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BEERS 2010 ::: VOLUME 2 ::: ISSUE #31
PM 41481024
vexmagazine.com
RISE OF THE NEWEST SUPERGROUP
Crash Karma
THEY’RE LIKE A WHO’S WHO IN CANADIAN ALT-ROCK!
$4.95
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CAST YOUR VOTE IN THE HKFC “LADIES OF COMBAT” RING GIRL COMPETITION
contents 2010:Vol.2:Issue#31
32 jennifer nguyen
Our latest VEX Girl is exotic, adventurous and guaranteed to make your pulse race.
40 24X4
We sipped, gulped, chugged and pounded our way through some of our nation’s best craft brews.
48 Apocalypse Now
Just because we tell fart jokes and scratch ourselves at inappropriate moments, doesn’t mean we don’t care about the well-being of our planet.
56 Valerie Ross The two-time VEX Girl joins our team and gives us the introductory installment of her new column.
58 Crash Karma
It took some well-known Canadian rockers to finally put together a so-called Supergroup that actually cares about writing music.
ON THE COVER: Photograph by Miz Monday On This Page: Photograph by 323PhotoGrafix.com
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contents
20
2010:Vol.2:Issue#31
16 FRESH
54
FACES
Say ‘hello’ to Brandi Miskow. Flight attendant, fitness instructor and all around drop dead hottie.
22
64
18 Music
24 Sex
56 Valerie Ross
10 Jokes
20 Movies
28 Comic Stripped
62 Fitness
14 VEXology
22 Geared Up
54 Girl Spotting
64 Parting Shot
What’s on your mind lately?
Building a better RATT trap.
Be the funniest guy in your cubicle.
Happy Cinqo de Mayo everyone!
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It’s all Greek to us.
Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG GT3
ISSUE #31
How can you tell if she’s cheating?
Everybody was kangaroo fighting!
Ashley Gugel
Hands down, our hottest staff writer!
Getting match fit for the World Cup.
Alex Jaco
ANSWERS FROM P.18: 1) Lady Gaga, 2) Jay-Z, 3) Lil Wayne, 4) Jay Sean, 5) The Edge, 6) Mos Def, 7) Ne-Yo, 8) Shania Twain, 9) Marilyn Manson, 10) Game, 11) Erykah Badu, 12) Bono, 13) Common, 14) Gene Simmons, 15) Queen Latifah, 16) Stevie Wonder, 17) Ringo Starr, 18) Rob Zombie, 19) Freddie Mercury
8 Letters
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All Trademarks presented in this magazine are owned by the registered owner. All advertisements appearing in this magazine are the sole responsibility of the person, business or corporation advertising their product or service. For more information on VEX Magazine’s Privacy Policy and Intention of Use, please see our website at www.vexmagazine. com. All content, photographs and articles appearing in this magazine are represented by the contributor as original content and the contributor will hold VEX Magazine Ltd. harmless against any and all damages that may arise from their contribution. All public correspondence, which may include, but is not limited to letters, e-mail, images and contact information, received by VEX Magazine becomes the property of VEX Magazine.com Ltd. and is subject to publication. To have unsolicited manuscripts, photographs and other material returned, it must be accompanied by a self-addressed return envelope with postage pre-paid. VEX Magazine is not responsible for loss, damage, or any other injury to unsolicited manuscripts, photographs, artwork or material. Reproduction of this publication in whole or in part without written consent from the publisher is strictly prohibited.
letters MAJE-R TALENT THE VOTES ARE IN AND OUR READERS WENT GAGA OVER DIANA MAJE.
Apples And Oranges
First of all, I’d like to congratulate you on having two issues in a row where you had a VEX Girl on the cover. Secondly, I want to thank you, most emphatically, for your latest cover model. Diana Maje is an unbelievably sexy-looking woman. I couldn’t get enough of her photo layout. Her look reminds me of Pam Anderson. And let me tell you, you could do a whole lot worse! Jason via e-mail Funny you’d make that comparison, Jason. Just the other day, Diana stopped by our office and told us that you reminded her of a slightly effeminate Dustin Diamond. Office Hijinks
I just thought I’d write in and let you guys know that I pulled off your Get Clipped gag [Just For Fun: Issue #30] with great success on April Fool’s Day. Thanks for the idea. It was awesome! Colin via e-mail Way to go, Colin! We’re happy to help out. But next time could you maybe pull your practical jokes on the people in your own office? Our publisher was pissed!
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Pimp Our Ride
I didn’t appreciate your list of cars that you said never should have been built (Ocho Stinko: Issue #30]. I happen to drive one of the cars you mentioned and I think it’s a great vehicle. Of course, you guys probably all drive BMWs and Mercedes, so it’s easy for you to scoff. Darren S. via e-mail Are you kidding?! Our company car is a ‘75 Pacer. And we share!
P90-VEX
Thanks to your fitness section, I’m now 47lbs lighter than I was last summer. I was a mega-fat bastard last year, so I started doing your workouts. Every time you put out a new issue, I’d change my workout to whatever you said. This shit really works! Wade P. via e-mail Way to go, Wade! To celebrate your great achievement, let us treat you to a Big Mac meal.
GET YOURSELF PUBLISHED IN VM! You could be one of the happy few who sings our praises. Or you could be one of the vast masses who want to give us a blinding junk punch. Either way, if you want your letter published here, you gotta write us first. Drop us a line at info@vexmagazine.com
Out Of The Woods
You couldn’t have timed it any better. No sooner do you guys publish an article on the subcultural world of choppers, that Jesse James ... probably the all-time godfather of custom builders ... gets busted for being a total douchebag and sticking his tool into some mannish-looking, tattooed skank. Now, I’m not necessarily a Sandra Bullock fan, but how in the hell do you go from Miss Congeniality to Miss Illustrated Man? It just doesn’t make any sense to me. Glenn Barrow via e-mail Without a doubt, Glenn. We’re all shaking our heads over that one. But you just know that Tiger Woods was totally playing his way through this year’s Masters tournament thinking “Thank God for Jesse James ... Thank God for Jesse James!”
Feel The Rush
My compliments on your recent article about guys going to the extreme in order to get that adrenaline rush or prove their “manhood” [The Measure of a Man: Issue #30]. Free-climbing and base jumping is some of the sickest shit you could ever imagine. I do a lot of climbing myself and Alberta is one of the most under-rated climbing locations on the planet. You guys should seriously think about doing an article on the quality climbing that’s available right here in our own backyard. There’s nothing better than spending the afternoon scrambling up Mother’s Day Buttress and then meeting back at The Drake for beers. Keith D. via e-mail We’d honestly like to get more climbing in, Keith, but it takes away from our needlepoint.
TITLE SHOT!
CAN YOU DO BETTER?
“I’d hate to see the chicken that laid this!”
Can you come up with a better caption for this picture? Send it to us at info@vexmagazine.com and the winning entry will not only be published in the next issue of VM, but we’ll also send you this wicked cool VM t-shirt absolutely free!
jokes
[ [ An elderly gentleman went to see his doctor and asked for a prescription of Viagra. The doctor said, “That’s no problem. How many do you want?” The man answered, “Just a few, maybe four, but cut each one into four pieces.” The doctor said, “That won’t do you any good.” The elderly man replied, “That’s all right. I don’t need them for sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don’t pee on my shoes.”
Mr. Cheney On Line One A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the Deep South when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, “Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” The operator hears silence on the line, and then suddenly a loud gun shot. The hunter comes back to the phone and says, “OK. Now what?”
Grin and Bear It
Horse Play
Every year, Bob goes hunting during bear season. One year, Bob shoots a small brown bear. The angry papa bear chased him down and cornered him. Bob figured he was a dead man, but instead of tearing him to pieces, the papa bear said, “I’ll give you two choices ... I’ll either kill you right here and now, or I’ll have sex with you, but at least you’ll still be alive.” Bob thinks about this, and decides he wants to live, so the papa bear has his way with him and then lets him go.
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. When he finished, he found that his horse had been stolen. He stormed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling. “Who stole my horse?!” he yelled, with surprising forcefulness.
The next year, Bob goes hunting again, and much to his satisfaction, he shoots the papa bear that had violated him the year before. As he stood proudly over his kill, the bear’s big brother burst out of the trees and started chasing after Bob. Again, the bear cornered Bob and gave him a choice. “I’m either going to kill you or have sex with you ... which will it be?” And again, Bob has sex with the bear. The next year, Bob goes out once again for revenge, and kills the bear that he was forced to have sex with the year before. This time, the bear’s best friend chased Bob down, cornered him, and said, “You don’t really come here for the hunting, do you?”
No one answered. “I’m gonna have another beer,” the cowboy said, “and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I’m finished, I’m gonna
See you next year, lover boy!
do what I dun back in Texas. And believe me, I don’t want to have to do what I dun back in Texas!” Some of the locals shifted restlessly. He had another beer, walked outside, and sure enough, his horse was back. He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and yelled after him, “Say partner, what happened in Texas?” The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home!”
Quick Thinking A guy walked into a pub and immediately noticed an attractive young lady at the bar on her own. After a while, he decided to offer her a drink and make small talk. She accepted. “So, what’s your name?” he asked her. “Carmen,” she replied. “That’s a nice name,” he said. “Your parents made a great choice.” “Oh, that’s not what they named me,” she replied. “I changed my name when I was 18 from Sharon to Carmen.” “Why did you do that?” the guy asked. “Well,” she explained, “I like cars and I like men ... so that’s how I came up with it. What’s your name?” The guy replied, “Beerpussy.”
