VL - Issue 31 - May 2019 by VICTORIOUS LIVING Magazine

R E AL PEO PLE

R E AL STO R IE S

R E AL H O PE

B AC K F R O M T H E D E A D P OW E R T O C H A N G E A MONSTER NO MOR E N U NC A M A S U N MONST RUO

The Show Must Go On

TINO WALLENDA Issue 02 / 2019

T HE V I C T O R I O U S L I V I N G I MPA C T S TA R T S W I T H Y O U

YOU SUBSCRIBE ONLINE

You Get VL + Prisoner Gets VL

Hope Found

Hearts Encouraged

Minds Equipped

Lives Empowered

I was in prison and you visited me. Matthew 25:36

Issue 02 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Publisher & Executive Director Kristi Overton Johnson

Partner Care

Chief Photographer

Pat Avery

Jomarys Leon–Lorenzo

Editor Rachel Overton

Contributing Writers

Cover Photography

Roy A. Borges

Brian Cummings Stills and Motion

Michael Clark

Spanish Editor Debby Ramirez Creative Designer Lauren Jones Executive Project Manager Amber Katynski

Linda Cubbedge-Smith

Photography

Michael Dixon

Brian Cummings Stills and Motion

Ayub Fleming

Geri Simpkins Photography

James Floyd

Robert Bullivant

Kristi Overton Johnson

The Tino Wallenda Collection

Teresa Kemp Kittie

Artwork

Gus Rodriguez

Jared Emerson, Jesus Café

Social Media Manager Jomarys Leon–Lorenzo

Stasha

Digital Content Manager Tymothy Johnson

Tino Wallenda

Mandi Stewart Deepa Sukumar Erin Warren Amber West

Director of Prison Correspondence Linda Cubbedge-Smith

Michael Woods

Accounting Manager Gizella Guba

VICTORIOUS LIVING MISSION

Victorious Living encourages hearts and equips minds through testimonials of God’s grace, love, and power in the lives of everyday people. Please consider supporting this incredible outreach of hope and freedom.

HOW TO REACH VICTORIOUS LIVING General and Subscription Inquiries Victorious Living PO Box 120951, Clermont, FL 34712-0951 352-478-2098 admin@vlmag.org www.victoriouslivingmagazine.com

Victorious Living magazine is a publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries, a 501c3 organization. Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Scripture marked ESV is taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Scripture marked GNT is taken from the Good News Translation. Copyright © 1992 by American Bible Society. Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®, copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

M U L T I P L I E D Restoring Hope. Transforming Lives.

Mercy Multiplied is a nonprofit Christian organization that equips people to live free and stay free through Jesus Christ. Mercy offers a free-of-charge residential counseling program for young women ages 13 to 32 and Outreach services to train and resource Christian leaders and helpers to minister to men and women who are struggling.

VISIT MERCYMULTIPLIED.COM TO LEARN MORE OR APPLY.

I SSU E 2 , A P R I L 201 9

CO N T E N T S STEPPING FORWARD 8

Surrender Your Past BY MICHAEL WOODS

BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON

God Doesn’t Need Our Help

Amber’s entire life story is proof that God brings dead things back to life, literally and figuratively.

BY TERESA KEMP

Finding Courage to Walk through the Valley

COVER STORY 18

PHOTO COURTESY OF THE TINO WALLENDA COLLECTION

Tino Wallenda has experienced both great success and pain, but his family creed keeps him moving forward. Don’t give up when things get hard, he says. Don’t quit! You don’t know whose life will be affected if you do.

No matter how bad you are, when you surrender to Christ, everything changes.

BY ROY A. BORGES

Just Stay Calm

BY LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH

A Monster No More BY GUS RODRIGUEZ

Going Home

Nunca Mas un Monstruo

What Now, Lord?

Giving Faith Hope BY MICHAEL CLARK

Born in India and raised Hindu, Deepa fought hard against the love of Jesus Christ, but she found it was a chance worth taking.

No importa cuán terrible seas, cuando te entregas a Cristo, todo cambia.

BY MANDI STEWART

There Is Something Better

A Chance Worth Taking BY DEEPA SUKUMAR

POR GUS RODRIGUEZ

The Show Must Go On BY TINO WALLENDA

TRANSFORMED LIVES

Someone You Can Count On BY ERIN WARREN

Back from the Dead BY AMBER WEST

BY AYUB FLEMING

FEATURES

Going Green in All the Wrong Places

BY KITTIE

From Death Row to the Front Row BY JAMES FLOYD

A devout Muslim and convicted murderer on death row, James didn’t want to hear about Jesus. But God’s pursuit is relentless and His love unending.

ON THE COVER For over 60 years, Tino Wallenda has performed for audiences around the world. Today, he continues the legacy of The Great Wallendas as a 6th generation circus performer.

Power to Change BY MICHAEL DIXON

Guilt and shame would have hounded Michael to his grave, had God not intervened.

IN EVERY ISSUE 6

Publisher’s Note A Sure Thing

Help Me Understand

How to Stay In Faith during the Wait

From the Father I’ve Got This!

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

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PUBLISHER’S NOTE

A Sure Thing am so thankful for timely words of

trustworthy to cling to? Then grab hold of

encouragement. They spark hope

God’s hope. It’s there for you. He’s there for

in my heart and enable me to per-

you. Believe it. Your victory depends on it.

severe through difficult times.

Since 2011, Victorious Living has been a voice of hope to over one million people and an instrument of real-life transformation.

In Psalm 27:13, David said, “I would

Today, through the stories in this mag-

have lost heart, unless I had believed that

azine, I pray a spark of hope is ignited

I would see the goodness of the Lord in the

within you. As you read the amazing sto-

land of the living” (NKJV).

ries of our contributors, understand that

David knew all about tough situations.

what God has done for them, He can do

He was rejected by his family, had to live

for you too.

in a cave, and was hunted down by his en-

No matter what you are facing, know

emies, yet he never lost hope that he would

this: it’s never too late, it’s never too big,

experience God’s goodness. David trusted

and you will never be too far gone. With

in the faithfulness of God, and that trust

God, there is always a way. You can hold

gave him the strength to persevere. Trust-

fast to this hope.

ing in God, the only sure source of hope,

Through my own life experiences, I’ve come to realize that there are two kinds

can enable every one of us to confidently persevere—even you.

of hope we can cling to. There’s the hope

Before I close, I’d like to thank you for

of the world, and the hope of God. Which

supporting our magazine. Every subscrip-

one we choose determines whether we

tion purchased enables us to send a copy

emerge victorious or lose our grip and fall.

of VL to an incarcerated person. For many,

Worldly hope says, “Boy, I sure hope this

this magazine is the difference between

or that happens.” It’s based on possibili-

life and death.

ties and depends on things and people to

Millions of inmates, every day, wonder if

make us feel happy and secure. We think,

there is hope, if God can restore their lives

“If this happens, everything will be okay.”

and the lives of their families. The stories

But since we can’t control circumstances

our contributors share give solid proof that

or people, that if is iffy at best!

with God, all things are possible. He truly

Contrast that worldly hope with a hope

is the God of another chance.

that comes through a personal relation-

Sharing this good news is the mission

ship with God through His Son, Jesus. This

behind every issue of this magazine. In

hope is based on the unchanging love of

2019, over 100,000 copies of Victorious Liv-

God and a confident expectation that He

ing will be sent behind prison bars, where

is always working on our behalf to fulfill

they will deliver hope and will continue

the promises He’s made in His Word. This

to impact lives for years to come. Your

hope is based on when God will do this or

support makes this happen. On behalf of

that, not if.

these men and women and their families,

Hebrews 6:19 says, “This hope is a

I thank you.

strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls.” It is a sure thing that keeps us from being tossed about by the waves of life. Do you feel like you are being tossed about? Do you need something strong and

Issue 02 / 2019

Kristi Overton Johnson Publisher & Executive Director

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

YOUR DAILY SOURCE OF HOPE

W W W.V I C TO R I O U S LI V I N G M AGA Z I N E .O RG

@victoriouslivingmag V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

STEPPING FORWARD

If you want to see change happen in your life, you’ve got to get a vision that goes beyond what you’ve already seen and experienced.

without knowing when she would have a child. Mary expected a miracle without understanding the mystery that was taking place inside her. Joseph trusted God’s plan without knowing why he found himself in difficult circumstances. Each of these people we read about in the Bible surrendered to God, and the end result of their surrender was a victorious fulfillment of God’s promises. We must learn to encourage ourselves in the Word.

Surrender Your Past

That’s what David did in Psalm 27:13–14. Even in the midst of his troubles he said, “I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord” (NIV). Our hope should not be based on what we can see or what’s in our past. Rather, it should be based on the Word of God and His promises for our lives. Isaiah 43:18–19 NIV says, “Forget the former things;

BY MICHAEL WOODS

do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.”

THE ISR AELITES WERE STUCK IN THE WILDERNESS

Give everything to God—your past regrets, your pres-

for 40 years because they couldn’t see God’s vision for their

ent problems, your future ambitions, your fears, your

lives. They thought of everything in terms of their past. In

dreams, your weaknesses, your habits, your hurts, your

fact, they complained to Moses that they wanted to go back

hang-ups. Allow Jesus to take the driver’s seat and then

to Egypt and return to a life of slavery because that’s what

take your hands off the wheel. Don’t be afraid; nothing

they knew. Can you imagine?

that is under His control can ever be out of control.

But God wanted them to get a new vision—a land flowing with milk and honey.

anything life throws at you.

If you want to see change happen in your life, you’ve

God is always doing something new. Use spiritual

got to get a vision that goes beyond what you’ve already

discernment to follow His plan and stop following your

seen and experienced. A good place to look for that vision

own thoughts and feelings. Glance at your circumstance

is in the thousands of promises contained in God’s Word.

but spend more time focusing on Jesus. He’s the author

Through obedience to His Word, you can claim each one

and finisher of your faith.

of them for yourself. Surrendered people obey God even when it doesn’t seem to make sense. Abraham followed God without knowing where it would take him. Hannah waited on God’s timing

When you are surrendered to Christ, you can handle

Issue 02 / 2019

MICHAEL WOODS serves as the social media marketing manager at First Baptist Orlando. He also uses his experience gained in raising adult children with severe autism to help other affected families find a new normal in their lives.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

Finding Courage to Walk through the Valley BY AYUB FLEMING

E VER WALKED THROUGH O NE O F

valley doesn’t have the power to defeat

you—who you are and what you can do.

life’s valleys? A dry, unwanted place

you. You might not be able to avoid the

Also guard carefully what comes out of

caused by some life-changing event that

low spots, but you can control how your

your mouth. The words you use and the

challenged your hopes and dreams, that

experiences there define your future.

ones spoken over you that you accept as

amplified your mistakes and shortcom-

I have experienced seven valleys in my

truth form mental maps that impact how

ings? We’ve all been there, but we don’t

life—sickness, divorce, death, poverty, in-

you see the world and yourself. That per-

have to stay there.

justice, betrayal, and failure. Maybe you’ve

ception determines your destiny. Don’t

Psalm 23 tells us not to be afraid in the

seen the same ones, or maybe you’ve ex-

accept a negative narrative.

valley, because God is with us. Philippians

perienced others. Whatever your situa-

Shift your thinking. You are more than

4:13 promises that, no matter how difficult

tion, remember: God created you to have

a conqueror in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:37).

the valley, we’ll make it through, with the

dominion over your circumstances, not

Refuse to think otherwise. Base your life’s

strength Jesus gives us.

for your circumstances to rule over you.

philosophy on God’s truth and not your

But it’s still hard. In the valley, we may

Here are some keys that I’ve found help-

experience or feelings. Second Corinthians

be tempted to doubt whether God’s good

ful when I’m in the valley. See if they’ll

10:5 says to take every thought captive

plan for us will ever come to pass (Jere-

work for you too.

and make it obedient to God’s truth. That

miah 29:11) or whether we’ll ever really

Control your conversation, inside and

is a daily choice.

out. Pay attention to and learn to control

Act consistently with faith, not fear.

