UWeekly November 9, 2011

WIN$25

EvERY WEEk deTails p24

tHe iNDePeNDeNt Voice oF Ut aUstiN

photo: brit pendleton

NoV 9, 2011

WWW.UWeeKlyaUstiN.coM

Vol. 3 issUe 12

noVembeR 9, 2011

005

good deeds:

016

how much fun

018

headlines:

020

Versus:

027

uWeekly sits down

Race for the cure

was Fun Fun Fun fest

This weeks top stories

your social life Vs. World of Warcraft

with new bomb Turks photo: brit pendleton

photo: brit pendleton

iF JeNNie loeV aND aaroN stroUt get their way, Austin is about to start looking like the site of the biggest Tom Selleck look-alike contest ever. Strout and Loev are heading up Movember Austin, a team that is dedicated to promoting awareness of men’s health issues.

“In Australia a mustache is called a ‘mo,’” said Loev. “That’s where the name came from. The whole concept behind Movember is that men grow mustaches in order to raise money and awareness of men’s health issues.”

Last year was Loev’s first year to be involved with the Movember movement and the Austin team raised $137,000.

Loev hopes that with increased organization and growing awareness of the Mo phenomenon, the group can raise even more this year. Loev said Movember Austin’s four signature events are aimed not only at raising money and awareness, but also at fostering community.

Movember kicked off on Tuesday with a Shave-Off at Wahoo’s at 6th and Rio Grande Streets. Those participating in the month-long

follicle fest received free shaves while other attendees enjoyed drink specials and free appetizers from Wahoo’s. The group is hosting a Mo-Tie Affair cocktail party and silent auction at the Livestrong headquarters on east 6th tonight, Nov. 2. On Nov. 12, downtown Austin will be flooded with mustachioed techies

because they are unable to grow a Mo. By attending the events and offering support to the Mo Bros in their lives, women can support the cause without worrying about razor burn or buying mustache wax. For the ladies who are insistent on sporting a Mo, special Movember necklaces will be available at all the events.

“i thiNk it’s really iMportaNt that We also Make sure that We’re prioritiZiNg the MeN iN our lives.” participating in Scandemonium, a scavenger hunt that utilizes QR codes and smart phones.

The month will wrap up with the Million Mo March on Nov. 29 around the state capital.

“I think that as men and women, we all do a really amazing job talking about breast cancer and women’s health issues, and I think it’s really important that we also make sure that we’re prioritizing the men in our lives,” said Loev.

Loev hopes women will not feel left out

“Wearing my necklace and my t-shirt is my big way of showing it because I’m not going to grow a moustache,” said Loev. “That’s undesirable for all.”

Jeremy Maurer works at the Austin-based marketing firm Bazaarvoice and took part in his first Movember last year. He compares his mustache to “pretty close to what Justin Bieber could grow,” but his minimal Mo still achieved its purpose. Maurer used the Mo

as a conversation starter and was able to engage coworkers and strangers alike in conversations about the cancers that are most common in men.

In all, the 80-member Bazaarvoice team raised $25,000 for organizations like the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Livestrong.

That was enough money to make Bazaarvoice the 21st place team in the country.

“A big reason behind our success was our CEO, Brett Hurt,” Maurer said. “He participated from the get-go. I think he gave, like, 12 speeches and keynote addresses to investors and private equity firms while he had the ’stache.”

Hurt ended up raising $14,000 for Movember and its men’s health partners. He was the 8th place individual fundraiser.

“They’re not pressuring to bring in as much money as you can,” Maurer said. “They just want more people to talk about it and raise awareness so people can be checked and find things before they’re issues.

bReTT ThoRne

Thursdays for more details visit

UWeeklyAustin.com

lACiNG up FOr the cure

sNeakers hit the streets this NoveMBer 13 accorDiNg to tHe aMericaN caNcer Society, in 2011 alone there have been over 230,480 new cases of women who have been diagnosed with invasive breast cancer. In addition, over 57,000 women were diagnosed with noninvasive breast cancer, and almost 40,000 women died in 2011 from the disease. With numbers that high, it’s hard to imagine anyone who hasn’t been affected by breast cancer.

“One in eight women will be diagnosed with breast cancer in her lifetime,” said Anna Jones, an events and communication intern for the Austin Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure, who is also a senior at UT studying public relations.

An effort that is one year in the making, planning for the 2011 Race for the Cure began as soon as the last one ended in 2010. With an expected turnout of 20,000, many people are anticipating the event with excitement.

PuTTING THEIr MONEY WHErE THEIr MOuTH IS What makes the Austin Affiliate of Susan G. Komen for the Cure different from its national parent organization, the Susan G. Komen Foundation, is that this is a purely local organization. 75% of proceeds from the upcoming race will go right back into fighting breast cancer in central Texas, while the other 25% will go into national research.

The fact of the matter is that it takes an extraordinary amount of money to successfully treat even one case of invasive breast cancer, let alone try to find a cure for it all together.

While treatment costs vary depending on the severity of the kind of treatment necessary for each individual patient, the costs of testing, surgery and treatments such as radiation and chemotherapy can run well into the tens of thousands of dollars.

For years, women who don’t have health insurance or who would not otherwise be able to afford being treated for breast cancer have turned to the Komen Foundation for help. Many other smaller organizations also depend on grants and funding from the Susan G. Komen foundation to support not only their research efforts but to also fund the actual cost of treating breast cancer patients.

“Women that are under- or uninsured, or those that just wouldn’t be able to afford it,” are

the beneficiaries of the services funded by the Susan G. Komen Foundation, said Jones.

The Komen Foundation pays for transportation to and from doctor’s appointments, surgery and other treatments. But the money that the Komen Foundation doles out to grantees comes from donors and funds raised from events like Race for the Cure.

“The race is our biggest fundraiser,” said Jones, and some of the organization’s biggest funders are also people who benefit from grant money, such as the Seton Family of Hospitals and UT-Austin.

NON-DISPOSABLE INCOME Not even nationally recognized organizations as big as the Susan G. Komen Foundation have been exempt from the effects of the current economic recession. As Jones reports, funding this year has been hit hard.

“When you are struggling to pay your bills, it’s definitely one place where people might not be able to give back,” said Jones when discussing the fundraising goals.

“oNe oNe iN eight WoMeN Will Be diagNosed With Breast caNcer iN her liFetiMe.” This year’s fundraising goal is 1.5 million, up from 1.1 million in 2010. To date, the organization has only raised $371,795.78.

But people like Jones have hope that they will not only meet, but surpass their fundraising goals in the time remaining. According to their website, if every participant raises only $125, then the total raised will exceed the $1.5 million goal.

“The race is back downtown,” said Jones, which is easier to get to from last year’s event that was held further north at the Domain. With

such a centrally located event, the race is expected to draw a lot more attention than it did last year.

ON YOur MArK With less than a week left to go, there’s still plenty of time to register and participate in the event. Simply go to komenaustin.org/komen race-for-the-cure/race-information/ to register for the event. Registration fees range from $30-55, depending on how much you want to get involved.

“The $30 is just to cover the cost of putting on the race,” said Jones. What people might not understand is the importance of individual fundraising in addition to registering for the race. People are encouraged to put together teams and pool their fundraising abilities to help raise money together. With a team of people behind you, it might be easier to ask your friends and neighbors to pitch in money to help fight breast cancer.

If you don’t feel like participating in the actual race, you can still get involved. You can register and pay the fee, send a donation, raise money remotely or simply visit the online store

and purchase some merchandise.

One thousand dollars of this 5k race will be dedicated to the Komen Family Walk in which children and their parents are encouraged to walk together. There will also be parking and pick-up locations in north and south Austin available.

amanda chappel

THE SCHEDuLE 6:00:

Registration tent opens

6:30:

Survivor tent opens

7:00 & 9:00: Survivor group photos 7:30: Timed runners, wheelchair and handcycle participants start 7:45:

Opening ceremonies

8:00-10:00: untimed participants can begin at any time during this two hour period.

10:00: START LINE CLOSES TO ALL PARTICIPANTS UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

5

The Tribune monthly membership newsletter: your guide to what’s going on at the Tribune, including advance notice of upcoming events.

- Member discount for ticketed events produced by the Tribune - A Tribune bumper magnet to proudly display on your car - Your name as a Tribune member on our website - Invitations to Tribune happy hours

10

STUDENT MEMBERSHIP

$

A YEAR

TEXASTRIBUNE.ORG November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

Federal Judges Will Draw New political Maps for Texas Next year’s congressional and legislative elections in Texas will probably be conducted using political maps drawn by federal judges instead of those drawn by lawmakers.

A federal court on Tuesday declined the state’s request for a fast ruling, saying the state “used an improper standard or methodology” to figure out which districts gave minority voters an opportunity to elect their candidates of choice.

The ruling affects new redistricting maps for the 36 seats in Texas’ congressional delegation, the 31 seats in the Texas Senate and the 150 seats in the Texas House.

That three-judge panel in Washington, D.C., will hold a trial on the maps to determine whether the state maintained the proper protections for minority voters. Because that will take some time, it probably means the March primaries will be conducted using maps drawn by a separate panel of three federal judges in San Antonio.

That Texas panel has already held hearings and is in the early stages of map-making. It already adjusted the filing deadlines, saying candidates can officially sign up between Nov. 28 and Dec. 15. The maps will have to be completed before that so the candidates will know what districts they’re filing for.

The state of Texas asked the Washington court for a summary judgment declaring the maps legal under the federal Voting Rights Act, but the court turned down that request.

