucky I love my man, lord knows I would dropped kicked him. They will say just about anything to mess with u and make you not trust your man so u can leave him and your man can be in there alone stressing. The guards love to see them stressing but as a prison wife, we cannot let that happen. Never trust or believe anything they say, walk in with your head up always have a big smile. Always have a change of clothes for you and the kids, they can get dirty at times and make u change life. As a prison wife, all around is hard if u have to deal with hatin ass guards it is hard, but u stay strong they cannot keep them forever.

29 In 2013 my brothers got convinced of CCI running a marijuana drug ring and conspiracy 1 brother the youngest got 24 years the oldest brother got charged with conspiracy he got 5 years and me I’m back to dealing with them asshole guards. Being a prison wife and visiting your husband, u are treated a different way then visiting a family member. You are treated like ur that family member behind bars- they think ur trying to bring stuff in that’s not supposed to be in there, they look at u funny and their attitude is on 200 and u can’t do nothing about it but say no sir yes sir thank u sir or ur visit will be canceled. They mess

Nancy Faraj & Husband

with you even harder cuz it will mess with your loved one behind bars. My brothers were shipped to different states, I have visited different prisons and all the guards are the same. If you having a bad day and you still going to visiting keep in mind you’re about to face a jerk and you need to keep ur cool.

Testimonial II By Jessica Woody

My name is Jessica Woody. I have been visiting my husband for the last year in five different facilities in the New York area. These tips are from my personal experiences visiting upstate. I hope they can better assist anyone who is looking for information when visiting.

1. Bring (unexpired) photo I.D

2. If bringing a child you will need their birth certificate

3. Have on hand the person you are visiting DIN #

4. Make sure you call the jail first to find out visiting schedule for your loved one

5. Bring small bills for vending machines $1, 5, 10 as well as coins

6. Dress loose, try not to wear tight shirts especially if you have a big chest. Always wear pants or jeans with pockets. Nothing see through!

9. Bring a blanket and pillow, in the winter especially

10. If wearing a dress has to be to the knee or longer

11. When you first walk in visiting house you have to fill out a visitor slip, package slip and an envelope if you are leaving money. Usually $50 is the max you can leave them

12. You get one kiss/hug in the beginning of the visit and one at the end. Nothing in between unless you sneak at your own risk

13. Bring toothbrush/paste if you’re traveling on the bus just so your breathe can smell fresh

14. You’re allowed to bring a clear/ see through baggie or clutch to hold your $ and coins for the vending machines

Jessica Woody

16. (Every jail is different) for clothing, no logos allowed on the shirts, socks, underwear, and pants

17. Make sure your food items are plastic sealed

18. For certain foods and soaps can’t contain any alcohol in it. Make sure to read ingredients.

Testimonial III By Kiyanna Donohue-Sancho

1. Transportation: Not every van service goes to your facility. Be on time, if they will be doing door to door. Be at the meet area on time, if being picked up from there. They WILL leave you if you are not on time. The driver will give you fare and time information when you make reservations. He will also tell you when to leave from the visit to ensure you are picked up after your visit.

2. Visiting hours are usually 8:30-2:30. Certain facilities go by odd/even din # on holidays & weekends. Be sure to ask before you make a trip upstate.

3. Bring your ID, child birth certificate or notarized letter from parent if child is under 18.

4.They take a photo of you and you must go through a metal detector every time you visit an inmate. If you wear under

5. Bring quarters for lockers to put purse or cellphone in.

6. Bring singles! I always bring at least $40-$50 dollars. Most facilities allow you to bring it in a pouch (3x5) and one credit/ debit card.

7.No see through, lace or tight clothing. Some facilities don’t allow leggings unless you have a long shirt or cardigan to cover your bottom. If you are unsure bring extra outfit.

8.No slides or flip flops. Only shoes that have a strap in the back.

9. Don’t become too friendly with the c/o’s they are NOT your friend.

10. Visiting floor: you can hug & kiss before & after. Holding hands is ok. You can’t cross visit with another table. No straddling your mate or fondling. Up to 4 visitors on visit depending on facility. You will purchase food then. When it’s warmer outside you are able to visit outside. Most facilities have a kids play area/room.

