VL - Issue 29 - November 2018

REAL PEOPLE | REAL STORIES | REAL HOPE

A Publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries

Quarterly Publication Issue 3 2018

Jon Ponder

Nothing is Impossible

I WAS IN

PRISON And You Visited Me.

Matthew 25:36

SEND VICTORIOUS LIVING AND GIVE THE GIFT OF FREEDOM. People everywhere are held captive. Some are in actual prisons while others are held captive by unhealthy relationships, addictions, declining health, financial hardships, or other circumstances.

Visit kojministries.org to discover how you can receive this magazine while simultaneously sending hope and help to a captive today.

ARE YOU IN NEED OF

ENCOURAGEMENT? Our Correspondence Team is here for you. Every day, people reach out to Victorious Living through letters asking for prayers, encouragement, and mentoring to help them grow in their faith and find freedom from past and present circumstances.

Every person who contacts our Victorious Living Correspondence Team receives in-depth monthly Bible studies, personal correspondence, and a quarterly copy of Victorious Living.

TO BECOME PART OF OUR VICTORIOUS LIVING FAMILY WRITE TO:

VICTORIOUS LIVING CORRESPONDENCE OUTREACH PO BOX 328 • STARKE, FL 32091

BE SURE YOUR NAME, ADDRESS, AND DOC# ARE CLEARLY READABLE

FEATURES 8 No Longer Rejected

“My skin was too light for the black community and too dark for the white community.” Through a turbulent childhood, Tamar Burch knew the pain and rejection of being biracial, but she also knew God loved her regardless of the color of her skin.

Tamar Burch

10 When You Can’t See the Answer

Autistic triplets…a failed marriage… the challenges of single parenthood.

Michael Woods had always heard that God allows things into our lives for His good purposes. But how much more could one man take?

Michael Woods

16 Stepping into the Jordan A survivor of the sex trafficking industry and former drug-dealing addict, Christa Hicks tells how God took the ashes of her surrendered life and gave her hope, freedom, peace, and purpose.

Christa Hicks

19 Five Steps to Restoration of the Soul Christa Hicks

20 Nothing Is Impossible

From federal prison to the White House Rose Garden, Jon Ponder knows there are no limits to what God can do with a life that’s totally surrendered to Him.

Jon Ponder

23 Answer Your Call Jon Ponder

On the Cover

Jon Ponder, founder of HOPE for Prisoners, is living proof that when someone surrenders their life to God, they position themselves to receive new life.

VICTORIOUS LIVING MISSION Victorious Living encourages hearts and equips minds through testimonials of God’s grace, love, and power in the lives of everyday people.

Please consider supporting this incredible outreach of hope and freedom.

HOW TO REACH VICTORIOUS LIVING General and Subscription Inquiries Victorious Living PO Box 120951 • Clermont, FL 34712-0951 352-478-2098 • info@kojministries.org

4 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

All Inmate Correspondence Victorious Living Correspondence Outreach PO Box 328 • Starke, FL 32091

Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

REAL PEOPLE | REAL STORIES | REAL HOPE

7 I’ll Pray for You

Discover the privilege of praying for others. Your words may be just the catalyst God uses to bring lifechanging results for your friend, and maybe you too.

Sarah Beckman

13 Three-Day-Old Coffee

Is your prayer life fresh and invigorating, or is it as stale and cold as three-day-old coffee?

Michael Clark

14 Fellowship in Relationship

When you ask Jesus into your life, you enter into a relationship with the God of the universe. But He offers so much more. Spend time in His presence, and you’ll find fellowship with the God of your soul.

Linda Cubbedge-Smith

15 Just in Time

Give God your life and your circumstances. No matter the situation, no matter the choices you’ve made—when you turn to Him, He will be there, just in time, every time.

Tracy Morrissey

18 Free Indeed

God’s love can take you from the depths of despair to the joy of new life, regardless of your circumstances.

Richard Amabile

24 No More Running on Empty

Having survived a traumatic childhood at the hands of her father, Nancy Johnson will be the first to tell you that, no matter how painful your past, God can still use you for His glory.

A Publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries

27 Understanding My Part God calls us into relationship with Him…but what part do we play in this connection?

Roy Borges

31 Daddy, Why Do You Love Cocaine More Than Me?

The freedom you’re looking for comes in surrender. Release your idols and surrender to the God who loves you.

Kim Brian Woerner

32 No Longer “Stupid Renner”

Knowing who you are in Christ makes all the difference when the world makes fun and tries to knock you down.

Rick Renner

33 Somebody Doesn’t Like Me

Don’t build your approval rating on the opinions of man. The only opinion that matters is God’s.

Kenny Munds

34 What Does a Daddy Do? The unfailing love of our Father God cannot be measured; it is better than life.

Kristi Dews Dale

35 Love Covers

How do you respond when you hear that a Christian has fallen into sin? Love doesn’t gossip, judge, or condemn. Love provides cover and points them to Christ.

ISSUE 3, AUGUST 2018 Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? Isaiah 43:18–19 Publisher & Executive Director | Kristi Overton Johnson f Editor | Rachel F. Overton, Wordscapes Chief Photographer | Timothy Smith, Honor Photography Creative Director | Amy Zackowski, Whispering Dog Design Inc. Director of Prison Correspondence | Linda Cubbedge-Smith Accounting Manager | Gizzella Guba Partnership Support | info@kojministries.org f Contributing Writers Albert M., Richard Amabile, Sarah Beckman, Roy Borges, Tamar Burch, Michael Clark, Clint, Linda Cubbedge-Smith, Kristi Dews Dale, Bonnie Hagemann, Christa Hicks (Diane Strack), Kristi Overton Johnson, Nancy Johnson, Tracy Morrissey, Kenny Munds, Jon Ponder, Rick Renner, George Starks (Carole Engle Avriett), Kim Brian Woerner, Michael Woods. f Cover Photography | Timothy Smith Honor Photography f Photography HOPE for Prisoners, One More Child, Timothy Smith Honor Photography f Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. | Scripture marked ESV is taken from the Holy Bible, English Standard Version. ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyright © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. | Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible. Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. | Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson.

All scripture is used by permission. All rights reserved.

Bonnie Hagemann

Nancy Johnson

IN EVERY ISSUE 6 PUBLISHER’S NOTE | Say Yes! 1 2 HELP ME UNDERSTAND | Forgiveness 2 8 MINISTRY NEWS 2 9 FROM OUR READERS 3 0 LETTERS OF HOPE | Miracles Still Happen 36 KEYS TO VICTORIOUS LIVING | Moving Forward Through the Tough Stuff 3 8 OUR CONTRIBUTORS 3 9 FROM THE FATHER’S HEART | Peace Like a River kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 5

PUBLISHER’S NOTE

Say Yes!

GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THE REST

Kristi and Jon Ponder take a selfie at a prison reform event at the White House.

"FOR I KNOW THE PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU," SAYS THE LORD. "THEY ARE PLANS FOR GOOD AND NOT FOR DISASTER, TO GIVE YOU A FUTURE AND A HOPE." JEREMIAH 29:11

I love what I do.

Through this magazine and the ministries God has entrusted to me, I get to meet the most amazing people, hear their incredible life stories, and then share them with you—including people like Jon Ponder, the subject of our cover story.

The first time I met Jon in person, we were sitting two seats down from one another in a meeting at the Eisenhower Executive Office Building, a building that houses most of the White House staff.

We had been invited to be a part of the faithbased initiative team for prison reform. About halfway through the meeting, we each noticed the other’s nameplate, leaned forward, and gave each other big smiles. Before that moment, we had only heard about each other from a mutual friend, Tamar Burch, also a feature story in this issue.

When she’d heard about the impact Victorious Living was having in the prison system, she said, “Girl, you have got to meet my friend Jon!” Watching this humble man communicate with our nation’s top officials and hearing his story, I knew why Tamar had encouraged our connection.

He truly is a remarkable man.

After the meeting concluded, Jon and I decided to have lunch together. We wanted to hear what God was doing in each other’s ministries. We were winding our way through the Eisenhower building, trying to find our way out, when we passed a sign that caught my eye. It said, “Office of the Vice President.”

“Jon, look at that.” We started laughing and simultaneously asked, “How did we get here?”

How did I, a former water skier, now public speaker and publisher, and Jon, a former gang member and convict, now mentor to thousands of inmates, get invited to the White House?

We both knew there was only one answer: God. God brought us to this place. God brought us to that meeting. And God brought us together for this moment—to be part of what He is doing

in this nation’s prison system. It was an incredibly humbling moment.

Neither of us are anything special. We’re just two people who said yes to God and stepped out with Him. And those steps continually lead us to places we would never have imagined going.

Today, God is inviting you to say yes to Him as well. He has so much for you, so much more than what you are experiencing.

Does that mean that if you say yes, you’ll end up at the White House? Maybe. Maybe not. That’s not the point. The point is, when you say yes to God, He will change your life. He changed mine; He changed Jon’s. He’s changed every person’s life that you will read about in this magazine, and I have a hundred testimonies—or more—sitting on my desk, all attesting to the life change that happens when someone says yes to God. It doesn’t matter who you are or what your past or present circumstances are. All that matters is whether you will say yes to God. Will you take steps of faith toward Him? Will you give Him what you have and trust Him with what you don’t? Will you be faithful where you are and trust Him with your tomorrow? Will you let go of what you are hanging onto and grab hold of what He has for you?

If you do, everything will change. God will direct your steps and bring you to a place of victory. He will never, ever fail you.

I hope you enjoy meeting my friends in the pages of this issue. I know their life stories will bless you.

As you read, please know this…God is not a respecter of persons. In other words, He doesn’t play favorites. What He did for Jon Ponder…what He did for Tamar Burch…what He did for Nancy Johnson, Tracy Morrisey, Rick Renner, and all the others in this issue—He’ll do it for you, too.

All it takes is you saying yes—God will take care of the rest!

Sincerely,

Kristi 6 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

I’ll Pray for You

by Sarah Beckman It was peaceful and still in the house, around 10 p.m. My kids were finally asleep for the night, and I was anticipating my regular evening phone call. My best friend and I were both going through rough times—she undergoing cancer treatment, me laid up in bed recovering from yet another back surgery—and we talked together each night.

Our conversations were a highlight of my day, even if they were filled with the mundane talk of children, husbands, or current health woes. They were our chance to connect, since we couldn’t see each other in person.

But that night’s call was different. I sensed that in her voice immediately. She simply said, “I am having a hard day. I know I should pray, but I don’t want to. I just can’t bring myself to start. Would you pray for me?”

Um. Yes. A thousand times, yes.

That night I prayed for my friend because she needed someone to intercede on her behalf—to speak for her because she didn’t feel like she could; to ask what she couldn’t ask in that moment. And I was humbled to go to the throne for her, with her.

I knew what she was feeling.

A few years earlier, as I was awaiting a spinal MRI result, I got the call that my father had passed away. I was crushed. I was stuck in a bed, far from my family, and unknowingly weeks away from what would be my second back surgery in as many years. I was in deep pain—physically and emotionally.

And I couldn't do it on my own, either. So I called on my friends to pray for me.

I dialed one person after another, asking them if they’d pray out loud for me right then on the phone. I didn’t have the energy, ability, or inclination to do it myself. And they did. With each passing prayer, my intense grief was slowly replaced with a peace and comfort that wasn’t there before.

On that difficult day, I discovered the power of true intercession when a person you care about is facing a tragedy, health crisis, divorce, loss, or other hard season.

I learned that prayer is where the helping gets holy.

Prayer brings light, truth, peace, and comfort better than any other means of expressing support to a hurting friend. And yet, there are so many times we don’t do it. We miss the opportunity because it’s not convenient (are there lots of people around?), it’s hard (are we used to praying out loud?), or we feel inadequate (am I a good enough pray-er?).

But Paul’s biblical directive is: “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live” (1 Thessalonians 5:17 MSG).

For some people, prayer comes naturally.

For others, it's hard work. But with the help of the Holy Spirit, anyone—even you—can enter into the holy space of standing in the gap and praying for a hurting friend in their greatest time of need.

Don’t let your inhibitions stop you. Your words may be just the catalyst God uses to bring lifechanging results for your friend—and maybe for you too. V

Prayer is where the helping gets holy.

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 7

No Longer Rejected

by Tamar Burch

I couldn’t control how people did or didn’t receive me, but I could focus on how God received me. He loved me regardless of the color of my skin.

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I grew up in southern California in a biracial family. My mom was a white Jewish lady; my dad was black. Because she married a nonJewish black man, my mother’s family rejected her—which means I was rejected too. Rejection would be a constant theme in my life for years.

There was a lot of abuse in my home, more than any little girl should ever witness. It was terrifying. My mother, on many occasions, packed up my sister and me and we moved, but Dad always found us. And the violence escalated.

To make ends meet. Mom worked two jobs.

Since she was away from the house a lot, I became a momma bear, caring for my younger sister. I felt a tremendous responsibility to protect her, but being so young, I often failed. It was a heavy load for a little girl to carry.

Mom often sent my sister and me to our paternal grandparents while she worked, and they took us to visit our dad’s brother. No one knew it, but our uncle began molesting my sister and me when we were five and three. He did this for several years. One day my sister told my mother, and she took us to our grandparents and confronted the family. We were never welcomed there again.

At the time, we lived in the heart of Los Angeles. Mom remarried and became a Christian. Our family grew, and I became the oldest of five siblings at the time. With gang violence growing in our neighborhood, my mom and stepfather decided to move our family to a safer location outside the heart of the city.

This new neighborhood, however, presented fresh challenges in the form of racism. Not only were my siblings and I biracial, my stepfather was black, and we had moved into an all-white community.

Not truly belonging to any race was difficult.

My skin was too light for the black community and too dark for the white community. No one could see past the color of my skin. Not even Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

My taking the life of this unborn child would grieve the very heart of God. But I was living in my father’s house, and he was paying for my college tuition. I felt more obligated to him than to God. I felt like I didn’t have a choice.

people in the church. Every day, hateful people stared at me in disgust. I had learned at a young age that if I focused on their stares, I would be miserable. Instead, I learned to focus on how God received me--and I knew He loved me regardless of the color of my skin.

I learned this from my mother and stepfather.

They made sure we kids understood that we had value beyond the color of our skin. They also taught us to love. My parents never stopped pursuing and loving people, regardless of how they acted in return.

My parents set such a beautiful example of love before us every day, even to those who despised us. I remember my stepfather standing in the front yard each morning while we kids walked to the bus stop. Our neighbor did the same. My stepfather never failed to wave hello…and our neighbor never failed to turn around and walk inside without acknowledging him. I watched this happen for ten years. And then one day, my dad’s faithfulness to show love finally broke through, and that man began to speak to my father.

That story reminds me of how God pursues us.

His love is relentless.

Because of our color, the neighbors would not allow their children to interact with our family.

But the love of God drew those kids to our home anyway. It was like a magnet—they just couldn’t stay away. Through the years, hundreds of kids came to our house. They would sit and talk with my parents, who poured out the love of Christ to

them despite the hatred their parents showed us.

It was amazing to witness God’s love break through barriers and draw those kids in. The love and faith of my parents enabled our family to endure those many years of rejection.

Unfortunately, as I became a teen, the faith of my parents was no longer enough.

You see, although I knew about Jesus and had seen His love demonstrated in my home, I hadn’t made a personal relationship with Him a priority in my own life. As a result, I began to struggle with my identity and started hanging out with the wrong crowd. I think subconsciously, I was gravitating toward someone like my biological father. It didn’t take long for me to find him, and that led to my being in a situation just like my mother’s. I stayed in this abusive relationship for four and a half years, against the pleading of my family.

Right before I graduated from high school, my biological father reappeared and wanted a relationship. I hadn’t seen him in over a decade.

He was a stranger to me and had another family.

Yet, something in me longed for a relationship with him, so I went to college in LA and started living with him and his family. He made it known that he didn’t like the guy I was dating. Ironic, isn’t it, that my father, who had abused my mother so violently, didn’t like the fact I was dating someone who did the same thing?

The first time I was sexually active with my boyfriend, I got pregnant. My dad sat me down, gave me a blank check, and told me not to come

back to his home until it was taken care of it. That broke me. I knew how God viewed abortion. My taking the life of this unborn child would grieve the very heart of God. But I was living in my father’s house, and he was paying for my college tuition. I felt more obligated to him than to God. I felt like I didn’t have a choice.

