2010: Edition 10 by VARSITY

Sports UCT Yatch Club sails into fourth

21 September 2010

Volume 69: Number 10 021 650 3543

varsitynewspaper.co.za

Page 16

twitter.com/varsitynews

New faces in new places

In This Issue Opinions

Proposed ban on pornos causes shock

Page 5

Report Card

THE NEW SCHOOL - The 2011 collective strikes a comical pose for the VARSITY camera. They take ofﬁce on the 1 November 2010.

Picture by Simone Millward.

SRC reveals fees revolution Olivia Walton LAST FRIDAY UCT management and the SRC presented separate proposals for fees increases to a joint meeting of the University Strategy Forum (USF) and the University Financial Commitee (UFC). The committee was unable to come to a decision and an emergency meeting took place Monday 20 September. The results of this meeting were unavailable at the time of going to press but will be made public this week. The UFC sits each year and hears management’s proposal, presented by Vice-Chancellor Dr Max Price, for an increase in student fees. The SRC President then presents the SRC’s proposal which typically argues that fees should go up as little as possible. The UFC’s decision is then rejected or formalised by the University Council which meets in October. Fees went up an average of 11% in 2009/2010 and 14% in 2008/2009. This year the proposal presented by Price to the UFC and the USF argued for a base increase of 10.5% With the variances in individual faculty increases this base is likely to produce an average fee increase of 12%. Management’s arguments for increasing fees are summarised as follows:

•

There is excess demand for UCT and the university is able to raise fees without risking a decrease in that demand The increase is in line with increases proposed by other competitive institutions, such as Stellenbosch and Wits. As the best university in the country UCT must preserve the quality of education and needs sufficient funds to do this.

In an interview with VARSITY, SRC President Sizwe Mpofu-Walsh noted that these are “principled” arguments based on an economic assessment of UCT’s finances. The economic argument is based on UCT’s desire to have a surplus of 3% (about R60 million) of the budget at the end of each year. According to Mpofu-Walsh this is set aside for “capital projects such as new residences, contingencies, and strategic projects such as new IT infrastructure”. An increase in fees meets the budget and allows for the surplus. The second economic argument is the need for a continuous cash flow, provided by fees payments at the beginning and middle of each year. The SRC’s proposal disagrees fundamentally with management’s. The primary concern according to Mpofu-Walsh is that for each of the last five years UCT’s revenue

has been an average of R41 million above what was estimated. “This means that somewhere in management’s calculations, they’re not factoring something in,” said Mpofu-Walsh. This year the SRC decided to take on the issue of student fee increases at the level of negotiation and if that fails at the level of protest. Mpofu-Walsh stated that this is “an issue for all students”. Two Masters Economics students were appointed by the SRC in April to conduct research into the fees proposal and to collate the university’s financial data into a report assessing the potential problems with an increase in fees. This report formed the foundation of the proposal presented by Mpofu-Walsh on behalf of the SRC on Friday. It highlights three reasons for reducing the fees increase. Firstly, management is not factoring in increasing student numbers. According to MpofuWalsh this is a “huge problem: UCT doesn’t actually know how many students it’s going to get next year.” The researchers appointed by the SRC have factored in potential enrolment increases. Secondly, the SRC proposed a condition on the fees proposal. They argued that financial aid must go up proportionately to an increase in fees, something that does not currently take place.

Thirdly, the SRC report argues that UCT is too reliant on fees as a source of revenue. Mpofu-Walsh stated that “the university is not doing what it should in terms of alternate sources of revenue”, such as endowments and donations. The SRC argued that such donations should be used “to lessen the load on every student.”

The marks are out

Page 8 & 9

Features

Another problem discussed by the SRC was the conflict between UCT’s admissions policies and its financial policies. “How can you tailor admissions policies to opening up without looking at your financial policies?” asked Mpofu-Walsh, arguing that the financial policies are likely to exclude the same people that the admissions policies are attempting to include. Should the UFC ultimately reject the SRC’s proposal, the SRC’s Fees Revolution campaign will be launched. This will be a program of directed protest action involving no violence or damage to property. “We care about the university and the university needs to see us as equal partners and not just as abstract quantities,” said MpofuWalsh. “We’re confident that if needs be we can create one of the biggest protests that UCT has ever seen.”

Varsity, the ofﬁcial student newspaper since 1942, is committed to the principles of equality and democracy.

Your views on safe sex

Page 10

The VARSITY QR Code To scan a QR code using your phone, point your mobile browser to get.geetagg.com (or use scanlife.com), point and shoot your phone at our block of squiggles using the mobile app, and you’ll be automatically directed to the VARSITY website.

News

Alice Walker puts a challenge to SA Marché Arends

collective consciousness and the need for South Africans to re-learn their kindness.

PULITZER Prize-winning author Professor Alice Walker delivered the 11th annual Steve Biko Memorial lecture to a capacity crowd in Jammie Hall on Thursday 9 September.

“One reveres Steve Biko because, in short, he fully understood that the foundation of any true liberation is self love.”

Walker, who describes herself as a political, social and spiritual activist, is perhaps most well known for her best-selling novel The Colour Purple.

The lecture took a somewhat sombre turn as Walker expressed her sadness for the loss of ideals fought for so passionately during the struggle.

The lecture, entitled “Coming to see you since I was five years old: An American poet’s connection to the South African soul”, detailed how, on one hand, South Africa’s liberation struggle inspired her life, while on the other, it highlighted her disappointment with the current state of South Africa’s political and social environments.

Her disappointment was evident when she commented on the great disparity between rich and poor as well as the feeling of hopelessness sweeping the country.

Only the second woman to have delivered the lecture, Walker related how learning the South African national anthem at age five sparked a great love for the African continent. “It was the sound of ‘Nkosi Sikelei’ iAfrika’…sung so earnestly by her sons and daughters, her horribly abused children, that had made an impression on our psyches, never to be erased.”

“Was it all for this? Was Mandela’s incarceration for nearly three decades and Steve Biko’s death from torture, for this?” PASSIONATE - Alice Walker feels a deep connection to SA. Photo by Simone Millward

Walker’s message became clearer as she promoted the ongoing search for truth within daily life, but most importantly within the political sphere.

that women are basically servants of men – there, in the bright glare of our collective awareness, it dies”, she said, “and when lies die, people live.”

“When a lie is exposed – that Africans are merely savages, that Palestinians are merely terrorists,

During her extensive praise of the late Steve Biko, Walker emphasised the importance of a

Furthermore, she criticised the government’s preoccupation with material wealth and its unwillingness to change the harsh

Going green!

holistically, including their day-today activities and assumptions.

Nkosiyati Khumalo THEY’RE back: the Green Campus Initiative’s (GCI) annual Green Week aims to dominate Upper Campus once again with the theme “It Starts with a Greener Campus”, highlighting the importance of small-scale, individualised action.

Students create peer support group Nkosiyati Khumalo STUDENTS have set up UCT’s first peer-run mental health support group. Founders Richard Pearce and Alexa Scher decided to start the UCT Depression and Anxiety Support Group to create a space in which students would not feel alone. “Last year I experienced a massive depressive episode,” says Pearce. “Previously I didn’t know a lot about mental issues; I felt like I was the only one [experiencing these issues].” Pearce says that the stresses of student life can spur those already pre-disposed towards doing something drastic; this is what drove his need to establish some sort of support structure on campus. Pearce cautions students to not dismiss stress and its effects so easily. “They need to be aware that these issues are real – it can happen to you.” With the logistical support of the SRC’s Michell Mpike, the

In a staunch critique of the current South African administration, Walker took issue with President Zuma’s polygamous relationships and several children, arguing that this showed a lack of dignity and respect for the people of South Africa.

group is run by students, for students. and Pearce says that the support group format places people in an environment where they can share experiences. He stresses that student facilitators are not therapists or professional counselors, but the relaxed atmosphere of a group format creates a non-judgmental space in which people can take comfort in the fact they’re not alone. Pearce and Scher have integrated group into the larger South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), which provides them with a wealth of resources. “SADAG’s provided us with brochures, newsletters, and a database of people who can help out where we can’t.” This includes referrals to professional counselors as well as providing a link to guest speakers. The UCT Depression and Anxiety Support Group meets meet twice a month. For more information, contact Pearce (rpearce0909@gmail.com) or Scher (schale020@uct.ac.za).

“The focus is also to assess how each person can make healthier and more responsible choices,” says Loftus. Loftus says that as one of the continent’s top research institutions, UCT is perfeclt placed “to initiate a ‘Green Revolution’ in the best and brightest minds in the country”.

GCI’s Emma Loftus says that Green Week is about getting people to look at their lives

“UCT cannot afford to be left out while important aspects of the future are decided,” Loftus

IT’S THE BATTLE OF SUPREMACY IN THE STEINHOFF UCT INTERNAL LEAGUE FINAL!

ADVERTORIAL for the rights to participate in the Steinhoff Koshuisrugby Championships - which, of course, takes place at the same time as the 2011 Varsity Cup tournament.

It’s the Dream Final that everybody has been waiting for; Steinhoff Purple Cobras face off against their archrivals Steinhoff Tornadoes for the bragging rights of becoming 2010 champions. The Steinhoff UCT Internal League Finals will be played on Thursday, 23 September which will see all 16 teams in actions on the night. The league has been divided into two sections, the Championships Section as well as the Cup Winners’ section. Steinhoff Tornadoes, the 2009 champions, will contest the Championships Section against Steinhoff Cobras after reaching the ﬁnal with a convincing win over the Magic Lions in the semiﬁnals.

The Steinhoff Shebeen Boys will face off against Steinhoff Panthers in the Cup Winners’ section. The winners here will receive bronze medals for reaching the finals in this section. It wasn’t an easy season-long trip for these teams to reach the finals but they persevered the rain and windy conditions to stand tall as this year’s finalist. The following teams will be in action in the Championships Section: Steinhoff Cobras v

conditions affecting citizens on the ground. “At the moment from what I read in the papers your government is not listening to your cries for a new and better way to exist.” Walker then turned to the audience in an appeal for ordinary citizens to start the movement for change. She advised that we revisit the practices of the liberation struggle and gather in small groups to discuss how change can be successfully achieved. “We must in no instance rely totally on external leadership”, she said; “each of us has a leader within us – it is our conscience.” Walker encouraged the students of Africa to cut out external political influences, embrace their inner leadership abilities and “find time to listen to what is happening inside”. Concluding on an optimistic note, Walker confirmed her faith in the South African people to restore the country to a state of hopefulness and inspiration.“Once your consciousness changes, so does your existence.”

remarked, “but this process of behaviour change needs to start at the level of the individual and the community”. According to GCI, UCT produce up to 8 tonnes of waste on a daily basis. The GCI has worked with with Properties and Services in creating and implementing a recycling system at UCT. Green Week kicked off yesterday with the launch of the RideLink carpooling system, the first university system of its kind in the country.

Steinhoff Tornadoes; Steinhoff Magic Lions v Steinhoff Ubumbo; Steinhoff Ikhaya v Steinhoff Wild Boys and to complete this section, the Steinhoff Spanners play against Steinhoff Smuts. In the Cup Winners’ section, Steinhoff Shebeen Boys v Steinhoff Panthers; Steinhoff Turtles v Steinhoff Kopano; Steinhoff Marquard v Steinhoff Clarendon and Steinhoff College House v Steinhoff Catsville. Of course, a special thanks must go out to main sponsors of the UCT Internal League Steinhoff for their continued and very generous sponsorship which keeps this wonderful, and exciting, league alive.

