HOW ATTACHED ARE YOU? BY KIRA SARSFIELD What’s the most pressing topic for a first date? Money? Dating history? Marriage? While some believe that these conversations should be set aside for future dates, more Gen Z’ers are discussing make-orbreak topics early on in their relationships. These conversations can involve exchanges of political views, religious beliefs and controversial opinions. But — has anyone ever asked you about your attachment style on the first date? Probably not. But, it’s an intimate conversation topic that partners can have to learn more about each other.
In her study, infants were left in a room with their primary caregiver. Upon random intervals of time, a stranger was instructed to go into the room, converse with the primary caregiver and then the primary caregiver would leave the room. The infant was then studied based on his or her reactions to the primary caregiver leaving. From these observations, Ainsworth adopted the three main attachment styles: secure, insecure avoidant and insecure ambivalent/resistant. The specifics of Ainsworth’s research from the National Center for Biotechnology Information are:
WHAT EXACTLY IS ATTACHMENT THEORY? While some prefer to discuss love languages, research shows that there is an interconnectedness between one’s attachment style and development of their close relationships. This phenomenon is known as attachment theory, in which the way we form relationships with others is largely influenced by the way we were attached to our primary caregivers as infants. To better understand the concept of attachment theory, consider researcher Konrad Lorenz’s experiments with baby geese. Lorenz noticed that baby geese would follow whatever living figure they encountered in the first few hours of life — whether it be the mother goose or a human researcher. Inspired by this groundbreaking research, psychologist John Bowlby studied patterns of attachment within infants. He theorized that attachment was innate and separation caused emotions of distress, fear and panic within infants. Confirmed by his research, Bowlby found that a primary relationship between an infant and caregiver plays a major role in the development of future relationships.
ATTACHMENT STYLES To further the specifics of attachment theory, social scientist Mary Ainsworth led the notorious Strange Situation experiment with infants.
ATTACHMENT STYLE
Secure Attachment
Insecure Avoidant
Insecure Ambivalent / Resistant
OBSERVATIONS • Distress when mother leaves • Easily comforted by caregiver • No sign of distress when mother leaves • Unbothered when caregiver returns • Intense distress when mother leaves • Resist contact when caregiver returns
Considering the time gap between infancy to adulthood, these attachment styles have still been proven to impact our partner selection and relationship development.
FROM AN EXPERT Molly Countermine, Associate Teaching Professor of Human Development and Family at Penn State, has taught and researched attachment theory for more than 20 years.