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REAL COMEDY NEVER DIES (Thanks for all the laughs, fellas.)
I won’t say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I’m going to be if I grow up. ~ Lenny Bruce (1925-1966)
An Act of Gov The Lord spoke to Noah and said, “In six months I am going to make it rain until the whole world is covered with water and all the evil things are destroyed. But, I want to save two of every living thing. I am ordering you to build an ark.” And, in a flash of lightning, he delivered unto Noah the specifications for the ark. “OK,” Noah said, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints, “I’m your man.” Six months passed, the sky began to cloud up, and the rain began to fall. The Lord looked down and saw Noah sitting in his yard, weeping, and there was no ark. “Noah!” shouted the Lord, “Where is my ark?” “Lord, please forgive me!” begged Noah. “I did my best, but there were some big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the ark’s construction, but your blueprints didn’t meet their code. So, I had to hire an engineer to redo the plans and got into a long argument with him about whether to include a sprinkler system. “My neighbors objected, claiming that I was violating zoning ordinances by building the ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning board.
There’s no happy ending to cocaine. You either die, you go to jail, or else you run out. ~ Sam Kinison (1953-1992)
‘I am’ is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence? ~ George Carlin (1937-2008)
[
“Then, I had a big problem getting enough wood for the ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls, but they wouldn’t let me catch them. So no owls. “Next, I started gathering up the animals but got sued by an animal rights group that objected to me taking along only two of each kind. And just when the suit got dismissed, Environment Canada notified me that I couldn’t complete the ark without filling out an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood, and they wanted a map of the proposed flood plan. I sent them a globe! “Right now, I’m still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission over how many minorities I’m supposed to hire. The CRA has seized all my assets, claiming that I’m trying to leave the country, and I just got a notice from the province stating that I owe some kind of use tax. Honesty, I don’t think I can finish the ark in less than five years.” With that, the sky cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. “You mean you are not going to destroy the world?” he asked hopefully. “No,” said the Lord. “The government already has.”
[
A woman was playing golf when she sliced her shot into a foursome of men. To her horror, one of the men collapsed in agony with both hands between his legs. She ran to him apologizing profusely, explaining that she was a physical therapist and could help ease his pain. “No thanks,” he replied. “Just give me a few minutes. I’ll be fine.” His hands still between his legs. Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently unzipped the front of his pants and began massaging his genitals. “Doesn’t that feel better?” she asked.
“Well, yes, that feels pretty good,” he admitted. “But my thumb still hurts like hell.”
VOTE NOW In The
Ladies of
HKFC
RING GIRL COMPETITION These nineteen gorgeous ladies are all competing to be the official Ring Girls at
Hard Knocks Fighting Championship 7
on June 4, 2010. Unfortunately, only three of them will get to step into the ring and be the center of your attention. The good news is, YOU get to decide who those three are going to be! So get online at VEXMAGAZINE.com and cast your vote now. These ladies need you! LAUREN
KARLY
BRITNEY
CASEY JOE
MIRIAM
KARINA
IVANA
CANDICE
ASHLEY
NEELEY
JESSI
CHELSEA
BAMBI
STEPHANIE
MILA
KARLIE
KANDIS
DEBORAH
NICOLE
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David N uttall is the presid Epicure ent of an Cal (www.e gary picure ancalg ary.co and m m) Enoteca anager of Li and Spe quor Store (www.e cialty Wines njoywin e.ca)
VEXOLOGY
TEQUILA! In honor of Cinqo de Mayo, and as a salute to Mexico (one of the all-time leading getaway and party destinations) we pay homage to a spirit that has been both our best friend and our worst enemy. BY DAVID NUTTALL
I
t is touted as the drink of the Aztecs and Conquistadors. Made from cactus juice. Lost days and even more lost nights. Tequila is the drink of myths and legends, yet it can also be the most elegant and sophisticated spirit there is. Let’s begin with what tequila actually is ... or rather, what it is not. Tequila is not the stuff you buy with the worm in the bottle. That’s actually mezcal, a somewhat related spirit that we will explore in another column. Today, we’re talking about real tequila, which is produced from Tequilana Weber Blue Agave, a plant that somewhat resembles a cactus, but is not related. It must be grown in selected areas of Mexico ... essentially in part of the state of Jalisco, around the town of Tequila and some other limited areas in bordering states. The agave takes eight to twelve
years to mature, so the myth that certain years of tequila are better than others is not relevant. After the plant is harvested, cooked, pressed, fermented and distilled multiple times, the resultant liquid is 100% agave tequila. While the Aztecs didn’t have the technology to distill, they did drink a form of naturally fermented maguey juice called pulque. It is still prepared and consumed in Mexico today. The first tequila distillery, however, was set up in the early 17th century, several years after the Conquistadors left. So while tequila is an old spirit, it was actually not around before the Spanish conquest. Tequila that is not 100% agave (and if it doesn’t specifically say that on the bottle, it isn’t) is called mixto. In Mexico, mixto must contain at least 51% agave, and most brands are quite respected. However, not all mixtos are bottled in Mexico, so they may contain far less than half agave and substitute God-knows-what as the remainder. Since the easiest way to drink this harsh version of “tequila” is to shoot it back quickly (most commonly with salt and lime) this helps explain the lost days and nights ... not to mention, the skull-crushing hangovers. The main tequila styles are silver (or blanco), joven (young) or gold tequila, which may see some time in a barrel, but most likely is just silver tequila with
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caramel colouring. Then there’s reposado (rested), which is tequila aged in oak barrels for anywhere from two months up to a year, añejo (aged), which is aged from one to three years, and finally extra añejo, which is aged over three years. It’s the extra añejo variety that debunks the myth that all tequilas taste alike. The finest types are often compared to cognac and single malt scotches, and carry the price tags to match! While tequila has been produced in one form or another for over 400 years, its growth in popularity in the 20th century was been buoyed by Hollywood celebrities and rock stars. From
Bing Crosby and Phil Harris in the 1940s to Jimmy Buffett, Sammy Hagar and Dan Aykroyd in the last part of the century. All of whom have imported or developed their own brand. The growth of tequila has been driven by the demand in the 100% agave category. And with new brands appearing every year, an ever-increasing population of fratboys looking to get laid and women throwing stagettes like they’re about to enter a convent the next day, there appears no reason to believe this growth will slow down any time soon. Salud!
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I love skiing in the warm weather because you don’t have to bundle up so much and your face, fingers and toes don’t freeze off. It’s also great
The warmer weather’s gotta be a plus, huh?
I’ve been skiing since I was about three. My dad dragged me kicking and screaming onto the hill and then I just kinda stayed there. I got into racing and loved the speed.
How long have you been skiing?
(laughs) Well, that all depends what your definition of
So would you consider yourself to be a bit of a Snow Bunny?
I mainly ski when I go home to BC, but I really love Fernie. And of course, my hometown hill, Kimberley. I’ve yet to ski Lake Louise. I know, I know ... I really need to go. Anyone want to take me?
Any favourite hills or resorts?
because it’s actually a fun date idea!
a Snow Bunny is. When I’m skiing, I like to ski hard and fast ... but after the day is done, I’m in the lodge having hot chocolate and Bailey’s and making sure I look as cute as possible ... so you decide!
We’re coming to the end of this year’s Spring skiing season, and Brandi is taking advantage of every slope she can find.
photographed by 323PhotoGrafix.com makeup by Gina Cicero
Brandi Miskow
MUSIC
ON THIS DAY IN MUSIC HISTORY
Fresh From The Studio THE LATEST MUSIC YOU SHOULD OWN.
MAY1, 1969
Jimi Hendrix is arrested at the Toronto International Airport for possession of narcotics and is later released on $10,000 bail.
MAY 9, 1990
Sinéad O’Connor refuses to perform on Saturday Night Live when she learns that Andrew Dice Clay is scheduled to be the host.
MAY 16, 1998
Keith Richards sustains injuries to his ribs and chest after reaching for a book and falling out of his chair.
GIN WIGMORE HOLY SMOKE The most unique voice in music since Macy Gray. She sounds like she should be singing James Bond themes. And it certainly doesn’t hurt that she’s monster hot!
MAY 17, 1980
Peter Criss announces that he is leaving KISS to pursue a solo career. Quick! Can anyone name a Peter Criss solo career single? Didn’t think so.
Pest Control It’s the return of rock ‘n roll’s favourite vermin.
MAY 20, 1971
Peter Cetera (Chicago) is beaten to a pulp by two men at a Cubs/Dodgers baseball game after they objected to the length of his hair. He had to undergo four hours of emergency surgery.
Hey, all you 80s metal-heads! Put on your best pair of acid-wash jeans and hairspray that mullet ... the boys (well, ok, maybe not “boys” ... more like “near-geriatric” ... hell, they’re all getting seniors discounts now, for crying out loud ... but who cares?!!) from RATT have just released their first album of all new material since 1999. Get those monster speakers ready to crank Infestation!!!
Match Game
CAN YOU PAIR UP THESE NOTORIOUS MUSIC ARTISTS WITH THEIR LESSER KNOWN REAL NAMES?
