2010: Edition 6

Sports SA ready for World Cup?

4 May 2010

Volume 69: Number 6

021 650 3543

varsitynewspaper.co.za

Page 20

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In This Issue News

Polygamy in SA: Where is it heading?

Page 3

Opinions Humanities v Commerce: The battle continues

LAST ONE OF THE SEASON - Autumn finds UCT gearing up for exams and the rest of the world ready for the 2010 World Cup. Image by Rémy Ngamije

UCT LOSES ANOTHER Thalia Ferreira A SECOND-year Health Sciences student, 21, (name witheld) was found dead in his Clarendon residence room on Wednesday 21 April.

The deceased student was noticed missing after he was absent from lectures on Monday and missed a test on Tuesday. “He never missed a lecture”, a classmate reported.

“When he missed his test we knew something was wrong.”

Page 6

Features Trouser snakes - The year in review

CPS and the SAPS were called to the scene immediately and forensic pathologists confirmed that there had been a death.

One informant commented that “at one stage there were about 40 police officers on the third floor”.

Official sources attributed the excessive number of police on the scene to the recent murders in Observatory.

“I saw him lying there on floor, and he was dead”

Deptartment of Surgery Professor Anwar Mall enquired about the student’s whereabouts and Mokolo Dikgale, a friend of the deceased also housed in Clarendon, followed up Mall’s enquiry. Clarendon warden Neil Forster accompanied Dikgale to the student’s room where the master key was used to open his door.

Official estimates placed the time of death at Tuesday morning. After thorough investigation no foul play is suspected.

“I saw him lying there on floor, and he was dead”, said Dikgale.

The deceased’s memorial service was held in Clarinus Village a week

Results of the autopsy have not been released.

Page 11 The VARSITY QR Code IN MEMORY - The Zionist Christian Church Fellowship pays tribute to a second-year medical student who died last week.

Image by Rohan MacGerman after his death and was attended by approximately 200 people.

Tributes poured in from all sectors of the university community, from villagers and friends, the Zionist Christian Church Student

Fellowship and Warden Foster.

Condolences were also extended

by Department of Student Affairs representative Grant Willis and Professor Mall.

Continued on page 2

Varsity, the official student newspaper since 1942, is committed to the principles of equality and democracy.

To scan a QR code using your phone, point your mobile browser to get. geetagg.com (or use scanlife.com), point and shoot your phone at our block of squiggles using the mobile app, and you’ll be automatically directed to the VARSITY website.

2 News UNISA student murdered in Woodstock Woodstock in a week. On Tuesday night a 25-year-old man (name witheld) was stabbed to death.

The murder comes amidst Woodstock residents’ dissatisfaction at calls by the Community Policing Forum (CPF) to move the Woodstock Police Station to Groote Schuur.

Van Zyl’s death, the fourth student murder in the Woodstock and Observatory area in the past seven months, has come at a crucial time for the Woodstock Police Station. Plans have been in progress since 2005 to move the station to Groote Schuur as the building it is currently housed in is considered inadequate.

A further criticism voiced by the community is that the plan to move the station is a result of the deaths of UCT students in the Observatory area.

According to police reports Dane Van Zyl was alone when his home was broken into. It appears that a confrontation ensued between Van Zyl and the burglar during which Van Zyl was stabbed repeatedly.

“...the fourth student murder ... in the past seven months...”

Baartman responded by stating that the move would in fact improve policing of the area.

The victim’s brother, Uriah Van Zyl, returned to the house later in the day and rushed his brother to Christian Barnard Memorial Hospital. Van Zyl died shortly after arrival at the hospital.

Local residents’ suggestions that the police want the move because an officer was shot and killed outside the station in 2008 have been denied.

Image courtesy of www.news24.c0.za

He matriculated in 2007 from Camps Bay High School, where he was a prefect.

Olivia Walton A 21-YEAR-OLD student was murdered in his home in Plein Street, Woodstock, last Thursday morning.

A suspect was apprehended by neighbours immediately after the attack but managed to escape.

IN SHOCK - Dane Van Zyl’s brother Uriah Van Zyl is comforted by the mother of a friend.

According to Woodstock Police spokesperson Sergeant Hilton Malila, the suspect had blood on his clothes and while escaping dropped a backpack containing items such as CDs, a laptop and a Playstation. These were later confirmed by Uriah Van Zyl to have belonged to himself and his brother.

Teun Baartman, head of the Woodstock CPF, stated that “it’s not about that, it’s an operational issue”.

The suspect, described by neighbours as “short” and having “tattoos all over his arms” has since been arrested, following an investigation by police. He had been seen in the area prior to the attack. No murder weapon had been found at the time going to print.

In a Facebook group dedicated to him, Van Zyl has been described as a “quiet, beautiful and intelligent soul”. At the time of going to print the group already had 172 members.

Community members have argued that the removal of the station from Woodstock will affect policing of the area negatively.

Crime statistics for Woodstock are on the rise, particularly for drugrelated incidents.

Van Zyl was a first year Economics student studying through UNISA.

Van Zyl’s murder is the second in

One Woodstock resident stated that “you can’t compare two killings in Obs to the murders that happen in Woodstock. How many people are killed in Woodstock?”

If the move does take place the station will be better positioned to police the area surrounding UCT’s medical campuses. Pakiso “Benny” Moqobane and Dominic Giddy were both murdered in the area. UCT has subsequently been under increasing pressure to improve safety for staff and students working and residing in Observatory.

With plans to build a new residence in Observatory, this will become a key issue for the university.

Anyone with any additional information regarding Van Zyl’s murder is requested to contact Detective Warrant Officer Warren Smith on (021) 442 3100.

Arts Block beat box - the weekly cipher

Tonbara Ekiyor EVERY Wednesday at meridian, a group of at least 20 people gather in a circle under the tree in front of the Arts Block, to freestyle rap and beat-box. The gathering, known as a cipher, was started to

“UCT loses another” continued from page 1 “This is the fifth student we’ve lost...who has not managed to reach his potential,” said Foster, who described the event as “the most traumatic death that he has experienced”.

The deceased was described by subwarden and friend, Mike Ramotwala, as “a rose that grew from the cracks in the concrete. He defeated a bad education system to

give students interested in rap and the spoken word a forum in which to express themselves.

The cipher started in July 2008.

It was initially started by former UCT Hip Hop Club president Lwando Sopotela, also known as Mosteel. The initial members that

gave the event popularity were Track, Psyko, Mo, Tshepo, ASD and Mosteel, all of whom grew popular with students eager to hear rhymes every Wednesday.

The cipher is open to everyone regardless of language, and does not require that those who participate be members of the Hip

Ciphers are known in the hiphop community as a way to gain street credibility via expression and a way for rappers to hone their methods. The word “cipher” originated in the 1980s, when aspiring rappers wrote rhymes that were “freestyled” on street corners in New York. The art form can be traced back to early HipHop artists such as the Juicy Crew and the Sugarhill Gang, and later on A Tribe Called Quest. It was made more famous in the 2002 biopic 8 Mile about the life of rapper Eminem.

HIP HOP SAVED MY LIFE - Beat boxers and rappers spit their lyrics at other outside the Arts Block.

The cipher at UCT is “mostly freestyle, but written scripts are welcomed as it is understood that written scripts may suit others better”, says Sipho Fako, also known as Psyko, a member.

“Inspiration,” he goes on to say, “is drawn from the everyday lives of the rappers, but the rhymes often get political” and competitive.

Hop Society. The Hip Hop society is currently working on a mix tape which will feature members of the cipher, and several others.

Images by Simone Millward

come to UCT and was a hero at his home in Limpopo.”

In an interview with VARSITY SRC President Sizwe MpofuWalsh stated that “the SRC mourns the loss of another UCT student.”

A friend who last saw the student the Friday before his death said “Cape Town has lost a student, but to me, the world has lost one of the best doctors.”

The student was laid to rest this past Saturday.

IN MOURNING AGAIN - Students gather in Clarinus to mourn the death of another UCT student.

Image by Rohan MacGerman

News

3

Polygamy in today’s South Africa Andrea Teagle LAST Thursday Professor Robert Morrell, coordinator for the Project for the Enhancement of Research Capacity (PERC) , and Deborah Posel, founding director of The Institute for the Humanities in Africa (HUMA), gave a talk hosted by the History and Current Affairs society (HCA), on issues around multiple spouses. The talk dealt specifically with polygamy, the practice that entitles one man to more than one wife.

Polygamy is practiced on historical, religious or freedomof-choice grounds in more than a thousand societies worldwide.

South African polygamy in particular is one of the favourites in a highly contentious debate.

According to Posel, the reason for the contention may stem from conflicting provisions within our Bill of Rights, which seeks to protect both gender rights and cultural freedoms. These include the right to practise customary marriage.

“Polygamy is one aspect of South African culture which came under historical assault,” said Posel, who went on to explain that the recognition of polygamy as a cultural practice under SA law is part of a broader recognition of the validity of non-Western cultures.

Discussions about polygamy in South Africa almost inevitably

WOULD YOU BECOME WIFE NUMBER TWO? - Students discuss polygyny at a talk hosted by the HCA. Deborah Posel presents her argument (left).

Image by Andrecia Ramnath lead to Jacob Zuma. The president’s lifestyle has placed polygamy under the public spotlight, as Posel pointed out, a long way from its traditional setting.

“Polygamy is linked to both these problems (violence against women and the HIV infection rate)...”

Polygamy in the traditional Zulu culture places strong emphasis on family values, with the husband and

his wives and children traditionally living in close proximity. The arrangement allows for pooled resources, ensures that the man acknowledges and provides for all his children and enables the family to prosper through cooperative agricultural teamwork.

However, in the modern urban context, it is difficult for some to see how this communal, tightknit family aspect, arguably at the heart of the cultural practice, is maintained.

Morrel and Posel’s discussion made it clear that there are other factors to be taken into consideration.

Morrel outlined some of the social implications of polygamy.

“Two key problems within South Africa relate to violence against women and the HIV infection rate,” Morrel said. “Polygamy is linked to both these problems in that it influences the way men relate to women.”

“The fact that in a polygamous marriage the woman is one among many immediately skews the power relationship,” Posel explained.

Polyandry, the practice whereby one woman is entitled to more than one husband, exists in only 4 societies in the world.

According to Morrel, this imbalance contributes neither to achieving gender equality nor to promoting sexual caution in light of the AIDS epidemic.

“In many cases, polygamy is no longer about culture or family, but about sexuality.”

Further complicating the issue is the fact that if a woman wants to enter into a polygamous relationship (as presumably Zuma’s wives did), she should arguably be afforded the freedom to do so.

4

News

Stellies vs UCT: will it ever end?

Natasha Nel ANTON Taylor’s controversial piece in a recent issue of VARSITY (April 7, Volume 69, edition 4) not only reached Stellenbosch University itself, but also saw him receiving attention from potential employers and even expatriates in London and Australia.

“I’ve been approached by two companies who are willing to pay me to write. This is a dream, I can’t believe it’s gone this far,” says Taylor. “I wrote the article to make the guys feel better about our loss in the Varsity Cup final.

I wanted to make students happy, and if I did that, I’m satisfied.”

Shortly after its original publication, links to the online version of the article were posted on Facebook. It was then that Anton started receiving hate mail.

“A lot of people compared me to Julius Malema, but most just threatened violence. I was warned that I would get ‘fucked up’ if I dared to go back to Stellenbosch at

now frequent use in campaigns against the original article.

any time. UCT students however have shown me a great amount of support and  from what I’ve heard  most of them liked the article.”

The last edition of Die Matie, Stellenbosch University’s studentrun newspaper, featured responses from two of their regular columnists.

Both described the article as “more than a little offensive”; “tasteless”; and “blatantly untrue”.

The first sign of international recognition came in the form of a Facebook group created by a former Stellenbosch student now living in the UK. Under the title “Anton Taylor is a sad, pathetic human being”, the group’s originator also questioned VARSITY’s decision to publish the piece. Anton joined and invited some of his friends. The group was quickly populated by UCT students and then deleted less than a month after its formation.

Infamous Capetonian blogger Seth Rotherham then covered the issue on his blog, 2oceansvibe. com, under the heading: “Maties vs UCT: Things Are Getting Nasty”. He also added a link to Stellenbosch student Luca Vincenzo’s blogspot reply.

Vincenzo had looked Taylor up on Facebook, and chose to build an

“Anton Taylor is a sad, pathetic human being” TIGER - Blow your horn!

argument against Taylor’s article based on, among other things, two photographs that can be found on Taylor’s SRC campaign group. The first of these images depicts Anton wearing nothing but a thong; the second is of him vomiting.

“I don’t think people realise that I’m rather proud of these photos,” says Taylor in response to their

Again, Taylor’s own public admissions of drunkenness were pointed to as examples of hypocrisy within the piece. Both reactions also accused Anton of sweeping generalisations that are in no way true of the entire Stellenbosch community.

One piece claimed that: “These are clearly the ramblings of an individual with a suspect sense of decorum and they should be weighted as such. We shouldn’t

allow this sort of narrow-minded sledging to drive a wedge between our universities. Not all UCT students are like this. Let’s avoid Mr Taylor’s mistake of writing off (and abusing) an entire campus because of the actions of a few.”

The other response stated: “Well done Anton, for not only exposing yourself as a fraudulent imbecile, but also for putting to shame and embarrassment (by unwilling association) so many great men and women from our sister institution in Cape Town.”

Taylor’s reply to these critiques was “Of course I was generalising.

I really didn’t think I would have to explain that to people.”

Taylor has filmed a response video available on YouTube, and within 12 hours of release it already had more than 1 500 hits.

“Making the video was probably one of the most entertaining things I have ever done,” said Taylor, “and the response has been overwhelmingly positive.”

SRC to host leadership summit DA demands student Olivia Walton IN APRIL it was announced that the Student Representative Council has been awarded R300 000 by the Vice Chancellor’s Strategic Fund to run an African Student Leaders Summit (ASLS) later this year.

The fund allocates R 20 million annually, which must be distributed “strategically”, said SRC President Sizwe Mpofu-Walsh.

The ASLS is an SRC initiative and was one of 80 proposals put forward by various sectors of the university. Having gone through the application procedure, the SRC’s proposal was deemed appropriate by the review committee. “The SRC put in a bid and is the only student group to have been successful,” said Mpofu-Walsh.

Mpofu-Walsh stated that the aim of the summit is “to bring together elected student leaders from the four geographic regions

of Africa to a summit” in order to “deepen their understanding of Africa and create greater regional integration”.

the continent forward?” asked Mpof-Walsh. The environment will also feature on the agenda, he said.

“The one critical issue is how do students in Africa form better links across the continent?”

“How do we sustain economic development cognisant of the environment?”

