A Punctured Region Like Vance Joy, Jas Saunders is also scared of dentists, the dark, pretty girls and starting conversations.
“Ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, I welcome you to tonight’s Cycling for Contributions 2072 – and I have a real show lined up for you tonight!” The hearty echo boomed through the room as the audience roared and cheered. The presenter bounded upon the stage like a leash-less puppy, buzzed on the adrenaline that I wished I had. I watched him flash his pearly whites to the audience, so close to the edge of the platform that I thought he would fall right off. He didn’t. He was a professional, entertaining them, prancing about in bright blue, platformed boots. “As always, I’m your host, Kallix Hesper and these,” the presenter roared, pointing to me and the other participants behind him, “are your kind-hearted, charitable Samaritans for our 38th anniversary of this event!” I gulped, thankful that my clip-on microphone didn’t project it to the entire room. My heart was in my mouth. Not a single seat was empty - I couldn’t let the audience down. I felt boxed in by the royal purple curtains bracketing the stage, like a small child performing for a school assembly. 44
My eyes floated around the room - they stopped on Meredith. She flashed me her best attempt at a reassuring smile. We hadn’t been dating long, but after eight years of friendship, she knew most of my mannerisms and anxious tics inside out. It wasn’t my idea to participate in this event. Perhaps if I had anything to blame, it would be her loving encouragement – as much as it pained me to do so. She’d attempted to style her hair to match the eccentricity of the other crowd members, with a handful of glitter sprinkled in. I was pretty impressed with how it looked since I couldn’t style my own. In the rest of the crowd, I could see the families of the other four contestants. My heart went out to them. It was cruel that we were competing against each other, when all we wanted was to win for our families’ sake. However, I was reassured to see that they were country people too. Maybe we weren’t as ostracised as we thought; maybe the city folk actually not only needed us but respected and actually cared about us. I wasn’t nervous just because of the crowd and the cameras pointed onto me, but because of the IV drip piercing my chest. Just in case of
Coming soon to a cinema near you: The UK Strain :(