“Having carefully considered the entire record and the parties’ arguments, the Court

6

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

finds and concludes that the State of Texas used an improper standard or methodology to determine which districts afford minority voters the ability to elect their preferred candidates of choice and that there are material issues of fact in dispute that prevent this Court from entering declaratory judgment that the three redistricting plans meet the requirements of Section 5 of the Voting Rights Act.” The court also pointed at the short timeline: “If any one of the plans is not pre-cleared by this court at this stage in the proceedings, the district court for the Western District of Texas must designate a substitute interim plan for the 2012 election cycle by the end of November.”

Since the Washington court hasn’t precleared the state’s plans, that’s the signal to the Texas court to start drawing maps. “The plans adopted by the Legislature cannot be

used at all in the 2012 election,” said Jose Garza, an attorney for the Mexican American Legislative Caucus. He said the Legislature’s maps could still be approved later by the Washington court, but he considers that unlikely. “We are on track for the state of Texas to use a court-ordered plan.”

The ruling throws the preparations for the 2012 elections into disarray. Local election officials got their cue from the Texas court last week, with the orders on candidate filing dates. But the candidates now don’t know whether they’ve been running in the right territories or whether their political fortunes have changed along with the maps. And they won’t know until they see those new maps out of the federal judges in San Antonio.

The Washington court said an opinion on its two-page ruling will be forthcoming.

Ross Ramsey This article originally appeared in The Texas Tribune

Food For liFe HOw YOu CAN FeeD A HuNGrY CHilD bY FeeDiNG YOurselF HUNgry? Grab a Two Degrees Food bar from Austin Community College campus bookstores and students will be doing more than just satisfying their hunger.

By purchasing a Two Degrees Food bar, students will be helping to feed malnourished children in Africa and Haiti.

Drawing inspiration from Tom’s Shoes, Two Degrees Food Co-Founder and President Will Hauser, a recent Harvard graduate, explains that the company utilizes a one-to-one business model.

“What that means is that for every bar that we sell here in the U.S., we give away a nutrition pack in Africa and now in Haiti as well,” said Hauser.

Two Degrees Food have given away over 70 thousand nutrition packs to date to kids in Malawi, Kenya, Somalia and Haiti, and have committed to another 100 thousand that they will be donating in the next couple of months, according to Hauser.

“The results of the stories that come from

these donations are really incredible,” said Hauser. “Its kids, who are on the verge of death, are put through treatments of these nutrition packs and come out on the other side being happy and healthy so its really an incredible story.”

Nutrition packs that are sent to malnourished children contain peanut-based bars that are high in protein and fatty acid, according to the company website.

As for the bars themselves, they are vegan, low-sodium and gluten-free which come in three flavors: cherry almond, chocolate peanut and apple pecan.

“We’ve got a new flavor coming out in a couple of weeks,” said Hauser. “Its chocolate banana. It has no nuts so its a particularly good fit for elementary schools and kids who have allergies.”

According to Hauser, the company plans to expand beyond just bars.

“We’re a food company and we really started this with the vision as a food company and not just a bar company,” said Hauser. “We have other products in the works and no matter what we do, no matter what product we launch, we’ll stay true to that one-to-one model. For anything we sell we give a meal to a hungry child.”

Currently, Two Degrees Food bars are sold in every Whole Foods in the country, on about 200 college campuses, and at large corporations like Microsoft, HP and AOL, according to Hauser. In addition, the bars are sold at smaller retailers like coffee shops, gyms and museums.

In addition to being sold on college campuses, the company has begun hiring students as campus directors to help market and sell their bars. “[The campus director program] is a pretty entrepreneurial activity where students are challenged to sell and market Two Degree bars on their campus and to spread the mission,” said Hauser.

Students wishing to inquire about the program can visit the company’s website at twodegreefoods. com/college.

One of the reasons why Two Degrees Food is on college campuses in particular is because they believe college students have shown a large interest in helping different causes.

“Something that we’ve seen is an abundance of good intentions on college campuses, and its not exclusive to college campuses, but i think its particularly pertinent,” said Hauser.

“But there is a gap that we’ve also seen between good intentions and good actions that while people want to do good there are barriers to that in a number of forms.”

Two Degrees Food serves as a way to bridge that gap, according to Hauser.

“Its a very easy, simple and tangible way for a college student and anyone else to really get involved in a really important cause if there is a way to do it without changing a daily behavior,” said Hauser. “College students every day are going to buy some snack, and if he or she buys a Two Degrees bar it has an enormous impact on a hungry child.”

“its kiDs ... COMe Out ON tHe OtHer siDe beiNG HAppY AND HeAltHY.” - will HAuser, CO-FOuNDer AND presiDeNt OF twO DeGrees FOOD.

KaRissa RodRiguez UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

7

dayplaNNer

amanda chappel

Publisher Michael Huereque

eVenTs on oR aRound campus “BUDDHA MOUNTAIN”

OH, THE DRAMA OF THEATRE AND DANCE

November 9 Take a journey back into a mystical time when the Buddha walked the earth. In this film, three youths in the land of China wander aimlessly in territories devastated by earthquakes. Come see what they find.

Jones Communication Center B (CMB), 7:30-9:30 PM

November 11 Lovers and their sexcapades mingle and intertwine in this oncecontroversial play. I’m sure today it will seem like child’s play to all you filthy sluts out there.

Winship Drama Building (WIN), 8-10 PM $17-20

RUSSIAN BRIDES

Q & A WITH ACCOMPLISHED ARTIST

November 9 “Piter FM” is a cinematic tale of two Russians who meet by happenstance and end up exploring their existential existence together. If you’re interested in the brutality of Russian life coupled with a blissful cosmic insight, this one’s for you.

Painter Hall (PAI) 4.42, 7:00-9:00 PM

November 14 Little-known yet accomplished artist Erin Curtis is gracing us with her presence for one night only. After presenting her work, she will take questions from all you curious little beavers out there. Remember, raise your hand.

Art Building (ART) 1.110, 6:30-8:30

PERFORMANCE gALORE November 11 Rodgers and Hammerstein’s classic “South Pacific” has made its way all the way from WWII to present day. If you don’t already know, it’s a musical about romance. Ingenious.

Bass Concert Hall, 8-10 PM $25-64

the schedule

your guide to all thiNgs BurNt oraNge.

W Track

W volleyball

NCAA South Central Region Championships, Waco, Texas, TBA

FrIDAY, NOV 11 W Basketball Stanford, Austin, Texas, 7:00 PM

M Track

NCAA South Central Region Championships, Waco, Texas, TBA

M Swim & Dive SMU, Dallas, Texas, TBA

SATurDAY, NOV 12 Football Missouri, Columbia, Mo., 11:00 AM

W Soccer

8

SuNDAY, NOV 13 M Basketball Boston University, Austin, Texas, 6:00 PM

NCAA First Round, TBA, TBA

MONDAY, NOV 14

W volleyball

W Basketball

Kansas State, Austin, Texas, 4:00 PM

Southeastern Louisiana, Austin, Texas, 8:00 PM

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

Art Director Jessica Caraway Ad Designer Terry Kennedy Editor–in–Chief Sarah Neve Copy Editor Daniel J. Frimpter Campus Writers John Jarzemsky Amanda Chappel Luke Winkie Sports Writers Ryan Betori Brian Bogart

WEDNESDAY, NOV 9 Texas Tech, Lubbock, Texas, 6:30 PM

Account Executives David Avalos

TuESDAY, NOV 15

Entertainment Writers William M. Bass Devon Tincknell Sarah Vasquez Karissa Rodriguez Brett Thorne Elijah Watson Circulation Jeremey Tooker

M Basketball Rhode Island, Austin, Texas, 3:00 PM

bRian bogaRT

Intern Arryn Zech CONTACT uweeklyaustin.com editor@uweeklyaustin.com PuBLISHEr Highbrow LLC ABOuT UWeekly Austin

UWeekly Austin is an independent publication and is not affiliated with the University of Texas at Austin. One free copy per person.

Additional copies may be picked up at our office for .50 each. Opinions expressed are those of the writers/authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the staff or publishers of UWeekly. Not liable for omissions, misprints, or typographical errors. No part of this publication may be reproduced without the written consent of the publisher. © Copyright 2011 Highbrow, LLC

Opinion

That’s what she said.

Photos and Interviews by Brian Bogart

If you could spend the day with one person in history, past or present, who would it be?

Air It Out

Dear classmate who thinks the classroom is her living room, Please stop bragging about how awesome you are with your feet propped up on another chair. We’re here to learn and our photography professor is not your best friend no matter how much you try to show off how cool you think you are in class. Quit whining about how someone in our class stopped following you on Tumblr or unfriended you on Facebook because it doesn’t matter. Threatening them with retaliation is just plain stupid. Stop bragging about how awesome of a photographer you are and showing off your “expertise” because your 20 years old and you’ve only just begun shooting pictures so you are far from awesome. To be blunt, your pictures suck. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you and neither does our class so please just shut up and try to learn something instead of trying to one-up everyone else.

“Probably Sigmund Freud because he was a great scientist that came up with many great theories that we still use today and I think it would be funny to meet him since he thought everything stood for a penis.” — Caitlin Weise

“Maybe Thomas Jefferson. My government class is going to my head and I’d like to see what the framers were thinking when they wrote the original Constitution” — Jordan Cannnon

Sincerely, Here to learn How to get us to actually print what you write.

1. Everything Anonymous – Not only are we giving you an opportunity to publicly air your grievances, we’re allowing you to hide behind the cowardly mask of anonymity to do it. So we don’t want your name. But we’re also extending that same courtesy to whomever you’re complaining about. If a wasted girl spilled food on you at Kerbey Lane, then call her “a girl.” We don’t need her name, date of birth, or UTEID. 2. Be Brief – Sorry would–be Unabombers, we’re not going to publish your entire manifesto. Short and not–so–sweet is key. If you can’t say what you need in less than 250 words, than you’re rambling, not ranting.

