R E AL PEO PLE
SOMETHING R E A L U N TA NGLE T HE M ESS A R ESTOR ED LIFE (U N A V I DA R E S T AU R A DA)
Issue 01 / 2019
|
R E AL STO R IE S
|
R E AL H O PE
T HE V I C T O R I O U S L I V I N G I MPA C T S TA R T S W I T H Y O U
YOU SUBSCRIBE ($25/yr)
You Get VL + Prisoner Gets VL
Hope Found
Prisoner Writes VL
Correspondence Begins
Mentoring Occurs
Transition Support Given
Equipped for Victory!
2
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Publisher & Executive Director
Contributing Writers
Cover Photography
Kristi Overton Johnson
Carole Engle Avriett
Zachary Brown
Roy A. Borges Editor
Lynn Brown
Photography
Rachel F. Overton
Laddie Calloway
Zachary Brown
Jocelyn Carbonara
Penn State/Collegiate Images/Getty Images
Linda Cubbedge-Smith
David Dermer
Kristi Dews Dale
Timothy Smith, Honor Photography
Chief Photographer Zachary Brown
D.J. Dozier
Creative Designer Lauren Jones Executive Project Manager Amber Katynski
Ayub Fleming
Artwork
Roger D. Hughes Jr.
Ken Carlisle Jr., The Lion and Lamb
Kristi Overton Johnson
Jared Emerson, Jesus Café
Jeannine Moffitt
Steve X, The Hand Crafted Church
Tracy Morrisey
Social Media Manager Jomy Leon-Rivera
Russell John Nestor Kelli Parks Betzaida Vargas
Digital Content Manager
Erin Warren
Tymothy Johnson
Luke Wollet
Director of Prison Correspondence Linda Cubbedge-Smith Accounting Manager Gizella Guba
VICTORIOUS LIVING MISSION
HOW TO REACH VICTORIOUS LIVING General and Subscription Inquiries
Victorious Living encourages hearts and equips minds through testimonials of God’s grace, love, and power in the lives of everyday people. Please consider supporting this incredible outreach of hope and freedom.
Victorious Living PO Box 120951 • Clermont, FL 34712-0951 352-478-2098 • admin@vlmag.org All Inmate Correspondence Victorious Living Correspondence Outreach PO Box 328 • Starke, FL 32091
Victorious Living magazine is a publication of Kristi Overton Johnson Ministries, a 501c3 organization. Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright ©1996, 2004, 2007, 2013 by Tyndale House Foundation. Scripture marked NASB is taken from the New American Standard Bible (NASB) Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Scripture marked NIV is taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®, NIV®, copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. Scripture marked NKJV is taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Scripture marked NTV is taken from La Santa Biblia, Nueva Traducción Viviente, copyright © 2010 Tyndale House Foundation.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
3
4
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
ISSU E 1 , JA N UA RY 201 9
CO N T E N T S FEATURES 14
The Art of Starting Over
Life hasn’t been easy for Lynn Brown, but she finds fulfillment in helping others start over.
18
Something Real
When Carole Avriett let go of her past and trusted God with her future, He turned her life around.
26
11
Untangle the Mess
God is the only One who knows the way out of the messes we make of our lives.
17
23
33
It’s important to count the cost of our sin—and the great price Jesus paid for our freedom.
34
Start with What You Know Despite Satan’s lies to the contrary, we don’t need to know everything about God before He can use us for His glory.
36
Secret Spaces
When we give Him access to the dark, secret places of our hearts, God will sweep them clean.
TRANSFORMED LIVES 10
Time to Die
Getting It Right Again
God directs our steps and our stops when we walk in His way.
12
A Restored Life
Divorce left Betzaida Vargas feeling hopeless and lost—until she found herself in the story of the woman at the well, and knew Jesus loved her too.
ON THE COVER With the help of God’s grace and the support of his friends, Laddie Calloway was able to step out of the destructive cycle of pornography for good.
Pardoned Once and For All
In finally surrendering to Christ, Roger Hughes found that the pardon he deeply longed for had already been supplied.
The biblical instruction to die to oneself is difficult to follow in the face of personal offense.
29
Count the Cost
What If
What if we stopped worrying about the what ifs that hold us back and think about what God might be ready to do through our surrender?
Surviving Loss
Jocelynn Carbonara recounts the loss of a daughter to heroin—and the redemption God can bring from even the most devastating heartbreak.
Find God’s Champion in You
What you see, think, and speak about your life can lift you to great heights of victory. It’s time to remove the limits from your life.
There Is Hope
Now an outspoken advocate of sobriety, Luke Wollet was on his way to NFL glory when drugs took hold of his life.
30
8
COVER STORY Free From My Own Prison
Laddie Calloway discovered that God’s grace not only offers eternal life, but freedom from his addiction to pornography too.
24
STEPPING FORWARD
12
Una Vida Restaurada
Su divorcio, le dejó a Betzaida Vargas sin esperanza y perdida— hasta que se encontró en la historia de la mujer del pozo. Entonces ella supo que Jesús aún le amaba.
IN EVERY ISSUE 6
Publisher’s Note A Voice of Hope
37
Get Connected
38
Help Me Understand Finding Peace
39
From The Father I Will Not Fail You
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
5
PUBLISHER’S NOTE
A Voice of Hope
IF
you are new to our
frail and pale, hungry and dirty, weak and
magazine, welcome!
powerless. She had no voice, no language,
This is the first issue
and she didn’t even know her name. She
of our newly designed
had been rejected, abandoned, and had
quarterly publication. If you’re a current subscriber to our magazine
Since 2011, Victorious Living has been a voice of hope to over one million people and an instrument of real-life transformation.
no one to care for her. Through this image, I grasped a whole
or partner of our ministry, thank you
new perspective of the word orphan
for your patience as we rolled out our
in this passage, and I sensed the Lord
new 2019 design, podcast, and website,
saying,
victoriouslivingmagazine.com. I trust you will find hope in the stories shared
“I will never leave you as an orphan.
through each vehicle.
You are never alone, rejected, dirty,
More than ever, this world needs hope.
weak, powerless, or without a home
So many people are at the end of their
or hope for your future. In Me, you
rope and barely hanging on.
are accepted, protected, loved, pure,
As a former world champion water
complete, powerful, and you lack
skier, I spent decades at the end of a rope,
nothing. In Me, you belong and have
hanging on for dear life. Fortunately for
a name. I am always with you, even
me, when I lost my grip and fell or got
in the most turbulent of waters. I will
knocked down, there were always strong
never fail you.”
voices encouraging me to get back up and showing me the way to victory. If it hadn’t
What a timely message this was for me.
been for these strong voices, I would have
Perhaps it is timely for you, too.
given up long ago on my dreams.
Friend, I do not believe that it is by
Unfortunately, many people don’t have
accident that you have picked up this
a voice of hope in their lives. And they are
magazine. As you read the articles on
drowning in a sea of regret, despair, and
these pages, my prayer is that Victorious
hopelessness. As a result, they are giving
Living will be a voice of hope to you, and
up, not just on their dreams, but on life.
to millions of others who are facing life’s
And on God.
turbulent waters.
Maybe this is you or someone you
May these stories give you a fresh
know. Today, if you are down and feel like
revelation of God’s love and commitment
you’re drowning, don’t lose hope. It’s not
to you. May they give you the strength to
over. God is on your side. He will help you.
rise up and the courage to persevere. I
Recently the Lord revealed something
trust that as you call out to God and grab
to me through John 14:18. I hope it will
hold of His hand of grace, He will indeed
encourage you as much as it did me. In
help you survive your loss, untangle your
this verse, Jesus said to His disciples, “I
mess, and restore your life…just as He has
will not leave you as orphans; I will come
done for me and our contributors.
to you.” I thought about the word orphan, and a picture of my daughter, Ivy, formed in my mind. I saw her as she had been when my husband and I first met her in a Russian orphanage in 2004. She was
6
Issue 01 / 2019
Kristi Overton Johnson Publisher & Executive Director
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
MINISTRY NEWS
YOUR DAILY SOURCE OF HOPE
W W W.V I C TO R I O U S LI V I N G M AGA Z I N E .O RG
@victoriouslivingmag V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
7
STEPPING FORWARD
FINDING GOD’S CHAMPION IN YOU
BY D.J. DOZIER AND AYUB FLEMING
Powerful things happen when we align
A few confessions in, something amaz-
at one time or another. The good news is
our expectations with truth. And here’s
ing happened. I started to believe, in the
that your story is still unfolding. Every day
the truth: God has created each of us for
depths of my being, that I was a champion.
is game day! The end of your story has not
His special purpose. In Him, you and I
By the time I hit number ten, I was fired up
yet been written, so don’t give up. It’s not
are champions.
and ready to go perform like one!
too late to find the champion inside you.
I started to realize God’s greatness in me
That moment has stuck with me
at the age of ten when, having previously
throughout my athletic career. It was in-
played only flag football, I entered my first
strumental in my becoming both an NFL
year of tackle football. I have not forgot-
and MLB player. Interestingly, I was the
SEE GOD’S CHAMPION
ten the coach’s instruction after practice
first and only professional two-sport ath-
If you want to be victorious, you must line
one day. “Tomorrow is game day,” he said.
lete to not have played baseball in college.
up what you see and believe about your-
“Now go home, get a good night’s rest, and
In fact, seven years passed between my
self with what God, the Creator of this
in the morning, find a mirror and say to
high school days and when I made it to the
world, sees and believes about you. He’s
yourself, ‘You are a champion!’ ten times.”
major leagues. My success, I believe, goes
ready to lead you onto the field and into
That was awkward to think about,
back to that moment when I agreed with
victory, but victory will never come if you
much less do—but I decided to move past
God’s assessment of me instead of my own.
fail to realize for yourself what God sees
my discomfort. I stood tall, looked myself
Maybe you’ve fallen short of being a
in the eye, and said, “You’re a champion.
champion in life; maybe you’ve fallen
Have you thought about the fact that
You’re a champion. You’re a champion…”
short of God’s plan for your life. We all do,
you are a champion? How awkward would
8
Issue 01 / 2019
Here are some keys to living a victorious life on God’s field.
when He looks at you, His child.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
G O D A LWAYS S E E S TH E E N D B E FO R E TH E B EG I N N I N G. H E W I LL A LWAYS S E E B E YO N D TH E LI M IT S O F YO U R CU R R E NT S ITUATI O N A N D FO CU S O N TH E A M A Z I N G P O S S I B I LITI E S H E C A N PE R FO R M TH RO U G H YO U. beginning. He will always see beyond the
blessings God wants to pour out, upon you
limits of your current situation and fo-
and those around you.
cus on the amazing possibilities He can perform through you. What Moses didn’t
CHANGE YOUR PERCEPTION
know was that his past uniquely qualified
Changing your perception about yourself
him to be the one chosen by God to lead
won’t happen overnight. As you renew
the Israelites out of bondage.
your mind with God’s truth (Romans 12:2),
In the same way, your past uniquely qualifies you to do the job He has for you.
your perception of yourself will change. With God’s help, you’ll step into your full potential. When you walk with God in the
GET AN EXPECTATION
truth of who you are, anything can happen.
In chapters 6 through 8 of the book of
However, if you choose a negative per-
Judges, we read the story of Gideon, who
ception over God’s, you’ll be limited in ev-
like Moses, had little expectation of him-
ery way, because without Him you won’t
self. All he could see in himself was a small
be able to do anything (John 15:5).
man, the least of the least (Judges 6:15).
Renewing your mind occurs through
But God saw Gideon through eyes of great
a deep study of God’s Word, the Bible. As
expectation, not limitation. Fortunately
you challenge your thoughts about your-
for the Israelites, Gideon finally trusted
self and bring them into submission un-
Dozier, #42 of Penn State, dodges Oklahoma defenders
and obeyed God, walking forward with
der God’s thoughts about you, you will
at the Orange Bowl in Miami, Florida, on January 1, 1986.
Him through what seemed to be insur-
begin to see yourself as God sees you. It
mountable odds. And God used His cham-
helps, too, to start speaking God’s truths
pion to bring the Israelites into a place of
over your life. When you replace the lies
great victory.
with God’s truth, you can build a new per-
(Photo by Penn State/Collegiate Images/Getty Images.)
it be to look in a mirror and say those words over yourself? Here’s the truth. You
It’s difficult to be champions when we
are God’s champion, and you are capable
doubt and have little awareness of the
ception for yourself. What you see, think, and speak about
of great things. Believe it! And believe this
power and greatness that lives within and
your life can lift you to great heights of
too—God is ready to unfold an incredible
walks beside us. If you are a believer in Je-
victory, or it can drop you to the depths of
story, called by your name, just like He did
sus Christ, you have the same power that
despair. What happens here is largely up
for Moses, Gideon, and many others.
raised Him from the grave living on the in-
to you. Proverbs 23:7 says that what a man
side of you (Romans 8:11). When you trust
thinks in his heart is who he is.
LOOK PAST YOUR LIMITATIONS
His power, walk in obedience to His Word,
A turning point in your life will come
When God, the Great I Am, selected Moses
and accept His invitation to take the field
when you stop focusing on your lack of
to deliver the Israelites and lead His peo-
with Him, He will turn your deepest chal-
ability and instead have confidence in
ple out of slavery and bondage, He knew
lenge or weakness into victory.