As one who has experienced many val-

your inner voice. The things you tell your-

Speak and think words of faith, then take

leys in life, let me remind you that your

self should match what God says about

courageous steps that line up with that

experience the true depth of His love.

faith. Don’t let fear stop you. Your actions should match what you believe about the possibilities of your future. Take action. Take definitive action in every area of your life where you want to see improvement. Don’t wait till things are better—do it today, while you’re still in the valley. Consistency comes from studying God’s Word, making it personal for yourself, and surrounding yourself with likeminded people. Take responsibility for the condition of your life. Whether you’re suffering because of a choice you’ve made or because of someone else’s action, take responsibility for changing it. That’s your job. God will give you the grace you need to go through this hard time and come out the other side stronger spiritually. Trust Him and stop making excuses. AYUB FLEMING is a real estate and business professional in Central Florida, a former pastor, and the author of a growing number of published works.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

TR ANSFORMED LIVES

A Monster No More BY GUS RODRIGUEZ

God is real, then why am I who I am? Why doesn’t He stop me from doing what I do?” Every time someone told me about God, that’s what I’d think. If God was real, I decided, He’d have wiped me out long ago. From the time I was a kid, evil was all I’d ever witnessed. I grew up on the streets of Miami—I joined a vicious gang by 13 and was soon a leader. I leaped into alcohol, drugs, violence, and sex. By 15, I was a father. I ignored my son and instead nurtured the evil lurking within me. Daily I fed it, until the monster inside grew out of control. I spent seven years in prison, where I joined a violent Puerto Rican prison gang, the Asociación Ñeta. My life and the world around me reflected every evil you can

VIDAS TR ANSFORMADAS

Nunca Mas un Monstruo POR GUS RODRIGUEZ

Dios es real, entonces ¿por

En vez de cuidar de mi hijo, nutrí el mal

mí. Constantemente me hablaba de Cristo

qué soy como soy? ¿Por qué no

que acechaba dentro de mí. Lo alimentaba

y cómo su amor podría cambiar mi vida.

detiene las cosas que hago?”

diariamente hasta que el monstruo interior

Pero yo no quería escuchar.

Esos eran mis pensamientos cada vez que

creció fuera de control.

Un año más tarde, nos casamos y pron-

alguien me hablaba de Dios. Yo había con-

Pasé siete años en prisión, donde me uní

to quedó embarazada. El 5 de agosto del

cluido que, si Dios fuera real, ya me hubiera

a una violenta pandilla puertorriqueña de

2005 nació nuestro hijo Justin. Es un día que

fulminado desde hace tiempo.

la prisión, la Asociación Ñeta. Mi vida, y el

nunca olvidaremos, pero no por motivos

Desde mi niñez lo único que había presen-

mundo a mi alrededor, reflejaba todo mal

que pudieras imaginarte. Yo llegué al hos-

ciado era maldad. Crecí en las calles de

imaginable. Cumplí mi condena e inme-

pital con enormes cantidades de heroína,

Miami, me integré a una pandilla violenta

diatamente volví a las calles vendiendo y

cocaína y Xanax fluyendo por mis venas

a los 13 años, y al poco tiempo me con-

traficando heroína y cocaína.

y allí mismo, en la sala de maternidad,

vertí en el líder. Me metí en el alcohol, las

Poco después de mi liberación, conocí

drogas, violencia y sexo, y a la edad de 15

a una hermosa mujer que increíblemente

ya era padre.

vio a un buen hombre escondido dentro de

Issue 02 / 2019

con mi esposa e hijo recién nacido, sufrí sobredosis. Los médicos me pusieron en soporte vi-

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

TR ANSFORMED LIVES

I’d tried it all—NA, AA, doctors, psych wards, meds, probation, prison. Nothing could change me, not even my family. But when I cried out to

God with a sincere heart, something supernaturally shifted within me.

imagine. I served my sentence, then im-

there in the maternity ward with my wife

psych wards, meds, probation, prison.

mediately returned to the streets, selling

and brand-new child, I overdosed.

Nothing worked; nothing could change

and trafficking heroin and cocaine.

The doctors put me on life support

me. Not even my family. But when I cried

Soon after my release, I met a beautiful

and told my wife to start making funeral

out to God with a sincere heart, something

woman who, incredibly, saw a good man

arrangements—but God had other plans.

supernaturally shifted within me.

somewhere inside me. She told me con-

In His great mercy, He gave me another

stantly about Jesus and how His love could

chance at life, and I pulled through.

change my life. I didn’t want to hear it.

Have you ever seen someone withdraw off heroin and cocaine? It’s hell. But Je-

I ignored the gift God had given me,

sus gave me the strength to lock myself

We were married a year later, and she

however, and went back to my reckless

in my house, where I stayed for five days.

was soon pregnant. On August 5, 2005,

lifestyle—until one day, I found myself on

No medication, no methadone, no su-

our son Justin was born. It’s a day we’ll

the floor, broken and in need of a Savior.

boxone—cold turkey! I couldn’t sleep. I

never forget, but not for the reasons you’d

I didn’t believe in God or this Jesus my

paced, sweated, flopped like a fish when

expect. I showed up at the hospital with

wife kept talking about. But I was tired of

large amounts of heroin, cocaine, and Xa-

my life—the gangs, the drugs, all of it. I was

(continued)

nax flowing through my veins. And right

suicidal. I’d tried it all—NA, AA, doctors,

BELOW: Gus holds a photo of himself from when he overdosed the day his son was born.

VIDAS TR ANSFORMADAS

Lo había intentado todo— NA, AA, médicos, clínicas psiquiátricas, medicamentos, libertad condicional, prisión. Nada me podía cambiar, ni siquiera mi familia. Pero cuando clamé a Dios con un corazón sincero, algo sobrenatural cambió dentro de mí.

tal y le dijeron a mi esposa que comenzara los arreglos funerarios—pero Dios tenía otro plan. En su inmensa misericordia, me dio una segunda oportunidad de vivir. Sin embargo, ignoré el regalo que me había dado y volví a mi mal camino—hasta que un día, tirado en el suelo de un baño, me encontré quebrantado y necesitado de un salvador.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

ARRIBA: Gus sostiene una foto de sí mismo cuando tuvo una sobredosis el día en que nació su hijo.

(continuado)

Issue 02 / 2019

TR ANSFORMED LIVES

I lay down. Diarrhea, snotty nose, throwing up, even demonic voices. But I made it. I started going to church, but because I was trying to change in my own strength, I fell back into my addiction. I would get high in the church bathroom, then go in and listen to the message. Talk about spiritual warfare! But God didn’t give up on me. He sent me a pastor with a similar background, and I found hope. If God could change him, then why not me? Suddenly I could see past the horrors of the world to the goodness of God. I was accepted into an 18-month faith-based recovery program called Youth Challenge of Florida. My life was so transformed that upon completion of the program, I became a staff member. I attended a Bible college and received an associate degree in biblical studies. Now, I help others find their own life transformation in Christ. God has blessed me far more than anyone deserves, whether sinner or saint. It’s hard to comprehend how God took my fruitless life and gave me meaning and purpose. He helped me become a compassionate husband, father, friend, and son. Praise God, I no longer bring pain into people’s lives, but hope. I’m proof that no one is too far out of God’s reach.

GUS RODRIGUEZ is an ordained minister, chaplain, and evangelist who knows firsthand that God can redeem any life given over to Him.

VIDAS TR ANSFORMADAS

Yo no creía en Dios ni en este Jesús del

voces demoníacas. Pero al final lo logré.

do finalicé el programa, me hice miembro

que mi esposa hablaba, pero estaba arto

Comencé a asistir a la iglesia, pero como

del personal. Asistí a un instituto bíblico y

de mi vida—las pandillas, las drogas, de

intentaba cambiar con mis propias fuerzas,

obtuve un título de asociado en estudios

todo. Tenía pensamientos suicidas. Lo

volví a caer en mi adicción. Me drogaba

bíblicos. Ahora, me dedico a ayudarle a

había intentado todo—NA, AA, médicos,

en el baño de la iglesia y luego entraba

otros a experimentar la transformación

clínicas psiquiátricas, medicamentos, liber-

al santuario para escuchar el sermón.

de la vida en Cristo.

tad condicional, prisión. Nada me podía

¡Imagínate la guerra espiritual!

Dios me ha bendecido mucho más de

cambiar, ni siquiera mi familia. Pero cuan-

Pero Dios no se dio por vencido conmi-

lo que cualquiera merece, sea pecador o

do clamé a Dios con un corazón sincero,

go. Me mandó un pastor con un trasfondo

sea santo. Es difícil comprender cómo Dios

algo sobrenatural cambió dentro de mí.

similar al mío y encontré esperanza. Si Dios

tomó mi vida sin fruto y me dio un propósi-

¿Alguna vez has visto a una persona

pudo cambiarlo a él, ¿por qué no podría

to. Me ayudó a convertirme en un esposo,

desintoxicándose de la heroína y cocaína?

cambiarme a mí? De repente pude ver más

padre, amigo e hijo compasivo. Gloria a

Es un infierno.

allá de los horrores del mundo a la bondad

Dios que ya no causo dolor a la vida de

de Dios.

otros, sino esperanza. Yo soy la muestra de

Pero Cristo me dio las fuerzas para encerrarme en mi casa por cinco días sin

Me aceptaron en un programa de recu-

medicamentos, sin metadona, sin subox-

peración basado en la fe de 18 meses lla-

ona—¡a lo brutal! Sufrí insomnio, caminé,

mado Youth Challenge of Florida (Desafío

sudé, saltaba como un pez en la cama, tuve

Juvenil de la Florida). Fue allí donde mi vida

diarrea, nariz mocosa, vómitos…escuché

fue transformada a tal grado que, cuan-

Issue 02 / 2019

que nadie está fuera del alcance de Dios.

GUS RODRIGUEZ es un ministro ordenado, capellán y evangelista que sabe de primera mano que Dios puede redimir cualquier vida entregada a Él.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

SOMEONE YOU CAN COUNT ON

BY ERIN WARREN

“I DON’T LIKE PIZZ A,” my two-year

As the author of Hebrews puts it: “Jesus

old exclaimed as we sat down to dinner.

Christ is the same yesterday, today, and

What kid doesn’t like pizza?! He’d eaten it

forever” (Hebrews 13:8).

the week before without complaint.

Did you hear that? Jesus is the same.

“I don’t like pink anymore. My favorite

Yesterday. Today. Forever. He doesn’t

color is blue and purple and all the colors,”

change with the times or the latest opin-

my daughter said.

ion. You can count on Him. Always. And

I’m just as guilty. For years, I'd had a red

you can trust what He says.

kitchen. I loved my red kitchen. And then

“God is not man, that he should lie, or

one day, it felt too dark. I no longer wanted

a son of man, that he should change his

red; I wanted gray. Three coats of paint

mind. Has he said, and will he not do it?

and primer later, we had fresh gray walls.

Or has he spoken, and will he not fulfill

We live in an ever-changing world.

it?” (Numbers 23:19 ESV).

Change is all around us, yet interestingly

Whatever God says, He does. Whatever

enough, a key marker of the next genera-

He speaks, He fulfills. He is faithful and

tion is its growing desire for stability and

true to His Word, unlike many people.

truth. People are looking for something they can count on. When you think about it, this generation has grown up in a world where security

God’s unchanging nature has been summed up for us in 2 Timothy 2:13 (ESV).

I am so thankful for this promise. Our wavering faith, our questioning, our cir-

concerts, airports, and movie theaters. No-

cumstances, our unbelief, our sin—none

where seems safe.

of it changes who God is and how He acts

thorities. The “truths” they are presented tend to follow the loudest voice. It’s hard for them to discern whom to trust.

FOR ALL OF US, THAT’S FOR SURE. BUT THERE’S STILL SOMETHING WE CAN COUNT ON. HERE’S OUR HOPE: GOD IS UNCHANGING. HE IS TRUST WORTHY.

toward us. God cannot go against His nature. He cannot deny who He is. God is faithful. Loving. Forgiving. Trustworthy. Kind. Merciful. Always. Nothing can change that!