3. Stay Specific – There’s a lot to be annoyed about on campus. We know. But please pick one issue, not seven, and avoid digressing. An open letter to whoever keeps shaving their pubes in the communal sink is good; a list of things you don’t

like about living in the dorms is less so.

4. Powerful Language – At UWeekly, we write our own rules. We’re down to say a naughty word now and again. But there is a huge difference between the rare, well–placed profanity and a barely literate Youtube comment. Your critiques should be at least a little bit more cutting than “blah blah blah is a *@#&!!!”

5. To Whom It May Concern – Air It Out is publishing your open letters, so don’t forget to address them as such. Did some douche lose his lunch the last time you rode the E–Bus? Then open with “Dear Dude Who Barfed on the Bus.” And just because we’re not giving out your name doesn’t mean you can’t let him know who it’s from. Just sign it, “Sincerely, Everyone Else on the Bus.” Please send all Air It Out submissions to AirItOut@uweeklyaustin.com

“Ummmm let’s see. Probably Bob Fosse. I just want to see his crazy genius.” — Kelsey Smith

“Jesus!” — Traci Hausmann

“Amelia Earhart, because she knew exactly what she wanted in life.” — Danielle Sutton UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

9

Blue skies For everyoNe

ruNNiNg Backs Will lead texas over Missouri aNd Back to coNteNtioN For tHe texas Football PrograM, the romping of Kansas was like the sun shining after a long, ugly winter. But the first sight of sun can be misleading, and one nice day doesn’t mean that the cold days have gone for good. Likewise, fans wondered if Texas’ beat down of the Jayhawks was the result of the team’s new-found prowess or a simple byproduct of Kansas’ position as one of the worst teams in college football. But last Saturday, when the weather was as beautiful as it’s been all year, Texas proved to everybody that the sun is here to stay. With its dismantlement of Texas Tech, the Longhorns demonstrated that in terms of football, a new season has dawned, and warm days are on the horizon.

Now, all that was a bit flowery, but it bears truth. For two games in a row, Texas has looked great. Granted, most teams look great against

Kansas. And although some very bad teams like Iowa State and Kansas have looked good against Tech, some very prominent ones, like A&M, Kansas State, and Oklahoma, have not. In fact, Tech’s performance this season has been so confounding that one would have a better chance of improving Einstein’s theory of relativity than one would figuring out where Texas stands as a result of the game (like, we killed Tech, and Tech beat OU, but, like, we got killed by OU, but then Iowa State killed Tech, and, like, we killed Iowa State and like, like, like...I give up).

So instead, let’s keep it simple: Texas looked as good as it could possibly look two weeks in a row. And next, Texas has Missouri, a team that is better (or at least more consistent) than Tech, but still very beatable. If we give Missouri the smack down we’ve given Tech and Kansas, consider it a

Furnished Apartments Available Individual Leases

e app

r FREE iPhon

Download ou

pus.com

QuartersOnCam

512.610

.7613

Follow us on Twitter

Like us on Fac

ebook

clear indication that Texas has improved by leaps and bounds and is a legitimate top-15 team. But in the mean time, all we have is speculation. So please allow me to speculate how things will shape up against Missouri come Saturday.

The source of Texas’ new-found success involves the moving of legs and the handing of pigskins. I’m talking about the rushing game.

And my goodness has it come on strong. At the beginning of the season, Texas was still set on airing the ball out.

Even once Gilbert retired his burnt orange, the quarterback was still the de facto catalyst for the offense, and that meant David Ash, or for a brief time Case McCoy, was running or throwing on every play. But the tables have totally turned. The quarterback has now become a supplement to the rushing game. And it couldn’t be a better fit.

The stats speak for themselves. Although he sat out the Tech game because of turf toe, Malcolm Brown has rushed for 254 yards and 4 TDs in the last two games he’s played in. In his last two games, Fozzy Whittaker, no slouch himself, has rushed for 151 yards and 2 TDs. But, what’s most surprising, and most crucial, is the emergence of an overlooked freshman by the name of Joe

Bergeron. All the hype has surrounded Brown, and it’s deserved, but to say Bergeron has made a name for himself in the last two games is an understatement. He’s gone for a silly 327 yards and 5 TDs in those outings. At this rate, he’ll have his own statue by the end of the season. Texas is one of the only teams in the country to have three legitimate big game backs. Against Missouri, ranked 50th in the country in defense, this threeheaded monster will gorge itself.

The beauty of a dominant run game is that it does wonders for the passing game.

In Texas’ case, it’s allowing David Ash to get comfortable. Against Kansas he threw 18 passes and against Tech he only threw 7. This is a far cry from the 40 he attempted against OSU. And it’s appropriate. As a freshman, Ash shouldn’t be called upon to carry the team. Not only would this result in losses, but it would also result in the destruction of confidence in a quarterback who may one day become a stud. Ash’s most solid games have been the last two, when he’s been the second option and made some impressive throws.

Granted, Ash will have to throw more than 7 times against better teams, but he’s now been given time to grow into that role. Ash, like the running backs, should have another solid day against Missouri. As a result, our offense is going to overpower the Tigers.

The only way Missouri is going to beat us will be on offense, specifically its run game, which is ranked 12th in the country. The leader of this rushing attack is a manchild of a sophomore named Henry Josey.

Josey is arguably the best back in the Big 12, were he leads all rushers with 127 ypg (ranked fourth in the nation). The Longhorn defense has stepped up in the last two campaigns, but it has not been tested against a good running back since OSU ran all up and down DKR Stadium. Josey will provide a huge test for the Texas defense, but with the momentum of its recent success, expect the defense to pass that test. Even if it doesn’t, one player is not going to beat these revamped Longhorns. Hook Em. Final Score: Longhorns win 34-14.

With its disMaNtleMeNt oF texas tech, the loNghorNs deMoNstrated that iN terMs oF FootBall, a NeW seasoN has daWNed, aNd WarM days are oN the horiZoN.

Ryan beToRi

tHe highlight reel Don’t look now, but Tim Tebow is officially 2-1 as a starter so far this season ever since the Broncos benched Kyle Orton in favor of the Gator legend.

Sure, his wins came against the thenwinless Dolphins and a Raiders team that was breaking in a new quarterback, but there are plenty of detractors who never thought he could make it above .500 as a starter. For a little while, at least, Tebow is proving them wrong.

Joe Flacco did a whole lot of growing up on Sunday night when he orchestrated one of the most masterful two-minute game-winning drives you’re likely to see in the NFL. Not only was the victory for first place in the AFC East against the Steelers of all teams, but it was a major statement for people who questioned the efficiency of the Ravens’ offense after a few sloppy performances. Torrie Smith was also vindicated when he caught the game-winning touchdown with eight

seconds left, mere moments after he failed to catch a ball in the end zone with 35 ticks on the clock.

Steve Williams, Tiger Woods’ excaddy, appears to have overstayed his welcome in the spotlight after he made comments related to his exuberant celebration after his current employer, Adam Scott, won the Bridgestone Invitational. Apparently, Williams claimed that it was his aim to “shove it right up that black asshole,” which isn’t a comment you

For a little While, at least, teBoW is proviNg theM WroNg. want to make if you want to stay on the good side of the golfing world. While the racial angle of the whole slam was totally unnecessary and uncalled for, Williams is now in a worse spot than he was in when

Tiger first dumped him. Maybe now we’re starting to see why.

If you were one of the many people who were disappointed by the so-called “Game of the Century” between LSU and Alabama last Saturday, I don’t know what you were expecting going in. SEC games are already low-scoring enough in the first place, but pit two of the best defenses in the country against one another along with two quarterbacks that are just average for the most part and you have a recipe for an overtime game with only 15 total points to show for it. I enjoyed every violent minute of it, though.

If you find yourself itching with some Raider Rash after some of our friends from Lubbock came to visit Austin for the game, just watch highlights of Texas’ 52-20 thrashing of Texas Tech. That’ll be sure to cure whatever symptoms might ail you. Well, that and Penicillin.

bRian bogaRT photo: saquan stimpson

tHe DirtY D-wOrD DeCertiFiCAtiON will DeFeAt tHe CHANCe FOr AN NbA seAsON DeVastatioN. DooMsDay. DecertiFicatioN. It’s the third word, decertification, that’s the scariest of the three. Decertification is now being dropped in NBA conversations more often than Katy Perry drops the word “firework” in her song “Firework”. Decertification.

Man, it’s an ugly word.

Say it out loud and you’ll sound like you’re speaking parseltongue.

It’s all slimy and it reeks of statutes and gavels.

The only things nastier than the word itself are the ramifications of its employment,

which would result in the NBA version of nuclear fallout. To put it clearly, if the players choose to decertify, there is a better chance of The Beatles releasing new material than there is of a 20112012 NBA season.

Furthermore, the whole process would stir up so much bad blood that there’d be bound to be some shockwaves sent through the NBA for years to come.

So what exactly is it, this decertification? Essentially, it’s a move by the players to gain leverage. Enacted by players, decertification would be a call for the

tO put it CleArlY, iF tHe plAYers CHOOse tO DeCertiFY, tHere is A better CHANCe OF tHe beAtles releAsiNG New MAteriAl tHAN tHere is OF A 2011-2012 NbA seAsON.

the sec: GettiNG swiNDleD? A ONe-lOss AlAbAMA teAM sHOulD eArN NOD OVer uNsCAtHeD bOise AND stANFOrD, AND perHAps Osu calliNg soMetHiNg “tHe gaMe oF tHe century” is a bit like naming your kid Jesus.