God’s ability through you. It will be the dif-
the great things Moses would do. But Mo-
Your perceived limits are not limits God
ference between having mediocre results
ses couldn’t see them. All he could see
has placed on you. God is limitless! Any
in your life and experiencing the miracu-
were his own limitations.
limits in your life are based on your own
lous. When you step outside your human-
Exodus 3:11 tells us that Moses re-
perception of yourself or on the words
ity and walk in His divinity, you are able
sponded to God’s invitation with, “Who
others have spoken over your life. It’s time
to do the greater things that God promised
am I to appear before Pharaoh? Who am I
to remove those limitations and experi-
you would do in John 14:12.
to lead the people of Israel out of Egypt?”
ence what God desires for you. You are His
Moses couldn’t look past his weaknesses
beloved creation, and you are full of po-
and circumstances to see what God saw.
tential. Don’t let your own or other’s per-
But God knew his potential.
ceptions rob you of what God has in store.
God always sees the end before the
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Don’t deprive yourself of the rich love and
D. J. D O Z I E R played in the NFL and MLB. Today he is a successful entrepreneur. He coauthored the book, Decide to Dominate, with AY U B F L E M I N G, a businessman in Central Florida and author of over 16 published works. Visit www.decidetodominate.com.
Issue 01 / 2019
9
TR ANSFORMED LIVES
Pardoned Once and For All BY ROGER D. HUGHES JR.
MY MOTHER AND I MOVED TO JACKSONVILLE, Florida, when I was eight. There, I met my biological father for the first time. It felt strange at first, but I soon grew used to him. Not long after, he moved to Miami but visited often to see me and other family members. I idolized my father because his presence always drew attention, especially from women. As I grew older, my mother permitted me to visit him in Miami. These trips were much anticipated treats, because my father always gave me money and material items. He allowed me to do
Don’t chase the world’s riches and end up eternally bankrupt, separated from God.
things my mother would disapprove of, like drinking alcohol and attending strip clubs. He even encouraged me to be sexually active. Now, I don’t mean to condemn my father. At the time, he was doing what he believed to be right. And I knew what I was doing was wrong, so I am just as much to blame.
On August 23, 2001, everything changed. I was arrested for
Growing up in Jacksonville had its challenges, and I wanted
constructive possession of cocaine. That was bad enough, but
desperately to fit in. This created multiple strongholds in my life,
I also received two additional charges, one for armed robbery
including rebellion and deep insecurities.
and the other for murder. I was stuck between a rock and a hard
Playing football became my main source of hope. It provided
place—but what I didn’t understand at the time was that God
me with stability, as well as instruction from coaches, acceptance
would use all these circumstances to bring me to the Rock of
from teammates, attention from girls, and the opportunity to at-
Ages—the Lord Jesus Christ.
tract college recruiters. In fact, I was blessed to receive a two-year football scholarship to Savannah State. College was an awesome experience for me, but it could have
I continued to resist Him, until one day God, through the preaching of His Word, revealed to me my need for a Savior. And through the faith that He supplied, I responded.
been greater, had I taken it more seriously. Unfortunately, I was
God met me at a most vulnerable time, when despair was all
suspended for stealing on campus before I completed my first
I could see. Through His Spirit, He awakened the deadness of
collegiate football season.
my spirit and breathed life into me. I continued to struggle with
I can see now that God continually extended His hands of grace
my desire to be delivered from the charges I was facing, until I
toward me, but His appeals of love went sinfully disregarded in
finally realized that my pardon had already been supplied. It was
the courtroom of my heart. His claims of redemption were denied
through a higher court in another kingdom.
as insufficient in my thinking.
My earthly release, although desired and to this day still an-
It did not take long after my journey back to Jacksonville from
ticipated, is only temporal. My spiritual redemption is eternally
college for me to become engulfed in a promiscuous lifestyle of
set and secure in Christ Jesus. My desire is to reap both, but I’m
sex and drugs. In just five months, I went from an athletic build of
learning to be content with just the latter if it is God’s will.
215 pounds to a sickly looking 177 pounds.
Learn from me: don’t chase the world’s riches and end up eter-
Everyone could see that I was falling apart, but the depravity
nally bankrupt, separated from God. Grab hold of God’s hands of
of my spirit blinded me from seeing my own condition. Not only
grace that are extended to you right now. Receive His Son, Jesus,
was I wasting away on the outside, I was dying on the inside. I was
as your Savior and embrace the person God has chosen you to be.
a man separated from God, reaping the consequences of my sin.
Love the fact that you are different, because it’s through our dif-
My situation got so bad that even crack cocaine users began encouraging me to get off the corner and go back to school—but
ferences that God’s tapestry is revealed to all humanity. ROGER D. HUGHES JR. shares God’s Word behind bars through the Iron
I wouldn’t listen. I was spiritually deaf and blind and could not
Sharpens Iron ministry. As a playwright and actor, Roger’s works encourage
hear or see God’s appeals through others.
fellow inmates to follow and grow in Christ.
10
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
Untangle the Mess BY ROY A. BORGES
PERHAPS THE THING I REMEMBER
teach me and prepare me for the future.
Instead, we’ll depend on the power we have
most about my father was going fishing
The biggest thing I have learned is to go to
through Christ who lives in us by the Holy
with him. I went to live with my father and
Him for help.
Spirit. When we acknowledge Him in all we
stepmother when I was ten.
In prison, God showed me that I needed
do, He directs our paths (Proverbs 3:5).
Having been raised in the Bronx, I
to be smart enough to figure out that I am
Even though I am still in prison be-
didn’t know anything about fishing. My
not very smart. When I took His advice, He
cause of the mistakes I made in my past,
father quickly taught me the essentials,
taught me how to untangle the messes I’d
my hope is strong. Jesus Christ is the an-
but after I caught my first fish, I thought
made in my life. When I turned my filthy
chor of my soul (Hebrews 6:19). I cling to
I knew it all. I was forever having trouble
actions and cluttered mind over to Him
Him through every trial. He lights dark
with my fishing line, though. It always got
and emptied my life of destructive habits,
tunnels and guides me through every try-
tangled on me. Every time my father tried
I began to experience a new life in Jesus
ing situation. He never disappoints me.
to help me untangle my line, I would say, “I
Christ. He untangled me.
When one door closes, He opens another
know how to do it!” And that always made a bigger mess.
My bad habits did not disappear over-
one with something better.
night. Problems didn’t fade away just be-
My faith tells me I can trust God to re-
If I’d have been wise, I would have given
cause I was a Christian. Fortunately, my
store my life piece by piece. Nothing in my
my pole to him and said, “I can’t untangle
heavenly Father is a God of second chanc-
life is too messy for Him to straighten.
this, Daddy. Can you help me?”
es. With Him, all things are possible. On
Nothing in your life is too messy for Him
Help and fish were right there, but I
my own, no matter how much I tried to be
to straighten, either. Your life may feel like
forfeited them both because of my stub-
good, I fell back into my foolish, useless,
one tangled mess. Just remember, there is
bornness. I thought I knew more about the
and evil ways. But God’s grace is always
no mess too big for God.
situation than my father, who was a sea-
greater than my sin.
soned fisherman.
He will never give up on you. He will
There are two sides to the Christian
stay by your side and work with you to
That was the problem most of my life.
life. On the one hand, we are complete
untangle each part of your life and, in the
As a young man, I thought I had all the
in Christ. On the other, we must grow in
process, He will make you more like His
answers and did things my way. I thought
Christ daily. We have the status of kings
Son, Jesus. But to start the untangling
I was smarter and tougher than everyone.
and the duties of slaves. We feel both the
process, you must come to Him and admit
To me, humbling myself to listen to others
presence of Christ and the pressure of sin.
that you need His help.
else seemed weak.
We want to follow God, but our flesh de-
God is the only One who knows the way
The Bible says, “There is a way that ap-
mands to be satisfied. We enjoy the peace
out of your mess. He is the only One who
pears to be right, but in the end it leads to
that comes from being made right with
can give you the strength to not give up.
death” (Proverbs 14:12 NIV).
God, but we still face problems daily.
Don’t ignore your heavenly Father’s help.
Eventually,
that
stubborn,
prideful
If we remember these two sides of the
thinking landed me behind prison fenc-
Christian life, we won’t be discouraged
a prison cell in Florida. His stories have appeared in many
es. But God has used my circumstance to
when we face temptation and problems.
Christian publications.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
ROY A. BORGES writes about his life experiences from
Issue 01 / 2019
11
TR ANSFORMED LIVES
A Restored Life BY BETZAIDA VARGAS
hen people meet me, they cannot imagine the past I left behind. Some accept me; others reject me as if my past is a tattoo that has marked my life forever. Fortunately, God has never rejected me. I arrived in the United States from Puerto Rico at the age of 31. I had many dreams. They were cancelled by God, who had a better plan (Jeremiah 29:11). I became a professional and prosperous woman. But inside, I was alone, dry, and empty, desperate for a new way of life. I was
In a matter of months, everything changed for me. I accepted
divorced three times with two children from different men. I suf-
Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and began to study the Bible.
fered much loneliness and sorrow in this strange new country,
Through His Word, God taught me a new way of living. He also
raising my children alone.
gave me a Christian husband in Fred. We have now been happily
In 2011, I met Fred, who invited me to attend his Christian
married for six years.
church. I accepted his invitation, bought a Bible and a decent suit,
In 2015, the Lord showed me that He could use my painful past
and showed up the next Sunday. This church was full of people
of divorce to help others who are living in the same isolated sit-
who spoke another language and whose skin tones were different
uation. John 4 tells an interesting story about a woman from Sa-
from mine. Even so, I felt comfortable there.
maria who had a personal encounter with Jesus at a well.
VIDAS TR ANSFORMADAS
Una Vida Restaurada
En 2011, conocí a Fred, quien me invitó a asistir a su iglesia cristiana. Acepté su invitación, compré una Biblia y un traje decente, y me presenté en su iglesia el domingo siguiente. Esta iglesia estaba llena de personas que hablaban otro idioma y cuyo tono de piel era diferente al mío. Aun así, me sentí cómoda allí. En cuestión de meses, todo cambió para mí. Acepté a Jesu-
POR BETZAIDA VARGAS
cristo como mi Señor y Salvador y comencé a estudiar la Biblia. A través de su Palabra, Dios me enseñó una nueva forma de vivir. También me dio un marido cristiano en Fred. Hemos estado feliz-
uando la gente me conoce, no pueden imaginarse el tipo
mente casados por seis años.
de pasado que dejé atrás. Algunos me aceptan; otros
En 2015, el Señor me mostró, que podía usar mi pasado dolo-
me rechazan como si mi pasado fuera un tatuaje que
roso y mis divorcios para ayudar a otras personas que enfrentan
ha marcado mi vida para siempre. Afortunadamente, Dios nunca
esa misma situación. Juan 4 cuenta una historia interesante sobre
me ha rechazado.
una mujer que tuvo un encuentro personal con Jesús en un pozo.
Llegué a los Estados Unidos desde Puerto Rico a la edad de 31
Esta mujer había tenido cinco maridos y vivía con un sexto
años. Tenía muchos sueños. Fueron cancelados por Dios, quien
hombre sin casarse. Jesús, en contra de la costumbre de su pue-
tenía un mejor plan para mí (Jeremías 29:11).
blo, habló con ella y se le reveló como el Mesías. Él era el agua viva
Me convertí en una mujer profesional y próspera. Pero por den-
que podía salvarla de vivir una vida vacía.
tro, estaba sola, seca, vacía y desesperada por una nueva forma
Ella le creyó, dejó su cántaro de agua junto al pozo y corrió para
de vida. Era divorciada tres veces y tenía dos hijos por hombres
contarle a la gente del pueblo. Muchos lo aceptaron como su Sal-
diferentes. Sufrí mucha soledad y pena en un país nuevo y extraño
vador. A través de la historia de esta mujer, Dios me mostró que
mientras criaba sola a mis hijos.
Él podría usarme para compartir las buenas nuevas de Jesús tam-
12
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
This woman had had five husbands, and she was living with a sixth man out of wedlock. Jesus, against the custom of His people, spoke with her and revealed Himself as the Messiah. He was the living water, the One who could save her from her empty life. She believed Him, left her water jar by the well, and ran to tell the townspeople. Many accepted Him as their Savior.
If you have found yourself alone,
rejected, and living an empty life,
you need to know that it is never too late for God to straighten bad roads.