The world these days is a scary and un-

So if you’re looking for someone to count

certain place for all of us, that’s for sure.

on, someone who is trustworthy and true,

But there’s still something we can count

someone who will never let you down,

on. Here’s our hope: God is unchanging. Our

someone who will lead the way—look no

God is trustworthy.

further. God is all that and more!

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

UNCERTAIN PL ACE

for he cannot deny himself.”

security to get into hospitals, theme parks,

As a result, today’s youth distrust news

DAYS IS A SCARY AND

“If we are faithless, he remains faithful—

checks are commonplace—we go through

reports, politicians, leaders, and other au-

THE WORLD THESE

ERIN WARREN is the women’s ministry leader at First Baptist Orlando. She is passionate about helping women discover a hunger for the truth of God’s Word. She loves Jesus and really good coffee.

Issue 02 / 2019

Back from the Dead BY AMBER WEST

I shouldn’t be here. Thirty years ago, I was dying, but God breathed life back into me.

home, I did fairly well, though I still strug-

to as if nothing had happened. My heart

gled to do simple things like crawling and

was beating normally. There was no ex-

walking. But I kept trying.

planation. Interestingly, I'm told my youth

Why? Well, I’m not sure. That’s a question

When I was three, I had my first openheart surgery. A year and a half later, I had

pastor and his wife were praying for me right at that moment.

my second. These procedures greatly in-

A few months later, I got to participate in

creased the flow of blood to my heart, and

our school pageant. It was a dream come

I grew stronger. My doctors predicted I

true. It was so nice to feel like a normal

I’ll ask Him one day. But what I do know

could live into my teen years. At that time,

teenager again.

is that, from my first days, God has shown

there weren’t many children like me who

Himself faithful.

lived to adulthood.

Three days after the pageant, I had the revision surgery, my third open-heart

Life hasn’t been easy. I have experienced

Growing up, I enjoyed a fairly active life-

surgery. My recovery was challenged by

lots of uncertainty and disappointments,

style. I cheered and even took dance. But

a seizure that left me paralyzed on my left

but God has never forsaken me or my

on July 4, 2004, the summer before my

side. Fortunately, the paralysis lasted only

family. Every scar on my body is a visible

junior year of high school, things changed.

a few days and left no permanent damage.

reminder of that truth.

My heart rate soared, and I was taken by

I’ve never had another seizure.

My trials began the moment I entered

ambulance to the hospital where I was

I wouldn’t want to go back to my junior

this world in August 1988. What started

cardioverted. (My heart was electrically

year for anything. It was difficult. I just

as a celebration over a healthy baby girl

shocked to return it to its normal rhythm).

wanted to be normal, like the other kids,

quickly turned to concern as my parents

Once stabilized, I was sent home.

but the scars on my body were constant

learned that my heart was not properly

On Labor Day, the same thing happened

developed. I was diagnosed with tricuspid

again. I needed a revision of the surgery

I hated those scars. People can be so

atresia (a defective heart valve) and ven-

I had had as a toddler. I should have had

cruel. Kids from church teased me, calling

tricular septal defect (a hole in my heart).

the surgery right then, but I was a junior in

my scars ugly and making fun of the extra

My parents were told they could take me

high school and didn’t want to miss school

water weight I retained due to the medi-

home, but I’d need surgery within eight

and not graduate on time. I especially

cation. Someone even told me that no one

months. I can’t imagine how frightened

didn’t want to miss being in the school’s

would ever love me because of my scars.

they must have been in those early days.

pageant. Since I was a little girl, I had

Satan has often reminded me of that lie.

A high fever sent us back to the hospital

attended the pageant with my

when I was only six weeks old. After days

momma and dreamed of being

of testing, the doctors discovered that my

in it myself. I was finally of age.

pulmonary valve was closing. My condi-

My doctors respected my

tion was critical; I needed immediate sur-

wishes but told me I’d need to

gery, but my oxygen saturation levels were

make some changes if I wanted

too low. They couldn’t safely operate.

to postpone the surgery. I’d need

Momma will tell you that was one of the

to be educated from home my ju-

worst days of her life. She watched help-

nior year by a teacher who would

lessly as the doctors tried to stabilize me.

come to my house. We developed

She says I held on to her pinky finger and

a plan and moved forward.

never took my eyes off her.

A few days into the process,

Daddy was at work when he got the

however, something incredible

news, and he rushed to the hospital.

happened. My heart rate rock-

Medically speaking, there was little hope

eted, and back to the hospital I

for me, but Momma and Daddy started

went—again. My poor momma

praying, asking God to save me. Momma

and grandma were in the room

says when they ended their prayer, there

with me when all of a sudden,

was a bright light over me, and my oxygen

my heart stopped.

levels began to soar. God had breathed life back into me!

It was quite a scene when the nurse yelled, “Code blue!” Med-

The doctors rushed me into surgery,

ical personnel ran frantically

where they inserted a shunt into an artery

around me, but before anyone

in my arm. My condition improved. Back at

could do anything, I came back

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

reminders that I was anything but.

It took Amber 30 years to truly embrace her scars. They are a sign of strength and God's faithfulness.

Issue 02 / 2019

Keep living. Keep pressing forward. Keep dreaming. Their words and laughter pierced my heart in ways a doctor’s scalpel never could. There were many times that I just wanted to die. I remember telling my brother Dustin right before my third open-heart surgery that things would be so much better for everyone if I just died on the operating table. I felt like such a burden and an outcast. Boy, did he get upset with me. “Don’t you ever say that again!” he yelled. “Things would not be better if you weren’t here.” But I didn’t believe him. Suicidal thoughts found their way into my mind several times. Thankfully, I never acted on them. I did harm myself in other ways though— especially through my eating habits.

Kevin, Amber's husband, looks past her scars to see the real her.

I guess maybe I figured if I couldn’t control what happened inside my body, then

feeling normal again. On September 24,

has supplied one supernatural interven-

I could at least control what went in and

2011, Kevin and I were married. It was the

tion after another. He continues to breathe

out of it. Thankfully, Dustin recognized

happiest day of my life.

His life into me, and I am thankful, despite

my eating disorder and told my parents

A few years later, we bought our first

the trials and uncertainties.

about my struggle. They wrapped their

home and began pursuing our dream to

Maybe you’re in a trial right now. Maybe

arms around me, kept me accountable,

be parents through adoption—until a diag-

your future is uncertain. It’s okay—don’t

and helped me through it.

nosis of cardiac cirrhosis of the liver and

give up! God brings dead things back to

There’s one beautiful thing that came

possible liver cancer sidelined that dream.

life. He creates new things out of nothing

out of that time. God sent me a friend

As you can imagine, this really stretched

(Romans 4:17). It’s not over; nothing is im-

named Kevin. Unlike so many others, he

my faith. It was hard not to doubt God, not

possible. Look at me. I’ve lived longer than

looked past my scars to see the real me.

to ask Him why I always had to go through

anyone expected, and incredibly, my heart

We became close friends and eventually

so much. But God gently reminded me that

keeps getting stronger with every passing

started dating. Eight months later, we were

He had never yet failed to show His mirac-

year. The doctors are baffled!

engaged. Like any soon-to-be-bride, I went

ulous power in my life.

Keep living. Keep pressing forward.

into full wedding planning mode, but those

Kevin and I continue to cling to this truth

Keep dreaming. And keep surrounding

plans were interrupted when my heart

as we wait for our dream to be parents to

yourself with faith-filled people who will

rate dropped to dangerously low levels.

come to fruition. It’s been four years now.

spur you on and remind you of the beau-

This new problem required a pacemaker.

But you know what? My dream of being a

tiful possibilities you represent. Finally,

mommy keeps me strong.

refuse to listen to the voices of the world

I have to admit, I was tired of these painful, inconvenient medical interruptions.

Every day, Kevin and I pray for our baby

My future had always been so uncertain

and his or her birth mom, whoever she is.

that being a wife had seemed out of reach

We are already so thankful for her, and we

God has not left you to fight your bat-

for me. Now, the possibility of my wedding

don’t even know her yet! We trust that God,

tles alone. He never will. Give Him your

being postponed was crushing.

in His faithfulness and perfect timing, will

situation. Trust His heart for you and His

bring us together. And it will be an answer

timing. He is the God of miracles.

The medical staff told me this would be a simple procedure, so I decided to go ahead

As you’ve seen, my life has often been

er. Simple, it was not. I contracted a nasty

marked with pain, disappointment, and

infection that slowed my recovery, but by

uncertainty. And I’ve only shared a portion

the time our wedding date arrived, I was

of my story. But every step of the way, God

Issue 02 / 2019

that speak lies.

to both our prayers and hers.

and have it done sooner rather than lat-

and the voices within your own thoughts

AMBER WEST is a pre-K teacher’s assistant at a local elementary school. She enjoys cooking for her husband, reading, spending time with family, and singing for her Lord.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

Going Home BY ROY A. BORGES

WE’VE ALL BEEN IN SITUATIONS WHERE WE’VE longed to go home. As a prisoner, I know this desire all

Lord Jesus Christ lives. And we are eagerly waiting for him to return as our Savior” (Philippians 3:20).

too well. I’ve spent the last 30 years inside the Florida

In John 14:2–3, Jesus promised: “I am going to pre-

prison system, longing to go home. But nothing in my

pare a place for you. When everything is ready, I will

power can get me there.

come and get you, so that you will always be with me

As much as I’d like to walk through these doors, I

where I am.”

can’t. The door to my cell is electronically controlled. An

For believers, home is with Jesus in heaven. Once we

officer in the security booth opens it and turns on the

understand that—and that this life will pass away—we

light every morning at 4:30 a.m. Another officer locks

can concentrate on the eternal rather than the tempo-

the door and turns off the light each night. I can’t change

ral. Then, even if we’re in isolation, we can claim God’s

that, so I dream about home. In fact, I’ve yet to meet

peace to endure the trials and abuse we face. He sees

another person in prison who doesn’t want to go home.

it all, and we can trust Him with every moment, every

But prisoners aren’t alone in this longing. Every day,

situation, till the day He calls us home.

people who are isolated from their loved ones long to

Tonight, when my cell door is locked and the lights

return to their homes. A distant job, military service,

are turned off, I will sleep with joy in my heart. I know

school, sickness, or perhaps a broken relationship—it

Jesus is coming soon to take me home to be with Him,

doesn’t matter why, the longing is the same.

forever. Prison is not my home, and neither is this world.

Being away from home changes your perspective on

My home is in heaven where Jesus lives—and it can

life. The mundane acts I once took for granted—they’re

be your home, too. God offers heaven to anyone who

what I now cherish. Simply turning on a light or closing

believes in His Son. What you’ve done doesn’t matter.

a door has so much more meaning now! The reality and

Forgiveness is available through Jesus Christ.

restrictions of prison life have taught me to appreciate things I never noticed before.

I don’t know as much as I’d like to about heaven, but I do know whatever I go through, this life does not have

But for many, in prison or not, “home” is an illusion.

the last word. God has written the final chapter, and it

In a world full of selfishness and turmoil, home never

says: “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes,

existed. It’s a figment of imagination. We’ve sought after

and there shall be no more death or sorrow or crying

it, but we’ve never found it.

or pain” (Revelation 21:4).

I, however, have found a home—and it can never be taken away from me. It is real, and it is wonderful.

That promise makes going home very special and more wonderful than I can even imagine.

When I came to know Jesus as my personal Lord and Savior, home became a reality that transcends this galaxy. The apostle Paul wrote to the church in Philippi, a Roman colony: “We are citizens of heaven, where the

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

ROY A. BORGES writes about his life experiences from a prison cell in Florida. His stories have appeared in many Christian publications.