You’re likely just setting it up for failure. And so the battle between Alabama and LSU more closely resembled the game of the year than it did the greatest clash of the new millennial. I will probably have to develop an alias when I travel east of Texas for this, but let’s face it, the game was in some ways boring. Missed field goals, no touchdowns, penalties, and about as many big offensive plays as a flamingo has legs it stands on. The score was 6-9 for chrissakes.

But paradoxically, the ugliness of the game was what it made it beautiful. Even after the measly score, Alabama is averaging 35.7 ppg and LSU is averaging 35.9. These teams can score; the defense was just that good. And so,

12

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

in spite of the score, the game still displayed to the country the dominance of both clubs.

dissolution of the NBA players’ union. Once the players’ union has been eradicated, NBA players would then be able to sue the NBA under antitrust laws. If the players were to win the case, this could cost owners up to $6 billion in damages.

Yikes. For owners, that cost is a hell of a lot more expensive than letting players retain their current contracts.

It’d be like not buying basketball shoes to save money, only to break your ankle and rack up thousands of dollars in medical expenses.

NBA owners are smart men with even smarter lawyers and they’ve been ahead of the players throughout the entire lockout. As such, the chance of the owners forking over billions of dollars

in damages is very slim. But the threat of decertification is very real and, most importantly, it would be a strong message from the players that would force owners to tighten their belts to an unbearable level, or, more likely, relinquish some control.

The process of decertification would take several months, so if it happens, there will be no NBA season.

However, maybe the headache of this year will serve as a message for years to come: Let’s cut the bullshit and stick to shooting the ball. Right now, everybody is losing, and it will take extreme measure to turn that around by the time the 2012-2013 season rolls around.

The question is, should there be a part two for the national championship?

It’s unlikely. But it might also be unfair.

Although Boise State, Stanford, and Oklahoma State all have strong chances of remaining undefeated, none of these teams has been tested the way Alabama has. If Oklahoma State wins out, they certainly deserve the bid to the national championship. The Big 12 is not the SEC, but it is a strong conference that should earn national contention. But even this must be qualified. After all, the SEC has produced the national champion for the past five years.

But if Boise State or Stanford go unblemished, the picture is not as clear.

The only legitimate team Boise State has played is Georgia, and Stanford will have only played two ranked opponents by the time the season ends (not counting the PAC-12 Championship). Compare this with ’Bama, who will have played four ranked opponents, three of which will likely be in the Top 10. The national championship picture becomes

fuzzy when the disparity is so clear. No way should Boise State be let in over a one-loss Alabama, and depending on the way Stanford wins its upcoming game against Oregon, one could say the same about Luck and Co. All of this is just further evidence of the inadequacy of the bowl system. Although it makes for fun speculation, the format also cheats teams (and viewers) out of seeing the very best of the best.

But why not let ’Bama and Boise settle it on the field? Why not take the top eight teams, hell, the top four teams, and have a tournament? The BCS is about money, but companies could still sponsor those games.

And the best teams not invited to the tournament could still participate in bowls sponsored by companies. Don’t get me wrong, I loathe Nick Saban as much as the next non-Crimson Tide fan, but due to the greed of the BCS, he and his kids stand a very good chance at getting royally gypped this year.

Ryan beToRi

AltHOuGH bOise stAte, stANFOrD, AND OklAHOMA stAte All HAVe strONG CHANCes OF reMAiNiNG uNDeFeAteD, NONe OF tHese teAMs HAs beeN testeD tHe wAY AlAbAMA HAs.

Ryan beToRi

COlleGe FOOtbAll ArMAGeDDON ruN tO tHe NeArest sHelter, CAuse tHe stOrM’s A-brewiNG

photo: university of Texas at austin

it’s FiNally HaPPeNiNg. A year and a half in the making and conference realignment is now hitting its fever pitch. Armageddon is officially commencing in the world of college football and every FBS school in the nation is now scrambling to find the best deal possible for their respective institutions. It’s kind of fun writing this from the 40 Acres, however, seeing as how Texas is considered by many to be the scene of the crime. After all, it was Nebraska and Colorado leaving for the Big 10 and Pac 12, respectively, that left the Big 12 fighting to stay alive. It was Texas’ willingness to stay in the Big 12 in order to create the Longhorn Network that sparked A&M’s departure to the SEC after the Aggies felt like they were getting the short end of the stick.

It was A&M’s bravado in leaving the Big 12 that apparently inspired Missouri to also head to the SEC and even mere rumors of Texas potentially going to the ACC prompted Syracuse and Pittsburgh to join the conference without hesitation, putting the entire Big East in flux.

So yeah, it’s kind of a messy situation.

But anyone who’s followed college football

over the last two years could’ve told you this was coming, and now the day of reckoning is finally upon us. For those of us who know their team will be fine wherever they end up, however (read: Texas), the day of reckoning is almost fun. Kind of like how Warren Buffet or Bill Gates must have felt when the economy tanked in 2008. Sure, everyone around may

and these rapid changes are merely just a reflection of that.

Even if conference realignment means the potential severance of many long-standing college rivalry games, it’s becoming increasingly necessary for fans to embrace change as it occurs. Maybe UT and A&M will keep playing each other, maybe they won’t, but it’s going to take both parties to act like big kids if any hope remains of preserving one of college football’s longest rivalries. Alas, such are the consequences of wanting to follow the money, and in A&M’s mind, that money is apparently going to be found in the $EC. In Texas’ mind, that money is made with the Longhorn Network.

Luckily for Texas fans, we’re a highly sought

“...tHe DAY OF reCkONiNG is AlMOst FuN. kiND OF like HOw wArreN buFFet Or bill GAtes Must HAVe Felt wHeN tHe eCONOMY tANkeD iN 2008.” be panicking, but we’re mostly just eager to see how things shake out. Hey, sometimes there are advantages to having Bevo as your collegiate brand.

Now it looks like Louisville and West Virginia are poised to keep the Big 12 floating for at least a while longer, apparently waiting until 2012 to join the league. But if one thing is becoming apparent, however, it’s that conferences everywhere are starting to make less and less geographic sense. If there’s anything that college football has taught us in the last few years, however, is that this is a business first and a big business at that.

Between the NCAA finally allowing college athletes to accept $2,000 a year of spending money and the constant shifting of athletic conferences taking the nation by storm, it’s become increasingly clear that college football is moving in a certain direction

commodity. Other schools can bitch and moan that Texas is the greatest evil college football has seen since the 1980s Miami Hurricanes, but at the end of the day any school would be thrilled to have us in their conference. Which is why right now, the Big 12 is happy to have Texas in its mix because it means the conference is still alive, even if the Longhorn Network seems to be pissing off other programs to the point of leaving. The moment Texas leaves, however, everyone who works for the Big 12 commission is suddenly out of a job. Sure, the crown may fall heavy on the head of whoever’s on top, but thankfully for Texas, that head happens to have two horns protruding from it just in case anyone wants to try and take that crown away.

So what the hell happens now for college football? The fun part is, since things seem to be changing daily, no one really knows for sure, but here’s what we can at least infer: • The Big East is on life support even worse than the Big 12 was when it was losing schools.

• For some reason, second-tier football programs think its cool to pretend they belong in the SEC. • The Longhorn Network pisses a lot of people off. And we’re just fine with that.

• The Pac-12 will be waiting for Texas, Oklahoma, Oklahoma State, and Texas Tech with open arms if and when the Big 12 collapses, to compete on an even keel with the SEC. • We should all have our popcorn handy.

bRian bogaRT UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

13

”ONlY witH MACk brOwN AND ONlY At teXAs.” tHose Were tHe WorDs saiD to Me over the weekend after Texas’ dominating victory over Texas Tech. Those words were said to me by a University of Texas administrator after the Texas victory that makes the Longhorns bowl eligible one year removed from a 5-7 football campaign that rocked the foundation of the Texas football program.

When I reminded the administrator that bowl eligibility is never the goal at Texas and that the Longhorns still have four fairly even games left on the schedule, his response was, “But we’ve got a shot. And that’s more than a lot of people gave us, especially you guys in the media one year after 5-7.”

Most were amazed and surprised at how fast and far the Texas program fell in one year. One season after playing for the BCS championship, the program took a nosedive to 5-7 and being at home for Christmas. It reminded us all about how fragile things are in this life. Things are fragile whether they are football programs, companies, families, churches, etc. What Mack Brown, the program builder, built since 1997 was a story meant for television. In the eyes of some, it came crumbling down in 2010 like the poem, The Builder, that I first heard Lou Holtz speak...

the powers that be at Texas because he was not fully communicating his agenda. As one university source told me, “He was going to be ultimately responsible for the program so he wanted to do this his way and in his time.”

At some juncture, probably when the 2011 season is over, another recruiting class is signed and the coaching staff is still intact, Mack Brown will be able to relax and have his day of rest. Under the assumption that the rebuild is harder than the initial build, Mack Brown will deserve a lot of credit.

He will deserve a lot of credit for redesigning his coaching staff with new coordinators, a new defensive tackle coach, a new offensive line coach, a new wide receiver coach, a new strength and conditioning coach and even a new Director of Operations.

He will deserve a lot of credit for focusing on his team. He avoided public space and public comments in the days after the loss to Texas A&M. He handled his coaching hires with a timeline that only he knew. He closed all of spring practice as well as all of fall practice. He spent 100 percent of his time concentrating on his team.

He will deserve a lot of credit for finally doing what he wanted to do with his offense since he came to Texas. He has always talked about running the ball when they wanted to but had only been able to produce with a mobile quarterback at the helm who presented the threat to run as well.