My mom was against the decision, but she was there for me, nonetheless. Afterward, things went from bad to worse. The procedure wasn’t performed properly, and I had a terrible reaction. I had to go back to the facility and have the procedure done again. I felt like God was punishing me. I know now that God doesn’t operate that way, but at the time, I was convinced I deserved it.

I went back to live with my father, but he had no concern for how I was doing physically, emotionally, or spiritually. It took me a long time to recover from the abortion, and eventually he threw me out of the house. Needless to say, I didn’t finish my college education.

All that, and I stayed in the abusive relationship too. It was when my boyfriend broke both sides of my jaw that my mother tried to reason with me.

“Tamar, does love do this to you?” she asked.

“How many more times will you go through this?

It’s going to come to a point where either you will kill him, or he will kill you. You have to get out!”

But I didn’t listen; I had lost any sense of selfworth. I stayed and got pregnant by him again.

This time I told him I was not giving up the baby.

God took all the hurt and evil in Tamar's life and brought beauty from her ashes. Pictured above (back left) with her husband Tim, children Tayani and Trey, and grandson, Mason.

Tim and Tamar on a stroll with grandson, Mason, continuing the blessing of strong family relationship.

continued on page 27 Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 9

When You Can’t See the Answer

by Michael Woods

As a Marine, I had never met a challenge I couldn’t tackle. And then my wife and I had triplet boys…and they were all diagnosed with autism.

The diagnosis came when the boys were two years old. The Marine in me said, “No problem.

I’ve got this!” Eventually, however, reality set in, and this tough guy realized he’d met his match.

I started praying, reading my Bible, and serving at the church. I even became a deacon, helping other families when my own family seemed to need help the most. Surely, I reasoned, if I did enough good things for God and other people, He’d do good things for me and make my life easier. But my situation stayed the same. And then it got worse.

When the boys were seven, my wife, their mother, walked out on the four of us with these words, “This is not how I wanted my life to turn out. This isn’t what I bargained for.” She gave me full custody of the children and moved to another state.

Today, I hold no bitterness toward her. Life was hard. It still is. Chaos ruled our home, as the boys were unable to adequately verbalize their needs.

Physical outbursts, screaming, tantrums—these were all part of a normal day. It was more than she could handle; the challenges of a life-long diagnosis of autism were too much. I understand that now.

But in the moment, I was angry. I was hurt.

Toward her and God. All I could think was, Really, God? Are you kidding me?! I stood in my kitchen and shook my fist at the ceiling in disbelief. Now, I was a single father of autistic triplets. “All right then,” I growled. “If this is what this Christian life is all about, then I’m done. We are done!” And with that, I walked away. Fortunately, He never walked away from me.

I just couldn’t understand how a loving God could allow so many heartaches in one man’s life. Don’t get me wrong. I love my children more than anything, and I have found many blessings in the midst of our situation. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are very real, often overwhelming challenges that parents of special needs children face. And I was then, and I am still, facing them.

In my defiance, I put my Bible down and quit going to church. If God wouldn’t help me, then so be it. I would be just fine on my own. But I wasn’t. Years went by, and I felt like I was sinking beneath the weight of it all. I needed a lifeline.

God sent this lifeline in the form of people— brothers and sisters in Christ, all with the same message: “Michael, God doesn’t hate you. He hasn’t abandoned you, nor has He turned His back on you.” Each encouraged me to change how I thought about God. My view of Him wasn’t lining up with who He truly is, a loving God. I just couldn’t see that truth in the midst of the chaos and pain of my circumstances.

He even sent a godly woman to stand by me and my boys, when I thought we’d be on

our own forever. The boys were nine when we first met Linda. I had given up on the idea of ever being married again; I mean, who would walk into this scenario by choice? But God sent a fighter, one who has the strength to face the hard things. Against the advice of all her friends, she stepped into our lives. We were married, and eleven years later, she is still here in the fight with us. I am forever thankful.

Little by little, God used all these people to fan into flame the faith that had once lived in my heart.

After years of running from God, I begrudgingly went back to church. My feet took me there even though my heart was far from it. I went through all the motions. I stood up during the worship songs, but I didn’t sing a word. I bowed my head when the pastor prayed, but I refused to close my eyes. I sat there while the pastor preached, but I daydreamed through the sermon. Weeks went by, and God kept chipping away at that hard heart of mine. The things I was hearing each Sunday, even though I was determined not to listen, were penetrating my heart.

God gave me bits and pieces of understanding that He really did love me after all. And He loved my boys. I realized He hated the brokenness and pain in our lives as much or more than I did.

I began to see He was there helping me, more than I knew. He wasn’t some jokester on a throne, hurling pain my way for His own entertainment.

No, He was a God who sympathizes with the pain of His children. He cared. And He wanted to help ease my load, to give me His strength to endure.

I’ve always heard that God allows things in our lives for His good purposes. I do have to say, He isn’t as good as sharing those purposes with me as I’d like, but I’ve come to realize that not knowing the why behind everything has developed my faith. Because I don’t know His plan, I’ve had to learn to walk each day, often moment by moment, trusting His love even when I don’t understand or feel it.

IF GOD HAD ANSWERED MY PRAYERS LIKE I WANTED, LIFE WOULD HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ABOUT ME. I WOULD HAVE TREATED HIM LIKE A GENIE IN A BOTTLE OR A VENDING MACHINE.

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Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

Michael and his triplet sons, Jake, Jon, and Josh, have faced the challenges of autism and use their experiences to help other families with special-needs children.

SURELY, I REASONED, IF I DID ENOUGH GOOD THINGS FOR GOD AND OTHER PEOPLE, HE’D DO GOOD THINGS FOR ME AND MAKE MY LIFE EASIER. Because of this, I’m a better father, husband, brother in Christ, son, and friend. All that struggling and wrestling with my faith has made me who I am, and it has brought me to a better realization of who God is.

He is a good Father, and He can be trusted.

Early in my faith life, I turned to God because I wanted Him to fix everything. Fix me; fix my boys; fix my marriage…it was all about me and my situations, never about God and my relationship with Him. If God had answered my prayers like I wanted, life would have always been about me. I would have treated Him like a genie in a bottle or a vending machine.

Today I strive to focus on the truth of who God is, not on what He can do for me. My circumstances aren’t any easier, but my walk with God is better. Sure, there are days this old Marine just wants to fix it all, but despite my circumstances, God has granted me His peace. And that helps me take the next step, even when I don’t feel like taking it.

Do you need help taking the next step, whatever it is? Perhaps your world has been rocked by an overwhelming life circumstance, and you’re asking why. You’re looking for answers. You might never get them. Maybe, like me, you’ll have to settle for the simple fact that we live in a fallen, sinful world, and bad things just happen, even to good people. That’s how it is, but God is just as broken about it as you are. I believe you have to come to peace with that if you ever want to move forward. And the only way to find peace with your circumstances is to find peace with God…because He is the God of peace. V

God brought Michael a gift in his wife, Linda. She has been a source of strength to Michael and the boys.

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 11

HELP ME UNDERSTAND Dear Victorious Living, What is the big deal about forgiveness? I’ve been hurt lots of times, and usually by family or friends who should have had my back. I know God tells us to forgive people who hurt us, but what if I don’t want to forgive them? I don’t think I can. Why should I forgive someone who has hurt me, especially if they don’t even ask for my forgiveness? Help me understand how I can obey what God is telling me to do and why it’s important.

Sincerely, Dave Dear Dave, Let me begin by saying how sorry I am that your family and friends have hurt you so badly.

Your question is a valid one and an issue that most people go through at some point in their Christian walk. I’ve been where you are, and I personally know how painful it can be. I want to share some of my experiences that I feel will help you on your journey.

There are four elements of forgiveness. The first deals with us receiving forgiveness from God. The second means we’re able to forgive ourselves for things we’ve done. The third element requires us to recognize the hurt we’ve caused others and ask for their forgiveness.

Finally, the fourth piece of forgiveness happens when we forgive those who have hurt us.

When we are the person who has been wronged, forgiveness is hard to give. When we are the one who has done the hurting, asking for forgiveness takes great courage. So we need to understand that offering and accepting forgiveness is a unique process for each person.

Some people find it easy, while others find it to be hard work. Nevertheless, forgiveness is real and available to anyone who is willing to listen and obey God’s Word.

Merriam-Webster’s definition of forgiveness includes: “to give up resentment of or claim to requital for; to cease to feel resentment against an offender.” There’s a lot more to forgiveness than just forgiving someone who’s hurt us.

To really understand it, we must look at it all the way around.

RECEIVE FORGIVENESS The first element of forgiveness is receiving forgiveness from God. First John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all wickedness.” All we have to do is confess our sin,

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and He forgives us. But it gets better! In Hebrews 8:12, God says, “I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”

Is it really that easy? The answer is yes! When we come to God with our problems and the sins that we’ve committed, and we confess them to Him, He promises that He will forgive us, cleanse us, and remember those things no more.

FORGIVE YOURSELF The second element of forgiveness is being able to forgive yourself. This area was especially difficult for me, because I knew my actions had hurt my family. I had confessed my sins to them and had asked for their forgiveness, and they were willing to forgive me. They even assured me that they still loved me very much. But for some reason, I could not forgive myself. No matter what I did or said, I still held my own sins against myself.

As I struggled with this issue, I asked a few close friends to pray for me, that I would find forgiveness for myself. One friend took me aside and asked, “Do you think you’re better than God?” I answered him by saying, “No way!” He went on to ask, “If Almighty God can forgive you, then how is it that you can’t forgive yourself? Are your standards higher than God’s?”

Suddenly, it clicked—if God can forgive me, then I have no reason not to forgive myself. When I finally understood that, I was liberated, freed from the shackles that I had placed upon myself.

LOOK WITHIN The third element of forgiveness moves outward from ourselves—we must confront our own wrongs and apologize for how we’ve hurt others. It can be difficult to ask for forgiveness from those we have wronged, because in doing so, we subject ourselves to the mercy of the

individual. Pride cannot be present when you humble yourself and ask for forgiveness. As difficult as it may be, it is a key element to finding freedom from the past.

EXTEND FORGIVENESS Finally, we come to the fourth element of forgiveness—learning to extend it when we’ve been hurt. A sincere apology makes that easier, but why should we forgive others if they haven’t asked us to? The simple answer? Because God tells us to.

Matthew 6:14 says, “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you.” But verse 15 continues, “If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Scripture clearly states that we must forgive those who have done wrong against us.

Forgiving others for what they’ve done wrong to you doesn’t let them off the hook. God still knows what they’ve done, and they’ll have to deal with Him on their own. What this kind of forgiveness does is release you from the past. I can’t explain it, but when you let them go, when you forgive, you become free. It’s amazing.

Remember, Jesus never said life would be easy, but He did say we would never have to go it alone. He has not left us; He won’t forsake us. That was a promise…and God keeps His promises.

I want to encourage you to seek God in all things. Begin by asking God to show you who you need to forgive and who you need forgiveness from. Take a step of faith and confess your sins—to God and to man. At first it might be difficult, but over time, you will feel the shackles of bondage fall off, and freedom will follow.

Sincerely, Clinton A Victorious Living Family Member

THREE-DAY-OLD COFFEE I’m not a big coffee drinker. I’ll occasionally have a cup during breakfast or with dessert after dinner, but it’s not my drink of choice. When I do drink coffee, I prefer it hot. My wife and daughters are into iced coffee, but not me.

I’ll admit, I doctor my coffee. I joke that I like a little coffee with my cream and sugar. While I respect those who drink their coffee black, I refrain from it except under extreme circumstances. I can do sour (I love lemons!), but bitter is a no-go with my taste buds.

One Monday, I came into my office and noticed that I had left half a cup of coffee sitting on my desk over the weekend. I reached for the cup to dispose of it, and suddenly, I heard these words in my heart: “Your prayer life is like three-day-old coffee.”

It was totally unexpected. I wasn’t having my daily devotion or morning prayer. I had just finished checking my emails and was getting ready to head to the break room…and the Spirit of God was disciplining me? I sat there and looked at that Styrofoam cup, realizing that it had been sitting there for three days. And God was comparing my prayer life to it.

I didn’t have a grand moment of revelation.

I thought, “Wow, Lord. Okay.” I took the cup to the break room, poured it out, and threw it in the trashcan. By the time I made it back to my office, the day was moving at full swing. It was only later in the afternoon that my mind came back to what the Holy Spirit had said: “Your prayer life is like three-day-old coffee.”

As I pondered that statement, it became painfully obvious that there was little about that three-day-old cup of coffee that could be looked at in a positive light. It was certainly not a ringing endorsement with which to launch a new Starbuck’s product line.

Here’s the reality of what that cup of coffee was: It was stale. It was room temperature. Its contents were no longer blended.

And that’s how God saw my prayer life.

It wasn’t that my life was devoid of prayer—there was coffee in that Styrofoam cup. It was just that my prayer life shared the same properties as that leftover sludge. It didn’t measure up to what God knew it should be. He was pointing this out to me, not because He was disgusted with it but because He was disappointed in its quality. A master barista takes pride in the piping hot drink he makes from

by Michael Clark

quality ingredients and wants it to be consumed in its best form. God is no different. The blessings He’s made available to us, He desires to see used in their best form.

That’s what God was working to get across to me that day. I’m sure that, if I had walked around my office and offered that old coffee to my coworkers, I'd have received a steady stream of rejections.

This brings me back to my prayer life. How had it become like that old cup of coffee?

It Had Become Stale I was praying, but I wasn’t spending deliberate time with God the way I knew I should. I had fallen into a rut of praying if and when I found time for it. Prayer had become a task to complete, not a focal point of my day. I was approaching it as an appointment with God instead of an intimate time to spend together. Because of this, I had been approaching my prayer life as talking to God instead of talking with God.

It Was Room Temperature My prayer life had lost the passion it should have had. Honestly, I simply wasn’t invested in getting prayer into my day.

Hot coffee—good. Iced coffee—good. Room temperature, lukewarm coffee—not good. It’s not palatable. In Revelation 3:15–16, Jesus spoke to the church in Laodicea and addressed the people’s attitude toward the things of God: “I know all the things you do, that you are neither hot nor cold. I wish that you were one or the other! But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!”

Apathy is disgusting to God. You can be passionate for or against something. In either case, you are actively engaged. Apathy is not engaged, and has no commitment. Faith requires commitment. If you want your prayer life to be effective, it must be more than room temperature.

Its Contents Were No Longer Blended Over the weekend the coffee, cream, and sugar had separated and were no longer blended together to complement each other. If you had picked up that cup of three-day-old coffee and taken a drink, you would have been greeted with different and distinct layers of taste, depending on

how far down you decided to drink.

As I looked at my prayer life and allowed myself to be honest about its condition, I could see where I was sometimes working time in, and in doing so I was rushed. In being rushed, I wasn’t allowing myself to flow in prayer. I was covering the bases from the mental list in my head. I wasn’t being still to hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart and lead me in my prayers.

I don’t know everything; I don’t have everything figured out. I need help, and it is available.

Romans 8:26 says, “The Holy Spirit helps us in our weakness. For example, we don’t know what God wants us to pray for. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.” You and I can’t follow His leading properly if we are flitting in and out of fellowship time with Him. When Paul wrote to Timothy in 1 Timothy 2:1 (NKJV), he described different facets of prayer.

“Therefore I exhort first of all that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and giving of thanks be made for all men.” Supplications, intercessions, and giving of thanks. Cream and sugar.

We can also see layers in the model prayer Jesus gave in Matthew 6:9–13: “Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. Don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one.”

Not giving ourselves proper time to spend in prayer will cause us to rush and miss out on all that prayer is meant to be. We shortchange ourselves on the benefits that spending quality time with God has for us.

We end up with three-day-old coffee for a prayer life.

My prayer life needed to be freshened up, and God loves me so much, He made sure I got that message. As you’re reading this, have you taken a moment to think about your prayer life? Be honest with yourself. Could it use some improvement?