Issue 02 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

The Show Must Go On BY T I N O WA L L E N DA W I T H K R I S T I OV E RTO N J O H N S O N

The show must go on. For 200 years, the Great Wallendas have

PHOTO BY BRIAN CUMMINGS

lived by that creed. Eight generations of

scene that could have easily sidelined my

right up until the day he died. On March 22,

family as performers, had they not chosen

1978, Karl was doing a skywalk between

to persevere.

two buildings in Puerto Rico to promote a

Wallendas have traveled the world, per-

Then there was the time in 1962, when

six-week circus performance. Some of the

forming the greatest feats in circus history.

The Seven (our seven-person, three-tiered

ropes used to stabilize the wire were not

I’m one of them. I learned this commit-

pyramid) collapsed. The lead man on the

properly set, and by the time Karl got to the

ment from my mentor and grandfather,

pyramid was only five steps from the

middle of the wire, it had begun to waver.

Karl Wallenda, who through his coura-

platform when he cried out, “I can’t hold

There was a camera trained on him, so

geous example, taught me and my gen-

it any longer.” He fell, and a cascading

what happened next has been captured on

eration of our troupe that, if we’ve given

collapse followed as one performer after

film forever, a nightmare to live over and

our word to a circus manager or promised

the other lost control. My mother had to

over. Grandfather tried to right himself,

an audience a performance, then we will

watch as her husband, my stepfather, fell

but the oscillation of the wire was violent,

be there, and we will perform. We leave

to his death. Two members of our troupe

and in one terrible second, he lost his bal-

no room for excuses. This continues to

family died that night, my uncle Mario was

ance. He released the pole in an attempt to

be a matter of integrity and commitment,

paralyzed, and every other member of the

catch himself on the wire, but the momen-

though it is often easier said than done.

group was injured.

tum was too great, and he slipped quietly,

My family has faced tremendous tragedy

I was young, but I remember the phone

almost calmly, past the wire, and fell 120

over the years for the sake of the show, and

calls and the weeping reports that came

our commitment to the troupe and to the

during the night. But even so, the show

It would be hard to lose any grandfather,

audience has been greatly tested many

had to go on. So while the rest of The Seven

but to lose Karl Wallenda, the Great Wal-

times. For example, in 1944, the Great

were hospitalized, dead, or being treated,

lenda, the patriarch of our family and my

Wallendas were on the wire ready to per-

three members of the troupe returned to

mentor, in an accident that never should

form, when a fire broke out in a Ringling

the scene of the accident and courageously

have happened—it was unimaginable. I,

Brothers’ tent holding 7,000 people. No

walked the wire the very next day. One of

with all the Wallendas, went into shock. Yet

one knows where or how the fire started,

those men was my grandfather Karl, who,

once again, we had to get back on that wire

but the blaze spread quickly, killing 168

despite a cracked pelvis and double her-

and continue the show. We were scheduled

people and seriously injuring 400 more.

nia, had released himself from the hospital

for a performance that night, and we would

Had it not been for my family and other

to perform for the audience.

honor that commitment. Grandfather Karl

feet to his death.

circus performers guiding the frantic audi-

I remember my grandfather used to say,

ence out of the blazing tent, the loss would

“You do what you think is right, and then

This commitment to a show sounds cra-

have been even greater. It was a horrifying

you trust God.” And that’s what he did,

zy, I know. But it’s been said that “nothing

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

would have had it no other way.

Issue 02 / 2019

great was ever accomplished by a reason-

importantly, they knew that if the show

impossible and unreasonable to contin-

able man.” Combine that thought with “the

didn’t go on—if our troupe didn’t try again

ue on. Maybe someone has knocked you

show must go on,” and you have the Great

after setbacks—our lives would be forever

down. Maybe someone else’s error has

Wallendas. Sometimes we had to do “un-

defined by those moments of pain and fail-

cost you what was most precious to you.

reasonable” things to make it to the circus

ure. We’d be paralyzed by fear, and life as

Or maybe you yourself have made a mis-

ring and get up on that wire—including the

we knew it would be over. And we couldn’t

step. Whatever your situation, I tell you,

day we had to put our grandfather’s death

let that happen. So we pressed on.

the show must go on!

out of our minds (nearly impossible and

It was never easy to get back on that

I am so thankful that my family persevered through tragedy. What would my life be if the Great Wallendas had given

Have you ever considered how your choice to sit out on the show of life would impact the world? Your family, your children, your friends? Strangers who would miss out on the joy of seeing you use your gifts and talents?

up after the great fire of 1944 or the collapse of The Seven in 1962? What if we’d stopped performing after the awful death of my grandfather in 1978? Or what if we’d simply given in to the exhaustion the daily rigor of circus life brings? Generations of people would have been impacted. My own children’s lives would have been vastly different, not to mention the thousands of people worldwide who

certainly unreasonable) to show up to our

wire. We weren’t calloused people with

would have missed out on the joy of seeing

job and keep our word.

no feelings. Our grief was as real as any-

our family perform.

Maybe it was unreasonable, but this de-

one else’s. But we knew we couldn’t stay in

Have you ever considered how your

termination is what fueled the Great Wal-

our grief if we wanted to live, to reach our

choice to sit out on the show of life would

lendas through two centuries of success

potential. So we rallied around and pushed

impact the world? Your family, your chil-

in shows around the world. More impor-

one another to get back up and try again,

dren, your friends? Strangers who would

tantly, it’s what enables us to keep moving

even when it seemed unreasonable. It’s

miss out on the joy of seeing you use your

forward in the real show—the show of life.

what kept us all going.

gifts and talents? And what would be the

Yes, my grandfather and those before

That’s part of the reason I’m telling you

impact on your own life if you retreated

him continually pushed the Wallenda

my story today. Maybe you need some-

from the plans and purposes God has for

troupe to get back on the wire regardless

one to rally around you, to give you a little

you? There are so many good reasons to

of the challenges. Why? Because it was the

push that will get you back up and trying

get back up on life’s wire and press on.

right thing to do? Because they wanted us

again. Maybe like the Wallendas, you’ve

But how do you get up and continue the

to accomplish great feats? Yes, but more

experienced great tragedy, and it seems

show when you’ve been knocked down so

My Father Carries Me At one time or another, I have carried each of my children—Alida, Andrea, Aurelia, and Alessandro —on my shoulders as I’ve walked across the wire. It took care and precision to get them safely across, but the children weren’t responsible for that. I was. It was completely my responsibility to balance and support them. Wide-eyed, people would ask them, “Weren’t you scared?” “No,” they’d say. Inevitably, the next question was, “Why not?!”

Issue 02 / 2019

BY T I N O WA L L E N DA

And the answer always came, “Because that’s my father!” My children were confident that I had personally set up the rigging and taken care of every detail to be sure they would be safe. They knew that I loved them, and I wouldn’t let anything happen to them as we crossed the wire. Everything I know about my heavenly Father induces the same level of trust from me. I know that He loves me, and He will carry me safely across the chasm of life until I meet Him face to face.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Tino makes a sky walk at the 2014 Fair St. Louis in Forest Park.

hard, so many times? How do you continue

and I was proud of my accomplishments.

our first year as freelancers, we traveled

to move forward through intense seasons

But then one day, confronted with the

50,000 miles. Our first child was born. We

of loneliness, pain, and loss?

holiness of God, I finally understood the

continued working in a variety of circuses,

You reach for the hand of the One who

utter scoundrel I really was. In a blinding

including many in Canada. Then we found

will supernaturally lift you up and move

moment of truth, I realized that my heart

out we were expecting child number two. I

you forward, the hand that will steady you

was evil, and all that I had accomplished

worked hard to be a good husband, father,

when the trials of life try to knock you off

was rubbish in the sight of God. My heart

and provider for our family.

balance. You reach for the hand of God.

was full of pride, and I was self-reliant.

Our act was doing well, but we weren’t

For years, I refused that hand by refus-

Humbled, I prayed a simple prayer.

getting the audience reaction I had grown

ing to accept His Son, Jesus, into my life.

“Forgive me, Lord. I am a sinner.” My pride

accustomed to while performing with the

Many people had shared Jesus with me,

would no longer cause my eternal separa-

troupe. I was no longer one of the Great

but I would not accept Him as truth. I even

tion from God. On that day, I called on the

Wallendas, and I desperately wanted to

went out of my way to avoid the people I

name of Jesus and was welcomed into the

regain that former fame and glory. Several

knew were Christians. I took great pride

family of God (Acts 2:21).

years passed, and I didn’t see my career

in my self-sufficiency; I was one of “The

Life didn’t change much after that. I be-

Great Wallendas.” I was part of a 200-year

lieved in God now, but there wasn’t much

legacy of success, integrity, determination,

more to it. My trials were still there, so I

I know now that it wasn’t that God was

and commitment. Surely that was enough.

persevered as I’d always done, fueled by

absent or His power was failing. It was that

Why would I need God? Truthfully, I wasn’t

my strong conviction that the show must

I hadn’t made the same radical commit-

even sure I believed He was real, and I was

go on. But that would change about three

ment to the family of God that I’d made

too busy performing and being a husband

years after I married to my beautiful wife,

to the Wallenda family. I hadn’t given up

and father to four children to give it too

Olinka, also a circus performer.

my life to follow after Christ. I’d done that

much thought.

going anywhere. Worse, I didn’t sense the presence of God in my life at all.

When Olinka and I got married, we de-

for the show, but I wasn’t passionate for

I had worked hard my entire life to be a

cided to come out from under the Wallenda

Him like I was for my trade. As a result, I

person of excellence—a good, hardwork-

troupe to perform on our own. That proved

hadn’t experienced Him as I could have.

ing man who honored the Wallenda name,

to be more difficult than we’d expected. In

Yes, I had salvation, but I wasn’t living the

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

abundant life that John 10:10 promises.

and I wasn’t too excited about that. My

has saved me from disaster on the tight-

In despair, I found myself one day, on my

training was on the wire, not behind the

rope so many times in my career—but it

knees in the small bathroom of our house

microphone. But as I surrendered my fears

has also helped me in my day-to-day life.

trailer. I could finally see that my frustra-

to God and did what He asked me to do,

Hebrews 12:2 tells us to fix our eyes on

tion was the result of my refusal to give

He took my passion and began impacting

Jesus. When we make Him our primary

God control over my life. I was still holding

lives. No longer was my performance just

focal point, He brings us into balance. With

tightly to the controls, still determined to

a source of entertainment; it was a source

our eyes on Him, we can move steadily

be the one making things happen for my

of hope. Decades later, God is still using my

forward, all the way to the finish. Nothing

family and me.

life in ways I hadn't imagined.

can knock us off course if our eyes are un-

I cried out and told God that I wanted to

It’s been over 60 years since my first

surrender all of me to Him—even my life

performance with my grandfather Karl.

Does that mean life will be easy or that

as a performer. I was tired of trying to do

It’s been an adventure, for sure—one that

we will never fall or make mistakes? No,

things my way and in my own strength. If

I pray will continue until the day I meet

not at all. I’ve fallen many times, and I’m

He could use me, I said, I was ready. And

my Savior face to face. I will admit, it’s

sure I’ll continue to do so. Only Jesus is

in that moment, God became alive in me.

becoming more physically challenging

perfect. But I’ve learned that, as long as

His hand steadied me and gave me the

with time. My body isn’t what it used to

I’m willing to get up and concentrate again

balance and strength I needed to walk the

be, and I can’t do every trick on the wire

with Jesus as my focal point, He'll help me

wire of life.

that I used to do. And that’s frustrating. My

press on. Leaving the past and my fears be-

My relationship with Him grew stronger

mind sometimes tells me that it’s over, that

hind and looking ahead, I am always able

as I prayed, studied His Word daily, and

I won’t be able to do this much longer. But

to move forward (Philippians 3:12–14).

surrounded myself with other believers.

I choose to stay focused on Jesus. I know

The same thing can be true for you. Grab

The more I came to know Him, the more I

that He has given me these talents and

hold of Jesus’s hand. Accept His invitation

trusted Him with my life. I was finally able

abilities, and He has a plan, direction, and

to get back on the wire of life. He encourag-

to let go and let Him carry my burdens. I

purpose for their use.

es you that “the show must go on.” Let Him

was no longer doing life on my own. He was helping me, giving me His strength.