When asked about the current state of such links, Mpofu-Walsh said that “basically none” exist.

UCT will partner with the University of the Witwatersrand, Fort Hare and the University of the Western Cape in organising the summit. Each university will fund the project twice in eight years.

Delegates will include leaders of student organisations other than university SRCs, Mpofu-Walsh noted that “if you limit it to SRCs you exclude other potentially better student leaders”.

“...what role do youth movements play in taking the continent forward?”

He went on to outline other issues that the SRC hopes the summit will address.

“In the African context what role do youth movements play in taking

Participating institutions select their own delegates.

will

The first ASLS will take place from the 13 to 18 of September this year.

UCT: too big for its boots?

Liam Kruger UCT’s current student population is estimated at 24 400. In the past five years, there has been an increase in student population of just under 2 500.

Tertiary education centres typically expand over time, and given that UCT’s government subsidy is directly linked to its student population, such an increase is beneficial to the university.

However, an increase in population without proportionate expansion of student services is problematic. This has already been observed with the perennial parking issues and lack of space on Jammie shuttles.

Complicating the issue further is the fact that the number of exam venues and exam seats has not increased in the past decade, while student numbers have increased by close to 50%.

Even the reliability of examination methods has been affected. The Dean of Commerce reported that “the faculty was unable to assess qualifiers and progression decisions with confidence.”

This suggests that the disproportionate expansion of population may affect not only the quality of education but also the quality of the degrees awarded.

Student numbers have grown faster than expected or anticipated, with enrolment in 2009 at 23 670, a figure the 2006 planning committee had not thought reachable by 2010.

At a recent meeting of the Senate, one member was quoted as saying that “departments were being expected to teach unplanned numbers of students, many of whom were ill equipped.”

The same meeting concluded that undergraduate numbers may need

to grow, should they generate a net surplus.

UCT has seen a 37% increase in international undergraduate students in the past two years, in comparison to a 9.68% increase in South African undergraduates.

The international student body only accounts for about 15% of the undergraduate student body but these students pay up to R20 000 more per year for their degrees.

International study programs are providing UCT with a larger feebased income than in previous years.

Concerns such as internal and external inflation create costs that are less obvious than the ballooning student population. In the past, UCT has succeeded in matching increase in student population with increase in teaching staff population.

funding review Lyndall Thwaits IN 2008/09 universities across the country returned up to R40 million in bursaries for potential students to the National Student Financial Aid Scheme (NSFAS).

This issue has been brought to light by the Democratic Alliance (DA) and the Democratic Alliance Students Organisation (DASO), calling for some immediate action and change.

The DA is calling for the policy of student funding to be re-evaluated. The party has argued that the funding which is allocated to students isn’t reaching the students who are in desperate need for financial aid due to financial constraints and circumstances.

The current policy overseen by SASCO with regard to bursaries for higher education institutions has been under review over an extended period but little has come from it until now, while many students sit frustrated with no answers to their crises.

The DA is proposing a new policy in the financial service products in the form of “vouchers” which they hope will give students the ability to make efficient choices with regard to their higher education. The DA’s Shadow Minister of Education Dr Wilmot James said that “choice presumes that studnts have information about alternatives but indications are that they do not”.

The NSFAS would be working directly with students,

not only with Financial Aid departments and universities.

Different options would exist; one allowing for students to take their studies to university or college level and another allowing students to improve their matric qualifications. The vouchers would be granted to students based on academic and means-tested financial criteria.

The South African Students Congress (SASCO), along with the Young Communist League (YCL) and Congress of South African Students (COSAS), launched the Students’ Coalition Campaign for Free Education (SCCFE) and made calls for the Minister of Education and the ANC government to change the country’s education system.

Their argument stands that with sufficient planning and support, South Africa could scrap fees in public institutions including universities, affording those previously unable to attend university the opportunity.

The recommendation of scrapping race as an indicator of financial needs was also included in the proposed report. The report is currently under review.

The response from the DA comes after cabinet received the review of the current policy from the NSFAS. The review is now in the stage of public discussion. A talk by DASO was recently held at UCT, with the intention of a petition being signed by as many students as possible, in support of their proposed change of the current system.

Want to write for NEWS? Email a short CV to: news@varsitynewspaper.co.za

Editorial VARSITY NEWSPAPER BLOGS READER DISCRETION ADVISED: anything goes at the VARSITY Newspaper blogs...

Within Reason Reasonable Protest There is something within the South African psyche Doubt that creates the impression that violent protest is the only way to achieve change. This assumption is terribly wrong and where people transgress they must be punished within the ambit of the law. Tolerating protests that turn violent makes authorities look weak and portrays a poor image for the rest of the world. Despite what many unions think, this is not a communist state and competition exists and should be encouraged. Equality will not be reached through allowing monopolies on certain market areas to grow.

It is unacceptable that taxi operators fired shots at a BRT bus carrying ordinary citizens last week and such actions deserve to be severely punished. Some of the tough talk emanating from the Police Ministry on crime needs to be directed at citizens who commit crimes whilst using justified protest as a cover for their irresponsible and unnecessary hoodlum behaviour.

TATENDA GOREDEMA is the Deputy Editor of VARSITY newspaper.

Read more at www.reasdoubt.blogspot.com

Trust & Believe

The America of Personalities If you were to ask people to define American culture, you’d most likely get more than a few different answers.

(No, it’s not like Gossip Girl, and if everyone in the country behaved like a Flavor of Love contestant, the country would most likely implode.) The difference between one sub-culture and another is often as great as the artistic differences between Kanye West and Conway Twitty. If you were to use foods to identify different cultures around the world, for example, it would be easy to match them up with their respective countries—China, chow mein; Mexico, tortillas; Germany, sauerkraut; Italy, bruschetta; Japan, sushi, etc. But try to do that with America, and you arrive at a myriad of answers.

Why? Because America is an amalgamation of cultures. If one were to draw parallels to personal identity in the 21st century, a question arises: how much of our own identiy or personality is really our own? Are we the new “melting pots”? Are we losing all sense of personal identity in favour of becoming one lumpy mess of “culture”?

NKOSIYATI KHUMALO is the Copy Editor of VARSITY newspaper.

5

The last one of the season...

IT HAS been a good year so far. Of that there is no lying.

First of all, SA can boast two YouTube clips worthy of click rates one only sees on the joystick of television game addicts; there are two songs based on said Youtube clips (“Revolutionary House” is actually a dope track when one thinks about it) and the FIFA World Cup, that much anticipated event of 2010 is finally happening. The only thing that would top it off would be SA or one of the other African countries winning it, Julius Malema being recalled, the recession coming to an end and serious issues in South Africa being addressed on a more intense level.

The common denominator between all of these wishes is that they would all be achieved if we all got a bit more serious with life. Oh well, can’t have it all I guess. I will settle for winning the World Cup. I will admit that I am quite glad that the World Cup is coming to town already. In about five weeks, the world of football will be focused on South Africa as the largest sporting event in the world comes to South African soil. As the tournament aproaches, I feel a bit of relief. I am happy that soon all the talk and build up will be over, and the players will be able to do the talking with their feet. All of the media attention on it has been nothing short of mind-numbing, and the ticket allocation and sales has been drawn out and overplayed. In fact, I think it is much harder to see the World Cup in our own backyard than it is to see it in France or some other foreign country. Nonetheless, I find myself with my fingers crossed, hoping that it goes through without a hitch. Go Bafana.

I can distinctly remember that the first editorial of the year had the immortal words “Don’t fuck it up” used generously here and there. They were intended as a warning for all students in UCT to stick to their guns and do what it is that they really came here to do: study. With exams less than two weeks away, I hope that the words have in some way galvanised you into academic action. If they have not, do not fret, you can always start today, or tomorrow...

Steal notes, sleep with someone, do whatever it takes, just pass. We all love a winner.

It has been a short term but a busy one at the VARSITY office and there have been numerous changes the team and the way in which we put together the paper. The year has been kind to us, we have photographers willing to travel insane distances to snap pictures for us, subbers that are willing to make sure that our England is on point (that is an inside joke by the way) and staff writers that are more than keen on taking steps in the wider world of media. The section editors have a quick eye for a good story and the managment team has all but saved the paper from numerous crises. From crashed computers, slow moments in advertising and the usual hate mail that an ordinary newspaper will get, we feel quite proud that we have managed to have a competent edition every two weeks. As usual, we are always on the look out for talent, so if you can write, draw, read, think, live, breathe, smile, eat, walk (not all at the same time of course), we would be more than happy to have you.

In the past six editions we have changed the design of the paper twice. We just felt as though our design panties needed an airing; we hope this design is more seductive for you.

As usual, we cannot call ourselves a student newspaper if there is no scandal within our pages, so it comes as no surprise that the six literate Stellies students on that campus managed to explain Anton Taylor’s article to the rest of their university. The fact that the article was a humour piece completely flew over them. And while Anton’s piece was merely a jest, the following status is not: “If you cannot join us, beat us.”

Good luck for the exams. Do not do anything I would not do, but if you...name it after me.

Rémy Ngamije

Varsity front pages of the first semester

Read more at www.trustbelieve.blogspot.com

newsgathering next newsgathering Thursday, 6 May 2010, Meridian, venue TBA

2010 collective editor Rémy Ngamije deputy editor Tatenda Goredema copy editor Nkosiyati Khumalo sub-editors Nicholas Botha, Cayleigh Bright, Nomvelo Makhunga, Candice Newton, Andrew Otis, Trudy Rozani, Calvin van der Riet dtp editor Danni Liang finance team Tina Swigelaar & Odwa Sihlobo images editor Simone Millward photographers Nico Gous, Andrecia Ramnath, Zakareeya Pandey, Lorna Rae Daniels news Olivia Walton & Natasha Nel opinions Sarah Jackson & Martin Mendelsohn features Nyasha Kadandara & Tiffany Mugo sport Dominic Verwey & Edward Sellier human resources Tariro Nyamakura & Aleeshah Sayyideena advertising Odwa Sihlobo marketing team John-Ross Hugo, Andrew Ehmke & Mathabatha Sexwale IT manager Irfaan M Imamdin

Erratum VARSITY would to alert the student body that Erik de Ridder’s article publised in the Edition 3 (8 April 2010) was published with a small error at the end. The last paragraph was a quotation from Nelson Mandela.

staff writers Tonbara Ekiyor, Calvin Scholtz, Anton Taylor, Stephanie Venter, Lyndall Thwaits, Alexander Child, Tarryn Steenekamp, Berndt Hannweg, Aimee Dyamond

Contact details

external contributors Thalia Ferreira, Andrea Teagle, Alex Tarr, Erik Salamon, Sorrel Carmichael, Mncedisi Nyaweni, Tamcya Leach, Kate Still, David Gluckman

news@varsitynewspaper.co.za opinions@varsitynewspaper.co.za features@varsitynewspaper.co.za sports@varsitynewspaper.co.za hr@varsitynewspaper.co.za ads@varsitynewspaper.co.za

is looking for Staff writers | Photographers | Design editors | Web developers

If you are interested, please send a brief CV and a letter of motivation to hr@varsitynewspaper.co.za

6

Opinions

Aimee Dyamond IN RESPONSE to the wonderfully humorous article in the last edition by Thato Mabudusha (I take it she’s an engineer?), I would like to take on an equally as biased perspective on the “battle for dominance” between the Humanities and Commerce faculties at UCT. Yes, biased, because we all saw that little jab at the end implying engineers are superior. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t see that, so I am going to be equally prejudiced and speak for the Humanities students, who, by the way, outnumber all of you.

Take the entire world’s wealth and imagine it as a pie. You will see that it is divided unequally, with a large, meaty portion of all the riches in the world found in the hands of the affluent minority. While a good deal of the world’s population live in poverty and will probably never get their hands on even a scrap of the global economic kitty, there are those, like Marx (and we love this guy in the Humanities faculty),

who strive to correct this gaping inequality. And then there are the budding capitalists, scrambling for a piece of that sought-after pie.

“...Humanities students sit back and speculate, the Commerce students spiral into inconsolable depression...”

Yes, we live in a capitalist society, as we are reminded daily by inflation, the petrol price and the torrents of information thrust at us by the media. In this power-hungry corporate arena where do the doeeyed, Marlboro-smoking liberals fit? Where do the Humanities students go after graduation, when the gun has gone off and the race for capitalist success has begun?

While the Commerce students are playing the stock markets, do we

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Humanities vs Commerce: the beginning stand in our protective circles and play hacky sack outside Arts Block until the next Enlightenment?

The inter-faculty war between Humanities and Commerce is only the beginning. The battleground is in fact off campus, where each needs to prove their own worth. I am not suggesting that we all fall into left anarchism or become religious fundamentalists.

However, too much of our existence depends on money. It makes the world go ‘round, right?

Yes, money is our survival but it should not be the reason for our existence. What would you do if the stock market took a dismal turn?

While the bare-footed Humanities students sit back and speculate, the Commerce students spiral into inconsolable depression, tearing out what is left of their hair and wringing their hands in distress.

It is not an easy world out there, especially for the “artellectuals”.

We are misunderstood souls, snuffed and looked down upon

BAREFOOT HIPPIES - What is the role of shoeless-people in society? for our “airheaded” love of art and culture, pursuing happiness and illumination while the moneyhungry Commerce moguls see everything in dollar signs.

Humanities students are the beating pulse of any university.

Our future teachers and social workers will be the ones to strive to correct the inequalities left in the

wake of a cold-hearted capitalist society. We are students of the human condition, seeking truth in the world while the capitalists run it. We are the critical thinkers, the engagers, the blithe spirits. We do not have the monetary power in such a society, but we do have a piece of another pie – and we don’t have to buy this one.

Judging a book by its cover What makes a university come out on top?

The same pseudo-jock first years from all-boys schools who honestly believe they are the first to wear wife-beaters on Wednesdays or start drinking before Meridian. And that rare but oh-so-common creature, the nerd-girl,with her loud voice that attempts to compensate for her social awkwardness, and her clothes which are simultaneously standard enough to avoid standing-out yet different enough to allow her to fiercely proclaim her uniqueness.

There are also the ANCYL feminista who hunt only in packs and tear African Politics tutorials to shreds – fortunately we can hear them from a mile away, giving us sufficient warning.

And, of course, the recurring nightmare of SRC hopefuls on their insatiable quest for power, recognition, and money (on behalf of their comrades, naturally).

I know, I can be scathing at times.

Some of you may feel slighted by my uncannily accurate “Patrick Jane-like” summation of you.

For that I can only apologize, and just to show that I mean what I say, here is something else I’ve learnt in my four years (the only other thing): do not judge people based on what you see in the few seconds while passing them – even if you pass them every single day.