God wants so much more for you. Don’t settle for a prayer life that is stale, lukewarm, and unblended. V

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FELLOWSHIP IN RELATIONSHIP

by Linda Cubbedge-Smith

I grew up without a dad. He left when my siblings and I were very small, leaving our mother to raise us alone. She worked very hard to take care of us. Our grandparents, too, loved and cared for us, making sure we had what kids need to survive and thrive. As we grew up, we enjoyed not only a relationship with our grandparents, but wonderful fellowship, too. It’s kind of funny, but I don’t think we kids even realized we didn’t have a daddy in our home.

As an adult, I often think about the difference between relationship and fellowship. Relationship is when you are connected to someone by blood or through marriage. I was connected to my earthly father by blood, but I never met him.

I never spoke to him, nor him to me. But that doesn’t change the fact that I am his daughter.

We will always be related.

Fellowship, on the other hand, is when you get to know someone by spending quality time with them. You share the same interests; you talk to one another and find out what you each like or dislike. You laugh together; you cry together.

The fellowship you have continues to grow and becomes very precious.

Did you know that there are many who are related to God through the blood of Jesus who will go to heaven, but they haven’t experienced the wonderful privilege of getting to know God on a personal level, as their Father. They have relationship, but they don’t have fellowship.

So how do we move from relationship to fellowship with God? Fellowship is companionship—keeping each other company.

We can spend time with God by reading His Word. We can pray, which is simply talking with God and sharing our hearts. We can hang out with Him and allow His presence to invade our hearts as we thank Him for giving us His Son, Jesus, so we can truly enjoy our friendship with Him.

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God loves it when we allow His presence to touch our hearts, when we give Him access to those places inside that only He can heal and restore. He loves for us to bring our questions and concerns to Him. When you spend time in the presence of God, He will change you. You will stand out from the world. His presence will give you unexplainable peace and rest, regardless of what’s happening around you. Worldly relationships are challenging.

Spouses, children, family, friends, coworkers— these relationships can be tricky to sort out, but His presence will carry you through even the most difficult trial.

Thinking I had finished this article, I knelt by my bed and read John 14. As I finished reading, I asked my heavenly Father if there was anything He wanted to say to me. He reminded me that I had never spoken words of forgiveness to my earthly father for abandoning our family. I began to think about how our dad never once tried to make contact with us. Tears flowed as I embraced the reality of these painful thoughts.

Sometimes we simply have to trust God and lean into the pain of our past, so we can allow Him to cleanse us and fill us with His healing presence. That’s exactly what happened to me that night, as I said with my voice that I forgive my dad for not loving us and not caring for us as he should have. And I do forgive him. Even though he is no longer living, I forgive him.

I had no idea as I was preparing this article that my loving heavenly Father was preparing me to forgive my earthly dad. You know, I’ll never have more than relationship with my dad, but forgiving him allowed the fellowship I have with my heavenly Father to grow and be strengthened.

You can have this fellowship in relationship too. How? Be intentional about keeping company with God the Father. Worship Him and tell Him

DON’T LET YOUR HEARTS BE TROUBLED. TRUST IN GOD, AND TRUST ALSO IN ME. JOHN 14:1

how wonderful He is. Thank Him for being the perfect Father. Trust that He will never leave you or abandon you. Confess your faults. Express your hurts. Give Him every piece that is broken and hurting, and He will make you whole. Spend time getting to know Him, and your fellowship will blossom.

The book of John is full of wonderful truths about Jesus and the relationship and fellowship that exist between Him and His Father and the Holy Spirit. Read the whole book but focus on chapter 14—read it over and over until you realize that God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit long to be everything you will ever need. Abide with Him. Allow His Word to feed your soul and refresh your spirit. His abiding presence is your reward for keeping company with Him. V

JUST IN TIME I grew up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. Those around us saw a happy, loving, successful family, but behind closed doors, the unimaginable occurred.

I can still hear the yelling and the screaming.

I remember the fear I felt as a child, wondering one night if my daddy was going to use the gun he had pointed at me. I can still smell the stench of alcohol that accompanied him every time he walked through the front door. It was the precursor to endless nights of torment.

There were good times, but they were always cut short by the addiction. Life was like a roller coaster, full of ups and downs and so many different emotions. One day I loved my daddy, and the next day I hated him.

In my early twenties, my parents divorced— but just when I thought I was free from it all, I somehow fell into the role my mother had held: caretaker and enabler. I thought my childhood was rough; the years to come would prove to be even more difficult.

I tried to focus on my future, but the fallout from Daddy’s addiction was a constant stressor.

His run-ins with the law, incarcerations, poor health, drug use, and lack of money to pay his bills were daily struggles we both faced. His burdens became my burdens. His life infiltrated mine, and I let it happen.

I wanted to fix him, but no matter what I did, he didn’t change.

In all my efforts to fix him, I hit rock bottom.

I buried myself under bitterness, anger, and an unforgiving heart. I was so hurt by the man I’d once loved, and he didn’t seem to care.

by Tracy Morrisey

It was in my rock-bottom state that I was finally able to hear from my heavenly Father. I’d always known He was there. I believed in Him, but being the independent woman that I was, I didn’t know how to ask for His help. I didn’t know what it meant to walk with God and have Him be part of my daily life decisions. So, I pressed on in my own strength and wisdom.

God let me do it this way until the day I was ready to let go of it all and let Him take control.

Unfortunately, by that time, much damage had been done.

My heart wasn’t in a good place in regards to my daddy, and I couldn’t do a thing about it. I had so much unforgiveness toward him. I kept waiting for an apology, but it never came. With each passing day, the empty pit in my heart grew deeper, and I grew more tired.

I had exhausted all of me, and I knew I needed the Lord. I called out to God and gave Him my life—and the life of my father—once and for all. I couldn’t carry the load any longer.

At my moment of surrender, the Lord started working in my life. No, my daddy’s behavior didn’t change. He didn’t stop drinking or start acting differently. But I changed. Compassion and love for my daddy began to grow in my heart, and I found peace, even in the midst of the chaos and disappointment.

One by one, the burdens began to lift. I was able to forgive the past. I even regained some of the respect I had lost for Daddy, and I learned how to pray for him again. Our relationship wasn’t perfect, but God was obviously at work.

Years later, I was called to my daddy’s bedside.

He was dying. I knew his life didn’t reflect one of a saved man. As I told him I loved him and began to walk away, I felt the hands of the Lord on my shoulders. I knew what I had to do. I turned and lunged toward my father, pleading one last time for him to give his life to Christ.

And this time, Daddy said yes! A few hours later, he passed away.

Not long after, the Lord instructed me to write a book about my childhood entitled, Just in Time.

There are many meanings of “just in time,” but there is one that sums up the phrase for me especially well.

After my daddy passed, the Lord whispered to my heart: “Tracy, I was always there for you and for your daddy. I am always just in time. But life is about choices, and I could never make your daddy choose me, just as you couldn’t. My hand is always reaching out to My children. All they have to do is choose to take hold.”

When my daddy finally said yes to God, he chose to reach out and grab the hand that had always been extended to him. And it was just in time!

God showed me I’d had my own just-intime moment too, when I made the choice to turn around and plead with my daddy, one last time, to accept Christ, even though everything in me wanted to walk out that hospital room door. Because I’d said yes to the Holy Spirit’s prompting, my daddy was saved just in time, and I got to watch my just-in-time God draw my daddy to Himself!

God wants us all to experience these just-intime moments. Don’t miss them! V

Tracy and her daddy at her wedding in 2003.

God's grace allowed for many moments like these, including his salvation 10 years later.

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STEPPING INTO THE JORDAN

by Christa Hicks with Diane Strack

Gymnastics practice was my safe place. The praise of coaches as I flew through the air and the confidence of landing on my feet are some of the few childhood smiles that I remember. During those brief years of quasi stability, Mom cleaned the gym at night so that I could be on the team. It was wonderful while it lasted, but the day she showed up and began talking to the coach in the corner, I knew my childhood pleasure had come to an end.

Disappointment burned into unspoken anger.

Silence filled the car as we drove home, the place where chaos reigned. I blamed her for taking from me the one thing I loved—gymnastics. I lost hope in life pretty quickly after that.

Mom was away from the house a lot, and I was left to raise myself. I started getting in trouble. At 13, I was still pretty naïve about life, so when a boy from school invited me to an older boy’s house, I went. That was the first time I was raped. Shame took me prisoner. The hurt turned to anger and then rebellion. Bouncing between my home and various foster homes and even being homeless at times became the norm, and the tension between me and my mom mounted.

I was 15 when she kicked me out of the house for good. I landed in the waiting arms of an older boyfriend. I was lost and confused and wanted desperately for someone to care for me. I thought he was "all that," but the night we got to his house, he became a different person. He stripped me of all possessions, humiliated me, and isolated me from every relationship.

He arranged parties for his friends with me as the main attraction. Today, I know this is a form of sex trafficking, as I was coerced into performing sexual acts in front of strange men. I was also being trafficked for labor, as I was forced to work during the day but never saw a paycheck.

The shock of it all left me traumatized. I tried to escape but quickly learned the abuse would only intensify. His goal was to make me totally dependent on him, which I pretended to be, but all along, I remained desperate to escape.

I had one scrap of hope left—a memorized phone number of a classmate who’d once offered to help me. I begged another girl where I was to help me run and find a pay phone. I now realize she was likely being trafficked as well, but at the time, that was beyond my comprehension. We found a phone and I called my classmate, who came to get me. I never saw that other girl again.

Survival depended on a severe detachment from emotion, and I was determined that no one would ever get close enough to hurt me again. I learned to align myself with people whose reputation protected me from exploitation. Ironically, this often meant drug dealers.

At 16, I started using and selling drugs, the only alternative I knew to selling myself. In my world, girls like me didn’t have great chances of surviving any other way. By 22, I was out of control. Selling drugs had become a necessity as my addiction increased, and I was unemployable. I was trafficked again during those years, but I don’t remember much of that. My

SURVIVAL DEPENDED ON A SEVERE DETACHMENT FROM EMOTION, AND I WAS DETERMINED THAT NO ONE WOULD EVER GET CLOSE ENOUGH TO HURT ME AGAIN.

This page: Christa's safe place in life was gymnastics.

When it was taken away, she lost her way. God, however, brought her to a place of restoration.

Opposite page: Today, Christa fights for those enslaved in sex trafficking. She is pictured here on the steps of the capitol building in Tallahassee, FL. 16 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

memories of it are hazy because I remained strung out on drugs to cover the pain and shame. Life became a kaleidoscope of random jobs, selling drugs, working at bars—whatever it took to stay high but out of sex trafficking.

At 27, I had a baby girl. From day one, she has been God’s special gift to me, but drugs kept calling. Looking back, I can’t believe the places I took her. At one point, I found myself standing in a crack house with her on my hip, thinking, “This is crazy.” But I could not—or would not—stop.

At 29, isolated in a jail cell and coming off the drugs, a phrase from my time in AA came to me: “Thy will, not mine, be done.” My sponsor had told me to say it over and over, but she’d never told me who “Thy” was. I was an atheist. I don’t remember hearing the gospel before this point, but somehow, that night, the light went on. I suddenly knew there was a God, and that’s whose will I should be doing. I surrendered my will to God, saying, “If you want this mess of a life, you can have it.”

From that point until the morning, I continued in a spiritual experience that cannot be explained.

Blaming others for my life had been my constant crutch, but throughout the night, God gave me the gracious gift of genuine repentance. The tears I’d refused to shed all those years poured forth as I owned up to my choices, my selfishness, and the excuses. I willingly cast aside my hard-girl persona as the Holy Spirit sweetly unveiled truth about myself and about God. The thought came to me—by the Spirit, I am sure—to say yes only to God. I would know to do this by choosing the exact opposite of what I

would have done in the past. So when the court gave me the choice between a 28-day quick rehab fix or a year-long program on a secluded farm, I chose the latter.

This crazy, tattooed, tough girl found herself in ankle-length dresses, secluded, and disconnected from the world in rehab, but excited about the future. Surrender of my heart to God was my daily—no, hourly—thought. In this year of healing, the Holy Spirit unlocked the door to my emotions, and for the first time in my life, genuine rest and peace were mine.

I wish I could tell you that everything was roses after that, but I cannot. Chains like mine don’t break easily, and trust can be elusive when you’re trying to start fresh. Despite the struggles, however, I was determined to allow God to continue the healing He had begun in me.

I became part of an amazing church body that loved me. I’m sure they had no idea the depths of my financial and emotional needs when they first welcomed me into their family, but that didn’t stop them. The church’s assistance was the lifeline that fed my daughter and helped to pay the rent.

I worked full time, but I was never able to earn a livable wage. Poverty was a daily struggle.

I refused to give in to the depression that was my constant shadow; instead, I forced myself to dream about the future. It was a season of intense struggle. I dug in my heels, looked Satan in the eye, and defied the darkness of discouragement and defeat. God let me know I was not alone and that trials were a part of growth and healing. He was faithful, always present, and granted me His indescribable peace.

Because I was a felon, finding a rental home seemed impossible. Still, I believed that God had a plan, so I kept on asking. One day, a duplex owner who had rejected my application called me and said, “I just keep thinking I need to give you a chance.” I jumped at that chance and spent many nights in that place, staring at the clean white floor, while waves of gratitude washed over me.

Managing as a single mom in poverty was tough, but I was determined to finish college. A great calling to help abused women began to grow in me, and I decided to go for a degree in counseling to prepare for this calling. It was hard, but I am thankful for the struggles, because they kept me sensitive to the economic situations of others.

With every challenge, my body, mind, and courage grew stronger. And breakthrough came.

For the first time in my life, I had a job with an actual salary. Wow, that felt good. I also had a healthy relationship with a man, as the Lord brought me a wonderful husband, Brian, who loves me and my daughter as his own. To this day, he is a gift from the Lord to me.

Amid these blessings, however, that burden for women in trauma and addiction continued to grow within me. Witnessing the passion on my heart, my husband surprised me by saying, “Then go. Do it! Follow your dream and help these women.”

This step of faith would require me to give up the financial security of my job. Talk about scary!

But with all the Lord had done so far, I knew He wasn’t about to leave me now. God brought the name “Into the Jordan” into my mind. He took me continued on page 19

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Free Indeed

by Richard Amabile

I cannot start on a happy note to tell you my story. I will not tell of my achievements first, nor do I boast of anything I am. Instead, God desires that I begin nearly seven years ago, at the darkest moment of my life. That’s when I first called out to Him in total desperation, not knowing if He would even answer me. And it’s when my life was finally saved.

I remember that moment all too well. I was curled up in a fetal position on a cold, stone bench. My face was covered with tears. That bench was so unforgiving. The light above me pierced my eyes, while the sounds outside my holding cell pounded away at my other senses. I was so cold and disheveled, but more pitiful than my outward appearance was my inner condition.

I was a mess.

The pain in my heart was so deep, much deeper than anyone could see on the surface. It was the pain of loneliness and fear.

That was, without a doubt, the worst year of my life. I was eighteen years old, and I was facing a possible sentence of twenty-five years to life in prison. I was a sinner desperately in need of a Savior. Many things were put into motion that year, and while it was the worst—I would also say it was the best year of my life, for it led me to the place where I finally found freedom.

One night, through the depths of my despair, God spoke to my heart in a dream. It was so 18 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

vivid. He showed me through this dream that He had a great plan for me. At first it scared me, but now I know that He was being kind, showing me His goodness in a way that only He could.

Through this dream, He gave me hope for my future and reminded me that my life had value and could still be used for great things, despite my mistakes.

In my dream, the Lord came against every lie that I’d ever heard and believed. Things like “You’re such a liar, a thief. You’re a monster. No one wants you!” He replaced these lies with His truth, “You are chosen, forgiven, loved, and you are My child. Your life does have purpose.”

How could I experience this great purpose?

God showed me it was through worship. I was created to worship God, and if I did not worship Him, I would undoubtedly worship other things.

He showed me that if I worshiped other things, I would become like them, empty and without purpose.

This so summed up my life. Empty. Without purpose.

Perhaps you can relate?

Next, God showed me who I truly was—a lost man, totally covered in sin. There seemed to be no way out of my condition. I had made so many mistakes. But then I saw God for who He truly is— pure, beautiful, holy, full of love, grace, and mercy.

And I realized He loved me despite my past.