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1. Stefani Joanne 2. Angelina Germanotta 2. Shawn Corey Carter 3. Dwayne Michael Carter, Jr. 4. Kamaljit Singh Jhooti 5. David Evans 6. Dante Terrell Smith-bey 7. Shaffer Chimere Smith 8. Eilleen Regina Edwards 9. Brian Hugh Warner 10. Jayceon Terrell Taylor 11. Erica Wright 12. Paul Hewson 13. Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr. 14. Chaim Witz 15. Dana Elaine Owens 16. Stevland Hardaway Judkins 17. Richard Starkey 18. Robert Bartleh Cummings 19. Farrokh Bulsara
ISSUE #31
Queen Latifah
Gene Simmons
Shania Twain
Bono
Rob Zombie
Mos Def
Ringo Starr
Jay-Z
Ne-Yo
Stevie Wonder
Marilyn Manson
Lady Gaga
Game
Freddie Mercury
Common CHECK ON PG.4 FOR THE ANSWERS.
Jay Sean
The Edge
Busta Rhymes
Erykah Badu
SCORPIONS STING IN THE TAIL The band has said that this will be their final release. So what the hell are you waiting for? Shake your schnitzel, get out to a music store and buy this album! SCHNELL!!!
VIOLENT SOHO VIOLENT SOHO The title of the lead single from this quartet of Aussie rockers is Jesus Stole My Girlfriend. That alone should make you want to check out the rest of the album.
FROM THE BIG SCREEN
HELPING YOU PLAN YOUR NEXT NIGHT OUT AT THE MOVIES.
ROBIN HOOD
STARRING: RUSSELL CROWE, CATE BLANCHETT OPENS: MAY 14, 2010
The actor/director combo that brought us Gladiator now take us to 13th century Nottingham and a much more violent rendition of the lauded bandit who robbed from the rich to give to the poor.
BIG FAT GREEK DREADING
>
Record company intern, Aaron Green (Jonah Hill), is a man who knows how to get things done. At least, that’s what he’s told everyone on his inequitable climb up the corporate ladder. And now he’s about to land a career-making assignment. His mission: Fly to London and escort bad-boy British rocker, Aldous Snow (Russell Brand), back to L.A. to kick off his world-wide tour at the Greek Theatre. Bored with his brobdingnagian bank account and empty celebrity lifestyle, Snow is now focused on unravelling the meaning of life and winning the heart of his one true love. Of course, if the odd heroin party or orgy crops up, he’s certainly not above accommodating the desires of his many adoring fans. Be sure to check out Get Him To The Greek in theatres on June 4, 2010.
SHREK FOREVER AFTER STARRING: MIKE MEYERS, EDDIE MURPHY OPENS: MAY 21, 2010
In this fourth and supposedly final chapter, everybody’s favourite ogre is forced to deal with his greatest nemesis yet; the diminutive but dastardly Rumpelstiltskin. This one will also be available in IMAX 3D.
MOVIE MATH: CALCULATING PIRATE RADIO’S BASIC COMPOSITION
WKRP IN CINCINNATI
Take an incredibly zany group of chemically imbalanced rock ‘n roll radio DJs.
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PUMP UP THE VOLUME
Throw in a healthy dose of disdain for governmental control of the airwaves.
+
FOUR WEDDINGS & A FUNERAL
Add some dry British wit and dysfunction from a quirky writer/director.
=
PIRATE RADIO A crew of renegade DJs in the mid-60s broadcast rock music via shortband to a government-oppressed British population from a rusty boat in the North Sea.
SHREK FOREVER AFTER TM & © 2009 DreamWorks Animation LLC TM & © 2009 DreamWorks Animation LLC. All Rights Reserved. GET HIM TO THE GREEK Photo Credit: Glen Wilson © 2010 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved. ROBIN HOOD Photo Credit: Kerry Brown © 2010 Universal Studios. All Rights Reserved. PIRATE RADIO © 2009 Universal Studios and MedienProduktion Prometheus FilmgesellschaftT mbH & Co. KG. All Rights Reserved.Distributed exclusively in Canada by Alliance Films. All Rights Reserved. WKRP IN CINCINNATI: SEASON 1 © 2010 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. All Rights Reserved. FOUR WEDDINGS AND A FUNERAL © 2010 Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer Studios Inc. All Rights Reserved. © 2010 Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment, LLC. All Rights Reserved
MOVIES
GEARED UP SEXY BEAST! THE MERCEDES-BENZ SLS AMG GT3 IS LIKE THE BEST GIRLFRIEND YOU’VE EVER HAD. SHE’S SEXY, SHE’S FAST, SHE’S GOT GREAT CURVES, SHE TURNS EVERY HEAD SHE PASSES, SHE PLEASURES YOU ON DEMAND ... AND THE BEST PART IS, SHE WON’T GO BEHIND YOUR BACK AND SLEEP WITH YOUR BEST FRIEND.
THE GRILLE The tweaked-out array of air-intakes help this massive engine breathe a little easier. The ultra-wide aperture skirting the bottom, along with the two situated below the headlights provide cooling air to the engine oil and brake discs, while the main grille and hood vent help dissipate engine heat.
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SPEC SHEET Price: Not yet announced (Ouch!) Engine: 6.3L V8 0-100km/h: under 3.8 seconds Top speed: 300km/h+ Ship date: April 2011
THE FUNCTIONALITY The advanced design of the rear aerofoil allows for a multitude of settings, depending on the racing conditions. This, combined with the two wing-shaped “flics” and carbon-fibre splitter at the front, provide significant downforce.
THE RUBBER
THE ENGINE The monster lurking under the hood of this GT3 has been equipped with a dry sump lubrication system, giving this 6.3L V8 a superior method of handling the high lateral acceleration forces often seen when racing. This dry sump system also allows for the engine to be mounted in the lowest possible position behind the front axle for better weight distribution.
The 12”x18” (front) and 13”x18” (rear) lightalloy wheels with central locking are shod with 287x682mm (front) and 315x708mm (rear) racing tires. The classic multi-spoke design assists ventilation of the braking system. And the pneumatic jacking system integrated into the underbody (four built-in pneumatic jacks lift the GT3) ensure that changing a flat will be a piece of cake. A very dark, rich, chocolaty and prodigiously expensive piece of cake.
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sex BY JENNIFER CARTER
IS SHE CHEATING ON YOU? MORE AND MORE WOMEN ARE BECOMING THE PLAYER INSTEAD OF THE ONE WHO ALWAYS GETS PLAYED. WATCH OUT, GUYS!
L
et’s face it ... guys cheat on their women. That’s no secret. It’s about as common as the sun coming up each day. It’s even gotten to the point in our society where some women expect it so inherently in their men that they don’t even question or object to it anymore. “It’s just what men do.”
Sounds like a pretty sweet deal for the guys, doesn’t it? But where it gets painfully bitter is where women are now stepping out and doing a little of their own extracurricular copulating. And unlike Tiger or Jesse, we tend to be a little more calculating and systematic with our trysts. So how can you tell if she’s stepping out for a sample at another hotdog stand? I spoke with some ladies who have taken a bite from the forbidden fruit and they’ve given me these helpful tips for you to keep an eye out for.
The Dry Spell
You might have noticed a lack of action in the bedroom lately. Maybe she’s staying up later at night to finish a movie or take care of a few emails before coming to bed. This could simply be her way of stalling while she waits for your pheromones to wear off and the melatonin to take over. She’s banking that if you fall asleep before she ever even gets to bed, she’ll be able to make it through the night without having to let you climb on top of her for another routine romp. This could be a sign that she’s found a secondary source for her carnal pleasure and she doesn’t want to expend any of that electrifying sexual tension until she’s with her new boy toy. Simone, a 27-year-old paralegal, puts a little stock in this theory: “I met this guy and
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we started sleeping together. It was incredible sex ... hair-pulling, butt-smacking, the whole shebang. It was so exhilarating, compared to the cookie-cutter sex life I was having with my boyfriend at the time, that I found that I wanted to save up all of my energy for the next sexathon with this new guy. So I started making up excuses every time my boyfriend and I were alone at his apartment, like report deadlines to my boss or case research ... anything, because I knew that any sex I’d have with my boyfriend would just be a disappointment in comparison.” Keep in mind, however, that a lull in your sex life doesn’t necessarily mean infidelity. She might be stressed from her work, there could be a family matter that has her a bit preoccupied, or maybe she’s just discovered that she’s put on a few extra pounds over the holidays and she simply doesn’t feel sexy. Whatever the case may be, she’s not giving it up to you right now and you’d better pay some quality attention to her so you can find out precisely why.
Three Little Words
Saying the words “I love you” is usually right up there with root canal for guys. But when a woman is in a meaningful relationship and is completely devoted to her significant other, she says it freely and about as often as she blinks. But what does it mean when she stops saying it all of a sudden? Or worse ... what does it mean if she avoids saying it back to you? If she’s showing signs of uneasiness when it comes to using the “L” word with you, it could be an indication that she’s stepping out and feels guilty about saying it to you. Or perhaps she’s just isn’t that into you anymore because she’s too smitten with her new Mr. #2.
Carla, a 31-year-old marketing director, knows exactly what I’m talking about: “My boyfriend and I used to say ‘I love you’ all the time. But shortly after I started sleeping around with this hot, young oil and gas exec, I just sort of started ignoring it whenever my boyfriend said it ... or I immediately started talking about something else, like I didn’t hear him.” When it comes down to it, you can’t force someone to tell you that they love you. Believe me, many women have tried. But if, out of the blue, she’s not saying it to you anymore, it’s not exactly a guarantee that she’s off riding a different stallion, but you may want to prepare yourself to watch your relationship ride off into the sunset.