Staying focused on Jesus is the key, no matter who you are. It’s just like what my

And that’s when my life changed.

grandfather Karl taught me about walk-

Opportunities started coming in,

ing the wire. The most important thing he

chances to use the talent God had given

ever taught me was to put my focus on an

me for His glory, not mine. Many requests

unmoving point at the far end of the wire

were from churches and prisons, and

and never let my attention waver. Over and

they pushed me way out of my comfort

over again, he drilled into my thick skull

zone. These performances required me

the importance of maintaining my balance

to speak to the audience about my faith,

by focusing on this fixed point. That lesson

Issue 02 / 2019

waveringly trained on Him.

lead you—He’ll give you the strength to take one courageous step after another.

TINO WALLENDA and his wife, Olinka, are sixthgeneration circus performers. Their children and granddaughter continue the legacy as seventh- and eighth-generation performers. Today, Tino travels the world sharing his faith through his passion for the wire. His book, Walking the Straight and Narrow: Lessons in Faith from the High Wire, can be purchased online.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

PHOTO BY ROBERT BULLIVANT

I cried out to God. I was tired of trying to do things my way and in my own strength. If He could use me, I was ready. And in that moment, God became alive in me. His hand steadied me and gave me the balance and strength I needed to walk the wire of life.

STEPPING FORWARD

JUST STAY C ALM BY LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH

YOU KNOW THAT MOMENT WHEN

The Egyptian army chased after the

I plead Jesus’s blood over my mind and

you’re feeling overwhelmed or afraid, and

Israelites, right down into that dry path

speak His Word over my situation, I will

someone says to you, “Just stay calm”?

through the seabed, but then things got

emerge victorious every time.

Ugh! It’s hard to “just stay calm” when

bad. God started fighting for the Israelites

When fear arises, I flood it with a wave

you’re in the middle of a crisis. Maybe

by bringing confusion to their enemy. He

of the blood and the Word. I pray through

that’s where you are right now. Or maybe

even twisted their chariot wheels till they

2 Timothy 1:7: “Father, You have not given

you’re caught in another round of pain-

fell off! Even the Egyptians recognized God

me a spirit of fear or anxiety, of pressure

ful thoughts that no one but you and God

was in the battle. Exodus 14:25 says they

or torment. You, my Jesus, have given me

know about. It’s easy to tell someone to

began shouting, “Let’s get out of here—

the spirit of power, of love, and of a sound

stay calm, but how do we do it in the mid-

away from these Israelites!… The Lord is

and peaceful mind. I will remain calm,

dle of the battle? How do we give God’s

fighting for them against Egypt!”

because I know that You are fighting for

peace room to invade our hearts and minds when chaos is running rampant?

But they didn’t get out in time. Once the Israelites had reached the other side

me!” And every time, those out-of-control thoughts diminish.

The Israelites were caught in this dilem-

safely, the Lord released the water. In mo-

I refuse to allow negative thoughts to

ma. In Exodus 14, we find them trapped

ments, it rushed over the Egyptians, and

control my life. Proverbs 23:7 NKJV says,

by the Red Sea, with the Egyptian army

the enemy army drowned.

“As [a man] thinks in his heart, so is he.”

quickly closing in. On the brink of sure di-

Remember what Moses said: “The Lord

I also refuse to allow my words to defeat

saster, their leader Moses says, “The Lord

will fight for you, just stay calm.” His words

me. Proverbs 18:21 says, “The tongue can

himself will fight for you. Just stay calm”

hold a vital truth to living a victorious life:

bring death or life; those who love to talk

(Exodus 14:14).

No matter what we face, we can trust that

will reap the consequences.”

I can imagine their response. “Really?

God is fighting for us. He will provide a way

What we tell ourselves is vital to claim-

The Red Sea is in front of us, mountains

out. When we know that, we can stay calm.

ing the calmness and peace that Jesus’s

surround us, and the enemy we just es-

It won’t be easy. Anxious thoughts will re-

blood and His Word offer. Choose to fill

caped from is breathing down our necks,

mind us of painful past experience. Fear

your heart and thoughts with the unlim-

ready to enslave us again. And you want

will try to convince us there’s no way out,

ited power of God’s Word. Cover your

us to stay calm?!”

that all hope is gone. But we know better.

mind with His blood. Like a flood, they will

But Moses knew there was no reason

I’ve asked the Lord to help me defeat

drown out every anxious thought, so you

to panic; he trusted God’s heart for His

those painful thoughts, to drown them just

can rest in the truth that God is fighting

people. So in faith, he stretched out the

like He drowned the Egyptians. He showed

on your behalf. Stay calm!

rod in his hand over the sea as God had

me that the Red Sea represents the cleans-

instructed…and just like that, God parted

ing power of the blood of Jesus Christ. That

the Red Sea, creating a dry path for 3.5

precious blood can defeat every thought

million Israelites to cross safely over.

or enemy that comes against me. When

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH is the VL Prison Correspondence Director. She is passionate about the Lord and leading others to Him.

Issue 02 / 2019

A CHANCE WORTH TAKING I was born a Hindu and worshiped my Hindu gods. BY D E E PA S U K U M A R

My family didn’t discuss other religions. When Christians came to our home, we listened to them sweetly but ignored what they said. I went to a Catholic school. We sang songs about Jesus, but I had no clue what those songs meant. No one shared the gospel of Jesus with me during those years. I did, however, feel a sweet presence of the Lord there. In fact, it brought me much needed peace. As a young child, I worried and was always anxious. Hopelessness and fear hovered over me, threatening to consume me. My father’s family had a strong history of suicide. My grandfather committed suicide, and we suspect my grandmother also ended her own life. My aunt, my father’s sister, committed suicide in her twenties as well. It’s hard to explain the dark oppression that would settle over me. I never told my parents or anyone else. No one talked about deep matters like these in India, especially a girl. My saving grace was school. I loved to read and immersed myself in my studies. I was an excellent student. The schoolwork gave me something else to focus on other than my fear and the darkness. But my success in school kept anyone from suspecting anything was wrong. I kept my struggles hidden very well. Looking back, I am certain that the prayers of the nuns provided me with a strong spiritual covering at my Catholic school. Without that, the darkness would surely have overtaken me. In India, students typically finish high school at age 17 and go straight into their respective fields. I went into medical

Issue 02 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

school. While there, multiple layers of dark clouds hov-

to end my life.” And I meant it. I knew exactly how and

ered over me. Anxiety, fear, and panic ran amok inside

when I would do it. I was only 22 years old, but I carried

my mind. I was tormented by worry day and night. I

the weight of the world on my shoulders. I had no will

fought back the only way I knew how, by immersing

to live any longer.

myself in my studies. Once again, I excelled in school

The next morning when Rohini saw me, she said the

and no one suspected anything was wrong, but inside,

color was drained entirely from my face. She quietly

I was being torn apart. I desperately needed hope, un-

took me to the chapel and read to me from the Bible.

conditional love, peace, and stability.

I sat there helpless and hopeless and finally listened.

Something significant happened in my third year

She turned to Hebrews 13:5 and read, “I will never

at medical school. I needed advice, so I spoke with a

leave you; I will never abandon you” (GNT). The Word of

peer named Dominic, who happened to be a born-again

God seemed to jump off the page and straight into my

Christian. Dominic listened to me, shared a few things,

heart. Instantly, the spirits of oppression and suicide

and we went our separate ways. But the next day, he

left me. The light had overcome the darkness!

returned to school and told me he had been unable to

Rohini could see the transformation as the expression

sleep that night. He said God had told him to tell me

on my face changed completely. Being science-oriented,

that I was His (God’s) daughter, and that he (Dominic)

I knew things like this didn’t just happen. I knew I had

needed to tell me about Jesus.

experienced a supernatural, divine encounter with God.

I was very uncomfortable during that conversation

I finally understood that Jesus was God.

but listened just as politely as I would have done as a

Jesus had revealed Himself to me through His pow-

child. My discomfort, I know now, was the darkness

erful Word. I walked out of the hospital that day feeling

within me shunning the light of Jesus. Those dark forces

tall and unashamed. All the weight I had carried had

didn’t want me to hear anything Dominic had to say

lifted from my shoulders.

about his Jesus. I didn’t speak much to Dominic after that because I did not want him or anyone else talking to me about

I felt a divine embrace as God whispered to my heart a promise that He would always take care of me. I no longer needed to be afraid or fear the future.

Jesus. But around the same time, Rohini, a good friend

It has been 20 years since I accepted Jesus as my

of mine who was also Hindu, accepted Jesus as her

personal Lord and Savior. It’s been a daily journey of

Lord and Savior.

renewing my mind and learning to follow Him com-

Rohini showed me unconditional love. She cared

pletely. To this day, God has kept His promise. Not only

for me without expecting anything in return. This was

has He met every need, but also every one of my deepest

very different from anything I had experienced before.

longings and desires that have lined up with His will.

Love had always been conditional. If I did well in school,

My heavenly Father has blessed me more than I can

my family accepted me. If I said the right things and

ask or imagine in every way.

acted certain ways, my friends accepted me. If I didn’t, I expected to be rejected. Christ’s love shone brightly through Rohini and sought to draw me close, but I would not surrender to

I don’t know where you are in your faith. Maybe you’re still unsure about Jesus. Maybe you’ve heard about Him, but like me, you’ve refused to accept Him as truth. I challenge you to give Jesus a chance.

His love. I was so stubborn and set in my ways. I would

Let Him into your life; give Him just a little bit of

go to the chapel and Christian bookstores with her, but

space in your heart. He will gladly take it. His relent-

still, I refused to accept for myself what I heard about

less love will break down every wall and flood you with

Jesus. I refused to read the Bible or even look at any

His peace. His truth will expose every lie of the enemy

Christian books. My heart was so hard, but thankfully,

and drive out those fearful and anxious thoughts. His

Christ was breaking through, bit by bit.

love will wholly consume you and change you from

My rejection of Jesus took a toll and left me vulnerable to the darkness. My depression, oppression, and

the inside out. It’s a chance worth taking.

anxiety grew worse every day. I felt hopeless. One December night in 1997, I was on call at the hospital. Exhausted and in complete despair, I looked toward the ceiling and said, “If there is any power up there that can help me, then help me. If not, I am going

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

DEEPA SUKUMAR came to the US in 2001 and completed her residency in pediatrics. Today, she resides in Florida. Deepa ministers to children and parents through her medical expertise and by sharing the saving grace of her Lord Jesus Christ.

Issue 02 / 2019

FROM DEATH ROW

to the

FRONT ROW

happen, then I wouldn’t have to be disappointed. That’s how I’d been raised. I was sentenced to die in Florida’s electric chair in 1984. The devil had me right where he wanted me. I was living under BY JA M E S F L OY D

a death sentence, totally disillusioned, afraid, angry, and isolated. Like the serpent he is, Satan had wrapped his lies of hopelessness around my mind and was

Growing up with six siblings in an abu-

a deep lack of love and abundance of pain?

sive home, I always thought it was strange

Without love and a support system, I

When I arrived at Florida State Prison,

when Mom would tell us on Sunday morn-

buckled under peer pressure. I turned to

I knew I’d reached my burial ground. The

ings to get up and get ready for church.

the streets to find purpose and a place to

mere sight of that place filled me with fear,

She’d act like everything was okay, but

belong. I used drugs and rebelled against

and it intensified as I saw the faces of the

the truth was, everything was crumbling

authority. I was already on a fast track to

condemned prisoners that lined the nar-

around us. There was a wolf in our house—

destruction.

row way to my 6' x 9' cell.

my father.

suffocating the very life out of me.