Both teams playing a different brand of rugby - the Steinhoff Cobras are well known for their defensive game and quick counters, whilst the Steinhoff Tornadoes are best known for their attack-orientated approach; all of which makes for an interesting 2010 Final. Although playing for the Championship trophy, these two teams are also playing

UCT INTERNAL RUGBY TEAM

News

Clearing up the facts

Media Appeals Tribunal and the Protection of Information Bill Pasqua Heard Lyndall Thwaits

media has too much freedom and makes unfounded attacks on prominent figures in government. Presently the independently-run office of the Press Ombudsman monitors media action. The MAT will be set up to serve the same

and

TWO CURRENT yet highly different developments, the Protection of Information Bill (POI) and the Media Appeal Tribunals (MAT), have shaken the foundations of the media as it is known. These are seen to undermine transparency and independent thought and are criticised as infringements on South Africa’s democracy. If passed, the Protection of Information Bill (POI) will institute a government body mandated to censor information both tangible and intangible. Though not directed at the media the bill has consequences for journalism. This body would prevent journalists from having access to information which the government deems secret, and would also introduce penalties for whistle-blowing. The consequence for a journalist, a whistleblower or a member of civil society who comes into possession of classified information is a maximum of 25 years in prison. Numerous individuals and bodies have spoken out against the proposed bill, including the Right2Know Campaign, which states that the problem with the bill includes “making

“President Jacob Zuma denies that the purpose of the bill is to hide corruption and inefﬁciencies.”

CENSORED – An example of VARSITY’s battle with censorship in the 1980s. Photo by Simone Millward it difficult to hold businesses and government to account for inefficiency and corruption”. President Jacob Zuma, however, denies that the

purpose of the bill is to hide corruption and inefficiencies. The Media Appeals Tribunal (MAT) is a proposal by members of the ANC who argue that the

purpose as the ombudsman, but will be run by the state. In an interview with Times Live, Zuma stated that the ANC would not suppress media freedom, saying that the party had fought for freedom of expression in the liberation struggle. However, he characterised current media reaction as being overly negative. Laurie Nathan from the Cape Times said that the MAT is anti-press and limits local and international news reporting. The MAT, unlike The Protection of Information Bill, is still in

the early stages of development and will come up for discussion in the National General Council of the ANC this week. The South African Constitution ensures that everyone has the right to freedom of expression, including the press and other media; critics say that these proposed measures are unconstitutional. Vice-Chancellor Dr Max Price has been very outspoken about his opposing views on such legislation and has urged the government to reconsider the bill. What does this mean for VARSITY and for UCT students? According to Richard McLaverty, Deputy Secretary General of the SRC and member of the Academic Freedom Committee, both the Protection of Information Bill (POI) and the MAT threaten the academic freedom of UCT. “Both the proposed Protection of Information Bill and the establishment of the Media Tribunal are deeply disturbing,” said McLaverty; “they pose a critical threat to our democracy. The very second the media and the access to free flow of information is restricted, we need to ask how democratic we really are.”

Mbeki: Student leaders drive African rebirth Carthage and the subjugation of North Africa into a Roman province, the eradication of colonialism and apartheid from our Continent [means] that we should now rebuild Carthage.” Mbeki prompted students to assume their “historical responsibility not only to understand the African society but also to change it”, and to play an active role in the metaphorical rebuilding of Carthage. The former president encouraged students to use the benefits of higher education to “help fashion the kind of new Africa towards which all of us aspire”. Mbeki shared his belief that the African student community is wellplaced to give rise to a new cadre of intellectual capital “that is so vital for the renewal of our Continent”.

PRESIDENTIAL WELCOME - The former president urged students to use higher education to help build a new Africa. Photo by Zakareeya Pandey

Nkosiyati Khumalo STUDENT LEADERS should make it their special responsibility to engage in struggle for the renewal of the African university, said Former Present Thabo Mbeki in a speech given at the opening of the African Student Leaders Summit on Monday 6 September. Speaking in a filled-to-capacity

Jameson Hall, Mbeki discussed the Punic Wars, calling them a “titanic struggle” between Africa’s Carthage and Europe’s Rome.

“The regenerated African university [led by students] must be the principal driver of [the] intellectual awakening, which...will empower the peoples of Africa to remake our societies and our continent,” said Mbeki. “You must, through your actions, place yourselves among the principal architects of the new African university.”

Mbeki used the concept of rebuilding the destroyed city of Carthage to illustrate the need to restore Africa’s glory:

Organised by the SRC and the Department of Student Affairs, the summit brought together students from the University of Fort Hare, the University of the Witwatersrand, and the University of the Western Cape, as well as delegates from nine countries and 20 other universities.

“Whereas Africa’s misfortunes started with the destruction of

The week also incorporated the 11th Annual Steve Biko Memorial

lecture delivered by author and activist Professor Alice Walker, as well as numerous presentations and discussions exploring ways in which students could further development across the continent.

For the full text of Mbeki’s speech, visit www.varsitynewspaper.co.za.

Editorial

VARSITY NEWSPAPER BLOGS READER DISCRETION ADVISED: anything goes at the VARSITY Newspaper blogs...

Trust & Believe

The real headliners Writer’s block is real (see page 6). I could write about how our Vice-Chancellor was caught dozing off during Mbeki’s speech a few weeks ago. I could write about how I sort of miss Simon and Bart – our simian friends from who kept 2009 that much more interesting and kept some of you from loitering in many a doorway. I could write about how the year has positively flown by, how I’ve aged (read: improved), and how much it irritated me that people said “2010 is over” at the end of the World Cup in July. I could praise the SAPS again for the arrest of Paris Hilton (I’m still elated), or wonder how far backwards proponents of the POI and MAT really want the country to go. In the end I could write about a multitude of things. I’m often asked what’s considered to be newsworthy. The best answer? You are. Keep questioning and challenging your leadership. Keep fighting against injustices. Keep working towards finding new solutions to old problems. Keep working hard. Just keep it interesting, and you’re bound to give us something to write about.

NKOSIYATI KHUMALO is the Copy Editor and 2011 Deputy Editor of VARSITY newspaper.

Read more at www.trustbelieve.blogspot.com

It’s show time! From this day forth, if VARSITY is run into the ground, it’s all on me. Apparently because I am a woman of colour, the odds are against me, but nevertheless many people thinking, “there’s some good BEE in practice”. The hands leadership are changing on campus and next year there will be an uncomfortable amount of women running the largest and fairly influential student organizations, good luck to the guys who walk into Steve Biko Building – it’s oozing oestrogen. This doesn’t excite or disappoint me, and I like to think it is because we worked hard, we were inspirational, and enough people believed in us to elect us as their presidents, chairwomen, and editors. Instead of waiting for transformation, or blaming BEE for not getting you to the top, I encourage you to familiarise yourself with the idea of merit and make it happen for yourself. And for those of you (you know who you are) 2011 leaders-elect, get ready with or against the odds: the curtains are being drawn because it’s show time.

NYASHA KADANDARA is the 2011 Editor of VARSITY newspaper.

newsgathering next newsgathering Tuesday, 21 September 2010, Meridian, LS2D

2010 collective editor Rémy Ngamije copy editor Nkosiyati Khumalo sub-editors Cayleigh Bright, Karen Froneman dtp editor Danni Liang finance team Tina Swigelaar & Odwa Sihlobo images editor Simone Millward photographers Nico Gous, Andrecia Ramnath, Zakareeya Pandey, Lorna Rae Daniels news Olivia Walton & Natasha Nel opinions Sarah Jackson & Martin Mendelsohn features Nyasha Kadandara & Tiffany Mugo sport Dominic Verwey & Edward Sellier human resources Tariro Nyamakura & Aleeshah Sayyideena advertising Odwa Sihlobo marketing team John-Ross Hugo, Andrew Ehmke & Mathabatha Sexwale IT manager Irfaan M Imamdin web Wei Mao, Yue Mao staff writers Aimee Dyamond, Berndt Hannweg, Thabang Letheo, Craig McKenzie, Calvin Scholtz, Tarryn Steenekamp, Stephanie Venter, Lyndall Thwaits, Marché Arends, Anton Taylor, Pasqua Heard, Olivia Wainwright

Contact details

external contributors Roy Borole, Gina Edmonds, Pasqua Heard, Kathryn Mitchell, Simon Spoor, Alex Tarr, Olivia Wainwright, Nicole Wilcox

The long kiss goodnight... For any leader, the toughest time in one’s reign is the approaching end, that long look back at what you have done and most importantly, what you have failed to achieve. The reason it is so hard is because one never really knows what to expect from the past. It could show you youthful promises that were never fulfilled, promises that were broken and a host of other things that could have been done better. The past could also show you successes that were eclipsed, marvellous things that have yet to be – the hints of a brighter future. In the UCT calendar, September and October are full of gazes over the shoulder as student leaders across campus prepare to step down and hand the reigns over to the new school; the fresh talented people that will lead the student body in 2011. For many societies, it is a time of anticipation as fresh blood flows through old veins, and for others it is a sigh of relief as incompetence is swept out of the door. All in all, it is tough to be a student leader at this time of year; your reputation, performance and all of the things that you have strived to complete in the past year are agonisingly scrutinised and bared to the general public. It is a humbling experience. It feels like you just peed in your pants and the rest of the kids on the playground are looking at you. Pretty soon, one of them will point and then the laughing will start. The tenth edition is perhaps that wet patch on the UCT playground, when VARSITY decides to become the Mean Girls on campus and decide which members of the SRC deserve to be in the A-Team and which ones sadly, did not deliver. It is a tough job, but someone has to do it. It is inevitable that the SRC Report Card will have quite a few people on Level 7 up in arms. Some people really do not know how to handle a bad grade. The good thing though, is that there are not many failures this year – the SRC generally delivered. It seems as though a boring SRC is actually the best kind to have in place. By boring, I mean that scandals and any other degenerate things that journalist are thought to thrive on, were kept to an absolute minimum. Interesting politicians seem to get little done. Perhaps it might be traitorous of a newspaper editor to say that the politicians actually did well this year. If so, I will stick my neck out and say it, they did very well. And they did so in some style. Next year’s SRC have quite a benchmark to live up to. The tenth edition of VARSITY does not mark the upcoming end of leadership terms for the SRC alone though. It is also a swansong to the 2010 collective of the newspaper. On taking up our respective positions last year, enthusiasm ran high in the camp and 2010 promised to be a year that was unmatched in terms of student journalism. I think we have delivered on that promise in quite a few ways. At the bare minimum, we have done what journalists are supposed to do – we pissed off a lot of people on the way. Most notably, our last edition got quite a few people riled up. I lie, not many. Just one. I hope the Pulitzer hopeful writer on Level 7 who composed the riveting Facebook note dedicates the same amount of time to his portfolio. I thought it was impossible to masturbate oneself in any sense other than the physical, but after that note, I have come to realise that words actually yield more pleasure in that regard than hands and a pot of Vaseline ever could. I can assure you that the pack of hungry writers in the office have picked up the spoor. The hounds are baying and rifles are cocked. Happy hunting, 2011 collective. It’s tough being involved in VARSITY newspaper. UCT should actually set up special scholarships and trauma counselling facilities for all of the Varsitylings that join and remain in the collective [sub-editor’s note: yes, please]. Writing articles, snapping photographs of on and off campus activities, subbing through 3000-word theses that achieve nought but a first class ticket to the spam folder, and laying out each of the pages that make VARSITY, is something that should not be lightly looked upon. The newspaper is composed of the most talented writers, photographers, sub-editors, and management staff that an editor could ever dream of working with. For an insane ride, memorable year and another vintage collective to add to the growing VARSITY alumni, all I can say is, thank you. I am a firm believer that successes should only be spoken about in the past tense. Therefore, I leave it all to your interpretation when I say that 2011 is the year that VARSITY rocked. The 2011 collective, led by Nyasha Kadandara, Nkosiyati Khumalo and Candice Newton, was the best one to have graced the UCT campus and what they did for student journalism will not be eclipsed any time soon. The 2012 group has to move mountains and walk on water to top them. As for me? I throw up the V-sign until the casket dips. There is no other society or group on campus that provides the thrill and the rush that VARSITY does. Every two weeks there is something that shows the hardwork (or lack thereof) of the team, the vibrancy of the UCT student sphere and the news that is making national and international headlines. In a time when the role of the media is coming under heavy scrutiny in South Africa, there is no better place to see the role that newspapers and other media outlets play in the greater social scheme. People need to know, people need to be informed. Ultimately, to prevent the media from becoming another elitist establishment, participation from civic society is what will make sure that freedom of the press belongs to the readers, and not the people who control the press. Service calls in other areas for the newspaper, and I must answer. All in all, the fact that you are reading this last editorial means that I did not completely “fuck it up.” Rémy Ngamije

news@varsitynewspaper.co.za opinions@varsitynewspaper.co.za

Tel: 021.650.3543

features@varsitynewspaper.co.za

Fax: 021.650.2904

sports@varsitynewspaper.co.za hr@varsitynewspaper.co.za

Level 5, Steve Biko Students Union Building North Lane, Upper Campus

ads@varsitynewspaper.co.za

Know your status.