Through this woman’s story, God showed me that He could use me to share the good news of Jesus too. He can use anyone’s com-
and knowledge of His Word. The Bible, if applied to your life, will
plicated past for His glory.
change you from the inside out, even if your circumstances never
Psalm 40:1–3 accurately describes the rescue God performed in my life when I was 40.
change. It is your lifeline to hope and the catalyst for change. You’ll find good advice, solid promises, and consolation in the midst of pain. God’s Word has been a source of strength to me,
With patience I waited for the Lord to help me, and he turned
and to the thousands of single moms and divorced and widowed
to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair....
women that I now minister to in 65 countries through my minis-
He set my feet on solid ground and steadied me as I walked
try, Samaritana del Pozo (Samaritan Woman at the Well).
along. He has given me a new song to sing, a hymn of praise to
If you have found yourself alone, rejected, and living an empty
our God. Many will see what he has done and be amazed. They
life, you need to know that it is never too late for God to straight-
will put their trust in the Lord.
en bad roads. He is the giver of many opportunities. He wants no one to perish but all to have eternal and abundant life in Him (2
God has been so good to me. Like He did for that woman at the
Peter 3:9; John 10:10). God glorifies Himself by rescuing, using,
well, He sent His Son, Jesus, to rescue me from my empty way of
and prospering people with complicated pasts. And He is ready
life. He gave me His Word, the living water, and it quenched my
to glorify Himself through you.
thirsty soul. Maybe you are thirsty. Maybe you need stability and a new way
BETZAIDA VARGAS is a Bible-study teacher, an author, the founder of Samaritana del
of life. True change comes only through a relationship with Jesus
Pozo, a ministry to single, divorced, and widowed Latinas. Visit samaritanadelpozo.com.
bién. Él puede usar el pasado complicado de cualquier persona
Si te has encontrado solo, rechazado y viviendo una vida vacía, debes saber que nunca es demasiado tarde para que Dios endereza los caminos malos.
para su gloria. El Salmo 40:1–3 NTV describe con precisión el rescate que Dios realizó en mi vida cuando yo tenía 40 años. Con paciencia esperé que el Señor me ayudara, y él se fijó en mí y oyó mi clamor. Me sacó del foso de desesperación.... Puso mis pies sobre suelo firme y a medida que yo caminaba,
medio del dolor. La Palabra de Dios ha sido una fuente de fortale-
me estabilizó. Me dio un canto nuevo para entonar, un himno
za para mí y para las miles de madres solteras, mujeres divorcia-
de alabanza a nuestro Dios. Muchos verán lo que él hizo y que-
das, y viudas a las que ahora ministro en 65 países a través de mi
darán asombrados; pondrán su confianza en el Señor.
ministerio Samaritana del Pozo. Si te has encontrado solo, rechazado, y viviendo una vida
Dios ha sido muy bueno conmigo. Tal como hizo con esa mujer
vacía, debes saber que nunca es demasiado tarde para que Dios
en el pozo, así envió a su hijo Jesús a rescatarme de una vida vacía.
enderece los caminos malos. Él es el dador de muchas oportuni-
Él me dio su Palabra, el agua viva, y sació mi alma sedienta. Tal vez
dades. Él no quiere que nadie perezca, sino que todos tengan vida
hoy, tú tienes sed. Tal vez necesitas estabilidad y una nueva forma
eterna y abundante en Él (2 Pedro 3:9; Juan 10:10). Dios se glorifica
de vivir. Sé que el verdadero cambio solo se logra a través de una
a sí mismo al rescatar, usar, y prosperar a las personas con pasa-
relación con Jesús y el conocimiento de su Palabra. La Biblia, si la
dos complicados. Y Él está listo para glorificarse a través de ti.
aplicas a tu vida, la cambiará de adentro hacia afuera, incluso aunque tus circunstancias nunca cambien. Es tu camino hacia la esperanza y el catalizador para el cambio. Encontrarás consejos buenos, promesas sólidas, y consuelo en
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
BETZAIDA VARGAS es una maestra de estudios bíblicos, autora, y fundadora de Samaritana del Pozo, un ministerio para latinas solteras, divorciadas y viudas. Visita samaritanadelpozo.com.
Issue 01 / 2019
13
The Art of Starting Over BY LYNN BROWN
I
was raised in a lower middle class neighborhood, with my mom, dad, and two brothers. I was in the middle. My parents believed in a higher being but
didn’t have much to say about Christ or His divinity. They were kind people who treated everyone the same. Because my parents didn’t have any real conviction about their faith, I was allowed to go to church with whoever asked me. I sat through services at Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, and Lutheran churches, as well as a variety of small, nondenominational ones. I had an idea of what God was about, but I didn’t know. Sometimes I would sit there and think, “What are they talking about?” Other times I felt total joy. Looking back, I know the Holy Spirit was tugging at my heart. At fourteen, I went to a small Baptist church and gave my heart to Jesus, but I quickly lost sight of Him. Because my inner circle consisted of nonbelievers and my knowledge of God and His Word was
ered I could read well if the material was
My adult life consisted of church hop-
limited, I fell away.
in large print. I also discovered I was just
ping, raising kids, and fighting with the
Studying the Bible wasn’t something I
as smart as my neighbors, but by then, the
world about who I was. Was I a mom first?
was drawn to do. I have poor vision, and
damage to my confidence had been done.
A wife first? Should I work and make a
reading has always been hard for me. I
I spent many years struggling to improve
name for myself?
wore glasses, but my condition was not
my self-esteem. I didn’t yet know that
My husband was a nonbeliever. He was
correctable. I was a slow reader, and it was
self-worth comes through a relationship
a workaholic on top of being an alcoholic.
assumed I had some learning disability.
with God, made possible through His Son,
Our marriage was rocky. We fought a lot.
Jesus Christ.
I was not used to that—my parents had
It wasn’t until I was 30 that I discov-
14
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
never fought in front of us. I didn’t know
She explained that she offered histor-
how to handle it. The strain and pressure
ic prison tours at the former state prison
in our marriage increased.
nearby, now transformed into a lively
In my search to find what I was good at, I never asked God. I turned to self-help
community of small apartments and artist’s workshops.
books instead and tried all the “imagine
Her tours were popular, and she was
yourself this way” ideas. I wrote a few chil-
looking for souvenirs to sell. She invited
dren’s stories. I even started a fabric gift-
me to come on a tour. There I learned of
wrap business, but it failed.
the great influence the prison had had on
Then, in 2000, we moved from Chicago
the development of my hometown. I took a
to Jackson, Michigan, to be closer to my
tin mug, put an 1800s mugshot on it, and
family. I hoped that being nearer to them
wrote “40 Reasons Not to Have Your Mug
would fill the void I felt in my home.
in This Place.” They sold well.
In 2002, I got pregnant with our fifth
After a while, she asked if I would join
child. I thought I was going into meno-
her as a tour guide. I did, and eventually
pause. Nope! I was overwhelmed, wonder-
we extended the tours to include the ac-
ing how on earth I was going to do this.
tive Jackson Correctional Facility.
Our daughter was born beautiful and
The place overwhelmed me at first. I
healthy, and things were okay for a while.
felt sick. The cellblock was four stories
Then, my father went blind. So that he
high and contained 515 cells. Cages. I re-
could manage better, my parents gave
member wondering how someone gets
up their home in Michigan and moved to
over living that way. God pricked my heart
Florida. Life changed for us all.
in unexpected ways in that prison.
Suddenly, I was in Michigan without
I began meeting people who were in-
family. Two of our children, now grown,
volved with the prison art programs. I re-
had returned to Chicago. Money was tight,
alized that art was a form of redemption
and I couldn’t run to Mom’s anymore
for many; in fact, it actually saved people
when things got tough.
from total devastation.
I started going to a small congrega-
One day I was speaking with a friend
tional church nearby; my husband even
about the amazing art I had seen, and he
went for a while. There, I gained faith and
said, “Have I ever shown you
self-esteem as I learned who God is and
the butterflies I made?” He
who I am in Him. The three children who
brought out the most beau-
were still at home went to church with me.
tiful little butterflies I had
When money got tight, life got worse.
ever seen. They were made
I took odd jobs and waitressed, but few
of toilet paper and glue for
opportunities were available.
the bodies, bread ties for
Somewhere around 2011, a friend gave
the legs and antennas. He
me a box filled with slips of paper with
had cut the wings from pa-
encouraging statements on them. I told
per with his toenail clippers
her that we should make and sell them. I
then carefully painted them.
scraped together some money, borrowed
I was blown away.
a bit from my mom, and that friend and I set up a business called Slips of Faith.
The “Hand Crafted Church” was created in prison by Steve X, using items like legal pads, folders, socks, glue, foil, and toenail clippers.
First off, I’d had no idea he had been in prison; nei-
We designed the papers, filled the tins,
ther had I known how talent-
and set up a website. Then my friend de-
ed he was. I told him I could
cided to leave the business. I began at-
sell his butterflies on the
tending business-to-business marketing
tours, so he gave me some
classes to salvage what we had started.
and when I told his story,
One day, I walked into a meeting carrying
people went nuts for them.
a tin, and a woman asked what it was. I
I came back to tell him how
told her, and she asked if I would make her
popular they were and that I
a prison tin.
needed more to sell.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Walking with Jesus has given me so much— even with all the losses I’ve experienced. When I follow Him and do what He instructs, everything works out for His glory. Every step I take with Him leads me further into a place of freedom.
Issue 01 / 2019
15
“The Lion and Lamb,”
in Christian Testimony) and suggested I
by Ken Carlisle Jr.
should organize as a nonprofit ministry.
This and other amazing
She drove me from Michigan to Tennes-
artwork created by formerly incarcerated persons are available
see, where I presented my vision to ACT. They agreed that Cellblock Creations was
for purchase through
a ministry. I was surprised. That just was
Cellblock Creations.
not how I saw Cellblock Creations…or myself. Surely ministries were run by ordained ministers, not a working mom with no degree. I was still looking at myself through the world’s eyes and not God’s. How many other things was I confused about? I began seeking the Lord and His truth more. I learned to trust Him, even when the path He was leading me on made no sense. Life hasn’t gotten easier. In the last four years, I’ve lost my home, my mom, and had to move from Michigan to Florida to help my 94-year-old blind father. But God has remained faithful to our family and to the ministry He’s called me to. He is healing us day by day. My husband has stopped drinking and is here in Florida with me and our youngest daughter. These changed have required huge adjustments, but God has kept us afloat. In
He looked at me and said, “I don’t have time to sit around and make tiny butter-
a lot donated in services, like a website
the process, my faith has grown stronger
and volunteers.
than ever. I thought moving to Florida
flies now.” He wasn’t in prison anymore.
Even as I struggled to keep Cellblock
might mean the end of Cellblock Cre-
He needed real money, had to go to AA
Creations afloat, my home life was suf-
ations, but it has grown with many new
meetings, pay fines, meet with probation
fering too. We were going under, and I
possibilities. Many are finding support
officers, and try to find work. Wow—I had
couldn’t see any way to help.
and purpose for their new lives through
never thought about the obstacles to reen-
I pleaded with God for direction, but life
try that people faced when released from
got harder. Stress was at an all-time high.
When I finally opened my hand to the
prison. I learned there are many.
My husband was sick and using alcohol to
Lord and said, “Lead me,” He has done so,
self-medicate, but refused to admit it.
each step of the way. I no longer care what
Eventually, I decided it was time to leave
my organization.
the tour business, but I couldn’t leave the
My faith was on a roller coaster. One
others think of my decisions—as long as
idea of helping artists sell their work as
minute I believed God, the next I couldn’t
I know I am doing His will, I am at rest. I
a means of supporting themselves after
see how He could fix my situation. I be-
have learned it’s what makes no sense to
their release. So I started a new business
came self-destructive myself—overeating,
the world that works in God’s kingdom.
called Cellblock Creations.
drinking, and sleeping—all in an effort to
Walking with Jesus has given me so
avoid dealing with the real issue of my
much—even with all the losses I’ve expe-
heart. I was a mess.
rienced. When I follow Him and do what
No longer being involved with prison tours, however, made it difficult to sell the items. I no longer had access to the
I thought of quitting Cellblock Cre-
He instructs, everything works out for His
gift shop. Further, without the tours, I was
ations. Yet every time I said that, God
glory. It’s not always easy, but it’s so worth-
barely staying afloat. I needed another job
placed someone in my path who needed
while, because every step I take with Him
plus more!
hope. He also sent people to encourage me
leads further into a place of freedom.
God provided a job for me at a chocolate
and spur me on.
shop, but I couldn’t abandon the artists I’d
He introduced me to Tamra Comstock,
promised to help. Many people wanted to
a Christian entertainer who changed my
help me promote them, but the necessary
thinking about how God works. She in-
finances didn’t come in. Happily, I did get
troduced me to ACT International (Artists
16
Issue 01 / 2019
LYNN BROWN’s organization, Cellblock Creations, provides opportunities and promotes the “art of starting over” for those reentering the mainstream population. Visit cellblockcreations.org for more information.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
WHAT IF BY KRISTI OVERTON JOHNSON
MY HUSBAND TIM AND I WERE
With all seriousness, I told Tim, “I have
will use you the same way. We are God’s
eating lunch at Cracker Barrel when a
to go pray with that family. Don’t let the
hands and feet on this earth. Our purpose
family nearby got up to leave. I watched as
waitress take my salad!” Then I got up and
as believers is to show His love to others—
the mother placed a walker in front of her
found the family in the merchandise sec-
even when it’s not convenient or comfort-
little girl. The child, probably around five,
tion of the store. Walking up to the mother,
able. If we don’t act, how will they know
then made her laborious way out of the
I said, “Hi. I know this might sound crazy,
His love? How will they know He cares?
dining room, patient mother by her side.
but I feel the Lord wants me to pray for
I was moved with compassion as I envi-
your little girl.”
Now, I’m not saying you can’t pray for others from afar. But how often do we
sioned what this family’s life must be like.
I waited for the lady to grab her daugh-
promise someone we’ll pray for them and
My heart cried out to God, “Oh Lord, heal
ter and run or yell an insult at me, but in-
then forget to do it? I know life has a way
that little girl. Help that family.” I vowed
stead she smiled and said, “I don’t think
of erasing those promises from my mind,
silently to pray for them, and as I did, an
that sounds crazy at all.” She asked my
and I don’t think I’m alone in that.
unexpected thought entered my mind.
name and introduced me to her daugh-
What if we moved out of our comfort
“Go pray for them right now.”
ter, Sophia Rose. Then, right there in the
zones? What if we physically went and
Immediately, an internal battle began
middle of Cracker Barrel, I knelt down,
prayed a simple prayer of faith, not just for
to wage. “Lord,” I argued, “Why can’t I just
laid my hands on this little girl’s legs, and
but with someone today? I believe people
pray from a distance?” Would He not move
prayed. When I finished, I arose and faced
would be healed, hearts would be encour-
in this family’s life if I didn’t audibly pray
the parents. Through tears, we hugged
aged, and circumstances would change.
for them in their presence? Why did I have
and I left, promising that I would continue
to get up and go to them in the middle of a
to pray for them.