I wanted to be like Him. I wanted to know Him. Then in my dream, I heard these words of Jesus from John 14:6, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me.” To come to God, to be made pure like Him, I had to know His Son, Jesus. I accepted His teaching and on that day, I was made right with God. “For God made Christ, who never sinned, to be the offering for [my] sin, so that [I] could be made right with God through Christ” (2 Corinthians 5:21).

I was also made new. For “anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person.

The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17). Since that day, I have been becoming more like God through my worship of Him. After this dream, God strategically placed men in my life behind prison walls to help me walk out His plan and teach me His ways. They helped me understand who God really is and who I am in Him. I am so thankful for my brothers in Christ.

Today, I continue to live behind prison walls, serving God alongside these faithful men.

Ironically, I have never been this free before in my life. The prison walls around me have no bearing on my freedom, for the Son has set me free, and I am free, indeed (John 8:36).

How about you? Have you found this freedom? V

STEPPING INTO THE JORDAN | from page 17_____________

to the passage in Joshua 3 where the Israelites were standing on the banks of the Jordan River. He showed me that it was their first step into the Jordan that opened the waters so the Israelites could pass through. God was asking me to take a first step with Him and start a ministry called Into the Jordan. This ministry would help women find courage and faith to take their own first steps of faith into freedom.

God has blessed me with a mentor who has been my prayer partner for more than ten years. With her help, we got the ministry off the ground. There were days I didn’t think I could do it—reliving trauma with the women, raising money to pay the bills, picking up moms who had nowhere to go in the wee hours, and taking care of their babies. The stress was crazy, but my soul was satisfied.

The ministry was growing, and life was great. So much so, in fact, that my husband and I purchased our first home. When a person has endured homelessness, purchasing that first home is an overwhelmingly joyful experience. It settles a place in your heart that has longed for calm.

We were just about all settled in when the Lord asked me to take another step of faith, to say yes to Him in an unexpected way. This surrender to God’s will wasn’t as easy as the others, because He was asking me to sell the house, give up Into the Jordan, and move to Lakeland, Florida, to become the executive director of One More Child—Anti-Trafficking.

“No” came out of my mouth pretty quickly, followed by “Give up my first house? The ministry I started and the women I love?

Ask my family to move?!”

It was a lot to take in, but all my excuses fell away as I realized that these gifts from God’s hand had only been loaned to me.

Surely God had an amazing adventure ahead if only I would trust Him. My family was incredibly supportive. And God was faithful.

He took me by the hand—me, that forgotten little girl who had been told she would never function like everyone else, who had been hungry many days, who had been trapped in darkness—and made her an employee of One More Child Foundation, a ministry that served 200,000 children last year and over 5 million meals worldwide. God gave me resources and a devoted staff to enable me to reach children, teens, and young adults enslaved in sex trafficking. My yes to the unknown is rewarded every day as we continue to reach that one more child for His name’s sake.

What is God asking you to say yes to today? What step of faith is He asking you to take? Whatever it is, know that God will meet you there. Saying yes may not mean taking the easy road, but it will always lead to the right road.

Maybe you’ve been abused, trafficked, and told you wouldn’t amount to anything. Maybe you, too, are a forgotten one. I want you to know that there is hope, freedom, and peace waiting for you. Take that first step into your Jordan, those uncharted waters, with God, and watch what He will do on your behalf. V

Photo courtesy of One More Child

FIVE STEPS TO RESTORATION OF THE SOUL

by Christa Hicks

FINDING FREEDOM FROM MY PAST WASN’T A QUICK OR EASY PROCESS. IT TOOK YEARS OF DETERMINATION AND PERSEVERANCE. HERE ARE FIVE KEYS THAT HELPED ME DISCOVER WHOLENESS.

SURRENDER HEBREWS 13:21 | PHILIPPIANS 1:6 Say yes to God unconditionally. You can trust that, whatever He asks you to do, He will equip you to do it, provide all you need, and bring it to fruition.

Anything you give up for Christ will be given back to you a hundredfold.

There is always something greater on the other side of yes.

GET HEALTH ROMANS 12:2 | 1 CORINTHIANS 6:19–20 Change your focus from outside appearance to total body health. If you are a believer, your body is the temple of God. Treat it as such. Quit focusing on the outward person and allow God to transform your mind, body, and spirit.

BUILD HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS 1 CORINTHIANS 15:33 | PROVERBS 14:7 Break destructive attachments by setting boundaries and building new, healthy relationships. Bad company corrupts good character.

FIND FINANCIAL PEACE ROMANS 13:8 | PROVERBS 22:7 Be prepared to live a minimalist lifestyle while you are starting over.

Financial peace is worth any sacrifice you may have to make.

DREAM EPHESIANS 3:20 | PSALM 37:4 Dream big God-dreams and then embrace and believe that you are valued by God and worthy of your dreams. He is a mighty God who is not limited by your imagination. V

“ALL GLORY TO GOD, WHO IS ABLE, THROUGH HIS MIGHTY POWER AT WORK WITHIN US, TO ACCOMPLISH INFINITELY MORE THAN WE MIGHT ASK OR THINK.” EPHESIANS 3:20

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Nothing

is Impossi

by Jon Pon

der

There are moments when all you can do is stand in speechless amazement as you look at the work of the Lord in your life. Standing in the Rose Garden next to my friend, Richard Beasley, and being honored by the president of the United States was one of those moments. It was a moment only God could orchestrate.

The first time I met Richard Beasley was in 2004. On that day, I was handcuffed to a cold, stainless-steel table in a Las Vegas holding cell, being charged with a string of armed robberies.

I was wild with anger as I glared at the FBI agent assigned to my case. The charges against me were long, and I could see my life flashing before my eyes. He met my anger, however, with a peace that knocked me off my guard. Even with all the internal chaos of my heart, something about this man’s demeanor assured me that everything would be okay. I didn’t know what it was then, but now I do—it was the presence of God that this man carried.

Fast forward 14 years to this scene in the Rose Garden, almost nine years to the day that I had emerged from behind 50-foot federal prison walls. On this day, I was a free and transformed man, standing side-by-side with Mr. Beasley, my friend and mentor. We had both been invited to attend a National Day of Prayer ceremony, so that President Trump could recognize the power of God to transform lives as he highlighted the 20 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

importance of faith-based programs in the prison system. God had used this godly FBI agent, as well as a God-fearing federal judge and sheriff, to rescue my life from the dominion of darkness that had held me hostage for so many years. The story I’m about to tell you is a living testimony to the amazing transforming power of God’s love.

My journey to incarceration began at a young age. I am a product of a fatherless home. My mother did her best to protect my five siblings and me from the traps of the streets of New York, but without a father in our home, my brothers and I were naturally drawn there in an attempt to validate our manhood. The criminal activity that followed led to a long, hard road of incarceration for us all. I was the second to the youngest and caught my first felony conviction at the age of 16 for robbery.

In her attempts to shield us, my mother sent us to our grandmother’s home in Mississippi each summer. Her name was Madea, and she loved Jesus. I loved going to Madea’s house. We would chase chickens, eat watermelons, and run around her property. She took us to her little Baptist church where she played the piano. My siblings and I would gather around that dusty old piano and sing hymn after hymn. The songs had little meaning for me at the time. What I loved most was the quarters people would toss on the piano, indicating their approval of our singing.

ble

But at the end of each summer, we’d get on the bus and head back to the streets of New York— back to gang life, crime, and drugs. The memories of our carefree, peace-filled summer days would quickly fade away.

By the time I was in my early twenties, the rest of my family had left New York and moved to Las Vegas. Lonely, I decided to join them. Let me tell you, I went from the frying pan into the fire! All the things Sin City is famous for became integral parts of my life, and I fell deeper and deeper into a life of crime.

There was something just ridiculously exciting about that lifestyle for me. Gambling, drugs, alcohol, robbery…I was in and out of county jail more times than I can remember. I spent time in state prisons before I met Richard Beasley and was locked up on a federal charge.

I remember the day the Feds arrested me. It was quite the scene. I was as high as a kite and driving in a complete stupor when a helicopter with a spotlight hovered over my car. Police cars swarmed around me. Police dogs barked loudly.

Everyone was ready to pounce. There was no way out…and I wasn’t going down without a fight.

I reached under my dashboard to grab the two 9-millimeter pistols I kept tucked away for moments like these, but they were gone.

Suddenly I heard a voice that seemed to come from the backseat of my car. “Relax, Jon, I've got Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

this.” I remember a strange, momentary rush of unfamiliar peace.

An officer on a bullhorn began to bark instructions. “Driver, get out of the car.” I opened the door and got out of the car. “Put your hands in the air.” I put my hands high in the air. “Driver, get down. Get down. Get down.” I dropped to my knees, then lay face down on the ground. Law enforcement officers surrounded me, cuffed me, and took me into custody.

I fought everyone in my path, including the police and other inmates. I refused to talk to anyone. Because of my violent behavior, they locked me away in solitary confinement while I waited for my sentence hearing. I was so angry, I went on a hunger strike.

All alone in my cell, tears streamed down my face as I realized the impact of this moment—I had become my father. My son was the same age I had been when my father disappeared from my life, and now I would be completely absent from his.

It tore me up. How could I have been so stupid?

Then I thought of my mother, who had always been there for me. She wasn’t young anymore.

Would she pass away while I was behind bars?

Scenario after scenario played through my mind, and each caused my anger to escalate. Not to mention I was detoxing from heroin. I was a mess.

A couple of weeks into my hunger strike, a chaplain came by my solitary confinement unit.

He opened my food flap and said, “Hey, brother.

I just want to tell you that Jesus loves you, and He wants to be the Lord and Savior of your life.” I broke my no-talking rule long enough to scream obscenities at him and tell him to leave me alone.

He left, but not before he dropped a Bible through my flap. It landed on the floor. That Bible was still sitting there a week later when the chaplain returned. Once again, he opened that flap and told me that Jesus loved me and wanted to be my Lord and Savior. I yelled more obscenities at him; this time he dropped a daily devotional through my flap.

That Bible and devotional stayed on the floor for three weeks until one day, out of pure boredom, I picked up the devotional. I turned to the date I thought it was and began to read. It listed a scripture reference. I reached over for the Bible that still lay on the floor, and I looked up the scripture. As I read, I had flashbacks of my time in Mississippi with Madea.

I saw myself standing by that dusty old piano, and hymns suddenly flooded my mind. At

the Cross. Amazing Grace.

He Touched Me. Then came stories. Blind Bartimaeus. The woman at the well. The thief on the cross. It all started coming to life within me. It had been 40 years since Madea had sown those godly seeds, but finally they were bringing forth a harvest. Suddenly, I wasn’t angry anymore, and I began to speak to the guards and eat. I was different. They thought I had lost my mind.

In the weeks that followed, I couldn’t put the Word of God down. One night, there was a commotion that woke me. An inmate was being transferred to another facility. I heard him ask the guard if he could give me his small radio. A few moments later, my flap opened, and the guard dropped a small transistor radio into my cell. It was old and pitiful, but it was a gift from above. I found one station on that mangled radio, 90.5 KSOS. I recognized the voice of the DJ as the man who used to do the news on channel 3 in Las Vegas.

He started to preach, and he told me about a God who loved me and wanted to forgive all my sin.

Something cracked on the inside of me.

I listened to that little radio day and night. I’d sit there with one earbud in my ear, listening to Christian music. One night I fell asleep and woke up to the voice of Billy Graham. It was the message of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11–32). At the end of the story, Billy Graham said, “God is knocking at the door of your heart. He wants you to invite Him in. Will you do that?” Something leaped within my spirit. I stood up in that cell, raised my hands to the heavens, and invited Jesus Christ to be Lord of my life. And my life has never been the same since.

You know, inmates are put in solitary confinement in order to isolate them from everyone else; but I wasn’t alone. God was right there in that cell with me. There were times when His presence was so real, it was like we were sitting face to face in the room, talking together.

His presence enabled me to face the uncertainty of my future.

A month later, US marshals took me to the federal courthouse for sentencing. I was facing 23 years in prison, and I was scared to death. I closed my eyes and prayed, “God, I’m asking You to go before me in this courtroom, to climb into the robe of that judge and move him out of the way.

Lord, whatever time I have coming to me—10, 20, 50 years, whatever—let it come from You. You be

From federal prison to the White House, Jon Ponder is living proof that with God, nothing is impossible.

my judge. And Lord, whatever time I get, I‘m going to spend the rest of my life serving You.” I finished praying as the door to my holding cell opened. Feet shackled, I shuffled down the hall and into the courtroom. There, in front of that judge, peace overcame me. It was like I was standing in the presence of God. Prior to sentencing, the judge asked me if I had anything to say. I opened my mouth, and the Spirit of God poured His words out of me.

The judge sat in silence, took off his glasses, and paused. “Mr. Ponder, I don’t know why I am doing this, but I am not going to give you what you deserve.” Instead of 23 years, he gave me just over six. What a beautiful picture of our heavenly Father, who doesn’t give us what we deserve either. Years later, Judge Mahan told me that he had paused because he was asking the Lord what sentence he should give me. This man was a direct answer to my prayer.

My heavenly Father showed up that day. Back in the cell, I fell face down on the floor and wept.

God bent down and whispered, “Son, I honored what you asked Me to do. Never forget the promise you made Me.” And in that moment, I renewed my determination to serve God every day of my life.

Matthew 4 tells the story of Jesus being led into the wilderness by the Spirit of God to be tempted by the devil. Jesus had just been baptized and was committed to the call God had placed on His life. After my commitment to Christ, I was led into a similar wilderness experience at Allenwood Federal Penitentiary in Pennsylvania.

Behind those 50-foot concrete walls, I met evil every day, and I was tempted in every way.

Because of the role I had played in the free world, it was natural I would assume a leadership position in a certain gang. I was called to the round table to meet with gang leaders. I knew the rules of the

THERE ARE NO LIMITS TO WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH A LIFE TOTALLY SURRENDERED TO HIM, ONLY OPPORTUNITIES. Photo courtesy of Hope For Prisoners

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NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE | from page 21_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

game; if I turned down this position, I’d be killed. I avoided the round table for three weeks.

“God,” I pleaded. “I need Your help. I’m trying to honor You by not going back to that life. Please, protect me.”

I got called back to the table, and there was no avoiding it this time. With boldness that could only have come from God, I went. I sat down at the table, looked those men in the eyes, and told them I would not be a part of their gang. I also told them not to call me back to the table unless they wanted to talk with me about the Bible. I shared my commitment to God and told them I was done with gang life. Then I told them that if they were going to take me out, to go ahead and do it.

Nobody moved. Everyone was waiting for the cue—a slight wave of the hand, a nod, something to signal my demise. Yet the cue never came. I stood up, turned around, and walked away from the table. My eyes caught sight of the sun rising over the mountains of Pennsylvania. Psalm 121:1–2 immediately came to mind, “I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help. My help cometh from the Lord, which made heaven and earth” (KJV).

For days, I could sense the threat of death in the air. If you’ve been in prison, you know that death comes without warning. It lurks around every corner, and you don’t know who will be its pawn.

But death never came. Instead, over time the men started coming to me, asking for prayer. I’d stand on the prison yard, holding hands with the guys who should have taken me out, praying for the Lord to intervene on their behalf. It was amazing.

Even the underboss of a well-known crime family began to call upon me for prayer. God did many miracles in these men’s lives.

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After three and a half years, I was transferred to a minimal security federal prison in Oregon.

This was a far cry from the penitentiary where I’d seen people massacred right before my eyes. God had used that wilderness experience to teach me to trust Him. He was truly all I had, and I learned through my time there that He was all I needed.

He’s all I’ll ever need.

The day before I was released, some Christian brothers had a party for me, complete with a meal.

They asked me, “Jon, what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?” I hadn’t thought about that. I’d been so wrapped up in what God was doing in each moment in my life there in prison that I hadn’t really thought about what I’d do when I got out. I was so content there, teaching and mentoring men in the Word of God. I didn’t need prison gates to open for me to be free; God had set me free years before.

That night I knelt by my bunk and asked, “God, what would You have me to do?” And God proceeded to show me my mission. “Jon, you’re not going home, you’re being sent home.

There’s a big difference. You are being sent back to a community where people are enslaved to what used to enslave you. I’ve chosen you to go to them and untie them and bring them to Me.” He showed me if I obeyed, I would bring life transformation not just to a person, but to their families for generations to come.