At 23 years old, I found myself in a

I developed a friendship with the man

So I would go to church and listen to the

courtroom, on trial for first-degree mur-

in the cell next to me, but he was execut-

preacher tell me how God is good and that

der. My father had always told me I would

ed six months later. His death amplified

He had a plan for my life. But my ears were

never amount to anything—I guessed he

my despair. Again I asked myself, “What’s

closed to hearing anything about Him.

was right. Much to my attorney’s dismay,

the use of fighting?” Death was all around.

Why would a God who was good allow my

I saw no reason to fight the charges. I fig-

How do you fight death?

mom, siblings, and me to experience such

ured if I didn’t expect anything good to

Issue 02 / 2019

I grasped at anything to help me over-

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

come my despair. Drugs didn’t help. I turned to Islam and lived as a Muslim for 17 years, but that didn’t help either. I was the most righteous Muslim on that death row—but I didn’t realize I was filled with the very spirit God was against. The spirit that denies Jesus Christ. In 1994, a young lawyer fresh out of law school took on my appeal. We became close, much beyond a normal lawyer and client relationship. Seeing I had no support system, he introduced me to his parents, and William and Nan became the loving parents I’d never had. They visited

James and VL publisher, Kristi Overton Johnson, at a recent leadership conference at Marion Correctional Institution. Lifers and other inmates like James are impacting lives for God while behind bars.

faithfully and loved me like a son. At every visit, Nan would tell me, “God loves you,

had left me without peace. Maybe Jesus

hands—but I do have freedom of the soul.

James.” She was a Christian; I was a Mus-

would bring me His peace and take my

God has delivered me from death row and

lim. We were on opposite ends of the re-

pain away.

brought me to the front row of His king-

ligious spectrum, and I stood my ground.

I confessed this desire to Hannah, and

But in 1998, that ground was shaken

on February 4, 2001, in that small cell, I

It’s humbling that God would save me,

when God sent me a woman from thou-

asked Jesus to come into my life and rule

a condemned man. That He would send

sands of miles away. Hannah was from

as my Lord and Savior. In that moment,

someone from across the world to reveal

Denmark, and this is how we met.

the Prince of Peace invaded my darkness

His love to me. And not only that, but now

and made me whole. I experienced what

He chooses to use my life to reach others.

Some people from Denmark were visit-

dom. Every day is an adventure.

ing another inmate on death row. Meeting me, they asked if I’d like a pen pal from their country. I agreed. So when they re-

MY YEARS OF FOLLOWING MUHAMMAD HAD

turned to home, they placed an ad in their

LEFT ME WITHOUT PEACE. MAYBE JESUS WOULD

local newspaper with my story, asking for a pen pal for me. Hannah found the ad.

BRING ME PEACE AND TAKE AWAY MY PAIN.

Sitting at her kitchen table, she sensed the Holy Spirit saying, “Go to that con-

John 8:36 says, “If the Son sets you free,

Every day, I get to help young men behind

demned man.” Six months later, she left her

you will be free indeed.” Jesus freed me

prison bars find peace, purpose, and worth

job, family, and home and came to visit me

from my pain.

through their own relationship with Jesus.

on Florida’s death row. When I asked her

I was freed from death row four years

You know, a death sentence isn’t always

why she'd come, her reply was simple: “My

later on January 17, 2006, when my death

an actual sentence like mine. Sometimes,

Jesus loves James.”

sentence was overturned to a life sentence

it’s a situation, a relationship, a religion, a

“My Jesus.” She always referred to Him

with parole. I am thankful for all those who

prognosis, or even a job that’s suffocating

in such a personal way. I didn’t get it, but

prayed for me and stood by me, and for the

the very life out of you. Listen—you don’t

I could tell He was incredibly real to her.

lawyers who diligently fought for me. But

have to stay there. You can find freedom

I am most thankful for Jesus.

in Jesus Christ.

For years, Hannah visited me. Every time, she shared the Word of God and

For 22 years, I had been waiting to die,

Surrender to Him and let him deliver

displayed unconditional, Christlike love.

but God had other plans. He not only gave

you from your bondage, no matter what

Yet I refused to receive it. Why did I need

me eternal life, but another chance at life

it is. He will bring peace to your mind and

her Jesus when I had Muhammad? She

here on earth. John 10:10 says, “The thief

move you from death row to the front row,

would smile and say, “My Jesus rose from

does not come except to steal, and to kill,

where life begins.

the grave just for you, James.”

and to destroy. I have come that they may

She was so consistent in her faith and kindness toward me. Finally, one day,

have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (NKJV).

God’s grace opened my eyes to His love. He

Today, I am living an abundant life

drew me to Himself (John 6:44). I realized

behind prison bars. I may not have my

that all my years of following Muhammad

physical freedom—I have put that in God’s

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

JAMES FLOYD is currently serving a life sentence in the Florida Department of Corrections. He mentors incarcerated young men through Xtreme SOULutions, a Florida based nonprofit that helps inmates and their families build strong futures and break the cycle of recidivism and poverty.

Issue 02 / 2019

BY M I C H A E L D I XO N

Issue 02 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

I am not a victim, nor do I blame anyone for the choices I have made. I was an adolescent in pain, empty in-

and smoking, growing, and selling mari-

yard. I could have died that night, but my

side, and struggling to find my place in

juana. By 17, I had already been arrested

friends and I were oblivious to the dangers

this world. My heart was screaming out

for driving under the influence and other

we were continually inviting. My life was

for someone to just love me, to affirm that

crimes. Then I totaled my brother’s car.

out of control.

I had value.

Fifteen accumulated traffic violations

I wish I could tell you that this event con-

sealed my fate as a judge revoked my driv-

vinced me to get help, but it didn’t. There

ing privileges—but I didn’t care.

were many times over those years of drug

Into my starving existence, the devil brought a twisted, perverted, and drugaddicted uncle who eagerly introduced

The overwhelming darkness in my life

and alcohol abuse that I promised myself

me to a devastating lifestyle of drugs and

threatened to consume my very existence.

I was going to change; that I’d turn over a

dangerous sexual activity. He sex-

new leaf and become a better per-

ually molested me beginning in my

son. Yet so many mornings I awoke

preteen years and for several years

with a hangover, filled with regret

after. That uncle has since died due to his self-destructive lifestyle. Satan actively sought to destroy my life, using not only my uncle but others who were willing to supply me with alcohol and drugs in exchange for sexual interaction. The strange truth is that, as a teen, I felt drawn toward my abusive

GUILT AND SHAME WOULD HAVE

HOUNDED ME TO MY GRAVE, HAD GOD

NOT INTERVENED.

different. For a day or two, I’d try to be a better person, but before long, I would find myself right back at it, pursuing my old habits. I so desperately wanted everyone to just leave me alone. I didn’t want to be told what to do or not do. I wanted my parents to get off my

uncle. Looking back, the attraction

back, and I wanted the police to give

seems almost demonic. He took in-

me a break.

terest in me. He had time for me. The result was not a good one.

PHOTO BY GERI SIMPKINS

and shame, longing for my life to be

At 19, I saw a way out from under At a friend’s home one evening, I stole

my dad’s authority. I married a childhood

I told no one because of the shame it

half a bottle of his mother’s Valium. That

sweetheart. Her father signed for us to get

brought me. The secret pain I hid followed

night, I ingested 15 of those pills, not re-

married—she was only 15. I left my par-

me long after the abuse ended. The drugs

ally caring if I ever woke up again. The

ents’ home and moved in with my in-laws.

and alcohol that were also part of my life

next thing I knew, it was 20 hours later,

I thought this relationship would provide

added to my shame. Indeed, guilt and

and I was facing my frustrated, devastat-

the peace and love I was searching for,

shame would have hounded me to my

ed mother and my thoroughly enraged

but it didn't. Life continued as usual—one

grave, had God not intervened.

father who was threatening to send me

hangover after another.

The pain and anger inside grew like a

away to a reform school.

I was 22 when I hit rock bottom. My wife

raging wildfire. I was in trouble at school,

I couldn’t remember how I’d made it

took our child and left. Our marriage was

in trouble with the police, and at odds with

home or what I had done. I later learned

over, and my life was in shambles. The

my parents. At 16, I was huffing industrial

that my “friends” had loaded me into the

hopelessness in my heart plunged me into

chemicals, stealing and abusing Valium,

trunk of a car and dumped me in my front

a very dark place, and I began using drugs

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

JESUS DID NOT DIE JUST SO YOUR SINS COULD BE FORGIVEN, BUT

SO THAT YOU CAN BE VICTORIOUS

ON THIS SIDE OF HEAVEN TOO. HE DIED TO SET YOU FREE.

received forgiveness we had not thought possible. My soul filled with an overwhelming presence of love and peace and hope. The immense burden I had carried for so long was gone. I rose to my feet, knowing I had been made new. I had new power to change, new power to love, and new power to forgive. I had God’s power now, and I could do what I had failed so many times on my own to accomplish. Since that night in 1988, I have not turned back. What made the difference between that night and all the other times that I had attempted to change? God. What can make the difference for you? God. That night, I was no longer looking to my own strength and self-discipline to implement change. I had finally realized that my strength was not enough. I was ready to rely upon the God who was at work within me. My eyes were open to the eternal impact of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The apostle Paul, a murderer himself, encountered this amazing power of the gospel, and like mine, his life was forever changed. As Paul said in Romans 1:16, “I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it to everyone who believes” (NIV). Power, available to everyone who believes! And all you have to do to receive it is call upon the name of Jesus (Romans 10:13). When you invite His power into your life, all of heaven’s armies come to your aid. Jesus did not die just so your sins could be forgiven, but so that you can be victori-

in a way I had promised myself I never

to unfold His plan right before our eyes.

would—shooting up cocaine intravenously.

Melissa and I knew we needed a power

I was hurt and more confused and lonely

beyond ourselves to heal our hearts and

than ever before.

ous on this side of heaven too. He died to set you free—you don’t have to be enslaved to anything, not for one moment more.

to save our marriage. My mother had been

The gospel of Jesus Christ is a soul-

Into this painful existence, God sent a

urging us to visit her church, so we showed

saving, life-changing, eternally transform-

special woman, Melissa. We were married

up for a midweek prayer meeting. It was

ing power that is ready to go to work for

in 1986, but within two years, our mar-

there that God’s Spirit broke through the

you. Receive it now and let the power of

riage was in trouble. My substance abuse

hardness of our hearts. Melissa and I knelt

the gospel transform and heal every part

had not abated, and we were struggling to

together at the altar in brokenness and

of your life. God has no favorites. What He

keep it all together. And then God began

surrendered our lives to Jesus. There we

did for me, He will do for you.

MICHAEL DIXON has walked with Jesus for 30 years, helping others find freedom from addiction and pain. He serves as the senior pastor at Oakdale Baptist Church in Rocky Mount, NC, and leads an addiction recovery ministry called LIFE (Living in Freedom Everyday). Pastor Dixon’s book, Casting Down Idols through the Power of the Gospel, is available through Amazon.com and other online bookstores.

Issue 02 / 2019

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

PHOTO BY GERI SIMPKINS

is the power of God that brings salvation

STEPPING FORWARD

WHAT NOW, LO RD? BY MANDI STEWART

“WHAT NOW, LORD? What am I sup-

I realized that, in my pride, I was trying to

I ask from a place of humility, with a per-

posed to do next?” These questions wound

do enough to redeem the sins of my past.

spective that’s anchored in God’s promises

their way through the chaos and confusion

Finally, in surrender, I turned to my

and a purpose of knowing better the One

that swirled inside me. Another nothing

heavenly Father. I gave Him my pride,

who loves, protects, and guides me. I don’t

day. My back hit the bed. I was exhaust-

self-sufficiency, and all my self-promoting

have to fill my days with endless striving—

ed, empty, and hopeless. Through tears,

works. I can’t say that I was immediately

and neither do you.