Please recycle VARSITY.

Don’t drink and drive. Drink responsibly.

Reduce energy emmission.

Opinions

A possible ban on pornography THE DEPUTY Minister of Home Affairs has recently proposed a change to the law regarding pornography. The minister seeks to ban pornography on television, the Internet and mobile phones. If we put aside the fact that the Internet is very large and highly unregulated in South Africa, and just look at the reasons Mr Gigaba wants to ban pornography, well, we can’t actually find any. He did mumble something about pornography being a cause of spousal and child abuse in South Africa. I wonder if he could provide an example of such behaviour. One would think that if Mr Gigaba were indeed worried about this, he would look at a far greater

contributor to physical abuse – alcohol. In South Africa, 65% of women who experience physical abuse do so at the hands of drunken spouses. But of course, no politician in their right mind would touch the alcohol companies, not when SAB alone contributes to 5% of the government’s revenue, or approximately $3.3 billion US a year.

streams as alcohol, so it’s far easier for government officials to go after it. It allows them to appear as if they are doing something without upsetting their bank balances.

Image courtesy of www.googlesearch.com

Carla Gontier

This ban is also worrying for our supposed democratic freedom. It is as yet unclear what the government’s criteria are for pornography. Provocative art could easily fall into this category.

Aside from this though, the reason alcohol is not banned – even though it is an addictive substance, causes many diseases and alters a person’s state of mind – is because we, as consenting adults, have the right to choose whether we want to drink it or not.

Child pornography is already banned on the Internet, as it should be, but consenting adults should be given the right to choose whether or not they want to watch pornography. Perhaps it should fall to the parents to put their own restrictions on the television or the Internet. One could even go so far as to say they shouldn’t give their children BlackBerrys or other expensive phones on which they can watch pornography at any time of the day.

Shouldn’t pornography be afforded the same treatment? Mind you, Internet porn doesn’t generate nearly the same sort of revenue

Image courtesy of www.googleimages.com

NO MORE BOOBIES - Will new censorship protect our chiildren or hurt our democracy?

Let us return to the idea of the unregulated Internet. The government does not have 100% control of the Internet or telecommunications in South Africa. The cost of such an exercise would also be extremely high, which means that after a lot of time, money and effort are put into banning pornography, it will still be accessible. But do not worry – the government will not be footing the bill for this futile exercise. They have stated, categorically, that the service providers will absorb this cost. However, it is highly unlikely that service providers will be throwing money at this problem, and neither will their

IN THE BUFF - Perhaps it is not too long before we boobies and other naughties are banned from the tv screen. shareholders. Consequently, as expected, the customer will be at the receiving end of that bill. Other countries’efforts at banning pornography outright have also been largely unsuccessful, but the department of Home Affairs has noted that the ban on these mediums has been fairly well implemented in the United Arab Emirates and Yemen (pillars of democracy, I’m sure). The United Arab Emirates ranks 114 out of 150 in the World Audit Organisation’s rankings on press freedom. I’m not entirely persuaded that South Africa should be following these examples. During apartheid

the government had full control over the media. It would be alarmingly unfair to return to a system where the government gains more and more control over the media. Instead of taking away people’s right to choose and banning porn outright, perhaps we could teach our children about what is being depicted, and allow parents to control what their children see. This is not an issue for the government, as it seeks to give them far too much control over broadcasting and thus the media.

Opinions

6 Trivial Pursuit By Sarah Jackson

In conlcusion â&#x20AC;&#x201C; the perils of writersâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; block

Me: â&#x20AC;&#x153;Look, I just spoke to my editor and the word limit really is 700 words.â&#x20AC;? Writer: â&#x20AC;&#x153;But I totally counted an article last week and it was 1580 words.â&#x20AC;? [Sub-editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s note: GO OUTSIDE.] Me: â&#x20AC;&#x153;No, I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t think it was. I know how to use the word count tool.â&#x20AC;?

I HAVE no idea what to write. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been forbidden from writing a column on feminism (last pieces canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t be cop outs) and this piece was due last Wednesday. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Monday. The adverts are being put in and the paper is off to the printers in the next three hours so I really need to get this piece written. The thing with Opinions (and I can say this now that I am outgoing) is that I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really think they are as important as we make them out to be. Here follows a conversation I have with a staff writer at least once a week who submits 2000word pieces and then expects it to be published.

Writer: â&#x20AC;&#x153;But what I have to say is so important and I really think the students need to hear it. I am convinced believe that this 2000 word dissertation, which has obviously left one of my lecturers minus one of my essays because of all the time I put into this, will change the way UCT students think forever. â&#x20AC;? Me: Block this user. The hard truth is this: My best friends donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t read my column. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t send it to my dad because he replies and tells me what I should have said and my sister deletes my emails entitled â&#x20AC;&#x153;My New Columnâ&#x20AC;? without opening it. So, back to the column that needed to be in five days ago. I could write on how I think it is the mediaâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fault entirely that the

Quran-burning debacle got so out of hand. When you interview an uneducated pastor with a â&#x20AC;&#x153;congregationâ&#x20AC;? of 50 people about his simple-minded, insulting views on Islam on CNN it will escalate further than the ramblings of 51 cantankerous individuals and their asinine world views (I had to use the thesaurus because you are not allowed to say sh*t in the paper). I could talk about the ANC and their petty leadership squabbles and clamp down on tenderpreneurs and the corruption of their MPs

â&#x20AC;&#x153;...Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m working on the presumption that the Mayans just ran out of paper.â&#x20AC;? and implement their Polokwane resolutions. Everyone agrees that the party must end their outdated alliance with COSATU and the SACP, which is not fooling even the most politically astute. The SACP continues to toe the

Neglected black child Wandile Mamba THE BLACK child is under threat. He is underrepresented in any structure that makes the decisions about his future in the university. The black children who are eloquent and articulate enough to represent the interests of the black child are often apologetic and ashamed of their blackness, and often never feel like itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s their responsibility because they are no longer struggling, and solidarity (which gave them their freedom) is irrelevant. It is often this struggle to conform to general white middle class culture that compromises the voice of the black child, through the disillusionment and ignorance of a black middle class, which ironically, was created to wield economic power in this country so as to leverage decision-making in the favour of the poor black child, to ensure the black child has a destiny in the land in which his ancestors laboured. But of course we have failed in this discourse and have only managed to reproduce the very system others gave their lives to destroy. Fuel to this is the black man's complacency to settle for civil liberties (the right to date across racial lines, the right to go to the beach) as freedom, instead of finding ways to once again gain control of the means of production, and to improve the lives of those who labour in them. Therefore the message to the black child is, as Biko said, "Black man, you are on your

ownâ&#x20AC;?, and you will need to work hard to ensure that your presence is felt. Primarily and most importantly, you will need to pass. Before all else, because this place will not hesitate to add you to the list of black hearts they have broken. Therefore all the black students, the underprivileged, who have managed to survive the beast that has crushed the dreams and aspirations of our brothers and sisters â&#x20AC;&#x201C; academic exclusion â&#x20AC;&#x201C; will have to mentor and tutor and groom young first years to be able to survive this beast, because we cannot achieve the emancipation of the black child if we do not work together and consolidate our successes. By virtue of your position, you have the responsibility to accelerate our drive towards an academically competent and eventually economically independent black child. The black child must stand strong, and fight for his place in the hierarchy of society, to leverage influence and open doors wide for those that are to come after him. You are not a charity case, black child; you are not some person that the university looked upon and gave mercy to. Fight for your place; you deserve to be here because you worked hard. Demand your space. Pass, and help those that are struggling. Secondly, second to passing only, you will have to contest SRC elections and take an active interest in governance at UCT. As Tutu said, the price of freedom is vigilance, and the battle to democratise institutional decisions, including curricula, access, and throughput must be led by you, black child, because if you are

absent from these discussions, then nuclear physicists and actuaries will continue to sit in Zinc shacks in Langa, facing a future of crime and poverty with misdirected frustrations such as xenophobia (Afrophobia).

line, despite obvious ideological differences between them and the ANC, because without the alliance it would be a struggle for them to get even one seat in parliament. Deputy General-Secretary Jeremy Cronin even comes to a light defence of the media tribunal in order to appease the powers that be while COSATU gets more and more frustrated with the ANC and governmentâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 7% increase. And of course it is pretty much like shooting a sitting duck to have a go at the Pope, who has just congratulated the British on their World War Two fight against the Nazis, just 5 months after finally forgiving John Lennon for claiming that The Beatles were â&#x20AC;&#x153;bigger than Jesus.â&#x20AC;? Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s such a relief to have an institution that wields such immense influence over so many people comment on things that happened decades ago. Maybe in 2050 (working on the presumption that the Mayans just ran out of paper) they will get proactive about the sexual abuse that pervades the clergy and apologise for their irresponsible stance on condom use. So thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s out, and Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve been banned from talking about feminism. Bringing up the subject of womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s rights will get a guy

to switch off and disappear faster than if you involve them in a deep conversation about your intense desire for marriage and children. Their eyes start darting nervously and their foreheads start sweating as they mumble a joke about how small feet are conducive to stovestanding. I mean, constitutionally speaking we are completely equal to men, right? Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re allowed to go to university, get a job and be free from abuse, at least in theory. Even though in South Africa 30% of men interviewed in a recent survey believe that women â&#x20AC;&#x153;ask to be rapedâ&#x20AC;?, this country has the highest rate of sexual abuse in the world and the wage gap between men and womenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s salaries has been decreasing. So, in conclusion, it is Monday and the paper is going off to the printers in about two hours and if Quran burning, the ANC, the pope and feminism are all out of bounds I really do have nothing to say...

If you can keep it down to 700 words, write for opinions: E-mail opinions@ varsitynewspaper.co.za

disclaimer The VARSITY Opinions section is a vehicle for expression on any topic by members of the university community. The opinions within this section are not necessarily those of the VARSITY Collective or its advertisers. The Opinions Editor expressly reserves the right to edit or shorten letters. Letters should include the name and contact details, and must be received by 17h00 on the Wednesday before publication. They should not exceed 350 words, and will not be published under a pseudonym, or anonymously. Email articles to opinions@varsitynewspaper.co.za

There are three million black South Africans between the ages of 18 to 24, sitting at home with no options. No one can represent the dreams and aspirations of the underprivileged black child but him because he knows firsthand the painful challenges, of which he enjoys exclusive rights of academic exclusion, fee increases, and financial aid. Black child, if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fight this battle, who will fight it for your cousinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ekasi? White students donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t even come to interrogations during SRC elections. You expect them to fight for you? Black child, this is your battle. Get involved. But, as a precautionary measure, we must always remember that the principles that govern our future and the visions of the founders of our democratic state are, in the words of Mbeki, that of a â&#x20AC;&#x153;democratic, non-racial, nonsexist and prosperous Africa, a continent in which all the people enjoy a better life.â&#x20AC;? Thus, this is a means to a nonracial end without compromising redress. The same argument I make here for the black child, I make for the woman and her emancipation; the challenges the black child faces, are the challenges the woman faces. Black child itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s possible â&#x20AC;&#x201C; dare to dream.