The Lord then reminded me of that night when I was first arrested by the Feds. He said, “Jon, when you heard a voice saying to get out of the driver’s seat, you thought it was the police, but it wasn’t. It was Me. You also heard a voice telling you to put your hands in the air; that was Me. And you heard, ‘Get down. Get down. Get down.’ Me again. I was

showing you how to live the rest of your life: hands off the controls, totally surrendered, prostrate before Me. Now, go home and fulfill your mission.

The city of Las Vegas is no longer your playground.

It is your mission field.”

I went from prison to a halfway house here in Las Vegas. The first thing I did was to get a job. I had restitution to make for the crimes I’d committed. I worked each day with integrity, and on my fifteen-minute breaks, I planned for the ministry God had called me to. It would be called HOPE for Prisoners.

Not long after I was released, Richard Beasley sought me out and came to visit. As we sat down to breakfast, he told me that he had been praying for me the whole time I’d been incarcerated. We connected through our mutual faith and love for Christ and, for perhaps the first time, I was able to view someone in law enforcement from a new perspective. He was now my friend, and the relationship we developed that day has continued since. He has offered me wisdom and guidance as I have worked to build HOPE for Prisoners and serves as a valued member of our Advisory Council. I value and admire this man, and thank God for the part he has played in my life and my ministry.

Since 2009, HOPE for Prisoners has facilitated reentry and reintegration services to over 2,000 men, women, and young adults who are exiting various segments of the judicial system. Our ministry comes alongside former offenders and their families in an effort to transform lives and systematically educate society in ways to engage and support them. What makes our ministry so successful is that we involve local churches, legislators, judges, police officers,

Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

and businessmen who want to help people overcome the many barriers to successful living that incarceration can create. They are our clients’ mentors, just like Richard Beasley was mine.

Because of the transformation in my life and the success of the ministry God has entrusted to me, White House staff members are studying HOPE for Prisoners as a model for future rehabilitation and transitional programs across the nation. As I stood in the Rose Garden, I was embarking on the next leg of my journey—one that includes being a part of prison reform in America. Only God could do such a thing.

If there is one thing I hope you take away from my story, it is this: there are no limits to what God can do with a life totally surrendered to Him, only opportunities. I am so privileged to be living proof of Colossians 1:13: “He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves” (NIV).

I don’t know who you are. I don’t know what roads you’ve traveled or what road you’re currently on, but I do know this: God is ready to use your life to bring hope and change to this world. Whether you are a grandparent like Madea, a federal agent like Richard Beasley, a judge, an officer, a schoolteacher, a parent, a businessman, or even a convicted felon like myself, God is ready and able to use you in ways you would never imagine. All it takes is your saying yes to God. Today, I want to tell you what Billy Graham told me years ago. God stands at the door of your heart, and He’s knocking. He’s ready to take you on an adventure of a lifetime. Will you open the door?

Who knows, God might even lead you from the heart of a prison to the White House. Nothing is impossible with Him. V

Answer Your Call

by Jon Ponder

Has God ever placed a mission on your heart? When I was released from prison, I felt deeply impressed that God wanted me to work in the city of Las Vegas and free His people. The desire burned in my heart. But when you feel that deep calling, how do you step into it? Here’s what helped me:

Stay true to your convictions.

You may need to make costly sacrifices to follow your call. Family members and friends alike rejected me because of my new life choices. They didn’t understand my commitment to God. Some even accused me of being “holier than thou.” That’s okay—your first priority must be to please God, not people.

Find community with other believers.

The best place to do this is within the church. Find a Bible-believing church that is driven by God’s love. If a church body won’t accept you because of your past, find another church. Don’t give up!

Be intentional in relationships.

I’ve added people to my life who won’t allow me to do what I used to do and who hold me accountable for my choices now. Surround yourself with people who have the results in their lives that you want in yours. Your associations determine your destination.

Spend time with God. Jesus Christ never did anything without pulling away and conversing with His Father. In the same way, to fulfill God’s call, you must hear from the Father. He knows the way to go, you can’t leave Him out of the process.

Focus on your future.

People drag their past behind them like a ball and chain. You can’t see your future if you are always focused on your past. Fix your eyes on Christ, not on all the things you wish had never happened in your life. Forget the past and press on to your higher calling in Christ (Philippians 3:13–14).

Be faithful.

Be faithful where you are on the way to where you are going. God honors faithfulness, and He will cause even your enemies to favor you (Luke 16:10; Proverbs 16:7).

Take that one step.

I am all for 12-step programs, but no program will work unless a person takes that one first step to Jesus. I took that one step and never looked back. If you do the same and from that point press on in Him, you will see the mission God has prepared for you, and with His help, you will fulfill it. And what an adventure that will be! V

God is ready to use Left: When Jon answered His call, God took his life and used it to bring hope and change to many.

Pictured here imparting wisdom to graduates of HOPE for Prisoners. Right: Jon and his brothers were greatly influenced by the godly seeds planted by their grandmother, Madea.

your life to bring hope and change to this world.

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NO MORE

Running on Empty When the publisher of this magazine first asked me to share my story, I wanted to curl up in a cocoon and stay there forever. All I could think was, “Who in the world would want to read my story? What could I possibly share that would have any worth?”

But then the Holy Spirit reminded me, “It’s not about you, Nancy. It’s about Me and what I am doing in and through you.” With this reminder, I knew I had no choice but to share how God has been restoring my broken life.

Counselors tell me that sexual molestation most likely started when I was around three years old. My father was my abuser, and he allowed others to abuse me as well. Sexual acts were tools my father used to control and reward me. For example, if I needed school clothes, a new dress, or shoes, they could only be obtained through sexual activities with my father or those he brought my way. Everything had a price.

It wasn’t until middle school, when I shared with a girlfriend some of the things I did with my dad, that I realized my life wasn’t normal. Her response made that quite clear. “How can you let your dad do that to you?! You’re disgusting!”

I was shocked and confused. This was all I had ever known. It was my norm. It wasn’t a matter of me “letting my dad do” these perverted things to me; he was my dad, and I was obeying. Isn’t a daughter supposed to do what her father tells her to do? Suddenly I felt dirty and ashamed.

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The weight of it all caught up to me when I was a senior in high school. At that point, I tried to kill myself with pills and alcohol. People began to ask, “What’s so traumatic in your life that you would try to kill yourself?” I finally shared with adults what my father had been doing to me all those years. The response of the authorities was simply to remove my father from our home.

There was never any mention of prosecuting him.

Removing him from our house did absolutely nothing to stop the abuse. It just began happening in other locations around town. I felt so hopeless. Would things ever change?

My sense of worth was impacted to the core.

The unhealthy view of myself that my father had created resulted in unhealthy relationships for me for years to come. Since I was a toddler, I’d been trained to be submissive and to perform sexually for men, so when any man came into my life, even if they just spoke to me, I immediately got sexual. I thought that’s what was supposed to happen. And when it did happen, I convinced myself that person must love me because they were sexually active with me. It was an easy formula: sex equaled affection, attention, and the accumulation of basic needs.

Despite the abuse, my life wasn’t completely horrible. I had three amazing siblings, all of whom were musically talented. My mother taught us all to sing harmony, and she and my

by Nancy Johnson

dad often booked us in vocal contests. We were The Country Wonders, a cute bunch who could actually sing. We caught the eye of a manager who booked us up and down the East Coast. We opened for singers such as Ernest Tubb and Lee Greenwood. We also sang in a club in Las Vegas.

I got married at age 21. It wasn’t long, however, before the relationship became physically abusive. Because of my childhood, the abuse felt warranted. When my husband hit me, I told myself I deserved it for all the trashy things I had done with my dad. I know now that was a lie from the pit of hell.

The demise of our relationship occurred when my husband nearly hit me while I was holding our daughter. He’d always promised he’d never hit me in her presence. That incident woke me up, and I left.

Our divorce was final four years later. During that time, I continued to sing and started my own band, The Stone River Band. We performed in clubs and hotels around Orlando. A close friend, Bobby Johnson, was my drummer, and I began to confide with him about my experiences with my father. Rather than judge or criticize me, he consoled me. He even told me it wasn’t my fault.

We began to date and got married.

It quickly became apparent that I was not healthy when, within the first three months of our marriage, I committed a sexual act with another man. Bobby and I both realized the depth of Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

I WASN’T SPENDING TIME WITH GOD; I WAS WORKING FOR HIM. THERE IS A BIG DIFFERENCE.

Nancy and her siblings, The Country Wonders, performed for Ernest Tubb and Lee Greenwood. my issues at that point. I needed professional help. God arranged for me to be counseled by an amazing therapist who put me on a road to healing. I never cheated on my husband again.

Bobby graciously forgave my infidelity, and we moved forward the best we knew how.

Bobby had a coworker, Jessie Hull, who persistently invited us to church. I wanted no part of it. At that time, I was drinking heavily and smoking cigarettes and weed. I didn’t want to walk through church doors living the way I was.

I figured, one day, when I cleaned up my act, I’d go—and not a moment before.

But God had other plans.

Because of Jessie’s relentless pursuit, Bobby and I decided we’d go to church “for the kids’ sake.” If I didn’t like it, I wouldn’t go back. That choice forever changed my life.

When I walked in those church doors for the first time, I felt something like what I’d always imagined home should be. We attended this church for over a year, and one day, I felt something drawing me to the altar. I went forward, knelt down, and prayed a prayer of salvation with the pastor’s wife, Jill. I asked Jesus to come into my life, forgive me of my sin, and cleanse me. It was like a massive weight lifted off my shoulders.

At the same time, my family had also been drawn to the Lord. When I opened my eyes, there they were, my daughter and my husband, both kneeling at that altar. Our whole family was saved that day. The Holy Spirit drew each one of us to Himself, and we all responded.

Everything around me started to change.

My friend was quick to point out that it wasn’t the people and circumstances around me that were changing, I was. And she was right. My relationship with God began to impact every area of my life, and it began to heal my brokenness at a deeper level. No longer did I need alcohol and drugs to mask the pain in my heart.

God was working so powerfully in my life that I threw myself wholeheartedly into serving Him. No matter what I was asked to do, I quickly agreed. I volunteered for everything—and in my activity, I neglected my relationship with God. I wasn’t spending time with God; I was working for Him. There is a big difference.

I wasn’t performing for God to earn salvation.

I knew the Bible teaches that it’s God’s grace that saves us, not our works. No, I was working so hard for Him because He’d done so much for me. How could I refuse?

Unfortunately, in the flurry of church activities, I became complacent in my marriage and neglected Bobby. After 25 years of marriage, we separated. He’d begun to have his needs met elsewhere. I was crushed.

I leaned heavily on my church family. They graciously responded and helped me find a place to live and even furnished it. For months, I sat on the front porch of that little rented house in a donated rocking chair and cried my heart out to God. My pastor’s wife constantly reminded me, “Nancy, no matter how bad it gets, keep praising God.” I would rock in that chair and praise Him despite how I felt. It took Bobby four years to file for a divorce, but in that time, he had already gone on with his life.

Rock and praise. Rock and praise. It was all I could do.

After a while, I found the strength to rise up out of the chair. I missed serving the Lord and returned to using my gifts and talents for Him. This time, I was careful not to get too busy; I wanted to make sure I didn’t use good activities like I had used drugs and alcohol to mask the hurt in my heart. I had learned the hard way that continued on page 26

One of Nancy's favorite places to sing and share her life story is in prison. Pictured here performing behind prison walls and encouraging the discouraged. kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 25

NO MORE RUNNING ON EMPTY | from page 25_______________________________________________

both substances and busyness can prevent a person from truly dealing with their issues.

After the divorce was final, I began to sense the Lord leading me from my home church.

Let me tell you, I dug my heels in hard. How could God be asking me to leave these people who had been so generous to me? I loved my church family. They’d been with me through every part of my Christian journey; they’d held me up during my painful separation. And if I left, who would do the music? I just couldn’t do it.

And then, during a service at my beloved church, a light bulb came on in my mind. The Lord showed me that I had to leave because I had become more reliant on my church family than I was on Him. I was still walking in a victim mentality, and I was using the church to meet my needs. I needed to discover that God is the only One who can heal my brokenness.

The Lord whispered to my heart, “Stop being busy. Let Me love you. Let Me fill your cup back up.” I had been running on empty so long.

I obeyed and made myself completely vulnerable to my heavenly Father. He led me to a wonderful program called Celebrate Recovery at another church. Through this Christ-centered 12-step program, God began to pull back layers of pain and trauma, and He began to heal me.

He used this program to help me realize how precious I am to Him. I am the apple of His eye.

Fully believing this though has been a process. While I know God’s Word tells me how important I am to Him, all it can take is a careless comment from someone else to lead me back to my old feelings of worthlessness.

I’m still a work in progress. Amazingly, as I continue to heal, God is using my story to bring hope to many, especially to incarcerated men and women.

I love sharing my gift of music and my life story behind prison walls. It never fails—every time I share, someone will come up to me and say, “I lived through that, too. That was my story.” I’m finding my story is relevant to so many, regardless of their age, gender, or race.

My story reminds people that no matter how painful their past, God can still use them. We all have incredible value to God, regardless of what we’ve done or what’s been done to us.

This is important, because realizing your value changes everything. It changes how you look at God, yourself, and others. If you don’t know who you are and how much you are loved by your heavenly Father, then you’ll never move out of your pain and into all that God has planned for your life.

Early in my healing process, I asked the Lord why I’d had to experience all that I’d gone through. Why couldn’t I have been the girl with a loving father who protected her instead of exploited her? I now believe God allowed it so that I could help bring healing to others. Satan tried to use trauma at the hands of my father to destroy me, to strip me of my self-worth, and to set my feet on a path of evil. But God, in His great mercy, has taken my greatest pain and is using it for good. Nothing in my life has been wasted.

Nothing in your life has to be wasted, either.

If you’ve experienced trauma that shook you to the core, let my story be a reminder that, with God, you can find freedom from your pain and live a life of hope and impact. Make yourself vulnerable to God and let Him unravel the pain in your heart. You may need to see a godly counselor to help you move forward, or you might want to join a 12-step program.

If you haven’t experienced abuse, consider yourself blessed. But I think most of us have been rejected or disappointed by someone or something in our lives. Maybe your spouse left or a loved one has died. Maybe a friend betrayed you. Maybe you’ve lost a job, or you’ve never had the approval of your parent.

Trying to cover any pain with substances, food, relationships, or busyness will lead to a never-ending cycle of disappointment. Only God can bring true healing. Only He can fill you up. You don’t have to run on empty any longer. V

May the God of hope fill you with all joy

and peace as you trust in him, so that you

may overflow with

hope by the power of the Holy Spirit Romans 15:13 NIV

The Lord whispered to my heart,

“STOP BEING BUSY. LET ME LOVE YOU. LET ME FILL YOUR CUP BACK UP.” 26 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

NO LONGER REJECTED | from page 9__________________________________________________________

He wasn’t happy.

As my child grew within me, I realized that if I stayed in this relationship, my daughter would be in the same abusive environment I had experienced. I couldn’t do that to her. Even though I couldn’t see value in my own life, I knew that my daughter’s life was precious. So, for her sake, I left.

I moved to Las Vegas and started my new life as a single parent. Once there, I realized it was time to regain my relationship with the Lord, a relationship I had forsaken for many years. I found a church for us to attend and began devouring the Word of God. I wanted to know what God required of me as a parent. I knew I needed His help! And that’s where my dependence on God started. If only I had been dependent on the Lord in my teen years, I could have avoided so much heartache and violence.

It was evident that God’s hand was on my daughter and me. I interviewed for a receptionist job and ended up obtaining my license to sell health and life insurance policies. Suddenly, I didn’t just have a job, I had a career! I was able to support my daughter.

I began to pray for a husband, a godly man who would love God first, then me and my daughter. I wanted a man who would treat us as Christ desired, not be abusive like the other men I’d known. I also asked the Lord to prepare us for who He had in mind. I couldn’t believe His choice.

I met Tim when Tayani was three. He was a

Photography by Timothy Smith Honor Photography

new believer. We were friends for a year before we started dating. In fact, I tried to set him up with my sister. She was into white guys; I was not. One day, he and I went to meet a group of people for dinner, and no one else showed up. I sensed the Lord say, “That’s him. That’s the man I have prepared for you.” I was like, “Uh, I don’t think so.”