I watched the ceiling fan spin endlessly

delivered of my works-based mindset—

Have you reached your limit? Do you

around as I waited for the numbness and

it’s a decade later, and I’m still a work in

feel broken and empty? Are you seeking

mindless feelings to pass.

progress—but my life changed that night.

wisdom for your next life decision? Are

I was unmarried, in my midtwenties,

But I do know there is a Savior greater

living on my own, and following Jesus the

than the one I so often strive to be, and

best I knew how. But I just felt broken. I

He loves me.

you crying out, “What now, Lord?” If you are, don’t worry—this is a great place to be! The fact that you are asking

was tired of scattered life pursuits, people

Salvation is a gift of God, through His

is evidence that Jesus is drawing you into

pleasing, and broken relationships. My in-

Son, Jesus Christ. Ephesians 2:8–9 ESV

a deeper understanding of His love. It’s a

ability to make things happen challenged

says, “For by grace you have been saved

love you don’t have to earn or work to keep.

every ounce of pride left in me.

through faith. And this is not your own

All you have to do is receive.

So there I was, undone and desperately

doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of

Jesus says, “Come to me, all who labor

needing God to answer these questions.

works, so that no one may boast.” We can-

and are heavy laden, and I will give you

In silent weariness, I waited. And finally,

not keep our salvation by our good works;

rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn

in that stillness, God showed me what I

nor can we undo it by our sin.

from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart,

had not seen.

We live in fellowship with Him only be-

and you will find rest for your souls. For

A works-based faith had consumed ev-

cause of His grace and our faith in what

my yoke is easy, and my burden is light”

ery area of my life. In my zeal to make sure

Jesus did for us on the cross. Jesus died

(Matthew 11:28–30 ESV).

other people knew Him, I was missing the

so we could have forgiveness of sin and

Your heavenly Father sees you. He hears

life-changing work He was endeavoring

eternal life, and He offers us an earthly life

you. Rest, trust, wait. Lay aside your striv-

to do in me. I was striving to do so much

that we can enjoy, both with and for Him

ing and remember His faithfulness to you.

for God that I was missing the greatest

(Hebrews 11:6; John 3:16; John 10:10).

For His glory and your good, He will an-

treasure—the presence of Jesus Himself.

I still ask, “What now, Lord?” But today,

swer you. Listen and learn from Him. MANDI STEWART is the executive director at Hope of Glory Ministries, an organization that empowers families toward spiritual and financial freedom in Christ. She is surrendered to the call of wife, mother, and leader in this world until that glorious day when Christ returns.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

STEPPING FORWARD

This little girl had never been in a stable family setting with a mom and a dad, or really of any sort. That struck me to the core. What I had grown up with and was passing on to my

The world is full of people looking for hope, and the hope you carry in you is the answer they are looking for. children, she did not know. I noticed though, that she wasn’t sorrowful over what she hadn’t been experiencing—she was smiling because now she had seen it, and now she knew it was something possible for her. We hadn’t realized it, but while we were bringing her into our

Giving Faith Hope

home, we had been filling in that which was missing in her life. We had given Faith hope. Hope for her future. Hope that she could have a family. Hope that a mom and a dad could stay together. Hope that life could be shared with the ones she loved. Not long after, Faith moved away, and we never heard from her again. I sometimes wonder how her life has turned out. I pray that she has found the happiness she longed for, the family she wanted, and peace. I thank God that He brought that little girl into our home for those few months, and I thank Him for the

BY MICHAEL CLARK

lessons I learned from her. I pray that our lives and our trust in God has had a lasting effect on her and that she is walking in the love and freedom that Jesus can provide.

WHEN OUR MIDDLE DAUGHTER WAS IN GRADE SCHOOL,

One of the most powerful things we can do is faithfully show

she often invited friends from school over to our home to play.

the love of Jesus to the people around us. It leads them to hope,

These kids came from different walks of life and family situa-

because Jesus is the God of hope. Often as Christians, we’d rather

tions. My wife and I did our best to make them feel welcomed

give someone a sermon than a part of ourselves. But sometimes,

and loved, and it blessed us to see the children respond with

sharing a sermon before we bother to know someone and their

warmth and happiness.

needs isn’t the wisest thing to do.

One day, our daughter asked if her friend Faith could come

Jesus didn’t always start off with sharing His good news either.

and play. We said yes, and soon Faith was coming regularly to

He understood that people are not all the same, and while some

our house. She lived nearby with her grandmother. We quickly

are ready to hear about the gospel of Jesus Christ, others must

learned that Faith’s parents were incarcerated.

be lovingly led to it. The old saying “People don’t care what you

Faith sometimes came for sleepovers and often went to church

have to say until they see how much you care” fits here.

with us. She was always sweet and respectful, and our family

The world is full of people looking for hope, and the hope

enjoyed having her around. She ate with us, played with us, and

you carry in you is the answer that they are looking for. Share a

participated in our family activities.

part of yourself today and watch as it impacts lives in ways you

One evening when she was at our house, I told her that we en-

never dreamed.

joyed having her around. She said something that both blessed me and broke my heart. “I like coming here, Mr. Clark,” she said. “I never saw a mom and dad together before. Now I know what a family is like, and I like it.”

Issue 02 / 2019

MICHAEL CLARK is a minister and author who thrives on sharing hope from God’s Word to help others know God and experience His presence in their lives. Learn more at MichaelClarkMinistries.org.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

TR ANSFORMED LIVES

There Is Something Better BY KITTIE

MY PARENTS DIVORCED

At 23, I was arrested and giv-

a friend’s house, then ran a

of other residents, I decided

when I was three, and I went

en a felony conviction. My first

stop sign. The police followed

to make a total commitment

to live with my dad. For a while,

day in jail, I received a Bible

him home and found his house

to Christ. As I came into rela-

things were pretty good, but

and, without anything else to

full of stolen goods. He was

tionship with Him, He washed

another failed relationship

do, I began to read. There I sat,

sentenced to seven years in a

away the guilt of my past. I

brought him to depression,

in my cell, wondering if Jesus

federal prison.

learned about His grace and

and he began to drink.

could really help someone like

But somehow, I knew it was

how to forgive myself. And I

The more my dad drank, the

me. And then I heard a voice

more than coincidence that I

finally learned to let go of my

more my personality turned in-

inside that said, “There’s a plan

wasn’t with him that day he was

codependent relationships.

ward. I began making friends

and purpose for your life, and it’s

arrested.

with the wrong crowd and was

so much better than what you’ve

I woke up one morning after

at life. He helped me learn who

kicked out of school in the sev-

been doing. If you turn it over to

a long drug binge and knew I

I really was and taught me to

enth grade. I started smoking

Me, I will do what I desire, but you

was done. I grabbed my phone

love myself. The people He’d

marijuana at 13, and at 16, I be-

have to let it all go.”

and called my cousin who had

put in my life helped me break

God gave me another chance

came pregnant. I didn’t think I

I didn’t know what to think,

been encouraging me to apply

free from the shame of my past

could tell anyone, so I decided

but I kept reading. I was glad

to a Christian residential pro-

and encouraged me to believe

to have an abortion.

to have that Bible—it brought

gram called Mercy Multiplied.

I could be the person God had

The emotional pain from

me peace despite the fights and

When I arrived at Mercy in

the abortion drove me to

disunity that surrounded me.

2014, I hated myself. I was dis-

harder drugs, and by the time

I spent seven months in

gusted with who I was and the

I was 18, I was fully an addict.

prison, but as soon as I was

life that I had allowed myself

I don’t know what’s in your

I soon found myself pregnant

released, I went back to my

to live for so long. I carried a

past, but I do know that, no

and again chose abortion. All I

old habits. I moved in with a

lot of guilt and shame. I didn’t

matter what, God can restore

cared about was staying high.

prominent drug dealer, just

know how to interact well with

your life and bring healing to

The trauma from my second

to supply my habit and get off

people and felt very inferior.

your deepest wounds. I am liv-

abortion threw me headlong

the streets. I was surrounded

Seeing the transformation

into a full-blown heroin and

by crime and abusive behavior.

God was making in the lives

methamphetamine addiction,

I wanted to be sober, but I had

and for the next four years, I

nowhere else to go. Life just

committed crimes to feed my

seemed hopeless.

habit. Desperate, I began working as an escort.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

One day, the drug dealer I lived with dropped me off at

created me to be. I now have a future I never thought I was worthy of.

ing proof that He can transform a broken life.

KITTIE helps people find freedom from their past and embrace the life God has for them. She and her husband run a men’s Teen Challenge facility, and she is currently pursuing a degree in psychology. You can read more of Kittie’s and other stories of transformation in Nancy Alcorn’s new book, Treatment or Transformation, available at MercyMultiplied.com or at Amazon.com.

Issue 02 / 2019

STEPPING FORWARD

Going Green in All the Wrong Places BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON

I looked down and was shocked to see

he said, my toe would be as good as new.

nasty green gunk beneath my toenail. I

I began following Dr. Tim’s orders, but

looked at the nail technician and quickly

after many months of treatment, the in-

said, “Paint it!”

fection remained. I finally went to a real

I didn’t want anyone to see this nasty

doctor, who prescribed medicine to fight

imperfection, nor did I want to face it. I

the infection that was now affecting other

don’t mind “going green” in the environ-

areas of my body. This fungus, I learned,

I sat next to my daughter at a nail salon one

mental sense, but this going green was not

couldn’t be cured externally; it had to be

day, my relaxing pedicure was suddenly

on my agenda.

treated from the inside. I took that medi-

interrupted by a stabbing pain in my big

Within weeks, my toe was really hurting.

cine for a year. It was a long journey, but I

toe. I laid my magazine aside and looked

It was feverishly warm and swollen. Realiz-

am now happy to announce that my toe is

down at the lady kneeling at my feet. To my

ing the seriousness of any infection, I knew

finally free of both pain and fungus.

horror, she pronounced loudly in broken

it was time to deal with my toe. So, off to

I can hear you thinking, “Why in the

English, “You have fungus.”

the internet I went, searching for a quick

world would you share this story?” I prom-

“I have what?”

fungal cure. My husband Tim, honorary

ise, there’s a lesson in my fungus, and it’s

“Fungus,” she repeated as she held up

doctor, helped me.

a good one, so stick with me.

my foot and shared her discovery with

The first thing Dr. Tim discovered was

When I think about my toe, I remem-

the nail technician three chairs down. Of

that I needed to remove the paint. Reluc-

ber a little song from when I was a kid in

course, everyone else in the salon heard

tantly, I bent over and started wiping off

Sunday school. “Oh, be careful, little feet

the news too. It was not my finest moment.

my beautiful red paint. Tim remained

where you go.” Maybe if I had been careful

brave as the green was exposed.

where my feet had gone, I wouldn’t have

My toe had been hurting for months. In fact, it had been sore since the last pedi-

Next, he told me to blow-dry my toe and

cure I’d received months earlier in anoth-

then alternate between soaking it in a bowl

er town. I’d thought perhaps I’d injured it

of Clorox and a bowl of vinegar. If I did this

I’m also reminded of Galatians 5:9: “A

somehow, but now the cause was revealed.

faithfully every day for several months,

little yeast…spreads through the whole

Issue 02 / 2019

come home with a fungal infection from a nasty nail salon tub!

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

STEPPING FORWARD

batch of dough.” A little fungal growth

in His Word and through the promptings

had worked its way into my toenail, but

of His Holy Spirit.

ultimately it negatively affected my entire

Only God’s directives can heal the infec-

being. My toe throbbed and caused pain

tions of sin we harbor, because only God

with every step I took. Fungal infections

can heal us from the inside out.

took hold in other areas of my body too.

I’ll warn you—this process will require

That’s what happens when God’s chil-

cooperation and commitment. The pro-

dren don’t carefully guard their thoughts,

cess can be painful, lengthy, and humbling

emotions, words, relationships, habits, or

as it exposes hidden things and reveals our

activities. They allow the infection of sin

true selves. But it’s worth it, because in

to come into their lives, and before long,

the end, our lives will be beautiful, whole,

it affects every area.

and victorious.