Communication Breakdown Pt.1
In light of the Tiger Woods texting fiasco, you may have noticed that your lady has started key-locking her phone. She may have also changed up her email and Facebook passwords. This could mean that she’s chatting with someone she really doesn’t want you to know about, so she’s taking steps to shut you out and make sure you don’t discover her little indiscretions. Or maybe you’re noticing that the texts are still coming through, but there seems to be an awful lot of them from some “girlfriend” you’ve never heard of before. Don’t be fooled, fellas. We’re crafty when we want to be. It might be the guy she’s cheating on you with who’s been sending all those texts, and she’s just programmed him into her phone under “Brindy” to throw you off track. According to Melissa, a 28-year-old dental assistant, this isn’t all that uncommon: “I was cheating on my boyfriend with this guy who was an independent engineering consultant. We used to have crazy, buck-wild sex
SEX but all of a sudden start acting a little colder, there’s a true blue sign that something’s probably up. On the other hand, if they typically act like a total bitch to you, but spontaneously start smirking when you’re around or speak to you in a “friendly” manner that’s dripping with sarcasm, again, you have your reasons to raise suspicion. Just ask Nicole, a 24-year-old bartender: “My friend started cheating on her boyfriend with some guy she met on a ski weekend. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, I thought her boyfriend was the sweetest guy in the world. I told her a million times how lucky I thought she was to have him. So when she told me about this guy she was sleeping with on the side, I just couldn’t look her boyfriend in the face anymore. I felt horrible for the guy.”
Clocking Overtime
in all kinds of dangerous and public places. I remember, once, we did it in the stands at a baseball game. Anyway, he’d always text me the next day and describe the experience in full detail. It always got me so hot, I couldn’t wait to see him again. I didn’t want my boyfriend finding out ... obviously ... so I just stored him in my phone under ‘mom’. My boyfriend couldn’t stand my mom, so I knew that if a message ever popped up when he was around, he wouldn’t give a shit or ask me what it was about.”
Communication Breakdown Pt.2
Question #1: Over the course of your entire relationship, how often would you say you and your woman talk on the phone? Question #2: How often have you been able to reach her on the phone lately? If you look back over the time you’ve been together and you notice that the two of you have usually spent a significant amount of time chatting on the phone, but it occurs to you that she hasn’t really been available to take most of your calls lately, there may be a problem. If she’s avoiding calls from you, she might be trying to steer herself clear of conversations where she thinks she might let something slip. Allison, a 32-year-old restaurant manager, has some experience in this area: “I met this guy at a wine tasting our restaurant hosted. Our chemistry was instantaneous and we wound up having sex in the front seat of his BMW that night. I knew I wanted to spend more time with him, but I just didn’t know if he was the guy worth leaving my boyfriend of three years over. We kept in touch for a few months ... not to mention, kept having amaz-
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ing sex ... and I don’t know what it was, but my boyfriend seemed to have some kind of freaky sixth sense because he would call me every time I was with the BMW guy. I had never told the BMW guy that I had a boyfriend and I couldn’t take the chance of either one of them finding out, so I always just ignored the calls. It made things kind of difficult when the BMW guy and I would put in a late night and my boyfriend couldn’t reach me. I finally got tired of having to juggle things with the two of them and I wound up dumping them both.” Saying that women like to talk on the phone is no great revelation. And if she’s in love with you even half as much as she probably loves talking on the phone, why wouldn’t she want the best of both worlds and simply talk to you? Chances are, if she’s proving tough to get a hold of, she’s most likely hiding something (or someone) and having trouble keeping on top of her deception.
The BFF Barometer
Every woman has a very tight-knit group of friends and believe me, these girls tell each other everything! There’s absolutely no way any of them are going to spill any incriminating info to you directly, so there’s no point in even asking. But that doesn’t mean you can’t still procure some valuable intel from them. Chances are, you fall into one of two groups with her friends ... they either think you’re a knight in shining armor and the best thing that’s ever happened to her, or they regard you as the devil and can’t understand why she’s is wasting her life with you. Either way, you have a baseline for their basic behavioral patterns toward you. So if they normally adore you,
Almost all of us have had to put in a few extra hours at the office from time to time. In this day and age, it just kinda goes with the territory. But take note as to whether or not she’s been putting in a lot of overtime lately. And more so, whether or not she seems even the slightest bit upset about it. If you had to put in extra time at your job every day for the past three or four weeks, you’d probably be a little ticked about it and would likely vent to her about how unfair your job has been lately. If she’s coming home after her third straight week of “burning the midnight oil” and only seems interested in the expiry date on the yogurt container in the fridge, she may be cashing in on some work benefits that weren’t outlined in the company handbook. Teaghan, a 21-year-old administrative assistant, freely admits to spending some extra time ... (ahem) ... taking dictation: “My boss has these huge floor-to-ceiling windows in his downtown office. We’ll sometimes wait until it gets dark outside and leave the lights on. That way, we can’t see out, but anybody who might be looking can see in. He’ll spin his desk chair to face the window and I’ll kneel in front and just go down on him. It’s incredible! When I get home, I always just tell my boyfriend that we’re in the middle of month-end or having to meet a deadline.”
If you find out she has been cheating, and you still want to save your relationship, you have to try to figure out what has changed between the two of you, what’s missing and what the other guy is providing for her that you, apparently, are not. But if you find out she’s cheating, and she just doesn’t mean enough to you to fight for her, dump all of her stuff in the street the next time she’s “out” and change the locks.
COMIC STRIPPED
Fairground Fight Club BY JOE VESPAZIANI
I didn’t see it coming, but man ... I felt it. Blindsided. The perfect punch. My right cheek went numb and I lost hearing for what seemed like minutes. My reaction was immediate ... instinctive. Fight or flight, muthafukah ... and I ain’t runnin’!
I
was 18 and living in Winnipeg. One of the best summers of my life. Tanned, zero body fat, and proudly sporting a wicked cool mullet. I had a summer job working at the Red River Exhibition. It was a carnival that rolled through every June. The same carnival would snake its way through several Canadian cities over summer ... Stampede in Calgary ... K-Days in Edmonton. That’s how all the teenage hookers end up in Vancouver. Carnies are just ex-con tweekers with a good heart - ready with a leg up for those young things not afraid to hit their knees or lend a hand. The Samaritan Carnies would graciously receive blowjob’s and hand-jobs all along HWY 1 as they delivered the broken-in young’uns to the West Coast ... ready to fulfill
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their dream on the streets of Vancouver ... But, I digress. This job was one of those field trips that ‘life’ supplies the permission slip for. There was no doubt I had show business in my veins when it was over. I was part of a local crew responsible for putting up the double-high chain link fence around the perimeter of the grounds. This fence kept the drifters from sneaking in ... and out. One night our crew spotted a guy climbing on the roof of the east barn. We grabbed rocks and drilled him while he screamed and swore. I feel like a jackass admitting that now, but at the time it was a rush to corner someone in the wrong ... and use his offence as an excuse to commit one of my own.
That was our job, securing the fence and maintaining all of the show stages in the exhibition. I was working the main stage in the stadium. I had the pleasure of picking up Joe Cocker’s equipment from the airport. My brother is a musician and I knew how to handle the gear better than the drunken lifers employed by the EX. (Not to brag, but I also had the pleasure of carrying a bucket full of Osmond piss from under their Atco trailer. Ten thousand people watched as I tried not to slosh with every step.) I rode back from the airport with a big fat promoter wearing a necklace with a red heart
COMIC STRIPPED that blinked on and off. The blinking was supposed to represent heartbeats. I laughed my ass off when it stopped beating during his third “nigger” joke. As exciting as the main stage was, I wanted Dumpy’s job. Dumpy was a lifer on the staff. He was a fat lazy prick who would do anything to get out of work. Often I would joke at how much effort he put into being lazy. We didn’t like each other much because he knew I thought he was a fat lazy prick. How did he know? I told him. After a few weeks of his lazy bullshit I’d had enough and decided to mess with him. I went in the office and found the sign up sheet for the EX jackets. If you wanted to purchase a shiny, satin jacket that told everyone that you had no life but were proudly associated with the Red River Exhibition (and earning daily credit towards a future rehab program), you simply left a cheque and printed your name so they’d know what to embroider on the sleeve. I found Dumpy’s name (John) and replaced it with “Dumpy”. He hated this nickname because I was the one who dubbed it. When the jackets arrived the boss read the names on the sleeves and threw the jacket to its owner. Dumpy was called and everyone pissed themselves laughing when they read it on the actual sleeve. Dumpy was trying to learn how to juggle from some hack performer on the vaudeville stage. He spent hours hanging out with all of the acts ... pretending to be busy. One of the acts was a comedy team like Abbott and Costello. They did old street jokes and corny shit like that, but were loads of fun to hang out with. Dumpy told them that I thought I was a comedian and maybe they could help me with my jokes. I felt my face burn with embarrassment and anger. Embarrassed for myself ... angry because here was a dumpy-assed loser putting me on the spot in front of an unoriginal vaudeville act. Even though I had never even touched a stage yet, I knew that my destiny wasn’t going to be the vaudeville stage at the Red River Exhibition. To be honest, I was jealous. I wanted to hang out with these acts. I wanted to study. I itched for a glimpse of life behind the curtain. Hungered for a taste of show business. My break came one night when Dumpy claimed to be too sick to avoid his duties. Being lazy and keeping out of the watchful eyes of the big bosses takes effort. He had been partying hard with the vaudeville acts and claimed to not feel up to his normal 3%. I was pumped. I hung out as much as possible around the comedy team. I wanted to see how it worked. It wasn’t my style of humor, but I fig-
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ured the process must be similar ... you can’t do the new math without first knowing the old. I was struck by how calculated and serious they were. They didn’t joke as much backstage. They spoke in whispers ... like they were plotting a crime. I strained to hear them, but I actually had to work. I retrieved the giant shoes from the family dancing/skit act. Boring as hell, but they were nice people. I moved boxes around while the folk singer droned on about loneliness on the prairies. Next up: the boxing kangaroo. Dumpy made a point of telling me I needed
garoo before. As I watched him from the side of the stage, he didn’t look all that tame. I was expecting him to be docile ... not pissed off and dangerous. Then again, if that lazy prick Dumpy could handle it ... The MC milked more applause for the kangaroo ... buying us time to clear the stage. I hesitated toward the kangaroo. It didn’t seem like a smart idea to grab the harness. I just witnessed it kick the shit out of its opponent with his lower legs. Our eyes met and I swear he was smirking. My hands reached for the red harness and he lunged into me. My balls were kicked repeatedly with his lower legs ... I felt like puking. I pushed him back ... distracted by the deep, throbbing pain in my nuts ... and that’s when he swung with his right paw. I didn’t see it coming, but man ... I felt it. Blindsided. The perfect punch. My right cheek went numb and I lost hearing for what seemed like minutes. My reaction was immediate ... instinctive. Fight or flight muthafukah ... and I ain’t runnin’! The crowd squealed with delight as the kangaroo continued to kick seven different kinds of shit out of the tanned boy with the mullet. There was a lot of confusion on the stage as other stage personnel were trying to separate us like the melee at the end of the Holyfield/Tyson bout. My punch landed square on the kangaroo’s jaw ... rocking his head back and to the right. He flailed and tried to connect again with all his limbs but he was too wild. Panic flashed in his black beady eyes. I landed a solid shot to his left ribs before we were pulled apart. There were gasps from the crowd and laughs from the stagehands. The kangaroo’s handlers were furious with me as they hustled their livelihood to its cage ... swearing at me in some foreign language. Pricks.