But God made it clear that this relationship was of Him, and sure enough, we started dating. We were engaged and married within the year. I’ll never forget Tim getting down on one knee and proposing to my daughter and me. He vowed to take care of us both, and he has. He adopted her immediately after our wedding ceremony and has been an incredible example of a godly husband and father.

My relationship with Tim was the first male relationship (other than my stepfather) I’d had that didn’t include mental, sexual, or physical abuse. Many in the world would shun our choice because of our mixed race, but God knew what He was doing when He brought Tim and me together.

We have been married now for 20 years and have two beautiful children and an adorable, energetic grandson.

When I look back over my life and see how God has redeemed it, I am amazed. He took all the evil I had experienced and chosen, and brought something beautiful out of it. And He healed me in the process.

God has always been with me—I know that

without a doubt. Even in the midst of all the hurt, violence, and rejection I experienced, He was there. And He is with you.

Perhaps, like me, you know all too well the pain of rejection or abuse. There’s no way around it; it hurts. But I want to encourage you to keep extending God’s love to those who hurt you. Don’t allow their bitterness and hate to harden you. It will only weigh you down.

The biggest healing in my life came through forgiveness. First of all, I had to receive God’s forgiveness for my years of wandering and for the decisions I had made that grieved His heart.

Second, I had to forgive myself, too. Then, I had to forgive all those people who had rejected and abused me through the years. It wasn't always easy, but it was worth it. Forgiveness has released me from them, positioned me to find true healing, and enabled me to fully walk in my true identity. In Christ, I am accepted and loved—and no one can take that away from me.

Your journey through life will never be easy, no matter who you are. But when you have God backing you up, life is doable. He’ll get you through it; He can turn even the ugliest situations into beauty.

When you put your life in His hands, you’ll be amazed at what God can do. In Him, you’ll find what you’ve always been searching for— love, acceptance, and value. God will never reject you. V

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 27

MINISTRY NEWS

Do you need encouragement?

If you are in the military, the hospital, assisted living, an addiction recovery program, or incarcerated and find yourself in need of encouragement, our Correspondence Team is here for you. Here’s what you can expect:

Send a letter to us at: Victorious Living Correspondence Outreach PO Box 328 Starke, FL 32091

You’ll receive: ✚ Welcome letter from founder, Kristi Overton Johnson

Victorious Living | The Mission behind Your Subscription Filled with marvelous stories of God’s faithfulness and the truth of His Word, Victorious Living brings proof that God is alive and working in the lives of His children today.

When I started this magazine in 2011, all I knew was that the Lord wanted me to start telling people’s stories, so I did. In 2013, He opened a door for Victorious Living to be distributed in the prison system.

(Visit kojministries.org to learn how God turned a simple visit with an incarcerated friend into an evergrowing prison outreach that today includes monthly mentorship and personal correspondence with thousands of inmates.) Victorious Living is truly a light in the darkness.

✚ Monthly devotionals from Kristi Overton Johnson

Victorious Living is also distributed to military personnel at home and overseas, as well as in drug and alcohol rehabilitation centers, hospitals, and assisted living facilities. We want to bring hope, help, and freedom to people who are isolated, overwhelmed, and facing challenging situations. We know that the God-stories contained in this magazine can encourage and equip people for victorious living in every season of life.

✚ Personal subscription to Victorious Living magazine

Maybe after you’ve finished reading your copy, you’ll consider supporting this life-changing outreach of hope and freedom. We would appreciate your help.

✚ Timely, prayerful responses from our Correspondence Team

Kristi Overton Johnson

✚ Prayer support from our Victorious Living Correspondence Team PLEASE NOTE: Those who write to our ministry team will receive a personal response from our team signed “Your Victorious Living Family.” Our team of writers love the Lord and are committed to encouraging you in your life journey. Due to the volume of correspondence, we are unable to assign specific writers to individuals. Also, we cannot handle legal cases, contact people on your behalf, or disperse items such as money or stamps. Please write your personal information neatly and include your DOC number if you are incarcerated. PLEASE NOTIFY US IF YOU ARE TRANSFERRED FROM YOUR FACILITY OR BASE. IF YOU DO NOT RECEIVE A RESPONSE FROM OUR TEAM WITHIN ONE MONTH, IT MEANS EITHER WE DID NOT RECEIVE YOUR LETTER, WE COULD NOT REPLY BECAUSE WE COULD NOT READ YOUR NAME/DOC#, OR YOUR FACILITY HAS REJECTED OUR CORRESPONDENCE. WE MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO REPLY.

Get It. Give It. Use It. Find out how you can change a life.

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Shine Bright & Write!

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28 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

FROM OUR READERS Dear Victorious Living,

Dear Victorious Living,

I want to let you know that I love to read Victorious Living. It touches my heart and helps me understand that we all go through things in life, but Jesus can help us through it all. He has saved the people in your magazine just like He has saved me.

I used to take the blood of Jesus for granted, but it’s His powerful blood that has cleansed me of my sins and saved me. Jesus got me out of that gang with peace. I prayed to Him about it, and He handled it for me. Luke 1:37 says nothing is impossible with God.

I was in a gang for a long time. I joined because I wanted to be cool and feel loved. I had to get on my knees to get beat up to join that family, and I thought that was love. I did a lot of bad things in that family. If you can think of it, I probably did it. But now, I have joined another family—God’s family. And this time, I didn’t have to get beat up.

Jesus let me in with open arms because He loves me. He even took the beating for me, so I could be in His family.

Today, my faith is in my Lord Jesus Christ, and not in man or what this world can give me. I want your readers to know that what God has done for me, He will do for anybody. He will welcome anyone into His family and save them. And then Jesus will never leave or forsake them.

May the grace of God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, be with you.

Albert M.

So encourage each other and build each other up, just as you are already doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

We received your magazine at our church. My ten-year-old daughter read her copy on the way home and wouldn’t put it down during lunch.

Typically, I’d ask her to put something she’s reading down while we eat, but the Lord shut my mouth this time. After she finished reading Rivaldo’s article (Volume 2018, Issue 1), she was struck by the seriousness of his commitment to the Lord. I think the article mentioned something about how important it is to fully surrender to Jesus on His terms, not just because it’s “a good thing to do.”

The Holy Spirit is at work in our little girl’s heart, and it was so important for her to hear Rivaldo’s story. I was blown away by her desire to have a deep and sincere walk with Jesus like Rivaldo.

Thank you for publishing!

Sincerely, Patrick Barrett

Understanding My Part

by Roy A. Borges

I believe with all my heart that God loves me.

He knows all about my struggles. He knows I am a sinner, but still, He loves me. That’s why He sent a Savior. That’s why Jesus came and died on the cross. He paid the price for my sins. He is my Savior.

So, what is my part in this relationship?

My part is simply to acknowledge that, in my own strength, I am powerless. I am hopeless. I am fully dependent on God. My sufficiency comes from God (2 Corinthians 3:5). The apostle Paul said that faith works through love (Galatians 5:6).

Christ’s love for me makes me more than a conqueror (Romans 8:37). His love protects me from the evil forces that I face every day inside these prison fences. They want to make me think I am unworthy. But I know the truth, and I can confidently say, “I am worthy because Jesus’s blood has made me worthy.”

No one in their own strength can carry out God’s call to love others as He loves us. From my

point of view, it looks impossible…and I have failed more times than I can count. But thankfully, God is gracious and forgives me every time I fall short. Admitting that I am weak isn’t easy. Doing so means I have to recognize that I am selfish, too.

If I take God out of the picture, the effect is failure. God wants me to rely on Him. To put Him first. But my natural self says I come first. That’s the kind of thinking that has landed me in prison three times. Leaving God out of the equation looks like this: me minus God equals zero. I need God’s help. I can never leave Him out of the picture.

When I acknowledge that I do not have the power to change my life and I ask God for His mercy and strength to help me take the first step, He will direct my path. He will not forsake me. He takes me just as I am with all my doubts and faults.

Either I choose to trust Him, or I don’t. That’s my part. V

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 29

LETTERS OF HOPE

MIRACLES STILL HAPPEN

by George Starks with Carole Engle Avriett Dear Fellow Traveler: My name is George Wiley Starks, and I’d like to encourage you with an amazing story one of my B-17 crew members told me after we returned home from World War II. On March 16, 1944, we were flying on our first bombing mission to Germany, when a German fighter shot out my number-one engine. The left wing immediately caught fire, and as pilot, I had no choice but to order the crew to bail out. All ten of us jumped at 24,000 feet into Nazi-occupied France. Our average age was twenty-two. We were young, inexperienced, and scared to death.

We parachuted down, scattered over a broad swath of French countryside. Each of us began a journey that day that required us to dig way down into our guts for the courage and determination to make it out of enemy territory alive.

In later years, we all had incredible stories to tell, including this one from Andy Brenden, one of the waist gunners on our B-17. The event left such a deep and lasting impression upon him, he said he had often thought about it throughout the rest of his life.

When Andy hit the ground that horrific day in March 1944, he was alone. He didn’t spot any of our crew. After a few days of hiding, however, he met up with Wally Trinder, the other waist gunner.

Next, they were fortunate to encounter some members of the French underground, who immediately began helping them evade the Germans and initiate their escape attempt, hopefully out of France.

But terror filled each day—they were constantly in hiding, watching, always on the knife’s edge. The brave French people were helping them, but there was never a guarantee they wouldn’t be caught and shot in the next moment. Their dangerous path to freedom ended with a harrowing trek through the Pyrenees, a series of steep mountains that separate the southern border of France from Spain.

Here’s what happened. After being passed from one French Underground contact to another and with more close-calls than they wished to remember, my two airmen found themselves with one of the most daring men they had ever met.

They knew him only by the nickname, Frisco. He was an American whose wife and children had 30 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

been killed by the Gestapo. Frisco was consumed with hatred for the Germans.

When their new American guide told them what it would take for them to get through the Pyrenees, Andy realized the dangerous journey ahead. But they were so close now to freedom.

There was no turning back.

The day finally arrived for them to get started up the mountain; Frisco led the way. The group had not traveled far when a large German patrol with police dogs spotted them from the road below.

Over the next few hours, the countryside was filled with whizzing bullets and men scuffling up the slopes, trying to keep from being shot. At one point, three large German police dogs charged up the steep incline. A Frenchman pulled out a knife and slit one dog’s throat, while Frisco shot another that had attached itself to the guide’s leg. The third dog then spooked and ran off.

Andy was crawling on his belly, pulling himself along with a stick, when the stick was shot out of his hand. The attack by the dogs had given the Germans below a chance to adjust their range, and their next round of bullets was more accurately placed. Andy was sure this was the end of the line.

Just then, Wally caught up with him and said they had come this far—they had to make a run for it.

With that, the two of them began to scramble in a zig-zag pattern, hoping that would keep them from getting hit. A bullet ricocheted off a rock near Andy, shearing off a piece that tore into his kneecap. It felt like he had been poked with a branding iron, but he was too afraid to stop.

Above them, they could see the wire fence delineating the border, and beyond that fence was Spain. They had been told that once they were actually on Spanish soil, the Germans would stop firing at them.

With every ounce of strength left in him, Andy hobbled as fast as he could toward the top of the mountain. Wally helped him over the wire, and they turned to look back. The Germans were circling to get a better position with their machine guns.

Andy and Wally stared down at the steep incline that stretched before them into Spain. It was covered with snow and there was nowhere to hide. In their dirty, dark, workmen’s clothing, they would be sitting ducks against the white ground.

Pilot Lt. George Starks (front row, far left), pictured with his 10 member B-17 crew, including Sgt. Wally Trinder (back row, second from the left) and Sgt. Andy Brenden (back row, second from the right).

They were now officially on Spanish soil, but it was obvious the Germans intended to mow them down with machine gun fire anyway as they tried to traverse the slope.

Andy told me that moment was unlike any he had ever experienced in his life—so close to escaping, yet so close to death at the same time.

And he remembers a split second of crying out to God in desperation, a simple plea for help: “God, please, please help us.”

My two crewmen stood there frozen for a few seconds, certain they were about to die. Then Andy said something happened that was so strange, he knew it was proof that miracles really still happen.

To the absolute amazement of both young men, a low cloud dropped down from nowhere and produced a downpour of rain and sleet so hard and fast it concealed the two fleeing Americans.

They slid all the way down the hill under its cover.

When they had reached the bottom, the storm stopped almost as quickly as it had begun. They both looked back up the steep incline to see the frustrated Germans staring down at them through the wire fence.

About that time, they heard the crackle of machine gun fire and saw one of the Germans drop. They realized it must be Frisco somewhere still back on the other side of the border, continuing his mission to defeat the Germans.

But my two crew members were now officially in

neutral territory, and they began sprinting as fast as Andy’s wounded leg would allow to the first Spanish village they could find.

I can see why Andy always said that event stuck with him the rest of his life. I remember a minister saying one time that a miracle is not when you’ve been trying to sell your house for a long time and finally a buyer comes along. He said that’s not a miracle, that’s just a blessing. Granted, God might have been behind the sale that brought blessings, but it wasn’t a miracle. A miracle is when a law of nature is suspended or altered in some way only God can accomplish. That day in the Pyrenees had been a sunny, clear day. Then suddenly, a blinding storm blew up out of nowhere and saved the lives of my two crew members.

I believe miracles do happen. Just as in this event, I can’t help but think, like Andy did the rest of his life, that his desperate prayer was heard and answered. What he and Wally experienced that day was a real miracle from God. Thinking back over my own life, I find great assurance in this story. God is not impersonal, dwelling somewhere in heaven with no interest or participation in our lives. God was there that day watching these events, and He acted after Andy prayed. The answer came exactly when they needed it.

I pray you find hope in this story too. We all face challenges—each day has its problems, sometimes small ones, sometimes big ones. Sometimes the solution seems against all odds. But we have a big God. He will bless us as we pray to Him and seek His ways. But let us never forget—God is also a God of miracles, and He still uses them today to rescue His children. V

Editor’s Note: For more war stories based on the shoot-down of George Starks’ B-17, take a look at Coffin Corner Boys, Carole Engle Avriett’s latest book, released May 14, 2018; available from Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Daddy, Why Do You Love Cocaine More Than Me? I was in prison and on the phone with Dawn, my youngest daughter, when she asked, “Daddy, why do you love cocaine more than me?” My heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest.

I said, “Baby, I love you more than anything in the world. I would die for you!”

The problem was, I didn’t understand the true meaning of love. To me, love was a feeling or a thought. I would soon realize that true love is an action. It’s unconditional, and it’s sacrificial.

It’s about giving up your desires, so you can be there for the ones you love.

I was released from prison, but it wasn’t long before I had another mess up. I ran to California, thinking if I moved away from Orlando and my friends, I’d solve my problems. But the problem wasn’t my friends or being in Orlando. The problem was me. I was a man with a fallen heart; I was the problem. So, like He always does, God rescued me from me!

In 1995, I gave my life to the Lord—but I kept parts of my heart closed to Him. The hidden parts of me made drugs my idol. But the drugs weren’t my only problem, and God knew it. The iniquity of my fallen heart was my problem! On four occasions, I asked God to take drugs away from me…and each time, He answered me within 24 hours—by sending me back to prison!

You see, God knew that for me, prison would be where I would start a real relationship with Him. He knew it was the only place I would slow down long enough to hear His voice.

It wasn’t until my seventh prison visit, however, that I finally surrendered all of me to God. And in that surrender, I finally found freedom.

I’d been teaching a Bible study in prison, but I was also still getting high and smoking cigarettes.

Because of that, two Christian brothers came to my room and asked me to not teach anymore.

They said teachers needed to hold themselves to a higher standard and practice what they taught. As he left my room, one brother stepped back and said, “God said He has a question for you. He wants to know why you love drugs and cigarettes more than Him.” Then he turned and walked out.

It all clicked. I broke down in tears and balled like a baby, because I remembered Dawn asking me the same

by Kim Brian Woerner

question—and she’d been right. I dropped to my knees and repented of my sin. “Lord Jesus, I admit it: I do love drugs, cigarettes, women, and this whole lifestyle more than I love my family, freedom, and most importantly, You.” Right then, I surrendered it all to Him. “Lord, I give you my life and my desires. They are my gifts to You.” It was what God had been waiting for all along—and it was the start of my new life.

