Mikayla Grobbelaar

Dancing, singing, running around with chewing gum in my hair, and my feet coated with dirt - this was my life as a little girl. Little did I know that a single experience would change all of this. I was sitting at the movies next to my friend, when suddenly all feeling in my entire body started escaping. My breaths got shorter and quicker, my heart was beating out of my chest and fear overtook my entire being. I had never been so close to feeling as though I was literally about to die.

Tests upon tests were done. The doctors came back and told me that they weren’t sure what it could be. Weeks and months went by, and eventually I was told, at the age of thirteen, that I had chronic anxiety and depression. I was relieved to have an ‘answer’ to what I was experiencing, and so medication was prescribed.

The medication didn’t help, so I continued visiting one doctor after another, all of whom prescribed me antidepressants. I took medication for two years which didn’t help at all. I spent nights with my eyes wide open, and fear saturating me. I spent my days waiting for the next ‘attack’. My room became the only four walls that I wanted to be in. I danced less, sang less, and became a slave to this thing called ‘anxiety/depression’.

I was exhausted by this fight, losing the strength to battle with it, which led me to become more depressed. At sixteen, I was done with not being able to live life. I was done with not having anything help me, taking medication and feeling as though nothing helped. I decided it was time. Suicidal thoughts wove their way through my mind.

My very last resort was to ask my mom to take me to church and have a pastor pray for me. I had never been to church, so this was a strange request. It had basically become, “Anything to help”. The pastor prayed for me and I felt something I had never felt before. I felt a release and a sense of freedom.

Without me knowing, my mom had also booked me into a rehab, which I wouldgo to the next day. That was the day I had planned on committing suicide - whatamazing timing.

Within a few days at the rehab, my specialist-psychiatrist said that if I had just received correct therapy at the time, I would never have needed to go onto medication. The medication I had been prescribed was not actually necessary, and it therefore had the opposite effect in my body. My brain had stopped producing the natural chemicals that I needed because I was getting them from the medication. We finally understood what was going on, and why things had gone from bad to worse.

During rehab I had already started feeling better because of the pastor’s prayer. After rehab I realized that while I was depressed, suicidal, and didn’t believe in God, I had cried out to Him out of desperation, and He came through for me! Out of rehab and into church I went. After years of struggling with anxiety and depression, I had found the ultimate filler. Or should I say, He found me!

The revelation of who God is, and how He was always there for me even when I didn’t believe in Him, transformed my life. How I filled myself changed. I leaned on Him and learned from Him. The deep void I had was filled through relationship with God - and this time, it never ran dry. I gave my life to Him, and now it’s no longer I who live, but Him who lives in me.

Yes, I do still struggle. I’ve had to learn, and am still learning, to walk in freedom daily. It doesn’t end with just giving your life to Him. A wise lady once said to me - Salvation happens in an instant; however, you must choose to walk in freedom each day.

This is my daily choice, to trust in God, live in the freedom He gives me and allowHim to be my Daily Bread.

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Mikayla is the owner of “Need a Day” Creche. She is part of the worship team and young adult community at Victory Church, Jeffery’s Bay, South Africa.