to grab the Kangaroo by the harness to get him off stage. He had reminded me of this several times. I remember thinking Dumpy was retarded because he wouldn’t let go of this piece of advice. Nah, that wasn’t it. He’s just retarded. The music started as the kangaroo finished pummeling the “plant” from the audience. The crowd was cheering. The kangaroo was flailing, and I was feeling nervous about retrieving him. I had never had any contact with a kan-
I hobbled to the edge of the stage like Rocky, but there was no Adrian there to comfort me. Dumpy was there ... laughing his fat ass off. It was all a big joke. He knew the kangaroo would attack me if I went for the harness. He was instructed on the proper technique of grabbing the tail and leading the animal off the stage from behind. I glared as he laughed so hard the tears streaked his face. I wanted to kick his ass, but I couldn’t. He had been taking my shit for weeks and it must have felt great to finally get some payback. He deserved this moment. He earned it. I almost felt like giving him a nod of congratulatory approval, but first I had to borrow a flashlight and go look for my balls.
PHOTOGRAPHY BY 323PHOTOGRAFIX.COM
Jennifer Nguyen
BRINGING SOME SIZZLING ASIAN HEAT ...
SHE’S ALBERTA’S SEXIEST MEDICAL ESTHETICIAN. ISSUE #31
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“There’s a fine line between being confident and being conceited, and way
too many people are on the wrong side of that line.
”
What do you like to do in your spare time? When I have the time, I like to take a nice, relaxing bubble bath in my jetted tub, with some music, scented candles and maybe a glass of wine. I wish I had a Jacuzzi hot tub ... and maybe someone special to massage me. (laughs).
to any place exotic? I went to Thailand a couple of years ago for about a week or so ... and of course I had to choose to stay in Pattaya ... Thailand’s sex capital! (laughs) I didn’t have time to do much, but I certainly got to see the real beauties of plastic surgery. Let me tell you, never in my life have I seen so many hotties with flawless bodies, wearing next-to-nothing, roaming the streets. And the crazy thing is, they were all transsexuals! I know it’s all plastic made perfect, but it still amazes me how beautiful they look.
Major turn-ons? A charming personality and a good sense of humor always turn me on. Major turn-offs? I can’t stand self-centered, egotistical guys who always ‘talk the talk,’ but can never ‘walk the walk.’ There’s a fine line between being confident and being conceited, and way too many people are on the wrong side of that line. The funny thing is, most of them don’t even have anything to show for it. What’s your favourite song right now? I’m addicted to Usher’s song, Hey Daddy (Daddy’s Home). When I like a song, I listen to it over and over and over again, all day long until I get sick of it ... which hasn’t happened with this one yet. Got a favourite movie? I have a long list of favourites, but the one movie that I could watch over and over again would probably have to be There’s Something About Mary. Even though I’ve seen it a million times, I can still find myself rolling off the chair laughing every time I watch it. I’m a sucker for romantic comedies and it’s such a sweet and hilarious movie.
Any tattoos or piercings you’d like to share with us? Let’s see ... for piercings, I have the typical ones that probably almost every girl has, like ears, nose, and belly button. But what you see is pretty much all I can tell you about. The rest I’ll leave up to your imagination.
(giggles) I don’t have any tattoos though, because I can’t make up my mind about what I want. I know I’d get bored of anything too easily, so anything permanent is bad for me. Do you think there’s still hope for chivalry in this day and age?
A guy who open doors for me, pulls out my chair, and walks on the street-side of the sidewalk would definitely impress me, because it shows that he’s a sweet, caring gentleman who would treat me like a princess. Have you ever traveled
ISSUE #31
What’s the most frivolous thing you ever spent your money on? I go crazy with shoes! I buy so many. And since I’m a neat freak, they’re all stocked up, in their boxes, in my closet ... and I don’t even remember what I have most of the time. That’s why it’s bad news for me to go to the mall. If I see something I like, I’ve got to have it right then and there. I can’t just window shop because if I don’t get it right at that moment, I won’t be able to sleep that night ... and I’ll just have to run back the very next morning as soon as the mall opens to get it. But it’s only a spur of the moment thing. I’ll totally forget about it after I go home and add it to my closet collection. (laughs) Any other vices? I’m a fast food and junk food addict. I go through my days living mainly on Burger King, McDonald’s and KFC, and my kitchen cabinets are loaded with chips and cookies. I love
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Oreos. I can eat an entire box in one sitting! I always start by saying “I’ll have just one.” But then my hands keep reaching for another ... and another ... and another. I guess it’s because I’m a person who can’t stand restrictions. So when I try to restrict myself I always end up going overboard. (laughs) I’m lucky I have a high metabolism, but I know it’ll hit me when I get older. What would you say is your proudest accomplishment so far? I take pride in having achieved my Bachelor of Science Degree and my Medical Esthetics Diploma, because I think education is very important. No matter what your career choice is, I think you need to have a strong education to fall back on ... especially with a career like modeling. Hey, let’s face it ... the clock is ticking, time is running, and I’m not going to look like this forever. (laughs) How about your biggest regret? I believe that everything in life happens for a reason, but time wasted is something you can never get back. And looking back now, I sure wasted a lot of time on jerks who took me for granted. I also regret giving up all the nice guys who were after me for those losers. Hey, you know what they say ... “Nice guys finish last.” Well, a lesson for nice guys ... Don’t be so shy that you can’t even tell a girl that you have feelings for her. Is there a sex tape we could hope somehow gets leaked to the Internet? No. But hey, I could be lying ... or maybe not even know about it myself. (laughs)
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“I’m a
person who can’t stand restrictions.
”
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h
h
PENTICTON, BC
SASKATOON, SK
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24X4 ´ It’s not even open for debate ... Canada knows beer.
And this great country flaunts some of the finest craft brews on the planet. A very small and very lucky group of us were given the opportunity to partake in 24 of the tastiest wobbly-pops from 4 of this nation’s top brewers. Through our suds-induced haze, we came to the irrefutable conclusion that you can’t possibly chug any one of these lofty libations and not feel an overwhelming sense of national pride!
h ST. JOHN’S, NL
h SAINT-HYACINTHE, PQ
Style: Amber Ale Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing, St. John’s, NL
Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 5% abv ´Symbolic of the ‘Great Fire’ that devastated downtown St. John’s in July of that year, this fullbodied and generously hopped up happy juice has an incredible toasty flavour that pleasantly lingers on the palate without coming across as an ‘after’ taste. It’s the perfect potation for your May long weekend camping trip. Anyone up for some roasted marshmallows? We could always get the fire going again. ... What? Too soon?
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ISSUE #31
Cranberry Cloud Style: Fruit Lager Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 330 ml Bottle Punch: 6% abv
´This more than palatable
cranberry cocktail has a surprisingly crisp flavour without giving you the nasty sugar crash of a conventional rum or vodka cooler.
QV
Eric’s Red
Honey Brown
´Baring the brewery’s initial’s, this citrusy thirstquencher is their flagship libation. Our staff all gathered to honor this brew with a 21-pee salute.
´Brewed to commemorate
´The QV crew have taken
Style: Lager Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 5% abv
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O
1892 Traditional Ale
B COOEST SUBLER
Style: Cream Ale Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 5% abv the Viking landing in Newfoundland over 1000 years ago. Let’s all pour a case of these in Ingrid’s left breast plate and pass it around!