What if God is ready to use you today to change someone’s life? Would you lay
busy restaurant? What if they didn’t want
I don’t know what God was doing in
aside your fear and pride? Would you risk
prayer? What if they thought I was crazy?
that interchange. The girl didn’t sudden-
something for the sake of another? It’s a
What if people looked at me and—what if,
ly abandon her walker and run through
chance worth taking.
what if, what if.
the store. Lightning bolts didn’t pop down
The negative scenarios continued to
from heaven to show us that God was mov-
K R I S T I OV E RT O N J O H N S O N encourages and
flood my mind, but then a new line of
ing in some miraculous way. But you know
equips people for victory through her writings, speaking
thought arose. What if God used my obe-
what? I don’t need a sign.
dience to affect the life of this family, now
God prompted my heart to get up and
or for eternity? What if God touched this
pray for that family, and I trust Him. My
little girl physically because of it? What if,
flesh didn’t direct me to do this thing, be-
through a prayer of faith and a simple act
cause I would have far preferred to stay
of love, this family was encouraged to car-
seated and continue eating my salad. But
ry on for one more day? What if they need-
I know that when God places a burden on
ed to know that someone in the world had
the hearts of His people and they obey, He
noticed their life?
moves—whether we see something hap-
Why wouldn’t I want to be part of that?
pen or not.
Would I let my fear and pride stand in the
Yes, God could’ve touched that family
way of what God might be ready to do? I
without me. God is God; He can do any-
suddenly realized I didn’t care what other
thing. But for reasons I cannot explain,
people thought. For the sake of that little
God chose me to be a vessel through which
girl and her family, I was going to tangibly
He would demonstrate His love, power,
show them the love of Christ, regardless of
provision, and presence to this family.
the cost or result.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
engagements, and prison ministry.
But I am not unique—if you let Him, He
Issue 01 / 2019
17
18
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
MY
BY L A D D I E C A L L O WAY
parents separated when I was 12 years old. Sud-
I was shot twice. When the paramedics arrived,
denly our family unit was dismantled, and ev-
I had no pulse. The homicide detective was
erything in my home life changed. As a preteen,
called to the scene. My parents were told I had no
I found myself lost and confused, so I rebelled.
chance of survival.
I took to the streets, joined a gang, and went
Miraculously, however, on the way to the hos-
against everything I had ever known to be good
pital, the EMTs revived me. In the emergency
and everything my parents had ever taught me.
room, I was given a transfusion to replace the
At 16, I had my first run-in with the law. I was tried as an adult and sentenced to three
large amount of blood I had lost. Thankfully, surgery wasn’t required. I was 17.
months in jail with three years’ probation. Two
As soon as I was healthy enough, I went
months after my release, an invitation to step out
straight back to the streets. It wasn’t long before
of this dangerous lifestyle came knocking on my
I was arrested again. This time I faced a possible
door through a man named Sam.
15-year sentence for burglary.
Sam was a tree removal specialist who came
One would think that someone who had just
by our home to give my mom an estimate for
had a brush with death would choose a differ-
cutting down a tree in our yard. Somehow he
ent life path, but I didn’t. The excitement of the
transitioned the conversation from tree removal
streets was just too enticing. Selling drugs and
to Jesus and asked me if my mom, siblings, and
turf wars provided an addictive adrenaline rush.
I would like to join him at his home for a small
There was something so inherently exciting
group Bible study. He called it a life group, which
about doing the things I had always been told not
just sounded weird. Since nobody in our home
to do, the things my peers talked about at school.
attended church anymore, I didn’t even mention
It gave me a physical high.
it to anyone.
I never liked the way drugs made me feel, but
But Sam was persistent. Not wanting to be
I did like the way selling drugs, participating in
rude, I decided to avoid him so I wouldn’t have
gang activity, and doing whatever my flesh de-
to say no to his face. The night before he was
sired made me feel. I felt free. But the truth was, I
scheduled to come by the house again, I called
wasn’t free at all. I was totally enslaved, a prison-
my friend and told him, “Man, you gotta come
er in my own skin.
pick me up and get me outta here! This guy keeps trying to get me to go to church.”
During this time, the Spirit of God continued to pursue me, but I hardened my heart and ran
It was a decision that almost cost me my life.
from His love. I pushed aside any conviction and
It just so happened that when I ran from Sam’s
focused instead on the lie that a life free of rules
invitation to grow in my relationship with God, I
was what I needed. I no longer cared if what I did
stepped straight into a gang-related setup where
was right or wrong.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
19
I N E VE R LIKE D TH E WAY D RU GS MAD E M E FE E L , BUT I D ID LIKE TH E WAY S E LLIN G D RU GS, PARTI CIPATIN G IN GAN G ACTIVIT Y, AN D D O IN G WHATE VE R MY FLE S H D E SIR E D MAD E M E FE E L . I FE LT FR E E. BUT TH E TRUTH WA S, I WA S N’T FR E E AT ALL . I WA S TOTALLY E N S L AVE D, A PR I SO N E R IN MY OWN S KIN.
I was fortunate to receive only one year
missing all those years on the streets. I’d
It wasn’t until a couple from the church,
of prison time for my burglary arrest.
been missing God! I finally realized He
Tim and Tamar Burch, entered my life that
Once again, you’d think I’d wake up and
was what I needed most in my life, even
I found freedom from this addiction. They
count my blessings, but I didn’t. Instead,
more than a successful business.
asked me to join their life group. (Seeing
I ran right back to the streets and deep-
Our family had attended church faith-
that the last time I’d run from a similar in-
er into sin. This cycle continued many
fully before my parents divorced. I had
vitation, I’d been shot, I decided I’d better
more times until one day I finally realized
loved Sunday School as a kid. After visit-
go. Plus, they seemed cool.)
enough was enough.
ing my friend’s church, I suddenly longed
And that’s when God’s grace erupted in
Ironically, my own death experience
to be a part of the church body I had en-
my life.
made little difference to the trajectory of
joyed as a child. I reached out to my fami-
For years I had heard about the grace
my life. It took the murder of a good friend
ly and asked if we could all return to First
of God—how God had freely given His Son,
to do that. I learned about his death right
Baptist Orlando, the church we had at-
Jesus, to die for my sin so that I could be
before my incarceration after my fifth ar-
tended in the past.
made right with Him and have eternal life
rest. It forced me to take a good, hard in-
Once in church, I started serving. It
(John 3:16). I’d accepted it as truth, but I
ventory of my life and helped me realize
gave me great purpose and filled me with
didn’t understand how His grace could
what a terrible role model I had been to
joy. But church activity couldn’t serve as a
help me in my daily life or free me from
my younger siblings, niece, and nephews.
substitute for a relationship with God and
the sin that held me hostage.
They needed me to set a better example, to
His people. I needed intimacy with God
Through the intimate setting of this life
live differently. I didn’t want them to step
and others to help me walk out my faith
group experience, however, I discovered
into this street life and end up a criminal
and live a godly life.
the importance of doing life with other be-
like me or murdered like my friend.
From the outside, I looked like a young
lievers. It’s so easy to go to church, sit on
So I left the streets and started my own
man who was living an admirable Chris-
a pew, and even serve without ever build-
landscaping company. I worked seven
tian life. I had left the streets, quit selling
ing real relationships with other believers.
days a week, fourteen hours a day. I want-
drugs, worked hard, attended church, and
Many people in the church do this, and
ed to be seen as a hard-working person
served people well. But the truth was, I
they struggle daily in their lives. I know–I
rather than a thug. Seeing my exhaustion,
was controlled by a secret—a shameful ad-
did it!
my father encouraged me to take one day
diction to sex and pornography.
off a week to rest. Sunday seemed the
Going to church is great, but one corpo-
How could I tell anyone at the church
rate service a week isn’t enough to help a
that I struggled with watching porn
Christian live a victorious life. We need a
One Sunday, a friend invited me to her
and having random sex with strang-
deeper, more personal study of the Word,
church, and I went. The service was very
ers? Wouldn’t they judge me or ask me
and we need real, authentic relationships
different from what I remembered about
to leave? So I kept attending church and
with like-minded people—friends we can
church. While it made me uncomfortable,
serving, and I told no one. As a result, I re-
be vulnerable with and accountable to.
it also made me realize what I had been
mained enslaved to my secret addiction.
most logical day.
20
Issue 01 / 2019
Only in those relationships can we help
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
women involved in pornography aren’t involved by choice. They are forced into these situations. My addiction, my sin, was actually supporting the abuse of women. When my eyes were finally opened to the destruction of my addiction, I made a choice to live a different life. But how could I actually carry it out? Sex and porn had such a grasp on me. Perhaps there’s something, maybe even pornography, that has a hold on your life. I’d like to share with you how I found freedom from the prison of my sex addiction, in hopes that it will help you overcome your addiction, whatever it is. Acknowledge your addiction. I took my first step toward freedom when I acknowledged that what I was doing was wrong. I called my addictions what they were—sin and idols. Sex and pornography controlled my life, not God. Ask for forgiveness. Once I had acknowledged my addiction as sin, I asked God to forgive me and to help me overcome it. The Bible says when we ask God for forgiveness, He forgives all our sin, and He remembers it no more (1 John 1:9; Psalm 103). I trusted God’s Word as true. Forgive yourself. With so much baggage from my former life, it would have been easy to dwell on my past mistakes and wallow in regret as my own punishment for my sin. But that isn’t what God wanted. When I asked for forgiveness, God forgave one another overcome hardship and re-
a sudden, my physical desires would take
me. It was a done deal. God didn’t want me
sist temptation. It was this life group’s
over, and I’d have to fulfill them. I was en-
to hold on to my past failures; rather, He
encouragement and accountability, and
slaved to my own desires.
wanted me to move forward into my des-
of course God’s grace, that helped me see
Sex had become an idol in my life. It was
the truth about my sex and porn addiction
my only focus. My desires, too, were idols.
and overcome it.
tiny. But I couldn’t move forward if I was clinging to the past.
Everything in my life was about me and
Decide to be free. I made a commitment
I hadn’t really seen myself as someone
about fulfilling my desires. I wasn’t focused
to do whatever it took to be free. I had to
addicted to sex and pornography. To me,
on glorifying God through my actions,
want freedom from my addiction—I had
viewing pornography was normal; it was
and I certainly wasn’t concerned with how
to be willing to make changes in my life to
just something guys did, especially single
my actions might affect anyone else, espe-
step out of my prison. God wasn’t just go-
guys. But the more I grew in my knowl-
cially the women I was with sexually.
ing to snap me out of it; I had a part to play.
edge of God through the study of His Word
The Bible instructs a man to take care
For me, my personal desire to be more like
and the more I discussed my problem with
of women and children. Being sexually
Christ and to glorify Him in all my actions,
trusted people, I began to understand how
active with one woman after another and
whether private or public, motivated me
destructive sexual addiction was to my life
viewing images that use women’s bodies
daily to block sexual images and stand
and relationships.
for a man’s sexual pleasure goes against
firm against temptations.
Sex and pornographic images ruled my
God’s command to protect women and
Tell someone. It wasn’t enough, though,
every thought. I could be driving down the
children. It is abusive, and it breaks God’s
for me to merely acknowledge my addic-
road and see a beautiful woman, and all of
heart. Not to mention that so many of the
tion and ask God for forgiveness in the
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
21
I D ID N’T U N D E R STAN D H OW H I S G R ACE CO U LD H E LP M E IN MY DAILY LIFE O R FR E E M E FRO M TH E SIN THAT H E LD M E H OSTAG E.
How Porn Is Affecting The World*
PORN SITES RECEIVE MORE REGULAR TRAFFIC THAN NETFLIX, AMAZON, & TWITTER COMBINED privacy of my own existence. I had to tell
ple that cause me to stumble. Let me tell
a trusted friend. So I decided to tell my
you, it requires a 24/7 post. But my free-
life group. We cried together as I exposed
dom is worth it.
this darkness in my life. Let me tell you,
Focus on God. Guarding my ways re-
something amazing happened when I
quired a moment-by-moment choice to fo-
confessed my secret to these trusted
cus on God. Throughout the day, I prayed
friends. It began to lose its power.
and clung to His promises. That enabled
Accountability.
my
me to stand strong in times of temptation.
secret addiction to my friends, I asked
After
revealing
Every day, I claimed the promise in Jere-
my mentor, Tim, to hold me accountable
miah 29:11, that God has a plan for my life
for what I watched and did. I gave him
and He will continue to see me through
access to my personal tech devices and
this addiction.
even downloaded an app on my phone
Taking these steps moved me out of
and computer that would notify him if I
my prison of sex addiction and into the
slipped back into my old ways. Knowing
future God had planned. Today I am total-
that someone was watching over me kept
ly free and growing in my walk with God.
me on the straight and narrow. There’s no
I never cease to be amazed how God has
way I could have physically resisted my
redeemed my life and freed me from my
addiction alone. Making myself account-
personal prison.
able to Tim was a key decision.
God has a future of freedom for you,
Submit your addiction to Christ. Tak-
too. You don’t have to remain enslaved to
ing these steps toward freedom also
anything. God is bigger than any addic-
wouldn’t have been possible without my
tion you have—gambling, food, drugs, al-
pursuit of a relationship with Jesus. Every
cohol, relationships, sex, pornography, or
day I had to consciously submit my addic-
spending money. Nothing is too hard for
tion to Christ. Psalm 37:5 NLT says, “Com-
Him. He’s ready to help you. And He will
mit everything you do to the Lord. Trust
put people and programs in your life to
him, and he will help you.” Addictions are
help you too.
powerful, but God is greater than any ad-
If God can set me free—a person who
diction. Every day I rested on the fact that
was on the streets, selling drugs, and ad-
God was walking through my struggle with
dicted to pornography—He can do the
me. I knew that as I stayed committed and
same for you. You aren’t alone in your
did my part, He would break those chains
struggle. God and others are ready to
for good. And He has.
come alongside you and help you out of
Guard your ways. God did break my chains of addiction, but in order to remain
your personal prison.
