Tim Wong

Tech Company Names: A Guide

Tim Wong

Business names are a central element of brand identity in the corporate world. Ideally, they should serve a dual purpose: to inform you about what you can expect from the business, and to be catchy enough to remain easily memorable should you ever need whatever they are selling.

I once bought a car from John Hughes Used Cars. A perfect business name if there ever was one. It tells me that I could buy a used car(s) from a bloke called John Hughes. Luckily, since John had appeared in most of the ads I watched as a child, he already had full control of my subconscious mind. A done deal.

In the tech world however, things are done a little differently. Company names aren’t really designed to tell you what they do or sell. It seems that one reason for this is that they don’t want to be tied down to anything. A company like Google has moved into so many areas and industries beyond its original search engine product that “Google Search Engines” would be a pretty misleading name for it.

Another reason is probably them wanting to seem all quirky and esoteric. Facebook sounds different and interesting. “Zuckerberg & Associates Social Media Services LLC” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

Because of this, it is not immediately obvious to work out where these names really come from. This article is here to help you out. I have compiled a list of some of the top tech companies that you probably regularly interact with, and I will tell you what their names really mean. You’re welcome.

Apple: As the official representative of the devil’s business interests in the earthly realm, Apple’s name celebrates Adam and Eve’s unfortunate fruit-related decisions. The partially-eaten apple in its logo represents both Adam’s bite, as well as the unfulfilled desires of all its customers.

Amazon: After years of negotiations with South American governments, Jeff Bezos completed his purchase of the Amazon rainforest in 1994. He proceeded to start a side hustle named in honour of the agreement, which has done relatively well since then. Plans are underway to fully clear the forest for a new company headquarters in time for Bezos’ $1 trillion net worth celebrations.

Blackboard: In 1997 a disillusioned and underpaid physics professor in Reston, Virginia stole a blackboard from a classroom and took it to a local witch doctor. Together they created a curse that banished blackboards forever, replacing them with a learning management system that tortures students around the world on a daily basis.

Google: The name is derived from the number Googol, or the number one followed by a hundred zeroes. This is the number of products and services the company expects to offer in time for its Thirtieth Anniversary in 2028. As this is significantly more than the number of potential customers on earth, Google has plans to tap into unexplored markets across the galaxy over the coming few years.

Netflix: Founder Reed Hastings had a prior business which allowed users to upload videos of themselves flicking chewing gum at strangers to the internet. This company failed after his primary investor Blockbuster pulled out. He founded a new company with a mission to destroy them, but didn’t bother changing the name.

Tiktok: The app’s name is in honour of its revolutionary algorithm designed in a secret lab in Beijing, which steals seconds, minutes, and hours from the users’ watches as they endlessly scroll for just one more video.

Uber: A clandestine movement founded in Argentina to protest the removal of the phrase “Deutschland über alles” from the German national anthem following the Second World War. Further plans to be unveiled after defeating all competitors.

Zoom: The name comes from the children’s book Zoom City by Thacher Hurd, which depicts toddlers driving a car, making a ruckus around the neighbourhood, and getting into a car crash…this one is true.