Style: Dark Lager Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 5% abv a Canadian favourite and given it their own signature with this quaffable flask of fun punch.
MUST-HAVE BEER GADGETS
MacKroken Flower Style: Scotch Ale Brewery: La Bilboquet, Saint-Hyacinthe, PQ
STAR TREK BOTTLE OPENER
Style: Lager Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 4.5% abv
´Brewed with glacial
waters from the North Pole, we’re confident dear old St. Nick will be pissing it up with Mrs. Claus this summer over a few of these frosty bottles.
Container: 500 ml Bottle Punch: 10.8% abv ´The sweet malty flavour of this incredible beer will make you want another and another. But be warned ... the alcohol content of this little gem is a monster at a whopping 10.8%. Take our word for it, fellas ... this ain’t no frail ale.
O
Iceberg
$20; thinkgeek.com It’s quite logical that even the nerdiest trekker could get a girl drunk enough to sleep with him if he were to pull out one of these puppies and start cracking some longnecks.
BE STOUST T
USB COOLER
$30; amazon.com It’s Friday and you’re counting down the seconds until 5 o’clock. So why not get a head start on your buddies before you meet them at the pub? This mini frost-box can chill a can in no time, without ever having to leave your desk.
QV Light
Style: Lager Brewery: Quidi Vidi Brewing St. John’s, NL Container: 341 ml Bottle Punch: 4% abv
´The subtle hoppiness and clean crisp finish make this light beer the frontrunner in the campaign to prove that light beers aren’t just for lightweights.
ASAHI BEERBOT
$800; japantrendshop.com A robot that stores, chills, cracks and pours your beer?!! You’d be the coolest mofuggah on the block with one of these!
Col. Cornwallis
L’Affriolante
La Corriveau
´Significantly lighter tasting
´Settle in and watch the NHL playoffs with an ice cold case of this incredible brew. You’ll root, you’ll cheer, you’ll wonder where the hell all your beer went.
´At last ... a rich, dark
Style: India Pale Ale Brewery: Le Bilboquet Saint-Hyacinthe, PQ Container: 500 ml Bottle Punch: 5.5% abv
than the usual IPA we’re used to here at VM, but that only contributes to this wonderful beer’s delightful chugability.
Style: Amber Ale Brewery: Le Bilboquet Saint-Hyacinthe, PQ Container: 500 ml Bottle Punch: 7% abv
ISSUE #31
Style: Stout Brewery: Le Bilboquet Saint-Hyacinthe, PQ Container: 500 ml Bottle Punch: 5.5% abv stout, loaded with sweet malty flavour and a robust creamy head of foam that doesn’t require a knife and fork to enjoy.
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Bete Noire
Vienna Red
London Porter
´Pouring it, you almost
´Once you’re done mowing
´There are distinct notes of
Style: Stout Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 5.4% abv
Style: Dark Lager Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 5.2% abv
think you’re serving a Coke. This is a crisp oatmeal stout worthy of an Irishman’s nod.
the lawn, tip back a bottle of this copper-coloured potion. Or two or three ...
Style: Porter Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 5.3% abv chocolate and coffee in this nearly black elixir. Fantastic dessert beer after a big meal.
O BEST I PA
606
Black Cat
Style: India Pale Ale Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 5.4% abv
Style: Schwarzbier Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 6.1% abv
´Full, rich, hoppy goodness with every sip, swig or gulp. This is a beer loaded with character and not for those with a weak palate.
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´You’d expect a certain
heaviness from a beer this dark, but the surprisingly light clean taste makes pounding a six no problem.
ISSUE #31
Loki
Style: Double IPA Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 8.7% abv
´Hang onto your livers, gentlemen. The beefy 8.7% alcohol content of this long neck will knock you on your ass in no time.
Czech Mate Style: Pilsener Brewery: Paddock Wood Saskatoon, SK Container: 355 ml Bottle Punch: 5.4% abv
´How can you not love a beer that gives great head every time you open a bottle? Wonderful, frothy coolness with tons of hoppy flavour and subtle malty aromatics.
O STAFF No.1
Maple Stout
I . P. A .
Naramata Nut Brown
Style: India Pale Ale Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 355 ml Can Punch: 6% abv
Style: Brown Ale Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 650 ml Bottle Punch: 5.5% abv
´Buy it now, while you
can still get it in the nice big bottles. We’re saddened by their decision to go to cans.
´The rich nutty flavour, fol-
lowed by a crisp hoppy finish made this beer our top pick.
Style: Stout Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 650 ml Bottle Punch: 5.5% abv ´It never would have dawned on us to mix beer and maple syrup. But then again, that’s why we’re not the brew masters. This nectar is the perfect breakfast beer. Bring on the bacon and eggs. (BURP!!!)
Anarchist
Apricot Wheat Ale
Blackberry Porter
´Pour enough of these bad
´The light hint of fruit, part-
´Is it possible to drink a
Style: Amber Ale Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 650 ml Bottle Punch: 5.5% abv
Style: Pale Ale Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 650 ml Bottle Punch: 5% abv
boys down your throat and you’d be contributing to a little anarchy too.
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nered with a smooth, clean finish makes this a quintessential summertime beer.
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Style: Porter Brewery: Cannery Brewing Penticton, BC Container: 650 ml Bottle Punch: 6.5% abv
fruit beer and still look like a man? The answer is ‘yes’ when you’re chugging one of these tasty porters.
APOCALYPSE NOW ! BUT DEF I INI T’S COM TELY ING
YBE A M , OK ITE U Q T NO
BY BILL ROBINSON
SURE, WE MAY JUST BE A COMPANY OF GUYS WHO LIKE FAST CARS, HARD-HITTING SPORTS AND HOT WOMEN ... BUT WE GET TO ENJOY ALL THAT STUFF BECAUSE WE LIVE ON A PLANET THAT SUSTAINS ALL OF THESE SIMPLE PLEASURES. (FOR NOW, THAT IS ...) AND WE’D LIKE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY!
I
don’t know of any guy who doesn’t love a good movie about the apocalypse. From Mel Gibson in Mad Max and Brad Pitt in 12 Monkeys, up to more recent blockbusters like The Road with Viggo Mortensen and Book of Eli with Denzel Washington, we seem to be obsessed with the different ways in which the world might end. My end of the world fear is zombies. Yeah, go ahead and make fun, but I still see that little girl Vivian from Dawn of the Dead in my nightmares. One scene she’s all happy and roller-skating around, the next, she’s chewing out a guy’s throat with a fair amount of enthusiasm. Now, realistically, we don’t have a lot to fear from zombies, but there are some issues out there on this big old Earth that need our attention. So instead of creating a plan for how to bug out when the world does end, why not do something now to make sure the world stays a healthy, zombie-free place. I remember being in about Grade 5 or so, when one of my friends told me that if all the people in China jumped simultaneously off of a chair, the impact would throw the Earth off its orbit. Now, I might have been gullible enough to believe that Paul from The Wonder Years actually was Marilyn Manson, but not even I believed that the whole Chinese population jumping thing would work. Forget the fact that over 300 million Chinese people live in poverty and might not own chairs, the simple fact is that the Earth weighs a hell of a lot more than a billion people. End result: they can jump all they want. You might be asking yourself, ‘What the heck does all this have to do with what is happening to the planet?’ I’m glad you asked. Each of us often feels as useless as a Chinese citizen standing on a chair when it comes to making a difference. To those hopeless souls, I would say that every single act, no matter how small, adds up; kind of like how every sip of beer eventually leads to her looking better. Others will say that it is impossible for things to change. I would remind those doubters that there once was a time when the world believed the Earth was flat. Want an example of how things can get completely messed up? Take a look at Easter Island. Place was a paradise when people first got there. Then, just like we are today, the people started taking more than the island could provide. They didn’t look after their environment and ended up battling each other over the dwindling food supply. Eventually, they got so desperate they started eating each other. A classic Easter Island insult was, ‘The skin of your mother is stuck between my teeth.’ No joke. So, unless you are one of those rare people who looks at a
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buddy and thinks, ‘Bet he’d taste good with a little BBQ sauce’ then it is time for you to join the fight. Below is a short list of just some of the global issues facing the planet, actions you can take, and where you can find more information. PROBLEM #1: CLIMATE CHANGE. Now I realize a good number of Canadians depend on oil and gas for their jobs, which in turn makes them not want to believe in climate change. I’m afraid that not believing in something isn’t going to stop it from existing. I can believe my hair is not falling out, but every time I go out into the sun these days, I have a little more area to cover in sunscreen. I’m not anti-oil. I own resourcebased stocks and I know that my food didn’t walk to the supermarket. What I am is someone who thinks that there are better answers out there. The Earth is warming, mostly due to man-made carbon emissions. Polar ice caps are melting. It might seem like a far off problem for us here in North America, but some places are already beginning to feel the effects. Take the tiny island nation of Tuvalu, which has lost a full meter off the coastline of its largest island in the past five years due to rising waters. That might not sound like a lot, but when your biggest island is only a few hundred meters at its widest point, a meter is big. If things continue to progress unchecked, Tuvalu and other coastal areas around the world might disappear completely. Those displaced people will become environmental refugees and those people have to go somewhere. As the remaining land grows increasingly crowded, it will put an even greater strain on the Earth’s limited resources. WHAT YOU CAN DO: There are a lot of little things that you can do easily. Low energy light bulbs. Walk, bike or take mass transit. Insulate your home. Or there are bigger steps you can take. It seems that just about everyone wants to help do their part, with the issue of money always getting in the way. One company here in Canada that is truly making a difference is Matchless Solar Systems (check them out at MatchlessSolarSystems.com). These guys have made making big changes in your life possible and affordable. There is a wide range of renewable energy systems for your home and business and the best part about it, is that they actually help you save money. Just start off by getting an energy audit done on your house. These guys will do it for free! Making a change could be something as simple as installing a programmable thermostat or weatherproofing your home. Or maybe you can step it up a notch and try one of their solar packages. From solar powered backpacks to fully integrated solar electrical systems that are so effective, that after they’re done powering your home, they feed