EACH MONTH.
30% OF ALL DATA TRANSFERRED ACROSS THE INTERNET IS PORN-RELATED.
50% OF CHRISTIAN MEN AND 20% OF CHRISTIAN WOMEN ADMIT THAT THEY ARE ADDICTED TO PORNOGRAPHY.*
64% OF YOUNG PEOPLE, AGES 13–24, ACTIVELY SEEK OUT PORNOGRAPHY WEEKLY OR MORE OFTEN.
Are you ready to take the first step?
free, I had to guard myself. I still have to do that. I have to be mindful of what I allow
*SOURCE: https://fightthenewdrug.org/10-pornL A D D I E C A L L O WAY lives in Central Florida and
my eyes to gaze upon. I have to guard my
attends First Baptist Orlando where he serves others
steps and stay away from places and peo-
and leads them to the freedom he now has.
22
Issue 01 / 2019
stats-that-will-blow-your-mind/ *Christiannet.com June 07.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
Time to Die BY JEANNINE MOFFITT
I WA S RECENTLY REMINDED OF
Messages like that followed me all
enough, the Lord reminded me of Mat-
the stark reality that, if I want to continue
week. Finally I said, “Lord, I’m not like
thew 18:21–35, when Peter asked Jesus
to press on in my relationship with Jesus, I
You, I can’t just forgive like You did.”
how often he had to forgive someone who
must die. Die to self, that is.
Of course, that day’s devotion just had
sinned against him. Jesus basically told
Someone really blasted me this past
to be on the topic of—drumroll, please—
him there would be no end to the amount
week. Their anger was directed toward my
forgiveness! Ugh! I sat there and thought
of times he must forgive.
husband, Jeff, but I got the first blow. Pent-
about what I’d just read and what I know
up frustration that had unrealistic expec-
to be true. It was time to die.
tations finally erupted—all over me.
Jeff clinched the deal when he asked
Now, you can dis me; I can handle that. But if you dis my husband, my kids, or my grandkids—well, that’s a different story. As a wife and mom, I am pretty protective of my family. Surely I have a right to be offended. It’s my right to sulk, be depressed or angry, and have a bad attitude. I have
Likewise, if I want to be obedient to Christ, to become more like Him, and to remain in close relationship with Him, I am required to forgive over and over again too.
We can choose to be imprisoned to offenses or to be free through forgiveness.
feelings too, right? Right?!
So I chose to forgive this person, even without any apology on their part. I realized it’s not my responsibility to make them see how hurt or offended I was or to inform them of their need to apologize. My only responsibility was to let the offense go, to release the offender to the Lord, and let Him
Well, according to the Bible, no, I don’t
me to watch a video he was contemplat-
have the right to be offended, to have a bad
ing showing at our church that Sunday.
deal with them and the situation at hand.
attitude, or to hold anything against anoth-
I watched it, and tears flowed down my
er person. That’s where that whole dying-
cheeks as I realized once again how Jesus
Life’s struggles are real, and how we
to-self idea kicks in.
Die to self… It wasn’t easy, but I did it. And you can too.
Christ died an incredibly brutal death on
handle them is important. We can choose
First Corinthians 13:5 tells us that love
a cross for me. He has forgiven me of all
to be imprisoned to offenses or to be
“keeps no record of being wronged.” This
my wrongs against Him and others—past,
free through forgiveness. It’s our choice.
verse hangs on my living room wall, and
present, and future. How could I do any-
I normally enjoy looking at it. This past
thing less than forgive this person who
week, I’ve been trying to ignore it. Yet it
had hurt my husband and me?
keeps calling out to me from the wall.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
And then, as if the video weren’t
JEANNINE MOFFITT is a pastor’s wife and conference speaker who aims to lead women to deeper relationships with Christ. Visit gratefulone.org for more information.
Issue 01 / 2019
23
SOMETHING REAL BY C A R O L E AV R I E T T
“I
don’t believe in that voodoo-hoodoo Christianity stuff. No such thing as ghosts or spirits or any of that supernatural mumbo jumbo. What you see
is what you get,” I announced confidently to my girlfriend as I sat on a marble tombstone at midnight in the dark, deserted cemetery. I wasn’t scared one bit. It was a Friday night double-date, and our dates had double-dog dared us to climb the dark hill and tag a tombstone at the top. They were waiting for us in the car. “So being here in this cemetery at night doesn’t bother you at all?” she asked, looking around nervously. “Of course not.” I laughed. “I’ll race you the hill, leaving my friend scrambling
tion, she was adamant that my sister and I
world, apparently—as my real father. I had
around in the darkness, yelling at my back
not miss school.
never suspected anything different.
not to leave her.
As she drove back to our house, she
I rode along silently, looking out the
It’s hard to say exactly when I realized
began by saying there was something im-
window. The news sank in, and nothing
I needed proof of things I couldn’t see. I’d
portant she needed to tell me. Somehow
seemed real anymore. We arrived home a
never been afraid of dark or spooky situa-
I knew that whatever I was about to hear
few minutes later, and almost immediate-
tions. Santa Claus had always seemed sus-
would change my life.
ly, there was a knock at the door. Mother
picious, and a tooth fairy? C’mon.
“Your daddy is not really your father,”
opened it and unceremoniously intro-
But if I had to guess when my need to
she said. “Your father has been overseas
duced the man standing there. “Carole,
see and touch things before I believed in
since you were born, and he’s coming to
this is your father.”
them began, it was at ten years old when
the house today because he’s demanding
my world changed forever.
to meet you.”
With that, she left the room, leaving me alone with this complete stranger.
I was in the fourth grade, and my moth-
Boom. Just like that, my life turned up-
In retrospect, there’s no way to know
er showed up at school one day to check
side down. Everything I had believed to
if I would have turned out to be a rebel-
me out of class early. Two things made
that point was most emphatically not true.
lious teenager without this revelation,
this a most unusual occurrence. First, she
Apparently, my mother and my real father
but I changed dramatically after that.
and my dad both worked six days a week
had divorced when I was a baby. My moth-
Since I could make great grades without
in retail. They made barely enough money
er remarried when I was a toddler. She
much effort, that part of my resume never
for our family to live on. I knew she’d had
had talked her second husband into pre-
suffered—but I happily managed to get
to take a day off to come get me. In addi-
senting himself—to me and the rest of the
into one scrape after another.
24
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
PHOTO BY TIMOTHY SMITH, HONOR PHOTOGR APHY
to the car.” And with that, I dashed down
My parents were entrenched in churchy
I could see charred, barren mountains in
that incredible night alone in my house
stuff, and I could hardly wait to get away
the background, smoldering as if from a
when I was at the end of my rope. Jesus
from home so I wouldn’t have to attend
recent fire. Somehow, I knew this scene
had revealed Himself to me. Of all the
anymore. My stepdad seemed genuine,
represented my life: unproductive, futile,
things that could have happened, God had
but my mother? I guess I held her respon-
lacking of value, barren.
allowed me a split second–a supernatu-
sible for the hurt and disappointment I had experienced that fateful day.
Then I turned, and on the desert floor in
ral moment that provided the bridge over
front of me was a shining ball of blinding
which I could cross—and He was waiting
I was determined that once I left home,
white light. I knew it was a sign from a
for me on the other side.
I’d never darken the door of a church
Supreme Being, and these words formed
Do you see the grace He extended to
again. That stuff was not for me—just a
in my mouth: “I belong to You. Take me,
me? I would never have accepted Him
bunch of hypocrites, smiling on Sunday
mold me.” Then the light was gone—it
otherwise, because I could not see or
and stabbing you in the back on Monday.
hadn’t lasted more than a split second, but
touch Him, and my history and my own
I soon found out, however, that life is big
that split second represented eternity.
confused mind were preventing me from
and full of problems.
A thousand pounds lifted from my
understanding Him. I needed something
I moved from one unstable relation-
shoulders. I slept for the first time in
I could see and touch, a supernatural ex-
ship to the next, until finally I was 30
weeks. When I awoke the next morning,
perience that would show me the truth of
years old, alone, with a son and no real
an unfamiliar sense of well-being sur-
who He is. And in His gracious kindness
career or good job opportunities. My life
rounded me.
and love, He gave me that moment.
was a mess, and I knew
How do I thank Him
it. I just didn’t know
for that? How do I thank
what to do about it. One night I was alone in my house, and I began to cry—that sort of sobbing cry that doesn’t seem like it will end. I had no prospects of any good life, I told myself. I had nothing. I took a
At some point, you have to realize that what happened to you in the past doesn’t matter anymore. You have to let that go. You have to decide what you’re going to do with the life you have now.
good look at who I was
Him for His Son, Jesus Christ, who went to the cross and received all my mistakes, all my sins, into His own body? I will spend the rest of my life dedicated to Him, praising Him, loving Him, serving Him, and telling others about
and what I had done,
Him. Jesus is real. Su-
and I didn’t like any of it. Dark thoughts set
As I fixed breakfast for my son, I sud-
in. I knew if something happened to me,
denly felt a tremendous warmth. At first I
my son would go to his father, who had re-
thought it was the heat from the stove, so
You won’t have the same experience
married, and they would provide him with
I stepped back to get away from it. But to
I had; instead, He will tailor your experi-
a good home.
my amazement, I could still feel it, like a
ence to what you need, to what will make
blanket surrounding me. That feeling of
the most impact on you. It might even
warmth lasted nearly three days.
come through my story. But it will prob-
At some point in life, you have to realize that what happened to you in the past or
pernaturally. Totally. Full-of-life real. And He wants to come to you also.
what your parents or some other person
In the months that followed, one in-
ably begin the same way mine did. When
did to you doesn’t matter anymore. You
credible thing after another happened
you admit that life is hard, that you can’t
have to let that go. You have to decide what
to me. Through a remarkable series of
do it alone, that people have failed you,
you’re going to do with the life you have
events, a well-known magazine hired
that you have failed yourself, that you have
now. I knew that, but the thought made me
me as an editor, and it became a career
done very little, if anything, good—when
weep all the more.
that lasted nearly 15 years. In addition, I
you admit that you are out of options,
My life was a total zero. I had done noth-
met some people who invited me to their
that’s when He will be there.
ing of value. I had thought only of myself
church. I went the first Sunday with tre-
Actually, He’s there now—waiting with
and the wrongs that had been done to me.
mendous trepidation, but they were kind
outstretched arms, waiting with love and
and made me feel welcome.
forgiveness and grace. Don’t wait another
As I wept, still examining myself and the mistakes I’d made, suddenly I saw the
Through their love and genuine caring,
most amazing image in my mind. Under-
I began to see the Bible in a completely dif-
stand—I was awake; this was not a dream.
ferent light. The more I read and gave the
It was a picture in my mind’s eye.
Bible an honest examination, the more I
Living Magazine. She is the author of several Bible study
understood what had happened to me on
books and biographies with strong spiritual components.
I was standing in a barren desert, and
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
moment. Go to Him now.
CAROLE AVRIETT is a former writer/editor for Southern
Issue 01 / 2019
25
THERE IS HOPE BY L U K E W O L L E T
life was good. Every-
injuries, including a torn MCL. With no
I felt hopeless and empty. Football had
thing was on track for
red-shirt year left, I had no choice but to
always been my first love or, as I call it now,
a possible career in the
play through the pain. Doctor-prescribed
my “first drug of choice.” If something was
NFL, a lifelong dream for
opioid-based pain pills eased the physi-
wrong in my world, I’d run to the field and
my family and me. I’d had
cal pain and enabled me to play through
all my problems would disappear. But
a successful college career
the discomfort. But they also eased my
now, sports were my problem. So I turned
at Kent State and was invited to the New
emotional pain. With football hanging in
to drugs to do the job, eventually trading
Orleans Saints’ training camp following
the balance, I was encountering new emo-
pain pills for heroin. It was an external
the draft. It was a chance of a lifetime—but
tions, including anxiety about my future
solution to an internal problem.
my addiction to pain pills would destroy
and depression over the timing of my in-
For a while, I played well, then the
any hope of this dream coming true.
jury. I couldn’t handle the very real pos-
drugs twisted my thinking into believing
sibility that the NFL career I had always
I was a better football player than I was. I
dreamed of might be over.
felt invincible.
I started using drugs in my senior year at Kent State. I’d suffered several
26
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
It wasn’t long before the drugs invaded
lar, Esther 4:14. It says, “And who
and then controlled every part of my life.
knows but that you have come to
An opioid addiction knows no boundar-
your royal position for such a time
ies. I began to lie, steal, and sell anything
as this?” (NIV). Mordecai spoke
I owned for my next fix. Somehow, I jus-
these words regarding the oppor-
tified it all. My parents knew I was using,
tunity God had given Esther, as the
but they had no idea to what extent the
queen of Persia, to save the Jewish
drugs controlled my life.
race from annihilation.
Two weeks into the Saints’ training
This therapist told me that God
camp, the drug use caught up to me, and
could use my life experiences to
I was released. I had lost over 40 pounds
save people. I told her I would read
and had become a shell of myself. Every-
the story. She had risked her po-
one noticed but me. When you stare at
sition at that center to encourage
yourself in the mirror every day, you don’t
me. It wasn’t a Christian facility;
notice what you really look like, and you
technically she was out of bounds. I am
often don’t see the damage you’re doing to
thankful she obeyed what God had put on
your body.
her heart, as her words would greatly im-
My life had spiraled out of control, but
Wollet (39), tackles Penn State running back, Walker (25), posting a career high of 15 tackles in front of 115,000 fans. Photo © 2013, David Dermer.
pact my life.