!1* (433+%6.13( 234$)%$ 9-!-#% !-$ )-&.1,!3).- 3%#(-.+.'8 "%&.1% %23!"+)2()-' (!63% ! #.,/!-8 2/%#)!+)2)-' )- $)')3!+ #%13)9#!3%2 !-$ #18/3.'1!/(8 % &.4-$%$ %-341% !/)3!+ !-$ (% (433+%6.13( .4-$!3).- - (% "%'!- /1%/!1)-' &.1 3(% )123 &1)#!- )- /!#% ,)22).- !-$ )- (% :%6 )- 2/!#% !1* )2 !- &1)#!- %-31%/1%-%41 6(. +.5%2 3%#(-.+.'8 )--.5!3).- #(!-'% !-$ 2/!#% :)'(3

.)- 3(% $8-!,)# !-$ ()'( /%1&.1,!-#% 6.1+$ .& !-+!, -5%23,%-3 !-!'%,%-3 .-% .& .43( &1)#! 2 +%!$)-' !22%3 ,!-!'%12 & 8.4 (!5% ! /!22).- &.1 )-5%23,%-32 !2* -.6 !".43 .41 "412!18 .//.134-)3)%2 &.1 -$ 1$ !-$ 3( 8%!1 234$%-32 &1., 3(% .,,%1#% -')-%%1)-' #)%-#% !-$ !6 &!#4+3)%2 6(. (!5% "%%- .- 3(% %!- 2 %1)3 )23 !3 +%!23 .-#% )- 3(% /!23 8%!12 !-$ (!5% $.-% !3(2 .1 3!3)23)#2 !3 ! 4-)5%12)38 +%5%+ (% 24##%22&4+ !//+)#!-3 6)++ "% ,%-3.1%$ "8 3(% !-!')-' )1%#3.1 .& !-+!, -5%23,%-3 !-!'%,%-3 % #.5%1 34)3).- &%%2 "..*2 1%2)$%-#% !-$ 31!5%+ #.232 %3 %7/.241% 3. 3(% %7#)3)-' %-5)1.-,%-3 .& )-5%23,%-3 ,!-!'%,%-3 6(%1% 3(% 6.1+$ 2 ,!1*%32 !1% 8.41 /+!8'1.4-$ 97%$ )-3%1%23 )-3%1-!3).-!+ ,!1*%32 /1./%138 ,!1*%32 %04)38 ,!1*%32 !-$ &4341%2

Investment Management

Opinions Image courtesy of www.ďŹ&#x201A;ickr.com

Great expectations

MAKE A WISH - When your expectations do not match reality.

Gosia Podgorska IN THE film 500 Days of Summer, there is a scene that resonates well with me. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not claiming itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the best movie ever (that â&#x20AC;&#x153;My name is Autumnâ&#x20AC;? thing made me cringe), but the expectations vs. reality scene reflected a part of our every day life so well, I thought Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d make it my theme for this article. I present to you, something everybody already instinctively knows, but rarely realises. Think back on specific moments in your life that you built up in your head for ages, before they even actually happened. It could be anything, from your matric dance, your first flight on a plane, or every single New Year's Eve since you could party. Your expectations are more often than not very different to the actual outcome of the scenario. Case in point, take bumping into an ex. In your mind, you imagine being suave, looking and feeling great and acting completely collected about the whole situation. In reality however, you most likely end up cowering away in fear when you spot them with their new fling. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s never how we think it will be, even when it is. With that in mind, obviously the best thing to do in order to avoid any form of guilt or unhappiness we experience from not realising our dreams would be to not create any expectations at all. But, the problem with that is that even if you may consciously attempt not to hold certain hopes and remain open minded to whatever may be, your subconscious has already allowed you to indulge in a variety

of scenes. On top of that, you will only realise this if you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t achieve them. That mild nagging feeling telling you should have taken that job at the engineering firm rather than travelling around India for a year is because you did something that wasnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t expected, and reality bit you back. The good news is that life is about exceeding others' expectations of you and more importantly, to surpass what you anticipate from yourself, in order to grow wiser and meet a constantly changing reality. If you only have one expectation of life and out of yourself, and donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t adapt it as you grow, it means you arenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t really growing. You need to rearrange the files in your mind to be in order with you and what you need out of life then and there. If you are an undergraduate student finishing off your degree in 2010, what do you see yourself doing next year? Naturally, we have to make a plan for ourselves, otherwise the world would be on an incessant gap year. Still, before you let yourself get sucked into the robot-like realm of 9-5, consider what you want out of life, accept the fact that you might not get it, and allow your attitude to change on the way there. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m not saying donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have dreams â&#x20AC;&#x201C; dreams are a mandatory part of our existence. Just always try to keep in mind that what you want and what you get may not be in correlation, best put in the words of the Rolling Stones: â&#x20AC;&#x153;You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you needâ&#x20AC;?.

â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Till death do us part TiďŹ&#x20AC;any Mugo

â&#x20AC;&#x153;TAKE these broken wings/I need your hands to come and heal me once again/So I can fly away/ until the end of time.â&#x20AC;? The words to this song sum up my belief in the after life â&#x20AC;&#x201C; that one day when itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all over that all the wrongs in life will be righted and the harsh wounds of this life patched up. I can't say whether this is true or whether I am merely trying to make sense of living in an imperfect word which is filled with so many hardships at times, but thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I believe. The finality of death makes me want to believe there is some sort of redemption, as it is one of the things in life in which there are no â&#x20AC;&#x153;do-oversâ&#x20AC;?. No coming back. When you're gone, you're gone. I had previously thought about writing about feminism this week but upon the passing of yet another person I knew I found this more befitting. Death strips something from us. I feel it takes away the innocence of forever and replaces it with the maturity of the

uncertainty of tomorrow. It forces you to deal with something which, like paying taxes, is inescapable.

wired to fear the unknown and nothing, in my view, is more unknown than the â&#x20AC;&#x153;other sideâ&#x20AC;?.

The end of a life always makes me question my own mortality and when one who is your age is told that his time is up, the thought becomes less fleeting and more contemplative. At the end what actually waits for us? A session in church this Sunday on the book of Revelations did not paint the rosiest of pictures â&#x20AC;&#x201C; I would advise one and all to repent just to be on the safe side. I mean whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the harm?

Promises are often made upon the death of a person in your life: promises to call those around you more, to check up on people more. I know I made that promise when a member of my family recently passed. But the trick at this moment in time is to keep these promises. It makes it so there are no regrets because as we all know when someone leaves there is no coming back. You canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t send them a quick email saying what you forgot to say. You can't send them an SMS to say hi. You can't call them to say you love them. And regret is a useless (but surprisingly powerful) emotion which really is better avoided. On that note let me say this: to those who are left behind, call your loved ones, hug those who you care about because tomorrow is a fickle and sometimes elusive mistress. For those who have deceased I know your broken wings have been healed. Rest in peace.

But I realized that as young people our own sense of mortality seldom comes into play. We never take time to think what will happen when its all over: will there be a light? Will there be someone waiting? Was Miss Fifi, the family puppy, allowed in? Does heaven have internet, and if so, is it free? Despite the jest, when I do find myself contemplating the great beyond, it fills me with worry at times. Humans are hard-

Getting around: how we choose to move Kimon de Greef THEY say you should start an article with a controversial statement so here goes: driving around on your own is completely evil and one day people are going to equate it with keeping slaves. I didn't really mean that, but at least you're reading with a bit more interest now. Let's quickly draw some distinctions so that we don't upset anybody too much. Single-person car use is not exploitative and it isn't a blatant form of human rights abuse. It doesn't directly harm anyone (except road accident victims) and it is not a socio-political tool used to subjugate entire generations of human beings based on the colour of their skin. So what's the point of the analogy? Driving around solo is just what we do; it's what our parents did when we were kids and it's the easiest way of getting from A to B. It's comfortable and familiar and we even get to choose our own music. Most of the time, in fact, we don't even think about it â&#x20AC;&#x201C; we're accustomed to this way of life and it has become a deeplyrooted (and very agreeable) habit. Hopefully you're seeing where this is going by now.

It feels trite to bang on about the environment these days because everybody's been hearing about it for so long that there isn't much new to say. All the same, it's worth mentioning that global climate change is probably going to displace millions of people in third-world countries in the next one hundred years, and that oil companies are starting to drill more and more pristine wilderness areas in order to extract the last pockets of profitable fossil fuels this planet has to offer. It's basic maths, but if you shared lifts to campus with another driver you would collectively emit half the amount CO2 and use half as much petrol. The problem is, it's so damn easy getting around in your own car. And what are the alternatives? Hustling on public transport and joining car pools are the modernday equivalent of slave owners mowing their own lawns and washing their own clothes (or paying somebody else to do it, I suppose; but that's another story) â&#x20AC;&#x201C; they involve extra effort and aren't that appealing to people who are used to having it easy. That's where we're heading though: the golden age of the automobile is drawing to a close. Much like slave ownership

(and hopefully eating factoryfarmed meat as well), private car use will become an indulgence we leave behind us as we find more practical and sustainable ways of getting around. You can bet your last mango that the petrol price will increase steadily until the day you die. That's a pure economic consequence of the difficult wilderness oil drilling I mentioned earlier. So you don't even have to give a stuff about the environment to see the benefits of traveling places together â&#x20AC;&#x201C; it's also a pure question of efficiency. Picture how ridiculous Jammie Plaza would look if everybody walked around with gigantic empty cardboard boxes strapped around them (car-sized boxes, if you can push the fantasy that far). It would be completely congested and people would bump into each other and get angry, but I bet there wouldn't be calls for UCT to demolish some of their buildings and widen the walkway. Instead, people would say, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Hey, let's get rid of these stupid boxes.â&#x20AC;? Or maybe if they couldn't do that, they'd climb into each others boxes and start walking around together. And that is exactly what we should do.

LOVE FASHION? " ! " " " # " www.truworths.co.za TRA INE E PLA NNE R $ ! ! " "

$ " ! ! " $

TRAINE E BUYER $ !

$ $

CALL CENTE R AGENT, DATA CAPTU RER OR A CONFI RMER/ UNDERWRITE R $ $ # " %

! $ $ $ $ "

SRC Report Card

Name: Melvyn Lubega Portfolio: Vice President - External Faculty: Commerce Year of study: 3rd AcSci Afﬁliation: Independent

Name: Sizwe Mpofu-Walsh Portfolio: President Faculty: Humanities Faculty & year: 3rd year PPE Afﬁliation: Independent

The President has done well. With a rough start – two SRC members down at the beginning of the year – Mpofu-Walsh managed to create a unified team. He also helped further the SRC’s African agenda, with the African Student Leaders’ Summit held in September, at which 23 African institutions were represented. Another success was the organisation of a major public speech on campus: Mr Thabo Mbeki, folks. The development of a cohesive crime strategy and the Fees Revolution (waiting in the wings for management’s decision) are also highlights of a successful year, though the crime strategy was more Shannon Bernhardt’s job than Mpofu-Walsh’s. Failures? Some SRC members had trouble with what was seen as a desire not to make controversial decisions that might cause divisions. All in all, a good term.

Name: Wandile Mamba Portfolio: Vice President Internal Faculty: Engineering Year of study: 3rd year Chemical Engineering Afﬁliation: Independent

A-

As the Vice President: Internal, his core mandate for the year was to fight for students and open avenues in which they could develop themselves. He chaired the Development Agencies Sub-Council and was in charge of SRC Internal discipline. His passion for entrepreneurship led him to resurrect the Enterprise Forum that had established in 2008, sat on the Readmissions Academic Council, assisted with the readmission of financially excluded students and represented the SRC on numerous occasions to other academic institutes. He has been commended for devoting his time during the vacations to handle SRC business by his peers, but was also criticised for not having done more.

Name: Shannon Bernhardt Portfolio: Secretary General Faculty: Humanities Year of study: 4th year Politics and Economics student Afﬁliation: DASO Shannon Bernhardt is one of the most experienced members of this years SRC, having served as VPI last year. His term as SecretaryGeneral has received praise from his co-workers and his superiors. His major successes are the crime strategy, kicked off by the “How Many More” campaign early this year. The strategy saw the SRC having meetings with SAPS, the Premier and various other organs of local and regional government and policing. It also gave the SRC a hand in the establishment of the Groote Schuur Improvement District, an important step in the fight against crime. The New Hope Summit, held in August between UCT, UWC and Stellenbosch was also a highlight: the three universities are now finalising a proposal on higher education to be presented to government. Failures? Bernhardt noted something that many of the SRC members picked up on: their failure to organise mass student meetings and communicate on a personal level with students and their concerns – Facebook, Vula and posters aside.