He will, finally, deserve a lot of credit for taking care of the hardest job he had in front of him. He put passion back in the Texas football program. Passion took the place of entitlement. Passion took the place of past successes. Passion took the place complacency. As I wrote in my post game, this seemed like an old school Texas team that was playing with confident passion.

Have the Texas Longhorns restored the order?

Are the Texas Longhorns ready to be back on top of the college football world? I would not go that

He will DeserVe A lOt OF CreDit FOr FiNAllY DOiNG wHAt He wANteD tO DO witH His OFFeNse siNCe He CAMe tO teXAs.

I saw a group of men in my home town.

I saw a group of men tearing a building down.

With a heave and a ho and a mighty yell, They swung a beam and the sidewall fell.

And I said to the foreman, “Are these men skilled, The type you’d hire if you wanted to build?”

And he laughed and said, “Why, no indeed.”

He said, “Common labor’s all I need.

For I can tear down in a day or two What it took a builder ten years to do.”

The Texas football program fell in a hurry.

Seemingly every move made during the 2010 season made the problem worse. Sweeping changes came to the Texas football program and Mack Brown even ruffled some feathers of

14

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

far but brick by brick is working for them. It has not worked for everyone and that is why we are seeing the transfers taking place even before the end of the season. In some ways it seems like Mack Brown has gone Andy Dufresne and is living by the credo, “Get busy living or get busy dying.”

Coaches will come and go. Players will come and go. Transfers will happen or not. Mack Brown is coaching and teaching with determined purpose.

In 2010 Mack Brown came to what my grandmother calls the moment of truth. He showed the resolve and will to get things turned around.

If Mack Brown can continue this evolving story into a return to near the top of the polls in the next couple of years, it may end up being the thing that he is most proud of.

I am just happy that I get to cover it.

oRangebloods.com

tHis week iN Face puNchiN’

bJ penn vs. nick diaz (courtesy uFc)

MuNOZ bests lebeN iN tHe uk MarK MUNoZ MoVeD iNto coNteNtioN for the UFC middleweight championship with a dominant performance against tough veteran Chris Leben in the main event of UFC 138, as he opened up a cut above Leben’s left eye and the fight was stopped after two dominant rounds.

Munoz and Leben traded shots during an exciting first round, but Leben took the brunt of the beating and slowed down considerably in the second frame. The fight was stopped after Leben said he couldn’t see in between rounds.

Bantamweight Renan Barao won his 27th straight fight in the co-main event, as he moved to 2-0 in the UFC with a first round submission over British hometown favorite Brad Pickett.

Barao knocked Pickett down with a big shot, and then finished the fight on the ground with a choke. Welterweight contender Thiago Alves snapped out of a streak of losing three of his last four, as he submitted top prospect Papy Abedi, who was making his UFC debut. Other main card winners were Anthony Perosh and Terry Etim in a main card that featured five finishes in five fights.

End-of-night bonuses of $70,000 went to Barao and Pickett (knockout of the night), Etim (submission of the night for his 17-second guillotine of Edward Faaloloto), and Che Mills

(knockout of the night for his preliminary win over Chris Cope). The UFC returns this weekend with the biggest event in its history, as Junior Dos Santos will challenge Cain Velasquez for the UFC heavyweight title on FOX on Saturday night.

Former UFC heavyweight champions Tim Sylvia and Andrei Arlovski earned wins at ProElite 2 on HDNet on a card that also helped usher in some heavyweight young guns onto the national stage. Sylvia bested German heavyweight Andres Kariontakes in the main event with a unanimous decision, and Arlovski earned his 13th knockout in 17 victories as he put Travis Fulton to sleep with a head kick with just one second remaining in the fight. Heavyweights Richard Odoms, Cody Griffin, Jake Heun, and Ryan Martinez moved into the semifinals of the ProElite heavyweight tournament, as the four fights all earned victories on the card. Martinez bested former NCAA wrestling champion Mark Ellis, as he stymied all takedown attempts and lit Ellis up with punches from the outside. Heun, a former University of Hawaii football player, knocked out Ed Carpenter with a head kick and subsequent punches. In the final main card bout at the event, Reagan Penn, the brother

of former UFC lightweight and welterweight champion B.J. Penn, lost a unanimous decision to Evan Cutts as he wasn’t able to overcome the well-rounded game of the Texan.

Team Michael Bisping’s T.J. Dillashaw became the final semifinalist with a second round rear naked choke victory over Roland Delorme, becoming the third Team Bisping fighter to make the semifinals. Dillashaw will take on Team Mayhem Miller’s Dustin Pague in the featherweight semifinals, where Team Miller teammates Johnny Bedford and John Dodson will square off in the other semifinal.

In the bantamweight semifinals, Team Miller’s Bryan Caraway will face Team Bisping’s Diego Brandao, while Team Miller’s Dennis Bermudez will take on Team Bisping’s Akira Corrassani.

QUICk HITS:

The M-1 Global showdown between Fedor Emelianenko and Jeff Monson will be shown via pay-per-view in the U.S. on Nov. 20 at 7:30am ET with a price tag of $20... “The Ultimate Fighter 15” will feature lightweights and welterweights when it makes its move to FX next year…UFC veteran Brian Foster signed with Bellator to compete in the organization’s welterweight division…Vitor Belfort will take on Anthony Johnson at UFC 142 in Brazil in January… featherweight champion Jose Aldo will also defend his title against Chad Mendes on that card in Brazil…lightweights Donald Cerrone and Nate Diaz will square off in the co-main event at UFC 141 on Dec. 30 on the card that will be headlined

by Brock Lesnar vs. Alistair Overeem.

daVid mcKinney UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

15

IT SEEMS LIKE THE BIGGEST STOrIES of this year’s musical extravaganza Fun Fun Fun Fest had very little to do with the music. There was the one about the Hollywood heartthrob whose very presence backstage literally stole the show from a few performers that weekend. There was the one about the out-of-his-prime rock star ruining his legacy by refusing to play, and getting the power pulled once he decided to start.

There was the dust. Oh, the dust. It wafted through the air like weed smoke at a Phish concert. And the weed smoke. It billowed up in clouds like dust at Auditorium Shores.

Somewhere in between all of that excitement, uWeekly actually caught a few sets.

Here are a few of the most memorable ones.

russiaN circles Russian Circles are one of the most baffling bands currently making music. The band is a trio who makes more noise than most high school marching bands. One look at the hair that reaches down well past the shoulders and you think “super metal” but then they bust out a song like “Campaign” that is just about as ethereal as anything Sigur Ros ever wrote.

The band’s set at 2009’s festival was marred by technical difficulties that arose from guitarist Mike Sullivan’s looping pedal.

This year everything was clicking on all cylinders and Sullivan’s multilayered guitar lines coupled with drummer Dave Turncrantz’s powerful beats had most of the audience alternately slack-jawed and headbanging. Their latest album is titled Empros and was released on October 25.

magic. The band’s set highlighted mostly new material, with Hurry Up songs “Reunion” and “Steve McQueen” being played alongside older cuts like “Kim and Jessie” and “Teen Angst.”

M83 mastermind Anthony Gonzales took a much less restrained approach to his vocals on the latest album so I had to wonder how they would translate live. If there was any question about whether Gonzales had the vocal chops to nail live renditions of the new songs, his pitch-perfect yell at the start of “Reunion” put my mind at ease.

tHe bAND’s set At 2009’s FestiVAl Was Marred By techNical Black lips diFFiculties tHAt ArOse Black Lips provided one of the most fun FrOM GuitArist Mike sets of the weekend.

The band’s rowdy live sulliVAN’s lOOpiNG shows are about as close peDAl. to legendary as a band

thieves Local pop-punkers tore it up about as well as any of their Black Stage peers that day. The fact that they were literally the next band to play the stage after the Danzig debacle (albeit about 15 hours later) did not phase the boys as they bounced through songs from their debut full-length Just Give It Up. Fresh off an East Coast tour, it’s back to the drawing board for the members of Thieves. The band hope to record a new EP and have it out in time for a spring release and summer tour.

M83 The highlight of the festival came when the sample that provides the backbone of Hurry Up We’re Dreaming’s lead single, “Midnight City,” first poured through the stacks and stacks of speakers at the Orange Stage on Saturday.

Hundreds of pairs of arms shot into the air as soon as the song kicked in and the rest was dance party photo: eli Watson

this young can get. Urination, intra-band smooching and other public displays of weirdness are the norm for these Atlanta garage rockers. Guitarists Cole Alexander and Ian St. Pe eschewed the pissing in favor of kissing, and while the spectacle certainly pumped the crowd up, it came off as a bit gimmicky. The way St. Pe lazily sidled over to Alexander, as if to say “and here comes this part of the show,” was a bit off-putting. When the band was playing, however, their brand of doo-wop-infused punk was one of the festival highlights. And if you don’t believe me, ask Ryan Gosling, who enjoyed the band’s entire set from the side of the stage.

bReTT ThoRne

WHeN Most PeoPle listeN to an Odd Future song, the reaction tends toward shock, insult and disgust. If the group stops yelling their own name long enough for you to actually hear lyrics, you can hear gems like “Got that Virginia Tech swag, shoot up your school and laugh, bitch” or “Two nazi dykes shitting in a synagogue.” Offense is probably the most natural reaction to lyrics that are so absurdly misogynistic and, well, offensive.