I refused to ask for help. I had gotten my-
I read the story and found it interest-
self into this mess, and I was determined
ing, but didn’t think too much more about
this.” These were the same words the ther-
to man-up and get myself out of it. That
it. When I got to the outpatient center in
In that moment, a love washed over me
was the biggest mistake of my life—I had
Florida, I found a sponsor to keep me ac-
like I’d never known. God’s love transcend-
no idea how to help myself. Eventually,
countable and encourage me in my recov-
ed all the lies Satan had layered over my
I decided the only way to fix my situation
ery process. My sponsor kept telling me
mind, lies that had led me to isolate myself
would be to end my life. I didn’t want to live
to go check out this local church. I hadn’t
from the world. I couldn’t deny God’s pres-
apist had used weeks before.
controlled by my addiction any
ence, nor could I deny the words
longer. I was 24 years old.
of both the therapist and this
I made my plan, but fortunately, God had other ones. I was living in Cincinnati, Ohio. My parents lived five hours away, in Youngstown. That night, something tugged on my father’s heart to come visit me, so he got in the car and drove to where I lived. He had no idea I was planning to end my
man. It was more than a coinci-
The God of hope is ready to meet you right where you are, right now.
dence that they both referred to Esther 4:14. Suddenly I wanted to go on a journey with God, even if I didn’t understand all that would mean. God had gotten my attention. Accepting Jesus that night changed everything and brought me to a deeper place in my re-
life that night, nor did he know
covery. Jesus brought purpose
the extent of my addiction.
back into my life, something far
He arrived at my door, took
greater than my dream of play-
one look at me, and extended an opportu-
been to church in almost nine years, so I
ing professional football. Since that night,
nity for help. He showed me a brochure on
decided maybe it was time.
I have been studying the Bible and doing
a treatment center in Richmond, Virginia.
At the end of the service, the pastor
This time, I grabbed hold of the hope and
asked if anyone wanted to accept Jesus.
It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve never re-
the help.
I went forward. I am sure it was more for
gretted one act of obedience, especially in
Receiving help saved my life. I complet-
selfish motives than a true surrender to
the area of forgiveness.
ed the 30-day program and committed to
Jesus Christ. I was not in a great place at
From 12-step recovery programs, I
follow-up treatment at an outpatient facil-
that point and was looking for anything
knew I needed to release my resentments.
ity in south Florida. I still had a long road
that could help me.
It’s Step 4. Then I saw in the Bible that let-
to recovery.
my best to walk in obedience to it.
At the altar, however, something hap-
ting go of resentment and hurt is some-
As I was leaving the Virginia facility,
pened. A man spoke the most amazing
thing God desires too. Resentment, unfor-
one of the therapists told me to read the
prayer over me, and then he said, “Luke,
giveness, and anger weigh us down and
story of Esther in the Bible, in particu-
perhaps you were made for such a time as
hinder our steps.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
27
of discovering more
fear. So many resist letting go of what they
about God. It’s an ad-
know, even if it is destructive, because
venture
learning
they fear the unknown of recovery. They
that I hope to be on for
fear losing control. Well, if that’s you, I
the rest of my life.
want you to know that on the other side
myself of
The love and acceptance I found from God
I honestly didn’t think I had any resent-
I want to help people move past their
and
about
of that fear is fruitfulness that is unimaginable and unsurpassed.
that day was instanta-
You are loved by a powerful, mighty
neous, but I’ve learned
God—a God of miracles. I am a living tes-
that to walk in joy,
timony of His miracle-working power. No
peace, and freedom
matter what you think and no matter what
daily, I have to choose
Satan is telling you, you are never without
to walk with God and
hope. The God of Hope is ready to meet
in obedience to His
you right where you are, right now. He will
will. I have to choose
transform your pain into a great purpose.
God every day over the
In God’s hands, your story can be a
world and the desires
mighty weapon against the enemy of ad-
of my flesh. I wish
diction. Please, ask for help. Don’t wait an-
I could say I always
other day. Your new life is waiting for you.
make the right choice.
If you love someone with an addiction,
I don’t, but thankfully,
don’t give up on them. Keep praying for
I serve a God of grace
them. Keep offering help. Love them. In
who gently picks me
the meantime, don’t overlook getting
up and continues teaching me His ways.
support for yourself. Addiction is a fami-
ments at first. I had spent most of my life
I’m learning now how to recognize Sa-
ly disease. I’ve seen so many cases where
focused on sports, not being mad at peo-
tan’s lies. Satan is always trying to sneak
the addict recovers, but the family doesn’t.
ple. But after sitting down and getting real,
thoughts of guilt and shame back into my
Seek help through a support group. You
I had a page full of hurts and resentments.
mind so I’ll isolate myself again. He wants
aren’t alone. Find someone who under-
me bound up in re-
stands what you’re going through and let
gret over my past and
them walk this journey with you. Many
caught in feelings of
people understand your pain. Most im-
unworthiness so that
portantly, let Jesus walk with you.
In God’s hands, your story can be a mighty weapon against the enemy of addiction.
I won’t experience the
Finally, to those of you who are watch-
abundant, free life God
ing from the sidelines, blessed to not be
has for me.
personally impacted by America’s great-
Satan wants all of
est epidemic—I ask you to get in the game.
us to be bound up in
There is a dying world all around you that
his lies. His whole pur-
needs help and hope. Please don’t sit by
pose is to kill, steal,
and do nothing. Don’t sit in judgment of
and destroy you, me,
something you don’t understand. Get edu-
and our loved ones
cated, get on the field, and help those who
(John 10:10).
are helpless to help themselves. Our world
My reason for step-
will be better for it.
ping out with my story
We all have a place in this world; we all
I knew from previous programs that it’s
is simple. I want to help others seek help,
have a purpose. Maybe it’s for such a time
helpful to read those resentments aloud.
find Jesus, carry a little less shame and
as this. With God, we can see great things
So I read them, one by one, to God. I ac-
guilt, and get a new chance at life. I know
come to pass.
knowledged my faults, admitted that past
from experience and without a doubt that
situations had a hold on me, and asked
there is an incredible life on the other side
God for forgiveness. As I did, He removed
of recovery.
the weight of resentment from my shoulders. Since then, I’ve been on a journey
28
Issue 01 / 2019
Let me say that again: There is an incredible life on the other side of recovery!
LUKE WOLLET’s dream was to play in the NFL, but an opioid addiction brought an end to his plans. Today, Luke is a spokesperson for Faith in Recovery Outreach. Learn more at banyantreatmentcenter.com.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
Getting It Right Again BY LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH
THIS PA ST APRIL, I stopped by my local post office to pick up the mail. I bumped into another long-time resident of my community, Tom Smith. After a friendly hug and some small talk, he asked me for a date. This encounter caught me completely off guard. I had not even thought about dating since my husband, Steve, passed seven years ago. I accepted Tom’s invitation, and we met at a local café. We stepped into the dating scene as senior adults but felt like high school kids. It was so refreshing to discuss our families and the many challenges we’d had as our spouses underwent medical
Linda and Tom, on their honeymoon in Sky Valley, Georgia.
treatments and all the things that come with being cancer patients. (Like Steve, Tom’s wife, Ingrid, entered her heavenly home
youth group from San Antonio, Texas. They were shocked to learn
after a battle with cancer.)
we were newlyweds. We encouraged them with our story of God’s
Tom and Ingrid were married for over 53 years. Steve and I were married almost 43. We both were very blessed to have faithful spouses by our sides as we walked through life.
beautiful intervention in our lives. Many of you might be in a season of life where the sun seems to have set. Maybe you’re wondering if you’ll ever get it right again—
Our relationship quickly blossomed, and we realized that we
or even if you’ll ever get it right at all. Let me assure you, if you are
were in love. Like any couple, we encountered some challenges,
trusting in the Lord, He will direct your steps and show you which
but sorting through those challenges drew us closer to the Lord
path to take (Proverbs 3:5–6). He will also direct your stops!
as we sought His wisdom. We both knew our being together was
Maybe you are in a “stop” right now. You’re not alone. God is
God’s divine plan, and we trusted Him to sort out and lead us
there, and through His Holy Spirit, He will comfort and guide you.
through anything that came against it.
Just keep your eyes on Him and His promises, regardless of your
Psalm 37:23 says, “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” I sought the Lord’s will daily, and He assured me that not
situation. When you do, He will flood you with peace and joy and enable you to move forward into the perfect plan He has designed for you.
only was He ordering my steps, but my stops as well–like that
Regardless of your past or current circumstances, know that
life-changing stop at the post office! My only responsibility was to
you have a heavenly Father who longs to help you get it right. He
trust His leading and rely on His promises.
isn’t a harsh, distant God who will leave you to struggle. Nor is He
Soon Tom and I were discussing upcoming wedding plans, and
a domineering God, just waiting for you to mess up. He is the God
he made this statement: “We are getting it right again.” I couldn’t
of love who delights in every detail of your existence. He is simply
agree more! Our friend Tracey put these words on a chalkboard
waiting for you to give Him permission to order your steps and
at our wedding:
your stops. God will never force you to choose His ways, but He will pursue
Getting it right again– As the sun sets on a beautiful chapter in our lives, The sun rises with our beautiful new beginning.
you with His love that never fails. Bring God into every detail of your life. Spend time talking with Him; share your thoughts and dreams with Him. He is a patient, kind, gentle, creative, and forgiving God, and He is ready to take
On July 15, 2018, Tom and I said, “I do,” and stepped into God’s
you on an adventure. Trust Him.
wonderful covenant of marriage. We enjoyed our honeymoon in Sky Valley, Georgia, and went white water rafting. We found ourselves going down a level 4 rapids with a group of teens from a
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
LINDA CUBBEDGE-SMITH is the director of prison correspondence for Victorious Living. She is passionate about the Lord and leading others to Him.
Issue 01 / 2019
29
Surviving Loss
BY J O C E LY N C A R B O N A R A
Part of any normal day includes pain. You hold the grief but wrap it in layers of prayer as you present yourself to the world—seeking the sunlight around every corner.
watched my husband deliver
lost his father—his hero—less than three
we needed—to unwind and heal in God’s
yet another keynote speech.
weeks earlier.
beautiful country.
Scott stepped off the stage to applause, somehow inspiring
God was holding us through the deep waters, I was sure.
THE WOUNDS OF CHANGE
people, even as he suffered. Isa-
We loved our work but looked forward
Scott and I had both been divorced, but
iah 43:2 came to my mind: “When you go
to something afterward: hiking the next
when we married, it seemed God had rec-
through deep waters, I will be with you.”
morning in the rolling mountains of up-
onciled our lives. We both had children,
state New York. This was just the retreat
and I longed to stepparent Scott’s two
His audience had no idea that Scott had
30
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
teens, Jack and Alana, as God intended.
cane. Surely this was our fault. Maybe God
for the remainder of the hike, when Scott’s
I wanted to be available but not pushy.
wasn’t supposed to restore our lives by
phone lit up, ringing silently. His ex-wife’s
Scott’s guidance to my two young girls, as
blending our families. Maybe we were just
name flashed on the screen. He picked up
a former crisis counselor, brought laugh-
being selfish.
and spoke briefly with her. I can’t remem-
Sometimes, things seemed fine. When
ter and healing to anxious hearts.
ber what was said, but I knew before Scott
didn’t
Scott’s father passed away, Alana rode
happen the way I’d hoped. We quickly
with me to buy pizzas before the funeral.
She’d died of a heroin overdose in her
learned firsthand the impact divorce has
Her giggling, loving words melted me: “I
mother’s home. She’d left her work clothes
on children.
can’t wait to stay with you again!”
out, intending to rise the next morning.
Unfortunately,
stepparenting
told me that Alana was gone.
After we married, Scott’s relationship
During her one and only visit to our
Heroin. The word seemed foreign and
with his ex-wife soured. Scott had moved
home, she’d been the big sister my girls
cold. We’d had no idea it had ever touched
across state lines to marry me and build
craved—swimming, playing games.
her body.
our business in the recession, with plans for Jack and Alana to live with us parttime. After he left, however, everything changed. The kids became distant, and we communicated less and less frequently. Alana began abusing drugs. First, she snuck out to college parties. Scott tried to intervene, but she rejected him. We had no say in her treatment. Alana got kicked out of school for selling Xanax. Her mom
Tears streamed down his face while the bartender avoided eye contact. I prayed silently, God, please hold us… Please hold him.
dropped her off at rehab. Scott called the facility—offering to assist Alana’s counsel-
Alana loved everyone. Her beauty daz-
I chanted, “This doesn’t make sense,”
ors or attend sessions—but they couldn’t
zled. Her wit could slice the most sea-
as if it could change something. I breathed
even tell us if she was there. She was old
soned comedian. Her intelligence and
rapidly and screamed dry tears. Scott
enough to legally shut us out.
writing skills were beyond her years. Her
stumbled across the rocky ledge as we
heart was huge; she once tried to rescue a
headed back to the car.
Alana wrote Scott a letter: “Dad, I’m not mad at you. I just smoke a little pot. But don’t worry about me. I’m not stupid.” Her letter did little to ease our anxious hearts. Scott dreamed about her almost every night, often waking up in a cold sweat of fear.
mouse lost in the gutter.
He stopped at the first Exxon station
But Alana’s addiction was a desperate,
and bought a pack of cheap cigarettes. He
angry creature that kicked police officers
sat on the curb and smoked three in a row.
and stole from innocent bystanders.