11. Packages: You can drop off up to $50 (check/Money/Money order) in money envelope before visit. soon all facilities will only accept food packages from vendors. Until then, you may drop off packages 20/35 lbs. depending on the facility. Cosmetics do not count as part of the package. Sneakers: no pockets/bubbles on shoes. Deodorant: no alcohol in it. Clothing: he will tell you what colors he can have.

12. FRP (trailer visit): Depending on the facility, you will have to be at the site either 9:00am or 11:30am. Visiting is over the 3rd day at 8:30am. They will be changing this process soon too, to 3 bag minimum. No glass, margarine/butter must be sticks. Ice cream: must have the plastic wrap around container. No frosting. No aluminum foil, or plastic utensils. You can bring paper plates, cups, 3 aluminum pans. You can also bring towel, washcloth or blanket from home but is not necessary due to the fact everything is provided for you in the trailer. If you take medication, must be surrendered to c/o when you arrive so he can document it. Bring a few quart ziplock bags In case you have to remove an item from its container. C/o will search your personal items and food bags before you are allowed to bring in trailer.

31 13. Festivals: Here’s where it gets a little fun... You can wear almost anything just not too revealing. This is a family event. You are able to talk with other couples and families. No Money is needed on these days because All food drinks and snacks are prepaid by the inmate. Make sure you have your id. Same process as regular visiting but more laid back. There’s music, games or sports for families to play. There are adult activities that happen on these days also, so don’t be surprised! This is your forewarning. I don’t bring my child to festivals because I don’t feel it’s appropriate unless you are far away from this activity. Small children ok but preteens and young adults no. This day is meant for enjoyment and being closer to your mate. Take advantage of it! 14. Follow @freeourlovedones on Instagram. This is an informative page for NY prison wives. She posts van services, pen pal info, package vendors & follower questions.

Kiyanna Donohue-Sancho & T. Sancho

Testimonial IV By Miss Urban Life News

Below are the key items that a loved one must know or have in order to visit an inmate:

1. Get a visiting schedule. All facilities have a set schedule that goes by type of days, last names and/or alternating schedules.

2. Find out if must fill out a form to be pre-authorized visitors. Many state and federal prisons require this. They may do a background check so please keep this in mind.

3. Valid ID- Must not be expired and must be from a government institution.

4. If bringing children, then the original birth certificate of the child(ren)

5. Please double check with the facility you are visiting the max amount of people that can go on a visit at a time including children. Unfortunately, there are limitations.

6. Find out the type and color of clothing that is allowed in a facility. You will not be allowed to wear the same colors of the inmates. Also tights, leggings, see through and/or proactive clothing is not allowed. You will be turned away.

8. Always keep a change of clothing in case you are not allowed in with what you wearing.

9. Most facilities have lockers, some cost and some do not. Always keep change handy.

10. Since you are more than likely traveling to see an inmate it is best to leave all valuables at home as the prison is not responsible for any items lost, stolen or misplaced.

11. Purchase a plastic, transparent purse for visits. Most times the machines are broken and only accept coins so please keep that in mind.

12. Mind your business. You are there to see your loved one. Do not get caught up in prison drama because after you leave, your loved one is still there and will have to deal with the possible consequences of the drama. News travel FAST!

13. No paraphernalia. There may be dogs who will check prior to a visit. Keep this in mind for days prior to a visit.

14. No contraband. Once you are caught, you will be charged and no longer be able to visit.

15. Please check your status, if you have a warrant, parole violation or pending charges prior to visiting an inmate or you will be joining them.

16. You may meet people and find solace with those who are going through the same struggles, be mindful of who you befriend.

17. No sexual favors during visits. Hugging and kissing are usually okay in moderation, however once you caught doing anything further, and your visits will be taken away for extended periods or revoked completely. Your inmate may also be punished or sent to the box.

18. Have patience. This process is long and you are an extension of an inmate and unfortunately it reflects during the visiting process.

19. Expect the unexpected. Rules change every day, it can be a different shift, a new CO or different people get away with certain things. The only thing you can do is understand you are at the expense of the prison system and your goal is to see your loved one.

20. No bobby pins in hair, hair clips or body piercing. You will be asked to remove them.

Mr. & Mrs. Urban Life News