Name: Richard McLaverty Portfolio: Deputy Secretary-General Faculty: Humanities Year of study: 3rd year Politics and Sociology Afﬁliation: DASO

Third year Humanities student Richard McLaverty (21) has impressively maintained the position of Deputy Secretary-General. He was part of the Democratic Alliance Student’s Organisation. He successfully performed his role of being responsible for taking minutes at SRC meetings, serve as the secretariat of the Student Assembly and be responsible for office management. McLaverty’s other achievements include being appointed by Premier Helen Zille to help coordinate the Groote Schuur Community Improvement District; serving on the Academic Freedom Committee; and was acting Secretary-General when the previous Secretary-General resigned. Health, Safety and Security Coordinator Michell Mpike claims that when it came to campaigns, McLaverty was “always present and a helping hand”. SRC Transformation Coordinator Saif Islam commends McLaverty for having shown “tremendous integrity throughout the year”. It appears that McLaverty only had one major failure this year: his inability to provide the SRC blazers and overalls on time. Shocking! “I would say we have performed extremely well and been a much more visible and vocal SRC compared to previous SRCs,” says McLaverty.

THE SRC REPORT CARD IS AN ANNUAL VARSITY PROJECT THAT IS CONDUCTED TO ASSESS THE PERFORMANCE OF EACH YEAR’S OUTGOING SRC. IT IS CONDUCTED IN AN OPEN AND INCLUSIVE MANNER. ALL THE INFORMATION HAS BEEN SOURCED FROM ALL OF THE SRC MEMBERS THEMSELVES. THE VIEWS AND OPINIONS EXPRESSED ARE NOT THOSE OF VARSITY NEWSPAPER OR THE WRITERS WHO CONDUCTED THE INTERVIEWS. THE GRADES ARE AN AVERAGE OF ALL RATINGS GIVEN BY OTHER SRC MEMBERS SUB-COUNCILS.

Melvin’s role included deputising the president, being the link between international students and the International Academic Programme Office (IAPO), chairing the constitutional committee, representing UCT in the South African Union of Students (SAUS) and liaising with other universities and their SRCs. His main goals going into office were to improve relationships with other instituions, as well as assisting in developing constitutions for residences and their committees. Major achievements include instituting the International Students Forum (ISF), though he feels he could have engaged in this area further, and indicated that this was a long-term solution that would yield results in the future. Another low point he mentioned was that he could have done more work with international student societies, as they sometimes focused too much on social aspects. Though he did receive some criticism for not participating as fully as he might have, overall Melvyn performed and did much to establish longlasting inter-campus links.

Name: Sumaya Hendricks Portfolio: Academics Faculty: Commerce Year of study: 2nd PPE Afﬁliation: SASCO Sumaya Hendricks took on the task of Academic Chair as a first year, and came out having accomplished a lot of goals as well as having set up long term goals for her successors. She dedicated her entire first semester to establishing the First Year Experience which is a system designed better equip first years in adjusting to UCT. After having liaised with other university SRCs to establish how best to combat the alarming rate of academically excluded students, her main focus has been on making sure students are getting accepted and graduating. She sat on the Readmissions Council and ran various academic forums throughout her term, improving the roles of class representatives. According to her fellow SRC members, Sumaya worked tirelessly in the SRC, contributed to the team immensely, and proved all wrong those who underestimated her.

A+

Name: Lwando Maki Portfolio: Treasurer Faculty: Medicine Year of study: 4th year MBChB Afﬁliation: Independent As Treasurer, Lwando “Doc” Maki’s duties included chairing the SRC finance committee, compiling the SRC budget and financial reports, managing SRC resources and dealing with on-campus vendors with SRC contracts. This included financing SRC campaign throughout the year, and in this area Doc tried to focus on obtaining external funding. Working extensively with the undergraduate financial aid department, Lwando was able to organize bailout funds for many students. Lwando prides himself in his ability to represent UCT externally through various organisations. Unfortunately, Lwando received much criticism for his “unprofessionalism”; while he got the job done, some said his methods left them with a quite bad aftertaste. Even more troubling, controversy surrounding his tenure, performance, and “lack of transparency” severely marred his term, and has lead to an internal audit, currently in progress.

PHOTOS BY SIMONE MILLWARD REPORT CARD CONDUCTED BY OLIVIA WALTON, NYASHA KADANDARA, LYNDALL THWAITS, PASQUA HEARD, NKOSIYATI KHUMALO, TATENDA GOREDEMA AND REMY NGAMIJE

SRC Report Card Name: Jarvis Ball Portfolio: Sports & Entertaining and fundraising Faculty: Commerce Year of study: 4th year BusSci Afﬁliation: Independent

B-

Jarvis Ball came into the SRC as Sports Coordinator, and adopted the Entertainment and Fundraising portfolios due to the academic exclusion of a fellow member. Since then Jarvis had managed to raise R300 000 by the end of the third quarter, with hopes of pulling in another R100 000 by the end of the year; after the 2009 SRC had just pulled itself out of the red. Halfway through the year Jarvis blew the whistle on the SRC financial situation calling for an internal financial audit, which did not sit well with most of his SRC members. However Jarvis’s rogue stunt brought out many of the inefficiencies within the financial management of the SRC. He was described as great thinker, and very innovative; despite the limited scope of the sports portfolio he managed to create the SRC subscription fund and SRC inter-res sports tournament.

Name: Londeka Mkhize Portfolio: Res Co-ordinator Faculty: Humanities Year of study: 3rd year EGS and PPA Afﬁliation: SASCO Londeka reports that the SRC of 2010 worked well together and really pulled through as a team. “Everybody pulled their weight, and I believe we did a good job of representing the students.” As for her individual performance, Londeka rates her strong ability to communicate as a great asset in the position of Res Co-ordinator. She says she could not have performed as effectively as she did without the help of her Res Council Team. Her greatest success this year was ensuring that students still had a place to stay during the Soccer World Cup, but she counts the violence of the Fedex strike as a failure – although she is proud that her team managed to see to the needs and safety of the affected students efficiently. According to Londeka, the support of the rest of the SRC made the year a success.

Tumi has had an interesting year; he was a late addition to the SRC team having missed out in last year’s election. He was co-opted after two SRC members failed to fill their positions due to different reasons. He came into a position which is sometimes maligned as being unimportant, and did a good job. From revitalising and reinvigorating the near dead Day houses Sub Council to becoming an active voice for day students that were seemingly being forgotten by the administration, Tumi has done well. He sought to spark a renewed awareness of day houses including the disability unit housed in the Steve Biko building and those who dealt with him had praise for his performance. The sole criticism against Tumi is that he could have done more but this must be tempered with the fact that he came into the job later than some and had to catch-up and get moving without a grace period.

Name: Saif Islam Portfolio: Transformation Coordinator Faculty: Humanities Year of study: 4th year, post-graduate in political communication Afﬁliation: Independent

B-

Name: Uhuru Mabelo Portfolio: Media and Communications Faculty: Commerce Year of Study: Honours (Economics) Afﬁliation: COPE-UCT After a year spent working to improve on the previous efforts of his portfolio, Uhuru Mabelo feels that he has managed to make some positive contributions. He lists the greatest of these as setting up the first truly sustainable SRC website. Because it is run through UCT’s server, Mabelo feels there has been an increase in accessibilty and the SRC’s visibility. He believes that although one of his successes was definitely providing more varied forums for students to voice their concerns, the feedback mechanism could have been better – particularly at satellite campuses like the Music and Dance School. Mabelo thinks that the SRC as a whole performed well this year, as most strategy goals were achieved. He is currently working hard on the Fees Revolution Campaign in an effort to inform students on exactly why fees rise and provide a place for structured discussion and debate.

Name: Michell Mpike Portfolio: Health, safety and security Faculty: Humanities Year of study: second year (Politics and public policy) Afﬁliation: DASO

Name: Mr Keitumetsi Mabelebele Portfolio: Dayhouses Coordinator Faculty: Post Grad Law 4th year of study Afﬁliation: SASCO

B-

As transformation coordinator the candidate was responsible for overseeing issues such as discrimination, gender, race, racial integration, disadvantaged students within the university. As well as running a number of campaigns which dealt with the following issues and opened the floor to students to have their say on issues of transformation. These varied from academic forums and academic exclusion to creating visibility about gender and racial integration. He rated his overall performance as a 7/10. The issues he felt needed more attention were student forum’s on change and transformation. A spokesperson for the SRC said that “Saif has worked extremely hard at times but that consistency was an issue.” In response to this Saif said that experience had taught him rather to invest maximum performance into fewer projects then to do a mediocre job on an expansive range of projects. Saif’s performance was more complex compared to many well defined portfolios. Due to the nature of UCT’s issues Saif performed well overall.

Michelle’s year was largely defined primarily by safety with Dominic Giddy’s murder as well some other safety issues, although she did have a big hand in promoting HAICU’s on-campus campaign. She rated her overall performance as a 7/10. She felt that she had managed her work as well as other responsibility within her policy; she put herself on the “ground-level” so that she was visible. While she made use of ways to promote her campaigns she felt she could have improved on the general reporting back on the campaigns that she ran. She also felt she could have done more for the health part of her portfolio. The SRC noted that Michell had had a challenging year; she ran some extremely good campaigns but she often relyed on the subcommittee to carry through her ideas and this connection didn’t always fuse. She also could have done more for the health aspect of her portfolio.

Name: Erik De Ridder Portfolio: Societies Coordinator and Entertainment Fundraising Co-ordinator (co-held with Jarvis Ball) Faculty: 3rd Year Engineering Student Afﬁliation: DASO Erik carried two portfolios in the SRC this year due to exclusions and an elected member leaving the university. As far as we can tell he carried out his duties with aplomb. From reformatting O-Week to assisting in acquiring equipment for societies, Erik has done it all. Erik deserves credit for being a genuine environmentalist and pushing green consciousness in keeping with his portfolio. He initiated the new environmentalism charter and pushed the approval of a recycling station on lower campus. People we spoke to were full of admiration and praise for the work Erik did in both his portfolios. His teammates praised Erik as “hardworking” and “innovative”. His colleagues say that he was a credit to the SRC and was impartial at times when political jostling happened. We struggled to find weaknesses in his performance and from a student’s perspective, Erik seemed to care more about the job than raising his own lot which is a rarity in politics.

B FOR BORING

Yes, boring. That is what sums up the 2010 SRC. There were no sex tapes, no sexual harrassment charges, no prostitution incidences and the absence of lock-outs and shut-outs was disturbing. The front page appearences were reserved to student marches, raising awareness and all of the other things that political bodies are supposed to do, but rarely achieve. Compared to previous SRCs, this year’s group kept their heads down and actually got the work done. With large personalities and influence across the entire UCT spectrum, they were able to pioneer projects and initiatives that posed serious problems for previous groups. Infighting was ket to a minimum, bickering – barring one incident – was also absent from the public stage. If anything, the image and function of the SRC has been boosted by this year’s group. They were boring...but they were damn good.

Features

What do you consider ‘safe sex’?

“Trusting your partners and taking precautions.” Jarvis Ball 4th year Entomology

“No sex before marriage.” Jesse Twum-Boafo 3rd year Act Sci

“Sex is real – use a condom.” Yusri Van Der Schyff 2nd Year English, Arabic, and Religious Studies

Photos by Tiffany Mugo

“No sex at all.” “If there is sex, sex with a Condom.” “Don’t have too many partners.”