I believe it was Martin Luther King Jr who said something

In short, the diversity of UCT is alive and well because most people are like icebergs – cold and buoyant, and, of course, the ninety-percent unseen part. For all you know that jock with his beater and trucker cap will go home to a game of DOTA or that guy who comes all the way to campus to sit outside the food court in his Ed Hardy hoodie and play dominoes all day is quite the athlete. Comp.

Sci. students like a party as much as anyone, and the bimbo in the fake fur waistcoat, tights and Ugg boots probably beat you in the last test because there’s more to her than you think.

“... it was Martin Luther King Jr who said ... prejudice is the pinnacle of douche-baggery.”

At the end of the day, in a manner so cheesy as to usually be reserved for the Breakfast Club, I have to admit that few of us can truly be labelled and boxed into categories. So bear this in mind: we are all unique, just like everyone else.

LOCKERS - Re-enactments of The Breakfast Club proves high school never ends.

Berndt Hannweg FOLLOWING the University of the Free State’s decision to raise the bar for its admission requirements, we wonder whether it’s just marks that make a university “good”.

If ever you wish to impress your mates/rivals at Stellenbosch, or to correct the lah-dee-dahs up North at Wits, you need only remind them that UCT is the number one university in Africa and the 146th best university in the world.

Of course, you may fall down at the first hurdle should anyone ever challenge you as to why this necessarily makes UCT any better than say, those no-good, rugbyplaying skelms over the hill. What, when you get down to it, actually makes this a great university?

Is it the academics? Our fine buildings and facilities? Our food? Anton Taylor? Societies?

The Times Higher Education-QS World Rankings (to which we owe the prestigious title above) places a large emphasis on the quality of the research of a university, and the peer reviews related to it – which may suggest that we’re best at looking things up, but is that “greatness”?

Perhaps it is, as the University of the Free State (UFS) seems to believe, a matter of marks.

The move to increase the pointrequirement by two points was, according to rector Professor Jonathan Jansen, an effort to curb UFS’s drop-out rate, which happens to be the highest in the country. Are degrees, then, the mark of a “great” university?

Is it the amount of sports and extra-curricular activities? Perhaps it’s how close the university is to

Tin Roof (or its local equivalent).

After all, they do say that these are the best years of your life, and living it up is all part of living a little. Is it a university’s pedigree, as Oxford and Harvard would surely claim?

As unfortunate as it may seem to some students, the whole point of a university (including this one) is to provide you with an education, come hell or high water. You may be happier by the time you walk down Jammie stairs, you may have more friends and squeezes than Paris Hilton, but if you’re not smarter, the university hasn’t been doing its job. Yet marks can’t be the be-all and end-all of a university’s standings.

“Is it the academics? Our fine buildings and facilities?

Our food? Anton Taylor?”

It should be a mixture of things.

A “good” university is one that educates you, teaches you what you need to know, gives you a dress and then shoves you into the wide world beyond. A “better” university would make you care something for the subject matter

at hand, and let you indulge in a game of rugby/ice-hockey/beerpong in addition to your studies.

But a “great” university? Perhaps it is one that allows all of this, in varying degrees. And, as biased as I may be, UCT is certainly one of these. Cut me in half, and once you got the icky bits out of the way you’ll find that the years at this institution have inscribed UCT on my soul. And so I am placed with the Oxfordian who has Jesus College tattooed on all his English servants, or the Japanese workaholic who still fondly remembers those days in Osaka when she still had four hours of sleep a night. Or even, yes, the rugby-player who still cherishes the ball covered in Maties’ signatures sixty years on.

A university may have computer networks capable of taking over the world, playing fields as far as the eye can see, buildings made entirely of ancient ivy and professors so cerebral that they are nothing but giant medullas on legs, but a “great” university?

A truly great university is one that, through every lecture, every tutorial, every midnight essay, reminds you that, given the choice, you would go nowhere else but here.

NUMBER 5 - What makes a university like Oxford “great”?

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

THIS year UCT hosts 24 000 students, more than ever before, yet walking around campus for the fourth consecutive year, all I see is more of the same.

along the lines of prejudice is the pinnacle of douche-baggery.

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Alex Tarr

Opinions

7

UCT female residence: fun home or nun home BEING a British full-degree student, when I came to South Africa last year to check if varsity in Cape Town was really the thing for me, I was told by numerous past students that UCT isn’t UCT without the insane experience of living in residence.

told for the fifth time that, “No, you cannot say, ‘hi’ to your friend in the dining hall if you’re not eating, you can’t put posters on your wall in case you ruin the paint, and no, you cannot have any guest of any gender on the premises after 23:44 or you will be fined.”

During our last emergency house meeting, which was called to discuss the recent theft by an exUCT student, they threatened to increase the security and rules in res in order to “avoid it happening again”, so I finally got the chance to stand up and make my point.

I mentioned some of the above views and in response, I got “well you signed up for this when you applied to live in Graça Machel” and “you’re welcome to leave”.

Little did I know that res life for guys and res life for girls were two completely different worlds, with vastly opposing rules and regulations, completely shattering their scheme of “gender equality”.

“...Little did I know that res life for guys and res life for girls were two completely different worlds...”

Not only does every house commitee in female residences have an excessive spite for the male species, but they also find it necessary to ban alcohol, decoration, and many other facets that could make res feel in any way like home.

It’s not just the numerous petty rules of female res that really get to me, but the constant threat of fines and disciplinaries for not participating in dull activities that are of no official obligation to me.

At what point did anyone get a say in what res they move into, or an insight into quite how militaristic the whole thing is? Furthermore, if you do decide that Graça Machel is just too much extra anxiety and a swap might be the perfect solution, then actually applying to switch is just a whole new issue, with “far too much paper work” and “not enough excuses”.

Staying in Graça Machel, I constantly hear stories of room parties, guests staying over, and general university life from nearby Kopano and Marquard. While here in Graça Machel I sit in a compulsory house-meeting, being

Another, is forgetting to sign out a friend which I’m told is “so irresponsible”, when let’s face it, were all human, we all make mistakes, but we are also all students and we don’t have the money for fines.

I was also told that most of the rules in female res are there for our own benefit and that students moving away for the first time need the security. There are religious students who do not want boys walking around the premises

unattended, or alcohol polluting their sober existences. Let’s face it, what religious person with any willpower doesn’t have the strength to avoid “misplacing” their big “V” or turning into a drunken hobo, just because they are in a building holding stray boys and the odd bottle of wine?

We’re not Kopano guys! We’re not suddenly going to be excreting outside other residences just because we’re allowed alcohol in our rooms. I mean, if there really was any logic behind the rules in res then they would be aimed at the guys. At least girls don’t feel the need to stick “it” in the nearest respiring organism.

I can truly appreciate that, if I was in Stellenbosch making floats during O-week, pushing plastic for an hour for Graça Machel would feel like mental liberation - but like Anton Taylor said, we all managed to avoid going to Stellies boarding school because we got into UCT. So let’s live up to our mature expectations and not have the rules of ten-year-olds dictating our living space when we girls are perfectly capable of having some mature fun.

Image courtesy of www.flickr.com

Sorrel Carmichael

MOTHER SUPERIOR JUMPED THE GUN - Security at female residenses may border upon the excessive.

Uphuma eMlazi – so what?

Mncedisi Nyaweni

CULTURAL pride is a great thing to have – there’s nothing that comes close to knowing who and what you are, and where you’re from in this day and age. I knew that coming to UCT would expose me to many other cultures and beliefs, and I was looking forward to making friends from all walks of life – and then I met the “true Zulus”.

I’d like to point out that I am Zulu, by virtue of the fact that both my parents are, but I am not included in the above-mentioned collective. The reason is that I was once told that “awuyena umZulu wa ngempela” (“you’re not a true Zulu”) and the reason was that “I didn’t quite have the accent”.

I’m from Jo’burg and I thought that that should explain it - but it didn’t. I was shocked at first but I realised it’s a thing that these “true Zulus” do all the time.

They think that Durban is the only city and eMlazi is the only township in the country, Big Nuz is the only thing worth listening to, ukuxavatha (a dance popularised in Durban) is the only way to dance, and other cultures come second to theirs.

A certain degree of proof of the above is the fact that a Zulu society once existed at UCT, but was shut down as it created division among South Africans. Whoever the bright spark(s) was/were, didn’t they notice Namsoc and Zimsoc?

They’re all centred on country, not culture.

I thought it might just be bitterness on my side that made me believe these “true Zulus” aren’t the most welcoming bunch, but I went on to hang out with other people (including open-minded Zulus) and I found that it wasn’t just me. A Xhosa guy once told me that a Zulu guy gave him the famous “ngi phuma eMlazi” (“I’m from eMlazi”) line just as they

were about to fight. The Zulu guy was definitely one of the “true” crew, only they use it and expect something to magically happen.

You’re from eMlazi – and?

“...didn’t they notice Namsoc and Zimsoc? They’re all centred on country, not culture.”

A Pedi guy said that it is understandable that someone would naturally be open if you at least greeted them in their own language, but the “true Zulu” wants the whole conversation in his own language. You start speaking English after a few exchanges in isiZulu, in an effort to let him know your isiZulu vocabulary has run dry, but he will reply in isiZulu.

I just don’t understand how in a place where life-long friendships and networks of all sorts are supposed to be built, people opt

NKOSI SIKELELE’ AFRICA - Putting aside ethnic differences. to expose themselves to what they see everyday when they’re at home, not with the particular aim of feeling at home, but of sneering at people who might be different.

Of course, you won’t like everyone who isn’t from a similar cultural background, but doesn’t it strike a chord if your only friends are the ones that speak the same language, or are within walking distance from your house

back home? Surely that takes away part of the UCT-element of things? If “Durban” and “uMlazi” are the words that you say every two seconds, then why did you come here?

Well, sorry to burst your bubble but Joburg is still where it’s at, Soweto and Gugs are also townships, and “Umlilo” we Big Nuz uyabhora – “Umlilo” is boring.

Big brother is always watching Stephanie Venter PUBLISHING something on the internet and still expecting absolute privacy seems quite foolish to me.

Most people don’t think uploading photos onto Facebook counts as publishing them on the internet, but essentially that’s exactly what they’re doing.

Before writing this article I spent a few minutes browsing my privacy settings on Facebook. The privacy settings page was easy to understand and navigate, and most settings were set to default. Default, I saw, meant that since 2007 when I eagerly joined Facebook, all my personal information, interests, favourite music, and movies had all been publically viewable. This was neither here nor there for me really, as nothing on my Facebook profile had been too incriminating anyway (I un-tag myself in any embarrassing photos as a routine act of vanity). But what about the

people who post every minute detail about their lives on Facebook?

Take 19-year-old Suzie Smith as an example. Suzie is a compulsive status updater, and a photo glutton.

She posts everything from “Suzie Smith just stubbed her toe” to “Suzie Smith is stuck in a traffic jam”, and then every Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday night, “Suzie Smith is heading to Tin Roof!”. In between posting status messages, Suzie uploads every photo from each Tin Roof excursion and her profile has over 2 000 photos.

Her personal information includes Suzie’s phone number and current address.

The internet is littered with forums discussing people like Suzie, usually shouting that Facebook should do more to protect Suzie’s privacy. As Suzie is unlikely to have customised her privacy settings (like many Facebook users), the argument

goes that Facebook’s defaults should protect her anyway, and automatically limit who can view her information.

“She posts everything from ‘Suzie Smith just stubbed her toe’ to ‘Suzie Smith is stuck in a traffic jam’...”

My issue with this argument is that Facebook is not (or should not be) Big Brother, watching over each user’s every move. Facebook is not there to wrap their users in cotton wool and save them from their own ignorance.

A person’s privacy is their own indaba, and as Facebook can only display information about you that you yourself have put on the internet, it should be up to you to make sure that what you put

online is what you’re happy for others to see. Hacking, after all, is a very real threat in the modern online world.

My argument does not extend to personal messages sent between users, as these are clearly intended for the recipients’ eyes only. I talk only about publically viewable posts like statuses and photos, which are clearly meant to be seen by many people. Most people have figured out that tagging someone in a photo means that that person’s friends can view the whole album too.

There have also been articles in the news about people being fired for complaining about their bosses on Facebook, or not getting a job because of the company looking at their Facebook profile and seeing that they hate group work and constantly leave work early. Is it Facebook’s fault that these people were fired or not hired? Of course

FACEBOOK STALKING Bringing out the Big Brother in all of us. not, these people chose to post the information the companies found.

The bottom line is this: don’t post anything you that you wouldn’t want getting out. Or, if you do, at least check your privacy settings first.

8

Opinions

Trivial Pursuit So who died and made FIFA God?

By Sarah Jackson for various ways in which they have handled the upcoming media event and the occasion has been marred by more than a few dark spots.

I KNOW everyone is feeling inundated with World Cup fever.

Our lives have been saturated with billboards, TV ads, posters and pamphlets and will continue to be for a few months yet. But, seeing as it is, and has been for many years, the most talked about event in South Africa, I don’t feel too bad jumping on the World Cup fever bandwagon for this piece, so bear with me.

South Africa has come under fire

For example, for the past two years, residents of the Symphony Way Township in the suburb of Cape Town have been forcibly removed into a housing unit called “Blikkiesdorp” so that tourists don’t have to be confronted by the sight of abject poverty when entering the Green Point Stadium.

About 15,000 people live in the corrugated iron shacks with no postal code, no jobs in a place, where cooking is banned from taking place outside and diseases are rife.

in the critical documentary Fahrenheit 2010, which criticizes the government for not spending the billions of Rands pumped into the economy on solving the thirdworld issues that have plagued us for generations, such as education and healthcare.

The documentary talks about how, resources are being shifted from hospitals and schools onto the building of world-class stadiums with their very limited uses and benefit to the community outside of the 2010 FIFA World Cup.

that will come out of this event.

Roughly R12 billion is being spent on the stadiums, but a similar amount is being spent on improving the railway system and infrastructure.

If all goes well, it will certainly boost our international image.

However, I truly believe that the most valuable benefits won’t be tangible. As a complete nonrugby fan, I will always remember watching the 2007 Rugby World Cup in a venue full of people.

The most telling criticism however, has been how South Africa has spent its money. Green Point Stadium cost at least R1.5 billion to build and as state of the art as it might be, little effort has gone into boosting long-term infrastructure.

For a country that does not host a huge amount of international events, there is a fear that these stadiums will merely become empty shells whose upkeep will be a burden to taxpayers and, according to sociologist Ashwin Desai, is “a blatant misuse of funds.” Indeed, FIFA has come under fire for caring only about TV revenue generated by the event, very little of which will make its way into the South African economy.

When the final whistle blew and we realized that we had won, I turned around to see a trueblue Afrikaner man (khakis and all) jump across the counter of a confectionary stand and give the black man behind it a kiss on the cheek and the biggest hug I have ever seen. It was a moment in time so perfect and poignant I fully expected it to be a scene from Invictus. Events like this do inevitably create a sense of national pride and unity.