Many things can open the door to in-

Once God heals us, it’s our responsibility

fection of the soul. One of them is anger.

to protect ourselves from being contami-

According to Ephesians 4:26–27, we

nated again. We must be mindful of where

shouldn’t let the sun go down while we’re

our feet go, where our minds wander,

still angry, because “anger gives a foothold

where our eyes gaze, and ears bend. We

to the devil.” Staying mad even one day can

must guard the words our mouths speak

make a way for destruction to come into

too. We can do this by soaking our lives in

our lives. Unforgiveness can adversely af-

alternating “bowls” of prayer, praise, and

fect both our relationships and our health.

study of God’s Word.

We can stay on top of these infections

It’s time to take a seat in God’s chair and

by praying David’s prayer, found in Psalm

allow Him to search you from head to toe.

139:23–24. “Search me, O God,” he asks.

Will you join me in doing as David did and

“Know my heart; test me and know my

give God permission to expose anything in

anxious thoughts. Point out anything in

your life that’s not of Him? Don’t be afraid

me that offends you and lead me along

of the process—anything God reveals is for

the path of everlasting life.”

your good. He has incredible plans for you

David took the time to sit still before God

(Jeremiah 29:11).

and ask Him to reveal and remove the ugly

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since

things in his life so that he could ultimately

we are surrounded by such a huge crowd

walk in victory. Just like I couldn’t walk

of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip

well with that throbbing toe, we don’t live

off every weight that slows us down, es-

like we should when we allow sin to grow

pecially the sin that so easily trips us up.

unchecked in our lives.

And let us run with endurance the race

Unfortunately, when sin is exposed in

We can stay on top of these infections by praying David’s prayer, found in Psalm 139:23–24. “Search me, O God,” he asks. “Know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Point out anything in me that offends you and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”

God has set before us.”

our lives, we often just look for a quick

God has a race for you to run, and all

fix. We want the issue to be gone so we

of heaven is cheering you on. Are you

don’t have to be embarrassed or inconve-

ready? Are your feet in shape? No more

nienced by it. When a quick fix isn’t found,

stumbling. No more limping in pain. No

we “paint over” the issue—we try to forget

more hiding the issues. Lay your life open

it’s there; we hope it’ll go away on its own

before the Great Physician and be healed

and that no one will notice it’s there.

and made whole, once and for all.

But if we want healing in our lives, we must go to the Great Physician—God. We must put ourselves before Him, listen, and then follow His orders. We can find His prescription—His advice and instruction—

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON encourages and equips people for victory through her writings, speaking engagements, and prison ministry. To learn more, go to www.kojministries.org.

Issue 02 / 2019

STEPPING FORWARD

looking for full, reckless, abandoned trust. Eventually, despite the mess they had made, Abraham and Sarah came to trust God completely. Look at Romans 4:19–20: “Abraham’s faith did not weaken, even though, at about 100 years of age, he figured his body was as good as dead—and so was Sarah’s womb. Abraham never wavered in believing God’s promise. In fact, his faith grew stronger, and in this he brought glory to God.” I pray that by God’s grace, I too will fully believe that the One who has promised is faithful; that I will find the patience to wait on Him, to trust Him, and to obey. As I wait, I will keep His promises out in front of me at all times. I will focus on them, not on my circumstances. I will stay in His Word and believe in the One whom God has sent—His Son, Jesus Christ. As you wait, put your promise in front of

G O D D O E SN’T NEED OUR HELP

you and hold onto it. Don’t let it go. Pray, praise, and speak that promise. And for God’s sake, don’t try to help Him and thus produce an Ishmael. Though the promise tarries, it will still come (Habakkuk 2:3). Remember delay is not denial. James 1:4 says, “But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and com-

BY TERESA KEMP

plete, lacking nothing” (NKJV). There is I RECENTLY FIGURED OUT THAT GOD

In that waiting season, Sarah got impa-

purpose in waiting, for in those times, we

doesn’t need my help in running my life.

tient and took matters into her own hands.

get to see what’s truly in our hearts; we

He’s been doing a great job running His

Thinking God must need her help, she told

find the bad attitudes inside us that must

kingdom and the universe since way be-

Abraham to sleep with her handmaid,

be addressed.

fore I came along.

Hagar. Maybe that was how God would

There are a lot of things in us that we

When I read the story of Abraham and

provide their son. So Ishmael was born,

need the Holy Spirit to remove; that’s the

Sarah in the book of Genesis, I can see the

and then the consequences came. You can

work of patience. God told me, “Teresa,

importance of letting God do things His

read the whole story in Genesis 16.

things must come out of you so I can put

way and in His timing. They’d never had

The Bible teaches in Jeremiah 17:5

children and likely never would because

that anything we do in human strength—

of their age—and yet God promised Abra-

anything done outside of faith—will fail.

If you are growing impatient, just be real

ham that He would give him a son and that

It's hard to accept that sometimes, but

with Jesus. Tell Him everything and ask

Abraham’s descendants would outnumber

doing things our own way is also sin

Him to help you. Don’t just do something

the stars in the sky.

(Romans 14:23). The flesh profits us noth-

for the sake of doing. I promise, it’s not

ing, but the Spirit brings life.

worth it. Wait on God. And remember, the

It was a wonderful promise, but these people were old! Every day it must have

Like Sarah, I’ve often gotten ahead of

seemed more impossible, even for God to

God myself and done things in my own

do—but remember, nothing is impossible

strength. Every misstep brought conse-

with God. When He makes a promise, He

quences and ultimately delayed God’s plan

keeps His word, even if we have to wait to

for my life. God has shown me that trying

receive that promise. Abraham and Sarah

to meet my own needs doesn’t cut it. He

waited 25 years for their son, Isaac.

must be my source for everything. God is

Issue 02 / 2019

the right stuff in you.” Sometimes that takes time, but it’s never in vain.

One who promised is faithful. TERESA KEMP is the founder of Breaking Chains International, Inc. Her testimony of healing and restoration through the power of Jesus Christ touches lives throughout Florida’s prison system and around the world. For more information, go to www.breakingchainsint.org.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Through the stories of Victorious Living, men and women behind bars meet the God of another chance.

Stasha’s Story I discovered Victorious Living magazine while in prison. I was in a place of absolute despair. When I opened the magazine and read the stories, I was blown away by the incredible things that God was doing in the lives of people just like me—lost, broken, hurt, addicted, and hopeless people. God had turned their lives around, and now He was using their lives for His glory. I was so encouraged! I often sat on my bunk, reading story after story of perseverance and triumph. I needed these stories, as I was undergoing treatment for cancer while behind bars. There were so many days I just wanted to give up, but I would read more stories and say to myself, “If God did it for them, He can do it for me!” And He has. Today, I am out of prison and have recently graduated from a transitional program. I am impacting lives by helping others and serving in my church. Thank you, Victorious Living, and please thank your supporters for making an impact in my life. You gave me hope when all my hope was gone.

SPONSOR A PRISON IN YOUR STATE AND IMPACT LIVES TODAY! Visit victoriouslivingmagazine.com

HELP ME UNDERSTAND

Our faith also moved the obstacles

Dear Victorious Living,

preventing the adoption from happen-

Everyone always says God answers prayer, but I’ve been praying about something for a long time and nothing has changed. I’m trying to be patient, but I’m wondering if God will ever do anything about my situation. I know He’s able, so why doesn’t He do this? Do you think maybe He doesn’t love me or that I’ve done something wrong? –Kathy

ing and brought our children home. Years after our adoption experience, I asked God to teach me how to have what the Bible calls mountain-moving faith (Matthew 21:21). I had been studying in the Bible the amazing truth that faith—a complete trust in God—can change things in the natural realm. I wanted to believe God at such a level that lives and circumstances would reveal His glory in undeniable ways (John 11:40). As I prayed, these words rose up in

How to Stay in Faith during the Wait

my mind: “You've already experienced

Dear Kathy,

just suddenly become available while we

Waiting is hard, and it's easy to grow

mountain-moving faith, Kristi.” Then God revealed to me how our faith in His promise to give us our daughter is what made her, as the adoption facilitator said, “suddenly appear.” But she didn’t

between the US and Russia soured, and

were in Russia adopting our son. No, our

impatient, lose faith, or even to take

everything came to a screeching halt.

faith, our determination to believe God

matters into our own hands. But trying

It was a painful process that stretched

against all odds is what brought her into

to force something into existence can

both my faith and my patience.

our lives. It was an amazing revelation.

create quite a mess and lead to nothing but frustration for all involved.

This is the first time I recall being

Your wait is not punishment from

truly unable to change my circumstanc-

God. It’s not proof He’s mad at you, nor

es. I couldn’t make phone calls, get on a

is it an indication that He isn’t going to

enced a difficult waiting period while

plane, name drop, or send subtle hints

do anything for you.

adopting two children from Russia. We

to those in control to remind them about

had prayed over it many times and were

our situation. All I could do was wait and

loved us enough to slow the process so

sure God wanted us to adopt.

pray, trusting that He heard my prayers,

that we all had time to prepare for the

We started the legal process, and at

knew my situation, and would work it

life-changing moment we were about

first everything moved along quickly.

all out. I had to trust that He loved my

to experience. And it was life changing!

And then, the political environment

future kids more than I did and that He

Had our adoption moved at the pace

In 2004, my husband and I experi-

Our wait was God’s grace in action. He

loved me. I had to believe

we wanted, none of us would have been

He would give Tim and

ready. Nor would my faith have had the

me the desires of our

opportunity to grow the way it did.

heart—but in His perfect

In your time of waiting, don’t give up.

timing. From that point

Don’t believe the lies your emotions,

on, I refused to doubt. (See

mind, and even well-meaning people

Philippians 4:6–8.)

tell you about your circumstances. God

Letting go wasn’t easy—

knows your situation, and He loves you.

at times it felt like a full-

So keep praying, keep believing, and

time job. But in the end,

keep reminding yourself how great your

trusting God maintained

God is. In His perfect timing, you will

peace in my heart and

see His glorious hand at work in your

mind and kept me pro-

life. And you will find yourself thankful

ductive and sane during

for the wait.

my wait. Truly, that faith In April 2005, Kristi and Tim brought home Dalton and Ivy, the children God had promised them.

Issue 02 / 2019

was an anchor for my soul

Sincerely,

(Hebrews 6:19).

Kristi Overton Johnson

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

FROM THE FATHER

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28 NIV

Do you need rest today? Peace? Freedom? Forgiveness? Restoration? Call out to Jesus, accept Him as your Savior, and you can be made whole. Pray: “Jesus, I invite You into my life. I confess that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. Thank You for saving me from my sins and making me whole. Thank You for laying down Your life for me so that I can have a new life in You. I receive, by faith, this forgiveness of sin. Take my life, my past and my future. Guide my steps and speak to my heart, Lord. Use me, God. Amen.” Jared Emerson, Artist, jaredemerson.com

I’ve Got This! OH, MY CHILD. Fall into My arms and rest.

I know you often wonder why I take so

Rest your mind. Rest from those anxious

long or seem so far away. Know that I am

My child, you don’t have to do anything

thoughts that seek to devour you. I’ve got

never late; I am always on time. I am never

but walk closely with Me. Trust Me. Love

this. I’ve got you. I am the great I AM, and

far away; I am always close by.

Me. Obey Me. I will bring you to the place

there is nothing too hard for Me.

I know you can’t always see My handi-

will ever imagine, and it is unconditional.

I promised long ago. Nothing can stop us.

Stop worrying about your family and

work. You can’t always feel My heart of love

With Me all things are possible, so don't

your future. I’ve got your family; I love

toward you. You don’t know the details of

lose hope. I see you, and I know exactly

them even more than you do. I’ve got your

the plans I have for you, but you can trust

what you need, and when you need it. So

future, too. Your circumstances are not

them. You can trust Me and My heart of

wait patiently and be strong and coura-

beyond Me. So fear not.

love for you. My love is greater than you

geous. I will not disappoint you.

V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M

Issue 02 / 2019

PO Box 120951 Clermont, FL 34712-0951

BE A VOICE OF HOPE Subscribe Today and Change a Life W W W.V I C TO R I O U S LI V I N G M AGA Z I N E .O RG