the excess electricity back into the grid for a credit from your power company. Can you believe that? A credit!!! Live somewhere windy? Of course you do ... this is Alberta. Take a look at their wide assortment of wind turbines. No, I’m not suggesting you plant a 40-foot spire in your backyard (although they have those too). But they do have a cool line of compact mini turbine systems that only need the slightest breeze to spin and generate energy. There is no doubt that you could find something to help you make an impact on both the environment and your wallet. Make these changes for your kids; and if you don’t have kids, then do it for the Tuvaluvians. PROBLEM #2: WORLD WATER CRISIS. It might be hard for those of us with running water in our homes to comprehend, but the basic facts are that over a billion people on this planet don’t have access to clean water. At any given time, over 50% of the world’s hospital beds are filled with patients suffering from water borne illnesses. Every 15 seconds, a child dies from a water related disease. Every day, women and children spend hours collecting water from far away sources. This water is often polluted and the time it takes to collect the water means that they are unable to work or attend school – thus their search for water keeps them locked in the poverty cycle. For the money you make back in returning your empties after a weekend of pounding beer with your buddies, you could easily be helping someone save a life. WHAT YOU CAN DO: There are two key things you can do. Donate money and raise awareness with others. Every dollar you donate for water and sanitation gets a return of $8. That’s a pretty decent bang for your buck. Healthier people with easier access to clean water means more days in school and more working to improve a family’s income. Some great places to donate are: www.CAWST.org, www.ewb.ca, and www.water.org. PROBLEM #3: OVERPOPULATION. I’m going to throw a couple of facts at you right now. First, the United Nations projects that by 2050, the Earth’s population will reach 9.8 billion people. Second, 24,000 children die per day due to poverty. This means that every 3.6 seconds, a kid dies. Here is the real shocker – we have had enough food on the planet to feed everyone for the past 30 years. Think of overpopulation in these terms. You and your buddy are eating a large pizza. No problem. Then imagine that two more friends come over. You want to be a good host so you share your pizza. Now imagine another 50 friends come over and there is no way to order another pizza. In fact, you don’t know when you will see pizza or any other kind of food for a really long time. The Earth is the pizza and there is only so much to go around. This is probably the part where some of the people in the room start wondering how to marinate human flesh. (See? The zombie threat really does exist!!!) Some of you are probably confused by those first two facts I gave you. How can our population be going up when all those kids are dying? Good question. First, we need to get basic medicine and education to the poorest areas of the planet so that we can help people understand the concept of family planning. Why do these people have so many kids, especially if they can’t feed them? Well, imagine this. There is no retirement plan in developing nations so people count on their kids to take care of them when they’re older. The problem is, these people don’t know how many of their kids will survive to take care of them, so they have lots of them, knowing that some are going to die. We get those kids fed and healthy, lowering infant mortality rates like we have done in places like Canada, and the population will stabilize. No kidding, overpopulation is going to speed up other environmental problems like climate change, loss of animal habitats, deforestation, and water and air pollution. WHAT YOU CAN DO: There are a lot of different charities that tackle
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global issues. For most of them, you can use your credit card to donate a certain amount each month. Check these websites for more information: www.globalpovertyproject.com, www.care.ca, www.soschildrensvillages.ca, and www.oxfam.ca. PROBLEM #4: ENDANGERED SPECIES. Girls love animals, especially the cute little furry ones. Want her to think of you as more than just the guy staring at her rack? Why not help save a panda, or a seal or something? An overwhelming portion of the scientific community believes that the planet is in the midst of the sixth great extinction to occur on Earth. It’s true that by natural selection, some species just die off, but as of today, a species dies out every 20 minutes and is never seen again. This is due in large part to human influences such as overpopulation, encroachment on animal habitat, climate change and species overexploitation. The illegal trade in animal parts such as elephant ivory and shark fins is the third largest industry in the world, surpassed only by weapons and drugs. There is a very real need to protect these species. One way to do this is by protecting what are known as ‘umbrella’ species. That means that if we protect the habitat of the largest animals, then all the other animals that share that habitat will be protected as well. You might be wondering, ‘What does it matter if I protect sharks?’ Good question. There has been a gross amount of misinformation regarding sharks. These creatures have survived for over 400 million years, but humans might wipe them out in one single century. People think that sharks are dangerous, when in fact, more people have been killed by falling pop machines than by sharks. The most important thing about sharks is that they eat the fish that eat the phytoplankton. If the sharks aren’t around, then there are more fish, which means more of the phytoplankton get eaten. Why care? Because according to NASA, phytoplankton produces between 50% - 90% of the Earth’s oxygen. So
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if you like breathing, you like sharks. WHAT YOU CAN DO: It’s all about supporting the people leading the fight and getting the word out to others to do the same. World Wildlife Federation (www.wwf.ca) is a leader in the area, but there are lots of others. If you are looking for one that isn’t afraid to get their hands dirty, check out www.seashepherd.org. They have their own show on the Discovery Network and were big players in the kickass movie, Sharkwater. JUMPING OFF CHAIRS: This list encompasses just some of the issues facing our planet. Some, like global water issues and overpopulation, might not seem very environmental, but the link between poverty and the environment is critical. Imagine for a second you are a father in a small village in the developing world. You have a choice to either feed your family or protect the local environment. I think you know what you would do. You’d do everything within your power to make sure your little boy or little girl didn’t die today. Until the poverty cycle is broken for these people, the environment will always remain way down on the list of priorities. As for making a change, we don’t need everyone to buy in right away. Simply put, if 5% - 10% of the population decided to take a stand, we would see dramatic changes throughout the world. Sometimes we’re a little overwhelmed by the sheer magnitude of the global and environmental issues facing us, but unlike the Chinese all jumping from their chairs at once, if we all started to take even the smallest of actions in our lives, we really could have a profound impact on the Earth. Remember, every innovative idea or shift in cultural thinking was rejected at first. Think back over human history, the Earth being round, man taking flight and traveling to the moon were all initially considered to be impossible. So whether you are taking action to impress that girl at work, or you are doing it for nobler reasons, just be proud that you are making the world a better place. And free of zombies, I hope.
GIRL SPOTTING
Ashley Gugel
photographed by XTreme Photography hair and makeup by Jennifer Yong
What’s your favourite way to spend your spare time? I hate to say it, but probably cleaning my house.
Would you say you’re someone with an addictive personality? I would drink Starbucks all day, if I could.
What movie could you watch over and over again? I absolutely love, love, love Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! By far, the best movie ever! Johnny Depp is an amazing actor and it keeps me entertained.
What was the last pickup line a guy ever used on you? Oh, it was the cheesiest! He did the whole did it hurt when you fell from heaven bit.
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Hello Alberta! Let me formally introduce myself. My name is Valerie Ross, formerly Valerie White, and previous two-time VEX Girl. I feel very lucky and am proud to be a part of the VEX Magazine team. Get used to me. Not only will you get to hear what’s on my mind, but my column will be accompanied by a new pictorial every issue. I will try not to disappoint you. Now let me update you in regards to what has happened in my life since my last appearance in the magazine. I am still residing in Edmonton. I am a territory manager for a medical device company, I am working on my MBA, write for PokerPro Magazine, guest appear on The Score from time to time, and still have the honor of gracing the pages of various men’s lifestyle and fitness magazines. A year back, I had the opportunity to work on the Fear Itself horror TV series, specifically, episode 12 “Echoes” and episode 13 “The Circle”. As well as traveling to Montreal for the launch of PokerPro magazine, I will be hosting my own Poker Tournament at the River Cree Casino in Edmonton, for a multiseat giveaway to the World Series of Poker (WSOP) in Las Vegas this coming July. I am very excited, as it will be held over the May long weekend, which is also my birthday weekend. I will be hanging out there all weekend so come by and celebrate with me. If you would like to know any additional details, please email or join me on Facebook. I will try to keep my status on Facebook current with any additional and relevant information regarding Edmonton events that I will be attending, and/or feel that are of special interest. If you are from Edmonton and have an event that you would like to post or would like to talk about in the magazine, feel free to contact me on Facebook or at my personal email address. Being a two-time VEX Girl, I have to say that this magazine holds a special place in my heart and I have a personal interest in seeing it become as big a success in Edmonton as it has been in Calgary. With that being said, I haven’t entirely decided what shape this column will take, however, being from Edmonton, my intent is to keep everyone posted on what is happening in Edmonton, various topics that cross my mind, and interviews with persons of interest to the general public. I will try to keep it fresh. I am open to any suggestions as to what topics you would like me to cover, any special requests, and feedback will be graciously accepted. So, here’s your chance Alberta, I will be eagerly awaiting your reply. In the meantime I hope that you enjoy what we have put together for you in this issue, and I look forward to hearing your comments. I would like to thank all of those who have taken the time to read my article, and would like to extend the invitation to forward all questions, feedback, comments, and requests to valerie@vexmagazine.com, or add me to Facebook at Valerie Ross (White). ‘Til next time ... warmest wishes,
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PHOTOGRAPH BY JAMIE WATLING
Crash Karma spotlight
BY JONATHAN STODDART PHOTOGRAPHY BY MIZ MONDAY
Band members Edwin (I Mother Earth) and Mike Turner (Our Lady Peace) talk about Olympic gold, the great Canadian van tour and the importance of a good night’s sleep.