The fact is, this is all a joke. The lyrics are as built a career—albeit one with a fast-approaching much of a joke as the people who are yelling them. expiration date—on shock. Remove the absurdity Is it a good joke? No. Absolutely not. If you were of their lyrics, tweets, off-stage antics and music at Fun Fun Fun Fest and wanted a hearty laugh videos and you are not left with much. The fact that did not also cause you to that a review of Odd Future’s weep for the state of hip hop, set at Fun Fun Fun Fest can reach the 400-word count you should have checked before mentioning anything out the Upright Citizens about the actual performance Brigade at the Yellow Stage says a lot about this band’s on Friday. When you end your bread and butter. set with the chanted maxim The thing that has “Kill people, burn shit, fuck attracted a loyal following school,” you are asking that is not the band’s poor live no one take you seriously. The reproductions of studio problem with Odd Future is that no one else seems to be in on the joke. And tracks. It isn’t the completely missed vocal hooks that includes the band. The Wolf Gang crew is like or the awkward pauses between songs. Although the Three Stooges of penis and rape jokes yet they there were plenty of all three. It is not the fact that do not allow any photographers into their photo the band’s de facto leader, Tyler the Creator, was pit. Media are not allowed backstage during their performing for only about half of the band’s set set. If you break one of those strict rules, you are while spending the other half standing to the side liable to wind up with a handprint across your drinking water or talking to his buds.

It is the same thing that the bratty kid in your face and a broken camera. Just ask Amy Harris, who was allegedly slapped in the face last week third grade class thrived on. Attention. When he

by Odd Future’s Left Brain. The alleged assault glued his hand to his face, he knew some of the also left Harris with a broken camera. If you’re more erudite elementary-schoolers would think just going off the media restrictions, these guys “Man, Jimmy is an idiot,” while others would literally take themselves more seriously than the praise his outrageous self-expression. The only thing that mattered to Jimmy was that he had dark lords of metal, Slayer.

I’m not Andy Rooney. It’s not my job to talk people paying attention. So if you’re tired of the about “what’s wrong with the kids these days” joke, leave the kids alone. Listen to what you want or “the way things should be.” I take a pretty to listen to. Be offended by what you want to be libertarian approach to music and art in general. offended by. Do like a good chunk of the crowd Listen to what you want. Watch what you want. Be did halfway through the set and walk away. bReTT ThoRne offended by what you want. This is a band who has

tHe prObleM witH ODD Future is tHAt NO ONe else seeMs tO be iN ON tHe JOke. AND tHAt iNCluDes tHe bAND.

UWeeklyAustin.com | November 2, 2011

17

DANZiG uNDerwHelMs At FuN FuN FuN, surprises NO ONe Glenn Danzig, former front man of The Misfits and Samhain and current front man of his own ego, delivered a less-than-stellar performance at Austin’s Fun Fun Fun Fest on Friday night. Reports vary, but sources

within the festival say the singer initially refused to go on stage due to “illness,” complained about a lack of heating at the outdoor festival, and then expressed dissatisfaction over playing a stage that was

smaller than the space afforded to heavy metal band Slayer. Once he had finally taken the stage, the diminutive Danzig was only able to get through a few songs before event organizers were forced to pull the plug in order to comply with city noise ordinances.

When asked for comment, Northside Kings front man Danny Marianino said, “I always knew that Danzig was a bitch, yo. For real.”

photos: liftarn; gage skidmore

COMeDiAN sues kiM kArDAsHiAN FOr beiNG kiM kArDAsHiAN

72-day-long marriage. Anything that knocks Kardashian out of the 1% seems A-OK.

The entire nation has been flung into turmoil as millions across the country wring their hands, trying to decide whether comedian Rob Delaney’s decision to sue Kim Kardashian for fraud is a sad commentary on our obsession with frivolous lawsuits, or just about the coolest thing ever. Delaney has not publicly said exactly what he is suing for, but has acknowledged that he is just as qualified as, say, Michelle Bachmann, saying he attended the same schools as her (he didn’t), and that he has learned “we can use the law for whatever we want.” Delaney is suing Kardashian for $18 million, roughly the same amount she made off of wedding-related programming that aired leading up to her

18

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

HerMAN CAiN GOiNG FOr 999 seXuAl HArAssMeNt ACCusAtiONs bY priMArY Republican Presidential hopeful Herman Cain, whose campaign has taken heat after several women have come forward and accused the former pizza chain executive of sexual harassment, announced earlier this week that he will be throwing an exclusive pizza party for the 999th woman who accuses him of lewd misconduct. Sources within the campaign explained that the tie-in gimmick will hopefully build support for Cain’s batshitinsane 9-9-9 tax proposal, which is supposed to keep working class people happy by taxing them more and the rich less. When asked why by those who already feel they are victimized by their current financial situation, Cain replied,

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

“A pizza party! For everyone! Any toppings you want! Cheesy bread is extra!”

eArtHQuAke rOCks OklAHOMA, skeptiCs ADMit eND is NeAr

Oklahoma is the latest state of the Union to be rocked by an earthquake. A 5.6 magnitude quake hit approximately 42 miles northeast of Oklahoma City, and may be the most powerful quake to ever hit the state, which doesn’t sound impressive until you consider that it’s OKLAHOMA. After quakes hit areas in Virginia and Washington D.C., the Oklahoma quake, felt as far away as North Texas, has many reconsidering their stance on the apocalypse, and wondering just how much time they have to get right with Jesus.

John JaRzemsKy

ArrYN ZeCH tHe gaMiNg WorlD, as it would seem, is kind of dead this week. Sure, there are small things here and there, but nothing completely epic worth reporting about, and I’m the gaming expert here, so I would know.

Instead I wanted to share with you some affordable, if not free, games that you should check out. An indie game that explore the dark but beautifully haunting world of a young boy on the search for his sister, a game where you get to cause a widespread outbreak, and a game sponsored by Adult Swim that includes flamboyant music and a rainbow robot unicorn.

liMbO Limbo is probably one of the most visually stimulating games I’ve ever played. The atmosphere isn’t stimulating, though, in that it’s really bright and gaudy, among other things, but it’s stimulating in its subtle beauty. The game happens in a silent world that a young boy, seemingly, lives in. You begin a journey to find your sister, or we assume she’s your sister, but the game never actually makes it perfectly clear. The boy wanders through industrial boom graveyards, thick forests crawling with large spiders, and abandoned factories.

Limbo is a platformer game that takes the foreground/background relationship very much to their advantage. In every level the boy wanders the darkened world on a silhouetted ground, so you’re never too sure what you’re walking on unless the shape makes it blatantly clear. The background combines the use of distance blur and an ominous fog to create a haunting and lonely feeling, as if the world is over and you’re the only one left.

I wish I could give this game justice using words, but I’m not sure the English language has an adequate vocabulary.

Along with its fantastic ambiance, the gameplay keeps your mind working while keeping you interested in the game. It includes problem-solving puzzles—not the sort that you play with your grandma on Thanksgiving, but figuring out clever ways to get past obstacles and keep your life. This includes getting past a witty and massive spider and a group of unknown children who seem to follow you and try to keep you from getting past to the next level.

The game is described as a trial and death game, so I wouldn’t get too frustrated if you don’t get through obstacles the first time.

The boy will end up dying in unexpected and sometimes pretty gruesome circumstances, but because the game developers were well aware of this fact, once you die, you start back where you died. It’s nice knowing that you don’t have to start from a saved spot and wait 10 minutes before you get to where you ended.

Over all, Limbo was one of the most astounding games I’ve ever played. The gameplay lasts about 5-6 hours, the visuals are beyond words, and the sound design makes for an unforgettable game.

Limbo is available for download on Xbox Live Arcade and is also limitedly available for PC and PS3.

pANDeMiC Pandemic is a strategy game available online for free; just google it to find it. The goal of the game is to kill the entire population of the world, but the trick of it is, you have to do it using only a virus, a bacteria, or a parasite.

In choosing which of the three you’ll use to take over the world you have to keep in mind what kind of strategy you wish to use.

Each one has its own way of showing in people, so if you want to try and kill every at once, you can use a fast-acting thing, like a virus. The only problem is that everyone has sea ports, air ports, and borders and they have the ability to close down everything to keep it from spreading outward or spreading inward. If you aren’t careful, you’ll lose.

Not only do you chose what the disease is, you can choose how it spreads and its side effects. You have a wide variety to choose from including coughing, nausea,

and some with names I don’t even know how to pronounce. The more you spread your illness, the more points you get to buy cooler and cooler side effects. Depending on what effects you choose, your visibility, deadliness, and contagiousness go up.

One big joke with this game is Madagascar.

Madagascar has only one port and is THE hardest place to infect. People usually end up rage quitting because Madagascar closes its ports. It’s a godsend if you start the game in Madagascar. I’ve only won once because of those assholes.

Good luck with them, you’ll need it.

rObOt uNiCOrN AttACk Robot Unicorn Attack is as dumb as it sounds, but it’s surprisingly addictive. It’s sponsored by Adult Swim, so that should explain a few things.

The main point of the game is to rack up points. You get points by smashing into giant metallic stars and collecting little mini robot unicorns that float in the air. You play a robot unicorn with a majestic rainbow mane and tail that flitters in the wind. The game is a platformer with only two controls: jump and smash. The unicorn runs across a purple plain and, as the game progresses, you go faster and faster, making the game slightly more difficult over time.

What makes the game so awesome is how fantastically flamboyant it is. As you race this rainbow unicorn over the lilac plains, the sounds of Erasure’s “Always” can be heard behind the laughing of dolphins that pop up and celebrate you as you get farther into the game.

You get three shots at the game to get a high score. Mine is 30,000. Beat that.

UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

19

the

bAttle FOr the World oF WarcraFt

THIS WEEK IN VErSuS, we talk about World of Warcraft. Is it a closed-in pastime for abhorrent, sunlight-allergic man-children who use it as a false comfort when considering why they’ve never been invited to any parties? Or can it be a normal and healthy perk to a satisfying college experience? I take to the fields of Fun Fun Fun Fest to find out.