It has been more than five years since that prayer, and I have been completely clean ever since. The key to my transformation was changing the condition of my heart, for where your heart is, that is where your desires and treasures are stored. Today, my heart is fixed on Jesus Christ and loving Him with my entire being. Through my new relationship with Him, I’ve been able to love others as God intends and overcome the things that were holding me back.

Is there something that you’ve been battling?

Something that keeps tripping you up and costing you what is precious to you? Evaluate the true desires of your heart. Is there something you love more than God? True freedom will only come when you give Jesus Christ first place in your life. Freedom comes in surrender. V

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 31

No Longer “Stupid Renner”

by Rick Renner

There are things in our lives that can haunt and affect us for many years if we allow them to. In fact, some people become hurt by life, and they never get past the point at which they were wounded.

Perhaps they experienced something negative that left them feeling disrespected, inferior, unloved, uncared for, unwanted, or rejected.

I grew up in a wonderful, godly, Christian home, but I can very much relate to some of these feelings. There was a time in my life when I felt inferior to everyone, even though I had no reason to feel that way.

I was sick for a good part of my junior high years, and I missed a great deal of school at that time. As a result of that sickness, I missed many of the essential building blocks for higher learning.

When I finally returned to school, I was far behind everyone else. I especially felt the pain of all those absences when it came to the subject of math.

As I started my first algebra class in junior high school, the teacher ridiculed me for not understanding those basic elements that everyone else in the class seemed to readily grasp. I tried to explain my situation to her, but she responded by calling me stupid. In fact, every day when she called the roll, instead of calling my name, she’d say, “Stupid Renner,” and I’d always answer, “Here.”

My teacher’s words negatively affected my self-image. My classmates laughed at me and thought it was funny to also call me stupid. In fact, that terrible word became a popular nickname for me throughout the school. It seemed like everywhere I turned, people were yelling out to me, “Hey, Stupid!” That name-calling created such deep feelings of inferiority in my psyche that it

affected me several years afterward, even after I finally mastered those elements of algebra that I’d missed earlier.

I think almost everyone remembers feeling unwanted or rejected at some time in his or her life. Some people recover from these experiences; others don’t. The devil loves to use bad memories to keep a person locked in an emotional prison.

These are the people who never feel wanted and accepted, nor do they feel like they can measure up to other people. They live in a continual state of feeling “less than”—no matter how much they accomplish in their lives. They live their entire lives wounded. But that isn’t the will of God for those people!

I’m thankful that what happened to me had no long-term effect on my life. In fact, I even laugh about it today. But I’ve had many other opportunities to feel rejected since those years in junior high. For instance, when my family and I moved to the former Soviet Union in 1991, we poured our whole lives into our new home. We invested our finances, energy, and nearly every ounce of our strength into establishing churches, broadcasting the Word of God on television, and enriching the lives of the people in this region of the world. But time and again, I was stunned by the editorials and newspaper articles that accused me and our ministry of being criminals, cult leaders, a dangerous sect, and so on.

Regardless of who we are, we all deal with issues like these from time to time—things that are unjust, unfair, hurtful, and wrong! Therefore, it is essential that we decide how we’re going to react when something occurs that makes us feel inferior, unappreciated, unloved, unwanted, or rejected.

Personally, I turn to 1 Corinthians 1:28 when I feel tossed aside by friends, by the world, or even by some in the church. This scripture has always been a source of strength to me. It says, “The base

things of the world, and things which are despised, hath God chosen.”

The Corinthian believers Paul was writing to were being ostracized and were considered stupid by the unbelieving community in the city of Corinth. Those unbelieving citizens didn’t understand the Christian faith but instead of trying to, they just decided that Christians were stupid and out of touch with the rest of society. In fact, their disdain for Christians was so intense that Paul said they despised the Corinthian church.

The word “despised” in 1 Corinthians 1:28 is the Greek word exoutheneo. This Greek word means to make light of, to despise, to treat with contempt, to disregard, and to neglect. It portrays someone low and detestable whom others perceive as hideous, disgusting, despicable, and nauseating.

In fact, this word describes a person who is such an outcast and who is so low in other people’s opinions that they don’t even consider him worth recognition. People just want to shut their eyes and pretend that person isn’t there.

But notice the end of the verse: Paul boldly announced that those whom the world rejects are the very ones God has chosen!

1 Corinthians 1:28 could be translated: “God has picked out people who are laughable, and through them, He is confounding those who think they are high and mighty. Low-class, second-rate, common, average, run-of-the-mill people—those so low that the world doesn’t even think they’re worth the time of day—these are the ones whom God has chosen.”

Have you noticed that the lost and unbelieving world today tends to either ridicule believers or ignore us and pretend we’re not here? This is nothing new. In 1 Corinthians 1:28, the Greek tense indicates that the lost world’s terrible, low opinion of Christians will continue to be prevalent.

First John 5:19 explains why the world refuses to acknowledge those of us who are believers: “the Continued on page 37

32 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

Somebody Doesn’t Like Me!

by Kenny Munds

Someone doesn’t like me.

Well, I’m sure that’s an understatement— there’s a lot more than just one person who doesn’t blend with my personality or accept my faults.

Now, I’m not saying this person isn’t justified in the way he feels toward me. I’m old enough to have learned that, if someone has something against me, it’s quite possible I’ve played a role in that feeling. I’ve since offered an apology and asked forgiveness, but to no avail. It seems I may have made an enemy.

Does it bother you when someone doesn’t like you?

All my life, I’ve been a people-pleaser. I’ve sought after and desperately needed approval from so many. It used to really bother me when I discovered someone was upset with me or had spoken unkind words about me. My typical reaction was to reject and avoid them.

But seeking the approval of man is a neverending cycle. None of us are perfect, and not everyone is going to think we’re okay all the time. Someone, somewhere, sometime, is going to have a beef with us. It’s just a cold, hard fact.

First John 3:13 ESV says, “Do not be surprised… that the world hates you.” There are people who even despised Billy Graham and Mother Teresa.

And Jesus!

So how do we deal with that?

Well, first we forgive—them and ourselves.

Second, we let the rejection go and give that person to God. Only He can change someone’s heart. Only He can make people see truth. Third, we stay focused on our relationship with the Lord. Only He can heal the hurt in our hearts that often comes with rejection. Only He can keep us moving forward. And fourth, we love.

Yes, we love, even our enemy.

Luke 6:27–32 ESV instructs us to: “Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. To one who strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also, and from one who takes away

your cloak do not withhold your tunic either.

Give to everyone who begs from you, and from one who takes away your goods do not demand them back. And as you wish that others would do to you, do so to them. If you love those who love you, what benefit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them.”

Romans 15:1–3 ESV continues this way: “We who are strong have an obligation to bear with the failings of the weak, and not to please ourselves. Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, to build him up. For Christ did not please himself, but as it is written, ‘The reproaches of those who reproached you fell on me.’ ” Hey, isn’t that people-pleasing? Not really. It’s people loving.

Sure, I want everyone to like me and think I’m wonderful, but that’s just not going to happen.

The principle to learn here is that God’s love absorbs hate. That’s how God can love those who hate Him. As we are being transformed by the Spirit into the image of His Son, we must learn to absorb hate, to accept rejection, and to love despite persecution.

If you listen to the news or read it today, you’ll see hatred in full bloom—people viciously attacking the character and integrity of others.

Blame is rampant. Christians, especially, are under the gun every day. And it stirs within me a desire to defend and counter with my own vicious accusations to vindicate my faith.

Just like I wanted to do with my newly acquired enemy, above.

But thankfully, I’ve been able to look at him through the eyes of a Savior who was hated and despised, beaten and crucified. But I, like that Savior, can now love and forgive, and I am able to see a young man wrestling with his own demons.

If you know or sense that someone doesn’t like you, don’t let it weigh you down. Let it humble you; let it cause you to look inward for a renewed perception of yourself. You might

find faults you didn’t know you had, but by discovering them, you can take them to Jesus, ask forgiveness, and leave them with Him. Then, you’ll be strong enough to not blame anyone, even yourself, and through your own growth, you’ll become a godly example to anyone who holds you in contempt.

Remember what Paul said in Romans 12:17–21: “Repay no one evil for evil but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’ To the contrary, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good.”

You know what? I know not everyone likes me…but that’s okay.

God likes me. In fact, He loves me! And He loves you, too. V

God’s love absorbs hate. That’s how God can love those who hate Him. As we are being transformed by the Spirit into the image of His Son, we must learn to absorb hate, to accept rejection, and to love despite persecution.

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 33

What Does a Daddy Do? I watch my daughter as she carefully fixes her hair. Blonde ringlets fall around her round, cherubic face. She’s wearing a special dress that she has carefully chosen for this occasion. On her arm, she wears a corsage with delicate, white and purple flowers. She has never had a corsage before, and she keeps stealing glances at the pretty blossoms.

She giggles with anticipation for her first daddy/ daughter date. They’re going to have dinner and go to the ballet. I can see the confidence shine in her eyes as her father tells her she is beautiful.

My husband always makes our three daughters feel special. He carves out time for them regularly. Our newly adopted son now revels in the attention from a father as well. He already has a few favorite activities that he loves to do with his papa. He loves riding on papa’s strong shoulders, working in the yard with him, and having special breakfasts on Saturday mornings.

Ask my husband anything about our kids, and he will know it—their favorite foods, favorite board games, their ticklish spots, their favorite holidays, or where they hide their Halloween candy so mommy can’t find it. The reason he knows these things is that he spends time with them; he invests in their lives. Most importantly, he reads Bible stories at bedtime and prays with them and over them.

The results of my husband’s faithful pursuit of relationship with each of our children are amazing. They are too many to count, but I will name a few. My daughters feel beautiful and confident. My son is learning to seek wisdom from the Lord. All four of my children are filled with peace and security in our family.

If an earthly father can provide all this, then how much more can our heavenly Father provide to us, His children?

What is it like to have a heavenly Father?

God the Father is holy, mighty, faithful, and compassionate. He is the King of Glory who has adopted us into His family. Sometimes that’s incomprehensible to me—that God, the Lord Most High, would call me His child.

But He does, and my Father in heaven teaches me every day how to abide with Him, trust in Him, and be more like Christ.

How does the Father communicate these truths to me? He accomplishes this through 34 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

by Kristi Dews Dale

His Word. So many intimate truths are shared in the Bible. It’s one way that our heavenly Father parents us while we are on earth. Here are just a few of the incredible gifts He gives His children.

First, and most importantly, He provides us with the path to salvation. Romans 10:9 says, “if you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” What a gift, that the Father gives us His Son to save us from our sins.

He also provides correction and discipline.

Hebrews 12:7 explains that we endure discipline because God is treating us as His own children.

Verse 10 says, “God’s discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness.”

Sometimes we do not like this discipline, but it is part of our journey to become more like Christ.

Our Father also provides us with wisdom.

James 1:5 says, “if you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you.” All we have to do is ask, and God pours down wisdom for us to navigate life here on earth.

He strengthens our souls. I love Psalm 138:3: “As soon as I pray, you answer me; you encourage me by giving me strength.” Every day, God strengthens my soul and gives me courage to finish the tasks at hand.

Our Father lavishes us with confidence and refuge. Proverbs 14:26 states, “those who fear the Lord are secure; he will be a refuge for their

children.” Here God promises to protect His children. Again and again, He is faithful to His people.

Our God is a comforter. “God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles.” (2 Corinthians 1:3–4).

Amazingly, our Father goes even further to collect our tears once they fall from our eyes. “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle” (Psalm 56:8). This is an amazing testament to His watchful, intentional care of His children.

Finally, Abba, our Father, gives us perfect peace. “You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on You” (Isaiah 26:3). This does not mean that every day will feel like a vacation, but you will surely feel secure in the Father’s love, even as you face difficulties.

I am grateful for my earthly father and for my husband, the father of my children, but I am in awe of my Daddy in heaven. If you have never experienced God as your Father, I encourage you today to explore God’s Word and get to know Him. His “unfailing love is better than life itself” (Psalm 63:3).

The fulfillment of your personal relationship with God is not to be missed. Let us continue to discover together how high, how wide, and how deep the Father’s love is for us. V

L O V E There’s a story about Noah in the book of Genesis that I think of often because it says something important about God. This story takes place after the flood, when things were growing again and Noah had begun to enjoy the fruits of his labors. Genesis 9:20–21 tells us that Noah became drunk on the wine from his recently planted vineyard and ended up naked on the floor of his tent.

Ham, one of Noah’s three sons, found his father that way and went outside and told his brothers, Shem and Japheth. The Bible doesn’t tell us everything that happened, but it wasn’t good, and when Noah woke from his stupor and found out what Ham had done, it resulted in some serious cursing of Ham’s son, Canaan.

But then comes the beautiful part of the story.

When Shem and Japheth learned of their father’s condition, instead of mocking him, they laid a garment on both of their shoulders and walked backward into the tent and covered his nakedness.

Their faces were intentionally turned away, so they would not see him.

Through this loving act, they covered his shame.

In a more modern story, I remember hearing of a senior pastor in a small town who received a call in the middle of the night from the youth pastor. He was calling from jail after being arrested for drinking and driving. The senior pastor woke up his wife and told her what had happened.

She immediately got out of bed and went to the kitchen to prepare a meal.

C O V E R S

by Bonnie Hagemann

Then the senior pastor woke up his son and told him to get up and prepare the guest room with fresh linens. The son, confused, asked why he had to do this in the middle of the night. His father simply said, “A brother has fallen, and we must restore him.”

A brother has fallen.

Even this statement is filled with love. How many of us can say that we responded with love when we heard about someone who had fallen?

Was our first impulse to prepare a meal and a bed and help them through a difficult, painful, and lonely time? Or was our first response to judge, condemn, and tell others…so they could pray, of course.

You’ve probably heard of the acronym WWJD, which stands for “What would Jesus do?” It’s a common slogan from a few years ago, popular on bumper stickers and jewelry. I think this slogan needs one little tweak. I think it should say, “What did Jesus do?”

Well, let’s take a look at a few examples.

What did Jesus do when He met the Samaritan woman at the well? Did He tell everyone about her many lovers? The five husbands she’d had and the man she was living with at the time? No. He offered her a drink of the Water of Life, forgave her of her sins, and told her to sin no more. She returned to her city, told everyone about Jesus, and brought them back to hear Him. Jesus’s loving interaction with this woman was far outside the social norm. (See John 4:1–42.)

What did Jesus do when He faced Peter after his third denial? Did He condemn him and make sure Peter understood how badly he had messed up? No. Jesus built a fire, prepared Peter a meal, reversed Peter’s failure by gently guiding him through three professions of love, and then allowed him to go on and preach that great sermon on the day of Pentecost, bringing thousands to saving faith in Jesus. (See John 21 and Acts 2.)

What did Jesus do when the Pharisees and teachers of religious law brought a woman caught in the act of adultery to stand before Jesus? Did He condemn her to die? To put it in today’s terms, did He invoke the death penalty, which by law would have been exactly what He should have done and was expected to do? No. He reminded the onlookers that no one was without sin. And when all her accusers had left the scene, Jesus gently spoke to her, forgave her of her sin, and told her to go and sin no more. (See John 8:1–11.)

What did Jesus do every time He was faced with the opportunity to condemn or shame someone?

He covered them with love. He dealt with the issue, but He did it in love. Because that’s what love does. Love covers, and Jesus is love. He never failed to extend mercy and grace and to help people move forward to fulfill their destiny.

And that’s what we should do, too. The next time a brother or sister falls, don’t gossip about their failure. Don’t shun them for their sin. Instead, cover their shame and love them to wholeness. V

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 35

KEYS TO VICTORIOUS LIVING

Moving Forward through the Tough Stuff

by Kristi Overton Johnson Are you caught in what seems like a hopeless situation? If you are, know that with God, it is possible to move forward. I learned this truth one night when I was on my hands and knees, surrounded by dog poop. I’m so sorry for the imagery.

You see, my dog, Mater, had an unfortunate stomach attack that left my new cream-colored carpet in a very bad state. It was 3 AM when my sweet dream was interrupted by an incredible stench that made both me and my husband simultaneously sit upright in bed. There was no mistaking the smell. I headed carefully to the bathroom to flip on a light and assess the situation, but two steps in, I planted my foot and my favorite pajama pants right in the very thing I was trying to avoid. What a way to wake up!