I tried to talk to him. He said nothing. He
Scott texted Alana after his dad’s funeral to try to see her.
After rehab, Alana joined an alternative
“Sorry, Dad,” said the text after he’d
school. She graduated early with honors,
already left town. “I lost my phone and
even as her drug use accelerated. She
didn’t see this.”
stared at the dry grass. I’d never seen him smoke. He didn’t look like himself. I was scared in so many ways. God, please hold us, I prayed. Please don’t drop us.
stole. She wrecked cars. She called us
She never lost her phone. She was losing
Three hours in the car felt like 10 years.
drunk from jail at 3:00 a.m., asking for
herself. And Scott’s heart was breaking a
We drove in silence, other than my sense-
bail money. When we tried to understand
piece at a time.
less crying about nothing making sense.
Dad. You are irrelevant,” before the phone
THE HIKE
know what we’d find on the other side.
went dead.
her slurring words, she cursed, “F— you,
Everything had changed, and I didn’t Just weeks after the funeral, Scott and
In the airport waiting for our flight to
Scott flew out regularly to see the kids in
I were in New York, where he spoke at a
Chicago, Scott sat at the bar with his hand
Chicago—spending money we didn’t have.
conference. The next day, we woke early,
embracing a glass of whiskey. I’d also nev-
We admitted Alana into a sober-living
ready for a much-anticipated day of recu-
er seen him drink.
facility, but she failed a drug test and was
peration. We headed out for a hike in the
I sat beside him with my hand protec-
rejected. We considered pursuing full cus-
mountains. After a wrong turn on the way
tively on his back. Tears streamed down
tody, but an attorney said we’d probably
to the trail, we approached the glassy lake
his face while the bartender avoided eye
lose in court and alienate the kids more.
that would serve as the center of our hike.
contact. I prayed silently, God, please hold
The shame pounded us like a hurri-
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
We were sitting on a rock, gearing up
us… Please hold him.
Issue 01 / 2019
31
I had known Scott was an alcoholic, but
During the service, the striped sweat-
he’d been in recovery since before I met
er Alana wore got blurry. Her blond hair
him. He’d told me he used to drink and
seemed to catch fire in the light. Then
wake up with a gun in his hand. I didn’t
Scott rose and delivered the most power-
know that man. I didn’t want to know him.
ful speech of his life:
Scott swirled the glass in tiny circles on the bar, watching the ice melt.
If you were Alana’s friend, you are wel-
I knew that my relationship with God
come here. If you partied with Alana
had to take precedence over my relation-
and enjoyed her as the life of the party,
ship with Scott. I had to get closer to God
you are welcome here. If you introduced
and put Scott in God’s hands, since this sit-
Alana to heroin or drove her to buy her-
uation was bigger than anything I could fix.
oin or used heroin with Alana, you most
All the stats about marriages falling
certainly are welcome here. And I’d like
apart after the death of a child flashed
to talk with you. I’d like you to know
through my mind. I didn’t want to lose him.
that I love you. And I’d like you to know
He walked away from the bar, leaving
that Alana loved you. And if you knew
the glass full. He told me later that if he’d
Alana at all, you know that she would
taken that drink, Alana’s wouldn’t have
have laid down her life for you.
been the only death that day. He knew that a drink would kill him and the lives of my children—and me as well.
It’s too late for Alana, but it’s not too late for you. Don’t listen to the sweet lies of ad-
A heroin overdose robbed beautiful 18-year-old Alana of her life. Today, Scott and Jocelyn raise awareness of the devastating addiction that took their daughter.
On the plane, I held him while he folded
diction that tell you it’s too late for you
over. Silent tears drenched him. The plane
to turn back. It isn’t. As long as there is
was nearly empty. The sunlight came in
life, there is hope. Tonight, you can find
in the tiny moments when our lives sit in
windows with no mind for our breaking
a loving community of support to help
silent joy or when someone grows from
hearts. Life has a way of doing that.
you on your way to recovery and to life,
our loss. They come in the laughter of
the life that you know you can live, the
our living children and in the strength He
life Alana would want you to live.
gives us to still rise each day.
THE FUNERAL I could not put a timestamp on the events
While I don’t believe our pain will ever
of the next few days. I endured moments I
A week after Alana’s funeral, Scott got a
vanish, I believe that God has reconciled
had never expected to witness in my life-
call from her best friend, crying. Her par-
it by guiding us to protect others from the
time. I sat between Scott and his ex-wife
ents were trying to get her into treatment;
same pain.
as they picked Alana’s casket and decided
calling us was their last hope. We learned
whether her nails would be decorated. I
that she’d prostituted herself for heroin.
Alana’s name means pure white light. If I could ask you to do one thing in Alana’s
held Scott at 3:00 a.m. as he awoke sob-
I scribbled on a piece of paper and slid
memory, it would be to get the help you
bing. I sat in the church when they ne-
it to Scott. “Tell her she is beautiful and
need or steer someone else toward recov-
gotiated music and whether Jesus would
wonderful and loved. Tell her she is pre-
ery. Don’t wait another day.
be mentioned. There was a debate over
cious.” I heard him say those words slowly
If we had known of these resources, Al-
Alana’s faith. Scott insisted that Alana
and deliberately, the way a father would
ana might still be here. We can’t save her,
loved Jesus.
speak to his daughter, and I heard her cry
but perhaps her loss can save you. If you
rivers. She entered treatment that night
need help today, please reach out to Tim
and is still alive today.
Ryan of A Man in Recovery Foundation
I tried to be above the pain. I tried to support the grieving family. At the church before the funeral, the
Three years later, I can’t say the mystery
(www.TimRyanSpeaks.com). He will con-
casket was opened. There lay the most
of this pain is solved. I still worry about
nect you with a program we’ve vetted and
beautiful 18-year-old girl I’d ever seen—a
Scott. The grief is like a sinkhole at times,
stand behind.
girl I hardly knew yet knew everything
swallowing everything in a broad circum-
about. A girl I longed for in a way I can’t
ference around him. In those times, I have
explain. A girl I called my daughter—but
to retreat a bit so I can still see the moun-
could not save.
tains and the peace they bring.
I sat in the front row as reporters, fam-
But I can say that God has our pain.
ily members, and hundreds of Alana’s
He hears it, and He holds it. The answers
friends streamed by.
don’t always come succinctly. They come
32
Issue 01 / 2019
Know that your Maker stands behind you. Your life is worth everything to Him.
J O C E LY N C A R B O N A R A and her husband Scott enrich lives through leadership consulting, speaking, and publishing services. Visit SpiritusCommunications.com to learn more.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
that sang at the Friday night church services I had attend-
sin that cost them everything.” Wow! How true, yet how
ed. The women sang from
hard not returning to our sin
their souls, praising the Lord
can be. Sin is comfortable.
with their hands raised and
For many, it’s all they’ve ever
their eyes closed. They sang
known. It was all I had known
songs they had written, songs
for so many years.
that spoke of the lives they had
I thought about my own life
once lived and the lives they
and the pain I had endured
were living now by the grace
at the hands of my father.
of God.
For years I had run from God
If people would remember the darkness and pain they suffered as a result of their sin, they would never return to the sin that cost them everything.
Count the Cost BY TR ACY MORRISEY
IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL,
never return to the life she’d
I thought about the women
and chosen the temporary
who had almost reached their
comforts of sin to ease my
release dates. They were so
inner wounds. Those choices
excited about being released
seemed good at the time, but
yet scared to death. I still carry
they brought devastating con-
a burden in my heart for them,
sequences. Fear. Anxiety. Pain.
because I know life outside of
Chaos. Disorder. Destruction.
prison is hard. Our ministry team prayed
Sin always has a price. Think of how much it cost God.
for God’s special protection
Redeeming us cost Him every-
for them. We prayed God
thing. John 3:16 NIV makes
would give them strength and
that clear: “For God so loved
surround them with positive
the world that he gave his one
people. And we urged them
and only Son, that whoever be-
to stay in God’s Word because
lieves in him shall not perish
His Word is power.
but have eternal life.”
sunny day as I drove past the
been living. Together, we
women’s correctional facility
prayed for God’s mercy and
opportunity to go into that
darkness and pain that sin
where I had led devotions. The
grace, that His words would
prison. Not only had I been
cost us–nor the great price
women were gone now, moved
empower her, and that He
able to share His Word, I
Jesus paid for our freedom.
to another facility in another
would reunite her with her
had been privileged to meet
Counting the cost can keep
county. Yet I could still see
children.
some of the most courageous,
us from following after sin
I wondered where she
God-fearing women this side
again, and it can keep us living
might be now. Had she been
of heaven. Every time I’d gone
victorious lives. “Fear the Lord
released? Was she with her
to that facility, I had received a
and depart from evil. It will
who had come to me in tears,
kids? I knew the statistics
blessing myself.
be health to your flesh, and
pleading for prayer that she
were against her. Had she
wouldn’t lose her kids. For
become enslaved again to her
reminiscing, God whispered
months, she had been incar-
addictions? Had she returned
into my spirit. “If people would
cerated, and it seemed no one
to prison? I whispered a
remember the darkness and pain
cared. She was clean now, free
prayer for her.
they suffered as a result of their
their faces as specific ones came to mind. I recalled the young woman
of drugs, and determined to
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
I remembered the choir
I thanked God for the
As I was giving thanks and
sin, they would never return to the
We must never forget the
strength to your bones” (Proverbs 3:7–8 NKJV). TR ACY MORRISEY is a wife, mother, nurse, and author whose mission is to obey God’s calling in her life. Go to tracymorrisey.com to learn more.
Issue 01 / 2019
33
STEPPING FORWARD
Start with What You Know BY KELLI PARKS
hen my son Roger was
thing I was learning from scripture. He be-
someone being incarcerated. I also had
arrested in 2001, I felt so
gan letting other inmates read his letters.
difficulty passing inmates working on
helpless and had difficul-
One day he called and said that one of
roadsides; I would be overcome with emo-
ty seeing through my pain.
the guys there wanted to know if I could
tion and think of my son. But God began
But the Lord showed me that
write to him too, to share God’s Word. My
to use the scriptures I was learning and
He could use even the most painful expe-
spirit said yes, but Satan whispered that I
passing on to inmates to heal my own bro-
rience of my life for His purposes.
didn’t know enough of God’s Word to help
ken heart. They helped me trust God as I
My son was incarcerated, and I had no
anyone else. I prayed to God and then an-
stood on the many promises I was sharing
idea how to help him. Nor was I giving
other thought came to my mind: “Write
with others.
my 12-year-old daughter the attention
him what you do know.”
Soon a desire to go behind the gates
she desperately needed. Thank God, He
So I started writing. It was amazing how
of correctional institutions and minister
brought me a wonderful husband (now of
God used me in the midst of my own pain
God’s Word began to grow. So many who
16 years) to help me get through this hard-
to comfort others. And in doing so, I found
are behind bars haven’t been taught spir-
ship and maintain a right mindset for our
comfort for myself.
itual principles in their homes, nor have
family life.
My letter to my son’s friend led to a
they seen godly examples.
I rededicated my life to Jesus Christ
chain reaction, and I began getting more
In 2004, I took a leap of faith and inter-
and began seeking God in prayer like nev-
requests. Writing these letters made me
viewed to become a volunteer so I could
er before. I knew I would need more than
study the Bible more intently because I
minister locally at the Charles B. Webster
I had in and of myself to get through this
wanted to share the most accurate knowl-
Detention Facility. I was so nervous the
trial. I began reading my Bible faithfully,
edge I could from scripture. Writing also
first time I went. I kept reminding myself
seeking to understand who God really is.
brought a sense of fulfillment, accom-
that I was walking in God’s will and He was
For the first time, I believed God’s Word to
plishment, and a new compassion for peo-
walking into that facility with me. The la-
be wholly true. God’s peace strengthened
ple, no matter who they were.
dies received the message the Holy Spirit
me for the journey ahead.
Through this time, I had not fully healed
I wrote to my son three times a week at
emotionally. For example, I couldn’t watch
the county jail, sharing with him every-
anything on television that had to do with
34
Issue 01 / 2019
spoke through me that day as I shared my story. Being there blessed me. More letters came. I asked the Lord
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
STEPPING FORWARD
how He would have me respond to them,
sion, and the program was on again. Once
as writing individually to so many people
more, it moved me. This time I called and
was becoming difficult. In 2005, the Lord
shared my ministry. I was told to contact
directed me to write a weekly newsletter
their head chaplain for prisons in Texas. I
I could send to those I was corresponding
called the chaplain and shared my news-
with. It would help others mature spiritu-
letter ministry. They requested samples of
ally just as He was teaching me. I wrestled
my newsletters. I sent what I had.
with the thought. How would these news-
You must know that when God asks
letters be distributed? God showed me as
you to do something, Satan will try to
I prayed.
shipwreck God’s will. But here’s the good
My son and his friends were on my list.
news: no obstacle Satan puts in your path
At the beginning, they had all been at the
can stop you, as long as you keep pressing
same county jail. They were now serving
forward in God’s strength.
their sentences in different correctional
It took some perseverance, but finally I
institutions. I wrote each of them and told
received a large envelope in the mail from
LIS TEN —WHEN G O D G IVE S YO U AN O PP O RTUNIT Y TO SHARE YO UR FAITH AND EN CO UR AG E SO MEO NE, D O IT. D O N’ T LE T SATAN’S LIE S AND ACCUSATI O NS H O LD YO U BACK.