This issue has been addressed

However, there are good things

Our only job will be to ensure that

the moment is not too fleeting. The Rugby World Cup euphoria has all but disappeared in the wake of the singing of liberation songs and the death of a Afrikaner leader. In order to achieve a more lasting sense of unity, we cannot pretend that we are a first-world country when we simply are not. We cannot hide our poor away in embarrassment and try to shift attention to big, fancy, first-class stadiums.

Shoving the residents of Symphony Way under the carpet will only result in alienation and frustration, and we will be further divided as a society. South Africa simply can’t pretend to be a problem-free first-class country.

In order for us to benefit as much as we can, we need to own our problems, and address them head on, not hide away our poor. We need to bring them to the forefront so that they can be some of the main benefactors of the event. If we fail to do this, we risk continuing along a path of racial and wealth divides that a temporary euphoria in the wake of a big event will not solve.

The motherland in perspective South Park in hot water IN TODAY’S integrated and information-crazed world, modern-day Russia is a country which still enjoys a reputation for being a fountain of mystery and infamy.

Civil liberties, gangsterism, free press, and equal distribution of wealth are all failings of the Putin administration which he has made a priority in addressing. In keeping with some of the traits of Soviet era Russia however, the former head of the KGB has been slow to address some of these as the belief Image courtesy of www.flickr.com

The country has been treated with suspicion ever since the Cold War era, and today the only thing that’s changed about attitudes towards the country is the fact that animosity and suspicion is directed at Russia directly as opposed to the Soviet Union as it used to be.

corruption at the highest echelons of government, to a country with strengthened economy. He has professionalized the army, reformed the judiciary somewhat, and reduced needless Soviet era spending.

Both Medvedev and Putin have fostered a carefully created idea of cult figures that enjoy doing manly activities as proved by the periodic release on Russian state television of the pair skiing, and of Putin bareback horse riding and karate fighting. This is in keeping with the Soviet Union tactics of old to convince ordinary citizens that their leaders are men of immeasurable strength and vitality.

“The Russia of old and today’s Russia are different and the latter should not be judged...”

Modern day Russia has realigned itself with mainstream international politics and made an effort to work with the US and other permanent United Nations members on seeking a solution on the problem of Iran and nuclear proliferation.

The need to diversify the onedimensional economy built on energy, has meant that Russia has had to work closely with regional partners who were once under the Soviet flag and now embrace Western style-democracy.

RUSSIAN BEAR - Will leaders like Putin change how Russia is viewed internationally?

Modern Russia has embraced a type of democracy allowing for the elections which led to the ascension to power of Dmitry Medvedev.

Medvedev was the hand picked successor of former President cum Prime Minister, Vladimir Putin who has done much to reform Russia in his time in power.

Time Magazine’s Man of the Year for 2007 is the man behind the new look Russia. He took a country suffering from poverty and

that weakening civil liberties and selective freedom of press – the best ways of controlling a country and preventing it from sliding into a too “Western” ideology.

The man who George W. Bush once called a “good man” has brought back the steel in the Russian spine, and has ensured that the laughing stock of the world that Russia once was at the height of Boris “the Dancing Bear” Yeltsin’s reign is long forgotten.

Although there are discrepancies in some of the country’s behaviour and aggressive actions, such as the attack on Georgia a few years ago, one cannot doubt that the country is on the up. The tags of suspicion and mystery around the country are just cynical hangovers from the past with little or no justification today.

The Russia of old and today’s Russia are different, and the latter should not be judged on the behaviour and conduct of the former. If the way forward in today’s world is to foster relationships with international partners based on trust and separation from the internal affairs of other nations then, I believe that Russia should be given the benefit of the doubt and allowed a seat at the international table as a partner free from judgement.

Tamyca Leach SOUTH Park and its creators, Matt Parker and Trey Stone, are no strangers to controversy. Their cartoon, featuring four children growing up in the small town of South Park, has sparked a lot of antagonism due to their satirical treatment of religious, cultural and social taboos. Their latest offering featured Tom Cruise and the prophet Mohammed. The show was intended to satirize the attitudes of the Muslim culture towards physical depictions of Mohammed. In the episode, the citizens of South Park fear retaliation by the Muslim community if the prophets face is shown when he is handed over to Tom Cruise, so they dress him in a bear suit.

Following this episode, articles were posted on an extremist Muslim website warning Stone and Parker of the consequences of their portrayal of Mohammed.

The media attention simply made the issue bigger than what it was, and as a result the Comedy Network bleeped all mention of Mohammed’s name and placed a censor on images of the character - all this because of one satirical cartoon - which begs the question, “Why?” South Park is well-known for its controversial treatment of all religions and the vulgar and crass humour, yet this is the first censorship that has been placed on it.

Freedom of speech is limited to speech which is not hate speech, or discriminatory. Yet South Park is an equal opportunity offender; they do not limit their show to one

religion. Jesus and all manner of religions are repeatedly satirised and subjected to the South Park treatment. The show itself has received various awards and is a useful tool in social commentary.

The creators are not scared to take on religion or public and famous figures. Whether you love South Park or hate it, the show inspires debate over the issues it depicts - just think of all the debate over the treatment of religious figures in the media right now.

“...humour should be taken as just that, humour...”

The irony over the debate taking place right now is that IT was intended to satirize the same conditions that have caused the controversy. Has South Park gone too far? In my own opinion they haven’t, I think that humour should be taken as just that, humour.

The show is not intended to mock one specific group of people - it simply raised an issue which has incited a violent response.

A lot of people probably think that the show should be more sensitive or respectful, but if the show is that offensive, then why watch it? By placing the censor on images of Mohammed, the network has allowed one group in society to dictate what is and isn’t acceptable in humour. Surely then no religious figure should be shown? The show is what it is.

Perhaps the real question to ask is: why are people so offended by the issues raised?

Image courtesy of www.flickr.com

Tatenda Goredema

THEY KILLED HUMOUR - Those bastards!

Opinions

9

Whites need not fear black rights Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Tiffany Mugo BLACK Rights, White Fears – a phrase that stirs a spectrum of emotions in people. It is a subject that cannot continually be ignored - for an array of reasons. There is so much that is intertwined with and connected to that phrase: a history, a future and a present.

I am going to be candid here.

Although the TRC and the various notions that came with it were good ideas in theory, it seemed to me instead, to be a move by the black political elite that was synonymous to holding out a hand and saying, ‘You were involved in apartheid, don’t sweat it.’ This amounts to neither accountability nor an apology.

One would argue though, that this was done on the political elite level - a plaster was placed over a deep scar and the man on the ground was told he was healed. The pain of hundreds of years cannot be wiped away by having your wrongdoer saying, ‘Yes, I did it.’

There are many more ingredients that go into a cure.

When viewing the subject in this context, can one help but ask if there is a fear of retribution in the white community? Is there a fear that since roles are reversed, the same whip will leave marks on their proverbial backs? It was termed very eloquently by one speaker as a ‘sum-zero effect’.

“The fear is that black people want to knock white people off the plain.”

WHITE ON RICE - Does this wash off?

Before I am accused of being a foreigner who knows nothing of the plight of South Africans, I recently attended the “Black Rights, White Fears” talk, and heard from those who spoke of the pain that had not healed. A few commissions could not be the soothing balm to: the

wound of knowing you had lost family members, that a mother would explain to her son that his father wasn’t to come home, or a father is told that the boys he raised were shot dead. A few handshakes cannot shake that injury off.

Because of this perception, one can see where the fears come from. If only one man could be on the top of the mountain, it would leave the valley for all the others.

The view could also be that rights give the black population a path to the top of the mountain, leaving the abyss of exclusion for white people. There is the fear that the white voice --already small-- will continue to be suppressed with the rights given to black people.

However, the mountaintop is large. It is not the ‘sum zero effect’ but a summit where all can stand.

The fear is that black people want to knock white people off the plain.

In fact, what they want is to be able to stand firmly on the same plain without displacing anyone.

Rising above the history of this nation does not mean stepping on others, as that would be a replication of how we got to this point in the first place.

What we need is, the structure that caused the original injustice to be changed and not merely tolerated.

What is needed is a forum to be able to discuss these issues, displace these often misplaced fears and to come to terms with the fact that these issues need to be dealt with.

There is no need for us to be afraid of what we all are. We need not dance around our differences, but to use them to move forward.

Despite what history says, the rise of one need not mean the fall of another.

Table for one Eat meat When I was in first year I was a very keen student. I had taken a couple of years off after school and when I got to varsity, I had a point to prove. Needless to say, I did all my tuts, essays, and the like, in a timely and studious fashion.

The problem is, however, that I am a very destractable person.

When I was in high school, my parents had to lock me in a room with nothing but my text books, just so that the only option I had was to study.

The point is, that the library provides a place for people who are there to work. Instead, it is a far cry from the sanctuary that it once was. It is now almost impossible to find a seat - not to mention that the order that once reigned supreme no longer prevails.

“...it’s been taken ... by some fresh-offthe-teet first year...”

When I got to varsity, I found that studying at home did not work.

Once, while trying to study for an exam, my flatmate and I played the “World Hallway Cricket Championships”. I realised that I needed to find a place where I would just focus, and destractions would be as hard as possible to find.

To start off, you have to wait in the queue just to get in, and the turn-stile throws you a wobbly and the security guard jumps to attention, treating you like a high-risk criminal. After you have spent ten minutes convincing the “powers that be” that it really is you on your student card and that you have just cut your hair, put on a bit of weight and haven’t used soap since the photo was taken.

I looked to the library for an asylum; where everybody is serious about getting work done.

You feel you dare not look at anyone because you know they would just glare at you with that expression that says, “Bloody First Year!”

You enter and make a beeline for your favourite spot only to discover that it’s been taken - but not by a scarily serious post-grad – instead, by some fresh-off-the-teet first year who has just discovered one can use Facebook from one’s laptop in the library.

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not putting my priorities above anyone else’s, but it irks me, just a little, if I have about three hours to work out how to calculate bond prices and yield curves or whatever they are. I think that this might be more important than making your ‘bff lol’!

You then go to your second through seventieth choice, only to discover that they have fallen to a similar fate. If you are lucky, you might find a place in the Commerce section, where the chairs were made for people of a smaller girth than I, as upon sitting down your rear end makes a close encounter with the floor.

Of course I am embellishing and I bear no grudge to anyone, as we are all here for the same purpose.

My point is simply that the library has become overcrowded and is not big enough anymore - and there is not really anywhere else to get work done on campus.

I do not pretend to know the dynamics involved, or if anything is being done. I just feel that if we are here to get a degree, then something like finding a place to study should not be hard.

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

ON THE FLOOR - You might have to think twice if you want to go to the library to graft.

Martin Mendelson Last week ,I opened the paper to find yet another piece damning anyone who likes to eat meat.

“You’re going to die younger, faster and from nasty diseases!

You’re killing the planet! You’re unethical!” On and on it went, and goes. Excuse me for getting annoyed at such an ignorant and blatant attack on my way of life.

I eat meat, I like meat, and I would like to continue eating meat. I understand that cattle farming may contribute to global warming, but that is assuming that global warming is a bad thing, which is another argument altogether. I also understand the costs involved; I did grade seven biology, so I know that you could grow more veggies off the same piece of land used for cows to graze.

“...more important than not eating meat is having a balanced diet. ” It’s as if I’m being brainwashed every morning as I stare into the mirror and see those pearly whites, the ones on the edge, you know- the ones that we have for eating meat.

I feel that with the appearance of many of these ‘green’ ideas that we are being targeted by a group similar to religious fundamentalists, bombarded by propaganda from every angle, all the time. “If you don’t accept all these particular ideas, you’re destroying the planet!”

As my father always said, “there are many ways to skin a cat.” Just because I eat meat, this doesn’t mean that I’m not green.

Game farming, for example, can be a great way of farming sustainably, conserving the environment, and yielding good food.

We’ve been eating it for millennia already. Yes, I know that now you have the choice and, that if you don’t want to, that’s fine - but then don’t impede my God-given (or evolutionary) right to eat meat. Remember too, that if it were a few thousand years ago you wouldn’t even have the choice. So serve me a steak, and I want it so that a good vet can still save it.

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Erik Salamon

If you’d like to argue about the health of those who eat meat, then let’s look at some of the people of the world who live long: Sardinians have a reputation for long life and they live off fish, olives and red wine.

Whether you eat meat with hormones in it or not is up to you.

I come from a place where most of the meat available is free of hormones in any case. My point is that more important than not eating meat, is having a balanced diet. If you do eat healthily, without meat, that’s fine by me.

MEATY - Nom, nom,nom- a guilt-free guide to eating meat.

Bodies and voices

10

Features

LOO QUEUE - Petition signers line up on plaza.

SALUTE - Students zap Zuma in a campaing for freedom of speech.

GENDER WEEK - GrafďŹ ti board allows for student expression.

OFF WITH HIS HAIR - Supporters shave their heads for cancer fund.

Photographers Simone Millward Andrecia Ramnath Olivia Walton Zakareeya Pandey Lorna Rae Daniel Lyndall Thwaits

BOO UGANDA - Protest outside parliament against the Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality Bill.

MARCH - Protest against the killings of staff and students.

Features

SNAKES ON BOYS - Trouser snakes out in the open.

COLOUR BURST - Architecture students come out to play.

SUMMER CONCERT - Soweto Gospel Choir entertains the crowd.

LAUNCH YOUR BAND - Prime Circle takes the night away.

DANCE OFF - Student dance group wins contest.

80s EYE OPENER - Fashion show blues.

The year so far

RAINBOW - Cape Town Pride splashes out.

11

12

Features

New Holland: a foreign affair Natasha Nel interviews beat banging UCT student Odi Esterhuyse

How did New Holland come to be?

All four of us were in DF Malan High school (Bellville) together.

Teejay (vocals and rhythm guitar) and I were in the same age, but Gerdus (lead guitar) and Buckle (bass) were a year above us. The two of them had some acoustic thing going, and TeeJay and I were also in a band. Gerdus approached TeeJay about collaborating, and we started rehearsing together in 2007.

Gerdus knew a couple of the guys from Zinkplaat, we played them one of our songs, and they liked it.

So they organised for us to come with on this annual thing called “Die Avontoer” That was our first gig. From there, we hooked up with our first production company (Die Plate Kompanjie) and released our first album (01).

What did you need to get started? Capital? Contacts?

Contacts are definitely a big help.

The guys from Zinkplaat helped out. We were lucky that our first gig was in front of a lot of people.