LUKE WINKIE

wOulD YOu CONsiDer datiNg soMeoNe wHO plAYs A lOt OF wOrlD OF wArCrAFt? •

Maybe if his dick was, like, level 85. –Sarah Yam

•

I’m not going to make that mistake twice. –Andrea Mitchell

•

Dating a girl that plays WoW has been my dream since, like, 2004.

We could make sweet internet love in the Deeprun Tram. –Mordin (his WoW name)

•

That’s like considering dating a convicted sex offender. –Erin Droste

Getting a blowjob while running a dungeon is one of the finest pleasures in life. –Aaron Bridgewater

•

No, not at all, he’d probably leave me for some Elf bitch. –Clara Moyer

•

wHAt DOes tHe FOllOwiNG pHrAse MeAN: “lF2M ZF Need taNk” •

•

Looking For Two Members for Zul’Farrak and we need a Tank to soak up the damage. Are we doing the thousand trolls event? Do we need the achievement? Can I keep talking about this? –Mordin Oh man, hearing that gives me such a flashback to High School.

God I hated High School. –Brian Harrison

NFL SUNDAY HEADQUARTERS COMPLIMENTARY BUFFET FROM 11AM-12:30PM

$3 16 oz TAL

L BOYS

•

It means I get to stop talking to you now. –Andrea Mitchell

•

Wait, what? Repeat that… actually don’t bother. –Jeff reed

•

That means my weird roommate is home and talking to his weird friends over the internet on a weird game. You’re weird. –James Woodrow

wHAt’s better, WoW or iNdie rock?

•

You can’t kill dragons in indie rock. –Mordin (the wisest statement in the history of Versus)

•

In indie rock you have to hang out with a bunch of miserable hipsters, in WoW you hang out with a bunch of role-playing nerds.

I know what I’m picking. –Anonymous

$5 BLOODY MARYS

•

I mean, they can both be pretty egregious in their own ways.

They both require not talking to a lot of people through your teens. –Jill Evans

•

It’s Indie Rock, WoW is so mainstream maaaaan. –Alex Zaraposa

iF i tOlD YOu i wAs the scaraB lord ON MY serVer, wHAt wOulD tHAt MeAN tO YOu? •

$3. PREMIU M DR 25

AFT

$2. DOMESTIC DRAFT 75

•

422 congress ave sw corner 5th and congress www.ShinersSaloon.com

20

That means you were the bearer of the Scepter of the Shifting Sands, and you opened the LEGENDARY TEMPLE OF AHN’QIRAJ BACK UNTO THE WORLD. ALL HAIL THE SCARAB LOOOOOOOOORD. –Mordin Man, I was the Scarab Lord on my server, and then some kid threw me in a trash can. Didn’t matter, I was still the Scarab Lord. –Brian Harrison

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

•

That you had some sort of sexual infestation? –Andrea Mitchell

•

That you probably thought you were pretty cool. –Hannah Adams

•

Is that supposed to be a pick-up line? –Jill Evans

photo: bret brookshire

tHe ruDe MeCHANiCAls sHOw YOu HOw tO NOt builD A DAMN, Metaphorically. yoU caN reFUND tHat PlaNe ticKet to Berlin or New York, because you no longer need to rack up thousands of frequent-flyer miles to experience cutting edge theatre anymore. It’s right in our backyard. The Rude Mechanicals have been cranking out some of the most adventurous, daring, yet funny theatre this side of the Mississippi. As part of their contemporary classics series, the Rudes are dusting off their time machine to faithfully recreate The B. Beaver Animation like it appeared forty years ago.

B. is a beaver who has many non-beaver problems. A speech impediment and memory loss—he forgot how to build his damn dam—are just some of the problems plaguing him. Haunted by the possibility of his family being washed away, B. “awaits mail order dam-building manuals and sorts through the damning messages damming his mind,” said the press release.

Like the Rude Mechanicals shows themselves, the B. Beaver Animation mixes a number of different mediums into a performance. The show combines monologues, rock ’n’ roll and puppet theatre all into a painfully hilarious, slapdash circus.

Part of the Rude’s contemporary classics series, The B. Beaver Animation was a groundbreaking piece of theatre created by the noted collective Mabou Mines. In turn, the Beaver show, when it ran forty years ago, reached out to a much larger audience than what theatre was normally limited to.

“The show was very popular for people who didn’t usually attend the theatre,” said co-director Shawn Sides. “A lot of fans of visual arts and music were very attracted to B. Beaver at the time, due to the energy of the show and complexity of the set.”

The most appealing part of this show is the radical style of storytelling that it employs.

Ditching the old and dusty narrative structures that theatre is often dictated by, the piece introduced a novel style of presenting a story, sort of like looking at a collage rather than reading a linear story.

tHe sHOw COMbiNes MONOlOGues, rOCk ’N’ rOll AND puppet tHeAtre All iNtO A pAiNFullY HilAriOus, slApDAsH CirCus. The Rudes have been carving up and re-packaging our notions of what theatre is for some time now. Likewise, the group

never loses their sense of humor in the process, whether pursuing their own work or that of others.

“It is avant-garde art that doesn’t take itself too seriously,” said co-director Madge Darlington. “It’s a fun and humorous show, so fast-paced you will be breathless by the time its 45-minute running time is over.”

Indeed, one might find just as much energy and danger at a Rude’s show than any venue on Red River. From the decapitating lights of The Method Gun to the confrontational orgy of Dionysius in 69, the unpredictable is no stranger to what the Rudes do, especially with this show.

“It has that live performance quality, like a sports event or a rock concert, where something exciting and a little bit unpredictable, even dangerous, is actually happening right in the room you’re in,” said Darlington. “You’re a part of making it happen; it’s a great way to start or end an evening.”

More information regarding showtimes and tickets can be found at www.rudemechs.com

William bass UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

21

Photos: ESarah Vasquez & Eli Watcon

Tuneyards

Boris

RUSSIAN CIRCLES

girls

22

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

THE JOY FORMIDABLE

A LL

barstars photos: giselle Widmir, shannon grant

CALLING GREEKS EVENTS shiNer’s salooN 422 congress avenue

30 for sunday Football complimentary buffet 11-12:

fundrai

sers

hropy

t philan

THE LIBRARY 407 east sixth street

advertise with

BESO

student rates available

307 b West 5th street

24

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

TOULOUSE 402 east sixth street

TAILgATORZ 2828 Rio grande street

barstars photos: giselle Widmir, shannon grant

the local 2610 guadalupe street

you’re this week’s winner! come to our office to collect $25!*

SHINER’S SALOON 422 congress ave.

CHUPACABRA 400 east sixth street

the liBrary

THE STAgE

407 east sixth street

508 east sixth street

For More party pics, go to uWeeklyaustiN.coM.

*if your face is circled, you’re this week’s winner of barstars! come to our office at 2608 east sixth street, unit 3 mon through Wed (9–5 p.m.) to collect $25 cash! (be sure to Facebook us to let us know you won!)

UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

25

super crossword

crypto Quip This is a simple substitution cipher in which each letter used stands for another. If you think that X equals O, it will equal O throughout the puzzle. Solution is accomplished by trial and error.

HOG WASH

CLUE: J EQUALS U

sudoku

new bomb turks New Bomb Turks is a band from Columbus, Ohio from the gunk punk scene in the ’90s. You know, back when music fans didn’t use the Internet and social media to discover new bands. And even though the band broke up on New Year’s Eve of 2002, the members, Jim Weber, Eric Davidson, Sam Brown and Matt Reber, are still friends and play whenever they get an opportunity, such as playing on Nov. 12 at Red 7.

Davidson talked with UWeekly about the last time they played in Austin as well as about his book, We Never Learn, which he documents the gunk punk scene New Bomb Turks was a part of with interviews.

Davidson will read from his book at Beerland on Nov. 13.

So what brings you to Austin and how

up to three bands in Columbus now,

long has it been?

and he also plays with some other

Basically we love Austin. If anyone asks

somewhat semi-famous indie rockers

us to play there, we always say yes as long

around the country. So he’s a busy guy

as we get down there somehow. Johnny

and he stays in playing shape. Matt has

(Sarkis from Red 7) just got in touch with

been playing for a band in Columbus

us and seems like he’s a really big fan and

sometimes and Jim plays with some

played there since 2002. When Johnny

edited a number of wrestling magazines

really wanted us down there. So heck yeah,

friends too. So everybody is in fighting

said, “Yeah, well maybe if you want to do a

in the late ’80s. I’m like, That’s the kind

we’ll do it. Then when we lined up the

shape, and when we get together, we try

reading, maybe we can do it at Beerland.”

of guy that should be fucking editing

opening bands, we got everybody that we

to mix up the set. We also don’t always try

Because I try to think of my readings more

my book. So we were shooting the shit

asked for, so it’s going to be four bands. I

to play the same exact songs. So we mix it

like a fun party or get-together or hang

in a bar one night and he just said, “Hey,

don’t think any of these bands play super

up a little and we recently started doing a

out. When I did the other book tours, I did

why don’t you write a book?” You know,

long sets, but I think it’s going to be a really

couple new cover songs.

a bookstore here and there, but I would

everybody’s got a book in them or a movie script or something, but I guess I

fun, snappy, enjoyably violent evening.

That’s what brings us to Austin, and the fact that we look at these shows as a good chance to get together, what with me living in New York and everybody busy in Columbus. The guys in Columbus joke that these New Bomb Turks reunion shows are

“Drink water. Get a lot of sleep for the next week and then come see the New Bomb Turks with your liver nice and dried up and ready to go.”

thought I’d try to write a book someday.