So you’re getting ready to jump in the tour bus and hit the road? Mike Turner: Tour bus? I like how you think. No, we’re in a van. You can’t be too excited about being cramped up in a van? MT: Yes, I am. It’s more intimate. I’m looking very forward to it ... but you can ask me again in three weeks, and we’ll see. What are the pros and cons of touring in a van, as opposed to a bus, and playing bar shows, as opposed to arenas? Edwin: Helps the band to bond ... or hate each other. Pros of playing these sized venues, you do get that intimacy with the crowd, where you can reach out and touch them. After the show you can go to the merch area, sign what they want signed, shake hands ... that’s kind of cool. There’s a lot of cons, in the sense that bars don’t have dressing rooms. And traveling in a van when you’ve done a show, you’ve traveled all day, you’ve got to drive at night ... people might not be as alert as they should be. But other than that, it’s all good. We do this because we love it. We enjoy playing live. We get off on it. It’s still a good buzz to hear people singing your songs back to you.
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Do you plan to party a lot on this tour? Ed: Funny you should say that. Being the singer, touring means I have to regulate my behavior, if I want to sing every night. Which is not the life I live at home. Not that I party every night at home, but it’s a little more relaxed ... have a couple smokes here and there, but on tour I really can’t do that because it screws me up the next day. The rest of the band are pretty disciplined at home, because they have family lives, children, and that. And then they get to let loose a little bit on tour, but for me it’s the opposite. At home I can let loose, but on tour I have to be disciplined. I don’t plan on partying too much. That doesn’t mean I don’t plan on socializing, but I have to behave or else I’ll lose my voice. And it doesn’t come back unless you rest it for a week or two ... and I just don’t have that luxury.
“
It’s a good buzz to hear people singing your songs back to you.
”
Do you have any secrets for survival while on tour? Ed: Oh there’s a bunch of stuff. Number one you have to get some sleep, that’s the most important thing. You have to get seven or eight hours of sleep, which at home I never do. On tour, I force myself to, but it just makes me look lazy to everybody else. It’s just more of a physical thing. If it’s not 100%, the show sucks as far as I’m concerned. If the singer is not happening, it takes away from the show immensely, and I don’t want to be in that position. Sleeping, getting some steam in the shower or over a kettle. Drinking herbal teas as opposed to coffee makes a big difference. Not drinking alcohol is huge, that dehydrates your entire body. At recent live shows, you’ve been doing a number of songs from your former bands. What led to this decision? MT: If you go to a show and see an hour of new music you’ve never heard, it’s nice to hear something you know, and can sing along to. Mike, you played in OLP, but what is your favourite I Mother Earth song? MT: Man, there are so many. There’s a song called “Pisser” that I really, really love. It’s like, angry yelling Ed.
Has angry yelling Ed made a comeback on this tour? MT: He’s there, believe me. It doesn’t take much ... just get him up on stage, and there he is. Edwin, what is your favourite Our Lady Peace song? Ed: That’s a good question. We play “Clumsy” in our set, I really do like that song. I have other Our Lady Peace songs that I like. I think “Starseed” is a great song. We tried to cover that, and we do an okay job at it, but not as good as it should be. I want to be able to nail it and own it. With Our Lady Peace, if I tried singing like Raine sang it, I might sound foolish trying to copy him. Raine does Raine great ... he has a lot of isms and improvisational stylistics. It’s very stylistic to Raine ... not me. “Clumsy” I can do, because it’s just a great song, and there’s not a lot of stylistic singer things in it. For other songs it’s been really hard. I can’t do the I-E-I-E-I-E-I ... that might sound a little stupid. So as much as I like those songs, I don’t really touch them because of that. So I’ll stick with “Clumsy”.
SPOTLIGHT A friend of mine has called I Mother Earth’s Scenery and Fish his favourite summertime record of all time. Ed: I love that assessment, I will never get tired of hearing that. People often say similar things, and think, ‘Oh you’re probably tired of hearing that’ ... but I never get tired of hearing that. When I make a record, in my mind, I want it to be timeless, not for just this year, or this political time. I want to revisit it in 10 or 15 years and still enjoy it. So I do think it’s a great summertime record, I think it’s a great yearround record. If it’s a soundtrack for your summer, then I’m happy. It’s a feel good record. Is there a lyrical theme to this new album? Ed: If there is, it wasn’t intentional. We were just kind of going song by song. I guess if you were to look at it introspectively, it’s a maturing of an individual point of view. As you get a little older, get a couple years under your belt, your perception changes. Your list of important things in life sort of changes a little bit. It goes from partying with friends, to maybe some family and relationship scenarios. If there is a theme, that’s great, but it wasn’t intentional. Have you enjoyed the support of rock radio for this new record? Ed: Honestly, we can’t complain. Rock radio has been extremely supportive on the first single, “Awake”. I was surprised ... it really sort of caught on like wildfire. The thing I liked the most, a lot of stations added the song without really knowing who was in the band. Do you have any favourite Alberta memories? Ed: I have many. I love Alberta. I don’t even know why I live in Ontario, to be honest. If I didn’t have the reasons I have, I would be living in Alberta, or B.C. most likely. I’ve met some people here I really like. I’ve always had a
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“ “
You don’t have to be a sports guy to understand what that meant. great time. I don’t mean a crazy party time, I just mean good energy, good people, beautiful scenery. Just a good time, where you leave feeling warm. You left a good impression and taking a good impression. Whether it’s bands or friends or people along the way, I’ve always had a good time. I’m more of a West Coast personality ... always more comfortable on the West Coast. MT: Raine injured himself at the Republik, so we had to stay in Calgary for a few days. We had a really good time while Raine was lying in the hospital. We went snowboarding.
Mike, you are originally from England. Do you currently have a favourite UK band? MT: I don’t really know. I’ve really dug the Kaiser Chiefs the last few years. I like the Streets. Have you ever played the UK? MT: We (Our Lady Peace) opened for Stereophonics over there, and then they came over here and opened for us. We played Wembley. You played Wembley??!! MT: Wembley arena, not Wembley Stadium. I just like to say
Wembley and stop it right there. Did you watch the gold medal hockey game? MT: My heart was stopping. You don’t have to be a sports guy to understand what that meant. Ed: How could you be Canadian and not watch that? I’m a big Olympics fan ... love cheering on our country. Mike and I were in Vancouver doing a radio thing before the Olympics started. It was a really cool time to be there. The energy in the city was electric. Anything to leave us with before we say goodbye? MT: I’m really looking forward to getting out and playing for folks. ED: We’re really looking forward to this tour ... crossing the country and kicking some rock and roll ass.
FITNESS
PREMIER CIRCUIT WITH THE WORLD CUP ONLY WEEKS AWAY, GET YOURSELF INTO GAME SHAPE WITH THIS GRUELING REGIME, COURTESY OF OUR VERY OWN GOLD’S GYM PERSONAL TRAINER, NIC RUSSO. Do three sets of this circuit and time yourself on each round. Try to beat your time from the previous circuit with each set.
7 8 20m
6m
14m
6 14m
3 6m 20m
1
4
2
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5
Start by pacing off a box roughly 20m x 20m. From the NW corner, set a marker six paces back. Do the same from the SE corner. 1. JOG: Go for a warmup jog around your exercise area. Do two laps. 2. BURPIES: Begin your circuit by doing ten of these at the first marker. 3. SPRINT: Boot it as fast as you can to the next diagonal marker. 4. PUSH UPS: Do ten of these in total. The first five with your right leg raised and the next five with the left. 5. SPIDEY-WALK: Now do your best Tobey Maguire impersonation and crawl, knees-to-elbows, to the next diagonal marker. Kinda like mountain-climbers, but you’re moving forward. 6. SIT UPS: Whip off ten of these. Be sure to keep your feet on the ground. 7. LUNGES: Move diagonally toward the NE marker. Keep your back straight and your forward leg at at 90º angle. 8. SPRINT: Now you’ve gotta book it the rest of the way around the perimeter of your exercise area, back to your first marker. Congratulations! That’s one. Only two more to go. Now move it, Nancy!
PARTING SHOT
AlexJaco
photographed by XTreme Photography hair and makeup by Jennifer Yong
What are you looking for in a guy?
Got any advice on first date behavior?
I’m a sucker for nice eyes, and a nice smile. A guy needs to be able to make me laugh, but they have to keep me interested with their intellect. Obviously physical attraction also has something to do with it.
Be respectful and make her laugh ... and for God sakes, don’t go getting plastered on a first date!
Anything in particular when it comes to the “physical attraction” part? I love it when a guy has a prominent jaw line. It’s so masculine and sexy ... and that ‘V’ muscle at the waist.
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What about dating pet peeves? I always expect men to behave like gentlemen, but these days nobody uses phones to actually talk to you. Guys need to call girls they like ... no texting!
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