I think we fooled the public into believing we were established before we actually were, especially because we initially played with big names like aKing and Foto na Dans. A band needs money, which Die Plate Kompanjie lent to us. Also, gig as often as humanly possible.

When did it start feeling like you had achieved some form of recognition?

Definitely after our first video “Shine” and first album were released. At the same time we were doing a nationwide tour. At every venue we would be selling albums and merchandise and all of that went to Musica. That’s when it really felt like we were getting somewhere.

How do you balance your studies with the demands of the band?

The trickiest part is travelling a lot. I actually sent every one of my tutors an e-mail before Splashy Fen saying “We really aren’t a garage band anymore; I’m going to miss more than two tuts. I promise all my work will be handed in.” It’s hard, but it’s definitely possible to do.

Right now we’re only rehearsing approximately once a month.

Buckle’s studying engineering at Stellenbosch so it’s difficult.

Exploded Views was nominated for a SAMA in the category Best English Rock Album this year. How did that feel? And how did it feel losing to a band like The Parlotones, who have arguably achieved a lot more commercial success than any other South African band?

Being nominated felt great. The SAMAs are a pretty big deal.

Losing did suck though. I’m not a fan of The Parlotones, I just don’t think they’re rock n’ roll. And they have made it, commercially.

I mean, they have a KFC meal.

When you arrive at Johannesburg International Airport you’re greeted by a huge poster of their faces.

How important is an award like a SAMA to the band though?

Considering that the SAMAs are essentially based on the

ON TO THE NEXT ONE - New Holland continues to pursue success on the music scene Image by Adriaan Louw opinions of a small group of supposed “experts”, versus, for example, an MK Award that is based on the votes of the public?

I would definitely say that the MK Awards are more important.

The only real way to judge the success of a band is by the public’s response to it. The SAMAs are just annoying, actually. Only two band members per band are allowed to go, otherwise you have to pay an extra R4 000.

Is being in a band in South Africa financially viable? Could you make a living?

Maybe, if you dedicate all of your time to it. You’d have to go corporate though, and have to sell a little bit of your soul. The problem with the South African audience is

Nyasha Kadandara WE HAVE a celebrity in our midst!

Dylan Jack Van Vuuren, a thirdyear Business Science student, is currently a contestant on the M-Net Series TV programme Style Interns. Running in Heels has nothing on this one.

Style Interns takes 10 interns and gives them a series of gruesome tasks in which they compete against each other. Final prize: an internship at Fairlady. VARSITY caught up with Dylan and asked him about his experience on the show.

What did you want to get out of being on Style Intern? Did you go in with a game plan?

I am very keen on getting into the fashion industry, and what a better building block than to be on the show. I tried to prepare myself for anything that would come my way; I did my research, but you never know that they will throw at you. We did everything from photo shoots, errands, writing, fashion, events – the works.

Image courtesy of styleintern.co.za

Style-o-matic For those of you who have had the pleasure of meeting Dylan or watched the show, you will know that his flamboyant reputation precedes him, and a dull moment never passes with him around.

Since you’re openly gay do you think you could be considered a gay activist? How did your divalike personality influence the way viewers perceived you?

Coming from someone who was not allowed to watch Will and Grace, I think I’ve come along way. I’m proud of who I am, and I think in a way I can be a role model for gay people. With regards to my flamboyant nature, without sounding cliché, I am

entertaining. This is probably one of the reasons I made it so far on the show. When you speak your mind, people listen.

What were your fears, and what did you want people to know about you?

It’s all about who I am – I wanted people to know Dylan, and the only thing I feared was that they wouldn’t get me or that I looked like a fool. Don’t get me wrong – there is definitely more to me than what was seen on the show, but is was definitely a good indicator.

I am professional, smart, and fierce.

So where to next?

All I’m saying is, watch this space!

Any regrets?

I never regret anything I do – only things I don’t do.

You can catch Dylan on Style Intern on Fridays at 21h00 on M-Net Series, and you can view all the episodes online at www. styleintern.co.za.

that a lot of them are uneducated when it comes to music, they buy what they see on TV. Best and worst on-stage moments?

Once we were invited to play at some random festival up north called Die Sterrefees. We got there and it didn’t look very promising, so I drank a bit too much. Then we went for a swim in the river and I cut my foot, so I drank some more.

By the time I got on stage I didn’t even know what a drum-set was.

Definitely the worst. Splashy Fen was the best. It’s an amazing place to go and getting to play music there was even better.

Are you influenced by the political situation in South Africa at all? Bands like Fokofpolisiekar are often

interpreted as protest bands.

It’s not a big influence on us. We definitely believe in using music to voice ourselves and change opinions, but we just don’t have as much to be angry about as they do.

They grew up with preacher fathers and have a lot to say about those kinds of issues, we’re happier in a way. We’ve often been described as “party rock n’ roll” and we’re satisfied with that.

Favourite SA bands?

Die Antwoord; Isochronous; Lark; Tidal Waves; Die Heuwels Fantasties; Wrestlerish.

Any single band members?

Only Buckle. We tease him about that.

Decadence Tonbara Ekiyor

AMIDST plots of murder, infidelity, gin and tonics, economic inequality and denials of homosexuality, you might forget that you are at Intimate Theatre and genuinely believe that you are a part of the psychotic world the two actors on stage have created.

The play is set in London and depicts the neuroses of a cheating husband and his mistress (a cheating wife), contemplating, among various sinister issues, the age old post-coital question of “was that alright for you?”

It is performed by two highly talented actors, who were both nominated for Fleur du Cap awards: Emily Child (a former UCT student) and Scott Sparrow.

Emily Child’s character, the mistress, is a fashion-forward sex fiend, whose description and physical display of why girls like horses so much, saw the entire room roaring in laughter and a few prudes shifting uncomfortably in their seats. However, as the play progresses, you find that like every good girl, she just needs a good

man to ink her in his will, and is prepared to pursue that goal with all intensity.

Image courtesy of intimatetheatre.net

WITH two successful albums and a SAMA nomination under their belt, New Holland has carved a name for themselves as a genre-defying foursome worthy of some serious recognition. The band’s drummer, Odi Esterhuyse, 22, is currently a first year majoring in Film and Media and English. With “Launch Your Band” week now behind us, VARSITY chatted to Odi about everything from New Holland’s own success to the South African music scene in general.

The husband on the other hand is a case study in the simplicity of men. The moment his philosophic rants begin to give you some hope, he says something like “you look like a lioness; I want to be your cub, now take off your knickers!”

Between stories of his dysfunctional boarding school days he comes up with schemes as to how to go about murdering his mistress’s husband.

The play is on for two more weeks at the Intimate Theatre at Hiddingh campus.

Features Calvin Scholtz HOLIDAYS always present students with the opportunity to read something not prescribed by UCT, so why not catch up on the bestselling fiction of the past 6 months?

an unfinished draft of a play from a fan: tt’s titled “Beatrice and Virgil� and its only two characters are a donkey and a howler monkey. Intrigued, he decides to find out more, taking him on a strange journey that will have dire consequences for both men.

(1) Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel Last year’s winner of the Man Booker Prize revisits the Tudor period with a focus on Thomas Cromwell, the son of a blacksmith who became Henry VIII’s closest advisor. Cromwell is usually cast as the villain opposite the saintly Sir Thomas More in tales about the era, but Mantel turns this dichotomy on its head and gives Cromwell a human side.

cup of tea, but if you’ve read and enjoyed him before, then you need to see what he does in this, his latest offering. It’s a 24-hour crime thriller revolving around the Cannes film festival, with an in-depth look at the cut-throat world of film and fashion as the various characters’ destinies head towards a dramatic conclusion.

(5) The Girl Who Kicked the Hornets’ Nest by Stieg Larsson If somehow you haven’t read the Millennium trilogy yet, then do so now! This is the final volume, which was released around the end of last year. It follows a diverse plethora of characters as they attempt to solve/cover-up the mysterious murders that occurred in book two. The deeper they dig, the more it seems that the conspiracy involves the government.

(3) And Another Thing‌ by Eoin Colfer

(2) Beatrice and Virgil by Yann Martel This is Martel’s first novel since the worldwide success of Life of Pi eight years ago. A writer receives

Iron Man cometh again Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Bookmark: 5 Great Holiday Reads

13

Douglas Adams died in 2001, but always intended continuing The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series. With permission from his estate, Eoin Colfer has written the sixth book, and it’s to be the first in a planned trilogy. Colfer’s writing style is so similar to Adams’ that you can hardly tell the difference, and this time there’s even a hint of a plot!

(4) The Winner Stands Alone by Paulo Coelho Paulo Coelho’s not everyone’s

Images courtesy of www.kalahari.net

RĂŠmy Ngamije THE US summer season is in full swing as the first of the much anticipated blockbusters, Iron Man II, hit local circuits.

With Robert Downey, Jr back in the lead role as the cocky, red and gold-clad Iron Man, the film abounded with humour, CGI effects, a healthy amount of explosions, and enough appeal to make you want to see the third one. It was what a sequel should be, longer and better. It also made a tidy US$100 million in its opening week.

Gywneth Paltrow reprises her role as Pepper Pots, Stark’s love interest in the interest, one of the few films she seems to be making at present, but Terrence Howard was dropped and replaced with the edgier, “frownier� Don Cheadle as Lt James Rhodes.

Jon Favreau reprises his seat at the director’s helm in this one, and for a person who has not made any noticeable hits, he pulls off quite the second-timer.

He also stars in the film as Stark’s whimsical chauffeur. Mickey

Rourke puts in a much-tattooed appearance as Stark’s nemesis, an electric whip-wielding scientist.

Scarlett Johansson was the other surprise addition to a film already bristling with star power.

Her blond bangs were died red, she lost weight, attended some Taebo classes and appears as the sexy Natalie Romanoff. Other famous faces in the film are Samuel L Jackson as the oneeyed Nick Fury who in the last scene, attempted to recruit Tony Stark into the Avengers team.

As one of the more obscure superheroes in the comic book world, it is suprising that Iron Man was a successful transition to the screen. Breaking away from the Holy Trinity of superheroes (Batman, Superman and Spiderman), Iron Man is carving its own niche in the superhero genre. The film is a clever blend of humour, CGI and Downey’s persona that would have fans of the first film thoroughly entertained; it is longer, funnier and Iron Man’s suits have more detail in them than before. However, if you are looking for something a little more exceptional in terms of storyline, you might be disappointed; this is not The Dark Knight. This is a film that will entertain you for all of two hours with fast cars, pretty girls, suits and a lot of things that go boom.

It is a much welcome respite from many of the films that are currently on circuit and a mouth watering teaser of other upcoming films: The Edge of Darkness (Mel Gibson), Prince of Persia (Jake Gyllenhall), Robin Hood (Russell Crowe) and Inception (Leonardo Di Caprio).

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14

Features

Beware! The Apocalypse is nigh IF YOU haven’t even considered turning off your lights, re-using your bath water in your kettle, making your own compost out of your kitchen scraps or buying a t-shirt with the slogan “eco warrior princess”, you have obviously been urbanised and desensitised to a degree from which you cannot be rescued.

The green revolution has passed you by, or, more likely, you have chosen to ignore it. This is understandable.

Reversing the effects of global warming appears to be a mammoth task when the individual is confronted with it. It is therefore easier to ignore.

Greenies, however, are not making the head-in-the-sand approach easy. They are impossible to miss charging around campus in green overalls and look very busy saving the world. Global organisations have also been springing up as people attempt desperately to reverse the damage we have caused.

An example of such an initiative is “Earth Hour” organised by the World Wildlife Fund. “Earth Hour” is a global call to action to every individual, community and business to take a stand against climate change. At a designated time and date everyone turns off

their lights to pledge solidarity in the fight against rising temperatures and sea levels (see www.earthhour. org).

This display of commitment, while moving and even inspiring, is just that – a display, nothing more. It is a gimmick and serves no purpose. Instead of turning off their lights for one hour every year to appease a guilty conscience, people should make a concerted, consistent effort to keep emissions at their lowest.

upcoming elections. Until green becomes political, it’s only going to be a fragmented collection of volunteers bumbling about in the dark (quite literally).

The problem with dealing with global warming is that consensus and agreement are impossible

to reach among world leaders.

There are far too many conflicting interests on the global stage. In my view the Copenhagen Accord and the equally redundant Kyoto Protocol should be shelved along with the concept of earth [insert period of time]. Screw global consensus and profit-driven Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

Kate Still

More recently, the globe celebrated Earth Day on 22 April.

It is similar to earth hour, except that it is 24 hours of showing one’s dedication to creating a global, green economy. The website offers handy, but heavily recycled, tips on how to save the environment like ride a bike (far from practical if you live more than 5km from your destination or you have to shop) and encourage children to plant trees (why don’t we just plant trees?).

Unfortunately the real solution to global warming doesn’t lie in you turning off your lights for one hour a year and green shouldn’t be a gimmick- it’s a way of life. But there is hope. For the first time in the forty years of its existence, the Green party in England might win a seat in parliament in the

economies – the apocalypse is not impending, it’s now. It is unfortunately the human factor that makes progress impossible.

This apocalypse does not affect any of us directly, right now so none of us will take action.

Among a small, elite group of scientists, a theory is being popularised which suggests that a million of tons of sulphur dioxide be pumped into the stratosphere. It will react to form particles which reflect the sun’s rays. All we need to do is reduce sunlight reaching the earth by 1% in order to reverse global warming.

People are naturally reluctant to do something so extreme especially when the consequences are so unknown. This means it must be done in secret. Sulphur dioxide is a waste product of lots of industries such as mining. Two factories (which is all it will take) have already agreed to extend their chimneys and pump their waste into the stratosphere.

ENVIRONMENTAL APOCALYPSE - Are we the four horsemen of our own era?

So, let us not give up hope. We are on the cusp of two worlds: our current, polluted profit-fuelled one and a brighter, cleaner, greener one. So let the sulphur dioxide loose, and we can buy ourselves fifteen years or so and I guess it’s up to one of us to save the planet before time runs out!

Toilet humour: a critique of UCT’s facilities

For the sake of this critique the words “poo”, “kak” or “crap” may easily be interchanged with the words “wee”, “piddle” or “piss”. The use of the masculine “he”,“his” and “him” is purely a result of personal experience in the male toilets or facilities on Upper Campus – not a chauvinistic expression to alienate women. So girls I urge you to read on, in fact, I urge the Joan of Arse to offer her critique of the female bathrooms at UCT so we can compare, contrast and complain.

1. Humanities Building A quaint and quiet little spot niftily located near the ladies who sell samoosas and other miscellaneous deep-fried goods that will guarantee “the squits”.

Analysis: This establishment is fitted with the 5-man urinal water-wall

2. The Leslie Social Sciences architectural brain-abortion is a super-structure with numerous facilities to its credit, but this analysis is about quality and not quantity.