He said, “Well, send me a couple of ideas.”

So I sent him a few and he said that this idea was the best.

Anything you want to add about your visit?

Well, just that we really love playing in

some of the only times they get to see each rather do it in places where the bands in my

Austin. If I remember correctly, besides

You are also coming for a book reading

book would hang out. Well, there are smart

Cleveland or Columbus, Austin is really the

for a book you wrote last year, We Never

bands in my book that go to bookstores,

only town that we have played more than

When was the last time you saw the

Learn, at Beerland. Did you specifically

but for the most part, I like to do tours that

once now since we officially broke up. We

other members?

ask for Beerland or is that where they

are kind of weird little dives.

always love going down there and we love

other and just drink and have fun, so we’re really looking forward to it.

Well

actually

another

good

thing

happened to book you?

the fucking food. The people are nice and

about this show is that we just played

Johnny wanted us at Red 7, so I just

Why did you decided to write the book?

we have some really good friends. I hope

in Columbus in early October. So we got

thought, Well since I’m in town, I may as well

Basically, I’d been living in New York for

that people have energy, money and I

to practice and play a really fun show

do something the next day. I figured it was a

a couple of years and I knew this guy Mike

hope that their livers are ok after Fun Fun

in Columbus for this music and film

chance to do a reading and I liked Beerland.

Edison. He ended up being the editor of

Fun Fest. Drink water. Get a lot of sleep for

festival thing. So yeah, just saw them in

I remember we always tend to pop in there

my book. He was also in a band called

the next week and then come see the New

beginning of October and also everybody

when we’re in Austin, but the Turks haven’t

The Pleasure Fuckers. He edited High

Bomb Turks with your liver nice and dried

still plays. I have a new band called The

played Austin since I think it was March or

Times Magazine for a while. He edited a

up and ready to go.

Livids. Sam plays in about, I think he’s

May of ’09, and that was the first time we

porn magazine called Screw and he’s also

sarah vasquez UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

27

Wednesday

Modest Mouse

Forbidden Fruit Presents:

Probably the first band to take a sledgehammer to the wall dividing the “indie” from mainstream music universes, Modest Mouse have crossed over, and back again, with great success ever since Clear Channel picked up “Float On”. Nevertheless, the band has maintained their cred with their last album We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank, but have gone into hibernation since.

Catch them at this rare show at everyone’s favorite BBQ sauce-flavored venue as the Mouse finally comes out of its hole.

@ Stubb’s, 801 Red River

@ ND, 501 E 5th

Tickets: www.stubbsaustin.com

Tickets: www.forbiddenfruit.com

►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

The Megaphone Show

Planet Casper

The Sounds

Nick Thune

Grits and Gravy

DJ Kenya

Weatherbox

Dale Watson

Footloose

Matt Nathanson

Arts and Drafts (Knitting and Crocheting)

Holding Space

Scorpion Child

Encyclopedia Show

Yellowcard

Tickets: www.stubbsaustin.com

Will bass 28

friday

Smoker’s Club Tour:

@ Stubb’s, 801 Red River

The top events & shows in Austin this week

thursday

The New Movement Theatre, 1819 Rosewood Cap City Comedy, 8120 Research Blvd Emo’s, 603 Red River La Zona Rosa, 912 Red River Red 7, 611 E 7th

November 9, 2011 | UWeeklyAustin.com

Method Man, Curren$y, Big Krit What is the Smoker’s Club and how do I join this illustrious fraternal organization? Well, the first step towards initiation is watching the seminal and groundbreaking piece of cinema, How High. The next step towards gaining entry into this order involves exploring the rich back catalogs of Method Man along with Wu-Tang and other associated projects. Finally, after completing the first two steps you are finally ready to attend the Smokers Club Tour where you will be baptized in a haze of funny-smelling tobacco, beats, and rhymes.

Continental Club, 1315 S Congress Barbarella, 615 Red River The Highball, 1120 S Lamar Rio Rita, 1308 E 6th ND, 501 E 5th

Extravagasm

Nine out of ten orgasm doctors recommend that you achieve an “extravagasm” at least once a year. Extravagasms release all of the bad and faked orgasms in your body, clearing your immune system of all negative traces of evil orgasm karma.There is no better, and safer, place to do this than at Forbidden Fruit’s annual erotic ball. Fold up that laptop, grab your most adventurous friend, dawn that sexy outfit that you wussed out on wearing for Halloween, and head to the ball!

La Zona Rosa, 612 W 4th Kung Fu Saloon, 510 Rio Grande Barbarella, 615 Red River Flamingo Cantina, 515 E 6th Antone’s, 213 W 5th

saturday

sunday

monday

The Big Lebowski:

Quote along

@ Alamo Drafthouse S Lamar, 1120 S Lamar

Probably the most quoted movie of all time, The Big Lebowski is endless fodder for ice breakers or bro bonding banter. Wear your favorite scuzzy bathrobe or utility vest as cheap white Russians will be provided.

Leave the bowling ball at home though.

Zlam Dunk @ Beauty Bar, 617 E 7th

Wait, you’ve never heard of Zlam Dunk? These guys are ferocious and hungry, like Mike Tyson after drinking too many Red Bulls. Coalescing so many genres (punk, new wave, surf rock) into their own intoxicating formula, Zlam Dunk are one of the best kept secrets in the 512.

Even better, these young upstarts know how to get a crowd moving. Their exuberance spills off the stage and into the crowd’s consciousness whether you like it or not, wallflowers. Get down with the new sounds!

True Blood viewing party @ Jackalope, 404 E 6th

Viewing parties are all the rage in Austin. There is nothing more satisfying than getting loaded while taking in some of your favorite TV shows with the bros or girlfriends. Every one’s favorite 6th St. bar/furry creature is getting in on the action with a True Blood viewing party with drink specials to boot.

Tickets: www.originalamo.com

►►Also Worthy

Immortal Technique Mohawk, 912 Red River

The Game

Emo’s East, 2015 E Riverside

tuesday

Tittie Bingo

Tickets: At the door

@ The Highball, 1120 S Lamar

Only the masterminds at The Highball could have concocted this unholy marriage. Combining porn parodies, without the sex, and bingo is going to yield some pretty strange results.

►►Also Worthy

►►Also Worthy

Larissa Ness

Dirt Nasty

Big Sam’s Funky Nation

The Derailer’s Sunday Dance Party

The Sour Notes

A.A. Bondy

Rasputina

The Knux

Stubb’s, 801 Red River

ColdTowne Theater, 4803 Airport

Stephanie Miller’s Sexy Liberal Comedy Tour

Let the Dead

Hit the Lights

ND, 501 E 5th

Antone’s, 213 W 5th

Frank, 407 Colorado Parish, 214 E 6th Long Center, 701 W Riverside

Emo’s, 603 Red River Antone’s, 213 W 5th Parish, 214 E 6th

Red 7, 611 E 7th

►►Also Worthy

Ephraim Owens Experience Continental Club, 1315 S Congress

Stool Pigeon

Emo’s, 603 Red River

UWeeklyAustin.com | November 9, 2011

29

► dizzy RoosTeR

► FRiends

306 e 6th

208 e 6th

$2 domestics/wells/jello shots

$2 Vodka bombs

► plucKeRs

► The libRaRy

2222 rio grande

407 e 6th

Mother Plucker Mugs

$1 Domestics, Wells $2 import bottles

► pecKeRheads

► Touche

402 e 6th

417 e 6th

$3 Jager/Hideous/tuaca

$1 schnapps

► TRudy’s

► biKini’s on 6Th

409 W 30th

214 e 6th

$4.95 sangria ritas

$12 beer buckets

► cain and abel’s

► mooseKnucKle pub

2313 rio grande

406 e 6th

$3.50 bombs

$2 Wells/Domestics til 11 pm

► malaia

► TiniesT baR in Texas

300 e 6th

817 W 5th

$2 Domestic beers, $2 Wells til 11 pm

$1 bud light/budweiser

► TReasuRe island

► Fuel

opal diviNe’s

locateD oFF oltorF by st. eDWarDs UNiVersity (my parent’s alma mater as well as the namesake to my middle name, thank you very much), Opal’s gives off the vibe of a “luxury sports bar” if there ever was one. With an extensive collection of beers on tap and daily specials, Opal’s also hosts a number of events every year, including their fun-but-also-dangerous-sounding “Whiskey Festival,” which will have over 50 different whiskeys available for attendees looking to do a little more than just whet their whistle.

The food is also a saving grace, as Opal’s usually opens around 10 or 11 am and serves lunch every day. The menu ranges from their “Flatiron Steak Plate” to their famous “Divine Mary Shrimp Cocktail,” but the real kicker for students is an included 10% discount off your food bill if you show your student ID. Oh yeah, and they also have five different types of gourmet burgers and host burger night every Monday, so get crackin’, Opal is waiting.

bRian bogaRT

► Rain on 4Th

413 e 6th

607 trinity

217 W 4th

.25¢ wells, $1 triples and kamikaze shots, $4 bombs

.50¢ Wells, $1 Domestics

$1.50 lite beers, $2.50 Wells

► cuba libRe

► TReasuRe island

► ThiRd base

409 colorado

415 e 6th

1717 W 6th

$2 Wells

$2 Domestics, $1 any liquor, $4 bombs

$2 lonestar/Fireman/shiner

► Kiss and Fly

► daRWin’s pub

► moTheR egan’s

404 colorado

223 e 6th

715 W 6th

$3 Wells, $3 any beer

$2 Wells/Domestics 12-9 PM

Pint specials During Pub trivia

307B West 5th Street www.besocantina.com