Claire Muthukarapan 4th year BSc Chemistry; Deena Van Mali 2nd Year Bsc Chemistry

Jean Barratt

Josj Paclayachee 4th year Quantitative Finance

RAG Coordinator

“Having sex with a security guard standing outside.” Kim Castle Psychology Honours

“Knowing the partner you are with. Also using condoms, using dental dams and knowing your status.” Alex Isaacs 1st year English, Media and Writing

100% INTEREST If you’ve recently graduated, or are just about to complete your Bachelor’s degree, you may ﬁnd that prospective employers are not showing enough interest in your considerable potential. What you need are some solid business and entrepreneurial skills to get the kind of attention you deserve. The Faculty of Commerce at the University of Cape Town offers four postgraduate diploma courses in Management:

[djh[fh[d[khi^_f © cWha[j_d] cWdW][c[dj © ifehj cWdW][c[dj © jekh_ic cWdW][c[dj These intensive one-year courses prepare students for the world of business and have a reputation for dramatically enhancing career opportunities. A strong theoretical and practical grounding in the key management disciplines and area of specialisation ensures that graduates can make an immediate and valuable contribution in their chosen careers. To apply for admission, {{z w z{ } wz w { z{} {{ Wdo w {w, a year of your time and the passion to succeed. Applications close end October each year. For more information contact Janine Osman: Email Janine.Osman@uct.ac.za Tel 021 650-4393, or visit the School of Management Studies website:

www.commerce.uct.ac.za/managementstudies/pgdiplomas

Features

Fighting unemployment in South Africa? Pasqua Heard A COMMON complaint in South Africa is that no one is doing anything to solve the major issue of unemployment. It will therefore be of interest to those who make this complaint that there are some who have set up projects to combat the problem of unemployment. One such project is the Income Generation Project (IGP) managed by Jason Stevens who graduated from UCT’s business science programme last year. This faith-based project was founded by Ryan DeCook in 2008. It developed from Africa Jam, an organisation focused on high school youth development operating in some of the most economically disadvantaged townships in the Cape region. Violence, HIV, high incidence of crime, drugs and illiteracy are not uncommon in these areas. Africa Jam reaches these youth through leadership development, dance and movement programs, camp experiences and life skills programs. DeCook realised that the high unemployment in Khayelitsha, with 50.8% unemployment in a population of 450 000, is one of the main causes for these social ills experienced by the youth. He therefore experimented by giving two matriculants a loan of R600 each in 2008. One of the borrowers, Simphiwe Ntshayi, bought himself a digital camera and has since gone on to receive sponsorship

from Nikon; he now markets his photographs online. With the help of a donation, DeCook continued with this idea in 2009 when he saw a need for the parents of the Africa Jam youth to be assisted in developing their businesses. With the vision of stimulating sustainable economic activity in poverty-stricken areas, IGP achieves this by giving small business loans to successful applicants which are then repaid on a fortnightly basis. With the support of the SIFE UCT society they run financial literacy and HIV training, and invite businessmen to share their experiences with the clients every alternate week. They also encourage the clients to develop a culture of saving, with the sum of the clients’ savings totaling over R3 000 after just four months. The project currently employs two loan managers in Khayelitsha who manage the 16 clients, 15 of whom are women. So far the project has created 33 employment opportunities for individuals in Khayelitsha. “We are currently operating in Makhaya, Khayelitsha”, explains Stevens, “although we are looking to expand into Site B, Khayelitsha and Mfuleni in the near future.” IGP has achieved a successful repayment rate of 94%. Stevens states the reason the model works so well is because it is based on the Grameen Model which uses a group-based loan

CAPITAL - The challenge of bringing rand to the poor in SA is slowly being tackled by the IGP.

Photo by Marché Arends

system as collateral. This model was developed by Bangladesh economist Prof Mohammed Yunis who won the 2006 Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in reducing poverty. The Income Generation Project has aided many people

in Khayelitsha who would not otherwise have the means to start their own business. Evidence of this is the award the project won at the recent SIFE National Competition, where it came third in the local economic development category. It promises to continue its admirable work; as Stevens

states, “The project is going to grow massively as soon as we increase our loan capital, so watch this space”. If you would like to get involved or contribute financially please contact Stevens at jason.igp@ gmail.com or SIFE UCT at sife. uct@gmail.com.

LUVUYO MATO How does your qualiﬁcations near Cape Town. I was also the different provinces of South treasurer of the Kilindini Residence Africa to expose them to the relate to your work? My qualifications enabled me to have a broad grasp of internationally applicable economic science and of the political and moral context in which it is applied. This better positions me to impartially analyse objective realities and take maximum advantage of the opportunities for my country in a dynamic environment with competitive players.

What are the key skills that have contributed to your success thus far? We recently spoke to Luvuyo Mato, who works as an Assistant Director: Foreign Service at the Department of International Relations and Cooperation. He is currently posted in Yaounde, Cameroon as First Secretary: Political. Luvuyo holds a Bachelor of Social Science in Philosophy, Politics and Economics from the University of Cape Town and a Master of Philosophy in Economic Policy from Stellenbosch University.

What does entail?

you

work

I started working on multilateral issues in the context of the India Brazil South Africa Dialogue Forum (IBSA) as well as on Asia & Middle East trade and

investment promotion work. Now I work on Africa bilateral issues in Cameroon. I work in a dynamic environment, where one is guaranteed a change every four years. This is one attraction of the Department. Which factors ignited your interest in this position/organisation? The privilege to represent South Africa abroad and at the same time, the opportunity to travel the world. This involves not only a journey in kilometres, but also a journey in time. Many times I would be in places that take me many years behind and sometimes many years ahead, as one crosses borders, cultures and civilisations. For this reason, my work is enriching.

In my work we talk and write a lot of reports. Therefore, writing, communication, project management, networking, interpersonal and negotiation skills are essential for a successful diplomat.

Committee where I stayed. In addition to this, I was a member of the Kilindini Football team and a member of the Philosophy Society at UCT.

What jobs did you have before your current job? Before I was posted to Yaounde, I worked in the Economic Affairs and Regional Organisations Directorate of the Asia and Middle East Brach. There, I was part of the IBSA South African Focal Point secretariat. I was also responsible for Economic Research and organising of Trade and Investment Seminars where we took Heads of Diplomatic Missions and Trade attaches based in Pretoria to the

diverse and unique opportunities that each province offers. Before joining the Department, I worked as a Personal Assistant to Deputy Mayor of Knysna Municipality. I also worked at the UCT Library and Student Financial Aid Office. In retrospect, what advice can you give to students about how to approach their own career development journeys? Get involved in community programmes and leadership positions; volunteer your services and time; do internships; take advantage of exchange programmes and travel abroad. This will teach you team work, interpersonal and leadership skills, which are crucial for success in the ‘real world’.

Careers calender

How did you start to develop and improve these skills? Graduate Recruitment Programme The skills I have are not developed overnight or by a specific event; rather they are shaped by the education, work experience and of course community involvement that I have experienced to date.

21 September: Mazars Moores Rowland, 13h00 in LS 3A 21 September: CCUSA, 13h00 in LS 3B 22 September: Auditor-General of South Africa, 13h00 in LS 3A 22 September: SASTS Working Adventures, 13h00 in LS2B 27 September: Glenrand MIB, 13h00 in LS3A 29 September: Chilli Adventures Work & Travel, 13h00 in LS 2B

What other student or community-based activities did you participate in during your studies?

Hot opportunities

I was a member of Ikamva - a community based organisation that provided tutoring services to high school students in Khayelitsha,

Looking for a bursary/scholarship, vacation or graduate opportunity for 2010? Visit www.careers.uct.ac.za/careerportal Over 100 opportunities available online now.

Features

SCIENTIST Michael Beard was awarded the Nobel Prize quite early on in his career for the renowned Beard-Einstein Conflation. Since then, he has pretty much rested on his laurels, doing nothing else remarkable in his field. On the home front, however, he has worked his way through a wife or three and yet, despite his quite unflattering appearance (we are told that he is a short, bald and rather overweight man) he still manages to attract the attentions of pretty admirers. But then he learns that his current wife is having an affair. Add to that the fact that one of his young colleagues from work is running around claiming to have discovered the cure to global warming and that it is founded on Beard’s original prize-winning work. An unfortunate accident leads to a dead body in Beard’s home, and he decides to kill two birds with one stone by framing his wife’s boyfriend. Years later, however, all of this will ultimately come back to haunt him. Readers of Ian McEwan’s previous novels, especially Atonement and On Chesil Beach, will recognize his trademark dense prose as well as his eye for detail and character. What they will be surprised by, however, is how laugh-out-loud hilarious he can be: there are a number of episodes in this novel that border on slapstick and will have you crying with laughter. And it’s also a good story, written around the topic of man’s everlasting mission to save the planet from ourselves.

Image courtesy of imdb.com

M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN’S latest cinematic offering is a lesson in how not to make a film based on a popular anime series. A fan of the original series will leave the cinema fuming, and newcomers will feel as though they missed the first three hours of the plot. The problem though, is that there is no three-hour prequel (which there should be). There is only the 90 minutes nonsense that you have paid for and your ever-waning patience. The Last Airbender is a retarded foray into anime adaptation that has time and time again been proven not be easy to adapt to the Hollywood screen. The anime’s original storyline is not simple to explain, so I will resist the urge to make a fool of myself by trying to do so. What I can tell you is that it is complex and it has an emotional depth greater than all of the most recent romantic dramas put together. But the film’s adaptation is lukewarm and lacklustre. It takes what is essentially a captivating story and makes it childish. Trailers as of late have been the most successful way of enticing cinema goers to attend movies that come thick and fast out of the Hollywood machine; that of The Last Airbender was one of the most creative and captivating. Action and fantasy junkies were drooling at the thought of seeing some kickass kung fu moves on screen and million-man armies trying to take over the world. After laughing my way through the film though, I am hard pressed to say that the job was done. Blood, mayhem and carnage – that is what is absent in this film.That, along with clever dialogue, a cinematographer, a director; generally, everything is missing in this film. The editing looks like it was done by a crayon junkie that has recently discovered the miracle of scissors and Pritt glue. It’s too quick, too tacky and things that

ACTION, OR LACK THEREOF - If Shyamalan intended to disappoint, mission accomplished! demand more explanation are often skipped without as much as a look back. The action scenes are childish – there are no severed heads, no axes in the middle of heads and no intestines narrating blood soaked battlefields. All that the film is generally full of is a whole lot of Taichi moves which leave you feeling embarrassed that people are actually “fighting” wars with dance moves. Acting is another ingredient that is missing in the film. Shyamalan must have been going for a minimalist

The Good Man Jesus and the Scoundrel Christ PEOPLE familiar with Philip Pullman’s other books, as well as his quite outspoken views on religion and Christianity in particular, will be quite surprised by this one. Depending on your beliefs, it is either a fictional retelling of an historical event, or it is just another version of a very well-known myth. Either way, this book is both highly imaginative and thoughtprovoking, and worth a read. The story is built on the premise that the Virgin Mary in fact gave birth to twins on Christmas Night: one she named Jesus, and the other Christ. As they grow up, the outgoing Jesus draws followers while Christ remains in the background, recording all that his brother does and says. However, there is a mysterious figure in the shadows waiting to take advantage of Christ’s jealousy for his brother, and his plan will have far-reaching consequences for all of mankind.

Want to write for features? Email features@ varsitynewspaper.co.za

Airbender breaks wind Rémy Ngamije

Images courtesy of ianmcewan.com

Bookmark | Calvin Scholtz

All the world’s a read

look on this one. The newcomers do not hold down such a thin script that should have a superstar to at least keep people entertained. You know that feeling you get when you are shown your third grade Christmas recital video from way back when? Yes, that agonising crushing feeling that makes you realise your copulative or reproductive chances will be reduced zero once the video is leaked? Watching Airbender is a lot like that. You just feel embarrassed for Shymalan.