Analysis: The mid-level toilet located by lecture theatres 2C and 2D probably has one of the highest bum-traffic rates in the Western Cape what with easy access to multiple lecture venues and hence some interesting characteristics have surfaced. Recently, I’ve noticed the early stages of a soon-to-be active “queer-hole”: a

3. Moving up a few levels into the economics, politics, religious studies, sociology and philosophy facilities (not faculties), sneakily disguised as kitchen rooms or small offices, lies the toilet equivalent of the Ark of the Covenant. This place is a quiet tabernacle where the sanctified commandments “flush after use” and “keep toilets clean” are dogmatically obeyed by its disciples - staff? This is the place that inspired the great texts of: “Call me for blowjob 082...” and “I sleep with your gurl while you videotape 073...”

Analysis: These bathrooms are always empty and pristine, each cubicle is sizeable for the garden variety American, plenty of toilet paper and most importantly, hand soap – the Upper Campus equivalent of unobtainium. If religious reawakening is what you desire this is your guidance and path and truth – and it was good.

A brief analysis of some other facilities – Locations 4, 5 and 6 Leslie Commerce by the Computer labs: Overused and under-cleaned – awful.

Beattie: Quiet and clean, warm wooden cubicles. I’ve heard it’s great for “hot diarrhoea”

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

term coined by Ricky Gervais to describe a penis-sized hole between two male cubicles for who knows what. It has since been blocked up with shards of toilet paper and it seems that construction on the “queer-hole” has ceased – for now.

For a happening toilet it’s not bad, but the unsettling feeling I get as I lower myself on the drizzled toilet seat that Big Brother is watching leads me to conclude that: I’LL PASS!

NEED TO PEE - Nothing is worse than been overwhelmed by your sanitary environment.

Maths Building Staff bathroom: Natural lighting and a hand-drying towel – potentially unsanitary but more effective than the warmexhalation-breath-dryers.

Very small and reminds me of Miss Trunchbull’s “chokie” from when I was a little girl called Matilda.

4. I have saved the worst for last: NSLT. The name itself sounds like a parental warning on X-rated films and television programmes describing the dark and sordid scenes that lie ahead. What’s in a name? I’ll tell you Shakespeare: Nasty Siff Looking Toilet. It’s the most X-rated place on campus and I refer to it as “Little Pollsmoor”.

Analysis: The wonder-wall urinal is more impossible than ever before and the only way is to stick your buttout to prevent any wobbly bits from making contact. Peeing in NSLT is like urinating on your own feet, I’ve even seen fully

grown men crying and urinating on themselves in a sad and pathetic act of desperation.

Every time I use the cubicle (only ever to wee), I find myself ripping my neck to look behind me in the honest fear of being bent over and made some inmate’s “wyfie”. The NSLT toilet also made my Just Juice taste funny once. Are these the thoughts I should be thinking on any given academic day before Business Strategy?

Now to UCT Administration: Give us hygiene, give us toilet paper and for goodness sakes GIVE US HAND SOAP!!

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

WELL into my fourth year in UCT I have had my fair share of toilet engagements ranging from spiritually enlightening on the one hand to a real threat of gonorrhoea contraction on the other.

feature, bizarrely designed in that there is no mathematically feasible angle to aim for that could prevent up-splash or (cringingly) sidesplash. As it turns out using simple calculus, more wee lands up on trousers and the black painted pedestal than enjoys the fun ride to the drain. I’m all for saving water, really I am. Eco-warrior is my rank but I have moral objections to wanking flush-handles waiting for the climactic “bowl to clear”.

Otherwise a calming and airconditioned experience, it’s not spiritual, but it’s safe!

Images courtesy of www.flickr.com

David Gluckman

Features

AfrikaBurn

Rob Scher

AS I find myself sitting on a comfy couch I begin staring at a knitted canvas of “Die Groot Trek”, one of an assortment of items including a set of mounted buck horns, a Mimi Coerste vinyl and a portrait of a disapproving looking ouma that surround me. Whilst this sounds like a description of a visit to my Tannie in Brakpan, there were a few other details I’ve left out...

Firstly, the living room in which I’m currently taking position is on top of a mobile trailer attached to the back of a Jeep. Along with this, the Jeep is adorned with two giant “vuvuzela-flamethrowers”, all located under a starry Karroo sky. I sit transfixed by the surreal position I currently find myself in: a DJ, set up in a booth opening up into the living room, plays music that fuels the epic party taking place in and around the lounge and the surrounding giant blocks of Lego and 10-foot-tall Lego man. Where on earth did this take place you may ask? Well, it was the “Vuvu Lounge” – a place that

existed within the world that is Tankwa Town.

Tankwa Town is the name given to the collection of art, people and co-operation that is AfrikaBurn.

Having experienced this incredible event, I found it difficult explaining all it encompassed upon returning to the “real world”. Stemming from its larger American counterpart, Burning Man, it’s basically a festival that promotes the creative arts and freedom of expression through building a temporary community of collaborative arts projects, non-commercialism and interaction. Apart from that AfrikaBurn is an opportunity to let go of some of the usual boundaries imposed by society, so that walking into someone’s campsite and joining into the conversation, or licking hot sauce off a stranger’s nipple in return for a shot would not be considered out of the ordinary.

In its fourth year of running, you will be hard-pressed to find a more original and unique experience. There were so many incredible sights to behold that

BURN, BABY, BURN – Lose yourself in the array of music and arts.

it constantly had you thinking you had mistakenly walked into a Dali painting as the bright and imaginative art pieces contrasted so starkly with the arid desert.

Returning to the Tankwa Karroo for my second time, there were many new additions including a tunnel-like structure called the Echo. Resembling the belly of a whale, this was just one of a number of amazing structures that would be burnt during the festival.

Another great aspect to the fest is the assortment of themed camps set up along the perimeter from “Down the Rabbit-Hole”, which hosted a daily Mad Hatter’s Tea Party to “The Succulents”, a giant Octopus-shaped tent which hosted nightly parties.

Staring up at the burning effigy of a man on the final night, the ritual that gave the festival its name, I was surrounded by all my friends and in that moment couldn’t have imagined being anywhere else. There are too many sights and experiences that were had to describe in the space of this article, which is good – AfrikaBurn is something that needs to be experienced and not just read about. One of the best descriptions I heard someone say, and what I feel perfectly sums up the event, is that it’s like Never Never Land – a place where all your imaginings have the possibility to come to life. See you next year, Tankwa Town.

15 Playing gypsy Maciek Dubla THERE are always those signs that let you know you’ve arrived at an event that will leave a lasting impression. As I arrived at Balkanology, before the doors had even opened, there was already a queue making its way down the street, around the corner and getting progressively longer.

Then there were the people who had all dressed up in their gypsy finery with some going as far as only speaking in a Balkan accent the entire night. Lastly, the true give away of an absolute success: putting aside 400 tickets to be bought at the door and selling out within 30 minutes of opening – with a queue still disappearing round the corner.

Since my introduction to Balkanology two years ago, I have been craving an experience of that magnitude. This year’s ultimate Balkan bash took place at the newly opened Vaudeville, a venue synonymous with the fantasy world featuring high flying circus acts and Moulin Rouge-style décor. Having never been to Vaudeville, I was skeptical of how they were going to make this work – the last time they had cows, goats and sheep – and an indoor event didn’t seem to cater for that kind of entertainment.

Not only was there livestock, but it was evident this pseudocircus arena was the perfect venue for a gypsy playground. Red lights, dark interiors, multiple floors and hidden passageways here and there made this Balkan

celebration not just a party, but an experience. Step through a curtain and you suddenly come across a tarot reader: white hair, cigarette in her mouth, crystal ball on her table and your fortune in her hands. Being a bit of a nonbeliever I gave it a try and before I knew what was happening, she was telling me things she really wasn’t meant to know. Heading straight to the bar for something with a kick, I tried to look on the bright side; at least she hadn’t pulled the death card.

The night continued into a feast of Balkan beats, mixing traditional folklore with modern electronica.

Besides a number of DJs, including the organiser himself, Ma’or Harris and legendary Balkan DJ Toby2Shoes, a live band of musical carnies, The Nomadic Orchestra, had the crowds going crazy with some of their hip hop-inspired Balkan numbers. An unusual hybrid indeed, but if Taylor Swift can record a track with T-Pain then anything is possible.

Due to the call of academia, staying the entire night wasn’t an option, so with much resistance and many times saying “just one more song”, I had to take leave of this Balkan wonderland. I still have dreams about the carnies, the music still reverberates in my ears and I wish I had actually placed a bet on one of those goats. There’s always next time, but until then, I’ll keep searching for my next hit of Balkan euphoria.

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Thank you Stellenbosch!

Anton Taylor THE PAST few weeks of my life have been some of my most wonderful yet. I have been filled with a divine joy which touches me from the moment I wake up until the moment I lie on my bed and slip off into faraway dreams of bright colours and beautiful things. This is my story: Over recent years at UCT I’ve managed to feed myself off a fair amount of attention. It certainly hasn’t always been positive, which I’m told would bother some, but luckily my mind is designed in a way which makes it unable to distinguish between good or bad attention – it just takes it all in and produces for me a wonderful tingling sensation, similar to that which occurs when one snorts a cocktail of crushed up MDMA and Viagra.

However, a few months ago I’d come to the sad realisation that sooner or later people were going to grow tired of me, and were going to give up complaining about me or taking the time to send me hate mail. Like the receding hairline you try to ignore, I had to face the fact that I was soon going to have to lower myself to some truly heinous ways of feeling good about myself, such as personal development and altruistic acts of kindness. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought that the kind folk from the winelands would be my salvation.

If you haven’t heard about the uproar that my article about Stellenbosch caused, you can either look to page 4 of this edition of VARSITY, page 15 of last Wednesday’s Die Matie newspaper, or type “Anton Taylor” into Google (you might want to put it on SafeSearch if your parents are in the room). To cut a long story short, my article made its way to Stellenbosch and was very well received. It was put up across the university, in residences and on lampposts, and the online version went viral.

“All I really wanted was for my fellow students to feel better about themselves.”

There were numerous blogs and hate groups created in my honour, and a few of you would have read some of the hundreds of statuses about me. People had a lot of time on their hands. They sent around “humiliating” pictures of me chundering (I don’t think they knew they were old profile pictures of mine) and commented on what my dad did for a living.

Die Matie and other publications even referenced previous works of mine in their articles of hate. One chap went to the effort to get screen shots of when I when I failed Stats in 2007, in an effort to prove how stupid I am. I was a bit upset that

he missed out on Economics in 2008. Lazy stalking saddens me.

The main reason that people write is so that they will get attention, and so that others might see their opinion. After the Varsity Cup final I had some strong emotions. I felt terrible when I saw the disappointment in my fellow Ikey’s eyes, and I was also upset over the behaviour of some Maties spectators.

Anybody who writes for a student newspaper can’t really call themselves a big shot, but I was content with the effect that a humorous column written in an opinions section of student newspaper with an estimated readership of 16 000 would have.

All I really wanted was for my fellow UCT students to feel a bit better about life.

I didn’t think my article would ever reach Stellenbosch, and even if it did, I never thought that they would really care what I’d said.

Can you ever imagine a tongue-incheek, unflattering article in Die Matie, which made neither attacks on individuals nor calls for violence, rousing the anger of thousands of UCT students? I really didn’t think that Stellenbosch would give VARSITY and myself such an enormous blowie to acknowledge what I had written. But they did.

They took my words and they gave them wings. Thanks to the Stellies students, more people than I could ever imagine read what I had to say.

The online version had 10 000 hits in a week, South Africa’s biggest blog site reported on it, and I even have parents talking to me about it when I’m at the gym (which is often, boet). Maybe they took my article out of context, so in the future if I ever write an article which I know Stellenbosch will read I will make sure to have lots of smiley face and wink face emoticons after each paragraph, and make frequent use of terms such as “LOL” and “ROFL”.

Hopefully this might communicate to them that my articles aren’t deadly serious.

Some have interpreted the actions of the Stellenbosch students to mean that they were angry, but I believe to the contrary. There is absolutely no way that people who wanted to hurt me would stage such a passionate and wellorganised mobilisation towards giving me unbridled pleasuring.

Furthermore, although I teased the Stellies students about their scholastic achievements, I’m certain that they’re smart enough to know that their reaction to an article criticising them of smallmindedness and intolerance would never involve threats and aggression over an opinion different to theirs, unless they were part of the joke and just playing along. Nobody seems to realise that the Stellies guys were just being good sports with the way in which all their responses misquoted me and took my article out of context.

And I’m sure that they also realised that there are few things outside of selling your body for tik that are more damning to your self-esteem than taking the time to send hate mail to, stalk and discuss through anonymous comments, analyse and dissect the writings of, and dedicate a Facebook status to somebody who will never know who you are – someone whose life you will never impact in any way other than to make him or her more well-known.

In this whole celebration of Anton Taylor there have only been two uncomfortable aspects.

One was reading through the hate mail and watching the English language get brutally prisonraped sans lubrication, and the other was trying to conduct myself in daily life with a throbbing and plainly visible erection.

Stellenbosch has done so much for me, and has played along with me so enthusiastically that I publicly make peace with them and renounce any animosity that I have ever shown towards them. All this publicity has done wonders for my health. My skin has cleared, my body fat has dropped, my game is on point, and over the past week I have been bought a few hundred shots.

Never before has one person owed so much to so many.

A student’s ode to Crackling Alexander Child

infinitely ming girl wrapped in your arms. Words cannot possibly describe the fear that grips your body as you timidly search for some kind of contraceptive device lying used and ineffectual and depressing. This you do with absolutely no movement or sound as waking this gargoyle of ugliness could be tantamount in pain (but opposite in brightness) to staring at the sun.

Wherefore, my green-skinned mistress, art thou named Crackling? Is it for your golden bubbles that sparkle to the surface like tiny stars; your naturally effervescent nature? Or for something more sinister: the sound of some infernal flame? Twisting open the golden crown, the Fzztshh kisses your ears like no other sound on earth. In this perfect moment all worries are forgotten, all anxieties dampened, for you know that these will be your last few minutes of memory. Tilt the bottle and watch the elixir burn its way down your throat. You’re not drunk – you’re on Crack(ling)!

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who, after trying crackling, vomit and cry and swear they will never drink it again. Then there are those who embrace the Crack, suck it in and make sweet love to the hangover that envelopes their souls the next morning, and are addicted for life.

The former are pussies; the latter follow a degenerative life path after their first hit, desperately seeking the high of their first drink, yet always falling tragically short, perpetually ending up vomiting in a gutter, naked and scared – but oh so satisfied!

