SURVIVING DIVORCE: AN UNEXPECTED GIFT

BY DUANIA HALL

I’ll never forget pulling into the BIG LOTS parking lot and getting a phone call that would change everything.

Me: Hello

My Husband: I’m moving out Me: Okay

This was after I spent two years begging him to go to therapy, moving out, moving back in, then us taking a trip to Cabo that let me know nothing had changed He was being controlling and reckless with how he spoke to me He seemed proud when other men stared at me yet showed anger towards me because of it On our last day, we went on a boat cruise I was doing The Electric Slide and The Cha Cha Slide with the other guests One more “slide to the left” and my wedding ring flew right off my finger, into the ocean We gave each other this look that confirmed our marriage was over

I spent a year hiring people to serve divorce papers, but he refused to sign them I was emotionally exhausted! I felt trapped, like he still had a hold on me, and I needed him to let go! I spent over 14 months praying about this then he signed the papers He finally let go and I felt like I could breathe again

When we met at court to finalize everything, we were different people We weren’t just cordial but laughing and behaving like friends He made sure I had a seat and bought me food We were getting along so well that right before we signed the final papers, the clerk said “I have never seen people at divorce court getting along like this Are you sure you want to get divorced?” In unison we both said “YES” then went back to our conversation

Later that day, my now ex-husband, walked me to my car He shared how he had been unsuccessful with dating and was starting to see himself as a bad person I told him that neither one of us were bad people We just weren’t good together I let him know all the things I thought were good about him and he said “thank you ” with tears in his eyes, then hugged me tight I had given him an unexpected gift

Months later he called to share a dream he had about our marriage then said this:

It was as if God was letting me see everything from the outside; almost like watching a slide show of our marriage and I didn’t like what I saw I was a monster! I’m so sorry for hurting you! You’re a beautiful woman and a beautiful person, and you didn’t deserve to be treated the way I treated you in our marriage I hope you can forgive me, and I pray that God blesses you with everything good in this world because you deserve it I began to cry I cried hard because he had given me an unexpected gift

My Ex-husband and I have run into each other at various events and it’s all love He’s even called to ask for advice when his daughter/my bonus daughter was going through something, or to check on my daughter We went from friendship to failed marriage to a place that only God could have orchestrated after a painful divorce For anyone who is surviving divorce, I pray you give yourself and the other person grace We are all just trying to figure life out and it’s not easy

We often say or do all the wrong things as we become frazzled from watching our “I Do” unravel And the pain of that is close to death because we are losing a loved one Please pray for a way to take whatever love you have for the other person and see them as a whole person Allow them to be perfectly imperfect, without the titles, and forgive them I pray you come to a place of peace instead of leaving each other in pieces

There is a bright path after divorce and getting to it involves separating from the idea that either of you were supposed to do everything a certain way or that it’s all on you or all on them You came together and unfortunately you came apart But now you can become part of the exceptional people who learn from it and love again I found love again and God has some ‘restoring’ years ahead for you too