Features

Anton Taylor SPRING: a time of rejuvenation. It is a time for the dappled bright glory of nature to burst through winter’s harsh grasp. It is a time for flowers to whisper of hope and happiness as they wave in warm winds. It is a time for birds to sing joyous hymns of triumph over the receding cold. And of course, it is a time for a Taylor to rise to the top of the SRC elections, crushing all opposition into a turdy mush which strongly resembles the splattered entrails of vermin road-kill along the N2. Two years ago, when I was named Supreme Warrior Leader of the UCT SRC, I wrote in this very same newspaper of my progressive and unprecedented plans for the campus.Tragically, the R200 000 I raised through fundraising and entertainment mysteriously went missing while I was in France on a skiing trip, attempting to recover from the two collapsed nostrils I had suffered earlier in the year at an important SRC-funded meeting at Mavericks. Nevertheless, up until a few weeks ago, the machinations of my plans were steaming ahead and looked certain to be realised. Nothing could stop me. Or so I thought, until I heard the terrifying news: my nemesis Kathleen Taylor was running for SRC. It was my great-great-greatgreat-great grandparents (pictured right) who, along with the Mayans, predicted that one day a Taylor would be born who favoured good over evil, and who miraculously

had a capacity for kindness and compassion which could not be beaten out of him or her. Obviously, we all thought old man Taylor had just come off a four-day binge at Wood Roof and Sabre-Tooth Tiger, and was just talking smut again. But thousands of years later the terrible prophecy came true.

I tried to stop her. I made deaththreats off a private number (a little trick I learnt from my friends at Stellenbosch), but nothing seemed to work. And as I had feared, she cleaned up the elections, absolutely murdering everybody else and cruising to first place by a comfortable few hundred votes.

My sister is a very different person to me. For a start, she is considerably less hairy. She didn’t have to down bombs of Crackling or push weights on plaza to get votes. Since her spawning she has been my enemy. She dominates me academically, beats me at everything, and is frustratingly immune to my barbarism and rudeness.

Now my only hope is that the rest of the SRC will stop my sister from doing any actual good work. Shamefully, she started off SRC negotiations honestly telling the other SRC members what she wanted, offering both SASCO and DASO her cooperation (pffff – I mean really, who does that?!) Unsurprisingly, DASO just lied to everybody and betrayed SASCO at the last moment, in turn winning the presidency. Hopefully the combination of an angry SASCO contingent, as well as some of the patronising little brats in the DASO camp, will prevent her from doing anything productive. The ramifications of someone in office who actually works for students instead of trying to feel important or suck off the politicians they fawn over could be catastrophic. Can you imagine the mental breakdown students would undergo if we could register online, or if Jammie Shuttles were on time? Next thing you know, student housing will start returning calls and the UCT bureaucrats will start courteously smiling at students. Somebody needs to tell this woman that this not how UCT operates!

Despite the sickening glow of fairness and compassion which she projects into my life, I thought I was safe from her in certain areas, which were so depraved and corrupt that she would not allow herself to be tainted by them, thus allowing me to act evilly without hindrance. Of all of these nefarious activities, I thought I was most safe in politics – it’s the domain of those who wish to build their CVs and are scum enough to lie about wanting to help others with a straight face. I have no idea why a little do-gooder like my sister would want to enter such a degenerate profession. She keeps on laughing when I tell her with a straight face that all we did in those offices high up in the Steve Biko building was snort crushed-up Ritalin and giggle over the limited size of the library – all the time raping the unlimited internet cap.

Image provided

The rise of my nemesis

BLESSED - The Taylor ancestors in all their glory.

Fruit picking in the BlackBerry fields Alex Child

This monstrosity of technology has screwed me over time and time again; with its built-in camera and its quick posting capabilities onto Facebook, it makes “weaving” the truth into a more positive light virtually impossible.

THE DAY I found out that a halfjack of brandy was the same price as Crackling was a bad day, but that’s nothing compared to the days that we face now. The BlackBerry is becoming an infectious disease running through UCT quicker than an STD in Tin Roof.

“Oh, my Blackberry is just so functional...”

No longer is it only the silly little girls whose Facebook statuses are filled with countdowns until they receive their precious BlackBerry, and who subsequently spam up your computer screen with strange pseudo-language combinations of letters and numbers to announce their arrival into the social scene. No, it has now even spread to the rationally minded men who can be overheard excitedly swapping Blackberry gossip with their other man pals in the food court and who sit in the library giggling at their phone while they “BBM” some sweet Betty across the floor – it makes me sick. Rationalise it anyway you want to guys – it’s queer. Super queer. Of course, in your heads are lodged reasons like: “Oh, my Blackberry is just so functional; I like it for its free internet and nifty keyboard, not for the entire social hullabaloo, in fact it allowed me to use the word ‘hullabaloo’ thanks to its quick-access thesaurus!” But alas, this is a steaming pile of turkey droppings. Your desire for this phone grew much like your desire for that

In the hands of a drunken person, these machines can wreak havoc on self-respect and friendships; it’s just too damn easy to communicate. The dangers are obvious; we should be forced to wait a while, to think about what we are about to say, not mindlessly type on a little rectangle, press a button and let sordid thoughts infiltrate someone’s mind! I fully realise that I might lose some friends after this, but I believe that this is necessary. We,

THE BLACKBERRY ELITE - Independent thinkers or commercial Photo by Nyasha Kadandara yuppies?

trademark “Soda Pop” cap or your now dusty Hebrew scarf. Are you truly using free will or, are you merely groping for the strings above your head that manufacturers dribble down like fishing line?

Now it might seem as if I have some personal vendetta against the BlackBerry. And while I’d really like to say this is not true, for objectivity’s sake, it really is.

as a society, find ourselves lying lost, deep inside the BlackBerry fields, and as we let the weeds curl up over our limbs in our passivity we are faced with a decision. We can either remain; let ourselves be twisted and tied to the ground while we breathe in deep the BlackBerry’s pollen, as if in a field of poppies, and become addicted to its charm; or, we can rise and free ourselves of the constraining weeds so that we can navigate our way out of this field. The choices we make now will mould the capitalist conditions of the future and if we continue this ritual of mindless consumption we will be exploited for all we are worth, which might turn out to be disturbingly less than we think.

Disclaimer The VARSITY humour page is a vehicle of expression. The views expressed in the humour page are not necessarily those of VARSITY or its advertisers. This means that we are above the law. Nothing that Julius Malema or anyone else says will stop us from doing whatever we want. Oh, and go to gym. You are all putting on weight. :)

Reader discretion is advised.

Sports 14 one quite like Freddie DOM-INAT-ED No Ed Sellier salutes the colourful career of The Lancastrian

I remember an England tour to South Africa back in the early 2000s, with the likes of Mark Butcher, Alec Stewart, Nick Knight and Chris Silverwood "holding the fort" in the English ranks. At the time I can only have been about 13, and I was flabbergasted by the sheer size of Flintoff. The only cricketers I ever assumed could get away with being that round were Warnie and Inzie; certainly not some big Lancastrian with the moniker Freddie!

The Lancashire all-rounder came in for heaps of criticism during the early stages of his career. He'd be the first to admit he was overweight, slow and clumsy around the field. However, after England returned home from that tour having been schooled by the likes of Gary Kirsten, Herschelle Gibbs, Jonty Rhodes and Lance Klusener, the world witnessed a different all-rounder who devoted the remainder of his playing days to doing the English proud.

show you that even amongst the fiercest rivalries, the players are genuine individuals who respect one another and enjoy their counterparts' company. How other professional sportsmen could learn from their example.

To me Andrew Flintoff was the ultimate sportsman. He shook hands with any opponent wherever he deemed it warranted, and any cricket lover will remember the great tussle between himself and Brett Lee during the famous Ashes series of 2005 (the first England had won in 18 years).

"I didn't want the night to end. I drank and drank and drank and drank and I could probably still be sitting there now. I was high on adrenalin and kept finding myself punching the air every so often.

The then-Australian coach, John Buchanan, awarded Flintoff man of the series for the overall impact he had. The same year Freddie won the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award, the first time a cricketer had won since 1981 when Beefy Botham landed the gong. Mind you, between the two, players like Gatting, Atherton, Hussein and Vaughan had been captain, so it's not surprising English cricket was devoid of a memorable character or two (barring Phil Tufnell of course!).

“I think I finally went up to my room around breakfast time and got ready for the reception we were due to have at Mansion House before we got onto the open-top bus. I had a bath and put my blazer on and went back down for breakfast, when I had another bottle of lager before we set off again. People who have seen pictures of my state for the rest of the day have asked me since whether I managed to take any of it in and I can assure them I did. I may have been a little unsteady on my feet, but what do you expect after drinking all night and having no sleep?"

Brett Lee recently said that the 2005 Ashes was the highlight of his career, even though he was on the losing side. I'll bet my bottom rand that's thanks to Flintoff's contribution in spearheading an England outfit that could actually consider itself competitive. The sight of the English lads clambering onto the double decker bus with pitchers of beer will live long with us all (even the South Africans).

He might not have been as prolific as Hadlee, Khan, Dev or Kallis, but he will certainly be one of the more memorable that is uttered under the same breath as cricket's great all-rounders. He battled through injury in England's 2009 Ashes series win and this was his swan song, for England no longer rely on his influence quite as much as they did. In some ways Flintoff will be relieved that he has finally retired.

He has had numerous operations on his knee and ankle, spending time on the treatment table and doing rehabilitation, fighting back to fitness only to suffer another setback. He will certainly feel that his body will carry him no further in the game. I would hope he tries his hand at commentary. He has a decent sense of humour and a panel for December's Ashes down-under with Flintoff, Warne and Lee would make for some absorbing banter, enlightened by true experience, toiling in the heat of test matches, whether fielding down at fine leg or sledging from the slips. That's something that we cricket fans can hope for.

Although this might not seem the most savoury of celebrations, it proves something that any sportsman can admire. Despite his international fame (part of which was propelled by his carousing dabble in a Caribbean pedal boat) Freddie was transparent; he was authentic; he was a lad. He gave everything he could, even when his injuries dictated that he was short of his best. His test match and ODI batting averages are a

COUNTERPARTS - An iconic handshake between two of cricket’s most popular fast bowlers: Flintoff consoles Lee after a nail-biting Ashes series.

Bruce Baigrie

doubt that he is the best player in the world at the moment.

SPAIN’S Rafael Nadal became just the seventh man in tennis history to win all four Grand Slam tournaments in one year, as he beat Serbia’s Novac Djokovic in a three-hour and 43-minute 6-4, 5-7, 6-4, 6-2 final, last Monday, to win the US Open. Some say he was inspired by his countrymen at Soccer City in July, as the Spaniard reaffirmed his nation’s world sporting dominance.

CHASING FED- Nadal is chasing Federer’s record of 16 Grand Slams.

Inﬂuence

Swagger

Flintoff said in his book, Being Freddie, that he left the Oval four or five hours after England had won, having sat with Justin Langer and Matty Hayden reflecting on what had been a momentous sporting engagement. It goes to

Rafa the Great

tad over 30 (nothing awe-inspiring by comparison to a modern day all-rounder like Kallis) and he took 226 test match wickets at an average of 32. While his record is nothing ground breaking, his character speaks for itself. He put the swagger back in the English cricketer that had been lacking since the days of Botham.

Image courtesy of skysports.com

Fitness

Sportsman

Image courtesy of cnn.com

LAST Thursday was a dreary day for cricket fans. England's Mr. Charisma, Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, announced his retirement from all forms of cricket, owing to a series of ailing injuries that have hamstrung his mobility over recent years. The man with the uncanny black smudge atop his barnet made the doleful announcement with a great deal of pride, as he reflected upon a career that has seen it all.

Prior to the final, Nadal already had eight Grand Slam titles to his name and was hence considered one of the all-time tennis greats. The victory did, however, augment his sporting status and there is no

After a gruelling five set semifinal against Roger Federer as well as the fact that Nadal had yet to drop a set in the tournament, the odds were firmly stacked against the Serbian. After Nadal skilfully broke him in the first set, it seemed the pattern would continue. A combination of rain, as well as a poor serving display from Nadal, allowed Djokovic to fight back from 4-1 to surprisingly dominate the second set. However, it all went the way of the Spaniard in the end and, after breaking Djokovic in the third, he took the last set with ease. The US hard-court has always been Nadal’s weakness. With his knees struggling on the surface, his

victory at Flushing Meadows is an even more respectable feat as his discomfort was a massive hurdle to overcome. Nadal illustrated his excitement in his post-game speech saying, "This is more than what I ever dreamt. It's just amazing to be here in this final, just to arrive in this final. To have this trophy here in a few seconds, in my hands. It’s unbelievable." At 24, he is the third youngest player of the seven previous Grand Slam champions and, with nine titles in the bag, Federer’s record of 16 could well be within his reach, barring his troublesome knees stay healthy. He also has the chance in January to win the Australian Open, adding to his remarkable success and world domination.