You will realise that you’re a Crack addict after your first aggressive encounter with a bergie, the original and undeniable fathers of Crack history. You’ll see him sipping on his bounty in broad day light, and you will hate him more than any Owl City song

ADDICTED - The horrific consequences of Crack addiction can be seen on this poor victim. ever conceived. Why is that not your Crack, after all – you gave him 50c the other day? It should all be your Crack?! You’ll shout, he’ll shout and then comes the drunken brawl; the ugly truth that you are now probably at the lowest level of all living things will not be considered by your junkie mind.

But after this, you will know. You will know.

Emerging from a Crack prematch will be a glorious occasion. The raw energy that a Crack drunk gives off can keep man and (few) women going for days in an excited delirium of pure intoxication.

“To other people, you will be a schizophrenic drunk” Tonight you will be a majestic creature, endowed with suave wit and professional dancing skills – in your mind at least. To other people, you will be a schizophrenic drunk, struggling to stand on the dance floor while mumbling blindly to yourself, occasionally culminating in an angry slur of swearing directed at the closest inanimate object.

An unfortunate consequence of Crack addiction is complete memory loss. You will have nights that just fall away from existence, nights that simply never occurred in your consciousness.

Accompanying these black-outs is the inevitable waking-up-instrange-places; this is regretful but necessary, for the Crack takes you where it wants, not where you want.

Tell-tale signs that you have been on Crack the night before include: deep-set tear stains on the floor below your head; a full sent items inbox; broken limbs and an

Now, to those of you whose devotion has been waning towards the Crack, I say shame on you.

Who was always there when all bottle stores were closed, but the filth pit of 7/11 was open to your asking hands? Who let you continue your drinking binge when money was tight at the end of the month? And now you show your gratitude by drinking papsag, or worse yet, expensive spirits, claiming that Crack is now too gross! Oh! Great crackling, you may be the late harvest in farmers’ eyes: but it’s better to have late harvest than no harvest.

Disclaimer The VARSITY humour page is a vehicle of expression.

None of the views expressed in the humour page are those of VARSITY or its advertisers.

Reader discretion is advised.

Sports

17

ICC World Twenty20 Guide Tarryn Steenekamp THE Twenty20 World Cup is currently under way in the West Indies. With many teams vying for the competition title, we take a look at the tournament favourites and underdogs, and discuss the competition’s long shots and newcomers.

Twenty20 Favourites During the 2009 Twenty20 World Cup, Pakistan became surprise champions by overcoming a great deal of internal team chaos. Their chances this year seem diminished due to extensive bans on several key players, thus opening up the competition for other spirited outfits such as India, Australia and, our very own, South Africa.

The Indian squad, who won the tournament in 2008, seem to have sufficient depth and experience to pocket the title for a second time.

The well-balanced side seems to be competing well under the ever competent leadership of MS Dhoni and looks primed to punish rival teams with their competent bowlers and their unpredictable batting performances. They will go head-to-head with South Africa in pool C.

the best indication of tournament achievement is form. While India and Australia are on the up, the West Indies and Pakistan seem to be facing a downward spiral.

The Proteas, currently ranked third in the ICC World Rankings, have always been touted to excel in previous competitions but seem to have developed a habit of wilting under pressure. The men in green fortunately have the reliable services of in-form Jacque Kallis to rely on. Kallis was the leading run-scorer during the recent IPL championships, churning out magnificent performances for his IPL team, the Royal Challengers Bangalore.

“Realistically though, there are up to six or seven teams who are contenders for the trophy.”

South Africa will only hope that his superb form will continue throughout their World Twenty20 campaign, and that his aptitude will make up for the absence of crocked fast bowler Wayne Parnell, who will miss the tournament due to a serious groin injury. More importantly though, the team will hope to rid themselves of their “chokers” tag by dominating in the pool stages and bringing home some silverware.

Dark Horses and Outsiders

Howzat – Who will be smiling in the Caribbean in the final on May 16th?

Australia was appalling in the 2009 tournament, but seems to have improved dramatically with emphatic series wins over the summer. The Aussies dominated against former champions, Pakistan, annihilated the West Indies and have done well to stabilise their World Rankings and work on their performances.

Realistically though, there are up to six or seven teams who are contenders for the trophy. Due to the competition’s short, sharp and shiny format, prolonged performances are not necessary and

Neither New Zealand nor England have clearly dominated and won an international tournament and this sorry and long-standing form seems likely to continue throughout the World Twenty20 championship.

The British lost their first game of the Twenty20 World Cup last year to minnows, the Netherlands, and despite regaining the Ashes last summer, they don’t seem to have the strength and match temperament to win this year’s competition. The Black Caps also

Long Shots and Newcomers Finally, three teams which seem set to disappoint throughout the World Cup are Ireland, Zimbabwe and the newly included Afghanistan outfit.

Ireland has been the lucky packet of international cricket over the last three years. While it is always difficult to determine what they may have up their sleeves, another major upset win seems unlikely.

Zimbabwe also looks likely to be knocked-out in the early stages as they are currently battling to regain the brilliant form of their past.

There is a great deal of interest surrounding the competition inclusion of Afghanistan. It is an exceptional achievement for the war-torn nation to have been able to qualify for such an event, considering that they have barely featured in even lower-league tournaments. While it is going to be almost impossible for these outsiders to shine, the experience will be remarkable for this up-andcoming cricketing nation.

Sports back pages of 2010

Images courtesy of www.triangle.cc

South Africa Ironman 2010

The unlucky Sri Lankan side were runners up in the 2009 tournament as well as in the previous 50-over World Cup. They are known as cricket’s quiet achievers and are often overlooked for other more fancied international outfits.

They consistently overachieve, however, and a repeat of their 1996 World Cup success may be fast approaching. Although their squad is lacking in experience, Sri Lanka’s top achievers have the ability to competently lead their team and rise to the occasion.

have some quality players in their T20 squad yet lack experience and outright potential, rendering them tournament outsiders.

Pain is temporary - quitting lasts forever.

Berndt Hannweg MOVE over Robert Downey, Jr – let South Africa’s toughest show you how it should be done. South Africa’s toughest multi-discipline endurance race took place on the 25th of April.

Hordes of contestants descended to Port Elizabeth to compete in the challenging triathlon.

Begun as a debate as to whether runners were fitter than swimmers (and vice versa), the Ironman Triathlon began in Hawaii in 1978. The race has spread to 17 countries around the globe, each comprising of three masochistic sections: a 3.8km swim followed by a 180km cycling race and rounded off with a 42.1km marathon. Participants have 17 hours to claim a spot in the World Ironman Championships, hosted annually in Hawaii.

On Sunday 25 April, athletes were greeted by Port Elizabeth’s choppy seas, where 7h00 saw the world’s most-gruelling events commence.

Despite complications following the volcanic eruptions in Europe,

there were still many international regulars in attendance, including Australian Peter Vaughan, who was competing for a mammoth 50th time, and the duelling Bree Wee (USA) and Caroline Steffen (Switzerland) for the women. However, South African participants still dominated the event, with South Africans Raynard Tissink and Brad Storm giving strong contenders Jordan Rapp (USA) and Daniel Fontana (Italy) a run/swim/cycle for their money.

Athletes battled the rough waters and persevered against some strong headwinds, but in the end, it was Tissink who secured the first South African victory since 2005 with a winning time of eight hours and 23 minutes despite ongoing struggles with asthma. German Sonja Tajsich placed first in the women’s event with nine hours and sixteen minutes.

The contestants shrugged off the early-morning dismal weather and again affirmed South Africa’s Ironman as one of the competition’s most stunning

efforts to date. The success of the event was particularly due to the incredible amount of local support, which has grown from year to year. The South African contender James Cunnama seemed to sum up everything immaculately when he remarked, “The support here is fantastic...

You notice it when you compete in other countries and it’s not there.”

The Ironman Championship continues on 1 May in St. George, Utah.

MAN OF STEEL - A cyclist sweats it out in the 180km race.

Want to write for Sports?

Email a short CV to: sports@varsitynewspaper.co.za

18

Sports

Dom-inat-Ed

their domestic setup. He scored his maiden ODI hundred on England’s tour to Bangladesh earlier this year and has replaced Matt Prior as the twenty-twenty wicketkeeper.

We can expect an unusual sight as Kieswetter opens the batting for England with his compatriot, Michael Lumb. Listen out for the prominent “Ja” calls as the two South Africans run between the wickets!

Concern My concern is that South Africa has supposedly invested in these expats and yet they do not hang around to represent their country.

Why aren’t there enough opportunities for our cricketers to succeed in South Africa?

Loyalty or Career?

EDWARD SELLIER discusses the mass exodus of South African cricketers to England and the real dilemma that they face.

People will say whatever they can about Kevin Pietersen, Jonathon Trott and now Craig Kieswetter.

I have heard the following comments: “They are traitors and uncommitted brats who cannot be bothered to do their time in South Africa’s domestic setup to break into the Proteas side.”

The same thing can be said about Gary Kirsten. He was an iconic figure in South African cricket during the 1990s and manifested the hard graft and determination we expect from our opening batsmen. Yet now he coaches the national Indian team, a team he has taken to the summit of the world test rankings. He was undoubtedly offered the Proteas coaching position when Mickey Arthur resigned, in which he was uninterested. Was he disloyal by not taking the coaching role of his home country?

“The interesting question to consider is this: is loyalty still the most important thing in sport?”

“They take the easy way out by playing for England and have turned their back on their country.”

I’ve met many South Africans who have this gripe and I must admit that I once felt the same way.

Loyalty The interesting question to consider is this: is loyalty still the most important thing in sport?

Once upon a time, Kepler Wessels represented both South Africa and Australia in nation level cricket. He pursued his chosen career as a cricketer, even if that took him to play for South Africa’s sworn enemies: the JAFAs. South Africa was in global sporting isolation and so he took his career wherever it led him.

Sports bites

Was he in any way disloyal?

After all he captained South Africa after playing 24 tests for the Aussies. Was he forever tarnished by the time he spent representing another country?

No, of course not and anybody who thinks that is just plain daft.

These South African players, both past-and-presents, have pursued a career in cricket. At the end of the day, the desire to be the best is what motivates these athletes, and is also a way many of them sustain a livelihood.

Kieswetter Craig Kieswetter is a former Bishops lad who represented South Africa at the U19 World Cup four years ago. He made up his mind and decided to pursue his career in England. He has since played for Somerset alongside established professionals such as Markus Trescothick and Justin Langer.

He is eligible for selection to represent England as his mother is British and he has worked in England for three years. One should not blame him for playing for England, as he fits the selection criteria and has devoted himself to

Special Inter reach Madrid final on 22 May.

Tiger misses cut at Quail Hollow Championship.

Professional sport can be an extremely short career and very few players compete at the top level for 15 years, as they lose their edge or pick up injuries.

The lure of wealth, sponsorship, endorsements and flexibility all contribute to prolonging this career and this is the proverbial dangling carrot.

A number of our rugby players are sacrificing their international careers for clubs in the northern hemisphere. Quite simply, this is where the sport is growing the fastest and bringing with it all the added incentives. So can you blame them for leaving?

Small market Clearly there is not enough money invested in South African sport. The size of the sporting economy and market is too small for the number of talented sportsmen and women we produce (and let’s face it, we produce heaps of talent). We are producing a surplus of sportsmen and women which the economy cannot contain.

So when we are quick to judge those that have left our shores to look elsewhere, we should think about the circumstances in which they find themselves. For loyalty is no longer the measure of success in professional sport. We are now playing a commercial game where a career is prioritised.

Hope or choke?

So, to the World TwentyTwenty that began on Friday in the Caribbean. The Proteas are pitted in group C with India and Afghanistan. We have always underachieved in international tournaments and have acquired the appropriate moniker “Chokers”.

How bitter a taste would be left were we to be knocked out by an England side filled with South Africans and continue to define that title. Hopefully Biff and his men can finally rid themselves of such a vice.

Hodgson takes Fulham to new heights reaching Europa final.

Foreign attraction Tarryn Steenekamp NATIONAL coach Peter de Villiers’ absurd and unnecessary policy, which prohibits the selection of South African players abroad, is damaging the Springbok brand and will negatively impact our team’s performance at the 2011 Rugby World Cup. The 2009 season was, without a doubt, one of the most successful periods for South African rugby.

With successful competition victories over the British and Irish Lions as well as Australia and New Zealand in their dominating TriNations campaign, the Springboks showed their sheer class as the current World champions. While avid supporters would argue that the standard of Springbok rugby seems to currently be at its finest, it is my opinion that the national team can achieve an even greater standard of play in the future.

In 2007 Jake White won the Rugby World Cup for South Africa, after making a sensible decision to select foreign-based players for his Springbok squad. A mere three years later, new coach De Villiers has decided to do his utmost to discard White’s wise strategy and has used his authority to halt the national selection of any South African playing rugby abroad.

“The answer to his fullback crisis can be found in France... ” There are positive and negative aspects to almost every rugby ruling and, while it will never be beneficial for a coach to encourage mass player exodus, it should at all times remain their key policy to select only the best players available, irrespective of where in the world players may be based.

Players acquire invaluable skills and experience abroad, where they are often exposed to new techniques as well as difficult playing conditions. They are forced to adapt and, as a result, grow as players and enhance their already prevalent talents.

These players should be allowed an opportunity to share their new and improved playing techniques with South Africa, by being selected to represent their country.

They should be deemed major Springbok assets as they have acquired extensive knowledge

about European conditions and can use their experience to capitalise on the weaknesses of many European players. Yet, as a result of De Villiers’ selfish and arrogant attitude, these men are perceived as a disgrace to South African rugby and their right to don the “green and gold” has been withdrawn.

Ironically, De Villiers recently bemoaned the lack of shine among the current South African Super 14 fullbacks, stating that the standard of the current number 15s is below par. De Villiers is right, yet is too incompetent to understand that the solution to this, and other, problems lies in his overseas-based player policy. The answer to his fullback crisis can be found in France and his name is Francois Steyn.

Steyn has been influential in guiding his new Parisian club, Racing Metro, to sixth position on the Top 14 log, during their first season back in France’s premier domestic competition.

He is thriving, playing alongside former All Black veteran Andrew Mehrtens, and has already gained immense experience and improved his match temperament. For me, Steyn remains an icon and example of what South African rugby has to offer in the future.

He is the most talented youngster in world rugby and will always be remembered for his exceptional performances, specifically in the 2009 Tri-Nations, when he kicked South Africa to two successive wins against the All Blacks. Steyn has produced the finest long-distance goal-kicking displays ever seen in a Test in New Zealand and has the ability to psychologically affect any team he plays against with his sheer physicality and pace. This is the asset that South African rugby has based in Paris, yet there is a view that he must be punished because, at the age of 22, he felt the need to be challenged, elsewhere, in order to remain stimulated by the game of rugby. What an archaic and feeble outlook.