I washed my feet, put on clean pajamas, and walked back to the bedroom, only to find Tim, face down in the bed, sleeping. I’m sure he was trying to smother himself. Mater, on the other hand, was looking sheepishly at me. He knew he had committed quite the crime. As much as I wanted to scold him, I couldn’t. Poor dog. He’s old and has cancer, which is why I let him sleep close by. I want to be there in case he needs me.

Guess I missed the call for help!

I looked at Mater, who was panting, and said, “It’s okay, old boy.” He flopped down and went to sleep.

I surveyed the damage and wanted to cry.

I couldn’t see any way the carpet could be

36 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

salvaged or how I would make it through the task before me. I’m talking this stuff went from one side of the bedroom to the other. It was all I could do to not throw up. And in that moment, I realized I had a choice: I could either pretend nothing had happened, climb back in bed, and go back to sleep; or I could get on the floor and clean it up, one pile at a time.

There are some messes in life that you just can’t step over and ignore—like this one. This mess wasn’t going away. It had to be dealt with in a very personal way. There was no way around it; I had to go all in. I had to pick up, scrub, soak, spray, pray, and repeat the process again and again. I ended up using two bottles of what I thought was carpet stain remover…only to realize after the fact that one of the bottles was actually boat fiberglass cleaner. (It was the middle of the night, remember.) No wonder it wasn’t working!

Well, I could either grumble and complain or face the mess with a positive attitude. At 3 AM on that fateful morning, I determined that those piles of poop were not going to ruin my day. I decided to use that time, however long it took, to pray, sing, and worship the Lord. I refused to let the circumstance disturb me emotionally.

Knowing that I couldn’t pray and sing out loud (lest I wake Sleeping Beauty), I decided to do these things inwardly.

I set my mind on the Lord and sang to the top of my brain! I prayed and talked to Him for two

hours, and I listened. It was awesome. Yes, I said awesome. Because I made my Lord bigger than those piles of poo, an overwhelming sense of peace and joy rose within me, right there in the middle of that messy situation. Not only that, the Lord revealed many things to my heart during that time. I actually thanked Mater later that day for the opportunity to learn such valuable truths.

My first lesson occurred about 20 minutes into the cleaning process. I was scrubbing away when this phrase suddenly dropped in my spirit, “This is your first lesson on peace.” I had recently asked God to teach me about the subject. How was I to know He’d use Mater’s explosion of number two to teach me lesson number one? But He did, and that lesson was that peace is a choice.

My choice to focus my heart’s affection and mind’s attention on God instead of the mess around me determined that I would experience peace. My level of peace had absolutely nothing to do with my circumstances. Nor does yours.

It was so cool. As I set my mind on God, I actually felt His presence and His peace rise up in me. It was such a gift. Isaiah 26:3 says that “God will keep in perfect peace all who trust in Him, all whose thoughts are fixed on Him.” I experienced the truth of this verse that night. Believe it or not, I actually enjoyed those early morning hours because I was with the Lord. He was there right in the middle of the mess with me, and together, we were doing the dirty work.

God doesn’t leave us to clean up messes on our own—not even actual piles of poo. He helps us in every situation. He encourages and comforts us; He gives us strength and wisdom; He teaches us new things when we are willing to listen and learn. There are lessons all around us, if we will just open our hearts and eyes.

Stinky situations will always be in our lives.

John 16:33 promises that in this world we will have trials and sorrows. More times than not, we will have absolutely no control over them. This verse goes on to tell us not to be discouraged because Jesus Christ has already overcome every single stinky situation we will ever encounter.

James 1:2 tells us that in the midst of the mess, we can even count it all joy. The word count is a mathematical term that implies that if we are

NO LONGER STUPID | from page 32____________________

focused on God and relying on Him, we will actually be able to add up moments of joy we experienced in the mess. I know I can count many moments of joy from that night.

I can’t tell you how important my decision to be thankful and full of praise was in my cleanup process. It kept me in the presence of the Lord, which kept me in peace. The Lord doesn’t bless or hang around a complaining, grumbling spirit.

Study the life of the Israelites in the book of Exodus, and you’ll see.

Choosing to keep a godly attitude is key to experiencing peace in every situation; it’s key to moving forward, too. It won’t be easy, but it is a purposeful decision worth the sacrifice. As you set your mind on the Lord, your circumstances will have no power over you.

Remember, whatever you focus on will be magnified. If you magnify the Lord, He will grow larger until He is all you sense. If you magnify the mess, then that is what you will see, taste, hear, smell, feel, and experience in every aspect of your life.

So let me ask you some questions. First, is there a mess in your life that needs attention; one you just can’t ignore? You can’t roll over, ignore it, and go back to sleep. You can’t step over it or go a different path and pretend it isn’t there. It’s there whether you acknowledge it or not, and everyone knows it. It’s the elephant in the room, and that creature is stinking up the place! Now is the time to deal with it.

Take some time and ask the Lord to help you identify your mess. Evaluate your relationships, habits, thought processes, finances, past experiences, and emotions. Say to the Lord, “Search me, God. Show me if there’s anything offensive in me.” (See Psalm 139:23.) Then commit to deal with every mess He shows you.

No one can deal with them except you. You must be willing to go the extra mile with God. So, are you willing to do the work? Are you willing to address your mess and do

whatever it takes to clean it up, no matter how hard the process? Are you willing to take responsibility for your mess, whether or not you caused it?

Going back to my story for a second, the simple fact is, I didn’t make the mess. Mater did. Nonetheless, I had to clean it up. No matter how much I blamed Mater or waited for him to step in, he wasn’t going to be a part of the cleanup process. Mater was sick, and you know what? Sick dogs (and sick people) make stinky messes. Maybe you’ve been through a situation with a family member, friend, stranger, spouse, or child who has really messed up. They’ve brought hurt and pain and other stenches into your life. Friend, quit looking for them to step in.

They can’t, and they won’t.

As difficult and unfortunate as it may be, you alone must go through this cleanup process. You have to deal with your pain. You have to deal with your fear, guilt, shame, anger, bitterness, jealousy—whatever it is. You have to deal with your marriage or other family relationships. You have to deal with those habits that are destroying your life and the lives of others. You cannot shift the responsibility and blame to others and wait for them to come fix your situation. They never will.

Most likely, they will continue on with life and never give a second thought to what you are going through or what they did to you. All you can do is release them to the Lord and let Him deal with them. You’ll also have to release the people who come along and give you unwanted advice or who even judge you. They have no idea of your pain or where you are in the process. But you can refuse to get angry. You have to—it’s your key to victory.

Your stinky mess can either leave you bitter or better. You can choose to live in total internal chaos or in the peace of God. You can either get mad, or you can let your situation teach you a life-changing lesson. The choice is up to you.

Choose peace. V

whole world lieth in wickedness.” As long as the world lies in the grip of wickedness, we might as well accept the fact that unbelievers will mock and make fun of us, no matter how we try to change their opinion. From the beginning of time, the lost world has ridiculed, made fun of, sarcastically accused, and debased the people of God. As I said, there is nothing new about this at all. It’s just the way a lost world is going to act.

What I have described so far could be something you’ve experienced in the past—or perhaps it portrays a recent event that is still very fresh in your memory. Rather than let other people affect your self-image and confidence, however, you need to know who you are in Jesus Christ and hold your head up high! You are “accepted in the beloved” (Ephesians 1:6), and you have no reason to be embarrassed or ashamed.

You are accepted by God! The devil may try to use some of your friends, your business associates, your family members, or even your teachers in school to make fun of you and drag you down. But you don’t have to let the devil’s plan work against you. In times like these, remember that Jesus was also “despised and rejected of men” (Isaiah 53:3).

You are in good company with Jesus!

So if the world makes light of you or treats you with contempt or disregards, neglects, and overlooks you—take heart. You are exactly the kind of person God wants to use! He has big plans to use you as a demonstration of His mighty power to your friends, your family, your business associates, and the unbelieving world. V

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 37

OUR CONTRIBUTORS RICHARD AMABILE

p. 18

Richard serves the Lord behind bars as an inmate at Avon Park Correctional. Through his incarceration journey, Richard has discovered true freedom through his relationship with Christ and desires for others to do the same.

SARAH BECKMAN

p. 7

Sarah is an author and speaker living in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Her book, Alongside: A Practical Guide for Loving Your Neighbor in Their Time of Trial, is filled with practical ways to support those you care about in the rough patches of life—and the inspiration to follow through. You can learn more at sarahbeckman.org or alongsidebook.com.

ROY A. BORGES p.29

Roy writes about his life experiences from a prison cell in Florida. His stories have appeared in many Christian publications. Roy has won AMY Foundation awards in 1998, 2002, 2003, and 2007.

TAMAR BURCH

p. 8

Tamar is more than a wife, mother, and grandmother. Her struggles with rejection were the catalyst of who she has become today in Christ. Now she finds great joy inspiring others to find their hope in Christ. Tamar and her husband, Tim, are active volunteers in their church as they lead home life groups and mentor others.

MICHAEL CLARK

p. 13

Michael is a minister and author who thrives on sharing hope from God’s Word to help others know God and experience His presence in their lives. Learn more at michaelclarkministries.org.

LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH

p. 14

Linda is the Victorious Living Prison Correspondence Director. She is passionate about the Lord and leading others to Him. Linda has four children, ten grandchildren, and two great-grands.

KRISTI DEWS DALE

p. 34

Kristi is a wife and the mother of four amazing children. She holds a master’s degree in public health and is an adjunct business instructor at a local college in North Carolina. Kristi is passionate about encouraging others with Christ’s love.

BONNIE HAGEMANN

p. 16, 19

As Executive Director of Anti-Trafficking at One More Child, Christa is grateful to share her experience as a second-generation trafficking survivor, her education, and her years of professional growth to continuously better the services available to children, teens, and young adults being sold and exploited by others. Visit onemorechild.org. Ms. Hicks’ article was made possible by her ghostwriter, Diane Strack.

KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON

p. 6, 36

A former world champion water-skier, Kristi is the founder of In His Wakes and KOJ Ministries. She encourages and equips people for victory through her writings, speaking engagements, and prison outreach. Kristi is the publisher of Victorious Living and a multipublished author.

NANCY JOHNSON

p. 24

An award-winning recording artist, Nancy has been actively involved with prison ministry for over a decade. She proudly claims two amazing daughters and five wonderful granddaughters.

TRACY MORRISEY

p. 15

Author, wife, and mother, Tracy is also a registered nurse, and a graduate of East Carolina University.

Her mission is to obey God’s calling in her life. Her first book, Just in Time, is available online at tracymorrisey.com; amazon.com, and barnes&noble.com.

KENNY MUNDS

p. 33

Since January 1998, using Hebrews 13:3 as his guide, Kenny has taken the good news of God’s love and forgiveness into prisons across America.

To find out more about his ministry, go to kennymundsministry.org.

JON PONDER

p. 20, 23

Jon is the founder and CEO of HOPE for Prisoners, Inc., an organization that facilitates reentry and reintegration services to men, women, and young adults who are exiting various segments of the judicial system. As a former offender himself, Jon knows the value of these services and is uniquely equipped to provide the guidance, direction, and motivation needed to successfully navigate the challenges inherent to reentry.

RICK RENNER

p. 32

Rick is the author of more than thirty books, including his top-selling classics, Sparkling Gems from the Greek and Dressed to Kill, which have sold more than a million copies combined. A highly respected leader, teacher, and author within the Christian community, both in the United States and abroad, Rick and his wife, Denise, have traveled the earth for three decades, teaching the Word of God. They reside in Moscow, Russia, along with their three sons and their families.

Learn more about their ministry at renner.org.

GEORGE STARKS

p. 30

Mr. Starks is a 94-year-old World War II veteran who still enjoys sharing his WWII experiences.

He has recently released stories based on the shoot-down of his B-17 in his book, Coffin Corner Boys, written by Carole Engle Avriett. We thank Ms. Avriett for her assistance in the writing of this article.

KIM BRIAN WOERNER

p. 31

Kim is currently residing at Avon Park Work Camp. While in prison, he has received his associate’s degree in ministry and is completing his bachelor’s degree in ministry. Kim plans to earn a master’s degree in Christian counseling and, upon his release, work at a Christian halfway house in South Carolina.

MICHAEL WOODS

p. 10

Michael is the social media manager at First Baptist Orlando. He and his wife, Linda, are raising their three adult children and using their experiences with autism to help other families find a new normal in their lives.

A special thank you to our contributors, Clint and Albert M., who are currently incarcerated within the Department of Corrections. Thank you, gentlemen, for serving the Lord behind prison walls and for sharing your stories in Victorious Living.

p. 35

Bonnie is the CEO of Executive Development Associates, an internationally known boutique consulting firm that specializes in executive development, executive coaching, and highpotential development. To date, Bonnie has more than 40 published works to her name.

38 kojministries.org Issue 3 2018

CHRISTA HICKS

SO ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER AND BUILD EACH OTHER UP, JUST AS YOU ARE ALREADY DOING. 1 THESSALONIANS 5:11

FROM THE FATHER’S HEART

Peace Like a River

Are you experiencing victorious living?

Is your life filled with

purpose, love, joy, and peace?

Do you have

hope for your future?

Forgiveness for your past?

Strength for your tomorrow?

Right now you might be thinking, “Are you kidding me? Joy, peace, purpose? Worth, strength, forgiveness? I’ll never have those things! Look at where I am! Look at what I’ve been through. Look at what I’ve done. Look at what has been done to me.”

Friend, right now, no matter what your past or present, all of these things can be yours. You can have peace that passes all understanding, joy in the midst of hardship, love and acceptance despite your failures, forgiveness, and a fresh start. Your life can have purpose.

It doesn’t matter if you are sitting in a mansion or in a jail cell or somewhere in between,

Receive My amazing love. It’s never ending, and it’s always available to you. I am always available to you. I love you. Yes, you!

You have been battling thoughts in your mind that are contrary to My thoughts for you. Soak in my Word and allow My promises to dismantle those lies and distractions. My Word will annihilate and destroy every tormenting thought. Keep your thoughts, your focus on Me; I will give you peace like a river. My peace will flow through every part of your being.

I know the answers you need. I know the problems you face. I hear your cries. I have not forgotten you.

The answer is always before you, but those tormenting thoughts and doubts prevent you from hearing and seeing Me. My Word will bring clarity of mind, and your decision to praise Me and worship Me in the midst of your pain and questions will release the answer. I inhabit the praises of My people. Your praises will take your mind off your problems and put them on Me, the Answer. And I, the Answer, will reveal all you need to know and release everything you need.

Trust Me. V

a victorious life can be yours TodaY!

How? Through a relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

If you do not currently have a relationship with God, begin one right now. Romans 10:8–10 nkjv explains how: “The word is near you, in your mouth and in your heart…that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

As you accept what Christ has done for you and put your faith in Him alone for salvation, you are then free to have a relationship with God and experience His peace, power, presence, and love. You don’t have to do anything to earn God’s love and forgiveness. It’s yours for the asking!

After you’ve received this free gift of salvation, guess what? You are then able to step into the life of victory Christ died to give you—an abundant life of peace, joy, worth, love, and purpose. As you grow in your relationship with Him through studying and applying the Word of God and by trusting Him, these things are released in your daily life.

Will you pray with me right now and receive all that God intends for you?

Dear Lord, I confess that I am a sinner in need of salvation. I thank You for sending Your Son, Jesus, to save me from my sins. Thank You that He laid down His life for me so that I could have a new life in Him. I receive, by faith, this forgiveness of sin. I now give my life, my past, and my future to You. Guide my steps and speak to my heart, Lord.

Amen

kojministries.org Issue 3 2018 39

I FOUND A NEW WAY TO

SHARE

Although I am quite comfortable sharing my faith in public arenas, doing so on a one-on-one basis has always been difficult for me. One of the reasons I created Victorious Living was to have a way to share the goodness of God with people I meet on a daily basis in a nonthreatening way. Victorious Living is a great tool to share God's love and miracle-working power with others.

It's a great tool for your own use too. ~Kristi Overton Johnson Read Kristi’s story and more in the February 2018 issue, available online at www.kojministries.org

Victorious Living Get It. Give It. Use It. Find out how you can change a life.

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