Sports

Tarryn Steenekamp

issues, before they compromise the team’s presence at the World Cup.

THE LAST three months have brought about a flurry of concerns for South African rugby; losing five out of six Tri-Nations matches and finishing last in the competition, the Springboks have come under-fire for their mediocre and often tedious performances.

Player Management

South African rugby seems to be in dire straits, plummeting into sporting shame and, with only 352 days until the Rugby World Cup officially kicks off, is scrambling to rectify stifling concerns. Through all the doom and gloom of the past few months it is only natural for supporters to panic. Nevertheless, if the following concerns are rectified, the Boks may still be able to salvage their sinking pride and successfully represent our country in New Zealand.

Defensive Dilemmas The Springboks’greatest downfall in 2010 has remained the team’s inability to deliver comprehensive defence during crucial periods. The Springboks were once worldleaders in systematic rush defence with the industrious Jake White promoting the tactic since 2004. Six years on, White’s structured game plans and flawless defensive patterns have been long forgotten with the Boks conceding four tries in just 25 minutes in their final Tri-Nations clash against the Wallabies in Bloemfontein. International outfits will aim to exploit the team’s new-found Achilles heel and it is important for De Villiers to remedy these

Image courtesy of Flickr

Five steps to RWC success The chaos surrounding underperforming senior players is another pertinent concern within the Bok camp. It is vitally important for South African rugby to master the art of player management and, while new measures have been employed to condition national players during the Currie Cup, the team needs to ensure that World Cup success is prioritised over December’s European tour. Hardheaded De Villiers must make use of sports science talisman Tim Noakes’ guidance and rest his senior players before our World Cup campaign is marred by injury and fatigue. Equilibrium is vital and De Villiers needs to judge when is appropriate to blood new players and when it is necessary to make use of a dose of experience. Most importantly, the Bok coach needs to cut the equivocation.

Ruling the Roost De Villiers needs to trust his own judgment as Bok coach, and needs to bring an end to his ambiguous management style. As a direct result of De Villiers’ apprehensiveness, the fine line between a player-driven system and player empowerment has become the murkiest aspect of Springbok rugby. Senior players have become overly comfortable in a Bok environment in which they, and not the coaches, are endorsed to call the shots. De Villiers needs to use the year-end tour, as well as the months leading up to the World Cup, to prove that he is willing

RETAINING OUR TITLE – Springbok management must implement a realistic plan ahead of the 2011 Rugby World Cup. to take risks that will benefit the team. If this requires the axing of senior players, De Villiers must be prepared to risk popularity in order to see his plans to fruition.

Conﬁdence Boost While Bok confidence has taken a major knock after a disappointing Tri-Nations and end-of-year 2009 European tour, most concerning is the momentum that South Africa’s losses have allowed rival teams. The Wallabies came out of their final Tri-Nations clash

against the Springboks emanating confidence and it is alarming that youngsters James O’Connor and Kurtley Beale actively believe in their ability to beat the likes of Springbok greats John Smit and Victor Matfield. By blooding young and developing players, the Springboks will benefit from fresh minds and optimistic outlooks.

Saluting Smit While the debate surrounding his Springbok future ensues, Smit must take time out to make a calculated

decision regarding his Bok future. The 32-year old needs to decide whether or not his inclusion within the Bok fold will enhance or hinder his team’s chances at the World Cup and must then act accordingly. Smit, an altruistic man who has held his team together through even the most trying times and who has worked under no less than five Springbok coaches over a decade, needs to ensure that he continues to put the team’s interests before his own and retire from the international game if need be.

Schumacher – simply ‘average’ Image courtesy of telegraph.co.uk

Berndt Hannweg IT’S THE haunting question facing every international sportsman or woman who has ever become a legend in their own lifetime: when is it suitable to walk away and leave a life-long career behind? Should they hang around, waiting on more trophies, until the dreadful day arrives when they suddenly find themselves slipping in the rankings, or should they wait until they’ve snagged all available records and titles and only then bow out for the upand-coming talent? Sometimes they do, and on rare occasions they plan an epic comeback. Michael Schumacher is arguably the greatest F1 driver of our time and, when he retired from the sport in 2006, he had amassed a record number of championship victories, podium finishes and pole positions. He became, almost inevitably, a racing consultant

much, really. From being a legend on the track, Michael has proven himself to be very much average. Now, I’m a Schumi fan through and through (ever since he made Mika Häkkinen cry), but from what we’ve seen of this season’s races, Michael is just not up to snuff. He hasn’t won anything, he is yet to achieve pole-position and he stands a lowly ninth in the current championship rankings. When his car isn’t falling to pieces or generally misbehaving, his performances are still average.

MOVING WITH THE TIMES - Schumacher must adapt to current regulations to improve on his recent results. for Ferrari and even took time to work on his motorcycling skills. And then, just 4 years later, he decided to return to racing. Joining the Mercedes team, the return

of Michael Schumacher brought about great excitement for old and new fans alike. The race was on. Now, 14 races into the F1 calendar Michael has done, well, not very

His best position this season has been 4th, just missing the podium on two occasions. His worst was the abominable European Grand Prix in Valencia, where he qualified and netted 15th. It’s been not so much a steep plummet as much as a gentle fall into obscurity. Perhaps, as some critics believe, his previous races owed more to Ferrari’s deep pockets and race dominance than his personal skill. I, however, find that unfair. If that really were the case, why did Ferrari hang onto him as long as they did, giving him a new racing partner every second year? The man certainly has to have some form of talent. Personally, I believe it has more to do with the race regulations than anything else. The most recent F1 seasons have seen a spate of new regulations, governing everything from tire usage to overtaking, in a seemingly successful attempt to break Ferrari’s stranglehold on

Championship and Constructor titles. All of the cars are nearidentical, in most aspects, and there is no longer room for personalised cars for individualised racers. Schumacher is no longer racing in the environment which made him a champion. Younger drivers like Hamilton and Button are now dominating on the track.

“It’s been not so much a steep plummet as much as a gentle fall into obscurity.” The only option Schumacher has at his disposal is the opportunity to adapt or at least die trying. He needs to decide whether he still has what it takes to bring his formidable driving skills to the fore, play by the new rules as well as show the young guns just who they’re up against. If he isn’t able to follow this through, his own sad slide to racing obscurity is going to begin soon, as they point to him and call him the man that once was “the greatest racing driver in the world”. This could have been your article! Write for sports: sports@ varsitynewspaper.co.za

UCT yachters fourth at Lipton Challenge Bridget Clayton and Tarryn Steenekamp CAPE TOWN’S Table Bay came alive in August, as UCT’s First Yachting Team went head-to-head against 24 national yacht clubs, in the 102nd Lipton Cup Challenge, and finished a competitive fourth in the overall team standings.

The team was selected on previous sailing experience as well as on body weight, with the combined weight of the team not permitted to exceed 420kg. After a tough selection process, six motivated students were selected to represent UCT in the tournament. Skipper Oliver Hobson, helmsman Ross Dyer and crew Neil Malan, Bridget Clayton, Stewart Cardis

Sailboat racing is all about consistency and capitalising on rival teams’ mistakes and, by getting off to a positive start and choosing the correct wind shifts throughout their races, UCT was able to achieve some impressive results. After five races, the team was ranked fourth overall and were required to put in a big effort to ensure a respectable tournament placing in their final sail.

and Connor Leech made up the team, managed by Geoff Kilpin. The UCT Yacht Club works hard to partake in this annual competition and has used the challenge to provide students with an opportunity to put their acquired skills to the test and compete against some of South Africa’s most-established sailors. In previous years, the team has been able to earn themselves respectable results, the best of which came in 2007, where the team finished sixth overall. Image courtesy of Bridget Clayton

On 22 August, the selected sailors braved the brutish seas and cold rain to compete in the opening race of this year’s competition. UCT team members were eager to put in

a good first race and, while the team faced equipment failure in their initial outing, they were still able to finish an impressive fourth overall.

SPORTS BITES

The closing race proved to be the most exciting race of the regatta for UCT, as a bold tactical call from Neil Malan sent the team to the right hand side of the course, looking to catch a stronger breeze and wind shift. The move ultimately allowed the team to move from last place to third position, as great teamwork kept the boat at optimum speed. Precise helming by Ross Dyer and exceptional foredeck and trimming work by the remaining members of the team meant that the UCT Yacht Club was able to finish in fourth place. Congratulations must also be offered to UCT’s B Team, “Team Well Hung”, (Gabriel Fernandes, Nicholas Bush, Elizabeth Whipple, Colin Greyvensteyn, Julius Biermann and manager Rudi Aucamp) which came 24th overall. It is always wonderful to see two boats crewed entirely by UCT students participating in such a challenging competition.

COMPETING WITH THE BEST – The only student team in the competition, UCT’s A-Team cruised into fourth place.

Berbatov continues ﬂyings start to the season.

UCT Yacht Club will no doubt be looking to finish in the top three at next year’s tournament. As the only student guild with an entry in this prestigious competition, the club also hopes to continue their recent success and use the Lipton Cup Challenge to promote sailing as a competitive but exciting university sport.

Internal league heats up THE 2010 UCT internal rugby league, presented by Steinhoff and FNB, will come to a climax this Thursday evening as pre-season favourites, defending champions the Tornadoes take on 2008 winners the Purple Cobras. Varsity rugby has generally kicked up a gear over the past few years, mainly as a result of the Varsity Cup initiative. UCT’s internal league has also reaped the benefits, seeing arguably the most competitive season of internal league rugby on the Green Mile to date. This season’s unbeaten finalists have retained a rich rivalry over the past five years, ever since the Cobras’ inception into internal league rugby at UCT in 2006. The teams have played against one another four times, with both teams winning two encounters. They have also contested two finals, the ‘Nadoes coming up trumps in 2007 and the Cobras taking the spoils in 2008. The competition in 2010 has been much stiffer, with fewer runaway victories from the leading

teams. This year has seen the reemergence of some of the older and more traditional residence teams such as Smuts, as well as day house Ikaya and the ever-physical Ubumbo. League debutants, the Magic Lions (Marquad old boys), have also put in a great show and were able to earn themselves a semi-final berth. Rugby’s traditional free-running style, with minimal contact, still has pride of place in the internal league. Stories are told, by generations passed, of matches played in a light spirit, with the main emphasis on the change room celebrations that follow. Today, the open style may still be present but there are certainly no half measures when it comes to physical contact. In fact, the unstructured nature of the game as well as the erratic law interpretations by the referees leaves players vulnerable to greater injury. The championship final is set to be a colossal affair, with both sides fielding very strong and experienced teams and neither team wanting to give an inch. The Tornadoes seem to have become the more expansive team and have

racked up some large scores this season. They will have a tough afternoon against the Cobras, however, as the team are known to have watertight defence. Their exceptional defence has ensured that no team has dotted down against them in their last three outings. The try-scoring ability of the Cobras is well above par too, as they have a positive points difference of 187 this season.

The Green Mile will play host to a feast of finals rugby on Thursday, with the championship finals, along with the relevant 3rd/4th, 5th/6th, and 7th/8th play-offs also taking place. The cup final gets under way at 19:30 on Field A, where the winning team will not only be crowned internal league champion, but will also be offered an opportunity to represent UCT in the Koshuis Varsity Cup in 2011.

Chelsea steamrolls another team

Image courtesy of uctpurplecobras.blogspot.com

Craig Mckenzie

A FIERCE RIVALRY- The ‘Nadoes clash with The Purple Cobras in the 2010 UCT Internal Rugby League ﬁnal.

Nadal greatest of all time?