When De Villiers says he hasn’t found a suitable fullback, I can only laugh at his ignorance. The only fullback who should be starting for the Springboks in New Zealand in 2011 is Steyn. If De Villiers legitimately cares about the future of Springbok rugby, and aims to do his country justice by selecting a competitive squad for the 2011 World Cup, he needs to invest in players of Steyn’s calibre and put his own ego, personal outlook and insensible policies aside.

Sports

19

Image courtesy of www.jesuitnola.org

UCT Football sent off the pitch Dominic Verwey A SITUATION that has arisen amongst the UCT footballers, chairpersons, administrators and management alike, has put the integrity of UCT football in grave jeopardy and sent the entire footballing community at the university into a spiral of doubt and disbelief.

It just doesn’t make sense – UCT outdoor football has never been renowned for its popularity or well-supported nature, even though we all enjoy a good highspirited game of footy and have ever-growing enthusiasm for football on the brink of our hosting the World Cup. However, this is not the issue.

The issue stems from a general apathetic attitude put forward by administrators and committee members, who clearly regard UCT football as an unimportant aspect of the university, and seemingly strive to continually keep the outdoor football here under wraps instead of attempting to heighten the atmosphere surrounding it.

Furthermore, it seems as if certain members within the committee are determined to run the university football down, rather than build it.

An example of the inadequate management of the club is the situation regarding the First Team

on the hefty task of the managerial position of the First Team. Their vision was to get UCT football off its haunches and set it in full stride. However, this effort has been countered by actions of the chairman.

“...adminstrators... clearly regard UCT football as an unimportant aspect of the university...”

You’re Off! - UCT Football administration pulling rank.

manager. Andrew Forrester – unjustifiably the “former” UCT Outdoor Football First Team Men’s manager and 2009 UCT graduate – has shown equal, but opposite, determination to build foundations for a once directionless UCT football society with the full support of the two coaches and the players. All his hard work has, however, seemingly come to nothing as UCT Football slowly fades.

Andrew spoke to VARSITY in an attempt to enlighten the public about the goings-on within the UCT football setup. The chairman

of the committee, also a player in the Men’s First Team, has “abused his position” and used his authoritative power to disregard any football or business etiquette.

This particular individual has “misused his position to such an extent that he has now singlehandedly destroyed all the hard work we had achieved up until now”, stated Andrew in an outreach email to Sports Science Support.

Forrester found inspiration through the highly respected Sports Science Institute, to take

In addition, administrators seem to be “more focused on organising the internal league and indoor football than the official UCT Football Club”. Yes, Indoor Football at UCT has its prestige and exciting atmosphere, but it is a social league after all. Outdoor football at UCT is part of its own competitive league and when others look to football at UCT, they look at the outdoor aspect and not the indoor. This is a fact, and something that needs to be taken into account when paying attention to football at the university.

The unacceptable state of the management of the club has led to Andrew being forced out of his position as team manager for unknown reasons, despite firm

backing from the other coaches and the players.

This disorganised manner of running a club goes hand-in-hand with the embarrassing fact that the First Team are still forced to use the Women’s kit (which they actually share with the Second Team), as they have not been provided with their own, despite having funding up to R50 000 to purchase kit but never having the organisation and planning put in place by the administrative authorities to obtain and sign off on it – embarrassing for the administrators and committee, not the team, I might add. This is just one of numerous incidents that characterise the current management of the club as inadequate and unacceptable.

“The potential for UCT football is endless; however there is not a chance of progress unless someone is prepared to intervene and support the case for progressive change”, says Andrew. At a loss as to what to do from here, the former manager looks to support systems elsewhere to help rectify the situation. But unfortunately, if UCT football was left to stand on what little it has left, it might implode and cease to exist. The current authorities within the club clearly have a misguided goal in mind, and immediate intervention from a helping external source is needed.

Super 14 final countdown Tarryn Steenekamp THE SUPER 14 Final is a mere three weeks away and the evercapable Bulls and Stormers outfits look poised to do battle for the competition title, but which teams have really shone as the tournament’s top achievers and greatest overall failures?

The Bulls have undoubtedly been the most consistent and impressive of the Super 14 teams in 2010. The Pretoria-based outfit seems to have continued their remarkable form after their successful 2009 season, where they were able to triumph in both the Super 14 as well as the Currie Cup competitions. With some notable performances on tour, the Bulls have set themselves up for another celebratory season title.

They now have the opportunity to take advantage of the Stormers at Newlands next weekend and enter the semi-finals with one hand already on the trophy.

“...subsequently destroying their chance of making the semis.”

With by far the greatest defensive record in the tournament, the Stormers, who conceded only 127 points in ten matches, have reaped the rewards of a revitalised and perfected game plan. Lady Luck seems to have played a large role in dampening the Stormers’ campaign, however, as they were very narrowly defeated on two occasions in the competition. The Cape side lost to the Brumbies by only three points and went down

by a single point in injury time, to a surprising Force outfit in Perth.

wish to successfully compete in the future.

Coach Allister Coetzee will be pleased with the large contributions his new acquisitions, Jaque Fourie and Bryan Habana, have made this season. He will need to ensure that his charges remain focused and continue their defensive domination if his team aims to secure a place in the tournament finale.

However, the most disappointing outfit in this year’s competition has to be the Chiefs. The Waikato team is yet to win a game at home and seems to have sunk from hero to zero in the space of a year. In 2009, the team reached their first Super 14 final after weeks of consistency and precision. The tables have, however, turned drastically this season with the Chiefs out-ofsynch game plan and bad discipline damaging leaving them badly exposed.

The Reds, who have been dormant for the last five years of the competition, have run red hot in 2010 and have silenced their critics by churning out nearimmaculate performances. The Brisbane-based underdogs have tactically dominated throughout the competition and have successfully dictated the style-of-play in the majority of their matches. Notably, the Reds also beat all three leading Super 14 teams in Brisbane. They pummelled the Crusaders 41-20 as well as annihilated the Bulls and Stormers with their committed defensive approach and their significant possession statistics.

On the other end of the scale, there have been several teams who have failed to impress and have been nothing but weak and mediocre from the outset.

While they may have drastically improved over the last six weeks, it must be said that the Sharks have had a rather mundane and unimpressive Super 14. The Durbanites failed to capitalise in their initial clashes, losing three from five and subsequently destroying their chance of making the semis. Had they not lost their opening match on home turf against the Chiefs, by one scanty

“While they may have drastically improved over the last six weeks, it must be said that the Sharks have had a rather mundane and unimpressive Super 14.”

ADDED INCENTIVE - Victor and the men from Pretoria push for a home semi-final. point, their season may have ended very differently.

The Lions and Cheetahs have also yet again disappointed, warming the bottom of the log throughout the 2010 championship. Both teams failed to perform on tour and never capitalised during home matches and have therefore

shown no improvement since their respective 12th and 14th place finishes in 2009. Not even new executive coach Dick Muir could salvage his Lions outfit this season.

It is imperative that they, along with their Bloemfontein counterparts, resolve their defensive dilemmas and revise their sub-standard and archaic playing styles if they

Throughout the tournament, it has remained apparent that home ground advantage is integral to a team’s overall success or failure in the Super 14. It is for this reason that either the Bulls or the Stormers, who are now settling at home for the remainder of the competition, must remain favourites to take the trophy at the end of the month.

Having two teams in the semifinals is a wonderful statistic for South African rugby, yet let us hope that the remaining three South African franchises can also pull up their socks and do us proud in 2011.

Images courtesy of www.football365.com

African Men of 2010: Bafana Bafana

THROUGH THE MOTIONS - Parreira’s convinced the boys are well-prepared for a quarter-final berth. All the talking’s over – bring on June 11.

ED SELLIER discusses the host team’s potential for June’s showdown on their own patch.

FACT FILE: South Africa aka Bafana Bafana Official FIFA Ranking: 90 Highest FIFA Ranking: 16 (August 1996) Previous World CupAppearances: France ’98 and Korea & Japan ‘02 Highest World Cup finish: Group stages, ’98 and ‘02 HEAD COACH: Carlos Alberto Parreira KEY PLAYERS: Steven Pienaar, attacking midfielder, (Everton), [46 caps] Aaron Mokoena, defensive midfielder, (Portsmouth), [99 caps] Teko Modise, attacking midfielder, (Orlando Pirates), [44 caps] Siphiwe Tshabalala, winger, (Kaizer Chiefs), [40 caps] Siyabonga Nomvete, striker, (Moroka Swallows), [72 caps] Benni McCarthy, striker, (West Ham United), [83 caps] WORLD CUP HISTORY: Bafana’s first appearance in 1998 came just six years after they were readmitted into international football following isolation.

After suffering a 3-0 defeat to hosts France, Bafana ended the tournament with draws against Denmark and Saudi Arabia.

In this issue

There were high hopes when Bafana returned to the grand stage in 2002, yet they flattered to deceive. They were drawn in group B against tough opponents in Spain, Paraguay and Slovenia. After a 2-2 draw with Paraguay, Bafana recorded their first World Cup win with a 1-0 win over Slovenia.

Siyabonga Nomvete netted the winner in the fourth minute. A win against Spain would have secured passage to the knockout phase, but Raul’s winner in a 3-2 thriller sent Bafana crashing out. Paraguay went through by virtue of them

scoring more goals.

AFCON: Bafana won its first championship in 1996 when South Africa hosted the AFCON. They began their campaign with an impressive 3-0 demolition of Cameroon. They then battled to a hard-fought 1-0 win over Angola before losing to Egypt. They did however qualify for the second phase in top spot.

Bafana never looked back and success against Algeria, a 3-0 drubbing of Ghana and a convincing display in the final against Tunisia, saw a significant moment in South African sporting history, just a year after the ’95 Rugby World Cup win. Sterling performances from Mark Williams and Mark Fish, who were both named in the team of the tournament, ensured a momentous victory for coach Clive Barker and his charges.

Bafana then finished runners up in 1998, but ever since have performed dismally, failing to pass the group stages in 2004, 2006 and 2008 and failing to qualify for this year’s tournament.

PREPARATION: The South African Football Association (SAFA) has received criticism over the past few months as they have failed to secure any friendlies leading up to 2010, against top international opponents. China has recently cancelled a fixture in Germany amid the disruptions of volcanic ash to their travel arrangements.

SAFA has since filed a complaint to FIFA. The team looked more convincing than they have in recent times against Jamaica, a side ranked ten places above them.

Veteran strikers Surprise Moriri and Siyabonga Nomvete were on target to repay the faith shown in them by Carlos Alberto Parreira.

The real test begins on June 11 when Bafana host Mexico in front of a 90 000 sell-out crowd at Soccer City. Many of the players

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will not have experienced such a significant spectatorship and need to be adequately prepared for such an occasion and weightof-expectation. Friendlies against Colombia and Denmark are unlikely to attract such a throng of supporters.

It is a major concern that Parreira has expessed, as he specifically requested that SAFA organize two major tests for Bafana as warmup fixtures. The major sides’ preparation schedules had longsince been organized and potential fixtures against England and Argentina fell by the wayside.

CAMPS: Bafana have recently returned from their second training camp held in Germany. After a poor display in a goalless draw with North Korea, Parreira was still optimistic praising the defensive qualities his side had shown against a quick and well-balanced team and there was certainly a vast improvement last Wednesday against “The Reggae Boyz”.

During March, Bafana travelled to Brazil where they faced a host of the local teams. Parreira insisted that his side needed to experience the flair of Brazilian football. The only international fixture came against Paraguay, a game that ended in a 1-1 stalemate.

After the players return from their current camp in Germany, Bafana have one more camp in Johannesburg ahead of the World Cup and Parreira asserts that they need four more competitive fixtures to be ready. Their final warm-up fixture is against Denmark on June 5.

BLEND: Parreira has used the camps as a way to blend PSL based players of youth and experience. He has recalled the experience of Swallows striker Siyabonga Nomvete for the German camp, combined with several newcomers in the likes

of Chiefs’ midfielder, Reneilwe Letsholonyane and Supersport United’s Franklin Cale.

Speedster Siphiwe Tshabalala, playmaker Teko “The General” Modise and defensive stalwart Matthew Booth have all commented on the significant progress the team has made and that it is gelling into a cohesive group. These players are vitally important for Bafana’s hopes with their telling experience in last year’s Confederations Cup. CHALLENGE: Parreira faces the challenge of amalgamating those players playing overseas club football with those who have attended the training camps. Benni McCarthy is a major concern and short of match fitness after failing to impress at his new club, West Ham United.

Steven Pienaar, similarly, has been injured in recent weeks and is arguably Bafana’s greatest creator and attacking threat.

The shortage of goals is the biggest concern Parreira faces as defensively Bafana appear a solid unit, with the likes of Matthew Booth, Bhongani Khumalo and Sibonisa Gaxa continuing to impress. Up top, Bafana’s finishing has been woeful where they only have two victories in their last five competitive matches, coming last week against Jamaica and in a 3-0 win against lowly Zimbabwe back in January. Aside from that, Bafana have only netted twice in five fixtures and this is a worry.

SAFA has promised R1 million bonuses for every goal scored – quite an incentive!

One player that needs to rediscover some form is Katlego Mphela, whose pile-driver free kick against Spain in the Confederations Cup is now but a fading memory. The powerfully built 25-year-old striker was the leading goal-scorer in the ABSA Premiership this year with 17 goals and would be the obvious replacement for out-of-shape, out-

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of-form Benni McCarthy.

ED’S PREDICTION: Bafana face a tough group with former world champions France and Uruguay, as well as a very decent Mexican side. Much hinges on the opening fixture, which will set the precedent for the tournament. Home advantage is vital and Soccer City will be a cauldron of vuvuzela hubbub for Bafana, which will no doubt be significant.

For me, this Bafana side needs their strongest available team in order to progress. Steven Pienaar is vital in this respect. If he plays, our chances of winning are much higher, as he links up with the rest of our midfield with deft touches and threatens defences with his slippery runs.

The French are not the dominant force they once were (needing Thierry Henry’s hand just to qualify) and I see them failing to progress as they did in 2002, where they did not even score a goal! We need to emulate that infamous Senegalese performance against them.

Bafana requires at least a win and two draws to qualify and they do have a realistic chance.

Parreira is a World Cup-winning coach who knows how to nurture a team through a major tournament.

What’s more is that our players will have a massive point to prove.

They have a once in a lifetime opportunity here: playing in a World Cup in their home country and they will be hell-bent on defying the odds.

Many will say I am blinded by mawkish optimism, but I will stick my neck out and call Mexico as group winners with Bafana qualifying second. From then on with hard work, home advantage and a bit of luck they can pull off the role of romantic underdogs and achieve a quarterfinal berth. Viva Bafana Bafana!

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