God is using Kelli and her son, Roger, to impact lives for God’s kingdom from both sides of the prison wall. Read Roger’s story on page 10.
ble! There are no limits to what God has or can do—there are only the limits we put on Him and ourselves. Too often, we discredit our abilities by how we perceive ourselves. What if I had
them what God had asked me to do and
the head chaplain’s office. It contained
believed Satan’s lie and not written to that
asked if they would be willing to help me
a list of every correctional facility in the
first inmate? My fear and my perceived
distribute the newsletters so others could
state of Texas and a yellow sticky note say-
inadequacies would have prevented me
read them. They all excitedly agreed to
ing I had been approved to send newslet-
from stepping into God’s amazing plan
help however they could.
ters into every one of them.
and touching thousands of lives.
At first I sent just one copy of the news-
God used my call to Mike Barber’s orga-
Listen—when God gives you an oppor-
letter to each of them to share with oth-
nization to open a huge door for the min-
tunity to share your faith and encourage
ers. Then they duplicated the newsletters
istry He had placed on my heart. He made
someone, do it. Don’t let Satan’s lies and
by hand and posted them wherever they
it clear He wanted me to continue sending
accusations hold you back. You don’t need
were allowed.
out my newsletters as I had been doing,
to know everything about God for Him to
but to expand now into Texas as well.
use you. There is a dying world that needs
Because of their faithfulness, more people began requesting the newsletters.
I was excited and scared at the same
God used those men and my husband as
time because I knew it would take much
the hope you have within you, and those
powerful instruments to fulfill His will.
work and money. The work ahead was
If you think you don’t know enough to
One day I was watching Christian tele-
great, and in July of 2005, with my hus-
help someone else, I say to you what the
vision, and a prison ministry program
band’s love and support, I resigned from
Holy Spirit said to me: “Tell them what you
called Proclaim was on. The founder is an
my job to pursue God’s will full-time.
do know.” Share how Jesus died for your
people need it now!
ex-professional football player named
Since the first letter I wrote to my son’s
sin and gave you eternal life (John 3:16).
Mike Barber. They had filmed the program
friends, God has supplied everything I
And then, like I did, pursue Him, learn all
from a Texas prison.
have needed—the plan, the money, and
you can from Him, so you can share more.
I was moved by the program and
incredible people to help. He has far sur-
God simply desires your willingness in
thought it would be nice to partner with
passed anything that my mind could have
faith to share Him; He does the rest.
them. I wrote down their contact informa-
imagined. And He isn’t through.
tion but didn’t have enough faith to contact them at that time. Months later, I turned on the televi-
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know that as I stay close to Him and continue to trust Him, nothing is impossi-
KELLI PARKS is committed to helping incarcerated people grow in their faith. If you are incarcerated and would like to receive her newsletter, ask your chaplain to email dkdparks@gmail.com.
Issue 01 / 2019
35
STEPPING FORWARD
SECRET SPACE S
BY KRISTI DEWS DALE
I CRINGED AS I WATCHED FROM
Without that, they will certainly poison
The problem is that our hearts, like my
across the room. The woman was opening
our souls. Eventually, they’ll expose them-
closet, have a way of constantly collecting
the door to “the closet.” She thought it was
selves to the world anyway. They can’t and
clutter. What are we to do?
my guest bathroom, but it was my junk
won’t stay hidden forever.
First, as God reveals those cluttered
closet, my most secret space. It houses
Jesus said, “Nothing is hidden that will
areas of sin in our lives, we must repent
everything from cleaning supplies to art
not become evident, nor anything secret
of them and turn away from those things
supplies to the socks that everyone thinks
that will not be known and come to light”
that take our eyes off Jesus. Second, we
have been eaten by the washer. There is no
(Luke 8:17 NASB).
must stay grounded in the Word of God
way to find the floor in this space.
Thankfully, we have a Savior who is
and give our hearts to Him day by day.
(Oh sure, I’ve tried a few times to clean
ready to shine His light into our dark, se-
Third, we must guard our hearts. Prov-
it up, but it never stays that way. I think
cret spaces and bring order to the chaos.
erbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart above
a magical clutter troll lives in there and
His name is Jesus.
all else, for it determines the course of
guards his treasures.)
Mary, Jesus’s mother, got a front-row
your life.”
The woman realized her mistake and
seat to the glory and majesty of our Sav-
A favorite hymn of mine, “Come, Thou
quickly closed the door, but I could tell by
ior. When shepherds came to see her son,
Fount of Every Blessing” by Robert Rob-
the look in her eyes that she had met my
Mary listened intently to their story of
inson, expresses well this idea of a clut-
personal nemesis.
seeing the multitude of angels announc-
tered heart. The first stanza says, “Prone
That cluttered closet, that place that
ing the birth of Jesus. Luke 2:19 says that
to wander, Lord, I feel it; prone to leave the
struggles to stay clean, reminds me of the
Mary “kept all these things in her heart
God I love. Here’s my heart, Lord, take and
human heart. The Bible says, “The heart is
and thought of them often.”
seal it, seal it for Thy courts above.”
more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick” (Jeremiah 17:9 NASB). We hide a lot of things from the world in our hearts, but eventually they are
Mary was storing up thoughts of Jesus
Lord, we pray that You would create in
in her heart. We should follow this ex-
us clean hearts. Give us eyes to see the clutter
ample, meditating and reflecting on the
hidden in the secret spaces within. Grant us
goodness of our Savior.
wisdom to discern evil and the strength to turn
discovered. We hide unforgiveness and
As we fill our hearts with Jesus and give
away from anything that grieves You. Make us
judgment toward others. Hate, jealousy,
our lives to him, the Holy Spirit begins to
vigilant and watchful servants for Your king-
resentment, bitterness, disappointment,
transform our hearts. Only God can give
dom. We humbly ask You to seal our hearts to-
anger. We hide or harbor the lies that Sa-
us the gift of a changed heart. The psalm-
day for Your courts above. Amen.
tan whispers to us—lies that attack our
ist cries out to God, “Create in me a clean
worth and purpose. And we hide most
heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit
carefully our secret sins.
within me (Psalm 51:10 NASB). Our spirits
amazing children. She is passionate about encouraging
and our hearts are linked.
others with Christ’s love.
These things must be brought to light.
36
Issue 01 / 2019
KRISTI DEWS DALE is a wife and mother of four
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
GET CONNECTED
Dear Victorious Living, Hebrews 13:3 says, “Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself. Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.” This verse comes to my mind when I read your magazine. Tears run down my face as I read each story of those mistreated, both physically and mentally. God’s love shines all the way through your magazine. Though I and other inmates are unable to personally meet the individuals giving their testimonies, we read their stories over and over again, thus allowing for continued support in our lives. Many times I have gone back to a devotional, magazine, or letter from your correspondence team for a pick-me-up when I felt down. Those letters are filled with so much spiritual support. No matter the question or problem, your team always gives a godly response, accompanied by supporting scripture. Mrs. Johnson, this ministry means so much to me. Thank you very much for listening to God as He leads you on this journey. In reaching out to those on both sides of prison fences, you are connecting God’s children, as we should be. We are all part of the body.
Are you in need of encouragement? If you are incarcerated or living in a transitional home and need encouragement, our Correspondence Team is here for you. We provide on-going support through the following process:
SEND A LETTER TO US AT: Victorious Living
PLEASE NOTE: • We are unable to assign
Correspondence Outreach PO Box 328
specific writers. • If transferred, please notify us
Starke, FL 32091
immediately. • Write neatly and include your
YOU’LL RECEIVE: • Welcome letter from founder,
DOC# if applicable. • If you do not receive a response
Kristi Overton Johnson
within a month, we either didn’t
• Timely response from our team
receive your letter, couldn’t read
• Devotionals
your information, or your facility
• Personal subscription to
rejected our correspondence. We
Victorious Living magazine
make every effort to reply.
• Prayer support
Your brother in Christ, Kirk Hansbrough
Want to Impact a Life? Consider hosting a Shine Bright & Write Event at your home, church, or organization and help us respond to the thousands of letters we receive from incarcerated men and women. Together, through this letter-writing endeavor, we can touch many lives! Visit victoriouslivingmagazine.com for more information.
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Issue 01 / 2019
37
HELP ME UNDERSTAND
Dear Victorious Living,
that “surpasses all understanding” (Philippians 4:7 NKJV).
How do you find and maintain peace when you can’t get yourself or your loved one out of a painful, difficult, or destructive situation? Sincerely, Michael
In addition to prayer and keeping my focus on God, another thing that helps me is to cast my cares onto Him, as 1 Peter 5:7 tells me to do. When I surrender my cares into the hands of Jesus and trust Him to handle them, He exchanges the burden of those cares with His peace. Just last week, my father, with whom I am very close and who comes to see me often, suffered a hard fall that caused him to have a stroke. This left him with debilitating injuries, and as of this
Finding Peace
writing, he is still in serious condition in the hospital. This is my dad, whom I love very much. But because I’m in here, I can’t even tell him that I love him—and I know, according to the doctors’ reports, that his end may be very near. I am heartbroken, and I could easily let this
Dear Michael,
steal my joy and peace. Whether you’re in an actual prison or
situation and how to work things out.
a figurative one brought on by your
Instead of seeing prayer as a last resort,
journey that as I trust in the Lord to
circumstances or life decisions, the
I’ve learned that prayer is a privilege;
handle everything that comes my way, He
answer to this question is the same. Peace
it’s something God wants us to do. He
keeps me in His perfect peace.
is found in Jesus. Allow me to share with you
wants to help us. (See Hebrews 4:16 and
what helps me as I live in a literal prison.
Philippians 4:6–8.)
Perhaps you’ve heard it said,
It is so easy to lose our peace, even
However, I’ve learned along this
It took me a couple of days to get over the shock of my father’s situation and to begin to fully trust the Lord for the
“When Jesus is all you have, you find
as Christians. All we have to do is take
outcome, regardless of what it might be.
out that Jesus is all you need.” I will
our eyes off Jesus. Instead of trusting
But as I took my eyes off the problem, as
say that is true. It wasn’t until I was
Him to work “all things together for our
I released my worries and began trusting
arrested, stripped of all I possessed,
good” (Romans 8:28), we focus on the
Jesus to handle it all, His peace flooded
and separated from those I loved that I
circumstances. Many times, we even
my soul.
understood I could no longer control my
believe the enemy’s evil report over what
circumstances. No one could help me—
God has told us in His Word.
not my family, friends, lawyers—no one, and please know that they tried.
This trap is especially easy to fall
God doesn’t tell us life will be easy. Giving up control over things that challenge us is not easy. But when we
into while in prison. Aside from each
trust the Lord to handle our situations,
man’s personal issues (his case, family
He walks with us and pours out His grace,
but through the upheaval, I finally began
problems, finances, etc.), we also
His love, His peace, and His joy into our
to learn that Jesus was all I needed. In
experience a nonstop flow of potentially
hearts. God, through our relationship
fact, He was all I had.
irritating and disrespectful behavior from
with His Son, Jesus, enables us to find
the over 150 men with whom we share a
and maintain our peace even in the most
handle their problems until they are put
housing unit. It is difficult in here to find a
difficult of times. Jesus said, “These
in a situation where they are forced to do
moment of even relative peace and quiet.
things I have spoken to you, that in Me,
so. We’ve all heard someone say, “Well,
I must fight daily to keep my eyes on God
you may have peace” (John 16:33 NKJV).
there’s nothing left to do but pray.”
and not the chaos that surrounds me.
That was not a time of peace for me,
Many people don’t trust the Lord to
But shouldn’t prayer be the very first
Let go…trust Him.
But while I can’t change my external
thing we do? God promises to hear our
factors, I can allow God to change me
Sincerely,
prayers and help us in our time of need.
on the inside—and when I do, I find the
Russell John Nestor
He’s the only One who truly knows our
peace that Jesus promised. It is a peace
VL Family Member
38
Issue 01 / 2019
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
FROM THE FATHER
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” –Matthew 11:28 NIV
Do you need rest today? Peace? Freedom? Forgiveness? Restoration? Call out to Jesus, accept Him as your Savior, and you can be made whole. Pray: “Jesus, I invite You into my life. I confess that I am a sinner in need of a Savior. Thank You for saving me from my sins and making me whole. Thank You for laying Your life down for me so that I can have a new life in You. I receive, by faith, this forgiveness of sin. Take my life, my past, and my future. Guide my steps and speak to my heart, Lord. Use me, God. Amen.” Jared Emerson, Ar tist, jaredemerson.com
I Will Not Fail You MY CHILD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
grace, and My joy. Don’t focus on your
I know life is hard, but don’t lose hope.
circumstances. My Spirit in you is greater
journey. You will hurt and suffer pain.
I will lead and guide you through every
than any situation in your life.
But as you trust Me, as you pursue Me, I
trial. I will give rest to your weary soul.
Together, we will rise above your trial
Yes, you will face adversity in your
promise, I will deliver you through these
And peace. My peace will remove the tur-
and your pain, for I have made you more
moil and the strife that seeks to hold you
than just a conqueror. In Me, you will be
My grace is sufficient regardless the
captive. My peace will enable you to keep
an overcomer–today and every day for
storm. My divine presence will always be
moving forward.
the rest of your life.
more than enough! Keep your eyes fixed
Keep your eyes upon Me, and you will enjoy a deeper measure of My love, My
V I C T O R I O U S L I V IN G M AG A Z INE .C O M
Trust Me. My plans for you and your loved ones are always good.
painful times.
on Me. I will not fail you.
Issue 01 / 2019
39
PO Box 120951 Clermont, FL 34712-0951
BE A VOICE OF HOPE Subscribe Today and Change a Life W W W.V I C TO R I O U S LI V I N G M AGA Z I N E .O RG